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1
00:00:08,367 --> 00:00:10,267
Doesn't she also have
No boys at forever?
2
00:00:10,201 --> 00:00:12,369
Don't you have an eating
disorder you need to attend to?
3
00:00:12,403 --> 00:00:16,507
Yeah, anyway, uh,
we could see the 4:00 or the 6:20.
4
00:00:16,541 --> 00:00:17,708
Oh, actually, that's no good.
5
00:00:17,742 --> 00:00:19,176
I'm meeting my friend
denise for a drink.
6
00:00:19,210 --> 00:00:21,078
Denise? Do I know denise?
7
00:00:21,112 --> 00:00:23,180
Yeah, you know, my old girlfriend.
Haley: Oh, my god. Gross.
8
00:00:23,214 --> 00:00:25,215
I can't even picture
you with a woman.
9
00:00:25,250 --> 00:00:26,583
Thank you.
10
00:00:26,618 --> 00:00:27,851
You had a girlfriend before mom?
11
00:00:27,886 --> 00:00:29,019
Try two.
12
00:00:29,053 --> 00:00:31,755
Trust me. I had plenty
of fun in my time.
13
00:00:31,789 --> 00:00:33,223
And then I met your mom.
14
00:00:33,258 --> 00:00:34,858
And thank you.
15
00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:39,096
So, uh, I guess she travels
around selling makeup
16
00:00:39,130 --> 00:00:40,430
For a cosmetics company.
17
00:00:40,465 --> 00:00:41,832
She's in town for a week.
18
00:00:41,866 --> 00:00:44,034
You mean she's like a
door-to-door salesman?
19
00:00:44,068 --> 00:00:45,469
If you were doing it,
20
00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:47,604
They'd call it a
dork-to-dork salesman.
21
00:00:47,639 --> 00:00:49,106
Phil: Ohh!
22
00:00:49,140 --> 00:00:51,441
My boy strikes like a rattlesnake!
23
00:00:51,476 --> 00:00:54,811
Oh, yeah? Well -- well, you...
24
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:57,247
Wow. All right, well,
we can see the movie tomorrow.
25
00:00:57,282 --> 00:00:59,016
Come on. It's time for your lesson.
26
00:00:59,050 --> 00:01:02,619
You mean her second lesson,
because she just got schooled.
27
00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:05,956
What's wrong with me today?
28
00:01:05,990 --> 00:01:07,057
Shake it off, champ.
29
00:01:07,091 --> 00:01:08,492
It's not your day. [ smooches ]
30
00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:10,193
Manny: Hey.
31
00:01:10,228 --> 00:01:11,628
Ay.
32
00:01:11,663 --> 00:01:14,264
Good morning, papi. Is it?
33
00:01:14,299 --> 00:01:17,167
Aw, you're still sad
because of that audition.
34
00:01:17,201 --> 00:01:19,770
That part was mine.
I was born to play tevye.
35
00:01:19,804 --> 00:01:21,605
Instead they give
it to rod jackson?
36
00:01:21,639 --> 00:01:23,307
What does he know from suffering?
37
00:01:23,341 --> 00:01:24,408
How we doing?
38
00:01:24,442 --> 00:01:25,642
A little better,
39
00:01:25,677 --> 00:01:28,145
But we're gonna go and throw
ice cream at the problem.
40
00:01:28,179 --> 00:01:30,847
Well, if that doesn't work,
this should do the trick.
41
00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:33,550
"what doesn't kill us
makes us stronger."
42
00:01:33,585 --> 00:01:34,885
We can hang this in your room.
43
00:01:34,919 --> 00:01:36,787
You can see it every morning,
start to internalize it.
44
00:01:36,821 --> 00:01:38,355
Pretty soon,
nothing will keep you down.
45
00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:40,123
But it's not true.
What are you talking about?
46
00:01:40,158 --> 00:01:42,259
Lots of stuff that doesn't
kill you makes you weaker.
47
00:01:42,293 --> 00:01:44,227
My friend's grandfather
had a heart attack.
48
00:01:44,262 --> 00:01:45,796
Now he needs a machine to breathe.
49
00:01:45,830 --> 00:01:47,331
I've seen him at the supermarket.
50
00:01:47,365 --> 00:01:49,566
Now he needs to drive one
of those little, like...
51
00:01:49,601 --> 00:01:50,867
[ imitates engine ]
52
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:52,135
Yeah, that's right. Be negative.
53
00:01:52,170 --> 00:01:54,905
It's just not a good poster, jay.
54
00:01:54,939 --> 00:01:56,873
You're only making me stronger.
55
00:01:57,848 --> 00:02:07,117
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
56
00:02:09,621 --> 00:02:11,188
Did you pack the, uh,
bread for the ducks?
57
00:02:11,222 --> 00:02:12,522
Yes.
58
00:02:12,557 --> 00:02:14,491
Not the whole-wheat kind.
The ducks don't like that.
59
00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:16,093
They're ducks, mitchell.
They don't care.
60
00:02:16,127 --> 00:02:17,427
We both believe that animals
61
00:02:17,462 --> 00:02:19,296
Should play a big
part in lily's life.
62
00:02:19,330 --> 00:02:21,765
Having grown up on a farm,
I was surrounded by them.
63
00:02:21,799 --> 00:02:23,500
They were more like
brothers and sisters
64
00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:24,901
Than just, you ow, livestock.
65
00:02:26,004 --> 00:02:27,838
Delicious brothers and sisters.
66
00:02:27,872 --> 00:02:30,007
Life on a farm -- they know
what they're getting into.
67
00:02:31,142 --> 00:02:32,242
Eesh.
68
00:02:32,276 --> 00:02:33,610
[ cellphone rings ]
69
00:02:33,645 --> 00:02:35,445
Wait. Oh, it's the office.
70
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:37,214
Don't answer it. I have to.
71
00:02:37,248 --> 00:02:39,149
It's like this every Saturday.
Just ignore it.
72
00:02:39,183 --> 00:02:40,717
Well, maybe it's
not that this time.
73
00:02:40,752 --> 00:02:42,853
Hello?
