All language subtitles for Alex, Inc. (2018) - S01E05 - The Mother-in-Law (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 t3nzin)_track3_[eng]

ALEX: Things with the company
were really coming together,

but we were still
missing a name.

Story Space...
Story Place...

Story... Amos?

**

Apple!

Oh, no,
that's already a thing.

**

Talk of the Town,
Talk of the Night,

Talk of the Truck, Taco Truck.

Beets!
Oh, damn you, Dr. Dre.

Pod, Pod People, The Podsters.

Fire.
Ooh, I like that, like stories
around the campfire.

No, like the bacon's
on fire.

ALEX: I was even
working on it in my sleep.

Signal...
Signal Media...

Today's guest
is Alex Schuman,

the CEO
of Signal Media.

(LAUGHS) Oh.

Thanks, Oprah,
but I'm a married man.

And what about Stedman?
(GRUNTS)

(SNORES)

I've got it!

Guys, I've got the name!

I've got it.
I got the name.

Prepare to be wowed.

No, don't shake
your head.

You haven't even
heard it yet.

It is...
I'd like to be wowed.

Honey, you didn't tell me
that your mother was visiting.

What a fun surprise.

**

What's your mother
doing here?

Sometimes moms just
pop in unannounced.

Who pops in from Dallas?

And maybe she heard about you
starting your company

and decided to come in
and provide the kids

with some stability
during this turbulent time.

Well, if she's here,
I hope she's ready

for some fun in the city,
extra spicy,

Indian-style,
the full Schuman.

No, no.
No full Schuman.

Please, babe,
I really don't want you

to do that thing where you try
overcompensating with her.

I bet your mother would love
my overcompensating

if I was that Bengali doctor
you used to date,

that stupid,
perfect Dr. Sandeep.

Yeah, well, I didn't want
to marry a tall,

handsome,
successful doctor.

I wanted
to marry you.

Okay, fine.
No overcompensating.

Maybe just
some regular compensating

with just a hint
of under-compensating.

Thank you.

(CELL PHONE PLAYS
INDIAN MUSIC)
And to prove it to you,

I'll be ignoring
that Google alert I just set

for any and all
Indian-themed events

happening in the greater
New York area.

**

Joya!

It really is
good to see you.

Good to see you,
too,

although I would have
been fine seeing
a little less of you.

Yes.
Sorry for my lack of clothes.

Or as you might say,
"Sorry, I forgot my sari."

Oh, my God.

Rooni,
did I tell you

that I recently
became Facebook friends

with your old friend
Dr. Sandeep?

And he posted the cutest video
of his gorgeous family.

Why are they covered
in colors?

They are observing
the Hindu holiday of Holi.

Your mother used to love Holi
as a girl.

I guess they decided
not to continue that tradition

with the two of you...
For some reason.

Oh, Mom,
isn't it a little early
for this much judgment?

So, Alex,
I hear that you decided

to jeopardize
your children's future

by quitting your radio DJ job
to start a new company.

I guess that means it's
not too early. The
company's going great.

Thank you for asking.

We launch our first podcast
in a few weeks.

(SNAPS FINGERS)
Come to think of it,

since the family is
such a big part of the series,

it would be wonderful
to get you on tape

to hear some of your thoughts
on everything.

(SPEAKING BENGALI)

She said,
"Maybe later."

Okay. That's one's gonna be,
"Maybe later."

Awesome.

So, what is
this company called?

The name has actually been
a little hard to come by.

But this morning,
while washing
my undercarriage,

I think I found it.

The name
or your undercarriage?

(LAUGHTER)

The name.
Kids, drumroll.

The Universal
Radio Directive.

**

It's so...long.

It hurts my brain.

The acronym is "TURD."

(LAUGHING)
Dad's making a giant TURD!

No, no.
I'm not gonna make a TURD.

It sounded better
when I was soapy.

You should have
stayed a DJ.

Everyone in New York
needs DJs.

There are weddings,
bar mitzvahs...

