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Hey, Leslie.
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Hey.
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Thank you for
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that year-over-year
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maintenance cost analysis.
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That was really helpful.
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You're so welcome.
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I was thinking about you
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when I wrote it.
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'Cause I was, um...
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'Cause I told you
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I wanted to read it?
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Yeah.
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That's a good reason.
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Anyway, Chris wants to
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see us in his office.
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I guess we should
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head over there.
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All right.
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All right, cool.
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Great.
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See you there.
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I'll see you there,
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Benjamin. Ben.
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All right, "Lesliemin."
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Leslie.
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Hi, Ben.
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Oh, hey, Ann.
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Wow! That was
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the most sexual tension
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I have ever seen
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in a conversation
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about documents.
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It can't happen.
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We could both get fired.
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That's a dumb rule.
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I know!
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Well, if you
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have to follow it,
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I would just suggest
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avoiding one-on-one,
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tension-y situations with him.
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You're right. Good plan.
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I am sending
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you two on a trip.
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Really?
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The Indiana Little League
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Baseball Tournament
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is upon us,
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and Pawnee hasn't
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hosted it in 20 years.
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So, I would like you two
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to go to Indianapolis
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and state our case,
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because you two
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are my dynamic duo.
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Right here. Ah...
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Ah...
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And go team!
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Yep.
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Ann, everything
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you have is too sexy.
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This is actually the dress
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that Julia Roberts wore
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as a prostitute
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in Pretty Woman.
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I know.
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I look really good in it.
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I need, like,
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a sweat suit or something.
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I need to send out a signal
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that nothing is gonna happen.
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Oh, this is insane.
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It's so obvious you're
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dying to be together.
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And now you're
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going on a road trip?
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I mean, you guys could
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literally "get a room."
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Yeah, and I could
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literally get "a-fired."
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All right, I will
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help you anti-seduce him.
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Just tell me
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what else you need.
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I need to think of unsexy,
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boring conversation topics
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we can talk about in the car.
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I have a few ideas.
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We could discuss
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The New Yorker article
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"The History of the Ladder."
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Okay.
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We could talk
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about different dorms
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at Johns Hopkins University,
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and I could read from
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my Sonicare booklet.
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Oh, I have a good idea!
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What?
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Why don't you ask him
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about his penis?
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Pawnee Zoo,
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monkey speaking.
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Okay! Everyone stop
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what you're doing
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and come with me.
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All four of you.
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Where are you going?
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Leslie's not here today.
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No boss. We can do
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whatever we want.
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I'm your boss.
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That's a good one, Ron.
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Let's go. Seriously.
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Come on.
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Here's the sitch.
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I developed
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a dope new game show
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where I ask couples
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scandalous questions,
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and they have to guess
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what the other one answered.
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I call this Know Ya Boo.
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Oh, that sounds like
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The Newlywed Game.
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Shut up, Jerry! It's not
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The Newlywed Game, okay?
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It is totally
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The Newlywed Game.
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But big deal.
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Everyone steals.
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My favorite movie is
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Love Don't Cost a Thing,
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with Nick Cannon,
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which is based on
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Can't Buy Me Love,
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which is based on
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Kramer vs. Kramer
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or something,
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which I think was Shakespeare.
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Don't know, don't care.
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And what exactly
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do you plan on doing
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with this game show idea?
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Are you going to
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shove it up your butt?
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No.
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I'm gonna test it out
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on you four bing-bongs
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and work out the kinks,
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then hire actual
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attractive people,
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and make a demo.
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What network is
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gonna buy a game show
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from you?
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There's a million
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networks out there,
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and they all need programming.
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Spike, G4, GSN, Fuse,
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WOW, Boom, Zip, Kablam,
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Slurp, Slurp Latin,
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Slurp HD.
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I love Slurp HD.
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Have you guys seen
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Ultimate Battle Smoothie?
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That's a dope show.
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Oh, my God.
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Yeah, so, basically
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every dorm allows bed lofting,
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but the students
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have really taken to it
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at Wolman and McCoy.
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Did you go to Johns Hopkins?
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No.
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Do you wanna play
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some music?
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Sure! Ann and I
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burned an awesome CD
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for the trip.
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Jimmy Carter's
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"Crisis of Confidence" speech,
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Learning to Speak Mandarin,
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16 minutes of
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Old Timey Car Horn,
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and something called
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Banjo Boogie Bonanza.
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It's an amazing instrument,
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the banjo.
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Yeah. I didn't realize
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it could be this loud.
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Hello?
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Hello?
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Can I help you?
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Hi. My class is here
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on a field trip,
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and I'm supposed
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to interview someone
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for a school project.
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Okay.
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You can wait at that table,
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and someone will
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be here sometime.
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But aren't you here now?
