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1
00:00:00,583 --> 00:00:02,293
[♪♪♪]
2
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:14,139
OFFICER:
SEALs picked this guy up
out of Kabul.
3
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:17,142
Name is Omar Abdul
Hassan Assad Abad
4
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,269
Ali Shaheed Muhammad.
5
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,855
CIA guys couldn't get
anything out of him.
6
00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:23,690
They said you were
our best bet.
7
00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:26,276
[BEEPING]
8
00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:31,740
You know who I am,
don't you?
9
00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,450
So you know
what I'm gonna do
10
00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,410
if you don't tell me
what I need to know.
11
00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:36,995
You do not scare me.
12
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,663
Stand him up.
13
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,290
[PANTING]
14
00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:43,960
[SCREAMING]
15
00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:46,421
Where's the target?
Allah, make my testicles
16
00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,381
strong against the boot
of the infidel--
17
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,008
[SCREAMING]
18
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:53,511
Where is the target?
My gonads are indestructible,
19
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:56,556
my penis shaft is strong
like the oak tree.
20
00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,475
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING
21
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:03,480
[SCREAMING]
22
00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:05,732
His vitals are spiking.
He can't take much more.
23
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,984
We're just getting
started.
24
00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:11,279
[OMAR GASPS]
25
00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:12,739
Agent Flowers,
his heart.
26
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:15,700
[FOOTSTEPS CLANGING]
27
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:16,951
No.
28
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:19,037
[FOOTSTEPS CLANGING]
29
00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:24,167
Wait.
Wait a minute.
30
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,086
[FOOTSTEPS CLANGING]
31
00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:28,046
Okay, look.
Maybe I was being stubborn.
32
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,048
Let's try and talk this out!
33
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,425
Wait, I remember!
The target is!
34
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:36,721
OMAR [SCREAMING LOUDLY]:
Woodcrest!
35
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,640
♪ I am the stone
The builder refused ♪
36
00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:40,308
♪ I am the visual
The inspiration ♪
37
00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:41,893
♪ That made lady
Sing the blues ♪
38
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,603
♪ I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ♪
39
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:45,271
♪ The same spark
That lights the dark ♪
40
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:46,981
♪ So that you can know
Left from right ♪
41
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:49,401
♪ I am the ballot in your box
The bullet in the gun ♪
42
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:50,777
♪ The inner glow
That lets you know ♪
43
00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:51,986
♪ To call your brother sun ♪
44
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:53,446
♪ The story that just begun ♪
45
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:54,823
♪ The promise
Of what's to come ♪
46
00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:56,157
♪ And I'm 'a remain a soldier ♪
47
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:57,575
♪ Till the war is won
Won ♪
48
00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:00,286
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
49
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,622
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
50
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,208
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
51
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,918
♪ Chop, chop, chop ♪
52
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,089
[♪♪♪]
53
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:17,470
So it's true, huh? You're
finally calling it quits.
54
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,973
Yeah. So now you can stop
spying on me.
55
00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,100
Well, just because you say
you're retiring
56
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,185
doesn't mean
you're retiring.
57
00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:26,312
You could be like Jay-Z
and come back, like,
58
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,398
a couple of months later.
59
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,191
But it is
the right thing do.
60
00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:31,776
You can't
fight the future.
61
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,194
Don't waste
your life trying.
62
00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,113
Oh, and one more thing.
63
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,448
You know
how you always say
64
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,658
"they" are coming
to get you?
65
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:39,868
Well this time "they"
66
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,745
actually are coming
to get you.
67
00:02:41,786 --> 00:02:44,122
Who?
Central Terrorist
68
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,166
Agency or Unit or--
69
00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:49,502
Uh, come on, I don't know.
A bunch of guys with guns.
70
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:50,795
Why?
71
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,839
They seem to think you're
a domestic terrorist,
72
00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:55,008
because you are.
I'm retired.
73
00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:56,843
Why don't you go ahead
and tell them that
74
00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:58,053
while they're
waterboarding you?
75
00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,554
Is this a trick?
76
00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,556
No, a trick
is a motherfucker
77
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:03,641
who'd be out spending money
on these bitches.
78
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:06,353
This is a warning.
79
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:07,562
[GASPS]
80
00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:09,272
[♪♪♪]
81
00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,152
Hey, man,
you see my new iPhone?
82
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,945
I got one.
I don't like the shit.