Mom, you know he wasn't
an actual DJ, right?

I wasn't a DJ.

...Quinceaneras,
block parties,
proms, hootenannies.

Magic shows.
Raves.

Kids, come on!

Grandma Express
leaves in five!

Thanks again
for handling drop-off, Mom.

Hmm, anything to help launch
your husband's giant turd.

Could you please
just try

to take it easy
on Alex a bit?

He gets so anxious
just trying to please you.

You know who else
I was tough on? You.

And you
turned out to be

a very successful
public defender.

But, you know, maybe
I should have treated you

like your cousin Debesh,
huh?

My sister coddled him,
treated him like a prince,

and now he's a Prince...
Impersonator.

Okay, Mom, please.
(SIGHS)

Fine.

If it means
that much to you,
I'll be nice.

What's this?
Alex likes to leave

a little joke in their lunch
every day.

"How do you make
a tissue dance?

"Put a little boogie
in it."

He doesn't
make it easy.

No,
he really doesn't.

Let me
ask you something.

What's the one thing
every company here has
that we don't?

Mints.
Diversity.

A name.

Oh, that was gonna be
my next guess.

Sure would be nice
to have those mints, though.

Guys, we can't
keep putting this off.

No one is gonna take
this company seriously

until we have
a name.

And to be honest,
it's a little embarrassing.

I mean, even the
Virtual Reality Machine
guys found a name.

EDDIE:
Ve Are VR?

Sure, it's not great,
but you get who vey vare.

Does this sudden motivation
have anything to do

with your mother-in-law
being in town?

Ed, having a name
would give us legitimacy

in the eyes
of a lot of people.

(CELL PHONE PLAYS
INDIAN MUSIC)

Including
my mother-in-law.

(CELL PHONE CLICKS)

"Interested in
Indian threesomes?"

It's probably for golf.

Deirdre, what's the current
status of our name search?

Well, currently,
our status is nothing.

But one of my roommates
works for a branding agency

that specializes
in naming.

They name everything
from businesses,

to Ikea furniture,
to new diseases.

Flardstorp...
That was them.

I think that's the name
of my shelving unit.
No.

Actually,
it's the hot new bird flu.

Should I
set up a meeting?
I don't know.

Hiring some corporate,
soulless agency to name us...

It goes against
the very first thing

I'm looking for in a name,
which is authenticity.

I like it when a name
has two meanings,

like the movie
Face/Off.

Okay, this is good.

You know, why don't we...
Why don't we just make a list

of everything we want
in a name? Deirdre.

Okay, I like names that are
subtle and clean, you know,

like one syllable,
and remind people

of a simpler time,
like "Cream" or "Yurt."

Okay.
I'm not sure about
those specific names,

but I like the thought.

**

Morning, Stanley.
Morning, Ben.

I think it's weird
that you know
all the janitors' names.

I think it's weird
that you don't.

You've got
to be kidding me.

Sven Chang has been killing it
with the ladies lately.

Even Chloe!

Yeah, my Chloe.

I don't get it.
What's so great about him?

I guess they think he's cool
because he's super diverse.

The guy is Swedish,
Chinese, and Brazilian.

We just had
a multicultural unit,

and it was like a week-long
Sven Chang propaganda piece.

Well,
you're diverse.

You're Indian
and whatever dad is.

New Jersian,
I guess.

But nobody knows that.

My name
is Ben Schuman!

I sound like an orthodontist
with an herb garden.

Too bad you didn't get
this multiracial skin

or a name
like Soraya.

I... I just wish
there was a way

to showcase
my Indian side.

Dude, Sven Chang
just brought in these!

Have some Swedish
meatball dumplings.

You gotta try them.

Angelo, you just gave me
a great idea.

God, I love Sven Chang!

ALEX: Okay.

So, all we need
is an authentic,
one-syllable name

that reminds people
of a bygone era,

either includes
or definitely doesn't include
the word "podcast,"

is familiar
but not too familiar,

doesn't think
it's better than you,

and possibly has two meanings,
like the movie Face/Off.

