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1
00:00:03,718 --> 00:00:05,218
Dude, sorry you got rejected.
2
00:00:05,253 --> 00:00:07,421
What? No, I-- Where--
How did you know that?
3
00:00:07,705 --> 00:00:09,706
'Cause I threw you a going-away
party and you're here.
4
00:00:09,740 --> 00:00:11,308
Italy rejected you.
5
00:00:11,342 --> 00:00:12,776
Now I'm being told
I can't expense the bar tab.
6
00:00:12,810 --> 00:00:14,678
Italy. Right. Yeah.
7
00:00:14,712 --> 00:00:16,446
Yeah. Sorry about that.
8
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:17,720
I can totally pitch in if you--
9
00:00:17,748 --> 00:00:18,748
Thanks.
10
00:00:18,749 --> 00:00:20,383
It was a real
body-shot type of night.
11
00:00:20,418 --> 00:00:22,619
- Hoo-hoo!
- Ooh.
12
00:00:22,653 --> 00:00:24,934
Did you bring us back
any souvenirs?
13
00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:27,557
I never actually went to Italy.
14
00:00:27,592 --> 00:00:29,492
What about a souvenir
from the airport?
15
00:00:29,527 --> 00:00:31,494
Didn't make it there either.
16
00:00:31,529 --> 00:00:32,529
Oh.
17
00:00:32,563 --> 00:00:34,683
The Superior Scoop
said you did.
18
00:00:37,779 --> 00:00:39,779
_
19
00:00:40,004 --> 00:00:41,338
I know you work with him,
20
00:00:41,372 --> 00:00:42,572
but you don't mind
if I get really graphic
21
00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:44,407
about my night
with Kevin, do you?
22
00:00:44,442 --> 00:00:46,576
More graphic
than you just were?
23
00:00:46,611 --> 00:00:49,746
How? You described
the way his back smelled.
24
00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:52,582
When a body part smells
like lemons and turkey dogs,
25
00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:53,617
it's worth noting.
26
00:00:53,651 --> 00:00:56,486
Anyway,
I've called and texted
27
00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:58,555
and he hasn't called me back,
and I don't know what to do.
28
00:00:58,589 --> 00:01:00,557
Look, Patti, you are
a great roommate,
29
00:01:00,591 --> 00:01:03,671
but I don't think I like being in the
middle of this thing you have with Kevin.
30
00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:06,429
Oh. Okay.
31
00:01:06,464 --> 00:01:07,731
That's cool.
32
00:01:09,367 --> 00:01:11,687
Just delete the videos
I sent you then.
33
00:01:14,405 --> 00:01:15,405
(gasps)
34
00:01:18,187 --> 00:01:20,187
_
35
00:01:21,712 --> 00:01:23,647
Come on.
36
00:01:33,357 --> 00:01:34,424
(growls quietly)
37
00:01:38,763 --> 00:01:40,697
'Cause it's all good
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
38
00:01:40,698 --> 00:01:43,500
It's all, all, it's all good
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
39
00:01:44,769 --> 00:01:46,469
(tires screech)
40
00:01:46,504 --> 00:01:48,338
Hey, thanks for the lift, man.
41
00:01:48,372 --> 00:01:50,507
The tow yard should be
releasing my car tomorrow,
42
00:01:50,541 --> 00:01:51,708
so this shouldn't be
for much longer.
43
00:01:51,742 --> 00:01:53,510
That's no problem.
I'm down for the carpool,
44
00:01:53,544 --> 00:01:54,778
saving the Earth and whatnot.
45
00:01:54,812 --> 00:01:56,680
I know. It just makes me feel
a little uncomfortable.
46
00:01:56,714 --> 00:01:58,515
What? Freeloading-wise
or because I haven't made
47
00:01:58,549 --> 00:01:59,749
a good left turn
since you've been in here?
48
00:01:59,784 --> 00:02:01,584
Well, mostly because of him.
49
00:02:02,787 --> 00:02:04,387
- Who? Don?
- Yeah.
50
00:02:04,422 --> 00:02:06,289
- Oh, you're going to have to
get used to Don. -Mm-Hmm.
51
00:02:06,324 --> 00:02:09,326
When you left me for Italy,
I had to look after myself.
52
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:10,527
I never went to Italy.
53
00:02:10,561 --> 00:02:11,761
Brian's profile said you did.
54
00:02:11,796 --> 00:02:15,365
You made me turn to the Internet
to find a friend, Kevin.
55
00:02:15,399 --> 00:02:18,501
Let me tell you something. You
search "fit man seeking man,"
56
00:02:18,536 --> 00:02:20,704
gonna find some crazy stuff.
57
00:02:20,738 --> 00:02:23,540
A lot of men out there
not as fit as what they claim.
58
00:02:23,574 --> 00:02:25,742
97% match.
59
00:02:25,776 --> 00:02:27,677
Two percent body fat.
60
00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:29,646
What's your body fat
percentage, Kev?
61
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:31,381
A hundred percent
don't care, Don.
62
00:02:31,415 --> 00:02:33,516
- Hmm...
- Whoa!
63
00:02:33,551 --> 00:02:35,418
Go around the back.
Go around the back.
