All language subtitles for Kevin From Work s01e08 Aftershock from Work.eng

Oh man, I did not get a lot of sleep
after that earthquake last night.

Yeah, me neither.

I got to meet my neighbors, though.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

There was one guy who had a whole
bunch of my old credit card receipts.

And how cool is that?
It's like a super fan.

And how's Roxie? She okay?

She slept through the whole thing.

That's her pure heart.

No worries to keep her awake.

Well, it's either that or the
48 hours of straight partying.

(chuckles) That girl
knows how to live life.

Sleeping her day away.

"Sorry, closed today. Earthquake damage."

Yeah, all right!

That's a paid day off right there.

But you know what? Promise
I'm not gonna waste this one.

See, there was a power
outage back in January

and I spent the whole day trying
to peel an orange in one piece.

Closest I got was 12 pieces.

That's pretty good.

(phone buzzes)

- It's from Patti. Ah...

"Earthquake damage. Handyman me.

"Will pay you with a fat Franklin."

Hope that means 100 bucks
and not a sex position.

Ha! Right?

- You're sick.
- Come on.

- But I like it.
- Yeah.

Um, anyway, I got...

- I got some big news.
- Oh, yeah?

I got contacted by this
headhunter who wanted to know

if I was interested in a new job.

- Cool.
- Yeah, might be out of town.

And I might be getting
pissed off right now, Kev.

Don't you dare put me on
this roller coaster again.

Man, I gotta at least hear
what she has to offer, right?

I'm gonna video chat with
her later this morning.

What about Audrey?

Ever since my big stand, she's
just backed right off. You know?

Unless, of course, she's reminding me

that she has a boyfriend. It's incessant.

Brock thinks...

Brock says... Brock did...

Brock... Brock... Brock...

So, if she's doubling down on Brock,
then I might as well be somewhere else.

But, hey, you know,

at least you and Roxie
will have each other.

Nah, no we won't. Not in a biblical sense.

Meaning, like, we wouldn't...

go to church together because...

that girl isn't... built for church.

I'm gonna walk you to chur... work.

- Let's go on to work again.
- Okay.

(theme music plays)

-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

Have a good one.

Oh, Kevin!

That was some earthquake last night.

Sorry, I promised Brock I'd call
him when I got to work safely.

So, excuse me.

(phone rings)

Julia's not coming in
because of the earthquake.

She had structural damage.

One of her boobs popped.

Oh.

So, we have to do an
earthquake drill without her.

Corporate mandate.

I thought you should know
since you're earthquake captain.

What? Why? Since when?

Apparently, when you applied to work here,

you listed CPR certified on
your resume under special skills.

We await your orders.

Kind of ironic since under special skills

I put "extensive knowledge
of plate tectonics."

But, whatever.

Roxie, what are you doing here?

Did you know that there was
an earthquake last night?

Yes, I did. It woke me right up.

Well, when I woke up an hour
ago, the freakiest thing happened.

You know that
cinnamon-scented candle I have?

You know, the one that I use to cover
up the smells of sweaty, steamy...

Know the candle. Did not know its purpose.

Well, it was shattered!
Glass all over my floor.

Thank God that lady I call to
clean the apartment sometimes

swept it up before I got out of bed.

So, you're okay, and
you'll get a new candle,

and you'll never tell
me what it's for again.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Where are you going?

I have to go organize
this earthquake drill,

which could not come
at a worse time.

But I'm just gonna power through.

What are you doing?

I don't know.

Some weird sibling
instinct deep in my brain

told me to reach out to you.

Hmm.

And now, another instinct
is telling me to let go

'cause your hand is like a sweaty meat pie.

Thank you.

Wait, I love you, though.

Oh, I'm so glad you're here.

But Patti didn't send you that
text. I sent it from her phone.

Oh. That's cool.

I'm no stranger to false pretenses.

There is a crack in the
plaster in the bedroom.

I told Patti I would fix it. I cannot.

And, I'm afraid after last night
Patti may be questioning my manhood.

- (rumbling)
- Dev: What's that?

-It's an earthquake. It's an earthquake!
-(car alarms blaring)

Aah! I'm not ready to die!

It was not my finest hour.

Okay. Here's what we do.

I'm gonna fix the plaster. Okay?

But then you're gonna take a selfie
and you're gonna send it to her

to make it look like you did it yourself.

Oh, thank you. That's brilliant.

What do I owe you?

Oh, no, brother, look, look,
this is bigger than money.

Okay, we're not just rebuilding a wall.

We're rebuilding a man.

I'm gonna teach you everything.

I should not be tearing up, should I?

No.

'Cause you know, if you do, then I might.

- Right?
- Yeah.

-And we gotta stay strong, right?
-Yeah.

- It's man time!
- Yeah.

- Man time!
- Man time!

