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1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:04,772
ALEX:
A lot of things can disturb
your peaceful domestic life,
2
00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:06,307
but nothing
disturbs it more...
3
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,642
Alex's cheesy
eggs-travaganza
4
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:12,846
for my handsome son,
my beautiful wife...
5
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,282
...than your mother-in-law.
6
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:16,117
Joya?
No, thank you.
7
00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:17,851
I'd like to live
until Thursday.
8
00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:19,853
You know, Joya, it's so great
you were able to fly in
9
00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:21,389
for Soraya's recital.
10
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:22,756
A lot of people
would have settled for
11
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,592
a high-quality recording
of the event,
12
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:27,395
and yet you came all this way,
and two days early,
13
00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:30,531
which, again,
is so, so, so great.
14
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:31,632
Too many so's, bud.
15
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,067
Sorry.
Oh, I wouldn't miss it.
16
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:35,636
I still have
such fond memories
of Ben's recitals.
17
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:38,306
I still remember the beautiful
solo you did in second grade.
18
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,241
They called me
a young Susan Boyle.
19
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:41,942
And by "they,"
he means me.
20
00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:43,877
There's my little
Soraya Carey!
21
00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:44,978
Hi, boo-bear!
22
00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:46,680
Dad, I don't feel good.
23
00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:49,016
My throat's tickly
and my head hurts.
24
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,851
Let me feel.
25
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,953
Oh, she's burning up.
She's like the surface
of the sun.
26
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:54,488
Come here.
27
00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:55,689
She's not even warm.
28
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,057
Really?
Then maybe I'm sick.
29
00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,359
Check my uvula.
30
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,528
No, you're both fine.
You, go get dressed.
31
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,363
Are you sure we shouldn't keep
her home just to be safe?
32
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,965
Oh, here we go.
Al, you're so overprotective.
33
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,066
It's just
a little headache.
34
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:07,568
Don't forget about
that throat tickle.
35
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,069
You two
coddle these children.
36
00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:10,838
I don't!
I don't coddle anyone.
37
00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,273
What are you talk...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
38
00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:14,074
That cheese is piping hot.
39
00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:15,409
Let me give that
some wind.
40
00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:17,278
(BLOWING)
41
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,479
Good to go.
42
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:21,782
What?
43
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:32,460
Feel better, sweetie!
44
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:35,062
(SPEAKING BENGALI)
45
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,297
Where does your mother
get off criticizing
46
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,266
every single
parenting decision we make?
47
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:41,902
Well, she did raise
two pretty amazing kids,
if I do say so myself.
48
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,605
And unlike us, she and my dad
never disagreed
49
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:46,840
about whether or not
to send us to school.
50
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:48,709
In fact, I've never even
seen them fight.
51
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,043
They never fought?
All couples fight.
52
00:01:50,077 --> 00:01:51,212
No. Not my parents.
53
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,013
Okay, well,
then she's so great.
54
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:54,448
I think we're pretty darn good
parents, too.
55
00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:56,049
So she can
mind her own business.
56
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,117
What are you doing?
57
00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:58,319
I'm downloading
a translating app.
58
00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:00,654
I have a feeling she's talking
smack about me in Bengali.
59
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:03,056
Oh, she is.
There, now you don't
need the app.
60
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:04,225
Mwah!
61
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:06,294
Translate
"I love you a lot."
62
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:08,262
(TRANSLATES IN BENGALI)
63
00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:10,664
(SPEAKS BENGALI)
64
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:11,932
Oh, that's nice.
65
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,034
You just said you'd be
better off without me.
What?
66
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,103
But in your defense,
those two things
sound very similar.
67
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,405
I'm not gonna tell you
how to run your language,
68
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:18,806
but they probably shouldn't
be so close.
69
00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,308
I'll talk to my people.
70
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:22,109
Stupid app!
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Hatachara app.
71
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,311
Hatachara app!
72
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:25,679
Back at the office,
we had just had
73
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:28,148
an extensive focus group
on our new podcast,
74
00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:30,818
and I was waiting patiently
to hear all the feedback.