64
00:02:37,755 --> 00:02:39,389
Thought I saw Audrey.
65
00:02:39,423 --> 00:02:41,524
Not sure how many more
close calls with her I can take.
66
00:02:41,559 --> 00:02:42,659
(elevator dings)
67
00:02:42,693 --> 00:02:44,733
- Ha. No, after you.
- You know what? No, you.
68
00:02:44,762 --> 00:02:46,796
- I'll just...
- No, it's okay. I go.
69
00:02:46,831 --> 00:02:48,798
- Oh, my.
- Oh!
70
00:02:48,833 --> 00:02:51,701
- Oh my.
- Okay, bye. Bye.
71
00:02:58,776 --> 00:03:01,344
(sighs)
It's just so awkward.
72
00:03:01,379 --> 00:03:02,712
Why did I ever
write her a love letter?
73
00:03:02,747 --> 00:03:05,382
I could have lived
a full and happy life
74
00:03:05,416 --> 00:03:06,649
getting a Post-it Note
from her every morning,
75
00:03:06,684 --> 00:03:08,518
sharing a candy bar
every afternoon.
76
00:03:08,552 --> 00:03:09,719
I ruined everything.
77
00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:11,588
Gah! Okay.
78
00:03:11,622 --> 00:03:12,655
I gotta hurry in there.
79
00:03:12,690 --> 00:03:14,758
Gotta sit down before she does
80
00:03:14,792 --> 00:03:16,493
and not move
till after she leaves.
81
00:03:20,431 --> 00:03:21,631
Kev, Kev, your bag.
82
00:03:21,665 --> 00:03:24,401
- Your bag. Your bag.
- Yeah. Thank you.
83
00:03:24,435 --> 00:03:27,570
(romantic funk music playing)
84
00:03:38,449 --> 00:03:39,449
Kev, is that Audrey?
85
00:03:39,483 --> 00:03:42,352
Brian:
Was that her right there?
86
00:03:42,386 --> 00:03:44,454
- She's inside now. It's Al--
- Shut up, man.
87
00:03:44,488 --> 00:03:45,522
Okay.
88
00:03:49,794 --> 00:03:52,529
(humming)
89
00:03:55,366 --> 00:03:56,533
Who are you?
90
00:03:57,167 --> 00:03:58,501
Patti.
91
00:03:58,536 --> 00:03:59,869
I can't get Kevin
to call me back,
92
00:03:59,904 --> 00:04:02,505
so I showed up uninvited and came
in through the unlocked door.
93
00:04:02,540 --> 00:04:04,307
Who are you?
94
00:04:04,341 --> 00:04:05,708
Roxie. I'm Kevin's sister.
95
00:04:05,743 --> 00:04:07,510
I'm the one
who left the door unlocked.
96
00:04:07,545 --> 00:04:08,678
I didn't know he had a stalker.
97
00:04:08,712 --> 00:04:11,381
I didn't know he had a sister.
98
00:04:11,415 --> 00:04:13,450
I like your hat.
99
00:04:13,484 --> 00:04:16,419
I'm loving your entire outfit.
100
00:04:16,954 --> 00:04:18,521
Thank you.
101
00:04:23,661 --> 00:04:25,361
- How are you?
- Oh. You're here.
102
00:04:25,396 --> 00:04:27,363
It was so quiet over there.
103
00:04:27,398 --> 00:04:28,631
Well, I'm a super
quiet breather.
104
00:04:28,666 --> 00:04:31,334
Which is not why
I called you here today.
105
00:04:31,368 --> 00:04:32,368
Which I did not...
106
00:04:32,403 --> 00:04:34,437
I... I wanted to...
107
00:04:34,472 --> 00:04:35,638
tell you that
I'm moving desks.
108
00:04:35,673 --> 00:04:38,408
I just-- I...
I put in the request.
109
00:04:38,442 --> 00:04:40,643
I think it's gonna be
just better for both of us.
110
00:04:40,678 --> 00:04:41,778
Yeah. I think
that's a great idea.
111
00:04:41,812 --> 00:04:43,646
It's a good call... man.
112
00:04:45,449 --> 00:04:46,649
Hey, I hope you don't mind
113
00:04:46,684 --> 00:04:48,485
my hopping in here
before the chair is even cold.
114
00:04:48,519 --> 00:04:50,386
HR said I could take
possession of your desk
115
00:04:50,421 --> 00:04:52,455
as long as
I waive the inspection.
116
00:04:52,490 --> 00:04:54,524
How did you even
know I was moving?
117
00:04:54,558 --> 00:04:56,426
There was a notice
in The Superior Scoop.
118
00:04:56,460 --> 00:04:59,729
Hey, you don't mind if I make
a few minor changes, do you?
119
00:04:59,763 --> 00:05:01,963
I just need something
that works for the way I live.
120
00:05:05,369 --> 00:05:07,370
Hey, neighbs.
121
00:05:07,404 --> 00:05:09,372
So Patti is stalking me?
122
00:05:09,406 --> 00:05:11,274
I know.
I was as surprised as you are.
123
00:05:11,308 --> 00:05:12,342
Oh. Cinnamon.