-Now follow me into the bedroom, man.
-Okay.

We're the smart ones, right?

Day after an earthquake. Short lines.

I'm just here to get my
driver's license photo retaken.

I know, right?

And it's so annoying when someone
cards you and they look at the picture,

and then they look at me,
and you know they're thinking,

"But you're so beautiful, and
that picture is so average."

(laughing)

So, how'd your man act
during the earthquake?

Oh, he ran to my side and
he threw himself over me.

Why would you say something like that?

(phone buzzing)

(scoffs)

Hey, look at this.

So, now he's a man?

This does not undo all the screaming, okay?

If you're gonna be yelling
about the big one in the bedroom,

it had better be about something
other than an earthquake, am I right?

I think it's sweet.

You're
oh-for-two, lady.

It's not sweet. It's sad.

Okay. "There has been an
earthquake, magnitude 6.2... "

Roxie, what are you still doing here?

I don't know. I mean,

I should be mercilessly mocking
you for being an earthquake captain,

and yet, I feel like I don't want to
leave you and your stupid ugly vest.

Oh, that's so nice, but I actually
don't have time for this right now.

Kevin, I could have died
in the earthquake today!

Or worse, the guy with the gross
comb-over, who lives upstairs,

could have fallen through the
ceiling and pinned me for hours.

Okay, I've told you before, that's not
a guy. Her name is Candy, and she has...

Life is too short!

And I realize that I haven't always
been the sister that I should be,

but I wanna change that now.

Oh my God, what is happening to me?

Sounds like you're having an epiphany.

The same thing happened
to me at Souplantation

when I saw them rotate
the potato salad.

I realized

you can't sit around
and wait for someone else

to hide the slimy film covering your life.

Girl, you need to rotate
that potato salad yo-self.

Oh, my God.

You're right!

I am having an epiphany.

This is amazing.

God, I feel like I need to share
this feeling with other people.

This says I need to
assign injuries to people.

Someone will have to
play emergency personnel.

We have to designate a triage area and
show people how to use water purifiers.

I mean, is there a shorter practice drill?

I don't know, Kevin.

Let's ask the survivors of the
great 1906 San Francisco earthquake

where we should cut corners.

I think they're all dead.

Exactly.

I'll be first responder.

Ooh! Spinal cord injury.

Hey, I hear you're an actress.

I may need your help with my lines later.

(drawling) And an accent, y'all.

Right.

Oh. I didn't know you were in here.

- I was just going to...
- Checking on Brock?

Well, yes.

I mean, he is my long-term boyfriend.

Of course. Of course he
is. We'll leave you to it.

Okay.

Wait. Did something happen between
you guys? You seemed mad at her?

No, I'm not mad. I'm just tense.

Wait. Why are you tense?

Listen, this is post-epiphany Roxie.

You can tell me anything.
I'm totes reliable.

Okay, look.

I haven't told anyone here,

but I'm actually looking for a new job.

- (gasps)
- Yeah.

I have to find a place to have a video
interview with a headhunter at 11:00,

so that's why I'm racing
through this drill.

Oh, did you just tell me a secret?

Oh my God, I think I did.

Oh, we just moved our sib
relationship to a new level.

Is there anything else you wanna tell me?

No, let's just keep it to the one.

Baby steps. Okay. I can do that.

Okay people, you all know what to do.
Let's keep this short and sweet.

The earthquake has started.

Aah!

Hmm. She's actually pretty good.

It's just a drill.

Um, I need you all to
get under your desks now.

Great!

And the first responders
should have arrived by now.

Mmm, probably not yet.

I'd be back at the firehouse making chili.

Everyone loves my recipe.

Fine.

And shaking, shaking, shaking!

And the earthquake is over,
and you've all survived.

- Congratulations.
- (applause)

Great, now head to the stairs.

(on bullhorn) Good job! I
will meet you all outside!

Okay, first responder is here now.

Ooh, shouldn't have had
that last helping of chili.

Speaking of, this scene is gruesome!

If this was a 6.2 thrust fault
quake centered in the Valley,

30% injuries, 10% casualties.

Ricky, you have no way of knowing that.

I think Ricky is just
trying his best to help

and wants to feel appreciated.

I wasn't even aware of that,
but you're probably right.

Hmm.

- Hmm.
- Hmm.

So, now you're talking to me, huh?

I haven't been not talking to you.

I mean, we're still friends, Kevin.

You know, I don't have time for this
push and pull thing that you do, so...

I don't do that.

Brock is really gonna find that hilarious.

Fine. You wanna be helpful?

Yes, of course. I'm a helpful person.

Well, we could use another injury.

So, let's see. You have a...

Massive head injury.

So, you should find triage,
which is just outside.

I think I would be more
helpful if I just...

Mmm.

Probably can't talk with
a massive head injury.

Thank you for broadening
your man lessons with me.

