Original subtitles

- ♪♪ MTV ♪♪

- What's going on with Bar?

Apparently you found something going on

with him and another woman.

- At this point, do you trust him still?

- Uh-uh.

I was thinking about filing for a divorce.

No matter what's going on between me and your dad,

we still love you, and you're the priority.

- I haven't spoken to my mom in about six months,

ever since the Carly visit.

- I just miss her so much.

- I guess your grandma went to the hospital.

- What? - She's okay. No, she's fine.

If nobody's up there-- - I'll go up there.

- I'm gonna [bleep] go up there.

[dramatic music]

- I know.

- I'll talk to you soon, okay?

- Okay.

- Oh, man, first time at the age of 33, starting that.

So this is my boyfriend.

- Hello, everybody.

My name is actually Gary, believe it or not.

- [laughs] - Oh, my God.

Maybe this is the Gary for you.

- Khes and I are celebrating our one-year anniversary.

- Okay.

- What do you think I'm gonna surprise her with?

- A baby. - A baby?

- A ring? - Ring.

- Oh.

- And doctors are like, there's nothing we can do.

You can't have a baby.

You're not married to me yet.

- Whichever news you get will not alter

me wanting to be with you.

- There's so much that's been, like, happening with my mom.

Like she'll call us, cursing us out, crying.

- You're getting married.

I want us to focus on that.

- You might not be there if you act like this.

- I don't wanna [bleep] have to carry

this weight by myself anymore.

- What's in there?

- It's a narcotic.

It's methadone.

- You were on drugs?

[upbeat rock music]

♪♪ ♪♪

[intriguing music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- I [bleep] work for my sobriety, okay?

You ever wonder where my money [bleep] goes?

It goes to this [bleep].

I went every day for years until I earned the trust

and the respect where they were able to send

me home with a month's supply of medication.

- You have to take it every day?

- This I have to take every day, Briana.

If I don't, I won't function.

Do you understand what that's like?

Nova's age, doing drugs?

- But why don't you be honest with us?

I think that's the part that's so hard.

- Because--

- We're adults now, right?

And we have compassion, and we love you.

And we would understand.

- Yeah, because I don't mean--

- Are you ashamed?

- Of course.

Because I knew I had to save you two.

That was my priority--not me.

It was you two.

So I stood on this, because this is what was able to keep

me balanced, to keep working, to keep supporting you guys

and to keep being there for you guys.

It's a [bleep] vicious cycle.

It's vicious.

[tense music]

- If you do not go to whatever place

that specializes in that to help--

- Don't say it. - I am gonna say it.

- Don't say it. - It's about--

- You're gonna regret it. - Why? What are you gonna do?

- If you say anything, one more thing about the wedding--

- 'Cause it's my wedding. You don't need to be there.

- You gonna be there by yourself?

- I will, with, my sister and my nieces and my in-laws.

- I would never do that to you or her.

Never. - 'Cause I have a boundary.

- No, it's not a [bleep] boundary.

- Yes, it is a boundary. - Go [bleep] hug a tree.

- It's a boundary. - Go hug a tree.

- It's a boundary. - There's no boundaries.

[bleep] I'm done. I'm leaving. I'm done.

- It's a boundary.

- I'm so confused, and I'm so hurt.

And now I have to put on a strong face

for my [bleep] kids.

♪♪ ♪♪

- ♪♪ Okay, I know ♪♪

♪♪ I'm trying to figure out ♪♪

♪♪ Why I'm feeling this way ♪♪

- Lately, I've been juggling a lot since Bar has been gone,

and I'm still going to school.

- Push, push, push.

- My nursing program is intense,

so I haven't filed for divorce from Bar yet,

because it's a huge decision that will affect Holly too.

Right now I wanna teach her how to overcome any obstacles

that may come our way.

This community that we live in, we spend a lot of time

at the pool, but the other day, she told me

that some kid called her a baby,

because she is wearing a life jacket to the pool still.

That peer pressure, that desire to want to fit in,

is coming, and it's new for me too.

But I like to sit back and see how she is going

to metabolize the situation.

I like when she comes to me to bounce ideas off

of me versus me overloading her with how I think

she needs to handle her life.

