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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,354 --> 00:00:01,850 - On the line we have Eamon, 2 00:00:01,850 --> 00:00:03,113 Eamon, are you ready? 3 00:00:03,113 --> 00:00:04,458 - I was born ready, Larry, but I was 4 00:00:04,458 --> 00:00:05,692 born in Portlaoise but... 5 00:00:05,692 --> 00:00:09,574 - Okay, let's go, your time starts now. 6 00:00:09,574 --> 00:00:12,874 The blue what is a type of bird? 7 00:00:12,874 --> 00:00:13,838 - Lesbian. 8 00:00:13,838 --> 00:00:15,326 - No, it's a tit. 9 00:00:15,326 --> 00:00:17,909 How many inches in half a foot? 10 00:00:19,476 --> 00:00:21,275 - Micky, sorry, penis. 11 00:00:21,275 --> 00:00:22,933 - No, it's six. 12 00:00:22,933 --> 00:00:26,944 Christopher Reeve plays what superhero? 13 00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:27,869 - The elephant man. 14 00:00:27,869 --> 00:00:29,691 - No, it's Superman. 15 00:00:29,691 --> 00:00:31,399 The Everly Brothers had a hit with 16 00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:33,732 I'll Do My what In The Rain? 17 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,638 - Bridget's period. 18 00:00:36,638 --> 00:00:38,392 - No, crying. 19 00:00:38,392 --> 00:00:40,590 What is the Irish name for Edward? 20 00:00:40,590 --> 00:00:41,423 - You. 21 00:00:41,423 --> 00:00:42,426 - Hugh. 22 00:00:42,426 --> 00:00:43,881 - No, it's Eamon. 23 00:00:43,881 --> 00:00:47,131 What saint has a cross named after her? 24 00:00:48,584 --> 00:00:49,627 - Bridget! 25 00:00:49,627 --> 00:00:50,460 - Correct. 26 00:00:50,460 --> 00:00:51,490 And that's all we have time for. 27 00:00:51,490 --> 00:00:52,618 You scored one. 28 00:00:52,618 --> 00:00:53,952 They just didn't suit you today. 29 00:00:53,952 --> 00:00:57,390 - No they never fuckin' suit you, do they? 30 00:00:57,390 --> 00:01:00,307 You're the stupidest person I know. 31 00:01:23,910 --> 00:01:25,583 - I don't see any difference Eamon, 32 00:01:25,583 --> 00:01:27,638 can you explain it to me, just one more time. 33 00:01:27,638 --> 00:01:29,172 - Bridget, I'm asleep. 34 00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:31,019 - You can't, a barbecue or whatever 35 00:01:31,019 --> 00:01:33,350 you call it, it's a fry outside. 36 00:01:33,350 --> 00:01:34,183 - Shut up. 37 00:01:35,232 --> 00:01:37,578 - Noreen and her fancy parties, 38 00:01:37,578 --> 00:01:39,337 cooking sausages outside has always 39 00:01:39,337 --> 00:01:40,931 been and will always be a fry. 40 00:01:40,931 --> 00:01:42,170 She's terrible notions, terrible 41 00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:43,340 notions Noreen after doing a 42 00:01:43,340 --> 00:01:44,560 secretarial course in Naas, 43 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:45,838 she didn't even do the whole thing. 44 00:01:49,991 --> 00:01:51,241 It's the Gards! 45 00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,252 - Jesus you two were in some stage 46 00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:01,100 last night, ye were bolloxed! 47 00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:02,701 You missed that heifer by inches. 48 00:02:02,701 --> 00:02:04,314 - Eamon, this is official business. 49 00:02:04,314 --> 00:02:06,214 Can you pretend you don't know us? 50 00:02:06,214 --> 00:02:07,161 Please! 51 00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:08,578 - Oh, sorry Gard. 52 00:02:10,455 --> 00:02:12,301 - You're going to need to sit down. 53 00:02:12,301 --> 00:02:13,651 - We are sitting down. 54 00:02:13,651 --> 00:02:15,834 - Okay, well stay sitting so. 55 00:02:15,834 --> 00:02:18,599 - We can stand up and sit back down if you want, Paul. 56 00:02:18,599 --> 00:02:19,849 - Jesus Bridget, can you at least 57 00:02:19,849 --> 00:02:21,184 pretend you don't know us? 58 00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:22,175 - There's nothing happening since they 59 00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:23,210 captured the Border Fox, 60 00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:24,182 we're trying to jazz things up a 61 00:02:24,182 --> 00:02:25,331 small bit for ourselves. 62 00:02:25,331 --> 00:02:27,430 - Oh, okay, officer. 63 00:02:27,430 --> 00:02:29,860 - Oh, I like that, officer, eh! 64 00:02:29,860 --> 00:02:31,767 - I saw it on Hill Street Blues. 65 00:02:31,767 --> 00:02:33,486 - I have a second cousin that can play 66 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:34,932 Hill Street Blues on the piano. 