Original subtitles

This phone thing's got him spooked.

And Felim accounts for over half the desk profit.

Look, I'm hoping we're not ruining a friendship

over miscommunication.

Do you even remember what you said?

- This stays between us, okay? - Mm-hmm.

Why are women so much more interesting to men

than men are to women?

What she say? Let me see!

It's none of your business.

Your team's being subsumed into the other sector teams.

Where? - CPS Desk.

I can't believe I didn't know you were at Pierpoint.

We're in the same part of the business.

See, the problem with this, they keep hiring

these fuckin' princesses.

Hey, buddy. Don't talk to her like that.

If you ever need a place to stay, I have a spare room.

Really? I would love that.

Harper? You awake?

Maybe you should ask Greg for a coffee?

Maybe Greg should ask me for a coffee.

Can we talk money again?

Honestly, Harper, it would make me feel uncomfortable

to charge you to live in my parents' house.

Yeah, okay, but like, do you rent this part off of them?

Well, um...

Oh, fucking hell.

Choon! Such a choon.

We should kill the business and just, like,

follow Bicep around Europe.

Think how purely happy we'd be.

Oh, God. You're a fucking mess.

Yas, have you got any lollipops?

No. No, I don't have any lollipops, Digdog.

- Are you gonna go to work today? - Nah, we just, um...

- We just picked up another bag, so... - Right.

Alexa, play Digdog's ketty mix.

So, are all British guys pathological drug addicts?

- You get one bag... - He gets led astray.

This is gonna be a two-bag affair.

Shall we go earn some money?

- So, Greg... - So, rent?

Honestly, if it means that much to you,

just buy something nice for the kitchen.

I don't think I even know what belongs in a kitchen like that.

It's just a kitchen.

Yeah, but it's, like... a kitchen.

I still keep getting that feeling whenever I wake up,

like, I don't know, like I can't believe that I'm here.

You okay?

I'm getting to an age where

my hangovers are no longer charming, I'm thinking...

What's going on? Why're there so many people here?

Felim stopped trading with us.

According to Eric, he "stepped away from the market

for personal reasons."

I wanna bang the drum this morning.

Rishi and the traders will be in shortly with their axes.

Double sales credits to anyone who fills them this month.

Our worldview today

is what we own and what our traders own.

Is there any more color on Felim's departure?

Well, he... he's been having trouble with trading lines

and some protracted legal issues.

Is it temporary or permanent?

I... We... We'll have to see.

It's just that 60 percent of the P and L

feels like a pretty big iceberg to me.

Well... The lights are still on, Daria.

Let's make sure we keep it that way.

- Good morning. - Eric.

We need to be sharper at packaging trading strategies

across asset classes.

High-margin, multi-asset plays, please.

If our guys don't have conviction,

it's because we're not being convincing.

Simple as that.

Morning, kids.

Eric.

Sara. So.

We've got some mid-market offers on some corporate bonds.

I would love them to be moved this morning.

I know this might sound crazy, but I think that we could play

another slowdown in housing.

And why should I listen to a grad?

The housing market's a canary in a coal mine.

You don't... don't say "canary in a coal mine."

You sound like a fucking financial journalist.

What's the play?

Um, well, obviously gold, maybe a call option.

- That's vanilla. Work on a pitch and we'll talk later. - Yeah, thank you.

- Is that it? - Yeah, thanks.

Rish, I'm calling Arbitrage Andy, the permabear.

Eric, what do you want me on?

Ah, mate, are you serious with this price?

Do you know the difference between racing green

and studio green?

Buddy, you are in my personal space.

What did you study?

Literae Humaniores.

Classics.

How the fuck did you end up in a bank?

Only in England.

I've told Clement to look after you.

Harper. Yo.

Greg?

I'm on the ninth stage of the journey.

The hero faces the greatest challenge yet,

and experiences death and rebirth.

I'm paraphrasing.

It's pretty cool, right?

I'm not fucking filling you there.

Hello, Marty? Yeah. Take the orders.

Yeah. Who?

Jack Blackburn. Ye... Yeah, he's a limp-dick analyst, but...

I can't believe he's actually reading a physical copy.

