Original subtitles

♪ MVA ♪ ♪ MVA ♪

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ It's us vs. them ♪

♪ Foe vs. friend ♪

♪ Brain vs. B.O.B. ♪

♪ It's a super-freaky job ♪

Oh, yeah, it's freaky.

♪ MVA ♪

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪ [cackles]

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ MVA ♪

1x13 - Vornicarn

[Dramatic music]

sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ addic7ed.com ~

[Gasps]

[Grunting]

Cannonball!

[Groans]

Ugh!

Ice, my old enemy.

Shall I help liberate your frozen posterior?

Yeah, that'd be awesome if you could...

Aah!

No more helping.

[Device beeps] Field unit to mission control.

We are en route to the site and awaiting orders.

That's a roger copy that alpha tango zulu bravo bravo

bogey incoming over and out smokey niner on your tail

good buddy microphone microphone, check one check.

Is there any chance we could talk to somebody else?

Sorry, B.O.B. is kind of super excited

- about this mission control thing. - I'm in charge!

Note the majestic sombrero I'm wearing. It stands for leadership.

Yes, it's very becoming.

Now, do we get to know what this secret mission is,

or are we simply hanging off the edge of an ice shelf for the giggles?

Antarctica looks chilly. Brrr.

I'm having cocoa.

[Slurps]

Mmm, comfy.

[Chuckles]

Attention!

The following information is top secret.

Anyone without blue-level security clearance,

initiate block-out protocols now.

[Sighs]

Bla la la la la la la la la.

At 0400 hours this morning,

a Manhattan-sized iceberg split off the Antarctic coast,

- leaving a sheer cliff wall behind. - That's just awful.

Dr. Cockroach, find that iceberg and bring it to justice.

- No sheer cliff wall left behind! - Forget the iceberg, B.O.B.

the problem is what's stuck in the ice wall.

One unidentified purple pod. Geoscan can only tell me two things...

it's been buried in that ice for over 10,000 years,

and it ain't from mama Earth.

Wait, you made us fly all the way down to butt-frozen

nowhere just to check out some old space nugget?

No, I sent Dr. Cockroach and Sqweep for that.

I sent you as payback for what you did to my toothbrush!

Uh... I have no idea what you're...

♪ For a healthy, happy Link, ♪

♪ brush your scales each time they stink ♪

[Continues brushing]

Both: Ugh.

[Sniffs] Ugh.

Okay, that's tough but fair.

On our way, General. [Beep]

[Device trilling]

Hmm. Definitely alien in origin.

Awesome. So what's the best way to smash it?

Rocks, right? They got any big rocks around here?

What? This is a major discovery of an ancient artifact.

Ancient alien artifact.

Lesson one: "Alien" always equals "trouble."

No offense, kid. I don't pick the targets.

- I just drop the truth bombs. - As a man of science,

I feel compelled to give this anomaly a full investigation.

However, as a proven alien menace does exist,

should we really be touching that?

[Grunts]

It's cool, Doc. I got this.

Huh?

[Dramatic music]

Well, that's all kinds of weird.

Aah! My nose! It got my nose!

Aah!

- Intriguing. - Science settled.

Smash it! Smash it good!

[Grunts] Ow!

Aah!

Ugh!

Release that nostril, ancient nosehugging space menace!

Ugh.

Aah! Ugh!

[Grunts]

Ow! Ow!

Aah! [Slow-motion scream]

Aah!

[Beeps]

Aah!

Yo, mission control, any ideas on how to...

Aah! That's incredibly painful!

- We're working on it! - I don't know.

Bla la la la la la la la la la.

[Groans] Okay, really helpful, guys.

Push that button. Faster! More urgency!

Now say, "and may the world forgive us for what we've done this day."

- Uh, I don't see how that... - Leadership sombrero. [beeping]

[Grunting]

Engage, scientific method.

Hypothesis: Electric shock will force release.