124
00:05:12,376 --> 00:05:13,710
No, no, no.
Wait, wait. Jalape?o.
125
00:05:13,744 --> 00:05:15,578
Oh, this is so hard.
126
00:05:15,613 --> 00:05:17,580
Oh, man.
What am I gonna tell her?
127
00:05:17,615 --> 00:05:19,516
Oh, nothing.
I already took care of it.
128
00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:21,384
Here's the thing, girl.
129
00:05:21,418 --> 00:05:22,619
Kevin has a fianc?e.
130
00:05:22,653 --> 00:05:24,654
- He does?
- Yes.
131
00:05:24,688 --> 00:05:26,623
And at your apartment that day,
he was trying to get
132
00:05:26,657 --> 00:05:28,758
a wedding invitation back
that he sent to Audrey.
133
00:05:28,792 --> 00:05:30,560
His fianc?e made him
uninvite work people
134
00:05:30,594 --> 00:05:32,994
'cause they're trying to save
money for their triplets.
135
00:05:34,665 --> 00:05:36,666
But I made him make love to me.
136
00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:39,369
I know.
He slipped up.
137
00:05:39,403 --> 00:05:40,737
But if it makes
you feel any better,
138
00:05:40,771 --> 00:05:43,439
he said it was a really,
really unusual experience.
139
00:05:43,474 --> 00:05:44,574
Oh.
140
00:05:44,608 --> 00:05:46,576
- He did?
- Yeah.
141
00:05:46,610 --> 00:05:49,679
And if I were you, I would just
forget about him and move on.
142
00:05:49,713 --> 00:05:52,615
You're too good
for him anyway.
143
00:05:52,650 --> 00:05:53,816
(slurps)
144
00:05:53,851 --> 00:05:56,452
I'm not sure lying about a
fianc?e was the best idea?
145
00:05:56,487 --> 00:05:57,654
Oh, no. Trust me, Kev.
146
00:05:57,688 --> 00:05:59,422
With a girl like Patti,
you want to make sure
147
00:05:59,456 --> 00:06:01,391
she knows
there is zero chance.
148
00:06:01,425 --> 00:06:03,493
It was either a fianc?e
of faking your death,
149
00:06:03,527 --> 00:06:04,661
which takes a lot of time.
150
00:06:04,695 --> 00:06:07,430
Honestly, that's just not
time that I have right now.
151
00:06:07,464 --> 00:06:09,332
- (phone beeps)
- Okay, where was I?
152
00:06:11,535 --> 00:06:13,369
Hi. Welcome.
153
00:06:13,404 --> 00:06:15,738
I'm Simon,
this is Paul Garfunkel.
154
00:06:15,773 --> 00:06:18,308
Some people call us
the famous singing duo's names.
155
00:06:18,342 --> 00:06:19,642
Simon and Garfunkel.
I get it.
156
00:06:19,677 --> 00:06:21,477
No. Common mistake.
157
00:06:21,512 --> 00:06:24,714
It's Hall and Oates because I like
to pace the hallway like an animal,
158
00:06:24,748 --> 00:06:26,516
and he eats dry oatmeal.
159
00:06:28,652 --> 00:06:30,520
It's nice to meet you guys.
160
00:06:32,389 --> 00:06:34,324
Simon would like
to apologize for his odor.
161
00:06:34,358 --> 00:06:36,326
It's just my shingles cream.
162
00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:46,839
Excuse me,
is there a shade for that?
163
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:50,843
Never mind.
164
00:06:50,928 --> 00:06:52,228
(slurping)
165
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:55,015
Whoa.
166
00:06:55,049 --> 00:06:56,783
Ricky, did you
just lose power?
167
00:06:56,868 --> 00:06:59,136
Yes, of my own body.
I have restless feet syndrome
168
00:06:59,170 --> 00:07:00,771
and kicked out the cords.
Don't worry.
169
00:07:00,805 --> 00:07:02,773
It only happens
a few times a day.
170
00:07:03,941 --> 00:07:05,742
- (clattering)
- Oh my...
171
00:07:05,777 --> 00:07:06,777
Sorry!
172
00:07:07,945 --> 00:07:09,985
Do you want me to put
my balls on your neck?
173
00:07:11,049 --> 00:07:12,049
What?
174
00:07:13,718 --> 00:07:14,885
(chuckles)
175
00:07:14,919 --> 00:07:16,086
Let me just confirm
176
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,888
that you're talking
about the wooden things
177
00:07:17,922 --> 00:07:18,955
- in your hand.
- Yeah.
178
00:07:18,990 --> 00:07:20,724
That's the way
we take a break.
179
00:07:20,758 --> 00:07:22,726
Break is exactly what we need!
180
00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:24,695
Why don't we share
a candy bar, huh?
181
00:07:24,729 --> 00:07:25,729
Simon? Garfunkel?
182
00:07:25,763 --> 00:07:28,098
Simon! Candy break!
183
00:07:29,801 --> 00:07:31,802
Uh...
184
00:07:36,808 --> 00:07:39,176
Who did this?
Who-- Who has done this?
185
00:07:39,210 --> 00:07:40,911
Ricky, calm down.
186
00:07:40,945 --> 00:07:42,145
It was me.
