Original subtitles

DEFENSE ATTORNEYS WHO DEFEND THEM.

>> Huey: IN RETROSPECT, IT

THIS IS ONE OF THEIR STORIES.

JUST FINISHED UP WITH THE CLERK.

HE'S SHOOK UP BUT OKAY.

SAID THE GUY JUST FLIPPED OUT, STARTED DANCING LIKE

COME COME

FAULT, GRANDDAD. MICHAEL JACKSON, THEN SHOWED A GUN AND ROBBED THE PLACE.

TILL THE WAR IS WON

FORGIVE YOU.

PERP WAS A BLACK MALE, AROUND 19, REALLY SEXY --

OVER!

SEXY?

EXACTLY HOW SEXY?

DIMPLES, "HONEY BROWN" COMPLEXION, CHISELED ABS, EXTRA

SHINY CHAP-STICKED LIPS...

Huey: THIS IS WOODCREST -- AN I THINK, TO UNDERSTAND THE

DAMN, THAT IS SEXY.

>> Granddad: OH, NO.

THERE'S ONLY ONE 19-YEAR-OLD BLACK MALE THAT MATCHES THAT

SEXY PROFILE.

PRETTY BOY FLIZZY. STORY OF THE FREEDOM RIDERS, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW ABHORRENT

NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

NOT TO SHOW IT, OUR MONEY PROBLEMS HAD CLEARLY MADE UM, ONLY THE HOTTEST UP-AND-COMING R&B STAR!

HERE IS WHERE ROBERT JEBEDIAH FREEMAN, WAR

GRANDDAD A LITTLE CRAZY.

YOU'VE HEARD OF HIS SONGS -- "TITTY TELETHON"?

Granddad: SEGREGATION WAS SO BAD BACK THEN, MY RULE WAS IF IT

Granddad: HUEY, RILEY, IS THAT ELECTRICITY I HEAR?!

"PLEASURE ME ORALLY"?

"DON'T TOUCH MY ANUS, GIRL"? ALL RIGHT, THINK.

HOW WOULD I HAVE HEARD THIS? WE GOT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT WE'RE WAS IN THE SOUTH, IT WASN'T WORTH IT.

OKAY, I KNOW YOU'VE HEARD, "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!"

HUEY, WHAT DO WE DO? AND MOST OF MY FAMILY WAS IN THE SOUTH, AND I DIDN'T CARE.

THIS HOUSE IS AN AIRPLANE.

ALL DAY LONG ON THE RADIO, THAT'S ALL I HEAR, EVEN ON THE >> Huey: WE GO HOME. THIS WAY.

Huey: WE'RE RIGHT HERE, GRANDDAD.

WHITE STATIONS. SO, IT'S WITH THAT BACKDROP THAT A HANDFUL OF US DECIDED TO

MATTER OF FACT, GET OUT HERE! NO, I HAVEN'T HEARD "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!"

WE HAVE NO HOME.

WE ARE LEAVING WOODCREST FOREVER. YOU SHOULD BE DONE TRYING ON THOSE CLOTHES.

THAT'S DISGUSTING. WE HAVE NOTHING!

EH, IT'S NOT MY THING, BUT IT'S WHAT PASSES FOR R&B NOW,

Riley: I CAN'T WEAR THIS.

ALL RIGHT? Granddad: WHY NOT?

Huey: NOW, THAT'S TRUE, GRANDDAD. ROBERT JEBEDIAH FREEMAN IS A VERY ODD RECURRING CHARACTER IN

I GOT TEENAGE DAUGHTERS.

THEY'RE INTO BLACK GUYS, SO THIS IS WHAT I GOT TO HEAR.

LOOKS STYLISH TO ME.

TELL HIM, HUEY. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN BLACK SINGERS WOULD

Huey: IT'S NOT STYLISH.

Granddad: IF KRIS KROSS CAN JUMP IN THEM, YOU CAN WALK TO

DRESS IN HIGH-HEEL BOOTS OR BURN HOOKERS WITH CRACK PIPES?

FEEL IS, WELL, NOT AT ALL ACCURATE.

BUT NOTHING WORKED OUT AS PLANNED.

YOU'RE SHOWING YOUR AGE, MY FRIEND.

>> Huey: GRANDDAD! FLIZZY'S IN TOWN, DOING A SHOW AT WOODCREST POST PAVILION

SEE, THIS IS WHY NIGGERS DROP OUT OF SCHOOL.

ANOTHER, AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT FOR MOVIN' US HERE.

I WAS HOPING TO GO.

NOW I HAVE AN EXCUSE.

UH-OH. I'M TAKING RESPONSIBILITY.

>> Granddad: NOPE. THIS IS IT.

Riley: WELL, I SAY IT'S ABOUT TIME!

END OF THE ROAD FOR ME.

I BEEN SAYIN' THIS PLACE SUCKS SINCE WE SHOWED UP.

>> Huey: GRANDDAD, WE DON'T HAVE Granddad: ONE TICKET FOR CHICAGO, THANK YOU KINDLY.

Granddad: WELL, I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON.

BUILDER REFUSED Huey: WE WERE CAUGHT IN A CYCLE OF DESPAIR, VIOLENCE, AND

>> Granddad: YOU GUYS GO.

INSPIRATION THAT MADE LADY SING Huey: WAIT A MINUTE, GRANDDAD.

I'M GOING TO STAND IN THE MIDDLE

WHAT'S GOIN' ON? I HAD TO FIND A REAL SOLUTION.

Granddad: WHATEVER DO YOU MEAN, GRANDSON?

UNTIL THE

Huey: WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB? Huey: I MEAN, YOU NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OR LEARN A

THEN I'M GONNA GO OUT LIKE A

G!

LESSON...EVER.

Granddad: UH... LOTS OF OLD PEOPLE ARE GOING BACK TO WORK.

Huey: WE'RE BROKE, AREN'T WE, GRANDDAD? Granddad: THE DAY I WAS LEAVING, IT WAS ALL OVER THE

Granddad: EHHH...

Riley: GRANDDAD BROKE? PSH.

COME

HUEY, YOU CRAZY, BOY. THESE FREEDOM RIDERS -- YOUNG, IDEALISTIC, BOLD KIDS WHO WERE

TILL THE WAR IS WON

EVERYBODY KNOW GRANDDAD GOT LOTS OF PAPER.

RIDING BUSES FROM WASHINGTON, D.C., TO NEW ORLEANS

TELL HIM, GRANDDAD.

YOU'RE STILL FAST.

TO TEST AND CHALLENGE SEGREGATION -- END JIM CROW.

WE HAVE STRONG GENES.

I'M SORRY, BOYS.

THE PAPER SAID THEY WERE EXPECTED TO ARRIVE IN ALABAMA

Riley: AW, NO, GRANDDAD.

YOU DIDN'T!

Granddad: YEAH, AND AFTER ALL THAT, A NIGGER IS TIRED.

Huey: GRANDDAD, CALM DOWN.

Huey: WELL, I THINK YOU COULD DO IT.

GRANDDAD, WHAT WE GOT TO EAT?!

WE HAVE NO MONEY?

Granddad: RENT!

Granddad: THEN HAVE SLEEP FOR DINNER!

WHAT'S WORSE THAN NO MONEY?

YOU CAN EAT TOMORROW.

YOU'RE GETTING FAT ANYWAY!

THE SECURITY-CAMERA FOOTAGE YOU'RE WATCHING IS ALLEGEDLY OF

Huey: HOW MUCH? TRY THOSE.

Granddad: A COUPLE...

A COUPLE... DON'T GET ME WRONG. UNH-UNH.

R&B SUPERSTAR PRETTY BOY FLIZZY HOLDING UP A LIQUOR STORE IN

Granddad: MNH-MNH.

Huey: HUNDRED THOUSAND?

Granddad: MILLION!

WOODCREST.

I REFINANCED WITH THAT DAMN

ALL THESE PEOPLE IN LINE FOR ROTE, DEHUMANIZING WORK?

WHILE IT IS DIFFICULT TO CLEARLY SEE THE SUSPECT'S FACE,

UGH!

ADJUSTABLE-RATE MORTGAGE!

AUTHORITIES SAY HIS SEXINESS IS AN EXACT MATCH.

THE DANCING LADY IN THAT POP-UP AD LOOKED SO FRIENDLY!

THIS ISN'T FLIZZY'S FIRST RUN-IN WITH THE LAW.

LAST YEAR, HE RECEIVED FOUR MONTHS PROBATION AFTER BEATING JOB YESTERDAY, AMIGO.

UP TO 21%?

HIS THEN-GIRLFRIEND CHRISTIANNA LIVE ONSTAGE DURING THE GRAMMYS.

Riley: AW, GRANDDAD.

HERE?

>> Huey: I TOLD YOU -- I'M I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY FANS FOR BEATING MY HOT

WORKING WITH VERY UNSTABLE

Granddad: I'M SORRY. WELL, THANK YOU, AMIGO.

I'M SO...SO...SO...

HEY HIM, TRYING TO

Riley: IT'S GONNA BE REAL EMBARRASSING BEING THE ONLY

R&B GIRLFRIEND. OH, NO, I AIN'T AFRAID OF A CONFRONTATION.

I LET MY FANS DOWN.

FINANCIAL PLANNER, AND YOU'RE WITHOUT YOU, I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE AN R&B GIRLFRIEND TO BEAT.

TAKE OUR JOBS.

UH, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU WERE AWARE THAT THE, Both: WHOA.

>> Huey: MAN, WHY WE HAVE TO GO?

A YEAR BEFORE THAT, FLIZZY RECEIVED A TWO-YEAR SUSPENDED

SITUATION HAS CHANGED, WE NEED UH, COLORED RESTROOM COULD USE SOME ATTENDING.

WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT THAT, PORCH MONKEY? SENTENCE FOR SMUGGLING AUTOMATIC WEAPONS FROM NICARAGUAN REBELS.

PEOPLE -- ALL OF US.

>> Huey: I TOLD YOU I HAVE TO

Granddad: OH, RUCKUS, YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS OBAMA'S I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY FANS FOR SMUGGLING

THE TIME AND AVAILABLE JANITORIAL STAFF. PAYMENT

JUST DOING A CHEMISTRY PROJECT I BET IT'S CLEANER THAN THAT JUNGLE YOU COME FROM, COONSKIN.

Ruckus: THAT'S BECAUSE IT IS. AUTOMATIC WEAPONS FROM SOUTH AMERICAN DEATH SQUADS.

HE GOT ELECTED AND MADE GOOD WHITE FOLKS FEEL SELF-CONSCIOUS

I SWEAR.

