All language subtitles for The.Way.Of.The.Psychonaut

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-As a filmmaker, I try to
remain a neutral observer,

but what caused me
to tell Stan Grof's story

and what I learned in the
process made that impossible.

My name is Susan,
and for most of my life,

I felt like I really
didn't belong here,

like I was born
on the wrong planet.

All I could think of
was how to go back.

-[ Crying ]

-The magic that filled my dreams

would evaporate
with the daylight.

For a while, ballet seemed
like the place where I belonged,

but even that
eventually changed.

Then in my early 20s,
I tried LSD.

For the first time,
I felt lovable.

Finally, I believed in myself,
and everything changed.

But without a structure
to ground me,

I made bad choices
that harmed my body

and others
that took years to undo.

And then I discovered shamanism
and learned how to journey.

Up I went, past the clouds,

beyond the Earth's atmosphere,

until I was surrounded
by darkness.

I met my teachers and felt
that I had known them forever.

They healed me, helped me
make sense of the world,

and could explain anything.

Once I even asked for a story,
and they showed me one.

♪♪

♪♪

I started to make changes
that were difficult.

I traveled to France
and fell in love.

But then we couldn't
get pregnant,

and I learned that
if I wanted a baby,

I'd have to tune
back into Earth.

♪♪

♪♪

-We got a lot of candy,
and we got a...

-When I thought my kids
were old enough,

I tried to reconnect.

There were insights,
but no upward journey

to meet my teachers.

In the search for another way
to reconnect with them,

I learned about Stan Grof.

-Consciousness is not something
that emerges

as an accident after billions
of years of evolution,

something that requires
a central nervous system.

And I had an experience that
just sort of changed my life

both professionally
and personally.

People get tranquilizers and
get hospitalized for experiences

that in other cultures would be
considered extremely valuable.

-Stan Grof is known

as the pioneer
of psychedelic psychotherapy.

Drawing from his own experiences

and from thousands of high-dose
LSD sessions with is patients.

The insights he gained
personally combined

with the experiences
of his patients

expanded his understanding
of the human psyche.

It stretched beyond
the biographical information

that begins after we are born
to memories

surrounding our time in the womb
and during the birth process.

His expanded map even included
the spiritual nature

of humanity,

recognizing
past-life experiences

and dimensions of consciousness
we share with all of creation.

Stan used these insights

to co-found
Transpersonal Psychology

with Abraham Maslow,

and working with his wife,
Christina,

organized international
transpersonal conferences

around the world.

During much of this period,

Stan was also
the scholar-in-residence

at the Esalen Institute
in Big Sur.

Spiritual masters
and groundbreaking pioneers

representing a broad spectrum
of disciplines

were frequent guests
at the workshops

and month-long retreats
he offered

during his 14 years there.

It was there that Stan
and Christina

developed Holotropic Breathwork,

a breathing technique
that could induce

powerful non-ordinary states
of consciousness

similar to an LSD session.

I had to meet Stan.

On some deep level I knew

he could help me
find my way back in.

When I learned he would
be teaching a course,

I signed up immediately.

-I was so far talking about

non-ordinary
states of consciousness,

but I have been all these
60 years now interested

in a very significant
large subgroup

of these
non-ordinary experiences

for which current psychology
has no special name.

They're all put in the category

of altered states
of consciousness.

What it suggests somehow
is that there's a correct way

of experiencing
ourselves in the world,

and that in these states,
it's distorted.

We have to use
this new psychology

if we want to use
effectively Holotropic states.

You know, if you want
to run psychedelic sessions

or do Holotropic Breathwork,

or if we want to work
with people

who are in spiritual emergency.

-I had read about
Stan's theories

on how our experiences
in the womb

affected our unconscious,

but to hear him explain it gave
me a whole new understanding.

-...that the experiences,
if you regress to birth,

the experiences come
in four patterns.

I call them perinatal matrices,
basic perinatal matrices.

The first perinatal matrix
relates to the situation

of the fetus still in the womb

before the onset
of the delivery.

This could be pregnancy
which is a result of planning,

of the parents'
loving expectation.

The mother is
physically healthy,

is in emotionally
good condition.

Reliving of that kind of state

would be a very ecstatic
experience.

Now, this doesn't
necessarily happen.

There are pregnancy which are
a result of rape,

of a one-night stand
when both parents were drunk,

where the marriage was broken,

the mother is abused physically

and emotionally unhealthy.

The pregnancy could be
so unwelcome

that there are attempts
at abortion.

Another possibility,
the mother is Rh negative,

the father is Rh positive,

so that from the beginning
the fetus is being attacked,

immunologically treated
as an invader.

Come nine months, plus/minus,

this is the onset
of the delivery.

First hormonal changes
which are then translated

into mechanical contractions
of the uterus.

Each contraction compresses
the arteries

and interrupts
placentary circulation

between the mother and the child

which means no supply of oxygen,
no nourishment coming in,

and there's no removal
of metabolic products.

There's no resolution for it
because the cervix is not open,

just contractions of the uterus
in a closed system.

Now, with each contraction,

the cervix is being pulled
over the head.

It's dilating.

When it reaches
the necessary size,

then it's the transition
to the third matrix.

The contractions continue
with all the consequences,

but the cervix is now open,

so there is this
laborious propulsions

through the birth canal.

Now there are tremendous
pressures here.

Suffocation and the pain
generate powerful energy

which has all the qualities
of sexual energy.

Our first encounter
with sexual energy,

we were inflicting pain
on another organism.

Another organism
was inflecting pain on us.

We couldn't breathe.

There were a lot of pressures
and fear.

This kind of experience
then can become

the basis of the development
of various sexual dysfunctions,

deviations,
aberrations, perversions.

Then we have the completion
of the delivery,

headfirst or feetfirst, and then
the umbilical cord is cut.

From then on the child exists

as an anatomically
independent individual,

still biologically emotionally
dependent, of course.

♪♪

-The matrices begin with unity,

transition to Hell
with no escape,

then to purgatory
with the end in sight

where you are the victim and the
perpetrator and the observer,

and finally culminate
in freedom

and a newfound sense
of connection.

-Thank you very much for...
-As Stan finished,

I remembered
the rebirthing workshop

I'd taken at Rajneeshpuram
back in the '80s.

I felt like I was dropping
into a deep pit

that grew more painful
as I descended.

Just when I thought
I was going to die,

I burst through
into an ocean of love and light.

♪♪

♪♪

Joseph Campbell is best known
for his work

in comparing mythologies
and religions

from cultures around the world.

He met Stan in the late '60s

at a conference
in New York City.

When Campbell heard
Stan's theory

on the four perinatal matrices,
he instantly solved a mystery

that had intrigued him
for years.

He couldn't understand
how cultures

from diverse
geographical locations

could share the same
death-rebirth themes.

He called it a monomyth.

But when he saw
Stan's presentation,

he understand
that these cultures

were reliving the experience
of their own births.

The perinatal matrices,

especially the third moving
into the fourth,

served as the threshold
for the "Hero's Journey."

The rites of passage
that these cultures developed

allowed their initiates

to access unconscious
birth memories,

face their fear of death
and finally free themselves

from a deep maternal dependency.

-Birth itself is not only
a rite of passage,

but is perhaps
the universal rite of passage

that we all go through.

Perhaps it's through
that experience

that we come into the world
knowing deeply that if we are

to succeed in the ongoing
actualization of our potentials,

whatever they are as individuals
throughout the life cycle

for however long we live,
we will need to undergo

repeatedly similar rites
of passage.

