All language subtitles for The.Iron.Petticoat.1956.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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MAN ON RADIO:
Turnip, this is Foxtrot, Red and blue.

Airborne at 57.

MAN:
There's an unidentified plane coming over our sector, sir.

[ Blipping ]

You sure of that blip?

Look for yourself, sir.

It's coming across.

Hello, Foxtrot,
this is Turnip.

I got one for you, hot.

This is Turnip Control.

Come in, Foxtrot.
Come in, Foxtrot.

Interceptors
closing in, sir.

Foxtrot Red and Blue,
this is Turnip.

This is Turnip.

Is it a Russian MiG?

Repeat, is it
a Russian MiG?

Foxtrot Red and Blue,
close in.

[ Blipping continues ]

♪♪

Colonel.

Have you talked
to the prisoner yet?

- No, sir.
- Good.

I wanna handle this myself,
for a number of reasons.

This has to be done
by someone

who really understands
the Russian temperament.

It's a pretty big order.

Not at all. Not when you've
studied it firsthand.

Do you understand English?
- Naturally.

What is your name?

Captain Vinka Kovelenko,
pilot.

Would you kindly
remove your helmet?

A woman.

KOVELENKO:
That is correct, sir.

COLONEL:
Please sit down, Miss Kovelenko.

Captain Kovelenko.

I do not sit
when a Colonel stands.

Ahem. Sorry.

We're delighted to welcome
another political refugee

from behind
the iron curtain.

I am not a political refugee.

Well, let's put it this way,

we're happy to receive
an intelligent Russian

who has found the Communist
regime distasteful.

- That is false.
- What is false?

That I am opposed
to Communism.

It is the salvation
of the world's future,

and the glowing dream
of its inhabitants.

Captain Kovelenko,
I must ask you not

to beat around the bush,

and explain your violation
of our air boundary?

I am willing.
It is simple.

I have lost my temper.

At the Communists?

No, at the male sex.

Could you be a little more
explicit?

I have confessed.
What more do you want?

I want some facts.

You didn't fly
all the way from Russia

and enter American territory
just because

you're carrying a torch
for some boyfriend.

What is "carrying a torch"?

Can I take a crack at it?

Shoot.

The Colonel means
did you leave Russia

because some man
broke your heart?

That is false!

All right, let's have
the truth then.

I was about to take over
my new post

when I heard the announcement
that Captain Osip Ganovich

was promoted to a major
in my squadron.

I was left a Captain.

This is a case of archaic
anti-female discrimination.

Osip Ganovich is a drunk,
a disgrace.

He is color blind.

He is the worst flyer
in my squadron.

This would not have happened
if Stalin were still alive.

He was not afraid of woman.

I can understand your feelings,
Captain Kovelenko.

Thank you!

I would say they're
a little more complex

than you yourself realize.

If it is your intention
to give me brainwashing,

I am silent
from now on.

We don't go in
for brainwashings, Captain.

That's communist procedure,
not ours.

I am silent.

What I mean is,
your loss of temper

is very likely based
on a number of things

which have been
disturbing you

and disillusioning you
with communism for some time.

Your tortures will not
rink a lie out of me

in a thousand years.

Nobody's gonna torture you
for a second.

When I say you are disillusioned
with communism,

I'm referring
to your subconscious.

A good communist has
no subconscious.

That may very well be
what's the matter with them.

Now, you fled your country
because you were boiling over

at the injustice
of your own military system.

Is that correct?

I am silent.

Hello, Newt.

Say, I'm sorry
to barge in like this,

but you forgot to sign
my leave pass.

I'd appreciate it
if you'd make it a fortnight

instead of a week.

Same thing, practically.

There's your catch,
Chuck,

Captain Kovelenko,
I want you to meet

one of our most daring fliers,
Captain Lockwood.

He forced you down.
- How do you do?

Well, who's knew
at the Kremlin?

I am silent.

If you would just sign this
like a pal,

I'll be off
and out of your way.

Captain Kovelenko is
going to be our guest.

Hope you enjoy
your stay.

Western hypocrisy.

Yes, there's a lot
of it around.

Major Lewis will
arrange quarters for you.

It may take a week
to untangle the situation

for American and Russian
intelligence.

Colonel.

Major Lewis, please
take me to my cell.

Right this way, Miss.

What do you think
of her?

Women in uniform bother me.

I don't know whether
to kiss em or salute em.

MAN ON INTERCOM:
Lieutenant Pheasly reporting.

Go ahead.

Here's a rundown
on Vinka Kovelenko --

a page and a half
in the Kremlin who's who

five medals, first order,
three flying records,

mole at the base
of her spine.

Great.
Get the picture?

I can visualize it.

Yes.
Yes I have.

One of Russia's own
natural heroines,

and deep down she's sore
as a boiled owl at the commies.

Imagine what a gun
that would be

in a psychological warfare.

The truth about communism
from one of their own heroines.

That young lady is wide open
for the right sort of argument.

You can't argue
with a Russian, Newt.

It's like arguing
with a phonograph record.

I disagree with you, Chuck.

I'm assigning you to the job
of softening her up.

Heh.

Oh, I'd like to pitch in
and help you out, Newt,

you know that, but everything
is set in London.

Now, if you'll just put your
distinguished moniker there.

I'm cancelling your leave.

- You wouldn't do that.
- It's done.

They didn't act this way
at the recruiting office.

Newt, let me give you
the full picture.

Connie's folks,
Lord and Lady Warburton-Watts,

are coming down to London
to meet me,

all the way from
Edward the Confessor country.

They'll have to postpone
that pleasure.

You want me to stand up
British aristocracy

to play pattycake
with a peasant?

Look, Chuck, now is the time

our country needs your talents.

This is a top project --

Newt, get this setup --

a million-dollar aristocratic bride,

and I'm not getting any younger.

This may be my last chance
at true happiness.

She'll keep for a few weeks.

It doesn't hurt to tantalize them.

Tantalize an heiress?

That's like not opening
your parachute.

Newt, how would you like
to retire in about a year

and live on a big estate

with a swimming pool,
horses, yachts,

anything you want, free.

How about that?

Are you trying to bribe me?

No, I was just inviting
an old friend

to visit us sometime.

I want you to start
on Vinka Kovelenko tonight.

No, I'd strike out.
There's no incentive.

Except patriotism.

Oh, let's not have
any commercials in here.

We'll give it a try.

Now I want you to start
the ball rolling

by presenting Captain Kovelenko
with this bottle of whiskey.

Then take her to dinner
and sell her America.

I tried to get some vodka,
but they were out of it.

Yes, I have heard you Americans
are on short rations.

Say when.

When.

Here's to world peace.

To world peace, it is.

You dare to drink
to that openly?

I don't think
anybody heard me.

It's not as good
as vodka.

But what can one expect
outside of Russia.

I don't wanna
force you into this.

Thank you.

A hole in one gal, huh?

You are assigned
to try to undo me.

Is that correct?

You care to cooperate?

I should think they would
send a taller man.

Well, maybe I'll grow on you.

You have an odd face.

It came with the body.
It's a set.

Your eyes are spackled.

Only use them to see with.

Look, let's not quarrel.
We're stuck with each other.

Would you mind
to say your name again?

Chuck Lockwood.

Chuck.
It has a Slavic sound.

Whenever I am angry,
I get very thirsty.

- This cools you off, huh?
- Yes, I relax.

That's what I'm here for,
to relax you.

Happy anesthetic.

Live a little, baby.

Why do you call me
"baby"?

Is this an insult?

No, it's just an informal
American word meaning...

comrade.

Thank you.

I like you, baby.

I will go to dinner with you.

♪ [ Upbeat jazz music plays ] ♪

How many times have
you flown over the North Pole?

Only once.

I feel if you've seen one North Pole,
you've seen them all.

I've flown over the North Pole
seven times.