74
00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:45,055
[ groans ]
75
00:02:45,089 --> 00:02:46,523
Yeah.
76
00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:49,159
[ clears throat ]
77
00:02:53,998 --> 00:02:55,365
That's nice.
78
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,769
[ electricity crackles ]
79
00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:00,203
Holy...
80
00:03:00,238 --> 00:03:02,839
Shel? You all right, buddy?
81
00:03:05,743 --> 00:03:07,611
Cameron: Oh, there's
four of them, mitchell!
82
00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:09,479
They're giving her
little duck kisses,
83
00:03:09,514 --> 00:03:10,881
And she -- oh, she's laughing!
84
00:03:10,915 --> 00:03:12,482
I can't believe
you're missing this.
85
00:03:12,517 --> 00:03:14,551
Well, why not, cam?
I've missed everything else.
86
00:03:14,585 --> 00:03:16,219
She rolled over when
I was in phoenix.
87
00:03:16,254 --> 00:03:18,021
She started scooting
en I was in court.
88
00:03:18,056 --> 00:03:20,323
Well, just tell them
you're not coming in.
89
00:03:20,358 --> 00:03:21,692
You do enough for them.
90
00:03:21,726 --> 00:03:25,228
Well, you know that,
I know that, you know?
91
00:03:25,263 --> 00:03:28,932
The only one who doesn't
know that is my sucky boss.
92
00:03:28,966 --> 00:03:31,268
He's the suckiest suck of all time.
93
00:03:31,302 --> 00:03:34,738
He's a miserable son
of a bitch who...
94
00:03:34,772 --> 00:03:39,476
May have heard
everything I just said.
95
00:03:46,007 --> 00:03:47,941
When are you getting
together with your gal pal?
96
00:03:47,976 --> 00:03:49,243
Actually, I was just
checking on that.
97
00:03:49,277 --> 00:03:50,577
She's supposed to
send me a message.
98
00:03:50,612 --> 00:03:52,613
Ohh. You're facebook friends.
99
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:53,981
Sure am. Oh...
100
00:03:54,015 --> 00:03:56,850
She's one of my 447 friends.
101
00:03:56,885 --> 00:03:58,019
Everybody wants a slice.
102
00:03:58,453 --> 00:04:00,454
How long have you two been
in touch with each other?
103
00:04:00,489 --> 00:04:02,556
Uh, she tracked me
down about a year ago.
104
00:04:02,591 --> 00:04:04,926
Mm. Mm, mm.
105
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,527
What? What's -- what's that sound?
106
00:04:06,561 --> 00:04:08,262
Mm. Nothing. [ beep ]
107
00:04:08,297 --> 00:04:10,331
Oh. There she is right now.
108
00:04:10,365 --> 00:04:11,532
[ clears throat ]
109
00:04:11,566 --> 00:04:15,703
"how about we meet
at le reve at 7:30?"
110
00:04:15,737 --> 00:04:17,538
Well, that sounds innocent enough.
111
00:04:17,572 --> 00:04:19,440
I mean, drinks with
an ex-girlfriend
112
00:04:19,474 --> 00:04:21,275
At an intimate french restaurant.
113
00:04:21,310 --> 00:04:22,443
Honey, you're doing that thing
114
00:04:22,477 --> 00:04:23,744
Where you say what
I want you to say
115
00:04:23,779 --> 00:04:25,813
But your tone seems mean.
116
00:04:25,847 --> 00:04:28,950
Let me guess -
denise isn't married.
117
00:04:28,984 --> 00:04:30,918
Recently divorced.
What's the big deal?
118
00:04:30,953 --> 00:04:33,587
Come on, phil.
You can't be that naive.
119
00:04:33,622 --> 00:04:36,257
Seriously, women in their 30s
on the internet are like --
120
00:04:36,291 --> 00:04:37,291
They're like ninjas.
121
00:04:37,326 --> 00:04:38,926
They get in their
little black outfits
122
00:04:38,961 --> 00:04:40,962
And try and sneak their
way into your marriage.
123
00:04:40,996 --> 00:04:42,296
That's not denise. Mm.
124
00:04:42,331 --> 00:04:44,265
Here, read some of her messages.
[ chuckling ]
125
00:04:44,299 --> 00:04:45,399
You're gonna feel silly.
126
00:04:45,434 --> 00:04:47,301
Go ahead.
127
00:04:47,336 --> 00:04:49,270
[ sultry voice ] "hey, phil.
How's it goin'?"
128
00:04:49,304 --> 00:04:51,005
You can't add the sexy voice.
129
00:04:51,039 --> 00:04:52,506
"hi, phil. How's it going?"
130
00:04:52,541 --> 00:04:55,376
"so glad to hear
your neck is bette"
131
00:04:55,410 --> 00:04:56,877
Are you seriously jealous?
132
00:04:56,912 --> 00:04:58,679
[ normal voice ] no!
I am not jealous at all.
133
00:04:58,714 --> 00:05:00,614
I just happen to know
women better than you do,
134
00:05:00,649 --> 00:05:02,583
And that woman wants a slice.
135
00:05:02,617 --> 00:05:04,352
Okay, just to prove
how wrong you are,
136
00:05:04,386 --> 00:05:06,253
I'm gonna invite her
over here for drinks.
137
00:05:06,288 --> 00:05:07,521
Fine with me.
138
00:05:07,556 --> 00:05:09,023
Just hope it's fine with denise.
139
00:05:09,057 --> 00:05:10,458
[ sultry voice ] "gee, phil.
140
00:05:10,492 --> 00:05:12,493
I really had my heart
set on le reve."
141
00:05:12,527 --> 00:05:14,729
That voice doesn't bother me.
142
00:05:14,763 --> 00:05:16,630
Kind of like it!
143
00:05:16,665 --> 00:05:18,499
Cameron: Well, has he been
acting weird around you?
144
00:05:18,533 --> 00:05:20,234
No, no. I've been
avoiding him all morning.
145
00:05:20,268 --> 00:05:21,869
So you don't even
know if he heard you.
146
00:05:21,903 --> 00:05:23,871
Well, that's why we're doing this.