-Holotropic Breathwork is
an experiential approach

to self-exploration,

to therapy which uses
very, very simple means.

It uses faster breathing.

It uses a powerful,
evocative music

and also some kind of bodywork
when it's indicated.

-Each individual
will choose a partner.

One of those people
does the breathing,

and the other person
sits with him or her,

and then they switch roles
so that everybody gets a chance

to participate
both as a breather

and as what we call a sitter.

-And we also combine with what
we call Mandala drawings,

and after the session
they try to communicated

what happened to them
in a kind of graphic way.

-The second day of the
conference was the breathwork.

I couldn't believe
how anxious I felt.

♪♪

Towards the end
of the three hours,

I sat up thinking
that it was over.

It had been a pleasant
experience,

and I tried to tell
the facilitator that I was fine,

that she could take care
of the next person,

but she wouldn't leave.

The minutes stretched on

when suddenly a wave of sadness
rolled up from my belly,

and that's when I understood
the meaning of Stan's phrase,

"As long as it takes."

Everyone deserves the time
for the process to fully unfold.

♪♪

♪♪

Later during the course,

Stan showed slides
from his Tantra presentation.

It was the same theme
that my teacher showed me

some 20 years earlier.

Suddenly I realized that on
some deep level, I wasn't alone.

There was something universal
about what I'd experienced,

and Stan held the wisdom
I needed

to make sense
of how it all fit together.

About nine months later,

I learned that Christina
had died

and worried that
Stan might follow her

if there wasn't something
to keep him engaged.

When I learned about
the conference honoring him,

I knew I had to go.

-Welcome to the Bay Area,

and as Rick Tarnas
has been heard to say,

where new ideas meet
the least resistance.

-For over a half-century,
Stan Grof has fully engaged

and then participated

in the great transformation
of world view

that is taking place
in our era.

-He was my mentor,
fellow explorer of new visions,

copresenter at many seminars,

and guide in
experiential therapies.

-At 75 years ago, Stan and I
were kind of conspiring

to attack the non-ordinary
states of consciousness.

-When I finally overcame
my qualms

and moved from semi-hard drugs
to psychedelics

and started having
LSD experiences,

which were the most
amazing things I had ever had.

-It was a very different...

-Here were all these
accomplished people,

and the one thing they had
in common was an experience

of non-ordinary
states of consciousness.

I had always imagined
that people

who did psychedelics
remained hippies for life.

And what about the mainstream
news warnings

of irreparable damage
from using LSD?

But the presenters were some of
the most accomplished

and insightful people
I'd ever heard.

Stan offered them a context

that they in turn
expanded and shared.

-Stan developed
these descriptions,

described exactly,
I mean, in detail,

some of the most
gruesome experiences

that I'd had that,
you know, where I was, like,

in a Medieval torture chamber
being beaten to death by guys

with enormous clubs
to a bloody pulp,

and, like, I thought,

"Well, how does this relate
to my Oedipus complex

or anything else
for that matter?"

-For me personally
and many who spoke

and many who are in this room,

just going near Stan
changes your life.

-During the event,
Christina was honored

for her contributions as well.

She introduced Stan
to Muktananda,

contributed to the development
of Holotropic Breathwork,

and together, they created an
approach to spiritual emergence

when suppressed memories
and emotions

spontaneously rise
to the surface.

Their technique
helped people

avoid hospitalization
and misdiagnosis.

Christina also shared
her struggle

with kundalini awakening
and alcoholism,

which helped others
find resolution

with their challenges,

and I could more than relate
to her feelings of insecurity

around so many accomplished
academics and professionals.

The next day was the workshop

designed to support
the Grof Foundation.

I'll never forget
how frightened I felt.

Here I was, an outsider,
among people who knew Stan

and had been studying
or working with him for years.

But I found my courage

and suggested that the best way
to share Stan's research

about the healing power
of non-ordinary states

of consciousness
was to make a movie about him.

♪♪

-This is my favorite sculpture
here.

Do you see that?

So it help you see, right,
the helicopter.

You have a flight,
and then you have a ship

and then wheels at the bottom.

So it's protection against
any kind of transportation

that can be involved.

-As I set up my equipment
for the first interview,

I couldn't help thinking,
"Who was I to interview Stan?

♪♪

And yet I felt so open
and clear-headed in his presence

as though I had access
to information

that wasn't available
to me on my own.

♪♪

What took me by surprise

was Stan's incredible kindness
and generosity.

Almost immediately
we dove into his past.

Stan grew up in Czechoslovakia

just before the outbreak
of World War II.

His early childhood
was relatively peaceful,

but the threat of a Nazi
occupation became a reality

when the German army
invaded in 1939.

Stan was 8 years old when
Nazi soldiers invaded Prague

and forced Czech citizens
to surrender.

For six years, Stan was exposed
to their sadistic cruelty,

including the brutal retaliation
after the assassination

of SS Officer Reinhard Heydrich,

Hitler's third in command.

Known as the architect
of the Holocaust,

Heydrich had been sent to Prague

to wipe out
defiance of German rule.

On May 27, 1942,

Heydrich was attacked
by Czech resistance fighters

and died from his injuries
a few days later.

The Nazi retaliation lasted
more than three months.

The neighboring villages
of the Lidice and Lezaky

were destroyed.

Most of the adult population
was murdered,

while all but
a few children disappeared.

Stan was 12 years old
at the time

and remembers the continuous
executions

leading up to the death
of the resistance fighters

who had killed Heydrich.

It was a terrifying period
for the entire country.

Thankfully when the war
ended in 1945,

Czechoslovakia was restored
to its pre-war boundaries

and enjoyed
a peaceful existence.

But just three years later,

with the support
of the Soviet Union,

the communists took over.

Two Czech national heroes died
under suspicious circumstances,

and once again, a shadow spread
over Czechoslovakia.

♪♪

Stan was 17 when he was accused
of possessing a leaflet

encouraging people to challenge
the Communist Party.

-After school, it was 1:00,

and a bell was ringing.

And I opened the door,
and there were two men

in leather coats
and just broke in.

And they just completely
ransacked the apartment.

-Stan was arrested and held
in prison for four months.

In fact, his experiences

with non-ordinary states
of consciousness

happened during
a two-week period

of disrupted sleep
and interrogations.

-And basically we had to go
through our biography,

the whole life from childhood,

and then we were sent back
to the cell.

And we didn't know if they would
come back in another 20 minutes,

or if we'll be able to sleep
the rest of the night.

As I was talking about
the childhood,

I started actually seeing
the scenes from my childhood.

What was really interesting was,

in spite of the very,
very difficult situation,

I started realizing

that there was something
about it that I enjoyed.

-It's something of a miracle
that he ever made it

into medical school after that,

but a two-month stint
on a student brigade

was the first in a series
of events that turned it around.

-Basically our task
was to remove the rock

from one side to another so that
there was a space for a highway,

and they really didn't have
any other way

of finding out how we worked
than by giving them

the count of the wheelbarrows
that we sort of transferred,

so there was
a possibility of cheating.

-Fellow classmates who had
joined the Communist Party

despite their lack of commitment
to party beliefs

tried to protect Stan

by giving him an award
for his outstanding work

and exceptional relationship
with the working class.

Stan was later assigned
to a school filled with

students from laborer
and farm-worker families.

As the school's director was
recovering from a heart attack

when Stan was admitted,
he failed to read Stan's file

and recommended him
for a Presidential Gold Medal

for a his exceptional studies,

so when the medical school's
admissions staff

read Stan's file,

they saw that he'd been
acquitted for lack of evidence,

but that he'd also been honored
as an outstanding laborer

and awarded a gold medal
by President Gottwald.