[Electricity zapping] [Screaming]

What did I say about helping?

Whoa! Ugh!

[Screams]

You mustn't let it reach the transport jet!

- It's our only way home! - No... ugh! You don't!

[Grunts]

[Grunts] Yeah!

Eat fist, you snot-sucking... It's gonna explode, isn't it?

- Uh, probably. - Take cover!

[Grunts]

- Link, are you all right, man? - [Groans] Is it gone?

[Sniffs]

It appears the explosion vaporized whatever was in the pod.

Another alien threat successfully smashed.

You're welcome, Earth.

Nice work, guys.

Aloha. Aloha. Aloha.

Careful, buddy. I think I caught a little head cold.

Oh, then let me heal you with the best medicine...

Laughter.

- Aah! - Clear!

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Electricity buzzes]

Whoa. [Gasps]

[Electricity buzzes]

Whatever comes out of that, totally your turn to fight it.

Removing leadership sombrero.

Putting on combat sombrero.

[Electricity buzzes]

Va to the voom.

[Shouts]

Huh?

Welcome, my lady, to Earth. We totally heart aliens.

But previously you claimed that all aliens equal trouble, so... Aah!

Huh?

Ow!

Ooh!

[Sniffs]

Where? Where is it?

[Crash] Where is it hiding?

[Crash]

- Where is the... - Time out!

Who dare touches the Spear of Sta'abi?

Stabby? That's you?

- Sta...abi. - Staaabi?

♪ Sta'abi! Ah, ah, oh. ♪

Okay. Good. And I'm Susan.

See how we're being less rude now?

So maybe let's start with what you're doing on our base.

I hunt the bloodthirsty beast called...

The Vornicarn.

The Vorni... What are we talking about?

- [Scoffs] You are useless. - Less rude. Less.

Intercepted transmissions tell me

you have found a frozen Vornicarn egg.

Are you referring to a purplish pod, about yea big?

[Groans] You, bug-man! Where is the Vornicarn?

It is my destiny to... [Grunts]

Good news, goldilocks. I already popped that sucker.

So you can just relax, perhaps with a warm,

choco-beverage and a kissing Link.

Friendship sombrero!

You popped the Vornicarn?

But you have the soft belly of a farm animal.

[Laughs] Farm animal. Moo.

Uh, Link? Inviting an alien with poor social skills

and a glowy spear inside our top secret base?

It's called building bridges, Suze. It's what we do.

His policy on aliens seems very inconsistent. Whoa!

Okay, so it's chocolate, but it's hot.

And you drink it. It's like, "what?"

Totally gonna love it.

Aah!

It's in the building! Save yourselves after you've saved me!

[Whimpers]

Whoa, Coverton, chillax. This is...

I know her kind!

They are savage, pitiless warriors, not to be trusted.

See, she hunts even now! [Sniffs]

It is impossible!

This backwards planet is no challenge for the fierce Vornicarn.

That's how we do, boo. 12 rounds with a nosehugger,

and I walk away with nothing but a head cold.

Excuse me.

Ah!

Okay, who didn't see that one coming? Let him go.

Aah!

Aah! [Gulps]

[Grunts]

[Grunting]

Oh!

[Growls]

Savage, you see. Look at her, effortlessly fighting

all four monsters... at once.

I call that one for my team.

Aah!

Are we gonna kiss now?

[Screaming war cry]

- What are you... - Did she just grind pepper in his face?

Ah, who can explain the mysteries of love?

[Breathes deeply]

Ow!

[Grunts] Ow!

Ugh!

[Sneezes]

[Growls]

[All scream]

Hmm, the Vornicarn.

[Blows raspberry]

[Squeals]

[Groans]

[Blows raspberry, squeals]

[Groans]

[Program trills]

All right, scary lady. Spill it.

What exactly are we facing?

The Vornicarn is a creature of unbridled destruction.

