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1
00:00:00,657 --> 00:00:02,661
(lid squeaks, clunks)
2
00:00:03,993 --> 00:00:06,463
Come on. Come on. Come on!
3
00:00:06,496 --> 00:00:07,931
Ow! Aah!
4
00:00:11,494 --> 00:00:14,231
Said I'm all about it
5
00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:16,600
'Cause I got soul and I won't quit
6
00:00:16,634 --> 00:00:18,969
And your dad don't like it
when I talk my...
7
00:00:19,003 --> 00:00:20,972
Brian! Brian, I got it!
8
00:00:21,004 --> 00:00:23,244
- Got what?
- The new job that I applied for in Italy.
9
00:00:23,267 --> 00:00:25,770
- I got it.
- Hey, congratulations, man!
10
00:00:25,802 --> 00:00:27,004
I knew it! Didn't I tell you?
11
00:00:27,037 --> 00:00:28,906
You think positive, you test positive!
12
00:00:28,939 --> 00:00:30,909
Preach that to all my clients.
13
00:00:30,942 --> 00:00:33,016
- Yeah.
- I finally get to leave
14
00:00:33,019 --> 00:00:34,715
the worst job in history...
15
00:00:34,745 --> 00:00:37,147
Bad pay, an evil boss.
16
00:00:37,180 --> 00:00:39,183
Oh, before you go, any suggestions
17
00:00:39,217 --> 00:00:42,253
on what nice thing I can say
to Fat Rob in accounting?
18
00:00:42,286 --> 00:00:46,324
No more office that thinks being
eco-friendly means having only one toilet,
19
00:00:46,357 --> 00:00:48,860
and a break room
you can't even take a break in.
20
00:00:50,822 --> 00:00:52,424
Then there's Audrey.
21
00:00:53,864 --> 00:00:56,767
Audrey Piatigorsky. She is perfect.
22
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:57,968
(birds chirping)
23
00:00:58,001 --> 00:00:59,269
-
I just wanna leak
-
What?
24
00:00:59,303 --> 00:01:02,005
Not literally leak,
wanna push the music
25
00:01:02,038 --> 00:01:03,775
Kevin: Everything she does and says...
26
00:01:03,808 --> 00:01:06,744
and how she smiles and laughs.
27
00:01:06,778 --> 00:01:09,747
Screaming "Who want what?"
Now, please be warned
28
00:01:09,781 --> 00:01:10,949
Of course, she's got this awful boyfriend
29
00:01:10,981 --> 00:01:12,886
she's had since college... Brock.
30
00:01:14,110 --> 00:01:15,153
I think he might actually be
31
00:01:15,186 --> 00:01:17,088
the mean coach from The Karate Kid.
32
00:01:17,121 --> 00:01:18,455
(squawks, thuds)
33
00:01:18,488 --> 00:01:20,157
Not Mr. Miyagi, the white dude.
34
00:01:20,190 --> 00:01:21,859
- The white dude. Yeah.
- Yeah.
35
00:01:23,261 --> 00:01:25,130
Oh oh oh oh
36
00:01:27,231 --> 00:01:29,033
(music slows, stops)
37
00:01:29,065 --> 00:01:30,280
(scoffs)
38
00:01:30,380 --> 00:01:32,338
He has no idea how lucky he is, you know?
39
00:01:32,369 --> 00:01:35,038
But I've known. I've known
since my first day at work.
40
00:01:35,071 --> 00:01:36,775
Hi, nice to meet you.
41
00:01:36,808 --> 00:01:40,845
Ooh. I think you have something
on your teeth, right here.
42
00:01:40,877 --> 00:01:42,479
Oh.
43
00:01:42,512 --> 00:01:44,110
That's when you knew
she was your dream girl?
44
00:01:44,210 --> 00:01:47,017
Man, you come face-to-face
with a hundred people a day,
45
00:01:47,050 --> 00:01:49,887
and nobody says anything about
the spinach in your teeth.
46
00:01:49,921 --> 00:01:51,790
- Yeah.
- And there's one person...
47
00:01:51,823 --> 00:01:54,058
who actually does say something.
48
00:01:54,091 --> 00:01:55,827
Well, that's Audrey.
49
00:01:55,859 --> 00:01:58,195
She's different. She's special.
50
00:01:59,262 --> 00:02:03,133
But she'll never be with me, and I can't
take sitting next to her every day, man.
51
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,536
It's driving me crazy.
Monday cannot come soon enough.
52
00:02:05,570 --> 00:02:08,906
Huh? You... You're going Monday?
53
00:02:08,940 --> 00:02:10,875
- Yes.
- Oh, I see what you're doing.
54
00:02:10,907 --> 00:02:13,877
You're telling me at work
so I don't make a scene,
55
00:02:13,911 --> 00:02:14,913
'cause I gotta be professional.
56
00:02:14,946 --> 00:02:16,047
- Brian.
- Don't.