What is the fastest
you have flown?

- 500 miles an hour.
- I've flown 750.

With or without a plane?

I'm one of the three leading
Soviet women fliers.

Maria Iyanova
is more famous than I,

but I am younger.

[ Glass breaks ]

Why don't you ask me
to dance?

Well, I didn't think you went in
for such minor exploits.

Yes, I love to dance.
Come, please.

Chuck, come.

What's your strategy, Captain?

Right now I'm torn between
suicide and desertion.

Chuck!

Coming. Coming.

How are you doing, Chuck?

So far, it's Kremlin 7,
Lockwood nothing at the half.

Well, good luck.

Yeah, may the best
man win.

Hup!
Hai! Hai! Hai!

Keep your flaps down,
this is a short runway.

Now you're amazing.

That is because American women
are superficial.

They're interested
chiefly in nail polish

and false busoms.

Yeah, they're inclined to make
mountains out of mole hills.

I'm going to say,

I find it hard to understand

how a man of your intelligence
and sensitivity

is not a Communist.

You'd have to blame that
on my environment.

I see you're one of the victims
of capitalistic propaganda.

Yeah, just a pushover.

You know, baby, despite those
medals, you're cute.

Soft as a bunny's ear.

Thank you, baby.

If I could bring you
back to Moscow...

Thank you.

If I could bring you back
to Moscow with me,

as an American, you prefer
peace to war,

freedom to bourgeois slavery.

It would be a great
honor for me

if I could persuade
one American

to join the fight
for peace.

Well, I don't think
I'm ready for that.

I understand.

Spiritual upheavals
take a little time.

How long do you think?

I doubt that I'll...

- Do you wanna work on me?
- Ideologically.

Well, Captain, I have an idea.

Please!

Well, the fact is, you see,
I can't read the right books

in the barracks
in front of everybody.

- You could be court martialed?
- That's true.

So, if you'd go to London with me
for my study course...

But I am a prisoner.

Yeah, well, I can fix that,
you see?

I can have the Colonel
parole you to me.

What excuse can you give?

I could tell him that you're
eager to study the wonders

of our Western democracy
with a view to embracing them,

in preference
to the tyranny of communism.

Ha! Do you think the Colonel
would be fooled

by such a ridiculous statement?

If he'll eat Army food,
he'll swallow anything.

There, what did I tell you, Lewis?

I never guess wrong
about a woman.

Round one, and our Russki lady
is on the ropes.

You have my permission
to try deceit.

I will also be deceitful
for the cause.

And then, from London,

we will fly back
to Moscow together.

We must drink to that.
To Moscow, together.

To Moscow, together.

Now, for the knockout.

Come on, Major.

No, no, no, no.
Please don't get up.

You're standing, Colonel.

- May I join you?
- Sit down, Colonel.

Please, Major.

This is a sort of
official ceremony

minus the red tape,
Captain Kovelenko.

May I present you
with a token of esteem

of our American army?
- What is this?

It's a check for $100,000.

Texas confetti.

It is in writing.
It is not even printed.

Yes, I had it drawn up
after an OK from Washington.

Our bonus
to any Russian officer

who escapes the Iron Curtain
on his own plane.

Please, if you're going
to bribe me,

at least do me the courtesy
to not treating me

like an idiot.

Handing me a piece of
worthless paper signed

by somebody called
"John Smith."

He's our finance officer.

That piece of paper, Captain,

is a promise of money
payable at any bank.

Ha! Promises.

That is all the Western world
has to give,

always promises.

Never anything real
as in Russia.

Not even real money.

Well, excuse me, Vinka,

considering
our recent discussion,

I think it advisable
that you keep the check,

at least until
you make up your mind.

Very well, Colonel.

Thanks for the check,
Chuck.

You'll find Uncle Sam has
a very large heart.

Remember, I wanna
see you later.

We'll have a talk
tomorrow, Captain.

If you wish.

I will keep it
as a souvenir,

to show in Moscow
what American money really is.

Did you really try to sell her
on going to New York?

I argued with her for an hour,
couldn't budge her.

All she kept saying was,
"Take me to London.

In London, perhaps
I'll feel like listening."

Chuck, I'm gonna okay
your idea.

Oh, it's not my idea,
it's hers.

I'll advance you $500
against expenses.

Give her a chance
to throw money away.

Good thinking, Newt.

Nothing brainwashes a woman
like money.

And no nonsense about
Connie and her folks.

Oh, I don't think I'll have
any time for that.

This project requires
around-the-clock concentration.

I'm glad you realize its bigness.

I've alerted the State Department.

Every eye will be on you,
up to the White House.

The White House?

Hey, it must be important

for them to take their eyes
off the Democrats.

Good luck, Captain.

You're gonna make history.

Thanks, Newt.

If I'm not back
in seven days...

- Yes?
- Send more money.

♪ [ Classical music plays ]♪

Infuriated by the promotion
of Osip Ganovich

to the rank of Major,

Captain Vinka Kovelenko
took off in her plane

from the airfield
at 2:00 pm Wednesday...

That was yesterday.

At 4--
At 4:00 pm Thursday,

Captain Kovelenko
left Berlin for London

on an American plane
in the company

of American flying officer
Captain Lockwood.

Oh, the forcible kidnapping
of a Soviet citizen.

We will demand apologies
from Washington,

the United Nations,
the British government --

- No good.
- Why not?

We are not dealing
with a political situation,

we are dealing with
a love affair.

Ha ha.

You have some information,
Colonel Sklarnoff?

The London bound couple
have made reservations

at the Pall Mall Hotel
for separate rooms.

Separate rooms?

What kind of a love affair is that?

The love affair
in the first stage.

The first stage.
What is that?

He is not ready.

Eh.

Colonel Sklarnoff --

[ beep ]

Wait, I must change tape.

Colonel Sklarnoff, why does
Vinka Kovelenko fly to London

and brand herself as a deserter

if he is not ready?

A woman in love?

There are no explanations,
only solutions.

Then I suggest we send
two good men

to this hotel Pall Mali

with proper instructions
for terminating this rendezvous.

No good.

We must avoid
unfavorable publicity.

Vinka Kovelenko is one
of the greatest of our heroines.

Her arrest would cause the disillusionment

of the younger generations
throughout Russia.

A true comm--

A true communist is
never disillu--

Please, Dubratz,
no philosophy, please.

I myself have the solution.

Captain Kovelenko has come
to London to meet her lover,

who is a member
of our trade delegation.

Where would we find, here,
a lover.

Has Ivan Kropotkin arrived yet?

MAN:
Yes, sir.

Good.
Send him in.

You have somebody
up your sleeve?

We must fight fire with fire.

You are Ivan Kropotkin?

Yes, sir.

You are a major
in the Corps of Engineers?

Yes, sir.

You have been in love?

Yes, sir.

How many times?

Only once.

With whom?

Captain Vinka Kovelenko.

Magnificent.

Did Captain Kovelenko
return your love?

She let me hold her hand.

That is all?

Yes, sir.

I have a delicate, but very
important mission for you.

I am ready, sir.

First of all,
you must have a shave.

Follow me.

♪ [ Classical music plays ] ♪

I'd take you to meet
the upper echelon,

but I don't think
it's advisable.

VINKA:
I understand.

It'll be about 20 minutes.
I'll hurry.

- Don't worry.
I've waited longer on duty.

MAN:
Captain Lockwood, Connie is so glad

you could come over
from the hotel.

I'm Tony Mallard, her cousin.
- Oh, how are you?

I've heard a lot
of nice things about you.

Well, I'll try
and live it down.

Connie will be here
in a few minutes.

Will she have the marriage license
application with her?

She asked me
to give it to you.

Would you like
to read it over?

I don't wanna rewrite it.
I just wanna sign it.

I don't wanna even
check the small print.

I'll do what I can
to hurry her along.

Thank you very much.