And so Stan was admitted
to medical school.

-But when I was a student
working in psychiatry,

that was in the psychedelic
clinic in Prague.

There was a lot of very drastic
therapeutic methods

that were being used.

Then when I graduated,

I was working in
a psychiatry hospital,

and as a newcomer, as a sort
of freshly baked psychiatrist,

I had to get up early
and give the electroshocks

and the insulin comas up to,
like,

25 electroshocks
and 15 insulin comas.

-From the late 1920s
to the 1950s,

insulin comas were used
to treat schizophrenia.

After an insulin injection,
patients might perspire heavily.

Many salivated profusely,

and eventually
they would contort in spasms.

Once a profound state
of unconsciousness was reached,

a nasogastric tube was inserted,

bile was drawn to verify the
correct placement of the tube,

and then a glucose solution
was administered.

Archival films depict patients

waking to feel
energetic and hungry.

The procedure had a mortality
rate of 1 in a 100.

Stan induced
15 insulin comas a day.

Electroshock therapy began
in the late 1930s

from the belief that
artificially induced convulsions

could cure mental illness.

Electrodes were placed
on a patient's temples

while an electric current
passed through them.

The resulting convulsions
were strong enough

to cause broken bones

if the patients
weren't restrained.

Curare, derived from
South American plants,

was later used to
paralyze motor nerves

and lessen the convulsions.

Stan administered 25
electroshock convulsions daily.

Even psychoanalysis proved
disappointing for Stan.

-I mean, I was in
psychoanalysis for seven years,

and when in the fourth year

I started bringing in my dreams

images that were
connected to the --

you know, this was
considered to be,

you know, relatively
successful psychoanalysis.

-Fortunately for Stan,
Sandoz Laboratories

needed help
exploring applications

for a new drug synthesized
by Albert Hofmann,

lysergic acid diethylamide,
or LSD.

The Swiss scientist
was revisiting

his synthesis
of the ergot fungus

when he accidentally
intoxicated himself.

A drop of the clear solution
touched his finger

and was absorbed into his system
when he wiped his eye.

Intrigued by
the unusual sensations,

Hofmann decided to try
a tiny dose a few days later.

What followed was
an endless bike ride home

and a call for a doctor

when Hofmann thought
he might be dying.

Once the crisis passed,

Hofmann realized
that his discovery

was in incredibly powerful
psychotropic substance.

-And 1954, we got a sample
of ampules of LSD.

They got an idea that it might
be something interesting

for psychiatrists,
psychologists,

and would we want
to work with it?

So my preceptor did not have
the time to spend

six to eight hours
with people on LSD,

and so he used
several of us as gophers.

We were sitting there
and, you know,

taking care of the experimental
subjects and keeping records.

But in that early stage,
students were excluded,

so I had two years
when I was listening

to these incredible stories

and not being able
to have the experience.

So just about the first thing
I did when I graduated,

you know, was to have
this experience myself.

My teacher was specifically
interested

in training the brainwaves,

which means exposing people
to powerful stroboscopic light

of various frequencies
and finding out

if you can influence
the brainwaves

in the sub-occipital area.

So all of those of us who wanted
to have a session,

we had to agree that we also

would be going through
this experiment.

When my own experience
was culminating,

a research assistant took me
to a very little room,

and then she brought
this gigantic strobe.

And in the next moment
there was light like

I had never seen in my life.

My consciousness was catapulted
out of my body.

I lost the research assistant.

I lost the clinic.

I lost Prague.
I lost the planet.

And then I had the feeling that
I was completely extinguished.

I ceased to exist in the form
in which I knew myself,

and instead I had the feeling

that I somehow became
all of existence.

I became nothing,

but by becoming nothing
I became everything.

I was in the astronomical
universe.

I was the universe.

And there were things
happening for which

at the time
I didn't even have a name,

but later I read
about the Big Bang

and the black holes
and white holes and wormholes,

just an amazing
cosmic spectacle.

And then she turned it off.

My consciousness
started shrinking again.

I became myself.

But there was a problem because
I ended up finding the planet,

finding the clinic,
finding my body,

but my consciousness was kind
of floating around the body,

and I couldn't find ways
of aligning those two.

At that point it was
absolutely clear to me

that what they taught me
at the university,

that consciousness
is somehow created

by the activity
of the neurons in the brain,

suddenly it seemed
totally absurd.

It was clear to me

that consciousness
is a cosmic phenomenon.

Could matter, bouncing off atoms
or subatomic particles

create all that we see,
including the beauty of nature,

the beauty of the universe,

the intelligence
that you see in animals,

that you see in people,

is it really something that can
create science and philosophy?

Then you see it's absurd.

There is a beauty
and there is an intelligence

which cannot come out of matter.

♪♪

So then I came down
from this session

with the fact that I was
now stuck with psychiatry.

This is by far the most
interesting thing I could do,

studying these
non-ordinary states.

-At a complex of research
institutes near Prague,

Stan was involved in
laboratory testing of LSD

and other substances such
as psilocybin and mescaline.

40 test subjects,

a mix of healthy individuals
and psychiatric patients

would undergo
hourly blood draws,

urine samples, and psychological
and neurological

testing during their sessions
all in the hope of identifying

the chemical source
of mental illness.

-Well, the initial excitement
was that LSD can produce

what we called
experimental psychosis.

We can give it to
"normal people."

We can do all kinds of tests
before, during and after,

and we get an idea
what's happening biochemically

when the psyche is
so profoundly influenced.

And this was fascinating
because we are talking about

in microscopic amounts,

you know, hundred millions
of a gram

can change profoundly
human consciousness

for six to eight hours.

If this is the case,
mental diseases,

it would be aberrations
of chemistry.

Now, if we could identify
this chemical culprit,

we could also find some kind
of neutralizing agent,

and this would have been, like,

test-tube solution
of schizophrenia

and other psychosis.

This would be like
Holy Grail of psychiatry.

-But during the testing,
it became clear

that it was impossible
to predict

the kind of experience
subjects would have

regardless of
what psychedelic they took.

In fact, the same subject

could have dramatically
different experiences

while taking the same substance
on different occasions.

-So this is not
the way pharmacology works.

You have pretty good idea

what response you would get
with antibiotics

or whatever substance
we are talking about.

They are dealing with a catalyst

and that the content is not
produced by the substance,

but it's released from
the deep unconscious realms

that current psychiatry and
psychology doesn't know about

because when it comes,
they think it's pathological.

They don't see it as something

that's germane
to the human psyche,

and then I started seeing it
as a telescope or a microscope.

With telescope,
we can see galaxies

that we cannot normally study.

With microscope, you discover
micro world that is here,

but you are not aware of it
unless we have the proper tool.

So then I took it
from the laboratory

to a clinical practice

and started seeing it
as something

that is going to deepen
and intensify psychotherapy.

-During this period,
Stan won a competition

with a paper he wrote
about his realization.

The prize earned him
the directorship

of the psychedelic program

at a newly built
research center.

Just as in
the laboratory testing,

subjects in the clinical tests

had a broad range
of experiences,

including blissful
and ecstatic ones

and even emotionally
challenging experiences

were soothed as a session
ended and memories

that had surfaced were resolved.

Stan even noted that
the clinical sessions

seemed very similar
to classic psychotherapy,

but over time, patterns emerged.

-The contents of the unconscious
were not stored

in a form of kind of
disconnected mosaic,

but they were forming certain
dynamic constellations.

