Original subtitles

- ♪ MTV ♪

- Can you tell me in your own words

why you think an adoption plan might

be the right choice for you?

- We're too young.

- Hi, baby girl.

- We're not gonna see Carly this year.

- Why?

- Well, her parents said this year--

- Her parents said no.

- As a birth parent, it still sucks

having to be in the mercy of somebody else's control,

when all you want to do is just see your kids together.

Theresa just will not respond to me whatsoever.

- Well, because--I think it's because the post you made.

- Mackenzie, will you marry me?

[all cheering]

- The only thing that we require

for getting pregnant with type 1 diabetes

is having that A1C number at a 6.5.

- The risks for IVF hormones cause high blood sugars.

Anything could happen to me.

Anything could happen to the baby.

I have four frozen embryos.

Right now, they're being stored so we can work on my A1C.

- You know, I want us to be one big, happy family.

- I love you. - I love you.

- Holy crap.

- Will you marry me?

- I actually really will marry you.

- Amber's new fiancé is missing.

- You broke me, because we were actually in love.

[sobbing]

How many people have I lost in my life?

- When's the last time Leah's seen Amber?

- It's been a while.

- Where was she for the past seven months?

I mean, she was working on that relationship with him.

But here, Leah's been here the whole entire time.

- Do you want to see her more or like--

- No.

- 911.

- We need somebody to this address fast.

- Today is Bar's arraignment.

If he doesn't take a deal, then we go to trial,

and I have to testify.

Bar ended up pleading not guilty to all the charges.

- So I think that's a big bucket of I declare war.

- "Ashley Jones kidnapped, Bar facing 15 years of prison."

- Ho.

So would you reconsider reaching out?

- I mean, I could reach out, and the next thing I know

she's blasting me online.

It feels like I thought I would have gotten pregnant by now.

- So we go to Vegas.

- Go to Vegas?

- And maybe we'll get lucky.

- I'm going to go in the room and call Ashley.

- Hello.

- I wanted to see if you had any time to meet up.

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

[tense music]

♪

[line trilling]

- Hello?

- Hey, Ashley. It's Cheyenne.

How are you? - I'm good.

How are you?

- I'm in Vegas.

To be honest, I have a lot of, like, anxiety and nervousness

within, like, reaching out to Ashley.

It's Cheyenne.

I was hoping we could have a conversation.

- To be honest, I really don't have anything to say to you.

But yeah, I think this is a door that I would

just like to remain closed.

- But she has gone through something that I

do not want to go through.

I don't want my daughter to go through it.

I don't want my sister to go through it.

I can reach out because I'm human.

I'm a mom. I'm a woman.

I don't need another reason other than that.

I know we haven't spoken in a long time,

but I've been looking at everything that's happening

online with you, and I felt like checking on you

and checking on Holly.

- Thank you.

It's really big of you to call me,

especially when I'm going through all of this.

- I'm free today.

If you're free, I wanted to see if you had any time to meet up.

♪ ♪

- I am.

I know a cute place.

I'll send you the info.

- OK, just text it to me, and then I will meet you there.

- OK sounds good. - All right, bye.

- OK, bye.

♪ ♪

- Hey, babe. I'm leaving you for Ashley.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- You can see that I rolled up two pieces of paper,

and that's all.

- That looks pretty cool already.

- So I'm making a cat and a dragon at the same time.

- I think we need to move all your art stuff in your room.

- That way you can concentrate.

I wanted to wait until she was gone.

You heard from Brandon and Theresa at all?

- She finally wrote me.

She was like, you know, the way that you speak about us online

was very hurtful, so we're not gonna be responding.

- It was about I feel this way about it.

We always express how we feel about not getting visits.

I'm gonna share my story.

- Yeah, from my side, my feeling.

- And that's all I'm doing.

If you're not gonna talk to us no more, respect it.

But I'm still gonna be keeping my promise

that we made to Carly to send updates and send--

- Gifts and everything.

- --pictures, and that's what we said.

