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- So Aristotle
was Plato's student.
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00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:08,265
And Aristotle believes that
your character is voluntary,
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00:00:08,275 --> 00:00:11,475
because it's just the result
of your actions,
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00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:15,709
which are under your control.
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00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:17,576
For example, right now,
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00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:21,145
you have made the insane choice
to ignore the person
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00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:24,215
who is literally trying to
save you from eternal damnation.
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- No, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm listening.
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00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,389
Uh, I just...
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00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:29,725
are we sure we should be paying
attention to these guys?
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00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:34,270
It's like, who died and left
Aristotle in charge of ethics?
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00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:35,268
- Plato.
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00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,539
[knock at door]
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00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,167
- Uh, coming!
15
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:40,542
Uh, we're just...kissing.
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00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,471
And groping?
17
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:43,506
- [mouths] What?
18
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,310
- Hello.
19
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:49,345
- Tahani.
20
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:51,150
Hi.
What brings you here?
21
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:54,422
- You know, I was just, uh,
in the neighborhood.
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00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:55,752
[giggles]
Do you get it, Eleanor?
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00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,786
Because, you know, we're all
in the same afterlife,
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00:00:57,792 --> 00:00:59,632
so, you know, I'm always
in the neighborhood.
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00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:00,757
Do you get it?
26
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:03,331
- And I do,
and it's delightful.
27
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:06,100
- Anyway, this is for you.
28
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:07,470
Just a housewarming plant.
29
00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,568
It's a little reminder that if
there's ever anything
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00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,540
that you need,
I am right next door.
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00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:13,109
- How could I
possibly forget?
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00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:14,707
Have a great day, Tahani!
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00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:17,178
- Oh, all right.
34
00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:18,178
[door slams]
35
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:20,549
- Ugh.
Tahani.
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00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,448
[British accent] Welcome
to the neighborhood.
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00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,720
Even though we all arrived here
at the same time,
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00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:29,188
here's some dirt I put in a bowl
because I'm amazing.
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00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,660
- I thought it was kind of
a nice gesture.
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00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:33,489
- Oh, Chidi.
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00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:36,334
It's a total con.
I see through her little act.
42
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:40,470
- Her act of being a nice person
who brings you gifts?
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00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:41,728
- Bingo.
- Okay.
44
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,735
I'll--I'll remind you that
you're trying to learn
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00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:45,867
how to be a good person.
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Maybe you should
return the favor
47
00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:49,435
and bring her something.
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00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:53,483
- Oh, so now I'm supposed to
be nice and make friends
49
00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:55,111
and treat her
with mutual respect?
50
00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,516
- Yeah.
51
00:01:56,517 --> 00:02:01,417
- That exactly what she wants
me to do, Chidi, wake up!
52
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:04,622
- That--that's what everyone
wants everyone to do.
53
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:12,902
- Hello, Chidi.
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00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,170
No frozen yogurt for you
this morning?
55
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:17,269
- Oh, uh, no, just, uh,
doing some reading.
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00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,501
- Ugh, been there, brother.
57
00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:21,236
Workin' hard or hardly workin',
am I right?
58
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,312
Hump day.
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00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:23,839
- Uh, sorry.
60
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,744
Janet's functioning as
my assistant,
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00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,846
but she's a little stiff,
so I've been trying to get her
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00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:30,518
to be a little more casual
and conversational.
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00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,618
- I'll have what she's having.
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00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:34,250
- It's a work in progress.
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00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,155
Listen, Chidi.
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00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,717
I've been studying your file.
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00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,585
You're a very
interesting case.
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00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:42,533
You essentially only did one
thing while you were on earth.
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00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,600
You thought
and wrote about ethics.
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00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:48,298
- Yes, I spent 18 years
working on my manuscript
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00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:51,302
called "Who We Are
and Who We Are Not--colon--
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00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:52,935
"Practical Ethics
and Their Application
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00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,570
in the Modern World--
semi-colon--a Treatise--"
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00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:56,806
- Yes, yes, yes,
that's the one.
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00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:57,940
That's the one.
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00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:00,805
I think you should
experience new adventures.
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00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:03,824
You know, do things that you
haven't done on earth, right?
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00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,817
So why don't we meet tomorrow
79
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:07,549
and try out some new hobbies.
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00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,555
- Uh, why not?