147
00:05:23,905 --> 00:05:26,607
Hey, where are you?
I only have a half-hour for lunch.
148
00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:29,610
Hello, handsome.
149
00:05:29,644 --> 00:05:31,278
Okay, so, uh,
this is where it happened.
150
00:05:31,313 --> 00:05:33,047
Just, um, turn off the phone,
roll down the window,
151
00:05:33,081 --> 00:05:34,515
And we'll -- we'll see
if you can hear me.
152
00:05:34,549 --> 00:05:35,783
Okay.
153
00:05:35,817 --> 00:05:36,951
[ car horn honks ]
154
00:05:36,985 --> 00:05:40,187
Go around! We're
re-creating a faux pas!
155
00:05:40,222 --> 00:05:41,389
Cameron: Thank you!
156
00:05:41,423 --> 00:05:43,824
Okay. C-can you hear me now?
157
00:05:43,859 --> 00:05:45,960
Uh, yeah, but just barely.
Is this how loud you were talking?
158
00:05:45,994 --> 00:05:47,828
Uh, well, it might have
been a little bit louder.
159
00:05:47,863 --> 00:05:49,630
There was traffic.
I mean, I almost had to shout.
160
00:05:49,664 --> 00:05:50,965
You almost had to what? Shout.
161
00:05:50,999 --> 00:05:52,466
Little bit louder now. Shout!
162
00:05:52,501 --> 00:05:54,035
Little bit louder now. Shout!!
163
00:05:54,069 --> 00:05:56,037
* hey, hey, hey, hey * [ laughs ]
164
00:05:56,071 --> 00:05:57,138
Really, cam?
165
00:05:57,172 --> 00:05:58,806
My job is at stake here and --
166
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:00,107
Oh, w-who are we kidding?
167
00:06:00,142 --> 00:06:02,943
You can obviously hear me.
I am so screwed.
168
00:06:02,978 --> 00:06:04,345
[ sighs ]
169
00:06:04,379 --> 00:06:06,213
Jay: Manny?
170
00:06:06,248 --> 00:06:07,748
Manny, come here a second, pal.
171
00:06:07,783 --> 00:06:08,916
Huh?
172
00:06:08,950 --> 00:06:10,284
I got some bad news, buddy.
173
00:06:10,318 --> 00:06:11,218
What iit?
174
00:06:11,253 --> 00:06:13,521
Well, there's no
easy way to say this.
175
00:06:14,623 --> 00:06:18,325
Shel turtlestein is dead.
176
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,127
I was down here reading the paper,
177
00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:22,596
And I heard this commotion
up in your room, so...
178
00:06:22,631 --> 00:06:24,665
So naturally I go running up there.
179
00:06:24,699 --> 00:06:28,135
And this mangy raccoon had
busted through your screen.
180
00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:30,237
He must have scampered
up to where shel was.
181
00:06:32,507 --> 00:06:34,108
By the time I walked in,
he had him --
182
00:06:34,142 --> 00:06:36,177
The little bastard had him
by the neck, shaking him.
183
00:06:36,211 --> 00:06:39,046
Gravel's flying everywhere.
184
00:06:39,081 --> 00:06:40,147
He didn't even flinch.
185
00:06:40,182 --> 00:06:42,049
He just stared at me
with that smug look
186
00:06:42,084 --> 00:06:43,517
And then bolted.
187
00:06:43,552 --> 00:06:47,088
If only I'd have got here earlier.
188
00:06:47,122 --> 00:06:48,789
May I see the body?
189
00:06:48,824 --> 00:06:50,624
Baby, are you sure
that's a good idea?
190
00:06:50,659 --> 00:06:52,093
It's something I have to do.
191
00:06:54,863 --> 00:06:56,597
That's him. Sorry, pal.
192
00:06:56,631 --> 00:06:58,365
It just doesn' make any sense.
193
00:06:58,400 --> 00:06:59,867
Yep. Only the good die young.
194
00:06:59,901 --> 00:07:01,836
But in school we leaed
raccoons are nocturnal.
195
00:07:01,870 --> 00:07:03,204
They sleep during the day.
196
00:07:03,238 --> 00:07:05,106
They sure do,
and this one must've got up
197
00:07:05,140 --> 00:07:06,273
For a midnight snack.
198
00:07:06,308 --> 00:07:07,541
You know, we've all done that.
199
00:07:07,576 --> 00:07:08,876
I guess so. Yeah.
200
00:07:08,910 --> 00:07:10,177
It all adds up.
201
00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:12,179
I don't think I can
be in here right now.
202
00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:13,914
Too many memories.
203
00:07:13,949 --> 00:07:16,383
He'll be okay.
204
00:07:17,452 --> 00:07:19,120
You lie. What?
205
00:07:19,154 --> 00:07:20,254
I'm colombian.
206
00:07:20,288 --> 00:07:22,756
I know a fake crime
scene when I see one!
207
00:07:22,791 --> 00:07:25,726
I was hanging up the new poster.
208
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,528
And it fell on top of him.
It was an accident.
209
00:07:27,562 --> 00:07:28,963
You have to tell him.
210
00:07:28,997 --> 00:07:30,598
No. I've been through this before.
211
00:07:30,632 --> 00:07:31,665
When mitchell was 9,
212
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:33,501
I was suosed to take
care of his bird.
213
00:07:33,535 --> 00:07:35,636
It got out and flew into a fan.
214
00:07:35,670 --> 00:07:37,471
It was like a bloody pillow fight.
215
00:07:37,506 --> 00:07:39,840
My god. How many pets have
you killed? Just the two.
216
00:07:39,875 --> 00:07:41,842
I took the heat on the bird.
It was a big mistake.
217
00:07:41,877 --> 00:07:44,345
To this day, mitchell looks at me,
I see him thinking,
218
00:07:44,379 --> 00:07:46,380
"that's the guy who
killed fly-za minnelli."
219
00:07:46,414 --> 00:07:48,516
And what if he finds out?
Then what?
220
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:51,519
You'll be the guy that killed
his pet and lied to him.
221
00:07:51,553 --> 00:07:54,121
He's not gonna find out,
because I covered my tracks.