75
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:31,919
Is it ready?
No.
76
00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:32,986
How about now?
Not yet.
77
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,121
What about now?
Still no.
78
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,989
Okay, maybe patiently
was rounding it up.
79
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:38,058
Al, take it easy.
She's working on it.
80
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:39,293
I'm just so excited, Eddie.
81
00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:40,694
To hear what a bunch
of random people thought
82
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:42,330
about the podcast?
It's not random.
83
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:44,265
Focus groups are
a precise science.
84
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,700
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
Oh, it's Soraya's school.
85
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,736
This is Alex.
86
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:51,472
I don't know, that focus group
didn't seem so impressive
to me.
87
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,474
I saw one guy startle himself
in the mirror.
88
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:56,109
His opinion counts
just as much
as anyone else's.
89
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:57,945
And in his defense,
he's a twin,
90
00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,447
so he probably thought
he saw his brother.
91
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,250
Hey. Guess what?
Soraya is sick.
92
00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:04,918
I can't wait to rub it
in Rooni's smug face.
93
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,987
Ah, love.
I got to go pick her up.
94
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,389
But what about all my data?
Is it ready yet?
95
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:09,490
Alex, don't worry about it.
96
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,658
I'm gonna
get you the data soon,
97
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,360
and then we're gonna
change the world together.
98
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:13,694
Is that what I sound like?
Worse.
99
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:15,028
Oof.
100
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:17,331
Is it ready now?
I will kill you both.
101
00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:19,567
You may be wondering
why I'm home
102
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,868
in the middle of
a work day.
103
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,570
Is it because
you have a made-up job?
104
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,037
No, it's because
my daughter,
105
00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:26,574
whom you may remember
I suspected was sick
this morning
106
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,542
is in fact sick.
107
00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:31,044
Go and rest, sweetie.
Can you make it
up the stairs?
108
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:33,281
My throat hurts,
not my legs.
109
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:34,748
What a brave
little soldier.
110
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:38,752
Don't worry,
we're gonna get you
better for the recital!
111
00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:39,987
And what's wrong with her?
112
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:42,122
Well, the nurse diagnosed her
as low-energy,
113
00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:43,957
lethargic, and not herself.
114
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,393
Not herself, Joya.
115
00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:47,428
She's so sick, the nurse
didn't even recognize her.
116
00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:49,897
Is this the same nurse
that diagnosed Ben
117
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:52,165
with "a bad case
of the Mondays?"
118
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:53,834
You know,
you sound just like Rooni.
119
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,969
She doesn't believe
there's such a thing
as "the Mondays," either.
120
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:59,507
She also has a completely
different interpretation
of the term "hump day,"
121
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:02,142
which she reminds me
every time I try to celebrate
Hump Day.
122
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:04,512
(SPEAKING BENGALI)
123
00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:06,046
Could you
repeat that, please?
124
00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:07,615
(MUTTERS)
125
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:10,618
False alarm.
126
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:11,719
(TRANSLATING IN BENGALI)
127
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:12,753
Yeah, exactly.
128
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,524
Okay. Don't panic.
129
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:17,725
Why am I not panicking?
130
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,593
All the feedback from
the focus group is gone.
131
00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:21,762
Every spreadsheet,
every pie chart, every graph.
132
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,096
Uh-huh.
Stop panicking!
133
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,399
I went to back up my computer,
and instead,
134
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:28,369
I restored from
a previous back-up,
and I deleted everything!
135
00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:30,771
Well, did you, uh,
check the cloud?
136
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:32,340
Oh, don't say that like
you know what it means.
137
00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:33,574
This is bad, Eddie.
138
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,909
Dee, it's okay.
People make mistakes.
139
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,978
Eddie, we paid $5,000
for that data,
140
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,513
and Alex is gonna be
so upset.
141
00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,749
We have to fix this.
All right.
