All language subtitles for Modern Family - 1x10 - Undeck the Halls.DVDRip.CLERKS.en

Do we really have to wear
these ugly sweaters?

It's just until Grandma
can see them.

My neck hole is too small.
Mine's itchy.

You know what?
I'd rather be itchy than chokey.

Come on, Phil.
Hurry up.

Okay, here we go.
[Typing]

Connecting.

[Lmitates Static]
Come in, Florida. Over.
Mom? Dad?

- Hello, Philip.
- [Laughs]

[All]
Merry Christmas Eve!

Merry Christmas Eve!

A little-
little lower, Dad.

[Deep Voice]
Merry Christmas Eve!

[Laughs]
Thank you.
Get it?

- Thanks for the sweaters.
- I-I- Oh, you're welcome.

[Luke] Thank you.
You look beautiful
in them, darling.

- Where's Mom?
- Mom is sinking fast.

[Phil]
Uh-oh.
She's in the bathtub.

[Laughing]
Get it?

[Phil]
They have that claw-foot.
Honey, come on.

Hey, Pops, here's the tree.

And, uh, there-there's the, uh-
there's the ornament you sent us.

Right here. Right here.
[Dad] Oh.

There are the stockings,
hung by the chimney by Claire.

Ah! Still funny, Son.
[Laughter]

[Claire]
What the hell is that?
Still funny.

What is that?
That looks like a cigarette burn.

Was one of you smoking
a cigarette?
What?

- [Children] No.
- [Claire] Which one of you was smoking?

Not me. I have
a respiratory problem.
Obviously it wasn't you.

[Claire] Now I've got
a family of liars and smokers.
Honey, come here.

- You gotta see this.
- Did you shoplift your
Christmas presents too?

Philip?
Haley, keep that
ugly sweater on.

Anyway, merry Christmas!

[Man]
♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey
Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey
Hey ♪♪

No, no, it isn't
that kind of a trial.
[Sniffling]

It's just because he says
he's Santa Claus.

[Girl] But I've got a feeling
he is Santa Claus, Mother.

[Mother] Some people don't
believe that. That's why-
Are you crying?

What are you, a robot?
It's a deeply emotional movie.

Manny, miamor, I need you
to help me in the kitchen.
[TV Off]

We gotta finish this first, Gloria.
The kid's never seen
Miracle on 34th Street.

That's because he always
spends Christmas in Colombia
with my family.

And all we see there is
Salazar and El Oso Save Christmas.

Sounds like a classic.
[Gloria]
It is.

Mom, can we finish
the movie?
Okay.

[TV On]
[Girl]
He's not like anyone else.

He must be Santa.

I think perhaps
you're right, Susie.

[Shrieking]
[Gasps]
What the hell is that?

What the hell is that?
[Both Laughing]

Inocente!
What the hell?

When you told me we were
going to watch this movie,

I got a joke copy
from the Internet.

You are the inocente!
[TV Off]

Well, maybe I'm a little
confused right now.
What is this "inocente" stuff?

In Colombia, practical jokes
are a Christmas tradition.

The one that is fooled
is the inocente!

We tell practical jokes
on April Fool's Day,

so do not do that again.
Ay.
[Laughing]

"Inocente."
[TV On]

Does it do it again?
Ah, it's ruined.

Are you kidding me
with this line?

I'm gonna ask Santa for the
last 45 minutes of my life back.

Would you cheer up?
We're in Santa's Village
with our daughter.

Where were we a year ago?
We were at
the beginning of this line.

You know what? Somebody
needs to get in the holiday-
♪ God rest ye merry gentlemen ♪

Son of a bitch.
♪ Let nothing you dismay ♪

- ♪ Remember Christ our savior ♪
- Maybe it's not them.

Oh, it's them.
♪ Was born on Christmas day ♪

♪ To save us all ♪
It's them.

♪ From Satan's power ♪

Three years ago,
I formed a caroling group.

We were known
as The Greensleevers.

We would perform
at charity events, hospitals-

[Mitchell]
Αnd they were
very, very popular.

Uh, last year,
one of my carolers-

Andrew- staged a little coup.
♪♪ [Sustained Note]

And he, um-

They kicked Cameron
out of the group.

