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They're creepy and they're kooky
3
00:00:19,757 --> 00:00:21,634
Mysterious and spooky
4
00:00:21,802 --> 00:00:23,474
They're altogether ooky
5
00:00:23,637 --> 00:00:25,468
The Addams family
6
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:27,471
The house is a museum
7
00:00:27,684 --> 00:00:29,561
When people come to see 'em
8
00:00:29,728 --> 00:00:31,480
They really are a scream
9
00:00:31,647 --> 00:00:33,285
The Addams family
10
00:00:34,901 --> 00:00:36,175
Neat.
11
00:00:36,612 --> 00:00:37,886
Sweet.
12
00:00:40,658 --> 00:00:41,647
Petite.
13
00:00:41,785 --> 00:00:43,537
So get a witch's shawl on
14
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A broomstick you can crawl on
15
00:00:45,706 --> 00:00:47,537
We're gonna pay a call on
16
00:00:47,709 --> 00:00:50,542
The Addams family
17
00:01:21,584 --> 00:01:24,257
No! No.
18
00:01:24,462 --> 00:01:25,975
How's the market, dear?
19
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:28,448
Closed. I just do this to keep in practice.
20
00:01:28,759 --> 00:01:32,308
Very sensible. If there's another crash,
you'll be ready for it.
21
00:01:39,355 --> 00:01:41,266
Well, I was ready for that one.
22
00:01:41,817 --> 00:01:43,773
Pugsley's new chemistry set.
23
00:01:43,944 --> 00:01:46,253
He's making a different kind of TNT.
24
00:01:46,698 --> 00:01:50,293
Those educational toys
certainly keep a boy out of mischief.
25
00:01:51,162 --> 00:01:53,278
Wish I could say the same
for Uncle Fester.
26
00:01:53,456 --> 00:01:55,447
I caught him cheating at checkers.
27
00:01:56,043 --> 00:01:57,396
Inexcusable!
28
00:01:58,337 --> 00:02:00,089
Unless he was playing for money.
29
00:02:00,340 --> 00:02:03,537
Well, time for my Zen-Yogi.
30
00:02:03,844 --> 00:02:08,076
I really had to discipline him.
He's forbidden to leave the house all day.
31
00:02:16,109 --> 00:02:17,588
Thank heavens.
32
00:02:17,736 --> 00:02:20,569
There for a moment
I thought he was going to leave.
33
00:02:22,408 --> 00:02:23,807
The mail's in.
34
00:02:24,703 --> 00:02:26,022
Thank you, Thing.
35
00:02:30,210 --> 00:02:32,678
- Bill?
- It's from my sister, Ophelia.
36
00:02:33,380 --> 00:02:35,575
Why would she send us a bill?
37
00:02:35,758 --> 00:02:37,476
Darling, it's not a bill.
38
00:02:37,719 --> 00:02:40,153
The poor dear's in trouble,
and she needs our help desperately.
39
00:02:40,806 --> 00:02:42,319
What's the problem?
40
00:02:43,267 --> 00:02:45,144
She was too upset to say.
41
00:02:45,979 --> 00:02:47,253
Who could that be?
42
00:02:47,397 --> 00:02:50,275
It may not be a who. It may be a what.
43
00:02:50,943 --> 00:02:53,616
- Dreamer.
- Telegram.
44
00:02:53,905 --> 00:02:56,214
Thank you very much, Lurch.
45
00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:00,091
Oh, it's from Ophelia.
46
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:05,157
Didn't wait very long for an answer.
What's it say?
47
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:06,575
"Help."
48
00:03:11,844 --> 00:03:13,880
Sounds like an excited caller.
49
00:03:15,265 --> 00:03:17,779
Either that or the doorbell's stuck.
50
00:03:20,939 --> 00:03:23,373
Miss Ophelia.
51
00:03:26,904 --> 00:03:29,896
Ophelia! We haven't heard from you
in nearly two minutes.
52
00:03:30,492 --> 00:03:32,084
Dear Ophelia!