I MAKE NO EXCUSES, OTHER THAN IT WAS A REALLY GOOD DEAL AND THEY

UNDER

>> Granddad: WHAT IS THAT --

WERE THROWING IN A LOT OF FREE AMMUNITION. SEE, A SHOESHINE BOY IS SOMEBODY YOU SHOULD FEEL COMFORTABLE

SIX MONTHS AGO, FLIZZY WAS ARRESTED FOR FIGHTING IN THE

UP THEIR BOOTY HOLE, THEN THEY

NOW, I DON'T MIND USING THE COLORED BATHROOM, BUT IT IS A WATER

V.I.P. SECTION OF A NIGHTCLUB WITH NICKI MINAJ. VIOLATION OF MY CIVIL RIGHTS IF THAT BATHROOM IS COVERED IN

TO BLOW UP THE WHOLE PLANE?

YOU'D BETTER NOT BE MAKING NO

I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY FANS, FOR FIGHTING IN THE

THE BATHROOMS SHOULD BE EQUALLY

GRANDDAD.

THAT'S THE LAW. V.I.P. SECTION WITH NICKI MINAJ.

HEY, HOW ABOUT I GET YOU A MOP, AND YOU CLEAN IT, JIGABOO?

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT GOING

IN MY DEFENSE, I THOUGHT SHE WAS A ROBOT SENT FROM THE FUTURE TO

WITH THE BILLY DEE LOOK.

SO, I BRAVELY WENT INTO THE

KILL ME.

WOODCREST TEA PARTY CHAIRMAN UNCLE RUCKUS STAGED A SMALL

ON YOUR TV, TALKING ABOUT "MAHMOUD AHAMADAMADINEJAD" AND

WHITES-ONLY BATHROOM, AND I TOOK A DUMP.

PROTEST AT THE VENUE TODAY.

Ruckus: WHO KEEPS GIVING THESE HIGH-YELLOW FELONS RECORD

DON'T HOLD BACK. THAT JUST COMPLICATES THE RELATIONSHIP.

CONTRACTS?! IT WAS A DUMP FOR FREEDOM, A STINKY LOAD FOR THE DIGNITY OF

>> I'VE BEEN GIVING IT TO YOU

OH, OH, IT'S JUST A RECORD YOU SAY!

MR. FREEMAN. THE BLACK MAN.

TAKE THAT, CHARLIE. WELL, WHITE FOLKS, YOU WON'T BE SAYING THAT WHEN THE NIGGA THAT

GONNA BE THE PRESIDENT?

THIS IS FOR YOUR MAMA. YOUR CREDIT CARDS IS MAXED OUT.

AAH! OOH. SINGS ON THAT RECORD COMES TO TOWN AND IMPREGNATES ALL THE

YOU'RE BROKE.

YOU'VE GOT ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH.

TAPATíO-SMELLING ASS AND FEEL COMFORTABLE YOU WILL NEVER SEE

OH. WHITE WOMEN OF CHILD-REARING AGE!

BEFORE YOU AND YOUR Granddad: FREE AT LAST.

AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HE PLANS TO DO! HIS ILLEGAL ASS IN THE ROOSEVELT ROOM.

STARVING. JUST THINK OF ALL THE GOVERNMENT MONEY AND FOOD STAMPS THAT THEM

DO YOU REALLY NEED CABLE,

YOU REALLY NEED ALL THAT DAMN ORANGE JUICE?!

I SEE A LOT OF MONEY ON

YOU AIN'T GOT NO CHANCE. LITTLE MIXED-RACE QUADROON NIGGA CHILDREN WILL BE CONSUMING!

>> Riley: WE DON'T GO TO

RESTAURANTS.

AND THEY CONSUME A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN REGULAR CHILDREN

HELL OF A WORK ETHIC. FROM NOW ON, THAT'S ALL THE ORANGE JUICE YOU GET.

>> YOU'LL PROBABLY ALSO NEED TO 'CAUSE THEY EATIN' FOR TWO RACES!

I'MA STILL BE THIRSTY AFTER THAT.

OTHERS FELT DIFFERENTLY.

HOW MANY KIDNEYS DO YOU HAVE, I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS. HEY!

LISTEN UP.

MR. FREEMAN? FLIZZY CAN WHUP MY ASS ANYTIME!

DO YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS WHO

COME ON! BEAT IT UP, FLEEZY!

TRAFFIC IN DRUGS?

WHOO!

OCCUPIED BY THE FREEDOM RIDERS. Sarah: I WANT YOU TO GET MAD AT ME, ONCE IN AWHILE, YOU KNOW?

MR. FREEMAN, LOOK OVER HERE!

Granddad: TAKE THAT, YOU

Tom: IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND...

Granddad: TURN THAT DOWN. CRACKER-ASS CRACKER!

NOW LISTEN, LISTEN. Shh! AND AM I READING THIS RIGHT?

Sarah: I'M TIRED OF IT! SPECIAL WHITE-PEOPLE QUILTED TOILET PAPER!

IT'S BORING!

IT'S BORING ME TO DEATH! A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO...

Granddad: DEAD.

Tom: SARAH, PLEASE CALM DOWN!

WHAT? I'M OLD.

I SAID I APOLOGIZE!

SOMETIMES WHEN I SNEEZE, I MYSELF.

OUT OF NOWHERE, A MR. UNCLE RUCKUS.

Sarah: THERE YOU GO AGAIN.

YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN! ONCE -- MOVING ON.

Sarah: APOLOGIZING! OH, HOW THE HIGH YELLOW SHALL BE

Tom: YOU DON'T WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE?

NOW, I REMEMBER SEEING HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME AND THINKING, KNOCK-OFF ED WUNCLER AND HIS ECONOMY-CRUSHING SON, EDDIE JR.

Sarah: NO, I DON'T!

Tom: OKAY, I'M SORRY I'M APOLOGIZING. ARE YOU EVEN TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY?

>> Granddad: LEAVE ME ALONE,

RUCKUS.

Sarah: YOU DID IT AGAIN! I'M WORKING AS FAST AS I CAN.

Tom: SARAH, CALM DOWN! IF YOU, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, THINK I AM COMPLETELY UNHIRABLE,

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY!

I CAN'T STOP! Granddad: I NOTICED SHE WAS READING RALPH ELLISON'S

OH, NO. UNH-UNH. UNH-UNH.

Sarah: OH, I SWEAR TO GOD, TOM, IF YOU APOLOGIZE AGAIN, YOU MR. FREEMAN, THESE ARE STANDARD JOB-PLACEMENT

RARE SKIN CONDITION CALLED REVITILIGO.

ARE OUT OF HERE!

I'M SORRY ABOUT MY LANGUAGE. RICHARD PRYOR -- NOTHING.

Tom: I'M -- MM.

LIBERALS ARE, OF COURSE, RIDICULING THIS MAN'S DISEASE,

OKAY. LET ME BE FRANK -- YOU ARE UNHIRABLE.

THEN JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

IT'S OKAY. Sarah: THAT'S THE PROBLEM, TOM!

CLOSING TIME. WHAT HAPPENED BACK THERE?

I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO! Granddad: WELL, SEE, I HAD TO GO INTO THE BATHROOM TO TAKE A

I WANT YOU TO DO WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO BUT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO

TONIGHT. DU-- UH, STAND AGAINST SEGREGATION.

UNCLE RUCKUS RAN FOR PRESIDENT AND BASICALLY ALMOST WON.

AIN'T NO NIGGA MAKE NO PLANS!

BUT WHY NOT JUST TELL ME?! AND THEY SAID, "NIGGA, DON'T YOU DARE GO INTO THAT BATHROOM."

HIS STANDOUT MOMENT WAS DURING I THINK I HAVE THE PERFECT JOB.

Sarah: BECAUSE!

NO WOMAN WAKES UP AND SAYS, "GEE, I HOPE MY MAN DOES NOW, I GOT SOME PLANS, TOO.

I PLAN TO KEEP YOUR BLACK ASS EVERYTHING I TELL HIM TO TODAY."

HERE.

YOU'RE THE MAN, TOM!

SOMETIMES I WANT YOU TO DOMINATE! >> Granddad: SUMBITCH!

ONE MINUTE.

Ruckus: I DON'T NEED A MINUTE.

TAKE CONTROL! >> Riley: YOU HEARD THAT MAN,

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. IF I'M OUT OF LINE, PUT ME IN CHECK!

WE DON'T HAVE THE FINANCES TO BE

FEEDING THESE BITCHES. Tom: SURE, HONEY.

>> Granddad: EVERYTHING'S FINE.

WHATEVER YOU SAY.

Sarah: OHH! TOM! Huey: EVENTUALLY, GRANDDAD'S PRIDE GOT THE BEST OF HIM.

Tom: FINE!

NOW, LEADING THIS PARTICULAR BUS WAS THE

I HEAR YOU!

GRANDDAD'S TAKING BITCHES OUT TO FROM NOW ON, I'LL TAKE CONTROL, AND I WON'T APOLOGIZE ANYMORE.

EAT AGAIN!

EXCEPT, WAIT. CIVIL RIGHTS SCENE.

YOU WANTED ME TO STOP APOLOGIZING, SO I'M SUPPOSED TO

STURDY WAS A VERY PHYSICALLY IMPOSING MAN, A GRAD STUDENT AT

Ruckus: YOU SEE, FELLOW WHITE AMERICANS, THIS IS WHY I AM

DO THE OPPOSITE OF THAT.

FISK UNIVERSITY, CAPTAIN OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM, TOTALLY FEARLESS.

RIGHT?

YEAH, SO THEN I GUESS I WILL APOLOGIZE, THEN... Granddad: KISS MY BLACK ASS.

NOW, BEIN' BLACK IS BAD -- AIN'T NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT -- AND

AW, DAMN IT.

IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH YOU. Huey: I HAD TO CALL IN THE

DEDICATED TO THE CAUSE OF JUSTICE.

SORRY? I MIGHT STILL HAVE TIME TO RUN

Granddad: STURDY.

BOY, I HATED THAT NIGGA. GET OUT.

>> Riley: NO WAY, GRANDDAD.

Tom: NOW, HONEY, DON'T DO -- Sarah: GET OUT!

PAY YOUR BILLS, DEADBEAT NIGGA. Granddad: OW!

Granddad: RUCKUS, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

Tom: OW! AWAY THE BULK OF HIS FREE DAY TO THE MAN.

Riley: AW, MAN, HERE HE COME! YOU IN SCHOOL?

Granddad: RILEY, HIT THE LIGHTS! Tom: HEY, HUEY.

Riley: MM-HMM. Granddad: OH, HEADING BACK TO CHICAGO.

Granddad: HUEY, ELECTRONICS!

