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1
00:00:57,527 --> 00:01:00,200
Hi, Ma. How did you do?
2
00:01:00,287 --> 00:01:04,246
- I got 35 people to sign up.
- That's great.
3
00:01:06,127 --> 00:01:08,800
Wait, Ma, three of these people
are dead.
4
00:01:09,967 --> 00:01:11,958
Who are they gonna tell?
5
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:15,362
- Hi.
- Hi, Blanche.
6
00:01:15,447 --> 00:01:17,358
There you go.
7
00:01:17,447 --> 00:01:21,804
You've been gone three hours
and you only got one guy to sign?
8
00:01:21,887 --> 00:01:24,276
Give me a chance to freshen up.
9
00:01:24,367 --> 00:01:26,358
I'll get you another one.
10
00:01:28,367 --> 00:01:30,927
Girls. I've got some bad news.
11
00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:34,636
I couldn't get Mrs Claxton
to sign the petition.
12
00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:36,718
That tree's on her property.
13
00:01:36,807 --> 00:01:40,356
If she doesn't sign,
the city will chop the tree down.
14
00:01:40,447 --> 00:01:45,601
It doesn't make sense. Why would she
wanna cut down that 200-year-old oak?
15
00:01:45,687 --> 00:01:49,362
Because Frieda Claxton is
a miserable, vile, scum-sucking crank
16
00:01:49,447 --> 00:01:52,803
who gives nice old ladies like me
a bad name.
17
00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:57,039
Believe me,
she's a totally rotten human being.
18
00:01:59,047 --> 00:02:04,121
There is no such a thing as a rotten
human being. There's good in everybody.
19
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:07,836
I agree with Sophia.
Mrs Claxton is a mean old woman.
20
00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:10,521
- All the neighbours hate her.
- Don't say that.
21
00:02:10,607 --> 00:02:12,518
Come on. Last Halloween,
22
00:02:12,607 --> 00:02:16,839
half the kids in the neighbourhood
wore Frieda Claxton costumes.
23
00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:21,123
Maybe she just needs
to be shown some kindness,
24
00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:24,279
like a fellow I knew back home.
Ernest Minky.
25
00:02:24,367 --> 00:02:27,040
I'm suddenly so hungry.
I'll get some food.
26
00:02:28,407 --> 00:02:30,443
Boy, that was a close call.
27
00:02:30,527 --> 00:02:35,282
One more story about the colourful
people from St Olaf, and I'll explode.
28
00:02:35,367 --> 00:02:40,316
- He was St Olaf's librarian.
- Kaboom.
29
00:02:40,407 --> 00:02:42,682
He was also our town's only dentist.
30
00:02:42,767 --> 00:02:47,363
His office was in the library.
He did both jobs at the same time.
31
00:02:47,447 --> 00:02:49,358
Everyone hated Minky.
32
00:02:49,447 --> 00:02:52,359
He seemed to enjoy
giving other people pain.
33
00:02:52,447 --> 00:02:54,403
They hated him so much,
34
00:02:54,487 --> 00:02:57,399
nobody ever went to the dentist
or the library.
35
00:02:57,487 --> 00:03:01,162
In 1938, you could tell
if someone was from St Olaf.
36
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:05,286
They were illiterate and they had
teeth that looked like Indian corn.
37
00:03:06,327 --> 00:03:09,558
Thank you, Rose.
That was a wonderful story.
38
00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,717
I'm only half done.
39
00:03:11,807 --> 00:03:16,005
I passed a kidney stone once
that was less painful than this.
40
00:03:16,087 --> 00:03:21,036
One summer, I worked up enough nerve to
check out the latest Nancy Drew mystery
41
00:03:21,127 --> 00:03:23,357
and Mr Minky was stamping my book
42
00:03:23,447 --> 00:03:26,405
and his tie caught
in the stamping machine.
43
00:03:26,487 --> 00:03:30,799
He'd have died, if I hadn't cut his tie
with my Girl Scout knife.
44
00:03:30,887 --> 00:03:35,244
He was so grateful,
he checked my book out for a week.
45
00:03:35,327 --> 00:03:40,196
- What's so special about that?
- Usually it was for an hour.
46
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:44,166
Mr Minky always said,
"Books belong in a library."