53
00:03:32,244 --> 00:03:35,281
Unburden yourself, darling.
Tell us everything.
54
00:03:39,712 --> 00:03:42,306
Aren't you gonna tell us
about your trouble?
55
00:03:42,507 --> 00:03:44,384
Trouble? What trouble?
56
00:03:45,886 --> 00:03:47,205
Oh, that trouble.
57
00:03:48,639 --> 00:03:50,357
My life is ruined.
58
00:03:54,313 --> 00:03:56,668
- Sounds kind of serious.
- A man?
59
00:03:57,734 --> 00:04:00,726
Brilliant, charming, cultured.
60
00:04:01,447 --> 00:04:03,199
- Rich!
- Alive?
61
00:04:05,118 --> 00:04:07,473
Yes, I'm almost sure he was alive.
62
00:04:08,372 --> 00:04:09,600
My mother objects.
63
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,899
Granny Frump? Egad, she must be sick.
64
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,404
Why?
65
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:18,316
She says if he's in love with me,
there must be something wrong with him.
66
00:04:18,593 --> 00:04:20,072
That's a point.
67
00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:24,896
Nonsense. You're a lovely, intelligent girl,
and we're going to help you.
68
00:04:25,184 --> 00:04:26,822
She certainly needs help.
69
00:04:26,978 --> 00:04:29,890
The first thing we should do
is meet your intended.
70
00:04:30,107 --> 00:04:31,506
When can we see him?
71
00:04:38,409 --> 00:04:40,127
This is my beloved.
72
00:04:41,246 --> 00:04:44,158
Horatio Bartholomew, at your service.
73
00:04:45,626 --> 00:04:48,015
How positively continental.
74
00:04:48,713 --> 00:04:51,432
Have you spent much time in Europe,
Mr. Bartholomew?
75
00:04:52,134 --> 00:04:53,852
All my life.
76
00:04:54,012 --> 00:04:57,402
Oxford, Cambridge,
University of Heidelberg.
77
00:04:58,642 --> 00:05:01,315
Oh, my Apollo. My Ariel!
78
00:05:01,855 --> 00:05:03,891
My knight in shining armor.
79
00:05:04,066 --> 00:05:07,661
You'll have to forgive Ophelia.
She's a bit shy with men.
80
00:05:08,488 --> 00:05:13,084
I've searched the world over.
I've never met anyone like her.
81
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:15,219
I'll buy that.
82
00:05:15,371 --> 00:05:17,168
We want to fly away together.
83
00:05:17,499 --> 00:05:21,731
Roam the seven seas.
Search the far corners of the Earth.
84
00:05:22,964 --> 00:05:25,558
But first, we'll have a spot of lunch.
85
00:05:32,392 --> 00:05:33,950
Thank you, Lurch.
86
00:05:35,521 --> 00:05:37,352
Magnificent lunch.
87
00:05:38,107 --> 00:05:41,543
I should be honored to have
your recipe for the cherries jubilee.
88
00:05:42,780 --> 00:05:44,259
Cherries jubilee?
89
00:05:45,366 --> 00:05:48,005
Oh, that was flambeau of jellyfish.
90
00:05:48,537 --> 00:05:50,926
Flambeau of jellyfish?
91
00:05:51,582 --> 00:05:53,300
How did you two get together?
92
00:05:53,460 --> 00:05:54,973
Mama, please!
93
00:05:55,254 --> 00:05:57,449
They're not on the witness stand.
94
00:05:58,299 --> 00:05:59,414
How did you two get together?
95
00:06:00,135 --> 00:06:03,764
It was at this wonderful
Ionely hearts club luau.
96
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:09,919
I looked over the suckling pig,
and there she was.
97
00:06:11,148 --> 00:06:12,422
Well, if you have so much money,
98
00:06:12,566 --> 00:06:14,761
what were you doing
at a Ionely hearts club?
99
00:06:14,944 --> 00:06:17,299
Mama, please!
100
00:06:18,115 --> 00:06:20,265
What were you doing
at a Ionely hearts club?