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No.
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It's time
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to know your...
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I don't have
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the instrumental
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backing track yet,
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but it's gonna say
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"boo" right there.
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Hey, everybody!
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Welcome to Know Ya Boo.
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I'm your host, Tom Haverford,
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and with me as always
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is my CGI puppy co-host,
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Bobby the Boo!
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Hey, everybody!
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All right, let's get to it.
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First question.
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Fellas, which rock star
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would your lady bang
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if she could bang
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one rock star?
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Jerry!
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I believe I have heard Donna
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talk about Prince, a lot.
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What'd your boo say?
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Impressive!
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All right, Andy,
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which rock star
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would your lady get with?
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Um, this is almost
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too easy. Me!
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Let's check in
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with your boo!
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Yay!
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Oh!
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Sorry.
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Who is Jeff Mangum?
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The guy from
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Neutral Milk Hotel.
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Oh! Oh.
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Neutral Milk Hotel.
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What is that?
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That's my favorite band.
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I've told you that,
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like, a thousand times.
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I don't remember.
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Why wouldn't you pick me?
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I don't know. You're not
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technically a rock star.
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Booyah!
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Somebody
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don't know their boo!
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That's the sound bite
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that's gonna play
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when a fight breaks out.
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Look, little girl,
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can we postpone this
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for another day?
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It's unsettling
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having you just sit there.
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But my report's due tomorrow.
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What's it on?
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Why government matters.
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Really?
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It's never too early to learn
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that the government
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is a greedy piglet
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that suckles on
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a taxpayer's teat
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until they have
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sore, chapped nipples.
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I'm gonna need
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a different metaphor
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to give this nine-year-old.
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What's your name, ma'am?
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Lauren Burkiss.
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Lauren,
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my name is Ron Swanson,
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and I'm gonna tell you
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everything you need to know
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about the miserable,
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screwed-up world
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of local government.
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You have mustard
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in your mustache.
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Don't sass me, Burkiss.
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Let's get started.
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"Life, liberty, and property."
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That's John Locke.
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What is this?
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Whale sounds.
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Okay.
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You can change it if you want.
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Yeah?
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What the hell?
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Oh, no, no, no.
302
00:07:08,790 --> 00:07:10,050
This is such a great song.
303
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:14,760
Yeah, I snuck
304
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:14,760
an Al Green song in there.
305
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,070
I want them to get together.
306
00:07:17,130 --> 00:07:18,500
Sue me.
307
00:07:18,570 --> 00:07:20,800
Did you see this?
308
00:07:18,570 --> 00:07:20,800
According to their rules,
309
00:07:20,870 --> 00:07:23,000
we may not have
310
00:07:20,870 --> 00:07:23,000
enough hotel rooms
311
00:07:20,870 --> 00:07:23,000
within city limits.
312
00:07:23,070 --> 00:07:24,800
I know.
313
00:07:23,070 --> 00:07:24,800
It's a silly rule.
314
00:07:24,870 --> 00:07:27,170
But maybe
315
00:07:24,870 --> 00:07:27,170
they'll be reasonable
316
00:07:24,870 --> 00:07:27,170
and not care.
317
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:28,730
Yeah, maybe we could
318
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:28,730
just point out to them
319
00:07:28,810 --> 00:07:31,040
there are tons of hotel rooms
320
00:07:28,810 --> 00:07:31,040
just outside city limits.
321
00:07:31,110 --> 00:07:32,100
Uh-huh.
322
00:07:32,580 --> 00:07:34,610
Have you been to
323
00:07:32,580 --> 00:07:34,610
the Granville Hotel and Spa?
324
00:07:34,750 --> 00:07:35,810
Uh-uh.
325
00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:37,720
They have the softest towels.
326
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,280
Oh, I gotta tell you.
327
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,280
I love a nice towel
328
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,280
in my life.
329
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:41,380
Me too. I know.
330
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:42,860
I mean,
331
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:42,860
it's the simplest luxury,
332
00:07:42,990 --> 00:07:44,390
but it makes
333
00:07:42,990 --> 00:07:44,390
all the difference.
334
00:07:44,490 --> 00:07:47,390
Their bath mats are amazing.
335
00:07:44,490 --> 00:07:47,390
It's like stepping on a lamb.
336
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,700
Oh, hold on.
337
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,700
Hey, come here.
338
00:07:53,230 --> 00:07:56,230
You've got
339
00:07:53,230 --> 00:07:56,230
an eyelash on your face.
340
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:58,360
I got it. Make a wish.
341
00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:00,910
Learning to speak
342
00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:00,910
Mandarin. Unit three.
343
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,670
Get away from me.
344
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,670
Sorry.
345
00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:04,300
I'm sorry.
346
00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:04,300
Sorry.
