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1
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:21,489
Ladies and gentlemen,
this motion picture
is dedicated to you.
2
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:22,723
To you in this theater
3
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:25,359
and to all refugees
from television
throughout the world.
4
00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:26,727
We in
the motion picture industry
5
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,563
would like to pay tribute
to a most wonderful person.
6
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,665
And here he is,
the American movie fan.
7
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:44,645
We also would
like to pay tribute
to the British movie fan.
8
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,222
Half a mo.
9
00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:03,397
Our hats are off
to the honorable
Oriental movie fan.
10
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,571
(EXCLAIMS)
11
00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,681
This is a French movie fan.
12
00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:23,217
He hasn't seen
a movie in years.
13
00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:31,492
In all countries
throughout the world,
14
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,294
the movie fan
enjoys the movie.
15
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:35,529
(EXCLAIMING)
16
00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:40,134
Da! Da! Da! Da! Da!
17
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:44,272
Yes, there are
movie fans everywhere
but wherever they are
18
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:49,076
you can bet they
would all like to go
to Hollywood or bust!
19
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:52,480
* Land of stardust
and land of glamour
20
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:55,649
* VistaVision and Cinerama.
21
00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:58,419
MALCOLM: * Everyone
considers it a must.
22
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:02,390
BOTH: * To get
to Hollywood or bust!
23
00:02:02,423 --> 00:02:05,793
* Kids from Kansas
to Pennsylvania
24
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:09,197
* Soon develop
that movie mania
25
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:11,832
* Driving their jalopies
through the dust.
26
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:14,902
BOTH: * En route
to Hollywood or bust
27
00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:19,440
* When I park
my tootsies in Hollywood
28
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,810
* Brother, I'm gonna stay
29
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:26,214
* Till the day
those footprints
at Grauman's
30
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:29,517
* Get up
and start walkin' away
31
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:33,321
* Land of burgers
and land of wienies
32
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:36,457
* Bathing beauties
in their bikinis
33
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,726
* All agree
in Paramount we trust.
34
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,431
BOTH:
* So hop a train or trolley
35
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:47,201
* Out to jolly Hollywood
36
00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:50,771
* Hollywood or bust.
37
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:54,808
CHORUS: * It looks like love
38
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,910
* It feels like love.
39
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:18,165
COMMENTATOR OVER PA:
Tiny Tim takes the lead.
40
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,233
Bachelor is second.
41
00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:20,668
A Stitch In Time is third.
42
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,570
One length behind
is Miss Connie B.
43
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,438
And now it's
Bachelor coming up fast.
44
00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:26,240
It's Bachelor
and She's A Girl.
45
00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:27,675
It's Bachelor
and She's A Girl.
46
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:28,909
Bachelor gaining ground.
47
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,478
Bachelor has taken the lead.
48
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,812
She's A Girl is hanging on.
49
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:33,914
Turning for home,
Bachelor moves in close.
50
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,716
It's Bachelor
and She's A Girl.
51
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,318
Coming into the stretch,
it's Bachelor
52
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:38,686
and She's A Girl
neck and neck.
53
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,521
Bachelor is crowding
She's A Girl.
54
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,256
It's Bachelor
making his move.
55
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:44,191
And now moving
up it's Tiny Tim.
56
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,893
Tiny Tim coming
up behind Bachelor.
57
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:48,762
It's Tiny Tim right
on Bachelor's tail.
58
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,200
Say good night
to the redhead!
59
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,435
Good night, redhead.
60
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:57,705
Are you going to let him
talk to me that way?
61
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,773
Yeah, yeah.
I'll see you later.
62
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:00,908
How much later?
63
00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,776
3,000 bucks later! Beat it!
64
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,816
The boss got awful nervous
about his investment.
65
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:09,950
Give me a chance, Bookie.
66
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,619
I'm playing
a sure thing tonight.
67
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,421
Tonight? Who're you kidding?
68
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:14,722
Tracks don't run at night.
69
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,425
I'm telling you
I'll have more than
3 G's in collateral tonight.
70
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:19,393
Collateral! Talk English!
71
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:22,596
I just figured
the smartest stunt
ever pulled in New York.
72
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,273
Tickets, so?
73
00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:34,575
So look.
74
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,348
Can you read?
Very funny.
75
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:46,987
"Lucky ticket
wins a car tonight."
76
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,456
That is very good.
77
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:49,590
Thank you.
78
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,325
Those tickets are
for the car, huh?
79
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:52,760
A duplicate set!
80
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,028
A kid who works
for the printer
is a friend of mine.
81
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:57,931
Any number
they call tonight,
I got it.
82
00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,334
That's fine. Now, suppose
the legal winner shows up
83
00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:02,570
with the legal ticket,
then what?
84
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:06,840
You've seen bank nights,
church bazaars?
Church bazaars!
85
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,877
Look, you know they call five
and six numbers
before they hit a ticket
86
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,879
that someone
in the audience
is holding.
87
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,614
But tonight they're
gonna have a winner
88
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:16,283
the first time out,
then I pay off the boss.
89
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,419
Sounds legit.
That's what worries me.
90
00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:19,753
What are you
worried about, Bookie?
91
00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,054
I got it cold!
92
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,423
You'd better!
93
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:24,525
You could be cold
an awful long time.
94
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,527
Long time, huh?
95
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,371
How about moving up, buddy?
96
00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:39,473
Huh? Oh.
97
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:41,975
Oh! I'm awfully sorry.
98
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,076
I was reading.
99
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,378
Good for you.
100
00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:45,513
She sure is.
101
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:46,680
Who is?
102
00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:48,582
Anita Ekberg,
my favorite actress.
103
00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:50,818
I saw her last picture
six times.
104
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,486
Couldn't be with
a body like that.
105
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,087
What couldn't be?
Her last picture.
106
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:57,925
Oh. I get it.
It's like a joke.
107
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,660
Yeah, but it was
a terrific picture.
108
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:03,063
You see, in this picture
she plays the part of a girl
who's searching,
109
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:06,800
searching, searching!
110
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:08,869
What was she
searching for?
111
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:13,040
She didn't know.
That's why she was
always searching, searching.
112
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,608
You see this was
a terrific picture.
113
00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:15,943
It was called
The Lavender Tattooer,
114
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,445
co-starring
Bertrum Lardbutter.
115
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:18,779
It was produced by
the Nathan Brothers
116
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,047
and directed
by William B. Hoffmeyer.
117
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,549
Part of it was shot
in Lower Tasmania.
118
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:22,850
That was directed
by Howard Rasnevitch.
119
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,818
Costumes by
Patricia Wonderstone.
120
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,454
The screenplay was
by Willie Rackauer,
121
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:27,855
Harry Jones and
Florence Hershfield.
122
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,056
That was for
the woman's touch.
123
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,924
From a play by John
and Betty Stetson,
124
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:33,093
based on an incidental remark
dropped by
a waiter at Sardi's,
125
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:36,864
name of Nicholas Blainey,
in Technicolor
and VistaVision.
126
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,499
You only saw that six times?
127
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:39,600
That's all.
128
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:41,569
To me the most wonderful part
of the whole picture
129
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:44,137
was the Bali Bali sequence,
where she did
the Balinese dance.
130
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,707
(HUMMING)
131
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:11,565
I'm awfully sorry.
That was my fault.
Can I help you?
132
00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:13,033
Never mind, kid.
133
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:16,003
Hey, that printer's kid
sure gets around.
134
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:19,072
Hey, kid, how come you got
so many of those tickets?
135
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:22,943
Oh, well,
I come here every night,
Sundays and even my days off.
136
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,712
(STAMMERS) That is
from the delicatessen.
137
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,514
Because, you see,
I'm gonna win the car,
138
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,782
and then I'm gonna drive
to Hollywood
and I'm gonna meet her.
139
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:31,752
You're gonna win the car?
And you're gonna meet who?
140
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,754
Well, Anita,
naturally, you know.
141
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,656
And the reason I say
I'm gonna win the car
142
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:37,591
is because I just have
that very lucky feeling.
143
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:38,792
I feel lucky,
that's all.
144
00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:39,893
Well, lots of luck.
145
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:41,595
Thank you very much.
Excuse me.
146
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,635
Well, good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
147
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:50,771
I guess we all know
why we're here, don't we?
148
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,206
Yeah, they all came
to see me win the car!
149
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,178
Well, I am going
to win it.
150
00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:00,213
That's the spirit,
young man.
151
00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:04,885
Now I know
we're all anxious
for the big moment.
152
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:07,621
And here it is!
153
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,757
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
154
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,227
(WHISTLING)
155
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,541
Okay, Bookie, it's post time,
they're off and running.
156
00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:32,680
Miss Pettywood,
principal of P.S. Number 655
157
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,548
will draw the lucky number.
158
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:43,090
You've got some
popcorn in there.
Lady, I'm sorry.
159
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:44,792
Wait, let me
just get this out.
160
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:47,561
Could you hold this, please?
161
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:49,529
I'm sorry, lady.
162
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:52,633
Wait, there's just
a few pieces here
of popcorn.
163
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:54,702
It'll take a second.
164
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:58,105
Wait one second.
Here. Down. Stay down.
Nice hair. Good. Down.
165
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,877
Thank you, Miss Pettywood.
166
00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:06,647
I will read
the lucky number slowly.
167
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:09,783
The minute I get
on the stage, you blow.
168
00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:11,952
I'll blow but just
outside the door.
169
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:14,855
"K..."
170
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,289
K.
Okay.
171
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:19,760
"136..."
172
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:23,797
K136. No. No. K136.
173
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:27,868
"32."
I will repeat
the lucky number.
174
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:33,874
K13632.
175
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:34,975
What K?
176
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,043
ALL: Aw!
177
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:39,747
What is it, K39?
178
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:40,881
(STAMMERING)
179
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,016
Numbers... K136.
180
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,285
K1362. These are R's.
181
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:47,821
What, no R's,
no H's, no M's, no L's,
182
00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:50,724
no R's, no M's,
no L's, no K's?
183
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:52,192
I got it!
184
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,594
(APPLAUDING)
It can't be!
I got that lucky feeling!
185
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:56,697
Wait a minute,
there's gotta be...
186
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:00,868
(WHISTLING)
187
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:05,038
I'd run, too,
for a car like this.
188
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:06,306
What is your name, sir?
189
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,941
Wiley. Steve Wiley.
190
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:14,214
K13632. That's correct.
191
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,719
I knew I had
this number somewhere.
192
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:19,953
Here.
193
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:29,096
I've got it!
I won the car!
I'll be right down!
194
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,064
I got it! I won the car!
195
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,599
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
196
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,935
Wait! Wait! Wait! I got it!
197
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,136
(EXCLAIMING)
198
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:37,705
Wait! I...
199
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:41,909
Wait! Wait! Wait!
Don't let go.
200
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,144
(SCREAMING)
201
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:48,816
Wait. Just let me...
Wait, I'm coming.
Wait. Let me...
202
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:52,085
Let me... Please, I...
Let me... Let me...
203
00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:03,263
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
204
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:14,041
Look, you don't want to make
a fool of yourself
in front of all these people.
205
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,242
You made a mistake!
206
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,410
No, I didn't.
The winning ticket's
between my teeth.
207
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:18,779
Yeah?
Yeah.
208
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,080
Good luck.
209
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,985
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
210
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,120
He's trying
to pull a fast one.
Now he says he swallowed it.
211
00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:28,288
Come on, give me the key.
I'm ready to go.
212
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,123
I know that boy.
That's Malcolm Smith
213
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:33,026
from the
Robespierre Delicatessen.
I've never known him to lie.
214
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:36,229
Well, he don't look too well.
He's cracking. Look.
215
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:46,339
You, sir,
better take a cab.
This car is mine!
216
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:50,243
It is correct!
There are two winners.
217
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,018
What do you think
you're doing?
218
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,419
I'm just practicing
for Hollywood.
219
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:01,321
My own car!
I can't believe it!
220
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:03,156
My very own car! Oh, boy!
221
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:04,424
(CAR HONKING)
222
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,861
Two cars were won
and two cars
you're gonna give away.
223
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,362
You don't want me
to bring legal action.
224
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,098
Now be reasonable,
Mr. Wiley.
225
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:13,300
You don't expect me
to give away two cars!
226
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:16,003
It's a double feature.
Give them each a car!
227
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:17,304
(ALL SHOUTING)
228
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,471
Quiet!
229
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,775
Quiet!
230
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:24,377
Quiet, please!
Bring down the curtain!
231
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:27,180
Quiet! Quiet!
232
00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:29,449
Here's how they do it
in the movies.
233
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:34,788
Quiet!
234
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,456
Now listen, kid,
no matter what kind
of a pitch he gives us,
235
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:37,791
we each get a car. Right?
236
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:40,027
Right. But this one's mine!
237
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:42,329
Look, no matter what he does,
we don't budge. Right?
238
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:44,197
Right. But this one's mine!
239
00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:46,066
Now, don't get soft
no matter how he cries.
Right?
240
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,801
Right. Except I hate
to see a man cry.
241
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:50,203
Well, now,
let's get down
to cases.
242
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:53,106
It's comparatively simple,
he gets a car
and I get a car.
243
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,942
This car is
for both of you.
244
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,443
What's "for both of you"
supposed to mean?
245
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:59,146
You both won the car.
You both get the car.
246
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,480
Split it between you.
247
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:04,117
Betty, will you
drive this outside
for the joint owners?
248
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:07,988
And if you're not satisfied
with my decision,
you can sue the printer!
249
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,990
He made the mistake.
250
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,124
He has
a very good point there.
251
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:12,325
Why don't you sue
the printer?
252
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:13,861
Then you'll get your car.
253
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,829
Me sue the printer?
254
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,831
Listen, let's not
get hasty, Malcolm.
255
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,900
Maybe the nice man is right.
256
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:22,102
Maybe he can't afford
to give away two cars.
257
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,436
Well, that ain't my fault!
258
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:26,439
Well, it just so happens
that I live in Hollywood.
259
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,308
You live in Hollywood?
260
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:31,044
Not only do I live
in Hollywood,
261
00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:34,181
but this young lady
happens to be
my next-door neighbor.
262
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:38,385
(STAMMERING)
You know... You know her?
263
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:41,955
Do I know her!
She drives me crazy, Malcolm!
264
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:43,056
Me, too.
265
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,324
She keeps coming
to my back door
266
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,093
and wants to borrow
a couple cups of sugar.
267
00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:47,260
Sugar,
that's nice, yeah.
268
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:48,361
A couple eggs.
269
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:49,462
Oh, eggs, good.
270
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,365
I go over to her place,
I borrow a grapefruit or two.
271
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:53,500
Oh, that's cute.
272
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:57,137
And we talk over the fence.
You know how neighbors are.
273
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,538
Yeah, but this is
how my neighbors are.
274
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,073
Let's talk about
your neighbors.
275
00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:01,174
Talk about her?
276
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:04,311
I will personally
introduce you to her.
277
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,146
Oh, that's wonderful!
Soon as we get out there.
278
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,180
I'm very happy.
279
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,385
We'll jump in the car
and we'll go
to Hollywood together.
280
00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:14,454
How about that, old buddy,
old pal, Malcolm?
281
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:17,124
Oh, that's wonderful.
I've never ever been
anybody's buddy before.
282
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:18,525
Nobody's buddy?
Oh, no.
283
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:19,592
As a matter of fact,
you know,
284
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,428
when I was a kid,
I was never chosen.
285
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,430
Never chosen?
No, not for nothing.
286
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:24,564
I'll even go further
with you.
287
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:26,299
You know, I never even
ever had a pen pal.
288
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:27,567
No pen pal?
289
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,602
But I wouldn't
want her to know that.
Anita, that is.
290
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:32,039
'Cause I wouldn't want
for her to think
I was peculiar.
291
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,406
That's our secret, Malcolm.
292
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,008
Oh, that's wonderful.
Then we'll be pals
293
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:37,844
like Burt Lancaster
and Katharine Hepburn
in The Rainmaker.
294
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:38,946
Yeah.
295
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,984
Our first car!
Could I please
get in before you?
296
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,552
I love to smell new cars.
297
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:47,354
Go ahead,
take a great big whiff.
298
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,264
(CHUCKLES)
299
00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,599
How nice. Oh, good.
300
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,068
(CAR HONKING)
301
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,073
I don't mean
to be fashitious.
