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1
00:00:05,622 --> 00:00:08,122
(GATE CREAKlNG)
2
00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:27,742
(SCREECHlNG)
3
00:00:42,826 --> 00:00:45,326
(DOG HOWLlNG)
4
00:01:06,383 --> 00:01:08,883
(SCREECHlNG)
5
00:01:10,687 --> 00:01:13,187
(lNDlSTlNCT WHlSPERlNG)
6
00:01:19,129 --> 00:01:20,462
(CACKLlNG)
7
00:01:20,463 --> 00:01:22,963
(CRYPTKEEPER SPEAKlNG)
8
00:01:25,635 --> 00:01:29,365
Looks like it's curtains for me, kiddies.
9
00:01:29,406 --> 00:01:33,842
Then again, maybe the Venetian blinds
would look better.
10
00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:36,343
(CACKLlNG)
11
00:01:36,613 --> 00:01:38,414
I don't know.
12
00:01:38,415 --> 00:01:42,918
When I started this little makeover
I was pretty excited.
13
00:01:42,919 --> 00:01:47,823
I thought a little Slaytex Paint,
some new scream doors,
14
00:01:47,824 --> 00:01:50,759
maybe even some scare conditioning,
15
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:56,298
I could turn my little doomicile
into a regular pied-�-terror.
16
00:01:56,299 --> 00:02:02,004
But, I tell you, kiddies,
between the dust and the ghost overruns,
17
00:02:02,005 --> 00:02:06,208
your pal, the Crypt Keeper
is going out of his mind!
18
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:09,878
Which is kind of like the woman
in tonight's terror tale.
19
00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:12,181
It's about a comic book artist
20
00:02:12,182 --> 00:02:17,182
who's about to experience
a terrible case of d�j� boo.
21
00:02:17,687 --> 00:02:21,088
I call it "Whirlpool."
22
00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:35,064
JERRY: Hey, Velma,
you getting in the tub with me or not?
23
00:03:35,065 --> 00:03:38,167
Sure thing, doll. I'll be right there.
24
00:03:38,168 --> 00:03:41,370
JERRY: Well, I hope you like it hot.
25
00:03:41,371 --> 00:03:43,439
(CACKLlNG)
26
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:44,573
(CLEARS THROAT)
27
00:03:44,574 --> 00:03:47,074
Velma?
28
00:03:47,077 --> 00:03:49,577
Velma?
29
00:03:49,946 --> 00:03:51,747
Where did you...
30
00:03:51,748 --> 00:03:52,848
(CHOKlNG)
31
00:03:52,849 --> 00:03:56,419
VELMA: Kill him! That's right. Get him.
32
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:59,420
Kill the slimy rat!
33
00:03:59,689 --> 00:04:02,458
Do it! Squeeze the life out of him.
Come on!
34
00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:04,959
Die, you son of a bitch!
35
00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,338
Put some clothes on!
36
00:04:19,909 --> 00:04:21,844
You had him in the kip, didn't you?
37
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:26,749
You told me to do whatever it took.
And that's what it took.
38
00:04:26,750 --> 00:04:30,480
Actually, I feel kind of bad about Jerry.
39
00:04:30,787 --> 00:04:33,287
He was pretty good.
40
00:04:33,723 --> 00:04:35,224
What the hell.
41
00:04:35,225 --> 00:04:37,895
I'll always have my memories.
42
00:04:41,898 --> 00:04:43,499
(BONE CRACKlNG)
43
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:46,000
(GASPS)
44
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:51,273
I'm glad you feel that way, Velma.
I'm all choked up.
45
00:04:51,274 --> 00:04:53,774
I didn't mean it.
46
00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:59,780
(JERRY LAUGHlNG)
47
00:05:05,288 --> 00:05:06,388
VERN: Now, wait a minute.
48
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,190
Maybe I'm stupid or something,
but I don't get it.
49
00:05:08,191 --> 00:05:10,392
ROLANDA: No, it's simple.
This guy is really dead.
50
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,795
-What, he's dead?
-No, he's dead.
51
00:05:12,796 --> 00:05:14,196
Oh, you mean he's dead.
52
00:05:14,197 --> 00:05:15,597
He's dead.
53
00:05:15,598 --> 00:05:17,599
What, are you kidding me?
54
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,469
-What's the matter, you don't like it?
-What's to like?
55
00:05:20,470 --> 00:05:22,638
What kind of ending is that?