222
00:07:54,156 --> 00:07:56,590
Okay.
223
00:07:57,626 --> 00:07:58,826
Fly-za minnelli?
224
00:07:58,860 --> 00:08:01,462
How did I not know
that kid was gay?
225
00:08:03,365 --> 00:08:05,766
Hey, luke! Big day for you, huh?
226
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,101
Why?
227
00:08:07,135 --> 00:08:09,870
Because you get to meet
your real mom. What?
228
00:08:09,905 --> 00:08:13,007
We all made a pact we'd
deny it until you turned 21,
229
00:08:13,041 --> 00:08:15,109
But that's the real reason
230
00:08:15,143 --> 00:08:16,944
Dad's old girlfriend
is coming over.
231
00:08:16,978 --> 00:08:19,113
She's your mom,
and if she likes you,
232
00:08:19,147 --> 00:08:20,681
You'll go live with her.
233
00:08:20,715 --> 00:08:22,116
I'm not adopted.
234
00:08:22,150 --> 00:08:23,651
I'm asking mom.
235
00:08:23,685 --> 00:08:25,352
You mean mrs. Dunphy?
236
00:08:25,387 --> 00:08:27,154
She's not going to
tell you the truth.
237
00:08:27,189 --> 00:08:28,856
I-I-I'm not...
238
00:08:28,890 --> 00:08:31,625
I know. Unh!
239
00:08:33,895 --> 00:08:38,299
Just 'cause he called you
a dork-to-dork salesman?
240
00:08:38,333 --> 00:08:40,568
The empire strikes back.
241
00:08:40,602 --> 00:08:42,836
Raccoons have five toes.
242
00:08:42,871 --> 00:08:43,904
What's that?
243
00:08:43,939 --> 00:08:45,439
I don't mean to bother you.
244
00:08:45,473 --> 00:08:46,707
It's just confusing.
245
00:08:46,741 --> 00:08:49,243
The footprints in my
room only have four toes.
246
00:08:49,277 --> 00:08:51,478
You know, I bet I know wt happened.
247
00:08:51,513 --> 00:08:54,682
I'll bet he lost those
toes in a fight.
248
00:08:54,716 --> 00:08:57,151
And that guy looked like
he'd been in a brawl or two.
249
00:08:57,185 --> 00:08:58,619
One toe from each foot?
250
00:08:58,653 --> 00:08:59,653
Maybe.
251
00:08:59,688 --> 00:09:01,055
Y-you know, manny,
252
00:09:01,089 --> 00:09:03,290
I think the only thing
that's gonna get you
253
00:09:03,325 --> 00:09:05,092
To stop asking all these questions
254
00:09:05,126 --> 00:09:07,628
Is for you to have a little closure.
What do you mean?
255
00:09:07,662 --> 00:09:10,164
Well, I'd like to throw a
little memorial for shel.
256
00:09:10,198 --> 00:09:11,765
It'll be good for all of us.
257
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:13,634
That way, we get our grief out,
258
00:09:13,668 --> 00:09:16,971
And then we never have to
talk about this ever...
259
00:09:17,005 --> 00:09:19,340
Ever again.
260
00:09:19,374 --> 00:09:22,276
[ doorbell rings ]
261
00:09:22,310 --> 00:09:24,345
[ giggling ] hi!
262
00:09:24,379 --> 00:09:25,913
Oh, careful, there's a thing.
Ooh. That's a...
263
00:09:25,947 --> 00:09:27,581
[ giggling ] good to see you.
264
00:09:27,616 --> 00:09:28,682
Hi!
265
00:09:28,717 --> 00:09:31,685
Hi! Oh, my gosh! Hi, I'm claire.
266
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,654
You must be d-- o-kay.
267
00:09:33,688 --> 00:09:34,822
Whoa. Okay. Denise.
268
00:09:34,856 --> 00:09:36,457
Oh, and you're even prettier
269
00:09:36,491 --> 00:09:38,826
Than the pictures that
phil's always posting.
270
00:09:38,860 --> 00:09:40,094
Just a couple.
271
00:09:40,128 --> 00:09:43,197
Shut up. Every week.
He loves showing you off.
272
00:09:43,231 --> 00:09:44,832
My boyfriend likes
your acapulco pictures
273
00:09:44,866 --> 00:09:46,000
Probably a little too much.
274
00:09:46,034 --> 00:09:47,268
[ chuckles ]
275
00:09:47,302 --> 00:09:49,336
Well, thank your
boyfriend for me. Sure.
276
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:50,504
Come on in. Plea.
277
00:09:50,538 --> 00:09:51,905
Oh, I brought you, um,
278
00:09:51,940 --> 00:09:54,908
Some lifting intensifier.
279
00:09:54,943 --> 00:09:55,909
Not that you need it.
280
00:09:55,944 --> 00:09:57,344
It's a limited edition, so...
281
00:09:57,379 --> 00:09:58,746
Thank you. Thank you.
282
00:09:58,780 --> 00:10:00,914
Phil: Oh, denise, I think
you might know these people.
283
00:10:00,949 --> 00:10:02,383
That's haley... Hi.
284
00:10:02,417 --> 00:10:03,584
...Alex, and --
285
00:10:03,618 --> 00:10:05,152
Luke! Ohh!
286
00:10:05,186 --> 00:10:08,289
I had curly hair just like
that when I was little.
287
00:10:09,491 --> 00:10:11,625
So? That doesn't mean anything!
288
00:10:12,761 --> 00:10:14,461
[ alex chuckles ]
289
00:10:14,496 --> 00:10:18,032
Why don't we, uh, come on in,
have a seat? Please.
290
00:10:18,066 --> 00:10:20,067
So, what was my dad
like in high school?
291
00:10:20,101 --> 00:10:22,536
Only the most amazing
breakdancer ever.
292
00:10:22,570 --> 00:10:24,204
Uh-oh. Don't fire it up.
293
00:10:24,239 --> 00:10:25,873
What? What? Uh-oh.
294
00:10:25,907 --> 00:10:27,541
Oh, no. Yeah.
