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1
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:08,172
(GATE CREAKING)
2
00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:27,658
(SCREECHING)
3
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,709
(DOG HOWLING)
4
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,100
(SCREECHING)
5
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:12,636
(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)
6
00:01:19,112 --> 00:01:21,672
(CACKLING)
7
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:24,248
(CRYPTKEEPER SPEAKING)
8
00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:30,823
(GRUNTS)
9
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:33,588
Greetings hack and field fans.
10
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:37,663
I hope you're in the mood
for a little fiendly competition.
11
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:39,932
It's that time of fear again.
12
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:43,699
The annual All Crypt Die Cathalon!
13
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:48,080
I've been working out
like crazy to get ready.
14
00:01:50,510 --> 00:01:53,612
This year I'm really going for the cold.
15
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:56,515
Kind of like the woman in tonight's tale.
16
00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:59,952
It's a putrid portrait of an
up-and-coming young artist
17
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:04,156
that's sure to leave
a nasty taste on your palette.
18
00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:06,657
I call it...
19
00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:09,326
(GRUNTS)
20
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:15,929
"99 and 44/100% Pure Horror."
21
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,573
(BED SQUEAKING)
22
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:25,176
(WOMAN MOANING)
23
00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:00,379
Get out.
24
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,448
-What?
-Get out.
25
00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:03,849
My husband will be home soon.
26
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,986
-I wasn't finished.
-Ask me if I care.
27
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,988
How can you say that?
28
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:13,749
-Well, you told me I was special.
-I lied. Go home.
29
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:17,228
Willa.
30
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,900
I love it when you beg.
31
00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:24,303
Okay. I tell you what.
32
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:25,504
I'll give you a couple of minutes
33
00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:30,442
to do what you gotta do in the bathroom,
and then you're out of here.
34
00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:33,033
And tomorrow, don't be late.
35
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:07,568
Honey, where's the antacid?
36
00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:12,384
They're in the kitchen.
You're gonna OD on those things.
37
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,885
Hereditary.
38
00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:21,093
Would you mind not throwing
your soiled clothes on the floor?
39
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,995
It's gonna stain the carpet.
40
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:27,299
Wonderful, Luden. You've come
to criticize me in the shower?
41
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,001
No. I'm sorry.
42
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,502
We'll start over.
43
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:35,812
-Mind if I join you?
-Yes, I do mind.
44
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:43,982
Greetings, shareholders,
I'm Luden Sandleton.
45
00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:47,419
Now, soapmaking has come
a long way since my grandfather
46
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:50,490
started Derma Smooth back in 1927.
47
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:55,461
Back then, it took two and a half days
to make a single bar of soap.
48
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:59,482
But, today, with a single flick of a switch,
49
00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:03,836
the patented Derma Smooth
Soap-o-Matic 5000 can heat,
50
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:09,508
blend, cool and package an entire
case of soap in less than eight minutes.
51
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:14,146
Also, in the old days, most companies
rendered animal parts for their products.
52
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,048
But not Derma Smooth.
53
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:19,384
There are over a dozen
kinds of acids in animal parts,
54
00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:21,153
including hydrochloric acid.
55
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,955
Think about it.
56
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:25,290
Would you want the stuff
that digests food in your stomach
57
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:28,260
doing the same kind of thing to your face?
58
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,195
That's why, for the past 70 years,
59
00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:34,856
Derma Smooth has been
all natural and cruelty-free.
60
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:39,471
But enough about the past.
Let's talk about the future.
61
00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:41,640
(WlLLA APPLAUDS)
62
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:44,141
Bravo.
63
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:50,149
They're showing it at the shareholders'
luncheon next week.
64
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,650
So, where's the future?
65
00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:56,555
We haven't shot it yet. We got problems.
66
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:59,057
I mean, sales are at an all-time low.
67
00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:01,627
You're the president, Lu. Fire someone.
68
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:06,365
Yeah, well, we've been doing a lot
of work getting ready for the luncheon
69
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,967
and market research
indicates that your designs
70
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:13,888
aren't scoring
the kinds of points that they used to.