187
00:07:43,981 --> 00:07:45,115
What's your game, sister?
188
00:07:45,149 --> 00:07:47,017
I was trying to be nice.
189
00:07:47,551 --> 00:07:49,820
By making fun of my round head.
190
00:07:49,854 --> 00:07:51,788
No. That is not you.
191
00:07:51,823 --> 00:07:52,889
It's a smiley face,
192
00:07:52,924 --> 00:07:55,125
the universal
sign of friendliness.
193
00:07:55,159 --> 00:07:59,062
I always did it for Kevin
and he never once yelled at me.
194
00:07:59,097 --> 00:08:00,697
Oh. That's sweet, but...
195
00:08:00,732 --> 00:08:02,933
I'm going to report you
for aggressive behavior.
196
00:08:02,967 --> 00:08:03,967
What?
197
00:08:04,001 --> 00:08:06,670
Yes, bitch.
198
00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:20,150
Kevin:
Hi. I'm sorry.
199
00:08:20,184 --> 00:08:22,119
You know, maybe moving
wasn't a solution.
200
00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:24,721
Kevin, I hate this
new desk arrangement.
201
00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:28,158
Look, I never should have
written you that letter.
202
00:08:28,192 --> 00:08:30,060
I...
203
00:08:30,394 --> 00:08:31,995
I was drunk
and I poured my heart out
204
00:08:32,029 --> 00:08:34,164
and I said some
stupid, stupid things
205
00:08:34,198 --> 00:08:35,699
- and--
- Kevin, please.
206
00:08:35,733 --> 00:08:38,702
- You don't need to apologize for anything.
- No, yes I do.
207
00:08:39,236 --> 00:08:41,738
I really screwed up
when I mailed it to you,
208
00:08:41,773 --> 00:08:43,813
and now we're stuck
being awkward around each other.
209
00:08:43,841 --> 00:08:45,742
I'm getting massages
I don't even want.
210
00:08:45,777 --> 00:08:46,943
I-- I probably have shingles!
211
00:08:47,778 --> 00:08:49,746
God. I saw him hug you.
212
00:08:49,781 --> 00:08:51,014
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
213
00:08:51,048 --> 00:08:52,983
I just don't want people
to find out about that letter.
214
00:08:53,017 --> 00:08:56,753
Look, Kevin,
I am really flattered
215
00:08:56,788 --> 00:08:59,689
and I really don't want
to hurt your feelings,
216
00:08:59,724 --> 00:09:04,761
-but I have a boyfriend and
I'm with him... -I know.
217
00:09:04,796 --> 00:09:07,130
So I'm okay with everything
if you are.
218
00:09:07,165 --> 00:09:09,666
You know, we can just
keep working here
219
00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:12,836
and be normal and just go
back to the way it was before.
220
00:09:14,739 --> 00:09:15,872
Okay?
221
00:09:15,907 --> 00:09:16,940
Okay.
222
00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:18,942
- Great. That would be great.
- Yeah.
223
00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:20,143
Where's Don?
224
00:09:20,178 --> 00:09:21,845
Oh. Don's at his mom's.
225
00:09:21,879 --> 00:09:23,113
I'm supposed to pick him up
in about an hour.
226
00:09:23,147 --> 00:09:25,048
We're gonna go to the driving
range, get our haircuts.
227
00:09:25,082 --> 00:09:27,951
He's going to take me to his
orthotics guy, you know?
228
00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:29,820
But my feet don't hurt, man!
229
00:09:29,854 --> 00:09:33,156
Look, Kevin, he's suffocating me and
I need your help to get rid of him.
230
00:09:34,826 --> 00:09:36,726
Look, I panicked
when you went to Italy.
231
00:09:36,761 --> 00:09:38,962
- I never actually... -Now that
you're back, I don't need him.
232
00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:40,797
He wants to be
my best friend.
233
00:09:40,832 --> 00:09:41,998
I get it.
I'm the bomb.
234
00:09:42,033 --> 00:09:44,734
But I have you.
235
00:09:44,769 --> 00:09:47,838
And if I need orthotics...
I want you to take me.
236
00:09:47,872 --> 00:09:49,773
So get out of it.
237
00:09:49,807 --> 00:09:51,975
Don't overthink it.
238
00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:55,078
See that's-- that's why
you're my 100% match.
239
00:09:55,112 --> 00:09:57,047
Brian: That's why
you're my 100%.
240
00:09:57,081 --> 00:09:59,783
Sit back
and watch me do it
241
00:09:59,817 --> 00:10:00,817
Chlllin' like a villain
242
00:10:00,852 --> 00:10:03,887
Super turnt up
hair cut low ceiling
243
00:10:03,921 --> 00:10:05,789
Smokin' Hot.
244
00:10:05,823 --> 00:10:07,824
- Sounds about right.
- I'll say!
245
00:10:07,859 --> 00:10:08,992
(laughing)
246
00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:10,026
Hi!
247
00:10:10,061 --> 00:10:11,394
Oh, my God!
248
00:10:11,429 --> 00:10:14,865
I was just next door at the sunglasses
place when I read your Tweet!
249
00:10:14,899 --> 00:10:15,932
"At the Polish Bar.