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

HERE IN THE WHITE MAN'S HOUSE THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD?

I'M TIRED OF THAT HENPECKED SIMP COMING OVER HERE EVERY TIME

WHO PEED IN YOUR PETUNIAS, ROBERT?

SHE THROWS HIM OUT, SCREAMING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. Granddad: STUPID HUEY HAD THIS GREAT IDEA THAT A JOB COULD

THIS TIME, HE CAN SLEEP IN THE YARD.

FOOD STAMPS, NIGGA? HELP WITH MONEY PROBLEMS.

WHILE IT IS DIFFICULT TO CLEARLY SEE THE SUSPECT'S FACE, PRETTY BOY. PLAYER.

Huey: HOW IS IT MY FAULT YOU GOT FIRED?

AUTHORITIES HA--

Granddad: IT'S YOUR FAULT I TRIED.

Tom: PLEASE. YOU MUST HAVE GOTTEN ON THE WRONG BUS.

I DON'T NEED THIS TODAY!

Huey: IT'S TOILET PAPER AND Tom: ROBERT, LOOK -- I KNOW IT'S HARD, BUT WE CAN FIND YOU A

SORRY FOR THE LATE DATE.

TO BIRMINGHAM. I WAS ON MY WAY TO TAPE JIMMY KIMMEL, AND I THOUGHT I

Granddad: BIRMINGHAM?!

JOB. WOULD STOP BY AND SEE HOW Y'ALL NIGGAS WAS DOIN'.

UM, ANYWAY, YOU ALL SET FOR

I GOT IT.

HEY, HOW THAT BLACK-PRESIDENT THING WORK OUT FOR YOU?

WHERE YOU WANT TO GO, BABY?

FAULT.

Granddad: RUCKUS, ENOUGH! Granddad: VOLUNTEER?!

HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY HOUSE PAYMENTS, ANYWAY? Riley: WE BROKE AS HELL, DOING HOMEWORK BY CANDLELIGHT,

YOU COME BY TO RUB IT IN? OTHER BUS?

THAT GOD HAD A PLAN FOR YOU ON THIS BUS? HEY. HERE'S AN IDEA.

Ruckus: NO, SIR, I DID NOT.

I CAME BY TO TELL YOU I QUIT! MAN, THAT'S LIKE HUSTLING BACKWARDS!

DINNER AND JUST DO SOMETHING...

ME. NOW THAT I'M AN OFFICIAL WOODCREST MAYORAL CANDIDATE, I

A POP-TART. VOLUNTEERING CAN BE THE PERFECT CONDUIT TO FULL-TIME EMPLOYMENT.

YOU KNOW, LIKE WATCH A MOVIE ON

WILL NO LONGER WORK FOR Y'ALL NIGGAS, MEXICANS, OR SWARTHY

BASIC CABLE, POP SOME POPCORN,

HEY, DON'T TELL MY GRANDDAD ABOUT THIS. Granddad: WAIT, YOU GUYS AREN'T -- OH, MAN, NOT YOU GUYS!

PERSIANS.

WE NOT SUPPOSED TO FEED YOU.

MR. RUCKUS, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? I'M VOLUNTEERING AT THE OLD-FOLKS' HOME TONIGHT.

Ruckus: GET OFF ME, ROBERT!

A LITTLE SHORT ON CASH.

GET YOUR NIGGA HANDS OFF ME! YES, Y'ALL IS WE.

AIN'T GONNA LET NOBODY TURN ME AROUND OH, WHAT A SURPRISE -- THE NIGGA IS RESORTING TO VIOLENCE.

YOU KNOW ONE'S ABOUT TO DIE, BE REAL NICE TO THAT ONE.

HELLO?

CHA-CHING!

>> Riley: WHEW.

THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.

WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

>> Granddad: IT'S JUST NOT FAIR. THEY'RE SO GRATEFUL FOR THE VOLUNTEERS.

Tom: I REALLY DON'T THINK IT'S PRUDENT TO RECORD AN

Granddad: IT'LL BE OKAY.

I'M NOT RECORDING. PLUS, THERE'S LOTS OF LONELY CUTIES THERE.

THIS IS A LIVE STREAM.

I'M NOT VERY FIT.

WHAT'S UP? FOR ME

Y'ALL KNOW WHO IT IS -- PRETTY BEEZY FLEE-YEEZEY-WEEZY,

I MEAN, LAST WEEK WAS THE FIRST PAYMENT I MISSED, SO I FIGURE

YOU KNOW? Granddad: WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT AND ALL YOUR BUS

I APPRECIATE ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT Y'ALL BEEN SENDING ME A BANJO ON MY

THAT I HAVE ABOUT, UH...

SINCE THE WHOLE INCIDENT WENT DOWN. I'M GOING BACK NORTH.

NEVER FEAR. BUT I HAD MONEY, AND AS LONG AS

GOT BIG LAWYERS ON THE CASE.

SAY WHAT'S UP TO TOM DuBOIS. I HAD MONEY, I COULD HAVE A

MODERATELY SATISFYING SEX LIFE.

Tom: FLIZZY, I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO TURN IT OFF, NOW.

Granddad: THEN WE GOT TO TURN THIS BUS AROUND.

>> Riley: UGH.

AIN'T GONNA LET NOBODY TURN ME AROUND

KILL THE CAMERA, B.

Tom: I ALSO THINK THESE PEOPLE SHOULD LEAVE. MNH-MNH! DON'T CLAP.

"THESE PEOPLE?" YOU MEAN "THESE PEOPLE?"

Granddad: EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND.

Tom: I MEAN THESE PEOPLE.

CAN'T AN OLD BITCH GET SOME FREE LEGAL ADVICE, SOME ESTATE

NO. YOU MEAN MY PEOPLE, NIGGA!

Granddad: WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS FOR?

THESE MY PEOPLE. PLANNING, AN ADVANCE DIRECTIVE?

ANYTHING YOU CAN SAY TO ME YOU CAN SAY IN FRONT OF THEM.

Granddad:

NO, SIR. IF ANYTHING, NIGGA, YOU THE STRANGER HERE.

DAD TURNED OVER THE PROPERTY MANAGEMENT TO ME. All:

YOU SHOULD LEAVE THE ROOM.

Tom: IT'S MY OFFICE.

Granddad: ROBERT. OKAY, THEN, SO WHAT'S THE BIG SECRET THAT YOU CAN'T

YOU'RE ED THE THIRD'S DAD? LOOK, ROBERT.

TELL ME IN FRONT OF MY FANS AND MY PEOPLE?

MM. ROBERT, HUH?

WHY IS THIS MY FIRST TIME SEEING YOU?

MATTER OF FACT, WHY AM I EVEN HERE?

WHAT FLOOR YOU LIVE ON? Tom: YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR CRIMINAL CASE.

CAN I COME IN?

A BRILLIANT STRATEGY. Granddad: OH, I DON'T LIVE HERE.

Granddad: THANK GOD.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT! YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT BEFORE.

Tom: I REVIEWED THE CASE, AND I'VE WATCHED THE SECURITY

WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN -- SEEMS LIKE A LOVELY PLACE.

LAY IT ON ME.

COOL. SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? THE MOST BRILLIANT STRATEGY EVER CONCEIVED -- NONVIOLENT

Tom: ALL RIGHT, JOKE TIME.

CAN YOU GET ME OFF? IS THIS THING ON? NO?

DIRECT ACTION. Tom: DID YOU ROB THE LIQUOR STORE, FLIZZY?

THE COUCH IS...UH, BEAUTIFUL, WITH THE...THE CARPET.

YOU CONFRONT THE OPPRESSOR AND HIS UNJUST SYSTEM. I CAN'T SAY THAT...I DID IT, BUT, HONESTLY, REALLY CAN'T SAY

ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S INVISIBLE AND SMELLS LIKE STRAWBERRIES?

OH, I-I'M SORRY.

THIS IS MY ASSISTANT, VANDERBILT.

Tom: AND WHY CAN'T YOU SAY "F'SHO"? MY FARTS AFTER I DRINK ENSURE.

WE'RE GONNA BE

UP! RICH. Granddad: SO, WE MAKE THEM WANT TO ATTACK US?

>> Tom: YEAH, MY HAIR'S SO SILKY Tom: AND HOW ABOUT THESE -- HOW ABOUT YOUR ENTOURAGE?

SMOOTH.

Granddad: AND THEN WE LET THEM? MM-HMM? HMM.

DO THEY KNOW ANYTHING? THAT IS NO-- GAH.

UP, TOO! NO, THAT'S -- THAT'S NOT THE PUNCH--

NO. HEY, MAN, WHEN WE GO OUT, WE GO HARD. I DON'T WANT TO WASTE YOUR TIME.

Granddad: WHAT ABOUT SELF-DEFENSE? GIRLS.

IT SMELLS LIKE STRAWBERRIES IN HERE NOW. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW COMPLICATED IT IS BEING ME.

THE ONLY SELF-DEFENSE ALLOWED IS SINGING AND A SPECIAL KIND OF WE'RE NOT EXACTLY WHERE I NEED TO BE WITH THE HOUSE.

IT'S PRETTY HOT.

ALL THE TIME I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I SAID. IT'LL BE MORE FUN THAN THIS.

BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD.

Tom: HOW?

'CAUSE I GOT LIKE 18 PEOPLE TWEETING FOR ME AT ONE TIME.

Granddad: YEAH, ABOUT THAT... TIMES -- "HARD CHIN, SOFT HAND."

LOOK, I'M JUST HERE TO GET YOU THE OUT.

UP!

Granddad: DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELVES? SO, LIKE, I LOOK AT THE TAPE AND I SAY, "IS IT ME, OR IS IT

YOU'RE SITTING ON A GOLD MINE.

SOMEONE I JUST PAID TO ROB A LIQUOR STORE WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE

>> Granddad: OH, THANK YOU,

>> Granddad: OH, THANK YOU, Granddad: BEAT US?

ME?" I DON'T KNOW. I THINK, AS A PEOPLE, WE'VE TAKEN ENOUGH BEATINGS.

SOMEDAY.

>> Tom: SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN? Tom: OKAY, I WANT YOU TO KNOW UP FRONT THAT I HAVE SERIOUS

>> Riley: YEAH, HOW DO WE GET BEAT US, STAB US, SIC DOGS ON US, LIGHT US ON FIRE.

MM. MM! OOH! ISSUES WITH SOME OF YOUR BEHAVIOR IN THE PAST, ESPECIALLY

ROBERT, IT'S ME.

IT'S YOUR NEPHEW, EDDIE. Granddad: UGH!

HITTING A WOMAN. THERE'S A LOT THAT HAS TO BE NOT THAT WE'RE EXPECTING THAT.