101
00:06:20,451 --> 00:06:23,284
I was looking for a simple girl.
102
00:06:23,497 --> 00:06:24,976
You sure struck oil.
103
00:06:28,837 --> 00:06:31,795
Well, it's time for a walk in the garden.
104
00:06:36,304 --> 00:06:37,498
Allow me.
105
00:06:45,983 --> 00:06:48,736
I just love when she does that.
106
00:06:50,697 --> 00:06:52,528
Come, Horatio.
107
00:06:52,950 --> 00:06:54,224
My love.
108
00:06:59,583 --> 00:07:01,653
Well, querida, what do you think?
109
00:07:01,877 --> 00:07:03,833
- He's charming.
- Rich.
110
00:07:04,005 --> 00:07:05,597
- Attractive.
- Magnetic.
111
00:07:05,757 --> 00:07:07,554
- Impossible.
- Exactly.
112
00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:09,674
Too perfect. The man's an obvious phony.
113
00:07:09,845 --> 00:07:12,313
An imposter. How shall we prove it?
114
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:15,336
Simple matter. He claims he's rich.
115
00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:17,987
I'll call Brad and Dunstreet,
the financial authorities.
116
00:07:18,189 --> 00:07:21,067
Excellent thinking, darling.
117
00:07:21,276 --> 00:07:23,392
One of them is bound to be in.
118
00:07:24,321 --> 00:07:27,154
Hello, Brad and Dunstreet?
Gomez Addams here.
119
00:07:28,201 --> 00:07:32,399
Try to keep a civil tongue in your head.
Just making an enquiry.
120
00:07:33,291 --> 00:07:36,010
What do you have
on Horatio Bartholomew?
121
00:07:37,087 --> 00:07:38,406
Yes, I'll wait.
122
00:07:38,798 --> 00:07:40,754
They're running him
through their computer.
123
00:07:40,925 --> 00:07:42,677
The marvels of science.
124
00:07:43,261 --> 00:07:45,411
They're running him
through their computer,
125
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:47,509
and he's walking in our garden.
126
00:07:47,892 --> 00:07:50,804
All at the same time. Amazing.
127
00:07:51,396 --> 00:07:52,670
What?
128
00:07:52,815 --> 00:07:54,043
Yes.
129
00:07:54,901 --> 00:07:56,050
Are you sure?
130
00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:58,389
Thank you.
131
00:07:59,073 --> 00:08:01,826
Just as I thought.
They never heard of Horatio Bartholomew.
132
00:08:02,034 --> 00:08:06,107
Oh, my darling sister.
In the hands of a scheming adventurer.
133
00:08:07,124 --> 00:08:11,754
A Ionely hearts club bluebeard!
Poor Ophelia.
134
00:08:12,589 --> 00:08:14,784
If your Cousin Itt
hadn't been such a playboy,
135
00:08:14,967 --> 00:08:16,878
they might be married by now.
136
00:08:18,054 --> 00:08:20,887
Perhaps we can have another talk
with the little rou�.
137
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:24,376
Rou�. That's French. I wish you'd said that.
138
00:08:25,522 --> 00:08:29,231
Darling, please.
Let's concentrate on Cousin Itt.
139
00:08:29,860 --> 00:08:30,929
What?
140
00:08:31,070 --> 00:08:33,379
- Cousin Itt.
- Oh, yes, yes!
141
00:08:36,410 --> 00:08:37,923
Oh, Cousin Itt.
142
00:08:39,664 --> 00:08:43,134
At least we know he's up there.
Let me try, dear.
143
00:08:43,502 --> 00:08:44,981
Careful of the soot.
144
00:08:45,129 --> 00:08:46,198
Okay, dear.
145
00:08:47,591 --> 00:08:48,865
Cousin Itt!
146
00:08:49,343 --> 00:08:53,416
Would you come down, please?
We'd like to have a little chat with you.
147
00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:01,516
Itt, you come down here this minute!
148
00:09:07,991 --> 00:09:11,586
Well, now we know another thing.
The chimney needs cleaning.