Charles.

Darling, I wasn't
expecting you.

Was it tonight?

Well, according to the days
I checked off on my calendar.

Aw, sweet.

What are we going
to do about Hamlet?

Is he giving you trouble, too?

We were going to the theatre.
A special charity performance.

Tony, would you mind
if Charles went in your place?

- That's a good idea.
- Well, I'm afraid I can't.

My colonel's waiting for me,
and I--

Well, can't you phone him?

Well, there are a couple of
Generals and an Admiral.

It's an important pow-wow.
I just dropped in to say hi.

Good day, Captain.
- Hi.

Won't be needing you
anymore.

Okay.
See you at the North Pole.

If I go there again,

I shall ask for you.

Good night.

♪♪

That man looks
like a spy.

Watch him.

Find the address
of the Free World Bookshop.

We'll go there first thing
in the morning.

Check.

Oh, you wait here.

In the brass section.

- In the what?
- Skip it.

Good evening.
- Good evening, sir.

You may proceed.

Yes, sir.

Hello, Vinka.

Are you surprised to see me?

Yes.

I am in London for the Soviet
Purchasing Agency.

You were always basically a tradesman.

How time flies.

- Yes, we grow older.
- Not you.

You're going to start up again.

The reason I was undressed
was she was taking my picture.

Why should she
take your picture undressed?

For medical research.

My spine is in a unique position.

You're welcome to pose
for whomever you wish.

Olga Yehupitz means nothing
to me any longer.

- To me either.
- Good.

A fat blonde
with a face like a pillow.

I have nothing but contempt
for you and for her --

more for you.

I despise deceit.

You despise me?

Yes.

Now I feel at home again.

Mama has said to me
a hundred times,

"Where is Vinka?"

And I have replied each time,
"She is in my heart."

Yes, I know, in company
with Olga Yehupitz.

In your heart, there is
only standing room.

Your face reminds me how vile

even a Russian can be.

You have given me new hope.

Bah.

Thanks.

It's all set.
The bags are upstairs.

I am stopping in the hotel.

I will see you again.

Captain Lockwood,
this is Major Ivan Kropotkin,

an ex-friend.

How do you--

[ Vinka coughing ]

I'm going to ask you
a question

about the United States of America.

Please to answer truthfully.

I'll do my best.

What is the percentage
of starvation

among American workers?

That's a stumper.

I've heard of Americans dropping
dead from thirst,

but not from hunger.

You see, they keep
the facts from you.

In 1954, 28% of the mortality

amongst the American workers
was caused by starvation.

Imagine.

This does not include babies
that died from lack of milk.

Pravda revealed the full facts
a month ago.

What was the name
of the pamphlet again?

"The Hundred Lies of Capitalism."

Now there's a snappy title.

What is the percentage
of illegitimate children

born in the United States?

I should know that.

I'm very good
at batting averages.

27%.

During the war years,

one American child in three
has no father.

He couldn't get
cigarettes, either.

Say, how about a drink?

Tell me frankly...

have I made
any impression on you, baby?

Tremendous.

In what way?

Your sincerity.

What else?

The way you hold your liquor.

That is all?

Your brain.

So help me, I've never met
a woman with a brain like yours.

Thank you.

And in such
a beautiful head, too.

I kiss you as a soldier.

[ Chuckles ]

What is wrong?

I'm not used to kissing soldiers.

[ laughs ]

We will go to bed now.

We will?

Yes.

- Good night.
- Good night.

We will resume
in the morning.

Okay, teacher, what time
is class?

At dawn.

We must waste no time.

Good night.

Sleep well.
- I will.

You're going
to bed?

Guess so.

Is, um, that door,
uh, locked?

Usually is.

Then you'd better
go this way.

See you in the morning.
- Yes.

♪ [ Classical music plays ]♪

Excuse me.
- Yes?

Uh, you have your key?

Yes. Right here.

Ah, good.
I was worried.

Good night.

Night.

Allow me, sir.

Thank you.

[ Door closes ]

[ Door closes ]

Ah!

I thought maybe you could
use these if you get cold.

Thank you.

Slippers?
- Thank you.

And a toothbrush.

No, please.
I use a wash rag.

Ah, but I will try
the toothbrush

as an experiment.

- Good night.
- I'm grateful. Good night.

- See you in the morning.
- Early.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Hello there.

I always read
before I fall asleep.

- I'm the same way.
- I thought so.

It is called the Principle
of Spiral Economics."

Oh.

It is a little deep,
but if you read it twice,

it becomes clearer.

Sounds like fun.

You got something to read?
- Ah, yes, yes.

I have my criminology.

Good night.
- Good night.

Um, uh...

if there is anything
you do not understand,

you can ask me
in the morning.

I imagine I'll have
a lot of questions.

- Good night.
- Good night.

♪ [ Humming ] ♪

[ Knock on door ]

♪ [ Humming continues ] ♪

[ Knock on door ]

Coming! Coming!

♪ [ Humming ] ♪

Hello, baby.

Baby?

This is quite a surprise.
I wasn't expecting you.

No.

Or you.

How was Hamlet?

Very interesting.
- Really?

But apparently, you prefer
the Russian ballet, don't you?

Me, the ballet?

A bunch of tovarisches leaping
around in long underwear?

No.

Yes, well, we met
a friend of Connie's

at the theatre tonight --
a friend called Bill Brandon.

He's with MI --
you know, Military Intelligence?

Yes.

He was telling us about you
bringing your Russian ballerina

to London with you.

Excuse me, madam.

What do you wish?

This is the key
to the door inside.

What door inside?

The door to the adjoining
chambers.

Ah, thank you.

That will be
more convenient.

Truth is,
I'm on a secret mission,

and you know
that I-I--

Ha.

You're not listening.

I'm on a secret
military mission,

and this Russian girl's
official business.

I imagine this involves a few

secret non-military conferences
as well.

Connie, that's not fair.
It's not worthy of you.

After all, I'm just trying
to serve my country.

Well, why didn't you tell me?

Well, I didn't wanna make you
late for Hamlet.

I like the plot of this one better.

We don't have
a massacre at the end.

And just what is your official
business with her?

I'm just trying to swing her
over to our side,

you know, teach her
democracy...

♪ [ Vinka singing in Russian ] ♪

But you know
how these Russians are,

they're always yelling
about something,

and they're stir crazy.

They hate people on the outside.

They think freedom is for the birds.

What is she like?

And you can't get anywhere
with them --

I asked you a question.

What's she like?

Oh, you mean personally?

Oh you don't have to worry
about Vinka that way.

She's just an all-around
square in boots and pants.

She's always bundled up
like an Eskimo.

She's a human ice cube.

She's 98% Russian
and 2% female.

You know that I--

Baby, I would like
if you would --

Oh.

I'm sorry
to intrude.

I guess I was wrong
with the percentages.

Captain Kovelenko, may I present
Lady Warburton-Watts...

Thank you.

- And Mr. Mallard.
- Thank you.

How do you do, Captain?

Well, oh, how's Ivan?
Have you heard from him lately?

No.

Fine-looking chap, Ivan.

Do you sleep in those?
- Naturally.

What are they?
Good conduct medals?

No.

Breaking the sound barrier,
1953.

First solo flight
over the North Pole, 1954.

Yes, that's the Captain's chief
interest -- the North Pole.

Oh.

The captain must find it
rather a drafty one.

It's nice to know that you're
still wearing the pants.

I've come to ask if you would
give me your laundry to wash.

I am working in bathtub.

The hotel takes care of that.

I'm much better.

Yes, but I only have
one dirty shirt, and it--

Thank you.

Oh.

The rest later, please.

Good night.
- Good night.

[ Nervous chuckle ]

Well, drink up.

Oh, Connie, come now.

You can't be jealous
of a laundress

who hangs around
the North Pole.

Shoving those bear skins
through the ringer all day.