83
00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:18,239
Shit, I love my iPhone.
84
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,492
This shit can do
anything and everything.
85
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,161
RUMMY:
Yeah, everything except make
a fucking phone call.
86
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,955
HOST [ON RADIO]:
And on the line right now
is regular caller,
87
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:28,750
I love this guy, always has
some brilliant insights,
88
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:31,461
Dan Stucky. Dan, what's
pissing you off today, buddy?
89
00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:33,004
What isn't
pissing me off today?
90
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,215
Let's talk about our
president, "Buck Ofama."
91
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:37,634
It's lunacy! It's like
he's declaring war
92
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:39,594
on rich people.
Right now, you know,
93
00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:41,429
I'm a private
security contractor
94
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,223
on the front lines
defending American freedom.
95
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:44,891
But I got plans
to start my own business,
96
00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:47,477
and I figure to have about $30
million in the first two years.
97
00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:50,105
Wow. Well, Obama is gonna kill
that 30 million. Just kill it.
98
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,815
Yeah, he's gonna take it,
redistribute it
99
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,608
and give it to all
those losers
100
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:56,027
who sit around all day
watching TV and getting fat.
101
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,278
HOST:
Unbelievable, isn't it?
102
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:58,571
I heard
Obama's passing legislation
103
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,073
that'll let guys
who can't get laid
104
00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:01,533
go to your house
and bang your wife.
105
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:04,119
Ha-ha-ha!
Dan the Security Man,
106
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,204
as always you are
right on point.
107
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,831
Always good to hear from you.
Next caller.
108
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:09,499
[BEEPS]
109
00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:11,209
DAN:
Hey, right on time.
110
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,044
It's Tweedlee
fucking dumb ass
111
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,421
and Tweedlee
bigger dumb fucking ass.
112
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:17,090
Today's our last day, Dan.
You gonna miss us?
113
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,550
I just can't wait till
we get this brand-new
114
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,719
super fantastic
security system running.
115
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,763
Well, in 24 hours
the new system will be online,
116
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,015
the building will re-open,
117
00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,641
and we be out
your life forever.
118
00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,893
You know what keeps
this building secure? Me.
119
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,186
A dedicated, fit,
120
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,938
fearless security enforcement
professional
121
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:34,399
who can spot a godless
terrorist from a mile away.
122
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,443
Let me see your fancy
fucking computer do that.
123
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,319
I think you'll feel
differently tomorrow.
124
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:41,990
Just make sure you're here
24 hours from now, oh, about...
125
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:43,533
3:17 p.m.
126
00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:45,869
[WHISPERING]
And watch the magic happen.
127
00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,495
It's gonna be like you died
and went to heaven.
128
00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:49,956
Hey, do you have
an iPhone?
129
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,125
Eat my ass.
130
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:53,585
[♪♪♪]
131
00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:55,128
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
132
00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:56,796
I love it.
133
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,048
I got everything I need
134
00:04:58,089 --> 00:04:59,299
for this whole operation
right here.
135
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,343
I got my secret plans
and maps.
136
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,470
Only problem is
it's so thin, so light,
137
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:05,305
it can fall out my pocket
and I don't know
138
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:06,806
the shit happen.
And did you know the screen
139
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:09,392
was so indestructible it can
stop a speeding bullet?
140
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,269
That shit can't stop
no damn bullet.
141
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,729
It's an iPhone,
not the iSpyPhone.
142
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:15,482
Okay,
timing mechanism is functioning.
143
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:18,526
Everything looks good.
Setting the timer.
144
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,320
I remember when these shits
first came out, man.
145
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:21,613
Bitches would be coming
up to you like,
146
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:23,990
"Let me see that iPhone,
let me play with it,
147
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,283
"let me stick it up my ass,
148
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,826
put it in my mouth,
suck on it."
149
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,120
Then one day, you know, I got
tired of all these questions,
150
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:30,580
you know what I'm saying?
I let the girl
151
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:33,083
stick the iPhone up her butt.
Huh, took the doctors
152
00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:35,794
12 hours to get it out.
And you know what?
153
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,212
It was still working.
154
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:39,589
[BEEPING]
155
00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,843
[♪♪♪]
156
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,929
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
157
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,435
It's good to see you,
Jack.
158
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,604
Thank you, director.
How's Tracey?
159
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:56,648
I remember you two were
very much in love
160
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,358
and had your whole lives
ahead of you.
