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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,000
(GENTLE MUSIC)
2
00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:03,800
(CHATTER)
3
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,599
Alright, we good?
4
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:13,119
Thomas, I am very
uncomfortable about this.
5
00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:15,559
It's just a sausage sizzle eating
competition. It'll be fun!
6
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,359
Do I have to wear the flag?
7
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:20,799
You're right. You are...
Babe, you are right.
8
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:23,199
I'll just pop... There we go.
Better?
9
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:25,559
Can't Sophie do this?
10
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:27,159
You know she can't.
11
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:29,279
In fact, here she comes now. Sophie!
12
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,719
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
13
00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:33,319
MAN: We love you, Sophie!
14
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:34,719
SOPHIE: Charlie!
15
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:37,199
It's so lovely to see you embrace
the spirit of Australia Day.
16
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,079
Actually, I was just
talking to Charlie
17
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,080
about your discomfort
18
00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:42,319
in being around the...
you know, you-know-what.
19
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:45,359
Ever since that disastrous
cucumber farm story,
20
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:48,319
the optics of me being near
anything phallic are...
21
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:49,879
..problematic.
22
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,799
I can't be a meme again.
I just... I can't.
23
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:56,799
How about the fact I'm an Aboriginal
person, wearing an Australian flag,
24
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,199
about to stuff sausages
down my hole?
25
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:00,279
How are those optics?
26
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:03,119
Great! It's inclusive, it's diverse.
27
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:06,119
It's unifying. But most of all,
it's great television.
28
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MAN: When are you gonna start?
Alright, here we go, everyone.
29
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Three, two, one. Action.
30
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:13,199
Welcome back to
'Wake Up Australia'.
31
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Here we are at Australia Day's
biggest barbecue
32
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:17,919
and sausage sizzle
eating competition.
33
00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,599
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
On the count of three.
34
00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:22,079
One, two... Go!
35
00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,280
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
36
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(THEME MUSIC)
37
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(SIREN WAILS)
38
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(SIREN WAILS)
39
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(SNIFFING AND GRUNTING)
40
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MONTY: OK, you mob.
41
00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:54,279
Today we're gonna
test ourselves as survivalists.
42
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:57,479
And by 'us', I mean 'you'.
43
00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:00,559
You're all going on an authentic
44
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:05,999
pre-colonial overnight
First Nations survival exercise.
45
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(PHONE RINGS)
(LIONEL MUTTERS)
46
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:09,239
Sorry. Um...
47
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Stupid telemarketers!
48
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,320
As I was saying...
49
00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:16,000
You'll need to work as a team
to survive.
50
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,399
Question. Is this compulsory?
51
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:24,999
Is survival in the post-apocalypse
world compulsory?
52
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,039
No.
53
00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,079
If you want to stay at Eden 2, it is.
54
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,599
Yeah, but I'm just gonna
slow everyone down.
55
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,319
That's true.
All Charlie's good for is meat.
56
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,919
Juicy meat.
57
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,679
Ew! Don't sexualise me.
58
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:38,680
Ew! No!
59
00:02:38,681 --> 00:02:40,879
I was just assessing
which cuts we're gonna have to make
60
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,279
when we eventually have to eat you.
61
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,040
The thigh. Thigh.
Yeah.
62
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,319
Thigh! Thigh! Thigh!
63
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,599
No, no, wait. Hold on.
That's offensive.
64
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:50,999
Thank you, Jayden.
65
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,479
What? No, not you.
66
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:56,479
I resent Guy's characterisations of
First Nations people as cannibals.
67
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:59,479
See, my pop always says
that plays into 'savage' stereotypes
68
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,919
used by the white man
to justify colonisation.
69
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:04,679
So if we do eat Charlie,
70
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,439
we do it not
because we're Aboriginal,
71
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,479
but through
our own self-determination.
72
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,159
Nobody's eating anyone. Yet.
(PHONE RINGS)
73
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,799
Charlie, Charlie...
Sorry. Sorry!
74
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:19,919
Don't you just yearn to cut
the umbilical connection
75
00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:22,479
with your fax machines
and your beepers
76
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:25,799
and to switch off
and go bush for a time?
77
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,560
(PHONE RINGS)
Fuck, leave me alone!
78
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,799
So, Monty,
there's no phone reception
79
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:35,239
on this survival wild thingie
exercise, yeah?