Yes, she hardly has time
for anything else.

I can understand you being upset
by what this guy Brandon said.

I feel the same way.

But it's not true.

We must hurry the wedding along
as fast as we can.

Oh, great.

♪ [ Vinka singing in Russian ] ♪

You must say if there's anyone
you'd like to ask.

Yes, I'll try
and think of someone.

You try.

Oh, darling

I trust you not to get
any soap in your eyes.

Good night.

Those medals must be
inconvenient at certain moments.

Yes.

Cad.

♪♪

Say, could you tell us the way
to 223 Curesan Place,

the New World Bookstore?

Yes, sir.
Straight through the arcade.

It's the second
on the right.

Should we take a taxi?

No, it is a beautiful day.
I prefer to walk.

Do you think decoration
of that type

is important to sex?

I don't mind
a little frosting.

I'm opposed to it.

A woman should attract a man
with her personality,

not with ribbons,
don't you think?

It all depends what
the ribbons are tied to.

Feudal symbols of wealth
torn from the masses,

that is all they are.

How much does it say that costs?

- The pink one?
- No, the black lace.

How very neat.
I'll go in and ask.

No, no. Come.

Why you are smiling?

I was just thinking how nice
you'd look in the black lace.

I am not in mourning.

But it's spring.
Don't Russians react to spring?

Yes, we are happy to know
that leaf has begun to grow,

and that work is resumed
on the northern dams.

Siberia in the spring.
Must be a million laughs.

Yes.

While we're on the subject,

would you care to tell me
who she was?

Who do you mean?

Last night, the pale woman
in the naked dress?

Lady Warburton-Watts.

That is her name,
but what is her significance?

Oh, just a London capitalist.

I was under the impression
that you and she were lovers.

Oh, not my type, baby.

Too naked.

No, I don't mind that.
Not enough fire.

I understand.

The reason I asked is,

she reminds me of a woman
I once knew,

Olga Yehupitz.

Forgive me for insulting you
with my suspicions.

I'll be large about it.

It is like an oasis
in the midst of a desert.

I have my list.

You had better wait outside.

I could get arrested
just for looking in the window.

Senator Howley, I assure you
you will not regret

passing up the Geneva Conference

in favor of this propaganda project.

Sir, I've always been happy
to turn down a peace conference.

My record's clean as a whistle
on that score.

This Vinka Kovelenko will do
more to undermine communism

than 40 peace conferences.

Uh-oh.

Ah, your Colonel,
he is pursuing us.

Too late.
He spotted us.

Act unconcerned.

Don't worry, I have a diploma
in counterespionage.

If you get in trouble,
swallow these.

Well, well, how are you?

Colonel Tarbell.
Excellent, thank you.

Colonel.

Just thought I'd look in
and see how things were going.

Well, how is our student doing?

I am very much impressed
with Sugar Ray Robinson

and the Boston Tea Party.

I'm trying to keep
the lessons interesting.

Well, that's a good start.

Books, eh.
What did you get?

Oh, things with dates,

like Columbus' landing,
Mohawk uprising,

stuff like that.

- Excellent. Excellent.
- No, no. Excuse me.

I taught her
about private property.

A man's book is his castle.

Yes, his castle.

I see.

Oh, Senator Howley's
with me, Chuck.

He just planed in
from Washington.

He's going to spearhead our
little Vinka campaign for us.

What is that?

That's one of our more
courageous investigators

who works without a coonskin cap.

I think we ought to arrange
a party for tonight

to present Captain Kovelenko
to the senator.

Shall we say, uh,
8:00 o'clock?

And in your honor, we'll have it
at the Russian Bear.

What is that,
a restaurant?

Very swanky, too.
It's a little rich, isn't it, Newt?

Couldn't we gather
in a friendlier sewer?

No. No.

I will be there,
8:00 o'clock.

- I must go to my room and study.
- Good girl.

Colonel.

Excuse me, baby.

Major Lewis.

No, not Lockwood. Lewis.

He's a bit busy right now.
Can I help you out?

I forgot to ask Captain Lockwood
where we're having dinner tonight.

The Russian Bear,
8:00 o'clock.

Not at all.

Goodbye, sir.

♪♪

MAN:
Good day.

Can I help you?
- Thank you.

I would like to buy something.

Something in lingerie?

The one with the black lace.

A negligee, perhaps?

A negligee is long?

Well, to the floor, usually.

The black lace is to here,

from here.

It was in the window.

The Cleopatra ensemble.

Black lace with trimmings

and threaded through with
scarlet ribbon.

May I see it, please?

But of course.
Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

Could you see yourself
in blue?

I've got just the thing.

I want the black lace.

But you're so right.
Much more your style.

It's you.

Um, I'm buying it.

How much does it cost?

30 pounds.

Thank you.

Will you take it with you?

Yes, please.

Will there be anything else,
Miss, um...

Captain Kovelenko.

We have some lovely
red garters, Captain.

No.

Eureka bra.

What is that?

[ Blows into bra ]

It is for swimming?

It can be worn in the water.

You wear it in front or in back?

In front.

You are fooling me.

It is not for swimming.

It is a false busom.

Bra, for short.

So that is the way it is done.

The illusions of democracy.

♪♪

Hai!

Who does your hair?

I can't understand
Vinka being late,

unless she took the Polar route.

Only 20 minutes, nothing
to worry about.

All women like
to dawdle before a party.

Dawdle? All she has to do
is polish her boots.

Maybe she ran out on you.

Personally, I would never trust a Russian

further than I could throw a horse.

They're all spies.

Careful, Senator, you could get
a mickey in your vodka.

I'll call again.

I don't see the sense of
dragging a spy into our midst.

Would the gentlemen wish
to have some vodka?

- Yes --
- Certainly not, sir.

Bourbon.

I didn't know there were
so many communists in London.

I'm sure they're harmless.

Pardon me, you are
Captain Lockwood?

No, but Captain Lockwood
will be back in a minute.

Oh, can I be
of service?

We're Captain Lockwood's guests.

It's all right, Connie.
I'll go and look for him.

Connie?
Uh, let me look for him.

Are you people Russians?

Oh, that's all right, Senator,
they don't need to be screened.

I'll be right back.

Would you like to sit
over here, sir?

Lockwood, you just lied
your way into a court martial.

There's been some kind
of a slip up, Newt.

You lied to me!

I wouldn't lie to you.

You're too smart
a psychologist.

We gotta pull together in this.

What do you mean?

We don't wanna give the Senator
any excuse for an investigation.

I would like to know, sir,
if your English custom

of driving on the left side
of the street

has any political significance,

or is it just part
of your natural cursedness?

Well, well, this is
a fun group.

I'm so glad you came.

We're here on an important mission.

The Senator explained.

Yes, I invited the little lady
to join our team.

We're all eager to help
civilize your barefoot laundress.

LOCKWOOD:
Hey, Vinka.

Well.

You didn't tell me your middle
name was Cinderella-vich.

What every well-dressed pilot
should wear.

- My dear --
- How do you do?

I apologize
for being late.

Not at all.

May I present
Lady Constance --

We have met,
except that man.

Uh, Captain Kovelenko,
Senator Howley of Alabama.

I have read a great deal
about Robert E. Lee.

He was a fine revolutionary.

HOWLEY:
May I say, ma'am, that my opinion of Russians

has increased immeasurably
over the last 20 seconds.

Will you have a drink, Vinka?

Yes, I would like a pitcher --

half champagne, half vodka.

Waiter.

Two pitchers --
half champagne, half vodka

and water wings
for everybody.

- We call them Moscow minuets.
- Good for you.

And where did you find
the fairy godmother, Captain?

There were a number of them.

They worked very hard.

Do you like the ensemble?

It affects me very much.

I'm sorry that we could not
study together this afternoon.

Everything took
so long --

the hands, the hair,
the stockings, the shoes.