57
00:02:17,415 --> 00:02:18,475
(sighs)
58
00:02:18,775 --> 00:02:20,690
I wish I could go with you, man.
59
00:02:20,917 --> 00:02:23,587
Living in Los Angeles always felt
like part one of our friendship,
60
00:02:23,620 --> 00:02:26,490
and you know the sequel
always takes place in Europe.
61
00:02:26,524 --> 00:02:29,327
- I'm sorry.
- Crazy, wrong-side-of-the-road driving,
62
00:02:29,359 --> 00:02:30,428
topless girls at the beach,
63
00:02:30,460 --> 00:02:33,263
foreign girls that say
my name like this... "Brai-en."
64
00:02:33,297 --> 00:02:36,901
- Dude, you can come visit me.
- I made $400 last year, Kevin.
65
00:02:36,934 --> 00:02:38,064
- Where am I going?
- Okay, well,
66
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,840
I'm coming home for Christmas.
67
00:02:39,870 --> 00:02:42,874
I got it! You miss your
flight 'cause of a snowstorm.
68
00:02:42,906 --> 00:02:45,142
Uh-oh, a fake Santa Claus
steals all of our gifts.
69
00:02:45,175 --> 00:02:47,144
And guess what. In the end,
70
00:02:47,178 --> 00:02:49,948
you know we're gonna learn that life
lesson about the power of friendship.
71
00:02:49,981 --> 00:02:52,549
This is gonna work. (kisses) Let's go.
72
00:02:52,583 --> 00:02:55,287
- Come here.
- (theme music playing)
73
00:02:55,435 --> 00:02:58,258
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
74
00:03:00,924 --> 00:03:05,162
(cell phone ringing)
75
00:03:07,497 --> 00:03:09,633
- (sighs)
- (beeps)
76
00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,936
- Hello?
- Are you so excited?
77
00:03:11,969 --> 00:03:14,538
I'm so excited. I already love Los Angeles,
78
00:03:14,572 --> 00:03:17,175
and I'm only in
San Bernan-dinano or whatever.
79
00:03:17,208 --> 00:03:19,877
Moving on a whim was the perfect plan, Kev.
80
00:03:19,911 --> 00:03:21,179
Are you so excited? I'm so excited.
81
00:03:21,211 --> 00:03:22,512
I actually am excited.
82
00:03:22,546 --> 00:03:24,649
I got a new job in Italy,
83
00:03:24,681 --> 00:03:26,951
so I am moving out.
84
00:03:26,983 --> 00:03:28,919
What? Kev, that's amazing!
85
00:03:28,953 --> 00:03:30,354
This works out kind of perfectly, 'cause...
86
00:03:30,388 --> 00:03:32,023
Can I be like a thousand percent honest?...
87
00:03:32,055 --> 00:03:33,924
I didn't really wanna share
an apartment with you.
88
00:03:33,958 --> 00:03:35,359
You're my brother and I love you,
89
00:03:35,393 --> 00:03:37,228
but like a million percent honest,
90
00:03:37,261 --> 00:03:39,263
I thought it'd be super weird
when I brought guys back there.
91
00:03:39,297 --> 00:03:41,266
And guess what. That is happening.
92
00:03:41,298 --> 00:03:44,101
- Probably kind of a lot.
- Okay, Roxanne.
93
00:03:44,134 --> 00:03:46,471
Ooh! Roxie. Roxanne sounds slutty.
94
00:03:46,503 --> 00:03:49,274
Oh, I gotta go, Kev. I'm gonna
flash my boobs at this cute guy.
95
00:03:49,306 --> 00:03:52,643
Hey, you! Can you tell
your kids to cover their eyes?
96
00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:58,094
(chuckles)
97
00:03:58,790 --> 00:03:59,811
So, it's true?
98
00:03:59,814 --> 00:04:00,549
(drawer shuts)
99
00:04:00,962 --> 00:04:04,556
Yes, I... I quit.
100
00:04:04,588 --> 00:04:07,959
No, that you have a weird
paper clip and binder fetish.
101
00:04:07,991 --> 00:04:09,497
Everyone's been talking about it.
102
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:10,996
(both laugh)
103
00:04:11,028 --> 00:04:14,532
Yeah, well... Yeah, no... no fetishes here.
104
00:04:15,967 --> 00:04:18,036
Unless my partner's into that,
and then, you know,
105
00:04:18,068 --> 00:04:19,369
put me in pigtails, give me a lollipop,
106
00:04:19,403 --> 00:04:21,373
and let's start changing some diapers.
107
00:04:22,706 --> 00:04:25,009
Yeah, that stuff is weird.
108
00:04:26,277 --> 00:04:28,613
So weird. I don't know why I said that.
109
00:04:28,645 --> 00:04:32,116
- It's so...
- Hey, guys, lay low.
110
00:04:32,148 --> 00:04:33,717
Julia's handing out a crappy account...
111
00:04:33,751 --> 00:04:36,120
Dreyerson Nursing Home and Hospice Spa.