142
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:44,217
But just for the record,
I don't see
what the big deal is
143
00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:47,087
about a bunch of people
sitting around
giving their opinion.
144
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,624
You're right.
145
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:52,593
That's all
a focus group is.
146
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,728
We can just round up
people from the neighborhood.
147
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:55,996
They've got opinions.
148
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:58,131
We can make a focus group
right here!
149
00:04:58,165 --> 00:04:59,633
That sounds like
a lot of work.
150
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:01,602
Seems easier
just to check that cloud.
151
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:06,474
(SLOW CLAPPING)
152
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:10,344
Brava, Soraya.
153
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,546
Brava!
154
00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:14,415
What are you
talking about, weirdo?
155
00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:16,249
You're not sick.
You're faking.
156
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:17,618
I am sick.
157
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,286
(SNEEZES)
158
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,854
Seriously?
Okay.
159
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:22,956
I'm faking.
160
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,558
Why?
It's none of your business.
161
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:27,227
Fine, but if you're
gonna do it,
you've got to do it right.
162
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,930
I'm not gonna let you ruin
faking sick for both of us.
163
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,264
Really? You fake sick?
164
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:32,433
All the time.
165
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,968
I have a stomach virus
scheduled for next Friday.
166
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,937
We're supposed to climb a rope
in gym class.
167
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,139
Thanks, but I'm pretty sure
I can handle it.
168
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,841
All right.
169
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,510
(SNEEZES)
Bless you.
170
00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:44,878
No need.
171
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,915
That sneeze wasn't real.
172
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,350
Whoa.
173
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,720
Class is in session.
174
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:56,857
(SPEAKING IN BENGALI)
175
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:12,840
That's right, Joya.
Keep talking.
176
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,408
Talk all you want.
177
00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:17,911
(SPEAKING BENGALI)
178
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,983
(TRANSLATING) We don't
have to argue like this.
This is why we separated.
179
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:24,084
I'll call you back.
180
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:27,488
All right, I have
to call you back, J...onk.
181
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,991
That was my friend,
J... Jonk.
182
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:32,793
Going through
some tough times.
183
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:35,395
Poor Jonk.
184
00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:38,031
Okay, I got to come clean.
I downloaded this app
because I thought
185
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,700
you'd been talking about me
in Bengali and stuff.
186
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:40,768
I didn't mean to hear
you were getting separated.
187
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:41,869
It's none of my business.
188
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,771
Whatever you heard
stays between us.
189
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,005
And Rooni.
No.
190
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:47,908
I have not told her,
and you will not
tell her, either.
191
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:49,276
You didn't say
the magic word.
192
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:53,514
Okay, that's good enough.
193
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:55,749
Stupid app!
194
00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:57,250
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Hatachara app.
195
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:08,361
Hi, welcome to Ajana's
second-ever focus group.
196
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:09,563
Help yourself
to a square of pizza.
197
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:11,565
Pizza in little squares.
198
00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:12,733
I want to kill myself.
199
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,234
So, you're gonna
hear a podcast.
200
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:17,070
Just feel free to express
yourself as much as you want.
201
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:18,438
Do you have any questions?
Well, I have...
202
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:19,840
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
Shut up, it's my boss.
203
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,642
Everybody be quiet!
204
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,979
Hey, Alex.
ALEX: Guess what I
just found out.
205
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:27,615
Rooni's parents
are getting separated.
206
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:30,283
Oh, that's great.
207
00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:31,384
I mean, not for them.
208
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:32,853
Unless that's what they want,
in which case,
209
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,989
we should
respect their wishes.
How's Rooni taking it?
210
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:38,592
She doesn't know, and Joya
doesn't want me to tell her.
211
00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:40,327
And you know I can't
keep secrets from her.
212
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,696
I have to buy all of Rooni's
birthday presents day of.
213
00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:44,598
Yeah. Wow, I would not
want to be you,
214
00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:46,934
keeping something from someone
you love and respect.
215
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,903
Well, anyway, I'm just calling
to let you know I'm coming in.
