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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:04,495 - So Aristotle was Plato's student. 2 00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:08,265 And Aristotle believes that your character is voluntary, 3 00:00:08,275 --> 00:00:11,475 because it's just the result of your actions, 4 00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:15,709 which are under your control. 5 00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:17,576 For example, right now, 6 00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:21,145 you have made the insane choice to ignore the person 7 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:24,215 who is literally trying to save you from eternal damnation. 8 00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,655 - No, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm listening. 9 00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,389 Uh, I just... 10 00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:29,725 are we sure we should be paying attention to these guys? 11 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:34,270 It's like, who died and left Aristotle in charge of ethics? 12 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:35,268 - Plato. 13 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,539 [knock at door] 14 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,167 - Uh, coming! 15 00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:40,542 Uh, we're just...kissing. 16 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,471 And groping? 17 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:43,506 - [mouths] What? 18 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,310 - Hello. 19 00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:49,345 - Tahani. 20 00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:51,150 Hi. What brings you here? 21 00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:54,422 - You know, I was just, uh, in the neighborhood. 22 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:55,752 [giggles] Do you get it, Eleanor? 23 00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,786 Because, you know, we're all in the same afterlife, 24 00:00:57,792 --> 00:00:59,632 so, you know, I'm always in the neighborhood. 25 00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:00,757 Do you get it? 26 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:03,331 - And I do, and it's delightful. 27 00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:06,100 - Anyway, this is for you. 28 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:07,470 Just a housewarming plant. 29 00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,568 It's a little reminder that if there's ever anything 30 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,540 that you need, I am right next door. 31 00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:13,109 - How could I possibly forget? 32 00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:14,707 Have a great day, Tahani! 33 00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:17,178 - Oh, all right. 34 00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:18,178 [door slams] 35 00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:20,549 - Ugh. Tahani. 36 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,448 [British accent] Welcome to the neighborhood. 37 00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,720 Even though we all arrived here at the same time, 38 00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:29,188 here's some dirt I put in a bowl because I'm amazing. 39 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,660 - I thought it was kind of a nice gesture. 40 00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:33,489 - Oh, Chidi. 41 00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:36,334 It's a total con. I see through her little act. 42 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:40,470 - Her act of being a nice person who brings you gifts? 43 00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:41,728 - Bingo. - Okay. 44 00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,735 I'll--I'll remind you that you're trying to learn 45 00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:45,867 how to be a good person. 46 00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:48,173 Maybe you should return the favor 47 00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:49,435 and bring her something. 48 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:53,483 - Oh, so now I'm supposed to be nice and make friends 49 00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:55,111 and treat her with mutual respect? 50 00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,516 - Yeah. 51 00:01:56,517 --> 00:02:01,417 - That exactly what she wants me to do, Chidi, wake up! 52 00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:04,622 - That--that's what everyone wants everyone to do. 53 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:12,902 - Hello, Chidi. 54 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,170 No frozen yogurt for you this morning? 55 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:17,269 - Oh, uh, no, just, uh, doing some reading. 56 00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,501 - Ugh, been there, brother. 57 00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:21,236 Workin' hard or hardly workin', am I right? 58 00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,312 Hump day. 59 00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:23,839 - Uh, sorry. 60 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,744 Janet's functioning as my assistant, 61 00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,846 but she's a little stiff, so I've been trying to get her 62 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:30,518 to be a little more casual and conversational. 63 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,618 - I'll have what she's having. 64 00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:34,250 - It's a work in progress. 65 00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,155 Listen, Chidi. 66 00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,717 I've been studying your file. 67 00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,585 You're a very interesting case. 68 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:42,533 You essentially only did one thing while you were on earth. 69 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,600 You thought and wrote about ethics. 70 00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:48,298 - Yes, I spent 18 years working on my manuscript 71 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:51,302 called "Who We Are and Who We Are Not--colon-- 72 00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:52,935 "Practical Ethics and Their Application 73 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,570 in the Modern World-- semi-colon--a Treatise--" 74 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:56,806 - Yes, yes, yes, that's the one. 75 00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:57,940 That's the one. 76 00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:00,805 I think you should experience new adventures. 77 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:03,824 You know, do things that you haven't done on earth, right? 