161
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:01,695
Yes, we were. Then...
162
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,071
[♪♪♪]
163
00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:04,614
[LAUGHING]
164
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,533
[TRACEY SCREAMING]
Tracey, wait--
165
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:07,826
[GASPS]
166
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,911
Tracey!
167
00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:11,705
Aw, shit, that's bad.
168
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:13,164
Yes, she died
very violently, sir.
169
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,624
After some time passed,
170
00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:17,168
I was engaged to a very
special woman named Eleanor.
171
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,962
Then...
172
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,839
Catch, Agent Flowers!
173
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,675
[MUFFLED SCREAMS]
174
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,055
Eleanor!
175
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:30,682
Holy fuck, that's bad.
176
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,267
I thought I would never
love again,
177
00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:35,061
then I met Taquanda.
Taquanda?
178
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,896
Yes, sir. Taquanda.
179
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,523
Then...
180
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:39,899
No.
TAQUANDA: Jack!
181
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,234
Get this motherfucker!
182
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,820
What you standing
there for? Goddamn it!
183
00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:45,405
[LAUGHING]
184
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:49,743
Jack Flowers, you worthless
white motherfucker!
185
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,911
Taquanda!
186
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:55,081
Jesus fucking Christ,
that's terrible, Jack.
187
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,541
He tied her to a missile?
188
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:59,294
What kind of deranged,
Wile E. Coyote shit is that?
189
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,421
Well, I'd love to stand around
and reminisce,
190
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:03,048
but we should get to work.
191
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,091
We followed up
on that Woodcrest clue.
192
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,760
Came up with one match.
193
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:07,969
Domestic terrorist
194
00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:09,387
with radical leftist
affiliation.
195
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,097
Name is Huey Freeman.
196
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,599
Homeland wants you
to pick him up.
197
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,642
We'll have a field team
ready in 20.
198
00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:16,186
Banes, are you sure
about this?
199
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:17,896
Look, I've done bad things
in my day.
200
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,356
I've killed people.
201
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,149
I've also kicked a lot
of people in the nuts.
202
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:22,525
I still
hear their screams.
203
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,527
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
204
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,613
MAN:
My nuts!
205
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,490
But I've never
hurt a child.
206
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,116
He's no normal child,
Jack.
207
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,952
NSA's got a file on him
thicker than a Luke dancer.
208
00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:35,538
Now I don't know if you know
anything about Luke dancers,
209
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,415
Jack, but they're
very thick.
210
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,710
Very large thighs
and buttocks, Jack.
211
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:42,462
That's how thick
his file is.
212
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:46,091
If he puts up a fight,
you put him down.
213
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:47,300
[♪♪♪]
214
00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:50,762
[BEEPING]
215
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,347
Here's what I'm saying.
I used the Recorder app
216
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:54,516
to dictate the plan
into the phone.
217
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:55,975
I used the AroundMe app
218
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:57,519
to find out the bomb parts
and the detonators.
219
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,479
I used the Amazon app
to price everything out.
220
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,314
Why pay any more
than necessary for C4?
221
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:02,691
Shit's gonna blow up anyway,
right?
222
00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,526
Great. Maybe one day
they'll invent an app
223
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,444
where you can actually call
some goddamn body.
224
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,363
[TIRE SQUEALS]
225
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,240
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
226
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,658
ED:
Crap.
227
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:13,284
Great.
It's no problem.
228
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,913
I'll just call my grandfather,
he'll get us a new car.
229
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,708
Now let me just use the GPS
to find out where we are.
230
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,168
We're down the street
from your house, asshole.
231
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:24,546
Look, that's Riley's house
over there.
232
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,923
Yep, that's what
the iPhone say.
233
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:29,801
Will you just please
make the fucking call?
234
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:33,179
I ain't got
no goddamn bars.
235
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,015
Shit.
236
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,516
♪ Sergeant Gutter
Crank that dance ♪
237
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:37,851
♪ Watch me crank that-- ♪
238
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,561
Granddad, I know you're not
gonna believe me,
239
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:42,439
but I think
there are government agents--
240
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,774
Boy, I don't have time
for your crazy bull crap.
241
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,443
I don't like to be
bothered when my
242
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,361
Real Housewives of Compton
is on.
243
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,280
Oh, no, she didn't.
244
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:52,115
Ew, yes, she did.
245
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,244
Damn it! Argh!