80
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,240
Correct.
81
00:03:36,241 --> 00:03:37,880
I'm in.
82
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:45,960
MONTY: "And so your adventure begins.
83
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:51,080
"Heed my instructions
and all will be well.
84
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,919
KELLY: Oh. Oh. (CHUCKLES)
85
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:56,999
Oh.
86
00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:03,280
MONTY: "First, follow the ancient
songlines along the sandstone ridge."
87
00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:07,799
We're lost. Admit it!
88
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,359
We're not lost. See?
89
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:13,839
"Follow the ancient songlines
along the sandstone ridge."
90
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,039
Yeah? Which sandstone ridge is that?
91
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,079
Relax, Charlie.
This is my pop's land.
92
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:22,759
I am from this land
and my ancestors will look after us.
93
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,519
That's all very well and good...
GUY: Quiet!
94
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,479
Monty said we need
to work as a team.
95
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,039
And every team needs a leader.
Every tribe had a chief.
96
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,999
Actually, 'chief',
along with 'tribe', 'clan', etc,
97
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,319
are white terms applied to
Aboriginal people to make us seem...
98
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:38,559
Whatever. We need to unite around
the alpha of the pack and that's me!
99
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,839
So shut your holes
while I lead us all to safety!
100
00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:42,480
Let's go. Let's go.
101
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:46,359
(SIGHS, THEN GROANS)
102
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,360
Dammit!
103
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:51,879
These are designer.
104
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:56,919
A very, very expensive,
fancy, exclusive designer.
105
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,400
Ugh!
106
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:09,159
MONTY:
"If you followed the sandstone ridge,
107
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:13,159
"you should end up
at a great tree trunk hollow,
108
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,839
"offering bounteous water."
109
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:17,679
Anyone see a tree trunk hollow?
110
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:19,479
Or a hollow tree trunk?
111
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:22,399
Or anything trunk-like and hollow?
112
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,199
(KELLY LAUGHS)
113
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,719
Hello? Wanna help?
114
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,319
God put us where he wants us.
115
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In this way, we can never be lost.
116
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:31,959
KELLY: Let me just say...
117
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:35,799
..we may not have any water,
but God has definitely made me wet.
118
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,719
Ohh. Ugh!
(CHUCKLES)
119
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,440
Excuse me.
I'm just... gonna have a wee.
120
00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:45,639
Test, test.
121
00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:48,959
'Agent of Truth', episode 198.
122
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:53,919
I'm going to prove that the
legendary Penrith panther is real.
123
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,239
The what?
124
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:56,999
I thought you'd never ask.
125
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,800
Gather round, truthlings.
126
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,079
Legend has it
127
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:07,519
that the panther escaped
the circus in the 1970s
128
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:11,919
and now lives here,
in the wilds of Western Sydney,
129
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:15,239
occasionally glimpsed,
but never truly seen.
130
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:19,999
We're surrounded by
60,000 years of Aboriginal culture,
131
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,319
and of course the white lady
is interested
132
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:23,959
in some gammon introduced species.
133
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:27,119
Shh! How many people has
the Penrith panther killed?
134
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,519
Great question, Guy. Nobody knows.
135
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,839
Zero. The panther doesn't exist.
136
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:35,999
Charlie, you know, without the 'T'
in 'native', you're just 'naive'.
137
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:39,279
And the 'T' is that most
of the panther's victims
138
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:42,199
have been misattributed
to the serial killer Ivan Milat.
139
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,159
OK, that is all deeply offensive.
140
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:46,999
And there is no panther!
141
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,760
Lionel?
142
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,399
Lionel!
143
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:54,279
You could've told us
you needed to do a poo!
144
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:58,399
(SOFT GROWLING)
145
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:01,319
Lionel, do we need to up
your fibre intake again?
146
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,760
(MOANING)
147
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,919
(MOANING)
148
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:08,439
Oh, yeah!
149
00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:09,599
(SHOUTS) Kelly!
150
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,679
Um... Jeez... Uh...
It's... it's not what you think!
151
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,159
(CAMERA CLICKS)
152
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:16,519
Kelly's back. Alone.
153
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,959
Penrith panther killed Lionel!
154
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,919
Lionel's death will be avenged!
155
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:22,599
No, Lionel's alive.
156
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:23,600
He's just dead to me.