78 00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,817 So why don't we meet tomorrow 79 00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:07,549 and try out some new hobbies. 80 00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,555 - Uh, why not? 81 00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,187 I'll--I'll see you guys tomorrow. 82 00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:13,862 - Not if I see you first. Where's the beef? 83 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:14,931 - [chuckles] 84 00:03:14,929 --> 00:03:16,599 I don't know. - Hump day. 85 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,431 [knocking] 86 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,373 - Hello, Eleanor. 87 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:24,298 Jianyu, darling, look, it's Eleanor from next door. 88 00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:25,935 - Is he asleep? 89 00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:27,970 - Yeah, there's really no way to tell. 90 00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:29,535 Come on in. 91 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,413 What brings you to our home, my dear? 92 00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:34,452 - Well, I'm simply repaying your kind gift 93 00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,578 with a housewarming gift of my own. 94 00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,324 Fresh pears. 95 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:39,849 It's a plant, just like your gift, 96 00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:41,593 but you can actually eat them. 97 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,459 So maybe it's a better gift. 98 00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:46,387 Who's to say? - That's so kind. 99 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,733 However, in, um, Chinese culture, 100 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,259 pears are actually a symbol of bad luck. 101 00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:52,234 And--and I wouldn't want to offend Jianyu, 102 00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:53,403 so I'm afraid I'm gonna have to 103 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,470 throw these in the garbage. 104 00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:57,398 But do come and sit down. 105 00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,705 We haven't even had a chance 106 00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,807 to discuss all of the mayhem in our neighborhood yet. 107 00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:04,009 It's so disconcerting. - Yes. 108 00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,681 What do you think is causing it? 109 00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:06,909 - Oh, I'm sure I don't know. 110 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,714 But we must keep our heads up. 111 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:11,016 In fact, tomorrow I'm actually going door-to-door 112 00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:12,678 to make sure that every single person 113 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:15,016 in this entire neighborhood is keeping calm 114 00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,592 and carrying on. 115 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,660 'Cause I think that helping others will make me feel like 116 00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:21,689 I truly belong here, you know? 117 00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:27,896 - Here's a brainstorm, why don't I go with you? 118 00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:31,271 I mean, I would love to do my part to help the neighborhood, 119 00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:33,912 not to mention, get a little bonding time with you, lady. 120 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:36,307 - Oh, hurrah! 121 00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:37,380 Such fun. 122 00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:40,848 - I'm telling you, Tahani's out to get me. 123 00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:43,418 - What are you talking about? 124 00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:47,647 - This note was slipped under my door yesterday. 125 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,385 It has to be Tahani. 126 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:52,720 She just said to me, "I want to feel like I truly belong here." 127 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,056 Well, where have I seen the word "belong" recently? 128 00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,732 Oh yeah, kaplow! 129 00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,900 - I really don't think she's the type of person 130 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,369 who would write this. 131 00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:02,797 - She is that kind of person and she did write it. 132 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:06,373 She wants everybody to think she's such a perfect princess 133 00:05:06,373 --> 00:05:08,873 just 'cause she's tall and glamorous and has 134 00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:11,676 cappuccino skin and curves everywhere-- 135 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,649 and now I'm complimenting her. 136 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,907 And kind of turned on. 137 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:17,745 The point is, she straight up sucks, bro. 138 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,851 [chiming] 139 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:23,323 - Whoa. - Typical Tahani. 140 00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:25,564 Brings us a faulty plant so she can brag about 141 00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:26,689 being a better gardener. 142 00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:30,034 - No, I think this is another way in which 143 00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,560 your negative actions affect this world. 144 00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:35,696 This plant represents your relationship to Tahani, 145 00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:39,603 so when you're mean to her, it starts to wilt. 146 00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:41,066 - Well, then this plant is doomed, 147 00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:43,775 because tomorrow, I'm going with her and I'm gonna prove to you 148 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:47,107 and to everyone that she is secretly a two-faced, 149 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,414 calculating, phony bench. 150 00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:50,446 [weeping] 151 00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,121 Hmm. Yeah. 152 00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,589 Truth hurts, doesn't it, plant? 153 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:56,736 . 154 00:05:56,740 --> 00:05:57,820 - So all I want to do is just check in, 155 00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,555 see how everyone's holding up. 156 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,630 Just bring some cheer to these extraordinary people. 