- Personally, I want to be able to like,

you know, send her birthday presents.

Because I will do that every year.

I'd be like, got to go shopping.

Want to see what we got her? - I do.

I can't wait to see what you got her.

- I've got to put the pink stuff in it.

- Oh.

So every once in a while,

I would send something to the house.

Like, one time it was cookies.

One time, I sent her some flowers.

Like, I had this blanket made with all

the pictures from the visit.

Theresa texted Dawn, and she said,

"We do not want them to send anything else to our house.

It is so out of control and inappropriate."

- So now no more gifts.

- Once every other week or so,

I've been sending, like, updates about what we're doing,

pictures with the kids, just, like, random things.

So that way Carly can see, like, I was continuously

sending updates and stuff.

And then there was no response to that.

- But see, OK, what I don't understand, though,

is that some of these are not delivered.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

- Well, if they don't say delivered,

that means I'm blocked.

- What?

Yeah, she had you blocked.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

We probably should sit down with Dawn

and talk about all this.

- Oh, I could ask her if she can get together.

Yeah. - She will.

The fact that you're blocking without any explanation--

and I don't want to even call it blocking.

You're closing the adoption.

You are closing--

- You literally did.

- --the open adoption with no explanation of why.

[Red Red Lips' "Feel Like"]

- ♪ Oh, no, no, no

♪ No, no, no, no ♪

♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪

♪ No, no, no, no, no. ♪

- Leah got her first job.

She got the pumpkin patch.

I'm like, Leah, you know you don't have to work.

I mean, she's very responsible, still a straight-A student.

She's doing her sport.

[crowd cheering]

- ♪ 1, 2, 3, 4 ♪

- So crazy to even think in a few short months, she'll be 16

and driving herself to school.

- I'm studying my pamphlet.

- Do they have practice tests?

- Yeah, I could be driving next week.

How are you going to drive?

Where's that at? - Straighten out.

Straighten out.

You can't be doing that, baby.

- All right.

I'm actually looking at some cars online.

It's a 2023 and under warranty.

- But, yeah, I definitely am on board with her getting a car

and practicing, getting comfortable with it.

That way, when she does get out on the roads by herself,

it's not all new to her.

- A foreign car--it's something she can control.

Yeah. - For sure.

Do we have Amber a part of that?

- Fuck no.

I've messaged Amber a few times.

- Once she got with somebody, it's like she no

longer started communicating.

And so we just all assumed, OK, yeah, there's a new guy.

- That could be part of the reason

why she's been so distant, I guess.

A person with bipolar disorder--

you know, I know they get up and downs, right?

And when she's up, she's feeling good.

Like, you know, she might think everything's perfect

and want things to be a certain way,

like, oh, I really am sorry, but now

I want you to instantly forgive me for years and years

and years of abandonment.

It don't work that way.

I want Leah to have a relationship with her mother

for the sake of her.

But at this point, it's really, like, not even--

I don't feel like it's worth it, you know?

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- [knocking]

- Got a call from Amber recommending

that we bring a pregnancy test.

Let me just get this done.

- Yeah.

♪ ♪

- Maybe I'll offer her to see--

I mean, I doubt she'd say yes, but if she wants me to come

in and chitchat with her.

- Yeah, text her and ask her.

- She said yes. - Oh, good.

♪ ♪

[knocking]

- Hey, Amber.

♪ ♪

- Hey, how's it going?

- Why?

- Wait--

- Oh, man.

- Right.

- ♪ Get away, find adventure ♪

♪ Get away, go together ♪

♪ Find adventure ♪

♪ Oh, let's get away ♪

♪ ♪

- Oh, look at you packing.

- I'm packing last minute.

- I would help you, but because you hate how I pack--

- You just--

- I am just going to lay here--

- Yeah.

- --and look at your beautiful face and your beautiful hands.

- My beautiful hand that finally has a ring on it.

Yeah.

So the kids are really, really excited

to go be in Oklahoma.

We're going to be there for four days.