56
00:05:22,639 --> 00:05:25,374
-It's a twist.
-It's a piece of shit.
57
00:05:25,375 --> 00:05:27,309
Even the artwork sucks.
58
00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:30,813
There is no edge to it. It's predictable.
59
00:05:30,814 --> 00:05:32,014
What are you talking about?
60
00:05:32,015 --> 00:05:34,716
You don't expect
the guy in the tub to be alive.
61
00:05:34,717 --> 00:05:38,453
He's alive? Jeez,
I thought he was a ghoul or something.
62
00:05:38,454 --> 00:05:40,055
He's not?
63
00:05:40,056 --> 00:05:43,514
Okay, he's a ghoul. I'll change it.
64
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:46,695
For Christ's sake, I gotta get this issue
to the printer's in two hours.
65
00:05:46,696 --> 00:05:49,298
Except now I'm a story short. Thank you!
66
00:05:49,299 --> 00:05:51,266
Iggy, you got anything in your files?
67
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:55,103
I got that he's-a-werewolf-she's-a-vampire-
but-neither-of-them-knows-it story.
68
00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:56,338
Hal, save me!
69
00:05:56,339 --> 00:05:57,973
You know that
guy-who-wants-to-head-the-company-
70
00:05:57,974 --> 00:05:59,808
so-they-cut-off-his-head
thing I been working on?
71
00:05:59,809 --> 00:06:00,876
Oh, Christ.
72
00:06:00,877 --> 00:06:02,211
I can have it on your desk in a half hour.
73
00:06:02,212 --> 00:06:04,712
Do it. Just do it.
74
00:06:12,522 --> 00:06:15,022
It's not that bad, is it?
75
00:06:15,358 --> 00:06:19,298
Rolanda, I want you in my office right now.
76
00:06:20,029 --> 00:06:22,657
Trust me. It's worse.
77
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:28,537
How dare you walk in here
and try to pass off that garbage to me?
78
00:06:28,538 --> 00:06:31,240
I wouldn't line a birdcage with that story.
79
00:06:31,241 --> 00:06:33,242
-I'm sorry.
-Sorry don't cut it.
80
00:06:33,243 --> 00:06:35,811
I need stories. I need them on time
and I need them great.
81
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:38,814
And I can't remember the last time
you delivered either.
82
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,215
For crying out loud, Rolanda,
83
00:06:40,216 --> 00:06:41,884
you used to be the thoroughbred
in this stable.
84
00:06:41,885 --> 00:06:43,719
What happened to you?
85
00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,187
Are you drinking again?
86
00:06:45,188 --> 00:06:47,623
Honest to God, Vern, not a drop.
87
00:06:47,624 --> 00:06:50,991
Yeah. Then maybe you should start.
88
00:06:51,961 --> 00:06:54,630
I don't know what to tell you except
89
00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:56,932
clean out your desk.
90
00:06:56,933 --> 00:07:00,969
Please, please, Vern,
we got a history, you and me.
91
00:07:00,970 --> 00:07:03,470
You want me to beg?
92
00:07:04,741 --> 00:07:07,241
I'll beg.
93
00:07:08,444 --> 00:07:13,448
I've seen you on your knees before
and it ain't a pretty picture.
94
00:07:13,449 --> 00:07:15,717
Security!
95
00:07:15,718 --> 00:07:19,620
Hey, let go of me, you big palooka!
96
00:07:21,958 --> 00:07:24,458
That poor kid.
97
00:07:24,494 --> 00:07:27,794
Can't say you didn't see it coming.
98
00:07:28,231 --> 00:07:30,731
(SCREAMlNG)
99
00:07:43,179 --> 00:07:45,679
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHlNG)
100
00:08:02,265 --> 00:08:05,755
You're a little later than I expected.
101
00:08:05,768 --> 00:08:08,704
I wasn't gonna wait much past midnight.
102
00:08:08,705 --> 00:08:13,642
I took your advice and I stopped in
that cozy little bar around the corner.
103
00:08:13,643 --> 00:08:16,111
-They remembered me.
-Why not?
104
00:08:16,112 --> 00:08:19,414
They've been in mourning since the day
you climbed on the wagon.
105
00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:22,543
Funny, that's what they said.
106
00:08:23,219 --> 00:08:26,088
Can we speed this up?
I gotta get to work in the morning.
107
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,957
I got a great idea for a story, Vern.