47
00:03:44,247 --> 00:03:47,603
Really? 'Cause I always thought
Churchill said that at Yalta.
48
00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:53,397
The point is, some people seem mean
but just need a little kindness.
49
00:03:53,487 --> 00:03:57,082
And some people, like old lady Claxton,
are just plain rotten.
50
00:03:57,167 --> 00:03:59,397
I'm gonna prove you all wrong.
51
00:03:59,487 --> 00:04:02,479
There is a week left
before the commissioners' meeting.
52
00:04:02,567 --> 00:04:06,355
I'll be as nice as I can.
I bet, by then,
53
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:09,803
she'll be as anxious
to save that tree as us.
54
00:04:11,127 --> 00:04:14,437
Hello, Mrs Claxton?
This is Rose Nylund. How are you?
55
00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:20,042
I've never sat on one before,
but wouldn't that be painful?
56
00:04:28,967 --> 00:04:31,197
Sophia, Forget it. We can't do that.
57
00:04:31,287 --> 00:04:33,881
- Why not?
- Because stapling a $20 bill
58
00:04:33,967 --> 00:04:35,958
to the petition is illegal.
59
00:04:37,007 --> 00:04:41,046
It's bribery. Don't say that's how
you got things done in Sicily.
60
00:04:41,127 --> 00:04:44,039
That's not how
we got things done in Sicily.
61
00:04:44,127 --> 00:04:47,483
Bribery was how
we got things done in New York.
62
00:04:47,567 --> 00:04:52,516
In Sicily, you cut off a horse's head
and put it in somebody's bed.
63
00:04:52,607 --> 00:04:55,201
- Sophia, you're making that up.
- Like hell.
64
00:04:55,287 --> 00:04:58,723
Our garbage commissioner,
Fredo Lombardy, went on strike once.
65
00:04:58,807 --> 00:05:02,720
He woke up the next morning
sharing a pillow with National Velvet.
66
00:05:03,647 --> 00:05:07,242
At 7.00am, he was out
cleaning the street with his tongue.
67
00:05:07,327 --> 00:05:10,524
Sophia, we live in
the greatest country in the world.
68
00:05:10,607 --> 00:05:14,202
A country founded on the principles
of honesty, truth and fairness.
69
00:05:14,287 --> 00:05:16,881
I'm certain that,
once we present our petition,
70
00:05:16,967 --> 00:05:18,878
the democratic system will prevail.
71
00:05:18,967 --> 00:05:22,960
And our noble effort to save
that mighty oak will prove victorious.
72
00:05:23,047 --> 00:05:27,120
- You certainly sound pretty confident.
- She slept with two commissioners.
73
00:05:30,647 --> 00:05:33,207
That works in Sicily and New York.
74
00:05:33,287 --> 00:05:36,916
Girls, I've got great news.
I've just come from Mrs Claxton's
75
00:05:37,007 --> 00:05:39,726
and she says
she wants to save the tree.
76
00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:42,082
- You're kidding.
- How did you manage that?
77
00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:43,236
Persistence.
78
00:05:43,327 --> 00:05:49,118
I have gone to her house every day
with home-made Danish, begging her.
79
00:05:49,207 --> 00:05:54,565
She didn't want the apricot nor the
cheese, but the prune did the trick.
80
00:05:56,127 --> 00:05:58,243
Always does for me.
81
00:05:58,327 --> 00:06:02,320
After she snarfed down two,
she said she'd save the tree.
82
00:06:02,407 --> 00:06:05,080
Speak of the devil,
here's the miserable witch.
83
00:06:05,167 --> 00:06:06,156
Sophia...
84
00:06:06,247 --> 00:06:09,045
Mrs Claxton,
how lovely to see you again.
85
00:06:09,127 --> 00:06:11,038
Who are you?
86
00:06:11,127 --> 00:06:13,197
Your neighbour, Blanche Devereaux.
87
00:06:13,287 --> 00:06:16,597
Yeah. I didn't recognise you
with your clothes on.
88
00:06:18,447 --> 00:06:20,358
I beg your pardon?
89
00:06:20,447 --> 00:06:24,360
With my binoculars, I have
a terrific view in your bedroom window.