216
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:52,573
I want to check out
that focus group data,
and I cannot stay here.
217
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,307
Yes, you can!
Of course you can.
218
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:56,577
You have to.
There's secrets
and a divorce
219
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,311
and a sick child
who needs you.
220
00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,880
Someone's probably gonna
get kidnapped soon!
221
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:01,181
Are you guys
drinking over there?
222
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,817
(LAUGHS) I wish!
223
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:06,286
No, but seriously,
Alex, I got this.
224
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,421
You stay put.
Yeah, I guess
I should stay here.
225
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:09,557
I can do it.
I got this.
226
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,458
I can lie to Rooni
and play it cool.
227
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,426
Hi.
Hi-ho!
228
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:16,664
And might I also add
the "derrio."
229
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,200
(SORAYA COUGHS)
230
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,369
(CLEARS THROATS)
231
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:25,673
No, no, no. You need to come
from the diaphragm. Again.
232
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,340
(COUGHS)
233
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,508
(SIGHS)
234
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:29,777
Okay. All right.
235
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:31,612
Maybe we need to try
a new approach.
236
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:33,513
Let's, uh, talk about
your back story.
237
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,448
If we can't find it
in the action,
238
00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:37,284
maybe we can find it
in the character.
239
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,519
It's the details
that make the lie.
240
00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:41,188
It's the details
that make you a nerd.
241
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,390
(SIGHS) Moving past that.
242
00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:45,759
Okay, let's start with
the illness itself.
243
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:48,195
Uh, where did you get sick?
Was it in the classroom?
244
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:50,631
Was it on the playground?
Did you forget
to wash your hands?
245
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:51,965
Did you get caught
in the rain?
246
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:54,234
Did you get bit by a bat?
Did you bite a bat?
247
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,837
If I say I got bit by a bat,
will you stop talking?
248
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,772
But what kind of bat?
249
00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:01,241
I brought this on myself.
250
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,076
Okay, Rooni's about to
come back downstairs.
251
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,311
You got to tell her
the big news.
252
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:06,213
What did I say about this?
I'll tell her when I'm ready.
253
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:07,681
No, I can't
keep secrets from Rooni.
254
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,683
It's eating away at me.
Time to rip off the Band-Aid.
255
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:11,551
The Band-Aid stays.
ROONI: Hey!
256
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,086
Ah. It's so nice
to get home early
257
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,688
and spend a little time
with you guys.
258
00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:16,256
So nice.
I'm gonna head out.
259
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,525
Oh, actually,
I thought we could
all cook dinner together.
260
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,228
Look, I'm just sick
of all this tension
between the two of you,
261
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:22,730
and I want to do
something about it.
262
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:24,698
So let's go!
Bonding time.
263
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,166
Oh, no, no.
I don't think so.
264
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:27,835
I agree with your mother.
Terrible idea.
265
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:29,069
See? Now, look at that!
266
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,704
You guys just
agreed on something.
267
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:31,805
It's working already.
268
00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:33,073
Well, let's quit
while we're ahead
269
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,574
and go out on a high note.
I agree once again.
270
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:35,876
Two for two.
Goodbye, Alex.
271
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,045
Bye!
All right, bring it in.
272
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:40,080
By the time I'm done,
273
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,382
you'll be braiding
each other's hair
and swappin' secrets.
274
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,017
No, no.
No secrets.
275
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:46,453
I vowed to never braid my hair
again after St. Thomas.
276
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:47,587
That woman
went way too tight.
277
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:50,090
Alex, why are you
fighting me on this?
278
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,625
I think
I hear Soraya crying.
279
00:09:51,659 --> 00:09:52,726
I didn't hear anything.
280
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,728
It's very high-pitched.
Only a father can hear it.
281
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,430
Got to hand it to you, Dee.
282
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:59,032
Didn't think
we could pull it off.
283
00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:01,068
I guess people do like
square pizza.
284
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,303
What are you talking about?
We didn't pull it off.
285
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,773
Look at these guys.
What's the matter with them?
