All language subtitles for Daria - 05x10 - Aunt Nauseam

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:14,359 So, then Sandi said to Mr. O'Neill, "Well, if you want to get technical, all 2 00:00:14,570 --> 00:00:19,230 writing is plagiarism because you're using words that already exist," and he 3 00:00:19,350 --> 00:00:20,740 gave her an 'F' anyway. 4 00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:24,640 Maybe she shouldn't have titled her story Sandi Griffin's Dracula. 5 00:00:24,870 --> 00:00:28,190 No hardtack tonight, lads. We're going top-rail number one! 6 00:00:28,380 --> 00:00:31,030 Gee, is it family babble time already? 7 00:00:31,210 --> 00:00:32,765 That's Civil War talk, Daria. 8 00:00:32,850 --> 00:00:33,945 What is that? 9 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,270 It's from my new Civil War cookbook. 10 00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:40,470 Civil War cookbook. So you're serving us amputated leg? 11 00:00:40,590 --> 00:00:41,180 Eew! 12 00:00:41,340 --> 00:00:43,470 No, it's corned pork and cabbage. 13 00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:44,742 EEW! 14 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:46,250 Good news, everyone. 15 00:00:46,370 --> 00:00:51,590 If it's about us lads goin' top-rail number one, that's yesterday's broadsheet. 16 00:00:51,770 --> 00:00:56,480 We've finally settled the ATC Motors case after eight grueling months, and at 17 00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:59,570 last I'm going to get some time off to spend with my family. 18 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:02,540 Dad, who's that woman in the business suit? 19 00:01:02,650 --> 00:01:07,630 I mean it this time. Eric's, um, exhausted, and he's taking twenty-eight days 20 00:01:07,740 --> 00:01:12,390 to, uh, recuperate. All that espresso he was drinking really wore him down. 21 00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:13,140 Espresso? 22 00:01:13,260 --> 00:01:16,720 To say nothing of those prescription amphetamine donuts. 23 00:01:16,870 --> 00:01:17,370 Daria! 24 00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:18,550 So, he's in detox again? 25 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:19,060 Quinn! 26 00:01:19,190 --> 00:01:21,860 Oh, right! Espresso... 27 00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:26,760 Hellllooo? Oh, hello, Rita. 28 00:01:26,950 --> 00:01:29,950 Uh oh, call the sibling rivalry S.W.A.T. team. 29 00:01:30,100 --> 00:01:32,300 What? Erin and Brian are getting divorced? 30 00:01:32,410 --> 00:01:37,160 Uh! You mean I spend the whole day in that disgusting bridesmaid's dress for nothing? 31 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:40,250 No, you had to pay for it. Remember? 32 00:01:40,406 --> 00:01:44,757 Well, of course I'd love to handle it, but it's not really my area of expertise, and... 33 00:01:45,023 --> 00:01:47,484 Rita, there's no such thing as a simple divorce. 34 00:01:47,578 --> 00:01:49,500 Hang on, that's my call-waiting. 35 00:01:50,016 --> 00:01:55,975 Hello? Oh, mom. Hi... Well, I was just now talking to Rita about that. 36 00:01:56,014 --> 00:01:58,230 See, I just came off this back-breaking case... 37 00:01:58,360 --> 00:01:59,040 You tell her! 38 00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:03,450 Yes, I know this isn't easy for either of them, but an attorney who specializes 39 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:08,982 in divorce could... Well, I wouldn't say I'm the best lawyer in my firm. Eric's... 40 00:02:09,474 --> 00:02:13,677 Really? Well, of course I want Rita in the most capable hands possible. 41 00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:16,061 Don't worry about a thing. Bye. 42 00:02:17,420 --> 00:02:18,514 Rita? I'm in. 43 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:23,580 Oh God, Helen, no! The way you and your sister fight, a man can only take so much. 44 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,410 No, that was Jake. He says "hi." 45 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:36,720 Well, if I can't say Sandi Griffin's Dracula, why does Brad Stoker get to say 46 00:02:36,830 --> 00:02:38,220 Brad Stoker's Dracula? 47 00:02:38,380 --> 00:02:40,302 Um, I think that's Bram Stoker. 48 00:02:40,341 --> 00:02:41,135 I don't. 49 00:02:41,168 --> 00:02:45,302 Perhaps not. But anyway, he gets to say it because he made the story up. 50 00:02:45,403 --> 00:02:50,114 Huh. Quinn, Dracula is an internationally known, celebrity vampire. 