90
00:06:24,447 --> 00:06:28,759
Some of the stuff you do
must be illegal. I'm looking into it.
91
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,486
Why, you miserable old...
92
00:06:31,567 --> 00:06:33,478
Let's try to get along.
93
00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:37,162
Mrs Claxton, I don't know if you
remember me. Dorothy Zbornak.
94
00:06:37,247 --> 00:06:41,126
Sure. You're the one with nothing
going on in your bedroom.
95
00:06:42,167 --> 00:06:44,362
- Why, you miserable old...
- Dorothy.
96
00:06:46,087 --> 00:06:48,396
Mrs Claxton, we want you to know
97
00:06:48,487 --> 00:06:51,843
we all appreciate you helping us
to save the tree.
98
00:06:51,927 --> 00:06:57,638
I'm not. I'm here to make sure they
tear it down. I hate trees. And people.
99
00:06:57,727 --> 00:07:01,117
Rose told us you said
you would help us.
100
00:07:01,207 --> 00:07:03,402
- That's right.
- Now you're not?
101
00:07:03,487 --> 00:07:06,559
- Why did you lie?
- To get the Danish.
102
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:10,358
Look, there's nothing I hate more
than someone who thinks
103
00:07:10,447 --> 00:07:14,042
everyone who lives alone
wants company and a few kind words.
104
00:07:14,127 --> 00:07:16,436
I live alone because I like it.
105
00:07:16,527 --> 00:07:20,076
I've no use for people.
Never have. See you inside.
106
00:07:20,927 --> 00:07:24,158
- Where are you going?
- To throw holy water on her.
107
00:07:24,247 --> 00:07:27,717
If her head spins around,
we're in big trouble.
108
00:07:34,527 --> 00:07:38,122
It is the consensus of the committee
that the promoters' petition
109
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:40,721
for the outdoor concert be denied.
110
00:07:40,807 --> 00:07:45,835
Next on the agenda is the proposal
to widen Richmond Street.
111
00:07:45,927 --> 00:07:50,045
Will the representative of those
wanting to block this step forward?
112
00:07:50,127 --> 00:07:53,039
- Wish me luck.
- Wait. Why should you do it?
113
00:07:53,127 --> 00:07:55,436
Because we'll have a better chance.
114
00:07:55,527 --> 00:07:57,757
I happen to be a wonderful orator.
115
00:07:57,847 --> 00:08:00,361
Two of the commissioners
can verify that.
116
00:08:01,327 --> 00:08:05,161
Blanche, "orator" means "speaker".
117
00:08:06,247 --> 00:08:08,238
Really?
118
00:08:09,687 --> 00:08:12,042
Somebody else do the talking.
119
00:08:13,887 --> 00:08:18,165
- Ladies, we're waiting.
- Let me save everyone time.
120
00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:21,842
My name is Frieda Claxton.
The tree is on my property
121
00:08:21,927 --> 00:08:25,886
and I don't care
if the city wants to cut it down.
122
00:08:25,967 --> 00:08:31,121
60 people live on that block and
they've all signed to save the tree.
123
00:08:31,207 --> 00:08:33,118
Concrete's cleaner.
124
00:08:33,207 --> 00:08:35,801
- They'll get used to it.
- Mrs Claxton, please.
125
00:08:35,887 --> 00:08:38,765
I have pictures of it to show you.
126
00:08:38,847 --> 00:08:42,806
You wanna look at pictures?
I've got pictures.
127
00:08:44,447 --> 00:08:47,917
Of her roommate, the human slinky.
128
00:08:49,287 --> 00:08:51,198
Shut up, Claxton.
129
00:08:51,287 --> 00:08:55,519
Were there any other faces
recognisable in those pictures?
130
00:08:58,167 --> 00:09:00,965
You shut up too, Ed.
131
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:05,681
Stop wasting the taxpayers' money.
132
00:09:05,767 --> 00:09:08,884
Yank out that tree
and start pouring cement.
133
00:09:08,967 --> 00:09:11,606
Mrs Claxton,
think about what you're doing.
134
00:09:11,687 --> 00:09:14,884
That beautiful old tree
is 200 years old.
135
00:09:14,967 --> 00:09:17,481
How can you hate a living thing?
136
00:09:17,567 --> 00:09:19,922
I hate you.