112
00:04:36,153 --> 00:04:37,689
Nothing but Ensures and seltzers,
113
00:04:37,722 --> 00:04:39,958
it's way out in the boonies, and it reeks.
114
00:04:39,991 --> 00:04:42,727
Ricky! That is not your business!
115
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:43,728
Sorry, boss!
116
00:04:43,761 --> 00:04:46,731
Like, urine with a dash
of hummus or something.
117
00:04:46,763 --> 00:04:48,532
It's real bad smell over at Dryerson.
118
00:04:48,566 --> 00:04:50,734
- Oh, that is so gross, Ricky.
- Hey, a bunch of us
119
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:53,270
- wanna get together in your honor tonight.
- Oh, you guys don't...
120
00:04:53,304 --> 00:04:55,573
- How fun!
- Sure, great. Where? When?
121
00:04:55,605 --> 00:04:57,374
- Oh, I wish I could go.
- What?
122
00:04:57,407 --> 00:04:59,744
Brock has his big tournament
tonight. It's regionals.
123
00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:02,113
Or is it semi-regionals? Or
is it semi-final regionals?
124
00:05:02,145 --> 00:05:04,015
Is there such a thing
as regional regionals?
125
00:05:04,047 --> 00:05:07,117
- Nope. That'd be weird.
- You're so devoted.
126
00:05:07,150 --> 00:05:09,520
Craftworks Gastropub and Tapas Bar.
127
00:05:09,552 --> 00:05:11,455
Six o'clock. It's gonna be epic,
128
00:05:11,489 --> 00:05:14,007
especially if we can get a
booth by the air conditioner.
129
00:05:15,059 --> 00:05:17,028
(rock music playing)
130
00:05:21,064 --> 00:05:22,666
Brian: I'm gonna be fine without you here.
131
00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:25,303
Me and Ricky, we gonna turn it up!
132
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,338
So, what you gonna do
with all your old furniture?
133
00:05:28,371 --> 00:05:31,042
- You gonna give it away or...?
- Oh, I was gonna leave it for my sister.
134
00:05:31,075 --> 00:05:33,511
- I'm sorry, man.
- Pssh! Don't be, okay?
135
00:05:33,544 --> 00:05:36,080
I look like the type of guy that
wants hand-me-down furniture?
136
00:05:36,112 --> 00:05:37,648
Uh-uhh!
137
00:05:37,681 --> 00:05:39,116
What you gonna do
with all your old clothes?
138
00:05:39,150 --> 00:05:40,685
You gonna give those away?
139
00:05:41,751 --> 00:05:44,422
- (wind gusts)
- (ethereal music playing)
140
00:05:46,523 --> 00:05:48,258
I'm coming, Ricky!
141
00:05:51,095 --> 00:05:53,530
(chirping)
142
00:05:58,835 --> 00:06:00,638
(music slows, stops)
143
00:06:00,670 --> 00:06:03,141
- (rock music playing)
- Kevin! You guys are still here!
144
00:06:03,174 --> 00:06:06,710
I thought you guys couldn't
make it. The finals or whatev...
145
00:06:06,744 --> 00:06:08,613
Quarter regional finals of the semis.
146
00:06:08,645 --> 00:06:10,580
Kicked ass in record speed. Pow, pow!
147
00:06:10,614 --> 00:06:13,217
- (laughs) Yeah.
- Couldn't have done it without her.
148
00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:15,019
- She paid my entrance fee.
- She...
149
00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:21,707
- Come on, babe, let's dance.
- Oh!
150
00:06:21,710 --> 00:06:22,829
(laughing)
151
00:06:22,859 --> 00:06:24,795
Whoo!
152
00:06:27,398 --> 00:06:33,136
Mmm! Looks like the quarterback
needs a chaperon for the prom.
153
00:06:33,169 --> 00:06:35,105
Hey, get lost! Score some weed!
154
00:06:38,174 --> 00:06:40,143
Kevin! Come on!
155
00:06:40,177 --> 00:06:41,217
Oh, no, no, no. I can't.
156
00:06:41,247 --> 00:06:44,314
Aww! You'll never see any of us ever again!
157
00:06:44,347 --> 00:06:49,186
(ballad playing)
158
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:51,752
So, what's your new job?
159
00:06:52,155 --> 00:06:54,792
Well, it's still in food supply,
160
00:06:54,825 --> 00:06:58,942
but... it's a little closer to
what I actually want to be doing.
161
00:07:00,431 --> 00:07:01,888
Which is...?
162
00:07:02,366 --> 00:07:04,340
- Oh, you wanna hear that too?
- (both laugh)
163
00:07:04,528 --> 00:07:08,273
Wow. We are... We are really talking here.
164
00:07:09,773 --> 00:07:12,609
I, uh...
165
00:07:12,643 --> 00:07:16,314
I wanna own like a little hotel
or something someday.