Certain issues were appearing
on different levels

at different times
of their biography,

and they were creating
these dynamics packets

that were connected
to the same type of emotions

or a physical feeling.

Let's say they would have
a choking constellation.

They would be near drowning
when they were 7,

then being choked
by an older brother

repeatedly when they were 4,
then whooping cough,

but then the deeper level
was the choking at birth.

So I started talking about these
constellations as COEX systems.

-In addition to the
understanding of COEX systems,

Stan observed how
the experiences of his clients

evolved dramatically
during a series of sessions.

-Only the early sessions
seemed to have the nature

of the experiences
that I knew from psychoanalysis,

but then sooner or later,

even if we are using sort of
just medium dosages,

people started talking about
being in a place where they felt

their life was threatened,
that they're going crazy,

they will never
get out of that state.

They started having experiences
of choking or nausea,

and then one after another,
they told me that they believed

that what they are experiencing
must be reliving of birth.

At a certain point,
I decided to test this,

and I took 300 micrograms
on my own at home.

Within an hour, I was
in a very, very difficult place.

On the wall, I had paintings
which I painted,

and there was one which was like
a stylized dog with a soldier.

They started fighting,
and then I had the feeling

that everything
was kind of closing in,

and very quickly,
I was in something

that I now called
the second perinatal matrix.

It was, like, a space where
it seemed absolutely hopeless,

very, very uncomfortable
emotionally,

and then I started
a pressure on my head.

I realized that I was somehow
stuck in the birth canal,

and all my life appeared
to be absolutely meaningless.

I started seeing the deep truths
in existential philosophy --

you know, life is absurd.

We go from nowhere to nowhere.

We start life as infants
in pain,

and this is how
we are going to end,

but even if I knew
that this was birth,

then somehow the thought came
that this state would not end

unless I find meaning in life.

And then I said,
"Well, it's knowledge,"

and I saw myself
going to libraries,

devouring one book
after another,

and then it took me
to the end of my life

when I couldn't remember
what I had for dinner,

let alone what I read
in all those books.

And then I said,
"Well, having children

gives meaning to your life,"
and then it was like,

"Well, you don't give
meaning to your life

by creating creatures whose life
is as meaningless as yours."

And then after some time,

it just sort of very,
very rapidly opened up,

and suddenly I was
in a very ecstatic state,

and I realized you cannot find
meaning in life using reason.

This was a very important
first experience

that suddenly showed me whole
new potentials of psychedelics.

-Through his own experiences
and those of his patients,

Stan learned that lower doses

brought up
biographical information

while higher ones
brought patients much farther.

He also noted that something
fascinating was happening.

-When I was hitting
some difficult places,

I had a parade of my patients,

and I suddenly understood
where they were,

including the meaninglessness
and even suicidal impulses.

Equipped with
current psychiatry,

I just had no clue.

The only way was
experiential learning.

You cannot learn that from books

what these patients
are going through.

-Without the distraction
of constant testing

and with higher doses of LSD,

Stan's clients were
encouraged to go inward.

To Stan's surprise,
they kept journeying back

to the perinatal realm.

-It's not easy
to really question.

It was some of the really
fundamental assumptions,

and I had very
personal experience

that made it even worse.

I went as a second-year student

to a lecture of
Professor Vilem Laufberger,

and I asked, "How far back
does our memory go?

Can we, for example,
relive our births?"

And he looked at me like I was
a total asshole and said,

"Of course not. I mean,
the cortex is not myelinized."

And then everybody was laughing,
so I was pretty ashamed.

So I had that kind of
additional memory,

like, this was really
stupid to think

that you could relive your birth

even if it seems
very convincing.

But then of course,
if I saw it again and again,

and I had a few more
experiences myself,

I realize that this edifice
of psychiatry,

you know,
that looks so respectable,

it's like a Colossus
on clay feet.

-Stan described the scientific
establishment's reluctance

to accept perinatal memories.

I remembered
my 30 hours of labor

giving birth
to my daughter Charlotte.

I eventually needed help
pushing her out.

Maybe that's why she wouldn't
go through those tunnels

at the play group.

-It's okay, honey.
Go in the tube.

-I was so concerned that
I took her to see an osteopath.

The doctor swore that
she wasn't applying

any pressure
to Charlotte's head.

Afterwards, Charlotte had no
problem going to the tunnels.

When Charlotte was
20 months old,

we were attacked by two gunmen.

We were living in the suburbs
outside of Paris,

and I was four months pregnant
with my son, Oscar.

The first shot missed my head
by about 12 inches,

and the remaining three
shattered our bedroom windows.

We escaped unharmed,
but for a month or so,

I'd wake up at night,
reliving the experience

and imagining
where I would hide.

Later, when Oscar was old enough
to play hide and seek,

no one could find him.

-Oscar?

Oscar?

-It was clear to me now
that my children's behavior...

-Oscar?
-...had been influenced

either by what had happened
while they were in the womb

or during their actual birth.

-[ Babbles ] Hide.

I'm trying to hide.

I'm trying to hide.

-How could scientists so easily

dismiss the reality
of perinatal memories?

-I'm trying to hide.

-The usual view about the mind

is that the mind
is confined to the head.

It's nothing but the activity
of the brain.

For the materialists
who represent the majority

of position within academic life
and in science,

minds are what brains do,

and memories are stored material
inside the brain.

It's all inside the brain.

I think that's an incredibly
truncated and narrow view.

First of all,

I think we access our memories
by morphic resonance.

They're not inside the brain.

And secondly, I think that
our consciousness, our minds,

are not confined
to the inside of our heads

but stretch out beyond
and through fields.

We're all used to the idea
of magnetic fields

being inside magnets
and stretching beyond them

or the gravitational fields
of the Earth

being inside the Earth
and stretching out into space

invisibly or the fields
of cellphones

being inside the cellphone

and stretching invisibly
around it,

which is why they work.

All matter now has fields
associated with it,

and of course the brain does.

It has electromagnetic fields

you can measure with
an electroencephalograph.

But I think that the fields
of the mind

are much more extensive,

and these extended fields
of the mind

are a kind of morphic field,

so it's really a field theory
of the mind.

-Now that I realized that
we could hold memories

from our time in the womb,

I couldn't stop thinking
about the influence

these unconscious memories
might have on our lives.

One of Stan's clients showed

just how powerful
these memories are.

-You know, the patient
whom I call Peter

came with kind of a combination
of obsession

and masochistic impulses
and tremendous need

and wish to be locked
in a cellar

and be exposed to some emotional
and physical pains, tortures.

-Peter would search
for these men in parks,

train stations,
and other public places,

and on one occasion, he was
struck on the head and robbed.

The last episode occurred
when Peter was on a train

with a man who claimed
to have the perfect cellar

to satisfy his obsession.

When the man got up
to use the toilet,

Peter gave into his gnawing
doubt and opened the man's bag.

Horrified by what he found,

Peter jumped
from the moving train

and ended up in the hospital.

When psychiatric treatment
failed to help him,

he was sent to Stan,

where he underwent a series
of high-dose LSD sessions.

-A very, very interesting
COEX system emerged

in a series of sessions.

The most superficial layers
were actually the traumas

that he, himself, created.

Then as we continued,

another layer of
the COEX system emerged,

which was from
the Second World War

when he was taken
to Nazi Germany,

and he was in a situation

where there was
a great danger of bombardment.

Two of the SS Officers
were using him

for their homosexual practices,
initially under gunpoint.

And then it went to his
childhood, when his father,

who was alcoholic,
was very, very brutal

and used to beat him
with a leather strap,

and his mother,
who actually always wore black,

punished him repeatedly
by locking him in a dark cellar

and leaving him without food.