250
00:10:15,967 --> 00:10:17,934
Help me decide
which color, bitches."
251
00:10:17,969 --> 00:10:21,071
Then I realized I could be
a bitch that votes in person!
252
00:10:21,105 --> 00:10:24,841
So... red!
253
00:10:24,876 --> 00:10:26,142
You just happened
to be right next door?
254
00:10:26,177 --> 00:10:27,177
Mm-Hmm!
255
00:10:27,211 --> 00:10:30,947
Patti: Oh, my God.
Oh, this is heaven.
256
00:10:30,982 --> 00:10:34,784
I'm so glad this gives us
an opportunity to talk.
257
00:10:34,819 --> 00:10:37,153
You know, about what happened
with me and your brother and...
258
00:10:37,188 --> 00:10:39,756
just how I'm feeling.
259
00:10:39,790 --> 00:10:40,790
Okay.
260
00:10:40,825 --> 00:10:42,158
It's just that when
I broke into your apartment
261
00:10:42,193 --> 00:10:43,927
and like, you told me
that if you were me,
262
00:10:43,961 --> 00:10:45,829
you would just forget
about him and move on,
263
00:10:45,863 --> 00:10:47,864
that I was like,
too good for him anyway,
264
00:10:47,899 --> 00:10:49,132
that really helped me.
265
00:10:50,868 --> 00:10:54,004
I was wondering if you had
any more advice for me, girl.
266
00:10:55,806 --> 00:10:57,046
She's following me, Kev.
267
00:10:57,074 --> 00:10:58,942
And not the good
kind of following.
268
00:10:58,976 --> 00:11:00,977
I think you're overreacting.
269
00:11:01,012 --> 00:11:02,178
She hasn't left
me alone all day!
270
00:11:02,213 --> 00:11:04,848
So thanks a lot.
You gave me your stalker.
271
00:11:04,882 --> 00:11:06,850
I don't think
she's stalking you.
272
00:11:06,884 --> 00:11:09,019
Oh, Kev, you are
so egotistical.
273
00:11:09,053 --> 00:11:10,987
What? You think you're
the only one who's stalkable?
274
00:11:11,022 --> 00:11:12,255
(sighs)
275
00:11:12,290 --> 00:11:16,893
(sing-songy) Someone's got a
secret crush that's not so secret.
276
00:11:16,928 --> 00:11:18,828
Check The Scoop.
277
00:11:21,352 --> 00:11:24,252
_
278
00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:32,714
Audrey.
279
00:11:32,749 --> 00:11:34,916
Can I speak to you
for a minute, please?
280
00:11:34,951 --> 00:11:36,651
All:
Ooh!
281
00:11:43,126 --> 00:11:44,326
I am so sorry, Kevin.
282
00:11:44,361 --> 00:11:46,095
I have no idea
how people found out.
283
00:11:46,129 --> 00:11:47,496
Look, can I just have
the letter back please?
284
00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:49,581
I don't want to run the risk of
it falling into the wrong hands.
285
00:11:50,416 --> 00:11:52,217
I don't even
have the letter anymore.
286
00:11:53,686 --> 00:11:55,287
I threw it out.
287
00:11:55,321 --> 00:12:00,425
(distorted music slows, stops)
288
00:12:00,460 --> 00:12:02,261
- Oh. You did?
- Mm-Hmm.
289
00:12:02,295 --> 00:12:05,364
So it is gone and forgotten.
290
00:12:05,398 --> 00:12:07,165
Good.
291
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,401
- Good. That is good news.
- Yeah.
292
00:12:12,825 --> 00:12:14,825
_
293
00:12:16,209 --> 00:12:17,276
What?
294
00:12:19,279 --> 00:12:21,480
Oh, no.
295
00:12:21,514 --> 00:12:22,514
No.
296
00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:29,004
You know what, Garfunkel?
The way things are going today,
297
00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:30,999
I don't even care
if those aren't the wooden ones.
298
00:12:34,305 --> 00:12:36,306
Julia, hi. Can we talk
to you for a second?
299
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:37,540
(woman in video gasps)
300
00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:44,648
Do you have any idea who writes the
gossip section in The Superior Scoop?
301
00:12:44,682 --> 00:12:46,216
(scoffs) Please.
302
00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:48,585
I don't have time
for that kind of trash.
303
00:12:48,619 --> 00:12:49,619
It's just...
304
00:12:49,654 --> 00:12:51,421
It's obvious that somebody is
305
00:12:51,455 --> 00:12:53,695
listg to our conversations
and then writing about it,
306
00:12:53,724 --> 00:12:55,659
and we're just wondering
if there's any way that we could
307
00:12:55,693 --> 00:12:57,394
have a look
at the security camera footage.
308
00:12:57,428 --> 00:12:58,562
Security cameras?
309
00:12:58,596 --> 00:13:00,363
I don't even know
if I remember that link.
310
00:13:00,398 --> 00:13:02,838
I mean, they're probably
not even operating anymore.
311
00:13:03,501 --> 00:13:05,302
Oh! Yeah, I got it
up and running.
312
00:13:05,336 --> 00:13:07,536
- Right there! The security camera.