Pause it, boy.
246
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:59,539
WOMAN [ON TV]:
...fat gorilla. I said I will
snatch you bald, beyotch!
247
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:03,543
Hey, Pops!
We need a favor.
248
00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:06,046
[♪♪♪]
249
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,933
WUNCLER [ON PHONE]:
Have you delivered
the final shipment?
250
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:21,061
Not yet, we're at
the Freemans' right now.
251
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:22,729
We, uh, blew a tire.
252
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,606
What the hell
are you doing at the Freemans'?
253
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:27,233
There's federal agents
closing in on that house.
254
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:29,903
Get to the warehouse now!
255
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,071
Ed, we gotta jet.
256
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,906
Show ain't over yet.
Now, Ed.
257
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,908
WOMAN [ON TV]:
I told her,
258
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:37,660
don't fuck with me,
don't fuck with me.
259
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,287
We got some shit
we gotta take care of.
260
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,289
Super secret type shit.
261
00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:42,749
Ed, come on.
262
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,043
Okay, fellas, well,
give your granddaddy my best.
263
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:48,755
Oh, and, uh, I'd stay away
from downtown for--
264
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,340
For quite awhile.
Ed!
265
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:52,634
You should only
be going uptown.
266
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,261
Ed!
U-P-T-O-W-N.
267
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,097
Ed!
268
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:59,724
[♪♪♪]
269
00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,400
[SCREAMS]
270
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,944
WOMAN [ON TV]:
Yes, I did say
that I would tap that ass.
271
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,488
That's what I had to say,
nigga...
272
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,240
[BOTH SNORING]
273
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:18,326
...but her man was good,
he was good, honey.
274
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:19,577
He put it up on me--
275
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,037
[♪♪♪]
276
00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:22,247
AGENT 1:
Federal Agents!
277
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,791
[AGENTS SHOUTING]
278
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:27,210
AGENT 2:
Good. Got everything
under control over here.
279
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:28,545
[SNORING]
280
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:31,464
You hoes need
to get up off me.
281
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:34,634
[AGENTS CHATTERING]
282
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,515
Rest of the house is clear.
Damn it.
283
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:41,891
CTA, this is Flowers.
284
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:43,768
The package is not here,
I repeat,
285
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,103
we did not get the package.
286
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,688
Someone must have
tipped him off.
287
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:49,024
Set up a perimeter,
he's probably still on foot.
288
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,775
EDWARD [ON RADIO]:
Jack, I got something.
289
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,152
Looks like the old man's
credit card
290
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,029
was just used to buy
a train ticket online.
291
00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:55,947
I'm guessing our guy is
on his way to the station.
292
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,532
We're on our way.
All units proceed
293
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,159
in the direction
of the train station.
294
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:01,995
I want this whole place searched
from top to bottom. Everything.
295
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:07,083
[BEEPING]
296
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,421
Oh, I can't wait.
I can't wait to see
297
00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:13,590
what the white man
gonna do to you.
298
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,175
Just drive.
299
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:18,053
[♪♪♪]
300
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:20,513
Jack! I got
a fast-moving yellow bus
301
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:21,765
about three miles
ahead of you.
302
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,016
Looks a little suspicious.
303
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,976
All units, the package
is believed to be
304
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,811
on a yellow bus
straight ahead.
305
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,023
RUCKUS
Ah! Ah-ha!
306
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,775
Look, look!
Here come the white cavalry!
307
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:33,443
Oh, they got you now,
little nigga.
308
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,362
Try to get the kid alive.
I'm gonna try
309
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,572
and get a clean shot
at the driver.
310
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:40,784
Here he is,
here he is, Mr. White Man!
311
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:45,038
Ah! Oh, I hate you.
I hate you, little nigga!
312
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:48,500
HUEY:
Keep your foot on the gas!
313
00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:55,715
[GRUNTING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
314
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,884
[♪♪♪]
315
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:13,274
[ALL SHOUTING]
316
00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:15,652
Take your foot
off the gas!
317
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:18,905
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
318
00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:27,163
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]
319
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:29,582
[GASPS]
[RUCKUS GROANS]
320
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:32,168
[WHIMPERING]
321
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:35,213
[ALL SHOUTING]
322
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:39,217
[♪♪♪]
323
00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:47,267
[BEEPING]
324
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,144
REPORTER:
In this footage
from yesterday,
325
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:51,146
the Marines subdued
the possible potential
326
00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:53,440
alleged suspects.