So on that level, it seemed like
it was a combined punishment

from the two parents
that he was seeking.

Finally, it ended up
in a situation

where he was stuck
in the birth canal

and realized that was
the template of the situation

that he was searching for,

but when he actually
experienced that,

he got more
than he bargained for.

-Because Stan had previously
experienced

the kind of death-rebirth
process Peter underwent,

he was not fearful
for Peter's safety

and could allow
the full process to unfold.

After that session,
Peter was finally liberated

from his self-destructive
impulses

and able to live
a productive life.

Around the time Stan
was working with Peter,

he traveled to Amsterdam for a
conference on LSD psychotherapy.

-Pauline McCririck
and Joyce Martin

were two psychoanalysts
who were actually using LSD

and doing
what they called fusion therapy.

Clients who were deprived
in their childhood of being held

would lie
with full-body contact,

and they had
amazing results with this.

We were both in Amsterdam,

and so we decided
to have a session.

As part of my last
perinatal session,

I really got
into this atmosphere

of bloody revolutions,

and in the middle of it,
I really identified with Lenin.

I shared his passion
against oppression,

and I realized
that part of it was desire,

but a good part of it was the
compression of the birth canal,

so this kind of atmosphere
of revolutions

and struggling for birth
come out completely fused,

and I realized that there's
a relationship

between historical events
like wars and revolutions

and what we carry
in the perinatal level,

possibly even something
that is a source

of that kind of violence.

But then the session ended,
and I went through

the whole range
of relationships with women,

the destructive feminine
that comes in birth,

the adventure, the exciting,
like a sexual partner,

and then I had the feeling
of being an infant on her body.

The transition from the third
matrix into the fourth

was like emerging
sort of in fire.

There was, like, a goddess
with dark complexion

and a peacock paradise
or heaven,

so it was a very,
very blissful experience.

She became, like,
a great mother for me.

-Stan's session with Pauline
in Amsterdam

revealed the archetypal nature
of the birth experience,

during which the fetus

is exposed
to a collective dimension

filled with powerful imagery
and emotion,

but a newborn lacks the capacity

to make sense
of what is witnessed,

and so these impressions
remain in the unconscious,

influencing us in ways
that we don't realize.

-One of the great contributions
of Stan's work

is that he uncovered
the deep structure,

the archetypal pattern,
you might say,

of the life process
as it is incarnated

and reincarnated
in us as individuals.

-When Stan discovered
the work of Lloyd Dumas

and the field of psychohistory,

he noted the parallels
between the imagery

used to goad people
to war and experiences

that he and his patients
had during their sessions.

It became clear to Stan
that these unconscious memories

of helplessness
from the second matrix and anger

from the third were driving
factors in the need for power.

This need for control
was clearly evident in the book,

"A Sexual Profile of Men
in Power,"

which detailed a 7-year study
of call girls and madams

whose primary clients

were politicians
and government officials.

The study find that over
50% of those men

regularly hired prostitutes,
and more than half of them

demanded kinky
or sadomasochistic sex

as a means of coping
with the powerlessness

that they experienced
in government.

-Nine months in the total
dependence

of the maternal organism.

Then there is this incredible
roller coaster of birth

that we are taken through

and then emerging with total
dependence on the mother.

It leaves a very deep fear of
the feminine in the male psyche,

and frequently clumsy effort
to compensate for it --

not giving women
the same rights,

not to treat them
as equal citizens, and so on.

Women go through that also,

but because of their
physiological function,

because of their anatomy,
they are able to participate

directly in
the process of creation.

The male participation
is very marginal.

It can take, you know, a few
minutes, and then it's over.

The way to resolve traumatic
unconscious memory would be

if that material fully
emerges into consciousness,

which will be therapeutic.

What can happen
in everyday lives,

it comes close to the surface,

but the person does not realize
what it is exactly,

but they feel the need
to create a situation

that would involve
those elements.

So for example, the transition
from the third

to the fourth matrix frequently
is experienced as fire.

I've worked with some people
who were arsonists,

and they had this impulse.

They felt that something
fantastic would happen

if they could experience
a big fire.

When that happens,
they watched it

and feel excitement for a while,
but it is a real let down.

They expected something
much more phenomenal,

but the drive can be
strong enough

to drive them to do it again
and again.

In a very similar way,
the third matrix involves

a lot of sadomasochistic
kind of experiences,

where you feel sexual arousal,
and you feel confined,

and you feel sort of choked
and so on.

It's a kind of unrecognized
healing impulse,

but for it to be therapeutic,

it would have to involve
introspection,

understanding what you are
dealing with

and really be fully consciously
in touch with that material.

-Nothing the conscious mind
can think up

will ever satisfy
the unconscious.

It has to originate from
the unconscious to be cleared.

♪♪

After hearing so many
of Stan's stories,

it was time for me
to find out

what shadows were lurking
in my unconscious.

Would they be as dark
as what Stan had seen?

And if so, would I have
the courage to confront them?

Rule number one,
never do this alone.

The sitter is there
to keep you safe,

ground you, and, more
importantly, to hold the space

so that you can completely
open to whatever comes.

As the LSD took effect,

there was a flood
of geometric imagery.

Some people call it
retinal discharge,

but now I think
I was seeing fractals

or even the dimension
that holds

the blueprints
of the physical world.

♪♪

Soon, it transitioned
into Christina,

and then, as though I was
seeing through Christina's eyes,

it was Stan.

There was a sadness

as she realized
that she was leaving him,

but then Stan transitioned
into my father,

and Christina
dissolved into me.

♪♪

♪♪

The pain was so intense that
I knew it couldn't just be mine.

I actually felt as though
I was choking.

In that moment,
I understood that

although
I might have been triggered

by the pending death
of my father,

I was also tapping into
the collective sadness,

and what a depth of it
there was --

addiction, drugs, alcohol,
sex, compulsive behavior,

anything to dissolve back
into the formless ocean of love

and avoid this unbearable
sadness of separation.

♪♪

It took me two days
to feel whole again.

If it hadn't been for my kids
to think about

or the sitter to talk to,

I don't know if I would
have come out of it.

But because I had grieved
my dad's death before he died,

I was able to listen
to his daydreams

during those last weeks
of his life,

and when he finally
slipped into a coma,

I knew how to help him
detach from his body

so he wasn't afraid or in pain.

He lay like that for 28 hours,
and then an hour

before my daughter's last
ballet performance, he died.

I was filming
while Charlotte danced

when suddenly I remembered
that he had sat in that theater,

and I remembered exactly
where he had sat.

The memory was so clear
that I realized

that I was
seeing through his eyes.

His spirit was there
in the theater

to watch
his granddaughter dance.

♪♪

♪♪

After the performance,
I went to help my mom.

When I had finally
cleaned the space

so that she could remember him
in better health, I went home.

A few hours later,
I let the tears well up

and felt myself once again
pulled out by my heart,

but because I knew
that I could survive it,

I allowed the sadness to flow,
and it felt amazing.

If I hadn't witnessed Stan's
courage and trusted his example,

I doubt any of that
would have happened.

He wasn't afraid
to confront the darkness.

♪♪

In 1967, Stan was invited
to continue his research

at Johns Hopkins University
in Maryland,

but pushback against
psychedelics was growing,

inflamed by flawed studies
engineered to generate fear.

-We have children that are born
without legs or arms.

The kind of thing we seen
after thalidomide exposure.

-Even though the studies
were eventually dismissed,

the culture was reeling
from the impact of psychedelics.