He has a view, of course...

Mate, he used to get twatted with Michael Lewis at Salomon.

So he was a big deal in the '90s?

Wow.

Yeah, if he's telling me to sell... Okay, fine.

No, I didn't say that.

I said, if his balls are out, his balls are out.

I don't wanna see anything else apart from his balls.

Yeah, Hawksmoor with him and three of my best punters...

- Come on. - No... Mate.

I was going to send the Asia stuff

to Karl at Goliath,

um, but I wasn't sure if it was okay coming directly from me,

or if you wanted to be CCed in, or...

Take the initiative.

No, I mean like a thick mainline vein

running down his cock...

We haven't done "Yasmin's Trading Idea" in a while, um...

- I've been putting together this long dollar idea... - Look, I should apologize.

That whole "Trade Idea" exercise...

It was unfair of me to put that pressure on you

when you're not ready. Truth is, nobody's gonna

take your ideas seriously for a few years. So...

Just nail the small stuff. Yeah?

- This is bullshit. - Okay.

The research is fundamental...

Must be horseshit.

It was good to clear the air, though.

Yeah.

Once again, you've wasted my time. Goodbye.

How did you two find each other?

Uh, university. Oxford.

I mean social circles.

How does an Old Etonian end up pals

with a lad from the pit?

How do you expect to sell financial products

if you sound like a miner?

Our college was a melting pot.

Mr. Clement? - No.

Where did you go?

That's me and our erstwhile premier.

Absolutely cunted.

Gakked to the gills.

Reminds me that I used to be beautiful.

Sixteenth of September, 1992.

Black Wednesday. When we left the ERM.

The Exchange Rate Mechanism.

An early dalliance with putting two fingers up to Europe.

Came here, forgot everything.

And that's the way this business has always worked.

After the crash in '29, they wallpapered the Union Club

with stock certificates.

You haven't touched your drink, Robert.

We will be seeing Kaspar Zenden here tomorrow afternoon.

I've built my career writing Kaspar's business.

Now, he's bringing along some new lackey,

Usman something.

You two will need to find a way to occupy him.

With Felim gone, the desk can't afford

to shed any more accounts.

And, gentlemen,

this is an important evening.

Get on the right side of Usman,

and you'll be on the right side of me.

I need to pay Mrs. Wilmslow. Excuse me.

This guy Usman actually runs money.

I'll ping him an intro. What's their mandate?

How do you not know that?

Mate, it's Clement's only client.

Are you deliberately trying not to impress your boss?

Harper, are you a fan of Japanese whiskey?

My uncle was one of those older middle-aged white men

who was overly into Japan.

That's usually a euphemism for, like, an ethno-nonce or...

maybe just a real nonce. Anyway, we had a load of it at his funeral.

Hello?

I mean, the irony was that he was actually abused,

he wasn't the abuser.

- I cannot believe you left me last night. - What are you talking about?

I presume I should bring a bottle tonight?

Tonight?

Yasmin's dinner.

I am coming as a sort of pastoral figure, right?

Like, um, advisor to the youth. Youth advisor.

- I know! - It's the only evening I can do.

- Yeah. No, no. That's great. - Okay, cool.

- I - told him to fuck off in perfect Russian.

All right, bitch, I'll see you next week.

Someone should tell her they monitor those.

Yeah.

Always a pleasure, Daria.

Greg.

Shut up.

You all right?

Mate, of course I'm chasing tonight.

I'll only look like this once. And by "this," I mean gorgeous.

Nah. I'm moving sides tonight.

Your loss, buddy. Peace.

Oi, follicles...

The loo's out of order. Again.

The smell.

Honestly, I cannot believe that came out of a woman.

I need a favor.

Seaweed.

Thanks. Shoot.

So, uh, Aubrey from Allerton is coming in tomorrow,

and I need a pack put together.

Just boring data entry, I'm afraid.

How often they've been trading, what volume, which asset class.

Needs to go back the last three years.

I... I know it's not the sexiest of work,

but you'd be getting me out of a hole.

And we can meet with Aubrey together.

That'd be great.

Yeah, just send over the info, and I'll get right on it.

Great, thank you. Appreciate you.