347
00:08:05,950 --> 00:08:07,210
I'm allergic to fingers.
348
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:08,940
Where are you going?
349
00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:12,640
Maybe we should just
350
00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:12,640
not talk to each other
351
00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:12,640
for the rest of the trip,
352
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,250
and I'm just gonna concentrate
353
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,250
on the presentation.
354
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,450
Okay.
355
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:17,790
This is my little brother.
356
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:25,420
Next up. The delegation
357
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:25,420
from Pawnee, please?
358
00:08:25,530 --> 00:08:26,930
And, so,
359
00:08:25,530 --> 00:08:26,930
as you can see,
360
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,970
Pawnee has 12 beautiful
361
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,970
baseball diamonds,
362
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,070
and our seats
363
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,070
have extra cushioning
364
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,770
due to the massive size
365
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,770
of our average citizen.
366
00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,810
I have to bring up
367
00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,810
what happened
368
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,350
the last time Pawnee
369
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,350
hosted this tournament.
370
00:08:39,410 --> 00:08:40,510
No, you don't.
371
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,810
Good evening.
372
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,810
We begin with our
373
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,810
first story tonight.
374
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:47,410
They're cute, they're cuddly,
375
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:47,410
but now they're wreaking havoc
376
00:08:47,490 --> 00:08:48,980
at the State Little
377
00:08:47,490 --> 00:08:48,980
League Championship.
378
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:51,380
Pawnee's raccoon infestation.
379
00:08:51,860 --> 00:08:55,260
Have these
380
00:08:51,860 --> 00:08:55,260
little bandits stolen
381
00:08:51,860 --> 00:08:55,260
our sense of safety?
382
00:08:56,430 --> 00:08:58,760
The raccoon problem
383
00:08:56,430 --> 00:08:58,760
is under control.
384
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:01,200
They have their
385
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:01,200
part of the town,
386
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:01,200
and we have ours.
387
00:09:01,270 --> 00:09:04,430
Muncie is larger.
388
00:09:01,270 --> 00:09:04,430
Bloomington is more central.
389
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:06,530
What's the advantage
390
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:06,530
of doing it in Pawnee?
391
00:09:06,610 --> 00:09:10,380
The advantage is that
392
00:09:06,610 --> 00:09:10,380
it's a wonderful city.
393
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:14,280
I mean, look, I've been
394
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:14,280
to 40-some-odd towns
395
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:14,280
in Indiana,
396
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,980
and Pawnee is special.
397
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,690
I mean, the people
398
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,690
are passionate and kind.
399
00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:23,420
They love their city.
400
00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:23,420
They take pride in their work.
401
00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:27,700
It's a very,
402
00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:27,700
very special place.
403
00:09:32,430 --> 00:09:34,900
Hey, it's Tom Haverford
404
00:09:32,430 --> 00:09:34,900
back here with Know Ya Boo.
405
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:36,870
Let's move to
406
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:36,870
the next question.
407
00:09:37,170 --> 00:09:40,200
Where is your favorite place
408
00:09:37,170 --> 00:09:40,200
to smush your boo?
409
00:09:40,340 --> 00:09:41,740
Donna!
410
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,310
Back of my Benz?
411
00:09:43,380 --> 00:09:44,570
Let's check in with your boo!
412
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:47,610
He said, "Her Mercedes"!
413
00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:50,720
Jerry and Donna on fire.
414
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:51,880
April?
415
00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:52,940
This question is gross.
416
00:09:53,020 --> 00:09:55,180
That's kind of the point.
417
00:09:53,020 --> 00:09:55,180
What's your answer?
418
00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:57,690
In our bed, I guess.
419
00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:58,750
Andy?
420
00:09:59,090 --> 00:10:00,720
Where's your boo's
421
00:09:59,090 --> 00:10:00,720
favorite place to smush?
422
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:05,260
Get over it.
423
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:05,260
No, you get over it.
424
00:10:05,330 --> 00:10:06,530
You like some
425
00:10:05,330 --> 00:10:06,530
other dude's band
426
00:10:05,330 --> 00:10:06,530
more than me.
427
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,500
Do you even think Mouse Rat
428
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,500
is the greatest band
429
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,500
in the world?
430
00:10:08,570 --> 00:10:09,590
'Cause it's starting
431
00:10:08,570 --> 00:10:09,590
to not feel that way.
432
00:10:09,670 --> 00:10:10,970
That band is
433
00:10:09,670 --> 00:10:10,970
really important to me.
434
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,600
And, honestly,
435
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,600
I've asked you
436
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,600
to listen to them,
437
00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:14,610
like, a million times,
438
00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:14,610
and you never have, so...
439
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,150
'Cause their music is sad,
440
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,150
and depressing, and weird.