Finally I went back
and I bought the red garters.

Don't tell me
you're wearing red garters.

Oh, yes, they're
very attractive.

They go well
with the black lace.

Do take us on a tour, Miss Kovelenko.

I'll buy a ticket for that.

You disapprove of something,

Lady Warburton-Watts?

Oh, dear no.

I've always admired
the Soviet's technique.

Thank you.

Oh, uh, shall we
have a dance, baby?

- Don't call me "baby."
- I would like to dance, baby.

Senator, it's gonna be terrific.

What, her dancing?

No, her embracing democracy.

She seems rather good at it.

♪♪

Do you see?
- See what?

How she looks at me.

She's laughing at me with those
greedy, bourgeois eyes.

Why she is laughing?

Ah, you're mad, baby.
Nobody's laughing at you.

Because I look peculiar.

You look beautiful.

I am too skinny
on the top.

That's the style
this season.

My fingers
are too big.

We'll shrink them.

I feel like a box
of paper flowers.

She has a right
to laugh at me.

Oh, cut it out, will ya?
You're a smash!

A smash?
What is that?

Well, that's like baby,
only with a bikini.

Thank you, smash.

I'm glad that you admire me,
if it is true.

If what is true?

That you admire me.

Absolutely.

That is good.

I have dressed up
only for your sake.

I wanted you to know

that when you come
to Moscow with me,

you will not be
turning your back

on sex and feminine beauty.

We have them both.

Ah, they make
a great team.

Senator, the reason that
we drive on the left

is in order that the coachman

may have his pistol hand free

in case of attack from highwaymen.

Can you tell me the theory

behind the Iron Law of Ages, baby?

Let's save that up
for when we're alone, huh?

She has gone over?
What do you think?

Correct.

A traitor.

We are losing ground every minute.

Good evening!

She is still here?

She is dancing.

I am wearing her favorite flower --

the blue bachelor.

She will appreciate.

You have to have
the next dance with her.

We have arranged for a waltz.

I am unable to waltz.

We will arrange for a polka.

It is the same with the polka.

I am unable.

At which dance are you proficient?

Colonel Sklarnoff,
I was trained as an engineer.

No dancing.

An imbecile and a cripple.

They are rubbing cheeks.

That is chemistry.

Am I under arrest?

In due time.
Go away.

It must be stopped.

She is a Soviet citizen.

She is entitled
to be seized by the Party.

Yes, she has
that privilege.

That is why I sent
for Group 9.

The full group?

As you see,
the full group.

Group 9 reporting.

I took the liberty
of including Sutsiyawa,

the judo sleep maker.

I am honored.

What assistance
can you give?

There are three blows --

the bright star
with a fist, elbow, or knee

on top of the head --
two hours sleep.

The sun and the moon

with the side of the hand
at the root of the eyebrow,

four hours sleep.

The heavenly touch
with the knee,

one inch and a half
below the navel,

eternity.

They're returning
to the table.

Maria, you will take over
the powder room.

Yes, Colonel.

You will dress
as a waiter.

Igor will change places
with the doorkeeper

in case we need
assistance outside.

I want Kovelenko brought
to the door of the powder room

and pushed in.

Maria will silence her,
pass her through the window,

the car will be waiting outside
with the engine running.

We have no class distinction
in our army.

Now, take a man
like Chuck Lockwood here.

I'm willing.

And I say this as his friend --
an absolute pauper.

Not a penny to his name,

yet he's just
as highly regarded

as if he were
a millionaire.

Why should any one
highly regard a millionaire?

quick, Senator!

HOWLEY:
Huh?

Oh, oh!

Where can I put this
it shall be safe?

Take it to the powder room.

- Where is that?
- That door over there.

- VINKA: Whew, thank you.
- Vinka.

I want to speak
to you, Charles.

Oh, uh --
I'll take it, baby.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, pardon me.

Oh, it's all right.

What's wrong, kid?

That man,
he's following me.

- What man, where?
- That one.

Oh, please,
I'm so frightened.

Oh, let me help you
to your seat.

In there.

[ Panting ]

Steady, girl.

It begins.

There you are.

You Americans are
so wonderful.

And so strong.

Everywhere where
there is distress,

there is an American.

Well, it's our Boy Scout training.

We specialize in old ladies,

but I'm happy to make an exception.

Oh!

Oh...

Oh, wait a minute.
Hold on.

You need a drink.

A brandy and soda
for the lady right away.

There you go.
Up again.

Fasten your safety belt, honey.

Oh, I beseech you, please stay
with me for one moment.

If he sees you,
perhaps he will go away.

Okay, but I can't stay long.

I-I --
Say, double that order, huh?

Yes, sir.

I'm not afraid anymore.

Make mine a little on the strong side.

Yes, sir.

Oh, I like you.
I am Tityana.

Oh, that's a nice nickname.

All I want to do
is forget for a moment.

Yeah, well, just drink up
and forget.

Come!
We drink to each other.

How you say,
up, bottoms!

Yeah, let's just drink.

TARBELL:
Captain Lockwood.

Hi, Newt.

You've deserted
your post, Captain.

- Yeah, I was just --
- I'll relieve you here.

Oh, sure, Newt.

Tityana, I want you to meet
Colonel Chicken.

He'll see that you're okay.

How do you do, fraulein?

We colonels don't
get much chance to meet

many women as beautiful
as you.

Ah, the old snow job.

Hmm.

Okay, Captain.

Vamoose.

Sure, Newt.
Drink up.

I'll leave a light
burning for you at the clinic.

I'm not coming in.

I know my place.

Here's to your big
blue eyes, little lady.

Oh!

[ laughs ]

Ah, reinforcements.

In these, please.

Fill it up.

We're back
to the demitasse.

To Captain Vinka Kovelenko,
and a better tomorrow.

To get a jocular mood
and a better tonight.

Go to her.

Tell her she's wanted
on the telephone.

Maria will seize her as she goes
past the powder room.

Pardon me,
Captain Kovelenko,

you are wanted
at the telephone.

Who wants me?

I'm sorry, he did not
give a name.

He said it was important.
He was crying.

Ah, it is Ivan.

He's unhappy.
I will talk to him.

The telephone box
is over here, please.

Thank you.

You are Ukrainian!
- Yes, ma'am.

I could tell
from your honest face.

Come with me.
- Where?

You are my guest.
Come.

You must have a drink.

Sit down, be happy.

Meet an old friend?

Yes, all human beings
are old friends.

Come over here.
I want to talk to you.

That man
on the telephone.

He will spoil
my mood.

Smash, you will talk
to Ivan for me?

All right, but he's not my type.

Thank you.

Paul, go to her.

Ask her to dance.

Push her into the powder room
as you pass the door.

Notify Maria to leave open a little

the door of the powder room.

Gentlemen, forgive me, please,

for I recognize
one of my country's heroines.

Captain Vinka Kovelenko,
may I have the honor

of drinking your health.

You may have that honor.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Captain Vinka Kovelenko,

the queen of the skies.

What a wonderful evening!

Russians, Russians everywhere!

May I have the honor
of dancing with you this dance?

Yes, it is a Russian song.
Come on.

Eh, what you need, sir,
is a little lift.

Waiter, a drink
for my friend.

There's nobody
on the wire.

I'm coming right back.

Hey, Colonel, I want you
to bear out a claim

that I'm gonna make on behalf

of the sovereign state of Alabama.

[ Mouths words ]

I didn't get that, Colonel.

The first time
he's made sense in years.

Visibility, zero.

- His head just closed in.
- What happened to him?

I don't know, I left him with a girl.

He must have blown a fuse.

He looks a bit under the weather.
I'd better get him home.

Gimme a hand,
Captain.

Tell Vinka, I'll be back
as soon as I call a hearse.

You been drinking ether?

We're making a delivery.

Oh.

