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1
00:00:01,043 --> 00:00:05,834
So, Michael, you're saying there's
a new angle I should consider in this case?
2
00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:08,248
Love that. Major drama.
3
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,587
Spill the tea, sweetheart.
4
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:14,796
The premise of our system is that a person's
score during her time on Earth
5
00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:17,466
is final and inarguable.
6
00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:20,636
But because of my accidental experiment
7
00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:24,723
these four humans got better
after they died -
8
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:26,857
that's not supposed to be possible.
9
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:30,938
Over and over again, I watched as
they became thoughtful and generous and...
10
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:33,447
and caring, and... and think about
where they started.
11
00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:34,733
Uh, Jason?
12
00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:38,779
Growing up in Jacksonville, what did you do
for fun after school, every day?
13
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:41,994
Me and my friends whipped empty
spray paint cans at flamingos.
14
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,409
And now he's so much better.
15
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:45,786
I was already pretty good.
16
00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:48,170
When I was six, I hit one right on the butt.
17
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:50,206
OK, let the immortal beings talk, darling.
18
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:52,153
So, they got better in your little
pretend world.
19
00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:55,090
That doesn't prove anything
about what they were like on Earth.
20
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:57,630
No, see, I think it does prove something.
21
00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:02,427
If I'm right, the system
by which we judge humans
22
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:06,644
the very method we use to deem them
good or bad
23
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:12,901
is so fundamentally flawed and unreasonable
that hundreds of millions of people
24
00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:16,942
have been wrongly condemned
to an eternity of torture.
25
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,029
Damn! That was intense!
26
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:24,078
Look at my arm, y'all!
Look, I got goosebumps.
27
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:25,960
Huh, yeah.
28
00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,460
Doesn't happen very often.
29
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:36,753
Wow. So, you saw your parents in the test?
30
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,180
Yes.
31
00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:41,008
And I immediately fell right back
into my old pattern.
32
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:44,768
Desperately trying to impress them
and earn their admiration.
33
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,518
But then I heard this little voice
in my head saying
34
00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:50,232
"Tahani. Don't do this."
35
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:53,315
The little voice in your head sounds like
the old lady from Downton Abbey?
36
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:54,649
Oh, yes, sorry.
37
00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:56,314
Maggie Smith is my Godmother.
38
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,237
Anyway, I took a deep breath.
39
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:02,495
Told them I ate a Cheeto and walked away.
40
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:03,789
Man!
41
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:06,290
You have made so much progress.
42
00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:08,417
I'm proud of you, hot stuff.
43
00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:11,962
Whatever progress I have made
44
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:14,753
it's because you and I have become mates.
45
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,843
That's British for "friends."
- No, I know.
46
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:25,097
Ooh, how are your shoulders so comfy?
47
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:28,638
Well, I was voted "best shoulders"
by British Vogue four years in a row.
48
00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:30,811
I get it. You're perfect.
49
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,563
Eleanor... I'm kidding.
50
00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:35,111
I was just taking the piss out of myself.
51
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:37,609
It was only two years.
52
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,278
Just doubled it... for humour.
53
00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:42,536
OK.
54
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:46,281
Man, think about everything
that's happened to us.
55
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:49,747
We died, Michael tortured us,
we teamed up with him...
56
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,702
we escaped, we went through the portal
57
00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:54,042
the Judge ruled against us,
then Michael showed up.
58
00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:58,050
This has been one of the craziest years
of my life.
59
00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,220
"One of"?
60
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:04,716
Yeah. I'm not sure what I would do
if one more insane thing happened.
61
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:05,804
Hi, Jason.
62
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:06,852
I love you.
63
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,644
Oh, word?
64
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:09,939
Word.
65
00:03:10,107 --> 00:03:11,518
I've been avoiding telling you.
66
00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:15,310
My excuse was that I needed time
to evaluate my complex feelings
67
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,103
but that was just a rationalisation.
68
00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:20,607
Hey, I guess I learned how to
rationalise too.
69
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:21,659
That's neat.