67 00:02:34,932 --> 00:02:35,765 - He's very good. 68 00:02:35,765 --> 00:02:37,852 - For fuck's sake lads, this is official business. 69 00:02:37,852 --> 00:02:38,685 Do you realize that one of your 70 00:02:38,685 --> 00:02:39,824 children could be dead? 71 00:02:39,824 --> 00:02:41,390 - Jesus, did that little shit get onto 72 00:02:41,390 --> 00:02:42,867 that electricity pylon again! 73 00:02:42,867 --> 00:02:44,384 I'll kill him, which one is it, PJ, 74 00:02:44,384 --> 00:02:45,968 JP, Paddy, Mairead! 75 00:02:45,968 --> 00:02:48,507 - No, there's nobody dead, okay. 76 00:02:48,507 --> 00:02:50,101 - Look lads, we received information 77 00:02:50,101 --> 00:02:51,483 relating to Bridget that's so 78 00:02:51,483 --> 00:02:54,657 sensitive it could send the parish into meltdown. 79 00:02:54,657 --> 00:02:55,611 - I'm so sorry, I'll bring the 80 00:02:55,611 --> 00:02:57,196 necklace back, I can't help it, 81 00:02:57,196 --> 00:02:58,723 I'm a hemophiliac. 82 00:02:58,723 --> 00:03:00,648 - You're a kleptomaniac you dope. 83 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,595 - I'm a klepto... 84 00:03:02,595 --> 00:03:04,147 - No, it's good news. 85 00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:09,473 - Oh sure we know, we're only messing. 86 00:03:09,473 --> 00:03:11,320 I took a lot of sleeping tablets. 87 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,575 - We received this earlier in the post today. 88 00:03:13,575 --> 00:03:15,316 Eamon, your wife has been nominated 89 00:03:15,316 --> 00:03:18,733 for Calor Kosangas Housewife of the Year. 90 00:03:22,652 --> 00:03:23,581 - You going out tonight? 91 00:03:23,581 --> 00:03:24,811 - I am yeah, I can't collect you 92 00:03:24,811 --> 00:03:26,372 though, I'm using the squad car. 93 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:27,531 I'm still riding that camogie player 94 00:03:27,531 --> 00:03:28,717 below in Thurles. 95 00:03:28,717 --> 00:03:30,716 She's still living with her parents. 96 00:03:30,716 --> 00:03:32,532 The one with the tash? 97 00:03:32,532 --> 00:03:34,651 - It's barely noticeable Eamon and if 98 00:03:34,651 --> 00:03:37,621 you say that to me again, I'll arrest you. 99 00:03:37,621 --> 00:03:40,288 - We'll have to clean the house! 100 00:03:41,716 --> 00:03:43,600 - Look at all those people in there. 101 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:44,616 - I don't know how she got in the 102 00:03:44,616 --> 00:03:45,838 final, she doesn't even use sherry 103 00:03:45,838 --> 00:03:46,700 in her trifle. 104 00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:47,828 She uses turpentine. 105 00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:51,661 - Oh, any time I drink turpentine I get piles. 106 00:03:53,013 --> 00:03:54,846 - They're all out there Bridget, 107 00:03:54,846 --> 00:03:56,840 the Midland Recorder, the Longford Observer, 108 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,814 the Carlow Onlooker, the Mullingar Pervert. 109 00:03:58,814 --> 00:04:00,579 - I know him. 110 00:04:00,579 --> 00:04:01,645 - Come on, let's get this shite out of 111 00:04:01,645 --> 00:04:02,995 the way, I'm starving. 112 00:04:02,995 --> 00:04:04,679 Bridget, you've to put the dinner on. 113 00:04:04,679 --> 00:04:05,637 - Right, they're ready for you, follow 114 00:04:05,637 --> 00:04:08,158 my lead and we'll be grand. 115 00:04:08,158 --> 00:04:10,929 Keep an eye out for Ted Meany, he's dangerous. 116 00:04:10,929 --> 00:04:15,096 I'll look after him, come on, come on, come on, come on! 117 00:04:19,654 --> 00:04:22,904 - Bridget! Bridget! Bridget! 118 00:04:22,904 --> 00:04:25,333 - Settle down, settle down, okay. 119 00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:26,838 Questions, Mick. 120 00:04:26,838 --> 00:04:28,513 - Mick Brady, the Dundalk Times, 121 00:04:28,513 --> 00:04:30,466 Bridget, the televised final is only this 122 00:04:30,466 --> 00:04:31,667 Saturday so what are you 123 00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:33,066 planning for dessert? 124 00:04:33,066 --> 00:04:34,634 - I'm thinking of an Arctic Roll but 125 00:04:34,634 --> 00:04:36,380 I'm toying with the idea 126 00:04:36,380 --> 00:04:39,547 of a Teatime Express pineapple gateau. 127 00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:42,408 - Bridget, Bridget! 128 00:04:42,408 --> 00:04:44,369 - You, you there, Cagney and Lacey. 