149
00:09:12,705 --> 00:09:14,058
Cousin Itt!
150
00:09:14,332 --> 00:09:17,404
If you don't come down
I'm going to be very hurt.
151
00:09:21,132 --> 00:09:22,929
I scared you down, didn't I?
152
00:09:23,093 --> 00:09:26,449
Cousin Itt,
you know how fond we are of you.
153
00:09:28,391 --> 00:09:31,588
Thank you. You do put things so nicely.
154
00:09:32,020 --> 00:09:35,535
Itt, we think
you are perfect husband material.
155
00:09:36,150 --> 00:09:39,586
Suave, sophisticated, cultured.
156
00:09:41,198 --> 00:09:42,995
Yes, and loaded, too.
157
00:09:43,660 --> 00:09:46,732
Now, with women throwing themselves
at you all the time,
158
00:09:46,955 --> 00:09:49,913
of course you've probably become
a bit jaded.
159
00:09:51,628 --> 00:09:52,663
That's true.
160
00:09:52,796 --> 00:09:55,230
If a person is going to become jaded,
that is the best way.
161
00:09:55,424 --> 00:09:59,337
But we think it's time
that you settle down, got married.
162
00:10:01,974 --> 00:10:03,930
Itt, are you still with us?
163
00:10:05,269 --> 00:10:08,579
Good. We have the perfect mate for you.
164
00:10:08,815 --> 00:10:11,204
My darling sister, Ophelia.
165
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,542
Bachelors. Always playing hard to get.
166
00:10:21,748 --> 00:10:24,546
I didn't realize your sister
was such a swinger.
167
00:10:27,922 --> 00:10:29,037
Faster!
168
00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:32,875
Faster!
169
00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:36,322
Faster!
170
00:10:42,941 --> 00:10:45,660
Ophelia, where are you?
171
00:10:46,612 --> 00:10:48,011
Horatio.
172
00:10:49,157 --> 00:10:51,193
What have you done with the swing?
173
00:10:51,535 --> 00:10:53,685
I've got it right here, dear.
174
00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:55,713
My goodness!
175
00:10:57,041 --> 00:10:59,509
Don't worry, dear. I'll catch you.
176
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:05,733
That was fun.
177
00:11:06,219 --> 00:11:09,017
I just love it when you do things like that.
178
00:11:09,682 --> 00:11:13,595
I must save my poor deluded sister
from the clutches of that beast.
179
00:11:13,854 --> 00:11:16,322
Right. She's deluded enough without him.
180
00:11:22,531 --> 00:11:24,442
But I love Horatio.
181
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:26,497
The man's a bounder and a cad.
182
00:11:26,661 --> 00:11:28,379
And not a very nice one.
183
00:11:29,748 --> 00:11:31,386
He's the only one that loves me.
184
00:11:32,335 --> 00:11:33,814
I know he loves me.
185
00:11:34,671 --> 00:11:36,502
The daisies told me so.
186
00:11:37,299 --> 00:11:38,448
Ophelia.
187
00:11:38,593 --> 00:11:41,266
Are you going to listen
to the daisies or to Mama?
188
00:11:45,852 --> 00:11:47,171
What do you see?
189
00:11:47,312 --> 00:11:51,225
I see a man with a Heidelberg scar
and a bushy mustache.
190
00:11:51,483 --> 00:11:52,518
That's the blackguard.
191
00:11:52,652 --> 00:11:55,405
Mama, tell Ophelia the truth
about this man.
192
00:11:56,156 --> 00:11:59,512
He's loaded, elegant and unattached.
193
00:11:59,910 --> 00:12:03,698
And if you ask me,
he'd make Ophelia a perfect husband.
194
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:08,747
Mama, either you're out of practice
or that ball needs repairing.
195
00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,689
That scoundrel
must have tampered with it.
196
00:12:11,884 --> 00:12:14,956
Very well then. Get your own crystal ball.
197
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:20,629
The cleverness of the fiend.
Even fooling Mama.
198
00:12:20,853 --> 00:12:23,128
Oh, shame, shame.