157
00:07:23,601 --> 00:07:24,959
You killed Lionel?
No!
158
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,879
I caught him shaking hands
with a false prophet.
159
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,639
Well, let's go get
this false prophet, then!
160
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:31,519
No! He was self-pleasuring.
161
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:32,879
(GASPS)
162
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:35,119
Kelly! Kelly, please,
please let me explain.
163
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,919
Talk to the hand. You might as
well - you made love to it.
164
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,119
Oh, come on, that's...
165
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,599
Ohhh! Kelly!
(INSECT BUZZES)
166
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:44,159
Argh! Is anybody else
being bitten by bugs?
167
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:45,239
You want something for that?
168
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:48,279
No, it's just one little sting.
169
00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:51,199
Seriously, Jayden,
I have some antihistamines.
170
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:52,799
No, no, no. My pop used to say,
171
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,360
"You can't free the body
until you free the mind."
172
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,879
I'm here to decolonise.
So should you.
173
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,479
MAN: Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!
174
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,480
PEOPLE: Oi, oi, oi!
175
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,199
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!
Oi, oi, oi!
176
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:04,399
Aussie!
Oi!
177
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:05,479
Aussie...
Oi.
178
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,919
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!
Oi, oi, oi!
179
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,719
SOPHIE: Do you think she knows?
180
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:11,319
THOMAS: She has no idea
what's going on.
181
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:12,320
Yeah, I don't know,
182
00:08:12,321 --> 00:08:14,679
just... Charlie seems
a little bit tense or something.
183
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:17,079
I just...
Sophie, look at me. Look at me.
184
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,479
She has no idea, trust me.
185
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,039
OK.
Whoa!
186
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,679
Kate Miller-Heidke! Hi!
187
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:24,839
Hi! Sorry, am I interrupting?
188
00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,599
No! No, no. Nice to meet you.
I'm Sophie.
189
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,319
Hi. Kate. Hello.
Thomas.
190
00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:31,039
Kate.
EP.
191
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:33,079
It's short for 'executive producer'.
192
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,719
The boss man.
193
00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,359
(SOPHIE LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)
194
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:37,679
Hello.
195
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:39,279
Charlie, what are you doing?
196
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:41,279
Uh... Ah-ha.
197
00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,719
Um... Hello! (LAUGHS)
198
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:47,200
Oh, I was... I was just meditating.
199
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:52,800
You know, disconnecting from my
surroundings to take the time to...
200
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:57,399
To galvanise your spirit
and manifest your intentions?
201
00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:01,159
Yes! That is exactly
what I was doing.
202
00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:05,839
I am a huge fan of transgressive
intentional meditation as well.
203
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,239
Wow, that's... that's really cool.
204
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:11,839
I'm... I'm Charlie. Nice to meet you.
205
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,919
Host...
Co-host. Co-host. (LAUGHS)
206
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,919
Co-host of 'Wake Up Australia'.
207
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:21,359
Charlie, you have a little something
on your face.
208
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:22,639
Do you mind if I...
209
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:23,800
Oh, of course.
210
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,720
(ETHEREAL MUSIC)
211
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,879
Anyway, Kate Miller-Heidke,
212
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:38,319
how about I give you a little tour
of the set-up?
213
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,679
Yeah?
OK, sure.
214
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,879
Yeah. Come. Camera's over here.
215
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,879
Nice to meet you.
You too!
216
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,839
(CHUCKLES)
217
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:47,639
Must be nice.
What?
218
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:52,440
Being Aboriginal and not having other
white women see you as a threat.
219
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:57,199
Did you see how much nicer Kate
Miller-Heidke was to you than me?
220
00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:58,280
I mean...
221
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,479
There is an especially hot place
in hell
222
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,280
for women who don't support
other women.
223
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:10,439
♪ What do I know?
What is so cold?
224
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,999
♪ What is so cold?
What do I know?
225
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,479
♪ What is so cold?
What is so cold?
226
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:16,999
♪ What do I know? I know!
227
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,199
♪ What is so cold? What is so cold?
228
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,639
♪ What do I know?
229
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,479
♪ What do I know?
What do I know?
230
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,159
♪ What-what is so cold?
231
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,360
♪ What is so cold?
Cold, cold... ♪
232
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,839
Oh, Kelly. Kelly!
233
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:30,319
Kelly! Kelly, come on, just...