129 00:04:44,369 --> 00:04:45,968 - Tessa Smith, Tullamore Tribune, 130 00:04:45,968 --> 00:04:47,053 Bridget, is it true that 131 00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:48,355 you're the first woman in Ireland to 132 00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:49,188 make a lasagne? 133 00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:52,242 - It's true but it's actually called lasagne. 134 00:04:52,242 --> 00:04:54,909 Ne as in no in French, you know. 135 00:04:57,245 --> 00:04:59,495 - Bridget, Bridget! 136 00:05:00,338 --> 00:05:01,625 - You! 137 00:05:01,625 --> 00:05:03,241 - Brenda Fitz, Tulsk Telegraph, 138 00:05:03,241 --> 00:05:04,894 actually have a question for Eamon. 139 00:05:04,894 --> 00:05:07,959 Eamon, are you very proud of your wife? 140 00:05:07,959 --> 00:05:09,639 - Proud, why would I be proud? 141 00:05:09,639 --> 00:05:10,789 A rake of women baking apple 142 00:05:10,789 --> 00:05:12,493 tarts and boiling spuds, what's 143 00:05:12,493 --> 00:05:13,716 there to be proud of? 144 00:05:13,716 --> 00:05:16,741 - Eamon, come here, what are you doing? 145 00:05:16,741 --> 00:05:17,677 You know there's a year's supply of 146 00:05:17,677 --> 00:05:19,825 free gas if she wins this thing? 147 00:05:28,137 --> 00:05:29,642 - It's getting hot in here. 148 00:05:29,642 --> 00:05:31,096 - That would be all the free gas. 149 00:05:31,096 --> 00:05:31,929 - Fancy-- 150 00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:34,707 - Shh, I'm heading out. 151 00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:40,750 Oh and by the way, you can leave the emersion on. 152 00:05:46,459 --> 00:05:47,292 - Eamon! 153 00:05:49,747 --> 00:05:51,719 - Sorry, I'm very proud of my free gas. 154 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:52,552 - Bridget. 155 00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:53,495 - Sorry, free Bridget. 156 00:05:53,495 --> 00:05:54,840 - Bridget. - Free gas. 157 00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:56,923 - Bridget, Bridget! 158 00:05:58,315 --> 00:05:59,494 - Father Gabriel. 159 00:05:59,494 --> 00:06:01,760 - Father Gabriel, Parish Newsletter Fashion Pages. 160 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:02,919 Bridget, what are you planning on 161 00:06:02,919 --> 00:06:04,352 doing with your hair? 162 00:06:04,352 --> 00:06:05,746 - Oh, I'm glad you asked, I'm going to 163 00:06:05,746 --> 00:06:07,216 do something pure modern, 164 00:06:07,216 --> 00:06:08,759 really choppy changy. 165 00:06:08,759 --> 00:06:09,759 - Ooh! 166 00:06:12,078 --> 00:06:12,911 - Bridget! 167 00:06:12,911 --> 00:06:13,861 - Shush, shush! 168 00:06:13,861 --> 00:06:16,507 Animals, no more questions, come on, come on. 169 00:06:16,507 --> 00:06:19,187 - Ted Meany, The Morning Pearl. 170 00:06:19,187 --> 00:06:20,639 Bridget, some people up in Dublin 171 00:06:20,639 --> 00:06:22,245 say this is an antiquated 172 00:06:22,245 --> 00:06:25,337 outdated and sexist competition, 173 00:06:25,337 --> 00:06:27,689 what do you say to that? 174 00:06:27,689 --> 00:06:28,689 - Thank you! 175 00:06:29,914 --> 00:06:31,110 - I'll tell you what she says! 176 00:06:31,110 --> 00:06:33,427 She says piss off back to Dublin with 177 00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:36,999 your big words and questions you... 178 00:06:36,999 --> 00:06:38,999 - I'll get you for that. 179 00:06:40,096 --> 00:06:42,208 - You know everyone heard that? 180 00:06:42,208 --> 00:06:43,769 - No they didn't. 181 00:06:43,769 --> 00:06:45,352 - Yes we did. 182 00:07:19,361 --> 00:07:23,644 ♫ You're dressed to kill, you're feeling free 183 00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:27,811 ♫ You're in the place you always wanted to be 184 00:07:29,502 --> 00:07:31,688 - Yo Eamon, I think I might win this. 185 00:07:31,688 --> 00:07:34,688 - There's a woman from Dublin in it. 186 00:07:36,094 --> 00:07:37,594 - Shite! 187 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,438 - Listen to me, you're not losing that 188 00:07:41,438 --> 00:07:42,901 Housewife of the Year competition, 189 00:07:42,901 --> 00:07:44,351 I don't care if she's from Dublin. 190 00:07:44,351 --> 00:07:45,694 I'm so close to that year's supply 191 00:07:45,694 --> 00:07:47,749 of free gas, I can almost smell it. 192 00:07:47,749 --> 00:07:50,109 - Eamon, they have cocktail sausages 193 00:07:50,109 --> 00:07:51,906 up there for 20 years. 