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1
00:00:08,291 --> 00:00:09,641
[GRUNTS]
2
00:00:10,869 --> 00:00:12,269
[TIRES SCREECH]
3
00:00:13,872 --> 00:00:15,022
D'oh!
4
00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:17,774
[GRUNTS]
5
00:00:18,877 --> 00:00:20,360
[ALL GRUNTING]
6
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:25,807
HOMER:
This guy must be a pinball wizard!
7
00:00:25,884 --> 00:00:27,909
I'm at work. D'oh!
8
00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:38,912
Hmm, something feels different.
9
00:00:38,988 --> 00:00:40,230
It's 11:00 a.m.
10
00:00:40,232 --> 00:00:41,565
On a weekday.
11
00:00:41,567 --> 00:00:42,899
I'm on my third beer.
12
00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:45,085
Right on schedule.
13
00:00:45,237 --> 00:00:47,328
No, wait, Homer's right.
14
00:00:47,406 --> 00:00:49,573
Something's, uh, missing.
15
00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:52,684
Wasn't there a grade from the
health inspector over there?
16
00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:54,578
Nah, it's always been that sign.
17
00:00:54,580 --> 00:00:57,263
[CHUCKLES] Next year I
hope they give me a "U."
18
00:00:57,416 --> 00:00:58,598
I know what's missing.
19
00:00:58,750 --> 00:01:01,008
Did a woman named Diane
used to work at this bar,
20
00:01:01,086 --> 00:01:04,011
and now she's been replaced
by a woman named Rebecca?
21
00:01:04,089 --> 00:01:07,866
If a woman named Diane had a
lead role in a bar like this,
22
00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,517
why would she ever leave?
23
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:11,203
That'd be career suicide.
24
00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:15,040
No, it's not some smart,
ambitious woman that's missing.
25
00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:18,359
In fact,
it's the complete opposite of that.
26
00:01:18,437 --> 00:01:19,439
[ALL] Barney!
27
00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:20,770
No Barney? Wha...?
28
00:01:20,772 --> 00:01:23,048
When's the last time he was here?
29
00:01:23,199 --> 00:01:24,958
- [RAT SQUEAKING, SCURRYING]
- Oh, oh, God!
30
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,626
He's been gone at least a week.
31
00:01:26,778 --> 00:01:28,035
Hi, guys.
32
00:01:28,113 --> 00:01:29,629
Beat it, string bean,
we're trying to figure out
33
00:01:29,781 --> 00:01:31,297
what happened to our friend Barney.
34
00:01:31,374 --> 00:01:32,724
I'm Barney.
35
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:33,950
Ta-da!
36
00:01:33,952 --> 00:01:35,952
[VOCALIZING]
37
00:01:35,954 --> 00:01:37,621
And you ain't Barney.
38
00:01:37,623 --> 00:01:39,956
Barney Gumble is overweight, boozed up,
39
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:42,992
can't go two seconds
without unleashing a...
40
00:01:42,994 --> 00:01:44,903
- [BURPS]
- [ALL] Barney!
41
00:01:46,131 --> 00:01:47,631
Uh, wow, buddy.
42
00:01:47,633 --> 00:01:48,740
You really lost some weight.
43
00:01:48,892 --> 00:01:51,576
Yeah, I was feeling kind of blah,
44
00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:54,971
so I went to the doctor,
and he ordered up some tests.
45
00:01:54,973 --> 00:01:56,306
Oh, my dear friend.
46
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,824
Oh, this ain't good.
47
00:01:57,826 --> 00:01:59,976
No! Why does God take
48
00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:02,254
all the people that drink
themselves to death?
49
00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:03,663
It's not that bad.
50
00:02:03,740 --> 00:02:05,740
The tests just showed that I have...
51
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,333
"hyperglycemia."
52
00:02:07,335 --> 00:02:09,335
So, low blood sugar?
53
00:02:09,412 --> 00:02:12,597
Lenny, he said "hyper," not "hypo."
54
00:02:12,749 --> 00:02:14,749
Any idiot knows the difference, idiot.
55
00:02:14,826 --> 00:02:16,826
So, Barn, you-you're not dying?
56
00:02:16,828 --> 00:02:20,013
Except in the same, slow,
horrible way we all are.
57
00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:22,165
- Soon enough, my pretties.
- _
58
00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:23,442
[CHUCKLES]
59
00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:25,444
I'm fine. They put me on this medicine
60
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:28,037
that regulates my glucose.
61
00:02:28,039 --> 00:02:29,263
Othinquic.
62
00:02:29,265 --> 00:02:32,358
The weight loss is just a side effect.
63
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,536
[VOCALIZING]
64
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,960
Wow, a medicine that
actually makes you skinny?
65
00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:45,947
That's the best side effect
since Viagra was created for...
66
00:02:46,024 --> 00:02:47,691
What was Viagra created for?
67
00:02:47,693 --> 00:02:50,135
I think it was to help comedy writers.
68
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:51,528
[CARL AND HOMER] Oh, yeah.
69
00:02:51,530 --> 00:02:52,696
- Yeah, you got that right.