- Oh.
313
00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:10,407
Is that the bathroom?
314
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:12,542
Wait. What's Ricky doing?
315
00:13:12,577 --> 00:13:15,545
Mm. That is one
weird Mexican Sumo.
316
00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:17,414
He's not even moving.
He's just standing there.
317
00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:20,283
Julia: He'll do that all day long.
Good stuff, right?
318
00:13:25,356 --> 00:13:30,227
I mean, why would
he be standing... here?
319
00:13:30,261 --> 00:13:31,962
What...
320
00:13:31,996 --> 00:13:34,297
(Brian's voice reverberating) Look, you don't
know how to take no for an answer, Don.
321
00:13:34,332 --> 00:13:36,433
Who is that?
322
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:39,236
It sounded like my buddy,
Brian, but it couldn't be.
323
00:13:39,270 --> 00:13:42,305
When I found you, I was like
Bobby Brown leaving New Edition,
324
00:13:42,340 --> 00:13:44,274
but I found
my prerogative, okay?
325
00:13:44,308 --> 00:13:45,242
- Yeah.
- Don't be cruel!
326
00:13:45,276 --> 00:13:46,376
(inaudible)
327
00:13:48,279 --> 00:13:50,614
(Don's voice reverberating) I would hate
for you to dump me and then find yourself
328
00:13:50,648 --> 00:13:54,284
abandoned down the line when your perfect
friend decides to go back to Italy.
329
00:13:54,318 --> 00:13:55,418
Brian:
I know what you're doing, Don.
330
00:13:55,453 --> 00:13:57,220
I know what you're doing
and it's not gonna work!
331
00:13:57,255 --> 00:13:58,622
- The zombie movie, you know?
- Don't you talk about...
332
00:13:58,656 --> 00:14:03,159
Every time we talked,
we were in that exact spot.
333
00:14:03,194 --> 00:14:05,562
Ricky heard
everything from here.
334
00:14:05,596 --> 00:14:08,164
Here is my
seat reassignment long-form.
335
00:14:08,199 --> 00:14:10,367
You can give my old desk
to someone else.
336
00:14:12,570 --> 00:14:14,337
I don't even have
the letter anymore.
337
00:14:14,372 --> 00:14:16,573
(Audrey's voice reverberates)
I threw it out.
338
00:14:16,607 --> 00:14:19,242
Audrey: Our voices must have
traveled across the ceiling.
339
00:14:19,277 --> 00:14:20,543
Trashed.
340
00:14:20,578 --> 00:14:22,646
He's the one
who is writing about us.
341
00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:26,316
Ricky! Unbelievable.
I feel so betrayed.
342
00:14:26,350 --> 00:14:28,351
I held his hand through
all of his feet spasms.
343
00:14:28,386 --> 00:14:29,452
We have to get back at him.
344
00:14:29,487 --> 00:14:31,321
- Vengeance will be mine!
- And mine!
345
00:14:31,355 --> 00:14:33,456
And-- and your...
both of ours.
346
00:14:33,491 --> 00:14:35,225
- Let's do it.
- Okay.
347
00:14:35,259 --> 00:14:37,327
(overlapping chatter)
348
00:14:37,361 --> 00:14:39,362
Kevin, remember Don?
349
00:14:39,397 --> 00:14:40,597
Oh hey, bro.
350
00:14:40,631 --> 00:14:43,300
Can you please explain to Don
that you and I are reunited
351
00:14:43,334 --> 00:14:45,201
and his friendship services
are no longer required?
352
00:14:45,236 --> 00:14:48,338
Brian, Audrey and I are in the middle of
something. It's kind of an emergency.
353
00:14:48,372 --> 00:14:50,440
More of an emergency than making
it clear that you and I got a bond
354
00:14:50,474 --> 00:14:52,475
stronger than any friend
matching website can calculate?
355
00:14:52,510 --> 00:14:55,645
Well, this seems
like guy talk, sort of.
356
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:59,282
Come find me when you're
ready for the vengeance.
357
00:14:59,317 --> 00:15:01,251
- Bye, guys.
- See you later.
358
00:15:01,285 --> 00:15:03,186
- Don.
- Huh?
359
00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:04,621
Brian doesn't want to be
your friend anymore, okay?
360
00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:07,290
Sometimes people make choices
and they second guess
361
00:15:07,325 --> 00:15:09,192
and they don't mean
to hurt your feelings,
362
00:15:09,226 --> 00:15:10,593
but it just happens.
363
00:15:11,428 --> 00:15:12,428
You mean it?
364
00:15:15,666 --> 00:15:17,467
'Cause it did hurt, you know.
365
00:15:17,501 --> 00:15:20,170
Just so you know, when you-- when
you left me and you went to Italy--
366
00:15:20,204 --> 00:15:21,438
I never went to Italy.
367
00:15:21,472 --> 00:15:23,239
Okay, well, whatever you did,
you did it without telling me.
368
00:15:23,274 --> 00:15:25,175
- I would never do that.
- Don...
369
00:15:25,209 --> 00:15:26,609
you need to move on, man.
370
00:15:26,644 --> 00:15:30,447
You're gonna find
your fit man seeking man.