51 00:02:50,232 --> 00:02:51,693 "He made the story up." 52 00:02:51,860 --> 00:02:55,622 Guys, how do you like my new dress? You don't think the blue is too risqué do you? 53 00:02:55,685 --> 00:02:58,250 Not at all, and it goes perfectly with your cell phone. 54 00:02:58,370 --> 00:02:59,970 Really? You're not just saying that? 55 00:03:00,250 --> 00:03:03,460 Quinn's right. For once, you have chosen a dress that's not a complete 56 00:03:03,610 --> 00:03:04,990 embarrassment to the rest of us. 57 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:06,380 Oh, thank you, Sandi! 58 00:03:06,690 --> 00:03:10,646 Come on, let's get to the cafeteria before they run out of shredded lettuce. 59 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:11,810 Uh! 60 00:03:12,490 --> 00:03:17,870 Oh, no! Tiffany is wearing your dress. Now what are you going to do? 61 00:03:19,970 --> 00:03:24,849 In this canine go-go bar, the specialty of the house is Hot Dog! 62 00:03:24,874 --> 00:03:27,851 Lap dancing lap dogs next, on Sick, Sad World. 63 00:03:28,390 --> 00:03:32,010 What do you think, Daria? Stonewall Jackson fed his men these Johnny cakes the 64 00:03:32,140 --> 00:03:34,320 night before the battle of Chancellorsville. 65 00:03:34,470 --> 00:03:36,950 Well, that explains why they shot him there. 66 00:03:37,107 --> 00:03:41,127 Alright, Rita, I've gathered the necessary paperwork, and we can go over it when 67 00:03:41,250 --> 00:03:42,460 you and Erin get here Saturday. 68 00:03:42,860 --> 00:03:46,650 Actually, it will just be Erin. I'd come, but I promised Ralph- you know, the 69 00:03:46,780 --> 00:03:49,830 actor I've been dating- I promised to take him to New York for his birthday, 70 00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:51,260 maybe catch a play or two. 71 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:51,940 Uh-huh. 72 00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:54,445 But I'll call you when I get back. Good luck. 73 00:03:55,420 --> 00:03:58,288 Well, that's just perfect. Rita's not even coming. 74 00:03:58,374 --> 00:03:59,140 Hey, that's great! 75 00:03:59,290 --> 00:04:03,070 No, it's not! She's spending the money I'm saving her on a trip for her 76 00:04:03,180 --> 00:04:04,616 boyfriend to New York! 77 00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:06,538 Johnny cake? 78 00:04:10,710 --> 00:04:11,030 Hey. 79 00:04:11,220 --> 00:04:13,840 You know, I can't get through on the phone at all anymore. Isn't your sister 80 00:04:13,950 --> 00:04:15,570 afraid her ear will grow over the receiver? 81 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:20,570 Actually, my mother's the one burning up the lines. My idiot cousin is suing her 82 00:04:20,850 --> 00:04:24,140 husband for a divorce, and mom got roped into handling it. 83 00:04:24,270 --> 00:04:26,780 Ouch. Want to drive around the block and give me the gory details? 84 00:04:26,947 --> 00:04:31,820 No, I've already put a bitching session with Jane on my calendar for tomorrow. 85 00:04:32,030 --> 00:04:35,023 Okay, so, just want to drive around the block with no discernable goal? 86 00:04:35,170 --> 00:04:38,546 It's probably not a good time for that. Thanks though. 87 00:04:38,754 --> 00:04:39,796 No thanks nece... 88 00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:40,804 ... ssary. 89 00:04:42,085 --> 00:04:46,800 So my mother gets caught up in this crap with her family, and then our family 90 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,120 has to suffer for it. 91 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:51,230 And you're not even looking forward to having a ringside seat at your cousin's 92 00:04:51,330 --> 00:04:52,310 gut wrenching breakup? 93 00:04:52,590 --> 00:04:56,007 I know. It's like I've forgotten how to have fun. 94 00:04:57,128 --> 00:05:01,568 Alright. Stacy? Tiffany? You may each deliver your prepared statement about why 95 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:02,920 you should have the dress. 96 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:04,950 A debate was such a great idea, Sandi. 97 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:06,624 Followed by a rebuttal. 98 00:05:06,780 --> 00:05:08,940 Eew. That word. 99 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:09,640 Stacy? 