- Those are always funny.
70
00:02:52,698 --> 00:02:54,139
Hey, let's celebrate.
71
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,308
Uh, refresh my memory, uh,
72
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:58,368
beer's your drink, right?
73
00:02:58,370 --> 00:03:00,628
No, thanks.
Another welcome side effect is,
74
00:03:00,706 --> 00:03:02,555
I no longer crave alcohol.
75
00:03:02,632 --> 00:03:05,967
One club soda with lime, please.
76
00:03:05,969 --> 00:03:07,711
Don't crave alcohol?
77
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,896
I can't let this secret get out.
78
00:03:09,973 --> 00:03:11,156
What secret?
79
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:12,657
Wonder weight-loss drug.
80
00:03:12,809 --> 00:03:14,141
Oh, hey, Lou?
81
00:03:14,219 --> 00:03:16,553
Want to hear the big news
I'm gonna tell everyone?
82
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,813
Yeah, but, Chief,
the bank robbers are right over there.
83
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:22,075
And they can stay there until I
tell you this interesting fact.
84
00:03:22,227 --> 00:03:23,576
It all started at Moe's.
85
00:03:23,653 --> 00:03:26,338
You know the place next to the,
uh, the music store?
86
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:28,656
You mean the one the bank
robbers are holed up in.
87
00:03:28,658 --> 00:03:32,752
If you keep interrupting,
I'm just gonna talk slower.
88
00:03:32,829 --> 00:03:34,763
(WIGGUM SPEAKING) _
89
00:03:35,907 --> 00:03:37,682
[BOTH GRUNT]
90
00:03:39,060 --> 00:03:42,395
Thanks. I need to give
something to my son.
91
00:03:42,547 --> 00:03:43,729
A calming butterscotch?
92
00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:46,640
Never leave me alone.
93
00:03:46,718 --> 00:03:48,551
- Now leave me alone. Gah!
- [GRUNTS]
94
00:03:48,553 --> 00:03:50,236
Wow, Chief.
95
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:51,904
That drug really works.
96
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:53,647
Go ahead, Lou, put your hand in there.
97
00:03:53,725 --> 00:03:55,816
- Hey, that's an order.
- I resign.
98
00:03:55,818 --> 00:03:57,484
Well, even so, I got you for two weeks.
99
00:03:57,562 --> 00:03:58,562
Now stick it in.
100
00:03:58,563 --> 00:04:00,154
Yeah, r-right there, that's it.
101
00:04:00,231 --> 00:04:03,082
I mean, it has really changed my life.
102
00:04:03,084 --> 00:04:04,843
Sarah and I are making whoopee again.
103
00:04:04,919 --> 00:04:07,070
We're gonna have more Ralphies soon.
104
00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:08,513
A big one, a girl one,
105
00:04:08,664 --> 00:04:10,765
one that even looks more like Eddie.
106
00:04:12,093 --> 00:04:13,576
Must try this drug.
107
00:04:13,578 --> 00:04:16,020
Diet and exercise do not work for me,
108
00:04:16,097 --> 00:04:17,355
as I do not do them.
109
00:04:17,506 --> 00:04:19,357
So does it come in gummy or vape?
110
00:04:19,508 --> 00:04:20,766
It's in a convenient needle
111
00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:22,843
that you inject yourself
with once a week.
112
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:25,012
But you need a prescription.
113
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:26,513
To the doct-arr.
114
00:04:26,591 --> 00:04:29,258
Then the pharr... macy.
115
00:04:29,277 --> 00:04:32,036
♪ Well, you can tell
by the way I use my walk ♪
116
00:04:32,113 --> 00:04:34,780
♪ I'm a woman's man,
no time to talk ♪
117
00:04:34,933 --> 00:04:38,267
♪ Music loud and women warm,
I've been kicked around ♪
118
00:04:38,286 --> 00:04:40,378
♪ Since I was born,
and now it's all right. ♪
119
00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:44,107
I really don't think you
need to lose weight, sir.
120
00:04:44,109 --> 00:04:45,699
My target weight is to fit inside
121
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,409
a mailing tube by Christmas.
122
00:04:47,445 --> 00:04:48,803
Jab me.
123
00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:53,449
[BURNS GRUNTING]
124
00:04:53,468 --> 00:04:55,209
- [BURNS] Excellent.
- _
125
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:57,544
For the first time since the
invention of the McNugget,
126
00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:59,880
America's waistbands are shrinking.
127
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,124
Because with this epidemic,
128
00:05:01,142 --> 00:05:03,459
people actually want to get their shots.
129
00:05:03,478 --> 00:05:05,311
But is this new drug safe?
130
00:05:05,313 --> 00:05:08,965
Our answer: "Yes, of course,
what are you, crazy?"
131
00:05:08,983 --> 00:05:12,076
Won't surprise you after
this word from our sponsor.
132
00:05:12,153 --> 00:05:13,636
♪
133
00:05:13,638 --> 00:05:15,580
[ANNOUNCER] Do you suffer
from blood sugar issues?