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00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,187
I'll--I'll see you guys
tomorrow.
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00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:13,862
- Not if I see you first.
Where's the beef?
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00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:14,931
- [chuckles]
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00:03:14,929 --> 00:03:16,599
I don't know.
- Hump day.
85
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,431
[knocking]
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00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,373
- Hello, Eleanor.
87
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:24,298
Jianyu, darling, look, it's
Eleanor from next door.
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00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:25,935
- Is he asleep?
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00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:27,970
- Yeah, there's really
no way to tell.
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00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:29,535
Come on in.
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00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,413
What brings you
to our home, my dear?
92
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:34,452
- Well, I'm simply
repaying your kind gift
93
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,578
with a housewarming
gift of my own.
94
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,324
Fresh pears.
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00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:39,849
It's a plant,
just like your gift,
96
00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:41,593
but you can
actually eat them.
97
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,459
So maybe it's
a better gift.
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00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:46,387
Who's to say?
- That's so kind.
99
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,733
However, in, um,
Chinese culture,
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00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,259
pears are actually
a symbol of bad luck.
101
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:52,234
And--and I wouldn't want
to offend Jianyu,
102
00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:53,403
so I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to
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00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,470
throw these in the garbage.
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00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:57,398
But do come and sit down.
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00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,705
We haven't even had a chance
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00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,807
to discuss all of the mayhem
in our neighborhood yet.
107
00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:04,009
It's so disconcerting.
- Yes.
108
00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,681
What do you think
is causing it?
109
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:06,909
- Oh, I'm sure
I don't know.
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00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,714
But we must keep our heads up.
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00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:11,016
In fact, tomorrow I'm actually
going door-to-door
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00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:12,678
to make sure that
every single person
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00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:15,016
in this entire neighborhood
is keeping calm
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00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,592
and carrying on.
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00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,660
'Cause I think that helping
others will make me feel like
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00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:21,689
I truly belong here,
you know?
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- Here's a brainstorm,
why don't I go with you?
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00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:31,271
I mean, I would love to do my
part to help the neighborhood,
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00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:33,912
not to mention, get a little
bonding time with you, lady.
120
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:36,307
- Oh, hurrah!
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00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:37,380
Such fun.
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00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:40,848
- I'm telling you, Tahani's out to get me.
123
00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:43,418
- What are you talking about?
124
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:47,647
- This note was slipped
under my door yesterday.
125
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,385
It has to be Tahani.
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00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:52,720
She just said to me, "I want to
feel like I truly belong here."
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00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,056
Well, where have I seen
the word "belong" recently?
128
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,732
Oh yeah, kaplow!
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00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,900
- I really don't think
she's the type of person
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00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,369
who would write this.
131
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:02,797
- She is that kind of person
and she did write it.
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00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:06,373
She wants everybody to think
she's such a perfect princess
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00:05:06,373 --> 00:05:08,873
just 'cause she's tall
and glamorous and has
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00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:11,676
cappuccino skin
and curves everywhere--
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00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,649
and now I'm
complimenting her.
136
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,907
And kind of turned on.
137
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:17,745
The point is,
she straight up sucks, bro.
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00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,851
[chiming]
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00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:23,323
- Whoa.
- Typical Tahani.
140
00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:25,564
Brings us a faulty plant
so she can brag about
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00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:26,689
being a better gardener.
142
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:30,034
- No, I think this
is another way in which
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00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,560
your negative actions
affect this world.
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00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:35,696
This plant represents
your relationship to Tahani,
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00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:39,603
so when you're mean to her,
it starts to wilt.
146
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:41,066
- Well, then this plant
is doomed,
147
00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:43,775
because tomorrow, I'm going with
her and I'm gonna prove to you
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00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:47,107
and to everyone that she is
secretly a two-faced,
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00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,414
calculating, phony bench.
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00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:50,446
[weeping]
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00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,121
Hmm.
Yeah.
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00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,589
Truth hurts,
doesn't it, plant?
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00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:56,736
.
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00:05:56,740 --> 00:05:57,820
- So all I want to do
is just check in,
155
00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,555
see how everyone's
holding up.
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00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,630
Just bring some cheer to
these extraordinary people.
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00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:03,098
- Cool.
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00:06:03,097 --> 00:06:05,557
So tell me about yourself.