100 00:05:09,770 --> 00:05:13,240 Well, I think I should have the dress because Tiffany looks good in anything, 101 00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:17,200 whereas I don't, due to a slight asymmetry in my shoulders that is very painful 102 00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:20,580 for me even to mention, but which this particular dress minimizes while setting 103 00:05:20,690 --> 00:05:21,540 off my eyes. 104 00:05:21,790 --> 00:05:24,760 Very good, Stacy. And now, Tiffany. 105 00:05:25,220 --> 00:05:29,273 Well, I think I should have the dress. 106 00:05:30,650 --> 00:05:34,155 Um, Tiffany, is there anything you want to add? 107 00:05:34,990 --> 00:05:38,765 Yes. Thank you, and God bless. 108 00:05:39,750 --> 00:05:42,327 Perhaps a debate is not the way to go here. 109 00:05:44,890 --> 00:05:48,990 Hmm, should I give Erin an "after you dump him" make-over, or a "newly single 110 00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:50,520 and sizzling" make-over? 111 00:05:50,670 --> 00:05:53,999 That depends. Which one involves boiling oil? 112 00:05:54,190 --> 00:05:57,380 Now, while Erin's here, I want you both to make her feel right at home. She's 113 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:01,632 family and she needs our love and understanding. I could kill that sister of mine! 114 00:06:01,850 --> 00:06:05,380 Bring on the guest! One fresh pitcher of Martinis ready to pour. 115 00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:08,000 Jake, Erin doesn't drink Martinis. 116 00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:11,366 I know that. They're for me, just in case Rita calls. 117 00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:13,109 That must be Erin. 118 00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:15,820 Rita! 119 00:06:26,419 --> 00:06:27,851 Rita, why aren't you in New York? 120 00:06:27,961 --> 00:06:31,831 Ralph broke up with me. Oh, if only mom had sent me to Stadt along with Erin. 121 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,850 Erin's in Stadt? Switzerland? 122 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:38,226 Mom thought she could use a week at a spa, to calm her nerves. Wasn't that thoughtful? 123 00:06:38,374 --> 00:06:42,804 That's mom: always thinking of her grandchildren. One of them, anyway. 124 00:06:43,148 --> 00:06:47,070 Um, Rita, you know it would be really helpful if Erin were here. 125 00:06:47,094 --> 00:06:48,984 It is her divorce, after all. 126 00:06:49,030 --> 00:06:53,270 We call always call her if we have to. Um, Helen? I kind of arranged to have my 127 00:06:53,390 --> 00:06:56,450 house painted while I thought I'd be in New York. I hope you don't mind if I 128 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:57,890 stay here with you this week? 129 00:06:58,450 --> 00:07:01,491 Dear lord! What a great idea! 130 00:07:02,151 --> 00:07:07,515 Oh, hi, Erin. Sorry about Brian. I hate having to break up with guys I'm dating. 131 00:07:08,116 --> 00:07:11,230 No, you're right, marriage isn't the same as dating; nobody ever gives you 132 00:07:11,330 --> 00:07:13,937 really nice appliances just for going out with a guy. 133 00:07:14,430 --> 00:07:15,742 Erin, why are you crying? 134 00:07:16,484 --> 00:07:19,410 First of all, Brian and Erin need to list all their assets. 135 00:07:19,570 --> 00:07:22,910 That should be a breeze for him. You know the government fired him the day they 136 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:26,610 got back from their honeymoon? They've been living off her salary while that 137 00:07:26,690 --> 00:07:28,844 clown tries to pass his real estate exam. 138 00:07:29,039 --> 00:07:31,508 Well good. Then he has no real claim on her property. 139 00:07:32,092 --> 00:07:35,872 Aunt Rita? Um, Erin want you to know that she and Brian kind of signed a 140 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,590 prenuptial agreement that she kind of never told you about that kind of split 141 00:07:38,710 --> 00:07:39,930 everything fifty-fifty. 142 00:07:40,491 --> 00:07:41,535 She's gotta' go. Bye. 143 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:44,875 What?! Let me talk to her. Damn! 144 00:07:45,086 --> 00:07:48,515 Say, um, Daria, could you, um, help me in the, um, kitchen, with the, uh... 145 00:07:48,953 --> 00:07:49,600 Johnny cakes? 146 00:07:49,625 --> 00:07:51,170 Yeah, the Johnny cakes! 