302
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,474
"Fashitious"?
Yeah.
303
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,009
Did I hear "Hollywood"?
304
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:11,044
Well, he had
the legal ticket, see,
you understand?
305
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:12,980
So I had to make off
like we're partners
in the car.
306
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,215
You have a partner.
Remember?
I know I got a partner.
307
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,416
Bookie, look,
I'll get rid of the kid
308
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:17,617
and I'll come
back with the car.
309
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,352
Oh, I'll wait here.
Yeah, you wait
right here.
310
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:21,054
Remember what
"fashitious" say.
311
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,655
"Fashitious"?
Yeah.
312
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,459
He talks funny.
313
00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:30,497
You like it, old buddy?
314
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:31,664
I love it.
315
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:33,066
And we'll keep it
nice and shiny
316
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,968
all the way to Hollywood,
won't we, Steve?
317
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,269
Sure we will.
318
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:38,071
(BLOWING)
319
00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:49,582
All right, I'll be back
for you soon as I get
my things packed.
320
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,319
And I'll be right here
waiting for you, buddy.
321
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,126
All right,
come on, boy!
322
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:01,328
Come on, boy!
Did you miss me, boy?
323
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,330
Come on,
that's a good boy.
324
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:05,198
Hello, sweet boy.
325
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:06,633
What is that?
326
00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:08,701
This is my dog.
His name is Mr. Bascom.
327
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,670
I thought
for a minute
it was Swaps.
328
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,572
Oh, no.
This is my Mr. Bascom.
329
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:13,706
Well, there it is, see?
330
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,642
I won the car,
just like I promised.
331
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:18,445
And now we'll go
to Hollywood
and you'll meet Lassie.
332
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,280
Okay, Malcolm,
I'll see you.
333
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,315
Right.
Hurry back, buddy.
334
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,188
Goodbye, buddy.
335
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,023
Goodbye, old buddy.
336
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:33,293
You, too. So long.
Get out! Hey, out of the car!
337
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,394
(GROWLING)
338
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,196
Will you get out of here?
339
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,298
Why don't you go
down the street,
play with Lassie?
340
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,732
Lassie's down there,
she's a doll.
341
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:42,235
Go on, get out of the car.
342
00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:45,105
Okay, sit there!
If you think I'm getting
my brains massaged
343
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:47,474
by Bookie Benny
on account of you...
344
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,210
Get out!
345
00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:51,311
(IMITATING BARKING)
346
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,512
Get out!
347
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:54,547
(MR. BASCOM BARKING)
348
00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:58,151
(MR. BASCOM GROWLING)
349
00:16:58,185 --> 00:16:59,519
I'm glad you waited, Steve.
350
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:01,454
I'm a pretty fast
packer-upper.
351
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:04,491
Hey, Mr. Bascom,
where's my buddy?
352
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,059
Here I am.
353
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:15,502
(SNORING)
354
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:24,711
MALCOLM: * Land of stardust
and land of glamour
355
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:27,614
* VistaVision and Cinerama
356
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:30,417
* Everyone considers it a must
357
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:33,220
* To get to Hollywood or bust
358
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:34,287
(BARKING TO SONG)
359
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:37,690
* Kids from Kansas
to Pennsylvania
360
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:40,760
* Soon develop
that movie mania
361
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:43,496
* Riding their jalopies
through the dust
362
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:46,666
* En route
to Hollywood or bust *
363
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:51,704
(BARKING TO SONG)
364
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,355
Boy, I'm lucky.
365
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,423
Do you know
when I first found out
I was lucky?
366
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:11,558
When?
367
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,661
When I entered
the Send in a Poochy
Pup Dog Food Jingle
368
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,696
for the Poochy Pup Dog Food
Jingle contest.
369
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,531
You want to hear
how it goes?
370
00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:19,799
No, but I will.
371
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,401
Okay.
372
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:25,672
(TO TUNE OF ROCK-A-BYE BABY)
* I eat Poochy Pup Dog Food
out of the can
373
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:29,642
* It makes me eat my food
just like a man
374
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:33,680
* My coat is so glossy,
shiny and bright
375
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:37,650
* My master can find me
in the middle of the night *
376
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:38,751
You like it?
377
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:41,588
I think it'll live forever,
maybe longer.
378
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,157
Yeah, but actually I cheated.
379
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:45,292
Cheated?
380
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:48,195
Yeah, you see,
I don't really like
Poochy Pup Dog Food.
381
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,562
It tastes awful.
382
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:51,598
But it was worth it
to win Mr. Bascom.
383
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:55,202
You know, I'm surprised
you don't take better care
of that dog.
384
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:57,304
Oh, I take care of him.
He was with me all day,
385
00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:59,606
under the hot pastrami counter
at the delicatessen.
386
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,475
You know,
we've been driving for hours
and this dog needs exercise.
387
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:04,444
Don't you ever
take him for walks?
388
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,179
Oh, yeah, but you're driving
389
00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:09,416
and I didn't want
to bother you
with Mr. Bascom's exercise.
390
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,887
Bother me?
It's a pleasure,
buddy, pal.
391
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:17,757
Well, gee, it's
real nice of you to think
about Mr. Bascom that way.
392
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:20,593
It shows
you have a good heart.
Thank you very much, Steve.
393
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:23,563
Go ahead, take him
over the hill. Let him run
way over the hill.
394
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,465
Oh, yeah, I will
and he runs fast.
395
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,800
The fastest dog you ever saw
in your whole life.
Watch him run.
396
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:30,470
He's a fast dog.
Come on, let's go.
397
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,305
Let's go, Basc. Come on.
398
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:35,174
Attaboy!
Over the hill!
399
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,644
Way over the hill!
Good. Way over!
400
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:39,879
(MR. BASCOM BARKING)
401
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,248
Go on!
402
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,252
(MR. BASCOM BARKING)
403
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:48,755
(GROWLING)
404
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,359
(BARKING)
405
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,394
(MR. BASCOM GROWLING)
406
00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:10,243
All right,
you wait here.
407
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:11,744
Yeah, I'll wait here.
408
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:14,247
I'll take the keys.
409
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:15,448
Why?
410
00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:17,950
Just so Mr. Bascom
doesn't chew on them.
411
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:20,787
Oh, Mr. Bascom
wouldn't do that.
He loves our car.
412
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,789
You're telling me.
413
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,794
He doesn't trust us
at all.
414
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:33,933
(PHONE RINGING)
415
00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:36,803
BOOKIE BENNY: Hello.
416
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,738
Hello, Bookie? Steve.
417
00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:40,940
(MUMBLING)
You fink! Where are you?
418
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:43,676
Is that you, Bookie?
You sound funny.
419
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:46,646
That's because
I'm talking
without any teeth.
420
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:49,349
The boss fixed me good.
421
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:51,918
But that's nothing
compared to what
he's going to do to you.
422
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,686
All right,
take it easy, Bookie.
423
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,422
Look, I couldn't shake
the kid.
424
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:58,224
He's got a dog big enough
to be a winner at Hialeah.
425
00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,359
What could I do?
426
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:01,260
Well, you had better
stay out of sight,
427
00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:03,763
because if the boss
don't find you, I will!
428
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:05,565
He wants his 3 grand!
429
00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:07,567
Oh, he'll get his 3 grand.
430
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,436
Look, the kid and I
are driving out
to Hollywood.
431
00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,738
When we get there,
I'll sell the car.
Then I'll send you the money,
432
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:12,872
and I'll probably
still have enough money
433
00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:14,441
to make a killing
at Hollywood Park!
434
00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:16,309
(CAR STARTING)
435
00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:20,012
The car!
436
00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:23,015
He took his... My car!
437
00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:30,757
Malcolm!
438
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:34,727
Malcolm!
439
00:21:37,964 --> 00:21:40,032
Malcolm! Malcolm!
440
00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:42,902
Malcolm!
441
00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:50,309
(CAR HONKING)
442
00:21:54,614 --> 00:21:55,948
What do you think
you're doing?
443
00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:59,018
Oh, I just wanted to try
and drive it one time.
444
00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:00,953
How could you start it
without the keys?
445
00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:04,424
Oh, there was an extra set
in the glove compartment.
446
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:09,629
I know, you were scared
that something happened to me.
447
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:11,931
You have such a good heart.
448
00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:14,801
First, it's Mr. Bascom
and then it's me.
449
00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:17,737
You've got to stop
worrying so much
about us, Steve.
450
00:22:17,770 --> 00:22:18,938
But I guess that's
difficult for you
451
00:22:18,971 --> 00:22:21,007
because you're
such a kind man.
452
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:25,545
Okay, Hollywood,
here we come.
453
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:52,539
* Oh, there's nothin' as gay
as a day in the country
454
00:22:52,572 --> 00:22:55,408
* Under the wonderful skies
455
00:22:55,442 --> 00:22:58,945
* For a city-bred feller
a field full of yeller
456
00:22:58,978 --> 00:23:02,081
* Is quite
a delightful surprise
457
00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:06,118
* For a couple
of travelin' guys
458
00:23:07,587 --> 00:23:11,424
* Oh, you don't have to pay
for a day in the country
459
00:23:11,458 --> 00:23:14,827
* It's old Mother Nature
who buys
460
00:23:14,861 --> 00:23:18,431
* And while we keep goin'
the breezes are blowin'
461
00:23:18,465 --> 00:23:22,068
* The cigarette smoke
from our eyes
462
00:23:22,101 --> 00:23:28,140
* You'll hear
beautiful melodies
played by an old water mill
463
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,750
* And a little red barn
is spinning a yarn
464
00:23:37,784 --> 00:23:41,120
* To the daffodils
up on the hill
465
00:23:46,859 --> 00:23:50,797
* Oh, there's nothin' as gay
as a day in the country
466
00:23:50,830 --> 00:23:54,100
* Far from
the maddening throng
467
00:23:54,133 --> 00:23:57,870
* A hobo hobnobbin'
with bluebird and robin
468
00:23:57,904 --> 00:24:01,073
* We warble a merry old song.
469
00:24:01,107 --> 00:24:08,147
BOTH: * And go rollio,
rollio, rollio, rollio
rollio, rollin' along
470
00:24:08,180 --> 00:24:10,449
* And go rollio, rollio,
471
00:24:10,483 --> 00:24:12,051
(ECHOING) * rollio, rollio
472
00:24:12,084 --> 00:24:15,788
* Rollio, rollio,
rollio, rollio
473
00:24:15,822 --> 00:24:18,925
* Rollio, rollin' along!
474
00:24:19,191 --> 00:24:22,562
(STEVE WHISTLING)
475
00:24:29,602 --> 00:24:32,839
* It's quite
a delightful surprise
476
00:24:32,872 --> 00:24:36,075
* For a couple
of travelin' guys
477
00:24:38,077 --> 00:24:41,714
* For a couple
of travelin' guys
478
00:24:41,748 --> 00:24:45,618
* Oh, you don't have to pay
for a day in the country
479
00:24:45,652 --> 00:24:49,088
* It's old Mother Nature
who buys
480
00:24:49,121 --> 00:24:52,792
* And while we keep goin'
the breezes are blowin'
481
00:24:52,825 --> 00:24:55,795
* The cigarette smoke
from our eyes
482
00:25:01,934 --> 00:25:08,608
* How I envy the fellows
who live by a shady old nook
483
00:25:08,641 --> 00:25:12,111
* And the cute little guy
who's castin' a fly
484
00:25:12,144 --> 00:25:15,047
* At a trout
leaping out of a brook
485
00:25:15,081 --> 00:25:16,148
(WHISTLING)
486
00:25:16,182 --> 00:25:19,919
* Oh, there's nothin' as gay
as a day in the country
487
00:25:19,952 --> 00:25:23,522
* Here's where I really belong
488
00:25:23,556 --> 00:25:26,826
* Just grab a valise full
and go where it's peaceful.
489
00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:30,529
BOTH: * And try
vocalizing a song
490
00:25:30,563 --> 00:25:36,102
* While you're rollio, rollio
rollio, rollio, rollio, rollio
491
00:25:36,135 --> 00:25:39,572
* Rollio, rollio,
rollio, rollio
492
00:25:39,606 --> 00:25:42,842
* Rollio, rollio,
rollio, rollio
493
00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:48,214
* Rollin' along
494
00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:55,822
(CAR SPLUTTERING)
495
00:26:03,930 --> 00:26:06,265
I thought you put gas
in the car.
496
00:26:07,166 --> 00:26:09,535
I did, but I told them
to put very little in
497
00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:12,204
so the gas
wouldn't evaporate
in the tank.
498
00:26:24,216 --> 00:26:25,652
(MR. BASCOM BARKING)
499
00:26:27,086 --> 00:26:28,821
Will you get that hound
out of that car?
500
00:26:28,855 --> 00:26:30,056
He weighs a ton.
501
00:26:31,023 --> 00:26:33,192
Yeah, he does weigh a lot.
502
00:26:33,225 --> 00:26:35,561
That's why he's tired.
503
00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:37,263
As a matter of fact,
he's dog-tired now.
504
00:26:37,296 --> 00:26:39,098
He's dog-tired?
505
00:26:47,974 --> 00:26:49,208
(SIGHING)
506
00:26:49,742 --> 00:26:50,977
(CLEARING THROAT)
507
00:26:51,377 --> 00:26:53,379
Let's see now.
508
00:26:55,081 --> 00:26:58,785
Eight and five is 13,
then you carry
your three and one.
509
00:26:58,818 --> 00:27:01,620
One and six is
seven and eight.
Eight and five...
510
00:27:01,654 --> 00:27:03,790
What's with
the scratch sheet, Malcolm?
511
00:27:03,823 --> 00:27:06,625
Oh, I'm just figuring
the first day's
expenses, Steve.
512
00:27:06,659 --> 00:27:09,696
Let's see here now.
Gas and oil.
513
00:27:09,729 --> 00:27:12,631
Lunch.
One corned beef, Steve.
One hamburger, me.
514
00:27:12,665 --> 00:27:15,201
Thirteen hamburgers,
Mr. Bascom. That's correct.
515
00:27:15,234 --> 00:27:16,736
One chewing gum, me.
516
00:27:16,769 --> 00:27:18,370
One tip to redheaded waitress.
517
00:27:18,404 --> 00:27:21,273
Hey, Steve, how come
you made me give
that waitress such a big tip?
518
00:27:21,307 --> 00:27:22,809
Just keeping
in practice, Malcolm.
519
00:27:22,842 --> 00:27:24,076
Oh.
520
00:27:24,110 --> 00:27:25,611
Breakfast then.
521
00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:27,146
One tomato juice, Steve.
522
00:27:27,179 --> 00:27:29,648
One bowl
of crunchies, Malcolm.
523
00:27:29,682 --> 00:27:32,351
Four orders of ham and eggs
for Mr. Bascom.
524
00:27:32,384 --> 00:27:34,353
Look, why don't you
lay it all out, Malcolm?
525
00:27:34,386 --> 00:27:35,688
Then when we get
to Hollywood,
526
00:27:35,722 --> 00:27:37,223
we'll sell the car
and we'll square away.
527
00:27:37,256 --> 00:27:39,625
Now, don't bother me
with small details, huh?
528
00:27:39,658 --> 00:27:42,228
Oh, well,
Steve, let me...
529
00:27:42,261 --> 00:27:43,996
Let me just say this
to you... You see...
530
00:27:44,030 --> 00:27:46,398
Please, Malcolm,
not now! I'm tired.
531
00:27:46,432 --> 00:27:48,968
Well, couldn't I
just one little
eensy-weensy detail?
532
00:27:49,001 --> 00:27:50,469
All right. What?
533
00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:53,906
Well, I don't mind
laying out the money,
except I don't have any more.
534
00:27:53,940 --> 00:27:54,974
You what?
535
00:27:55,007 --> 00:27:56,175
You're yelling
at me, Steve.
536
00:27:56,208 --> 00:27:57,276
What did you say?
537
00:27:57,309 --> 00:28:00,212
I said I don't have
any more money.
538
00:28:00,246 --> 00:28:02,081
(MR. BASCOM BARKING)
I don't know
how it happened.
539
00:28:02,114 --> 00:28:03,850
Oh, the road is...
540
00:28:03,883 --> 00:28:05,417
Our car is with the dog!
541
00:28:05,451 --> 00:28:08,020
(STAMMERING)
542
00:28:08,054 --> 00:28:10,890
Well, Mr. Bascom can't drive.