[Carolers]
♪ Save us all
from Satan's power ♪

♪ When we were gone astray ♪

♪ O tidings of comfort and joy
Comfort and joy ♪

♪ O tidings of comfort and joy ♪♪

[Applause]
Thank you.

We're the New Greensleevers.

[Mouths Word]

The New Greensleevers?

Is there a slap mark
on my face?

I mean, why is Edna singing
the low harmony?

It's like people are
applauding out of shock.

Let it go.
Why would-

Okay, next.
Ah, finally.

Whoa! [Chuckles]
I'm- I'm sorry.
Can I- Could you-

What happened
to the other Santa?

Listen, we've been
waiting in this line
for a really long time,

and we just want
a Santa that actually
looks like Santa.

Mitchell, it's okay.
No, no, no.
Cam, it's not okay.

This is Lily's first Christmas.
I want to make sure
everything is perfect.

And... we're gonna wait
for the fat Santa.

All right?
I knew this would happen.

I-I don't even know why
we hired this guy.

See? Even his elves
agree with me. Thank you.

I didn't know Christmas
made you so petty.

♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪

- ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
- Lackluster!

[Louder]
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
and a happy New Year ♪

♪ Good tidings we bring ♪♪
I hate you!

This is unacceptable,
and I want to know who did this.

- Ηmm?
- Nobody, huh?

I guess the couch
did it to itself.

Guess it came home after
a tough day, lit up a cigarette
and then it burned itself.

Is that what happened?
Because that makes no sense.

If whoever is responsible
doesn't come forward,
your father and I...

are just gonna have to
punish all three of you.

What?
[Claire]
Yeah.

- That's not fair!
- I can forgive the smoking,

but I can't
forgive the lie.
No.

Or the smoking.

No one wants
to confess, huh? No?

That's fine, 'cause you know
what happens next?

We cancel Christmas!

[Alex Sighs]
[Luke]
That's not fair.

[Haley Chuckles]
Okay, Dad, sure.

Phil has a habit of
making big pronouncements
to the kids.

[Chuckles]
One time I told Luke...

that if he didn't put his dirty
dishes in the dishwasher,
we would put them in his bed.

[Claire]
Phil's problem is follow-through.

[Flies Buzzing]

We had no more dishes,
so we were eating cereal
out of the goldfish bowl.

Okay. Guess where
I'm headed?

To take down the tree.
That's right.

Come on, guys.
This is your last chance.

Whoever did this,
just take responsibility.

Don't put the rest
of us through this.
Luke? No?

This is really it.
Okay? Here we go.

Three, two, one.

Okay.
Good-bye, Dunphy Christmas.

Haley, I guess you're not
getting that car.

- I was getting a car?
- Nope. I was lying, because
that's what we do now.

Dunphys are liars.

When I was in charge,
it was all about the music.

I mean, what's with them
tossing out candy canes
after every carol?

It's pandering.
I think you made that clear
when you tossed them back.

How am I supposed to get
all this in the car?

- Let me give you a hand with that.
- Uh, thanks.

Thanks. Thanks, Santa.
Can't call me that anymore.

Just got canned.

Oh- Really?

Guess a couple people
complained I wasn't fat enough.

Well, that's terrible.
That's what I get for trying not
to have a second heart attack.

There you go.
Always a way to make room.

Take it from someone
who lives in his car.
Um-

Oh, well,
thank you so much.

No problem.
Merry Christmas.

Um, wait, wait. Um, please,
uh, let me give you
a little something...

for your troubles.
No, that's okay.
No, no, really-

Gosh. Really? Okay.
Do you really
live in your car?

Yeah. It's not so bad.
It's pretty roomy
since the wife moved out.

[Mouthing Words]
Why don't you come over to our
place for dinner tonight?

- Seriously?
- Yeah. It's Christmas Eve.

Y-You can't spend it
in your car.

Wow, that's really
nice of you guys.

Listen, can I bring anything?
Ketchup, soy sauce, straws?

We're good.

So, uh, why don't you
follow us to our house?

Okay.
In your house.