Knock, knock.

- Hi.

- What are you doing?

- Cleaning.

- How do you like being at the pool

almost every day with your friends?

- Well, I--

I'm not that good at swimming.

- Well, I think you're as good as any other little kid.

- I'm not a little kid.

- What are you?

- I'm kind of little.

- Do you think you need swim lessons?

- Yes.

It's kind of not fair that they don't wear life jackets,

and I have to.

- Who doesn't wear a life jacket?

- My other friends that go to the pool.

- Well, you need to wear a life jacket.

You--first of all, that pool is deeper than you think it is.

It's taller than me.

- It's taller than you?

- Yeah, it's eight feet. It's deep.

- You're a whole adult.

- Yeah, I know some of your other friends

don't wear life jackets, but maybe they can swim

a little bit better than you.

- Okay.

- And that's okay.

It just means you have to learn.

A life jacket is necessary.

It saves people's lives.

It doesn't make you a baby or whatever.

I love that you love the pool.

You're just trying to have fun, and I respect that, girlfriend.

But I have to think about your safety.

So how about this?

Let's make a deal.

I'll get you swim lessons.

If you're diligent in them, and you prove to me--

do you know what diligent means?

- No.

- It means you work hard at something.

So if you're diligent, and you show up to swim lessons

like you're supposed to, and you keep up with your stuff,

I will consider letting you swim without your life jacket.

Is that gonna be a deal?

- Uh-huh.

A pinky?

- What does that mean?

- Of a promise.

- Of a promise. Right.

- A pinky of the promise.

- A pinky of the promise.

[upbeat music]

- ♪♪ Without you ♪♪

♪♪ There's nothing I can do without you ♪♪

- Oh.

- Hello, pretty girl.

- We're cooking.

- How are you?

- I've been doing everything by myself for so long,

and since Khes has come along, that has changed.

He is so helpful, especially with the kids,

and that makes me really excited to build our future

together and grow the family.

- So I have to run a few errands.

- Okay.

Have fun.

All right, so Gannon, we're gonna make some curry chicken.

- My mom didn't even know how to cook, so we couldn't learn.

When you're 16, and you have a kid,

you don't know that much, because you're still young.

So--

- That's a good point.

- Now that you're here, she's learning a lot from you.

- We learn a lot from each other.

I'm gonna learn from you guys too, because I

don't have kids of my own.

So it's gonna be a lot of good stuff.

- ♪♪ Oh ♪♪

[doorbell rings]

♪♪ ♪♪

- Guess what I have?

- What?

- It says final judgment of dissolution of marriage.

- It is done.

- I am a divorced woman.

And then in the bottom, it says you are

now free to marry Mr. Hall--

- Oh, does it?

- And you are now--

[laughs]

- I'm joking.

- Ah, you're silly.

Mwah.

It feels like--it feels like I'm lifting.

I would never put my phone away for five hours

while you and the kids were off somewhere.

Something bad could have happened.

- Fine. I'm [bleep] done.

- Just wait.

Did you sleep with someone?

- I did go to a bar and was inappropriate.

- To me, it's worth divorce.

- That, you know what?

That shouldn't even be in your vocabulary.

- With cheating, in this situation, yes.

- You brought me divorce papers, but you

got 'em off the internet.

- And we can take 'em to court.

- You're all mine now, honey.

- I've been all yours this whole time.

- Now you ain't going nowhere.

- I was never gonna go anywhere.

- The fact that you got your divorce is important to me,

because I don't wanna talk about marriage

when somebody else is married.

- I filed for this divorce a year before I met you,

and getting it is just like a breath of fresh air.

Now we can plan the future.

We really want to have a baby together.

- Positive?

Right now?

- Financially, it's gonna be a lot of money.

- I've always been a hard worker.

We just gotta figure stuff out.

- My preference is to be married before we have a baby,

but I really don't wanna have a baby in my 30s.

When you're a type I diabetic, probably

the younger, the better.

But we are gonna get married one day, right?

- Yes. - Okay.

You ain't gonna drag this out for, like,

five more years, right?

- [laughs] No, I wouldn't do that to you.

I wouldn't do that to you. That's torture.

- Okay, so what do we do from here?