199
00:12:23,398 --> 00:12:27,676
To pillory that poor man
with your outrageous slings and arrows.
200
00:12:29,822 --> 00:12:33,019
Oh, Horatio, my love. I'm coming.
201
00:12:36,414 --> 00:12:38,325
You're going the wrong way, dear.
202
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,116
He's upstairs in Uncle Fester's room.
203
00:12:49,054 --> 00:12:52,126
Flying to her destruction
like a moth to a flame.
204
00:12:52,350 --> 00:12:55,308
- What do we do?
- Blow out the flame.
205
00:13:00,694 --> 00:13:02,207
This is fun.
206
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:15,821
Ophelia.
207
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,192
Locking yourself up this way
isn't going to solve the problem.
208
00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:20,293
I'm going to stay in here until I perish.
209
00:13:20,718 --> 00:13:24,506
But, darling,
what good would you be to Horatio dead?
210
00:13:27,685 --> 00:13:29,482
Interesting point.
211
00:13:29,646 --> 00:13:33,958
Ophelia, the man is not only a scoundrel,
he doesn't even have a job.
212
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,033
But, darling, you don't have a job, either.
213
00:13:37,364 --> 00:13:39,719
Exactly, one playboy in the family
is enough.
214
00:13:39,908 --> 00:13:42,661
Besides, he's a liar,
claims to have been at Heidelberg.
215
00:13:42,870 --> 00:13:45,225
Should be easy enough to disprove that.
216
00:13:45,415 --> 00:13:49,169
Well, of course. We'll simply call
the Heidelberg Dean of Men.
217
00:13:49,504 --> 00:13:50,653
Not necessary!
218
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:53,106
All Heidelbergers are expert swordsmen.
219
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:56,098
I'll just get down the sabers
and test this blowhard.
220
00:13:57,221 --> 00:14:00,213
Hope you don't mind
a friendly exchange of steel, Bartholomew.
221
00:14:00,434 --> 00:14:03,426
Not at all.
You'll forgive me if I'm a bit rusty.
222
00:14:03,646 --> 00:14:05,045
Rusty, eh?
223
00:14:05,190 --> 00:14:07,658
You beginning to get the drift, Ophelia?
224
00:14:08,110 --> 00:14:10,021
All right, choose your weapons.
225
00:14:10,988 --> 00:14:14,822
Now, the moment Lurch
drops his handkerchief, we begin.
226
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,188
Just a minute, old boy.
227
00:14:26,341 --> 00:14:28,571
Let's wait till the handkerchief
hits the floor.
228
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:31,149
Sorry. Whenever you're ready.
229
00:14:41,818 --> 00:14:45,891
Bravo, Gomez. Wonderful evasive action.
230
00:14:46,741 --> 00:14:48,891
Now all I have to do is evade the furniture.
231
00:14:49,077 --> 00:14:50,396
Allow me.
232
00:14:50,537 --> 00:14:52,653
None of your trickery here, old man.
233
00:14:59,173 --> 00:15:00,606
Sorry, Bruno.
234
00:15:07,433 --> 00:15:09,025
Would you like to wrestle?
235
00:15:11,271 --> 00:15:13,341
You were magnificent, dear.
236
00:15:14,483 --> 00:15:16,314
Where did the coward go?
237
00:15:16,486 --> 00:15:18,795
Upstairs, to wash the blood off his hands.
238
00:15:19,406 --> 00:15:21,920
- Blood on his hands, eh?
- Your blood.
239
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,953
Now will you help Horatio and me
plot our troth?
240
00:15:27,165 --> 00:15:30,441
Really, Ophelia.
Would you marry a penniless imposter?
241
00:15:31,087 --> 00:15:32,964
Penniless. Horatio?
242
00:15:35,884 --> 00:15:37,920
You'll soon laugh
on the other side of your daisies.
243
00:15:39,681 --> 00:15:42,149
Are we going to call
Brad and Dunstreet again?
244
00:15:42,351 --> 00:15:44,581
There are other ways
to unmask a braggart.