147 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,000 Smooth, Mr. Bond. Lead the way. 148 00:07:54,859 --> 00:07:58,752 That little weasel made her sign a prenup. He knew she was gonna' be the bread 149 00:07:58,850 --> 00:08:02,600 winner. We've gotta' fight this, Helen, all the way to the Supreme Court if we 150 00:08:02,710 --> 00:08:03,220 have to. 151 00:08:03,370 --> 00:08:06,910 Rita, the Supreme Court doesn't handle divorces. They're swamped with 152 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:11,100 shoplifting cases. Now, there's a junior associate in my office with a ton of 153 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,610 experience in matrimonial law. I'll be happy to... 154 00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:16,780 You'd put Erin's life in the hands of a junior associate? 155 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:22,010 Rita. You said this was a simple divorce, and it's not. I'm really not qualified 156 00:08:22,086 --> 00:08:23,690 to handle something this complicated! 157 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:27,310 Oh, I see. You're willing to help provided it doesn't take more than ten minutes 158 00:08:27,430 --> 00:08:31,414 of your time. Well I'm sure mom and I can figure out some way to hire a lawyer 159 00:08:31,508 --> 00:08:31,921 who can. 160 00:08:32,015 --> 00:08:33,178 Alright! I'll do it. 161 00:08:33,658 --> 00:08:37,889 I can't take it, Daria! The fighting, the yelling, and then always the crying. 162 00:08:38,020 --> 00:08:39,014 Yours, you mean. 163 00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:40,860 I've gotta' get out, at least until the dust settles. 164 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,053 Or the bodies stop twitching. 165 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:47,647 Now we're gonna' need a signal. Okay, when I call, if Rita is still here say, 166 00:08:47,763 --> 00:08:52,017 uh, "the eagle has landed," and if they're fighting say, "the crow flies at 167 00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:56,959 midnight," but if she'd gone then, "the pigeons are at rest." Got that? 168 00:08:56,990 --> 00:09:00,680 Is there anyway to work in "hark, I hear the cannon's roar?" 169 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,905 Good luck! Hi, Quinn. Bye now. 170 00:09:02,970 --> 00:09:04,248 Dad's leaving? 171 00:09:04,303 --> 00:09:07,700 Only until mom and Aunt Rita stop being sisters. 172 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,700 Hmm, maybe after my Fashion Club meeting we should just stay around the house 173 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:16,030 until Aunt Rita leaves. You know, to be like peacekeepers? I'll cancel my dates. 174 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,645 You don't have any plans tonight, right? 175 00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:21,730 Well, I was gonna' go downtown and count the cracks in the sidewalk. 176 00:09:21,830 --> 00:09:25,912 Oh, Daria, surely that can wait? Can I make you a carrot juice? 177 00:09:27,975 --> 00:09:31,330 But, Sandi, what if I agreed to wear my dress only on odd numbered days, and 178 00:09:31,430 --> 00:09:34,180 Tiffany agreed to wear hers only on even numbered ones? 179 00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:37,840 Stacy, days have names, not numbers. 180 00:09:37,970 --> 00:09:39,630 Alternating sounds like a good idea. 181 00:09:39,740 --> 00:09:44,510 Oh, sure! Until our enemies spread the rumor that Stacy and Tiffany are trading 182 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:49,180 off a single garment, the only possible scenario more horrifying than owning two 183 00:09:49,290 --> 00:09:50,640 of the same dress. 184 00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:52,831 Oh, God! Oh, God! 185 00:09:54,009 --> 00:09:58,526 I'm sorry, Terresa, but we must return these dresses. Here are the receipts. 186 00:09:59,190 --> 00:10:03,280 Oh no. Um, guys, you bought these dresses over two weeks ago. It's too late to 187 00:10:03,380 --> 00:10:04,000 return them. 188 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:08,292 Surely those silly rules don't apply to your most valued customers. 189 00:10:08,370 --> 00:10:11,495 I'm really sorry. I can give you some free shopping bags if you want. 190 00:10:11,589 --> 00:10:14,550 I can't believe you bought my dress. 