134
00:05:15,657 --> 00:05:17,898
Or are you just not bathing suit-ready
135
00:05:17,976 --> 00:05:20,326
and willing to claim you
have blood sugar issues?
136
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:23,980
The new Danish drug
Othinquic might be for you.
137
00:05:23,982 --> 00:05:26,573
♪ Oh, oh, oh, Othinquic ♪
138
00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:29,410
I'm a mirakelmedicin.
139
00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:31,003
[BOINGS]
140
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,597
♪ Oh, oh, oh, Othinquic ♪
141
00:05:32,674 --> 00:05:36,008
We're going to be best friends forever.
142
00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:38,995
Which is how long you have to take me.
143
00:05:39,013 --> 00:05:40,638
[ANNOUNCER] Side effects
include lack of appetite,
144
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,014
pancreatitis, having to buy new pants,
145
00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:43,666
a brutally painful death,
and not being able
146
00:05:43,668 --> 00:05:45,184
to play Santa at Christmas. Othinquic!
147
00:05:45,336 --> 00:05:46,519
♪ Oh, oh, oh. ♪
148
00:05:46,671 --> 00:05:49,614
Okay, I have to address
the elephant in the room,
149
00:05:49,691 --> 00:05:51,524
by which I mean Homer.
150
00:05:51,676 --> 00:05:53,767
How come you're not
on that stuff, dumbo?
151
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,861
Because it makes you stop eating.
152
00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:57,530
And eating is natural.
153
00:05:57,532 --> 00:05:59,198
Body positivity.
154
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:02,201
Yes, I'm positive you look
like a talking beach ball.
155
00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:04,854
Listen, boy,
I would only go on medication
156
00:06:04,872 --> 00:06:06,689
if a doctor told me to.
157
00:06:06,691 --> 00:06:08,633
And I don't see doctors.
158
00:06:08,784 --> 00:06:10,860
Always telling me to do stuff.
159
00:06:10,878 --> 00:06:13,638
Hey, at least I'll never
lose you in a crowd. [LAUGHS]
160
00:06:13,715 --> 00:06:15,956
Bart, enough with the fat-shaming.
161
00:06:16,034 --> 00:06:19,035
I love Dad however he looks,
and Mom does, too.
162
00:06:19,037 --> 00:06:20,219
Right, Mom?
163
00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:22,538
Um...
164
00:06:22,540 --> 00:06:24,223
Right, Marge?
165
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:25,541
[MARGE] Hmm.
166
00:06:25,543 --> 00:06:27,318
Uh...
167
00:06:27,395 --> 00:06:29,636
Well, I support you, Dad.
168
00:06:29,714 --> 00:06:32,715
I'm proud of you for not
giving in to Big Pharma.
169
00:06:32,734 --> 00:06:36,143
The only thing I'm giving into
is big "parma."
170
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:37,737
At Luigi's.
171
00:06:37,813 --> 00:06:39,739
- Woo-hoo! All right! [LAUGHS]
- Yay, Dad!
172
00:06:39,815 --> 00:06:41,390
[HOMER CHUCKLES]
173
00:06:41,392 --> 00:06:43,710
[LUIGI] Hmm. Mm-hmm.
174
00:06:45,063 --> 00:06:46,896
[WIND BLOWING]
175
00:06:46,914 --> 00:06:49,065
Mama, we got a reservation!
176
00:06:49,083 --> 00:06:50,416
I can't a-cook.
177
00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:52,735
I got-a the SoulCycle.
178
00:06:52,754 --> 00:06:53,754
- [HOMER] Woo-hoo!
- [CAR DOOR CLOSES]
179
00:06:53,755 --> 00:06:54,758
[TIRES SCREECHING]
180
00:06:54,906 --> 00:06:56,180
What's wrong, Marge?
181
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:59,684
Upset that you're going to be
the only woman in town
182
00:06:59,761 --> 00:07:02,186
stuck with an overweight hubby?
183
00:07:02,263 --> 00:07:04,505
What?! No, of course not.
184
00:07:04,582 --> 00:07:05,982
Am I?
185
00:07:09,604 --> 00:07:11,863
- Ow!
- You love Homer, I get it.
186
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:14,590
But obesity is a major health risk.
187
00:07:14,609 --> 00:07:16,926
I should know, I'm in medicine.
188
00:07:16,928 --> 00:07:19,520
Actually, you are medicine.
189
00:07:19,597 --> 00:07:20,780
Good one, yeah.
190
00:07:20,856 --> 00:07:22,874
So maybe you do want him to change.
191
00:07:22,950 --> 00:07:25,951
Wouldn't it be hotter
if he looked like this?
192
00:07:26,028 --> 00:07:27,694
Ooh.
193
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:29,438
Something for both of you.
194
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,883
A six-pack and a washboard.
195
00:07:31,959 --> 00:07:33,217
[LAUGHS]
196
00:07:33,294 --> 00:07:37,446
Or you could just let
things go as they are and...
197
00:07:37,448 --> 00:07:40,132
- ♪
- _
198
00:07:40,134 --> 00:07:41,225
[GASPS]
199
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:42,769
Yeah.