70
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:26,196
This might be the last time I ever
get to talk to you, so there it is.
71
00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:27,164
I love you.
72
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:29,657
And I hereby stop avoiding this topic
73
00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:32,953
and rationalizing it by saying the situation
is complicated.
74
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:37,966
Or that my brain is grinding like a fork
in a garbage disposal.
75
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,176
Alright.
76
00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:41,840
Whatever.
You're not really a part of this, Chidi.
77
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:43,723
Hey.
78
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:44,765
Guess what?
79
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:47,053
I think I love you too, girl.
80
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,227
I'm not a girl.
81
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:51,471
I'm also not just a "Janet" anymore.
I don't know what I am.
82
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,392
Hey, man. What's up?
83
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:07,865
Hot diggity dog!
84
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:09,948
Oh, no!
85
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:13,622
Now the thing I said right after we kissed
will always be, "Hot diggity dog!"
86
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:14,877
Whatever.
87
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,662
It was an honest reaction. I stand by it.
88
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,165
Hi, guys, couple quick announcements.
89
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,342
Would anyone eat chips and guac
if I put it out?
90
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,093
It's good. It's homemade.
91
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,180
No takers?
92
00:04:24,182 --> 00:04:27,549
Alright - second thing, we figured out
a plan to save your souls.
93
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:32,520
For the time being, the Judge
is gonna put you in your own Medium Places
94
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:33,645
like Mindy St Claire.
95
00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:37,191
And while you're there,
I'll keep working every angle I can think of
96
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:39,522
to get you guys into
the Good Place for real.
97
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,316
This is great. So, we'd all be together?
98
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,819
Oh, no, that's the thing
about Medium Places.
99
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:46,826
It has to be tailored to what's medium
for the individuals
100
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:49,487
so if you're all together, it ain't medium.
101
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:51,697
How much time will we be alone?
102
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,666
Hard to say. Uh, could be a month.
103
00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,452
Could be... a million years.
104
00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:58,918
So, between a month and a million years.
Some...
105
00:04:58,965 --> 00:04:59,924
Yeah.
- Give or take.
106
00:04:59,926 --> 00:05:01,757
Somewhere in there.
Come on, you guys.
107
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:06,388
I know this isn't perfect but I need more
time to build my case, and it's either this
108
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,639
or back to the Bad Place.
- Yeah.
109
00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:10,768
I'll say it.
110
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:12,685
Both those options suck.
111
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,221
OK, I'm sorry if that's blunt, Your Honour,
but it's true.
112
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:18,065
Also, Chidi just laid one on me,
so I'm kinda dizzy.
113
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,358
You two kissed?
114
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:21,356
Hot diggity dog!
115
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:22,530
That's what I said!
116
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,277
The point is, we've all gotten better.
117
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,988
Why should we have to go live alone
in a boring void
118
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:31,120
because of a messed-up system?
How is that justice?
119
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:34,748
OK, slow your roll there, Erin Brockovich.
120
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:40,084
First of all, y'all didn't get good enough
to pass the tests I just gave you.
121
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:43,712
Second, I still believe that the only reason
that you improved
122
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,342
in Michael's fake Neighbourhood
123
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:49,757
is because you thought there was a reward
at the end of the rainbow.
124
00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:52,888
You're supposed to do good things
because you're good
125
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,891
not because you're seeking moral dessert.
126
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:59,390
And I still believe that they would've
become good people
127
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,149
if they'd just gotten a...
128
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:07,948
a push in the right direction.
129
00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:10,860
Oh, no!
130
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:13,029
Nope. Nope. Absolutely not.
131
00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:16,449
It's a little crazy.
- A little bit crazy? It's Looney Tunes.
132
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,117
What are they talking about?
- No idea.
133
00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:21,287
It sets a very dangerous precedent.
- It's only four people.
134
00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:23,296
And it's clearly the best way
135
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:26,630
to see if bad people can become good
without knowing anything about
136
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,239
what's waiting for them in the afterlife.
137
00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:29,221
Shotgun!