108
00:08:28,958 --> 00:08:31,526
It's about a gal who loses her job.
109
00:08:31,527 --> 00:08:33,862
And something inside of her snaps
110
00:08:33,863 --> 00:08:36,363
and she finds that thing
111
00:08:36,399 --> 00:08:39,069
that gives her back her edge.
112
00:08:39,469 --> 00:08:41,503
Sounds a little thin.
113
00:08:41,504 --> 00:08:45,204
Trust me, the visual's going to sell it.
114
00:08:47,176 --> 00:08:49,044
Rolanda, what are you doing?
115
00:08:49,045 --> 00:08:52,814
I ain't begging for my job anymore,
that's for sure.
116
00:08:52,815 --> 00:08:55,450
Look, you gotta understand
I did what I did for a reason.
117
00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:57,252
Garbage! On your knees.
118
00:08:57,253 --> 00:08:59,187
You're the one who's going to beg.
119
00:08:59,188 --> 00:09:03,325
And I've seen you on your knees
and it's not a pretty picture.
120
00:09:03,326 --> 00:09:05,761
-Rolanda. Rolanda.
-Come on. Come on.
121
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:07,529
I don't hear you begging.
122
00:09:07,530 --> 00:09:10,030
No! No! No!
123
00:09:41,731 --> 00:09:44,231
Move! Move! Freeze!
124
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,267
No, no, no! No! No!
125
00:09:48,037 --> 00:09:51,803
No!
126
00:09:54,477 --> 00:09:56,977
(GASPS)
127
00:10:30,079 --> 00:10:33,809
Actually, I feel kind of bad about Jerry.
128
00:10:34,150 --> 00:10:36,485
He was pretty good.
129
00:10:36,486 --> 00:10:38,053
What the hell.
130
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:40,724
I'll always have my memories.
131
00:10:45,094 --> 00:10:46,728
(BONE CRACKlNG)
132
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:49,064
(GASPS)
133
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:54,085
I'm glad you feel that way, Velma.
I'm all choked up.
134
00:10:54,170 --> 00:10:56,670
(JERRY LAUGHlNG)
135
00:10:57,773 --> 00:11:00,943
-What, he's dead?
-No, he's dead.
136
00:11:01,277 --> 00:11:04,146
-You mean he's dead.
-No, he's dead.
137
00:11:04,147 --> 00:11:06,515
What, are you kidding me?
138
00:11:06,516 --> 00:11:08,583
What's the matter, you don't like it?
139
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:11,174
What kind of ending is that?
140
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,489
-It's a twist.
-It's a piece of shit.
141
00:11:14,490 --> 00:11:16,091
Even the artwork sucks.
142
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:18,126
There is no edge to it. It's predictable.
143
00:11:18,127 --> 00:11:20,395
I didn't expect the guy in the tub
to still be alive.
144
00:11:20,396 --> 00:11:25,367
He's alive? Jeez,
I thought he was a ghoul or something.
145
00:11:25,368 --> 00:11:29,104
For Christ's sake, I gotta get this issue
to the printer's in two hours.
146
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:32,805
Except now I'm a story short. Thank you!
147
00:11:33,009 --> 00:11:35,277
Iggy, you got anything in your files?
148
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:39,014
I got that he's-a-werewolf-she's-a-vampire-
but-neither-of-them-knows-it story.
149
00:11:39,015 --> 00:11:41,575
Great. Hal, save me.
150
00:11:41,651 --> 00:11:43,285
You know that
guy-that-wants-to-head-the-company-
151
00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:45,053
so-they-cut-off-his-head
thing that I been working on?
152
00:11:45,054 --> 00:11:46,821
I can have it on your desk in a half hour.
153
00:11:46,822 --> 00:11:49,322
Do it. Just do it.
154
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:59,034
It's not that bad, is it?
155
00:11:59,035 --> 00:12:02,525
Rolanda, I want you in my office. Now!
156
00:12:04,707 --> 00:12:06,908
It's worse.
157
00:12:06,909 --> 00:12:10,111
Vern, there's something strange
going on here.
158
00:12:10,112 --> 00:12:13,815
How dare you walk in here
and try to pass off that garbage to me?
159
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:17,252
I wouldn't line a birdcage with that story.
160
00:12:17,253 --> 00:12:20,522
You gotta listen to me.
I had this dream last night.