- The only option is to speak to a--

- Fertility doctor.

- Since your tubes are tied, just be as open minded as you

can and just hear all options and see what works--

would work best for us.

- Okay, so I'll start calling places.

- ♪♪ The way you feel ♪♪

♪♪ Crazy as it feels ♪♪

♪♪ Trying to get it out of the way ♪♪

[upbeat music]

- Look, honey. - Hello, honey.

- [laughs] Look at how cute-- - What is that? For Vaeda?

- Yeah, for school tomorrow, to put over her leggings.

Isn't that cute?

- Aw.

- I cannot believe it, but Vaeda is turning five.

So we're having a birthday party.

I'm kind of on the fence about inviting my mom or not.

But ever since Nova and her had that visit, the kids, you know,

constantly wanna see her.

I kind of wanna do baby steps,

so I asked her if she would go to therapy with me.

I was wondering if you would be up to possibly

doing therapy with me.

- Yeah, sure, you know, I'm always down to do

that stuff with you.

- So that's a positive step in the right direction,

but we'll see where it goes.

- What are you doing?

- I'm doing that therapy session with my mom.

- Okay.

- I hope it doesn't bring stuff up for me.

- What--like, what is that?

- I don't know.

You know, sometimes it brings up--

I get anxiety after certain things.

- I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried for you,

getting--you know what I mean?

Because I know there's a possibility

of digging [bleep] up.

Things getting--you know what I mean?

So where are you at as far as, like,

inviting her to Vaeda's birthday party?

Because she always came.

- I mean, as of now, I'm not really comfortable with it,

but we'll see how therapy goes.

- Choosing to have her at the party or not,

it shouldn't, in my opinion, inhibit any like, progress.

You know what I'm saying? - Yeah.

- If you're not willing to self-betray in order

to make this progress happen.

- Yeah.

♪♪ ♪♪

- Hi, baby.

Don't look. Don't look.

- I'm not.

Okay, okay.

I'm gonna miss you.

Hi, ladies.

I hope everybody's doing well.

I just wanna give you a little update.

Things are honestly getting serious between me

and my boyfriend, Gary.

- Get this cooking going, and I'll bring up the wine.

Okay? - Okay.

He really treats me like a queen.

[laughs]

♪♪ ♪♪

- ♪♪ Make 'em say wow ♪♪

- Oh, baby.

- Cilantro, baby.

- Bam.

It's really good.

I love you. - Love you.

♪♪ ♪♪

- ♪♪ I can see that we belong together ♪♪

♪♪ We are meant to be friends forever ♪♪

- Oh.

This will be the meditation room.

- Nice.

This is cute.

And it smells good.

- Yeah, that's my--

- Sage candle.

- Uh-huh.

- How has things been going with you and Gary?

- Me and Gary, we're doing really good.

Like, been staying with each other a lot more,

spending more time together, so--

- Has he ever been married?

- Yeah, he was married, actually.

- Oh, okay.

- I feel like I've been married,

like, five [bleep] times, so--

- [laughs] Does he have any kids?

- No.

We're just going with the flow.

We're not moving fast.

We're not moving slow.

We're moving at a good pace, whatever we're feeling.

The other day, he experienced, like, my first manic episode,

almost a blackout.

- My journey with mental health has been a long one.

- I'm very concerned about your anxiety and depression.

I'd like to refer you to a psychiatrist.

But in the meantime, I can start you on medication, okay?

- I have been diagnosed with borderline personality

disorder, and also I am bipolar.

One of my symptoms is having manic episodes, which means

I can experience blackouts.

When this happens, I actually don't remember anything.

In the past, my mental health has

definitely affected my relationships

with my boyfriends.

So we started going to couples therapy.

We've been there twice now.

- That's different from the first couple relationships.

- It feels good to do that for the first time,

because, you know, I'm not good at relationships,

especially this type of relationship where

it's actually a good one.

This is something, like, I don't wanna mess up.

[intriguing music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- ♪♪ I feel with you ♪♪

[upbeat music]

- Okay, guys, my divorce is finally over, and now

Khes and I can grow our little family.

So we are going to the doctor right now

to hopefully find out that I can get my tubes untied.