- I'm sad I can't come, though.

- I know.

- But my soccer tournament goes on till tomorrow.

- This lake house of ours, we grew up going to every year,

multiple times a year.

And this is, like, our family thing.

But it was my mom's favorite place.

- Your dad is probably super excited to go there.

- So excited.

He's going to meet us there after work.

Are you sure you can't come and cancel all your stuff?

- If I could, you know I would, 100%.

But I can't.

You've just got to be on top of your sugar,

because every time you travel, it gets rough.

- I'm going to promise you that I'm going to do

everything I can to stay on top of my blood sugars

and not be stressed.

I shouldn't be stressed.

This is going to be relaxing.

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, here we go ♪

♪ We're feeling good ♪

♪ We're looking so original ♪

♪ So original ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, here we go ♪

♪ We 'bout to lose control ♪

♪ We can make you feel so fine ♪

♪ We know how to have a good time ♪

- Gannon, how many memories does this bring back?

- ♪ We know how to have a good time ♪

- Oh, Gannon, you caught a fish.

- ♪ We know how to have a good time ♪

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

- So what was supposed to be such a magical weekend

has taken a turn.

My dad was going to drive himself

and meet us when he got off work.

He was getting ready, and somehow,

he had his hunting stuff in his bedroom.

He threw something across the room,

and it happened to be his thing with arrows in it.

And some way, somehow an arrow ricocheted back

and went through his arm.

He screamed for my sister, and if no one was there,

he would not be... alive right now.

[sirens wailing]

He went to the hospital, and we're still trying

to figure out, how bad is this?

They sent pictures, and his house looked like

a murder scene had happened.

There was blood everywhere.

And they said he was so white and had lost so much blood.

So my kids are staying here with my sister Whitney,

and I'm heading to the hospital.

I really don't want to lose both parents.

And I--we really hold on tight to him.

That's all of my mom that's left.

- ♪ You have to keep me up all night ♪

♪ Until the morning hits the sky ♪

- Knock, knock.

Hey, hey, hey, what's going on?

- Hey, hey, hey.

- Hey.

Do you want to go get yourself a snack?

- Yeah.

Are you OK?

- Balance. My back.

My back. What's up?

- So I got a call earlier that Cheyenne's in town,

and she wants to meet up for, like, a drink or a French fry.

- How you feel about that?

- I mean, if she's here, and she wants to have a drink

or two, I'm fine with that.

- I don't even see why you and her even had a problem at all.

It shouldn't be no--

- It wasn't about her talking behind my back.

It was the kind of conversation she engaged in.

- OK.

- And it was very demeaning,

and it was very full of microaggressions.

- Aggressions--yes, it was.

Absolutely.

- On a very public platform.

- There are certain things you don't do,

and I was taught that spitting is one that you don't do.

It's another level of, like, disgustingness and disrespect.

I'm not gonna invite somebody just because they're Black.

Like, just because we're Black doesn't mean

we have to be besties.

I don't know if one day you're going to flip

and then you're spitting on me.

Ash.

I would not feel-- - We were a family.

- --safe.

- Because when Cheyenne flipped the table on Farrah,

I didn't go nowhere calling her aggressive.

I didn't do that.

- Yeah.

- Let's talk some fucking fun.

Let's talk some fucking fun, bitch.

- I'm just in a place where unnecessary drama

is unnecessary.

- Go with an open heart.

- I am.

- And if it ain't what you want it to be

or what you're feeling on any level--

- Right.

- And if it's good vibes, then embrace it.

But just know when to fold them and walk away if it isn't.

- We'll see where all avenues lead.

- Yeah.

[Kepler Beats' "I Know You"]

♪ ♪

- I'm not opposed to working towards a better

relationship with Chey.

♪ ♪

- But we would both just have to really put in the work.

You have to be equally accountable for the both roles

you played, and if people can't do that,

then I'm really not interested in talking to them.

- ♪ Is it insecurity?

♪ Maybe immaturity?