327
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,821
Do you know who I am?
No.
328
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:02,323
Well, if you knew who I was
then you would know
329
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,534
what I'll do if you don't tell
me what I need to know.
330
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,494
Maybe, but I don't know
who you are.
331
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:07,996
Do you know what kind of damage
332
00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:09,998
a steel boot can do
to pre-pubescent testicles?
333
00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:11,458
How would I know that?
334
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:15,045
Tell me where the target is
before I kick you in the nuts!
335
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,172
RUCKUS:
Get your hands off of me!
336
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:18,673
I'm a proud American!
337
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:21,176
Goddamn it! I knew
this great country
338
00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:23,261
was gonna go straight
to shit in a sandwich bag
339
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:26,639
once that bean pie chef
became commander in chief!
340
00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:28,558
Do you want me to kick you
in the nuts?
341
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,352
No.
Do you want me
342
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,354
to kick you in the nuts?
No.
343
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:34,522
Do you want me to--
BANES: Wait, Jack.
344
00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:36,232
I do not want you
to kick him in the nuts.
345
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,068
Why?
He's innocent,
346
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,944
but we found something big
at his house,
347
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,781
or should I say,
thin and light.
348
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,616
This iPhone was found
at the Freeman residence,
349
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,619
but it belongs to
an Ed Wuncler III.
350
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:52,332
Looks like he's the guy
we're looking for.
351
00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:53,708
We found the attack plans,
352
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:55,251
blueprints, schedule,
everything.
353
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,712
According to this,
the target is Wuncler Plaza.
354
00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,589
There's something else.
A large shipment
355
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:01,216
of unknown materials
in a warehouse.
356
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,093
It doesn't say anything
about what it might be?
357
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:06,012
No, but it's definitely
related to today's attack.
358
00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:10,183
We all know what it is.
Bio-nuclear anthrax.
359
00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:12,727
Bio-nuclear anthrax.
360
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:14,813
All right, let's move.
Call Wuncler Plaza.
361
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,023
Tell them to evacuate
the building immediately.
362
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:20,694
[PHONE RINGING]
363
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:26,533
Jack, I want you to find out
what's in that warehouse,
364
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,618
and then go after Ed III
and his grandfather.
365
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,662
I'll get you a field team
in 10 minutes.
366
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:33,957
Yes, sir.
367
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,710
Look, Huey, I apologize
for what happened in there.
368
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,420
But nobody
is above the law.
369
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:39,796
Wuncler is gonna pay
for this.
370
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,506
You have my word.
371
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,758
BANES:
Excuse me, everyone,
can I have your attention?
372
00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:45,844
I'm afraid we have
to abort the mission
373
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,804
to arrest Ed III
and his grandfather.
374
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,848
What? What about the bomb?
375
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,100
Sorry, Jack, turns out
some people are above the law.
376
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:54,686
The Wunclers will not pay
for what they did today.
377
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,855
You have my word.
Good work, everyone.
378
00:14:56,896 --> 00:15:00,650
Have a good weekend.
And, oh, uh, no going rogue.
379
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,485
MAN:
I got the tequila.
Who's got the salt?
380
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,070
[AGENTS CHATTERING]
381
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:05,238
I'm going rogue.
382
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,449
Huey, you've got to get
to Wuncler Plaza
383
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:09,701
and try to get as many people
out of there before it blows.
384
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:12,454
A second ago you were
gonna kick me in the nuts.
385
00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:13,997
Huey, please,
I'm just doing my job.
386
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,123
It's a crappy job,
387
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,958
but somebody's gotta kick people
in the nuts.
388
00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:18,960
And sometimes you kick
the wrong person in the nuts
389
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:21,129
and that's tragic.
But now we can both make sure
390
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,589
it's the right set of nuts
that get kicked.
391
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,341
You little
black communist niglit!
392
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,092
I wanna press full charges! I--
393
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,761
[GASPS]
394
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:30,638
Jack Flowers.
395
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:32,098
You do know who I am,
right?
396
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:34,726
Why-- Oh, w-why yes, sir.
You're Jack Flowers.
397
00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:37,479
You kick them Arab terrorist
son of a bitches in the nuts.
398
00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:39,647
You, sir,
are an American hero.
