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1
00:00:55,207 --> 00:00:56,686
...14.
2
00:00:56,767 --> 00:01:01,204
Here's what I figure
your take would be for the first month.
3
00:01:01,287 --> 00:01:03,278
So what do you say? Partners?
4
00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:07,565
Making extra money appeals to me
but why the sandwich business?
5
00:01:07,647 --> 00:01:11,322
Because we don't have enough
counter space to make kidney machines.
6
00:01:11,967 --> 00:01:15,562
- So are we partners or what?
- It sounds kinda complicated.
7
00:01:15,647 --> 00:01:17,922
Selling sandwiches
at a construction site?
8
00:01:18,007 --> 00:01:21,682
I don't know about business.
Ask Dorothy. Or Blanche.
9
00:01:21,767 --> 00:01:25,726
- At least they'd have some input.
- I know. So are we partners?
10
00:01:26,607 --> 00:01:28,563
How do I look?
11
00:01:28,647 --> 00:01:30,763
Nice. Now put some make-up on.
12
00:01:30,847 --> 00:01:34,999
- Ma, I'm wearing make-up.
- Then eat by candlelight.
13
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:39,486
You look lovely, you really do.
14
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:42,400
She's got a date with Geoffrey
the commodore.
15
00:01:42,487 --> 00:01:44,796
He's a commodore? In the navy?
16
00:01:44,887 --> 00:01:46,878
No, Rose, the singing group.
17
00:01:47,887 --> 00:01:52,005
In the middle. He was on the end
till Lionel Richie left.
18
00:01:52,087 --> 00:01:54,965
You've been spending
a lot of time together.
19
00:01:55,047 --> 00:01:59,245
Oh, yes. Just when I'd given up
hope of meeting someone,
20
00:01:59,327 --> 00:02:01,363
along came the most gallant,
21
00:02:01,447 --> 00:02:03,802
sophisticated,
charming man I've met in ages.
22
00:02:03,887 --> 00:02:07,277
I bet he can tie a lot of neat knots.
23
00:02:07,367 --> 00:02:10,200
- Dorothy, guess who's here?
- My date.
24
00:02:10,287 --> 00:02:12,198
- Your husband.
- I don't have one.
25
00:02:12,287 --> 00:02:14,403
Call the police.
26
00:02:14,487 --> 00:02:17,240
- Your ex-husband.
- I'll call the police.
27
00:02:17,327 --> 00:02:19,397
Hi, everyone. It's me, Stan.
28
00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:23,036
Dorothy,
in the future I would appreciate
29
00:02:23,127 --> 00:02:25,721
advance notice
when you're expecting a gentleman.
30
00:02:25,807 --> 00:02:27,718
This time it's only Stan
31
00:02:27,807 --> 00:02:31,925
but next time it could be somebody
appealing or charming or good-Iooking.
32
00:02:32,007 --> 00:02:34,601
- No offence, Stan.
- None taken.
33
00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:38,077
- Could we talk for a minute?
- Of course. Come on.
34
00:02:38,167 --> 00:02:43,036
Is your wife here or is she at home
cleaning out her toy box?
35
00:02:45,087 --> 00:02:49,478
Ma, I told you.
Stan and Chrissie got a divorce.
36
00:02:49,567 --> 00:02:52,240
I thought you said they got a horse.
37
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:56,162
I'm 80. You gotta enunciate.
38
00:02:56,247 --> 00:02:59,444
Don't get me wrong.
Horse, divorce, I could care less.
39
00:02:59,527 --> 00:03:01,677
I just hate being left
with egg on my face.
40
00:03:04,007 --> 00:03:05,918
Alright, Stan, what's wrong?
41
00:03:06,007 --> 00:03:11,081
- Why should something be wrong?
- We were married for 38 years.
42
00:03:11,167 --> 00:03:15,240
You can disguise your bald head
but you can't hide your emotions.
43
00:03:15,327 --> 00:03:19,115
- Now, what's wrong?
- I lost it, Dorothy.
44
00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:22,278
You never had it, Stanley.
45
00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:28,158
The business.
46
00:03:28,247 --> 00:03:30,556
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
47
00:03:30,647 --> 00:03:34,083
22 years of sweat and blood
flushed down the toilet
48
00:03:34,167 --> 00:03:36,237
like a snotty ball of Kleenex.
49
00:03:36,327 --> 00:03:39,763
You could always write poetry
for a living.
50
00:03:40,847 --> 00:03:43,759
I'm sorry.
I know how devastated you must be.