I am the marketing man. All the flow is me.

So, these will be 55 pounds.

Are you joking?

Doors closing.

Lift going up.

Are they for Greg?

You know,

you don't have to jump on the first guy

- who sits next to you. - I am hardly jumping on him.

Well, do you like him?

I've never really dated a white guy.

Floor eight.

So, why would you start with someone

- who's effectively your boss? - He's not my boss.

Well, he's your superior.

Why not just act like a normal person

and fuck a load of strangers via technology?

The apps make me hate myself. Every time I get a match,

it's with some guy at a wedding,

or a Chad who's "into biracial chicks."

Right. I've got loads of dating profiles. Look.

- Tory Robert. - Wow.

See, every day,

I match with about a million different variations

of the same girl called Portia who works in PR.

Or...

Ketty Bob.

Loves talking about how hungover he is

and pretends he voted for Corbyn.

It kind of works on, like,

flighty art types who always have a "guy taken too young"

on their Instagram.

Mmm.

Come on, hey.

Oh, you know, these girls, right?

They always have some gorgeous guy

who died in his early twenties by, you know,

suicide, car crash, whatever.

And every year, they just wheel him out for the likes.

Ketty Bob obliges.

This screams insecurity.

All right, good one. Give me your login.

No.

Give me five pictures where you're not smiling.

- What's wrong with my smile? - Well, it's too sweet.

How do you even have the time?

Has Gus muscled in already?

Sorry, I'm not sure I can help with that.

Inevitably.

Biggest ass in the league since Joe Cole.

If you bet on Liverpool at home, they're only, like, 1.2, 1.3,

- but, mate, it's free money. - Username is my email.

Password is "password" without the P.

- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

It's printing money. Just size up on the bet.

Harper, what's the ETA on the pack?

Not long. Getting there.

Is that how far you've got?

Um, I'm just working on this pitch for Eric,

but I think it could be commercial for the desk.

Okay, but I need to review it before the meeting tomorrow.

Can you get it to me before the end of the day?

If you can't, just say. I mean, we'll... we'll work it out.

Yeah, hundred percent.

Great, thank you. But don't kill yourself, okay?

- You're up! - Oh.

- Is that your trade idea? - Yeah. Yeah, sure. Um...

Just...

Um...

So, I'm thinking that we express the view

- via the Homebuilders sub-index. - Is this all you've done?

I didn't know that you were expecting it finished by...

I expect you to have expectations of yourself.

Yeah. Sorry. Daria needed me to prep

some decks for her Allerton meeting tomorrow,

and it just sort of took over.

She wanted me to sit in that meeting with her,

so I thought that that was a great opportunity for...

Okay, here... Here's how it's gonna go.

You're gonna pitch me this again in the morning meeting.

And it's gonna be the version I asked for.

In front of the entire team?

In front of the entire team.

Be like a priest at the pulpit.

Clarity...

and conviction.

Is that, like, a punishment?

Or an opportunity. It's up to you.

Don't... don't make me feel like I'm not special, Harpsicord.

I'm starting to feel that way.

You know that Ben James runs club nights now?

What else do you do with a 2:2 in Modern Languages?

Yeah, well, it looks... aggressively homosexual.

It's tomorrow. D'you fancy it?

Uh, I didn't get an invite.

Not on a school night, mate.

Um, I should go. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?

See you, Rob.

Why is he always so miserable

after you've made him come?

Listen, mate,

are you sure that you know what you're doing?

Because I can see it, and I'm not sure that you can.

Are you only reading that now?

I'm already in a dialogue with Usman.

I'm working on a pitch with Theo.

I hope I can keep this down after today.

You'd better.

So, um, we're launching sub-sites

for Brown, Princeton, and Harvard.

- Hi! So sorry I'm late. - Oh, wow. Hey!

Hi. Hey.

Finally.

And, uh, we're setting up an office in New York.

- I'm so sorry. - It's fine.

I've told him I'm not built for a long-distance relationship.

- - So...

Hey. - Hey.

Don't worry, I'm only here to be fed.

No. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

So, how do you actually make money?

I know that's a naff thing to say,

but the idea of people

actually making money doing something they love

fills me with pain, so...