138
00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:31,742
Whatever they're talking about,
if there's a shotgun, I call shotgun.
139
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,052
It's never gonna work, man.
140
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,121
If it doesn't, then they go right back
to the Bad Place.
141
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,386
No one gets hurt
142
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:37,974
except them. Forever.
143
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:41,107
And me, I assume, also... forever.
144
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,069
Mmmm...
145
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:45,112
ughhhhh...
146
00:06:45,114 --> 00:06:47,025
eeeuuuoww...
147
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,189
OK, let's do it.
148
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,241
Yes!
149
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,735
I don't know why,
I'm just feeling kinda funky.
150
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:55,530
But there have to be strict rules,
otherwise the results will be tainted
151
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:59,917
and I reserve the right to change my mind
at any point.
152
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:02,169
About what? Would someone who's not
an eternal being
153
00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:04,296
please explain to me what the f...
154
00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:08,217
Why are you like this?
155
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,753
Excuse me? "Why am I like this?"
156
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,383
You don't know me, dude.
157
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,764
You don't know what I'm like.
158
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,058
Look what you made me do, jagoff.
159
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:17,311
Ugh...
160
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,178
- Look out!
- Uh-oh.
161
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:34,787
Holy crap.
162
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:36,953
I just almost died.
163
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:40,453
She needs to know what was said.
164
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:43,870
That was so unfair.
- First of all, this was just yesterday.
165
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,255
God, Eleanor. Take longer next time.
166
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,790
Oh, you look like crap.
167
00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:53,175
I was outside the supermarket arguing
with that little environmental twerp.
168
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:54,839
Ugh, I hate that guy.
169
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:57,759
Really? That skinny little hippie body
kinda turns me on.
170
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:58,769
Gross.
171
00:07:58,771 --> 00:08:03,356
Guys, listen! I dropped the margarita mix
and when I went to pick it up
172
00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:07,318
a bunch of shopping carts came right at me,
and I was just frozen.
173
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,983
And then someone pushed me out of the way
174
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:14,116
and the carts got, like, demolished
by a truck.
175
00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,569
I mean, I could've died.
176
00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:18,037
Oh, my God.
- Whoa.
177
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:19,576
That's crazy.
178
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,033
So, is the margarita mix, like, gone?
179
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,750
I had a near-death experience recently.
You know that old warehouse that burned down
180
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:28,505
last month and like, four people died?
181
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,964
That building is, like, right by
my old dentist.
182
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:35,304
If I still went to that dentist,
and I had an appointment that day
183
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:38,633
I would've been, like... right near there.
184
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,598
I was in Syracuse, New York
185
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:45,018
like, two weeks before 9/11.
186
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,519
No way!
- Yeah.
187
00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:47,604
Fourteen days.
188
00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:49,860
I can't believe we all almost died.
- I know!
189
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:52,112
I'm like...
190
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,652
My name is Eleanor Shellstrop.
191
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,913
And I think I might be a monster.
192
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,328
I'm rude. I'm selfish.
193
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:06,252
I cyber-bullied Ryan Lochte
until he quit Instagram.
194
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,503
But something happened to me today
195
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:14,294
and from now on I'm gonna try to become
a better, kinder, more generous person.
196
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:18,639
Hey! Can I use your credit card?
197
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,217
You know what? Yes, you can.
198
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:22,350
Cool. It's for porn.
199
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,395
I already used it.
200
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,074
Hey.
201
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,241
You look happy.
202
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:37,404
Did you get laid last night?
203
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:38,494
I didn't.
204
00:09:38,496 --> 00:09:39,781
Tried. Hard.
205
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:42,558
With this chick that I met
after I followed her into a yoga class
206
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,993
but she wasn't into it.
207
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:45,825
Maced me - right in the eyes.
208
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:47,333
Stung like hell.
209
00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:48,879
What was I saying?
210
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:50,455
Oh, yeah. Hey.
211
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:51,632
Listen, dude.
212
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:52,835
What you're doing here
213
00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:55,384
selling fake medicine to people,
tricking them...