51
00:03:43,847 --> 00:03:47,806
- I have one question, though.
- I can manage the alimony.
52
00:03:47,887 --> 00:03:49,798
That was not my question.
53
00:03:49,887 --> 00:03:52,355
Could we possibly
discuss this tomorrow?
54
00:03:52,447 --> 00:03:55,041
- I have plans to go out.
- Dorothy, please...
55
00:03:55,127 --> 00:03:57,038
I'm afraid to be alone tonight.
56
00:03:57,127 --> 00:04:00,756
My world is crumbling.
I don't know what I might do.
57
00:04:00,847 --> 00:04:02,917
You'll watch an old Barnaby Jones,
58
00:04:03,007 --> 00:04:05,475
eat a half-gallon of rum raisin,
59
00:04:05,567 --> 00:04:08,400
throw up and fall asleep
in your kimono.
60
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,641
See, Dorothy,
nobody knows me like you.
61
00:04:11,727 --> 00:04:13,638
Look, I really have plans.
62
00:04:13,727 --> 00:04:16,002
I made dinner reservations at Monty's.
63
00:04:16,087 --> 00:04:18,726
We could take a walk on the beach,
64
00:04:18,807 --> 00:04:22,083
go dancing at the Breakers,
if there's no cover charge.
65
00:04:22,967 --> 00:04:25,322
- I really can't.
- Dorothy, please.
66
00:04:25,407 --> 00:04:28,479
Say yes. I need a shoulder to cry on.
67
00:04:29,127 --> 00:04:31,516
Oh, alright. Give me a minute.
68
00:04:33,367 --> 00:04:36,165
Girls, I need a shoulder to cry on.
69
00:04:36,247 --> 00:04:39,876
- What did that creep do?
- It's not for me, it's Stan.
70
00:04:39,967 --> 00:04:43,960
He lost the business.
He has to take his mind off it.
71
00:04:44,047 --> 00:04:47,642
- What do you want us to do?
- Go out with him.
72
00:04:47,727 --> 00:04:49,638
What?
73
00:04:49,727 --> 00:04:53,561
I feel terrible but I'm not
about to cancel my date.
74
00:04:53,647 --> 00:04:57,003
- So I have to cancel mine.
- You don't have one.
75
00:04:57,087 --> 00:04:59,078
Nobody knows that.
76
00:04:59,807 --> 00:05:04,164
I'd do it, but I'm really no good
at listening to people's problems.
77
00:05:04,247 --> 00:05:07,478
Rose, you're a grief counsellor.
It's what you do.
78
00:05:07,567 --> 00:05:11,560
I know but I have the highest
suicide rate in the office.
79
00:05:13,767 --> 00:05:16,964
Rose, if you don't want to go out
with Stan, just say so.
80
00:05:17,047 --> 00:05:18,958
I don't want to.
81
00:05:19,047 --> 00:05:22,756
Oh, honey, I know going out
with Stan is big favour.
82
00:05:22,847 --> 00:05:26,044
The biggest. You're asking me
to spend my evening with a man
83
00:05:26,127 --> 00:05:30,803
you describe as having
the personality of a dial tone.
84
00:05:30,887 --> 00:05:35,244
And why? So you can have a splendid
evening with a dashing naval officer.
85
00:05:35,327 --> 00:05:38,876
Absolutely not. Under no circumstances
will I entertain the notion.
86
00:05:38,967 --> 00:05:41,481
I'll let you borrow
my cashmere sweater.
87
00:05:41,567 --> 00:05:43,523
- No.
- I'll give you outright
88
00:05:43,607 --> 00:05:46,565
my practically full bottle
of Chanel No.5.
89
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:48,319
- Perfume or cologne?
- Cologne.
90
00:05:48,407 --> 00:05:50,363
- Forget it.
- I'll introduce you
91
00:05:50,447 --> 00:05:53,120
to all of Geoffrey's
naval officer friends.
92
00:05:53,207 --> 00:05:56,244
Some of them have been at sea
for over six months.
93
00:06:03,767 --> 00:06:07,077
Make yourself comfortable.
I'll be with you in two minutes.
94
00:06:11,247 --> 00:06:13,602
Use these potatoes.
We're out of tomatoes.
95
00:06:13,687 --> 00:06:16,963
- I don't think this'll work.
- We just say it fast.
96
00:06:17,047 --> 00:06:19,038
Bacon lettuce and potato.
97
00:06:20,487 --> 00:06:22,398
Bacon lettuce and potato.
98
00:06:23,207 --> 00:06:25,163
Hey, what are you two doing up?
