Original subtitles

(Dynamic music)

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(Text on screen)

(Dramatic instrumental music)

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(elevator bell dinging)

Jasmeet: Why does this place look like a medical clinic?

Am I getting circumcised?

Rebecca: What are you talking about?

- Jasmeet: You promise? - Rebecca: No, just chill.

Jasmeet: All right.

Namaste.

- Namaste. - Namaste.

Mm.

And are we here today...

to be here today?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah?

Great. Class is starting soon.

As you can see, we're currently offering discounts

on our monthly membership packages.

Personally, I'd recommend the Divine Align...

Intertwine to Unwind package.

It's really great for couples.

Usually, it's $499. Now, $479.

And it includes classes, chanting,

some tantra, and keertan.

'Keertan'? Wait, is that, like, kirtan?

Yes, 'keertan'.

They're, like, Vedic-style hymns.

Yeah, I know what it is. You just said it really weird.

- Mm-hmm. - Julia: Um...

So, my friend Ashley, she owns the studio.

She signed us up for a trial class.

It should be under 'Rebecca.'

Ah, yes, here it is.

Relax.

Your flight isn't until tonight.

Yeah, but I should be preparing, you know?

It's like, my first acting gig in LA.

I just don't want to mess it up.

That's why you should take some more yoga, so you can chill out.

(sighing) Yeah, maybe.

Hey, how did your friend afford this place

in this neighbourhood, by the way?

It's just like insane rent prices, no?

Ah, yes.

That's how.

(bell chiming)

Namaste, everyone.

Class: Namaste.

Let's start by bringing our energy down.

And we'll begin by lying back in shavasana.

And now, reach out and grab the hands of those next to you.

Close your eyes.

And just repeat after me.

I am whole, and the whole is in me.

Class: I am whole...

- Jasmeet: ...and the... - ...and the whole is in me.

...whole is in me.

Ong Namo...

Guru Dev Namo.

Class: Ong Namo...

Guru Dev Namo.

Satnaam. Sri Waheguru.

Class: Satnaam.

Sri Waheguru.

Let's just lie back in gratitude,

take in this moment, and really open your hearts

to the real reason we're all here.

(gasping)

Bring in the puppies!

- It's puppy yoga time! - (class exclaiming)

(barking)

You get a puppy!

(class exclaiming)

(sneezing) Ooh.

(chattering)

Hey, so those, uh, mantras

that you guys were doing at the start of class,

that's- that's really cool.

Huh?

I'm actually Sikh.

(gasping) You are sick.

Right on. Oh, unless...

you meant the other kind of sick, in which case,

you really should have been wearing a mask in class.

No, I meant neither of those, actually.

I meant, like, the religion. Sikhism, you know?

Oh, yeah, okay. Great.

Um, don't forget your

complimentary mimosas, everybody!

- (class cheering) - Woman: Mimosa!

This is why I came.

Hey.

- Hey. - So, what do you think?

- Woman: Cheers, bitch! - Women: Cheers!

Jasmeet: Uh... that was... interesting, I guess.

But, uh,

what do they do to the dogs when they age out?

Rebecca: Probably, you know, like...

Oh, my God. They put 'em down...

Ward, dog?

Brutal.

How was I not supposed to do that when you set me up?

- Rebecca: Oh, okay. - I had to take that.

Rebecca: Makes sense.

Jasmeet: Do you want this? I hate mimosas.

Wow.

I didn't realize you had so much stuff.

No, actually, that's a lie.

I should have known because you're... you.

Pretty nice, right, wifey?

Sorry. Uh...

I'm still down about, you know, Jogi Uncle.

Right, right, right, of course. Um...

So, let me give you the tour.

I got the custom closet over here.

We got the social media corner right here.

And we got my gaming setup over there.

Did you include the workout space that I asked for?

I got you, baby girl. Right over there.

Where are my weights?

Here, use mine.

(chuckling)

Don't worry, babe. You'll work your way up to it.

Oh, and I put your little yoga mat right over there.

(head thudding) I don't think this works.

Why?

But don't you guys just lay around on the floor anyways?

Oh, which reminds me, you got to check out this video.

Some new thing called puppy yoga. So sick.

Oh, Mummy-ji, did you think about my offer?

I don't know, Jaspreet.

(speaking Punjabi) Trust me.

I can make the tiffin business boom.