441
00:10:17,210 --> 00:10:21,550
And art is supposed
442
00:10:17,210 --> 00:10:21,550
to be happy and fun,
443
00:10:17,210 --> 00:10:21,550
and everyone knows that.
444
00:10:22,350 --> 00:10:24,480
You know what?
445
00:10:22,350 --> 00:10:24,480
Whatever. Forget it.
446
00:10:26,050 --> 00:10:27,780
Fine, forget it.
447
00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:30,160
Damn! This game's got juice.
448
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,620
This is your lunch.
449
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:37,220
Now, you should be able to do
450
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:37,220
whatever you want to
451
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:37,220
with this, right?
452
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:38,860
If you wanna eat
453
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:38,860
all of it, great.
454
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:42,340
If you wanna throw it away
455
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:42,340
in the garbage,
456
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:42,340
that's your prerogative.
457
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,100
But here I come,
458
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,100
the government,
459
00:10:49,210 --> 00:10:52,110
and I get to take
460
00:10:49,210 --> 00:10:52,110
40 percent of your lunch.
461
00:10:54,450 --> 00:10:57,010
And that, Lauren,
462
00:10:54,450 --> 00:10:57,010
is how taxes work.
463
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,580
But that's not fair.
464
00:10:58,650 --> 00:10:59,710
You're learning.
465
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,180
Uh-oh.
466
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,190
Capital gains tax.
467
00:11:05,060 --> 00:11:06,930
Well, Chris says
468
00:11:05,060 --> 00:11:06,930
congratulations
469
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,120
and that together
470
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,120
we're unstoppable.
471
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,130
Wow, cheers, sir!
472
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,130
Yup.
473
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:12,500
You did it.
474
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:12,500
No, you did it.
475
00:11:12,570 --> 00:11:14,630
No, normally I do it.
476
00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:15,860
This time, you did it.
477
00:11:15,940 --> 00:11:17,700
Well, all right.
478
00:11:15,940 --> 00:11:17,700
You should take the praise.
479
00:11:17,770 --> 00:11:18,930
Can I get a shot
480
00:11:17,770 --> 00:11:18,930
of you guys?
481
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,370
Yeah.
482
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,370
Sure.
483
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:26,210
Hey, when this thing's over,
484
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:26,210
do you wanna grab some dinner?
485
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:27,680
Chris recommended a place.
486
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:30,020
Sure.
487
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:30,020
Yeah?
488
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,850
Hey, we were thinking
489
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,850
about going to dinner,
490
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,850
photographer.
491
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,620
You want in?
492
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,620
You wanna grab some grub?
493
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:36,990
Uh, no, thanks.
494
00:11:37,090 --> 00:11:38,790
They have great burgers.
495
00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:40,450
Well, you don't even know
496
00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:40,450
where we're going yet.
497
00:11:40,530 --> 00:11:42,120
I'm sure they have great
498
00:11:40,530 --> 00:11:42,120
burgers there, though.
499
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,690
Come on, photographer.
500
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,690
Last chance.
501
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,500
Okay. Well, then,
502
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,500
it's just us then.
503
00:11:48,570 --> 00:11:51,300
Yeah.
504
00:11:48,570 --> 00:11:51,300
Sure. Okay. I tried.
505
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:55,270
And that, Lauren,
506
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:55,270
is how FDR ruined
507
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:55,270
this country.
508
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:57,740
Lauren, ready to head back?
509
00:11:57,810 --> 00:12:00,580
Well, I guess it's time
510
00:11:57,810 --> 00:12:00,580
for you to head home.
511
00:12:00,650 --> 00:12:02,140
I've really enjoyed
512
00:12:00,650 --> 00:12:02,140
talking with you.
513
00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:04,980
You are,
514
00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:04,980
and this is not a joke,
515
00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:08,390
much smarter than
516
00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:08,390
most of the people
517
00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:08,390
who work in this building.
518
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:11,090
I liked talking with you,
519
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:11,090
too, Mr. Swanson.
520
00:12:11,190 --> 00:12:12,560
Ron.
521
00:12:12,990 --> 00:12:15,330
Hang on, hang on,
522
00:12:12,990 --> 00:12:15,330
I have something for you.
523
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,960
This is a Claymore land mine.
524
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,940
Use that to protect
525
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,940
your property.
526
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,030
Thanks, Ron.
527
00:12:24,170 --> 00:12:25,230
You got it.
528
00:12:27,910 --> 00:12:30,810
Tommy Hilfiger
529
00:12:27,910 --> 00:12:30,810
iPhone app, finally.
530
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,370
Hey, your stupid
531
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,370
Know Your Boo game
532
00:12:33,450 --> 00:12:34,920
made me and Andy
533
00:12:33,450 --> 00:12:34,920
get in a big fight.