286
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:08,441
What's the matter with them?
They have all beards.
287
00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:09,777
They're all
wearing suspenders.
288
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,411
Three of them
are named Wilt.
289
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,214
This is not a focus group,
it is an Arcade Fire concert.
290
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:17,751
This only works if we have
a cross-section
of real people,
291
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:20,520
and real people
don't live in Brooklyn.
292
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,056
That's it.
293
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:25,659
I'm going to Times Square.
294
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:28,261
Dee, what are you doing?
It's not worth it. It's late.
295
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,630
Just tell Alex you messed up
in the morning.
296
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:32,666
No. I can't!
I can't let him down, Eddie.
297
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,301
I'll give you a lift
into the city
298
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,670
if you don't mind sharing
the sidecar with my micro pig.
299
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:38,806
(GRUNTS)
300
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,142
Sure, Wilt.
301
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,884
Can I have
a glass of water?
302
00:10:50,918 --> 00:10:52,119
Sure, baby.
303
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,054
Just keep this thermometer
in your mouth, okay?
304
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:56,589
We are gonna get you better
in time for this recital.
305
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:59,659
My grandmother
had some amazing
home remedies.
306
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:03,230
Can you believe that
she lived to the age of 103?
307
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,065
And you know what,
she might still be with us
308
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,000
if she hadn't tried to
use one of those home remedies
309
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,468
on a wounded bear.
310
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,303
Man, she loved bears.
311
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,005
Let's see what
we're working with here.
312
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,008
Your temperature is...
313
00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:17,978
135 degrees.
314
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:21,381
I told you
it was a doozy.
315
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,818
So, I was right?
She's not sick?
316
00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,653
She's been faking
this whole time?
317
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,721
I'm starting to think
that nurse at school
318
00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,489
might just be a teacher
they were unable to fire.
319
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,925
We're gonna have
to punish her, Alex.
I mean, she lied to us.
320
00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:33,927
I don't know, I think
there's more going on here.
321
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:35,362
And if we come down
too hard on her,
322
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:36,496
we might not find out
what that is.
323
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:37,931
Alex, you always coddle her,
324
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,299
and that's exactly
why she thinks
325
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:40,567
she can get away
with this stuff.
326
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:41,869
You know, if I pulled
something like this,
327
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:43,370
my parents would have
grounded me for a week.
328
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,505
Oh, I forgot about
your perfect parents.
329
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,673
They always knew
what to do.
330
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,641
They have the same definition
of "hump day."
331
00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:50,210
Maybe I don't want
to be like your parents.
332
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:51,979
Because you like when our kids
treat you like an idiot?
333
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,313
Because I don't
want to get divorced.
334
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:54,581
What? My parents
aren't getting divorced.
335
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,418
Are my parents
getting divorced?
336
00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,519
Alex!
Joya!
337
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:02,522
Hi-ho,
and also the derrio.
338
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:03,891
(SIGHS)
339
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:05,192
Mom?
340
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:11,298
ALEX: Of all
the possible outcomes of
Joya's secret getting spilled,
341
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:14,034
the last one I imagined
was me being in trouble.
342
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,303
Wow, that was a long talk.
How are you?
343
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,570
Mad.
344
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,206
At you
for not telling me.
345
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,174
Okay, I'm so sorry, babe.
346
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,409
She said
to keep it between us,
347
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,211
and it felt like a real
"Keep it between us,"
348
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,412
not the kind
where you say it
349
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:27,047
and you both know
you're gonna tell your wife.
350
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,348
I got to
be honest with you.
351
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:30,417
I mean, all of this has me
pretty freaked out.
352
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,052
My parents
were the last couple
353
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,221
I would ever imagine
this happening to.
354
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,156
They were rock-solid.
I mean, if...
355
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,491
If those guys
can't make things work,
I mean, who can?
356
00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:40,260
Really? Come on.
We can.
357
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:42,695
How do you know?
They never even fought.
358
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:44,564
I mean, you and I fight
all the time.