I don't want to boom. No boom.

Maanvi, why do I have to do Jaspreet's laundry

when it should be done by his wife?

He can't do his own laundry?

...you will have to do all this.

Well, what if we don't have kids?

(both laughing)

(both continue laughing)

This is not funny.

Neal: Pooji,

it's your favourite nephew and delivery boy.

Whoa. Looks like an influencer took a shit in here.

Neal, I'm glad you're here at my ghora, bro,

because, um...

(sighing) ...how do I say this?

We just don't need your kind here anymore.

Jaspreet, come on.

(laughing) Sorry, man, I'm just playing.

Delivery guys, we don't need delivery guys anymore.

Oh, I thought you meant white guys.

- Jaspreet: Hmm. - Wait. Am I fired?

You need something to eat? I'll make you a plate, okay?

Wait. Who's going to deliver the tiffins?

Oh, my tech boy from Waterloo,

he, uh, developed these, uh, delivery bot prototypes.

Check it out. Pretty dope, right?

Woman (on video:) The future is automated.

It's gonna do, uh, wonders for our business. Uh-huh.

Neal: Well, if you need someone to charge them,

I can plug them in at night.

Jaspreet: Oh, no, they're solar-powered.

Neal: What if they were lunar-powered?

Jaspreet: Yeah, that's stupid.

I get it. It's practically in our DNA to be angry.

But if I ever yelled at my mom the way my cousin Bhavita did...

- You'd get spanked. - Worse than spanked.

Hung upside down naked, and beaten with a stick?

What? No.

Wait. Did that happen to you?

My grandparents were just very Desi.

Oh, no. It's okay. I'm good.

No, yes, please.

So, I tell my aunt that Bhavita just doesn't know

how to manage her emotions, right?

When she gets loud, it's because she doesn't feel heard,

and my aunt actually eased up.

She gave Bhavita her phone back.

And that's why you're her favourite cousin.

Exactly!

You know, if you were my cousin,

you'd be my favourite cousin, too.

What?

(chuckling) Oh, no, no.

I just mean that...

you're my favourite everything.

(snapping)

No, not that one.

That one was for my mom.

This one.

This one is for you.

Um... okay.

Whoa.

Umair, what for?

Because I want to take care of you.

I thought you could use them for your design sketches.

You said you were trying to get back into that again.

- I told you that? - Yeah.

And you remembered?

Of course.

This is amazing. I...

I had no idea dudes could be like this.

I'm not dudes.

No, you're more like... daddy.

(chuckling)

So... there's this new drape design I'm playing around with.

Mm-hmm.

The photo is a little risqu�.

I don't know, maybe too risqu�.

- Brown people. - Right.

But the thing is,

body shame only came about after colonization.

Before then, our bodies were part of the design.

- Mm-hmm. - So, I...

I go back and forth on if I should post it.

Wow.

Mashallah.

(phone chiming)

There. Now I can look at my sexy girl

whenever she's not with me.

Um, but for your eyes only, yeah?

Yeah. That's what makes it special.

Anyways, back to the grind. Empire's not gonna build itself.

But I'll pick you up later.

I made some plans for us.

?

Man, my paggs can never fit into a suitcase.

Like, airlines should know to accommodate

for guys with turbans, you know?

It's like, by default, we need more space.

Okay, well, just let me get ready and I'll help you.

(sighing) All right.

Oh, I always feel so good after yoga.

- Yeah. - Oh.

Uh, is that the thing for the web series?

Male voice: Welcome to Yolked TV.

Yeah. Its whole deal is that you can't watch anything

unless your heart rate's fast enough.

Ah, yes, the intersection between streaming

and fat shaming.

Yeah, I know. It's stupid.

But they pretty much offered me a role

in one of their first big series, so...

- Male voice: Connected. - ...couldn't say no.

Let's get yoked.

You call that getting yoked?

Rebecca: Here, uh, does this help?

Male voice: Go harder. Come on, guy.

Wow, okay, um, this thing is clearly buggy

because my heart rate is going fast as hell, brother.

Male voice: That's a bit better, but not good enough.

- Mm-hmm. - It's a prototype, okay?

They're trying to get Kevin Hart to invest in it.

They're flying out all these big creators to do cameos.

Plus, I've always wanted to do

the whole acting thing, but there's just never any roles

for guys like me.