534
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:38,010
He just sold his guitar,
535
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:38,010
and he's, like,
536
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:38,010
quitting music now.
537
00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:39,580
What do you want me
538
00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:39,580
to do about it?
539
00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:43,920
Okay, welcome to
540
00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:43,920
the super awesome
541
00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:43,920
bonus lightning round.
542
00:12:44,290 --> 00:12:45,320
First question.
543
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:48,850
Andy, who did your boo say
544
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:48,850
makes the best mac and cheese
545
00:12:48,930 --> 00:12:49,990
in the universe?
546
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:52,490
The universe?
547
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:57,070
Kraft?
548
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:57,070
April said...
549
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:01,700
Best couple ever.
550
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:01,700
You just won 50 points.
551
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,010
Wait, why?
552
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,010
We got it wrong.
553
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,910
Next lightning round thing.
554
00:13:04,980 --> 00:13:09,250
Who is
555
00:13:04,980 --> 00:13:09,250
the number one Colts fan
556
00:13:04,980 --> 00:13:09,250
in the world?
557
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:14,920
Wait a minute.
558
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:14,920
You set this whole thing up
559
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:14,920
so I would be un-mad at you.
560
00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:17,190
Well, guess what,
561
00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:17,190
ain't gonna work.
562
00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:20,830
You figured out
563
00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:20,830
April's trying to trick you.
564
00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:20,830
That's worth 100 points.
565
00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:24,330
Wait. No.
566
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:25,890
Goodbye.
567
00:13:29,940 --> 00:13:32,000
You were really great
568
00:13:29,940 --> 00:13:32,000
in that presentation today.
569
00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:33,170
Oh, thanks.
570
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:34,710
I liked the stuff
571
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:34,710
you said about Pawnee.
572
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,510
That was really nice to hear.
573
00:13:36,580 --> 00:13:40,480
You know, Pawnee is
574
00:13:36,580 --> 00:13:40,480
a really special town.
575
00:13:36,580 --> 00:13:40,480
I love living there.
576
00:13:41,250 --> 00:13:42,410
And...
577
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:46,380
And I look forward to
578
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:46,380
the moments in my day
579
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:46,380
where I...
580
00:13:47,190 --> 00:13:49,990
Where I get to
581
00:13:47,190 --> 00:13:49,990
hang out with the town
582
00:13:50,060 --> 00:13:52,650
and talk to the town
583
00:13:50,060 --> 00:13:52,650
about stuff.
584
00:13:53,630 --> 00:13:55,820
And the town has
585
00:13:53,630 --> 00:13:55,820
really nice blond hair, too,
586
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:58,830
and has read a shocking number
587
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:58,830
of political biographies
588
00:13:58,900 --> 00:14:00,330
for a town, which I like.
589
00:14:01,570 --> 00:14:02,970
Oh, God.
590
00:14:01,570 --> 00:14:02,970
I'm sorry.
591
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,870
And I know we can
592
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,870
get into trouble,
593
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,870
but I can't take this anymore,
594
00:14:06,940 --> 00:14:08,770
and I feel like we have to
595
00:14:06,940 --> 00:14:08,770
at least talk about it.
596
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,010
I mean,
597
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,010
it's not just me, right?
598
00:14:13,510 --> 00:14:15,180
No, it's not just you.
599
00:14:20,050 --> 00:14:21,420
Oh, God.
600
00:14:21,490 --> 00:14:22,650
What? Are you...
601
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,320
Are you all right?
602
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,320
Perfect.
603
00:14:24,390 --> 00:14:25,860
I'm gonna go see a man
604
00:14:24,390 --> 00:14:25,860
about some porcelain,
605
00:14:25,930 --> 00:14:27,450
you know what I mean?
606
00:14:25,930 --> 00:14:27,450
I'm not buying cocaine.
607
00:14:27,530 --> 00:14:29,720
I'm going to the bathroom.
608
00:14:27,530 --> 00:14:29,720
The whiz palace,
609
00:14:27,530 --> 00:14:29,720
as I like to call it.
610
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:32,130
And I'm not calling Ann, so...
611
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,230
Ann, we have
612
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,230
a serious code Ben.
613
00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:36,360
Well, it's not really code
614
00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:36,360
if you say his name.
615
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:37,670
He told me that he liked me,
616
00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:40,730
and I'm gonna go make out
617
00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:40,730
with him right now.
618
00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:40,730
On his face.
619
00:14:40,810 --> 00:14:41,800
That's awesome!
620
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:42,870
No, no.
621
00:14:42,940 --> 00:14:44,910
Read me the script.
622
00:14:42,940 --> 00:14:44,910
Seriously?
623
00:14:44,980 --> 00:14:46,040
Yes!