200
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:46,956
[GASPS]
201
00:07:46,958 --> 00:07:48,641
Homer, Homer, wake up!
202
00:07:48,717 --> 00:07:50,068
I need you.
203
00:07:50,144 --> 00:07:51,385
For snuggling?
204
00:07:51,462 --> 00:07:52,962
Talking, talking.
205
00:07:52,964 --> 00:07:55,239
Oh, uh, that's just as good.
206
00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:56,395
Totally.
207
00:07:56,467 --> 00:07:57,742
Please continue.
208
00:07:57,893 --> 00:07:58,984
I've been thinking.
209
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:01,562
Maybe you should try to get down to...
210
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,564
fun size again.
211
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:05,808
But I thought you loved me for who I am.
212
00:08:05,810 --> 00:08:07,901
I do, but I want you to see
213
00:08:07,979 --> 00:08:09,995
Lisa graduate from college.
214
00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:13,332
And see Bart get a good
deal on a used car.
215
00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:16,152
Please take the medicine.
216
00:08:16,170 --> 00:08:17,820
Okay, okay, I'll do it.
217
00:08:17,822 --> 00:08:19,505
Oh, thank you, thank you.
218
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:22,100
Now it's snuggling time.
219
00:08:23,027 --> 00:08:24,619
- [HOMER AND MARGE MOANING]
- [GROANS]
220
00:08:24,621 --> 00:08:27,870
[RETCHES] I hate having
eyes that can't blink.
221
00:08:30,273 --> 00:08:32,819
Oh, I tried everything to lose weight.
222
00:08:32,872 --> 00:08:36,672
I hired personal chefs,
consulted the best doctors,
223
00:08:36,674 --> 00:08:38,616
as well as Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz.
224
00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:41,694
I even bought a weight loss company.
225
00:08:41,846 --> 00:08:43,529
You know, normal people stuff.
226
00:08:43,531 --> 00:08:45,606
But nothing worked
227
00:08:45,683 --> 00:08:48,626
until I got on Othinquic.
228
00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:50,853
And now check this out.
229
00:08:50,855 --> 00:08:53,631
- [AUDIENCE CHEERING]
- I'm as thin as I was
230
00:08:53,708 --> 00:08:56,692
on the night my boyfriend
Steadfast proposed.
231
00:08:56,694 --> 00:08:58,878
But this is permanent...
232
00:08:58,954 --> 00:09:00,638
unless the drug stops working.
233
00:09:00,789 --> 00:09:02,789
Which you better hope it doesn't,
234
00:09:02,867 --> 00:09:05,868
because you're all going on it.
235
00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:07,536
Look under your seats!
236
00:09:07,538 --> 00:09:09,981
[CHEERING, CLAMORING]
237
00:09:11,209 --> 00:09:14,986
You get a waistline.
You get a waistline.
238
00:09:15,062 --> 00:09:17,229
Oh, I'm so generous
that it doesn't matter
239
00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:18,881
that I'm not humble.
240
00:09:18,883 --> 00:09:22,309
And remember, only read books I like.
241
00:09:22,387 --> 00:09:23,977
That drug is a miracle.
242
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:26,313
So when did you two go on it?
243
00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:28,057
Uh... we didn't.
244
00:09:28,059 --> 00:09:31,485
We lost this weight by exercise
and eating in moderation.
245
00:09:31,562 --> 00:09:32,837
Right, moderation.
246
00:09:32,914 --> 00:09:34,563
Also, we quit smoking.
247
00:09:34,565 --> 00:09:36,657
That helps people lose weight, right?
248
00:09:36,734 --> 00:09:38,676
No, actually...
249
00:09:38,753 --> 00:09:41,253
Besides, our fiancés love it.
250
00:09:41,255 --> 00:09:42,513
- Eh?
- [PATTY] Eh.
251
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:43,739
Fiancés?
252
00:09:43,758 --> 00:09:45,183
You're getting married?
253
00:09:45,259 --> 00:09:47,076
Yep. To people from work.
254
00:09:47,078 --> 00:09:48,686
Never interested in them before.
255
00:09:48,763 --> 00:09:51,096
Because they were chubbos.
256
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:53,098
And how did they lose weight?
257
00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:54,767
Eating in moderation.
258
00:09:54,769 --> 00:09:56,769
Well, even if they did take that drug,
259
00:09:56,771 --> 00:09:59,012
I don't think they need to be ashamed.
260
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:02,516
Homer's seeing the doctor
about getting on it right now.
261
00:10:02,593 --> 00:10:04,685
Homer? Huh, they better find a needle
262
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:07,187
strong enough to get through hippo hide.
263
00:10:07,265 --> 00:10:09,707
I'm sorry you don't have a
husband with the willpower
264
00:10:09,784 --> 00:10:12,710
to lose weight naturally, like us.
265
00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:15,070
Yeah, by the way, Marge,
266
00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:17,890
can we each borrow $900 a month?
267
00:10:17,892 --> 00:10:19,032
It's for, um...
268
00:10:19,109 --> 00:10:20,817
uh... vegetables.