166
00:07:17,022 --> 00:07:19,825
You know, the whole hospitality thing.
167
00:07:19,859 --> 00:07:22,128
Well, you'd be so good at that.
168
00:07:22,161 --> 00:07:24,531
I mean, you're always
taking care of everyone.
169
00:07:26,097 --> 00:07:28,768
I'm really gonna miss
you taking care of me.
170
00:07:32,537 --> 00:07:36,475
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm great. I'm great.
171
00:07:37,476 --> 00:07:40,080
My goodbye party. I'm saying goodbye.
172
00:07:42,849 --> 00:07:44,551
Why wouldn't that be great?
173
00:07:44,583 --> 00:07:47,219
Okay, I'll drop it.
174
00:07:48,253 --> 00:07:49,655
But you know you can tell me things, right?
175
00:07:49,688 --> 00:07:54,359
I mean, we have shared a crappy cubicle
wall for three years, after all.
176
00:07:54,392 --> 00:07:57,996
(ballad continues playing)
177
00:07:58,029 --> 00:07:59,366
Audrey...
178
00:08:01,633 --> 00:08:04,937
Actually, there is something
I do wanna tell you.
179
00:08:04,970 --> 00:08:06,272
What is it?
180
00:08:07,940 --> 00:08:09,141
Babe, we gotta go, okay?
181
00:08:09,174 --> 00:08:13,145
Your boss is about to hurl and
she wants me to hold her hair.
182
00:08:13,178 --> 00:08:15,881
Hey, what's the news?
183
00:08:15,914 --> 00:08:19,085
And who's holding you tonight?
184
00:08:22,587 --> 00:08:26,826
Hope he's good to you in time
185
00:08:28,661 --> 00:08:31,631
Oh! That is why I don't do that.
186
00:08:31,663 --> 00:08:35,634
I just saw you in a passing parade
187
00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:37,137
Oh.
188
00:08:41,507 --> 00:08:43,409
Morning! Hi, Kevin.
189
00:08:43,441 --> 00:08:46,912
Hey, buddy. What's up, kid?
190
00:08:46,945 --> 00:08:51,517
And I didn't sign the forms
191
00:08:51,550 --> 00:08:54,621
Didn't take the right time
192
00:08:54,653 --> 00:08:58,924
'Cause I couldn't wait that long
193
00:08:58,958 --> 00:09:01,661
And if you don't need a rich man
194
00:09:01,694 --> 00:09:05,131
Pray tell, for I am here
195
00:09:05,163 --> 00:09:06,932
Oh boy.
196
00:09:08,267 --> 00:09:11,671
God's own dumb angel
197
00:09:11,704 --> 00:09:15,575
God's own dumb angel
198
00:09:15,608 --> 00:09:18,378
God's own dumb...
199
00:09:18,411 --> 00:09:20,613
Roxie: Whoo! I'm here!
200
00:09:20,646 --> 00:09:23,483
Oh...! What happened last night?
201
00:09:23,516 --> 00:09:25,450
Oh, I stayed with a guy
202
00:09:25,484 --> 00:09:28,655
who is the cousin of a guy
that I dated in high school.
203
00:09:28,687 --> 00:09:30,556
Well, I mean, I was in high school,
204
00:09:30,589 --> 00:09:31,957
he was just finishing up
community college...
205
00:09:31,990 --> 00:09:35,461
or community service. By the way,
those are not the same thing.
206
00:09:37,190 --> 00:09:38,892
Why is your furniture still here?
207
00:09:38,924 --> 00:09:41,360
I was leaving it for you,
so you wouldn't have to buy any.
208
00:09:41,393 --> 00:09:44,864
- Oh, that's so super sweet of you.
- No, no.
209
00:09:44,897 --> 00:09:46,932
- (both grunt)
- But this is the kind of stuff
210
00:09:46,966 --> 00:09:50,537
you leave on the curb, and you see a drunk
person passed out on it the next day.
211
00:09:50,570 --> 00:09:53,907
But this drunk person is gonna be
passed out on something way nicer.
212
00:09:53,940 --> 00:09:56,376
Roxie, I'm feeling weird about leaving you.
213
00:09:56,408 --> 00:09:59,211
I mean, you're a little too
immature to be out here on your own.
214
00:09:59,244 --> 00:10:02,615
- I can't believe Mom is okay with this.
- I am very mature, okay?
215
00:10:02,648 --> 00:10:05,485
And when Mom realizes I'm not in
my room, I'll text her for sure.
216
00:10:05,518 --> 00:10:06,653
Okay, I'm gonna give her a call.
217
00:10:06,686 --> 00:10:08,754
She wanted to know my flight info anyway.
218
00:10:08,788 --> 00:10:11,957
Kev, get on that. God, the
poor woman's probably panicked.
219
00:10:11,990 --> 00:10:14,526
- Ooh, hey, from my new company in Italy.
- What's wrong with you?
220
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,629
Wait. What?