234
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,719
Kelly, I was... Can we talk, please?
235
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,839
I was just jiggling out a wee.
236
00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,399
Yeah, the wee was stuck,
237
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,879
and so I was just squeezing
the wee out
238
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,999
so that it wouldn't leak later.
239
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,919
Kelly, just... please!
Enough!
240
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:45,719
As chief of the tribe,
I order you to make out and make up.
241
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:46,720
Great.
242
00:10:46,721 --> 00:10:49,720
Why don't you stick to being
chief of minding your own business?
243
00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,400
Kelly, please! Come on!
244
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:55,639
(BRANCH SNAPS)
Oh!
245
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:57,040
Come on!
246
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,840
We're being watched. I can feel it.
247
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,439
If the panther's out there,
248
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:10,039
this majestic piece of machinery
will find it.
249
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,079
It measures energy wavelengths,
250
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,959
dialled specifically
into the feline EQ bandwidth.
251
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,159
You're welcome.
No.
252
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:20,319
You use your machine, but in combat,
there's only one thing I trust.
253
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:21,799
That thing is me.
254
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,760
Stand down, soldier.
We need the panther alive!
255
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,999
Guy? Kirby?
256
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,999
Monty's instructions are clear -
stick together!
257
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:35,359
MONTY: "Aboriginal people
lived in small family..."
258
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:36,960
I don't have time for this!
259
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,360
Ugh!
(THUD!)
260
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,599
Fuck.
261
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,880
This skirt is 100% silk.
262
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,920
(DEVICE HUMS)
263
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:56,480
(DEVICE HUMS)
264
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:00,479
(TWIG SNAPS)
(TRIGGER CLICKS)
265
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:01,599
Ugh!
266
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,999
Ohhh!
(THUD!)
267
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,279
I'm hit! Man down! Man down!
268
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:08,439
Is it bad?
269
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,639
Is it bad?
I think the arrow grazed your leg.
270
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,399
Can you walk?
271
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:13,839
Can I walk?
272
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,039
I've trained for this moment
my whole life, ladies.
273
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,119
(GUY GROANS)
274
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,839
KELLY: Did the panther
do this to Guy?
275
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:20,959
CHARLIE: No, he hit himself.
276
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,479
While trying to kill the panther
to save you!
277
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:26,039
The bolt might've hit an artery.
OK, it didn't hit an artery.
278
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,439
I worked as a veterinary's assistant
in the summer of '99.
279
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:33,519
Guy, we have to take your pants off
so I can check the wound.
280
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:34,559
Hey, whoa, whoa...
281
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:36,040
OK.
282
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,999
(ZIPPER UNZIPS)
283
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,559
(GROANS)
284
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,799
Wait. Is that a nappy?
285
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,759
What? No!
286
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,199
These are military-issued
recon briefs.
287
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,839
That's a nappy!
No!
288
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,479
Desert Storm snipers wear them
on sorties.
289
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:51,959
It's still a nappy.
No, it's not!
290
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,719
You're wearing a nappy.
Stop saying that!
291
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,639
Come on, now. Let me see.
292
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:59,079
Come on, bub.
There, that's a good bub.
293
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:00,959
It's stopped bleeding. For now.
294
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,679
Wow. Wow. That was really brave
of you, Kelly, hey? Well done.
295
00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:06,839
Don't think you can sweet-talk your
way out of the doghouse, Lionel.
296
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,919
Guys, we have a problem.
297
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,959
I think I'm about to fill
my recon briefs.
298
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,079
What?
Oh!
299
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,519
The adrenaline, it's making me...
300
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,879
Don't you dare. I'm warning you!
This is not a game!
301
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,879
And this is not a nappy!
This is the apocalypse.
302
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,599
And I am your chief!
(WET SQUELCHING SOUND)
303
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,959
If you need to change my nappy,
you will change it!
304
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,240
Goddammit!
Oh.
305
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:27,519
Ohhh.
306
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,159
Sophie?
307
00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:30,160
Charlie! (COUGHS)
308
00:13:30,161 --> 00:13:32,519
Are you eating a sausage?
What?
309
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,279
You said you couldn't be
around sausages
310
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,039
because of anxiety and trauma
and memes!
311
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:41,439
My struggle with ingesting
phallic-shaped foods
312
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:43,559
is a daily war, Charlie.