- Please step into the room. - Hello.

- Hi. - Hi.

Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

- My name is Lindsey.

I'm a nurse practitioner here.

It's nice to meet both of you.

So you're here trying to get pregnant.

- Yes. - Okay.

You've been together for about a year, it looks like.

Okay.

And you had your tubes tied, you said, seven years ago.

- Yes.

- Are you interested in doing more of a tubal reversal

to get pregnant or--

- Yes.

- Okay, we can schedule a surgery to see

what the tubes look like.

And then if everything looks good,

and you're a good candidate to do the reversal,

then we do the reversal.

And then we try at home.

Your age category, you're close to,

like, 15% to 20% success rate.

[somber music]

- Um--so there's only a 20% chance of getting

pregnant after tubal reversal?

- I would say around 20%, and that's with,

if nothing is wrong, like sperm looks good,

and hormones are good, you're ovulating.

- Is there another option?

- Yep.

So IVF pregnancy rates are around 65% to 70%,

and we wouldn't have to do any types of surgeries.

You don't need the tubes at all for IVF.

It's just your ovaries and your uterus.

- What's, like, an estimate for IVF?

- Ballpark would be anywhere from, like, 10,000 to 20,000.

- Okay.

- One very important question is, have you

worked with type I diabetics?

- Yes.

- Okay.

- The only thing that we require

for getting pregnant with type I diabetes

is having that A1C number at a 6.5.

- Is that your sugar level?

- Yeah.

- We are very strict on where we're at

with that number in terms of getting you pregnant.

- Okay, I've always ran high.

- Okay. - Always.

Like 9.

- How were the pregnancies?

Any complications in the pregnancies?

- So my first two, no.

My last one was a disaster from day one.

When I was pregnant before, I did not have an insulin pump.

- Okay.

I think that's probably a good idea.

- So a possible solution for maintaining healthy blood

sugars is an insulin pump.

The pump, without you even doing the work,

it'll spit out insulin, but it still doesn't mean

you have perfect blood sugar.

- I'm hopeful that we will get you a baby, 100%.

I am hopeful of that.

And I know we can.

So it's in terms of how is where we're kind of need

to figure out the next steps.

[upbeat music]

- ♪♪ What, what? ♪♪

♪♪ Hey ♪♪

- Doing all right today?

Okay.

- ♪♪ Huh ♪♪

- Hi.

- Are you excited? Yeah?

- She's nervous.

- Oh, that is totally fine.

We're gonna have so much fun. I pinky promise.

- Do you have somewhere we can put on her swimsuit?

- Yes, so around this way.

- ♪♪ Oh, yes, overtime with the bonus ♪♪

♪♪ Anywhere you see me, I'ma show up ♪♪

♪♪ Watch all your driving approaches ♪♪

♪♪ When we did that work, everybody did I love ♪♪

♪♪ Don't see the perks, but you never--♪♪

Now hold your hands, and keep puffing your cheeks.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and blow.

- I was very surprised that she was so brave, just

jumping in the water without the life jacket,

because I thought she was gonna have a little pause.

But she didn't.

Confidence is important.

She's a little Black girl.

There's a lot of stereotypes.

You know, Black girls, we don't swim.

We don't get our hair wet.

And I don't want her to fall in line with any of them.

I want her to be free and open and fearless.

There are no limitations because you're Black

or because you're a girl.

Hello.

- She was super, super awesome.

You can tell she really enjoys the water.

- I see myself giving confidence

by believing in her goals and actively showing up

and helping her work towards them.

[uplifting music]

That was fun.

I had fun watching you.

- Oh.

- [vocalizing]

- How do you think your swim lesson went, girlfriend?

- I loved it.

- Yeah, it looked like you got comfortable really quick.

You didn't look scared at all to me.

That girl is growing up.

That girl is doing things.

That girl is learning.

- ♪♪ La, la, la, la ♪♪

♪♪ La, la, la, la ♪♪

♪♪ La, la, la, la ♪♪

♪♪ Well, get that ♪♪

- ♪♪ And get out of my closet ♪♪

- [gasps] Mom, can I have this?

- Yeah, you can have it.

It's gotta be cleaned.

I just thrifted that.