71
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:16,608
Fact.
72
00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:19,678
This design made Derma Smooth
the number-one shampoo!
73
00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:22,347
Well, nobody's saying
that your work isn't good.
74
00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:25,884
It's just it's not very fresh anymore.
75
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:30,322
So, this is why you're so excited
to see me doing my own stuff, huh?
76
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:33,625
Well, don't take it personally. I mean...
77
00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:36,456
The board of directors wants to
78
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,398
scrap all of the existing artwork.
79
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:43,335
They want an entirely
new look for Derma Smooth.
80
00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:45,836
I think it's a great idea!
81
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:48,073
-You do?
-Absolutely!
82
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,775
I mean, my designs
have been copied so much,
83
00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:51,410
they are old news.
84
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,744
(SIGHS)
85
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:55,781
So when is this shareholders' meeting?
86
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:57,616
Thursday.
87
00:06:57,617 --> 00:07:01,720
-I'm really happy that you understand...
-Thursday. Thursday, Thursday.
88
00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:05,991
That gives me just enough time
to give you your future.
89
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:07,626
What?
90
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:10,696
They want a fresh new look?
Let me give it to them.
91
00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:13,787
I'll wow them, Luden, you'll see.
92
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:16,768
Welcome back.
93
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:22,608
We are talking to the hottest artist
on the scene today, Renaldo Escuarita.
94
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:25,043
Renaldo, when did you
first make the transition
95
00:07:25,044 --> 00:07:27,646
from doing graffiti
to more serious artwork?
96
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:31,416
Hey, I don't use the "G word,"
because that's like, vandalism, you dig?
97
00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:34,052
I am an urban guerrilla artist.
98
00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:36,455
It's like, the city is my canvas, man.
99
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:39,625
I'm just working on a smaller scale now.
100
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:42,060
Bam!
101
00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:44,561
I call it "Welfare Cheese."
102
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,467
When is it time for me?
103
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,335
Right about now.
104
00:07:50,336 --> 00:07:52,638
You know my next guest
from her provocative
105
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:56,174
and controversial designs
for Derma Smooth beauty products.
106
00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:58,700
Say hi to Willa Sandleton.
107
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,547
Willa, thanks so much for joining us.
108
00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:05,050
So, now that Derma Smooth
beauty products
109
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,586
are no longer the flavor of the month,
110
00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:11,290
do you think
your 15 minutes of fame are up?
111
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,424
No.
112
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:17,229
Actually, I am in the middle of redesigning
the entire Derma Smooth line.
113
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,730
-Really?
-Yes. Yes.
114
00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:22,200
But what I'm really excited about
is my new work.
115
00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:23,835
I feel like I've really grown as an artist
116
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:27,139
and I'd like to take this opportunity
to debut my new art to the world,
117
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,540
if you don't mind.
118
00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:30,709
-This first painting I call...
-Oops! Actually...
119
00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:33,845
We're out of time, Willa, I'm so sorry.
120
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:38,350
When we come back, you're going
to be meeting some very special children.
121
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,584
BRlAN: We're clear!
122
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:42,454
Brian, we got tape on those retarded kids
that draw with their feet?
123
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:45,791
-They're physically impaired, not retarded.
-Whatever.
124
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:48,760
Excuse me, I thought you were gonna
show my work on this show.
125
00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:51,697
That's the reason
I agreed to come on this program.
126
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,198
Are you nuts?
127
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,967
The network won't let us show
that gory goop on the air.
128
00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:58,670
Besides, who'd want to look
at that first thing in the morning?
129
00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:01,406
Renaldo, thanks for coming on the show,
can't wait to see yours.
130
00:09:01,407 --> 00:09:03,947
RENALDO: Right on, right on.
131
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:16,688
(SlGHS)
132
00:09:16,689 --> 00:09:18,457
Hi.
133
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:19,658
Hi.
134
00:09:19,659 --> 00:09:22,159
How was the TV show?
135
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:24,096
I don't wanna talk about it.
136
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:27,199
What are you doing home
in the middle of the day?
137
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,435
I need to talk to you about
the shareholders' luncheon tomorrow.