313
00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,599
And today was a good day.
314
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:46,879
Sophie, what's wrong?
315
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,319
Charlie shamed me.
316
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,599
Charlie, you made Sophie cry?
317
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,719
(CRIES)
Unprofessional!
318
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:54,799
'Unprofessional'?!
Yeah.
319
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,679
I just ate 15 sausages!
320
00:13:56,680 --> 00:14:01,519
Can you just please stop saying
S-A-S-A-U-G-E-S? It's triggering.
321
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,759
Well, it seems there
are some shaft shapes
322
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,719
that Sophie is
very comfortable with.
323
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,199
What are you talking about?
324
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:08,839
You tell me, Thomas!
325
00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,239
Sophie, come over here. You alright?
It's just really unfair!
326
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:12,440
Are you OK?
Yeah.
327
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,439
Oh! Oh.
328
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,920
More sauce, huh?
329
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,079
You just can't catch a break.
330
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,839
Today must be tough for you.
331
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,639
It is.
332
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,519
Kate Miller-Heidke?
333
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:29,600
Yeah?
334
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:34,040
Will you come help me... clean up?
335
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,079
SONG: ♪ I remember yesterday
336
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,559
♪ You were crying at my face
337
00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:46,199
♪ Sit in silence
Think about it
338
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,840
♪ Reckon it is sinking down ya... ♪
339
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,520
(GUY GROANS)
340
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:56,639
(GROWLING)
341
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:59,199
Kelly?
You're not still mad, are you?
342
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,079
I thought our promise was clear.
343
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,759
Look, I know, no excuses. But I
just... think you're overreacting.
344
00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:04,760
I'm overreacting?
345
00:15:04,761 --> 00:15:06,959
Yeah, it's not like you haven't
seen someone do this before.
346
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:08,839
Oh, ha ha! Hundreds!
347
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,839
Just not you.
348
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,319
OK, I get it.
349
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:17,079
All I'm saying is remember when we
made that pledge of celibacy to God,
350
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:20,239
we also promised to remain
sex-positive.
351
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:23,919
Lionel, we have to take
our promise seriously.
352
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:25,759
Otherwise, what's the point?
353
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:31,519
We should just strip off and do it
right here, right now.
354
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:32,639
Fuck in the bushes.
Right.
355
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,119
Well, we can't do that, can we?
356
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:35,399
Right?
Lionel.
357
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,319
It doesn't matter to me what we did
358
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:43,239
or to who or... how or...
359
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,760
..where or... how many.
360
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,319
It's in the past
and I have no regrets.
361
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,639
But our pact, the pact
we made with each other,
362
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:55,080
that matters.
363
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,479
(SHOUTS ANGRILY)
364
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,320
Silly bastard!
365
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,399
Seriously, Jayden,
take an antihistamine.
366
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:12,879
Put him down.
(GUY GROANS)
367
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,520
(INSECT BUZZES)
368
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,079
Oh, my lipstick.
I was looking for that.
369
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,519
Hey! That was expensive!
Stop!
370
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,079
Don't you guys see?
371
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,200
No-one else is being bitten but me.
372
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,919
This is my people's land.
This is personal.
373
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,759
Just because you're comfortable
living in the white man's world...
374
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,119
I'm not comfortable living
in a white man's world,
375
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:35,759
but we'll argue about that later.
376
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:40,359
Right now you're having
a very severe allergic reaction
377
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:43,639
that you're attributing to
some kind of cultural whitewashing
378
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:45,279
in a misguided attempt
at racial autonomy.
379
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:46,680
Here.
380
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:49,680
Please take an antihistamine!
381
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:53,599
No!
382
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:58,120
My pop always says that recovery
begins the moment you're broken.
383
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,799
I'll be rebuilt stronger,
more resilient,
384
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,359
more black!
385
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:08,359
No, no, Jayden, now is not
the right time to swell up and die.
386
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,719
I'm going to live.
387
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,479
I'm gonna walk out of here.
388
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:13,879
I'm gonna live.
389
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,920
I'm gonna see my grandchildren
grow up. Argh!
390
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,119
Ooh.
(INSECT BUZZES)
391
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:24,720
I just think that it's unfair
that I can't even... you know.
392
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,119
Lionel, I can't hear
what you're saying.
393
00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:31,759
Mosquitoes have bitten my ears.
Speak louder.