I KNEW YOU WAS GONNA SAY THAT.

BUT WE ARE PREPARED FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT, THOUGH?

POCKET CHANGE.

ROBERT, COME. HAVE A SEAT. Tom: NO, I DON'T -- CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT,

DON'T NEED THAT.

THOUGH? YOU HAVE?

>> Granddad: I'M NOT SURE. Tom: NO, FLIZZY, THERE'S -- CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT

YOU REMEMBER THOSE NUNS WAS TRYIN' TO HIDE ACTION, WHEN YOU ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT IT, IS COMPLETELY INSANE.

SO, ROBERT, WHAT BROUGHT YOU HERE TODAY? Tom: FINE! WHAT?!

>> Huey: HEY, GRANDDAD.

THE THORNY CROWN IN THE WALL?

HAVE YOU SEEN THAT CONTAINER OF YOU HAVE TO TRUST US, ROBERT. UP!

>> Granddad: HEY, HUEY. Riley: HEY, MAN, WHY YOU STEALIN' OUR STUFF?!

HOW MUCH MORE OF THAT WAVE CREAM

THERE'S NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF. SOON AS I GOT ARRESTED, I SAID, "I WANT THE DUDE THAT GOT

H>> Huey: GRANDDAD, YOU DIDN'T.M WAY.

>> Granddad: THIS WAVE CREAM YOU WAY YOU GONNA GET ME OUT THERE.

R. KELLY OFF."

JOB?! Tom: WELL, I PROSECUTED R. KELLY, AND I --

OH, YOU DON'T WANT TO WORK HERE, HONEY.

NEVER MIND. CREAM.

I MEAN IT. Tom: MY ANSWER IS ALMOST CERTAINLY NO, BUT...I'LL THINK

IT'S YOUR HOUSE. MINDS!

IT'S YOUR LIVING ROOM.

ABOUT IT. >> Granddad: IT GROWS HAIR -- WE'RE GONNA END JIM CROW, ROBERT.

IF I DO TAKE THE CASE, MY RETAINER IS --

DEAD GRANDMOTHER'S ASHES!

MY RETAINER IS...

OKAY, SO, LOOK. SOUTH!

HERE. ENTERTAIN THAT.

HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE COMPOUND FOR A

THE NEW RATE ON YOUR SUB-PRIME, NON-PRIME, UNDER-PRIME MORTGAGE

Tom: PLEASE STOP THROWING MONEY AT ME.

>> Both: A BOMB?!

IS $52,000.47. OF POOP, PISS, POOPY PISS, AND GOUT.

THINGS A BITCH WILL NEVER SAY.

WASN'T A BOMB.

YOU SPECIFICALLY SAID IT WAS NOT HEY, THAT'S A SONG! BIRMINGHAM WAS THE MOST RACIST CITY IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY, RUN

A BOMB!

>> Granddad: BOY, COME HERE! A'IGHT, PIMPIN', I'M-A SEE YOU TOMORROW.

SCRUBS. I CAN'T COME UP WITH THAT KIND OF MONEY IN A MONTH!

YOU WANT TO MAKE A BOMB?

THE WORST PART -- HA! -- NO MONEY. WELL, NOT IF YOU KEEP PUTTIN' ALL THAT NEGATIVE ENERGY INTO

WITH THIS BELT.

I HATE 'EM! >> Huey: YOU GOT TO WASH THAT

YOU GOT TO THINK POSITIVE.

Tom: THAT SINGER PRETTY BOY FLIZZY CAME IN TODAY.

SAY, "I WILL GET EDDIE'S MONEY IN A MONTH." ORGANIZE THIS VIOLENCE AGAINST THE RIDERS, WAS AN EQUALLY

UNDERGROUND FINANCIAL ENTERPRISE.

Sarah: PRETTY BOY FLIZZY?

ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

HE'S HIRING YOU TO DEFEND HIM FOR THE LIQUOR-STORE THING? SO, MR. MAN, YOU STILL INTERESTED IN A JOB?

Granddad: I WILL GET EDDIE'S MONEY IN A MONTH.

>> Granddad: DAMN IT, BOY, WHY

TOM, THAT'S HUGE! Granddad: WAIT! NO! FOR MY HELP DEALING WITH THEM FREEDOM-RIDIN' NIGGAS WAS THE

Tom: DON'T GET TOO EXCITED.

IT'S ALL GONNA BE OKAY.

I'M NOT TAKING THE CASE.

Sarah: WHY NOT? AND GET OUR FREEDOM BACK. HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

Tom: I DON'T WANT TO DEFEND A WOMAN-BEATER, FOR ONE. I WANT TO WORK IN A CLEAN PLACE.

YOU KNOW, FOR A SMART NIGGA, YOU

Sarah: HE MADE A LITTLE TINY MISTAKE.

COME UP WITH SOME DUMBASS PLANS.

Tom: I GUESS HITTING A WOMAN IS OKAY IF YOU HAVE ABS, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT WHORES, ROBERT?

Listen to me. ALL THIS TIME, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

Fake your deaths.

Granddad: LOVE 'EM. Sarah: HE'S A TALENTED ARTIST.

Fake...your...deaths. GOOD. LET ME BACK UP A BIT.

Tom: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, OKAY. KNOW WHY WE'RE BROKE, ROBERT?

SLOW DOWN.

"FLUID SWAP"? BECAUSE OUR GENERATION RAISED NO-GOOD, SELFISH-ASS SONS.

"RUB AGAINST MY ERECTION"?

WRITE IT DOWN BEFORE WE FORGET.

"YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH"? I ASKED MY SON TO VISIT ME.

ONE SPARK, AND HEADS COULD

I LOVE "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!" BULL CONNOR MADE AN ARRANGEMENT WITH THE

ACTUALLY EXPLODE.

KU KLUX KLAN. OH, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GET HIM TO SING AT JAZMINE'S

THEIR MOBS WOULD BE ALLOWED 15 MINUTES TO DO ANYTHING TO THE

EXPLOSIONOF BEAUTIFUL HAIR." ■

BIRTHDAY? I'M TELLING YOU, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF OUR BOYS AGE 30 TO 50 --

Tom: NO! DO YOU LET HER LISTEN TO THAT?

Sarah: OUR PROBLEMS HAVE BEEN ROUGH ON HER. RIDERS WITHOUT FEAR OF ARREST.

>> Huey: GRANDDAD, YOU'RE GONNA

KILL PEOPLE. Ruckus: OH, SURE. IT WOULD BE NICE TO, YOU KNOW...

>> Granddad: WE'LL PUT A WARNING

WHAT?

THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN. FREEMAN.

Tom: DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? AN OLD-SCHOOL MAN LIKE YOU YOUNG LADIES WOULD

MORAL DILEMMA SOLVED.

Sarah: WHAT? RESTAURANTS, AND BEFORE YOU KNOW, SOME NIGGA WILL WANT TO

Tom: THIS ISN'T ABOUT JAZMINE. REALLY APPRECIATE.

Granddad: MR. WUNCLER.

YOU WANT TO MEET PRETTY BOY FLIZZY. INTEGRATE THE SWEET PINK NETHER REGIONS OF YOUR WHITE WIFE OR

UH...

WELL, GIVE ME A RED LIGHT AND SIGN ME UP. NO, JAZMINE WANTS TO MEET PRETTY BOY FLIZZY.

I WAS JUST...WONDERING IF YOU, UM, HAD THAT MONEY. MAKE SURE TO READ THE PART WHERE WE GET TO CAP YOUR ASS IF

Tom: NO, YOU WANT ME TO DEFEND PRETTY BOY FLIZZY BECAUSE

>> Granddad: GET OFF ME!

WELL, UM...MON-- MONEY...W-W-WE, UH...

YOU WANT TO MEET HIM AND DO HIM!

DO ANY OF Y'ALL KNOW WHAT A BBC IS?

Sarah: WHAT?!

Tom: YEAH! YEAH! YOU DO!

All: NO!

Ruckus: OOH, YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

YOU WANT TO GO UNH ON HIM! REAL TALK, ROBERT -- I SHOULD HOPE, AT YOUR AGE, YOU KNOW THAT

IT DOES MUCH DAMAGE. Granddad: WELL...YOU SEE -- EDDIE?!

YOU WANT TO UNH ON HIM ALL NIGHT! YOU HAVE 15 MINUTES, 900 SECONDS, TO DO WHATEVER YOUR

WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT WHEN IT COMES TO OUR NEEDS.

Sarah: I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW INSECURE YOU ARE!

Granddad: YES, WELL, I'M WORKIN' ON IT, BUT I DON'T HAVE

>> Huey: I AGREED TO HELP HEART DESIRES TO THESE SHIFTLESS BLACK BASTARDS BEFORE THE LAW

LISTEN TO YOURSELF. YOU DON'T HAVE MY MONEY. I'VE BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK.

Tom: HE'S LIKE YOUR PERFECT MAN!

AGREED TO WASH HIS HAIR.

HOW MUCH YOU HAVE?

THIS IS BOSS WILLONA, PROPRIETOR HE WON'T EVEN SAY SORRY WHEN HE POUNDS YOUR FACE IN!

SO, I AM BEGGING YOU, WHITE MEN. BRING THE SUITCASE WITH THE MONEY!

OF A BLACK BEAUTY SALON WE FOUND

Granddad: WAIT. YOU'RE AN ESCORT.

WAIT. Granddad: OKAY, ESCORT.

THERE WAS ABOUT BLACK BEAUTY

HE'S NOT COMING THIS WAY.

PRODUCTS, ALTHOUGH I STARTED TO

HE'S GETTING IN HIS CAR.

WITH ME, RIGHT? THEM!

SERIOUSLY, WHERE'S MY MONEY?! BELIEVE ME -- THEY CAN'T DO MUCH, BUT A NIGGA CAN TAKE AN

YOU DON'T HAVE MY MONEY?

NORMALLY, I TRY TO TALK PEOPLE Tom: YOU'RE A SELFISH BASTARD, ROBERT FREEMAN!

ASS-WHUPPING, I PROMISE!

GOD...DAMN!

Huey: GRANDDAD WAS DEFINITELY HAPPIER SINCE HE CAME BACK FROM

A'IGHT. EDDIE. THINK.

GOT SOMETHING SPECIAL, VERY

THE OLD-FOLKS' HOME.

WAIT! I GOT IT! I GUESS THERE IS SOMETHING TO VOLUNTEERING.

Granddad: WHAT?

THE HOUSE. Granddad: HUEY, DRENCH MY BACK.

THIS IS ART. Tom: I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA WORK OUT, FLIZZY.

Riley: AW, NO!