- Hello.

- Welcome to Nevada.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Can't take the slow lane

♪ Break free from the mundane ♪

♪ 'Cause I belong in the fast lane ♪

♪ I want to taste adrenaline ♪

♪ Faster and faster

♪ Speed is the only thing that matters ♪

♪ Such a beautiful disaster ♪

- I think we'll take it.

- OK. Thank you.

- Look at that.

She's really gonna love it.

- I'm actually parking the car to hide it behind the shed.

Hopefully, she won't see it.

What we could do is surprise her with it,

either just, like, walk back here, act like--

I don't know-- and she sees it chilling here.

- You can have Emily sitting in it and start honking the horn

as she comes around the corner. - Yeah.

Hey.

- Oh, my goodness.

It's gonna really hit when she pulls out the first time

from this driveway by herself.

She is very well deserving of this.

I mean, everything that she's been through,

the ups and downs with her mom.

And I think that this gift from you and I--

- Yeah. - --to show...

her that we love her, we're here for her and--

mm.

- Hey, and you get to drive it, too.

- It kind of makes me sad, though,

because she's growing up.

You know?

I've done all of her driving since preschool.

- Yeah.

- Gosh, my mama heart.

- Yeah.

[gentle music]

Good job.

[micky.otb's "We're Not The Same"]

♪ ♪

- ♪ I'm a survivor, I'm a believer ♪

♪ We're not the same, no ♪

- Hello.

- Welcome to Nevada.

♪ ♪

- I know me reaching out was probably so random.

- It was.

Can we be genuine or not?

- Yeah. - Thank you.

This is what I need.

- Whatever we have going on in the past is,

like, this big compared to like,

what's happening in your life. - Yeah.

How are you? - I'm good.

The kids are good. - Good.

- Zach, he works--

he took over my dad's office.

- Oh, nice.

- He's been working a lot, and we want to have another baby.

- That's exciting.

- How are you?

- It's been a lot, and I know you know.

I know you've been through public--

- I feel like that's why I reached out.

It would kind of be like I would be pretending to be blind

if I pretended like I didn't know

what was going on with you.

- Yeah.

- And me reaching out, I don't necessarily want anything

or need anything.

I don't want to add to any more negativity or ill intent.

- Yeah.

- Like, that's not my intention.

- I've fought so many battles behind closed doors,

and I don't want to--

I just don't want to fight anymore.

- Yeah.

- And I think that's part of the reason why I'm sitting

here, because it's just like--

- What's the point?

- What is arguing with you going to do for me?

Like, I'm over it.

It's been a long time.

Like, what's next?

- Now, with the charges that he's facing,

is that you pressing charges or is that the state?

- State. - So--

- They never even asked me. - It's out of your hands.

- It's out of my hands.

He's been in jail for domestic violence eight times.

- I hate that. - Yeah.

- Like, it's not, like, three times and then

it's like you get a strike or something.

- I've never went to court.

I've never pressed charges.

I've never wrote a statement.

So it's kind of on me that he's walked away so many times.

- Why did you choose not to?

- I don't know. - All right.

- I don't want to be responsible.

And even though I'm not responsible,

it's hard to get out of that mindset.

- I've never experienced an abusive relationship--

- Thank God.

- --whether it's mental or physical, so I couldn't imagine

going through that. - Yeah.

- But I just hate that that's what

you have been experiencing.

- I think when you're in it, you don't even realize it.

You think it's so normal that you--

the toxicity, and the language, and the anger

is so normal that it's just not something you clock.

It was bad.

And I'm super glad that, like, we're at a different place.

- Yeah.

- Well, I'm happy that you're out of it

and that you're able to, like, step away and realize, like,

what you're worth at the end of the day and what Holly's worth,

and what Holly deserves, and what you deserve.

- Yeah.

- Who's out here with you, like, family-wise?

Like, who's-- - My mom, my dad, yeah.

I have some close people.

- So you do have support?

- Yeah.

I couldn't do it without them.