194 00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:53,867 We're only getting them now. 195 00:07:53,867 --> 00:07:55,656 - Pull yourself together you mad bitch. 196 00:07:55,656 --> 00:07:58,690 Stop dropping chickens on the floor. 197 00:07:58,690 --> 00:07:59,523 - Dublin! 198 00:08:00,478 --> 00:08:01,645 Not even Cork! 199 00:08:06,393 --> 00:08:07,895 - Now it says here in the RTE Guide 200 00:08:07,895 --> 00:08:09,301 that the way to win a woman's 201 00:08:09,301 --> 00:08:11,279 competition is the 3 Fs, Food, 202 00:08:11,279 --> 00:08:13,029 Fashion, and Fitness. 203 00:08:14,806 --> 00:08:16,446 On the fashion I'm going to put 204 00:08:16,446 --> 00:08:18,328 Frank, Father you can do the fitness 205 00:08:18,328 --> 00:08:19,757 and I'll do the food 'cause I'm 206 00:08:19,757 --> 00:08:21,264 starving and where's me dinner? 207 00:08:21,264 --> 00:08:23,156 - No offense Frank but I think I 208 00:08:23,156 --> 00:08:25,518 might be better suited to do with fashion? 209 00:08:25,518 --> 00:08:28,365 - Yeah, I think myself and Father Gabriel should swap. 210 00:08:28,365 --> 00:08:29,833 - Really? - Yeah. 211 00:08:29,833 --> 00:08:30,666 - I always thought you were a 212 00:08:30,666 --> 00:08:32,162 bit of a dapper dresser, Frank. 213 00:08:32,162 --> 00:08:33,626 - Eamon, I've been wearing the same 214 00:08:33,626 --> 00:08:36,040 pair of overalls for the past eight years. 215 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,639 - That suit you wore to the funeral? 216 00:08:37,639 --> 00:08:39,064 I thought you looked beautiful. 217 00:08:39,064 --> 00:08:41,148 - That was my confirmation suit. 218 00:08:41,148 --> 00:08:42,536 Besides, Father Gabriel's reading last 219 00:08:42,536 --> 00:08:43,695 Sunday at mass was from 220 00:08:43,695 --> 00:08:45,174 Woman's Way magazine. 221 00:08:45,174 --> 00:08:47,110 - Oh, wasn't that very moving? 222 00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,691 Who knew that white stilettos would be so slutty? 223 00:08:49,691 --> 00:08:53,124 - Fine then, do it your own way! 224 00:08:53,124 --> 00:08:54,422 - Now Bridget, I'm just going to take 225 00:08:54,422 --> 00:08:55,591 you through a few outfits 226 00:08:55,591 --> 00:08:57,406 that I think will be pure Dynasty 227 00:08:57,406 --> 00:08:59,763 for the live TV final. 228 00:08:59,763 --> 00:09:01,763 First up we have Eimear. 229 00:09:03,979 --> 00:09:07,056 Eimear is wearing an outfit inspired by Quality Street. 230 00:09:07,056 --> 00:09:09,163 The top is a hazelnut fudge, the 231 00:09:09,163 --> 00:09:11,373 bottom a caramel barrel. 232 00:09:11,373 --> 00:09:13,140 That shimmering gold skirt 233 00:09:13,140 --> 00:09:15,740 practically screams Falcon Crest. 234 00:09:15,740 --> 00:09:16,958 - I like it. 235 00:09:16,958 --> 00:09:20,969 - And that's from Dunnes, priced 22.99. 236 00:09:20,969 --> 00:09:22,430 Thanks Eimear. 237 00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:25,052 Next up we have Patricia, Patricia 238 00:09:25,052 --> 00:09:28,656 is sporting a royal blue power suit 239 00:09:28,656 --> 00:09:31,022 with gold encrusted shoulder pads. 240 00:09:31,022 --> 00:09:33,421 The neckline is high enough to give 241 00:09:33,421 --> 00:09:35,581 an air of respectability yet low 242 00:09:35,581 --> 00:09:38,483 enough to just hint at sass. 243 00:09:38,483 --> 00:09:39,414 And I think blue would be a lovely 244 00:09:39,414 --> 00:09:40,369 color on our Bridget. 245 00:09:40,369 --> 00:09:41,670 - I like it, Father. 246 00:09:41,670 --> 00:09:45,337 - And that is also from Dunnes, price 22.99! 247 00:09:46,399 --> 00:09:47,523 Thank you Patricia. 248 00:09:47,523 --> 00:09:48,595 - Thanks, Father. 249 00:09:48,595 --> 00:09:50,175 - Don't speak, Patricia! 250 00:09:50,175 --> 00:09:51,549 Just smile, put your hand on your 251 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:54,966 hip and walk back through those curtains. 252 00:09:56,172 --> 00:09:57,989 Next is Eimear. 253 00:09:57,989 --> 00:09:59,594 - I'm not ready yet Father. 254 00:09:59,594 --> 00:10:01,681 There's no room back here. 255 00:10:01,681 --> 00:10:02,813 - Eimear, you're the one that wants to 256 00:10:02,813 --> 00:10:04,356 go to Naas Fashion Week, do you 257 00:10:04,356 --> 00:10:06,242 think the girls there have room to change? 258 00:10:06,242 --> 00:10:07,650 They don't even eat! 259 00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:09,285 - I can't get it on. 260 00:10:09,285 --> 00:10:10,665 - Throw it out to me here. 261 00:10:10,665 --> 00:10:12,832 Bridget, give me a minute. 