[Chuckles]
[Chuckles]

[Man]
All right!

Cameron.
What?

Okay. Tonight, 9:00 sharp,
we open one present each.

Pajamas- which we sleep in.

Tomorrow morning, 7:00 a.m.,
Manny,

on the stairs
for the Christmas picture.

Then we open presents.

In Colombia, they open presents
at midnight and stay up till morning.

I'm sure that they do, but as
you'll notice from the absence
of goats in the street,

we are not in Colombia.

Come on! I'm kidding.

Why can't we mix a couple
of Colombian traditions in?

- Like what?
- Like fireworks.

Come on. You don't have
fireworks in Colombia.

You're trying to make me
the inocente again.

No, we do. At night
the sky is beautiful-
very Christmassy.

- That doesn't make any sense.
- Look, every country
has their own traditions.

In our culture, for example,
the baby Jesus is the one...

that brings the gifts,
not the Santa Claus.

But that doesn't make sense.
How could a newborn baby
carry all those presents?

They don't even know
where their hands are.

At least a baby can
fit through a chimney.

How would you sit
on the baby Jesus' lap?
You'd squish it.

Manny, next year we'll talk
about some of your little
Colombian traditions.

- Okay? Maybe.
- I know what "maybe" means.

It's like you're trying to
take away my whole Christmas.

I can't believe it's all gone.
Dad never follows through.

Are you sure one of your friends
didn't burn the couch?

Hey, don't look at me.
Only one of us was ever
caught playing with matches.

Luke?
That was a year ago.
Just admit you did it.

- You admit you did it!
- No!

Okay. Look,
I have an idea.

Do you remember the movie
Spartacus?

Here's what we do:
Luke, you tell Mom and Dad
it's your fault.

- I didn't do it.
- It doesn't matter.

Because after you confess,
Haley and I will each
confess to the same thing.

How does that do anything?

They'll be so touched that
we're protecting each other...

that they'll have to
bring back Christmas.

That's awesome.

How does it work again?

We're gonna pass
into legend.

- The parents who canceled Christmas.
- I thought you'd be happy.

They'II write songs
about us,

make one of those Christmas
specials with those ugly
little clay people.

You're the one who always says
I shouldn't be such a pushover
with the kids.

- So this is where you decide to
make your stand? Really, Phil?
- Okay. Okay, look.

Don't worry.
We're going to have Christmas.

We've raised our kids right.
Whoever did it will come forward.

Or the other two
will rat 'em out.

Mom, Dad.

Hey, Luke. What, uh-
What can we do for you?

[Sighs]

I did it.

I was playing with matches.
I'm sorry.

You, uh- You did
the right thing-
Yeah.

By confessing, but, um-

This is bad, buddy.
I mean, really bad, okay?

Claire, you want
to handle this?

Um, Luke, why didn't you
say something?

Mmm, I don't know.

Okay, well, your father
and I are extremely
disappointed in you, so-

Go up to your room.
Go on.

Alex!
We'll be up to talk
to you in a minute. Just go.

Haley!
What?

- Say something!
- About what?

Uh, I take it back!
What is going on?

These guys were gonna say
they did it too, and you were
gonna be proud of all of us.

Why would we do that?
I don't know what
to believe with this kid.

Liars! I didn't do it!

Well, it wasn't me.
Don't look at me.

Seriously?
Wait.

[Panting]
Nobody did it again?

[Groans]
No, that's fine.

Guess what?
Christmas is still canceled.

That's fine by me.

Let's start working
on next year.

Hey, and memo
to New Year's Eve...

and Easter-

Watch your back!

So, after I left the marines,
I just kinda traveled the world.

Now I go from town to town
picking up odd jobs.

Oh. Kinda like the Hulk.

[Laughs]
That's weird. That was
my nickname in the corps-

'cause of my bad temper.

Anyway,
thanks for having me over,

having me for dinner,
letting me do my laundry.

It's not been a good day.
[Exhales]

Um, Scott, I-I have
a confession to make.
Yeah?

Um, I didn't, uh-

I didn't clean the lint tray,

so, um, your clothes
might be a little pilly.

Oh, no problem.
That's the least of my worries.