There's a lot of stuff to fix around here,

and I don't know the
first thing about plumbing.

Ah. No problem, man.

Um... You got YouTube here?

You took it apart and you
have no idea how to proceed?

I just impressed Patti. I
do not want to unimpress her.

Shh. Look, don't worry.

I'm gonna call my guy.

(doorbell rings)

I'm Hank. Brian's guy.

How about the three of us
get busy in the bathroom?

Kevin: I don't know if you're
gonna live. It's too early to tell.

(on bullhorn) If you are a a first
responder, find your injury buddy.

If you are deceased, lay down.

Can we please speed this up?!

People are torn about which of my
post-epiphany selfies are better.

Ugh. If only they had my clarity.

Uh, by the way, people couldn't
identify what accent I was using,

so I settled on a nervous tic.

-I don't see it?
-My character's taking meds for it.

It's working.

Kevin: Guess what, Gus?

You couldn't be walking
around trying to bum

cigarettes with a shattered
pelvis, could you?

Okay, I get it. You're mad at me.

But I've had my head cradled
in Simon's lap for 20 minutes.

Consider your revenge complete.

So, you should put me to
work, or I'm going home.

Why would I want revenge?

Because I didn't respond to your big speech
about how we're destined to be together.

And I'm okay with that.

Then why are you acting like a jerk?

I'm a jerk?

I'm the guy who let you use my birthday

when your lovey-dovey approach
to managing the office failed.

I let you stay with me when you
were tired of being at Brock's.

I even saved your life.

So, excuse me for bristling
every time you say "Brock"

- like he's some kind of karate God.
- Jiu-jitsu!

Whatever! It's all just
barefoot guys in pajamas.

I should be your God.

That last part came out super obnoxious.

And the pajamas thing was even a bit harsh.

What are they fighting about?

Who knows.

Whoa. Did you see it?

- What?
- I just did the tic.

Almost imperceptible,

but yet says so much about my character's
stress level of being a first responder.

(gasps) Damn.

Did I turn the chili
off back at the station?

Look, all of us, everybody here,

we all know that you
have a boyfriend, okay?

I'm not sure you always know.

I don't like the way she talks to him.

Listen to me.

Hashtag empathy, hashtag the new me.

Huh. We have a gas pipe here.

Sorry, I don't work with gas.

Patti will be home soon.

No worries. I got a guy.

I'm Hank's guy. I do gas.

And I brought my electrics
guy. You know, just in case.

Smart.

If only one of them had a belt guy.

This is a big earthquake people!

LAX has been destroyed, the
Hollywood sign is on fire!

Ricky, what are you doing with my bullhorn?

And why would the
Hollywood sign be on fire?

Don't worry about my use of iconic
imagery for dramatic effect, okay?

Just worry about your big interview.

Wait. What?

How did you find out about that?

Hashtag empathy, hashtag the new me.

Oh. Anyway, I'm just glad
Kevin is getting away from her.

What?

Is he moving cubicles again?

That guy can't keep his ass in a chair.

Oh, no, he's just really
smart and talented,

and that's why he has a
headhunter all over him.

He has a video interview at 11:00
so he can get out of here for good.

Does he?

_

Showoff.

Yeah, those are all pretty strong.

The camera just loves some people.

Not the pictures, the epiphany.

I want one!

I don't know if you can want an epiphany.

They have to just happen.

Oh, my gosh.

I never realized that.

I see everything so differently now.

Nope. That wasn't one.

What is going on around here?

Everyone's giving me weird looks,

and I did a nipple check already,
so I know it's not that anymore.

I don't know.

Do you think your brother would
give me his chair when he goes?

I noticed his rear makes
similar indentations to mine.

Oh, now I know why.

I just told everyone what
you told me not to tell anyone

that Kevin told you was a secret.

Ricky! Why would you do that?

Oh, that's right. You don't work here.

I'm the totally untrustworthy one.

Ugh.

Woman: Is that your office?

This? No, no, no.

I just needed a quiet place. This is...

The damage is actually quite minor.

It just looks bad.

Well, we've looked over your resume
and we'd love to help place you.

Kev! I'm sorry!

-Kev!
-Well, I definitely want to hear more.

Kev!

Aah!

(debris clatters)

I'm all ears.

- Whoa.
- (body thuds)

Did we fight?

No. No, we've never been closer.

Wait!

You told Ricky about my interview.

Yes, yes, old news.

Okay, here's the receptionist.
Be careful 'cause you're wobbling.

Come on, get off of me.
I can check myself in.

Your epiphany is a joke.

Two, please.

Oh, that's handy.

We got a spinal cord!

No, no, this is from an earthquake drill.

- He's the one who's hurt.
- Oh.

Yeah, you can take a seat.

He's bleeding!

That's why I pointed
towards the plastic chairs.