Please, stop.
I want to talk to that man.

Next time, stop
when I say stop.

He's really gone.

Sort of a test pilot
for Seagrams.

Is the Colonel leaving?

He's taking off
any minute.

Good night, Colonel.

I've had a wonderful eve--

Seems to be unconscious.

It's hard to tell.

I will get
a taxi cab.

Taxi! Please wait!

[ Whistle blows ]

- The taxi cab is waiting.
- Well, let's go then.

- Think you can make it, Colonel?
- Now, just a minute.

How about a two year furlough,
Colonel?

You're witnesses.

So you're having fun?
- Yes, and you?

Oh, it's a great party.

Got an atmosphere of real friendship.

- Yes.
- Come on. Be right back.

Hey!
Hey, Colonel!

I'll get him
the next time around.

Here we go.

Unh-unh.

No dancing in the hotel room,
remember that.

Okay, driver,
right to the Waxworth's, huh?

Good luck!

Hey, Hey!
Wait a minute!

You forgot your bundle.

There you are.

Sit on his lap.

Will you dance with me?

Come on.

[ Hissing ]

Who are you hissing?

[ Hissing ]

What's your problem?

White pig.

[ Hisses ]

Huh?

Well, you looking
for trouble?

Huh?

I may lay this
on you right now,

you termite.

[ Hissing ]

Don't hiss me.

I'll pull the cork
outta your head.

- Dog nose!
- Dog nose?

Oh, you got a little Crosby
blood in you, huh?

Well, I'll spill a little
for you right now.

Move.

Listen to the music.

I am listening.

Count.

One, two, three...

Move.

Breaking that face in
for Halloween?

Your mother was
a pig, too.

Well, I don't know
to hit...

[ grunts ]

Or try and get away.

Oh, you signed
your death certificate.

Oh! Ooh!

Hey, you bent
my cigarette case.

Why, you!

She leave a call?

Thank you.

Have that pressed for me.

Yes, sir.

I'm cutting in,
Maginski.

This way, baby.

One more drink,
and we'll waltz home.

Through the streets.

Hey, we'd like something
with a kick in it.

Hmm?

Not for me, please.

When I'm so happy,
I'm not very thirsty.

Get your wrap.
We're going home.

- Right away.
- Right away.

She's going for her wrap
in a minute.

Notify Maria
in the powder room

to pass her through the little
window into the alleyway

with her mouth taped.

Get the car into the alleyway
with the engine running.

quickly.

I want to leave.

I don't want to speak
to him again.

You may have misheard,
Connie.

No. He's a bankrupt
and a bore.

And loves another.

Do you mind if we finish
our drinks?

[ Screams ]

Ah, let me go!

Stop!

Aaaah! Aah!

Let me go!

[ Screams ]

[ Engine revs ]

Your drink, sir.

I certainly earned this.

Igor, my car.

I'm ready.

Lovely, soft eyes.

Iron Law.

Big blue hands.

[ Gibberish ]

Tell the truth
in the wheat fields.

My baby smiles at me.

It's Fourth of July!
Boom!

Red square.

Despair of the West,
that's me.

Sir, what if the coachman
is left-handed?

[ Groaning ]

Chuck, sit up.

Please.

Be a good boy and sit up.

Lagoon!

I'm only doing what I would
expect you to do for me.

No, not that.

Oh.

Please.

Please, Chuck.

Wait a moment.

Ah, progress.

Progress.

There we go.

Watch it here.

Oh.

[ Groaning ]

Oh, now
in the bed.

Taking the tie off.

Ah.

I have had a nice evening.

[ laughs ]

There you are.

There you go.

Nice teddy bear.

[ laughs ]

Vinka, baby.

I've had a nice evening.

When we were dancing,

I felt I have known you very long.

And I was happy
in a personal way.

I've never felt happiness
in a personal way before.

[ Groans ]

Yes.

I have had bad thoughts, too.

But with so much vodka,
it is very easy.

I have even thought
that some day

we would go and live

in Indianapolis, Indiana.

I love that word.

Indianapolis, Indiana.

I've always wanted to believe

that one day

I would find a man

in whom I could trust

with all my--

Mmmm.

Oh, Vinka.

Mmmm.

Dear Lord Warburton-Watts,

I offer you here
with my sincere apologizes

for any inconvenience suffered

by your beautiful daughter
Constance,

owing to an unavoidable
tactical error

on the part of one of my staff.

I am returning her
with special escort,

and hope that the friendship

between our two great nations
has not --

She has escaped!

Don't bother me.
I'm returning her.

No, no, no, no.
The other one.

Kovelenko from the hotel.
- You were there?

Guarding every point
except the fire escape.

Fools!

We had no instructions
regarding the fire escape.

- Imbeciles!
- We have alerted all contacts.

Go at once to the hotel
and collect all her belongings.

- Yes, Colonel.
- Alert Group 11.

- The full group?
- The full group.

Captain Kovelenko must
be found and silenced.

Thank you.

Straight from my dining suit
into my working suit.

I have not been to bed.

[ Doorbell rings ]

What do you want?

Um, I would like
to see Colonel Sklarnoff,

head of the MVD.

Impossible.

And I have not had breakfast.

Oh!

It is the same one again.

You have to have
an appointment.

What is this?

Vinka Kovelenko,
we have arrested her.

Why do you not say
who you are?

Everybody upstairs!

I will announce you.

[ Yells in Russian ]

Mush!

[ Drum roll ]

The MVD special court
is in session.

Dr. Dubratz,
consult with your client.

As your counsel,
I would suggest our best course

is full and open confession
to the court.

Of what?

Your treason.

I have no treason
to confess.

If you wish, I will enter
a plea of insanity.

It may save your life.

I am not insane.

That is a very broad statement.

Enough of this consultation.

What is the prisoner's plea?
- Not guilty.

My client pleads votre contendere
pro persona en patriarch.

- What is that?
- You're not guilty.

Prisoner may step forward.

You are Vinka Kovelenko
of the Soviet Air Force?

Correct.

When did you first decide
to betray the Communist Party?

Since I joined the Communist
Party at the age of 11,

I've never had an anti-communist
thought in my head.

Last Wednesday, the prisoner
deserted the Soviet Air Forces,

stole a Soviet plane,

and escaped
to the American zone

to meet her American lover.

True, or untrue?

Not true.

I ask permission
for my client to elucidate.

Granted.

The reference to my American lover

is false.

I have no American lover.

You do not know
an American officer

named Captain Charles Lockwood?

I know him, and I despise him.

You were locked in his arms
dancing

for three hours last night

and swooning on his shoulder.

True or not true?

I despise him.

That's enough, Kovelenko.

If it please the court,
my client is not yet finished.

I assure you,
your client is finished.

The court has incontrovertible
evidence of her treason.

This man, Captain Lockwood --

quiet!

If you please,
she is bearing her soul.

I hold in my hand a check

taken from
Vinka Kovelenko's wallet.

It is made out in her name.

It is for $100,000

and signed by an American
army officer named John Smith.

There is also a photograph of her

with her American lover.

$100,000.

It is a worthless piece of paper.

I was keeping it as a souvenir.

It is the price
of your treason to the Soviets.

That is a lie.

In return for this money,

you are going on a speaking tour
of the Western world,

telling lies about your own country.

That is a preposterous statement!

Perhaps you may consider
my next statement

less preposterous.

As the presiding judges
of the special MVD court,

we find the prisoner
guilty of treason

to the Soviet Union.

And sentence her to death --

this sentence to be carried out in Moscow,

within the next 24 hours.

We have lost.

The prisoner will be
permitted to make a statement.

I have only this statement to make.

If this is Soviet justice,

I am silent.

Incompetence!
Captain Lockwood!

- You're a little early, fellas.
- You gimlet brain.

- I was slugged.
- Slugged?