99
00:06:25,247 --> 00:06:28,364
- It's after midnight.
- We're going into business.
100
00:06:28,447 --> 00:06:31,086
How did she talk you into this?
101
00:06:31,167 --> 00:06:33,123
Sophia didn't talk me into it.
102
00:06:33,207 --> 00:06:38,440
As she said, if I had half a brain,
I'd have thought of it myself.
103
00:06:38,527 --> 00:06:40,643
Besides, it'll be fun, Dorothy.
104
00:06:40,727 --> 00:06:46,245
Just like when I was little and sold
Belgian waffles alongside the road.
105
00:06:46,327 --> 00:06:49,239
You had a Belgian waffle stand?
106
00:06:49,327 --> 00:06:53,161
Well, actually they were English
muffins that I carved ridges in.
107
00:06:54,167 --> 00:06:58,797
But people bought 'em anyway.
I was cute so I got away with it.
108
00:06:58,887 --> 00:07:03,039
You get cute again at 80.
That's how I'll peddle this slop.
109
00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:05,877
- How was your date?
- Glorious.
110
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,878
Geoffrey is a dream.
111
00:07:07,967 --> 00:07:11,403
It was even worth the guilt
I felt over Blanche.
112
00:07:11,487 --> 00:07:13,398
Is she speaking to me?
113
00:07:13,487 --> 00:07:16,365
- She's not home yet.
- Poor Blanche.
114
00:07:16,447 --> 00:07:21,601
When Stan is depressed, he is the
second most boring man in the world.
115
00:07:21,687 --> 00:07:25,566
- Who's the first?
- Stan when he's not depressed.
116
00:07:27,167 --> 00:07:31,160
This is the most bizarre evening
I've ever spent with a man.
117
00:07:31,247 --> 00:07:34,239
Including the time with
the Nicaraguan Jai-Alai team?
118
00:07:34,327 --> 00:07:39,765
She said one man. That was the most
bizarre evening she spent with a team.
119
00:07:41,047 --> 00:07:42,958
Are those sandwiches? I am starving.
120
00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:45,038
They're bacon lettuce and potato.
121
00:07:48,847 --> 00:07:50,200
Potato?
122
00:07:50,287 --> 00:07:53,438
Work on it, Rose.
Remember, you're not cute any more.
123
00:07:54,447 --> 00:07:56,722
I thought Stan took you to dinner.
124
00:07:56,807 --> 00:07:58,843
- He did.
- Let me guess.
125
00:07:58,927 --> 00:08:02,522
You were on your way
to a candlelit dinner at Monty's
126
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:06,316
when Stan spotted a charming
little Pakistani restaurant.
127
00:08:06,407 --> 00:08:08,204
Indian.
128
00:08:08,287 --> 00:08:11,757
Cocktails consisted of warm beer
in two different shaped glasses.
129
00:08:11,847 --> 00:08:14,839
He ordered,
would not let you see the menu,
130
00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:18,283
and when he paid,
he got change from a ten.
131
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:22,519
- A five.
- Dorothy, that's amazing.
132
00:08:22,607 --> 00:08:26,520
Try me now. I'll think
about what I had for dinner.
133
00:08:27,727 --> 00:08:32,198
I'm not psychic.
I just know Stan's idea of a night out.
134
00:08:32,287 --> 00:08:34,517
You know, actually, it wasn't so bad.
135
00:08:34,607 --> 00:08:36,837
I kind of enjoyed myself.
136
00:08:36,927 --> 00:08:41,284
I didn't have to impress him
and he knew he couldn't impress me
137
00:08:41,367 --> 00:08:45,758
so we just kind of had fun.
We're doing it again tomorrow.
138
00:08:45,847 --> 00:08:49,522
- What?
- Well, unless you mind.
139
00:08:49,607 --> 00:08:52,326
I should have asked you first.
I'll cancel.
140
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:56,036
Don't be ridiculous.
Why should I object?
141
00:08:56,127 --> 00:08:58,322
- He was your husband.
- Was.
142
00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:00,602
We're divorced, remember?
143
00:09:00,687 --> 00:09:03,724
He left me for a woman
half Blanche's age.
144
00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:10,196
It's wonderful you're going out
with Stan again.
145
00:09:10,287 --> 00:09:13,484
Geoff and I are going to
a formal dinner at the base.
146
00:09:13,567 --> 00:09:17,640
He looks so dashing
in his dress uniform.
147
00:09:17,727 --> 00:09:21,402
Dorothy went out with a commodore,
Blanche went out with Stan,
148
00:09:21,487 --> 00:09:25,480
I spent the evening making bacon,
lettuce and potato sandwiches.