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00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,426
I mean, I want to
hear it all, girlfriend.
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00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,944
The good, the bad,
the really bad,
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00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:13,467
the embarrassing, the
humiliating, just--let's bond!
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00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:15,944
- Okay, well I was
born in Pakistan,
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00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:18,443
raised in London, schooled
in Paris, but I think
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00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:20,445
the primary reason that I'm in
the Good Place is that
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00:06:20,447 --> 00:06:22,607
I raised quite a lot of money
for non-profit groups.
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00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:23,976
- Oh.
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00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:27,054
Did you ever, uh, skim a little
off the top for yourself?
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00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,954
- Gracious, no, no!
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00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,986
Every penny
was accounted for.
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00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,991
And as I raised nearly
$60 billion,
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00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,163
there was quite
a lot of pennies.
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00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,561
- [chuckles]
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00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,402
- But I also dabbled
in some other professions.
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00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:39,868
I was a model,
a museum curator,
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00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:41,597
an "It Girl," and...
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00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,572
oh, I was Baz Luhrmann's
muse for a while.
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00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:44,600
That was quite fun.
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00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,935
- Modeling?
That's a crazy life.
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00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,510
Want to tell me about that
rock bottom you probably hit?
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00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:50,880
- Oh, I didn't really
do it for long.
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00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,478
Couture just doesn't
fit my body.
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00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:54,049
I'm cursed with
ample bosom.
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00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,547
- And yet you soldier on.
184
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:56,749
- Oh, this is silly--
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00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,650
so "Tahani" means
"congratulations" in Arabic.
186
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:01,493
And "Al-Jamil"
means "beautiful,"
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00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:02,888
so my full name
altogether means--
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00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,160
- "Congratulations, Beautiful."
189
00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:06,118
- Thanks, Eleanor.
You big flirt.
190
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,156
[giggles]
191
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:12,160
- Hey, babe, got you coffee.
192
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:13,596
- Oh, great.
193
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,430
Oh, Andy's Coffee, uh,
we shouldn't go there.
194
00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:16,866
Everybody's boycotting.
195
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,140
- Yeah, I know that one guy
found a scorpion in his latte.
196
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:21,509
I don't really care, though,
'cause it's so close to here.
197
00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,738
- No, no, no, it's because
he's sexually harassing people.
198
00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:26,044
Look, a journalist went
undercover for an interview
199
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,106
and recorded him.
200
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:28,814
Here, watch.
201
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,216
- Here's the thing, sweetheart.
202
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,447
You're very qualified, but you're also what we call
203
00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:34,853
in the coffee shop game a, uh, "dog-face."
204
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:37,055
You're a three, and you have to be a nine to work here.
205
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,557
It's just math.
206
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:39,959
- So I didn't get the job?
207
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,160
- [chuckles]
208
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:44,601
No, dog-face, you didn't get the job.
209
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:47,768
All right, I'll check your references.
210
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,468
Just to be nice-- - Hey, my breasts!
211
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,940
- I'll check 'em. Oh, they're good. Honk!
212
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:54,209
- I mean, this guy's a monster,
we can't support this guy.
213
00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:56,558
- Okay, hey,
you're not better than me
214
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,909
just 'cause you won't support
a guy who grabbed a boob once.
215
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,112
- No, I'm just saying we
shouldn't go there.
216
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:02,684
We can get coffee
somewhere else.
217
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,553
- Did you know your left reference is a little bit
218
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:06,021
bigger than your right reference?
219
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:08,049
It's not a bad thing, it's just--it's a thing.
220
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:11,793
- This is the perfect hobby
for you, Chidi.
221
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:12,922
Cartography.
222
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:14,856
Your neighborhood
stretches way beyond
223
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:15,962
what you've already seen.
224
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:18,933
And you can map it,
225
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:20,702
revealing all of
the mysteries,
226
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,531
like an explorer.
227
00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:24,536
- I see how
that might be fun.
228
00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:26,708
Uh, but, uh,
exploring makes me nervous.
229
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:29,637
I have what doctor's call
"directional insanity."
230
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,843
I once got lost
on an escalator.
231
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,705
So not exactly
Christopher Columbus.
232
00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,954
- Fun fact: Columbus is in
the Bad Place
233
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:39,249
because of all the raping,
slave trade, and genocide.