We have just been informed

that Vinka Kovelenko
was arrested early this morning

by the Soviet Secret Police

and tried for treason
by a military court.

And what was
the verdict?

She was found guilty, sir.

- But that's a death penalty.
- We're sunk.

And it's all my fault.

The State Department's gonna
hold me responsible for this fiasco.

Who cares about
the State Department.

I did it.
I killed her.

I'm a murderer.

I've sent an innocent
human being to her death.

Sir, my political career
is hanging by a thread.

Oh, go--

TARBELL:
Look, we've all got to take our medicine, Senator.

We didn't stand
a chance, Colonel.

They had Vinka covered
the minute she hit London.

One of the judges
of the court martial

had the suite next to hers --

Major Ivan Kropotkin.

45 cents out of every tax dollar

paid by the people of Alabama

goes to the maintenance
of our armed forces,

and this, sir, is the sort of
bungling we get for our money.

TARBELL:
Is this guy Kropotkin still in his room?

LEWIS:
They told me downstairs he just came in.

Kropotkin --

Look, be quiet for once, Senator.

Ooh.

Now, we may be able
to get a line on Vinka

if we play
our cards right.

Come on.

Psst.

Major Ivan Kropotkin?
- Yes.

Captain Lockwood,
U.S. Air Force.

May I come in?
- I am leaving now.

Just give me five minutes.

That's all I ask,
just five minutes.

I can prove Vinka Kovelenko
is innocent.

It is too late.

You sentenced her to death?

[ Muffled voices ]

Hey, wait a minute.

This is a trick
I learned in high school.

Listen through those.

LOCKWOOD:
Why did you do it, Comrade?

- Hey, it still works.
- She wasn't guilty of anything.

She was working for you
all the time.

- For us?
- Yes, undercover.

Converting me to communism.

That's why she came
to London --

to convert me.

We told my lousy capitalistic
colonel a pack of lies.

You have betrayed
your colonel --

Betrayed him?
Made a monkey out of him.

And the State Department, too.

That's all she's guilty of,
converting me to communism.

Yes, and she reformed me.

She made me see
the truth about communism.

Ah, the 100 lies of capitalism.

I know them by heart.

One American child out of three
has no father.

It's awful.

Even McCarthy wouldn't believe this.

I am always pleased
to meet a fellow traveler.

Yes, but I'm not
a fellow traveler.

I'm a Red, 100%.
And she did it.

Comrade, you have
made me very happy!

You will be a monument
to her memory.

You will take Vinka's place
in the fight for communism.

- Goodbye.
- Goodby-- Wait a minute!

Vinka.

You're gonna give her a retrial?

No, Comrade.

Nothing can change Soviet justice.

Vinka will be taken
from the trade mission

to the airport this morning

and returned to Moscow

for the triumph of justice.

Yeah, but wait a minute!

Okay, Lockwood,
stay right where you are!

- Yeah, but I gotta talk to him!
- You're under arrest!

Oh, you're kidding.

Hey!

Lockwood!

Hey!

Oh, Captain Charles Lockwood,

liaison officer, U.S. Air Force
to see Colonel Sklarnoff.

You have an appointment?

Just tell Colonel Sklarnoff

that Captain Lockwood
is here to see him.

No appointment,
outside please.

- Now, one moment, madam.
- Outside.

Just a minute, I demand to see
your superior officers at once.

Not allowed.

Now you're not gonna
stop me, I'll tell--

All right, what kind of --
just a minute.

I don't wanna
hurt you, madam.

Whoops.

This will be
a lesson to you.

Where is the referee?

Colonel!

Colonel Sklarnoff!

You know this man,
Maria?

- No.
- Captain Lockwood.

Captain in the Air Force.
Charles Lockwood.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Maria, allow the gentleman
to his feet.

Time.

You wouldn't do this
if I was wearing glasses.

Can I do something
for you, Captain?

I wanna see
Colonel Sklarnoff.

This way,
if you please.

And I want
a return match.

Please to sit down,
Captain.

Thank you.

♪♪

Oh.
Colonel Sklarnoff?

I'm here on behalf
of the United States Air Force.

I have a message for him.

Colonel Sklarnoff?

I'm with U.S. Air Force
headquarters Washington, D.C.,

and I'm on a very important
mission here.

Colonel Sklarnoff?

I'd like to see him
because otherwise it will be

a terrible strain on
the international situation.

And that's the man,
Colonel Sklarnoff.

I am Colonel Sklarnoff.

Oh, hi Colonel.

I'd like to talk to you.

If we could --
could we go somewhere alone.

They will not listen.

You may proceed.
We are alone.

They're not listening?

No.

Ah, thanks, because this
is confidential,

and I wouldn't want...

Anyway, here's
the official picture.

You see, I've been
officially delegated

by my commanding officer
Colonel Tarbell

to request
the immediate return

of our prisoner
Captain Vinka Kovelenko,

who was forcibly taken
from American custody.

Captain Kovelenko,
you may not know,

has violated American
territorial boundaries.

That's Kovelenko, Vinka,
arrested May the 2nd

by Captain Lockwood, Charles

violation chapter four
clause three.

I do hereby pledge --

Special broadcast by American
military headquarters, Colonel.

Turn it on.

Colonel, on behalf
of the United States Air Force

and my commanding officer,
Colonel Newton Tarbell--

MAN ON RADIO:
This is Colonel Newton Tarbell,

commanding officer,
United States Air Force.

We request your help
in the apprehension

of an escaped prisoner.

Ha.

An officer by the name
of Captain Charles Lockwood.

He is 5'11" tall,
brown hair,

weighs 180 pounds.

The man is desperate,
and he has an upturned nose.

Turn it off.

Get me Colonel Tarbell
on the telephone.

Look, there's not a word
of truth in that statement.

It's pure libel.

Captain Lockwood, your stupidity
is only exceeded

by that of your paramour,
Kovelenko,

who is being taken to Moscow
to be shot as a traitor.

- No, that's --
- DUBRATZ: Excuse, please.

Colonel Tarbell
on the telephone.

- I'll talk to him.
- Hold him.

I thought you weren't
listening.

Colonel Tarbell?
Colonel Sklarnoff.

We have here in custody,
Captain Charles Lockwood

at the Russian Trade Delegation.

What disposal do you wish
made of him?

Look, I'm not important.
Vinka's the important one.

That's what I wanna talk
to you about.

Newt.

Very good.
It will be done.

Take this American dog
to the downstairs waiting room.

Hold him there until
the American police arrive.

Bring in the other
prisoner.

Just give me three minutes?
I'll prove Vinka's innocent.

She's absolutely crazy red.

You have your orders.

Give me just a little --
oh, don't give me that.

I'll take this
higher up.

I'll take this
to the United Nations.

There must be some sane
country in this world.

You can't -- wait 'til
I get you guys outside.

Our plane has arrived
at the airport.

[ Commanding in Russian ]

Take her to the car.

I would like permission,
Colonel Sklarnoff,

to wear my hat
through the streets.

Of course, you may
wear your hat.

You're still on foreign soil.

- Thank you.
- We leave in 10 minutes.

[ Commanding in Russian ]

Nice waiting room,
no magazines.

You are American officer.

Captain.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Burton's.

How are things
in the American army?

Charles Lockwood,
Captain in the Air Force,

serial number 46712
something, something.

Colonel, how long an obituary
do you wish to release

on Vinka Kovelenko?

Not too long.

Do you object to calling her

"the Soviet princess
of the skies"?

Princess is not a nice word.

Of course.

Forgive me.

Of course, it's pretty hard
to get into the American army

unless you know
somebody high up,

but I can fix it for you.

- Free?
- Won't cost you a cent.

There happens to be a couple of
openings right at the moment.

I have a cousin
in the Brooklyn army.

No.
One of our crack regiments.

Yael Paskinovski.

- No Al Paski.
- You know him?

One of our most popular
officers at Ebbets Field.