- How's school?

- I'm on leave. - OK.

- I can't keep my head on straight.

And I appreciate you for reaching out.

And it makes me think back to when you went through

what you went through and I made the comment that I made.

I have a lot of, like, physical and, like, health problems,

just because the air bags--

this boob is, like, dented at the bottom,

but this one, the muscle collapsed,

and it hurts so bad.

- OK, let's go.

- All right, I'll see you.

- OK.

I said that she got that body plucked and stuffed and used

that accident as a cover up.

I need to apologize for that, because now

I'm in your situation.

And it doesn't feel good to have to relive it

and to have people comment on it and just--

whatever you felt, like, I feel like I can relate to that.

And it's just like fuck you.

[laughter]

- Well-- - Like, you know.

- Yeah. - Honestly.

- I appreciate the apology.

I don't need to go tit for tat.

I think we've both said and done things that

neither of us liked.

- Yeah, for sure.

- And I can admit that.

And I'm sorry if I've hurt your feelings

or felt like, you know in any way--like,

I just think that that's the past.

I personally don't need to go down the list of everything.

- No, I don't think we'd get out of here in time.

- We are allowed to make mistakes.

- For sure.

- And I think that we're also allowed to grow from them.

- Yeah.

- Do you think in the past some of your, like,

anger stemmed from like what you were going

through behind closed doors? - Of course.

- So then you brought that.

- And recently, I've just looked back,

like, who the fuck is that?

Like, I'm not that dark.

I'm not that mean.

And it's crazy to say, because people have only seen one side.

- That has been shown. - Right.

- But they also see you as, like, a great mom.

- Yeah.

- I hear what you're saying,

but I would also give yourself more grace

than what you're allowing.

- Yeah.

- So--well, I'm happy we talked.

- Likewise.

- Long overdue, but at the same time--

- Yeah. - --the timing was--

- Better. - --what it needed to be.

- Yeah.

- And I'm not far.

I'm around.

- Yeah.

- You know, if you ever need anything,

or if you ever need someone to show up just to be there,

I'm around. - Thanks.

- I'm interested to see who you are now.

- Girl, me, too. Shit.

[laughter]

We both finding out at the same time.

[laughter]

- ♪ I can barely hear the choir sing ♪

♪ And now he's saying ♪

♪ ♪

- Hey.

I'm here in a hotel where the hospital is.

So kids are with my sisters at the lake house.

- They haven't seen him yet?

- No.

The kids have not seen my dad.

I wanted to just come and be alone with him

and make sure he's OK.

Obviously, an arrow through your arm is bad.

There was a lot of nerve damage,

but he was able to kind of, like, wiggle his thumb.

And the fingers aren't moving yet,

so we're hoping a miracle happens.

But I'm just happy he's alive.

If he loses a hand, it is what it is.

My sister was home, and she saved his life,

because she put a belt around him to stop the blood.

And the ambulance said he would have

been dead in three minutes.

- Oh, man.

I just feel so bad that I wasn't there.

- I am trying to get my A1C down,

and blood sugars are not good.

And then it's just been ugh.

- Stop stressing.

I'll be there tomorrow.

I'll take all your stress away.

- [sobbing]

- ♪ Above the water ♪

♪ Under the moon ♪

♪ And one day we'll stop chasing ♪

♪ After what we once knew ♪

♪ I'm thinking 'bout you ♪

♪ Thinking 'bout me ♪

♪ Thinking 'bout everything we'll need ♪

♪ To better ourselves ♪

♪ Planting our seeds

♪ We can grow taller than the trees ♪

♪ I know you see ♪

♪ Oh, I know you still see ♪

- Look at you using your hand.

- It's propped up on a dead finger.

[laughter]

- Can you move all your fingers?

- I can move them, but it hurts.

- Yeah, it's going to take a while.

- Oh, I'm sure it will.

[laughter]

- ♪ But I know I must ♪

♪ Try to breathe ♪

- Oh, shoot. No, no.