Just traditional revenue streams, really.

Um, things like targeted advertising.

Cool. - Stuff like that.

Okay, so I have a problem with these algorithms.

I'll be watching Trump, right?

And then I'm pushed towards some

red pill "menimism" where before I know it, it's like 4:00 a.m.

and I've been watching seven hours of...

what can only be described as anti-Semitic propaganda.

Okay, well, you are clicking it,

so that is what the internet thinks that you are.

- True, I had a great time. I loved it. - That's how that works.

- Speaking of which, whoopee-do! - Oh.

Oh, my God. Is this really called "Black Nikka"?

Wha...

I never really thought about that.

It's... it's two Ks, not two Gs.

You swing and a miss, buddy.

Now I feel like the ethno-nonce.

Yeah, you should. You should.

So, what was holding you up, anyway?

No. No. We're not talking about work.

So how do I actually eat this? I don't want to offend

any more cultures than I already have.

- Bang it all in the one bowl. - Okay.

What's that?

It's just Rob being an asshole.

So, Eric's sucked you into his vortex?

No, he just, um...

Uh, he wants me to pitch an idea in the meeting tomorrow.

- Whoa! - Cool.

Thank you.

Wonder what Daria thinks about that.

That's amazing.

That CPS lets your pitch at your level.

Thanks.

Eech!

So, you know how all those houses in London sit empty?

- - I went as a kid, and...

Am I being paranoid,

or did Harper's trade idea sound like a veiled swipe

at my parents' financial situation?

"Non-dom tax exiles buying up properties," I mean.

I dunno, you know.

I checked out when Greg started talking about

taking equity out of his flat.

Why is that guy hanging out with us?

There is no way, no way, she likes him.

- She does. - Really?

Have you asked her?

'Cause he just followed me to the toilet

and offered me acid.

What? - SEB: Yeah.

It's a Tuesday.

I cannot believe Eric lets her speak in their meetings.

Right, you invited her to live here,

so you can't start doing that.

All I'm saying is we should probably make her feel...

comfortable 'cause this is obviously

a bit of a culture shock.

All I am doing is making her feel comfortable!

Yes, you are. Of course you are.

No one else could do what I do. I'm a fucking magician.

- - I am.

I know you are.

The guy, uh, went on to be a grant-giver

to a lot of, uh, British public schools.

So that doesn't surprise me...

Fuck.

Are you gonna dry dishes with that hand?

Shit, I'm sorry.

Sorry.

And this is my room.

- The small one. - Nice!

- Is that... Yasmin? - Oh, I have no idea.

This is gonna sound really weird and a little bit cruel, but...

I feel like I'm really only doing this to placate Yasmin.

Yes.

Totally.

But I thought you wanted me to come.

No, yeah. I did, I did. I just, um...

Yeah.

It's messy.

Same desk.

- I'm old as fuck. -

Yeah, the truth is that, um...

I have nothing better to do.

Is that really unattractive? Does that make me

- really unattractive? - No, you are attractive, Greg.

I really should be working on that...

- pitch, anyway, so... - Yeah.

Yeah. Uh-huh, thank her for dinner.

Okay. Before we go, is there anything else?

Let's wrap it up.

I've actually worked on a special product

that we could be making some noise with today.

Do we have time for a grad pitch?

Go ahead.

So, I'm pitching a hedge on the housing market.

Uh, okay, any analogy with the mid-noughties cycle,

subprime, it wouldn't work.

Less overbuilding,

less borrowing against existing home values...

Well, don't you think the...

Homebuilder stocks are looking a little toppy?

That's not our house view.

The house view's consensual.

Counter-consensus is where we live.

Keep talking.

Initially, I was thinking some puts on the S&P,

maybe linked to a call on gold.

But maybe something more housing specific.

With the labor market going gangbusters like it is?

It really doesn't make sense.

Let her... let her finish.

So...

The product I have the traders looking at

includes a put option on the Homebuilders index

and a call option on gold.

And a sweet kicker,

credit default swaps on the Homebuilders, too.

It's the ultimate hedge

in a tidy suite for client convenience

at margins big enough to pay us while they own it.