149
00:09:31,927 --> 00:09:34,441
Step on it. The sun's coming up.
150
00:09:34,527 --> 00:09:36,722
Why do we leave so early?
151
00:09:36,807 --> 00:09:39,037
We don't want a crummy location.
152
00:09:39,127 --> 00:09:42,483
Shouldn't we have dry ice
to keep these cold?
153
00:09:42,567 --> 00:09:45,320
We should charge them for a hot lunch.
154
00:09:46,967 --> 00:09:50,198
- What are you two doing up?
- Go back to bed.
155
00:09:50,287 --> 00:09:54,166
It's 5:30. It's a little early
to be selling lunch.
156
00:09:54,247 --> 00:09:58,286
We wanted to get the best corner
before Johnny No-Thumbs shows up.
157
00:09:59,247 --> 00:10:00,760
Johnny No-Thumbs?
158
00:10:00,847 --> 00:10:04,999
Actually, he has several fingers
missing from each hand.
159
00:10:05,087 --> 00:10:09,478
It's remarkable to watch him
make a veal and pepper hero.
160
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:14,163
Ma, you are trying to muscle in
on a guy named Johnny No-Thumbs?
161
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,203
He's probably connected with the Mob.
162
00:10:16,287 --> 00:10:19,085
If they were friends,
he'd still have thumbs.
163
00:10:20,447 --> 00:10:22,836
He's a very sweet man.
164
00:10:22,927 --> 00:10:24,918
But the first time he waved hello,
165
00:10:25,007 --> 00:10:27,999
Sophia misunderstood
and gave him the finger back.
166
00:10:31,687 --> 00:10:34,201
Why don't you get some more sleep?
167
00:10:34,287 --> 00:10:37,040
- I can't sleep. I'm too upset.
- What's wrong?
168
00:10:37,127 --> 00:10:40,199
I won't be seeing Geoffrey anymore.
He's leaving.
169
00:10:40,287 --> 00:10:43,484
I knew it. The minute I heard
you were dating a sailor,
170
00:10:43,567 --> 00:10:46,718
I said to myself there'll be
nothing but heartaches.
171
00:10:46,807 --> 00:10:51,039
Those swabbies drift into port,
park their diddies on your doorstep,
172
00:10:51,127 --> 00:10:54,199
show you some tricks
they learnt in the Orient
173
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,198
and then it's, "Avast, me hearties,"
174
00:10:56,287 --> 00:11:00,678
and they shove off with a serpent
tattoo and your heart as souvenirs.
175
00:11:00,767 --> 00:11:03,725
You've been reading
Treasure Island again, Rose.
176
00:11:03,807 --> 00:11:06,241
I know this from my ancestors.
177
00:11:06,327 --> 00:11:09,558
The Vikings were a seafaring people,
you know.
178
00:11:09,647 --> 00:11:13,845
They also wore horns on their head
and metal brassieres.
179
00:11:13,927 --> 00:11:15,883
This is not the same.
180
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:19,676
- So he dumped you?
- He did not dump me.
181
00:11:19,767 --> 00:11:22,281
He's being transferred
to the Aleutian Islands.
182
00:11:22,367 --> 00:11:24,323
He's going to a secret base
183
00:11:24,407 --> 00:11:27,524
where he can't have contact
with the outside world.
184
00:11:27,607 --> 00:11:29,643
- He dumped you.
- Yes.
185
00:11:31,087 --> 00:11:33,840
- Dorothy, I'm sorry.
- Why, whenever I think
186
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:36,202
I've met Mr Right, am I wrong?
187
00:11:36,287 --> 00:11:40,997
Because, Dorothy, you're not the most
perceptive woman in the world.
188
00:11:41,087 --> 00:11:43,647
What's everybody doing up?
189
00:11:43,727 --> 00:11:45,638
I thought you'd still be asleep.
190
00:11:45,727 --> 00:11:48,082
We thought you were. Where were you?
191
00:11:48,167 --> 00:11:52,683
With Stan. I'll tell you
all about it in the morning.
192
00:11:52,767 --> 00:11:56,203
- This is the morning.
- Why, so it is.
193
00:11:56,927 --> 00:11:59,122
So it is.
194
00:12:07,487 --> 00:12:11,196
- Six cakes of soap...
- Dorothy, please speak to me.
195
00:12:11,287 --> 00:12:14,324
- One can of cleanser...
- No cleanser until you talk to me.