234
00:08:39,253 --> 00:08:41,123
- The fact that
it makes you nervous
235
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,091
is exactly why
you should do it.
236
00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:44,720
You know, get out of
your comfort zone.
237
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,185
Become a trail-blazer.
238
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,893
- Fun fact: all deceased members
of the Portland Trail Blazers
239
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:51,826
basketball team are also
in the Bad Place.
240
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:53,202
[giggles]
241
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,570
- Yeah, sorry about this.
242
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,798
I steered her away from
colloquialisms
243
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:59,773
and into "fun facts"
and trivia tidbits.
244
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:01,773
I thought it'd be
more in her wheelhouse.
245
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,305
- Fun fact: a "wheelhouse"
is a part of a boat.
246
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,911
- Okay, thank you,
Janet, thank you.
247
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,613
- Fun fact: Janet is me.
248
00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:09,714
- All right,
let's forget about exploring.
249
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,316
Plenty more ideas for hobbies.
250
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:14,548
Let's walk back
to town, shall we?
251
00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:18,087
Wrong way.
- Yep.
252
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:22,063
- Well, Glenn, we just wanted to
make sure you were all right.
253
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,902
- Tahani, you're too sweet.
254
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,657
Isn't she just
the nicest person?
255
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:26,726
- Mm-hmm.
256
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,573
That is what a lot
of people are saying.
257
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,069
- Oh, everyone I know
is saying that.
258
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,170
- Yeah, it's just a big
neighborhood
259
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,912
full of enormous mansions
and people who love Tahani!
260
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,738
[both laughing]
261
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,684
- Eleanor and I just want to see
if there's anything
262
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:40,780
we can do to help you.
263
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,651
- Oh, Tahani,
you are so thoughtful.
264
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:44,319
Despite all the chaos earlier,
265
00:09:44,318 --> 00:09:46,048
we simply couldn't
be happier.
266
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,993
- Oh, I'm so glad
to hear it, Cualli.
267
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,648
Please take
a maple butter scone.
268
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:50,916
I made them fresh
this morning.
269
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,964
- Oh, they look
a bit burned.
270
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,226
But they're not.
271
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,900
Hmm.
Oh, fork, that's good.
272
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:02,066
- Extra, extra!
273
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:04,239
Read all about you.
274
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:07,137
Chidi, this is the
perfect hobby for you.
275
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,240
Journalism.
276
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:11,211
- Well, obviously,
I like to write.
277
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,351
But I don't love deadlines.
278
00:10:13,347 --> 00:10:15,077
I prefer to take my time
with things.
279
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:16,212
- Yes, I know.
280
00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,676
Uh, you never even named
your dog, did you?
281
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:21,215
When it ran away,
you posted signs saying,
282
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,361
"responds to long pauses."
283
00:10:23,357 --> 00:10:26,957
Look, Chidi, I'm just trying to
find you a hobby--
284
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,360
the hat--that will bring you
a positive experience.
285
00:10:30,364 --> 00:10:31,864
What do you say?
286
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,965
- I'm loving that hat on you.
287
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,867
It would look even better
on my floor.
288
00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:37,739
- What is happening now?
289
00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:40,768
- I suggested she be friendlier;
she seems to have
290
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,774
slipped right into
overt sexuality.
291
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:44,836
- I got something
you can slip into.
292
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:47,175
- Oh--
- Janet, no!
293
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,210
No, Janet.
294
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:53,420
- Oh, Jianyu, darling,
would you like some tea?
295
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,121
- That nod meant no, apparently.
296
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:57,963
- Well, it was nice to get out
and meet all of
297
00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,018
our wonderful neighbors.
298
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:01,826
They all truly belong here.
299
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,058
- Oh, yes they do,
cutie-pants.
300
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:05,264
Boop!
301
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,025
Well, I should really be going.
I have to begin
302
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,734
my 12 step Korean
skincare regiment,
303
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:10,735
but, uh, I'll see--
oh, no, no, no.
304
00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:12,697
Please stay
and enjoy the evening tea.
305
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,906
I'll see you soon.
306
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,038
Boop!
307
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:33,194
- "The Diary of
Tahani Al-Jamil."
308
00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:37,028
- Okay.
Arc welding.
309
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,430
You could learn sculpture,
you can make furniture,
310
00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:41,373
you can get your hands
a little greasy, you know,
311
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,368
and you make things.