The spreads are gonna be wide enough to drive a bus through.

That's our bread and butter.

We get paid, no matter what plays out.

I want you putting that in front of Allerton.

You're seeing Aubrey today, aren't you?

Um...

Aubrey's been inactive for too long.

Daria's... She's got her...

She's got her own way of doing things, but it's time wasted.

I don't want to step on her toes.

Her toes are the last thing you'll be thinking about on RIF.

Just tell me what the appetite's like.

I'll think about putting it in front of my guys.

Okay.

- I'll get the next one. - What's this?

That's a new fund out of Brevan. Just more noise.

...disgusting pastries. And by "disgusting," I mean they're great.

Swaps, futures, ETFs...

So, I know that we said we were scrapping Yasmin's Trade Idea,

but I was talking to Harper from Cross Product,

and she was telling me that she has this pitch

she's putting together on the housing market...

Eric has his way of doing things, we have ours, okay?

Okay. I just really think that with a minor spin

this could be interesting for us.

Harper said last night

that Daria's putting her into a meeting with Aubrey Lewis

- from Allerton this afternoon... - Aubrey's in the building today?

Yeah.

What the fu... Come with me.

Daria.

My grad tells me you have a meeting with

- Aubrey Lewis this afternoon? - Yeah, that's right.

Allerton is dual-coverage. Someone should have told me.

Sorry, can you remind me who you are?

I'm joking, Kenny.

We're not discussing FX business.

All right, w... well, I still think we should be

- a bit more coordinated. - Aubrey does most

of his business through this desk.

Okay, fine, but Yas... Yasmin has formulated

an interesting play on the housing market,

and I would like her in there to gauge the temperature.

I don't want grads pitching in my meeting.

Not pitching. No. Just observing.

Okay. Sure, fine.

Meeting's at 3:00.

Much appreciated.

You sit in. You keep quiet.

Note down every single thing that's said.

I don't fuckin' believe that woman.

He's meant to be an FX account. CPS have fucking poached him.

Does... does your wife

not get irritated when you don't come to bed?

Yeah, but she gets me back by keeping me up all night.

- Sleep apnea. - Have you tried hot yoga?

Is that the same as Bikram? Strikes me as unhygienic.

Yes, they had to change the name

because of his sexual misconduct.

Ah, well, you've gotta be careful whenever there's

a room of people really listening to a man.

It all leads back to the same thing.

So, I've had some thoughts about how you're positioned.

You know me, Daria. Wouldn't know the sky was blue

if you didn't bring me a color chart.

Do you have any tail-risk hedges on?

I would advise against.

It's not the Pierpoint house view.

Isn't there merit in at least exploring

some kind of insurance?

Sometimes, yes,

- but all things being... - I've been working on a hedge

on the housing market that I...

Yes?

Nothing, nothing, sorry.

I just thought Daria would prefer to lead on this one.

Okay. But this is a CPS meeting,

and you're here to observe, so...

Ladies, you know I'm all ears for new ideas,

but let's not discuss them on Aubrey's time.

Okay?

So, as I was saying, I've been talking to some of the analysts,

and I think we should discuss

the dollar-sterling cable opportunity.

I mean, we expect the dollar to rally against the pound.

Look, I'm getting frustrated, Chase...

Grand slam?

Yeah, I think it went well.

Well, did... Did he buy it or not?

I didn't... There wasn't really enough time to get into...

Not enough time? You were in there forty minutes.

So... So why am I sending you into meetings?

Respectfully, Eric, I brought her into the meeting.

Aubrey's been my client for three years.

I know his needs.

With what he pays, his needs are subordinate to mine.

Again, respectfully, I have to disagree.

Harper had the balls to work on something that was cogent

and commercial enough to be put in front of clients.

We reward her. That's the system.

And if you'd asked me about it, I could've provided you

with a list of more suitable clients.

I'd appreciate not being ambushed.

Jesus Christ, you want to make MD early,

and I still have to hold your fucking hand?

No, that's not what I said.

I'm just saying a level of respect in the workplace isn't...

And what the fuck were you doing,

taking FX in there with you?