624
00:14:44,980 --> 00:14:46,040
All right.
625
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,910
"Leslie, it's Leslie Knope
626
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,910
from the Parks Department
627
00:14:49,980 --> 00:14:52,720
"speaking to you
628
00:14:49,980 --> 00:14:52,720
through Ann Perkins,
629
00:14:49,980 --> 00:14:52,720
friend and beautiful nurse."
630
00:14:53,020 --> 00:14:54,110
Thank you.
631
00:14:54,190 --> 00:14:55,450
"Do not do anything with Ben.
632
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,890
"Be responsible,
633
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,890
no matter how cute
634
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,890
his mouth is.
635
00:14:58,160 --> 00:14:59,920
"Your job is on the line!"
636
00:14:59,990 --> 00:15:01,690
Shut up, Ann!
637
00:14:59,990 --> 00:15:01,690
You wrote that.
638
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,660
No, you...
639
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,660
Then, Leslie,
640
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,700
Leslie, you don't know
641
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,700
what you're talking about.
642
00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:07,460
I care about him very much,
643
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,400
and I've had
644
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,400
two and a half glasses
645
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,400
of red wine,
646
00:15:09,470 --> 00:15:11,500
and what that means
647
00:15:09,470 --> 00:15:11,500
is I'm gonna go make out
648
00:15:09,470 --> 00:15:11,500
with him right now,
649
00:15:11,570 --> 00:15:12,560
and it's gonna be awesome.
650
00:15:12,740 --> 00:15:14,000
Yay!
651
00:15:14,140 --> 00:15:15,870
No, you're supposed
652
00:15:14,140 --> 00:15:15,870
to talk me out of this.
653
00:15:15,940 --> 00:15:17,710
No. Don't. Stop.
654
00:15:17,910 --> 00:15:19,380
Shut up, Ann,
655
00:15:17,910 --> 00:15:19,380
I'm doing it anyway.
656
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,610
Yay!
657
00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:25,150
Leslie!
658
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:32,420
When Ben told me
659
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:32,420
that you had won the bid,
660
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:32,420
I was wildly ecstatic,
661
00:15:32,490 --> 00:15:34,330
and I had to come up here
662
00:15:32,490 --> 00:15:34,330
and celebrate with you.
663
00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:37,130
There is literally
664
00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:37,130
nothing in this world
665
00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:37,130
that you cannot do.
666
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,130
So, what's the plan now?
667
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,130
Should we take a long walk?
668
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:42,630
Mini-golf.
669
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:43,860
I'll probably...
670
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:46,070
Shouldn't we just
671
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:46,070
go back to Pawnee?
672
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:46,070
Yeah.
673
00:15:46,140 --> 00:15:49,110
Nonsense. There's
674
00:15:46,140 --> 00:15:49,110
no reason to drive
675
00:15:46,140 --> 00:15:49,110
all the way back home.
676
00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:51,170
I've got
677
00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:51,170
a perfectly good condo
678
00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:51,170
right here in the city.
679
00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:52,780
Oh, we couldn't
680
00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:52,780
put you out like that.
681
00:15:52,850 --> 00:15:55,040
Double nonsense.
682
00:15:52,850 --> 00:15:55,040
I would love to
683
00:15:52,850 --> 00:15:55,040
have you stay with me.
684
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,410
Leslie, you can take
685
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,410
the guest room,
686
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,940
and, Ben, you have to
687
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,940
sleep on my couch.
688
00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:03,480
It is literally
689
00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:03,480
the comfiest couch
690
00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:03,480
you've ever been on.
691
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,090
This is weird.
692
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:11,560
We're on Chris' couch.
693
00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:12,890
Yep, we are.
694
00:16:12,970 --> 00:16:15,100
And I'm wearing his clothes.
695
00:16:19,810 --> 00:16:21,400
Well...
696
00:16:22,780 --> 00:16:24,840
Sorry, I keep myself
697
00:16:22,780 --> 00:16:24,840
very well hydrated,
698
00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:27,310
and my bladder is
699
00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:27,310
the size of a thimble.
700
00:16:27,380 --> 00:16:29,610
I urinate roughly
701
00:16:27,380 --> 00:16:29,610
12 times a night.
702
00:16:31,420 --> 00:16:33,850
I think I might go
703
00:16:31,420 --> 00:16:33,850
to bed, too, actually.
704
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,510
Oh, yeah?
705
00:16:35,590 --> 00:16:36,890
Okay.
706
00:16:38,060 --> 00:16:39,530
Well, look...
707
00:16:41,030 --> 00:16:43,620
Good job, again, today.
708
00:16:41,030 --> 00:16:43,620
It was...
709
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:45,100
You, too.
710
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:45,100
Really?
711
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:46,260
Yeah.