295
00:10:27,575 --> 00:10:29,877
He had a boombox and a piece
of cardboard in his locker.
296
00:10:29,911 --> 00:10:32,046
And what was your dance name?
O-zone. Yeah.
297
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:33,747
I drove him to a "star
search" audition.
298
00:10:33,782 --> 00:10:35,516
Which is totally political,
by the way.
299
00:10:35,650 --> 00:10:38,252
O-zone. That is dead-ass funny.
300
00:10:38,286 --> 00:10:39,720
I'm so calling you that.
301
00:10:39,754 --> 00:10:40,721
Thank you.
302
00:10:40,789 --> 00:10:42,823
Wow. You really lucked out.
303
00:10:42,857 --> 00:10:44,725
You have a beautiful wife... Ohh.
304
00:10:44,759 --> 00:10:46,560
...A gorgeous house,
and those kids.
305
00:10:46,594 --> 00:10:48,262
I could take luke home with me.
306
00:10:48,296 --> 00:10:50,331
Well, be my guest.
307
00:10:50,365 --> 00:10:51,665
Seriously. You go right ahead.
308
00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:52,766
[ laughter ]
309
00:10:52,801 --> 00:10:53,734
No!
310
00:10:53,768 --> 00:10:55,636
I like it here!
311
00:10:55,670 --> 00:10:57,705
Unh!
312
00:10:57,739 --> 00:10:59,173
Alex, honey, will you go find out
313
00:10:59,207 --> 00:11:00,574
What's wrong with your brother?
314
00:11:00,608 --> 00:11:02,676
Okay.
315
00:11:02,711 --> 00:11:04,345
You know, um, it's okay,
316
00:11:04,379 --> 00:11:06,013
I think I'm just
gonna use the, um...
317
00:11:06,047 --> 00:11:07,281
Oh, yeah, of course.
318
00:11:07,315 --> 00:11:09,717
Down the hall, left-hand side.
You can't miss it.
319
00:11:09,751 --> 00:11:11,985
Denise: Thanks.
320
00:11:13,722 --> 00:11:15,522
Okay, she's fantastic. Yes?
321
00:11:15,557 --> 00:11:16,690
Yes. I feel awful.
322
00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:21,628
Who assumes the worst about people?
323
00:11:21,663 --> 00:11:24,231
I first noticed it seven years -
you're not.
324
00:11:24,265 --> 00:11:26,834
Denise: I'm such an idiot. Is it...
325
00:11:26,868 --> 00:11:28,235
Oh, I'll show you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
326
00:11:28,269 --> 00:11:31,472
Okay. Thanks.
327
00:11:31,506 --> 00:11:33,240
[ clears throat ]
328
00:11:33,274 --> 00:11:35,075
[ sighs ] so,
how are we gonna do this?
329
00:11:35,110 --> 00:11:37,311
I-I thought I'd just
point at the door,
330
00:11:37,345 --> 00:11:39,947
So I was thinking,
like -- I was thinking, too.
331
00:11:39,981 --> 00:11:41,515
Here...
332
00:11:41,549 --> 00:11:43,751
Is my hotel-room key.
333
00:11:43,785 --> 00:11:47,020
You can come by whenever you want.
334
00:11:49,624 --> 00:11:50,273
[ door closes ]
335
00:11:56,027 --> 00:11:58,228
When I -- when I pulled up
next to you at that stoplight?
336
00:11:58,263 --> 00:11:59,363
Funny? Yeah.
337
00:11:59,397 --> 00:12:01,632
Because I was on the
phone with my partner,
338
00:12:01,666 --> 00:12:03,968
Talking about how horrible
his boss was -- his.
339
00:12:04,002 --> 00:12:05,769
And then, uh, you pull up, so...
340
00:12:05,804 --> 00:12:07,171
Anyway, I'm glad I ran into you.
341
00:12:07,205 --> 00:12:09,373
I'm getting worried they're
gonna move up our court date.
342
00:12:09,407 --> 00:12:11,742
I-I need you to bust ass preparing.
[ cellphone beeps ]
343
00:12:11,776 --> 00:12:13,477
Because if they
call us on Monday --
344
00:12:13,511 --> 00:12:15,246
[ cellphone beeps ] uh,
you need to get that?
345
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,815
No, no, it's -- it's fine.
I just, uh...
346
00:12:17,849 --> 00:12:19,950
Picture of my daughter
standing for the first time.
347
00:12:19,985 --> 00:12:21,518
Yeah, they do that. It's a big day.
348
00:12:21,553 --> 00:12:23,387
Anyway, I need you here tomorrow.
349
00:12:23,421 --> 00:12:25,222
Now, I know it's a Sunday, but, uh,
350
00:12:25,257 --> 00:12:27,124
You think you can be on time, okay?
351
00:12:28,460 --> 00:12:30,294
Actually, um...
352
00:12:30,328 --> 00:12:31,895
I-I have plans tomorrow.
353
00:12:31,930 --> 00:12:33,998
Uh, so I won't be here.
354
00:12:34,032 --> 00:12:37,167
I-I have plans to stay
at home with my family
355
00:12:37,202 --> 00:12:40,037
And do absolutely nothing, okay.
356
00:12:40,071 --> 00:12:42,106
But I will see you
on Monday. Mm-hmm.
357
00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:44,441
So -- so you're in charge now,
is that it?
358
00:12:44,476 --> 00:12:46,243
Well, I-I just figure if
my daughter can stand up,
359
00:12:46,278 --> 00:12:47,411
Then so can I.
360
00:12:47,445 --> 00:12:49,880
All right, look...
361
00:12:49,914 --> 00:12:51,749
We've all been working
hard lately, okay?
362
00:12:51,783 --> 00:12:52,983
But that's the job.
363
00:12:53,018 --> 00:12:54,451
So either come in tomorrow,
364
00:12:54,486 --> 00:12:55,819
Or don't bother coming back again.
365
00:12:58,623 --> 00:13:00,090
Okay.
366
00:13:03,428 --> 00:13:05,396
[ scoffs ]
367
00:13:05,430 --> 00:13:06,897
Hmm.