She's a grad, Eric. It was... It was a favor.

Can you tell me the yield you get out of that account

versus the hours you put in?

'Cause this isn't a fucking social club.

If you're gonna spend time stroking

these clueless fucking chinless country club fucking Henrys,

I want to see it in dollars. It's fucking pathetic otherwise.

Okay.

What's our number?

What is our desk's budget for the year?

How does nobody know that fucking number?

I go to bed with that number!

We owe our clients nothing.

We have no fiduciary responsibility.

We're advisors, we are facilitators,

first and foremost.

You can't fucking facilitate nothing.

Daria should fucking know that.

Sit at your desk and call Allerton every twenty minutes

till Aubrey's back at the office.

Do not leave the floor until he's heard you out.

And if he doesn't want us to write his business,

any fucking business,

I want him pulled off every distribution list he's on.

Because I hate to brag, but I've come in again.

You know what I say, Kaspar.

One meeting with management...

Is worth a thousand research reports.

- -It's good to know I'm valued, then.

Nobody's gonna tell you they love you, Theo.

It's not like people pay for research.

No, that's exactly what we pay for.

- Wine, sir? - Not for me, thank you.

Are you sure we can't tempt you?

I don't drink.

Hi, this is Harper Stern from Pierpoint again...

Hello again. Is it Aubrey you're after?

Is he back?

- Um, just now, but he might be... - I'll hold. I'll hold.

Hey, Dar.

We're having the den redone.

Can you... Can you lend that world-class eye again?

Yeah, let me see.

Well, we agreed on green.

Hello? Harper, Hello?

Hi, Aubrey. It's Harper from Pierpoint.

Yeah, what can I do for you?

- It's two greens... - Eric asked me to call you.

I have an interesting counter to your current exposure.

The analysts think that equities will continue to rally,

but I think that there is some risk in that view.

I think that housing is rolling over.

So, what are you offering me?

It's a combination of puts, calls, and CDS

packaged in an elegant, cheap suite.

No, I don't trade CDS.

Why?

I don't trade products I don't understand.

Well, these are packaged in a digestible way.

You don't need to understand the product, just the payout.

No, incorrect. From tulip bulbs to CDOs,

newness has always been a dangerous sign.

I'm not one of those market participants

who trades in the dark.

Trust me. These products aren't new.

Unfortunately, I only trust myself,

but I almost trust Daria, after three full years.

Is there anything else?

Harper?

Yeah, Aubrey, while I have you on the phone,

do you wanna do that cable idea

that Daria was talking about at the meet?

Sure. That's transparent enough for me.

Make me a price in fifty dollars?

Twenty/thirty?

Thirty. Fifty dollars.

Okay, so just to confirm, you're 50 at 30.

Yeah, I'm in a bit of a hurry, but that sounds great.

Thanks for your time.

Sounded like something.

Yeah, he's gonna think about it, but I managed to get him to

trade some FX now. Fifty cable.

Did... Did he sell?

No, he bought it.

With sterling where it is?

Yes.

Thank you.

Hi.

- Long day. - Doors closing.

Doors closing.

Lift going down.

Just an FYI, ladies.

It's cute that you're living together,

but keep it professional at work.

Understood.

Really sorry. It won't happen again.

Doors opening.

I mean, since Google went public in '04,

earnings are up a hundredfold, the price is up tenfold.

Yeah, see, that's real underlying business change.

You two must have been at school together.

Uh, yeah, I was, uh, two years above.

Same house.

Was he your fag?

Um...

I think that was abolished in the '90s.

Well, the Old Etonians' capacity for debate

continues to ruin the country.

Oh, shit. I've done it again. How about a change of scenery?

- I feel sufficiently lubricated. - Good.

Fine to settle?

Annabel's is calling.

Let's go and pay some women to talk to us.

Malbec. Good choice.

My job's easier if Kaspar thinks I'm conservative.

Shall we have one in Nobu? It's only around the corner.

Excuse me, guys.

- Usman, very good to meet you. - And you.

You know, Kaspar always said my, uh, best business instinct

is my curiosity.

Have you ever been to Sweat Prom?

Our mission tonight is to get Gus pregnant.