Aren't you playing an elf?

- Yeah. - Male voice: Can't watch?

- Get off your ass. - I am off my ass!

Yeah, I'm playing El-

- (sneezing) - Oh, bless you.

Male voice: That's not getting yoked.

I'm playing this character called, uh,

Elrandin the Sand Digger of Riverhole.

Uh, El- Elrandin the...

- It's pretty cool, right? - The what?

- The Sand Digger. - One more time.

Sand Digger.

You do realize what that sounds like, right?

Am I supposed to hear...? ...'Sand Digger'?

'Sand D-' oh. Oh...

Oh.

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

Shit. Dude, am I gonna get cancelled?

(footsteps approaching)

(birds chirping)

Setting up my workout space.

There's no room downstairs.

Well, that was fast.

(birds chirping)

Ah.

Okay, what the hell?

Do you have to iron, like, right on top of my mat?

You should learn how to iron.

This is your job and I'm doing it for you.

Here! Practice with this one!

(birds chirping)

What about my blood pressure?

(birds chirping)

So, we have our turbans here, we have our double paggs here.

We have our socks here and our underwear here,

not touching your turbans.

Then, you have your belts and your undershirts at the bottom.

So, when you get to the hotel,

all you do is take it right out and hang it up in the closet.

Wow, this is genius.

Okay, I need your brain on everything.

You know what this deserves?

I think you know.

Some good old Uncle phuphar kisses -

the wet lips, hot breath, bristly moustache...

Okay.

Okay! No, no, no. Stop.

(phone chiming)

That's enough.

(sighing)

(phone chiming)

Um, so, part of the reason

why I took you to that yoga class today was because I-

Because I'm allergic to dogs and you wanted to torture me?

You are?

Yeah, I mean, that's why I can't stop sneezing, you know?

They should ask you if you're into dogs before class.

Who isn't into dogs?

(sneezing)

(sighing) Me?

I don't know. It's just like a dog, you know?

I look at a dog and I'm like, "Oh, it's a...

"It's a dog."

Okay. Um, well, I thought you enjoyed the class.

I had fun with you. I just think it's weird

that they're charging so much for yoga.

I feel like it should be a thing that's done selflessly

without the gimmicks and frills.

Plus, they were doing all these, like,

Sikh mantras, and they didn't even know.

Well... Ashley offered me a gig there,

so I've kind of been thinking about taking it...

full-time.

But you'd still dance though, right?

I'd leave dance.

Huh.

Okay.

Is that... a dumb idea?

No. Nothing that comes out

of that beautiful brain of yours is dumb.

All right?

I just... (sighing)

You don't strike me as a person that gives up so easily.

What does that mean?

Oh. Uh, no.

I just mean like, you know, I know you're into-

Whatever, it's fine.

(sighing) Shit. I upset you?

You should go. You're gonna miss your flight.

(sighing) Fuck.

Chippy: You didn't have to take me shopping.

You're spoiling me so much, I'm starting to rot.

I just wanted you to have something new for the party.

Whatever you want.

Chippy: Who's Khaleel again?

He's another shisha bar owner.

And you want me to go as the party's disco ball.

Damn. You look fine as hell.

You really can pull off anything.

Yeah, I...

I want to pull this off my body.

Hmm. Well, why don't you try on

the other outfit you picked out, then?

Yeah.

I think I will.

We're gonna go to the party right after this.

- Chippy: Right after? - Mm-hmm.

Chippy: I'm all sweaty from trying on so many things.

Good thing your sweat smells sweet.

It'll pair nicely with the dress.

Chippy: Okay, nice try.

Yeah, it's, uh, it's cool.

See? I know what I'm doing.

Right, it's just... it's covering up your body,

and you have such a nice one, so why don't you show it off?

Because I feel sexier in this.

No, you look sexier in the dress.

How about...

the decision goes to whoever's spending the money?

Okay.

I'll pay for it, then.

You can't afford it.

Then, we'll go to my house,

and I'll wear something I already own.

No, we don't have time.

I'm buying you something expensive

because you need to wear something new and nice tonight.

Let me take care of you.

(Jasmeet sighing)

I just didn't think you'd give up dance cold turkey.

Rebecca: I'm older now.

My knees aren't what they used to be.

Okay, so, what? You're just gonna teach yoga

to white girls playing with puppies?