312
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,439
- This equipment
is very scary!
313
00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:47,068
- Don't be a baby.
It can't hurt you.
314
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,174
Watch, I'll blowtorch
your face off.
315
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,076
- Janet.
- Whatever.
316
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,978
This whole thing is stupid.
317
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,109
- Oh, brother.
318
00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:57,354
I told her to be less flirty
and now she's
319
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,280
cruel and distant, apparently.
320
00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:00,716
I just can't get this right.
321
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:03,021
- Thank you for trying to
find me a new hobby.
322
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:06,023
Um, but I just want to
be an academic.
323
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:09,856
I want to keep working on
my manuscript.
324
00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:11,463
- Chidi, here's the thing--
325
00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:15,965
see, I read your whole book,
all 3,600 pages of it.
326
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,469
It's, um...
327
00:12:17,471 --> 00:12:18,771
how shall I put this?
328
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,342
- It's a mess, dude.
329
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:23,010
- Hey!
- She's right.
330
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:25,779
You see, Chidi, I can
read the entirety
331
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,979
of the world's literature
in about an hour.
332
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:30,481
This took me two weeks
to get through.
333
00:12:30,484 --> 00:12:33,084
I mean, it's so convoluted,
I just kept reading
334
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:36,146
the same paragraph over and over
again, trying to figure out
335
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:37,356
what the heck
you were saying.
336
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,357
- Oh, no.
337
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,358
- I mean, on page 1,000,
338
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,330
you start section two
with the sentence,
339
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:46,530
"Of course, the exact opposite
might be true."
340
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:49,073
You're a brilliant guy, Chidi.
341
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:53,169
But you just kept revising
and rewriting
342
00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:54,943
and adding words to your title.
343
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:58,111
I think you just twisted
yourself up into a knot.
344
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,151
- I have a very bad
stomachache.
345
00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:02,278
- Hey, man.
346
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,452
[door closes]
347
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,781
What's wrong?
348
00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:07,246
- Am I a good teacher?
349
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:09,524
Am I clear?
Do I make sense?
350
00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:11,193
- Yeah, you're
a great teacher.
351
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,291
I'm super ethical now.
352
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,793
- What's that?
- Hmm?
353
00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:17,825
Nah--don't worry about it.
354
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:20,872
I stole Tahani's diary.
355
00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:23,397
So I could see if her
handwriting matches the note
356
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:26,443
and also read about all
the mean and terrible things
357
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:30,339
she's definitely done so I can
prove she's actually evil.
358
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:33,443
[fire crackling]
359
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:36,046
Huh.
360
00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:37,819
What do you think
that means?
361
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:41,853
.
362
00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:43,254
- You stole Tahani's diary.
363
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:44,886
- I know I broke
some ethical rule,
364
00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:45,961
but I had good reason.
365
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:48,189
- Eleanor, in order to be
a good person,
366
00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:50,425
you have to do good things.
367
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,460
And not stealing people's stuff,
that is just
368
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,425
a basic kindergarten rule.
369
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:57,304
I mean, do I also have to
tell you to not throw sand?
370
00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,244
- First of all, throwing sand
is an excellent way
371
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:00,239
to put out a vodka fire.
372
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,470
- Why would you even know that?
373
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,614
- Second of all, I know that
it may not be nice,
374
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:08,280
but neither is pretending to be
100% perfect, like Tahani does.
375
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:11,081
She wrote that note.
- No she didn't!
376
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,024
You did!
377
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:16,089
I was hoping you would come to
this conclusion on your own,
378
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:20,989
but, obviously, no one here
would ever threaten you.
379
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:24,434
That note is the Good Place
manifesting your own guilt.
380
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:27,331
Like with the plant,
or when you literally made
381
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:31,204
giant shrimp fly through
the air.
382
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,544
- I wrote myself the note.
383
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,270
And as it turns out,
384
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,105
I do belong here.
385
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,910
Because I'm just as good
as everyone else.
386
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:39,942
- No, no, no.
387
00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:42,246
No, you don't belong here.
388
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:45,049
And in this place,
everyone is better than you.
389
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,591
It has been proven by
an infallible formula.
390
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:50,457
Tahani might be
a little British
391
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:52,487
and condescending at times,
392
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:56,902
but she devoted her entire life
to helping other people.