394
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,679
That I can't even masturbate!
395
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:34,680
Ohh.
396
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,439
You do seem henpecked by Kelly.
Henpecked?
397
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,479
I expect more than racial
stereotyping from you.
398
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,199
No, no, no, that's not what I meant.
399
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,079
Asian men can be sensitive
without being weak.
400
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:45,359
How old are you?
401
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:46,519
20.
402
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,039
Pfft! 20!
403
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,759
When I was 20,
I'd had sex with 69 people.
404
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,879
Purely coincidental number,
by the way.
405
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:56,039
I wasn't just bi-curious.
I was all the curiouses.
406
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,840
How many ways have you done it?
Um... both?
407
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,999
Look, I'm sorry.
408
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,279
Asian men are erased
from the narrative
409
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,559
that centres white ideals
of sexiness.
410
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:08,560
And?
411
00:18:08,561 --> 00:18:10,879
You're a sexual tyrannosaurus.
412
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,119
Damn right.
413
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:13,679
Damn right...
414
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,479
Mushrooms!
415
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,319
Thank you, my ancestors.
416
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,480
My ancestors are cutting me
some slack.
417
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,399
Kelly, I don't think
I'm gonna make it.
418
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,559
Can you hear my confession?
419
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:34,159
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
It would be an honour.
420
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:35,999
And this is just between me and you,
right?
421
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,160
It is. And God.
422
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,759
Forgive me, Lord, for I have sinned.
423
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,599
We're lost.
424
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,239
We're really, really lost.
425
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,239
I knew it!
426
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:51,719
What? This is between me and God!
427
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,360
You dickhead, Guy!
(GROANS)
428
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:57,159
I'm gonna die and I'm not even
gonna see the end of the world.
429
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,599
And that's a bad thing?
That's the worst thing!
430
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,399
Kelly, promise me one thing.
431
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:03,759
Anything.
432
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:04,839
Forgive Lionel.
433
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,639
Anything but that.
434
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,639
Lionel is a good man.
435
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,359
He's not a perfect man,
but you know in your heart
436
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:12,839
that he's the perfect man for you.
437
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,599
Oh. I don't think I can.
438
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:17,199
Kelly. Forgive Lionel.
439
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,479
Forgive him for having a wank.
440
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:21,319
OK, Guy.
441
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,080
OK.
442
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,360
OK, Kelly, he's gone.
443
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:42,720
You are a huge arsehole
for getting us lost!
444
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,880
But that was a really nice thing
you did for Lionel and Kelly.
445
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,159
I'm sorry, Charlie.
446
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,479
I thought I could be the chief
of our tribe.
447
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,079
But I'm no good out here,
like I was in my old life.
448
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,639
What were you in your old life?
449
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,199
A really good-looking
vacuum cleaner salesman.
450
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,839
You were a vacuum cleaner salesman?
No!
451
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,359
A really good-looking
vacuum cleaner salesman.
452
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:06,919
But it doesn't matter.
453
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:10,839
Whether whitefellas came here or not,
I'm still a loser.
454
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,880
You're not a loser.
455
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,040
I'm wearing a nappy!
456
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,279
Actually,
457
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:20,119
those are military-issue
recon briefs
458
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:22,440
that snipers used in Desert Storm.
459
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,520
We found some bush tucker!
460
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:32,559
Are you sure those are OK to eat?
461
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,399
(LISPS) Yes, I know.
462
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,279
I inherited a sixth sense
from my pop.
463
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,039
A what?
A sixth sense!
464
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:42,320
I know you're hungry, sis.
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
465
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:49,360
Mmm.
466
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:55,599
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
467
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,040
(GROWLING)
468
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,360
You didn't think I was real,
did you, Charlie?
469
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,759
You're just Kate Miller-Heidke
in make-up.
470
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,319
Who's Kate Miller-Heidke?
471
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:12,039
I'm Cat Miller-Heidke!
472
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:16,439
I'm the Penrith panther! Rarr!
473
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,439
Are you definitely a panther?
474
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:21,960
Could anything
except a panther do this?
475
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:27,719
Panther!
Argh!
476
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,479
You literally
just said the word 'panther'.
477
00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:32,799
I also have a tail. See?
478
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:37,520
OK. Ha. So you're, like... a panther.
479
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:42,880
Are you going to eat me?
No! I'm here to help you, Charlie.