161
00:12:20,523 --> 00:12:23,825
I need stories. I need them on time
and I need them great.
162
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:26,861
I can't even remember the last time
you delivered either.
163
00:12:26,862 --> 00:12:30,065
For crying out loud, you used to be
the thoroughbred in this stable.
164
00:12:30,066 --> 00:12:32,500
Are you drinking again?
165
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:35,461
Honest to God, Vern, not a drop.
166
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:39,379
Then maybe you should start.
167
00:12:41,877 --> 00:12:44,312
Before you fire me?
168
00:12:44,313 --> 00:12:46,813
Somebody call security!
169
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,688
That poor kid.
170
00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:57,990
Can't say you didn't see it coming.
171
00:13:06,302 --> 00:13:08,802
Oh, no.
172
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:22,215
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHlNG)
173
00:13:36,499 --> 00:13:39,968
You're a little later than I expected.
174
00:13:39,969 --> 00:13:42,904
I wasn't gonna wait much past midnight.
175
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:46,908
I want to apologize for today.
I haven't been drinking.
176
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:50,145
But I have a great idea for a story.
177
00:13:50,146 --> 00:13:52,447
It's about a gal who loses her job.
178
00:13:52,448 --> 00:13:54,649
And something inside of her snaps
179
00:13:54,650 --> 00:13:58,687
and she finds that thing
that gives her back her edge.
180
00:13:58,688 --> 00:14:00,355
Sounds a little thin.
181
00:14:00,356 --> 00:14:05,096
No, I really think I have something,
something good.
182
00:14:07,396 --> 00:14:12,233
One step closer
and I'll blow you away, you sick bitch.
183
00:14:12,234 --> 00:14:13,501
What are you doing?
184
00:14:13,502 --> 00:14:15,603
You didn't come here to beg for your job.
185
00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:18,306
-You came here to kill me.
-No! No!
186
00:14:18,307 --> 00:14:22,077
You're about as predictable
as your cockamamie stories.
187
00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:23,411
On your knees.
188
00:14:23,412 --> 00:14:26,181
I said get down on your goddamn knees!
Come on!
189
00:14:26,182 --> 00:14:29,049
-Come on.
-What are you doing?
190
00:14:29,552 --> 00:14:32,120
You think I'm gonna wait around here
for you to nail me?
191
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:35,357
I didn't come here to kill you.
I came here to beg for my job.
192
00:14:35,358 --> 00:14:39,394
Everybody saw you attack me today.
They had to run for security.
193
00:14:39,395 --> 00:14:44,366
Then tonight you came back.
I had to shoot you in self-defense.
194
00:14:44,367 --> 00:14:46,867
I think it'll sell.
195
00:14:48,871 --> 00:14:51,371
Vern, no!
196
00:14:57,513 --> 00:15:00,013
(GUN FlRES)
197
00:15:05,855 --> 00:15:08,355
(GROANS)
198
00:15:09,592 --> 00:15:12,092
Oh, shit!
199
00:15:27,977 --> 00:15:30,477
Freeze!
200
00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:31,746
No! No!
201
00:15:31,747 --> 00:15:34,716
No!
202
00:15:35,785 --> 00:15:38,285
(GASPS)
203
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:27,101
-HAL: Tales from the Crypt.
-Hello, Hal?
204
00:16:27,102 --> 00:16:28,169
Is Vern there?
205
00:16:28,170 --> 00:16:30,572
-He went out.
-Went out?
206
00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:34,008
Well, you know that guy-who-wants-
to-be-the-head-of-the-company
207
00:16:34,009 --> 00:16:35,443
thing you've been working on?
208
00:16:35,444 --> 00:16:37,278
You better get cracking.
209
00:16:37,279 --> 00:16:39,981
Probably won't take you
more than a half an hour to finish it.
210
00:16:39,982 --> 00:16:41,049
Why's that?
211
00:16:41,050 --> 00:16:45,200
Because I'm not coming in today,
that's why.
212
00:16:45,454 --> 00:16:46,988
(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)
213
00:16:46,989 --> 00:16:49,949
Could you hold on just a second?
214
00:16:53,028 --> 00:16:54,329
Vern, what are you doing here?
215
00:16:54,330 --> 00:16:56,764
What do you think? Where's the story?
216
00:16:56,765 --> 00:17:00,535
I was just calling to tell you...
Something came up. I don't have it.
217
00:17:00,536 --> 00:17:01,836
You idiot!