359
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,066
We don't fight, come on.
360
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:51,071
We have tiny disagreements
about little things,
like...grapes.
361
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,773
You like red grapes
over green grapes,
which is crazy.
362
00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:56,076
We fight about more
than just grapes, Al.
363
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,777
We fight about
how much money to save,
364
00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:00,247
about whether or not
to refinish that basement,
365
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,049
about how to raise our kids.
366
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,251
We only fight
because your way is wrong.
367
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,652
I'm kidding!
Come on.
368
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:06,854
I'm trying
to make you laugh.
369
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:10,057
I'm tired.
I'm gonna go to bed.
370
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,859
Are you serious?
Sweetheart.
371
00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:13,994
I'm sor...
372
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:18,966
Guess I'm not celebrating
Hump Day.
373
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,471
Whoa, Dee.
374
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:25,772
You look like one of those
missing people
375
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,308
they find living in
someone's chicken coop.
376
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,577
I was in Times Square
all night.
377
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,246
I got over 100 people
to listen to the podcast
and give us feedback.
378
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,082
It's a little bit of
a different demographic than
we were looking at before.
379
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,483
It's very heavy
in Japanese tourists
380
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:37,817
and people whose dogs
talk to them,
381
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:39,686
but the dogs love the show,
so that's a positive.
382
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:41,855
Now all I have to do
is compile the data
before Alex gets in,
383
00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:44,391
and then my little mess-up
will just be between you, me,
384
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,059
and all the dirty superheroes
in New York.
385
00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:48,929
Deirdre,
this is insane.
386
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,430
Is it?
Is it insane?
387
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:52,265
Because I have never
let Alex down before,
388
00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:53,500
and I'm not about to start
right now.
389
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:56,569
Dee, Alex doesn't
respect you
390
00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:58,171
because you've never
made mistakes.
391
00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,107
He respects you
because you're a hard worker
392
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:02,042
who's really good
at her job.
393
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:04,444
He's very lucky
to have you.
394
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:08,515
Eddie, that is so
not helpful right now.
395
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:10,951
I need to enter in
all of these forms
before Alex gets here.
396
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,120
You're a lost cause.
All right, let me help you.
397
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:15,055
Give me some of these.
398
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:16,823
This guy's from a place
I've never heard of.
399
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,192
Your Mom's V...
I've heard of it.
400
00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:24,431
I was thinking about
how last night
401
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:25,966
you said we always
disagree on things,
402
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,268
so I made a list of
all the things we do agree on.
403
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:31,371
Here it goes.
We both think leather couches
are weird.
404
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,373
Second Becky
was the best Becky.
405
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,175
Birds are not
to be trusted.
406
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,277
I do hate birds.
What the hell
are they always all up to?
407
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,679
Just chill on a branch
for two seconds. No one cares.
408
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,281
Alex, Soraya won't
get out of bed.
409
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:44,985
I've tried yelling at her,
I've tried threatening
to take things away,
410
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:48,221
and she won't budge
because she knows that
when it comes down to it,
411
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:49,556
one of us
will always cave.
412
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,291
Okay, we might have
different styles,
413
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:53,026
but I can get results, too,
all right?
414
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:55,195
We've already tried
your aggro-bad cop.
415
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,730
Let me throw a little cuddly,
friendly cop at her,
416
00:14:57,764 --> 00:14:59,366
see what happens.
Fine.
417
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,168
Cuddly, friendly cop
has five minutes,
418
00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:02,402
and then I'm fireman-carrying
her to the car.
419
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,604
Cuddly, friendly cop
reporting for duty.
420
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:07,374
Wait, I don't trust you.
421
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,578
You didn't mention
the handcuffs.
422
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:14,314
If I'm going to school,
so is the chair.
423
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,083
Are those from
Ben's magic cabinet?
424
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,184
No.
425
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:18,218
I believe they are.
426
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:21,854
It's been a while, but...
427
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,656
Alakazam!
428
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:24,691
(HANDCUFFS CLATTERING)
429
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,926
Stupid magic.