157 00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:03,098 - Cool. 158 00:06:03,097 --> 00:06:05,557 So tell me about yourself. 159 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,426 I mean, I want to hear it all, girlfriend. 160 00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,944 The good, the bad, the really bad, 161 00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:13,467 the embarrassing, the humiliating, just--let's bond! 162 00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:15,944 - Okay, well I was born in Pakistan, 163 00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:18,443 raised in London, schooled in Paris, but I think 164 00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:20,445 the primary reason that I'm in the Good Place is that 165 00:06:20,447 --> 00:06:22,607 I raised quite a lot of money for non-profit groups. 166 00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:23,976 - Oh. 167 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:27,054 Did you ever, uh, skim a little off the top for yourself? 168 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,954 - Gracious, no, no! 169 00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,986 Every penny was accounted for. 170 00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,991 And as I raised nearly $60 billion, 171 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,163 there was quite a lot of pennies. 172 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,561 - [chuckles] 173 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,402 - But I also dabbled in some other professions. 174 00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:39,868 I was a model, a museum curator, 175 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:41,597 an "It Girl," and... 176 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,572 oh, I was Baz Luhrmann's muse for a while. 177 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:44,600 That was quite fun. 178 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,935 - Modeling? That's a crazy life. 179 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,510 Want to tell me about that rock bottom you probably hit? 180 00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:50,880 - Oh, I didn't really do it for long. 181 00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,478 Couture just doesn't fit my body. 182 00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:54,049 I'm cursed with ample bosom. 183 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,547 - And yet you soldier on. 184 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:56,749 - Oh, this is silly-- 185 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,650 so "Tahani" means "congratulations" in Arabic. 186 00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:01,493 And "Al-Jamil" means "beautiful," 187 00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:02,888 so my full name altogether means-- 188 00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,160 - "Congratulations, Beautiful." 189 00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:06,118 - Thanks, Eleanor. You big flirt. 190 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,156 [giggles] 191 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:12,160 - Hey, babe, got you coffee. 192 00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:13,596 - Oh, great. 193 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,430 Oh, Andy's Coffee, uh, we shouldn't go there. 194 00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:16,866 Everybody's boycotting. 195 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,140 - Yeah, I know that one guy found a scorpion in his latte. 196 00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:21,509 I don't really care, though, 'cause it's so close to here. 197 00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,738 - No, no, no, it's because he's sexually harassing people. 198 00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:26,044 Look, a journalist went undercover for an interview 199 00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,106 and recorded him. 200 00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:28,814 Here, watch. 201 00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,216 - Here's the thing, sweetheart. 202 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,447 You're very qualified, but you're also what we call 203 00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:34,853 in the coffee shop game a, uh, "dog-face." 204 00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:37,055 You're a three, and you have to be a nine to work here. 205 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,557 It's just math. 206 00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:39,959 - So I didn't get the job? 207 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,160 - [chuckles] 208 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:44,601 No, dog-face, you didn't get the job. 209 00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:47,768 All right, I'll check your references. 210 00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,468 Just to be nice-- - Hey, my breasts! 211 00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,940 - I'll check 'em. Oh, they're good. Honk! 212 00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:54,209 - I mean, this guy's a monster, we can't support this guy. 213 00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:56,558 - Okay, hey, you're not better than me 214 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,909 just 'cause you won't support a guy who grabbed a boob once. 215 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,112 - No, I'm just saying we shouldn't go there. 216 00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:02,684 We can get coffee somewhere else. 217 00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,553 - Did you know your left reference is a little bit 218 00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:06,021 bigger than your right reference? 219 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:08,049 It's not a bad thing, it's just--it's a thing. 220 00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:11,793 - This is the perfect hobby for you, Chidi. 221 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:12,922 Cartography. 222 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:14,856 Your neighborhood stretches way beyond 223 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:15,962 what you've already seen. 224 00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:18,933 And you can map it, 225 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:20,702 revealing all of the mysteries, 226 00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,531 like an explorer. 227 00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:24,536 - I see how that might be fun. 228 00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:26,708 Uh, but, uh, exploring makes me nervous. 229 00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:29,637 I have what doctor's call "directional insanity." 230 00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,843 I once got lost on an escalator. 231 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,705 So not exactly Christopher Columbus. 232 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,954 - Fun fact: Columbus is in the Bad Place 233 00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:39,249 because of all the raping, slave trade, and genocide. 