221
00:10:16,662 --> 00:10:18,297
Canceled?
222
00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:21,020
"Gourmet Couture regrets to inform you
223
00:10:21,053 --> 00:10:22,588
that unseasonably warm weather
224
00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:24,924
has adversely affected the truffle crop.
225
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:27,026
As such, we no longer need
226
00:10:27,059 --> 00:10:28,995
a truffle oil and sea salt manager."
227
00:10:31,463 --> 00:10:33,841
But I was gonna be the truffle
oil and sea salt manager.
228
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,101
(hip-hop music playing)
229
00:10:36,133 --> 00:10:38,937
I can't believe that job fell through!
230
00:10:38,970 --> 00:10:40,972
Now I have to live with my stupid sister
231
00:10:41,006 --> 00:10:43,108
and beg to get my stupid job back.
232
00:10:43,141 --> 00:10:45,978
Hey, man, at least you get to
reunite with your stupid best friend.
233
00:10:46,011 --> 00:10:48,948
- What's up?
- I bet Audrey hates me right now.
234
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:51,984
I got so drunk last night, I probably
made a total idiot out of myself.
235
00:10:52,016 --> 00:10:53,518
- Mmm.
- You know, it's funny.
236
00:10:53,551 --> 00:10:55,153
I don't know exactly what I did,
237
00:10:55,186 --> 00:10:57,188
but for some reason, I don't feel like
238
00:10:57,222 --> 00:11:00,391
all my feelings for Audrey
are all bottled up anymore.
239
00:11:00,425 --> 00:11:02,962
Oh, that's the release that
comes from getting a hooker.
240
00:11:02,994 --> 00:11:04,095
It's a very distinct feeling.
241
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:06,465
It's kinda like a caterpillar
coming out of its egg.
242
00:11:06,497 --> 00:11:09,401
I did not get a hooker.
I just feel, like, at peace.
243
00:11:09,434 --> 00:11:11,504
You didn't drunk-dial her, did you?
244
00:11:12,771 --> 00:11:15,007
No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.
245
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:16,241
Please no, please no.
246
00:11:16,273 --> 00:11:18,543
(sighs deeply) Thank God.
247
00:11:18,577 --> 00:11:21,314
- No calls.
- Okay.
248
00:11:23,482 --> 00:11:25,584
(ominous music playing)
249
00:11:31,356 --> 00:11:32,491
Oh!
250
00:11:39,064 --> 00:11:41,804
Email. "Dear Audrey,
251
00:11:41,843 --> 00:11:44,234
- "I've wanted to get something off my chest."
- (chimes)
252
00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:45,965
_
253
00:11:45,968 --> 00:11:48,107
Die, Smart Type! (grunts)
254
00:11:51,276 --> 00:11:53,411
- (beeps)
- (grunts)
255
00:11:53,444 --> 00:11:55,714
We'll do it the old-fashioned way.
256
00:12:01,152 --> 00:12:02,087
(grunts)
257
00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:05,391
Garbage.
258
00:12:06,757 --> 00:12:09,527
Nobody says that.
259
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:12,464
(ethereal music playing)
260
00:12:28,646 --> 00:12:31,583
(lid squeaks, clunks)
261
00:12:31,616 --> 00:12:33,419
(hip-hop music playing)
262
00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:34,653
Oh no.
263
00:12:34,685 --> 00:12:36,321
What?
264
00:12:40,291 --> 00:12:41,660
Come on, come on, come on.
265
00:12:41,693 --> 00:12:44,129
Yup. No! My tie.
266
00:12:44,161 --> 00:12:45,596
(shouts angrily)
267
00:12:45,630 --> 00:12:48,467
(tires screech)
268
00:12:52,503 --> 00:12:54,572
I'm sorry, I have to...
269
00:12:54,606 --> 00:12:56,575
Sorry, big fella, just gonna get...
270
00:12:56,608 --> 00:12:58,709
Hi. This can probably wait. Sure.
271
00:12:58,742 --> 00:13:00,478
Hi. Good morning.
272
00:13:00,512 --> 00:13:02,580
I have a mail emergency.
273
00:13:02,613 --> 00:13:05,850
I accidentally mailed a letter to a girl.
274
00:13:05,883 --> 00:13:08,619
It was very stupid, I was very drunk,
275
00:13:08,652 --> 00:13:11,389
and I really need to get it back.
276
00:13:15,727 --> 00:13:18,294
Okay. I can tell you are not gonna
277
00:13:18,295 --> 00:13:20,465
help me with this, are you?
278
00:13:20,498 --> 00:13:22,733
Of course I'll help. No problem.
279
00:13:22,766 --> 00:13:23,495
(truck beeping)
280
00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:25,538
Oh my God, thank you. Thank you so much.
281
00:13:25,569 --> 00:13:27,573
You know, if you don't mind my saying,
282
00:13:27,606 --> 00:13:30,175
you're not like I expected you to be.