393
00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,057
She's a good person.
394
00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,104
Accept that.
395
00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:03,065
- Hey, babe.
396
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:05,599
Great news, I got us tickets
to the Coyotes game.
397
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:08,435
- Awesome!
- But, ooh, yikes.
398
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:11,011
Turns out two of
the players have DUIs.
399
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,911
Guess we can't
cheer for that team.
400
00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:14,413
- Eleanor, I--
- You know what?
401
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,584
Instead,
let's just stay in,
402
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:19,483
watch a Roman Polanski movie,
listen to R. Kelly,
403
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:21,046
and eat Chik-fil-A.
404
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,554
Does that sound good?
405
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,915
There's bad stuff
everywhere, man.
406
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:26,585
It's impossible to avoid.
407
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,633
- Yeah, but shouldn't
we just try?
408
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:31,128
Shouldn't we just try to do the
right thing whenever we can?
409
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,701
- Why? It's so much harder
to live like that.
410
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,429
And it's not like
someone's keeping score.
411
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,974
- [sighs]
412
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:37,669
- Look, I know you're gonna
break up with me, okay?
413
00:15:37,671 --> 00:15:38,701
I'm not an idiot.
414
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,265
I read your emails
to your dad.
415
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,643
Have fun being so amazing
and perfect until you die.
416
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,382
And by the way,
I'm talking really fast
417
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,007
because I still
go to Andy's Coffee,
418
00:15:46,012 --> 00:15:47,652
and I got a full
punch card, bro.
419
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:57,061
Good people
make me insecure.
420
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:59,657
When I'm around someone
who I think is better than me,
421
00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:01,589
I try and drag them
down to my level.
422
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:05,234
That's why perfect Tahani
is like my kryptonite.
423
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:09,231
- Well, even admitting that
is an important step.
424
00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:10,735
And also,
maybe don't listen to me.
425
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,637
- I would love
not to listen to you.
426
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,639
Wait, what?
427
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,140
- Basically, my life's work
428
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,542
is 3,600 pages of garbage.
429
00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,546
Even Michael couldn't
understand it.
430
00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:22,608
- So?
431
00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:24,715
What does Michael know?
- Everything.
432
00:16:24,718 --> 00:16:26,378
That's my point--
he knows everything,
433
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:28,686
and it was too convoluted,
even for him.
434
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:31,058
- Michael does not
know everything.
435
00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:34,287
Michael does not know
I'm not supposed to be here.
436
00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:36,694
You wrote 4,000 pages
on one of the most
437
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:39,126
complicated subjects
in the world.
438
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,632
I mean I used to get bored
halfway through
439
00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:42,433
writing a text message.
440
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:45,465
Be proud.
441
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,378
- I want to broaden my horizons
442
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:52,437
and try new things,
and I will.
443
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,645
But even though I might have
gotten lost in the weeds,
444
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:57,317
I loved writing this book.
445
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,577
And I want to try again.
446
00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,416
So...
447
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:02,551
will you be my advisor?
448
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:06,555
- Chidi, all I want
is for you to be happy.
449
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:09,659
So if spending eternity
getting blunt feedback
450
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:13,662
on your circular, rambling ideas
will make you happy,
451
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:16,326
then of course
I will be your advisor.
452
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:19,366
Let's throw that monstrosity
in the trash and start over.
453
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:23,514
- Aren't there maybe
some parts worth salvaging?
454
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:24,610
- Honestly, man,
I don't even know.
455
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:26,541
I mean, that thing
is unreadable.
456
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,706
I literally learned what
headaches were
457
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,745
because that thing
gave me a headache.
458
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:31,780
- Okay.
459
00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:34,419
- There you go.
460
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,191
New beginnings!
Well done.
461
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:41,391
- [crying]
462
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:46,562
[gentle knocking]
463
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,566
Oh!
464
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,627
Oh, hello, Eleanor.
Hi.
465
00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:52,166
Sorry, I was just
cleaning up.
466
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:53,812
- You okay?
467
00:17:53,807 --> 00:17:55,637
Do you want to...
468
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:56,642
talk about it?
469
00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,683
- Desperately.
470
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:00,378
It's Jianyu.
471
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,110
I just can't seem to
connect with him.