196
00:12:16,767 --> 00:12:21,045
If you won't talk, how can I understand
why you're angry with me?
197
00:12:21,127 --> 00:12:24,085
- Just a walk along the beach.
- What about it?
198
00:12:24,167 --> 00:12:27,523
When you come back
from a walk along the beach
199
00:12:27,607 --> 00:12:31,520
you spend an hour
shaking the sand out of your underalls.
200
00:12:31,607 --> 00:12:33,484
What do you mean?
201
00:12:33,567 --> 00:12:36,923
Blanche Devereaux does not
stay out all night with a man
202
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,759
just to walk along the beach.
203
00:12:38,847 --> 00:12:40,758
Never before, that's true.
204
00:12:40,847 --> 00:12:43,520
But as Beauregard Jefferson
pointed out when I was 16,
205
00:12:43,607 --> 00:12:45,563
there's a first time for everything.
206
00:12:46,687 --> 00:12:49,201
Last night was the first time
you slept with Stan.
207
00:12:49,287 --> 00:12:52,085
- That's a lie.
- So it was not the first time.
208
00:12:52,167 --> 00:12:54,601
Oh, Dorothy.
209
00:12:54,687 --> 00:12:58,123
Dorothy. Get out of my way,
you old fool.
210
00:13:00,327 --> 00:13:02,238
Why won't you believe me?
211
00:13:02,327 --> 00:13:07,037
And why does it matter?
You don't even like Stan anymore.
212
00:13:07,127 --> 00:13:10,324
You begged me to go out with him
to get him off your back.
213
00:13:10,407 --> 00:13:14,366
Now you're angry cos I didn't have
a terrible time? Why do you care?
214
00:13:14,447 --> 00:13:19,646
I just know I'm terribly upset because
I'm letting this get me terribly upset.
215
00:13:19,727 --> 00:13:23,800
- Blanche, I'm sorry.
- That's alright.
216
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:27,118
You've been dumped
by the man of your dreams.
217
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,801
It's not surprising
you're a little irritable.
218
00:13:29,887 --> 00:13:32,959
But to be upset about Stan.
I'm so embarrassed.
219
00:13:33,047 --> 00:13:36,119
It's not as if
he means anything to me.
220
00:13:36,207 --> 00:13:39,677
Honey, I know exactly
what you're going through, believe me.
221
00:13:39,767 --> 00:13:42,759
I'm just so glad
we had this little talk.
222
00:13:45,247 --> 00:13:50,196
If we hadn't, I'd feel strange about
going out with Stan again tonight.
223
00:13:51,847 --> 00:13:54,122
You're going out with Stan tonight?
224
00:13:54,207 --> 00:13:56,846
He has tickets
to the Burt Reynolds Dinner Theatre.
225
00:13:56,927 --> 00:13:59,202
- And you're going?
- Of course I am.
226
00:13:59,287 --> 00:14:03,963
I'm not missing Mr Jamie Farr in
the Caine Mutiny Court Martial.
227
00:14:04,767 --> 00:14:08,203
I hurt my back. I'm paralysed.
228
00:14:09,127 --> 00:14:12,085
Oh, it's you. Look where you're going.
229
00:14:12,167 --> 00:14:15,125
We're almost through
with our half of the list.
230
00:14:15,207 --> 00:14:19,166
Rose, I want to double the number
of sandwiches. Grab some foil.
231
00:14:19,247 --> 00:14:24,116
You're still gonna sell lunches after
Johnny No-Thumbs leaned on you again?
232
00:14:24,207 --> 00:14:28,359
No, Blanche, he said he had friends
who would lean on us.
233
00:14:28,447 --> 00:14:30,438
Well, I got friends, too.
234
00:14:30,527 --> 00:14:35,681
One phone call to Palermo and Johnny's
lunch wagon will have concrete tires.
235
00:14:35,767 --> 00:14:39,476
Ma, the only person you know
in Palermo is Uncle Vito
236
00:14:39,567 --> 00:14:41,523
and he's a harmless old man.
237
00:14:41,607 --> 00:14:46,601
Give him some piano wire, make fun
of his limp and see what happens.
238
00:14:46,687 --> 00:14:49,804
Do you think they're really gonna
make any money?
239
00:14:49,887 --> 00:14:52,685
- One fabric softener...
- Now what's the matter?
240
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,678
I'll tell you what's the matter.
241
00:14:54,767 --> 00:14:57,804
I cannot believe
you're going out with Stan again.
242
00:14:57,887 --> 00:15:00,799
- Why shouldn't I?
- You're right. My mistake.