He is officer?
He wrote he was private.

- How long ago was it?
- Two months.

Well, it takes about two months
to become a captain,

four months a colonel.

After that, you slow down
a bit, you know, politics.

We have in Russia, also.

- No.
- Mm-hmm.

How much pay a soldier get?

To start with?

$100 a week
for a beginner.

American dollars?

That's the only kind
we use.

After a month,
50 more.

But look,
we're wasting time.

If you fellas are
sincere about joining up --

- We are sincere.
- We are sincere.

Well, I'll put you in
right away.

You can do?

Yes, I'm military induction
officer for our London offices.

That's how I got
into this little trouble.

They accuse me of accepting
a $5000 bribe

from a guy in Poughkeepsie
that wanted to join up.

But I'll prove my innocence
as soon as I get out.

Attention!

Do you solemnly swear
to abide by the regulations

the army of the United States,

and serve it
in peace and in war?

We do not like
to fight Russia.

Well, maybe that won't
be necessary.

I'll put in a clause.

We swear.

We swear.

Promise to obey the commands
of your superior officers

without questions
at all times?

BOTH:
We promise.

I know pronounce you
soldiers first class of the USA.

That's good.

Wait until my cousin
in Brooklyn hears.

Attention!

The key.

About face!

Spread.

Forward march!

Colonel Sklarnoff and party.

We are expected.

Very good, sir.
Gate nine.

Wait here.
Don't move. Say nothing.

I'll be back with a couple
of American uniforms.

You don't object
to cashmere, do you?

- We appreciate.
- Thank you.

Brooklyn.

How do you do?
I'm with the Russian party.

- Your name, sir?
- Sir Neville Crinklewood.

Diplomatic attaché
to the Russian delegation,

full plenipotentiary powers.

Secret papers. Ah, no peeking.
- Very good, sir.

The foreign office
will pick up the car.

Lord Throckmart -- tall man,
red hair, very reserved.

Wears a frosted monocle.

- Very good, sir. Gate nine.
- Thank you.

I do hope the aircraft's
on schedule.

Otherwise I shall be
in a tizz.

Osip Ganovich! No.

quiet.

I demand my rights
as a Soviet officer.

What rights?

I was sentenced
to be executed in Moscow

by a military firing squad,

not in midair
by a bungling pilot.

I do not demean myself replying
to an enemy of the people.

What?
- quiet.

We are still on foreign soil.
We'll take off immediately.

GANOVICH:
I must clear my flight papers, Colonel.

- Send your co-pilot.
- There is no co-pilot.

I will return immediately.

Oh, uh, pardon me.

May I be of any help to you?

Where do I go to clear
my flight papers, please?

Your papers?
May I see them?

Oh, yes.

Well, you see that building
just past that bus?

Well, you go down there,
you walk in the hall

right down to your right
'til you get to your left there,

and there's a door marked
"main entrance navigators."

It's abbreviated,
of course, "MEN,"

and there, you'll have
your papers cleared.

Oh, it's a good thing
I looked here.

Your vaccination's expired.

Yes, you'd better stop
in the clinic and see Dr. Cringe.

Cringe?

You have a long flight ahead,
so get it in the arm.

Let me show you.

Straight down the road,
beyond the bus,

up the hall,
"m-e-n."

Ta ta.
- Thank you.

Ta ta.

What is the matter
with this aircraft?

Osip Fyodor Ganovich!

I do not think that there is
any real danger.

Permit me.

Dr. Dubratz, be so good
as to inquire of your client

if she would care
to take over

the piloting
of this aircraft?

Colonel Sklarnoff
wishes to know

if you would do us the honor
of becoming our pilot?

Yes, I am willing
to delay my liquidation

until we reach Moscow.

She agrees.

Major Kropotkin.

Yes, sir.

Notify Major Ganovich that he is now
the co-pilot of this aircraft.

Yes, sir.

And also the guard
for the prisoner Kovelenko.

Yes, sir.

Excuse me, Major Ganovich.

You will give the controls
to Captain Kovelenko,

by order of
Colonel Sklarnoff.

You are also responsible
for guarding the prisoner.

Move over, Ganovich.

Vinka, I wish
to express to you

my deep sorrow
and full admiration.

Thank you for the expression.

It was a bad day
for the Soviet Air Force

when Osip Fyodor Ganovich was born.

That's enough, Ganovich.

Why so high res?

No use checking, baby.

Everything is in the wrong place.

- Aah!
- Shh.

Nothing to worry about.
We land this crate in Berlin --

Major Ganovich, I do not
understand your behavior,

kissing an enemy of the people.

[ Unintelligible mumbling ]

He is drunk, Colonel Sklarnoff.

Major Ganovich, I'm waiting
for your explanation.

[ Indistinct mumbling ]

He is practically blind,
Colonel Sklarnoff.

- As I suspected.
- Now, Colonel, let me explain.

quiet!

You will fly to Moscow.

If you attempt any tricks,

your paramour will be
instantly liquidated.

Come.

You got a lot to learn
about being a host.

Kidnapper, saboteur,
fascist hyena, spy.

Keep going.
I'm in there some place.

Murderer Major Ganovich.

Me, murder?

You been reading too many
Mickey Spillane books.

Notify the Kremlin at once

that we have captured
an American terrorist

and foiled a mass assassination.

Explain also this is
Vinka Kovelenko's co-conspirator

in London.

It is a propaganda triumph --
a double execution.

Executions are
your national sport.

You oughta try baseball.

It's more fun
and the players last longer.

quiet!

You communists have
quite an agricultural plan,

but you're not gonna plant me.

I'm an American citizen and a soldier.

You don't get this stuff
for being a coward, you know.

And you--

That's quick service.

Don't worry.

They cannot change our hearts.

No, just fill them
full of bullet holes, that's all.

Don't be frightened, baby.

Who's frightened?

I always like to walk with you, baby.

Thank you.

This will not be a long walk.

Let's slow down.

Maybe if we're late,
they'll start without us.

Put your arm
around me, please.

[ Commanding in Russian ]

Vladimir Sklarnoff?

Correct.

- Anton Dubratz?
- Correct.

You are under arrest.

SKLARNOFF:
A mistake. These are the prisoners.

It's no mistake.

What is the charge?

Conduct reflecting on
the peace-loving Soviet Union.

Is this Moscow?

DUBRATZ:
I don't understand.

You can take notes at the trial.

Forward march!

Last week, disobey government.

Send one of its most popular heroines

Captain Vinka Kovelenko to London,

to assist in cementing the relations

between the East and the West.

Tonight, Captain Kovelenko
returns in triumph

with her imperialistic
American fiancé,

Captain Charles Lockwood.

[ Speaking foreign languages ]

What happened?

The political climate has changed.

Let's take advantage of the weather
and get out of here.

Halt! Halt.

Captain Kovelenko
and Captain Lockwood.

Welcome to Moscow.

The new era between
imperialistic West

and the freedom-loving Soviets

is symbolized by this happy union.

Wait a minute, are you
trying to marry us?

- He means yes.
- Yes, very good.

The USSR and USA
will appoint a joint committee

to supervise the honeymoon.

Oh, no, there's some things
a fella can handle by himself.

And the magnificent wedding
will be held

here in Moscow.

We would like to have
a conference.

It is too dangerous.
- Marriage?

No, Moscow.

We are going to live
in Indianapolis, Indiana.

We'll make both countries
very happy.

We'll have a simple ceremony
in America,

then we'll come back here
for the golden wedding.

Very well.

We start making plans at once.

LOCKWOOD:
Yeah, do that.

Hello, Ma.

It was a tough fight,
but we'll be right home.

You doll.
KROPOTKIN: Vinka!

- What?
- A wedding present!

The check for $100,000.
Exhibit A.

I have everything I want!

Throw it away!

I'll keep it as a souvenir.