- Yeah, that's really cute.

- So what's up?

What's up with Holly?

- She's in swim lessons.

She just had her first one a few days ago.

She was in there.

She had a lot of fun.

She's very independent, and I love that, because I

raised her like that.

- I think you're doing a great job--

better than I did with you.

- My dad just was throwing me in the pool

with no life jacket.

- You lived. - And--

- [laughs] - I know.

- [laughs] You lived. - That's dangerous.

But then I did do lessons, and then I was junior lifeguard

for a few years.

- Okay.

- So it worked out for me, but, I mean, she gotta do that.

- You know, we didn't grow up around a lot of swimming pools.

- Yeah, that's true.

- Just swimming pools wasn't in the community.

I think Holly has been exposed to the water way

before I was, way before you were too.

And I think she's gonna be a better swimmer than either

of us put together.

You know, my only concern is her thinking

she's Wonder Woman overnight.

- She feels prepared to swim across the ocean.

- Ocean.

That's what I'm scared of.

- I don't wanna, like, mess up her confidence

or, like, stunt her independence.

But also, I have to see that you are understanding

some basic safety rules first before you

take the life jacket off.

You know how Holly is.

She likes to skip levels.

The next time we go, I'm pretty sure she's going

to ask me to take it off. - Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

- And I'm gonna tell her no.

- One day, belle.

- Yeah, one day. - One day.

- One day.

- ♪♪ Some things ♪♪

♪♪ Can't be undone ♪♪

- Love you.

I love you, Novi.

- Love you too. - Love you too.

- Bye. - Bye.

- ♪♪ You know all those secrets ♪♪

- I'm still trying to process everything

I found out last night about my mom.

You know, I want my mom to be okay,

but I have two kids that I have to take care of also.

And my kids come first before anybody, even my mom.

I don't know what to do.

- Have you talked to Mom?

- Have you?

- No.

I just don't trust her at all.

Like, it's just, you know, when you've been lied to so much,

nothing she says or does will ever, like, make me trust her.

For her being on that [bleep] for so long,

I don't even know how many years.

I don't know if she's been on and off.

- I'm struggling here.

- You're struggling because she did a lot for you.

Like, she's one of the reasons, let's be honest,

that you're successful, because she helped you with your kids--

way more than me, way more than their dads.

So your bond with her is different

than the bond I have with her.

- She's calling me.

- Don't tell her I'm here.

- Hello.

- Hey, you. What are you doing?

- Nothing.

- You okay?

- Not really, but I'll be okay.

- I've been doing a little bit of research this last night

and this morning.

Um, I found a place that--it's a women's

center that deals with trauma.

The facility is in Texas.

So I think I'm gonna go over there.

- When are you trying to leave?

- Tomorrow morning.

[somber music]

- [whispering] Briana, it's okay.

It's good.

- How long are you gonna be gone for?

- A month, and then take it from there.

[crying] I just know that this is not normal,

and I can't do it by myself.

- You have to make a promise to me and the kids and to Brittany

that you are gonna stay there for as long as you need.

And if you don't complete this, I don't

want you around the kids.

Do you understand?

- Did you just say what I think you said?

- Yes.

[tense music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- ♪♪ I wasn't the one ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, I still hurt ♪♪

♪♪ This pain is a constant ♪♪

♪♪ Yeah, left in my life ♪♪

- So I'm about to do my first therapy session

with my mom and Dr. Dow.

Therapy is a big step and probably the only step

that we have in order to better our relationship,

because my mom and I don't communicate well.

What do you mean, Mom?

There you go choosing your boyfriends over me again.

[arguing]

- So get used to it.

- All right, what did I do wrong?

- Okay, Mom. - I wasn't being rude.

- Okay, Mom.

[bleep] you.

Get out of my [bleep] face.

- I'm just saying that we need to fix something,

because I'm afraid that me and you in the future

won't have anything to do with each other.

My mom wants our therapy sessions to be private,

so cameras won't be filming it.

I just hope that it does good, and we

can start to kind of process things in a healthy way.

[thoughtful music]

♪♪ ♪♪

Hey.

- How are you feeling after that conversation

with your mom?