243
00:15:00,887 --> 00:15:03,526
- I thought you were my friend.
- I am.
244
00:15:03,607 --> 00:15:06,280
Then why are you sleeping
with my husband?
245
00:15:08,127 --> 00:15:11,722
What are y'all looking at?
Get back to your LeSueur Peas.
246
00:15:11,807 --> 00:15:14,367
Dorothy, I promise,
there's nothing between us.
247
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:18,486
Then you will not go out with him
tonight. Isn't that right?
248
00:15:18,567 --> 00:15:23,322
We're only going to see a play.
And he's her ex-husband.
249
00:15:23,407 --> 00:15:27,798
Why am I even explaining this to you?
Why am I explaining this to anybody?
250
00:15:36,487 --> 00:15:38,842
- Who's Lenny?
- Tall, red hair...
251
00:15:38,927 --> 00:15:40,280
Ioves tuna on wholewheat.
252
00:15:40,367 --> 00:15:43,837
Why do we have his IOU
for two bucks?
253
00:15:43,927 --> 00:15:47,237
He only had a hundred
and we didn't have change.
254
00:15:47,327 --> 00:15:51,559
- What about these?
- They all had hundreds, too.
255
00:15:51,647 --> 00:15:54,923
Rose, let me give you
a few lessons in economics.
256
00:15:55,007 --> 00:15:57,521
Lesson number one:
Quit being an idiot.
257
00:15:59,407 --> 00:16:01,159
OK.
258
00:16:01,247 --> 00:16:04,478
Lesson number two:
The law of supply and demand.
259
00:16:04,567 --> 00:16:07,206
Before you supply sandwiches,
demand the money.
260
00:16:07,887 --> 00:16:08,876
OK.
261
00:16:08,967 --> 00:16:11,322
Lesson number three:
Quit being an idiot.
262
00:16:12,727 --> 00:16:14,683
Oh. I thought you were Blanche.
263
00:16:14,767 --> 00:16:20,524
Once I thought I was Bess Truman but
then they switched me to 20mg a day.
264
00:16:20,607 --> 00:16:22,916
My cousin thought
he was Jiminy Cricket.
265
00:16:23,007 --> 00:16:25,237
It was just after Pinocchio came out
266
00:16:25,327 --> 00:16:28,239
and everyone at the bank
went along with it.
267
00:16:28,327 --> 00:16:31,000
And I wondered
how you two got together.
268
00:16:31,847 --> 00:16:34,805
- Call me when Blanche gets in.
- Are you two talking again?
269
00:16:34,887 --> 00:16:38,004
Just to give her a piece of my mind.
270
00:16:38,087 --> 00:16:41,443
Is she upset cos she thinks
Blanche is sleeping with Stan?
271
00:16:41,527 --> 00:16:42,562
Could be.
272
00:16:42,647 --> 00:16:45,036
Or is it because she thinks
she's lying?
273
00:16:45,127 --> 00:16:48,278
- That's a good one, too.
- Don't you care?
274
00:16:48,367 --> 00:16:52,645
Of course. You think I have
no feelings? I'll tell you a story.
275
00:16:52,727 --> 00:16:56,606
Picture this.
A crowded Mediterranean port,
276
00:16:56,687 --> 00:17:00,157
teeming with your tired,
your poor, your hungry.
277
00:17:00,247 --> 00:17:03,284
You know, your huddled masses
yearning to be free.
278
00:17:04,007 --> 00:17:06,646
We boarded the ship
and set sail for America.
279
00:17:06,727 --> 00:17:12,643
500 people filled with hope,
singing, laughing, drinking.
280
00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:14,718
Actually, only the Irish were drinking.
281
00:17:14,807 --> 00:17:16,843
But I digress.
282
00:17:16,927 --> 00:17:21,284
Of course, on the second day,
things took a turn for the worse.
283
00:17:21,367 --> 00:17:23,642
For the next month and a half,
284
00:17:23,727 --> 00:17:26,685
the storm-tossed seas
made our lives a living hell.
285
00:17:26,767 --> 00:17:30,726
If I wasn't fighting for a blanket,
I was fighting for food.
286
00:17:30,807 --> 00:17:35,198
If I wasn't fighting for food, I was
fighting for shuffleboard equipment.
287
00:17:35,287 --> 00:17:38,518
I just threw that in to see
if you were paying attention.
288
00:17:38,607 --> 00:17:42,395
Anyway, the storm broke,
and through the mist
289
00:17:42,487 --> 00:17:47,117
I saw the beautiful lady
I'd been longing to see for months.