137
00:09:20,687 --> 00:09:24,282
That's it. I have had
all I'm gonna take from you.
138
00:09:24,367 --> 00:09:28,645
If you don't have the common decency
to treat people like human beings,
139
00:09:28,727 --> 00:09:32,242
then I'm not gonna waste my time
kissing your fanny.
140
00:09:32,327 --> 00:09:35,558
If you don't like it,
Mrs Claxton, you sit there
141
00:09:35,647 --> 00:09:38,241
and shut up while we have our say.
142
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:40,716
If you don't like it, drop dead.
143
00:09:40,807 --> 00:09:42,798
Go on, Dorothy.
144
00:09:56,407 --> 00:09:59,399
- What happened?
- You know you said, "Drop dead"?
145
00:09:59,487 --> 00:10:02,001
- Yes.
- I think she did.
146
00:10:15,567 --> 00:10:17,478
Why do people die, Dorothy?
147
00:10:17,567 --> 00:10:21,560
Rose, please. I don't even know
why fools fall in love.
148
00:10:24,407 --> 00:10:28,639
I killed her. I might as well
have shot her with a gun.
149
00:10:28,727 --> 00:10:32,436
Honey, the woman was 83.
She had a heart attack.
150
00:10:32,527 --> 00:10:36,805
It was coincidence. You haven't slept
for two days. Stop torturing yourself.
151
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,798
I guess you're right.
152
00:10:38,887 --> 00:10:41,685
- Rose, you can't sleep again?
- No.
153
00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:44,361
Rose, you have to put this behind you.
154
00:10:44,447 --> 00:10:46,756
You killed Mrs Claxton two days ago.
155
00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:50,883
Blanche.
156
00:10:52,207 --> 00:10:55,483
I mean she died two days ago.
Rose knows she didn't do anything.
157
00:10:55,567 --> 00:11:00,163
She's just upset. Go to her funeral,
have a good cry. You'll feel better.
158
00:11:00,247 --> 00:11:04,479
There won't be a funeral. Mrs Claxton
didn't have any friends or relatives.
159
00:11:04,567 --> 00:11:08,640
She'll be buried in
an unmarked grave in a potter's field.
160
00:11:08,727 --> 00:11:11,639
That's too bad.
Is there any more cheesecake?
161
00:11:11,727 --> 00:11:14,525
Blanche, how can you be so callous?
162
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:17,519
Sorry, but I won't pretend
to be in mourning.
163
00:11:17,607 --> 00:11:20,599
Mrs Claxton worked overtime
at being a nasty woman.
164
00:11:20,687 --> 00:11:24,600
Blanche is right. That's why nobody
wants to go to her funeral.
165
00:11:24,687 --> 00:11:29,602
How would you feel if you dropped dead
and nobody showed up at your funeral?
166
00:11:29,687 --> 00:11:32,281
It's probably a personal thing,
but for me,
167
00:11:32,367 --> 00:11:35,484
I think dropping dead would be
the bigger disappointment.
168
00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:40,637
There'll be tons of people at mine.
169
00:11:40,727 --> 00:11:42,638
How can you be sure?
170
00:11:42,727 --> 00:11:46,242
I was at my funeral at 16.
I saw it all.
171
00:11:46,327 --> 00:11:48,283
What?
172
00:11:48,367 --> 00:11:50,927
16 was a very difficult age for me.
173
00:11:51,007 --> 00:11:53,601
My hormones were racing,
my body was blossoming.
174
00:11:53,687 --> 00:11:56,963
I had urges and yearnings so strong.
175
00:11:57,047 --> 00:11:59,322
Sometimes I'd wake up in the night,
176
00:11:59,407 --> 00:12:02,956
sweating and screaming and clawing,
like a trapped panther.
177
00:12:03,047 --> 00:12:06,164
Unable to release
the lusty, steamy passions
178
00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:09,205
that constantly threatened
to erupt from within me.
179
00:12:11,007 --> 00:12:15,125
When I was 16, I had acne and played
the accordion in a marching band.
180
00:12:17,047 --> 00:12:19,641
Nothing seemed to go right that year.
181
00:12:19,727 --> 00:12:24,198
But the final indignity occurred during
the Miss Magnolia Blossom Pageant.