138
00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:34,339
Oh, great, because I have just finished
with the last set of designs and...
139
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:38,410
I'm afraid we're not gonna be able
to use your stuff.
140
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,911
What?
141
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,548
Why not?
142
00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:46,885
-You don't like them.
-No, no. It's not that.
143
00:09:46,886 --> 00:09:48,887
Damn it, Luden!
144
00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:51,823
I created an image
for your stupid company.
145
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:54,559
You know, I turned it around!
I think you owe me!
146
00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:58,029
-Well, it's just business, Willa.
-Then treat it like a business!
147
00:09:58,030 --> 00:09:59,131
Test the damn things!
148
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,966
I have worked round the clock
for five days straight,
149
00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:03,001
I think you could do a regional test,
something!
150
00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:04,436
No! I'm sorry.
151
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:09,341
But we've just closed a deal
on an up-and-coming new artist.
152
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:12,577
He's very hot now
and we're lucky to have him.
153
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:13,945
Who is it?
154
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:17,082
-His name is Renaldo Escuarita.
-What?
155
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,943
Renaldo Escuari... You know him?
156
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:22,154
He's a graffiti artist.
157
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,890
Luden, I have studied.
Do you understand me? Studied!
158
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:27,926
-My whole life for this!
-Now, Willa, calm down.
159
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:30,729
-How dare you do this to me?
-I'm not doing anything to you.
160
00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:32,330
Look, it's not the end of the world.
161
00:10:32,331 --> 00:10:34,399
You can do your own work full-time now.
162
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:39,104
Oh, yeah. Who's gonna
buy my paintings, Luden? You?
163
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:41,605
Willa.
164
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,509
-Willa, there's a silver lining here.
-Are you kidding?
165
00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:47,379
Well, I'm concerned about us,
about our marriage.
166
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:50,816
Now, I figure between
taking the pressure off of you
167
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,084
and getting past
the board of directors meeting,
168
00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:55,220
we'll have a chance
to spend a little time together.
169
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:58,290
-You know, maybe take that trip.
-Don't touch me.
170
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:02,594
I'll go to a marriage counselor.
I'll do whatever you want.
171
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,629
Give me my job back.
172
00:11:04,630 --> 00:11:09,260
-Well, that's not gonna happen.
-Fine. I want out.
173
00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:13,672
-What are you saying?
-I want a divorce, you idiot.
174
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,640
I don't care about this relationship.
175
00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:18,376
I never have. Sorry.
That's just the way it is.
176
00:11:18,377 --> 00:11:21,680
And if I can't put my drawings
on your stupid soap boxes,
177
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,349
well then I'm just gonna
take your money. Half.
178
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,850
Half sounds good to me.
179
00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:30,053
I'm entitled to it.
180
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,392
I'm sorry it's come to this.
181
00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:53,678
-You son of a bitch!
-Well, that's good.
182
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,147
You let your anger out. No, I get it...
183
00:11:56,148 --> 00:11:59,684
No, I realize that I'm probably
as much to blame for this as you are.
184
00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:02,020
Now, Willa, listen. Let's start over again.
185
00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:05,123
We'll erase everything.
Let's give it another chance.
186
00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:06,725
What do you say?
187
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,226
You are such a wimp!
188
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:13,692
Now, maybe, but I'm not gonna let you go.
189
00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:18,737
Willa.
190
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,273
Come on.
We used to have some fire in the past.
191
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,742
Let's bring it back.
192
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,243
I'll give you fire, Luey.
193
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:31,448
Willa!
194
00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:36,215
Sorry, Lu, but you got me on a bad day.
195
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,460
(DOORBELL BUZZlNG)
196
00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:51,134
Hey! Drop me the key!
197
00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:52,671
What are you doing here?
198
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:57,475
What do you mean?
I'm right on time for our afternoon delight.
199
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:58,677
Come back later!
200
00:12:58,678 --> 00:13:02,047
Oh, come on.
Don't go teasing me like this!
201
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:06,278
-I'm begging on my hands and knees!
-Go away!