He doesn't have a license!
543
00:28:13,025 --> 00:28:15,928
Mr. Bascom! Mr. Bascom!
544
00:28:23,035 --> 00:28:24,336
Mr. Bascom!
545
00:28:32,444 --> 00:28:34,013
Sunday driver!
546
00:28:36,182 --> 00:28:37,349
Driver?
547
00:28:41,921 --> 00:28:45,357
(CARS HONKING)
548
00:28:48,460 --> 00:28:49,762
(GROWLING)
549
00:28:57,303 --> 00:28:58,337
(MOOING)
550
00:28:59,972 --> 00:29:02,008
(WHINING)
551
00:29:09,081 --> 00:29:10,950
Steve!
552
00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:12,518
Steve!
553
00:29:13,519 --> 00:29:14,854
Steve!
554
00:29:14,887 --> 00:29:16,088
(CAR HONKING)
555
00:29:18,124 --> 00:29:19,358
(WHINING)
556
00:29:33,505 --> 00:29:34,874
(WHINING)
557
00:29:37,509 --> 00:29:38,811
(CHICKENS CLUCKING)
558
00:29:41,047 --> 00:29:43,349
(WHINING)
559
00:29:52,024 --> 00:29:53,792
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)
560
00:29:56,228 --> 00:29:57,263
Malcolm!
561
00:29:58,998 --> 00:30:00,299
Malcolm!
562
00:30:01,868 --> 00:30:03,135
Coming!
563
00:30:12,178 --> 00:30:13,312
(WHINING)
564
00:30:21,087 --> 00:30:22,288
Malcolm!
565
00:30:30,029 --> 00:30:31,898
Come on, Mr. Bascom.
Come on, boy.
566
00:30:31,931 --> 00:30:34,266
Never mind that hound!
Help me push this car.
567
00:30:34,300 --> 00:30:36,035
Sit, Mr. Bascom. Sit. Stay.
568
00:30:40,372 --> 00:30:43,309
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)
569
00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:49,916
Come on. Come on.
570
00:31:36,462 --> 00:31:39,198
Bringing back
one gallon of gas!
571
00:31:39,231 --> 00:31:41,867
We may not even make it
to the next gas station.
572
00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:43,602
Well, don't worry
about it, Steve.
573
00:31:43,635 --> 00:31:45,938
I'll get
that lucky feeling again.
574
00:31:46,472 --> 00:31:48,407
(RUMBLING)
575
00:31:52,511 --> 00:31:55,314
Better get it fast.
I think there's something
wrong with the motor.
576
00:31:55,347 --> 00:31:57,950
Oh. That's not
the motor, Steve.
577
00:31:57,984 --> 00:31:59,318
That's Mr. Bascom's stomach.
578
00:31:59,351 --> 00:32:00,619
He's very hungry.
579
00:32:00,652 --> 00:32:02,054
He's hungry?
I'm starved!
580
00:32:02,088 --> 00:32:03,389
(WHINING)
581
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:31,083
I'm so hungry,
I almost smell hamburger.
582
00:32:42,294 --> 00:32:44,163
Hamburger!
Give me some of that!
583
00:32:45,364 --> 00:32:46,498
Ow!
584
00:32:46,532 --> 00:32:48,667
Will you tell him
to let go, Malcolm?
585
00:32:48,700 --> 00:32:50,702
Let go of Steve's arm,
Mr. Bascom.
586
00:32:50,736 --> 00:32:53,172
That's not nice.
Shame on you.
587
00:32:53,205 --> 00:32:55,207
Steve needs
that arm to drive with.
588
00:32:55,241 --> 00:32:57,343
That's telling him, Malcolm.
589
00:32:57,576 --> 00:33:01,313
(JALOPY HONKING)
590
00:33:04,983 --> 00:33:08,420
(JALOPY HONKING)
591
00:33:11,490 --> 00:33:14,326
Look at what that guy did
to our shiny new car!
592
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:17,363
Yeah, wait till you see
what we do to his crate!
593
00:33:25,671 --> 00:33:28,474
(CAR HONKING)
594
00:33:42,188 --> 00:33:43,255
(EXCLAIMING)
595
00:33:47,393 --> 00:33:49,328
Oh, look
at the poor old lady!
596
00:33:49,361 --> 00:33:52,098
I'd rather look
at a rich, young lady.
597
00:33:52,764 --> 00:33:54,300
Let's stop
and pick her up, Steve.
598
00:33:54,333 --> 00:33:56,235
She might be
somebody's mother.
599
00:33:56,702 --> 00:33:58,470
Would you like a lift, lady?
600
00:33:58,504 --> 00:34:00,272
I'd be ever so grateful.
601
00:34:00,306 --> 00:34:01,607
All righty.
602
00:34:02,508 --> 00:34:04,243
Watch it now.
603
00:34:05,377 --> 00:34:08,647
You're a dear,
sweet, young man.
604
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:10,749
Oh, my! Does he bite?
605
00:34:10,782 --> 00:34:13,051
Only me, lady.
606
00:34:13,085 --> 00:34:15,421
Hey, Malcolm,
the motor's running.
607
00:34:15,454 --> 00:34:16,655
Oh.
Come on.
608
00:34:16,688 --> 00:34:17,789
Sorry.
609
00:34:22,328 --> 00:34:25,364
You remind me
of my grandmother.
She was awful nice, too.
610
00:34:25,397 --> 00:34:27,466
She used to take me
to movies all the time.
611
00:34:27,499 --> 00:34:28,534
Do you like the movies?
612
00:34:28,567 --> 00:34:30,636
Yes, indeed.
613
00:34:30,669 --> 00:34:33,105
What kind of movies
you like best?
614
00:34:33,139 --> 00:34:35,674
Oh, Gangster movies.
Me, too.
615
00:34:35,707 --> 00:34:37,776
I pack a rod,
too, sister.
616
00:34:37,809 --> 00:34:39,411
Clam up, sonny!
617
00:34:41,113 --> 00:34:43,115
Malcolm, will you stop
bothering me while I'm...
618
00:34:43,149 --> 00:34:45,083
Stop the car,
handsome.
619
00:34:48,454 --> 00:34:49,655
Shame on you.
620
00:34:49,688 --> 00:34:52,658
You're a naughty old lady.
Shame, shame!
621
00:34:52,691 --> 00:34:53,792
Shut up!
622
00:34:53,825 --> 00:34:55,361
Listen, lady,
one word from us
623
00:34:55,394 --> 00:34:56,662
and that dog
will tear you apart.
624
00:34:56,695 --> 00:34:59,598
He's a killer.
Get her, Mr. Bascom.
Get her. Get her!
625
00:34:59,631 --> 00:35:01,533
(WHINING)
626
00:35:01,567 --> 00:35:05,337
(BARKING)
627
00:35:06,205 --> 00:35:08,707
Well, bless his gentle heart.
628
00:35:08,740 --> 00:35:10,142
Get out!
629
00:35:27,226 --> 00:35:29,161
Somebody's mother, huh?
630
00:35:29,561 --> 00:35:30,596
(GRUNTING)
631
00:36:07,366 --> 00:36:09,701
(CAR HONKING)
632
00:36:11,703 --> 00:36:13,872
Hey, Steve,
that fellow's a girl!
633
00:36:13,905 --> 00:36:15,607
Well, come on!
634
00:36:15,641 --> 00:36:17,443
(MR. BASCOM BARKING)
635
00:36:17,476 --> 00:36:19,678
Wait! Wait for us!
636
00:36:32,258 --> 00:36:34,526
What do you think
you're doing?
637
00:36:36,562 --> 00:36:38,497
Well, look what you've done
to my running board!
638
00:36:38,530 --> 00:36:41,300
Never mind
your running board.
We need a lift.
639
00:36:41,333 --> 00:36:43,902
Hey, you're wrecking my car!
640
00:36:43,935 --> 00:36:46,505
We got robbed.
Our car was stolen.
641
00:36:46,538 --> 00:36:47,873
It's all right.
We only had
a gallon of gas.
642
00:36:47,906 --> 00:36:50,576
She'll run out.
Move over, let me drive.
643
00:36:58,384 --> 00:36:59,818
Can't this thing
go any faster?
644
00:36:59,851 --> 00:37:01,687
Step on the gas, Steve!
645
00:37:02,954 --> 00:37:04,656
Look out!
646
00:37:14,900 --> 00:37:16,602
My fenders fell off!
647
00:37:16,635 --> 00:37:17,869
Well, we'll get them later.
648
00:37:17,903 --> 00:37:19,305
Do you see the car?
649
00:37:19,338 --> 00:37:21,573
Who's going
to fix my floorboard?
650
00:37:21,607 --> 00:37:23,709
We will.
Soon as we catch
that old lady.
651
00:37:23,742 --> 00:37:24,876
What old lady?
652
00:37:24,910 --> 00:37:26,512
The old lady
that stole our car.
653
00:37:26,545 --> 00:37:28,113
And they're the worst kind.
654
00:37:28,146 --> 00:37:31,283
Like the old lady
in Chloroform and Old Calico.
That was produced by...
655
00:37:31,317 --> 00:37:34,252
Malcolm, quiet!
Do you see our car?
656
00:37:34,286 --> 00:37:35,887
Not yet.
Go faster!
657
00:37:39,325 --> 00:37:41,427
Malcolm, will you
answer me?
658
00:37:43,595 --> 00:37:45,030
Where are you?
659
00:37:46,632 --> 00:37:48,300
Here I am.
660
00:37:48,334 --> 00:37:50,302
What are you doing
out there?
661
00:37:50,336 --> 00:37:52,003
I think
I see our car!
662
00:38:06,752 --> 00:38:08,754
Gee, we're lucky.
Not a scratch.
663
00:38:08,787 --> 00:38:10,822
It's a good thing
that old lady
ran out of gas.
664
00:38:10,856 --> 00:38:12,924
Old lady!
We're out of gas!
665
00:38:13,925 --> 00:38:15,527
(JALOPY'S MOTOR GRINDING)
666
00:38:15,561 --> 00:38:16,962
She's got gas!
667
00:38:20,599 --> 00:38:22,033
Wait a minute, lady.
We're out of gas.
668
00:38:22,067 --> 00:38:24,436
Well, you're lucky.
I'm almost out of car!
669
00:38:24,470 --> 00:38:27,573
Here I am,
minding my own business,
driving to Las Vegas,
670
00:38:27,606 --> 00:38:29,375
and suddenly I'm ambushed!
671
00:38:29,408 --> 00:38:31,543
What, are you going
to Vegas in this thing?
672
00:38:31,577 --> 00:38:34,312
My great-grandmother made it
in a covered wagon.
673
00:38:34,346 --> 00:38:37,749
But all she ran into
were wild Indians.
674
00:38:37,783 --> 00:38:41,487
Well, are you satisfied?
You've ruined my motor now!
675
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:43,422
Oh, don't cry, lady.
I can fix it.
676
00:38:43,455 --> 00:38:45,290
I know all about cars.
677
00:38:45,323 --> 00:38:47,325
I'll go get your fenders.
678
00:38:48,394 --> 00:38:49,895
Don't cry, honey.
679
00:38:49,928 --> 00:38:51,597
He knows all
about fenders and cars.
680
00:38:51,630 --> 00:38:54,600
He'll get them
for you. He will.
681
00:39:06,612 --> 00:39:08,947
Okay, it's fixed!
682
00:39:08,980 --> 00:39:10,516
Yeah, well,
what about those?
683
00:39:10,549 --> 00:39:13,685
Oh, those are
just spare parts.
Go ahead, try it.
684
00:39:15,387 --> 00:39:16,855
(CAR STARTING)
685
00:39:18,857 --> 00:39:22,794
As they say in
the French movies, voila!
686
00:39:22,828 --> 00:39:26,097
Oh, I'm sorry, Malcolm,
for being so angry.
687
00:39:26,131 --> 00:39:27,666
Thank you very much.
688
00:39:27,699 --> 00:39:30,536
It was our fault,
and thank you
for the gas.
689
00:39:30,569 --> 00:39:31,570
Bye-bye.
690
00:39:31,603 --> 00:39:32,738
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
691
00:39:37,443 --> 00:39:39,711
(CRASHING)
692
00:39:50,522 --> 00:39:55,026
As they say in
the French movies, voila!
693
00:39:55,060 --> 00:39:56,428
Wait.
694
00:39:56,462 --> 00:39:57,596
Voila!
695
00:40:14,646 --> 00:40:16,848
She's a nice girl,
isn't she, Steve?
696
00:40:16,882 --> 00:40:19,851
And she's got
nice red hair, too.
697
00:40:19,885 --> 00:40:23,121
What's nice about her
is the 40 bucks she got
selling her wreck.
698
00:40:23,154 --> 00:40:24,790
Now we can eat.
699
00:40:47,012 --> 00:40:51,449
* Let's be friendly
700
00:40:51,483 --> 00:40:55,153
* Just the two of us
701
00:40:55,186 --> 00:41:00,859
* Can't afford
to disappoint the moonlight
702
00:41:02,127 --> 00:41:06,598
* My, what lovely scenery
703
00:41:06,632 --> 00:41:10,068
* Cupid's own machinery
704
00:41:10,101 --> 00:41:15,674
* Made to trap
a nervous chap like me
705
00:41:17,242 --> 00:41:21,647
* Let's be friendly
706
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:25,483
* But let's be discreet
707
00:41:25,517 --> 00:41:30,856
* Must I fight the feelin'
that I'm fallin'?
708
00:41:33,058 --> 00:41:36,928
* Should we
accidentally kiss
709
00:41:36,962 --> 00:41:40,465
* I'd give up the fight
710
00:41:40,498 --> 00:41:46,638
* And we could be more than
just good friends tonight
711
00:41:48,039 --> 00:41:51,610
* "Be wise, be smart"
712
00:41:51,643 --> 00:41:54,546
* I always tell my heart
713
00:41:54,580 --> 00:41:58,584
* When it gets to the point
where you're dreamin' of her
714
00:41:58,617 --> 00:42:01,953
* That's the time
to run for cover
715
00:42:01,987 --> 00:42:06,725
* Not that I'm allergic
to romance
716
00:42:10,528 --> 00:42:15,133
* But a guy likes
to have a fightin' chance
717
00:42:18,704 --> 00:42:24,042
* Let's be friendly
718
00:42:24,075 --> 00:42:29,147
* Just the two of us
719
00:42:29,180 --> 00:42:36,154
* Can't afford
to disappoint the moonlight
720
00:42:37,623 --> 00:42:42,994
* My, what lovely scenery
721
00:42:43,028 --> 00:42:47,265
* Cupid's own machinery
722
00:42:47,298 --> 00:42:54,139
* Made to trap
a nervous chap like me
723
00:42:56,007 --> 00:43:01,279
* Let's be friendly
724
00:43:01,312 --> 00:43:05,751
* But let's be discreet
725
00:43:05,784 --> 00:43:12,157
* Must I fight the feelin'
that I'm fallin'?
726
00:43:14,926 --> 00:43:19,631
* Should we accidentally kiss
727
00:43:19,665 --> 00:43:23,635
* I'd give up the fight
728
00:43:23,669 --> 00:43:29,908
* And we could be more
than Just good friends
729
00:43:29,941 --> 00:43:36,181
* Tonight.
730
00:43:36,214 --> 00:43:37,749
Nice music.
731
00:43:39,017 --> 00:43:40,351
Wrong lyrics.
732
00:43:41,887 --> 00:43:43,621
You have someone
waiting in Vegas?
733
00:43:43,655 --> 00:43:45,824
I have a job
waiting in Vegas.
734
00:43:45,857 --> 00:43:49,828
You know, as soon as
I saw you, I figured you
for a gambler.
735
00:43:49,861 --> 00:43:51,830
Relax, honey.
736
00:43:51,863 --> 00:43:53,732
We won't play for keeps.
737
00:43:53,765 --> 00:43:56,301
Look, it's getting
kind of late,
don't you think?
738
00:43:56,334 --> 00:44:00,338
So that's it, huh?
Just chauffeur
and mystery passenger?
739
00:44:00,371 --> 00:44:03,008
Mr. Wiley,
if it'll ease
your mind any,
740
00:44:03,041 --> 00:44:04,976
I'll give you
my vital statistics.