191 00:10:14,690 --> 00:10:16,600 Excuse me, you bought my dress. 192 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:21,920 Guys! Guys! Stop the madness. Is a dress really worth destroying the sacred bond 193 00:10:22,030 --> 00:10:26,250 between Fashion Club member and Fashion Club member? Stop your fighting before 194 00:10:26,430 --> 00:10:27,909 it's too late! 195 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,104 Quinn, are you all right? 196 00:10:40,410 --> 00:10:41,933 Knock it off, you little brats! 197 00:10:47,790 --> 00:10:50,675 Who is this? Rita? Must have the wrong number! 198 00:10:51,287 --> 00:10:52,050 Damn it! 199 00:10:55,464 --> 00:10:59,720 Now, prenup or no prenup, with a little creative accounting, I think we can get 200 00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:01,720 Brian to take a fairly modest lump sum. 201 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:04,660 God, I hope so. He's certainly old enough to be earning his own money. 202 00:11:04,850 --> 00:11:05,878 Tell me about it. 203 00:11:05,930 --> 00:11:07,472 What's that supposed to mean? 204 00:11:09,245 --> 00:11:14,511 Oh, hi, Erin. Uh-huh WHAT?! That's great! Bye! 205 00:11:14,994 --> 00:11:16,768 Guess what? The divorce is off. 206 00:11:16,901 --> 00:11:18,893 But we were having so much fun. 207 00:11:18,956 --> 00:11:20,706 Come on. Let's tell mom and Aunt Rita. 208 00:11:20,987 --> 00:11:24,261 Just admit that employment has never been one of your strong suits. 209 00:11:24,347 --> 00:11:25,253 Mom! Aunt Rita! 210 00:11:25,370 --> 00:11:28,854 Excuse me, but I have more important things to do, like raise Erin. 211 00:11:28,933 --> 00:11:30,300 Erin's twenty-four, Rita. 212 00:11:30,450 --> 00:11:34,800 Listen! Brian flew to Switzerland to make up, and they're having a second honeymoon. 213 00:11:34,964 --> 00:11:38,280 On mother's credit card, no doubt. You know, Jake and I barely had a first 214 00:11:38,410 --> 00:11:41,130 honeymoon, because we had to pay for our own wedding. 215 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:42,780 And that's supposed to be my fault? 216 00:11:42,978 --> 00:11:46,948 Well, if you hadn't gone over-budget on your wedding, six months before. 217 00:11:47,090 --> 00:11:48,086 Your first wedding... 218 00:11:49,732 --> 00:11:50,500 Hey, how's it going? 219 00:11:50,734 --> 00:11:53,230 Four thousand dollars for a lighted dance floor! 220 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:54,625 Helen, disco was king! 221 00:11:54,820 --> 00:11:56,000 Oh, just fine. 222 00:11:56,140 --> 00:11:58,710 Mom broke every rule of parenting, the way she favored you! 223 00:11:58,810 --> 00:12:02,039 It's just like you to declare the rules for everyone else! 224 00:12:02,140 --> 00:12:06,203 Oh, when will it stop? When?! When?! 225 00:12:06,646 --> 00:12:09,148 Care to step away from the crossfire? 226 00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,554 What the hell is going on in there? 227 00:12:11,601 --> 00:12:16,094 Look, it's bad enough I have to listen to it all day. I don't want to have to 228 00:12:16,148 --> 00:12:17,375 talk about it, too. 229 00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:20,000 Um, sorry. So... 230 00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:26,242 I better go. Mom might need an eyewitness. Or someone to hand her the murder weapon. 231 00:12:26,492 --> 00:12:26,961 Daria... ? 232 00:12:27,202 --> 00:12:27,632 What?! 233 00:12:28,230 --> 00:12:28,711 Nothing. 234 00:12:32,650 --> 00:12:33,250 Hello? 235 00:12:33,422 --> 00:12:37,900 Daria? Thank God it's you! So, um, has the eagle landed? Or is it the crow? 236 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:39,870 Aunt Rita's still here, and... 237 00:12:39,970 --> 00:12:41,160 Daria, is that your father? 238 00:12:41,250 --> 00:12:41,910 No, no, no, no! 239 00:12:42,010 --> 00:12:47,539 A large pizza with extra cheese. Got it. Thanks for calling Pizza Prince. 240 00:12:48,805 --> 00:12:49,367 You're up. 241 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:50,656 Awww... 242 00:12:51,211 --> 00:12:52,460 Where is your father anyway? 243 00:12:52,570 --> 00:12:54,640 Johnny Cake Fest 3000. 244 00:12:54,773 --> 00:12:56,648 Great! Now Jake's run off. 245 00:12:56,742 --> 00:13:00,950 Did you ever think he might stick around more if you weren't so preoccupied with work? 246 00:13:01,060 --> 00:13:05,531 Excuse me? The only work I've been doing around here is for you, damn it! 247 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:09,031 Hello? 