(SIGHS)
Naming stuff is hard.

This is why
I never buy plants.

Yeah, and even if
you like a name today,

doesn't mean that you're gonna
like it tomorrow.

When I was a kid,
I named my imaginary
friend Fuzzybottom,

and now I feel kind of silly
calling her that.

Maybe we should just go with
Deirdre's name guys.

I read online they
came up with
"Hot Pockets."

I mean,
they're obviously talented.

Come on, you guys.
We can do this.

This is our identity.

It's gonna tell people
who we are.

So...

Who are we?

**

You know what?

Maybe we should
take a little break,
clear our heads.

I got an idea.

Surprising Alex
with a pizza party

was a great idea,
Mom.

Well, you said
to be nice.

Your auntie
was the inspiration.

She used to surprise
your cousin Debesh with snacks

while he was
pulling all-nighters

recording his cover
of Raspberry Beret.

I know
Dad likes pizzas,

but I would have
preferred samosas.

We Bengalis have
a different name for samosas.

We call them singaras.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

That's awesome.

Do you think you can show me
how to make them sometime?

Like, enough to feed
a classroom-amount of people?

Of course.

These things are an important
part of your identity.

**

So, is this
some kind of a sweatshop?

I know
it's a little funky,

but everyone here
is working hard
to pursue their dreams.

And no one works harder
than Alex.

I actually think
you'll be impressed

when you see him
in action.

ALEX: I'm gonna land
on that little rock
over there!

MAN:
Go for it.

Oh, look at
these cute little creatures!

Hit them
with the fireball!

Oh, I don't want to
hurt them. Aah!

They're the bad guys!
They're bad guys.

They're attacking my legs!
They're attacking me!

I'm sorry.
I gotta
get outta here!

Just hold on.

Aah! Aah!

It is nice to see him
in action.

ALEX: I was so obsessed
with how I'd embarrassed
myself in front of Joya

that I couldn't even focus
on the name search.

Thrust.

Grind.

Hump.

I used to have
glutes like that.

Too much upkeep.
Alex!

Sorry, guys. I'm just...
I'm in my head.

Rooni was acting so weird
this morning.

Maybe Joya's finally
getting to her.

I'm pretty sure
she was the one

who locked you in that
broom closet at your wedding.

Really?

Whoever it was
brought a hammer
and nails to my wedding.

I just can't imagine
somebody not liking you.

I mean, you're Alex.
You're the reason people
wake up in the morning.

Some people.
Not me.

Hey, if it makes you feel
any better,

Indian women
aren't into me, either.

Now, Pakistani women,
they can't get enough.

Turns out, I am one of
the many things

those countries
don't agree on.

I just wish there was some way
to change Joya's mind
about me.

Yeah, well,
we could work on that

or we could
talk about a name.

You're right.
I'm sorry.

Let's focus.
Okay.

(CELL PHONE PLAYS
INDIAN MUSIC)

I'll be right back.

Dad,
where are we going?

It's a surprise,
but don't worry.

You're gonna love it.
You better not
be taking me

to put on a robot hat
and have gremlins eat my legs.

Yesterday,
I couldn't help but notice

you were a little disappointed
that our family
doesn't celebrate Holi...

A holiday that signifies
fresh starts, forgiveness,

repairing
broken relationships.

Are you taking us
to a Holi?

Awesome,
we're gonna get messy!

Alex,
that is very sweet!

You know, I have some of
the most wonderful memories
of Holi as a child.

Well, prepare to have
some more wonderful memories
of Holi as an adult!

(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS)
MAN: That's right, baby!

(CHEERING)

This isn't Holi!

I think I'm the only
Indian person here.

Guess I should've read
the website closer.

This juice tastes funny.

I can't feel my face.
Give me that!

Look, Joya,
I know this isn't probably

the kind of Holi
you're used to,

but I think we can still
have fun.

Holi!

**

You know what?
It's not that fun.

(SPITTING)

The important thing
to remember

is that this is one of those
freak things that happens,

and it really isn't
anyone's fault.