472
00:18:02,115 --> 00:18:03,645
I know that he took
a vow of silence,
473
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:07,350
but he won't even talk to me,
his soul mate!
474
00:18:07,353 --> 00:18:09,253
And I adore talking.
475
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,785
- I know.
You do.
476
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:13,220
- Eleanor, you don't know what
it's like to be in paradise
477
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:16,526
and feel like there's something
just not quite right.
478
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,759
- Well...
479
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:21,265
I may not know exactly
what you're feeling,
480
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,227
but I do understand.
481
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:27,436
And you deserve to be happy,
because...
482
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,480
you are an impressive,
thoughtful, and special person.
483
00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:35,479
Not to mention...
484
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,612
you have a rockin' bod.
485
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,616
- [chuckles]
486
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,717
- I mean,
Jianyu may be mute,
487
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,119
but he's not blind.
488
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:42,121
- [laughs]
489
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,522
- You two belong here.
490
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,464
And you belong together.
491
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:49,689
And you have all of eternity,
so there's plenty of time
492
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,126
for things to change.
493
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,561
- Oh, thank you.
494
00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:55,595
I really needed to hear that.
Come here.
495
00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:59,303
- Ugh, of course your hugs
are amazing.
496
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,309
.
497
00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:05,309
- [yawns]
498
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,581
[yelps]
499
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,479
Stupid ledge.
500
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,851
Ugh, stairs.
501
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:14,891
Everyone here is
really into hugging.
502
00:19:15,889 --> 00:19:19,159
- Looks like
someone learned something.
503
00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:24,257
- Well, it's 'cause
someone else
504
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:27,304
is a really good teacher.
505
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,398
- Eleanor, hello.
506
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:33,303
How are you,
my dear, sweet bestie?
507
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:34,666
- Never better.
What's up?
508
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,484
- Well, Janet has been acting
as my assistant.
509
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:40,647
It's not what she was
designed to do.
510
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:43,277
Didn't go great.
- But now I'm back to normal.
511
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:44,823
It turns out
that the best Janet
512
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:47,817
was the Janet that was
inside Janet all along.
513
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:50,290
- She was feeling a little lost,
so I gave her
514
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:53,420
a self-help book
to restore her confidence.
515
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:56,826
- Now I'm living my truth
and creating my bliss.
516
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,399
- Anyway, um, look,
517
00:19:58,398 --> 00:20:00,828
Michael asked me if I would
serve as his assistant,
518
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:04,343
but I'd quite like to focus
on my relationship with Jianyu.
519
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:07,507
So I recommended you
for the job.
520
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:08,507
[giggles]
521
00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:10,438
- Eleanor, you
and I could work
522
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:12,683
side-by-side to figure out
523
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:15,249
what's going wrong
with this neighborhood.
524
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:16,808
Will you help me?
525
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:18,876
- How could I say no?
- Yeah, hurrah!
526
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,715
- Hurrah!
- [giggles]
527
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:25,893
- What now?
528
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:33,631
[sighs]
529
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:36,473
Relax, Eleanor.
530
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,599
You sent this to yourself.
531
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:42,635
This is your own guilt
manifesting itself.
532
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,936
- I've been waiting for you.
533
00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:47,545
- Jianyu?
534
00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:49,577
You talk now?
535
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,881
You sent me
these threatening notes?
536
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:54,986
What the fork, man?
537
00:20:54,988 --> 00:20:56,518
Some Buddhist monk you are.
538
00:20:56,522 --> 00:20:58,322
- You don't belong here.
539
00:20:58,324 --> 00:21:01,434
Admit it.
540
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:02,627
- Okay, you're right.
541
00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:03,999
I don't belong here.
542
00:21:03,997 --> 00:21:05,027
Michael made a mistake.
543
00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:07,401
But I'm trying, dude.
544
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,730
I'm really trying
to be a good person.
545
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:10,635
And I think I'm changing
for the better,
546
00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:14,267
so just please,
please don't rat me out.
547
00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:17,484
- Don't worry, I won't.
- [sighs]
548
00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:19,337
- Because I'm not
supposed to be here, either.
549
00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:21,875
I don't know how I got here,
I have no idea what's going on,
550
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:23,611
and I am freakin' out,
homey!
551
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,046
You got to help me.
552
00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:26,421
I'm scared!
37894
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