741
00:44:05,010 --> 00:44:08,814
Now, you're talking.
I like statistics
when they're vital.
742
00:44:08,847 --> 00:44:10,181
Well, there's no mystery.
743
00:44:10,215 --> 00:44:12,884
My vital statistics
are as follows.
744
00:44:12,918 --> 00:44:15,887
Name, Terry Roberts.
Birthplace, Weehawken,
New Jersey.
745
00:44:15,921 --> 00:44:20,125
Age, my business.
Occupation, chorus girl.
746
00:44:20,158 --> 00:44:22,660
At present going to Vegas
to work at the Silver Spur,
747
00:44:22,694 --> 00:44:24,129
and after that,
on to Hollywood
for an audition.
748
00:44:24,162 --> 00:44:26,732
And after that,
future undecided.
749
00:44:26,765 --> 00:44:30,368
You know, soon as
I saw you, I figured you
for a chorus girl.
750
00:44:30,401 --> 00:44:32,303
You're too close
to the fire, Mr. Wiley.
751
00:44:32,337 --> 00:44:34,305
You're getting overheated.
752
00:44:35,140 --> 00:44:36,307
Future undecided?
753
00:44:36,341 --> 00:44:39,110
Now, you can't go around
with an undecided future.
754
00:44:39,144 --> 00:44:40,946
People will talk.
755
00:44:40,979 --> 00:44:42,814
But Mr. Wiley,
we were brought together
756
00:44:42,848 --> 00:44:46,284
because I had $40
and you needed same.
757
00:44:46,852 --> 00:44:50,188
Well, you got my $40
but that's all you get.
758
00:44:51,389 --> 00:44:53,291
I don't want to get.
759
00:44:53,324 --> 00:44:55,226
I want to give.
760
00:44:55,260 --> 00:44:56,962
Sorry, no takers.
761
00:44:58,163 --> 00:45:00,265
And speaking
of statistics...
762
00:45:01,767 --> 00:45:03,902
All right.
What would
you like to know?
763
00:45:03,935 --> 00:45:06,204
Where I was born?
How I vote?
764
00:45:06,237 --> 00:45:10,842
Or how an attractive man
manages to stay single?
765
00:45:10,876 --> 00:45:13,278
You get better odds
at a race track.
766
00:45:13,311 --> 00:45:15,013
Better than 50-50?
767
00:45:15,046 --> 00:45:17,182
That's only 50-50
on the tote board.
768
00:45:17,448 --> 00:45:20,351
You know, the minute
you leave the starting gate,
the odds are 6 to 4
769
00:45:20,385 --> 00:45:23,021
'cause you're furnishing
a rundown apartment.
770
00:45:23,054 --> 00:45:26,257
Then the odds drop 7 to 3
'cause you need
a larger place,
771
00:45:26,291 --> 00:45:27,893
an extra room
for the little monster
772
00:45:27,926 --> 00:45:30,295
that your ever-loving
comes up with.
773
00:45:30,328 --> 00:45:33,298
Now the little monster grows,
becomes a big monster.
774
00:45:33,331 --> 00:45:35,033
School expenses.
775
00:45:35,066 --> 00:45:36,434
Now you've got
to start taking everything
776
00:45:36,467 --> 00:45:38,003
that the crummy boss
hands out
777
00:45:38,036 --> 00:45:40,471
'cause you can't afford
to lose your crummy job.
778
00:45:40,505 --> 00:45:43,108
Little Junior's
got to go to college.
779
00:45:43,141 --> 00:45:45,877
"Dear Pop.
Need money. Met a girl."
780
00:45:45,911 --> 00:45:49,247
The odds are now 9 to 1
and you haven't even hit
the far turn yet.
781
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:51,783
By the time you get
to the finish line,
you got to hurry up and die
782
00:45:51,817 --> 00:45:55,053
so you'll have enough money
left to pay for
your own funeral expenses.
783
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:57,288
That's a bad deal.
784
00:45:57,322 --> 00:45:59,891
And that's playing
for keeps, is it?
785
00:45:59,925 --> 00:46:02,293
It's a parlay
you can't win, Red.
786
00:46:02,961 --> 00:46:04,830
Good night, Mr. Wiley.
787
00:46:15,506 --> 00:46:20,411
(BLABBERING)
788
00:46:23,481 --> 00:46:28,987
(BLABBERING)
789
00:46:30,055 --> 00:46:33,859
(BLABBERING)
790
00:47:01,552 --> 00:47:02,553
Oh!
791
00:47:09,027 --> 00:47:12,463
Get out of here,
you big mutt!
Scram! Get out!
792
00:47:41,592 --> 00:47:43,428
MALCOLM: So I know
nothing can go wrong
793
00:47:43,461 --> 00:47:45,263
because I always get
the lucky feeling.
794
00:47:45,296 --> 00:47:46,965
What lucky feeling?
795
00:47:46,998 --> 00:47:49,500
Well, it's very hard
to describe, but you see,
796
00:47:49,534 --> 00:47:51,970
I get an itching
in my fingers
797
00:47:52,003 --> 00:47:54,172
and then a twitching
in my left eye.
798
00:47:54,205 --> 00:47:55,907
And then my head
starts jerking, see,
799
00:47:55,941 --> 00:47:57,408
like as if I have
a stiff collar on.
800
00:47:57,442 --> 00:47:59,444
I have the itching,
the twitching
and the jerking.
801
00:47:59,477 --> 00:48:01,913
Oh, yeah,
like the first time
I saw this car.
802
00:48:01,947 --> 00:48:03,915
And then when
everything is happening
at one time,
803
00:48:03,949 --> 00:48:05,450
the itching, the twitching
and the jerking,
804
00:48:05,483 --> 00:48:07,552
I know I can't lose
'cause I got
the lucky feeling.
805
00:48:08,886 --> 00:48:11,456
Oh, now, that doesn't
really happen, Malcolm.
806
00:48:11,489 --> 00:48:13,925
Well, I won this car,
didn't I?
807
00:48:13,959 --> 00:48:16,594
Yes. Yes,
you won this car.
808
00:48:16,627 --> 00:48:18,163
Half of it.
809
00:48:20,198 --> 00:48:21,933
Oh, well,
then I'm even luckier
than I thought
810
00:48:21,967 --> 00:48:23,534
'cause I got
Steve as a partner.
811
00:48:23,568 --> 00:48:27,605
Not only is he my partner but
he's the next-door neighbor
to Anita Ekberg.
812
00:48:27,638 --> 00:48:29,607
Oh, is he really?
813
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:32,077
Oh, yeah, they're
neighbors, really.
814
00:48:32,110 --> 00:48:34,212
Which means
she's gonna be
my neighbor.
815
00:48:34,245 --> 00:48:36,982
Just think,
I'll see her every day.
816
00:48:37,015 --> 00:48:43,021
Just imagine, I'll see her
when she's hanging out
her undies
817
00:48:43,054 --> 00:48:46,624
and she'll see me
when I'm hanging out
my undies.
818
00:48:48,994 --> 00:48:50,628
It's just like a dream.
819
00:48:50,661 --> 00:48:52,430
It certainly is.
820
00:48:55,066 --> 00:48:56,101
Where are we?
821
00:48:56,134 --> 00:48:57,502
Oh, Chicago.
822
00:48:57,535 --> 00:49:00,438
Chicago!
How did we get
to Chicago?
823
00:49:01,539 --> 00:49:03,008
Did I do bad?
824
00:49:03,041 --> 00:49:04,475
You took a wrong turn!
825
00:49:04,509 --> 00:49:06,477
I got too many friends
in Chicago
I don't want to see.
826
00:49:06,511 --> 00:49:08,413
Now put that top up
and let's get out of here!
827
00:49:08,446 --> 00:49:10,048
All right.
828
00:49:11,349 --> 00:49:12,383
Put it up!
829
00:49:12,417 --> 00:49:14,685
There! It's coming up
but it takes time.
830
00:49:35,540 --> 00:49:37,675
* When you cross
the Mississippi
831
00:49:37,708 --> 00:49:39,277
* Cross the Mississippi
832
00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:41,179
* You're in the wild
and wooly West.
833
00:49:41,212 --> 00:49:42,280
Hee-haw!
834
00:49:42,313 --> 00:49:44,282
* Anyone who wants
to live ideally
835
00:49:44,315 --> 00:49:46,051
* Take a tip
from Horace Greeley
836
00:49:46,084 --> 00:49:47,318
* He said,
"Go West, young man"
837
00:49:47,352 --> 00:49:49,054
* He said
* Thank you
838
00:49:49,087 --> 00:49:52,590
* Greeley really
hit the nail
right on the head
839
00:50:05,236 --> 00:50:07,372
* Here we are
in old Missouri
840
00:50:07,405 --> 00:50:09,174
* The folks
from Independence
841
00:50:09,207 --> 00:50:10,675
* Includin' their descendants
842
00:50:10,708 --> 00:50:12,310
* Are friendly as a rule
843
00:50:12,343 --> 00:50:13,378
* Do tell!
844
00:50:13,411 --> 00:50:15,546
* But stubborn as
an old Missouri mule!
845
00:50:15,580 --> 00:50:17,082
* Hee-haw!
846
00:50:21,419 --> 00:50:23,521
ALL: * When you cross
the wide Missouri
847
00:50:23,554 --> 00:50:25,156
* Cross the wide Missouri
848
00:50:25,190 --> 00:50:27,192
* You're in the wild
and wooly West
849
00:50:27,225 --> 00:50:28,293
(SHIP HORN BLOWING)
850
00:50:28,326 --> 00:50:30,195
* Take a look at
that old-fashioned showboat
851
00:50:30,228 --> 00:50:31,696
* I get seasick
near a rowboat
852
00:50:31,729 --> 00:50:33,664
* I like convertibles
the best
853
00:50:33,698 --> 00:50:34,932
(CAR HONKING)
854
00:50:34,965 --> 00:50:40,071
ALL:
* When we're ridin' through
the wild and wooly West!
855
00:50:41,772 --> 00:50:44,209
* Here we are
in Oklahoma
856
00:50:44,242 --> 00:50:45,676
* Produces much alfalfa
857
00:50:45,710 --> 00:50:49,013
* And celebrated also
for buttermilk and cream
858
00:50:49,046 --> 00:50:50,181
* Really!
859
00:50:50,215 --> 00:50:53,118
* And incidentally
quite a football team
Rah-rah!
860
00:50:53,151 --> 00:50:55,353
ALL: * When you're out
in Oklahoma *
861
00:50:55,386 --> 00:50:56,754
* Out in Oklahoma
862
00:50:56,787 --> 00:50:58,756
* You're in the wild
and wooly West.
863
00:50:58,789 --> 00:50:59,790
Hee-haw!
864
00:50:59,824 --> 00:51:01,592
* Though there's always been
the sweet aroma
865
00:51:01,626 --> 00:51:03,494
* Of the corn in Oklahoma.
866
00:51:03,528 --> 00:51:05,530
BOTH: * Rodgers
and Hammerstein agree
867
00:51:05,563 --> 00:51:06,764
* That's nice.
868
00:51:06,797 --> 00:51:09,500
STEVE:
* Oklahoma's got
a lot of do-re-mi
869
00:51:17,842 --> 00:51:20,044
* Now we're in
the State of Texas
870
00:51:20,077 --> 00:51:21,612
* The largest
in the Union
871
00:51:21,646 --> 00:51:23,181
* Per capita
the richest
872
00:51:23,214 --> 00:51:24,382
* But more than
this you'll find.
873
00:51:24,415 --> 00:51:25,650
BOTH: * What will you find?
874
00:51:25,683 --> 00:51:26,784
* The State of Texas.
875
00:51:26,817 --> 00:51:28,119
ALL: * Is a state of mind
876
00:51:28,153 --> 00:51:29,154
(BARKING TO SONG)
877
00:51:29,187 --> 00:51:31,289
* When you're
in the State of Texas
878
00:51:31,322 --> 00:51:32,657
* In the State of Texas
879
00:51:32,690 --> 00:51:35,393
* You're in the wild
and wooly West
880
00:51:35,426 --> 00:51:37,595
* It's not necessary
that you toil well
881
00:51:37,628 --> 00:51:39,297
* Anyone can own an oil well.
882
00:51:39,330 --> 00:51:42,300
ALL: * Nothing in Texas
but the best
883
00:51:42,333 --> 00:51:45,170
* Should you want
a little gusher
be my guest.
884
00:51:59,384 --> 00:52:01,419
ALL:
* Santa Fe is quite a city
885
00:52:01,452 --> 00:52:03,288
* New Mexico is pretty
886
00:52:03,321 --> 00:52:04,822
* The population perky
887
00:52:04,855 --> 00:52:06,591
* And all because they found.
888
00:52:06,624 --> 00:52:07,692
BOTH: * What?
889
00:52:07,725 --> 00:52:09,860
* They've got
atomic power underground.
890
00:52:09,894 --> 00:52:11,662
BOTH: * No!
891
00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:16,301
* If you've got
the mining fever
892
00:52:16,334 --> 00:52:17,635
* Got the mining fever
893
00:52:17,668 --> 00:52:19,504
* You'll find
New Mexico the plum
894
00:52:19,537 --> 00:52:21,038
* The plum
895
00:52:21,071 --> 00:52:24,409
* First you scrimp and save
a large amount to buy yourself
a Geiger counter *
896
00:52:24,442 --> 00:52:26,211
* Hoping you'll find uranium.
897
00:52:26,244 --> 00:52:27,545
BOTH: * Uranium!
898
00:52:27,578 --> 00:52:30,481
* If it don't start tickin'
hit the highway, chum
899
00:52:31,282 --> 00:52:34,352
(GEIGER COUNTER TICKING)
900
00:52:51,802 --> 00:52:54,905
TERRY: (ECHOING)
* Here we are in Arizona
901
00:52:56,241 --> 00:52:59,577
* The Mecca of the tourist
902
00:53:00,278 --> 00:53:04,449
* They come
to see the Canyon
903
00:53:04,949 --> 00:53:09,320
* That Nature has unfurled
904
00:53:10,921 --> 00:53:15,293
* The largest excavation
in the world!
905
00:53:16,661 --> 00:53:18,463
ECHO: * World!
906
00:53:18,496 --> 00:53:21,966
* World!
907
00:53:22,833 --> 00:53:24,369
That's pretty.
908
00:53:24,402 --> 00:53:25,703
ECHO: Thank you.
909
00:53:26,537 --> 00:53:27,638
Oh!
910
00:53:42,487 --> 00:53:44,655
ALL: * When you're
down in Arizona
911
00:53:44,689 --> 00:53:46,257
* Down in Arizona
912
00:53:46,291 --> 00:53:48,926
* You're in the wild
and wooly West
913
00:53:48,959 --> 00:53:51,496
* Get a load
of Big Chief Running Water
914
00:53:52,830 --> 00:53:55,300
* Dig his crazy
teenage daughter
915
00:53:57,968 --> 00:54:02,473
* Man!
She's the rockin'
and rollin' best
916
00:54:04,675 --> 00:54:09,714
* Nothin' wilder
in the wild and wooly West.
917
00:54:41,912 --> 00:54:47,685
ALL: * The wild and wooly West
918
00:54:49,019 --> 00:54:55,993
* The wild and wooly West
919
00:55:05,803 --> 00:55:08,839
(HUMMING LET'S BE FRIENDLY)
920
00:55:28,659 --> 00:55:30,428
Isn't that doing it
the hard way?
921
00:55:30,461 --> 00:55:32,763
Well, no, I once
saw Gregory Peck
do this in a movie.
922
00:55:32,797 --> 00:55:34,031
Did you see Gregory Peck
in that movie?
923
00:55:34,064 --> 00:55:35,366
It was produced
and directed by...
924
00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:38,569
Malcolm, in the movies
they have the sticks
already fixed
925
00:55:38,603 --> 00:55:40,838
so they start
burning right away.
926
00:55:40,871 --> 00:55:43,508
Oh, yeah, I know
what you mean.
I saw Gregory Peck do that.
927
00:55:43,541 --> 00:55:48,646
He took the stick
in this hand and then
he opened this up, and voila.
928
00:55:48,679 --> 00:55:50,981
Voila. Good old Greg.
929
00:55:51,015 --> 00:55:52,950
Is Gregory Peck
one of your
Hollywood friends?
