All language subtitles for The.Boondocks.S03E11.Mr.Medicinal.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-ViETNAM_track3_[eng]

GRANDDAD:
Oh, no!

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

Without admitting any guilt,
we wanna say we real sorry.

We know you're upset,
and you should be--

Who did this?
Which one of you killed the TV?

Who did it?
Granddad, this isn't the time

for pointing fingers.
Right?

President Obama says,

"We can't move forward
looking backwards."

I can't believe this.

This isn't happening!
It's not happening!

I'm too old for this.
I'm sick of having

to beat y'all
all the damn time.

Here. This time
you're gonna beat each other.

What?
I said beat each other.

Take turns.
[COUGHS]

What--?
Something's wrong.

Granddad,
you should calm down.

How am I supposed
to calm down?

I'm dying
and my TV's broke.

Oh. My chest hurts.
It's a heart attack.

No, my stomach hurts.
My liver's exploding.

No, it's my bad knee.
The room is spinning.

Oh, no!

Is he dead?
I don't know.

Hurry, we have to call 911.
Where's the phone?

Oh, no!

Do we still have
to beat each other?

♪ I am the stone
The builder refused ♪

♪ I am the visual
The inspiration ♪

♪ That made lady
Sing the blues ♪

♪ I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ♪

♪ The same spark
That lights the dark ♪

♪ So that you can know
Left from right ♪

♪ I am the ballot in your box
The bullet in the gun ♪

♪ The inner glow
That lets you know ♪

♪ To call your brother sun ♪

♪ The story that just begun ♪

♪ The promise
Of what's to come ♪

♪ And I'm 'a remain a soldier ♪

♪ Till the war is won
Won ♪

♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪

♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪

♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪

♪ Chop, chop, chop ♪

[GRANDDAD SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

Come on.
You need a physical.

RILEY:
They need to put you on a diet.

No please.
I can't handle doctors.

I'm not ready to face
my own mortality.

Granddad,
it's for your own good.

We need you around as long
as possible to cook

and pay the mortgage.
What if they find

something terrible?
What if they tell me

I only have a month to live?
That would totally ruin

the rest of this month for me.
Look. Mumia. He's free.

I'm going home.
RILEY: Man, Granddad kinda fast.

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

Been awhile since
your last checkup, huh?

Says here you haven't seen
a doctor in, wow, 57 years?

Hurry up
and get to the point

where you tell me
I'm gonna die?

Now, you say here you've had
some irritable bowels recently?

Yeah.
And it also says here

that you--
[DOOR OPENS]

DOCTOR:
Oh, um, pardon me.

Uh, Robert, this is Jessica.
Jessica, Robert.

She's a medical student
who will be observing today

if that's okay with you.
Actually I prefer if, uh...

Patient has complained
of irritable bowels,

also diarrhea accompanied

by a burning sensation
in the anus

Well, it's not really
a burning,

it's more of a tingle--
And also experiencing

a lot of gas pains.
Extreme flatulence.

Well, that was, uh,
kind of a joke, really.

[GRANDDAD SCREAMS]

[GROANING]

[♪♪♪]

[PANTING]

[HEART MONITOR BEEPING]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[TYPING]

Give it to me straight, doc.

Robert--

[SOBBING]
No! I'm too young to die.

There's so many things
I haven't done.

I want my novel to be
on Oprah's book of the month.

Robert,
from what I can see

there's a bunch of stuff
wrong with you,

but none that is immediately
life-threatening.

But what I'm most
worried about

is your stress level.
Is this how you normally

react to stressful
situations, Robert?

More or less.
But you have to understand,

my life is more stressful
than most people.

My one grandson
is a domestic terrorist

and the other one
is a public menace.

Robert, Robert, Robert, a lot
of people have stressful lives.

Now your problem
is how you handle the stress.

Now, I'm gonna give you
a bunch of pills to take,

but I believe if you don't get
your stress under control,

you're gonna kill yourself.

[♪♪♪]

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

GRANDDAD:
Hey, hold on there!

I'm a sick old man,
I can't move as fast

as I used to.
'Sup, old nigga?

Got your lifetime supply
of Viagra right here. Ha-ha.

I'm just kidding.
I know it ain't Viagra

'cause I already looked.
Give me that.