- It definitely was emotional, but I

think it was good and necessary,

because for a long time, it was like, this isn't even worth it.

I'm not trying.

I'm done.

- You know, in your voice,

when the two of you were talking,

I heard that you were really coming

from a different place with her in terms of less anger.

Did anything surprise you?

Anything you heard?

- That she hates drinking.

I always thought she liked it.

That's why she did it.

- If she hates drinking, then what?

- Then I have hope for her to wanna change

that for herself, really.

- What does that let you off the hook from?

- Not having to police it, I guess.

- And what are you gonna do differently?

- I think a step I can take is reaching out more.

For instance, my daughter's having

a birthday party this weekend.

And, I don't know, at the moment,

I just don't feel comfortable with her coming,

because we're not at, like, a majorly healed point.

But if Vaeda wanted to go to her house for a few hours

and do their own, little celebration or something,

like, I'm all about that stuff,

- I like that option, because then it's

not so much about what you're taking away from your mom

and punishing her and making her

feel like she's not part of the family.

You can just do something separate for her

and just honoring where you're at in the relationship.

I was so proud of you in that conversation.

There's, like, this whole new Catelynn showing up.

- [laughs] Thanks.

- ♪♪ I'm starting over ♪♪

♪♪ Right from the beginning ♪♪

- Vaeda, Grandma wanted to talk to you.

- Hi.

- Hi. Say hi, Grandma. - Happy birthday.

- Thank you.

Grandma, I wanna show you the balloons.

- Oh, show her the balloons?

- Look at the balloons.

- Whoa.

- Do you wanna come to my house?

- I'm gonna see you pretty soon.

- You'll go over there next weekend, Vaeda.

- Bye, Grandma.

Bye. - All right, honey.

Bye. I love you. - Love you too.

- Love you, Grandma.

- ♪♪ I'm starting over again ♪♪

[tense music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- Briana, [bleep] you and your sister.

I would never [bleep] do that to you, Briana.

- You did worse. - Never.

She did it with the wedding, and now you're doing

it with the [bleep] kids.

Do you understand why I stayed quiet?

Why I kept this all these years?

Because I knew you guys would [bleep] slap that [bleep]

in my face.

You can't do this unless you do this.

What the [bleep] is that about?

- Mom.

- Don't threaten me with the kids.

- These are my kids, and I don't--

- Your kids?

I [bleep] carried you guys on my back.

They're my kids too.

- No, Mom, they're my kids.

- And this is why you're going there--to be

a better person for them.

- I would have said, Briana, go and find your [bleep] self.

And when you come back, I'm right here.

- I am gonna be here. - No.

Didn't say that.

You said if you don't, I'm gonna

keep the girls away from you.

- Mom, because I know how you are.

You're stubborn.

I'm trying to protect the kids.

I need you to be okay first, though.

[sentimental music]

Are you really leaving tomorrow?

- Yeah.

I don't wanna see the girls.

I don't want 'em to see me like this.

- Listen.

Go.

You have my support, and you have Brittany's support.

Bye.

- Bye.

- Need a second.

[bleep]. [sniffling]

[bleep] my life. [bleep].

- [vocalizing]

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- No.

- So you haven't had any, like, phone

calls or texting or anything?

- No she has a boyfriend, so... [laughs]

She's not gonna text anybody.

- You know, I ain't trying to throw no shade on Amber.

Your mom does love you, and your mom does care.

But, you know, she is with somebody.

I mean, that does play a role.

I truly want her to be happy, and I want

her to have a relationship.

And I want her to be healthy, but

that needs to incorporate you.

- ♪♪ Take it all ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

- I appreciate that you're doing couples therapy.

- Yeah, and, you know, the reason why I'm doing all this

is for you, because I love you.

And I'm willing to accept everything about you.

♪♪ ♪♪

- So tell me what's happened since we talked last.

- I'm kind of having an issue right now.

Um--the mania, like, happened.

- Uh-huh.

- So I started blacking out.

It's been really hard.

Maybe you can explain more, because I

kind of got foggy after that.

- She told me a few things about what

to look for, like your pupils get really dilated.

She starts talking a lot.

Her palms also get really sweaty.

It's something that I've never had to experience

with anybody else before.