As a result,
the research program

at Johns Hopkins University
was terminated.

Fortunately for Stan,

the program at Spring Grove
Psychiatric Hospital

was still operational.

While there, he continued
his research,

encountering even more
intriguing patients.

-This was a patient who had
some of

the most difficult pathology,

if you want to call it that way,
that I have ever seen.

She was 4 years in prison,
and while on parole,

she became
a multiple drug addict.

She had very difficult
episodes of depression,

so it was kind of
a life decision,

and so we decided
to take our chances.

So she had two
very powerful sessions.

She was from a family
where there was alcoholism,

there was abuse,
there was incest.

And then
in the third session,

suddenly she started crying,

she started screaming, and then
vicious expression in her eyes,

incredible, incredibly
sort of evil expression

and this very deep voice came
and introduced itself,

himself, as the devil,

and then came this barrage
of insults and threats.

There was information
that the patient

as such could not have known.

I had a wonderful nurse
that was Southern Baptist,

and she was shaking.

I thought she was getting
a heart attack,

so I was watching
the patient and the nurse.

At one point, I said,

"Well, this is obviously
the Jungian archetype

that's manifesting here,

but maybe for that
kind of archetype

the crucifix would be
the best remedy."

As I was reacting emotionally,
it was just becoming more real.

So I started meditating
on light.

I knew that, you know,
from my spiritual reading

that these creatures
don't like light.

Suddenly stopped the way
it started,

so everything relaxed.

Then as she was coming down,

we sort of started
talking about it,

and I realized she remembered
only what happened

before this episode
and what happened after.

There's just total amnesia
for this.

You know, I wondered if I should
sort of bring that up

and talk about it
and decided not to do it at all,

but she, herself, wonderful,

and then very shortly
afterwards,

she left the hospital

and probably was a little
lying on the questionnaire.

She got a job
as a taxi driver.

-But despite the tremendous
success of his work,

the program lost funding.

-We were finding it more
and more difficult

to continue the research,
and I had a lot of materials.

I really wanted a sabbatical,
and do some writing,

and I got invitations
from several publishers,

so I could take a year off.

And I went to a party
in New York City,

and there was
Michael Murphy there,

and he...
the co-founder of Esalen.

-When I met Stan, first in '65,
he was probably

the best-looking man
in the human potential movement.

I mean, he was as good looking
as Richard Burton.

-He said, "So, Stan,
what are you doing these days?"

I said, "Well, I'm actually
taking a year off

to write a book," and he said,
"Why don't you come to Esalen?"

-It was my instinct
as a director and producer

of this
ongoing theater at Esalen,

he was perfect.

And of course
we had been right in the middle

of a lot of experimentation
with psychedelics,

and although psychedelics
were not my ally,

Stan represented not only
another doorway into this

but also sobriety.

I mean, he actually
thought about it.

Tim pretended to think about it,

but he just proclaimed a vision
of taking LSD every Sunday.

If it's good,
just have more of it,

and we saw disaster
after disaster during the '60s,

so Bob Schwartz
gave us some money,

and Esalen provided
a beautiful house,

and off we went.

And he became the leading force
in our overall programming

for most of the years
he was there.

-Besides our breath
work workshops,

we offered then months-long
workshops.

People were coming to Esalen
from all over the world,

and they didn't want to take
just one workshop.

So this gave me a chance
to choose a topic

I was interested in
and see who in the world

was doing
some cutting-edge research

and invite those people,
and then always finding,

like, 36 people
who would want to do it with us.

-One popular program combined
vipassana with breath work.

-I think of a time
when we were holding

our large holotropic breath work
and Buddhist practice retreats,

and there's a room full
of some hundreds of people

doing the breath work
after we had meditated,

going through these
profound openings

with this music playing.

Some people are in
heavenly states,

and some people feel
like they're dying

and getting reborn,
and some people have past life

experiences or turning
into birds or animals,

and some people are having
the reliving of their childhood,

every possible thing.

It's like being
in Dante's inferno

and purgatorio and paradisio
all at the same time,

and it's really quite marvelous
because it's so well held

and tended by the facilitators,

and then when things get really
dicey, they call Stan over.

So I remember one who was
a multiple personality

who had different alters

that would show themselves
at different points,

and one of them
was really demonic,

and this whole demonic side
started to come out, like,

"If you come near me,
I will slash and kill you."

So the facilitators were
a little bit nervous

because the voice and
the aggression of this demon --

"You try to fix or help me,
and I will get you,

and I will kill you
and slash you."

It was not an easy person to be
tending,

so they called Stan over

because it seemed like this
demon wanted to eat everybody,

and Stan came over very calm
and cool and sat down and said,

"Tell me more.
You know, you're a demon.

You have some powers.
What are those powers you have,

and who do you think
you really are as a demon?

I mean, do you really know
what your identity is?"

He didn't quite ask it
in that way,

but he began to, like,
look directly at the demon

and say,
"You don't know really where

you come from, do you,
who you are?

I'm very pleased to meet you,
but you don't"...

And the demon started
to get confused

and started to look around,

and it was, like, instead
of being afraid of the demon,

Stan met this demonic energy

with a kind of curiosity
and interest and fearlessness

that the demon
that never met before,

and it started to kind
of lose its way,

and then
the whole thing morphed.

Magic happened when other
people were frightened.

That kind of innocence
that Stan has,

he's like this giant kid

wandering around saying,
"Wow, look at that."

He has this tremendous
appreciation for everything.

♪♪

-In 1974, Stan was about
43 years old,

and I was about 24 working
at Esalen as a night guard

and then writing
my dissertation,

you know, during the day,

and we got a call at about 4:00,
4:30 in the morning.

The night guard who was
on that night said,

"We've got a crisis, and we need
you guys here right away."

1:00 a.m. to 5:30 every morning,

we would let in people
from outside of Esalen

to use the baths.

A young man had taken LSD
with his girlfriend

and started to flip out at some
point during the session,

became violently paranoid.

The girlfriend had escaped
from the guy.

He had gone up the hill
to their van.

All we knew was that
he's got a knife,

he's naked,

he's psychotically paranoid
and violent.

As we're approaching the van,
I'm thinking to myself,

"Oh, this is great,"
just because I'm writing

a dissertation
on LSD psychotherapy.

I'm now, you know,
in a life-and-death situation.

-A victim of...

-So Stan opens
the sliding van door,

and the bottle is thrown
right by his head,

and then he goes in,
picks up a blanket,

wraps it around the man,
and puts him in a bear hug.

He says, "Okay. You've taken a
very powerful psychoactive drug.

I want you to close your eyes
and pay attention

to what's going on inside you."

♪♪

Within about 15 minutes,

the young man
was laughing at himself

but at the same time embarrassed
for what he had caused.

It was a real testament
to Stan's personal courage,

but it also was an illustration
of his whole philosophy

of trusting the psyche.

You know, the very first lecture
that I ever heard

Stan give in March
of 1974 at Esalen,

I asked him at the end,

"What do you do
in the case of someone

who's in a really bad trip

where they're descending
into an incessant loop

that they can't get out of,

and they feel like they're
losing their sanity?"

and these things can have
enduring effects, you know, too,

and he said with a kind
of poetic conciseness

that I've never forgotten,
he just said,

"Well, the full experience
of an emotion

is the funeral pyre
of the emotion,"

and he just pointed out
that we have a tendency to,

of course, wall
ourselves off from the pain,

the scary things in our psyche
that are trying to emerge,

but he says,
"That's actually the way

out of the pathology
of the suffering."