368
00:13:11,169 --> 00:13:13,504
Need the, uh, I.D. To... Uh-huh.
369
00:13:13,538 --> 00:13:15,706
...Make the elevator go
down to freedom!
370
00:13:16,908 --> 00:13:20,244
And this, to complete my set.
371
00:13:23,448 --> 00:13:27,318
"turtle. Reptile. Pet.
372
00:13:27,352 --> 00:13:31,188
Shel turtlestein was many things."
373
00:13:31,222 --> 00:13:33,324
I don't think I can do
this without crying.
374
00:13:33,358 --> 00:13:35,359
Maybe we should just
get to the cold cuts.
375
00:13:35,393 --> 00:13:38,762
But we want to hear it.
Jay, why don't you read it?
376
00:13:38,797 --> 00:13:41,298
You were with him at the end.
377
00:13:41,333 --> 00:13:42,933
Remember?
378
00:13:47,806 --> 00:13:49,606
[ paper rustles ]
379
00:13:49,641 --> 00:13:51,542
"shel turtlestein was many things,
380
00:13:51,576 --> 00:13:53,210
"but above all, he was my friend.
381
00:13:53,244 --> 00:13:55,346
"when I didn't get a date
with fiona gunderson,
382
00:13:55,380 --> 00:13:56,814
"shel was there.
383
00:13:56,848 --> 00:13:58,749
"when I didn't get to
play the part of tevye,
384
00:13:58,783 --> 00:14:00,451
"shel was there.
385
00:14:00,485 --> 00:14:02,453
"and when a raccoon
broke into my room,
386
00:14:02,487 --> 00:14:05,155
"unfortunately, shel was there.
387
00:14:05,190 --> 00:14:06,623
"I said a lot of
things to my friend,
388
00:14:06,658 --> 00:14:09,226
"but the one thing I
never got to say was...
389
00:14:09,294 --> 00:14:10,327
Goodbye."
390
00:14:10,362 --> 00:14:11,829
Manny: Stop!
391
00:14:11,863 --> 00:14:13,897
I know what really
happened. You do?
392
00:14:13,932 --> 00:14:15,532
I left a bag of chips near my bed.
393
00:14:15,567 --> 00:14:17,134
The raccoon must have smelled it.
394
00:14:17,168 --> 00:14:19,370
It's my fault he's dead.
395
00:14:19,404 --> 00:14:22,172
[ voice breaking ] sorry, shel.
396
00:14:22,207 --> 00:14:25,609
Jay, you don't have
anything to say to manny?
397
00:14:25,643 --> 00:14:28,779
[ sighs ] yeah.
398
00:14:29,948 --> 00:14:32,349
Manny...
399
00:14:36,988 --> 00:14:38,322
Shel forgives you.
400
00:14:38,356 --> 00:14:40,924
Thank you.
401
00:14:42,293 --> 00:14:44,595
Claire: Oh, denise. Ha!
402
00:14:44,629 --> 00:14:47,364
These pictures are amazing.
Thank you.
403
00:14:47,399 --> 00:14:50,000
Wow. Sweetie, that perm.
404
00:14:50,034 --> 00:14:52,236
Technically,
it's a jheri curl. Ohh.
405
00:14:52,270 --> 00:14:53,771
I just love to takpictures.
406
00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:55,439
I took this one of myself today.
407
00:15:00,845 --> 00:15:03,080
No. No. That's the worst idea.
408
00:15:03,114 --> 00:15:04,314
No. No.
409
00:15:04,349 --> 00:15:05,983
Oh!
410
00:15:06,017 --> 00:15:08,018
What am I, raised
by a pack of wolves?
411
00:15:08,052 --> 00:15:09,787
Hey, come on, now.
412
00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:12,222
Honey...
413
00:15:12,257 --> 00:15:14,124
You weren't completely
wrong about denise.
414
00:15:14,159 --> 00:15:15,726
How's that? She wants me.
415
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,796
To do what? It. Her.
416
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:20,798
Oh. Oh, this is because
of the thing I said
417
00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:22,833
About facebook and that
erybody's hooking up,
418
00:15:22,867 --> 00:15:24,268
And now you're disappointed.
419
00:15:24,302 --> 00:15:26,503
No. She bit the air
right in front of me!
420
00:15:26,538 --> 00:15:27,805
Like that. What?
421
00:15:27,872 --> 00:15:29,573
And then look what
she tried to give me.
422
00:15:29,607 --> 00:15:30,941
Denise: Anything I can help with?
423
00:15:30,975 --> 00:15:33,143
No, I just -
I can't find my corkscrew.
424
00:15:33,178 --> 00:15:35,612
Denise: Ohh.
425
00:15:35,647 --> 00:15:36,847
Touch me. O-kay.
426
00:15:36,881 --> 00:15:38,415
Denise, I think,
somewhere along the line,
427
00:15:38,450 --> 00:15:39,516
You got the wrong idea.
428
00:15:39,551 --> 00:15:41,452
My head is full of wrong ideas.
429
00:15:41,486 --> 00:15:44,154
You have such great taste, claire.
430
00:15:44,189 --> 00:15:45,355
Thank you.
431
00:15:45,390 --> 00:15:48,225
I remember phil used to
have really good taste, too.
432
00:15:48,259 --> 00:15:49,993
Get a little bit of this.
Oh, here it is.
433
00:15:50,028 --> 00:15:52,496
Phil, would you mind grabbing
us a couple glasses? You betcha.
434
00:15:52,530 --> 00:15:54,665
Need me to grab anything? Nope!
435
00:15:54,699 --> 00:15:56,300
Okay, this is so wrong.
436
00:15:56,334 --> 00:15:58,602
I know. It's way more exciting
when she's in the room.
437
00:15:58,636 --> 00:15:59,503
No!
438
00:15:59,537 --> 00:16:01,271
I still have my cheerleader outfit.
439
00:16:01,306 --> 00:16:03,540
So do I, but this
still can't happen.
440
00:16:03,575 --> 00:16:05,142
When did that break?
441
00:16:05,176 --> 00:16:07,177
Why are you wussing out?!