182
00:12:24,287 --> 00:12:26,676
Instead of awarding me the crown
183
00:12:26,767 --> 00:12:30,680
as the most beautiful girl
in the county, they made me runner-up.
184
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:34,237
And awarded me
Miss Congeniality instead.
185
00:12:34,327 --> 00:12:37,558
At that moment,
I vowed to make that town pay
186
00:12:37,647 --> 00:12:41,083
for valuing my personality
over my perfect body.
187
00:12:42,087 --> 00:12:44,965
I hear Vanna White
has the same problem.
188
00:12:46,407 --> 00:12:50,036
I decided to kill myself
to teach that town a lesson.
189
00:12:50,127 --> 00:12:52,687
I phonied-up my death
in a riverboat accident.
190
00:12:52,767 --> 00:12:56,885
I had the captain,
who I was seeing after school, help me.
191
00:12:56,967 --> 00:13:01,916
Everything went perfectly. The town
had never seen a funeral like mine.
192
00:13:02,007 --> 00:13:05,761
Hundreds of people, beautiful eulogies.
193
00:13:05,847 --> 00:13:10,125
Then, just as the minister was getting
everybody in a frenzy of grieving,
194
00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:14,519
I rushed out and said, "Yoo-hoo.
It's me, Blanche. I'm not really dead."
195
00:13:16,887 --> 00:13:20,846
The next thing I knew, my daddy was
horse-whipping that riverboat captain
196
00:13:20,927 --> 00:13:24,556
and dragging me off to
a religious girls' school in Atlanta.
197
00:13:25,207 --> 00:13:29,962
My daddy didn't get angry, but when
he was, he was a real peckerwood.
198
00:13:32,167 --> 00:13:34,078
What's everybody talking about?
199
00:13:34,167 --> 00:13:36,965
I can honestly say I have no idea.
200
00:13:38,247 --> 00:13:41,956
We started out talking about
Mrs Claxton's funeral.
201
00:13:42,047 --> 00:13:46,643
But somewhere along the way, we segued
into Blanche, The Miniseries.
202
00:13:46,727 --> 00:13:49,878
When's her funeral?
I wanna pay my respects.
203
00:13:49,967 --> 00:13:53,084
- But I thought you hated her.
- I did.
204
00:13:53,167 --> 00:13:56,443
You go to a funeral
to show the man upstairs
205
00:13:56,527 --> 00:14:01,078
your respect for human life, no matter
how wretched. Any idiot knows that.
206
00:14:01,167 --> 00:14:03,761
- I knew that.
- See?
207
00:14:06,927 --> 00:14:09,122
Mrs Claxton won't have a funeral.
208
00:14:09,207 --> 00:14:11,516
She had no friends and no relatives.
209
00:14:11,607 --> 00:14:14,758
- We'll pop for her funeral.
- Why?
210
00:14:14,847 --> 00:14:19,238
To show the man upstairs that
we have some regard for human life.
211
00:14:19,327 --> 00:14:23,843
No, it's a Sicilian custom. It's
good luck to bury somebody you hate.
212
00:14:23,927 --> 00:14:25,838
You're not fooling me.
213
00:14:25,927 --> 00:14:30,205
You feel bad because Mrs Claxton
didn't have anybody.
214
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:33,085
Maybe I do. What's it to you?
215
00:14:33,167 --> 00:14:36,921
- You're right. I'll chip in.
- Sophia, count me in, too.
216
00:14:37,007 --> 00:14:40,795
Sophia,
I think you're a wonderful person.
217
00:14:40,887 --> 00:14:45,244
It's a lovely idea to share
Mrs Claxton's funeral expenses equally.
218
00:14:45,327 --> 00:14:47,841
I figure your share should be half.
219
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:52,486
After all,
you're the one who killed her.
220
00:15:01,927 --> 00:15:04,839
- Let's get this over with.
- Try to calm down.
221
00:15:04,927 --> 00:15:07,805
Funeral homes give me the willies.
222
00:15:07,887 --> 00:15:12,642
That's why I've avoided them. I've only
been to two funerals and I'm 45.
223
00:15:12,727 --> 00:15:15,116
You're such a liar.