712
00:16:46,330 --> 00:16:48,700
Well, that was
713
00:16:46,330 --> 00:16:48,700
quick and to the point.
714
00:16:46,330 --> 00:16:48,700
Here's a tip.
715
00:16:49,140 --> 00:16:51,700
The key to
716
00:16:49,140 --> 00:16:51,700
a healthy urethra, radishes.
717
00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:54,040
Good, I'm gonna go to bed.
718
00:16:54,110 --> 00:16:55,670
Good night.
719
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,340
Well, now I'm up.
720
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,340
You wanna Boggle?
721
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,810
Are you Ron Swanson?
722
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,810
I am.
723
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,850
Okay, what exactly
724
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,850
did you teach my daughter?
725
00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:06,780
You must be Mrs. Burkiss.
726
00:17:06,850 --> 00:17:09,980
Lauren was
727
00:17:06,850 --> 00:17:09,980
supposed to do a paper
728
00:17:06,850 --> 00:17:09,980
on why government matters.
729
00:17:10,060 --> 00:17:11,490
This is what she wrote.
730
00:17:13,460 --> 00:17:16,090
"It doesn't." Well said.
731
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,890
Is this a joke?
732
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,890
No, ma'am.
733
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:20,230
I legitimately believe that.
734
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:20,230
I'm a libertarian.
735
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:22,740
Oh, that's nice.
736
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:22,740
Well, she is a fourth grader.
737
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,360
And fourth graders
738
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,360
aren't supposed to have
739
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:25,930
their heads crammed
740
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:25,930
full of weird ideas.
741
00:17:26,010 --> 00:17:28,600
They're supposed
742
00:17:26,010 --> 00:17:28,600
to do cute reports
743
00:17:26,010 --> 00:17:28,600
and get gold stars.
744
00:17:28,780 --> 00:17:30,010
I'm very sorry. I was only...
745
00:17:30,110 --> 00:17:31,310
And you ate her lunch?
746
00:17:31,380 --> 00:17:34,840
And you gave her
747
00:17:31,380 --> 00:17:34,840
a land mine? Really?
748
00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:38,320
Well, it seemed
749
00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:38,320
appropriate at the time.
750
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,720
I...
751
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,720
How?
752
00:17:46,060 --> 00:17:47,360
You know this is
753
00:17:46,060 --> 00:17:47,360
my house, right?
754
00:17:47,430 --> 00:17:48,620
Yeah, hi.
755
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:49,990
Do you wanna come in?
756
00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:53,160
You okay?
757
00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:53,160
No.
758
00:17:53,230 --> 00:17:55,100
Andy is totally
759
00:17:53,230 --> 00:17:55,100
mad at me right now,
760
00:17:55,170 --> 00:17:56,690
and I don't know
761
00:17:55,170 --> 00:17:56,690
how to deal with him.
762
00:17:56,770 --> 00:17:58,070
So I thought I would ask you.
763
00:17:58,140 --> 00:18:00,440
You know, Andy and I
764
00:17:58,140 --> 00:18:00,440
broke up so long ago.
765
00:18:00,510 --> 00:18:01,980
I don't think that I'd
766
00:18:00,510 --> 00:18:01,980
be the best source to...
767
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,240
Please.
768
00:18:04,210 --> 00:18:05,370
What happened?
769
00:18:05,450 --> 00:18:07,040
He doesn't think
770
00:18:05,450 --> 00:18:07,040
I like Mouse Rat.
771
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,650
All I said to him
772
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,650
was that this other band
773
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,650
was better,
774
00:18:09,750 --> 00:18:11,080
but I don't know
775
00:18:09,750 --> 00:18:11,080
why he got all mad,
776
00:18:11,150 --> 00:18:12,920
because it's like
777
00:18:11,150 --> 00:18:12,920
an indisputable fact
778
00:18:11,150 --> 00:18:12,920
that they're better.
779
00:18:12,990 --> 00:18:14,010
They're a real band.
780
00:18:14,090 --> 00:18:15,110
Oh, boy. Okay.
781
00:18:15,190 --> 00:18:18,650
Well, Andy just wants
782
00:18:15,190 --> 00:18:18,650
you to be proud of him
783
00:18:15,190 --> 00:18:18,650
and his music.
784
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:21,620
So, this isn't
785
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:21,620
really about being right.
786
00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:23,760
It's more about
787
00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:23,760
being supportive.
788
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:27,330
Oh, wow. I didn't
789
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:27,330
realize you were
790
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:27,330
a marriage counselor, Ann.
791
00:18:28,170 --> 00:18:29,230
Sorry.
792
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:32,300
My instinct is
793
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:32,300
to be mean to you.
794
00:18:32,510 --> 00:18:33,570
I understand.
795
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:37,310
O-M-G.