214
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,179
is wrong.
215
00:09:58,181 --> 00:09:59,422
Yeah. And?
216
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:02,467
I can't be a part of it anymore.
I'm trying to become a better person...
217
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:03,829
and as long as I work here...
218
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,515
Yeah, sure, fine, whatever, you quit.
219
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,270
Who cares? Give me your company ID.
220
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:09,608
Thank you.
221
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:10,770
And your parking pass.
222
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:12,977
And your panties, please.
223
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,315
Dude!
- What? Come on.
224
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:15,364
I had to try.
225
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,740
By the way, technically
that is not sexual harassment
226
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,618
because she doesn't work here anymore.
- You're wearing a wire?
227
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,699
Yeah. Company's being investigated for fraud
228
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:24,613
so I'm helping the feds bring everyone down.
229
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:25,949
Good timing on your part.
230
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:27,458
Thank you?
- No.
231
00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:28,583
Thank you...
232
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,457
for wearing open-toed shoes today.
233
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,416
Wow.
- Dude. Get help.
234
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,045
I'm becoming a better person.
You should too.
235
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:36,759
Hey, Eleanor!
236
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,795
Do you want to come to Lauren's baby shower?
237
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:40,179
Do you wanna chew on my ass...
238
00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:41,589
...sss...
239
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,052
...sortment of brownies
240
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,593
that I will be bringing to Lauren's
baby shower?
241
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:46,979
Sure.
242
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,334
Hi, there. Do you have a second
to talk about the environment?
243
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:51,724
Hey. Remember me?
244
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:52,776
Ah! Don't hurt me!
245
00:10:52,778 --> 00:10:54,380
My bones are brittle.
I have a calcium deficiency.
246
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:55,940
No, I'm not gonna hurt you, man.
247
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,738
I came to apologise.
248
00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:00,033
There, I did it.
249
00:11:00,035 --> 00:11:01,035
I apologised.
250
00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:03,364
No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did, assface!
251
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,738
Mm... nope. You're right. I didn't.
252
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:11,039
I apologise for being mean to you,
like a thousand times.
253
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:13,545
There's really no excuse.
254
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:15,299
Thanks.
255
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,134
Apology accepted.
256
00:11:17,136 --> 00:11:18,136
OK.
257
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:20,711
Uh, what's happening? I'm scared.
258
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,551
Hey, I'm on kind of, like,
a self-improvement kick.
259
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:27,685
Do you think you could help me out?
Teach me to get all horny for the environment
260
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:28,729
or whatever?
261
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,513
Hey, everyone. This is Eleanor.
262
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:33,015
She's joining the team.
263
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,774
Hi.
264
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:36,902
Welcome.
- Nice to meet you. Hi.
265
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,446
Alright, Eleanor!
266
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:55,621
♪ There is a sign among the remnants ♪
267
00:11:56,007 --> 00:12:01,298
♪ Of all our words, best left unsaid ♪
268
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:06,011
♪ And when the truth flies in our direction ♪
269
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,971
♪ Do we work it through ♪
270
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:10,932
♪ Or lose our heads ♪
271
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:14,857
♪ Maybe, maybe, maybe ♪
272
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,767
♪ We're strong ♪
273
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:21,610
♪ But maybe, maybe, maybe we're wrong. ♪
274
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:27,031
Mm. Babes, get in on these nachos,
they're delish.
275
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,072
Mm-hm.
- I'm actually trying to eat vegetarian.
276
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:30,534
Ew! Why?
277
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,958
Is it because you feel bad
for all the widdle animals
278
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,243
with their cute widdle faces
279
00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:37,095
because people stuff them into tiny cages
just so that we can eat them?
280
00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:39,506
Yeah. That's exactly why, actually.
281
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:42,167
Also, it's the easiest way to lower
your carbon foot print
282
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:43,961
not eating meat.
- What?
283
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,092
OK, guys, um...
284
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:47,590
Can I say something for a second?
285
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,762
I love you.
- Aw!