290
00:17:47,207 --> 00:17:51,246
- The Statue of Liberty.
- No, my mother.
291
00:17:51,327 --> 00:17:53,636
That's how dense the fog was.
292
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:57,446
But beyond her
was the Statue of Liberty.
293
00:17:57,527 --> 00:17:59,882
I remember the first words I shouted.
294
00:17:59,967 --> 00:18:02,356
"There she is. Lady Liberty."
295
00:18:02,447 --> 00:18:05,041
And I remember the second words
I shouted.
296
00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:08,039
"Slow down, you yutz,
you're going past her."
297
00:18:09,567 --> 00:18:13,640
But he didn't hear.
And that's why today, Rose,
298
00:18:13,727 --> 00:18:19,484
there's an unusually large Italian
population in Spilsbury, Massachusetts.
299
00:18:19,567 --> 00:18:21,922
That's a really moving story, Sophia,
300
00:18:22,007 --> 00:18:24,316
but what exactly is the point?
301
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:29,481
The point is, you forgot lessons
one and three. Quit being an idiot.
302
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:34,243
I stole 40 bucks while you were
listening to that cockamamie story.
303
00:18:34,887 --> 00:18:37,037
- She's not back yet?
- No.
304
00:18:37,127 --> 00:18:40,358
I don't understand.
What could they be doing?
305
00:18:40,447 --> 00:18:42,915
- You know what.
- I also know Stan.
306
00:18:43,007 --> 00:18:44,838
We were married for 38 years.
307
00:18:44,927 --> 00:18:48,715
And if you added up all the times
that we did what he is doing right now,
308
00:18:48,807 --> 00:18:52,117
Blanche still should have been home
15 minutes ago.
309
00:18:53,767 --> 00:18:55,678
Where are you going?
310
00:18:55,767 --> 00:19:00,124
To get ice cream or commit a felony.
I'll decide in the car.
311
00:19:11,327 --> 00:19:14,876
- Yes?
- I'm Vinnie. This is Rocco.
312
00:19:14,967 --> 00:19:17,401
Johnny No-Thumbs sent us.
313
00:19:20,847 --> 00:19:23,281
Sophia, it's for you.
314
00:19:36,167 --> 00:19:37,805
- Who is it?
- Dorothy.
315
00:19:37,887 --> 00:19:41,721
Dorothy. Stay under the covers.
I'll get rid of her.
316
00:19:44,207 --> 00:19:47,517
- It's late. What do you want?
- Open the door, Stanley.
317
00:19:50,447 --> 00:19:52,358
You're in your nightgown.
318
00:19:52,447 --> 00:19:55,405
I came on an impulse.
I couldn't help it.
319
00:19:55,487 --> 00:19:59,878
It's a nice gesture, babe,
but I'll have to take a rain check.
320
00:20:02,527 --> 00:20:07,123
Stanley, you truly are one chromosome
away from being a potato.
321
00:20:08,247 --> 00:20:11,125
I gotta get up early tomorrow.
I need to get to sleep.
322
00:20:11,207 --> 00:20:15,120
You're wearing your toupee to bed.
That means one of two things.
323
00:20:15,207 --> 00:20:19,644
There's a woman in there or Suzanne
Sommers is on the Tonight Show.
324
00:20:19,727 --> 00:20:22,161
Would you get to your point, Dorothy?
325
00:20:22,247 --> 00:20:25,045
I came here to talk to her.
326
00:20:25,127 --> 00:20:29,405
It'll just take a minute
then you can get back to it.
327
00:20:29,487 --> 00:20:32,001
Thank you.
328
00:20:32,087 --> 00:20:36,160
I have been trying to figure out
why you're doing this.
329
00:20:36,247 --> 00:20:41,401
Trying to find one reason
that would make it OK, but I can't.
330
00:20:41,487 --> 00:20:47,039
I cannot believe that you would
jeopardise our relationship for this.
331
00:20:48,567 --> 00:20:51,479
I guess it's possible
you were attracted to Stan.
332
00:20:51,567 --> 00:20:54,127
I stayed with him for 38 years.
333
00:20:54,207 --> 00:20:57,563
But I think this time
you could have resisted
334
00:20:57,647 --> 00:21:01,401
just in case it might have made
a difference to me.
335
00:21:01,487 --> 00:21:03,717
The thing that hurts most of all
336
00:21:03,807 --> 00:21:07,038
is that you didn't have the guts
to tell me
337
00:21:07,127 --> 00:21:09,038
that you're sleeping with my husband.