YOU NIGGAS ARE SOME REAL

WE RENT OUT EACH OF THE ROOMS AS A SEPARATE UNIT -- TWO BEDROOMS,

ARTISTS.

WE USED YOUR GEL ON THE LEFT

I'M JUST DEALING WITH SOME PERSONAL PROBLEMS. SANDWICHES?

UP, MY DUDE! FREE-LANCE HONEY BADGER.

>> BITCHES BE HATIN'.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GOT A JOB.

"FREE-LANCE HONEY BADGER"? RIGHT NOW, WE'RE BOTH LETTING THE HATERS GET US DOWN.

THIS IS BETTER THAN WHITE-BITCH I THINK THEY WERE JUST MAKING UP WORDS AFTER AWHILE.

WE GOT TO SHAKE THE HATERS.

Granddad: WHAT DO WE THINK ABOUT...HAVING PEOPLE MOVE IN Granddad: LOTS OF IMPORTANT JOBS -- VALET AND PIMPS.

DO THIS FOR ME, TOM. AAH!

COME ON. SHAKE THOSE HATERS.

Huey: WHOA. WAIT. Huey: WHICH ONE ARE YOU? I'M HATE-FREE, BUT I CAN STILL FEEL THE HATE ON YOU.

Granddad: HUSH.

Riley: YEAH, MAN, SLOW DOWN. DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT I AM.

YOU'RE INTERESTED IN PLACING AN MMM. FEELS GOOD, DOESN'T IT?

YOU GUYS WILL LOVE IT.

AND HE SAID... IT'LL BE LIKE A COMMUNE.

OKAY, SO... Ruckus: HELLO, LIL' NIGGERS.

NOW WILL YOU TAKE THE CASE?

>> Granddad: EXCUSE ME?

Tom: NO. GET OUT THERE AND SELL THAT SHRIVELED-UP MONKEY DICK.

OKAY, FINE. MR. FREEMAN -- AN

IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE CASE, YOU CAN'T TAKE THE CASE. AFRICAN-AMERICAN ENTREPRENEUR.

SEE YOU IN THE MORNING, HO MAN.

IT JUST SEEMS LIKE ME -- SEXY, BUFF ALPHA MALE -- AND YOU --

"OCCUPY MY LIVING ROOM."

Riley: WHERE DO WE LIVE? Granddad: RUCKUS, I'M NOT A WHORE MAN.

KINDHEARTED BUT FRUMPY EVERYMAN -- COULD SOMEHOW BE

IT'S DAMN NEAR LIKE A WHOLE OTHER HOUSE.

I'M AN ESCORT.

ABLE TO HELP EACH OTHER. >> Granddad: HUH?

Tom: AM I A FRUMPY EVERYMAN?

LET ME BREAK DOWN "ESCORT" FOR YOU.

MAKE THIS SHIT FLY.

YOU JUST GET YOUR ASS BACK ON IS THAT WHY SHE'S LOST INTEREST?!

OF COURSE.

TOM!

WHITE WOMAN WHO, TEMPORARILY DOWN ON HER LUCK, USES THE

YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE

POWERS OF HER GOLD-PLATED VAGINA TO CARE FOR HER ADORABLE KIDS.

HEY, NIGGER-LOVERS! YOU GOT NO FLASH, NO SWAG, NO THIN VENEER OF TOUGHNESS.

WHOA!

>> Riley: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

OF COURSE YOUR WIFE LEFT YOU AND IS DOING IT TO SOME RANDOM GUY.

ALL RI-I-I-GHT.

>> I'LL TAKE ALL OF IT --

Tom: THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID HAPPENED.

WHATEVER YOU GOT.

SO, LOOK -- YOU TAKE THE CASE, AND I TEACH YOU HOW TO YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH DUDES?

ADVISE MY GRANDFATHER BRIEFLY?

DRESS AND HOW TO TALK TO BITCHES AND SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE.

I'M ESCORTING LADIES.

Tom: YOU KNOW WHAT? Riley: WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, THEN.

WHY NOT?

ACTUALLY, THAT'S KIND OF GANGSTA. YOU'RE NOT GONNA TEACH ME HOW TO DANCE, RIGHT?

OH, GOD! OH, GOD! HELP US!

NO. Huey: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET A REAL JOB.

NO DANCING.

Granddad: THIS IS A REAL JOB. BUT THERE WILL BE A SHOPPING MONTAGE.

BOY, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

MISS BOSS WILLONA IS A PILLAR OF TWO THINGS WOMEN HATE -- BROKE MEN AND BORING MEN.

THE COMMUNITY.

>> I ASSURE YOU OUR OPERATION IS

GOOD NEWS IS, YOU'RE NOT BROKE. OH, THIS IS

Granddad: YES, UH, I'M THE

BUT YOU ARE BORING, AND WOMEN HATE TO BE BORED, TOM.

OWNER OF THE HOUSE. PERFECT.

YOU AIN'T THE OWNER OF THE HOUSE.

THEY HATE TO BE BORED. THIS STUFF.

A WOMAN WOULD RATHER BE WITH A GUY THAT BEATS THEM TO DEATH

BE LATE FOR MY FIRST DATE. Granddad: YES, WELL, I'M ROBERT FREEMAN, CIVIL RIGHTS --

>> Huey: NO, GRANDDAD, I THINK

THAN BORES THEM TO DEATH. THAT'S HOW WE ALL GOT HERE.

>> Granddad: DON'T LISTEN TO TRUST ME, NIGGA, I KNOW.

HIM, BOSS LADY WILLONA.

BUT WHY DO THEY WANT ME, TOM?

WHY YOU GOT TO RUIN EVERYTHING?

>> Huey: WE GOT TO TELL THEM. Granddad:

Granddad: I WAS HOPING TO USE THE BATHROOM.

IS IT MY INCREDIBLE SEXINESS? NOT SO FAST, YOU CRACKER!

SURE. >> Granddad: YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY,

NOW EXCUSE ME. BUT WHY AM I SO SEXY?

Granddad: YES, BUT I WOULD PREFER TO U-- TIME FOR GRANDDAD TO GIVE THE LADIES WHAT THEY NEED.

WHAT IS THE SECRET TO MY SEXINESS?

>> Huey: BOSS WILLONA, THIS OUT MY FACE, NIGGA!

MY MONEY, MY JEWELS, FAME?

MM. OHH. ARE WE ABOUT TO HAVE A NIGGA MOMENT?

COMPOUND.

ABSOLUTELY. IT'S A HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED. BUT, REALLY, IT'S BECAUSE I'M A UP.

Granddad: NO, PLEASE.

I DON'T WANNA HAVE A NIGGA MOMENT. GOD, I SHOULD HAVE SIGNED UP FOR MORE THAN THREE HOURS.

AAH! I GET ARRESTED, I DO DRUGS, I ROB LIQUOR STORES -- ALLEGEDLY!

I JUST HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

Granddad:

THAT'S WHAT ALL WOMEN WANT. OHH, ROBERT!

YOU THINK THEM BITCHES OUT THERE

BECAUSE WOMEN HAVE NO SELF-RESPECT!

Tom: WELL, MY WIFE HAS

ROBERT, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE NONVIOLENT!

SELF-RESPECT.

REALLY? YOU SURE? HER?

Tom: YES! Granddad: UNH-UNH.

Granddad: NO! SHE'S AN EDUCATED, WELL-ROUNDED, CONFIDENT WOMAN.

Granddad: NOPE.

THAT'S IT! AND WHAT ABOUT HER?

I MAY NEED TO MEET HER. YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE ME? Granddad: NO, MARGE SIMPSON'S NOT PRETTIER THAN YOU, EITHER!

Tom: NO, NO, NO. NO. DON'T YOU GET IT?

I KNOW WHERE THIS GOES. THESE BITCHES WOULD PUT NAPALM

YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN TONIGHT'S ENTIRE LINEUP AND ALL OF BASIC

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO MY WIFE.

DO YOUR WIFE? AAH!

TOM, I WOULDN'T DO YOUR WIFE. PUT A WARNING LABEL ON IT.

OH, THANK YOU. Tom: YOU HAVE A SONG CALLED "I WILL DO YOUR WIFE!"

OW!

YOU REALLY TURNED OUR LIFE INTO "GOOD TIMES."

I DIDN'T MEAN YOUR WIFE!

I MEANT THAT METAPHORICALLY.

Riley: YEAH, FOR NOW. Granddad: OOH!

Tom: MM, I STILL DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA.

THAT NIGGER BITCH IS MINE!

OH, GOD, I'VE BEEN SO LONELY! NIGGA, I SWEAR ON MY ABS -- ON MY ABS, NIGGA! -- I WILL NOT

WHY CAN'T Y'ALL GET JOBS?

AAH! Huey: CHILD LABOR LAWS, UNSAFE WORKPLACES, REALLY SMALL

TOUCH YOUR WIFE.

Tom: WELL, MY DAUGHTER WOULD LOVE TO MEET YOU. GET EVERYBODY BACK TO THE BUS!

Granddad: OHH.

A SMALL DINNER. YOUR GENERATION IS JUST LAZY, THAT'S ALL.

NO ENTOURAGE!

NO PROBLEM.

AAH!

MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THESE

LIKE SOME SIGN-LANGUAGE

AW, COME ON.

NO! AAH!

I THOUGHT YOU GAVE UP WORK TO RUN FOR MAYOR.

PEOPLE SHOWED UP.

OHH! Tom: WELL, MAYBE IF YOU HADN'T TWEETED OUR ADDRESS TO

I GAVE UP WORKING FOR NIGGAS, AND OTHER COLORS, LIKE MEXICANS

THAT'S HER AGAIN, DAMN IT!

HEY, MAN...

SHE CALLS ME... Tom: YEAH, YOU WERE F'ed UP, I KNOW.

NOW YOU BETTER GRAB SOME SUDS AND START WAXING HOODS.

OKAY, SO, CHECK IT.

KEY WITH CHICKS IS TO INSULT THEM WHEN YOU COMPLIMENT THEM.

WAX ON, WAX OFF, NIGGA!

NEVER BE TOO NICE.

TRUST ME. GRAB A COMPUTER.

GO NEG ON HER. PULL THE STATS ON VANESSA.

KNOCK HER DOWN A PEG.

SHE'LL LOVE IT.

Granddad: DAMN!

Granddad: WHAT ARE YOU DOING

WHAT'S THIS THING, ELECTRIC?

Tom: HEY, SWEETIE, YOU LOOK LOVELY TONIGHT.

HERE?

Sarah: OH, THANK YOU, HONEY. GET ON THE BUS!

Granddad: FINE, TAKE THIS. Tom: YEAH, BUT NOT AS NICE AS YOU THINK YOU LOOK.