286
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:52,519
I do. I mean, I went through a really
rough time last year
287
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:55,376
with the whole "Dress Bitch" thing and
people selling t-shirts with my face on them
288
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,483
but you two stuck by me.
289
00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,148
I love you, you dumb sluts!
- Aaaah!
290
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:01,687
Come on!
291
00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:03,776
OK, there's probably something
we should tell you.
292
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:07,193
Or not. We could also not.
293
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:09,612
We have to. It's the right thing to do.
294
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:14,408
I tore your dress. And then I lied about it.
295
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:18,120
And then Brittany and I were the ones
who made and sold the t-shirts.
296
00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:20,129
But... we did not keep the money.
297
00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,086
Yes, we did. We kept all the money.
298
00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:24,176
And I'm really sorry.
299
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:26,388
OK.
300
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:30,845
That took a lot of courage for you
to admit that.
301
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:34,227
Mm-hm.
- And I admire your honesty.
302
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,810
You stupid skank!
303
00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:38,849
How could you do that to me?
304
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:41,143
I hate you! You're both disgusting hogs
305
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,938
and I want you to move out
of my apartment, forever!
306
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,822
Literally starting right now!
307
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,323
I'm still really glad we told the truth.
308
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:52,409
Cooooool.
309
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:53,749
Mm.
310
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:58,040
OK, steamed vegetable medley and ice water.
311
00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,498
Can I just get the check?
312
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:02,706
And can you throw these plants in the trash?
313
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,553
♪ For such a long time now ♪
314
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:13,180
♪ We're doing battle with our own
familiar inhibitions ♪
315
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:16,561
♪ Far away from home ♪
316
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:22,936
♪ Our trusty compass fails to find this
strange and new position ♪
317
00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:27,948
♪ Maybe, maybe, maybe we're strong ♪
318
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:32,487
♪ But maybe, maybe, maybe we're strong ♪
319
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:36,703
♪ But maybe, maybe, maybe we're wrong. ♪
320
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:37,751
Damn it!
321
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:45,798
They're suing you?
322
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,675
This chick is claiming she has whiplash.
323
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,178
She wasn't in the car when I hit it.
324
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,259
This is on you.
325
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:53,890
You should've pretended like
you didn't see it and walked away.
326
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:55,722
Like everyone else does.
327
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:59,138
I know! I've hit your car like six times
and never said anything.
328
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:01,102
But I'm trying to be good.
329
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,444
How's that working out for you?
330
00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:16,871
It's open, dummy!
331
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,409
Eleanor! Where have you been?
332
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:21,872
Oh, hey, man.
333
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:25,130
Sorry, it's been a crazy month, you know?
334
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,416
Moving was a hassle,
and I'm in the middle of a lawsuit
335
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:29,960
and I ate vegetables for the first time
336
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:31,719
and I got diarrhoea for, like, a week.
337
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:34,347
Uh... I know we don't pay a lot
but this is a job
338
00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:35,953
and we need to know we can count on you.
339
00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:38,580
We're meeting tonight to discuss long-term
strategy for the organisation.
340
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,207
Dude, dude, dude, dude...
- I really think it would be...
341
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:43,815
...dude, dude, dude. Oh, sorry to interrupt
whatever boring crap this is
342
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,692
but, dude, you need to get dressed.
343
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:48,274
I got tickets to Taylor Splift
344
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,321
the Taylor Swift reggae cover band.
345
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,783
They're terrible. It's gonna be amazing!
346
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:56,281
Yeah, that sounds like more fun.
347
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:57,662
I'm-a do that.
- Eleanor!
348
00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:59,869
What! What, dude?
349
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,034
I've been nothing but good for, like,
six months
350
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,829
and all I have to show for it
is this crummy apartment
351
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:07,669
a lawsuit, a loose caboose,
and an overdrawn bank account.
352
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:10,585
Being good is for suckers.
What do you even get out of it?
353
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:14,217
A feeling of fulfillment... in your soul.
354
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:19,555
Gross. That's the grossest sentence
I've ever heard.
355
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,056
OK? I quit.