480
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,239
Listen.
481
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,159
(ELECTRONIC SONG INTRO)
482
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,839
(SINGS) ♪ I am the panther
that found answers
483
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,799
♪ Stood up and took my chances
484
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,759
♪ Once I was down, an average clown
485
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,479
♪ Working in a circus
in a dirty town
486
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,999
♪ Trapped in a cage
487
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,720
♪ Where children would
poke me with sticks
488
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:07,999
♪ Seething with rage
489
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,880
♪ Forced to do tricks
for a bunch of dicks
490
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,719
♪ I bit one off and ran away
491
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,199
♪ I am my, I am my
492
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:20,719
♪ I am my own panther now
493
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,039
♪ The Penrith panther
494
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:26,479
♪ I am my own answer
495
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,959
♪ See me cruising
496
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:32,319
♪ See me dancing like a child
497
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:34,879
♪ The Penrith panther
498
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,079
♪ Panther!
499
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,199
♪ Panther in the wild!
500
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,439
♪ I am my, I am my
501
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:43,999
♪ I am my own panther now
502
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,679
♪ The Penrith panther
503
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,439
♪ Out on my own
504
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:53,039
♪ See me cruising
505
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,559
♪ See me dancing like a child
506
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,400
♪ The Penrith panther
507
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,039
♪ Panther in the wild
508
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,039
♪ Right where I wanna be,
right where I belong
509
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:07,159
♪ Right where I wanna be,
right where I belong... ♪
510
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:12,159
(VOCALISES OPERATICALLY)
511
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:15,279
♪ Right where I wanna be,
right where I belong
512
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:18,599
♪ Right where I wanna be,
right where I belong... ♪
513
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:23,960
(VOCALISES OPERATICALLY)
514
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,359
Kate Miller-Heidke! Charlie!
There you are.
515
00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:31,800
What have you been doing?
516
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:33,959
Uh, no... Nothing.
517
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:34,960
What's with the...
518
00:23:34,961 --> 00:23:36,199
Thomas?
Yeah?
519
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,719
I've been having second thoughts
about performing today.
520
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,639
I need to speak to my manager.
521
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,919
Oh, no. Uh, no time.
522
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,759
We are live in five.
523
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,199
And I need you on set
and in costume.
524
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:48,200
Costume?
525
00:23:48,201 --> 00:23:50,559
This segment
is gonna go so, so viral.
526
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,359
Let's kick it in the dick!
527
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:53,399
(CHEERING)
528
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:56,359
Welcome back to
'Wake Up Australia'.
529
00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:59,519
We're here celebrating
Aussie cultural milestones.
530
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:00,680
Stop!
531
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:03,199
I promised my boss,
532
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,079
my... fiance,
533
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:06,159
that I wouldn't say
534
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:07,519
anything today,
but...
535
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:09,639
That's what Australia Day's
all about!
536
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:11,079
Freedom of speech!
537
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,759
Shut up, Sophie.
538
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,879
I can't stand by as people
539
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:15,999
yell racial slurs
540
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,359
and celebrate a day
541
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:18,879
founded on genoc...
542
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,639
(MUZAK VERSION
OF 'WALTZING MATILDA')
543
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:25,599
..genocide and I'm forced to do
stupid nationalistic bullshit
544
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,359
like wear this giant thong
545
00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:30,399
and stuff burnt sausages
in my mouth.
546
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:31,879
And for what?
547
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:33,439
Aussie pride?
548
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:36,079
SOPHIE: Yes! Aussie pride!
MAN: Boo!
549
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:37,799
CHARLIE: I said shut up, Sophie!
550
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:42,359
For four years,
this is all that I've done.
551
00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:44,479
And for what?
552
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,839
After years of trying
to be good enough
553
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,599
for you and this white audience.
554
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,399
And where does it land me?
(BOOING)
555
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:55,279
You sleeping with Sophie -
556
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:59,679
my thin, white, beautiful co-host.
557
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:03,679
That's right,
you pasty motherfuckers. I know!
558
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,719
But guess what -
559
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:09,399
I kissed Kate Miller-Heidke!
560
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,799
MAN: Ohhh! (LAUGHS)
That's right, I kissed her.
561
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,879
I kissed her on her mouth
and lots of other places!
562
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,399
All over Kate Miller-Heidke!