How dare you
open my package.

I'm just fucking
with you, old nigga.

What you got to eat
in this motherfucker?

Hey, what you doing
with all them pills for,

old nigga? You starting
a pharmacy or some shit?

My doctor gave me these pills.

Man. I ain't never
took you as a sucker

for the fucking
pharmaceutical companies.

Always trying to sell you
some synthetic chemical

that don't do nothing
but make you sicker.

Well, he's a doctor
and you're a dumb ass,

so I'm listening to him.

I don't never take
no pills.

Not that I can afford 'em,

'cause a nigga don't got health
insurance and shit, but still.

I don't take no aspirin,

no fucking ibuprofen,
none of that.

Now this shit
right here, nigga,

this all
the medicine I need.

What is that?
Is that reefer?

No, nigga,
it's weed.

Reefer the same thing
as weed.

What?
Keep it down, I have kids.

What, I can't say "weed"?
Shh.

How dare you bring drugs
into my house.

You can get us
arrested.

[LAUGHS]

Man, don't you keep up
with current events?

Weed ain't illegal
no more, nigga.

Really?
Hell, yeah.

Obama came through
and changed all that shit.

I didn't know he did that.

Yeah, man. So stop being
so damn scared.

I don't know. I knew a guy once
who smoked some weed

that was laced
with angel dust,

and he ended up running down
the street

in his underwear and woke up
in a chicken coop.

Nigga, that was Friday.
Was it?

Besides, man, ain't nobody
fucked with this,

I know the nigga
that grew it.

Shit, I watched him
take the bud off.

You need to grow up
and get high.

As a matter of fact,
since I'm the type of nigga

that cares about
your health,

I'm gonna give you
this joint, nigga.

I don't want your joint.
This just ain't no joint.

No, it's a-- Well--
Well, it is a joint,

but it's a damn good one.

Nigga, this shit
will change your life.

Hey, what y'all
talking about?

Huh? Nothing.
Nothing at all.

He was just talking about

going on tour with
the Fat Boys or something.

Congrats, tell Prince
Markie Dee I said hi.

[LAUGHING]

Okay, old nigga.
Later, Riley.

[DOOR OPENS]
Who are the Fat Boys?

[DOOR CLOSES]

MAN [ON TV]:
High blood pressure
got you down?

Ask your doctor if Zortafrinex
is right for you.

In clinical trials,
Zortafrinex was proven

to lower blood pressure.
Ask your doctor

before taking Zortafrinex.
Women, pregnant women,

and most men should not
take it. Known side effects:

dry mouth, upset stomach,
mild death, blindness,

heart attack,
difficulty breathing

and rectal fungus.
Almost all who took it

experienced a severe loss
in sexual performance.

Please stop
taking it immediately

if you feel mild
discomfort on or in testicles,

as this can be a sign
of an unpleasant

side effect known as total
scrotal implosion.

If total scrotal
implosion should occur,

call your doctor.
If you cannot move or talk

due to the pain
of total scrotal implosion,

please have a loved one call
your doctor.

There is no cure for total
scrotal implosion.

Zortafrinex,
always the right choice.

[GRUNTING]

[♪♪♪]

[COUGHS]

[SIGHS]

Oh, my God.

It's beautiful.

[SIGHS]

[SNORING]

[SNIFFING]

Yo, you smell that?

Yeah, but it can't be
what I think it is.

BOTH:
Breakfast.

GRANDDAD:
We got pancakes, waffles,

pork sausage, turkey sausage,

veggie sausage,
eggs Benedict,

smoked salmon omelets,
hash browns

and of course
huevos rancheros.

Or I can make you something
else if you like.

Granddad, why'd you make
all this food?

Because my boys have to grow up
to be big and strong.

I'm eating this bowl
of Cheerios because,

you know what? The cholesterol's
not gonna lower itself.

Goddamn, that was
the best Cheerios

I ever had in my life.

That wasn't a regular
Cheerios, was it?

No, no, that--
That had to be Honey Nut.

Mm.

It had to be Honey Nut.
It tastes like Honey Nut.

It tastes
like Cheerios but...

nuts dipped in honey.
Mm-hm.

[CHEWING]

GRANDDAD:
Oh, you boys broke the TV again.