248 00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:10,406 Hi, Aunt Amy. 249 00:13:19,295 --> 00:13:20,437 Rita, we need to talk. 250 00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:25,060 Relax. I'm going home to the paint fumes. And don't worry. Erin and I will never 251 00:13:25,170 --> 00:13:26,050 bother you again. 252 00:13:26,210 --> 00:13:30,450 Look, I think we both said things we shouldn't have, but for once, let's not go 253 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:31,836 away angry. Okay? 254 00:13:32,054 --> 00:13:32,980 I don't know, Helen. 255 00:13:33,060 --> 00:13:39,117 I've got an idea. Let's bury the hatchet and, um, bake some cookies. What do you say? 256 00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:40,859 Cookies? From scratch? 257 00:13:41,252 --> 00:13:42,162 More or less. 258 00:13:42,490 --> 00:13:44,140 Chocolate chip or peanut butter? 259 00:13:44,270 --> 00:13:45,890 The chips are already in it, right? 260 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,970 Of course! I think... 261 00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:51,320 Aunt Amy? 262 00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:55,170 Daria called for reinforcements. Have your mother and Rita killed each other yet? 263 00:13:55,340 --> 00:13:57,340 Actually, they're in the kitchen making cookies. 264 00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:58,310 No, really? 265 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:00,120 You're cutting those slices too thick. 266 00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:02,677 The package says half an inch. That is half and inch. 267 00:14:02,827 --> 00:14:05,327 Okay. I just hope you like your cookies undercooked. 268 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:09,710 Here. You cut it. I'm sure you can do a much better job that little ol' useless me. 269 00:14:09,830 --> 00:14:13,906 Oh, please. You weren't even trying. You know, if you ever put your mind to anything... 270 00:14:14,477 --> 00:14:16,359 Why can't they just get along? 271 00:14:16,470 --> 00:14:20,242 Environmental factors: they were both exposed to each other as children. 272 00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:22,508 Come in. 273 00:14:23,222 --> 00:14:24,336 The cavalry has arrived. 274 00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:28,040 Oh, speaking of soldier junk, Daria, Gone with the Wind is on tonight. We should 275 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,700 watch it. It has that Civil War that you and dad are always talking about, plus 276 00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:32,660 this really big fire. 277 00:14:32,820 --> 00:14:35,258 Frankly, Quinn, I don't give a crap. 278 00:14:35,340 --> 00:14:39,130 You don't have to decide right now. Oh, and did I tell you your hair doesn't 279 00:14:39,290 --> 00:14:40,789 look that bad today? Bye. 280 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:43,726 I know she wants something. 281 00:14:43,914 --> 00:14:44,914 So, update? 282 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:49,120 Okay. Mom and Aunt Rita are on the brink of mutually assured destruction, 283 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:53,492 Quinn's obviously having a nervous breakdown, and dad's on the lamb. 284 00:14:53,656 --> 00:14:57,367 Gee. Reminds me of my childhood. You holding up okay? 285 00:14:57,633 --> 00:15:02,400 Well, much as I couldn't care less about Erin, I can't say my twenty-four year 286 00:15:02,490 --> 00:15:07,929 old cousin's near divorce has left me exactly optimistic about life's possibilities. 287 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,179 So, things are not going well with that guy you've been seeing? 288 00:15:11,319 --> 00:15:15,647 Huh? That's going fine, except he won't stop dropping by during this 289 00:15:15,750 --> 00:15:20,890 multigenerational family crisis. He refuses to accept the fact that I don't have 290 00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:22,179 time for him now. 291 00:15:22,282 --> 00:15:25,622 Hmm... Maybe he's trying to offer his time to you. 292 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,015 Huh, maybe. 293 00:15:28,310 --> 00:15:30,406 Come on. Let's see how goes the battle. 