234 00:08:39,253 --> 00:08:41,123 - The fact that it makes you nervous 235 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,091 is exactly why you should do it. 236 00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:44,720 You know, get out of your comfort zone. 237 00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,185 Become a trail-blazer. 238 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,893 - Fun fact: all deceased members of the Portland Trail Blazers 239 00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:51,826 basketball team are also in the Bad Place. 240 00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:53,202 [giggles] 241 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,570 - Yeah, sorry about this. 242 00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,798 I steered her away from colloquialisms 243 00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:59,773 and into "fun facts" and trivia tidbits. 244 00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:01,773 I thought it'd be more in her wheelhouse. 245 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,305 - Fun fact: a "wheelhouse" is a part of a boat. 246 00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,911 - Okay, thank you, Janet, thank you. 247 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,613 - Fun fact: Janet is me. 248 00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:09,714 - All right, let's forget about exploring. 249 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,316 Plenty more ideas for hobbies. 250 00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:14,548 Let's walk back to town, shall we? 251 00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:18,087 Wrong way. - Yep. 252 00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:22,063 - Well, Glenn, we just wanted to make sure you were all right. 253 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,902 - Tahani, you're too sweet. 254 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,657 Isn't she just the nicest person? 255 00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:26,726 - Mm-hmm. 256 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,573 That is what a lot of people are saying. 257 00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,069 - Oh, everyone I know is saying that. 258 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,170 - Yeah, it's just a big neighborhood 259 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,912 full of enormous mansions and people who love Tahani! 260 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,738 [both laughing] 261 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,684 - Eleanor and I just want to see if there's anything 262 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:40,780 we can do to help you. 263 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,651 - Oh, Tahani, you are so thoughtful. 264 00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:44,319 Despite all the chaos earlier, 265 00:09:44,318 --> 00:09:46,048 we simply couldn't be happier. 266 00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,993 - Oh, I'm so glad to hear it, Cualli. 267 00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,648 Please take a maple butter scone. 268 00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:50,916 I made them fresh this morning. 269 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,964 - Oh, they look a bit burned. 270 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,226 But they're not. 271 00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,900 Hmm. Oh, fork, that's good. 272 00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:02,066 - Extra, extra! 273 00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:04,239 Read all about you. 274 00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:07,137 Chidi, this is the perfect hobby for you. 275 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,240 Journalism. 276 00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:11,211 - Well, obviously, I like to write. 277 00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,351 But I don't love deadlines. 278 00:10:13,347 --> 00:10:15,077 I prefer to take my time with things. 279 00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:16,212 - Yes, I know. 280 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,676 Uh, you never even named your dog, did you? 281 00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:21,215 When it ran away, you posted signs saying, 282 00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,361 "responds to long pauses." 283 00:10:23,357 --> 00:10:26,957 Look, Chidi, I'm just trying to find you a hobby-- 284 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,360 the hat--that will bring you a positive experience. 285 00:10:30,364 --> 00:10:31,864 What do you say? 286 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,965 - I'm loving that hat on you. 287 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,867 It would look even better on my floor. 288 00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:37,739 - What is happening now? 289 00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:40,768 - I suggested she be friendlier; she seems to have 290 00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,774 slipped right into overt sexuality. 291 00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:44,836 - I got something you can slip into. 292 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:47,175 - Oh-- - Janet, no! 293 00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,210 No, Janet. 294 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:53,420 - Oh, Jianyu, darling, would you like some tea? 295 00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,121 - That nod meant no, apparently. 296 00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:57,963 - Well, it was nice to get out and meet all of 297 00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,018 our wonderful neighbors. 298 00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:01,826 They all truly belong here. 299 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,058 - Oh, yes they do, cutie-pants. 300 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:05,264 Boop! 301 00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,025 Well, I should really be going. I have to begin 302 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,734 my 12 step Korean skincare regiment, 303 00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:10,735 but, uh, I'll see-- oh, no, no, no. 304 00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:12,697 Please stay and enjoy the evening tea. 305 00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,906 I'll see you soon. 306 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,038 Boop! 307 00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:33,194 - "The Diary of Tahani Al-Jamil." 308 00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:37,028 - Okay. Arc welding. 309 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,430 You could learn sculpture, you can make furniture, 310 00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:41,373 you can get your hands a little greasy, you know, 311 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,368 and you make things. 312 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,439 - This equipment is very scary! 