[LAUGHING]

You know what's funny?

When you think about it,

all this stuff
is really yours.

I mean, how much longer
am I gonna be around?

Because I'm really, really,
really, really old.

This is your house.
This is your stuff.

This is your TV.

You can break it
if you want to. I don't care.

[LAUGHING]

Damn, I liked my TV.

[HIP-HOP MUSIC BLARING]

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

What's up old nigga?
You got a pickup?

No. I wanted to tell you
I smoked that, you know...

That joint?
Shh.

You liked it. That shit was
off the chain, wasn't it?

I couldn't believe it. I never
felt anything like this before.

Can you get me some more?
Maybe two, six or seven?

You called my job
and scheduled a pickup

just so you could hit me up
for more trees?

That's rude, man.

First rule of being a smoker
is it's bad manners

to keep bumming
all the damn time.

Well, why did you want me
to smoke it

if I wasn't supposed to ask for
more? Let me buy some off you.

Or maybe put me in touch
with your supplier.

I don't know, he's picky with
his clientele.

In the streets they call him
"The Weed Kingpin."

But he might fuck with you,
you know,

'cause you with fucking
with me and shit.

[♪♪♪]

Now, just stick with me,
and don't say no dumb shit.

Hey, Otis.
Good to see you.

Who's this?
Your friend, Robert?

I'm not a narc, heh-heh.

Uh, you wanna check me
for a wire?

I'm not wearing one
so it's okay if you do.

In fact, uh,
this may be a bad idea.

Now are you looking
for anything in particular?

I mean, uh, a certain
kind of high?

I just need something
to lower my stress.

Let's see, we got Bubba Kush,
Lavender Kush,

Telly Savalas Kush,

uh, oh, gee, Scarlett Johansson.

Hey, I even got one named
after me, nigga.

It's good for sitting
on the couch all day

and not doing shit.
You know what?

Try this.
It's called Black Pearl.

What's it gonna do?

[LAUGHS]
You'll see.

HUEY:
Man, we've looked up
the side effects

to all of Granddad's pills,

and none of them
make you a happier, calmer,

more well-adjusted person.

Well, something going on.

I don't know
who that nigga is downstairs,

but he ain't Granddad.

[WHIRRING]

Granddad, we need to talk.

Of course, what is it,
Grandson?

Man, where the real
Granddad?

What you do with him?

[LAUGHING]

Riley, you so crazy.

Look, boys,
I went to the doctor

and had a wake-up call,
and I decided

I'm not gonna sweat
the small stuff anymore.

I'm the same granddaddy
that you know and love.

I'm happy, I feel good,
and from now on

I'm going
to appreciate life.

Yeah, but that person
is nothing like the Granddad

we know and love.
Yeah, our Granddad

don't appreciate nothing.

You an imposter.

[LAUGHING]

You boys are hilarious.

Don't forget tonight's
my bongo night.

You guys can stay
over at Tom's.

Now give your Granddaddy
a hug.

I'm so glad
we had this talk.

[VACUUM WHIRRING]

Man, I just feel bad
for the real Granddad.

He probably tied up in some
basement somewhere, scared.

We gotta find him, Huey.

Before it's too late.

GRANDDAD:
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la
I love me, yes, I do ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

What is he doing
over there?

Sounds like he's dying.

You know, he's always been
a little strange.

Man, I'm about
to go look.

Come on, guys,
you know the rules.

Robert said no going back home
during bongo time.

I'm sorry.
Look, I don't know

who that fake-ass
Granddad is over there,

but we gotta find out
what's going on.

Maybe he's on drugs.

[LAUGHS]
You guys are overreacting.

Your granddad just wants
a little privacy

to release
his creative juices,

and there's nothing wrong
with that.

[GRANDDAD SCATTING]

JAZMINE:
What's going on?

[SIREN WAILING]
Shit.

It's the cops.

Wait. Riley, wait.

♪ The revolution is all over
The world, yes, it is ♪

♪ Boom, bam, boom
Revolution ♪

♪ Boo-bop, boo-bop ♪

[SCATTING]

TOM:
Oh, my God.

Ew.

RILEY:
I'm gonna be sick.

[SCREAMS]

OFFICER:
Aw, somebody get him
a blanket, for God's sake.