At least I'd be an Indian girl teaching yoga.

I mean, sure, you're Indian, but...

But what?

- I'm not Indian enough? - No, you are.

I'm just saying like, it's...

Yoga's like a Dharmic religion thing, you know?

You're a Christian.

Don't Christians believe yoga's demonic or some shit?

Oh, okay. So, I'm the right race,

but I'm not the right spirituality.

Do I also lose points for being born here

and having a blonde balayage?

- A... A what?

Highlights. Blonde highlights.

- Well... - (gasping)

Okay, of course not. I'm just... I'm joking.

I mean, what's wrong with easing people into Eastern practices?

So, getting smashed off mimosas and fondling puppies is...

what? A gateway?

Okay, I get it.

There's a fine line between cultural appropriation

and cultural appreciation.

Yeah, well, you know what? I would appreciate

if the puppies didn't piss on us the whole class.

Okay, well, if you play with puppies,

you're gonna get a little piss on you.

Is that an expression I've never heard of?

(sighing) It's the right thing for me.

It's exactly what you said about 'Erlandan' from...

Riverhole.

From Riverhole.

I mean, what even is a Riverhole?

Okay, yeah, it's a dumb script.

You know, they got elves digging tunnels and...

Elves don't dig; dwarves dig.

Dwarves are the bigger sand diggers.

Again, you hear it, right?

- Yes, I hear it. - So, what?

These elf-digging dwarves are part of your bigger journey?

Oh, and you leaving your dance career is part of yours?

Male voice: You have successfully

raised your heart rate and may now begin to...

- Now, you work! - What do you want to watch?

Oh, my God, this thing is so annoying.

Man: Your heart rate is...

It's going off on my phone too?

- (male voices overlapping) - Is this running through Wi-Fi?

(Punjabi music playing indistinctly)

All right.

Robotic voice: Sat Sri Akal.

Contact Jaspreet Purewal -

the number one independent realtor in the GTA.

Enjoy your food!

Supinder: Will it survive on the roads?

Jaspreet: Of course.

It's the strongest one on the market. Look.

- (thudding) - (robot beeping)

- Can I try? - Jaspreet: You try.

- (thudding) - (robot beeping)

Robot: Threat detected.

Self-defence function activated.

No, no, no! Oh my God! It's coming towards me!

Robot: Please step away.

- What's it doing?! Jaspreet! - People keep kicking it,

so they had to put a self-defence function on it.

- (speaking Punjabi) - It's still beta.

Save me, please! Damn! I don't know what I did to this guy.

Supinder: Help me! Oh my God!

(thudding)

- Help my mom. - I'm trying, I'm trying.

- (speaking Punjabi) - Dude, what are you doing?

- (chattering) - (cackling)

Aie!

Jaspreet: Okay, it's off.

Robot: Self-defence function deactivated.

Please report any injuries

to your healthcare provider immediately.

Damn prototypes.

Robot: Don't forget to give us five stars.

I want to take a trip.

Gurdeep: A trip?

Huh? Peace of mind.

I'm down to go on a trip.

Wait. Actually,

I have some seminars I can't miss.

You should go, though.

(robot beeping)

Robot: Help. Kindly reposition me.

Help. Help. Help.

Jaspreet: I gotta call my boy.

- Robot: Help. - Yo, Frenchy,

these delivery robots, man, are they, like, possessed?

- Help. Help. Help. - You know...

What?

Why? He literally just said I should go.

Supinder: Doesn't matter.

(robot beeping)

Robot: Visit JaspreetPurewalRealty.ca

to find your-

Try our new...

...dish packed full of homemade flavours.

Oh my God.

Please rate us five out of five stars.

Please, don't come after me!

Save me! Please!

(phone chiming)

I just feel like you're judging me.

What? How?

If I take this job, then I'm not going to be an artist anymore,

and when we met, we were both artists.

And I feel like if I do this, I won't be one,

and then I just, like, I won't be good enough for you.

Okay, look, I just want you to do the thing

that you really want to do.

Dancing was my dream. It was my life.

And now, like, I look at it and my career

just hasn't panned out the way that I wanted it to.

What's going on? I've never seen you like this.

That's because, sometimes, I have to be the one

freaking out, as well.

It's not like there's jobs

falling from the sky into my lap from my follower count.

They're not just falling into my lap.