399
00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:41,566
Right now I need you
to be a hero,
400
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,193
and help Huey get
to Wuncler Plaza
401
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:44,444
before a bomb goes off.
402
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:45,695
Yes, sir, mister, sir.
403
00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:47,113
Come on, little nigga.
You heard the man.
404
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,490
Move your little
communist ass
405
00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:50,742
so we can save
some white folks.
406
00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:52,994
[♪♪♪]
407
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:55,789
[BEEPING]
408
00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:58,375
[LAUGHING]
409
00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,751
[TIRES SCREECHING]
410
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:01,169
Open the door!
411
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:03,171
Hey, assholes.
412
00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:04,589
Building's closed.
413
00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:06,174
Look, we gotta get
everybody out of here.
414
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,134
There are bombs
in the building.
415
00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:09,719
Ain't nobody in here
but me.
416
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:10,929
And I'm giving
the orders around here.
417
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,347
Who the fuck are you two?
418
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:13,932
Okay,
we tried.
419
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,643
Now hush your mouth.
This is a white man talking.
420
00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:19,187
Hey, wait a minute.
You two are the terrorists.
421
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:21,690
I don't know how you two
escaped, but you two fucked
422
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:23,942
with the wrong
security enforcement officer.
423
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,568
I ain't going anywhere.
424
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,112
[BEEPS]
425
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,155
[GRUNTING]
426
00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:30,699
And neither are you.
427
00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:32,492
[♪♪♪]
428
00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:35,328
[TIRES SCREECHING]
429
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,000
[♪♪♪]
430
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:52,679
What the...?
431
00:16:52,721 --> 00:16:54,681
[DOOR SLIDING]
432
00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:56,307
[GASPS]
433
00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:02,105
[BOTH GRUNTING]
434
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,024
RUCKUS:
Come on! Come on!
435
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,695
I need the password
to unlock the door.
436
00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:10,697
[BOTH GRUNTING]
437
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:15,035
I was given a mission
by Jack Flowers,
438
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,162
the greatest white man
since G.I. Joe.
439
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:18,246
And that mission
440
00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:19,873
is to get you
out of here safely.
441
00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,750
Now, what's the password
to open the door?
442
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:23,501
Eat my ass!
443
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:24,961
Sir, do not make me use
444
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:27,088
enhanced interrogation
techniques.
445
00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:28,423
Eat my ass!
446
00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:30,925
[YELLING]
447
00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:32,385
Give us the password!
448
00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:34,596
Eat my ass!
Eat my ass!
449
00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:39,517
♪ Stomp him in the nuts
Stomp him in the nuts ♪
450
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:41,853
Ruckus, wait!
[DAN GROANING]
451
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:44,522
Eat my ass.
452
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,816
My God,
what have I done?
453
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:50,945
Oh, I have seen the enemy,
and it is me.
454
00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:52,113
Oh, wait a minute.
455
00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:53,531
I-I can't find
my iPhone.
456
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:54,741
I think I dropped it!
457
00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:56,117
Shit,
you dropped the iPhone
458
00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:58,119
that had everything on it?
What if somebody found it?
459
00:17:58,203 --> 00:17:59,996
They'd know exactly--
[GUN COCKS]
460
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,540
Tell me who the man is
on these T-shirts.
461
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,459
He's a dead man,
just like you.
462
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,878
[GRUNTING]
463
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,590
[♪♪♪]
464
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:12,759
Oh, shit!
465
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:15,428
[CLICKING]
ED: Bitch!
466
00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:16,888
What? What, punk?
467
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,890
What? What?
468
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,308
[GUN CLICKS]
469
00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:21,726
Oh, no.
470
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,437
[GROANING]
471
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,107
[♪♪♪]
472
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,569
Wow.
473
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,988
Go ahead, Steve.
474
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,909
I am so sorry,
Mr. White Man.
475
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:40,829
Never again will
this foot touch white nuts.
476
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:42,330
Ruckus! Come on!
477
00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:43,915
[BEEPING]
478
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,500
[♪♪♪]
479
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:48,503
We gotta go now.
Come on.
480
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:50,630
Run! Run!
481
00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:52,924
[♪♪♪]
482
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,182
MAN:
Run!
483
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:03,768
Run for your lives,
it's coming down!
484
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,979
[ALL SCREAMING]
485
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,649
[BOTH COUGHING]
486
00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:12,235
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
487
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:13,361
Huey, it's Jack.