218
00:17:01,837 --> 00:17:04,005
I gotta have this issue to the printer's
in two hours!
219
00:17:04,006 --> 00:17:06,708
-Except now I'm a story short!
-I fixed it.
220
00:17:06,709 --> 00:17:09,110
I called Hal and I told him to finish
221
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:11,412
that guy-who-wants-to-be-
the-head-of-the-company thing.
222
00:17:11,413 --> 00:17:13,281
I hate that frigging story!
223
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:17,452
It's even stupider than lggy's goddamn
he's-a-werewolf-she's-a-vampire story!
224
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:19,854
Oh, Christ! Are you drinking again?
225
00:17:19,855 --> 00:17:23,057
Honest to God, Vern, no, not a drop!
226
00:17:23,058 --> 00:17:26,098
You're fired, you hear me? Fired!
227
00:17:26,529 --> 00:17:29,896
Vern, don't do this to me.
228
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,634
I can't take this anymore!
229
00:17:35,437 --> 00:17:37,405
Vern, no!
230
00:17:37,406 --> 00:17:39,906
(GUN FlRES)
231
00:17:47,516 --> 00:17:49,183
-Oh, my God.
-Freeze!
232
00:17:49,184 --> 00:17:51,452
Don't shoot! Don't shoot!
233
00:17:51,453 --> 00:17:53,454
You cold-blooded bitch.
234
00:17:53,455 --> 00:17:59,155
I didn't do it!
235
00:18:06,435 --> 00:18:09,135
You're going home, sweetheart.
236
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:11,306
Poor kid.
237
00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:14,108
Can't say you didn't see it coming.
238
00:18:14,109 --> 00:18:16,177
I know what's going on here!
239
00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:21,316
You'll shoot me and I'll wake up in a
minute and it'll start all over again.
240
00:18:21,317 --> 00:18:22,650
OFFlCER: Ready.
241
00:18:22,651 --> 00:18:24,586
(COCKlNG GUNS)
242
00:18:24,587 --> 00:18:27,087
Aim!
243
00:18:27,156 --> 00:18:29,656
Fire!
244
00:18:35,965 --> 00:18:38,266
ROLANDA: What, are you kidding me?
245
00:18:38,267 --> 00:18:39,934
VERN: What's the matter?
Don't you like it?
246
00:18:39,935 --> 00:18:42,003
What kind of ending is that?
247
00:18:42,004 --> 00:18:45,473
-It's a twist.
-It's a piece of shit.
248
00:18:45,474 --> 00:18:49,124
-Even the artwork sucks.
-I can fix it.
249
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:50,545
Don't bother!
250
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,614
And I don't appreciate
you using my likeness
251
00:18:52,615 --> 00:18:54,682
in your goddamn story, either.
252
00:18:54,683 --> 00:18:57,285
I gotta get this issue to the printer's
in two hours!
253
00:18:57,286 --> 00:18:59,687
Rick, grab something from your files,
will you?
254
00:18:59,688 --> 00:19:02,188
Yeah.
255
00:19:02,992 --> 00:19:04,792
You
256
00:19:04,793 --> 00:19:07,293
in my office.
257
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:14,000
Now!
258
00:19:17,673 --> 00:19:20,767
Oh, shit.
259
00:19:24,213 --> 00:19:28,016
Poor Rolanda,
all she wanted was another shot.
260
00:19:28,017 --> 00:19:30,985
And that's exactly what they gave her.
261
00:19:30,986 --> 00:19:34,149
Talk about character assassination.
262
00:19:34,223 --> 00:19:36,723
(CACKLlNG)
263
00:19:37,459 --> 00:19:39,527
So, what do you think, kiddies?
264
00:19:39,528 --> 00:19:43,578
Am I ready for Architectural Digest
or what?
265
00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:49,103
It took a while, but this old haunt
is finally coming together.
266
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:51,339
Nice shudders over there.
267
00:19:51,340 --> 00:19:53,908
A lovely fright fixture over here.
268
00:19:53,909 --> 00:19:55,309
As a matter of fact,
269
00:19:55,310 --> 00:19:59,580
I've even started thinking of some
new improvements I want to make.
270
00:19:59,581 --> 00:20:03,284
And I'm going to use the same contractor.
271
00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:05,687
I'm already taking bits.
272
00:20:05,688 --> 00:20:08,188
(CACKLlNG)
19790
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