563
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,479
On your stupid celebration
of colonisation day
564
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,759
that you forced me into!
565
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:27,079
If you can ruin my day,
I can ruin all of yours too!
566
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:30,879
(PEOPLE CALL OUT)
It's over, Thomas.
567
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:32,719
Take the ring.
THOMAS: No...
568
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,799
We're finished!
569
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,839
Charlie, you've got it all wrong.
570
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,399
Oh, yeah? Explain it, then.
571
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,359
We wanted to surprise you!
572
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:46,279
To show you how much we appreciate
you - how much I appreciate you.
573
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,239
SOPHIE: Surprise!
See?
574
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,839
I just wanted you to like me,
Charlie.
575
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,079
Us feminists have really
gotta stick together
576
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:55,999
against women
like Kate Miller-Heidke.
577
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,000
Ohh!
578
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,000
You and Thomas...
579
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,319
..you're not sleeping together?
(THOMAS LAUGHS)
580
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:08,800
No. We're professional,
and I thought you were too.
581
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:18,759
What the fuck have I done?
582
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:20,719
What the fuck
have I done?
583
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:22,199
(BIRDSONG)
584
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,799
What have you done, Smallwood?
585
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,439
Uh... nothing.
586
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,440
J... Just a dream.
587
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:32,799
Did you all have
crazy weird dreams too?
588
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:34,959
No. Just diarrhoea.
(STOMACH RUMBLES)
589
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,319
So much diarrhoea.
590
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:39,239
I think those mushrooms were bad.
591
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,759
No! Those mushrooms were
a gift from our ancestors.
592
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:44,479
They were?
593
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:46,480
And I know just how
to get out of here!
594
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:50,400
(EXCITING MUSIC)
595
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:03,599
Swallow the antihistamine, Jayden!
596
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:07,959
The white man may have given you
allergies, but if you die, he wins!
597
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:08,999
OK!
598
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:12,800
I'm taking the 'antiseptamiss'
for all of us.
599
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:15,639
For my pop.
600
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,440
I love you, Pop!
601
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:20,999
Pop sounds like a great guy, Jayden.
602
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:22,519
How is he?
603
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:24,679
He's dead.
Oh.
604
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:26,039
He died last year.
605
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:27,840
How'd he die?
606
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,160
He stopped taking
his diabetes medicine.
607
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:34,560
Oh.
608
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,719
Come on! (MUTTERS)
609
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,479
I did it! High five.
610
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,039
GUY: Wait! Stop.
611
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:47,839
I swore I'd walk out of here alive.
612
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:49,239
(GROANS)
613
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,119
I swore it. I swore!
614
00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:53,719
MONTY: Well done, everyone!
615
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,360
I knew you could do it!
616
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:00,199
What?
617
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:04,279
Wait, it was you that was following
us? Not... not the panther?
618
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:07,079
That gammon beast isn't real!
619
00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:09,479
But I got party pies here.
620
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:11,880
Alright?
Ooh! Party pies!
621
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,439
Lionel.
Yeah?
622
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:17,919
I forgive you.
623
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:19,479
Ohh!
624
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,359
I'm so sorry, Kelly.
625
00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:23,919
Look, if it's any consolation,
I was thinking about you.
626
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:27,039
I'll give you something to think
about until we're married.
627
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:28,080
Yeah?
Mmm.
628
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:30,960
(WHISPERS AND GIGGLES)
629
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:36,079
He's wrong, Kirby.
630
00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,800
I met the panther. Last night.
631
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:41,199
She's real.
632
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:42,360
She?
633
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:49,440
I know what you did, Smallwood.
634
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:54,599
"Can Charlie ever undo
what she's didgeri-done?"
635
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:56,999
Are these the telemarketers
you're running from?
636
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:58,599
We have phone reception again?
637
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:00,720
(PHONE RINGS)
Ohh!
638
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:04,439
Oh!
639
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:05,680
(PHONE SMASHES)
640
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:09,920
Oh, wow!
641
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:12,399
That was easy.
642
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:14,599
It's not that simple to unplug.
643
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:17,159
Why? Have we got, like, a microchip
in our brain or something?
644
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:20,480
Probably, but... that's not it.
645
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:25,039
There's a bounty on your head
from a rival network.
646
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:27,600
You're a wanted woman, Smallwood.
647
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:32,480
Oh, God.
45824
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