930
00:55:52,983 --> 00:55:55,920
Now where do you think
he got his gray flannel suit?
931
00:55:55,953 --> 00:55:57,021
(CHUCKLES)
932
00:55:58,956 --> 00:56:00,491
Where's Red?
933
00:56:01,358 --> 00:56:02,660
Oh, she's taking a swim.
934
00:56:02,693 --> 00:56:03,994
Taking a swim?
935
00:56:04,028 --> 00:56:05,062
Uh-huh.
936
00:56:05,095 --> 00:56:06,431
Hmm.
937
00:56:06,964 --> 00:56:07,965
Oh!
938
00:56:08,699 --> 00:56:10,034
What's the matter?
I got a stomachache.
939
00:56:10,067 --> 00:56:11,101
Aw.
940
00:56:11,135 --> 00:56:13,871
Yeah, I've been drinking
too much coffee.
941
00:56:13,904 --> 00:56:17,007
I'm not getting
my nice, warm milk
like I should.
942
00:56:17,041 --> 00:56:18,543
Oh, that's a shame.
943
00:56:18,576 --> 00:56:20,411
Do you want me to go get you
some nice, warm milk?
944
00:56:20,445 --> 00:56:23,380
Where can you get
nice, warm milk
around here?
945
00:56:23,414 --> 00:56:26,717
Unless there's a cow
near that barn
way over there.
946
00:56:27,885 --> 00:56:29,620
Oh, yeah.
947
00:56:29,654 --> 00:56:32,723
Oh, well, I'll go get you
some nice, warm milk.
948
00:56:32,757 --> 00:56:34,792
And don't you worry
about it being nice and warm
949
00:56:34,825 --> 00:56:36,961
because that cow's been out
in the sun all day.
950
00:56:36,994 --> 00:56:39,597
Sun? Thanks, buddy.
951
00:56:43,100 --> 00:56:46,737
(HUMMING HOLLYWOOD OR BUST)
952
00:56:52,743 --> 00:56:54,779
Don't get overheated, Red.
953
00:56:55,980 --> 00:56:57,915
Good morning,
Mr. Wiley.
Good morning.
954
00:56:57,948 --> 00:56:59,149
Did you sleep well?
955
00:56:59,183 --> 00:57:02,487
How could I?
I was still worried
about your undecided future.
956
00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:04,021
Malcolm, would you get me
some coffee?
957
00:57:04,054 --> 00:57:06,524
Relax, honey,
he went for a walk.
958
00:57:07,024 --> 00:57:09,827
Oh, he went
for a walk, did he?
959
00:57:09,860 --> 00:57:11,128
In this heat?
960
00:57:11,161 --> 00:57:13,130
How can the heat
affect Malcolm?
961
00:57:13,163 --> 00:57:15,432
He's off his rocker
to start with.
962
00:57:16,166 --> 00:57:18,569
He's off his
rocker about you.
963
00:57:20,505 --> 00:57:21,906
Why can't you be
like Malcolm?
964
00:57:21,939 --> 00:57:24,942
Because I've met
"Steve Wileys"
before, Mr. Wiley.
965
00:57:24,975 --> 00:57:26,143
Great guys,
all of them.
966
00:57:26,176 --> 00:57:27,512
Cut it out.
967
00:57:36,754 --> 00:57:38,422
As Malcolm would say,
this is just like
968
00:57:38,455 --> 00:57:40,024
Burt Lancaster
and Deborah Kerr in.
969
00:57:40,057 --> 00:57:41,759
From Here to Eternity
produced by...
970
00:57:41,792 --> 00:57:45,596
Well, whoever produced you
certainly wasn't
after an Oscar!
971
00:57:46,096 --> 00:57:47,765
Don't I measure up
to the other Wileys?
972
00:57:47,798 --> 00:57:49,099
You certainly do!
973
00:57:49,133 --> 00:57:50,601
You're all out
of the same mold.
974
00:57:50,635 --> 00:57:52,770
Always looking for
something for nothing.
975
00:57:52,803 --> 00:57:55,439
I don't like you
for what you're
doing to Malcolm.
976
00:57:55,472 --> 00:57:56,507
You're going
to break his heart
977
00:57:56,541 --> 00:57:58,676
with all your big talk
about Hollywood
978
00:57:58,709 --> 00:58:01,579
and your
movie star neighbors.
979
00:58:01,612 --> 00:58:04,014
Well, personally
I think all you know
about Hollywood
980
00:58:04,048 --> 00:58:06,684
is what you've read
in The Racing Form!
981
00:58:08,619 --> 00:58:11,956
(HUMMING)
982
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:26,571
Here, cow!
Cow! Moo, cow.
983
00:58:26,604 --> 00:58:28,973
Come on,
where you hiding at, cow?
984
00:58:30,741 --> 00:58:31,842
Cow?
985
00:58:33,043 --> 00:58:34,745
Whoa! Oh, wait.
986
00:58:34,779 --> 00:58:36,781
(STAMMERING) Wait.
987
00:58:36,814 --> 00:58:38,583
You're not a cow. I'm sorry.
988
00:58:42,186 --> 00:58:45,956
Excuse me, sir,
I just came here
to see your wife.
989
00:58:45,990 --> 00:58:47,825
How is the little woman?
990
00:58:49,293 --> 00:58:51,095
Whoa! Wait!
991
00:58:51,996 --> 00:58:53,130
Wait!
992
00:58:53,598 --> 00:58:55,132
(EXCLAIMING)
993
00:59:04,742 --> 00:59:06,510
(EXCLAIMING)
994
00:59:06,543 --> 00:59:10,014
Steve! Steve!
Help! Help! It's a bull!
995
00:59:10,047 --> 00:59:11,682
It's a bull!
996
00:59:11,716 --> 00:59:13,250
(EXCLAIMING)
997
00:59:13,283 --> 00:59:17,121
Help! Steve! A real bull!
998
00:59:17,154 --> 00:59:18,823
Steve, Malcolm's
in trouble.
999
00:59:18,856 --> 00:59:19,924
Why should he be
any different?
1000
00:59:19,957 --> 00:59:20,991
Well, he is.
1001
00:59:21,025 --> 00:59:22,993
He's all right.
He's getting me
some milk.
1002
00:59:23,027 --> 00:59:24,695
Milk?
From a bull?
1003
00:59:24,729 --> 00:59:26,130
A bull?
1004
00:59:26,163 --> 00:59:28,132
He's milking a bull?
1005
00:59:28,165 --> 00:59:29,299
That's impossible!
1006
00:59:29,333 --> 00:59:30,601
That's what I thought.
1007
00:59:30,635 --> 00:59:32,069
MALCOLM:
Oh, please!
1008
00:59:34,639 --> 00:59:36,306
Timber!
1009
00:59:36,340 --> 00:59:38,776
Timber!
1010
00:59:38,809 --> 00:59:41,145
Timber?
He's cutting trees.
1011
00:59:41,178 --> 00:59:43,113
That's Malcolm,
always clowning.
1012
00:59:43,147 --> 00:59:45,282
Timber!
1013
00:59:48,919 --> 00:59:50,354
(EXCLAIMING)
1014
00:59:55,059 --> 00:59:56,093
Whoa, bull!
1015
01:00:09,373 --> 01:00:11,942
Malcolm, take off
that red jacket!
1016
01:00:13,811 --> 01:00:15,045
Now wave it
in front of the bull!
1017
01:00:15,079 --> 01:00:16,914
Wave it in front of him!
1018
01:00:16,947 --> 01:00:18,315
Wave it at the bull!
1019
01:00:18,348 --> 01:00:21,919
Oh. You mean like
Rudolph Valentino
in Blood and Sand?
1020
01:00:22,853 --> 01:00:24,088
El toro!
1021
01:00:25,790 --> 01:00:27,191
Matador!
1022
01:00:27,224 --> 01:00:28,893
Toreador!
1023
01:00:28,926 --> 01:00:30,327
Picador!
1024
01:00:30,360 --> 01:00:32,897
Kitchen door!
Shut the door!
1025
01:00:33,831 --> 01:00:35,099
(BELLOWING)
1026
01:00:36,233 --> 01:00:38,803
Attaboy!
Now he's afraid of you!
1027
01:00:38,836 --> 01:00:41,839
(CROWD CHEERING)
1028
01:01:12,002 --> 01:01:16,140
(SINGING IN MOCK SPANISH)
1029
01:01:31,121 --> 01:01:32,222
(SNARLING)
1030
01:01:40,330 --> 01:01:41,732
Pretty good, huh, Steve?
1031
01:01:41,766 --> 01:01:42,933
I'm just like
Rudolph Valentino.
1032
01:01:42,967 --> 01:01:45,169
Didn't he fight the bull
with a red cloth, too?
1033
01:01:45,202 --> 01:01:47,237
No, Malcolm,
he had a sword!
1034
01:01:47,271 --> 01:01:49,306
He had a sword
to fight him with!
1035
01:01:49,907 --> 01:01:51,742
Sure he had a sword.
1036
01:01:52,810 --> 01:01:55,145
He had a sword
to fight him with?
1037
01:01:56,046 --> 01:01:58,448
Bull. No fair, bull.
1038
01:02:00,217 --> 01:02:01,485
(EXCLAIMING)
1039
01:02:04,721 --> 01:02:07,091
Nice bull. Here. Back.
1040
01:02:10,294 --> 01:02:12,362
I just came for milk.
1041
01:02:13,831 --> 01:02:15,766
The little woman, bull.
1042
01:02:20,204 --> 01:02:22,973
Good bull. Nice bull.
1043
01:02:23,007 --> 01:02:24,942
Run, Malcolm! Run!
1044
01:02:24,975 --> 01:02:26,310
Bull! Bull!
1045
01:02:47,064 --> 01:02:49,499
Gee whiz,
you saved my life.
1046
01:02:49,533 --> 01:02:52,269
You're the bravest.
And what a pal.
1047
01:02:52,970 --> 01:02:55,739
You're a real pal,
the best pal
a guy could ever have.
1048
01:02:55,772 --> 01:02:56,941
Malcolm, will you
forget it?
1049
01:02:56,974 --> 01:02:59,076
Well, I can't forget it.
You could've been killed.
1050
01:02:59,109 --> 01:03:00,277
I said forget it.
1051
01:03:00,310 --> 01:03:02,046
I certainly won't.
1052
01:03:08,518 --> 01:03:10,220
You know,
I made a mistake.
1053
01:03:10,254 --> 01:03:13,257
You're a different kind
of Mr. Wiley, Mr. Wiley.
1054
01:03:13,290 --> 01:03:15,025
Well, now we're
getting somewhere.
1055
01:03:15,059 --> 01:03:18,262
Yes, but we're only getting
to Las Vegas, remember?
1056
01:03:25,269 --> 01:03:27,437
ALL: * Tourists
come to old Nevada
1057
01:03:27,471 --> 01:03:29,206
* To see the Colorado
1058
01:03:29,239 --> 01:03:32,476
* Although the movie censor
won't let us utter "Damn"
1059
01:03:33,343 --> 01:03:36,480
* They can't stop us
from saying "Boulder Dam"
1060
01:03:36,513 --> 01:03:38,782
* When you cross into Nevada
1061
01:03:38,815 --> 01:03:40,217
* Cross into Nevada
1062
01:03:40,250 --> 01:03:43,120
* You're in the wild
and wooly West
1063
01:03:43,153 --> 01:03:45,255
* Where the two-gun bandits
once rode nightly
1064
01:03:45,289 --> 01:03:47,224
* One-armed
bandits now politely
1065
01:03:47,257 --> 01:03:49,426
* Help to deplete
your treasure chest
1066
01:03:49,927 --> 01:03:51,161
* In Las Vegas
1067
01:03:51,195 --> 01:03:55,933
* In the wild
and wooly West! *
1068
01:04:10,147 --> 01:04:12,249
Well, Red,
end of the line.
1069
01:04:13,383 --> 01:04:15,452
Yes, I guess it is.
1070
01:04:16,453 --> 01:04:19,957
I guess it's the end
of the end of the line,
I guess.
1071
01:04:24,561 --> 01:04:27,197
I'll get your bags
for you, Terry.
1072
01:04:27,231 --> 01:04:31,035
Come on, Mr. Bascom.
Come on, boy.
1073
01:04:31,068 --> 01:04:32,169
Come with me.
1074
01:04:40,077 --> 01:04:43,180
(WHINING)
1075
01:04:45,082 --> 01:04:46,383
(WHINING)
1076
01:04:53,557 --> 01:04:55,259
Come on, DuBarry.
1077
01:05:04,668 --> 01:05:06,971
Mr. Bascom, come back here!
1078
01:05:10,474 --> 01:05:12,609
Mr. Bascom! Mr. Bascom!
1079
01:05:12,642 --> 01:05:14,444
Excuse me,
have you seen Mr. Bascom?
1080
01:05:14,478 --> 01:05:16,380
Mr. Bascom?
One moment, sir.
1081
01:05:16,413 --> 01:05:18,282
Mr. Bascom!
Mr. Bascom!
1082
01:05:18,315 --> 01:05:19,349
(MR. BASCOM BARKING)
1083
01:05:19,383 --> 01:05:21,351
Oh, there he is.
Paging Mr. Bascom.
1084
01:05:21,385 --> 01:05:22,987
Never mind,
he's over...
Mr. Bascom.
1085
01:05:23,020 --> 01:05:25,422
No, you don't have to...
Paging Mr. Bascom.
1086
01:05:45,275 --> 01:05:47,111
Go away.
1087
01:05:47,144 --> 01:05:48,678
Leave her alone.
1088
01:05:48,712 --> 01:05:50,014
Mr. Bascom, where are you?
1089
01:05:50,047 --> 01:05:51,281
(MR. BASCOM BARKING)
1090
01:05:51,315 --> 01:05:53,650
Oh, there you are.
Come back here.
1091
01:05:53,683 --> 01:05:55,685
Mr. Bascom!
1092
01:05:55,719 --> 01:05:59,189
Mr. Bascom, don't you know
it isn't nice
to annoy ladies?
1093
01:05:59,223 --> 01:06:01,992
I'm awfully sorry, ma'am,
but, you see, he... Oh!
1094
01:06:02,459 --> 01:06:04,028
It's you!
1095
01:06:04,061 --> 01:06:07,397
Live, not on film
and not a kinescope,
but in the flesh.
1096
01:06:07,431 --> 01:06:10,034
And, oh, what flesh!
1097
01:06:10,067 --> 01:06:11,401
Thank you for calling
your dog, Mr...
1098
01:06:11,435 --> 01:06:12,669
Mr. Bascom.
1099
01:06:12,702 --> 01:06:14,138
And I'm awfully
glad to meet you.
1100
01:06:14,171 --> 01:06:15,639
I mean, he's Mr. Bascom.
1101
01:06:15,672 --> 01:06:17,274
(STUTTERING)
I'm mister... No, I'm me!
1102
01:06:17,307 --> 01:06:18,708
I'm Malcolm Smith,
1103
01:06:18,742 --> 01:06:20,710
the Malcolm Smith that
writes you special delivery
airmail letters.
1104
01:06:20,744 --> 01:06:23,013
I've licked
a thousand stamps
for you.
1105
01:06:23,047 --> 01:06:24,581
Oh, and I dreamed
of meeting you,
1106
01:06:24,614 --> 01:06:26,683
and I dreamed of your hair,
and your nose,
1107
01:06:26,716 --> 01:06:30,254
and your lips, and your chin,
and your eyes,
1108
01:06:30,287 --> 01:06:31,721
and your fingertips.
1109
01:06:31,755 --> 01:06:35,125
We're gonna be neighbors.
Neighbors? I just moved.
1110
01:06:35,159 --> 01:06:37,261
We can share
the same incinerator.
1111
01:06:37,294 --> 01:06:39,563
Just think,
I can deliver
my letters in person.
1112
01:06:39,596 --> 01:06:40,730
Go away, you crazy...
1113
01:06:40,764 --> 01:06:42,699
Oh! Oh! Wait! Oh!
1114
01:06:42,732 --> 01:06:44,401
Oh! Oh!
1115
01:06:45,302 --> 01:06:47,137
What are you doing?
Anita!
1116
01:06:47,171 --> 01:06:50,040
That's Anita. She fell in.
I'm gonna go in and save her.
1117
01:06:50,074 --> 01:06:52,742
I can't swim
but we'll both die together!