245
00:15:45,062 --> 00:15:48,054
Braggart, come down here
and bring some money.
246
00:16:04,461 --> 00:16:05,610
Darling,
247
00:16:06,255 --> 00:16:09,645
don't you think you'd better let
Mr. Bartholomew cut the cards?
248
00:16:10,218 --> 00:16:11,492
Too risky.
249
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,780
Excuse me, it's time to feed Cleopatra.
250
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,876
On with the game, Bartholomew.
251
00:16:19,063 --> 00:16:22,100
Horatio, pick a daisy for luck.
252
00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:30,793
That one must have taken root.
Try another.
253
00:16:33,205 --> 00:16:34,433
My love.
254
00:16:38,169 --> 00:16:42,799
Well, what about $200,
255
00:16:43,927 --> 00:16:45,042
just for openers?
256
00:16:45,178 --> 00:16:46,975
I should go out.
257
00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:50,176
Nothing like hard cash on the line
to weed out the ribbon clerks.
258
00:16:52,062 --> 00:16:54,701
However, just for sociability,
259
00:16:55,608 --> 00:16:59,647
I'll see your $200 and raise you $200.
260
00:17:07,581 --> 00:17:09,378
Just as I thought. Phony.
261
00:17:09,541 --> 00:17:11,054
That bill is yours.
262
00:17:14,756 --> 00:17:16,030
Strange.
263
00:17:16,967 --> 00:17:19,322
Uncle Fester's picture is on there.
264
00:17:21,097 --> 00:17:24,328
I told him to keep his Monopoly money
out of this drawer.
265
00:17:29,191 --> 00:17:32,183
All right! Here's that $200,
266
00:17:33,488 --> 00:17:37,686
your $200, and $500 more.
267
00:17:38,035 --> 00:17:40,151
Raise him back, Horatio. Raise him back.
268
00:17:40,329 --> 00:17:42,445
If it will amuse you, dear.
269
00:17:42,624 --> 00:17:47,254
Your $500, and I'll raise you $500.
270
00:17:47,546 --> 00:17:49,901
That is if you'll accept a check.
271
00:17:51,301 --> 00:17:53,610
I knew we'd get to the check ploy.
272
00:17:53,804 --> 00:17:56,796
We're playing for cash, Bartholomew,
not paper.
273
00:17:57,267 --> 00:18:00,498
Very well, then. I'll raise you $100.
274
00:18:01,105 --> 00:18:03,938
All right, ribbon clerk. What do you have?
275
00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:05,629
A pair of deuces.
276
00:18:05,777 --> 00:18:06,766
Deuces?
277
00:18:07,738 --> 00:18:10,252
That's good. I thought you were bluffing.
278
00:18:13,996 --> 00:18:16,305
Still, he isn't exactly penniless.
279
00:18:16,499 --> 00:18:19,093
So he carried a few extra kopecks
around in his pocket.
280
00:18:19,294 --> 00:18:21,967
Tactic number one
in the fortune-seekers' manual.
281
00:18:22,172 --> 00:18:25,403
Darling, you know so much
about the world.
282
00:18:27,220 --> 00:18:29,336
I've lived in it all my life.
283
00:18:32,101 --> 00:18:35,138
Still, it grieves me
to see that sweet, charming creature
284
00:18:35,355 --> 00:18:37,664
in the clutches
of that abominable monster.
285
00:18:37,858 --> 00:18:38,847
Gomez!
286
00:18:39,277 --> 00:18:42,747
Dear Horatio decided he didn't want
the money he won from you.
287
00:18:43,574 --> 00:18:45,724
Maybe we misjudged the monster.
288
00:18:46,244 --> 00:18:47,962
He gave it all away.
289
00:18:48,121 --> 00:18:51,591
Blackguard. Probably leave you
for the first pretty ankle that comes along.
290
00:18:51,834 --> 00:18:53,904
Fiddle-dee-dee. Prove it.
291
00:18:54,087 --> 00:18:56,237
Gomez can't, but I can.