- When she is hypomanic or having those difficulties,

how does that experience make you feel?

- I think I go into, you know, the protector mode.

This is something that she's used to dealing with

by herself, and I can't imagine

dealing with something like that by yourself.

- But if I see his eyes, or if he puts his hands,

or talks to me or something, turns on music and stuff,

like, I--

I can--I'm just there.

- So he's kind of a grounding force for you.

- Yeah.

Well, I've never had anybody do that.

- Right.

- But I don't want it to be too much for him.

I don't want it to be a burden on anybody.

- One of the important things for you both as a couple

is that you need to take care of yourselves,

so you can take care of each other.

- Yeah, that is something I do need to get better at.

This has definitely helped, though, for sure.

Finding somebody that I actually, truly love,

it's like, that's what I've wanted.

And we're both, you know, all in.

- I love you. - I love you.

- ♪♪ So I'm soaking up the sunshine ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ Putting out the good vibes ♪♪

- Okay, so that did take a little longer than expected.

- I mean, we had questions, and we went into it with our mind

that, you know, we're gonna get your tubes untied,

and we're gonna have a baby and blah, blah, blah.

- I didn't know it was a 20% chance.

I don't wanna get surgery for a 20% chance.

- Yes.

- But she did say that IVF is 60%.

- Yeah.

I think IVF is the best option.

- Okay.

Wow, Khes, we're gonna have a baby.

- Yes, we are.

[sentimental music]

- So now our only stress is my blood sugars.

- Yeah.

- You know, a type I diabetic doesn't live an easy

life, anyways.

The risks for IVF are dealing with hormones that

could potentially cause high blood sugars,

because anything changing in my body can do that.

Anything could happen to me.

Anything could happen to the baby.

But I love this person, and he loves me back.

I want to have a baby with this person.

That's just the truth.

- [vocalizing]

[upbeat music]

- So I am holding up to my promise.

I am letting Vaeda and Nova go over to my mom's.

After our therapy session, I definitely

feel comfortable with the kids going over there and just

spending the day there.

This is just the first step in baby steps.

Are you excited to go to Grandma's?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

- Yeah.

Super.

- And then I'll pick you guys up later today.

- All right.

♪♪ ♪♪

- Hey, kid.

- Hi.

- This is for Vaeda.

- Oh, thanks.

- Come here.

- Vaeda's first question, so does Grandma have a potty?

- Nope.

Grandma don't have a potty. I got rid of that.

[laughs]

- No, I'm like, yes, Grandma's got a potty.

- Are you so excited?

I am.

Mm.

- All right.

I love you guys. - All right.

Thank you.

- You're welcome.

We're gonna eat dinner at Amber's house.

So when we're done there, I can shoot over here.

- Okay. All right.

You ready? - Yeah.

- All right.

Let's go have some fun.

- [laughs]

[thoughtful music]

- ♪♪ And the more I look back ♪♪

♪♪ The more I expect to see ♪♪

♪♪ That I was unwilling ♪♪

♪♪ To give up what I had ♪♪

♪♪ I thought being a lover ♪♪

♪♪ Was folding your hand ♪♪

♪♪ But I'm done ♪♪

♪♪ I'm done with that ♪♪

- So how was the drop-off with your mom?

- Oh, it was fine.

- First visit, right?

First day visit? - Yeah.

- Because they've had--

has Vaeda ever, like, did visits with her?

Like how Nova went to go get lunch.

- No, no.

My mom asked about Vaeda, and I didn't

send Rya, just because Rya doesn't really know her.

She's never really been-- you know what I mean?

- Right.

- So, like, me letting them go over there just for the day,

that's, you know, she's gotta be able to earn trust

back somehow if she wants it.

- Yeah. Right.

- And I feel like this is the little olive branch--

- Uh-huh.

- You know?

- It makes me happy.

That's not, you know? - Uh-huh.

- It's not easy.

- So, yeah, we shall see.

[uplifting music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- ♪♪ Got me acting so brand new in my head ♪♪

♪♪ Don't usually do this but I can't fake it ♪♪

♪♪ What is it about you that I can't shake? ♪♪

♪♪ I can't walk away ♪♪

[upbeat music]

- Mom. - Hmm?