262 00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:17,515 Father Gabriel is wearing a gold 263 00:10:17,515 --> 00:10:19,460 sequined party dress which is sort 264 00:10:19,460 --> 00:10:21,666 of like a good mass, short enough to 265 00:10:21,666 --> 00:10:23,084 hold your attention yet long 266 00:10:23,084 --> 00:10:25,858 enough to cover the subject. 267 00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:27,768 This isn't from Dunnes but it is 268 00:10:27,768 --> 00:10:29,518 also priced at 22.99. 269 00:10:30,437 --> 00:10:32,726 - I don't like it. 270 00:10:32,726 --> 00:10:34,064 - Bridget, I haven't eaten in two and 271 00:10:34,064 --> 00:10:36,534 a half hours, where's me dinner? 272 00:10:36,534 --> 00:10:37,730 Oh I like it. 273 00:10:37,730 --> 00:10:38,563 - I know. 274 00:10:39,409 --> 00:10:42,450 Oh God, is that the time, I'm late for a funeral. 275 00:10:42,450 --> 00:10:46,117 - Bridget, Bridget, show us what you can do? 276 00:11:11,231 --> 00:11:12,648 Come on, Bridget! 277 00:11:17,972 --> 00:11:18,805 Come on! 278 00:11:31,192 --> 00:11:33,294 Ham, bread, butter. 279 00:11:33,294 --> 00:11:35,377 Come on Bridget, come on. 280 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,671 - Your one from Dublin cuts the crusts off, Bridget. 281 00:11:38,671 --> 00:11:40,284 You haven't a chance. 282 00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:43,617 Frank, you don't know what you're doing. 283 00:11:49,101 --> 00:11:52,615 Come on Bridget, put some welly into it. 284 00:11:52,615 --> 00:11:54,480 Come on Bridget, come on! 285 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:55,332 Bridget, where's my dinner? 286 00:11:57,792 --> 00:11:58,625 Come on! 287 00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:10,779 Bridget, where's my dinner? 288 00:12:10,779 --> 00:12:14,046 - Dinner, I haven't got time for dinner, I'm up to high doh. 289 00:12:14,046 --> 00:12:15,321 Where's all my valium? 290 00:12:15,321 --> 00:12:16,178 - I thought they were cough sweets, 291 00:12:16,178 --> 00:12:18,220 I gave them to the child. 292 00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:19,741 - Jesus Christ! 293 00:12:19,741 --> 00:12:21,880 - I've never seen you concerned about the kids before. 294 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:25,130 - No, I've never made a lasagne before. 295 00:12:32,788 --> 00:12:35,092 - What do you mean you've never made a lasagne before? 296 00:12:35,092 --> 00:12:39,108 If you mess this up Bridget, I don't get my free gas. 297 00:12:39,108 --> 00:12:41,003 What was the yoke you gave me last October? 298 00:12:41,003 --> 00:12:41,836 - The frozen pizza? 299 00:12:41,836 --> 00:12:42,858 - The thing that broke me teeth? 300 00:12:42,858 --> 00:12:44,159 - Frozen pizza. 301 00:12:44,159 --> 00:12:45,781 - That, give them that. 302 00:12:45,781 --> 00:12:48,575 - No, it's okay look Eamon, I found 303 00:12:48,575 --> 00:12:51,242 this page from a magazine, look! 304 00:12:52,459 --> 00:12:53,541 - I doubt it very much if that's a 305 00:12:53,541 --> 00:12:55,069 cooking magazine Bridget. 306 00:12:55,069 --> 00:12:56,129 Sure there's two naked women there, 307 00:12:56,129 --> 00:12:57,305 that must be her sister or a 308 00:12:57,305 --> 00:12:59,481 doctor, look at the examination she's giving. 309 00:12:59,481 --> 00:13:02,783 - No, look what the woman's taking out of the oven. 310 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,448 That's a lasagne. 311 00:13:04,448 --> 00:13:05,760 - Bridget, that's a small little furry 312 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:07,341 animal between her legs. 313 00:13:07,341 --> 00:13:10,046 - No, you're not looking in the right place, Eamon. 314 00:13:10,046 --> 00:13:11,118 That's a lasagne. 315 00:13:11,118 --> 00:13:12,390 And you know what, from looking 316 00:13:12,390 --> 00:13:13,827 at the picture I bet I can cook it. 317 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,094 Easy, that's a pound and a half of mince. 318 00:13:16,094 --> 00:13:18,432 - What's that liquid stuff coming out of it? 319 00:13:18,432 --> 00:13:19,511 - That must be the pasta. 320 00:13:19,511 --> 00:13:21,095 - But we don't have the pasta. 321 00:13:21,095 --> 00:13:24,262 You don't even know what the pasta is. 322 00:13:25,344 --> 00:13:26,344 - The pasta. 323 00:13:29,406 --> 00:13:31,484 - Now put in the pasta. 