- I'm your reminder.

♪ ♪

- I've been worried about my dad's blood sugar all day.

Forgot to worry about mine.

I'm just glad I'm here.

- So the best-case scenario is him getting out tomorrow.

- The kids will not go home without seeing him.

- Yeah, we can't let that happen.

- Well, I'm so glad you're here.

- ♪ We've been shot out of the cannon ♪

♪ We've been kicked off the horse ♪

- How are you?

- It has been too long.

- Sweet girl.

♪ ♪

- Oh.

- It's so great to be with you guys.

- I know.

When's the last time we got together?

It's been a while. - How have you been?

- Good. - Yeah?

- You guys know I love what I do.

- I commend you for even still doing this.

And I really firmly believe that we

would not have had this many visits without your mediation.

- Thank you.

I--it means a lot to me.

- Here's your food.

- These are my favorite.

Oh, that's my favorite, too.

- Perfect.

- But kind of back to you guys and your--

the last few months have been--

- Rough. - --rough.

- Yeah.

- They've been really tough.

- Well, that's kind of why we wanted to talk.

So how does the birth parent navigate

going from open to closed?

How do we, like--

- 'Cause it does feel very closed.

This has brought up so much PTSD.

I feel like-- I feel like I'm going through

it all over again. - Yeah.

- Pretty much.

- On the street corner all over again.

- Yeah.

- There's that cute outfit. - Hi, baby girl.

[somber music]

♪ ♪

- Now that contact has been cut off

and I'm blocked, that does feel like,

to me, that you are putting a fine line in the sand of,

like, no more.

- What's the difference between semi-open and open?

- Simply face-to-face contact.

- OK, so we can admit that it's been open for 14 years.

- Yes.

- And now it's closed, because now there's no contact,

no sending anything, blocked.

- Yeah.

- Blocking is something children do, in my opinion.

- Or could it be that if their opinion is

different than yours, and they've asked for space,

and they've asked for things to chill, and it hasn't happened,

then is it the only alternative that they can see?

And you guys, again, you have to own the fact

that you have a lot of power.

You have a ton of power. - I have no power.

- But when you put it out on the public platform

on social media-- I've read the comments.

You guys have, too.

You know that people just make up their own narrative.

A lot of hurt happens when we live our lives

out on social media.

- If it's coming out of Carly that's not wanting it,

me and Ty have discussed it and we've said,

like, 100% we would step back.

We would stop everything, and we would say,

we're here whenever you want it.

- Is it fair to put that kind of pressure

on a young teenager? - No.

- I'm putting it on her mother.

- Her mother to advocate for her protection.

- Is it causing her harm or not?

Because if it's coming out of Brandon and Theresa,

fear and stuff, whether it be insecurity

or she's getting older and they're not wanting contact--

I will not stop reaching out.

I will not stop sending her--

I will not do it, Dawn.

I will not.

[The National Parks' "Summer of Memories"]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Take a moment and let it all sink in ♪

♪ Like a road trip this life is ♪

♪ A combination of destination ♪

♪ And all that's in between ♪

- All done.

- ♪ So let's drive and see what we see ♪

- Molly, have some protein.

- Yeah.

Come on, Molly.

♪ ♪

It's cold out here.

- Yeah, it is.

- It's sweater weather.

What is that?

[car horn honking]

It's cold.

[honking continues]

What?

- What is that?

Better keep walking.

- What?

[honking continues]

- Check it out.

- It's all yours.

- Are you serious?

[honking continues]

- ♪ Zoom zoom all of them ♪

♪ How I make them more than fun ♪

♪ Fun sweet like lemonade--♪

[honking continues]

- All right, Emmy.

♪ ♪

- I love you.

- Thank you.

It has a bow on it.

- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, check her out.

♪ ♪

- Bye, guys.

- Bye. - Bye.

- Mom, I want you with me.

- She can't go nowhere without me.

We're a pair.

- Get in, loser.

We're going shopping.

- For the longest time, Leah called me Kristina.