COME ON, MAN! NO.

>> Riley: THAT'S OKAY. Sarah: ASSHOLE!

LOOK, LOU GOSSETT JR. IS WASHING MY CAR.

MONEY.

>> Granddad: I UNDERSTAND, HUEY.

STOP TRYING TO HIDE INSIDE MY TRUNK.

SO MANY BAD THINGS HAS HAPPENED

I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY FIRED THE SAND PEOPLE.

IT'S HARD NOT TO ASSUME THE

Granddad: HEY, NEIGHBOR!

BUT DON'T YOU SEE?

THE NIGHT. WE, UH, HEARD THERE'S A DINNER PARTY GOING DOWN, AND I NEVER AAH! DIANE!

WHAT YOU'RE DOING FOR OUR WOMEN IS BIGGER THAN THAT.

THIS TIME, EVERYTHING'S GONNA

WORK OUT PERFECTLY. RECEIVED THE E-VITE, SO HERE WE ARE.

YOU'RE BOOSTING THEIR SELF-ESTEEM, MAKING THEM FEEL

I KNOW IT.

FEEL THAT, NIGGA? FEEL THAT?

>>NEXT ON "CHANNEL 11 NEWS"...

THAT FEELIN' IS CALLED "WORK."

COULD YOU HAVE A BOMB IN YOUR ■

NO KIDS, 39. Tom: YOU DIDN'T GET ONE BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T INVITED.

HAIR? ■

SHE FOUND OUR AD IN THE BACK OF THAT BOOK, "THINK LIKE A DUDE YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE LEAVING ME OUT IN THE COLD AND THEN

Granddad: SHUT UP, RUCKUS.

WHEN DO I GET PAID? 'CAUSE YOUR LONELY BLACK ASS AIN'T NEVER GONNA GET ONE

PRODUCT CONTAINS A DANGEROUSLY ■ WANTING TO COME TO THE FLIZZY DINNER FOR THE FREE FOOD.

YOU FIRED.

Granddad: FIRED? WHY? ANYWAY."

HA! Granddad: WE DIDN'T COME HERE FOR THE FREE FOOD.

THE CAR-WASH BRASS IS CUTTIN' BACK HOURS.

WE CAME HERE TO WARN YOU. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE STRATEGY OF NONVIOLENT DIRECT ACTION?

TOM, YOU GOT TO GET THAT FLIZZY AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE! SHE READ THE BOOK TWICE 'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE A DATE.

WE'LL CALL YOU WHEN WE NEED YOU.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH SHE'S TRAPPED IN THIS PASSIONLESS, SEXUALLY

THAT

UNFULFILLING MARRIAGE WITH YOU.

EVEN THE SKINNY WHITE "SEX AND THE CITY" BITCHES CAN'T

WOMEN ATTEMPTED TO BOARD A ■ HER LADYPARTS PROBABLY BURNING WITH UNQUENCHABLE LUST, AND YOU

PLANE AND WERE STOPPED AFTER ■

FIND A GOOD MAN FOR SIX SEASONS. JUST GONNA DANGLE ALL THAT SEXINESS IN FRONT OF HER?!

WHAT'D YOU DO NOW?

Tom: HUH? THEIR PERSON. ■

FLORIDA BEATRICE JACKSON AND ■ Riley: MAN, IT'S LIKE, "HERE, NIGGA, TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE!"

Granddad: HUH?

Huey: YOU KNOW HE'S GOT A SONG CALLED -- DETAINED FOR SEVERAL HOURS ■

BEFORE IT WAS FINALLY ■ Tom: "I WILL DO YOUR WIFE," YES.

Huey: BUT THERE'S ALSO A SONG CALLED, "WHITE WIFEBOOTY."

OR MORE PRECISELY, THEIR HAIR ■

THE BAD NIGGER NEWS. UNCLE RUCKUS IS BACK ON THE SCENE, RUFFLING SMALL-TOWN

KNOW THAT?

Tom: REALLY?

NO, NO, I DIDN'T. A BLACK WOMAN IS MORE LIKELY TO DIE IN A TANNING-SALON FIRE THAN

ALL EXOTIFIED AND WHATNOT WITH ■

AND IT DOESN'T MATTER, GUYS. Granddad: NIGGA, WHERE YOU

ALL THIS HAIR, BUT WE AIN'T, ■

I-I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. FIND TRUE LOVE.

FLIZZY'S GONNA HELP ME WORK THINGS OUT WITH SARAH. ■

YOU'RE MAKING THESE LONELY BLACK WOMEN FEEL LOVED, AND THAT

Granddad: OH, HE GONNA WORK SOMETHING OUT, ALL RIGHT.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A

ALONE! ■ Granddad: I GOT YOU NOW,

Tom: HE'S HERE TO HELP.

Granddad: OH, HE GONNA HELP HIMSELF TO THAT BOOTY! ROBERT, NO!

HE ALMOST RIGHT. IN VANESSA'S VEINS -- SHE'LL KEEP

THE WHITE HALF OF HIM RIGHT, BECAUSE THE WHITE BUSINESSMAN,

Granddad: HE'S GONNA -- Tom: CONTROL THAT BOOTY. Granddad: AAH!

YOU PAID FOREVER.

GOT IT. SINGLE JAR CONTAINS ENOUGH HIGH ■

Granddad: I WASN'T GONNA SAY THAT.

I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF DEBT. HE GONNA BE UNDER THAT BOOTY!

PLANE OR A PRIUS. ■

Riley: HA HA!

GOOD ONE, GRANDDAD!

NOW YOU GO BLOW LOVE SMOKE UP VANESSA'S BLACK ASS AND GET MY

ROBERT, YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME. Tom: YEAH, HA, YEAH, VERY FUNNY GUYS. ENOUGH.

Granddad: NIGGA, I'M GONNA HIS BLACK ASS ALL THE WAY OVER HERE TO AMERICA TO DO SOME

Granddad: AS LONG AS YOU KNOW. MONEY.

NEXT TIME YOUR KIDS ARE BORN WITH GREAT ABS AND TATTOOS,

KILL YOU!

PRODUCTIVE WORK. TURN THE OTHER CHEEK, ROBERT.

DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

TELL THAT MAN HE'S YOUR BROTHER. COME ON, KIDS. LET'S EAT.

Granddad: WHAT?!

THANK YOU, FANS. THANK YOU. WHAT THE -- Riley: MM-MMM!

Sarah:

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT!

OH, MY GOD, FLIZZY, YOU'RE SO FUNNY AND SO POLITE.

Y'ALL HAD YOUR FUN!

YOU MEAN I COME DOWN HERE FOR NOTHING? THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS HOW COME WE ARE LOSIN' TO THE CHINESE --

WHICH SAID IT HAD SOLD OUT OF ■

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ROB LIQUOR STORES AND YOU BEAT UP WOMEN. I CAME DOWN HERE TO BEAT UP A NIGGER!

THE PRODUCT, CLAIMED IT WOULD ■

BECAUSE THE CHINAMAN USES SLAVE LABOR, AND WE DON'T.

NOT BE ORDERING ANY MORE BUT ■

Tom: SARAH!

NO, IT'S COOL. OW.

SHE'S RIGHT. >> Riley: SEE? NO SNITCHING. OH, WHAT A STUNNING VICTORY,

I REALLY NEED TO STOP GETTING ARRESTED.

>> Granddad: SHUSH!

Sarah: I'M NOT PASSING JUDGMENT ABOUT THE CHRISTIANNA THE ONE THAT COMES WITH A HOUSE KEY.

THEY SHOULD BE USIN' GOOD OLD-FASHIONED BLACKY AMERICAN

URGING PEOPLE WHO BOUGHT THE ■ MAYBE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN KEEPING UP ON CURRENT EVENTS, BUT WE

I KNOW SOMETIMES BITCHES STEP OUT OF LINE.

Riley: WE DO! I MEAN, I DO.

SLAVE LABOR! JUST GOT OUR ASSES KICKED, PAL.

LORD KNOWS I DO!

YOU'RE GONNA GET US ALL KILLED. Tom: HONEY, THERE ARE

DEATH IS A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR FREEDOM.

CHILDREN AT THE TABLE.

SESSION TO MAKE SALE OR ■ Sarah: NOW, I WANT TO BE CLEAR, KIDS -- HITTING A WOMAN

CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY.

A GANGSTALICIOUS CARD. Ruckus: OH, DON'T LOOK AT ME.

IS WRONG... TERRORIST OFFENSE, PUNISHABLE ■ PAY FOR ANYTHING!

YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS? UNLESS SHE HITS YOU FIRST.

YOU WANT TO DIE. Huey: YOU GOT THE GANGSTALICIOUS CARD, GRANDDAD?

AIN'T THAT RIGHT! Granddad: SHE'S ONE OF MY CLIENTS.

EXCUSE ME?

Tom: WOW. DRONE STRIKE. ■

AND THEY'LL DESERVE IT. ■ Sarah: OR SHE TALKS ABOUT YOUR MAMA!

TIM, BACK TO YOU. ■

Tom: SARAH, THAT IS ENOUGH! VERY UNNIGGARDLY OF YOU, ROBERT.

>> Riley: DOES THIS MEAN WE Sarah: "SARAH, THAT'S ENOUGH."

Granddad: SHUT UP, RUCKUS.

Tom: SARAH, THAT'S IT! CAN'T MAKE NO MORE MONEY? UH, FREEDOM FELLERS?

BOY, THAT IS A POWERFUL REQUEST. YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF IN FRONT OF YOUR DAUGHTER AND IN

KARDASHIAN CARD, LIL WAYNE CARD -- YOU SEE, BOYS?

THIS GUY WON'T LET ME GET AROUND, AND I FOUND THIS.

FRONT OF PRETTY BOY FLIZZY! THEM BIG-THIGH BLACK ONES JUST LIKE BEDBUGS.

THERE WAS A WARNING LABEL. Riley: IT'S LIKE WE NOT EVEN HERE.

>> Huey: ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Tom: NOW, YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH. I THINK IT'S FOR Y'ALL.

YOU ARE GOING TO GO UPSTAIRS AND SLEEP IT OFF! THE RIDERS WERE ABOUT TO SEE HOW FAR THE KLAN WOULD GO TO

TO GET 'EM OUT.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, TOM?

STOP THAT BUS. $1,500 IN FEES?!

HIT ME?

Tom: NO! I'M GONNA LEAVE YOU!

I HOPE THIS NOTE FINDS YOU WELL. SO, UH, I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF

MWAH!

Jazmine: DADDY! GIVE ME SOME TIME.

Sarah: TOM, WAIT!