488
00:19:13,445 --> 00:19:15,280
Did you get everyone
out of the building in time?
489
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,991
Well, yeah,
but it was just one person.
490
00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:19,701
Meet me
at the Wuncler estate.
491
00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:21,536
We're gonna finish this.
492
00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:24,289
WUNCLER:
These are hard times.
493
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,541
Americans
need inspiration.
494
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:29,085
People want real life
to be like in the movies.
495
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:31,629
With good guys
and bad guys and black guys,
496
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:32,839
all that shit.
497
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:35,216
This country
needed a rallying cry.
498
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:37,761
A reminder of why it's great
to be an American.
499
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,846
So you just make
this stuff up?
500
00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:41,890
No, several over-paid members
501
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:45,226
of the Writers-fucking-Guild
of America make this stuff up.
502
00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:46,686
This is just
a joke to you.
503
00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,980
We're talking about the lives
of innocent Americans.
504
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:51,524
Innocent American.
Singular.
505
00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:54,819
Daniel Stucky,
a.k.a. Dan the Security Man.
506
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,404
Have you ever met
Dan Stucky, Jack?
507
00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:59,991
He's a cocksucker.
A waste of functioning organs.
508
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:02,786
But dead? He would have been
a national hero.
509
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:05,121
We had Dan the Security Man
action figures,
510
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:07,374
fast food tie-ins,
video games,
511
00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,584
a limited edition
collectable sneaker line.
512
00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:12,962
We had Dan ribbons,
Dan buttons, and Dan ringtones,
513
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:15,632
and a feature film
starring Jack Black.
514
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,759
And all he had to do
was die.
515
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:19,552
But why?
Don't you have enough money?
516
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:23,056
No.
517
00:20:23,098 --> 00:20:24,933
[♪♪♪]
518
00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:26,393
I'm taking you into custody.
519
00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:29,354
You have till the count
of three or I will shoot.
520
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:30,980
One.
521
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,733
More than enough time.
522
00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:35,443
Two.
523
00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:38,321
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
524
00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:40,448
Agent Flowers.
OBAMA: Jack,
525
00:20:40,532 --> 00:20:42,283
it's the president.
First of all,
526
00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:45,245
I want to congratulate you
on the fine work
527
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:47,080
you've done today.
528
00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:49,916
But Mr. President,
this man has conspired to--
529
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:53,837
Yes, sir.
Yes, Mr. President.
530
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,965
You can let
yourselves out.
531
00:20:58,425 --> 00:20:59,509
[♪♪♪]
532
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,094
JACK:
Huey, you did
a good thing today.
533
00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:02,429
You saved a man's life.
534
00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:05,306
They don't win
until you give up.
535
00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:07,350
They don't win
until you stop fighting.
536
00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:08,977
You can't fight
the future.
537
00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:11,312
Don't waste your life
trying.
538
00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:14,607
Boy! Oh, we're so glad
you're okay.
539
00:21:14,649 --> 00:21:16,651
I'm so sorry
I didn't listen to you.
540
00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:17,819
[GUNSHOTS]
541
00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:21,072
Back off. Everyone stay back
or he dies!
542
00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:24,034
Help! Somebody shoot
this motherfucker!
543
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:26,911
You can't do this to me!
Let me go.
544
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,288
You know who I am? Granddaddy!
545
00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:30,165
What are you waiting for?
Shoot him.
546
00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:32,584
ED:
Granddaddy!
547
00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:34,878
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]
548
00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:36,671
[GUNSHOTS,
AGENTS SHOUTING]
549
00:21:36,755 --> 00:21:38,423
[TIRES SCREECHING]
550
00:21:41,676 --> 00:21:44,012
Man, we might have to think
about moving.
551
00:21:44,095 --> 00:21:45,555
This neighborhood ain't
what it used to be.
552
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:48,350
Aw, man, we saw you
on the news
553
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:50,935
with all them Marines
pointing guns at you.
554
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:52,479
And you was looking
hard too.
555
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,356
You was like,
"What? What?"
556
00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:56,441
GRANDDAD:
Man, Huey, you were really
right this time.
557
00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:58,276
You said it was gonna happen
and it happened.
558
00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:00,028
Imagine all the problems
we could avoid
559
00:22:00,111 --> 00:22:03,698
if we ever start
listening to you. Oh, well!
560
00:22:03,782 --> 00:22:06,659
[♪♪♪]
39907
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