356
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,937
Eat my farts, Benedict Cumberbatch.
357
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:25,734
Whew!
358
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,271
I still think he's kinda hot.
359
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,233
I guess, in like a sick Victorian boy
kinda way.
360
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:32,443
Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I want to, like, feed him soup.
361
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:34,904
It is good to have you back.
362
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:36,568
You are one of the most gifted con-women
363
00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:38,658
I have ever watched sleep
through her window.
364
00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:42,666
Thanks, bud. So, tell me about
the new business.
365
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,622
We sell classes at a for-profit university
366
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,208
and the classes train people how to sell
supplements.
367
00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:49,836
So, it's a ponzi scheme
within a ponzi scheme.
368
00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:51,091
That sounds kinda dicey.
369
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,216
Oh, it's super dicey.
370
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:56,096
But I'm in witness protection so technically
I can't be convicted of any crime.
371
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,619
Well, that's definitely not true,
but I also don't care.
372
00:16:58,643 --> 00:16:59,804
Which one's my desk?
373
00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:05,431
You realise what the problem is, right?
- Yes.
374
00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:06,644
But there's no way to help.
375
00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:12,946
I'm only giving that guy three stars
376
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,843
cos he didn't let me stick my head out
the moonroof.
377
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:15,784
Yeah!
378
00:17:15,786 --> 00:17:18,277
Dude, my boyfriend just texted.
379
00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:20,446
His wife's out of town,
so I'm gonna head over there.
380
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:21,498
Mwah!
381
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:24,082
What? That's lame. Boo!
382
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,583
Happy birthday!
383
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,119
Hello, bartender.
384
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,121
One alcohol drink, please.
385
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:31,276
It's my birthday, if you wanna
give it to me for free.
386
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,926
I always say that,
but it actually is my birthday.
387
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:38,385
Last year on my birthday, I almost died
388
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:44,220
and then I did a bunch of stuff
that was good, but weird
389
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:47,765
and then I stopped, and now I'm here.
390
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,060
Sounds like you had a pretty crazy year.
391
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:53,229
Hm.
- Wanna talk about it?
392
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:58,950
And in the end, Anthony Anderson
and Jerry O'Connell
393
00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:00,782
started a successful shampoo company
394
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:04,323
and you see the kangaroo
jumping around Australia.
395
00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:09,996
That is the plot to the movie
"Kangaroo Jack."
396
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:11,590
Why'd I tell you that?
397
00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:12,674
It's unclear.
398
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,050
You know, the thing is...
399
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,711
the problem, really, with being a do-gooder?
400
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,388
What's that?
- No one cares.
401
00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:22,720
I mean some people care a little bit.
402
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:26,182
The twerpy little twerps
from the environmental place, they care
403
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:29,098
but I was a good person for six months.
404
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:31,566
That's, like, five years.
405
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:35,737
And it felt OK but not as good
as I thought it would.
406
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:37,780
And what did I get for it?
407
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,736
Ah, see? Now you're talking about
moral dessert.
408
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:42,787
Exactly.
409
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:45,406
Wait. I am? What?
410
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:51,125
"Moral dessert" is the concept that if you
act with virtue, you deserve a reward.
411
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:53,671
Right. I did a bunch of good stuff.
412
00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:57,209
I didn't get jack. Not fair, universe!
413
00:18:57,261 --> 00:19:00,174
Alright, even if the universe
did function that way
414
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:03,715
who's to say that you didn't dig yourself
such a deep hole
415
00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:05,600
over the first 34 years of your life
416
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:10,936
that the six months you spent being good
weren't enough to get you out of that hole?
417
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:14,185
See, there's a lot of great writing
about this, if you're interested.
418
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:18,067
Who died and made you in charge
of frickin' every...
419
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:19,614
knowing everything.
420
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:26,823
Well, you know, I recently got sort of into
ethics and moral philosophy.
421
00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:30,371
You sound like a real live wire.
422
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:31,586
Whatevs.
423
00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:34,955
The point is,
if I'm not gonna get rewarded somehow
424
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:38,717
with, like, a tiara
or one of those diagonal award belts.