283
00:13:30,208 --> 00:13:33,278
Sassy, right? You expected me to be sassy.
284
00:13:33,310 --> 00:13:35,613
Well, not all big, black women
285
00:13:35,646 --> 00:13:39,550
act as if they should play a judge
in a Jason Segel movie, right?
286
00:13:39,584 --> 00:13:42,320
I was not thinking... Yes, I was.
287
00:13:43,454 --> 00:13:44,247
(revving)
288
00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:46,626
No, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no!
289
00:13:46,657 --> 00:13:48,726
No! Please stop!
290
00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:54,700
Two more seconds. I... wait, I...
291
00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:57,536
There was another woman here
who was gonna help me
292
00:13:57,569 --> 00:14:00,238
find a letter that I
accidentally mailed to a girl.
293
00:14:00,271 --> 00:14:02,340
Maybe she... Could she come back?
294
00:14:02,373 --> 00:14:05,409
She could. She could even eat a
salad for lunch if she wanted,
295
00:14:05,443 --> 00:14:06,745
but she's not going to.
296
00:14:06,777 --> 00:14:08,479
So, why don't you run along, little man?
297
00:14:08,512 --> 00:14:11,215
Oh, next time, just do
what the rest of us do...
298
00:14:11,248 --> 00:14:13,584
Text her a pic of your junk.
299
00:14:13,617 --> 00:14:16,321
- You're the sassy one?
- Mm-hmm.
300
00:14:17,689 --> 00:14:20,358
Here's my problem... I don't have the $800
301
00:14:20,391 --> 00:14:23,161
that it would take for me to get
my car out of your tow yard, so...
302
00:14:24,486 --> 00:14:26,490
Please, sir, don't make me beg.
303
00:14:27,490 --> 00:14:30,060
Let a man keep his dignity. Hello?
304
00:14:31,059 --> 00:14:31,777
(sighs)
305
00:14:32,252 --> 00:14:33,931
You look weird on that baby bed.
306
00:14:33,962 --> 00:14:36,165
It's not a baby bed.
It's a Utenglock Grow-With-Me.
307
00:14:36,198 --> 00:14:37,866
And since you're not
giving me my room back,
308
00:14:37,899 --> 00:14:40,437
I had to buy the only thing
that would fit out here.
309
00:14:40,470 --> 00:14:42,605
How am I gonna face Audrey
at work tomorrow?
310
00:14:42,638 --> 00:14:43,940
Come on, what are you worried about?
311
00:14:43,972 --> 00:14:46,008
She won't even have
your lame love letter yet.
312
00:14:47,076 --> 00:14:49,546
Oh my God, you're right. There's
no way she would get her mail
313
00:14:49,578 --> 00:14:52,015
before she left for work
tomorrow. I can undo this!
314
00:14:52,048 --> 00:14:53,549
I just have to go to her apartment tomorrow
315
00:14:53,582 --> 00:14:55,552
and plead with the mailman
to give it to me!
316
00:14:55,585 --> 00:14:58,955
After I go into work and plead
with Julia to give me my job back.
317
00:14:58,987 --> 00:15:01,657
Okay, Kevin, you're like family.
318
00:15:01,691 --> 00:15:04,127
No, better than family.
319
00:15:04,159 --> 00:15:06,695
- You came to my intervention.
- Yes, I did,
320
00:15:06,728 --> 00:15:10,032
and I promise I will... be at the next one.
321
00:15:10,066 --> 00:15:12,902
Mmm. You are saying all the right things.
322
00:15:12,934 --> 00:15:15,637
I'll let you know.
323
00:15:15,670 --> 00:15:18,774
You'll let me know. So,
maybe. Okay. Thank you.
324
00:15:19,942 --> 00:15:21,445
(shudders)
325
00:15:24,547 --> 00:15:26,582
(snapping fingers)
326
00:15:26,616 --> 00:15:28,750
Audrey: Kevin? Are you still here?
327
00:15:28,784 --> 00:15:30,753
Aren't you supposed to be in Italy?
328
00:15:30,785 --> 00:15:34,656
Yeah, that, uh... that
job actually fell through.
329
00:15:34,689 --> 00:15:37,092
Oh, Kevin. I'm so sorry.
330
00:15:37,125 --> 00:15:39,529
Don't be, don't be. I don't
even really like truffles.
331
00:15:39,562 --> 00:15:40,996
They smell like farts.
332
00:15:43,732 --> 00:15:46,869
Anyway, I think that Julia
will probably let me stay
333
00:15:46,903 --> 00:15:50,206
once she sees how
committed to the job I am.
334
00:15:50,239 --> 00:15:54,010
I'll see you later. I'm gonna
take the rest of the day off.
335
00:15:54,043 --> 00:15:56,513
Whoa! Uh, what are you doing?
336
00:15:56,545 --> 00:15:58,914
I have a horrible headache.
Julia said I could go home
337
00:15:58,947 --> 00:16:01,284
if I came in early tomorrow
and walked on her back.