1118
01:07:04,688 --> 01:07:06,223
Don't push down! Pull up!
1119
01:07:06,256 --> 01:07:07,557
Don't push down!
1120
01:07:13,563 --> 01:07:16,066
I know. I know.
1121
01:07:16,100 --> 01:07:20,337
You told me that, but you are
my psychiatrist
and you must talk to her.
1122
01:07:20,370 --> 01:07:21,571
She's fallen in love
with a Great Dane,
1123
01:07:21,605 --> 01:07:23,540
and I don't think
they're compatible.
1124
01:07:23,573 --> 01:07:25,175
(WHINING)
1125
01:07:27,244 --> 01:07:28,578
But, gee whiz, Steve,
she's your neighbor.
1126
01:07:28,612 --> 01:07:29,779
You can square things for me.
1127
01:07:29,813 --> 01:07:32,082
Listen, Malcolm,
we're going to Hollywood
and sell the car.
1128
01:07:32,116 --> 01:07:33,350
You got
that straight?
Yeah.
1129
01:07:33,383 --> 01:07:34,718
But if we sold the car here,
I'd have some money.
1130
01:07:34,751 --> 01:07:37,087
And I could buy Anita
a present, then
she'd forgive me.
1131
01:07:37,121 --> 01:07:39,556
We can get more
for the car in Hollywood.
1132
01:07:39,756 --> 01:07:40,757
Oh!
1133
01:07:41,758 --> 01:07:43,360
What's the matter?
1134
01:07:43,393 --> 01:07:44,694
I'm getting it.
1135
01:07:46,196 --> 01:07:47,231
I'm getting it.
1136
01:07:47,264 --> 01:07:48,332
Looks like you
already got it.
1137
01:07:48,365 --> 01:07:50,300
No, the tingle
in my fingers, see.
1138
01:07:50,334 --> 01:07:52,736
The tingle in my...
There it is.
There's the twitch.
1139
01:07:52,769 --> 01:07:54,671
The twitch always
follows the tingle.
1140
01:07:54,704 --> 01:07:56,640
The tingle, then the twitch,
and there goes the eye.
1141
01:07:56,673 --> 01:07:58,675
You see it, Steve?
There goes the eye,
the left eye.
1142
01:07:58,708 --> 01:08:00,777
First the twitch.
1143
01:08:00,810 --> 01:08:04,281
The tingling fingers,
the eye. There.
1144
01:08:04,314 --> 01:08:06,416
I got it.
Give me some money.
1145
01:08:06,450 --> 01:08:08,318
Don't you think
a transfusion
would be better?
1146
01:08:08,352 --> 01:08:09,686
No, give me
some money, Steve.
1147
01:08:09,719 --> 01:08:11,087
All I got is two bits.
1148
01:08:11,121 --> 01:08:12,222
Well, that's enough.
Give me that.
1149
01:08:12,256 --> 01:08:13,523
Hey! Hey!
Here. Let's have it.
1150
01:08:13,557 --> 01:08:16,393
(STUTTERING)
I got that feeling.
1151
01:08:16,426 --> 01:08:18,728
And when
the twitch and the arm...
1152
01:08:18,762 --> 01:08:20,164
Malcolm!
1153
01:08:20,530 --> 01:08:22,266
(STAMMERING)
1154
01:08:22,299 --> 01:08:24,067
Take it easy, Malcolm.
1155
01:08:24,100 --> 01:08:26,870
You've been
with Anita too long.
1156
01:08:28,438 --> 01:08:29,839
Listen. Listen. Look.
1157
01:08:29,873 --> 01:08:31,408
You're sick. You're sick.
1158
01:08:31,441 --> 01:08:33,543
No, which eye...
Which eye...
Which way?
1159
01:08:33,577 --> 01:08:35,545
Which way is
the eye pointing?
Which way?
1160
01:08:35,579 --> 01:08:37,080
Pointing? It's shut.
1161
01:08:37,113 --> 01:08:40,284
Well, lift the lid.
Tell me which
way it's pointing.
1162
01:08:40,317 --> 01:08:41,818
That way.
That's the one.
1163
01:08:41,851 --> 01:08:44,554
That's the lucky one.
1164
01:08:46,356 --> 01:08:48,625
Well, there goes
our last two bits.
1165
01:08:51,628 --> 01:08:52,829
(MALCOLM EXCLAIMING)
1166
01:08:54,664 --> 01:08:58,268
Yeah! See, I told you!
I knew it!
I knew it! I knew it!
1167
01:08:58,302 --> 01:08:59,836
Jackpot.
1168
01:08:59,869 --> 01:09:02,372
(STUTTERING) I felt it.
When the eye told...
1169
01:09:02,406 --> 01:09:04,208
How did you do it?
Well...
1170
01:09:04,574 --> 01:09:06,410
Oh! Oh! Oh!
1171
01:09:06,443 --> 01:09:07,844
What's the matter now?
The jerking.
1172
01:09:07,877 --> 01:09:10,614
Which way is...
Which way is the jerking?
1173
01:09:10,647 --> 01:09:11,815
This way.
1174
01:09:11,848 --> 01:09:13,583
That's the one.
Come on, the jerking.
1175
01:09:13,617 --> 01:09:16,453
That's it.
Over here. The jerking.
1176
01:09:16,486 --> 01:09:18,222
(STAMMERING)
1177
01:09:18,422 --> 01:09:21,258
Seven the loser
and the next man shoots.
1178
01:09:21,291 --> 01:09:23,360
This feels very lucky
right here. What...
1179
01:09:23,393 --> 01:09:24,461
Craps?
1180
01:09:24,494 --> 01:09:25,729
You know how to play craps?
1181
01:09:25,762 --> 01:09:28,332
Well, no, but there's
no handle on this game.
I don't know...
1182
01:09:28,365 --> 01:09:29,533
You don't need a handle here.
1183
01:09:29,566 --> 01:09:30,700
But I have the lucky feeling.
1184
01:09:30,734 --> 01:09:31,801
You have?
Yeah.
1185
01:09:31,835 --> 01:09:33,203
Here, let me have
some chips here.
1186
01:09:33,237 --> 01:09:34,438
All right. Chips, yeah.
1187
01:09:34,471 --> 01:09:36,873
(STAMMERING)
And you put... What do I...
Do I hold the chips?
1188
01:09:36,906 --> 01:09:38,642
No, you take the dice.
1189
01:09:38,675 --> 01:09:39,743
Where?
Here.
1190
01:09:39,776 --> 01:09:41,311
Take these
two dice.
Yeah.
1191
01:09:41,345 --> 01:09:42,612
Take these
and I hold it?
And throw them.
1192
01:09:42,646 --> 01:09:43,847
What?
Just throw them.
Throw them.
1193
01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:45,649
Throw them.
All right.
No!
1194
01:09:46,516 --> 01:09:48,385
Come here. Here,
now take the dice.
All right.
1195
01:09:48,418 --> 01:09:49,486
Throw them down there.
1196
01:09:49,519 --> 01:09:50,854
Yeah, all of these.
1197
01:09:50,887 --> 01:09:52,489
Okay, we'll
shoot everything.
Take these dice.
Here, there's...
1198
01:09:52,522 --> 01:09:53,890
Not all of them!
1199
01:09:53,923 --> 01:09:55,559
Don't throw them...
Throw two at a...
1200
01:09:55,592 --> 01:09:57,394
Come here,
just two dice now.
1201
01:09:57,427 --> 01:09:59,195
Well, I don't know,
see, and I'm...
You just pick up two...
1202
01:09:59,229 --> 01:10:01,765
Look at all this...
Here, here's the two.
1203
01:10:01,798 --> 01:10:02,866
Now roll a seven.
1204
01:10:02,899 --> 01:10:03,933
Here's the number.
1205
01:10:03,967 --> 01:10:05,935
No, roll it down
there at the end,
roll a seven.
1206
01:10:05,969 --> 01:10:08,338
Come on, a seven.
I never...
1207
01:10:10,640 --> 01:10:12,576
Eleven, the winner!
1208
01:10:12,609 --> 01:10:13,810
Oh, 11. Fine, fine.
1209
01:10:13,843 --> 01:10:15,645
You got your mind
on a seven.
What is that?
1210
01:10:15,679 --> 01:10:17,747
11 is fine.
Yeah, but we
lost everything?
1211
01:10:17,781 --> 01:10:19,182
You gonna pay me,
conductor?
1212
01:10:19,215 --> 01:10:20,384
Pay him,
because that was an 11.
1213
01:10:20,417 --> 01:10:23,453
Hey, innkeeper,
pay this man for that number.
1214
01:10:23,487 --> 01:10:25,355
What is it now?
I gotta roll again?
1215
01:10:25,389 --> 01:10:26,956
Make another pass.
Can you make a pass?
1216
01:10:26,990 --> 01:10:28,525
Make another pass.
I can make a pass.
1217
01:10:28,558 --> 01:10:29,626
Go ahead, make a pass.
1218
01:10:29,659 --> 01:10:31,795
Honey, how would you...
No! Not that kind of pass!
1219
01:10:31,828 --> 01:10:35,632
Oh, you mean like this?
Yeah, another roll.
Shoot them.
1220
01:10:35,665 --> 01:10:37,200
Six. Six is the number.
1221
01:10:37,233 --> 01:10:38,402
I lost all that money.
1222
01:10:38,435 --> 01:10:39,569
No, you didn't lose.
Now, make a six.
1223
01:10:39,603 --> 01:10:40,670
Here's the dice.
1224
01:10:40,704 --> 01:10:41,838
Yeah, but you said
a seven before.
1225
01:10:41,871 --> 01:10:42,939
Make a six now.
1226
01:10:42,972 --> 01:10:44,941
All right, here's a six,
two threes is six.
1227
01:10:44,974 --> 01:10:46,810
No, you roll them
to make a six.
1228
01:10:46,843 --> 01:10:48,812
Hit the board
and come back.
Make a six.
1229
01:10:48,845 --> 01:10:51,281
Oh, the same way like before.
1230
01:10:51,315 --> 01:10:52,649
CROUPIER: Eight!
It's an eight,
make a six.
1231
01:10:52,682 --> 01:10:53,950
Oh, we lost all our money!
1232
01:10:53,983 --> 01:10:55,419
No, we didn't lose
anything! Make a six.
1233
01:10:55,452 --> 01:10:56,986
Yeah, but you said
a six and I made
an eight that time.
1234
01:10:57,020 --> 01:10:58,555
That's all right,
you're allowed to do that.
1235
01:10:58,588 --> 01:11:00,624
Oh, all right.
Come on, six.
Just hurry up. Come on.
1236
01:11:00,657 --> 01:11:02,526
Watch your hand,
lady! Lady!
1237
01:11:03,593 --> 01:11:04,961
CROUPIER: Six the winner.
1238
01:11:04,994 --> 01:11:06,863
Six!
That's it, six.
1239
01:11:11,668 --> 01:11:13,470
That's a good game!
1240
01:11:13,503 --> 01:11:14,671
Give me them again.
1241
01:11:14,704 --> 01:11:16,005
Let me make sixes
some more times.
1242
01:11:16,039 --> 01:11:17,507
No, wait a minute.
1243
01:11:17,541 --> 01:11:18,675
You got that lucky feeling?
1244
01:11:18,708 --> 01:11:20,477
Oh, I feel it in
the fingers and all...
1245
01:11:20,510 --> 01:11:21,945
Do you think
you can make snake eyes?
1246
01:11:21,978 --> 01:11:23,680
Yeah, yeah.
Snakes look like this.
1247
01:11:23,713 --> 01:11:25,349
No, no, make snake eyes.
1248
01:11:25,382 --> 01:11:27,016
What snake eyes?
I just made them for you.
1249
01:11:27,050 --> 01:11:31,388
No, make snake eyes.
Two aces. Two aces.
One on each dice.
1250
01:11:31,421 --> 01:11:32,856
Make it 30 to 1.
1251
01:11:32,889 --> 01:11:34,324
Oh, I can do that!
1252
01:11:34,358 --> 01:11:35,425
You're sure?
1253
01:11:35,459 --> 01:11:37,827
Oh, I'm so excited.
Give me the dice.
30 to 1!
1254
01:11:37,861 --> 01:11:39,729
Put all of this
on snake eyes.
1255
01:11:39,763 --> 01:11:42,399
ALL: Ooh!
1256
01:11:42,432 --> 01:11:44,000
Put it all on snake eyes.
1257
01:11:44,033 --> 01:11:45,469
All of it. That's it.
1258
01:11:45,502 --> 01:11:46,736
Give me the...
1259
01:11:46,770 --> 01:11:48,738
They're taking the money
but they're not
giving me the dice.
1260
01:11:48,772 --> 01:11:49,973
That's all right,
they're not locking it up.
1261
01:11:50,006 --> 01:11:51,575
Mister, give me...
All right,
they're coming out.
1262
01:11:51,608 --> 01:11:54,911
Snake eyes. Malcolm, you make
snake eyes and we'll change
the name of this place.
1263
01:11:55,812 --> 01:11:57,681
Don't drown them.
Just make snake eyes.
1264
01:11:57,714 --> 01:12:00,484
Oh, well, I see them do that
in the movies,
like the Monte Cristo movie.
1265
01:12:00,517 --> 01:12:03,453
Make snake eyes.
30 to 1.
1266
01:12:03,953 --> 01:12:05,555
CROUPIER: Snake eyes!
1267
01:12:08,858 --> 01:12:10,660
I knew it!
1268
01:12:10,694 --> 01:12:12,295
What happened?
1269
01:12:12,328 --> 01:12:15,732
Oh! Steve what's the matter?
What happened?
1270
01:12:15,765 --> 01:12:17,734
Did I do bad?
Why did you faint?
1271
01:12:17,767 --> 01:12:19,035
You throwed two aces.
1272
01:12:19,068 --> 01:12:20,470
Yeah, that's what
you told me to do.
1273
01:12:20,504 --> 01:12:23,306
You nearly won
$9,000 or $10,000, you won.
1274
01:12:23,339 --> 01:12:24,641
We won $9,000
or $10,000?
1275
01:12:24,674 --> 01:12:26,710
How do you do that?
Well, it's
the lucky feeling.
1276
01:12:26,743 --> 01:12:28,044
Remember I told you
about the itching,
1277
01:12:28,077 --> 01:12:29,312
and the twitching
and the jerking?
1278
01:12:29,345 --> 01:12:32,416
I knew something
was just driving me
to come to this table.
1279
01:12:32,449 --> 01:12:34,951
$9,000 or $10,000
is nothing because
when I get the lucky...
1280
01:12:34,984 --> 01:12:36,820
$9,000 or $10,000?
1281
01:12:39,689 --> 01:12:42,358
NEWSCASTER ON TV:
On the lighter side,
in Las Vegas today,
1282
01:12:42,392 --> 01:12:45,495
these two fellows,
Steve Wiley
and Malcolm Smith,
1283
01:12:45,529 --> 01:12:49,933
made history when
they pyramided 25 cents
to a small fortune
1284
01:12:49,966 --> 01:12:51,801
in less than 10 minutes.
1285
01:12:51,835 --> 01:12:55,004
Hey, boss, there's Wiley.
He's in Vegas.
1286
01:12:55,038 --> 01:12:57,340
Las Vegas?
1287
01:12:57,373 --> 01:12:58,708
Get me Sammy Ross
in Los Angeles.
1288
01:12:58,742 --> 01:13:00,544
He can make it
to Vegas in an hour.
1289
01:13:00,577 --> 01:13:01,678
I concur.
1290
01:13:01,711 --> 01:13:02,979
Come on. Come on.
1291
01:13:06,883 --> 01:13:08,985
Don't put that on yet, Red.
1292
01:13:10,820 --> 01:13:12,789
Mess up my collar.
1293
01:13:12,822 --> 01:13:14,558
Steve!
1294
01:13:14,591 --> 01:13:16,493
Why, I thought
you'd left hours ago.
1295
01:13:16,526 --> 01:13:18,094
Malcolm got lucky
and I thought,
1296
01:13:18,127 --> 01:13:20,964
maybe some of it
might rub off on me.
1297
01:13:21,531 --> 01:13:23,066
Steve, please.
1298
01:13:23,099 --> 01:13:24,834
Oh, don't mind us.
1299
01:13:25,702 --> 01:13:28,104
This is making it
the hard way,
but where were we?