224
00:15:15,207 --> 00:15:17,198
Alright, then, three funerals.
225
00:15:18,007 --> 00:15:21,363
The point is, let's hurry up and go.
226
00:15:21,447 --> 00:15:24,757
- Hello.
- I'm alright, I'm fine.
227
00:15:24,847 --> 00:15:27,725
Excuse her.
Funeral homes make her nervous.
228
00:15:27,807 --> 00:15:30,196
They used to make me nervous, too.
229
00:15:30,287 --> 00:15:34,405
At funeral homes, all they talk
about is caskets and burials.
230
00:15:34,487 --> 00:15:38,036
At Forever Peaceful,
we've got rid of all that death stuff.
231
00:15:38,127 --> 00:15:40,118
Are you running a sushi bar?
232
00:15:41,167 --> 00:15:45,683
Come this way.
This is our slumber chamber.
233
00:15:45,767 --> 00:15:49,840
And here's my card.
How may I be of service to you?
234
00:15:49,927 --> 00:15:54,239
- Mr Pfeiffer.
- That's Pfeiffer, no silent P.
235
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,727
Mr Pfeiffer.
236
00:16:04,487 --> 00:16:07,638
We're interested
in arranging a funeral.
237
00:16:07,727 --> 00:16:11,163
Isn't that lovely?
The three of you planning for Mother.
238
00:16:15,367 --> 00:16:18,757
Pfeiffer, how would you like
a punch in your p-face?
239
00:16:24,047 --> 00:16:26,083
The funeral is for a neighbour.
240
00:16:26,167 --> 00:16:29,603
- My condolences.
- No need. We didn't like her.
241
00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:33,283
The whole neighbourhood despised her.
242
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:36,040
- How did she pass on?
- She killed her.
243
00:16:38,447 --> 00:16:40,438
Rough neighbourhood.
244
00:16:41,207 --> 00:16:43,880
Look, Mr Pfeiffer...
245
00:16:44,967 --> 00:16:47,640
About the p-funeral. About the...
246
00:16:48,527 --> 00:16:51,803
About the funeral arrangements,
we'd like something simple,
247
00:16:51,887 --> 00:16:55,197
- tasteful, yet...
...incredibly cheap.
248
00:16:55,287 --> 00:16:57,755
OK. Let's get down to brass handles.
249
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:03,522
Ladies, I'd like to present to you the
winner of the 1985 Casket Design Award.
250
00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:06,121
Paris has been talking about it.
251
00:17:06,207 --> 00:17:08,482
- It's the Omega 3,000.
- How much?
252
00:17:08,567 --> 00:17:12,003
That top is hand-embellished
gold-leaf detail work.
253
00:17:12,087 --> 00:17:15,796
The satin interior is imported
from a textile mill outside Gstaad.
254
00:17:15,887 --> 00:17:18,242
- How much?
- It's also lead-lined...
255
00:17:18,327 --> 00:17:20,887
We're not burying Superman. How much?
256
00:17:22,767 --> 00:17:26,760
- $6,000.
- My first house cost less.
257
00:17:26,847 --> 00:17:30,123
Mr Pfeiffer, we have already told you
258
00:17:30,207 --> 00:17:32,118
we are bereaved on a budget.
259
00:17:32,207 --> 00:17:35,961
Now, if you can't accommodate us,
we'll find someone who can.
260
00:17:36,047 --> 00:17:39,084
You know,
the Avanti Supreme is a big seller.
261
00:17:39,167 --> 00:17:42,204
- That retails for just $3,000.
- What's this one?
262
00:17:42,287 --> 00:17:44,357
- A pine box.
- How much?
263
00:17:44,447 --> 00:17:46,483
- $200.
- Sold.
264
00:17:46,567 --> 00:17:48,637
When would you like the services?
265
00:17:48,727 --> 00:17:51,161
- I don't know.
- Thursday night?
266
00:17:51,247 --> 00:17:54,239
- Thursday night.
- Not Thursday. Hell, no.
267
00:17:54,327 --> 00:17:56,841
I'm sorry, I forgot. The Cosby Show.
268
00:17:59,407 --> 00:18:02,205
- How about Friday?
- You have a TV guide?
269
00:18:04,087 --> 00:18:06,123
- Friday will be fine.