324 00:13:31,484 --> 00:13:33,827 No, no, no, not like that. 325 00:13:33,827 --> 00:13:34,981 Do it like that. 326 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,577 Get out of the way Bridget. 327 00:13:37,577 --> 00:13:40,198 - Eamon, you're supposed to add water to that. 328 00:13:40,198 --> 00:13:42,535 - Well I don't know where we keep the water, do I Bridget! 329 00:13:42,535 --> 00:13:44,108 - Jesus Christ! 330 00:13:44,108 --> 00:13:45,384 Cheese Eamon, cheese. 331 00:13:45,384 --> 00:13:47,390 - Let me do it Bridget! 332 00:13:47,390 --> 00:13:48,807 Okay, the cheese. 333 00:13:50,295 --> 00:13:51,628 Okay, that's it. 334 00:13:54,812 --> 00:13:57,056 And you think you've a hard time making dinner. 335 00:13:57,056 --> 00:13:59,987 Oh Eamon, I made the dinner, I'll hold onto this. 336 00:13:59,987 --> 00:14:02,404 You have some life so you do. 337 00:14:08,689 --> 00:14:10,584 - What's all this about Eamon? 338 00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:13,898 - Sit down there, I want you to taste test a dinner I made. 339 00:14:13,898 --> 00:14:16,556 - Don't ever say that, don't ever say that, not even joking. 340 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,444 You're scaring me now. 341 00:14:23,442 --> 00:14:26,171 - I didn't make it, Bridget made it. 342 00:14:26,171 --> 00:14:28,254 I wouldn't make a dinner! 343 00:14:29,808 --> 00:14:31,528 Sure a man doesn't do dinner. 344 00:14:36,816 --> 00:14:38,051 - I'm not eating that. 345 00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:39,301 - What's wrong? 346 00:14:40,284 --> 00:14:41,367 - Look at it! 347 00:14:44,456 --> 00:14:45,706 - Jesus Christ! 348 00:15:02,683 --> 00:15:03,600 - Oh Jesus! 349 00:15:04,507 --> 00:15:05,340 Oh Jesus! 350 00:15:07,308 --> 00:15:09,808 You wouldn't get that in Naas. 351 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:13,864 - Two minutes people. 352 00:15:13,864 --> 00:15:15,254 - Twenty pence an hour to park the car, 353 00:15:15,254 --> 00:15:18,547 no wonder this country's gone to shite. 354 00:15:18,547 --> 00:15:20,756 - Now now, don't be nervous. 355 00:15:20,756 --> 00:15:22,682 - Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, 356 00:15:22,682 --> 00:15:24,492 oh my god, he's beautiful. 357 00:15:24,492 --> 00:15:26,915 - Did you make that? 358 00:15:26,915 --> 00:15:28,415 - Did I make this? 359 00:15:29,805 --> 00:15:31,935 Did I make this? 360 00:15:31,935 --> 00:15:33,175 - No, no! 361 00:15:35,408 --> 00:15:36,667 - He's a man. 362 00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:38,518 - I'm a man sure. 363 00:15:38,518 --> 00:15:40,109 - He doesn't even know where the kitchen is. 364 00:15:40,109 --> 00:15:41,663 - I don't even know where the kitchen is. 365 00:15:41,663 --> 00:15:43,365 - And he's terrible stupid. 366 00:15:43,365 --> 00:15:44,408 - I'm terrible... 367 00:15:44,408 --> 00:15:46,825 - And he's an awful gobshite. 368 00:15:49,322 --> 00:15:50,605 - Too far. 369 00:15:54,670 --> 00:15:58,538 Take the food, I told you don't give me the food! 370 00:15:58,538 --> 00:16:01,235 Jesus Christ, you're going to blow this. 371 00:16:01,235 --> 00:16:02,886 - Live from Dublin, welcome to the 372 00:16:02,886 --> 00:16:05,268 Calor Kosangas Housewife of the Year show 373 00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:08,788 and here's your host, Mr. Ray Ahern. 374 00:16:08,788 --> 00:16:10,622 - Please welcome our first finalist 375 00:16:10,622 --> 00:16:14,390 tonight, Ms. Fionnuala Lorrigan from Waterford. 376 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:18,633 Now your talent is to find items of clothing 377 00:16:18,633 --> 00:16:21,060 that haven't been aired properly. 378 00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:22,643 You've got five seconds. 379 00:16:22,643 --> 00:16:23,476 Are you ready? 380 00:16:23,476 --> 00:16:24,922 - I'm ready Ray. 381 00:16:24,922 --> 00:16:26,132 - Go! 382 00:16:26,132 --> 00:16:28,792 - Dry, dry, dry, dry. 383 00:16:28,792 --> 00:16:31,055 These here slacks. 384 00:16:31,055 --> 00:16:34,749 - Excellent, well done, well done, Fionnuala. 385 00:16:34,749 --> 00:16:36,499 Well done, good girl. 386 00:16:40,409 --> 00:16:42,857 - It's her, it's the woman from Dublin, look! 387 00:16:42,857 --> 00:16:44,774 Oh God she's beautiful. 