430
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,561
I'm still not
going to school.
431
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:32,232
Soraya, you do not
have to go to school.
432
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,300
Really?
What?
433
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:36,736
If you tell me
why you don't want to go.
434
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,071
Is there a bully?
435
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:39,872
Did you not
do your homework?
436
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:42,209
Did you watch
the first half of
West Side Story yesterday
437
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:43,743
and now you want to see
what happens?
438
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:44,911
'Cause that's why
I played hooky.
439
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,647
If I tell you, you promise
I don't have to go to school?
440
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,549
Yeah.
441
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,451
I don't want
to do the recital.
442
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,421
What? Babe,
you've been excited
about it for months.
443
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,788
I'm scared
I'm gonna mess up.
444
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:56,889
You're gonna be great.
445
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,158
Not as great as Ben.
446
00:15:58,191 --> 00:16:00,060
He's so perfect
at everything.
447
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,794
Oh, honey, no.
448
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,765
Soraya,
Ben is not perfect.
449
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:06,899
Nobody's perfect.
450
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:10,637
Nothing in life is perfect,
including marriages.
451
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:13,173
But that feeling that you're
having about being scared
452
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:16,009
about not being perfect,
that's actually a good thing
453
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:19,612
'cause it means
you're gonna try harder
to figure things out.
454
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,148
Marriages only end
455
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,583
when people stop
trying to figure things out,
456
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:25,952
and I promise you,
I will never stop trying.
457
00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:31,091
I think Soraya gets
where you're coming from.
458
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:34,127
I think Soraya has no idea
what you're talking about,
459
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:37,830
and I know Soraya's
still not going to school.
460
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:41,801
You know what, sweetie,
I think there's something
you should see.
461
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,303
* Chillin' like a villain
in the cut
462
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:44,637
* Like a cavity filling
463
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,506
* The meaning of raw
is ready and willin' *
464
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:50,843
What is this? Is that Ben?
Yep.
465
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:53,180
You're too young to remember
his second-grade dance troupe.
466
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:55,215
Ben Thugs in Harmony.
467
00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:56,483
My idea.
468
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,185
SORAYA: He's so bad!
469
00:16:58,218 --> 00:16:59,852
ROONI: Yes. Yes, he is.
470
00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:02,989
You know what, he didn't let
his fear of not being perfect
471
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:06,193
stop him from going out there
and shaking his moneymaker.
472
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:09,796
Well, I'm still
a little bit scared,
473
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,498
but, I mean, come on.
474
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:15,034
I guess
I'll go to the recital.
475
00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:16,303
But can I still
skip school?
476
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:17,637
BOTH: No!
477
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,139
Come here, you.
(GIGGLES)
478
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:20,840
You're not skipping
any more school!
479
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,742
No more school skipping!
480
00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:26,313
None of this feedback
is usable.
481
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:29,216
This guy wrote
"Loved the movie.
Would definitely see again."
482
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,418
Hey, guys!
Alex! You're here!
483
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:32,552
So early.
484
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:33,720
Yeah, well,
I'm excited to see
485
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,822
what people thought
of the podcast.
Let's dig in!
486
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,426
What's the matter?
487
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,794
The data's gone, Al.
488
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:44,431
I lost it.
It was, um, an accident.
489
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,032
What are you
talking about?
490
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,700
You know how I am
with computers.
491
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:52,505
A virus led to a server
which led to a firewall
492
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:53,906
that unfortunately
we couldn't put out.
493
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:55,041
Eddie, how could
you possibly...
494
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,943
I was...
I made the mistake.
495
00:17:57,877 --> 00:17:59,279
Eddie was
taking the fall for me
496
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,013
in a way that
makes me suspect
497
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:03,049
he lied about auditing
that computer course
498
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,252
at The New School.
But it was me.
499
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,919
You lost all of the data?
500
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:08,855
I did.
501
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:11,624
You trusted me, and I made
a mockery of that trust.
502
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:12,725
I'm garbage.