- Thank you.
270
00:18:06,207 --> 00:18:10,758
As long as you're here, have you
thought about your own final farewell?
271
00:18:10,847 --> 00:18:13,680
I intend to go out with a bang.
272
00:18:13,767 --> 00:18:15,758
And she means that.
273
00:18:24,367 --> 00:18:26,756
My God, this is terrible.
274
00:18:26,847 --> 00:18:30,886
Such a tragedy, such a tragedy.
275
00:18:30,967 --> 00:18:33,606
Ma, try not to upset yourself.
276
00:18:34,407 --> 00:18:36,967
Two men on, the bottom of the ninth.
277
00:18:37,047 --> 00:18:39,800
That botcher hasn't bunked.
278
00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:43,558
Give me that.
279
00:18:49,167 --> 00:18:51,397
I'm tired of sitting here. Let's go.
280
00:18:51,487 --> 00:18:55,082
I can't believe it. There was
an announcement in the paper.
281
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:58,796
Her friends must have realised she died.
Why didn't they come?
282
00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:00,878
They were too busy celebrating.
283
00:19:01,647 --> 00:19:05,481
You go ahead,
I just wanna sit here a while longer.
284
00:19:05,567 --> 00:19:09,276
I hope I'm not too late
for the funeral.
285
00:19:09,367 --> 00:19:11,278
Why, no.
286
00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:14,120
- No, not at all.
- Thank goodness.
287
00:19:14,207 --> 00:19:16,767
I'd have felt terrible
if I'd missed it.
288
00:19:16,847 --> 00:19:19,156
She was one of my dearest friends.
289
00:19:19,247 --> 00:19:22,000
Hear that? One of her dearest friends.
290
00:19:22,087 --> 00:19:23,998
Yes. Oh, my.
291
00:19:24,087 --> 00:19:27,762
We've been friends for nearly 60 years.
292
00:19:27,847 --> 00:19:31,044
Would you mind saying a few words?
293
00:19:31,127 --> 00:19:33,038
Me? Mind?
294
00:19:33,127 --> 00:19:35,561
I'd be happy to.
295
00:19:36,567 --> 00:19:38,558
Up here?
296
00:19:42,287 --> 00:19:45,006
Today is a day of great sadness.
297
00:19:45,087 --> 00:19:46,998
Not only for me,
298
00:19:47,087 --> 00:19:50,363
but also for the people
whose lives have been touched
299
00:19:50,447 --> 00:19:54,838
by the warmth and the kindness
of this woman who is lying here.
300
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:59,717
I wish I knew how many charities
and hospitals and orphanages
301
00:19:59,807 --> 00:20:01,718
have benefited from her generosity.
302
00:20:01,807 --> 00:20:04,685
But now, no-one will ever know.
303
00:20:04,767 --> 00:20:09,363
Because she preferred to do
all of her good work anonymously.
304
00:20:09,447 --> 00:20:12,996
I'm sure a lot of people
never even knew
305
00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:17,763
that she worked for 15 years
in a leper colony.
306
00:20:22,047 --> 00:20:26,404
Yes, Celia Rubinstein
loved all mankind.
307
00:20:29,487 --> 00:20:31,478
- She was...
- Who?
308
00:20:32,407 --> 00:20:35,319
Celia Rubinstein.
309
00:20:35,407 --> 00:20:39,161
This funeral isn't for Celia Rubinstein.
It's for Frieda Claxton.
310
00:20:39,887 --> 00:20:42,481
The Rubinstein funeral's down the hall.
311
00:20:44,447 --> 00:20:47,086
I'm so sorry for the intrusion.
312
00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:54,124
Frieda Claxton? Didn't she own
that old house on Richmond Street?
313
00:20:54,207 --> 00:20:55,845
Yes.
314
00:21:07,447 --> 00:21:11,963
You were all right. Frieda Claxton
didn't have a friend in the world.
315
00:21:12,047 --> 00:21:14,515
She didn't make any difference
to anybody.
316
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:17,326
She might as well
never even have existed.
317
00:21:17,407 --> 00:21:20,444
- Rose, honey.
- Let her be by herself.
318
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:24,759
This has been a hell of a night.
I'm glad it's over.