292
00:18:56,590 --> 00:18:57,625
Morticia!
293
00:18:57,758 --> 00:18:59,430
Don't worry, darling.
294
00:18:59,593 --> 00:19:02,949
I'll lead him to the brink
and stop him at the gate.
295
00:19:03,181 --> 00:19:05,775
It'll do you no good. I'm the blonde.
296
00:19:05,976 --> 00:19:08,365
And I'm more fun. Yes, I am.
297
00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:16,588
Did you want to see me about something?
298
00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:19,375
Not something. Us.
299
00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:22,849
Gomez and Ophelia have gone out.
300
00:19:23,706 --> 00:19:27,824
We're all alone.
Just the two of us, together.
301
00:19:28,587 --> 00:19:30,418
Care to play checkers?
302
00:19:32,843 --> 00:19:36,358
Oh, what a tight leash you have
on your passions, dear.
303
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,437
Come, sit beside me.
304
00:19:39,851 --> 00:19:42,365
If he lays a hand on her, I'll kill him.
305
00:19:43,189 --> 00:19:44,668
And give him a piece of my mind, too.
306
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:51,763
Wouldn't you be more comfortable here?
307
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:54,186
I'm quite all right here.
308
00:19:58,708 --> 00:20:00,141
That's better.
309
00:20:01,795 --> 00:20:06,186
When you first entered this house,
you must have felt the vibrations.
310
00:20:06,926 --> 00:20:08,325
True, I have.
311
00:20:08,512 --> 00:20:12,869
But it's an old house.
It's bound to have a few vibrations.
312
00:20:14,936 --> 00:20:17,086
Horatio, why do you resist me?
313
00:20:17,272 --> 00:20:20,105
Because I'm in love with your sister.
314
00:20:20,318 --> 00:20:22,513
Excuses, excuses. Take me.
315
00:20:22,696 --> 00:20:24,209
Take you where?
316
00:20:26,117 --> 00:20:28,312
I knew you couldn't resist me.
317
00:20:28,494 --> 00:20:34,888
Mrs. Addams, you're beautiful, charming,
cultured, talented, intelligent, witty, rich
318
00:20:35,253 --> 00:20:36,845
and completely feminine.
319
00:20:37,005 --> 00:20:38,996
You're just not my type.
320
00:20:39,883 --> 00:20:43,273
Not your type?
How dare you insult my wife.
321
00:20:43,513 --> 00:20:45,868
So you've been watching!
322
00:20:46,058 --> 00:20:50,097
This entire day has been nothing
but a silly test.
323
00:20:50,355 --> 00:20:52,346
I love you for what you are.
324
00:20:52,524 --> 00:20:53,673
Whatever that is.
325
00:20:53,817 --> 00:20:55,216
And I love you for what you are.
326
00:20:55,361 --> 00:20:56,953
Whatever that is.
327
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,506
Thank you, Thing.
328
00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:06,344
Hello. Morticia Addams speaking.
329
00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:09,832
Oh, yes. Just a moment.
330
00:21:10,546 --> 00:21:11,865
Gomez, dear.
331
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:18,639
It's Brad and Dunstreet
calling back about Mr. Bartholomew.
332
00:21:19,265 --> 00:21:21,017
Hello, Mr. Dunstreet.
333
00:21:22,811 --> 00:21:25,006
Sorry. Hello, Mr. Brad.
334
00:21:26,983 --> 00:21:28,098
Really?
335
00:21:29,444 --> 00:21:30,877
Yes, I see.
336
00:21:31,822 --> 00:21:33,494
Yes, that is interesting.
337
00:21:34,492 --> 00:21:35,766
Thank you.
338
00:21:36,662 --> 00:21:38,971
Nailed him as a draft dodger, too, eh?
339
00:21:39,165 --> 00:21:41,315
Seems there's been a slight mistake.
340
00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:43,571
They were checking out
a Mr. Henry Bartholomew.
341
00:21:43,754 --> 00:21:44,903
Who's he?
342
00:21:45,047 --> 00:21:48,483
A fraud, a forger, and a draft dodger.