503
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:15,061
I'm less than human.
I'm like a worm person.
504
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,096
I don't deserve
to be above ground.
505
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:20,833
Deirdre! You're not
a worm person, okay?
506
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,702
You deserve
to be above ground.
507
00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:24,036
With the rest of us.
508
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,005
Okay?
509
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:29,609
Don't get me wrong, I'm not
thrilled the data's gone,
but you made a mistake.
510
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,578
I've made plenty of mistakes
in my life.
511
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,280
I could tell you stories.
Eddie!
512
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:38,518
But one of the best things
I ever did was hire you.
513
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:43,756
I just need a minute.
514
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:46,559
Why is she crying?
515
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:48,261
She, uh,
slept in Times Square.
516
00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:51,097
Hey. You want to see a picture
of a tiny pig in a fedora?
517
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,299
Absolutely.
518
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:54,334
(LAUGHS) Aw!
519
00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:55,768
He got a little hat on.
520
00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:57,570
(APPLAUSE)
521
00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:58,605
Excuse me.
522
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:00,640
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
523
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:02,041
Oh, you didn't
miss anything.
524
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:04,511
Joya, I wanted to say
I got so carried away
525
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:07,146
with trying to keep
the secret that I forgot
to say I'm sorry.
526
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:08,748
So I'm sorry,
527
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:10,350
and please let me know
if you ever want to talk.
528
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:11,518
I'm fine.
529
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:14,921
But thank you.
530
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:21,160
(SPEAKING BENGALI)
531
00:19:21,194 --> 00:19:23,430
What'd she say?
She said you're not so bad.
532
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:24,697
Yeah, right.
533
00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:27,634
Our next performer
is Miss Soraya Schuman.
534
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,702
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
535
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,013
* You can be amazing
536
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:44,917
* You can turn a phrase
into a weapon or a drug
537
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:46,286
* You can be the outcast
538
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:49,822
* Or be the backlash
of somebody's lack of love
539
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:54,661
* Or you can start
speaking up
540
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,564
* Nothing's gonna hurt you
the way that words do
541
00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,799
* And they settle
'neath your skin
542
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:02,669
* Kept on the inside
and no sunlight
543
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:05,071
* Sometimes the shadow wins
544
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:09,476
* But I wonder
what would happen if you
545
00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:12,479
* Say what you wanna say
546
00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:16,316
* And let the words fall out
547
00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:18,017
ALEX: Perfection is
a funny thing.
548
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,519
We're all looking for it.
549
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:22,054
We all think
we've caught a glimpse of it.
550
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:25,024
But the truth is,
it doesn't really exist.
551
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:28,060
The best we can hope to do
is keep practicing.
552
00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:29,296
* I want to see you be brave
553
00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:30,397
Keep talking
through our problems.
554
00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:32,565
* See you *
555
00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:34,434
And allow ourselves
to make mistakes.
556
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:38,137
'Cause when we do that,
557
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:40,807
occasionally,
a funny thing happens.
558
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:44,777
We stumble upon something
that may not be perfect
559
00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:48,848
but it just might be
even better.
560
00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:51,884
* I wanna see you be brave *
561
00:20:52,719 --> 00:20:53,753
Thank you.
562
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:56,723
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
563
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,792
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
564
00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:09,902
"Ben, do you feel okay?
565
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:12,539
"Those bags under your eyes
don't look good."
566
00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:14,641
But, Dad,
I can't miss school!
567
00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:17,377
There was an essay test
I was so looking forward to!
568
00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:19,346
"Well, you don't think
it's a stomach bug, do you?"
569
00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:20,880
Ben.
Aah! Occupied!
570
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:22,349
Occupied!
You're going to school.
571
00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:23,616
Come on, Dad!
572
00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:25,518
The San Diego Zoo
is live-streaming
573
00:21:25,552 --> 00:21:27,086
the birth of a baby condor.
574
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,287
That's today?
575
00:21:28,321 --> 00:21:29,456
Give me that makeup.
42993
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