202
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:26,237
TOM: I'll bark like a dog if you want!
203
00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:28,738
(TOM IMITATES DOG BARKING)
204
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:35,113
Not now, Tom! I mean it.
205
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:39,904
Forget about the key.
I think somebody's coming out.
206
00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:55,565
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
207
00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:58,435
Hey, babe, open up.
208
00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:01,640
I know you need a strong,
hunky man like me in there!
209
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:04,141
Come on, babe. Open up.
210
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:07,978
Willa, come on.
211
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:10,382
Willa, open the door.
212
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:13,003
Open, open, open, open, open.
213
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,520
Hi.
214
00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:20,091
Man, you've been painting
up a storm, huh?
215
00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:23,628
Oh, yeah.
Listen, I need you to do me a favor.
216
00:14:23,629 --> 00:14:25,797
Sure. I'll do you.
217
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:28,266
A favor, that is.
218
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:32,303
I need you to come over here
and help me get this carpet into the car.
219
00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:35,234
God, Willa, I'm so hot for you.
220
00:14:35,574 --> 00:14:37,208
Let's do it on the carpet right now.
221
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,709
No, you don't! No.
222
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,780
Kinky.
223
00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:48,084
Tom.
224
00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:55,091
(WlLLA MOANS)
225
00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:01,264
(YELLS)
226
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:06,171
Wait, wait, wait.
We'll pick this up later, baby. Okay.
227
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:09,107
Could you go get me some aspirin?
They're in the bathroom. I got a headache.
228
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:12,143
-You got a headache, now?
-Yeah, I'm sorry.
229
00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:15,894
I'll make it up to you later. I promise.
230
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:18,481
Okay.
231
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,203
What's this?
232
00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:40,704
That's for later.
233
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,775
All right.
234
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,711
Now help me get this into the car.
235
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:50,782
Well, get your husband to do it.
I ain't your slave.
236
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:54,319
Luden is out of town and you are my slave.
237
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,820
Okay. Okay. Okay.
238
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,792
Man, this stuff's looking realer every day.
239
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,561
It's a mixed media piece.
It's a gift for Luden.
240
00:16:03,562 --> 00:16:04,963
Now beat it.
241
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:08,934
Hey, wait a second. You promised me.
Willa!
242
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:12,569
I said, "Scram."
243
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,666
(SCREAMS)
244
00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:54,933
Gee, Lu, you were never this lively before.
245
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:17,164
Acid to acid, dust to dust.
246
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:38,681
Long day, huh, Lu?
247
00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:50,793
Hey, Lu, you don't mind if I leave this...
248
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:52,597
There.
249
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:56,364
Or how about these...here.
250
00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:03,908
Or, how about this, there.
251
00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:09,064
C'mon, Lu, let's go have some fun.
252
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:21,505
Now, you just sit right there
and don't move a muscle.
253
00:19:58,163 --> 00:20:00,898
You always wanted
to shower with me, Lu.
254
00:20:00,899 --> 00:20:03,399
Here's your chance.
255
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:35,798
(YELPS)
256
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:43,107
LUDEN: There are over a dozen
kinds of acids in animal parts,
257
00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:45,608
including hydrochloric acid.
258
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,047
Think about it.
259
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:51,616
Would you want the stuff
that digests food in your stomach
260
00:20:51,617 --> 00:20:54,052
doing the same kind of thing to your face?
261
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:56,553
(SCREAMS)
262
00:21:26,652 --> 00:21:30,388
Looks like Willa's
changing her school of painting.
263
00:21:30,389 --> 00:21:34,849
From art gooveau to ghost-lmpressionism.
264
00:21:34,927 --> 00:21:37,428
That'll get her into Ooze Who.
265
00:21:37,429 --> 00:21:39,929
(CACKLlNG)
266
00:21:40,532 --> 00:21:44,400
Okay, kiddies, it's time for my big event.
267
00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:47,303
Wish me luck.
268
00:21:53,245 --> 00:21:55,279
Caught it!
269
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,548
Ah, the kill of victory.
270
00:21:57,549 --> 00:22:00,049
(CACKLlNG)
20207
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