294 00:15:30,956 --> 00:15:34,916 Even if I did have a job, I'm sure it couldn't possibly meet with your approval. 295 00:15:35,037 --> 00:15:37,336 I guess we'll never find that out, will we? 296 00:15:37,664 --> 00:15:40,620 Ah, another Kodak moment with the Barksdales. 297 00:15:40,679 --> 00:15:42,620 Amy! What are you doing here? 298 00:15:42,780 --> 00:15:46,460 Oh, I thought I'd drive a few hours, drop by, and see if you guys were having 299 00:15:46,580 --> 00:15:48,620 the same fight you've been having for forty years. 300 00:15:48,810 --> 00:15:52,480 How would you know? You spent the whole time barricaded in your room, reading 301 00:15:52,570 --> 00:15:53,940 those weird Russian novels. 302 00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:57,125 It was better than getting caught in the non-stop crossfire. 303 00:15:57,172 --> 00:16:01,610 Oh, please. You just used us as an excuse to avoid any family responsibility 304 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,220 what-so-ever, so you could do whatever the hell you pleased. 305 00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:08,734 At least I didn't nurse a childhood grudge well into adulthood because Rita was 306 00:16:08,797 --> 00:16:09,470 mom's favorite. 307 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:10,500 I did not! 308 00:16:10,590 --> 00:16:11,250 I was not! 309 00:16:11,390 --> 00:16:12,070 You are too. 310 00:16:12,230 --> 00:16:12,800 She's right. 311 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:13,820 I don't need your help. 312 00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:17,450 Maybe mom would get along better with both of you if you ever bothered to pick 313 00:16:17,580 --> 00:16:18,630 up the phone and call. 314 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:19,370 Um, mom? 315 00:16:19,527 --> 00:16:23,917 Why should we when she's never offered us the slightest bit of encouragement or appreciation? 316 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:24,620 That's right! 317 00:16:24,740 --> 00:16:25,700 I don't need your help. 318 00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:29,560 Encouragement? You, with your grades, and your extra credit, and your awards? 319 00:16:29,762 --> 00:16:33,531 You didn't make us look lazy enough, you wanted encouragement to do more? 320 00:16:34,457 --> 00:16:35,625 What are you laughing at? 321 00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:36,590 She's got a point. 322 00:16:36,790 --> 00:16:37,910 She can laugh if she wants to. 323 00:16:38,150 --> 00:16:39,270 Oh, so you think that... 324 00:16:41,910 --> 00:16:42,330 Hey! 325 00:16:43,851 --> 00:16:48,510 Gee, Rita, are you ever gonna' get a job? Why should I, Helen, when you won't 326 00:16:48,630 --> 00:16:51,710 pay attention to mother? And you, Amy, who asked you? 327 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,190 Yeah! You had a dance floor at your wedding! 328 00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:56,120 You're a show-off and a know-it-all. 329 00:16:56,220 --> 00:16:57,970 You just hide in your room like a kermit! 330 00:16:58,110 --> 00:16:59,110 Mom likes you better! 331 00:16:59,220 --> 00:17:00,765 That's because I call her better! 332 00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:03,344 Oh, Rita... 333 00:17:03,540 --> 00:17:04,172 Helen... 334 00:17:04,450 --> 00:17:05,336 I'm sorry. 335 00:17:05,670 --> 00:17:07,040 Me too. Oh... 336 00:17:10,503 --> 00:17:11,726 Why are you here, Amy? 337 00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:13,620 Daria asked me to come mediate. 338 00:17:14,031 --> 00:17:17,430 Although, perhaps that's something she's better at than I am. 339 00:17:17,540 --> 00:17:18,740 Oh, Amy... 340 00:17:18,958 --> 00:17:19,748 Come here... 341 00:17:20,380 --> 00:17:21,883 I blame you for this. 342 00:17:24,030 --> 00:17:25,941 Did you decide about Gone with the Wind? 343 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:32,520 So, then, after Aunt Amy arrived to save the day and within three minutes had 344 00:17:32,650 --> 00:17:36,710 totally regressed into the same pre-school encounter group as her sisters, 345 00:17:36,830 --> 00:17:39,949 Quinn and I had to take matters into our own hands. 346 00:17:40,097 --> 00:17:43,597 Wow. Growing up in a repressed household is so boring next to this stuff. 