I know. I know. I'm just...

I'm exhausted, okay? (sighing)

I feel like I'm always auditioning,

and I'm always hustling,

and I have my joe job,

and then I still have to have my parents help me,

and now Ashley's offered me this gig.

And I get to use my body, okay?

And I don't have to sit behind a desk,

and it's good, and it's stable and it's steady.

And what? Am I just too good for stable and steady?

Jasmeet: Honestly, I- I didn't know you felt like this.

You could've just come to me. I would've helped you.

When? When I was helping you?

(sighing) I know you've been dealing with

a lot of stuff with your family,

so I've just kind of had to do this on my own.

I wasn't trying to make it all about me.

I can be there for you, too.

Maanvi: No, he can't.

He can only take care of his own shit.

He'll make you fend for yourself.

He doesn't think of his family.

If he doesn't care about any of us,

why would he care about Rebecca?

Neal: See?

It's like I was saying, he's selfish.

- You guys want some more milk? - Maanvi: Oh, yeah, yes.

Neal: Here.

Thank you. That's- that's it.

(both trilling)

- Phuphar. - (splashing)

What a nice boy!

(both trilling)

I'm not selfish. I think of others.

I think of all of you.

(all laughing)

- (sneezing) - All: Bless you.

What?

Rebecca: I said bless you. I get it.

You're allergic to fucking dogs!

- (Rebecca sighing) - (phone chiming)

(phone chiming)

(snoring)

(snoring)

(thudding)

(snoring)

(snoring)

(door opening)

- (door closing) - (snoring)

You know, most girls would be grateful

if I bought them a dress and a jacket.

I'm not girls.

You like the tablet, right?

Come here.

? Open my book and look inside ?

? You'll find the truth between the lies ?

? Rip out the pages, there's nothing left ?

? Writing my story's got me a mess ?

? Voices in my head ?

? They're screaming, "take a chance" ?

? I'm always in a mood ?

Come here.

? I don't know what to do ?

? I've got an attitude ?

? They say I care too much ?

? That I'm the only one I trust ?

? Nothing ain't never enough ?

(phone chiming)

Okay, look, something I've really loved about you

is how fearless you are

when it comes to chasing your career opportunities.

It took me a while to get to a place where I'm not, like,

stressing about my credit cards declining,

and I only got there because of your support.

So... (exhaling sharply)

...if you want to teach yoga, I support you.

If you want to do nothing at all, I support you.

If you want to all of a sudden switch it up

and start robbing banks and dealing coke to the cartel,

I support you there, too.

Okay? Because I love you.

(sighing)

What if...

I started my own studio? A dance studio.

Yeah! Holy shit. That would be amazing!

- Really? - Yes!

You're like the best dancer I know!

Okay, but... (sighing)

...what if it's easier said than done?

Dude, Ashley did it

and she's, like, trafficking puppies or whatever.

Okay? We could figure it out together.

I could help you make the best marketing plan, all right?

Okay.

All right. Check this out.

This is crazy.

No, crazy's good. Crazy is good. Okay?

Oh, my God. You missed your flight.

It's fine. I'll just get the next influencer movie.

Oh, my God. No, no. I'm- I'm so, so sorry.

Seriously, it's chill.

They're gonna make like 50 sequels.

By that time, they'll be at Dwarves of Lahore.

I'll be in it, you know?

Trust me, that ship has sailed, that plane has fleen-

flewn- flin?

That plane has flowed.

- Flung? - Flung.

The plane has flung out of the sky.

I'm not on it. The plane's gone. Let's just say the plane's gone.

I'm nowhere near it. It's- it's gone.

? Golden light ?

? You leave me bruised, but I don't mind it ?

? It's dangerous, but I still dive in ?

(news theme music playing)

News anchor: In breaking news, the streaming app Yolked TV

has been pulled before its highly anticipated launch,

as it's been uncovered to be a Chinese malware spying app.

All creators involved in the app are currently facing

federal investigation. For more on this story...

We should fight more often.

...we go live to outside the Los Angeles courtroom...

Mm-hmm.

...where Misty Sparks and the other...

? One thing you can't take from me ?

? This gift could drive you insane ?

? My fists would fight that one on one ?

? And turn one thing into another ?

? I swear life's been impatient with me ?

? If... ?

? It's for me ?

? Let's... ?

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