442
00:16:07,212 --> 00:16:08,378
I never wussed in!
443
00:16:08,413 --> 00:16:10,481
What about all those things
you wrote on facebook?
444
00:16:10,515 --> 00:16:12,783
[ sultry voice ] "how was your day?
My neck is so sore."
445
00:16:12,817 --> 00:16:14,451
Why do people keep adding
voices to these things?
446
00:16:14,486 --> 00:16:15,686
I didn't mean anything.
447
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,688
[ normal voice ] are you
telling me that I wasted a year
448
00:16:17,722 --> 00:16:18,956
Of my life on this relationship?
449
00:16:18,990 --> 00:16:19,957
What relationship?
450
00:16:19,991 --> 00:16:21,692
How many other women
have you led on?
451
00:16:21,726 --> 00:16:23,026
Now I don't know!
452
00:16:23,061 --> 00:16:24,294
Claire: Phil?
453
00:16:27,065 --> 00:16:29,500
Phil, honey?
454
00:16:29,534 --> 00:16:31,335
Do you remember when
you broke your arm
455
00:16:31,369 --> 00:16:32,503
When we were first dating?
456
00:16:32,537 --> 00:16:35,405
Yeah, uh, when I
slipped on the ice.
457
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:36,707
Right. That's so weird.
458
00:16:36,741 --> 00:16:38,909
Because in this picture,
you're sitting with denise,
459
00:16:38,943 --> 00:16:40,544
And you have a broken arm, so...
460
00:16:40,578 --> 00:16:42,579
Yeah. That's -- that's weird.
461
00:16:42,614 --> 00:16:44,848
So you were still dating her
when you started dating me?
462
00:16:44,883 --> 00:16:46,149
No. Phil?
463
00:16:46,184 --> 00:16:48,018
Yeah. Maybe.
Just, there was a time --
464
00:16:48,052 --> 00:16:49,419
A little overlap when, uh,
465
00:16:49,454 --> 00:16:51,555
I was trying to break
things off with denise.
466
00:16:51,589 --> 00:16:53,390
Uh-huh. You took me to santa fe!
467
00:16:53,424 --> 00:16:54,691
Santa fe.
468
00:16:54,726 --> 00:16:56,560
Phil, you told me
that was your father.
469
00:16:56,594 --> 00:16:59,696
Okay, I know the pain is fresh,
but the lie is really old.
470
00:16:59,731 --> 00:17:03,534
You know, this was a mistake.
I'm gonna leave.
471
00:17:03,568 --> 00:17:06,169
Claire, if I were you,
I would kick him out.
472
00:17:06,204 --> 00:17:07,337
Maybe he'd appreciate you more
473
00:17:07,372 --> 00:17:09,406
After he spent a lonely
night in a hotel.
474
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:10,674
At the radisson.
475
00:17:10,708 --> 00:17:12,042
By the airport.
476
00:17:12,076 --> 00:17:14,545
[ door opens, closes ]
477
00:17:14,579 --> 00:17:16,947
You quit?! Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. It was amazing.
478
00:17:16,981 --> 00:17:18,615
No, no, this is the new me, cam.
479
00:17:18,650 --> 00:17:21,285
I am not letting people
run my life anymore.
480
00:17:21,319 --> 00:17:22,786
I should be nervous,
but I'm -- I'm not.
481
00:17:22,820 --> 00:17:23,787
I'm excited for you. Yes!
482
00:17:23,821 --> 00:17:26,156
It's exciting. It's exciting.
483
00:17:26,190 --> 00:17:29,192
Because you followed your heart,
and that is worth celebrating.
484
00:17:29,227 --> 00:17:30,994
Cam, I just feel -- ha-ha! --
485
00:17:31,029 --> 00:17:34,197
So liberated.
486
00:17:34,232 --> 00:17:35,365
Hey!
487
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:36,967
And I'm not picking it up.
488
00:17:37,001 --> 00:17:38,201
Ooh! I like this guy!
489
00:17:38,236 --> 00:17:39,870
I do, too. I mean,
y-yes, we'll have to --
490
00:17:39,904 --> 00:17:41,371
We'll have to cut
back a little bit.
491
00:17:41,406 --> 00:17:42,739
But isn't it worth it if you feel
492
00:17:42,774 --> 00:17:44,641
Like you're living your
life for the first time?
493
00:17:44,676 --> 00:17:46,510
Totally. Oh. What were
we even waiting for?
494
00:17:46,544 --> 00:17:47,945
You will go back to teaching music,
495
00:17:47,979 --> 00:17:51,081
And then I'll -- I'll just fin.
496
00:17:51,115 --> 00:17:52,516
And until then, all we need to do
497
00:17:52,550 --> 00:17:53,817
Is just sit back
498
00:17:53,851 --> 00:17:56,653
And watch this little
miracle here dazzle us.
499
00:17:56,688 --> 00:17:57,721
I'm tingling.
500
00:17:57,755 --> 00:17:59,323
I am, too.
501
00:17:59,357 --> 00:18:02,025
It's like my heart is full for
the first time in forever.
502
00:18:02,060 --> 00:18:04,328
Oh, god, it's really pounding.
503
00:18:04,362 --> 00:18:06,396
It's like I feel the weight
of endless possibilities
504
00:18:06,431 --> 00:18:08,231
Just sitting on my chest.
505
00:18:08,266 --> 00:18:09,800
She is not doing anything, cam.
506
00:18:09,834 --> 00:18:11,635
You're not panicking,
are you? Of course I am panicking!
507
00:18:11,669 --> 00:18:12,903
No! Don't panic.
If you panic, I panic!
508
00:18:12,937 --> 00:18:15,472
I just quit my job! Cam!
509
00:18:15,506 --> 00:18:16,807
Oh, my god, mitchell,
I am used to nice things!
510
00:18:16,841 --> 00:18:18,141
What are we gonna do?!
511
00:18:18,176 --> 00:18:19,710
Okay, no, no,
just calm -- calm down.
512
00:18:19,744 --> 00:18:21,578
This is what we're gonna do.