343
00:21:48,718 --> 00:21:52,677
Henry Bartholomew is definitely out.
What about Horatio?
344
00:21:53,599 --> 00:21:55,749
Well, he's not the richest man
in the world.
345
00:21:55,935 --> 00:21:58,529
He's the second richest man in the world.
346
00:21:59,148 --> 00:22:01,378
We'll apologize to him forthwith.
347
00:22:01,692 --> 00:22:05,048
Mr. Bartholomew,
I'm afraid we owe you an apology.
348
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:08,829
Yes, indeed, Bartholomew, old man.
We've misjudged you.
349
00:22:09,077 --> 00:22:10,192
Oh, well!
350
00:22:10,328 --> 00:22:12,523
You're not only acceptable to this family,
351
00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:14,981
I'm going to see to it
that you're a full-fledged member
352
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:16,839
of the Zen-Yogi society.
353
00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:20,154
- Zen-Yogi?
- The only true way to inner peace.
354
00:22:21,967 --> 00:22:24,356
- Ridiculous.
- Ridiculous?
355
00:22:25,055 --> 00:22:28,843
Some of the men in our family,
the Frump family,
356
00:22:29,101 --> 00:22:32,889
have found inner peace
swinging from a chandelier.
357
00:22:33,398 --> 00:22:35,707
- Absurd.
- Absurd?
358
00:22:38,905 --> 00:22:41,055
Perhaps you'd prefer
a simple romp in the swamp.
359
00:22:41,241 --> 00:22:43,311
- Nonsense.
- Nonsense?
360
00:22:43,494 --> 00:22:47,169
But, Horatio, a man who doesn't like
to stand on his head
361
00:22:47,415 --> 00:22:51,249
or swing from a chandelier
or have a simple romp in the swamp
362
00:22:51,504 --> 00:22:53,574
is maladjusted.
363
00:22:53,757 --> 00:22:54,985
Lucky me.
364
00:22:56,510 --> 00:22:59,229
Lucky me, for finding out in time.
365
00:22:59,430 --> 00:23:02,547
Ophelia, he's the second richest man
in the world.
366
00:23:03,185 --> 00:23:06,336
My mother taught me
never to settle for second best.
367
00:23:07,148 --> 00:23:08,786
A true Frump.
368
00:23:09,442 --> 00:23:12,479
It will take a long time
for my wounds to heal.
369
00:23:12,696 --> 00:23:14,129
But I'll get over it.
370
00:23:24,336 --> 00:23:27,294
You mean it?
You really want to marry Ophelia?
371
00:23:29,676 --> 00:23:32,748
You dear, sweet, lovable creature.
372
00:23:37,686 --> 00:23:40,519
That Ophelia. A one-man woman.
373
00:23:56,584 --> 00:23:57,858
Darling,
374
00:23:58,378 --> 00:24:00,892
are you sure you know
how to saw a woman in half?
375
00:24:01,089 --> 00:24:03,887
Positive. It's putting her together again
I'm not sure of.
376
00:24:07,264 --> 00:24:08,663
Mail's in.
377
00:24:14,815 --> 00:24:16,328
Thank you, Thing.
378
00:24:19,278 --> 00:24:21,428
Oh, it's from Ophelia.
379
00:24:22,908 --> 00:24:25,547
Oh, she says she and Itt
had a lovers' quarrel,
380
00:24:25,745 --> 00:24:27,383
and the engagement is off.
381
00:24:27,914 --> 00:24:29,347
But she's found a new love.
382
00:24:29,499 --> 00:24:32,332
I like a girl who can bounce back.
What's he like?
383
00:24:33,087 --> 00:24:37,603
Well, she says he's not only rich,
charming and handsome,
384
00:24:38,177 --> 00:24:39,974
but he also claims to be Napoleon.
385
00:24:40,137 --> 00:24:41,365
Napoleon?
386
00:24:42,265 --> 00:24:44,335
Sounds like the perfect match.
387
00:24:45,335 --> 00:24:55,335
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