313 00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:47,068 - Don't be a baby. It can't hurt you. 314 00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,174 Watch, I'll blowtorch your face off. 315 00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,076 - Janet. - Whatever. 316 00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,978 This whole thing is stupid. 317 00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,109 - Oh, brother. 318 00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:57,354 I told her to be less flirty and now she's 319 00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,280 cruel and distant, apparently. 320 00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:00,716 I just can't get this right. 321 00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:03,021 - Thank you for trying to find me a new hobby. 322 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:06,023 Um, but I just want to be an academic. 323 00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:09,856 I want to keep working on my manuscript. 324 00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:11,463 - Chidi, here's the thing-- 325 00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:15,965 see, I read your whole book, all 3,600 pages of it. 326 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,469 It's, um... 327 00:12:17,471 --> 00:12:18,771 how shall I put this? 328 00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,342 - It's a mess, dude. 329 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:23,010 - Hey! - She's right. 330 00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:25,779 You see, Chidi, I can read the entirety 331 00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,979 of the world's literature in about an hour. 332 00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:30,481 This took me two weeks to get through. 333 00:12:30,484 --> 00:12:33,084 I mean, it's so convoluted, I just kept reading 334 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:36,146 the same paragraph over and over again, trying to figure out 335 00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:37,356 what the heck you were saying. 336 00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,357 - Oh, no. 337 00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,358 - I mean, on page 1,000, 338 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,330 you start section two with the sentence, 339 00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:46,530 "Of course, the exact opposite might be true." 340 00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:49,073 You're a brilliant guy, Chidi. 341 00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:53,169 But you just kept revising and rewriting 342 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:54,943 and adding words to your title. 343 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:58,111 I think you just twisted yourself up into a knot. 344 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,151 - I have a very bad stomachache. 345 00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:02,278 - Hey, man. 346 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,452 [door closes] 347 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,781 What's wrong? 348 00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:07,246 - Am I a good teacher? 349 00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:09,524 Am I clear? Do I make sense? 350 00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:11,193 - Yeah, you're a great teacher. 351 00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,291 I'm super ethical now. 352 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,793 - What's that? - Hmm? 353 00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:17,825 Nah--don't worry about it. 354 00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:20,872 I stole Tahani's diary. 355 00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:23,397 So I could see if her handwriting matches the note 356 00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:26,443 and also read about all the mean and terrible things 357 00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:30,339 she's definitely done so I can prove she's actually evil. 358 00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:33,443 [fire crackling] 359 00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:36,046 Huh. 360 00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:37,819 What do you think that means? 361 00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:41,853 . 362 00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:43,254 - You stole Tahani's diary. 363 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:44,886 - I know I broke some ethical rule, 364 00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:45,961 but I had good reason. 365 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:48,189 - Eleanor, in order to be a good person, 366 00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:50,425 you have to do good things. 367 00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,460 And not stealing people's stuff, that is just 368 00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,425 a basic kindergarten rule. 369 00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:57,304 I mean, do I also have to tell you to not throw sand? 370 00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,244 - First of all, throwing sand is an excellent way 371 00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:00,239 to put out a vodka fire. 372 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,470 - Why would you even know that? 373 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,614 - Second of all, I know that it may not be nice, 374 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:08,280 but neither is pretending to be 100% perfect, like Tahani does. 375 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:11,081 She wrote that note. - No she didn't! 376 00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,024 You did! 377 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:16,089 I was hoping you would come to this conclusion on your own, 378 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:20,989 but, obviously, no one here would ever threaten you. 379 00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:24,434 That note is the Good Place manifesting your own guilt. 380 00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:27,331 Like with the plant, or when you literally made 381 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:31,204 giant shrimp fly through the air. 382 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,544 - I wrote myself the note. 383 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,270 And as it turns out, 384 00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,105 I do belong here. 385 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,910 Because I'm just as good as everyone else. 386 00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:39,942 - No, no, no. 387 00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:42,246 No, you don't belong here. 388 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:45,049 And in this place, everyone is better than you. 389 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,591 It has been proven by an infallible formula. 