And I would say the last couple years, it's been Mom.

There was always room for Amber,

and, you know, being a mom isn't just

taking them to school, doing homework,

taking them to appointments.

It's being there each and every day

through all the troubles and the happy times, everything.

[Jadea Kelly's "Beauty"]

Whoa, not so fast, killer.

Yeah, straighten it up.

- ♪ Pain it opens in the dark ♪

♪ I would hold you there and fall apart ♪

♪ ♪

- The last time I was out here, I brought you a pregnancy test.

Did you take it?

- No.

I'm good. I'm sorry.

There's been many times in my life

where I've had to lie in order to get out of doing things,

because I'm not able to get ready, get dressed, get--

move around, do anything.

You just lie to people and say, like, oh, I'm busy, or I'm--

oh, I have this sickness, or I have--you know, you want

to make up something to where they're like,

OK, yeah, we're not going to do anything.

Yeah, you don't have to go out.

Yeah, you don't have to film.

- But you're not pregnant.

- When you start lying in order to be alone,

that's me in, like, the darkest, you know?

- How long has it been since the night

that Gary disappeared?

And are you still heartbroken?

- Oh, I'm--

I'm more than heartbroken.

I'm-- I'm fucked up from what--

what he did to me.

Like, we're talking trauma.

Being told you're a murderer and thinking

that your fiancé is dead, I did not sleep for four days.

I did not eat.

I think it was--we're being-- that's just the truth.

When I think about Leah and James,

I don't know what's going to happen.

I fought for my son for four years,

and I still might have lost him, but I didn't lose him.

- Well--

- Because I kept fighting after he moved to California,

and kept fighting for my relationship with him.

And today, I have one.

When my son looks at me with his beautiful eyes and says,

Mommy, I love you, like, that's magic.

And then with Leah, when--you know,

she used to be like that, too.

There's nobody else in the world

that gives you that feeling.

With my daughter, she doesn't want to be around me.

I'm understanding right now that I don't have a choice.

- What's moving forward for you?

♪ ♪

- Trying to figure out how

I'm going to wait for my daughter

and not be

a horrifically depressed person.

I've never been a mom that didn't care.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Trying to get back to them old days ♪

♪ Get back to them old ways ♪

♪ Get back to the time I was driving ♪

- Thank you for coming.

You're gorgeous as always, and I'm so happy

we got to work it out.

- We got to see each other.

- And if you ever come back, and you

want to go see some male strippers in thongs

without Zach--

- OK.

- Just, you know, tell Zach to stay home,

and I'll meet you at the airport.

- Bye. - Bye, babe.

Safe travels.

♪ ♪

- Hi, babe. - Hi.

♪ ♪

- How was it?

- It was good.

Like, it's sad to hear about everything

that was happening with her.

And then we both talked about, like, even today,

like, we didn't know how this was going to work as far

as, like, what energy I was coming with,

what energy she was coming with.

- There was no malicious intent behind neither one

of y'all's will to meet up.

- Yeah.

I think that's why it worked this time.

Overall, it was the right decision to reach out.

You never know what someone is going through

behind closed doors, and I'm not here to judge her.

I hope that we are able to move forward.

I hope that she continues to heal for herself and for Holly,

and that the best version of herself comes out in the end.

[Pink Shark's "How Far"]

- ♪ I want to go for a ride ♪

♪ I want to have a good time ♪

♪ Can't wait to see what comes next ♪

♪ Maybe I'm a little obsessed ♪

- All right, babe.

It's time to focus on us and why we came here,

so let's just have a fun night.

Let's go get another drink.

We can go back to the room.

♪ ♪

Let's go.

- No, not on--no.

Get down.

Oh, my God.

Let's go.

- ♪ This is the best

[Graham Colton's "Got It All"]

- ♪ I've got it all right ♪

♪ Woo, ooh

♪ I've got it all right ♪

♪ I've got it all with you ♪

[all cheering]

- Hey, can you tell Papa that I said bye and I love you?