Thanks for everything.
You guys made my day.

- It's the least we could do.
- What do you mean?

- I don't know... what I was saying.
- [Chuckles]

[Slaps Leg]

[Mouthing Words]

I just say we never tell him.
Exactly.
[Stammers]

We give him some money,
a hot meal, laundry.
I think we're square.

Agreed. Okay,
how does this thing work?

Yeah, I think you just press
that button right there
in the middle. Yeah.

Oh, my-
Okay. That-

That seems a little high,
doesn't it?

Yes. I'm not putting Lily in that.
It's like something astronauts train in.

[Jay, Knocking]
Ho, ho, ho! It's me!
Ho, ho, ho! It's me!

It's your dad.
Yeah.

Hey, Dad. Hi.
Hey, guys. Hey!

I brought your presents.
Aren't we seeing you tomorrow, Jay?

These are your Christmas Eve
gifts. You know the drill.
Oh, yeah.

You open those up before bedtime.
They're pajamas.

Still keeping
traditions alive, huh?
Well, someone has to.

I got two Colombians at home
trying to turn Christmas
into Cinco de Mayo.

You know
that's Mexican, right?
Ah, burrito, "bur-right-o."

Christmas should be Christmas.

Picture on the stairs,
hot chocolate,
opening the presents.

That was supposed to be
the good thing about having
a kid in the house again.

I can have Christmas
the way we used to.
I hear you, Jay.

If I was home right now,
I'd be mixin' up a bathtub
full of eggnog...

and trying to squeeze
a greased hog into a Santa hat.

You don't think I miss that?

Do you?

The point is that those
are memories that I'll always have,

but now I have
the perfect opportunity...

to create new memories
with my new family...

that are gonna be
just as special someday.

Aw. No.
Cam's right, you know.

We create new traditions
every year.

So, who's ready
to try the swing?

[Gloria]
Okay, now remind me.
We put this in the oven...

first thing tomorrow
'cause Jay wants to eat at 3:00.

Ay, Manny! Did you put
this spider in the fridge?

Oh, yeah.
Inocente.

Ay, papi, what's wrong?

I want to have Christmas
like they do in Colombia.
Jay is messing everything up.

Manny, try to understand.
Jay has great memories with
his kids when they were young.

And he just wants
to recreate them with you.

So, maybe the best gift
I could give Jay would be...

Christmas like he used
to have it?

Ay, you're such
a beautiful boy!

One day you're gonna grow up,
and I'm gonna miss...

all the things that you
used to do as a little boy.

Okay. But if this
so-called Santa Claus...

doesn't bring me a burgundy
dinner jacket, we're going
to have a big problem.

[Toy Spider Clinks In Glass]

Honey?
Hmm?

Would it really be
so bad to back down?

And have the kids
never take any of our
threats seriously again?

Yeah.
Mmm.

Or... the kids
could realize...

that we're making
a supreme sacrifice...

by giving up our power
to save their Christmas.

Which would, in a way,
be the greatest gift that
we could ever give them.

And which would paradoxically
make them respect us even more.

[Groans]
Okay, forget that.
Go back one.

Hey, guys.

[Sighs]
It- It was me.

What?
What?

I found a cigarette
at school,

and when no one
was home, I- I tried it.

And I-I guess I held it
too close to the couch.

I'm so sorry.

You can take my Christmas away,
but don't take it from everyone else.

That is very noble of you-
Mm-hmm.

To care about the family,
but you still smoked
and lied.

That's really bad.
Mmm.

Now help me
grab the tree.
Phil.

Phil, Alex, come on back.

Starting December 26,
you are grounded
for a full week,

and that includes
New Year's Eve.

But, I was-
Yeah, non-negotiable.
So-

Mmm.
Yeah.

Fine.

Everybody!
[Door Opens, Closes]

It's official!
Christmas is back on!

It is?
What happened?

Doesn't matter.
Stockings, lights, ornaments, wreath!

Go, go, go!
Okay.

Well, that sounds like
a stressful job to me.

Mmm. Not as much
as you'd think.

They always made sure one of us
had a blank, so nobody knew
who took the fatal shot.