338
00:21:09,127 --> 00:21:11,118
Well, gee, I would have.
339
00:21:13,007 --> 00:21:16,477
But I didn't know myself
until about an hour ago.
340
00:21:28,847 --> 00:21:30,758
Hey, what's all this?
341
00:21:30,847 --> 00:21:32,758
Aren't they beautiful?
342
00:21:32,847 --> 00:21:35,839
- Johnny No-Thumbs sent them.
- He sent you flowers?
343
00:21:35,927 --> 00:21:38,077
You remember harmless old Uncle Vito?
344
00:21:38,167 --> 00:21:40,681
He sent a note to Johnny No-Thumbs.
345
00:21:40,767 --> 00:21:43,122
He addressed it to Johnny No-Knees.
346
00:21:44,687 --> 00:21:47,360
He got the message, we got the flowers.
347
00:21:47,447 --> 00:21:49,358
Come on, Ma.
348
00:21:49,447 --> 00:21:52,484
And Rose and I
are getting out of sandwiches.
349
00:21:52,567 --> 00:21:55,923
The profits weren't quite
what we expected.
350
00:21:56,007 --> 00:21:58,885
- Is Blanche back yet?
- In the living room.
351
00:21:58,967 --> 00:22:01,242
Thanks.
352
00:22:04,847 --> 00:22:06,758
Blanche, I want to apologise.
353
00:22:07,807 --> 00:22:09,160
OK.
354
00:22:10,127 --> 00:22:13,039
- I apologise.
- That's it?
355
00:22:13,127 --> 00:22:16,756
I can't think of anything else to say.
I behaved terribly.
356
00:22:16,847 --> 00:22:18,883
- I know.
- No, you don't.
357
00:22:18,967 --> 00:22:22,880
I went to Stan's hotel room
because I thought you were there.
358
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:24,878
- Well, I wasn't.
- I know.
359
00:22:24,967 --> 00:22:28,960
I told him
that I couldn't see him anymore.
360
00:22:29,927 --> 00:22:32,600
- I've been such a creep.
- I know.
361
00:22:34,407 --> 00:22:37,717
I wish I could explain it but I can't.
362
00:22:37,807 --> 00:22:42,722
I think some of it may be that I
didn't want to share my memories.
363
00:22:42,807 --> 00:22:45,002
That part of my life,
with Stan, is over,
364
00:22:45,087 --> 00:22:48,796
but I still wanted it to be just mine.
365
00:22:48,887 --> 00:22:52,562
I was afraid that you might
take that part away and...
366
00:22:53,607 --> 00:22:58,237
And I was feeling jealous
and Ionely and...
367
00:22:58,327 --> 00:23:00,522
- God knows what else.
- Magenta.
368
00:23:01,607 --> 00:23:03,677
- Excuse me?
- Magenta.
369
00:23:03,767 --> 00:23:05,803
That's what I call it.
370
00:23:05,887 --> 00:23:08,765
All kinds of feelings
tumbling all over themselves.
371
00:23:08,847 --> 00:23:11,759
You're not quite blue
because you're not really sad
372
00:23:11,847 --> 00:23:14,805
and although you're jealous,
you're not green with envy
373
00:23:14,887 --> 00:23:18,402
and every now and then
you realise you're kinda scared
374
00:23:18,487 --> 00:23:20,682
but you'd hardly call yourself yellow.
375
00:23:21,727 --> 00:23:25,640
I hate that feeling,
and I hate the colour magenta.
376
00:23:25,727 --> 00:23:28,161
That's why I named it that.
377
00:23:28,247 --> 00:23:29,600
Magenta.
378
00:23:30,487 --> 00:23:32,478
No way to really explain it but,
379
00:23:32,567 --> 00:23:35,161
fortunately, between friends,
you don't have to.
380
00:23:40,567 --> 00:23:42,558
Oh, Dorothy.
381
00:23:43,967 --> 00:23:48,995
Dorothy. Listen, now that we're talking
to each other, can I ask a question?
382
00:23:49,087 --> 00:23:51,885
Why in hell did you ever marry Stan?
383
00:23:54,167 --> 00:23:56,635
It was my magenta period.
384
00:23:56,727 --> 00:24:00,640
And, you know, Stan was rather handsome
when he had hair.
385
00:24:00,727 --> 00:24:03,560
- Come on.
- He had a certain
386
00:24:03,647 --> 00:24:06,207
- elegant charm.
- Oh, please.
387
00:24:06,287 --> 00:24:09,085
And, of course,
I was four months pregnant.
32288
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