796
00:18:37,380 --> 00:18:38,900
Leslie,
797
00:18:37,380 --> 00:18:38,900
I read that same article.
798
00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:41,470
"The History of the Ladder."
799
00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:41,470
It's utterly fascinating.
800
00:18:41,550 --> 00:18:42,710
Ben, you're gonna love this.
801
00:18:41,550 --> 00:18:42,710
Really?
802
00:18:42,780 --> 00:18:45,410
Do you know
803
00:18:42,780 --> 00:18:45,410
that the original
804
00:18:42,780 --> 00:18:45,410
image of a ladder
805
00:18:45,490 --> 00:18:47,510
is in a cave
806
00:18:45,490 --> 00:18:47,510
in Valencia, Spain,
807
00:18:47,590 --> 00:18:48,920
drawn over 10,000 years ago.
808
00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:50,420
Oh, my God.
809
00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:50,420
How about some music?
810
00:18:57,260 --> 00:18:59,560
This is amazing.
811
00:18:57,260 --> 00:18:59,560
What is this?
812
00:19:06,610 --> 00:19:08,940
Oh, man, I love this song.
813
00:19:09,980 --> 00:19:11,500
The pit
814
00:19:12,010 --> 00:19:13,500
Wait a minute.
815
00:19:14,850 --> 00:19:17,940
You were in the pit
816
00:19:18,020 --> 00:19:22,820
We all were in the pit
817
00:19:22,890 --> 00:19:24,420
The pit
818
00:19:24,490 --> 00:19:27,620
I was in the pit
819
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,860
You were in the pit
820
00:19:30,930 --> 00:19:35,890
We all were in the pit
821
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:39,630
What is this?
822
00:19:39,710 --> 00:19:40,770
Living out my dream.
823
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,370
Playing a show with
824
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,370
the greatest band ever.
825
00:19:43,810 --> 00:19:46,280
That's my guitar.
826
00:19:43,810 --> 00:19:46,280
You bought it back
827
00:19:43,810 --> 00:19:46,280
from Shoeless Joe?
828
00:19:46,780 --> 00:19:49,720
I actually stole it
829
00:19:46,780 --> 00:19:49,720
from his office,
830
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:51,480
but whatever.
831
00:19:51,550 --> 00:19:52,610
He's a weirdo.
832
00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:56,890
Maybe April doesn't think
833
00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:56,890
that we're the greatest
834
00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:56,890
band in the world,
835
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,860
but, man, she loves me.
836
00:19:59,930 --> 00:20:01,190
And I love her.
837
00:20:01,260 --> 00:20:02,990
So, you know, who cares.
838
00:20:03,330 --> 00:20:05,930
I got the greatest
839
00:20:03,330 --> 00:20:05,930
wife in the world!
840
00:20:06,130 --> 00:20:08,070
Stop.
841
00:20:06,130 --> 00:20:08,070
We're married!
842
00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:12,400
We're totally
843
00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:12,400
gonna do it later!
844
00:20:12,470 --> 00:20:13,840
Oh, my God.
845
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,610
Well, actually,
846
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,610
I think it's good
847
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,610
that Chris showed up,
848
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,170
'cause I wasn't
849
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,170
thinking clearly.
850
00:20:19,410 --> 00:20:21,410
I love my job,
851
00:20:19,410 --> 00:20:21,410
Ben loves his job,
852
00:20:21,550 --> 00:20:23,540
and it's just
853
00:20:21,550 --> 00:20:23,540
not worth the risk.
854
00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:25,980
Oh, hey.
855
00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:25,980
Hey.
856
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,820
Chris just wanted me
857
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,820
to drop off these receipts.
858
00:20:27,890 --> 00:20:29,950
Oh, well, he's not here.
859
00:20:27,890 --> 00:20:29,950
He took off.
860
00:20:30,290 --> 00:20:31,380
Okay.
861
00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:45,630
Uh-oh.
862
00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:51,640
All I'm saying is,
863
00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:51,640
keep an open mind for a while.
864
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:54,980
Listen to your teachers
865
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:54,980
and read all
866
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:54,980
the books you can.
867
00:20:55,050 --> 00:20:58,990
Then when you're 18,
868
00:20:55,050 --> 00:20:58,990
you can drink, gamble
869
00:20:55,050 --> 00:20:58,990
and become a libertarian.
870
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,220
The drinking age is 21.
871
00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:04,360
I know. Another
872
00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:04,360
stupid government rule.
873
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,660
So you'll write a new paper?
874
00:21:07,730 --> 00:21:08,790
Yeah.
875
00:21:08,860 --> 00:21:10,420
Can you autograph
876
00:21:08,860 --> 00:21:10,420
this one for me?
877
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,900
Sure.
47208
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