- [Groans]
- This was mighty tasty.

Well, I don't want
to overstay my welcome.
You won't have me back.

- [Forced Laughter]
- You guys enjoy
the rest of your night.

You're good people.

Scott. Wait, wait.

Don't forget your laundry.

Oh! Thanks.
Thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks.

- Merry Christmas.
- Scott, merry Christmas to you.

♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪
And happy- Son of a bitch.

- What?
- Oh. It's the New Greensleevers.

They're Cameron's old caroling group.
They kicked him out this year.

♪♪ [Continues]
I mean, it is one thing
to kick me out of the group,

but to rub my nose in it!

I'm turning on the sprinklers.
Wait. Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

I know it feels good
to get even.

Believe me.
[Chuckles]

To see the fear
in a man's eyes is-

But there's something
that feels even better.

♪♪ [Continues]
Forgiveness.

Scott, you don't understand.
This- This group was my Dreamgirls.

I was Effie.

You know what the best thing
I did all day was?

Forgiving you
for getting me fired.

♪ Happy New Year
Merry Christmas ♪♪

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open
one-horse open ♪

♪ One-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Jingle all the way
Hey ♪♪

Andrew.

Ensemble.

Uh, I know it's no accident
that you're here
on my street tonight.

And I-

I just wanted to say to you all
that you sound great.

And... merry Christmas.

Wow.

Even your apology
is off-key.

Not cool, buddy.

[All Gasping]

Well, I should, uh,
probably scoot.

But-But- But what
about forgiveness?

You were nice.
He was naughty.

[Door Closes]
Where were you for so long?

Just a little
last-minute shopping.
[Gloria] Ah.

What's this?
Buñuelos.

Who? What?
Cheese fritters.

It's a Colombian
traditional Christmas food.

Okay, new rule:
From now on...

we do Colombian things
when we're in Colombia.

We do American things
when we're in America.

That means no more of your food,
no more of your music...

and especially no more
of your crazy holidays!

- Inocente!
- Ay, Jay!

What? Did I say it wrong?
You two are total inocentes!

- You should see
the look on your faces.
- Aw!

And by the way-
You know how hard it is to get
fireworks on Christmas Eve?

[Laughs]
Go, Manny. Thank you.

[Laughing]

All righty.
Here's another one for Luke.

Looks like a book.
I have a book already.

What is that? Oh, my God.
The couch is smoking.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa.

It's sunlight.

[Haley]
It's the ornament.

[Luke]
Cool. It's like
a magnifying glass.

Hey, how weird is that?
It's burning a hole...

in the exact same spot
that Alex was smoking in.

Oh, Haley.

Alex, why'd you
take the blame?

I didn't want
to lose Christmas.
Hmm.

That is so stinking beautiful.
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.
Get in here.

[Children]
No.
Yes.

Oh, no.
Yes.

Oh, yes!
Bear hug!

[Laughter]

Wait a- You were going to take
Christmas away for something
that none of us did?

Well, um, Christmas
is about moving forward.

I've never heard that.
Actually, honey, you did
kinda shoot your mouth off.

You called us all liars.
And- Yeah, and then-

It's hard to say.
I don't know. Let's-
Yeah, you did, and then-

[All Talking At Once]
Let's not all get worked up.
I made a mistake!

I made a mistake.
And people make mistakes.

And they make up
for those mistakes-

Mm-hmm?
By...

taking their family to Italy!

[Haley]
Oh, my God!
Yeah!

[Laughing]
Can Dylan come?
Yeah! Yeah!

Who wants
some dark meat?
[All Chattering]

[Jay]
We talk a lot about tradition
this time of year.

But as much as we love
our traditions,

sometimes our best memories
come from the times
that are the most untraditional.

Inocente!

We remember the year
Mom and Dad went crazy.

We remember the year
Santa punched out the caroler.

But for me, this was the year
that the word "tradition"...

got a lot bigger.

♪ All is calm ♪

[Jay]
There's Cam.

♪ All is bright ♪
[Manny Laughing]

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪♪

- [Shrieking]
- [Screams] Ah, you didn't.

You got me again.
[Laughing]

ENGLISH - US - PSDH