Go dry off.
I want to talk to your dad.

Or you know what, stay here
and we'll all go in together.

Stay strong,
Dad.

We'll see you
on the other side.

Ow! It's too pointy!
That's my nighttime zone!

Why couldn't you just
do what I asked?
I tried.

But you don't know
what it's like

having to deal with your
mother's constant disapproval.

You think I don't know
what that's like?

I'm just saying,
I could use a little bit
more support with your mother.

(SPITS, COUGHS)

You want
to talk about support?

Where's my support?

While you're off
chasing your dreams,

I'm here struggling
to hold our lives together.

You think I wanted
to ask my mom for help?

Wait, you asked her
to come?

I needed help,
and I knew if I asked you,
you'd freak out.

I cannot believe
you lied to me.

We're supposed to be
honest with each other
no matter what.

You want honesty?
Yes.

I'm scared.

We have so much
riding on this,

our savings, this house,
our careers,

and you can't even
name your company.

I love that you're the guy
with these big dreams.

But right now,
I need you to be the guy
who can get things done.

**

(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

(COUGHS)

ALEX: After what Rooni said,
it was time
to call in the professionals.

Let me tell you a little bit
about what we do.

We name things.

Mmm.
Let me tell you
a little more.

We name the crap
out of things.

Mmm!

Well, that's great
because we need a name,
and for whatever reason,

it's been impossible for us
to come up with one.

Impossible is
our specialty!

Mindr, Findr, Bindr, Windr...
All us.
Show them the dogs.

Celebrity dogs.
Named...them...all.

I told you these guys
were very good.
That's good.

So, does that
answer your question?

I don't think
we asked a question.

No, we never got a chance
to ask questions.

No,
not out loud.

Um, but, do you
have a name for us?

Uh, yeah,
I'd say we have a name.

**

Squiz Media.

What's a Squiz?

It isn't anything.

You don't have to
worry about people

having any pre-existing
negative associations.

So, how does Squiz relate
to our identity as a company?

Nobody cares about that stuff,
A-money.

This has been focus-grouped
from Maine to Spain.

Squiz is
a sure thing.

It's fun.
It's sharp.

(WHISPERING)
It's now.

(WHISPERING)
Right now.

So, what do you say?

We... We do need a name ASAP,

and you... You did test it
from Maine to Spain.

Uh, okay. Uh...

Let's go with Squiz.

Yeah.
Whoo!

We're in Squiz-ness.

Yay.
DEIRDRE: Cool.

You may know these as samosas,
but in the Bengal,

where my family is from,
we call them singaras.

I saved the biggest one
for you, Chloe.

This looks amazing.

It's an old
family recipe.

Tradition is very important
in my culture.

Ooh!

Sorry, Sven.

Must have miscounted.

All right, everyone,
(SPEAKING NEPALI)

Or as my French
great-grandmother

on my dad's side
would say, bon appetit!

**

(ALL COUGHING)

GIRL: Too spicy!

**

Oh, no.
We went too authentic!

Why?

My insides
are on fire!

My organs
are staging a revolution!

Don't worry, Chloe.
The Chang is here.

Stay with me,
stay with me.

I hate you,
Ben Schuman!

I'm assuming
you're finished?

He has a juice box!

TEACHER:
Angelo, sit down!

Everyone sit down!

I've never been to war,

but it can't be worse
than what happened
in that classroom today.

The school paper is calling it
"The Singara Horra."

Oh, Ben,
I am so sorry.

I guess
I'm just not used to

cooking for
American children.

I don't get it.

Why is it so hard
to get girls to like me?

You used to be
a girl.

What did Grandpa do
to get you?

(LAUGHS)
Your grandfather
didn't do anything.

It was
an arranged marriage.

My father talked
to his father,
we met once,

and then, that was it.
We were married.

That sounds
so much easier.

How can I get
one of those?

Arranged marriages
aren't all great.

It worked for me,
but you're lucky

to live someplace
where you get to choose
your own partner.