No, no, no no! He's not
sitting, you're getting someone.

I need your insurance
card. Where's your wallet?

I'm not giving you that. You're like
the least reliable person in the world.

You'd just spend it all on chips.

Okay, you know what?
You're being such a baby

and so disrespectful about my epiphany.

I was bragging about you.
Okay? That's why I told Ricky.

Because I think you're
too good for that place.

Whoa, excuse me!

- My son has a fever.
- You can fill this out.

No, no. No one's filling anything out
until my brother gets medical attention.

We were here first.

Do you really want to step
between a mother and her cub?

Do you really want to see what I can
do with my belt and your flip-flop?

Because Cara Horvath
made that mistake in

10th grade, and she
didn't graduate on time.

Ha. Whoa.

Feeling a bit queasy.

It's probably just the
chili. Did I have chili?

Get him a doctor now.

What is going on here?

I'm concerned with the
stress of waiting in this line

is gonna come across in my re-shoots.

Sir, would you like to move up here?

What are you doing!?
We've been waiting forever.

Although...

You look like you've been
waiting forever forever.

What are you? Like 200?

Show a little kindness, would you?

Things like earthquakes are supposed
to bring out the best in people.

Really?

(panting)

Oh, that was terrifying.

Oh, my God.

I've thrown my lot in with a coward.

I've been cruel to my baby.

I can't treat him like that and
expect a lasting relationship.

I have to change my ways.

(angelic chorus sings)

An epiphany!

A real one this time!

Sir, please, go ahead.

Retake that eye test!

I'm going home to my man.

So, they're gonna keep you here overnight.

You really came through for me here.

Thanks.

Yeah, and if you ever want to give me a
chance with the whole trust thing again...

Okay, here it goes.

If they offer me that job in Italy,
do you think I should take it?

In Italy?

You can have my apartment.

But I don't want your
apartment without you.

We just started getting close.

See, I changed my Facebook status
to in a domestic partnership.

I used to just pretend that I lived alone,

and when they would ask, I
would say that you were a drifter

I let in for a glass of water. But now...

You know, the truth is I
think I just need a change.

This thing with Audrey's
never gonna happen.

The other day, I basically told
her that she had feelings for me,

and that we were destined
to be together, and...

Anyway, it doesn't matter.

She doesn't even know that
I'm here and not there.

Oh, no. Yeah, she knows.

Everyone does.

I am the god of earthquakes!

Tremble before me!

Oww.

Wow.

Mm-hmm.

So, she knows that I'm here,

and she hasn't come.

If that doesn't tell me to go
to Italy, I don't know what does.

Kev, listen. If this thing with Audrey
makes you feel like you need to leave,

then maybe you should.

I mean, I don't like it,

but I support you. It's your decision.

Thanks.

I really hope you remember
how awesome I've been today.

(chuckles) I will.

But I'm totally lucid now.

Hey, did they put out the
fire at the Hollywood sign?

Patti: Dev?

It's Patti! She's gonna
see what a failure I am!

Everyone in the shower!

Aah.

Hey, look, Dev just wanted to
prove to you what kind of man he is.

All right? So, we started
working on other things,

and it just... Well,

it's kind of like pulling
a thread on a sweater.

Ooh, I have a great
tailor if you need a guy.

I know that last night I was not a man.

Today I failed you again, so...

No, Devy, stop.

I'm the one that needs to apologize to you.

I'm sorry I called you a coward.
I don't feel that way anymore.

And besides, a couple only needs one alpha.

And we both know it's me.

Oh, um, look, I've seen
this before, fellas.

We're gonna have to be
the ones to move on out.

So, yeah, go ahead.

I've got you.

She has a massive head
injury! I need a doctor!

No, no, no. How's Kevin?

There's no visible signs of trauma?

She's fine! Don't you guys get
it? These are just stickers!

I came to see Kevin. Is he okay?

Why was he in the gym? Did
he have to get stitches?

You're asking questions like you care.

While, Kevin, on the other hand, does not.

He said he doesn't want to see you.

He said that? Kevin said that?

Look, I don't know what your deal is,

but you are way too far in his
head, and not in a good way.

What are you talking about?
I haven't done anything wrong?

Oh, right. Except lead
him on in the hugest way?

You know, this all started with a
love letter right? That he wrote.

Do you, or do you not have a boyfriend?

You know I have a boyfriend.

Okay. Well, then go check
on him. 'Cause Kevin's fine.

I do care about your brother. You know?

You can't just have it
every which way you want it.

I'm pretty much the only
person who can do that.

So, we can do this the easy way,
or with my belt and a flip-flop.

Stay away from my brother.

That was weird. I thought
I heard Audrey out there.

Did she come to check on me?

No. No, must have been dreaming.

Huh.

Ugh!

Oh, I should have warned you.

That is mostly tequila.

-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

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