347 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:47,530 We always have to pretend problems don't exist. Gets pretty inconvenient when 348 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:48,420 there are odors involved. 349 00:17:48,707 --> 00:17:53,797 Yes. And speaking of pretending problems don't exist, sorry for giving you the 350 00:17:53,860 --> 00:17:55,566 short end of the stick this week. 351 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,810 Hey, you were busy refereeing. I understand. 352 00:17:57,970 --> 00:18:02,510 Actually, I think my cousin's little marital crisis made me feel weird about the 353 00:18:02,630 --> 00:18:06,675 boyfriend-girlfriend thing. Does that freak you out and scare you? 354 00:18:06,790 --> 00:18:08,042 No, I guess I could see that. 355 00:18:08,457 --> 00:18:08,996 Thanks. 356 00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:10,831 Anyway, what about a movie tonight? 357 00:18:10,970 --> 00:18:14,808 I can't. I promised Quinn I'd watch Gone with the Wind with her. 358 00:18:18,084 --> 00:18:19,855 Okay, that freaks me out and scares me. 359 00:18:20,060 --> 00:18:20,996 Pray for me. 360 00:18:22,290 --> 00:18:26,330 As President of the Fashion Club, I am putting both of you on suspension for 361 00:18:26,460 --> 00:18:30,440 failing to do a wardrobe check before leaving home, and thus appearing in the 362 00:18:30,540 --> 00:18:32,250 same dress on the same day. 363 00:18:32,370 --> 00:18:35,488 But, Sandi, you can't suspend me. It's not fair! 364 00:18:36,769 --> 00:18:39,511 My dress. It's ruined. 365 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:42,480 Oh, Tiffany, I am so sorry. It was an accident. 366 00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:48,030 Sure it was, Stacy. She'll never get that grape soda out. This calls for severe 367 00:18:48,190 --> 00:18:49,510 disciplinary action. 368 00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,831 But I didn't mean to. I swear! 369 00:18:51,956 --> 00:18:53,581 I'll give you my dress to prove it. 370 00:18:53,683 --> 00:18:55,933 You'd do that? For me? 371 00:18:56,003 --> 00:18:57,527 Of course. You're my friend. 372 00:18:57,730 --> 00:18:59,740 Oh, Stacy... 373 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:03,390 Oh, that wasn't a good idea. 374 00:19:06,093 --> 00:19:08,191 That movie was so sad. 375 00:19:08,410 --> 00:19:10,855 I know it made me feel like crying. 376 00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:13,878 Um, Quinn? There's something bothering you, 377 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,785 other than the saga of our fair nation being torn apart, isn't there? 378 00:19:17,940 --> 00:19:18,394 No. 379 00:19:18,589 --> 00:19:23,630 I only ask because I finally realized all that stuff going on here this week was 380 00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:27,770 making me act strangely toward Tom. So maybe you were having a similar, 381 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:33,191 unanticipated reaction? Such as, oh, wanting to spend time with me? 382 00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:38,160 Hello? Oh, hi, dad. The pigeons are at rest. 383 00:19:38,964 --> 00:19:42,170 Daria? You don't think we'll end up having the same fight over and over again, 384 00:19:42,290 --> 00:19:44,820 for the rest of our lives, the way mom and Aunt Rita do, do you? 385 00:19:45,230 --> 00:19:47,090 No. We'll use weapons. 386 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:48,433 Don't say that! 387 00:19:48,690 --> 00:19:52,920 I'll make you a deal. The only weapon I'll use against you will be my winning 388 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,850 personality, and the only weapon you'll use against me will be your merciless 389 00:19:56,980 --> 00:19:58,270 silent treatment. 390 00:19:58,459 --> 00:20:00,691 Silent treatment? I never... 391 00:20:01,394 --> 00:20:03,136 Ha! Deal. 392 00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:08,480 "The pigeons are at rest." That means it's safe, doesn't it? No, "the eagle has 393 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:12,003 landed" means it's safe. Or was that a condor? 394 00:20:12,136 --> 00:20:14,581 Damn it, I can't sleep in here again tonight! 395 00:20:15,597 --> 00:20:17,597 Written by Jacquelyn Reingold (Transcript created by Justin Smith) www.outpost-daria.com 396 00:20:17,973 --> 00:20:19,973 Synchro by Atrabilogie 33673

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