1300
01:13:28,137 --> 01:13:29,973
We're on
in a minute.
1301
01:13:34,878 --> 01:13:35,979
Steve, I'll lose
my job.
1302
01:13:36,012 --> 01:13:37,647
You just quit.
1303
01:13:38,114 --> 01:13:40,116
We're going to Hollywood.
1304
01:13:41,485 --> 01:13:43,052
No, no,
it wouldn't be any good.
1305
01:13:43,086 --> 01:13:44,921
Look, Malcolm and I
got it all figured out.
1306
01:13:44,954 --> 01:13:49,759
With the money he won,
we can get into some kind
of a racket, a business.
1307
01:13:49,793 --> 01:13:53,797
Real nine-to-five,
five days a week,
kind of business?
1308
01:13:53,830 --> 01:13:55,599
No horses, no...
Honey,
1309
01:13:55,632 --> 01:13:58,768
we won't even buy
our first monster
a hobby horse.
1310
01:13:59,603 --> 01:14:01,538
You can make book on that.
1311
01:14:01,871 --> 01:14:05,909
Now you go ahead
and get yourself ready,
and I'll find our best man.
1312
01:14:17,521 --> 01:14:20,890
And the other guy says,
"I didn't even figure
I was in the same town.
1313
01:14:20,924 --> 01:14:23,993
"I had a magazine,
thought I'd wait around."
1314
01:14:24,027 --> 01:14:27,797
And he sees that
there wasn't even
much chance to catch the bus.
1315
01:14:31,901 --> 01:14:34,070
Catch the bus.
1316
01:14:34,103 --> 01:14:36,039
Waiter!
1317
01:14:36,072 --> 01:14:38,474
Catch the bus.
1318
01:14:38,508 --> 01:14:40,544
Let's have some more
champagne and caviar.
Yes, sir.
1319
01:14:40,577 --> 01:14:44,113
Waiter, let's have some more
champagne and caviar.
Yes, sir.
1320
01:14:44,147 --> 01:14:45,915
Waiter, while you're at it,
1321
01:14:45,949 --> 01:14:47,951
how about bringing us
some more champagne
1322
01:14:47,984 --> 01:14:49,519
and more caviar?
Yes, sir.
1323
01:14:49,553 --> 01:14:50,854
Waiter, will you stop
jumping around
1324
01:14:50,887 --> 01:14:52,922
and please stand still
so I can give you my order?
1325
01:14:53,222 --> 01:14:54,958
We'd like to have
some more champagne...
1326
01:14:54,991 --> 01:14:56,059
And more caviar.
1327
01:14:56,092 --> 01:14:57,226
Don't be ridiculous.
1328
01:14:57,260 --> 01:14:58,528
I've ordered enough caviar.
1329
01:14:58,562 --> 01:14:59,863
How much do you think
I can afford?
1330
01:14:59,896 --> 01:15:01,731
Just get some champagne.
Thank you.
1331
01:15:01,765 --> 01:15:03,800
Waiter. You're welcome.
1332
01:15:07,771 --> 01:15:09,639
Well, bottoms up!
1333
01:15:10,640 --> 01:15:13,610
Excuse me, I forgot
there were ladies present.
1334
01:15:22,652 --> 01:15:24,954
All right, easy, Sammy.
You're wrinkling
my cummerbund.
1335
01:15:24,988 --> 01:15:26,890
I'll wrinkle your brains.
1336
01:15:26,923 --> 01:15:28,758
The boss hears you're loaded.
1337
01:15:28,792 --> 01:15:30,126
His battery's out of order.
1338
01:15:30,159 --> 01:15:33,062
Yeah? You and your partner
had your picture on TV.
1339
01:15:33,096 --> 01:15:35,231
From two bits
to a fortune, they said!
1340
01:15:35,264 --> 01:15:37,100
Well, it was
my partner's loot.
He won it.
1341
01:15:37,133 --> 01:15:38,702
So you borrow it
from him.
1342
01:15:38,735 --> 01:15:40,103
Now, your battery's
out of order.
1343
01:15:40,136 --> 01:15:42,105
So I borrow from him.
1344
01:15:42,138 --> 01:15:44,140
Sammy, leave the kid alone.
1345
01:15:44,574 --> 01:15:46,943
I didn't fly up here
for nothing, chum.
1346
01:15:46,976 --> 01:15:49,613
Maybe I can make it
worth your while.
1347
01:16:27,183 --> 01:16:28,251
Where are we?
1348
01:16:28,284 --> 01:16:30,219
Shh! Terry's asleep.
1349
01:16:30,253 --> 01:16:33,189
No, I'm not.
I just like it here.
1350
01:16:33,222 --> 01:16:35,091
Morning, Terry.
1351
01:16:35,124 --> 01:16:36,926
Oh, good morning, Malcolm.
1352
01:16:36,960 --> 01:16:39,195
How do you feel?
Oh, very nice.
1353
01:16:42,799 --> 01:16:44,067
Steve, where are we?
1354
01:16:44,100 --> 01:16:45,568
Almost to Hollywood.
1355
01:16:45,601 --> 01:16:48,304
Hollywood!
Let's go back
to Las Vegas, Steve.
1356
01:16:48,337 --> 01:16:50,106
Please. I gotta see
Anita again.
1357
01:16:50,139 --> 01:16:52,942
Oh, Malcolm,
why don't you forget
about Anita?
1358
01:16:52,976 --> 01:16:55,078
You're just
another fan to her.
1359
01:16:55,111 --> 01:16:58,214
Not after the present
I sent her. Please,
Steve, turn around.
1360
01:16:58,247 --> 01:17:01,584
Relax, boy.
A lot of fans
send presents.
1361
01:17:01,617 --> 01:17:03,953
Yeah? With
real diamonds in it?
1362
01:17:03,987 --> 01:17:05,655
Real diamonds?
1363
01:17:05,689 --> 01:17:06,923
They'd better
be real diamonds.
1364
01:17:06,956 --> 01:17:08,692
I spent all the money
I won on it.
1365
01:17:09,025 --> 01:17:11,194
You spent
all your winnings
on a present?
1366
01:17:11,227 --> 01:17:13,930
Yeah, for
a beautiful necklace
1367
01:17:13,963 --> 01:17:16,632
to go around
her beautiful neck.
1368
01:17:16,666 --> 01:17:18,634
Before my hands
go around
your beautiful neck,
1369
01:17:18,668 --> 01:17:20,236
how much money
we got left?
1370
01:17:20,269 --> 01:17:23,239
Don't worry, Steve.
I still got your quarter.
1371
01:17:23,272 --> 01:17:24,874
Here it is.
1372
01:17:25,174 --> 01:17:29,045
Did I do bad? Was it bad?
What did I do bad?
1373
01:17:43,026 --> 01:17:45,161
Steve, honest,
I don't want to sell
my half of the car.
1374
01:17:45,194 --> 01:17:46,395
Really, it's become
part of me.
1375
01:17:46,429 --> 01:17:47,831
Can't you think
of something else?
1376
01:17:47,864 --> 01:17:49,065
I'm thinking of something.
1377
01:17:49,098 --> 01:17:50,233
I'm thinking
of double homicide.
1378
01:17:50,266 --> 01:17:52,368
One for each
of your heads!
1379
01:17:52,936 --> 01:17:54,637
Look, will you just
listen for a second?
1380
01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:56,139
This is the first car
I ever owned.
1381
01:17:56,172 --> 01:17:57,807
Really, it's the first thing
I ever owned
1382
01:17:57,841 --> 01:17:59,242
that didn't eat
Poochy Pup Dog Food.
1383
01:17:59,275 --> 01:18:00,777
Look, why don't you
be brave, boy?
1384
01:18:00,810 --> 01:18:02,111
You know, fly
right through it.
1385
01:18:02,145 --> 01:18:04,647
You know, like Jimmy Stewart
in 30 Seconds Over Tokyo.
1386
01:18:04,680 --> 01:18:06,282
No, that was
Strategic Air Command.
I'm sorry.
1387
01:18:06,315 --> 01:18:08,818
That was a Paramount picture.
That's all right.
But I don't wanna fly.
1388
01:18:08,852 --> 01:18:10,787
I just wanna rollio,
rollio in my new car.
1389
01:18:10,820 --> 01:18:12,421
I love it so much,
I even made up
a poem about it.
1390
01:18:12,455 --> 01:18:13,723
Would you like to hear it?
1391
01:18:13,757 --> 01:18:15,458
(TO TUNE OF THREE BLIND MICE)
* My new car
1392
01:18:15,925 --> 01:18:17,994
* Oh, how it ran
1393
01:18:18,027 --> 01:18:20,864
* It's as red as
a beautiful slice of ham
1394
01:18:20,897 --> 01:18:23,699
* As shiny and bright
as a frying pan
1395
01:18:23,733 --> 01:18:26,669
* It shouldn't
belong to no Stupid Sam
1396
01:18:26,702 --> 01:18:28,437
* My new car.
1397
01:18:29,839 --> 01:18:31,307
You know, I never thought
I'd live to say this,
1398
01:18:31,340 --> 01:18:33,877
but I like
that Poochy Pup poem
much better.
1399
01:18:33,910 --> 01:18:35,244
Yeah, I like
that one, too.
Oh, come on.
1400
01:18:35,278 --> 01:18:36,980
Would you like
to hear it again?
I could sing it.
1401
01:18:37,013 --> 01:18:39,015
(LAUGHING)
1402
01:18:41,417 --> 01:18:43,920
Well, perfect condition.
1403
01:18:44,888 --> 01:18:48,224
You're right, boy.
Clean as a whistle.
1404
01:18:48,257 --> 01:18:51,828
You read my sign.
You know how stupid I am.
1405
01:18:51,861 --> 01:18:53,396
Yeah, yeah.
I know that.
1406
01:18:53,429 --> 01:18:55,731
I'll give you $1,500.
1407
01:18:55,765 --> 01:18:57,901
$1,500?
$1,500?
1408
01:18:57,934 --> 01:18:58,968
$1,500?
1409
01:18:59,002 --> 01:19:00,403
Let's go around again!
1410
01:19:00,436 --> 01:19:02,806
Oh, come on.
Now look,
this car's only a week old.
1411
01:19:02,839 --> 01:19:05,274
I think we should
at least get $4,000.
1412
01:19:05,308 --> 01:19:08,744
Cars depreciate fast
that first week, boy.
1413
01:19:08,778 --> 01:19:11,948
Not that fast, boy.
Come on,
let's get out of here.
1414
01:19:12,748 --> 01:19:16,519
(LAUGHING)
1415
01:19:18,354 --> 01:19:19,355
Come on.
1416
01:19:20,289 --> 01:19:22,291
I'm sure glad
you didn't sell, Steve.
1417
01:19:22,325 --> 01:19:23,827
We'd be more
stupid than Stupid
1418
01:19:23,860 --> 01:19:25,394
if we were ever stupid enough
to sell to Stupid.
1419
01:19:25,428 --> 01:19:27,296
Oh, inside, stupid.
1420
01:19:30,433 --> 01:19:31,734
(SAM CHUCKLING)
1421
01:19:31,767 --> 01:19:35,138
No gas? You really are
low on cash.
1422
01:19:35,538 --> 01:19:37,340
(LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)
1423
01:19:37,373 --> 01:19:38,441
There it is.
1424
01:19:42,511 --> 01:19:44,347
Here's your half, Malcolm.
1425
01:19:44,380 --> 01:19:45,781
Thank you.
1426
01:19:49,252 --> 01:19:51,120
Here's your $40, Terry.
1427
01:19:52,355 --> 01:19:54,123
I'll get you a cab.
1428
01:19:55,291 --> 01:19:56,392
Taxi!
1429
01:20:01,230 --> 01:20:04,467
Taxi? Where
are you going, Terry?
1430
01:20:04,500 --> 01:20:07,136
I didn't know
I was going anywhere.
1431
01:20:14,577 --> 01:20:15,945
Steve!
1432
01:20:18,014 --> 01:20:22,952
As Malcolm said,
just where am I going?
1433
01:20:24,387 --> 01:20:26,389
You said you had
an audition in Hollywood.
1434
01:20:26,422 --> 01:20:28,357
This is Hollywood.
Oh.
1435
01:20:29,525 --> 01:20:32,295
What was Vegas?
An audition, too?
1436
01:20:34,898 --> 01:20:36,399
That's about it.
1437
01:20:37,300 --> 01:20:40,103
I'm sorry I didn't
make good, Mr. Wiley.
1438
01:20:40,937 --> 01:20:42,238
Goodbye.
1439
01:20:51,447 --> 01:20:52,448
Psst.
1440
01:20:53,516 --> 01:20:56,852
Don't say anything,
but here's a deposit.
1441
01:20:56,886 --> 01:20:58,854
I'd like you
to hold the car
for a few days.
1442
01:20:58,888 --> 01:21:01,090
I'm gonna get lucky
and buy it back.
1443
01:21:03,592 --> 01:21:07,863
Yes. You'd better
get awful lucky.
1444
01:21:09,265 --> 01:21:12,135
This is a very nice business
you have here.
1445
01:21:18,341 --> 01:21:20,143
Hey, Steve,
where did Terry go?
1446
01:21:20,176 --> 01:21:22,111
Never mind where
Terry went. Here.
1447
01:21:22,145 --> 01:21:24,047
Here's the rest
of your money.
My money?
1448
01:21:24,080 --> 01:21:25,982
You already gave me my half.
This is your half.
1449
01:21:26,015 --> 01:21:28,017
No, it's all yours.
1450
01:21:28,051 --> 01:21:30,086
The whole car is yours.
It always was.
1451
01:21:30,119 --> 01:21:32,855
I just got in on the deal
with a phony ticket.
1452
01:21:32,888 --> 01:21:34,523
Phony ticket?
Yeah, phony ticket.
1453
01:21:34,557 --> 01:21:37,460
I had it printed up myself.
1454
01:21:37,493 --> 01:21:39,963
You mean in
the theater with...
1455
01:21:40,496 --> 01:21:42,598
Well, what's
the difference, Steve?
We're friends now.
1456
01:21:42,631 --> 01:21:44,067
What's the difference
how we met?
1457
01:21:44,100 --> 01:21:46,102
Friends? I tried
to steal your car.
1458
01:21:46,135 --> 01:21:48,904
I'd have gotten away
with it if it wasn't
for that hound of yours.
1459
01:21:48,938 --> 01:21:50,306
Yeah, I understand
that, Steve.
1460
01:21:50,339 --> 01:21:51,507
But remember,
I'd have never known
1461
01:21:51,540 --> 01:21:53,076
about the phony ticket
or the stealing
1462
01:21:53,109 --> 01:21:55,911
if you didn't tell me,
which means
that you're very noble.
1463
01:21:55,945 --> 01:21:58,948
You're as noble
as Abraham Lincoln
or Raymond Massey.
1464
01:21:58,982 --> 01:22:01,217
Malcolm, this may come
as a shock to you,
1465
01:22:01,250 --> 01:22:03,186
but Anita Ekberg
isn't even my neighbor.
1466
01:22:03,219 --> 01:22:04,453
Oh, I know it.
1467
01:22:04,487 --> 01:22:05,888
You know that?
1468
01:22:05,921 --> 01:22:08,091
Oh, yeah, I know that,
too, from reading
the movie magazines.
1469
01:22:08,124 --> 01:22:09,392
So you see,
you weren't lying.
1470
01:22:09,425 --> 01:22:10,659
You were just
pretending, Steve.
1471
01:22:10,693 --> 01:22:13,896
Pretending?
I was lying, Malcolm.
Look, I'm in trouble.
1472
01:22:13,929 --> 01:22:15,398
And anybody with me
is in trouble.
1473
01:22:15,431 --> 01:22:18,567
I owe a bookie big money
and this is a big bookie.
1474
01:22:18,601 --> 01:22:21,537
Yeah, well,
that's all right, Steve,
because, well, let's see.
1475
01:22:21,570 --> 01:22:24,240
I can get you some money.
I can get
the lucky feeling again.
1476
01:22:24,273 --> 01:22:26,042
Where are we gonna find
the crap tables?
1477
01:22:26,075 --> 01:22:28,011
Under the orange trees?
1478
01:22:29,212 --> 01:22:33,149
Wait a minute.
You think you can get
that lucky feeling again?