388 00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:48,748 - Mrs. Delahunty, is it true that you 389 00:16:48,748 --> 00:16:52,122 once made volivents for Daniel O'Donnell, is it? 390 00:16:52,122 --> 00:16:53,921 - You've won Housewife of the Year 17 391 00:16:53,921 --> 00:16:57,870 years now, what's your secret, Mrs. Delahunty? 392 00:16:57,870 --> 00:16:59,969 - Well to be honest, there are no 393 00:16:59,969 --> 00:17:03,192 secrets, just good honest hard work. 394 00:17:03,192 --> 00:17:04,859 And of course these. 395 00:17:11,223 --> 00:17:13,656 - How did she pass the drugs test? 396 00:17:13,656 --> 00:17:17,323 - Please welcome Mrs. Delahunty from Dublin. 397 00:17:24,718 --> 00:17:27,854 - I like to call it chicken broccoli. 398 00:17:28,757 --> 00:17:30,174 - Oh for... Sake! 399 00:17:31,731 --> 00:17:33,129 The woman's a genius. 400 00:17:33,129 --> 00:17:34,821 - How can she be a genius, you said 401 00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:37,565 all the people from Dublin are on drugs. 402 00:17:37,565 --> 00:17:39,418 - That's what Today Tonight said, Bridget. 403 00:17:39,418 --> 00:17:41,167 - Well, let's have a little taste. 404 00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:43,165 - Chicken and broccoli. 405 00:17:43,165 --> 00:17:43,998 - Mmm! 406 00:17:47,623 --> 00:17:49,405 What is that on top? 407 00:17:49,405 --> 00:17:51,919 I don't think I've ever tasted anything like it. 408 00:17:51,919 --> 00:17:53,424 - Breadcrumbs, Ray. 409 00:17:53,424 --> 00:17:54,935 Breadcrumbs. 410 00:17:54,935 --> 00:17:57,040 - Let's just go home. 411 00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:57,873 We're f-- 412 00:17:57,873 --> 00:18:00,524 - Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs. Delahunty from Dublin! 413 00:18:05,266 --> 00:18:07,053 - Okay Bridget, there's something 414 00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,651 really important I have to tell you now. 415 00:18:08,651 --> 00:18:10,191 There's just one thing that's in 416 00:18:10,191 --> 00:18:11,705 your way of winning this competition. 417 00:18:11,705 --> 00:18:13,705 - The woman from Dublin. 418 00:18:15,097 --> 00:18:16,858 - Okay, there's two things that are 419 00:18:16,858 --> 00:18:19,097 going to stop you from winning this competition. 420 00:18:19,097 --> 00:18:20,568 But most importantly, when you're 421 00:18:20,568 --> 00:18:22,985 out there, don't be yourself. 422 00:18:25,288 --> 00:18:26,209 - You mean be myself. 423 00:18:26,209 --> 00:18:29,006 - No, don't be yourself. 424 00:18:29,006 --> 00:18:29,915 When you're out there and all the 425 00:18:29,915 --> 00:18:30,748 cameras are on you 426 00:18:30,748 --> 00:18:31,716 and Ray is interviewing you and 427 00:18:31,716 --> 00:18:33,180 everyone's staring at you, 428 00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:36,776 just remember one thing, don't be yourself. 429 00:18:36,776 --> 00:18:41,095 'Cause no one, no one cares about you and for God's sake 430 00:18:41,095 --> 00:18:43,041 don't tell them that I made the lasagne. 431 00:18:43,041 --> 00:18:44,673 - Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for 432 00:18:44,673 --> 00:18:46,484 our final finalist tonight, 433 00:18:46,484 --> 00:18:48,960 please welcome Bridget. 434 00:18:50,102 --> 00:18:51,685 - Ooh, here she is! 435 00:18:58,565 --> 00:19:00,148 Walk Bridget, walk! 436 00:19:02,693 --> 00:19:04,168 - Bridget! 437 00:19:04,168 --> 00:19:07,001 Come over here Bridget, come over. 438 00:19:08,649 --> 00:19:09,893 I think it will be safe to say that 439 00:19:09,893 --> 00:19:14,060 you haven't been on live television before, have you? 440 00:19:18,603 --> 00:19:19,993 - Eamon! 441 00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:20,826 - Eamon. 442 00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:23,579 Eamon of course, Eamon. 443 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:25,581 That's your husband, isn't it? 444 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,292 Is he here tonight? 445 00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:30,459 - Eamon, he is yes, don't be yourself. 446 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,250 - Oh for, sake. 447 00:19:34,355 --> 00:19:37,588 - Tell us what dish have you made for us tonight. 448 00:19:37,588 --> 00:19:38,921 - It's called... 449 00:19:42,258 --> 00:19:43,678 A lasagne. 450 00:19:43,678 --> 00:19:44,595 - Fabulous. 451 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,349 - I just whipped it up while I was 452 00:19:48,349 --> 00:19:50,849 watching Live At Three, I did. 453 00:19:51,707 --> 00:19:54,290 - How long did you cook it for? 454 00:19:55,688 --> 00:19:56,688 - Two hours. 