269
00:10:20,895 --> 00:10:22,169
And yoga pants.
270
00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:25,080
If we miss one dose of yoga pants,
271
00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:27,582
we balloon right back up.
272
00:10:27,584 --> 00:10:28,676
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
273
00:10:28,677 --> 00:10:30,877
_
274
00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:32,738
$900 a month?
275
00:10:32,740 --> 00:10:34,014
Why is it so expensive?
276
00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:35,590
Health insurance stopped covering it,
277
00:10:35,667 --> 00:10:37,351
and the pharmacies are out of stock.
278
00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,836
Their first priority are the
people who need it the most.
279
00:10:39,914 --> 00:10:41,413
The people who are actually sick?
280
00:10:41,415 --> 00:10:43,673
No, A-list Hollywood stars.
281
00:10:43,693 --> 00:10:45,934
It's their most difficult
time of the year.
282
00:10:46,011 --> 00:10:47,252
Awards season.
283
00:10:47,254 --> 00:10:48,862
So where did you get yours?
284
00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:50,105
Oh, oh, I'm not on it.
285
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,699
I-I lost this weight naturally.
286
00:10:51,775 --> 00:10:55,444
As a doctor,
I know the value of diet and exercise.
287
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,037
You've been a doctor for 20 years.
288
00:10:57,189 --> 00:10:58,764
Why didn't you lose weight before?
289
00:10:58,766 --> 00:11:00,040
[LAUGHS]
290
00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:01,691
Get out.
291
00:11:01,769 --> 00:11:04,253
[TOWNSPEOPLE GROANING]
292
00:11:12,221 --> 00:11:13,962
Do you have Othinquic?
293
00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:16,539
No, just Sudafed, NyQuil,
294
00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:19,634
and one of the hardest things of
all to get out of a drugstore:
295
00:11:19,711 --> 00:11:21,061
razor blades.
296
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,647
- [LAUGHS]
- [SIGHS]
297
00:11:24,716 --> 00:11:26,233
I've, uh, heard you're looking
298
00:11:26,384 --> 00:11:28,902
for a certain weight-loss vaccine.
299
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:30,070
You got cash?
300
00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:31,387
Does anyone anymore?
301
00:11:31,465 --> 00:11:33,315
Not to worry, we take the Venmo.
302
00:11:33,391 --> 00:11:35,743
And occasionally the Zelle.
303
00:11:35,819 --> 00:11:37,319
But never the Cash App.
304
00:11:37,395 --> 00:11:39,988
They offer the Bitcoin
but not the Ethereum.
305
00:11:40,140 --> 00:11:42,416
How am I supposed to
arbitrage between the two?
306
00:11:42,567 --> 00:11:43,751
Forget about it!
307
00:11:43,827 --> 00:11:44,893
Hmm.
308
00:11:48,315 --> 00:11:51,333
Here you go. Pure, uncut Othinquic.
309
00:11:51,409 --> 00:11:54,486
Guaranteed to reduce the labonza.
310
00:11:54,488 --> 00:11:57,990
It's the anti-antipasto.
311
00:11:57,992 --> 00:11:59,415
Where did you get this?
312
00:11:59,417 --> 00:12:02,844
Let's just say a truck
lost a little weight
313
00:12:02,846 --> 00:12:05,439
passing through Springfield.
314
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:07,257
Wait a minute,
I thought you don't get high
315
00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:09,092
on your own supply.
316
00:12:09,169 --> 00:12:12,004
I personally lost this weight
317
00:12:12,006 --> 00:12:14,689
through diet and exercise.
318
00:12:14,766 --> 00:12:16,266
Even you lie about it?
319
00:12:16,285 --> 00:12:19,194
If you can't trust godfathers,
who can you trust?
320
00:12:19,271 --> 00:12:20,937
I don't cheat on diets.
321
00:12:21,015 --> 00:12:23,624
I would never cheat on anything,
322
00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:25,751
except my wife.
323
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:32,115
♪ Weight-loss drug ♪
324
00:12:32,117 --> 00:12:36,528
♪ Drop a size without exercise ♪
325
00:12:36,530 --> 00:12:40,048
♪ When I put a spike into my leg ♪
326
00:12:40,125 --> 00:12:43,385
♪ I get full from just one egg ♪
327
00:12:43,461 --> 00:12:47,964
♪ Eating hot dogs with no bun ♪
328
00:12:48,042 --> 00:12:51,443
♪ Half a sandwich and I'm done ♪
329
00:12:53,547 --> 00:12:56,490
♪ And I eat but I just don't gorge ♪
330
00:12:56,567 --> 00:13:01,069
♪ I can see my feet 'cause
I just don't gorge. ♪
331
00:13:01,146 --> 00:13:02,329
[SIGHS]
332
00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:04,906
What happened to these people?
333
00:13:04,983 --> 00:13:07,726
They look fabulous, right?
334
00:13:07,728 --> 00:13:08,894
They look sad.
335
00:13:08,896 --> 00:13:10,170
Maybe it's all that loose skin
336
00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:12,339
sagging from their faces.