371
00:15:30,481 --> 00:15:31,648
This one is mine.
372
00:15:31,682 --> 00:15:33,450
(sighs)
Well, it's clear to me that
373
00:15:33,484 --> 00:15:35,618
I'm not going to be able
to break up what you guys have.
374
00:15:35,653 --> 00:15:37,387
So...
375
00:15:37,421 --> 00:15:39,541
Would you consider
adding a third?
376
00:15:40,424 --> 00:15:42,392
That's a totally
different website, Don.
377
00:15:44,628 --> 00:15:46,363
Roxie:
Hello, Patti.
378
00:15:46,397 --> 00:15:49,232
Ah! Roxie!
Oh, my God!
379
00:15:49,266 --> 00:15:50,300
What are you doing here?
380
00:15:50,334 --> 00:15:52,569
Same thing you've been
doing to me. Stalking.
381
00:15:52,603 --> 00:15:54,237
I wasn't stalking you.
382
00:15:54,271 --> 00:15:57,207
Okay, well, then explain
why you followed me around
383
00:15:57,241 --> 00:15:59,175
and you told me
all of your personal business
384
00:15:59,210 --> 00:16:01,144
and you like, expected me
to give you advice or something?
385
00:16:01,178 --> 00:16:02,512
I mean, I was terrified.
386
00:16:02,546 --> 00:16:04,414
If my nails weren't wet,
I would have maced you.
387
00:16:04,448 --> 00:16:05,582
I was just
trying to talk to you.
388
00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:08,485
Who talks about their feelings
in a nail salon?
389
00:16:08,519 --> 00:16:10,420
Like, every woman ever.
390
00:16:10,454 --> 00:16:11,621
Do you not have
any girlfriends?
391
00:16:11,655 --> 00:16:14,290
I mean, I had one
in like, tenth grade.
392
00:16:15,426 --> 00:16:16,459
Oh. You don't mean sexually.
393
00:16:16,494 --> 00:16:19,195
Well, I had one
in eighth grade,
394
00:16:19,230 --> 00:16:21,531
but she was mean to me
and then I was mean to her
395
00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:22,632
and then that was basically it.
396
00:16:22,666 --> 00:16:25,235
Well, maybe it's time
for a new one.
397
00:16:25,269 --> 00:16:27,170
You're lucky.
I'm a really good friend.
398
00:16:27,204 --> 00:16:28,371
Do you day drink?
399
00:16:28,406 --> 00:16:30,240
Well, it's the day
and I am drunk,
400
00:16:30,274 --> 00:16:31,408
so you tell me.
401
00:16:35,312 --> 00:16:37,313
I mean, Julia's our boss.
402
00:16:37,348 --> 00:16:41,317
I can't believe she wants
Ricky to do her in her office.
403
00:16:41,352 --> 00:16:42,385
But that's what she said.
404
00:16:42,420 --> 00:16:45,422
She said, "I want Ricky
to do me in my office."
405
00:16:45,456 --> 00:16:46,656
(Audrey's voice reverberates)
Lots of times.
406
00:16:46,690 --> 00:16:48,425
Didn't she also
say, "Lots of times?"
407
00:16:48,459 --> 00:16:49,559
Kevin: Yes, she did.
She did say that.
408
00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:52,562
"I want Ricky to do me
all the ways that...
409
00:16:52,596 --> 00:16:56,232
I am to be done.
Plow me like the fields."
410
00:16:56,267 --> 00:16:57,367
(both snickering)
411
00:17:00,471 --> 00:17:03,206
Audrey: "Are sparks flying
between a loyal leader
412
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:06,209
"and a certain husky man
in plaid who craves
413
00:17:06,243 --> 00:17:09,379
"a strict hand
of a mature beauty?
414
00:17:09,413 --> 00:17:10,613
Stay tuned."
415
00:17:10,648 --> 00:17:13,249
I almost feel bad.
416
00:17:15,219 --> 00:17:16,286
Ricky!
417
00:17:22,393 --> 00:17:24,194
(growls)
418
00:17:24,228 --> 00:17:26,162
Oh, me so horny
419
00:17:26,197 --> 00:17:27,430
Oh, me so horny
420
00:17:27,465 --> 00:17:29,365
Me love you long time
421
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,267
Oh, me so horny
422
00:17:31,302 --> 00:17:33,236
- Oh, man.
- Oh, dude.
423
00:17:33,270 --> 00:17:35,438
I don't know whether
to never talk about this again
424
00:17:35,473 --> 00:17:37,340
or to never stop
talking about this.
425
00:17:37,374 --> 00:17:38,608
Never stop talking about this.
426
00:17:38,642 --> 00:17:41,511
- Definitely never stop
talking about this. -Okay.
427
00:17:41,545 --> 00:17:44,647
- Aww. -And Kevin is a
total crier, of course.
428
00:17:44,682 --> 00:17:47,283
Of course! Idiot.
429
00:17:48,619 --> 00:17:50,520
Well, at least he was
when he was a kid.
430
00:17:50,554 --> 00:17:52,555
Oh... Idiot!