- I feel like after one class, I'll be able to take

my life jacket off.

- I don't think so.

- Hmm.

Why?

- Because I think you still need to work up on your skills,

and how to, like, tread water.

- What do you mean, tread water?

- See?

You don't even know what that means.

Even though I think you're doing good,

and you're learning, and you're the most

amazing kid on the planet, you still

have to wear your life jacket.

I believe in you, though.

I'm totally confident that you can do it.

- Thank you.

- You're awesome.

So what if someone calls you a baby for wearing

a life jacket again?

What are you gonna say?

- I'm gonna say, you used to wear life jackets,

but you just don't know it.

- That's my girl.

You be confident in your life, okay?

- Okay.

- Don't let anyone make you feel like you're not

where you're supposed to be.

You're exactly where you're supposed to be right now.

You're doing a good job, girlfriend.

But right now, it's gonna be life jackets this summer.

- Life jackets every summer?

- Maybe the goal could be no life jacket next summer?

- Yeah.

- Okay, deal.

- Okay, pinky promise deal.

- Oh.

I think now Holly has the confidence to say,

like, I'm in swim lessons.

Catch me next summer, or catch me at the end of this summer.

Don't worry about me.

I'm gonna be taken off this life jacket some point soon.

And I think the swim lessons kind of gave her that umph.

She needed that, and I think she's getting that.

You know, I'm doing what I'm doing.

I'm just doing it at my own pace.

- ♪♪ I get stronger ♪♪

♪♪ I get better ♪♪

♪♪ Every single day ♪♪

- Go ahead, baby.

[thoughtful music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- I just feel like this is not my real life.

Like, I found out my mom is a former drug addict,

and she left to Texas to go to rehab.

Now she's detoxing off of methadone.

I feel like this is all just a dream.

And I'm gonna wake up, and my mom never left.

I went to my mom's house, and I, like, watered her plants.

I think we're both still processing it.

She's like the main person that helps me with the kids.

- Uh-huh.

What, you haven't told them?

- I didn't lie to them.

I told them that she's with doctors,

and she's just trying to figure it out.

I know Mom lied to us our whole life,

but I don't wanna do that with my kids.

I wanna be as transparent as I can be--

obviously, with still protecting

them the best way that I can.

- Uh-huh.

I don't know if I'll ever have a good relationship

with her ever in my life.

- I know moms have done some really bad things,

but at the end of the day for me, like,

I still see her as, like, the most

important person in my life.

- Oh, 'cause she is.

She's the most--one of the most important

people in my life too.

But just because she is an important person,

don't mean she's a good person to me, or, like, she did good,

you know? - Yeah.

- Now, you have two little girls you

gotta hold it together for. But one thing--

- Which is really hard.

I'm just struggling.

- You just feel alone?

- Yeah.

[somber music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- [vocalizing]

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Yeah.

What are you--

I'm okay. I want you to be okay.

They're fine.

Do you know a time frame of how long you're gonna be there?

Six weeks?

- Okay, bye.

Six weeks.

[sniffs] [bleep].

- [vocalizing]

- I just want my mom.

- ♪♪ It was a knife inside a broken heart ♪♪

♪♪ The day I found out who you are ♪♪

♪♪ Killed me in the moment ♪♪

♪♪ Killed me in the moment ♪♪

♪♪ But I made it through ♪♪

♪♪ All the ones that you rob blind ♪♪

♪♪ All the love you left behind ♪♪

♪♪ Think your soul is frozen ♪♪

♪♪ Think your soul is frozen ♪♪

♪♪ Inside of you ♪♪

♪♪ Is it cold where you are? ♪♪

♪♪ Can you catch your breath running from yourself? ♪♪

♪♪ Is it cold where you are? ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ Cold where you are ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ Where you are ♪♪

- I have some big news.

- You see Mackenzie as your future wife?

- I own a cannabis consumption lounge.

- When I was on "Teen Mom," I was like,

it's about this time of the day.

So I want to start a weed brand called This Time of the Day.

- I feel like I'm going into this really dark place

and I don't wanna do that.

- I don't wanna cry in front of all these people.

I just feel bad for her.

I just don't want it to affect her in the future.