337
00:13:12,490 --> 00:13:16,401
Hey, getting Othinquic face is
one of the few negative effects.
338
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:19,680
And you can always fix that
with injections of body fat.
339
00:13:19,831 --> 00:13:22,257
Trust me, I'm a wonder drug.
340
00:13:22,409 --> 00:13:24,910
The more I see, the more I wonder.
341
00:13:24,928 --> 00:13:26,019
Okay, boomer.
342
00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:28,522
Look, weight loss is healthy.
343
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:29,931
No matter how.
344
00:13:30,008 --> 00:13:32,767
We've done a lot of research.
345
00:13:32,844 --> 00:13:34,010
On safety?
346
00:13:34,029 --> 00:13:35,103
On profits.
347
00:13:35,180 --> 00:13:38,256
The profits are 100% safe.
348
00:13:38,258 --> 00:13:40,868
And we'll find out the
dangers sooner or later.
349
00:13:40,944 --> 00:13:42,944
After everyone's already on it?
350
00:13:43,021 --> 00:13:45,664
Including my husband?
351
00:13:47,784 --> 00:13:51,269
Exactly.
The most enormous beta test of all time.
352
00:13:51,271 --> 00:13:53,772
And you lab rats are
paying us to be in it.
353
00:13:53,790 --> 00:13:55,883
Patetiske taber.
354
00:13:55,959 --> 00:13:58,460
Which means "suckers."
355
00:13:58,612 --> 00:14:00,554
Homer!
356
00:14:02,449 --> 00:14:05,450
Dad, are you sure you want to do this?
357
00:14:05,452 --> 00:14:09,170
As sure as I was that I didn't
want to do it yesterday.
358
00:14:09,322 --> 00:14:12,232
In that case, I support you,
but just barely.
359
00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:14,401
That's what Dad's chair says.
360
00:14:14,552 --> 00:14:15,903
Oh, man.
361
00:14:15,979 --> 00:14:18,221
I'm gonna miss making fat jokes.
362
00:14:18,298 --> 00:14:20,073
You'll still have bald jokes.
363
00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:22,117
It's not the same.
364
00:14:23,137 --> 00:14:24,636
Goodbye, my love handles.
365
00:14:24,638 --> 00:14:26,729
You'll be in heaven with my back fat,
366
00:14:26,807 --> 00:14:28,306
my triple chin, and my...
367
00:14:28,308 --> 00:14:30,233
[SOBS] finger chub.
368
00:14:30,310 --> 00:14:32,644
Stop, Homer! Stop!
369
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:33,828
Huh?
370
00:14:33,830 --> 00:14:35,923
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
371
00:14:35,925 --> 00:14:37,090
You're throwing it out?
372
00:14:37,242 --> 00:14:38,667
But you wanted me to take it.
373
00:14:38,743 --> 00:14:39,760
I was wrong.
374
00:14:39,836 --> 00:14:41,319
I know it's the hot new trend,
375
00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:43,838
but so were fanny packs, tramp stamps,
376
00:14:43,991 --> 00:14:45,824
and Teslas.
377
00:14:45,826 --> 00:14:46,992
[HOMER GROANS]
378
00:14:46,994 --> 00:14:48,843
I usually cover this with my fanny pack.
379
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,754
But I thought you were worried
about us growing old together.
380
00:14:51,774 --> 00:14:53,515
Of course I want that.
381
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:56,276
But what's even more important
is that you're here with us
382
00:14:56,353 --> 00:15:00,113
right now and we can move on safely.
383
00:15:01,008 --> 00:15:02,190
Hey, what are you doing?
384
00:15:02,267 --> 00:15:05,510
Homer, as the only
overweight man left in town,
385
00:15:05,512 --> 00:15:08,697
you have something that
we desperately need.
386
00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:11,124
You're kidnapping my husband?
387
00:15:11,201 --> 00:15:13,018
Think of it as a side effect
388
00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:15,796
of not taking weight-loss drugs.
389
00:15:15,947 --> 00:15:17,172
Andiamo.
390
00:15:18,025 --> 00:15:19,374
No, no, no, no!
391
00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:21,134
He's too fat to fit in the car.
392
00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:23,061
Put him in the trunk.
393
00:15:23,063 --> 00:15:25,714
He's too fat to fit in the trunk.
394
00:15:25,866 --> 00:15:27,623
Lash him to the roof.
395
00:15:27,701 --> 00:15:29,643
Uh, we're gonna need more rope.
396
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:33,271
[SHOUTING IN ITALIAN]
397
00:15:37,878 --> 00:15:38,878
[HOMER MUTTERS SLEEPILY]
398
00:15:38,879 --> 00:15:39,879
Ooh, pork chops.
399
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,046
Aah, Fat Tony!
400
00:15:41,064 --> 00:15:42,638
Ooh, pork chops.
401
00:15:43,066 --> 00:15:45,583
We need your fat to fill in our faces.
402
00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:48,511
So we can look eternally young
like the Real Housewives,
403
00:15:48,588 --> 00:15:50,088
who don't look real
404
00:15:50,164 --> 00:15:53,257
and spend all their time
outside of the house.