319
00:21:24,847 --> 00:21:27,964
At least
we've done the right thing.
320
00:21:28,047 --> 00:21:31,323
Mrs Claxton is in
somebody else's hands now.
321
00:21:31,407 --> 00:21:34,205
I'm afraid for the moment
she's in mine.
322
00:21:34,287 --> 00:21:37,040
- What?
- There was a mix-up out back.
323
00:21:37,127 --> 00:21:39,163
Mrs Claxton was cremated by mistake.
324
00:21:39,247 --> 00:21:41,920
We never should have hired
a high-school student.
325
00:21:44,087 --> 00:21:46,362
Whatever.
326
00:21:47,047 --> 00:21:50,562
Ladies.
You're forgetting something.
327
00:21:50,647 --> 00:21:52,797
Mrs Claxton. We can't keep her.
328
00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:07,967
- Morning, Blanche.
- I wanna ask you something.
329
00:22:08,047 --> 00:22:12,484
Last night, at two in the morning,
did you hear shrieking and screaming?
330
00:22:12,567 --> 00:22:16,958
No, but usually, if your door's closed,
I can't hear anything.
331
00:22:20,767 --> 00:22:25,477
Not me. Those sounds were coming
from that urn with Mrs Claxton in it.
332
00:22:25,567 --> 00:22:27,478
Blanche, you were dreaming.
333
00:22:27,567 --> 00:22:30,400
This house is possessed by her spirit.
334
00:22:30,487 --> 00:22:34,002
- Morning.
- Last night, at two o'clock,
335
00:22:34,087 --> 00:22:36,521
did you hear
some awful, ghastly sounds?
336
00:22:36,607 --> 00:22:39,804
Heard 'em? I made 'em.
337
00:22:39,887 --> 00:22:43,004
There's a reason for expiration dates
on cottage cheese.
338
00:22:43,087 --> 00:22:45,282
My kingdom for an Alka-Seltzer.
339
00:22:47,447 --> 00:22:50,439
Girls, I have great news.
340
00:22:50,527 --> 00:22:53,246
I've found a resting place
for Mrs Claxton.
341
00:22:53,327 --> 00:22:55,397
You found one of her relatives?
342
00:22:55,487 --> 00:22:59,685
I spread her ashes
round the tree in front of her house.
343
00:22:59,767 --> 00:23:03,476
- What on earth for?
- To prove her life had meaning.
344
00:23:03,567 --> 00:23:05,478
- As fertiliser?
- No.
345
00:23:05,567 --> 00:23:08,525
After I spread the ashes
and said a prayer,
346
00:23:08,607 --> 00:23:11,246
I went to City Hall and told them.
347
00:23:11,327 --> 00:23:17,243
I said it might not be such a good idea
to disturb a person's resting place.
348
00:23:17,327 --> 00:23:20,524
They're not going to cut the tree down.
349
00:23:20,607 --> 00:23:22,518
Rose, that's lovely.
350
00:23:22,607 --> 00:23:24,598
Odd, but lovely.
351
00:23:25,367 --> 00:23:27,358
Girls, come look at the tree.
352
00:23:28,567 --> 00:23:31,001
Isn't it breathtaking?
353
00:23:31,847 --> 00:23:35,522
- It sure is.
- It's always gonna be there.
354
00:23:35,607 --> 00:23:37,518
All because of Mrs Claxton.
355
00:23:37,607 --> 00:23:40,280
I guess you were right all along, Rose.
356
00:23:40,367 --> 00:23:43,564
Mrs Claxton did have a reason
for being here.
357
00:23:43,647 --> 00:23:47,401
- That tree will be a reminder.
- Reminder?
358
00:23:47,487 --> 00:23:51,400
Reminder to do something nice
whenever I can for somebody else.
359
00:23:51,487 --> 00:23:55,036
I want my life to have meaning
while I'm still living.
360
00:23:55,127 --> 00:23:58,836
- What are you all looking at?
- That beautiful old oak tree.
361
00:23:58,927 --> 00:24:01,999
Mrs Claxton's spirit's
part of that tree now.
362
00:24:02,087 --> 00:24:03,998
That's really lovely.
363
00:24:04,087 --> 00:24:07,397
It's touching how
that Great Dane is paying its respects.
30347
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