TOM! HOPE THERE ARE NO HARD FEELINGS.

Granddad: TOM, GREW A PAIR. Granddad: HUH?

DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING. TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM, A BOMB HAS BEEN PLACED ON THIS BUS.

Riley:

I DON'T WANT THE MONEY BACK,

ROBERT.

I WANT MORE GEL -- A LOT MORE.

Granddad: HEY!

YEAH, IT'S SO COZY, A-AND I LOVE HOW YOU ARRANGED THE BEDS. Riley: AND THIS ONE!

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

IT'S A VERY...ECONOMICAL USE OF SPACE. MAN, PLEASE, PLEASE, CAN WE KEEP HER, GRANDDAD?!

IT WAS LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF THAT CINEMATIC CLASSIC "SPEED,"

A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE.

SELLING MORE WOULD BE BITTER.

Granddad: YOU CAN'T THROW AWAY MY OLD SHIRTS! SAY, DO YOU MIND IF WE STORE, UH...SOMETHING HERE FOR JUST A

>> I DON'T BELIEVE IT'S THE

SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. I RELIVE MY GLORY DAYS IN MY OLD SHIRTS!

COUPLE OF DAYS?

WOMEN THEY CAN'T HAVE LONG, DIDN'T REALLY HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO CALL.

BEAUTIFUL HAIR.

>> UNH-UNH.

EH, NO SWEAT, MAN.

THAT WAS ROUGH. PUT MY CLOTHES?

Tom: YEAH, IT WAS A DISASTER. Granddad: IN YOUR HOUSE!

SO MUCH FOR MAKING A MAN OUT OF ME. YOU KNOW I SOLD MY HOUSE TO PAY FOR YOU.

>> JUST BETWEEN US, MY BUSINESS

NAW, MAN.

ISN'T ENTIRELY LEGITIMATE. TO JUST STAND UP AND WALK OUT, THAT TOOK GUTS.

>> Granddad: NO! Tom: ALL I ENDED UP LEARNING IS MY WIFE LIKES YOU BETTER.

DEBT.

PROMISED HER MORE, GRANDDAD.

YOUR WIFE DOESN'T LIKE ME BETTER. HUH.

>> Granddad: FINE. YOU GUYS ARE BOTH JUST BORING AS

WE'LL MAKE IT.

YOU'RE ROLLING WITH ME TONIGHT.

WE'LL MAKE IT, NIGGA.

I'M TAKING YOU TO MAN CAMP. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

THIS HOUSE WHO KNOWS CHEMISTRY? BUT I DON'T HANG WITH NO NEGATIVE-ENERGY-SUCKING

Granddad: UH...

SO GATHER UP SOME POSITIVITY IN THIS BITCH RIGHT

SURE. Y-YEAH.

I GOT A LITTLE OF THE STUFF

QUICK AND LET'S ROLL OUT.

Tom: OKAY! I CAN BE POSITIVE. SORRY, THERE, FREEDOM FELLERS -- TIME AND A HALF JUST

THAT ALWAYS WORKS ON TV.

I'M NOT A LOSER. YOU'RE JUST SILLY-ACTING.

I'LL MAKE IT MYSELF. I CAN...GET STUFF...HAPPENING, AND I GOT STUFF GOING ON!

HOW HARD COULD IT BE? Granddad: WELL, IT'S BEEN REAL -- HOPE YOU REACH THE

MAYBE...MILLION, AT LEAST?

>> Riley: ANALYZED, NIGGA.

THE STRUGGLE NEEDS YOU, ROBERT. Granddad: EDDIE, I'M SORRY.

I TAUGHT THEM.

THINGS COULD BE WORSE. IT'S GOOD MANNERS.

I COULD BE THAT GUY.

THINK, EDDIE, THINK. Huey: RILEY'S TALKING IN HIS SLEEP.

THE INGREDIENTS, YOU MIX THAT

Riley: I'M JUST READING.

FIND ME A WAY TO GET ROBERT THAT MONEY. TRICK-ASS NEW GRANDMA TOLD ME TO.

UP THE WHOLE HOUSE WITH US IN

Granddad: YOU KNOW THAT'S KIDNAPPING, RIGHT? IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, SIR.

>> Granddad: WUNCLER OWNS THIS

THEIR CREDIT IS...PISS-POOR, SIR.

Granddad: ENOUGH.

NO! GET YOUR ASSES IN BED.

>> Granddad: YOU CAN HELP ME DO

THIS MAN IS A CUSTOMER. I DO WHAT THE HELL I WANT."

YOU GOT RILEY READING?

HE IS A DEAR FAMILY FRIEND.

WHOO! HE IS A WAR HERO -- A CIVIL-RIGHTS LEGEND!

THAT MUST HAVE TAKEN A BEATING AND A HALF.

WE MUST FIND A WAY TO HELP HIM!

>> Huey: YOU TWO HAVE TO FOLLOW NO!

MY INSTRUCTIONS EXACTLY. NO! I WANT OFF THE BUS!

WELL, THERE IS ONE WAY.

OKAY, I THREATENED TO BEAT HIM -- THE WAY MY MOM DID.

WELCOME.

I SEE YOU.

MAYBE YOU AIN'T SO GAY AFTER SO, WITH A BOMB ON THE BUS AND STURDY BASICALLY HOLDING

Tom: OH, WHAT THE HECK.

IT'S MAN CAMP. >> Huey: AND WE CAN'T DO ITR

AT WUNCLER BANKING, WE DO BELIEVE IN OFFERING QUALITY

BANKING SERVICES TO THOSE WITH DAMAGED CREDIT. SIGHT THAT COULD BE USED TO BEAT THAT ASS.

NOBODY WILL FIND IT.

Granddad: A LOAN! YES!

VERY SLOWLY. I'LL TAKE IT!

COULDN'T YOU HAVE GOTTEN

DONE!

CONGRATULATIONS!

I BELIEVE IN YOU, ROBERT. ALL I KNOW IS THEY KEPT SINGING THAT SAME DAMN SONG OVER AND

WE'RE COOKING HAIR RELAXER.

Granddad: $200? I BELIEVE IN THE FREEMAN FAMILY!

>> Huey: YEAH. IT'LL WORK.

>> Granddad: ALL RIGHT. AIN'T GONNA LET NOBODY TURN ME AROUND

FREEMAN FAMILY! FREEMAN FAMILY!

>> Riley: WHOA!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

WHAT YOU DOING?

>> Granddad: I CAN'T HAVE MY Tom: HEY, THIS IS THE BUY-N-FLY THAT FLIZZY ROBBED.

STUFF. YOU MAKE A MEAN SWEET-POTATO PIE.

>> Riley: YES, YOU CAN.

FUNNY.

Granddad: THAT WENT WELL. YOU'RE SMART.

Huey: DID YOU CHECK THE INTEREST RATE? MISSISSIPPI STATE LINE, WE SAW A BLACK CAR ON THE SIDE OF THE

I CAN'T EVEN BUY THE RIGHT HOOKER.

Granddad: 150% INTEREST?!

LET'S GET TO IT. ROAD, AND THERE WAS A GENTLEMAN WAVING US DOWN.

Riley: WHAT'S THAT MEAN?

Y'ALL KNOW I DON'T DO MATH.

Tom: TYLENOL? EXCUSES TO GET NAKED, HUEY? PRESIDENT KENNEDY, WHO WAS GREATLY EMBARRASSED BY THE

IT'S GAY.

IT WAS A RIP-OFF, AN EASY-CREDIT RIP-OFF!

EVEN WORSE, IT'S HOMOSEXUAL.

IT.

Granddad: HUH?

THE RIDERS BEFORE THEY GOT TO MISSISSIPPI.

I'M HERE TO TELL YOU TO TURN BACK. I'M TELLING YOU, WE'VE

WATCHED THIS THING A MILLION TIMES. THIS MAN INFORMED THEM THAT THERE WAS A VIRTUAL ARMY OF

IF WE DIDN'T MEET THIS WAY -- SO WHAT, WE MET THIS WAY?

WE KNOW THAT'S FLIZZY.

CASE CLOSED.

LET'S THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND AND BE A REAL COUPLE -- NO

HA HA HA! YEAH!

THANKS FOR THE WARNING, SIR.

PAY-PER-DATES!

Granddad: I'M UNDER A 2-YEAR PIMP-HO CONTRACT.

Granddad:

THE ESCORT SERVICE IS RUN BY PIMPS?

NO.

WE'RE GOING TO MISSISSIPPI. WELL, AT LEAST WE'RE NOT SANGIN'

WHAT ARE THEY -- LIKE, HUGE, SCARY GUYS?

CUT! ARE YOU CRAZY?

THERE WAS A P.A. IN THE SHOT! Granddad: YEAH, THEY ARE SCARY.

RESET! >> Huey: WELL, WHAT NOW? AND HE'S HOLDING ME HOSTAGE.

>> Granddad: NOW WE CALL MAN, I'M GETTING SWEATY.

Huey: IT'S "HANGIN' IN THE CHOW LINE," GRANDDAD. SIR, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT WE ALL SIGNED OUR WILLS BEFORE WE

PRETTY'S SWEATY.

IS SOMEONE DEAF?

SHINE CHECK! LEFT FOR THIS TRIP.

I PROMISE YOU, I'M WORTH BEING BITCH-SLAPPED FOR.

CAN YOU THROW ME A LINE?

TRYING TO GET MY UNION CARD.

FIND ANYTHING, COLUMBO?

Tom: UH, NOPE! BATS, BOMBS, AND GUNS ARE ALL THEY NEED TO SCARE US.

NOTHING.

THANKS, JACK.

NOBODY WILL EVER FIND THIS. Granddad: THAT'S ALL THEY NEED TO SCARE ME!

NOT A CLITORIS' CHANCE IN AFRICA WE'LL LET YOU OUT OF YOUR

AND EVERYTHING YOU NEED IS RIGHT

IT -- MOVING DAY.

IN THERE, HUH? BUT THE THREE OF US -- WE'RE GOING ON.

AAAAAAAH!

Riley: SO, SO UNFORTUNATE

I DON'T WANT TO GET BACK ON THE BUS! MRS. DuBOIS, DO YOU MIND IF

>> Granddad: AAH!

>> Riley: AW, MAN. FINE.

WE DO A QUICK SOUND CHECK? Granddad: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!

MY GOD, YOU KIDS ARE CRAZY. Sarah: OF COURSE. GO AHEAD.

WH>> DON'T TAKE THIS PERSONAL,O

GUYS.

I'M A BUSINESSWOMAN. BUT BRAVE. SO BRAVE.