338
00:16:01,317 --> 00:16:03,586
No! No, you don't want to do that.
339
00:16:03,619 --> 00:16:06,221
She... flips over in the middle of it.
340
00:16:06,255 --> 00:16:08,191
I'm gonna find you some aspirin. Come on.
341
00:16:08,223 --> 00:16:10,792
Here you go. Feel better,
342
00:16:10,826 --> 00:16:13,997
and... and stay... stay here.
343
00:16:14,029 --> 00:16:16,131
Are you acting like a freak because of me?
344
00:16:16,164 --> 00:16:18,000
Did I do something?
345
00:16:18,034 --> 00:16:20,270
- (people chattering)
- (Ricky whispers) Go, go, go, go!
346
00:16:20,303 --> 00:16:22,938
- What... What's happening?
- Everyone's hiding out.
347
00:16:22,971 --> 00:16:25,007
Julia needs someone
to watch her cat this weekend.
348
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:27,142
- Thanks for the heads up.
- It's 23 years old.
349
00:16:27,175 --> 00:16:29,011
You have to do dialysis on it.
350
00:16:30,579 --> 00:16:32,982
- I'm not acting...
- Do you have feelings for me, Kevin?
351
00:16:35,050 --> 00:16:36,184
Wait.
352
00:16:36,217 --> 00:16:38,087
What? Do...
353
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:41,024
Do I have... feelings for you?
354
00:16:41,057 --> 00:16:43,625
Yeah. I didn't think so,
355
00:16:43,659 --> 00:16:45,061
but I promised Brock I'd ask.
356
00:16:45,093 --> 00:16:46,895
Just forget I said anything.
357
00:16:46,928 --> 00:16:49,131
He's... He's being sponsored
by a new protein shake,
358
00:16:49,164 --> 00:16:51,000
and it's getting him really revved up.
359
00:16:54,035 --> 00:16:55,671
You trying to steal my girlfriend?
360
00:16:55,704 --> 00:16:57,606
- (grunts)
- (people gasp)
361
00:16:59,107 --> 00:17:01,544
What? Is this yours?
362
00:17:04,379 --> 00:17:05,747
- (shouts) I gotta go!
- (people gasp)
363
00:17:05,780 --> 00:17:07,683
- (whispers) I'm so sorry.
- Really?
364
00:17:15,057 --> 00:17:16,860
- (tires screech)
- (honks horn)
365
00:17:25,033 --> 00:17:28,070
Excu... Is that my tie?
366
00:17:28,104 --> 00:17:30,140
Oh, I'll take mine. 2A.
367
00:17:31,339 --> 00:17:34,209
Wait. 2A... that's
Audrey Piatigorsky's apartment.
368
00:17:34,242 --> 00:17:36,279
- Who are you?
- I need that. That's not yours.
369
00:17:36,311 --> 00:17:38,013
Uh, it is so mine.
370
00:17:38,047 --> 00:17:40,116
I'm her roommate, this is my mail,
371
00:17:40,148 --> 00:17:42,184
and if you take it from me,
that's called mail fraud.
372
00:17:42,218 --> 00:17:45,121
- My dad's a lawyer.
- Please, I just... I need to see one thing,
373
00:17:45,154 --> 00:17:46,655
and then I will give it back. I promise.
374
00:17:46,689 --> 00:17:48,057
No! You're gonna steal my identity!
375
00:17:48,089 --> 00:17:50,092
My dad's a lawyer!
376
00:17:51,793 --> 00:17:52,995
I'm feeling unsafe.
377
00:17:53,029 --> 00:17:55,263
You give off a very sexual-predator vibe.
378
00:17:55,297 --> 00:17:58,101
Me? No. No, I don't. I said please.
379
00:17:58,134 --> 00:18:00,135
Okay, my dad's a lawyer.
I think I know what
380
00:18:00,168 --> 00:18:02,804
a sexual predator is,
and you fit the profile...
381
00:18:02,837 --> 00:18:04,840
Aggressive, desperate...
382
00:18:06,808 --> 00:18:10,646
- Attractive.
- Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing?
383
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,082
Are you saying you don't want me?
384
00:18:13,115 --> 00:18:16,952
I'm not... I did... I
didn't... I'm not... I...
385
00:18:16,985 --> 00:18:19,855
(rock music playing)
386
00:18:23,291 --> 00:18:25,939
It's not just your identity I'm after.
387
00:18:25,955 --> 00:18:28,031
Oh. Give it to me!
388
00:18:28,064 --> 00:18:30,133
- (both moaning)
- Oh God!
389
00:18:33,368 --> 00:18:35,003
(grunts)
390
00:18:35,037 --> 00:18:37,807
No, I won't make love with you
in my apartment, beast!
391
00:18:37,839 --> 00:18:39,808
- (loud slap)
- Aah!
392
00:18:39,841 --> 00:18:41,910
- Did that hurt?
- What's the right answer?