Tireless, fast, strong,

No instinct other than "destroy, eat, repeat."

I'm sorry. Could you repeat that last word?

- Repeat? - Yes.

- Repeat. - Please.

- Repeat! - Just the last word.

- Hamburger. - I have no further questions.

I must hunt the Vornicarn.

Otherwise, it will be very bad for your planet.

Don't be scared. This is Earth. Link's got this.

Whoa! [Groans]

I appreciate the warning, "Sta'abi."

But that tiny ball of fury just landed itself smack-dab

in the heart of America's finest alien defense citadel.

We'll have it contained by...

It's unstoppable and terrifying! [Screams]

Round one to the Vornicarn, but...

[Crash]

Words cannot adequately express the horror

I am feeling right now!

Cutting the power? Clever.

Fortunately, our boys are trained for...

My training didn't cover this!

[Screaming, crash]

I just peed.

[Sighs] Why?

Human evacuation complete.

Monsters, aliens, you're on your own.

That creature escapes to the outside world...

- It won't, General. Seal us in. - I know you'll make me proud.

But if you can't stop it,

well, that's what "emergency base destruct" is for, right?

- Wait, what? - Good huntin'!

Bye!

Love you!

Okay, lot of base to cover,

so we're gonna split into two-person search teams.

Good. I do not trust so many tiny muscles in a hunt.

- I take the fish-man as partner. - Oh, yeah!

I'll hit the upper levels with Dr. C.

And I feel my intellect would be most helpful if paired with...

[Groans] Best friend hug.

Oh, look. Odd man out.

- I guess I'm with Sta'abi too. Yay. - Just like an alien.

- Hmm. - What?

[Clears throat] Hmm? Hmm.

Whatcha doing?

Tracking? Looks like you're tracking.

See how I'm sharing your interests?

I'm all about togetherness and tracking and...

[Grunts] [Groans]

Hunting skills, casual disregard for the safety of others.

I must say, you're acing the personality profile, Sta'abi.

Hey, third wheel. Kind of trying to have some quality time

- with the lady here, you mind? - Just getting to know my fellow alien.

[Chuckles]

Could you state your feelings on humans,

on a scale from disposable to delicious?

- Say what now? - Oh, hush. Like you're human.

[Beeping]

[Rapid beeping]

Yah! Gotcha!

- Well, good for you, missy. - Henry the janitor?

Aren't you supposed to be evacuated?

Bunch of frilly-drawered malarkey.

The only thing that needs evacuating around here

is this clogged toilet.

Dang thing won't e... Aah!

[Vornicarn snarling]

Aww, Henry's getting a swirly.

It has to be your call, Mr. President.

You're the only one who can authorize an emergency base destruct.

- The monsters are still inside? - Affirmative.

But this "Vornicarn" could get out and terrorize the entire planet?

That is the moral quandary.

I'll understand if you need some time to...

Do I get to press a big red demolition plunger?

I suppose we could rig up a plunger if you want to come down here and...

[Groans] Down there?

Why can't I get one up here?

Uh, I don't really...

Margaret! Have somebody wire me up a big red plunger.

I'll be in the Lincoln bedroom watching videos of skateboarders

getting hit in the hoo-hoos.

[Sighs] Four more years.

I have deduced that this is the vornicarn's likely nesting spot.

- How you figure? - The creature only recently hatched.

Therefore, one must think like a baby.

[Chewing]

[Gulps] Got it.

Where do you want me to cry and make a boomer?

I simply mean we should look for the most

warm, soothing environment on this base.

Logically, the kitchen. [Clattering]

We have located the baby.

[Growls]

That ain't no baby. Friendship sombrero?

[Chomps, gulps]

[Vornicarn roars]

[Phone rings]

Yello?

Aah! It's gigantic!

- Not a baby, not a baby! - Hey, guys. It's B.O.B.

[Screams] Oh!

The growth spurt. Now the hunt truly begins.