I am going to --
513
00:18:21,613 --> 00:18:23,146
I'm gonna do what
I'm trained to do.
514
00:18:23,181 --> 00:18:24,815
I am going to lie,
grovel, debase myself
515
00:18:24,849 --> 00:18:26,083
Until I get what I want.
516
00:18:26,117 --> 00:18:27,384
I am a lawyer, damn it.
517
00:18:27,418 --> 00:18:29,653
Mitchell!
518
00:18:29,687 --> 00:18:30,887
No.
519
00:18:30,922 --> 00:18:32,255
Oh, no, you're right -- the tie.
520
00:18:32,290 --> 00:18:34,725
No, we'll -- we'll find
something better for you,
521
00:18:34,759 --> 00:18:36,660
Something that works for all of us.
522
00:18:36,694 --> 00:18:38,895
There's no plan "b" here, cam.
523
00:18:38,930 --> 00:18:40,163
We have a mortgage. We have --
524
00:18:40,198 --> 00:18:43,100
We have a -
a child to support. I --
525
00:18:43,134 --> 00:18:45,235
Hey. It's gonna be okay.
526
00:18:45,269 --> 00:18:47,371
We're gonna figure it out.
527
00:18:47,405 --> 00:18:49,973
I just want you to be happy,
and you will be happy.
528
00:18:51,009 --> 00:18:53,977
And that is something
worth toasting.
529
00:18:55,413 --> 00:18:56,813
Let's just drink the cheap stuff
530
00:18:56,848 --> 00:18:58,649
'cause we might have
to sell that bottle.
531
00:18:58,683 --> 00:19:00,684
[ sighs ]
532
00:19:02,754 --> 00:19:06,189
It's hard to sleep in a bed of lies,
isn't it, jay?
533
00:19:06,224 --> 00:19:08,258
Kids get over these
things pretty quick.
534
00:19:08,292 --> 00:19:10,527
He's probably sleeping
like a baby right now.
535
00:19:10,561 --> 00:19:12,329
I'm sure he's wide awake...
536
00:19:12,363 --> 00:19:13,864
Full of guilt.
537
00:19:13,898 --> 00:19:16,600
Well, I'm going to sleep.
538
00:19:19,604 --> 00:19:21,171
[ sighs ]
539
00:19:23,441 --> 00:19:25,042
[ sighs ]
540
00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:27,077
Damn it!
541
00:19:27,111 --> 00:19:29,579
[ knock on door ]
542
00:19:31,616 --> 00:19:33,383
Hello, jay.
543
00:19:34,485 --> 00:19:35,619
What are you doing up?
544
00:19:35,653 --> 00:19:37,587
Waiting. Waiting for what?
545
00:19:37,622 --> 00:19:38,755
The truth.
546
00:19:38,790 --> 00:19:40,490
It wasn't a raccoon, was it?
547
00:19:40,525 --> 00:19:43,460
Oh, all right, you got me.
I killed shel.
548
00:19:43,494 --> 00:19:46,029
All right? I'm sorry.
It was an accident.
549
00:19:46,064 --> 00:19:47,297
Why didn't you just tell me?
550
00:19:47,331 --> 00:19:49,866
Cause I didn't want you
to be upset with me.
551
00:19:49,901 --> 00:19:52,436
You and I got off to a rocky start.
552
00:19:52,470 --> 00:19:54,137
But lately it's been pretty good.
553
00:19:54,138 --> 00:19:55,739
I was afraid I'd mess all that up
554
00:19:55,773 --> 00:19:58,141
If you knew that I was the
one that killed your pet.
555
00:19:58,176 --> 00:19:59,476
Now you're the guy
who killed my pet
556
00:19:59,510 --> 00:20:00,677
And made a stupid lie about it.
557
00:20:00,712 --> 00:20:01,945
Well, I don't think it was stupid.
558
00:20:01,979 --> 00:20:03,180
I thought it was pretty clever.
559
00:20:04,348 --> 00:20:07,517
Look, I s just trying
to avoid past miakes.
560
00:20:07,552 --> 00:20:08,952
Look...
561
00:20:08,986 --> 00:20:12,422
I know I can't make things
all better right now,
562
00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:15,525
Maybe.
563
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:18,261
Get some rest.
564
00:20:18,296 --> 00:20:20,630
Since we're confessing things...
565
00:20:20,665 --> 00:20:22,766
You know that scratch on your car?
566
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,634
The one that can't
be buffed out? Yeah.
567
00:20:24,669 --> 00:20:26,403
You should probably
know how it happened.
568
00:20:26,437 --> 00:20:27,637
I know how it happened.
569
00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:30,807
Raccoon did it.
570
00:20:32,443 --> 00:20:33,811
Good night, jay. Good night, kid.
571
00:20:36,551 --> 00:20:40,252
Best thing I ever did was quit a miserable
job and start my own business. thanks, dad.
572
00:20:40,287 --> 00:20:41,654
Now, it's not gonna be easy,
573
00:20:41,688 --> 00:20:43,355
But that's why gloria and I want
to give you a little something
574
00:20:43,390 --> 00:20:45,024
To help you through it.
575
00:20:45,308 --> 00:20:46,742
No, dad, I can't.
576
00:20:46,776 --> 00:20:48,610
No, I want to, mitch.
577
00:20:48,645 --> 00:20:50,646
Okay, but, I mean,
a-as soon as I'm back on my feet,
578
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:51,914
I-I really want to --
579
00:20:51,948 --> 00:20:55,317
Oh. Oh. Dad. No, you --
580
00:20:55,351 --> 00:20:57,219
You tried to give
me this 20 years ago
581
00:20:57,253 --> 00:20:58,287
When my pet snake died.
582
00:20:58,321 --> 00:21:00,189
I did? Yes.
583
00:21:00,223 --> 00:21:01,390
Zsa-zsa ga-boa.
584
00:21:01,424 --> 00:21:02,925
Oh, that's adorable.
585
00:21:02,959 --> 00:21:05,527
And you really didn't
know that he was gay?
586
00:21:05,562 --> 00:21:08,564
I must have, right?
587
00:21:08,565 --> 00:21:11,565
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