405
00:15:53,334 --> 00:15:55,410
Now eat. Mangia.
406
00:15:55,428 --> 00:15:58,246
What you said makes me
almost not want to eat.
407
00:15:58,248 --> 00:16:00,264
The police are gonna be furious.
408
00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:01,766
Actually, uh, no we're not.
409
00:16:01,918 --> 00:16:02,927
Come on, swallow.
410
00:16:02,936 --> 00:16:05,177
Can't wait to get your ass in my face.
411
00:16:05,255 --> 00:16:06,846
You monster! [SWALLOWS]
412
00:16:06,923 --> 00:16:08,773
Wait till the mayor hears about this.
413
00:16:08,850 --> 00:16:10,367
Oh, believe me, I know.
414
00:16:10,443 --> 00:16:12,685
Slim Tony and I are in cahoots.
415
00:16:12,704 --> 00:16:15,354
The mayor in league with the mob?
416
00:16:15,374 --> 00:16:17,040
I'm happy to reach across the aisle,
417
00:16:17,117 --> 00:16:19,283
as long as it's not with the members
418
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,026
of another political party.
419
00:16:21,104 --> 00:16:22,379
[TIRES SCREECH]
420
00:16:22,455 --> 00:16:24,363
[MARGE] Give me back my husband!
421
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:26,883
[ALL SHOUTING, CLAMORING]
422
00:16:26,885 --> 00:16:28,610
Look who's here...
423
00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:31,613
Little Miss Thin without
Having to Take Drugs.
424
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:33,223
Which none of us take.
425
00:16:34,709 --> 00:16:38,136
You're just jealous because
we're more beautiful than you.
426
00:16:38,212 --> 00:16:40,138
[SHOUTING]
427
00:16:41,141 --> 00:16:44,142
Now, out of the way,
because for the first time ever,
428
00:16:44,218 --> 00:16:46,461
we want your husband.
429
00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:48,963
Well, I'm taking my husband back.
430
00:16:48,965 --> 00:16:50,407
You and what army?
431
00:16:50,409 --> 00:16:52,558
[LUIGI] This-a army!
432
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:54,226
[TIRES SCREECHING]
433
00:16:54,228 --> 00:16:56,471
We are the true victims of Ozempic...
434
00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:58,581
I mean, eh, eh, Othinquic.
435
00:16:58,658 --> 00:17:01,643
The hard working a-people
who make-a your food.
436
00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:02,994
And who pour your damn drinks.
437
00:17:02,996 --> 00:17:05,997
You think you could operate
a beer tap by yourself?
438
00:17:05,999 --> 00:17:07,257
Yes, you could.
439
00:17:07,333 --> 00:17:09,742
So, uh, where am I going with this?
440
00:17:09,744 --> 00:17:12,153
These-a drugs don't-a
just stop your eating.
441
00:17:12,155 --> 00:17:15,006
They stop-a all of your
compulsive behavior.
442
00:17:15,158 --> 00:17:18,083
And compulsive behavior
is-a the only reason
443
00:17:18,161 --> 00:17:19,677
anybody eats-a spaghetti.
444
00:17:19,754 --> 00:17:22,421
It's-a like worms with less-a nutrients.
445
00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:23,681
Hypocrito.
446
00:17:23,758 --> 00:17:25,591
Criticizing us when you're clearly
447
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:27,593
riding the O-train yourself.
448
00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:30,371
I'm-a not-a taking the drugs.
449
00:17:30,373 --> 00:17:34,025
Yeah, we know: "Diet and exercise."
450
00:17:34,027 --> 00:17:36,527
No! I lost-a weight legitimately
451
00:17:36,604 --> 00:17:38,362
from-a severe depression.
452
00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:40,682
You, you're-a ruining my life.
453
00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:43,626
[BOTH SHOUTING IN ITALIAN]
454
00:17:47,632 --> 00:17:50,208
Homer, they took your tuchus!
455
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:51,617
[SCREAMS]
456
00:17:51,619 --> 00:17:53,211
You can't leave me like this.
457
00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:55,046
I'm like the Batman villain Two-Face,
458
00:17:55,198 --> 00:17:57,882
beautiful on one side
and hideous on the other.
459
00:17:57,959 --> 00:17:59,066
Uh...
460
00:17:59,068 --> 00:18:00,960
Which is the beautiful side again?
461
00:18:01,037 --> 00:18:04,463
Here's a thought:
maybe you can all stop taking the drug.
462
00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:06,149
If I knew the meaning
of the word "stop,"
463
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,485
I would not be taking it. Der.
464
00:18:08,561 --> 00:18:10,061
Look at your faces.
465
00:18:10,063 --> 00:18:11,546
Mm...
466
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:12,563
Let me try.
467
00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:15,383
I've had more experience
addressing mobs.
468
00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:16,993
♪
469
00:18:18,571 --> 00:18:21,222
I am the last fat man in Springfield.
470
00:18:21,224 --> 00:18:22,982
And while I can't see my feet,
471
00:18:23,001 --> 00:18:25,226
I can see something else.