1479
01:22:34,083 --> 01:22:35,451
I know I can.
1480
01:22:36,152 --> 01:22:38,554
Hollywood Park,
here we come. Taxi!
1481
01:22:39,622 --> 01:22:42,691
Yeah, but I can't go
to the races dressed
in these clothes.
1482
01:22:42,725 --> 01:22:45,728
It's all right,
we'll change in the cab.
Then we'll check our luggage.
1483
01:22:47,296 --> 01:22:48,964
COMMENTATOR OVER PA:
Heading for home,
it's King Leo by a length,
1484
01:22:48,998 --> 01:22:52,468
Limping Home by a head,
Dragon Fire by
a neck and Hot Rivet.
1485
01:22:52,501 --> 01:22:55,371
In the stretch,
it's King Leo
leading by three lengths
1486
01:22:55,404 --> 01:22:59,042
ahead of Limping Home,
Dragon Fire and Hot Rivet.
1487
01:22:59,075 --> 01:23:01,177
And the winner is King Leo!
1488
01:23:02,411 --> 01:23:03,579
(WHINING)
1489
01:23:03,612 --> 01:23:05,714
STEVE:
You and your lucky feeling.
1490
01:23:06,982 --> 01:23:10,586
MALCOLM: Gee, I'm sorry.
Come on, Mr. Bascom.
1491
01:23:12,321 --> 01:23:13,989
But, Steve,
listen to me.
1492
01:23:14,023 --> 01:23:17,026
Oh, quiet. I've done
all the listening
to you I'm gonna do.
1493
01:23:17,060 --> 01:23:19,595
Don't be mad
at me, Steve.
Will you be quiet?
1494
01:23:19,628 --> 01:23:21,364
Do you want us
to get thrown out of here?
1495
01:23:21,397 --> 01:23:22,731
No, I like it here.
1496
01:23:22,765 --> 01:23:25,201
Gosh, I can't believe it.
We're in the actual
Hollywood Bowl.
1497
01:23:25,234 --> 01:23:27,303
You know I never slept
in a bowl before?
1498
01:23:27,336 --> 01:23:30,239
Would you believe it?
Neither did I.
1499
01:23:30,273 --> 01:23:31,707
It just so happens tonight
1500
01:23:31,740 --> 01:23:34,677
I haven't got enough money
for a nice hotel room.
1501
01:23:34,710 --> 01:23:36,645
Yeah, but I told you
before, Steve,
1502
01:23:36,679 --> 01:23:39,048
this is the first time
my lucky feeling didn't work.
1503
01:23:39,082 --> 01:23:41,684
You told me. You told me.
Now get some sleep.
1504
01:23:41,717 --> 01:23:44,253
But I'm not sleepy.
I'm too excited.
1505
01:23:44,287 --> 01:23:46,322
Do you realize
this is the Hollywood Bowl
1506
01:23:46,355 --> 01:23:48,291
where some
of the great
symphony conductors
1507
01:23:48,324 --> 01:23:50,226
conduct some of
their great symphonies?
1508
01:23:50,259 --> 01:23:51,660
I know. I know.
1509
01:23:51,694 --> 01:23:55,231
And do you also realize
that the Hollywood Bowl
has 20,000 seats,
1510
01:23:55,264 --> 01:23:58,734
and it's completely
surrounded by 2,496 trees?
1511
01:23:59,402 --> 01:24:00,703
(WHINING)
1512
01:24:02,171 --> 01:24:06,609
Look, if you don't clam up,
one of those 2,496 trees
1513
01:24:06,642 --> 01:24:08,777
is gonna have a limp body
hanging from them.
1514
01:24:08,811 --> 01:24:10,679
Now get some sleep!
1515
01:24:10,713 --> 01:24:14,117
All right.
You don't have to get mad.
1516
01:24:20,323 --> 01:24:26,095
(SNORING ECHOING)
1517
01:24:28,364 --> 01:24:33,602
(BABBLING)
1518
01:24:35,204 --> 01:24:36,672
"Anita Ekberg
starts shooting"
1519
01:24:36,705 --> 01:24:39,375
"her VistaVision picture
at Paramount today."
1520
01:24:39,408 --> 01:24:41,777
"The blonde star is now over
the severe cold she caught"
1521
01:24:41,810 --> 01:24:43,412
"in a Las Vegas
swimming pool."
1522
01:24:43,446 --> 01:24:45,348
(MALCOLM BLABBERING)
1523
01:24:45,381 --> 01:24:48,151
"Paramount is also
testing Terry Roberts"
1524
01:24:48,184 --> 01:24:49,385
"for a singing
and dancing role"
1525
01:24:49,418 --> 01:24:51,154
"in the new
Elvis Presley movie."
1526
01:24:51,187 --> 01:24:54,123
"Miss Roberts'
previous experience was..."
1527
01:24:54,157 --> 01:24:56,525
(MALCOLM BLABBERING)
1528
01:25:01,864 --> 01:25:04,200
Up, Malcolm. Up, up!
1529
01:25:04,233 --> 01:25:05,568
Come on, up.
Oh.
1530
01:25:05,601 --> 01:25:07,403
You know something?
Yeah, I know something.
1531
01:25:07,436 --> 01:25:09,572
I was just dreaming
about Anita
and you know what?
1532
01:25:09,605 --> 01:25:11,640
She was wearing my necklace.
1533
01:25:11,674 --> 01:25:14,143
You know, it's funny.
I dreamed about Anita, too.
1534
01:25:14,177 --> 01:25:16,679
And what right do you have
to be dreaming about my girl?
1535
01:25:16,712 --> 01:25:19,748
Malcolm, all we did
was talk about you.
Oh, yeah?
1536
01:25:19,782 --> 01:25:22,185
And, oh, is she
mad at you.
Oh, no.
1537
01:25:22,218 --> 01:25:23,819
Oh, she's angry
with you.
No.
1538
01:25:23,852 --> 01:25:25,354
Yeah, she said
that no nice girl
1539
01:25:25,388 --> 01:25:27,723
takes expensive gifts
from total strangers.
1540
01:25:27,756 --> 01:25:29,825
She wants you
to go to the studio
and take it back
1541
01:25:29,858 --> 01:25:31,694
so I can pay off
Bookie Benny.
1542
01:25:31,727 --> 01:25:32,861
Take it back?
Mmm-hmm.
1543
01:25:32,895 --> 01:25:34,563
What do you want me to be?
An Indian giver?
1544
01:25:34,597 --> 01:25:37,833
Yeah, give her an Indian.
That's not so personal.
Yeah, that...
1545
01:25:37,866 --> 01:25:40,303
Come on, Malcolm.
Come on.
1546
01:25:40,336 --> 01:25:42,505
Come on, Mr. Bascom.
Come on.
1547
01:25:46,875 --> 01:25:48,577
Come on, Malcolm.
1548
01:25:49,412 --> 01:25:51,113
But, Steve,
I'm trying to tell you,
1549
01:25:51,146 --> 01:25:53,682
you can't just
walk into a studio.
1550
01:25:53,716 --> 01:25:56,519
You can't walk
into Paramount Studio
or any other studio.
1551
01:25:56,552 --> 01:25:58,354
It says so in
the fan magazines...
1552
01:26:16,472 --> 01:26:17,740
Hey, you!
1553
01:26:17,773 --> 01:26:18,774
Huh?
1554
01:26:19,275 --> 01:26:20,776
Is that a real dummy
you got there?
1555
01:26:20,809 --> 01:26:22,478
This is really a real dummy.
1556
01:26:22,511 --> 01:26:24,247
Cut it out, Steve.
1557
01:26:29,818 --> 01:26:31,254
(MR. BASCOM BARKING)
1558
01:26:38,661 --> 01:26:39,728
(BARKING)
1559
01:26:40,629 --> 01:26:42,465
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
1560
01:26:44,367 --> 01:26:45,468
(LAUGHING)
1561
01:26:46,902 --> 01:26:49,272
Hey, watch
where you're going!
1562
01:26:53,276 --> 01:26:54,643
Wait. Let's separate.
1563
01:26:54,677 --> 01:26:56,279
Maybe she's in there.
1564
01:27:04,253 --> 01:27:05,554
Good idea.
1565
01:27:06,789 --> 01:27:07,856
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
1566
01:27:12,895 --> 01:27:15,931
(ORCHESTRA PLAYING
IT LOOKS LIKE LOVE)
1567
01:27:21,437 --> 01:27:24,973
* It looks like love
1568
01:27:25,007 --> 01:27:28,911
* It feels like love
1569
01:27:28,944 --> 01:27:35,718
* And I confess
it's got me rocking
on my heels like love
1570
01:27:36,585 --> 01:27:42,958
* How else can I account for
that unexpected... *
1571
01:27:43,892 --> 01:27:45,961
What's the matter, kid?
1572
01:27:45,994 --> 01:27:47,596
I'm sorry.
1573
01:27:47,630 --> 01:27:50,299
I just can't seem
to get with it today.
1574
01:27:50,499 --> 01:27:52,835
Maybe I could come back
some other time?
1575
01:27:52,868 --> 01:27:56,505
CONDUCTOR: Honey,
it's a love song. Just sing it
like you mean it.
1576
01:27:56,805 --> 01:27:58,307
Okay, boys.
1577
01:27:59,342 --> 01:28:02,645
(ORCHESTRA PLAYING
IT LOOKS LIKE LOVE)
1578
01:28:02,678 --> 01:28:06,415
* It looks like love
1579
01:28:06,449 --> 01:28:08,584
* It feels like...
1580
01:28:10,486 --> 01:28:16,592
* And I confess
it's got me rocking
on my heels like love
1581
01:28:18,060 --> 01:28:25,033
* How else can I account for
that unexpected glow?
1582
01:28:25,901 --> 01:28:32,908
* That turns the night to day
each time we say hello
1583
01:28:33,942 --> 01:28:35,844
* It looks like love
1584
01:28:35,878 --> 01:28:37,713
* It looks like love
1585
01:28:37,746 --> 01:28:39,748
* It could be love
1586
01:28:39,782 --> 01:28:41,784
* Yes, it could be love.
1587
01:28:41,817 --> 01:28:48,357
BOTH: * But if it's not,
it's so darned wonderful
it should be love
1588
01:28:49,392 --> 01:28:53,362
* There's a lot more
I could tell you.
1589
01:28:53,396 --> 01:29:00,102
BOTH: * But you take
my breath away
1590
01:29:00,769 --> 01:29:04,873
* Yes, it looks like love
1591
01:29:04,907 --> 01:29:11,814
* Has come to stay.
1592
01:29:20,923 --> 01:29:22,591
I thought you were a single.
1593
01:29:22,625 --> 01:29:24,427
Only duets
from here on in.
1594
01:29:26,829 --> 01:29:28,130
MAN: Quiet!
1595
01:29:29,031 --> 01:29:30,933
Okay, everybody quiet!
1596
01:29:33,869 --> 01:29:36,004
It's her, Mr. Bascom.
It's her.
1597
01:29:38,106 --> 01:29:41,477
All right, Anita. Now...
1598
01:29:41,510 --> 01:29:44,880
Now, in this scene remember,
Napoleon is just
returning from Elba.
1599
01:29:44,913 --> 01:29:48,717
Now, you're waiting
for Napoleon, breathlessly,
impatiently.
1600
01:29:50,586 --> 01:29:53,856
He's your husband.
You're his wife.
1601
01:29:54,790 --> 01:29:56,425
And you love him
and he loves you.
1602
01:29:56,459 --> 01:29:57,493
(BELL RINGING)
1603
01:29:57,526 --> 01:30:00,829
All right quiet!
Roll them! Action!
1604
01:30:42,671 --> 01:30:44,473
No! No! Cut it! Cut it!
1605
01:30:44,507 --> 01:30:45,574
It's you again.
1606
01:30:45,608 --> 01:30:47,810
Yes, Malcolm Smith.
I came with Mr. Bascom.
1607
01:30:47,843 --> 01:30:50,779
Get that man!
Throw him out
of the studio!
1608
01:30:51,113 --> 01:30:52,915
(MR. BASCOM BARKING)
1609
01:30:54,082 --> 01:30:55,484
MAN: There he goes.
1610
01:30:55,518 --> 01:30:57,786
Anita, are you
all right?
That boy,
bring him back.
1611
01:30:57,820 --> 01:31:00,122
Bring him
back here!
And get
his dog, too.
1612
01:31:00,155 --> 01:31:01,590
And his dog, too!
1613
01:31:01,624 --> 01:31:04,192
Oh, they won't get you,
Mr. Bascom. Come on, boy.
1614
01:31:11,166 --> 01:31:12,635
(SCREAMING)
1615
01:31:20,475 --> 01:31:22,110
Start praying
for a miracle.
1616
01:31:30,953 --> 01:31:32,020
(EXCLAIMING)
1617
01:31:42,097 --> 01:31:43,799
Steve, they're
after Mr. Bascom.
1618
01:31:43,832 --> 01:31:45,534
Hello, Terry.
Help me.
1619
01:32:12,260 --> 01:32:13,629
Malcolm.
1620
01:32:13,996 --> 01:32:15,163
Malcolm.
1621
01:32:19,968 --> 01:32:21,203
Malcolm.
1622
01:32:28,644 --> 01:32:30,579
Steve, we lost Malcolm.
1623
01:32:34,549 --> 01:32:35,951
Oh, he's gone.
1624
01:32:37,753 --> 01:32:38,987
Who isn't?
1625
01:32:39,755 --> 01:32:41,957
You're not mad at me,
Miss Ekberg?
1626
01:32:41,990 --> 01:32:44,326
Only for giving me
such an expensive gift.
1627
01:32:45,227 --> 01:32:46,795
You must take it back.
1628
01:32:46,829 --> 01:32:48,063
Oh.
1629
01:32:48,096 --> 01:32:50,198
Well, isn't there
something I can give you?
1630
01:32:50,232 --> 01:32:51,834
Yes, there is.
1631
01:32:53,702 --> 01:32:54,770
What?
1632
01:32:55,337 --> 01:32:57,239
You may give me your dog.
1633
01:32:57,272 --> 01:32:59,107
Oh, I could never
give you Mr. Bascom.
1634
01:32:59,141 --> 01:33:00,943
I couldn't give him away.
1635
01:33:00,976 --> 01:33:03,646
I don't want you
to give him away.
1636
01:33:03,679 --> 01:33:06,148
I just want
to borrow him
for a while.
1637
01:33:06,181 --> 01:33:08,884
Oh. Mr. Bascom
would like that.
1638
01:33:08,917 --> 01:33:10,753
Yeah, that's all right.
1639
01:33:27,269 --> 01:33:28,804
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
1640
01:33:28,837 --> 01:33:30,138
This is Wendell Niles
greeting you
1641
01:33:30,172 --> 01:33:32,675
from Hollywood's
most famous landmark,
1642
01:33:32,708 --> 01:33:35,678
Grauman's Chinese Theater
on Hollywood Boulevard.
1643
01:33:36,344 --> 01:33:38,814
We're going to see
a wonderful picture tonight.
1644
01:33:38,847 --> 01:33:40,783
But even more important
than the picture,
1645
01:33:40,816 --> 01:33:43,686
is the story
behind the scenes,
1646
01:33:43,719 --> 01:33:46,789
the story of a movie fan
and his dog.
1647
01:33:46,822 --> 01:33:48,757
Here they come now.
1648
01:33:59,001 --> 01:34:01,904
May I have
your autograph, please?
1649
01:34:01,937 --> 01:34:04,106
Oh, wonderful!
Thank you.
1650
01:34:05,240 --> 01:34:08,711
CHORUS: * Sound the trumpets
in Stardust Alley
1651
01:34:08,744 --> 01:34:11,947
* Happy ending
and grand finale
1652
01:34:11,980 --> 01:34:14,717
* Love, to all men,
as some day it must
1653
01:34:14,750 --> 01:34:18,653
* Will come to make life merry
for Steve and Terry
1654
01:34:18,687 --> 01:34:21,890
* Malcolm sweeter on Anita
1655
01:34:21,924 --> 01:34:25,127
* Mr. Bascom?
Just you ask him
1656
01:34:25,160 --> 01:34:26,394
(BARKING)
1657
01:34:26,995 --> 01:34:33,869
* Hollywood or bust!
1658
01:34:37,005 --> 01:34:43,278
* Hollywood or bust!
120515
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