- ♪ Clearing out the way ♪

♪ To close the open space ♪

♪ Forever on ♪

- So we're back here in Florida,

and it's been about a week.

We've settled in.

And as soon as we get that 6.5 A1C,

we're going to start a cycle for embryo transfer.

♪ ♪

I really wanted this Oklahoma trip

to just be, like, relaxing at the lake with family,

and kind of, like, reset.

It was just a crazy trip, and I'm just like, OK, what now?

I was at 6.8 before the trip, so what does it say now?

- You're at 7.0.

[gentle music]

- [groaning]

- And this just puts me in a bad mood

when I see, like, we get close.

It's like two steps forward and ten steps back.

And like--

- I mean, you still don't-- you can't be mad,

because you're still-- you just recovered from--

- Well, I am mad.

- --what your dad went through.

- After losing my mom and now almost losing my dad,

I go to bed with a lot of anxiety about,

will I have this baby and this happy family?

It just feels like I'm never going

to get pregnant, Khesanio.

[sighing]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- I will not stop reaching out.

I will not stop sending her--

I will not do it, Dawn.

I will not.

- You have invested a lot in the relationship

that Carly's going to remember.

She can see the efforts, but also, she's

in a really difficult position in the middle

of the tug of war.

- Yeah, so how do we-- how do we lessen the--

- The impact-- the negative impact?

both: Yeah.

- Sometimes we have to take a step back.

- So what?

So you just stay silent and don't try to reach out until--

who knows?

It could be forever or it could be--

- I think it's another level of loss, Cate.

It is.

- That's not fair, Dawn.

- Is loss ever fair?

It isn't.

It's not fair.

You're right.

- Yeah, but I chose wanting to know information

so I wouldn't have what-ifs.

And here I am.

When it comes to something that I gave them--

- Yeah.

- --that is overly hurtful.

- Yeah, it is.

- And I don't even think they understand--

- Yeah.

- --what it does.

I'm like, have you guys ever put yourself in my shoes

and what it's like?

You've never had to give a child to somebody

and then live with that for the rest of your life.

- Yeah. - You know what I mean?

Like, it's just not fair.

- Yeah, yeah, and I want you to know that I hear that,

and I acknowledge your pain, and I wish so bad

that I could take it away.

You have to figure out how can you

be the healthiest person in the midst of a broken relationship.

- What's an appropriate, you know,

time frame to send something?

- I think the one thing that we haven't tried, right,

is just a pause--

not forever, just for a time.

Just allow yourself to take a pause.

We don't know what tomorrow brings.

We don't know what three months from now is going to be.

- All right, so we're just gonna take a pause.

- For me, I'm taking a pause until initiation happens,

not from me.

- OK. - Yeah.

- And so, I don't know.

I mean, I feel like there's not really

any conclusion to this story.

- There isn't, because the story's not over.

[gentle music]

- ♪ When your heart's an empty room ♪

♪ And there's no way to fill it ♪

♪ Is the darkness calling you ♪

♪ When you've got tunnel vision? ♪

♪ In the corners of your mind ♪

♪ Is where the fear is living ♪

♪ There's something unforgiving ♪

♪ I found my horizon ♪

♪ I found my peace

♪ I feel the sunrise shine over me ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm making changes ♪

♪ And now I see ♪

♪ That life has been good to me ♪

- Zach?

You see the line, don't you?

- There's something there.

- ♪ Life has been good to me

♪ ♪

- Next on "Teen Mom: The Next Chapter"...

- Who's turning 13? - Me.

- I was gonna come down for Nova's birthday.

- You could, like, spend the night here.

- I'm gonna be on a cruise for six weeks.

- Holly, how do you feel? - Sad.

- My heart burned for, like, one second.

- Ryder has to see a cardiologist.

You know that, right?

- Your doctor said you're walking long distances.

Use your wheelchair. - OK, fine,

then I just won't go to the games.

- You have to think about your future.

- She did. - Ooh.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