390 00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:50,457 Tahani might be a little British 391 00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:52,487 and condescending at times, 392 00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:56,902 but she devoted her entire life to helping other people. 393 00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,057 She's a good person. 394 00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,104 Accept that. 395 00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:03,065 - Hey, babe. 396 00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:05,599 Great news, I got us tickets to the Coyotes game. 397 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:08,435 - Awesome! - But, ooh, yikes. 398 00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:11,011 Turns out two of the players have DUIs. 399 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,911 Guess we can't cheer for that team. 400 00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:14,413 - Eleanor, I-- - You know what? 401 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,584 Instead, let's just stay in, 402 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:19,483 watch a Roman Polanski movie, listen to R. Kelly, 403 00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:21,046 and eat Chik-fil-A. 404 00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,554 Does that sound good? 405 00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,915 There's bad stuff everywhere, man. 406 00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:26,585 It's impossible to avoid. 407 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,633 - Yeah, but shouldn't we just try? 408 00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:31,128 Shouldn't we just try to do the right thing whenever we can? 409 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,701 - Why? It's so much harder to live like that. 410 00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,429 And it's not like someone's keeping score. 411 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,974 - [sighs] 412 00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:37,669 - Look, I know you're gonna break up with me, okay? 413 00:15:37,671 --> 00:15:38,701 I'm not an idiot. 414 00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,265 I read your emails to your dad. 415 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,643 Have fun being so amazing and perfect until you die. 416 00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,382 And by the way, I'm talking really fast 417 00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,007 because I still go to Andy's Coffee, 418 00:15:46,012 --> 00:15:47,652 and I got a full punch card, bro. 419 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:57,061 Good people make me insecure. 420 00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:59,657 When I'm around someone who I think is better than me, 421 00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:01,589 I try and drag them down to my level. 422 00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:05,234 That's why perfect Tahani is like my kryptonite. 423 00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:09,231 - Well, even admitting that is an important step. 424 00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:10,735 And also, maybe don't listen to me. 425 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,637 - I would love not to listen to you. 426 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,639 Wait, what? 427 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,140 - Basically, my life's work 428 00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,542 is 3,600 pages of garbage. 429 00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,546 Even Michael couldn't understand it. 430 00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:22,608 - So? 431 00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:24,715 What does Michael know? - Everything. 432 00:16:24,718 --> 00:16:26,378 That's my point-- he knows everything, 433 00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:28,686 and it was too convoluted, even for him. 434 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:31,058 - Michael does not know everything. 435 00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:34,287 Michael does not know I'm not supposed to be here. 436 00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:36,694 You wrote 4,000 pages on one of the most 437 00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:39,126 complicated subjects in the world. 438 00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,632 I mean I used to get bored halfway through 439 00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:42,433 writing a text message. 440 00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:45,465 Be proud. 441 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,378 - I want to broaden my horizons 442 00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:52,437 and try new things, and I will. 443 00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,645 But even though I might have gotten lost in the weeds, 444 00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:57,317 I loved writing this book. 445 00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,577 And I want to try again. 446 00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,416 So... 447 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:02,551 will you be my advisor? 448 00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:06,555 - Chidi, all I want is for you to be happy. 449 00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:09,659 So if spending eternity getting blunt feedback 450 00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:13,662 on your circular, rambling ideas will make you happy, 451 00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:16,326 then of course I will be your advisor. 452 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:19,366 Let's throw that monstrosity in the trash and start over. 453 00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:23,514 - Aren't there maybe some parts worth salvaging? 454 00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:24,610 - Honestly, man, I don't even know. 455 00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:26,541 I mean, that thing is unreadable. 456 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,706 I literally learned what headaches were 457 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,745 because that thing gave me a headache. 458 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:31,780 - Okay. 459 00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:34,419 - There you go. 460 00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,191 New beginnings! Well done. 461 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:41,391 - [crying] 462 00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:46,562 [gentle knocking] 463 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,566 Oh! 464 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,627 Oh, hello, Eleanor. Hi. 465 00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:52,166 Sorry, I was just cleaning up. 466 00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:53,812 - You okay? 467 00:17:53,807 --> 00:17:55,637 Do you want to... 468 00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:56,642 talk about it? 469 00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,683 - Desperately. 470 00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:00,378 It's Jianyu. 