431
00:17:52,590 --> 00:17:53,590
(both laugh)
432
00:17:53,591 --> 00:17:54,657
(doorbell rings)
433
00:17:54,692 --> 00:17:56,259
Ooh! Pizza's here!
434
00:17:56,293 --> 00:17:58,261
Oh, shoot!
Do you have any cash?
435
00:17:58,295 --> 00:18:00,163
This place doesn't take
my dad's credit card.
436
00:18:00,197 --> 00:18:01,364
All I have is
my brother's credit card.
437
00:18:01,398 --> 00:18:03,266
Aww, I love how
entitled you are.
438
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:04,467
I love how entitled you are!
439
00:18:04,502 --> 00:18:06,236
- No wonder we're friends!
- (giggles)
440
00:18:06,270 --> 00:18:07,337
Your roommate has a passport.
441
00:18:07,371 --> 00:18:08,471
I'm sure she has
money somewhere.
442
00:18:08,506 --> 00:18:09,606
Yes!
443
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,376
You know, all this time
I've been imagining how great
444
00:18:13,410 --> 00:18:14,611
Audrey and I would be
if she would just give
445
00:18:14,645 --> 00:18:16,346
me the chance,
and then today at work,
446
00:18:16,380 --> 00:18:19,249
we actually
were great together, but...
447
00:18:19,283 --> 00:18:21,217
she threw out the letter.
448
00:18:21,252 --> 00:18:23,253
I'm sorry, man.
449
00:18:23,287 --> 00:18:25,355
No, it's okay.
450
00:18:25,389 --> 00:18:27,357
It's time for Kevin to move on!
451
00:18:27,391 --> 00:18:30,527
It's time for Kevin
to move on
452
00:18:30,561 --> 00:18:32,395
Kevin gotta move on
453
00:18:32,429 --> 00:18:33,429
Coming!
454
00:18:35,533 --> 00:18:36,633
Hmm...
455
00:18:36,667 --> 00:18:38,234
I can't find any!
456
00:18:38,269 --> 00:18:39,369
Check her underwear drawer!
457
00:18:39,403 --> 00:18:40,403
That's where Kev keeps his!
458
00:18:40,437 --> 00:18:42,172
Ooh. That's hot.
459
00:18:45,476 --> 00:18:47,310
What is this?
460
00:18:47,344 --> 00:18:49,479
"Dear Audrey, I know you
don't think about me
461
00:18:49,513 --> 00:18:54,317
"in a special way or at all, but I
think about you all the time...
462
00:18:54,351 --> 00:18:57,320
Oh, hello.
463
00:18:57,354 --> 00:18:58,588
You're cute.
464
00:19:00,457 --> 00:19:04,227
Until then,
Kevin from work."
465
00:19:06,497 --> 00:19:07,617
My Kevin?
466
00:19:09,433 --> 00:19:10,500
What are you
doing this weekend?
467
00:19:10,534 --> 00:19:12,135
Do you want to drive
me to Coachella?
468
00:19:12,169 --> 00:19:13,203
Patti:
Why didn't you tell me?
469
00:19:13,237 --> 00:19:14,537
I thought you were my friend.
470
00:19:18,375 --> 00:19:20,276
I'm sorry I lied, Patti.
471
00:19:20,311 --> 00:19:21,411
But that's before
we were friends.
472
00:19:21,445 --> 00:19:23,213
I would never
ever lie to you now.
473
00:19:25,316 --> 00:19:26,596
Is this top too bright?
474
00:19:28,452 --> 00:19:29,643
(sighs)
475
00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:31,210
A little.
476
00:19:31,655 --> 00:19:33,323
You really are my girl.
477
00:19:35,192 --> 00:19:36,526
But just so you know,
I'm about to do something
478
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,294
to your brother that might
test our friendship.
479
00:19:38,329 --> 00:19:40,230
It's understandable.
480
00:19:40,264 --> 00:19:41,264
Boop.
481
00:19:43,567 --> 00:19:45,301
- Boop.
- (laughs)
482
00:19:45,336 --> 00:19:47,170
Both:
Boop!
483
00:19:47,204 --> 00:19:48,644
Both:
Boop!
484
00:19:49,740 --> 00:19:51,074
Brian:
All right.
485
00:19:53,229 --> 00:19:55,096
Kevin:
Well, I appreciate it.
486
00:19:58,034 --> 00:20:00,068
- You good? Bye.
- Thanks for the ride.
487
00:20:00,102 --> 00:20:02,370
"Lie fell apart. Oops!"
488
00:20:02,405 --> 00:20:04,139
Hi, Kevin.
489
00:20:04,573 --> 00:20:05,440
Brian!
490
00:20:05,474 --> 00:20:09,177
I heard things didn't quite
work out with your fianc?e.
491
00:20:09,211 --> 00:20:13,114
Patti, don't be upset.
I-- I can explain.
492
00:20:13,149 --> 00:20:14,349
Oh, really?
493
00:20:14,383 --> 00:20:16,051
You can explain this?
494
00:20:18,187 --> 00:20:20,355
(majestic music playing)
495
00:20:20,389 --> 00:20:22,257
She kept it!
496
00:20:23,492 --> 00:20:24,492
Ah!
497
00:20:24,542 --> 00:20:29,092
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