Wait, you knew this was coming? Why didn't you tell anyone?

Let us you and me get alone time now.

- I am totally on board with that. - What? [Screams]

What do you have in mind, baby?

[Groans]

Aah!

Oh, good, Sta'abi.

I think we were probably smooching or something,

and somebody hit me in the back of the... Wait a minute.

After the growth spurt, the Vornicarn will be starving.

You're using me as bait?

Ha! He already has a taste for your nose insides.

[Growls in distance]

This is officially the fifth worst date I have ever been on.

[Screams]

Hmm? Oh, my.

Backstabbing and sacrificing one of the monsters?

Oh, dear Sta'abi, you just nailed the job application.

[Chuckles]

I can't believe I trusted you

and sort of wanted to write a rap song about you.

Ha, I knew this was a stupid planet.

[Growls] Yeah, well, lesson relearned.

Alien always equals trouble.

- I'm afraid I do not concur. - What?

Sqweep! [Vornicarn snarling]

Aah!

- No! - Aah!

Aah!

[Grunts] Hey, buddy.

B.O.B., cut me loose, so I can hug you, you big mug.

- B.O.B., Link, what's going... - Whoa!

[Vornicarn snarling]

Come no closer, beast. For you shall face... [Screams]

Tongue tag, you're it. Whoa!

[All grunting]

Whoa!

[All grunting]

Let them go!

[All grunting]

No! The Vornicarn is mine!

Aah!

[Roars]

She's going one-on-one with that thing?

She will be annihilated.

[Vornicarn growling]

Bad Vornicarn! Heel.

I said, "heel."

[Roars]

Speak. [Roars]

- Good Vornicarn. - Is she training that thing?

And go only on the papers, Vornicarn.

- I'm gonna go with yes. - Wait, we can go on papers?

Hello, porta-potty.

Sit, Vornicarn. Sit. [Vornicarn growls]

This... is... not... sitting!

This is the greatest moment of my presidency.

Margaret, play something inspirational.

[Hip-Hop music] Aww, yeah.

Mr. President, we should probably check to see if the

monsters had any luck before exploding our own base.

Too excited. Somebody give me a countdown!

Start with ten... No, six. I can't wait!

Six, five, four, three, two...

[Explosion]

[Snarling]

What in the...

Consider yourself domesticated.

[Vornicarn purrs]

General Monger, wait. That's the Vornicarn.

- It's like some kind of alien pet to her. - It's all in my report, sir.

I still get to blow up the base though, right?

Ow! Darn it, Margaret, that really stings.

I want a debriefing, and I want it brief, golden girly.

The Vornicarn is galaxy's best hunting beast.

When I learned that one hatched on your planet,

of course I came at light speed.

And you could not, perhaps, have told us this from the beginning.

But then you would not have been so whiny cry baby scared.

The Vornicarn likes fear. You cannot fake that.

Yeah, you wouldn't wanna, you know, be fake about anything.

Wow, that came out bitter. On purpose.

All right, then. Unauthorized training activity over.

Time to hitch a light beam back to "off my planet," pronto.

It will be my pleasure to leave this...

Impossible!

It's a message from Sta'abi's home world.

She has been ordered to stay on Earth

by special request of the galactic council.

How wonderful and unexpected.

[Chuckles] [beeps]

To place another call to the galactic council...

[Grunting] Be quiet.

It will take much training to keep from turning soft on this planet

of stuck-out bellies and thumb-sucking Presidents.

Welcome aboard.

Do you have any warriors to spare for carnage practice?

Where's that kid with the red tag?

- Are you quite all right, old friend? - Mixed feelings.

Sure, she's devious and conniving, and her dog tried to eat me.

But I've learned today that aliens can have good qualities too.

Mm-hmm.

Like the way her eyes light up when she goes berserko.

Ooh, la, la. [Sighs]

Victory sombrero.

sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ addic7ed.com ~