455 00:19:58,057 --> 00:19:59,224 At gas mark... 456 00:20:00,675 --> 00:20:01,508 What? 457 00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:04,834 Five. 458 00:20:04,834 --> 00:20:05,667 - Seven! 459 00:20:05,667 --> 00:20:07,167 - Seven. 460 00:20:24,687 --> 00:20:27,354 - Bridget didn't make that dish. 461 00:20:28,837 --> 00:20:31,826 P.M. today she spent two hours 462 00:20:31,826 --> 00:20:34,254 and 15 minutes getting her hair done. 463 00:20:34,254 --> 00:20:35,504 - Oh for, sake. 464 00:20:36,622 --> 00:20:38,758 - But more to the point, I have a 465 00:20:38,758 --> 00:20:40,734 video of the very person 466 00:20:40,734 --> 00:20:42,817 who did make the lasagne. 467 00:20:44,736 --> 00:20:46,923 - Roll it there Colette. 468 00:21:13,593 --> 00:21:15,426 - What did Eamon make? 469 00:21:16,513 --> 00:21:18,256 - You didn't know, did you? 470 00:21:18,256 --> 00:21:19,256 - Know what? 471 00:21:20,367 --> 00:21:22,450 - Eamon made the lasagne. 472 00:21:28,556 --> 00:21:29,973 - Oh Jesus Eamon! 473 00:21:31,343 --> 00:21:32,676 You let me down! 474 00:21:37,654 --> 00:21:40,339 - Eskimos, we'll be like Eskimos now for the winter. 475 00:21:40,339 --> 00:21:43,472 - I told you we should have got the installation. 476 00:21:43,472 --> 00:21:46,499 - Insulation, Bridget, and insulation is a gimmick. 477 00:21:46,499 --> 00:21:49,199 Nobody will be insulating their houses in 20 years time. 478 00:21:49,199 --> 00:21:50,846 Pebble dash, that's the way forward. 479 00:21:50,846 --> 00:21:51,679 I should have pebble dashed the 480 00:21:51,679 --> 00:21:54,096 whole house, inside and out when I got the chance. 481 00:21:54,096 --> 00:21:57,930 - I know how we can keep ourselves warm. 482 00:21:57,930 --> 00:21:58,823 - I'm not turning on the electric 483 00:21:58,823 --> 00:22:00,341 heater, not even half a bar. 484 00:22:00,341 --> 00:22:01,720 I'm not JR Ewing you know. 485 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:03,242 You want a mortgage to pay for that yoke. 486 00:22:03,242 --> 00:22:05,075 - No, the natural way. 487 00:22:06,691 --> 00:22:07,978 - You can distinguish those thoughts 488 00:22:07,978 --> 00:22:09,105 out of your head right now. 489 00:22:09,105 --> 00:22:10,043 You know what I blame? 490 00:22:10,043 --> 00:22:10,923 The Late Late Show. 491 00:22:10,923 --> 00:22:12,182 It has your mind twisted. 492 00:22:12,182 --> 00:22:14,833 It's pornography, it's pornography. 493 00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:15,888 Do you know what? 494 00:22:15,888 --> 00:22:17,523 They arrested me for cooking a bit of dinner, 495 00:22:17,523 --> 00:22:18,460 they should arrest your mind and put 496 00:22:18,460 --> 00:22:19,541 it away for a few years. 497 00:22:19,541 --> 00:22:21,309 - I was the one arrested Eamon. 498 00:22:21,309 --> 00:22:22,338 But you know what? 499 00:22:22,338 --> 00:22:23,205 I thought you looked very handsome 500 00:22:23,205 --> 00:22:25,075 cooking on the tele. 501 00:22:25,075 --> 00:22:27,371 - Are you out of your tiny little mind? 502 00:22:27,371 --> 00:22:30,025 Who wants to look at a grown man cooking food? 503 00:22:30,025 --> 00:22:31,157 Especially on the television, I tell 504 00:22:31,157 --> 00:22:32,968 you, the day a man gets his own 505 00:22:32,968 --> 00:22:34,878 show cooking food on the tele, is 506 00:22:34,878 --> 00:22:37,406 the day we've an issue winning the Eurovision. 507 00:22:37,406 --> 00:22:40,811 - You're right, good night, Eamon. 508 00:22:46,837 --> 00:22:47,972 - Take your hand away 509 00:22:47,972 --> 00:22:49,571 from there now, pretty lively Bridget 510 00:22:49,571 --> 00:22:52,017 or I'll cut it off with a hack saw. 511 00:22:52,017 --> 00:22:55,530 I'm warning you Bridget, take it away, take it away. 512 00:22:55,530 --> 00:22:56,363 Bridget! 513 00:22:56,363 --> 00:22:57,196 Bridget! 514 00:23:12,779 --> 00:23:15,779 - Lads, this is Dervla from Thurles. 515 00:23:18,804 --> 00:23:20,493 - Eh, would you like a beard? 516 00:23:20,493 --> 00:23:23,020 Sorry, my moustache, sorry my mistake. 517 00:23:23,020 --> 00:23:24,370 - I warned you Eamon, that's it, 518 00:23:24,370 --> 00:23:25,962 you're under arrest, come on. 519 00:23:25,962 --> 00:23:29,712 I warned you, come on, come on, come with me. 520 00:23:38,033 --> 00:23:39,866 - Do The Golden Girls. 36021

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