472
00:18:25,228 --> 00:18:28,079
You are all unhappy.
473
00:18:28,081 --> 00:18:30,673
- Love people for what's inside...
- Mm-hmm.
474
00:18:30,675 --> 00:18:33,492
...lots of delicious food.
475
00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:36,404
And admire the ingenuity
of the American chemist,
476
00:18:36,406 --> 00:18:38,831
who has designed potato
chips that make you hungrier,
477
00:18:38,908 --> 00:18:40,833
sodas that makes you thirstier,
478
00:18:40,852 --> 00:18:43,853
all-you-can-eat restaurants that
make you never feel full again.
479
00:18:43,888 --> 00:18:47,524
We sit eating food,
watching TV about food,
480
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,267
with commercials
481
00:18:49,343 --> 00:18:50,935
for more food!
482
00:18:51,012 --> 00:18:54,179
[ALL CHANTING] Food-S-A! Food-S-A!
483
00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:58,017
Gol'darnit! Replace the word
"America" with the word "Texas,"
484
00:18:58,019 --> 00:19:00,686
and I agree with everything you said.
485
00:19:00,688 --> 00:19:02,688
[ALL CHEERING, CLAMORING]
486
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,374
I'm getting off this stuff.
487
00:19:04,450 --> 00:19:06,543
And back on statins, antidepressants,
488
00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:09,128
mood elevators, and useless vitamins.
489
00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:13,049
Is my old table available?
490
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:14,959
Yes-a, yes and the gun
491
00:19:14,961 --> 00:19:17,369
is still-a behind-a the toilet for you.
492
00:19:17,389 --> 00:19:19,204
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
493
00:19:19,206 --> 00:19:20,974
Is a happy end.
494
00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:27,212
Patty and Selma gained back the weight
495
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:29,065
and lost the fiancés.
496
00:19:29,142 --> 00:19:32,551
They're doing a group
sologamy celebration instead.
497
00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:34,887
Salami celebration, what's that?
498
00:19:34,906 --> 00:19:37,481
It's when a person marries themselves,
499
00:19:37,558 --> 00:19:39,967
but there'll be two of
them doing it together.
500
00:19:39,969 --> 00:19:41,411
But not to be together.
501
00:19:41,487 --> 00:19:43,228
Even though they live together.
502
00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:44,472
Good night, sweetheart.
503
00:19:44,474 --> 00:19:45,623
Mwah.
504
00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:47,879
_
505
00:19:51,423 --> 00:19:53,739
So what are you going to wear?
506
00:19:53,817 --> 00:19:56,317
That strapless black dress, right?
507
00:19:56,319 --> 00:19:58,428
Well, it's from before I had kids.
508
00:19:58,430 --> 00:20:00,430
I doubt it still fits.
509
00:20:00,432 --> 00:20:03,099
The ceremony is still a month away.
510
00:20:03,176 --> 00:20:06,752
And I'm exactly a month's supply.
511
00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:10,255
After everything I've seen,
why should I trust you?
512
00:20:10,333 --> 00:20:11,774
It's just a month.
513
00:20:11,926 --> 00:20:13,334
One and done.
514
00:20:13,336 --> 00:20:16,613
Hmm, I would love to wear that dress.
515
00:20:18,933 --> 00:20:20,599
Whoa, ooh.
516
00:20:20,601 --> 00:20:22,744
I feel a little nauseous.
517
00:20:23,604 --> 00:20:25,437
Why is everything black?
518
00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:26,864
Did I lose my vision?
519
00:20:27,016 --> 00:20:28,532
[SYRINGE] Blindness is a side effect,
but that's
520
00:20:28,609 --> 00:20:30,184
only three percent of cases.
521
00:20:30,186 --> 00:20:33,112
♪ Oh, oh, oh, Othinquic. ♪
522
00:20:43,406 --> 00:20:46,809
♪ Oh, oh, oh, Othinquic ♪
523
00:20:46,961 --> 00:20:48,870
♪ You know ♪
524
00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:51,630
♪ You might lose your big toe ♪
525
00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:56,878
♪ Oh, oh, oh, Othinquic, beware ♪
526
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,155
♪ You might lose all your hair ♪
527
00:20:59,232 --> 00:21:02,400
♪ Oh, oh, oh, Othinquic ♪
528
00:21:02,476 --> 00:21:05,403
♪ You cough ♪
529
00:21:05,479 --> 00:21:07,722
♪ Then your kidneys fall off ♪
530
00:21:07,724 --> 00:21:10,408
♪ Oh, oh, oh, Othinquic ♪
531
00:21:10,484 --> 00:21:12,835
♪ You'll die ♪
532
00:21:12,987 --> 00:21:15,229
♪ But you'll be thin, so don't cry ♪
533
00:21:15,231 --> 00:21:18,416
♪ Oh, oh, oh, Othinquic ♪
534
00:21:18,492 --> 00:21:23,471
♪ You know, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. ♪
535
00:21:24,331 --> 00:21:25,431
Shh.
536
00:21:28,403 --> 00:21:31,334
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
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