393
00:18:41,943 --> 00:18:43,279
Get up!
394
00:18:45,181 --> 00:18:46,683
What are you gonna do?
395
00:18:49,918 --> 00:18:52,321
(vocalizing tune)
396
00:18:54,990 --> 00:18:56,925
I just need some water.
397
00:18:56,959 --> 00:19:00,096
Not too much. I don't want you to
spit it up when we get going again.
398
00:19:02,231 --> 00:19:06,169
Oh, and can you bring me one of those
100-calorie Brownie Bite packets?
399
00:19:06,202 --> 00:19:07,804
- Okay.
- Oh no, two!
400
00:19:07,837 --> 00:19:08,837
Okay!
401
00:19:17,747 --> 00:19:19,282
(cries)
402
00:19:29,858 --> 00:19:30,960
No, no, no.
403
00:19:31,961 --> 00:19:33,096
Babe?
404
00:19:34,096 --> 00:19:35,231
Kevin.
405
00:19:35,263 --> 00:19:37,065
What are you doing here?
406
00:19:37,098 --> 00:19:38,100
This came for you.
407
00:19:47,041 --> 00:19:49,345
(pop music playing)
408
00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:56,219
Hey, guys.
409
00:19:56,251 --> 00:19:58,087
Have you seen my new boyfriend?
410
00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:01,189
He's cute, blue eyes... or brown eyes,
411
00:20:01,222 --> 00:20:04,092
a little banged up. Looks like a model.
412
00:20:04,125 --> 00:20:07,230
(giggles) I hope I'm pregnant.
413
00:20:07,262 --> 00:20:10,165
Down to the bottom,
10,000 emerald pools
414
00:20:10,199 --> 00:20:12,769
Pick up, pick up, pick up,
Pick up, pick up, pick up.
415
00:20:12,801 --> 00:20:15,203
- (phone beeps)
- Kevin, hi, it's Julia.
416
00:20:15,237 --> 00:20:17,306
Listen, after pulling some strings...
417
00:20:17,338 --> 00:20:19,207
and a zipper or two... (laughs)
418
00:20:19,241 --> 00:20:21,309
Just kidding, that wasn't for you...
419
00:20:21,343 --> 00:20:22,979
I was able to get your job back.
420
00:20:23,011 --> 00:20:24,279
So, congrats.
421
00:20:24,314 --> 00:20:26,816
You can hit the ground running
on the Dryerson account,
422
00:20:26,848 --> 00:20:30,252
starting Saturday morning at 6:00 a.m.
423
00:20:30,286 --> 00:20:32,221
(Julia laughs)
424
00:20:32,253 --> 00:20:35,223
Dive down deeper, still
425
00:20:35,257 --> 00:20:39,228
All I need is you
426
00:20:39,260 --> 00:20:41,998
You're all I need to breathe
427
00:20:42,030 --> 00:20:47,036
-
All I need is you
- (phone chiming)
428
00:20:48,136 --> 00:20:49,871
I make a living
429
00:20:49,904 --> 00:20:52,975
Trying to get away
430
00:20:55,144 --> 00:20:56,913
10,000 fathoms
431
00:20:56,945 --> 00:20:59,048
-
Under a tidal wave
- (chiming continues)
432
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:00,515
(Roxie laughing)
433
00:21:00,548 --> 00:21:02,451
Man: You don't have a kid, do you?
434
00:21:02,483 --> 00:21:04,887
I saw that baby bed out there.
435
00:21:08,490 --> 00:21:14,297
No way!
436
00:21:15,330 --> 00:21:16,598
Kevin's voice: "Dear Audrey,
437
00:21:16,633 --> 00:21:19,135
"I know you don't think
about me in a special way
438
00:21:19,167 --> 00:21:22,537
or at all, but I think about you...
439
00:21:22,570 --> 00:21:24,139
all the time.
440
00:21:24,173 --> 00:21:26,875
You're perfect and beautiful and smart
441
00:21:26,908 --> 00:21:29,544
and funny and perfect."
442
00:21:29,577 --> 00:21:34,116
Hey, babe.
443
00:21:36,585 --> 00:21:40,356
"And one more thing...
I'm in love with you.
444
00:21:43,903 --> 00:21:47,930
Madly, completely-consumes-
my-life in love with you.
445
00:21:51,366 --> 00:21:54,270
So, have a great life, Audrey.
446
00:21:54,302 --> 00:21:56,905
And maybe in the next one,
we'll meet again
447
00:21:56,939 --> 00:22:01,044
and I won't be scared to say
what I feel and do what I want.
448
00:22:02,211 --> 00:22:04,212
And I'd want you.
449
00:22:09,350 --> 00:22:12,354
And this time,
I'd be the guy who gets you.
450
00:22:16,357 --> 00:22:17,993
Until then...
451
00:22:19,260 --> 00:22:21,164
Kevin from work."
452
00:22:21,214 --> 00:22:25,764
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