One reason why
your grandfather and I
moved to this country

was so that our children
could know that kind
of freedom.

So...

You're not mad that Mom chose
to marry Dad over Dr. Sandeep?

What? (LAUGHS) No.

Why would you
think that?

Well,
it's pretty obvious

that you don't like
my dad very much.

**

Sweetheart,
that is not true.

Your father
is a good man.

We may not see eye-to-eye
on everything,

but he takes good care
of you

and he makes your mother
very happy.

ALEX:
Hey, Alex Schuman.

Squiz Media, double handshake.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

I'm a Squizzer.

Alex,
can I interrupt...

Whatever it is
that's going on here?

Joya, I'm really not
in the mood to be
insulted right now.

Okay.

Look, I know that I have
given you a hard time

about starting
this company.

I also know,
more than most,

that it takes a lot of courage
to leave what you know behind

in order to give yourself
and your family a better life.

Thank you.

I gotta say, it's a lot harder
than I thought.

I know Rooni told you
she was worried,

but I have to
be honest.

I'm worried, too.
I have everything
on the line.

I'm going to
tell you a story.

So, get your giant microphone
out of your manny-pack.

It's going to be
a good one.
Really?

That's great. You know,
the sound out here...

The sound is fine.

When I was a little girl
in Calcutta,

my grandfather
treated me differently

than he treated
all of the sisters
and the girl-cousins.

He treated me,
for some reason,
like one of the boys.

He would send me,
all by myself,

to the market
to get potatoes

or hilsa,
the king of fish,

when I was
no older than Soraya.

That's so young.
You must have
been terrified.

I was.

And I told my dadu.

And he sat me down,
and he said,

"You don't even know
what you are afraid of.

"You must never fear ajana,"

which in Bengali
means "the unknown."

"Because,"
he went on to say,

"ajana is where
all the good things happen."

I never forgot that.

And even now,
every time that I'm afraid,

I see that little
seven-year-old girl

throwing her shoulders back

and marching into
that crowded market
in Calcutta.

So...

Throw your shoulders back,
Alex Schuman.

**

Wow, hi.

I'm guessing things went well
at the branding agency?

They came up
with a name for us.

They said
it was a sure thing

that tested well
from Maine to Spain,

and I'm not using it.

Wait,
you're not?

I... I'm so confused.

I just had the most
incredible conversation
with your mother.

Okay,
now I'm really confused.

She told me this awesome story
from her childhood,

and it just
made me realize,

we're not
"sure thing" people.

That's not us.

You know, my old job
was a sure thing,
and I hated it.

And... And I'll bet you
handsome Dr. Sandeep
was a sure thing,

and yet you chose a dreamer
with large features.

Babe,
we follow our hearts

and we embrace
the unknown.

And sometimes,
it is so scary.

But it's also...
Where all
the best stuff happens.

She told you about ajana.

**

That's it.

What's what?

That's the name
of our company...

Ajana,
the unknown.

It's perfect!

So much better
than TURD.

I have to do something amazing
for your mother.

Don't worry,
I won't do anything too crazy.

Actually, I think
I know something she'd like

that is
a little crazy.

(INDIAN MUSIC PLAYS)

* One, two

* One, two, three, go

(RASPBERRY BERET PLAYS)

* She wore a raspberry beret

* The kind you find
in a second-hand store

* Raspberry beret

* And if it was warm
She wouldn't wear much more

* Raspberry beret *

Ajana.

Is it me, or does that sound
a little like vag...

Do you really want to
go down that road again?

Love the name, boss!
ALEX: Me, too.

But I can't take
all the credit.

**

(LAUGHS)

Oh, y'all bastards messed
with the wrong Bengali!

Oh, what's this? (EXCLAIMS)

I'm flying!

Alex, I can fly!

Um, you said she was just
gonna be a minute.

I got a bunch of work
to do.

I have never
seen that woman smile,

so you might wanna
get comfortable, Orson.

I'm flying!

(LAUGHS)