- Where do they go to fuck? - What?

You know, when they want to go fuck?

Ah, he wants to know where the dark room is.

Why you asking me?

Well, don't they build all these places to standard?

Oi, Ben!

Look at you.

You all right, Rogers?

You well? This is all right, innit?

Harper?

- Hey, yeah. - Hey. Will.

- Will, hi. - If you hadn't guessed.

- - How's it going?

- Jesus, sorry. - Whoa, good start.

- Sorry. - It's okay.

I was hawking university application packages.

It's kind of like a "getting into uni" consultant.

Everyone I worked with, every single one of them, moron.

So, I'd have this call list, Notting Hill, Kensington,

Chelsea numbers, that sort of thing,

And as soon as somebody picked up, you'd be like,

"Have you started thinking about university preparation yet?"

Get the fear in them early, you know.

How old are the kids?

Like 13, 14?

No fucking way. What do you talk to a 14-year-old about?

Pussy, mostly. Yeah.

The boys are always telling me what they wank to.

It is weird. It is weird. But I just nod along.

"Oh, okay, mate, sure."

Kylie or Kendall?

Yeah, the dickhead didn't show.

Um... Uh...

Do you know her?

Why would I know her?

You just strike me as the kind of guy

who would arrange a multiple-choice date.

That would be sociopathic.

William Hunt.

- Mmm. - "Will hunt."

Is that, like, a name or an M.O.?

Mmm. This dog will hunt.

- That's literally horrible. - I felt bad saying it.

What do you think the record is

for the least amount of words spoken at one of these before...

Before what?

- I haven't showered. - I don't want you to.

Okay.

- Do you have a condom? - Yeah.

Okay, get it.

Ah, an uncut dick.

I feel like I'm in a Richard Curtis movie.

Yes...

Whoo! Yeah!

Whoo!

I have to go. You gonna be okay?

Get him anything he wants.

As long as he's alive in the morning, we're good.

Mwah.

Mate!

Clapham. Can you go to Clapham?

Mate, don't go to Clapham.

All right? Never go to fucking Clapham.

Let's just go home.

Go and secure the client. That's what Clement would want.

Can you take us to Finsbury Park?

Yeah, jump in. - Stay.

Clapham, please, mate.

No worries.

(WHISPERS) What the fuck? Dude, look.

You cannot just show up here. Okay? Alice is here.

Is she asleep?

- Come on, let me in. - Just go home. We'll talk about it tomorrow...

We're friends. Just let me in.

- Fucking stop pushing me. - What you doing?

Mate. Shut up! Shh.

- Ooh! - Shut up. Shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up.

Stop. Okay, stop.

Shut the fuck up.

You'll wake her.

So do you seriously always chew gum

while you're having sex?

- Yeah, I mean... - I didn't even notice.

- I just, um, I've always got gum... - Do you want this?

- Yeah, I do. I really do. - Don't tell anyone.

- Prefer it to staging a robbery. - Oh, my God.

Hey.

Oh. Sorry, I, um...

I thought you went to bed.

Oh, yeah, no, I'm just trying to unwind.

This is Will. But he's just leaving, so...

Really, uh, wicked place.

- Thanks. - Thank you.

- D'you... Go ahead. - Yeah, sure.

Uh, so, thanks for that and that.

Right, yeah, of course. See you about. Yeah.

- Bye. - Bye.

Is that a performance bonus?

Oh, I think it was an attempt at chivalry.

- You want some? - Okay.

I genuinely thought that was Seb for a second.

That's why I chose him.

Listen.

I think if you want to pay rent, then you should pay rent.

I think that's a really good idea.

Is 3K fair? It is Notting Hill, so...

We can figure something out.

What's it really like, being a woman in this environment?

Not so much as being a man.

And there's always banter.

Banter? Sounds like a euphemism.

Well, you have to have a sense of humor.

This is clearly a brain-fry, um, I must've mis-booked it.

You come here because it's one

of the fewer places where nobody cares where you're from.

You risk your job if you don't come clean.

No, no. I'm not allowed to make any mistakes.

So you lied to me?

Well, is it illegal?

There are many potential role models here.

You can be one of them.

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