So he was able to convey
with that one sentence

the idea that bad trips
and negative material,

which Tim Leary did not
prepare the masses for,

were actually a royal road
to transformative healing.

-I think it's essential
when we discussed psychedelics

now to talk about
the challenging experiences

and that it's not all easy.

MAPS does psychedelic
harm reduction at Burning Man

and at festivals
all over the world,

and one of our main
principles is,

"Difficult is not
the same as bad,"

and I think that's where with
psychedelic therapy right now,

we prepare people
in a much different way

and really talk about a lot
of the kernels of wisdom

will come wrapped in these
very difficult experiences.

-Stan recognized early on that
existing schools of psychology

couldn't explain
the profound experiences

and resulting transformations

that he
and his patients underwent.

Even before moving to Esalen,

Stan worked with Abe Maslow
and Tony Sutich to develop

transpersonal psychology,

which recognized
the spiritual nature of humanity

and the importance of memories
from our time

in the womb and beyond.

-We got to the point
where we were very satisfied

with the kind
of new psychology,

but we had no idea
how we could possibly link

that gap between this
kind of system that we created

and what we knew as
the scientific psychology,

and that's where meeting
Fritjof Capra

and reading his book,
"The Tao of Physics,"

was extremely important for me.

Frances Vaughan invited him
to Tiburon

to meet transpersonal
psychologists,

and we really hit it off.

-We planned these seminars
together,

which we called "Journeys
Beyond Space and Time,"

and those were an inner journey
of transpersonal experiences

and the outer journey of,

you know, physicists
delving into matter

at the atomic
and subatomic level.

-Fritjof would take the morning
and tell people, you know,

how scientists, physicists now
see the world of matter.

-I presented the perception
of reality

where the solid objects
of our everyday experience

dissolve into energy patterns

and where particles can travel
backward and forward in time,

where these energy patterns,
furthermore,

are intrinsically dynamic,
the whole universe

being some sort of
a cosmic dance of energy.

Stan was describing
very similar experiences,

and as I did,
he was comparing them

to the experience of mystics.

Now we had
three perspectives --

the mystical experience,

the transpersonal experience,
and the experience of physicists

in those subatomic paradigms.

-After lunch, when people came,

it was time for me
to talk about my research.

It was pretty sober as compared
to what Fritjof was describing,

and I was talking
about something that happens

in some unusual states
of consciousness

whereas Fritjof was redefining
the material world

that we live in.

-One of the key insights
from the new physics

is that reality has something
of a holographic structure

or a fractal structure,
and the simplest example of this

is a mathematical structure
that we call the Mandelbrot set.

Now in science,
this is called nested

sets of self-similar structures,

but I like to think
that this is actually

a modern scientific discovery
of an ancient

Hermetic principle of alchemy --

"As above, so below.
As within, so without,"

that basically the microcosm
replicates the macrocosm.

If we apply these ideas
to spirituality,

what I would propose
is that consciousness itself

has this same fractal structure,

which means that there is
a self-similarity

at all levels of existence.

-Stan was one of the very first

to give this
new conception of life

and this new perception of
reality an emotional content,

an experiential content.

I think this is one of his
many great contributions.

-So many new perspectives
were introduced

during those workshops
and month-long intensives.

Michael Harner, who Stan had met
on his first trip

to the United States,

presented his work
in Core Shamanic practices.

-It was 1965.

We met in the Esalen
bathhouses, right?

-Yes.
This was an interesting meeting.

We were both stark naked

when we first met.
-Yeah.

Good way to start
and had nothing to hide.

-Richard Tarnas,
together with Stan,

developed archetypal astrology

as a means for gaining a deeper
understanding of the forces

influencing individual
and collective psyches.

-We noticed the phenomenology
of the perinatal matrices

could have been passages
from handbooks of astrology.

So that was mind-blowing

because I had no
understanding of astrology

when I was doing it,

but then we found out
something even more amazing

that actually people were having
in their sessions the encounter

with elements
of these matrices at the time

when they had these planets
in some significant transit,

so it became, you know,

something that
allowed prediction,

what kind of experiences
people would have.

I had a chance to spend
very informal time

with people who were
the pioneers, you know --

Fritjof Capra, Rupert Sheldrake,
Karl Pribram.

We had Huston Smith,
Joseph Campbell.

No university had
that kind of a staff,

so when I started

the International
Transpersonal Association,

I could pick up
the telephone and say,

"I want to do a conference
in Bombay, in India,

and I can pay the
round-trip ticket and feed you.

They will put you up,
but I can't give any honoring.

Do you want to come?"
and they all said, "Yes."

-Stan Grof wrote me
a long handwritten letter

saying how much
he liked my book.

He'd had a copy shipped,

and he invited me
to speak at a conference

he was organizing in Bombay,

but I'd never been
to California.

I'd never heard of things
like the New Age Movement.

I'd never heard of Stan Grof.

I'd never heard of Esalen,
and suddenly, in this hotel,

it was a kind of
astonishing world of people

who were into
consciousness research

talking about
the Esalen Institute.

Stan was talking about
his psychotropic breathing

and LSD research and so on.

I was amazed to find myself
in an environment

where I could talk
about the things

I was really
most interested in,

where people were interested
in finding out more,

a kind of fizz of excitement
and discovery and new horizons.

-People were just very hungry
to find an atmosphere

where they could connect
with like-minded people.

They were not afraid
of criticism

that would have
any implications, you know,

for their reputation
or their position.

So we really got the truth
from people.

-...that there is
a domain of potentiality

which is nonlocal,
and therefore, it is oneness.

-The universe
doesn't work on...

-Stan represents what
has been sorely lacking,

which is the long through line
of work over decades

because in this wild,
meandering exploration

of the further reaches
of human nature,

particularly in the '60s,

but even in the long
sobering-up of the '70s,

he's been able to provide
a huge body of empirical lore.

-It's fair to say, I think,

that I wouldn't be
doing the research

that I'm doing
had it not have been for reading

Stan's "Realms of the
Human Unconscious."

-Yet despite the tremendous
insights

shared during Stan's tenure
at Esalen

and his continued exploration
of the healing power

of nonordinary states
of consciousness,

so little has changed.

-The work with holotropic
states also provide very,

very interesting insight

into how we should approach
the situation

that we have in the world
where we are in global crisis,

in some sense, on the verge
of possible extinction --

not just our species but taking
a few species with us.

You know, changing this
situation is not simple.

We cannot just to do kind of
transpersonal,

spiritual sanitization
of creation,

simply eliminate everything
that we don't like

that we think is bad or evil.

-It was hard for me to hear
what Stan was saying.

I'd always hoped that one
could avoid darkness and pain.

I didn't want to believe
that light and shadow

were equal parts
of the whole.

Perhaps ayahuasca could help me
make peace with that.

The problem with ayahuasca
is that it can take

a long time to come on.

The mistake that I made was
thinking I hadn't had enough.

♪♪

I really thought I was dying,
but in my heart,

I knew that it was too late.

There was nothing to be done,
so I purged and surrendered.

♪♪

It took me a while to realize
that I was in another dimension

and that as long as I remained
formless in it, I was fine.

If I tried to feel my body,
I was instantly nauseous.

For 6 hours, I stayed
in the quantum fields.

At times, it seemed I was
watching reincarnation,

where a soul would merge
with the possibility wave

and then tumble down
into increasing density,

flipping like a coin
between victim and perpetrator.

Pretty much every
deep experience

I've had since has been
uncomfortable in ways

I never could've imagined,
but most often,

I end up in a place
of great beauty and love

as though the ugliness
had to be fully experienced

before I had access
to the underlying joy.