425
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,214
Sash.
- Sure.
426
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,549
Sash.
- Then why should I do good things?
427
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:47,472
You know, I had a friend that said whenever
she was doing something bad
428
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,513
she'd hear this... this little voice
in her head.
429
00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:54,228
Distant little voice saying,
"Oh, come on now, you know this is wrong."
430
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:59,025
And then when she started doing good things,
that voice went away.
431
00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:00,907
It was a relief.
432
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:06,408
Your friend sounds like
she's one pickle short of a pickle party.
433
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:09,865
I might have alcohol poisoning.
434
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:13,001
She was a little rough
around the edges, but...
435
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,041
she was also a really good person.
436
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:16,756
When she tried.
437
00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:20,092
See, I think that little voice
was her conscience
438
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,711
trying to guide her in the right direction.
439
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:26,514
I gotta go home. What do I owe ya?
440
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:28,008
The real question, Eleanor
441
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,102
is what do we owe to each other?
442
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:33,189
What?
443
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:36,103
Did I sell you a drink? Am I a bartender?
444
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,942
Drinks are on me.
445
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,238
Good luck.
446
00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:47,202
Ow...
447
00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:53,909
Anybody notice I was gone?
448
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:54,961
Nope.
449
00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:16,348
What do we owe to each other?
450
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,393
That is the question Tim Scanlon asked
decades ago
451
00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:24,106
and it is the question I will try to answer
over the next three hours.
452
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,774
Ugh. No, thanks.
453
00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:27,905
We all have a voice in our head.
454
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:31,117
That voice doesn't tell us what to do,
or not do
455
00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:36,502
but it does warn us when we do things
that don't feel good or right.
456
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:38,628
The difference between...
- The term "reasonable."
457
00:21:38,672 --> 00:21:41,756
What does it mean to be a reasonable person?
458
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:44,339
I may have a different definition
of reasonable...
459
00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:45,386
So, why do it then?
460
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,170
Why choose to be good every day
461
00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:52,435
if there is no guaranteed reward
we can count on, now or in the afterlife?
462
00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:56,563
I argue that we choose to be good
because of our bonds with other people
463
00:21:56,607 --> 00:22:00,351
and our innate desire
to treat them with dignity.
464
00:22:00,611 --> 00:22:03,695
At the intersection of empathy and ethics
465
00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:08,275
is the realisation
that we are not in this alone.
466
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:09,828
Thank you.
467
00:22:12,289 --> 00:22:13,405
Hey, dog bait.
468
00:22:13,457 --> 00:22:15,073
Didn't you get my message? Let's go!
469
00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:16,366
Time is booze.
470
00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:18,159
Yeah, no thanks. I'm...
471
00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:20,832
going somewhere else.
472
00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:28,930
Hi.
- G'day.
473
00:22:28,973 --> 00:22:31,056
Where you headed?
- Saint John's University, please.
474
00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:32,100
No worries.
475
00:22:36,939 --> 00:22:38,225
Do you wanna talk to God?
476
00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:40,391
What? No. Get away from me, freak.
477
00:23:00,087 --> 00:23:01,544
Hi.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
478
00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:02,649
Office hours are on Tuesday.
479
00:23:02,673 --> 00:23:04,084
Oh, I... I'm not a student.
480
00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:06,625
Are you Chidi Ana... Kendrick?
481
00:23:07,094 --> 00:23:09,006
Anagonye. And yes.
482
00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:12,138
From the long, nerdy video about
the little voice that tells you to be good?
483
00:23:12,182 --> 00:23:14,048
From the Kissac Foundation lecture series
484
00:23:14,101 --> 00:23:16,684
on the practical applications
of ethical theory - yes.
485
00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:17,765
Great. Hi.
486
00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:19,304
My name is Eleanor Shellstrop.
487
00:23:20,774 --> 00:23:21,774
Can we talk?
488
00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:25,737
OK.
489
00:23:26,614 --> 00:23:27,695
Here we go.
35021
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