471 00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,110 I just can't seem to connect with him. 472 00:18:02,115 --> 00:18:03,645 I know that he took a vow of silence, 473 00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:07,350 but he won't even talk to me, his soul mate! 474 00:18:07,353 --> 00:18:09,253 And I adore talking. 475 00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,785 - I know. You do. 476 00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:13,220 - Eleanor, you don't know what it's like to be in paradise 477 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:16,526 and feel like there's something just not quite right. 478 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,759 - Well... 479 00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:21,265 I may not know exactly what you're feeling, 480 00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,227 but I do understand. 481 00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:27,436 And you deserve to be happy, because... 482 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,480 you are an impressive, thoughtful, and special person. 483 00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:35,479 Not to mention... 484 00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,612 you have a rockin' bod. 485 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,616 - [chuckles] 486 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,717 - I mean, Jianyu may be mute, 487 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,119 but he's not blind. 488 00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:42,121 - [laughs] 489 00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,522 - You two belong here. 490 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,464 And you belong together. 491 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:49,689 And you have all of eternity, so there's plenty of time 492 00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,126 for things to change. 493 00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,561 - Oh, thank you. 494 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:55,595 I really needed to hear that. Come here. 495 00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:59,303 - Ugh, of course your hugs are amazing. 496 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,309 . 497 00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:05,309 - [yawns] 498 00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,581 [yelps] 499 00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,479 Stupid ledge. 500 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,851 Ugh, stairs. 501 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:14,891 Everyone here is really into hugging. 502 00:19:15,889 --> 00:19:19,159 - Looks like someone learned something. 503 00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:24,257 - Well, it's 'cause someone else 504 00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:27,304 is a really good teacher. 505 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,398 - Eleanor, hello. 506 00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:33,303 How are you, my dear, sweet bestie? 507 00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:34,666 - Never better. What's up? 508 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,484 - Well, Janet has been acting as my assistant. 509 00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:40,647 It's not what she was designed to do. 510 00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:43,277 Didn't go great. - But now I'm back to normal. 511 00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:44,823 It turns out that the best Janet 512 00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:47,817 was the Janet that was inside Janet all along. 513 00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:50,290 - She was feeling a little lost, so I gave her 514 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:53,420 a self-help book to restore her confidence. 515 00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:56,826 - Now I'm living my truth and creating my bliss. 516 00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,399 - Anyway, um, look, 517 00:19:58,398 --> 00:20:00,828 Michael asked me if I would serve as his assistant, 518 00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:04,343 but I'd quite like to focus on my relationship with Jianyu. 519 00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:07,507 So I recommended you for the job. 520 00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:08,507 [giggles] 521 00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:10,438 - Eleanor, you and I could work 522 00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:12,683 side-by-side to figure out 523 00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:15,249 what's going wrong with this neighborhood. 524 00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:16,808 Will you help me? 525 00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:18,876 - How could I say no? - Yeah, hurrah! 526 00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,715 - Hurrah! - [giggles] 527 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:25,893 - What now? 528 00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:33,631 [sighs] 529 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:36,473 Relax, Eleanor. 530 00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,599 You sent this to yourself. 531 00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:42,635 This is your own guilt manifesting itself. 532 00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,936 - I've been waiting for you. 533 00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:47,545 - Jianyu? 534 00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:49,577 You talk now? 535 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,881 You sent me these threatening notes? 536 00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:54,986 What the fork, man? 537 00:20:54,988 --> 00:20:56,518 Some Buddhist monk you are. 538 00:20:56,522 --> 00:20:58,322 - You don't belong here. 539 00:20:58,324 --> 00:21:01,434 Admit it. 540 00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:02,627 - Okay, you're right. 541 00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:03,999 I don't belong here. 542 00:21:03,997 --> 00:21:05,027 Michael made a mistake. 543 00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:07,401 But I'm trying, dude. 544 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,730 I'm really trying to be a good person. 545 00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:10,635 And I think I'm changing for the better, 546 00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:14,267 so just please, please don't rat me out. 547 00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:17,484 - Don't worry, I won't. - [sighs] 548 00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:19,337 - Because I'm not supposed to be here, either. 549 00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:21,875 I don't know how I got here, I have no idea what's going on, 550 00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:23,611 and I am freakin' out, homey! 551 00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,046 You got to help me. 552 00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:26,421 I'm scared! 37894

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