When I look back
at my archetypal astrology,

I see now that I've been through
a series of deaths and rebirths.

What died was my limited
sense of self.

Once that illusion slipped away,

I could feel my true nature
as energy beyond the creative

and destructive cycles
of the universe,

timeless and vast,

within a unity that might
be forgotten but never lost.

-I think it's healthier to know

that the devil is something
within our psyches

and within our souls as humans
rather than some,

you know, object out there.

-I think people who are
in touch

with the state of the world
right now recognize

that we're basically
all skating on thin ice.

There is a profound
sense of uncertainty

and potentially looming danger
of catastrophic proportions,

and it takes a lot of courage
to face that.

We can't simply be sure
we can be bringing

in some technological fix

or rational solution
to this situation.

Uncertainty itself
is a key part

of any initiatory
transformation.

You can't have a pretend
near-death experience

in order to have an effective
transfiguration of how you live.

You need to really feel
everything is at stake,

and you don't know
the outcome,

and if we can have
the courage to face that

and to go through
this dark night of the soul,

in some sense,
and to bring all our wits

and heart and imagination
and bravery together

to engage
this great threshold,

I think that's the key
to our future.

-If anybody is
paying attention,

they're traumatized
in some way,

and psychedelics can help us
deal with those fears

and still look positively
at what we can do

to contribute
to making it better,

so a lot of the astronauts
who've looked back at the Earth

from space and realized
that it's a single organism,

that there are no clear
country boundaries,

that we're all
in this together,

we're all part of this
14 billion years of evolution

have been spiritualized.

When people grasp
the sense of the whole,

that has profound
political implications,

and it's a lot cheaper to give
somebody a psychedelic

than shoot them up
to the Moon.

[ Chuckles ]

-The power of psychedelics
to profoundly change

people is remarkable.

-The information that
was delivered to me

in those experiences
has pretty much formed

the rest of my life
since then.

-The depression was gone,
never came back.

I became a different person
who was able to enjoy life,

learn how to laugh,

who was nicer to my children
and my grandchildren.

The substance, which was
a psychedelic, helped me so much

that I dedicated
the rest of my life

to make it available
to everyone who suffers.

-I now have completely,
180 degrees

modified my viewpoint
to understand

that we are spiritual beings,

performing and acting
and learning in physical bodies,

and it is through the power
of some of the psychedelics

and through some
of the ideas of Stan

and the people that he has
brought together with him

that this new opening
has happened in my life

as well as in the lives
of thousands

and millions of people.

-And now, ever since that,

anytime when things
like that happen --

Of course, they happen
again and again --

I remember what Stan told me.

"You're ready. Face it.
Your psyche will not give you

any task
that you cannot tackle."

-Regardless of the method,
it's the state

one finds themselves in that
matters, awake and joyful

in the heartfelt knowledge of
being part of something greater.

It's only fitting that Stan
experienced his own rebirth

after Christina's passing.

For years, he had suffered
from debilitating back pain

and nerve sensitivity
in his legs,

but a higher-than-normal
dose of medical marijuana

launched a process
that freed him from that pain.

-I had the feeling
that I was dying,

and I saw other people
who died before me,

Angie Arrien and Christina,

Sasha Shulgin
and Hans Ruedi Giger,

so I had the feeling this is,
like, end of an era,

and I was joining, and then
there was that sense like,

"No, you are not ready yet,"
and sort of, "You go back.

You know, you have
more work to do,"

and I went for
about a month

into a lot of nonordinary
states of consciousness.

Spontaneous chanting was coming.

A significant part of it
was about whales.

-During this period, Brigitte,

one of Stan's first students
and dearly loved by him,

reached out.

-Hearing the first phone call
where we reconnected,

she told me that she was
about to go for a trip

where it was possible

to actually meet the whales
and swim with the dolphins.

That was an amazing experience.

We first met when Brigitte came
to a lecture of mine in Freiburg

after she had had
a very difficult LSD experience,

and very shortly afterwards,

she participated
in our first breathwork

and decided to come to Esalen,
where she stayed for a year,

and she did several
of the trainings

of holotropic breathwork,
so I've always loved her.

She brought incredible spirit

into all the groups
that she participated in,

and she was always a light
of my life at a time when,

you know, I was committed
to really not have any way

of sort of bringing
the relationship farther,

and then the situation changed,

so we decided to join
our lives together.

-...a toast
to it's never too late.

-No.

-In everyone's life,
it is just never too late.

-Whoo!

-I never expected
the late years in my life

would be
the happiest time of my life.

-I've just always loved him,

and I feel very blessed
that we can be together.

It's a dream come true.

It's just this oneness that
we share and the humor

and the way we see things,

the inner journeys
that we share.

It's just wonderful
to be married to Stan.

-And just as Stan
and Brigitte's past circle

back to Esalen
where they now teach together,

so has my journey returned me
to a familiar sense of peace.

What began as a quest
to reconnect with my teachers

has evolved into
a deeper understanding

of what it is to be human.

I followed the path that Stan
forged and explored the darkness

and the light,
finding beauty in both.

-This is...
-The tantric imagery

that drew me to Stan now

makes up a daily practice
that not just maintains

but grows
the sense of connection

I've found
through my psychedelic work.

What I find amazing
is the parallel

between what happens
to one's brain on psychedelics

and what is experienced
in tantric meditation.

♪♪

I learned so much from Stan.

The techniques he developed
and the spiritual grounding

he provided for them

hold such promise
for these challenging times.

May we follow his example

and begin our own
journeys of discovery.

♪♪

♪♪

-One really fundamental
principle of shamanism

is that everyone is one
and is alive and has spirit.

-It was indeed
this other reality

that could be accessed
in different ways,

and like Stan,
I've come to that conclusion

that it's all too logical,
really.

-The energies that people
liberate in themselves

is just so beautiful to see.

I mean, we just live up to
I don't know how little

of our potential
in our normal, everyday life,

and so seeing people becoming
alive, including myself,

and awakening is just beautiful.

-Bringing about any change
in our way of being in the world

is having some access
to these deep layers,

and one of the ways
used by all traditions is sound.

-Those moments that may be
so tragic or so joyful,

so ecstatic that reside
in the collective,

maybe reside in
the collective unconscious,

they live again through us
in these nonordinary states,

and again, the practice
of working with the transits,

of understanding them
through an astrological lens,

can provide a map

to see each one of those
experiences through history

and then how it comes to bear
on our own personal experience.

-A new concept, a new paradigm
from the ground up,

what the universe is, who we
are, and where we are going is,

to me, the key questions,
and they have...

Basically, it has to be
an integral, integrative answer,

or if you don't find it,
then it's your fault

because the universe doesn't
work on little bits and pieces.

It works as a whole.

-It's not, like, a side effect
of these drugs, you see?

Like, you say, "Well, they have
these religious experiences"

because then you're...

The spiritual dimension
is the core dimension.

It's the core dimension.

It's not an add-on
that you can take or leave.

That changes everything.

-People who do some
responsible,

systematic work with these
powerful experiential methods,

from some intense spiritual
practice to psychedelics,

they tend to develop
independently a certain

kind of worldview
that they share.

It's the
Buckminster Fuller idea.

You know, we are on a spaceship.

We are all in it together,

and what some of us
do will influence the others.

There's no way
of isolating that.

I've seen that
powerful transformation

happening in individuals.

Now, whether this is possible
on a large scale

and whether we have enough time,
that's a different story.

♪♪