IT'S JUST BUSINESS. " ON 1, 2, 3 --

>> Riley: I'MA GET SHOT BY A GAY

NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU BROKE, BALD

DUDE.

Sarah: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! NO!

HOLD ON! >> Granddad: WHAT? I WANT TO GO NORTH!

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

>> THE FORMULA. YOU, UH, CAN'T SING THAT AT JAZMINE'S PARTY.

ABOUT YOUR CHEMO!

YOU DON'T LIKE IT?

Sarah: NO! I LOVE THAT SONG.

A LOT, ACTUALLY.

WITH SOMETHING. >> MWAH!

DEAD!!

Sarah: NO, NO.

OKAY. SEE YA. ROOFTOPS, EVERYWHERE YOU CAN GET 'EM.

HOW ABOUT "CAKE"?

SURE THING, MRS. DuBOIS.

THEY'RE MY LONELY, BITTER GIRLFRIENDS.

Ruckus: BRAVE WHITE MEN OF LAW ENFORCEMENT, YOU ARE THE

Granddad: OW, OW, OW!

WHOOPS. LAST LINE OF DEFENSE FOR THE WHITE MAN'S ENTIRE GLORIOUS WAY

SORRY, I WAS JUST CUTTIN' SOME, UH, MEAT EARLIER.

Granddad: I THOUGHT WE -- I JUST GOT MY ASS KICKED FOR YOU!

WHAT'S UP, TIGER?

Tom: YOU FAKED THE ROBBERY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? OF LIFE.

THEY KNOW WE'RE A COUPLE. Tom: I WATCHED THE SURVEILLANCE TAPE, FLIZZY -- THE

THIS PLACE, THIS NEIGHBORHOOD, WON'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU

WHOLE TAPE.

IRREVERSIBLE CHANGES. I KNOW YOU STAGED THE ROBBERY.

ISN'T THERE ANYONE WHO CAN HELP THIS MAN?

YOU JUST COULDN'T LEAVE ALONE, COULD YOU? FIRST, THERE WILL BE INTEGRATED DINERS AND BATHROOMS AND THEN

Ruckus: YES, SIR, MR. KINDLY BILLIONAIRE WHITE MAN.

Tom: WHAT ELSE WAS FAKE?

SCHOOLS.

WERE THE NICARAGUAN GUNS FAKE? WHERE THEIR DADDY AT?

DID YOU REALLY EVEN BEAT CHRISTIANNA? I BET THAT NO-GOOD NIGGER DROPPED THEM OFF WITH YOU AND

DON'T YOU EVER QUESTION WHETHER OR NOT I BEAT ACADEMY AWARDS, NIGGERS PLAYING DOCTORS ON TELEVISION, AND

NEVER LOOKED BACK, RIGHT?

CHRISTIANNA!

I WHUPPED THAT BITCH'S ASS! EVENTUALLY, EVEN THE WHITE HOUSE WON'T BE WHITE.

LOOK, IT'S FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE AND THE

BUT THE NICKI MINAJ THING WAS STAGED.

>> Granddad: AAH! WHITE MEN, YOU MUST STOP THIS BUS!

NEXT MAYOR OF WOODCREST, UNCLE RUCKUS!

SHE AIN'T REALLY A CYBORG, EITHER.

SHE'S A NICE GIRL.

You get in there and you do the thing I'm talkin' about.

DAMN, TOM.

WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS? ROBERT FREEMAN'S LIVING ROOM.

Tom: I'M YOUR ATTORNEY! NOW SCRAM BEFORE SOMEONE SHOOTS YOUR BLACK ASS BY MISTAKE.

Ruckus:

THIS IS MY BUSINESS!

HE IS CRAZY!

'CAUSE I GOT TO STAY RELEVANT! THAT'S WHY!

SUCKS RIGHT NOW!

Granddad: SLAVERY?!

YOU GOT TO ACT LIKE AN IDIOT JUST TO STAY IN THEIR TURN BACK.

FACES! PLEASE, DON'T DO THIS.

BUT IF I CAN STAY IN JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF TROUBLE, I'LL BE

>> Huey: GRANDDAD!

I THINK ABOUT IT AS INVESTING IN PEOPLE. DIDN'T FORGET YOUR REQUEST.

MY AUDIENCE IS WOMEN, TOM -- WOMEN.

I INVEST IN YOU, YOU HELP ME.

AND WOMEN HATE TO BE BORED.

BEAUTIFUL WHITE WOMAN. Riley: YEAH, WHAT WE GOT TO DO IN RETURN?

Tom: LOOK, FLIZZY, I'M SORRY. AAH! NO! AAH!

IT BETTER NOT BE NOTHIN' GAY.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS.

NO.

I DON'T LIVE IN YOUR WORLD. Ruckus: THAT AIN'T POSSIBLE.

I'M A SIMPLE GUY.

I JUST WANT TO DO MY JOB, TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY, AND I NEEDED

>> Granddad: DON'T TURN OVER!

TIME, AND, IN EXCHANGE...

AAH! SOME HELP TRYING TO GET MY WIFE BACK.

Granddad: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. NO, I JUST OWN 100% OF YOUR TIME UNTIL THE DEBT IS PAID.

EVEN THE OLD ONES GONE WHITE LIKE THEY'RE DAMN NBA PLAYERS OR

OH, YOU WANT YOUR WIFE BACK? GOD WILL PROTECT US.

SOMETHING. HOW ABOUT NOT INVITING A NIGGA THAT'S RICHER THAN YOU AND

SURE, IT IS.

FOR EXAMPLE, LET'S SAY I COME BY UNANNOUNCED, IN THE MIDDLE OF

PRETTIER THAN YOU TO MEET YOUR WIFE? PLEASE!

I INVESTED ALL MY MONEY IN YOU.

I MEAN, HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE, NIGGA?

Tom: WHAT? HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID?

BUT I-I THOUGHT WE WERE -- THOUGHT WHAT, NIGGA?!

COME ON, GIRL.

I'M TIRED OF YOUR PUNK-ASS! YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.

WE'RE ALMOST THERE.

ROLL YOUR NECK AROUND AND CUSS HIS ASS OUT. FLIZZY, I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST

KEEP FIRING! KEEP FIRING!

IF YOU GUYS ARE MAD, YELL AT ME.

LEAVE.

LEAVE?

I MIGHT AS WELL MOVE IN THIS BITCH.

Granddad: I'LL TAKE IT! Granddad: VANESSA, PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!

YOU ALREADY DONE GAVE ME YOUR WIFE. YOU LAZY NIGGA!

THIS IS MY HOUSE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE CAR

I THINK YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH TALKING. JAZMINE'S GONNA BE CALLING ME DADDY FROM NOW ON.

YOI'M DOCKING YOU A FULL DAY'SAR

IT'S LITERALLY SLAVERY! YEAH. GO TALK TO BECKY.

Tom: NOW, THAT'S ENOUGH! IT'S OKAY, GIRL.

OH, YOU MAD, TOM?

WHAT YOU GONNA DO? AAH! IT'S NOT FAIR!

YOU WANT TO HIT ME?

I CAN'T TAKE IT!

FLIZZY, I'M WARNING YOU...

THEY TOOK EVERYTHING! HIT ME, TOM.

THEY CAN'T GET AWAY WITH IT!

COME ON, HIT ME NOW!

PROSTITUTION. Tom: ALL RIGHT, YOU ASKED FOR IT!

HOW MANY YEARS DO I HAVE LEFT, ANYWAY? I SOLD MY GOLD-PLATED HOO-HA TO BAIL YOU OUT.

I'VE BEEN FREE MY WHOLE LIFE, AND WHAT HAS IT GOTTEN ME?

Sarah: TOM! >> OH, MY HEAD.

AAH!

I'M TIRED OF LIVIN' IN THAT GARAGE WITH YOU TWO SMELLY

NIGGAS. >> HOO-HOO. LET'S GO.

YOU'RE NOT TAKING MY FAMILY! TO GIVE UP HIS BOSSES TO GET A LESSER CHARGE.

Sarah: TOM! OH, MY GOD! KEYS?

THIS IS A PROUD DAY -- THE DAY

TOM, STOP!

Ruckus: OH! I KNEW IT!

I KNEW IT!

CITIZEN'S ARREST!

I'M MAKING A CITIZEN'S ARREST!

Tom:

WE BRING SLAVERY BACK TO AMERICA.

Riley: NOW SHUT UP!

STOP SQUIRMING!

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!

LIKE EVERY OTHER BAD THING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH, LET'S FORGET IT

Sarah: OH!

BABY, ARE YOU OKAY?!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT. HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.

YOU WERE A MANIAC!

I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THAT.

Granddad: UH, GRANDDAD? WHITE MAN AND HIS WELL-RUN FINANCIAL INSTITUTION.

MY FAULT.

LET'S GO HOME.

>> Granddad: BUT...WHAT ABOUT

I JUST WANT TO THANK UNCLE RUCKUS FOR HIS IF THEY ARE, YOU'LL BE BROUGHT UP ON FEDERAL CHARGES.

THIS?

LEADERSHIP -- AND, OF COURSE, TO ROBERT FREEMAN FOR HAVING THE

Ruckus: ALL RIGHT, GET MOVING, GET MOVING. 'CAUSE I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

DUMP THE BODIES.

AVERT YOUR EYES, AVERT YOUR EYES. >> Granddad: NO. NO.

JUST A NIGGA GOING TO JAIL. MISSISSIPPI, WE OBEY THE LAW.

NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

SETTING.

NONE OF THIS IS OKAY.

I ALMOST FORGOT -- I WON THE BET.

Sarah: OH, HONEY, I'M SO SORRY.

YOU BOYS DESERVE BETTER THAN I WAS SUCH A BITCH, AND YOU DIDN'T DESERVE ANY OF THAT.

THIS.

OH, WE MADE A BET THAT I COULDN'T GET YOU GUYS TO SIGN

Tom: YES.

YES, YOU WERE A..."B."

HE DIDN'T THINK I COULD DO IT.

Sarah: PLEASE COME HOME.

PLEASE. I HEARD AN NBA STAR MOVED IN DOWN THE STREET.

HERE YOU GO, BOSS.

HUH?

I HAVE CAKE.

LET'S GET YOU UPSTAIRS. REALLY?

YOU READY FOR SOME SARAH CAKE?

THEY'RE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR GIRLS LIKE ME.

Granddad: WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!

NAUGHTY! LAMAR ODOM, HERE I COME!

Granddad: NOOOOO!!

Tom:

NOBODY TURN ME AROUND

>> Riley: I HOPE NOBODY SEE US

WALKING HOME WITH YOU IN YOUR

UNDERWEAR.

OH, MY BACK!

OH! I'M SORRY.

YEAH.

NO