TOM:
You scarred my baby
for life, Robert!

[JAZMINE CRYING]

[LAUGHS]

I'm so ashamed.

Riley, this isn't funny.

Yes, it is.

Granddad was smoking weed.

[LAUGHS]
Smokey. Smokey.

[LAUGHS]

Boys, can you ever
forgive me?

I don't think
it's a big deal, really.

No, Huey.
It's a very big deal.

That's why drugs
are so dangerous.

Then you get addicted,
and it destroys your life,

and the lives
of those around you.

You start playing the bongos
really loud

and then you turn all
Bobby and Whitney on us.

I've learned my lesson.

I'm never ever, ever,
ever gonna smoke weed again.

[CHIMES]

Hey. There's big Bobby.

I got something special
for you today.

Ooh, lay it on me, man.

They call it "Skywalker."

Granddad, I know
you're still smoking.

What are you talking about?

Huey, I told you that was
a terrible mistake I made

and I'm never,
ever gonna do it again.

I know when you find something
you like

you tend to go overboard,
so just be very careful.

Like I said, I have no idea
what you're talking about.

Toodles.

[♪♪♪]

[HORNS HONKING]

You're a dick, dickwad!

[SIREN WAILING]
Uh-oh.

Sir, can you tell me
why you're driving so slow

in the fast lane?
Oh, no reason.

I guess I just wasn't
in that much of a rush.

I didn't know you can get
a speeding ticket

for going too slow,
uh, Officer...

Doo-shay?
That's Officer Douche.

[LAUGHING]

Something funny?

No, sir, Officer...

[LAUGHING]

Douche.

Why were you driving
so slow in the fast lane?

Oh, just having
a pleasant drive on a nice,

heh, summer's eve,
Douche.

[LAUGHING]

Please step out
of the car, sir.

JUDGE:
Okay, the defendant
is charged with suspicion

of driving under
the influence of marijuana,

as well as possession
of a mostly smoked

marijuana cigarette.
So how does the defendant plead?

Robert, I want you
to plead guilty.

No way, mm-mm,
ain't gonna happen.

No, no, no,
it's just a first offense.

Obama fixed it up
for everybody.

What are you talking about?
That's why I voted for Obama.

We could legalize weed,
that's what we need--

But Tom, what happens
if he goes to jail?

Go to jail?
It's just a first offense.

Everybody calm down.
I don't want to go to jail.

RILEY:
I ain't going in no foster care,
I tell you that right now.

Everybody could you please
just shut up?

Settle down, please.

Your Honor, I would like
to plead not guilty

on the grounds
that Obama legalized weed.

Did he? Because I think
I would have heard about that.

I'm pretty sure he did.

Who told you that?
Thugnificent.

The rapper?
Yes, Your Honor.

Are you sure he's the guy
to listen to

about legal matters?
What does your lawyer say?

He looks pretty smart.
I said, uh, no, Your Honor.

But Thugnificent
sounded pretty sure.

Huh. Well, he's pretty sure.
You know, I'm--

I'm also pretty sure,
but, hey,

we can look it up
if you want. No big deal.

Yes, please.

[TYPING]

Nope, no.
Sorry about that, man.

Look at this, Wikipedia says
weed is still illegal.

Really?
Yeah, wait--

Ho, look at that.
That's interesting.

Says here
that several states

have legalized
medicinal cannabis.

See?
Unfortunately,

this state
ain't one of 'em so, you know.

Oh.
So I guess your choices are

to move to California,
smoke all you want,

or, you know, just stay here
and stop smoking.

Or you can keep smoking
and go to jail,

but that would be kinda silly,
don't you think?

[SIGHS]

TOM:
Oh, man, Robert, I can't believe
how lucky you are.

Lucky? How is this lucky?
I finally found the thing

in life that makes me happy and
now they gonna take it away.

Now Robert,
studies show marijuana

can be very psychologically
addictive.

Man, fuck them studies,
I want my weed.

I believed
all the terrible things

they told me about weed
and it was all a lie.

And now you mean to tell me,

I could've had this
the whole time?

Who knows how different
my life would be?

I might be
a Nobel Peace Prize winner,

or eight-time
gold medal swimmer,

or even President
of the United States.

It's not fair.
Now I have to go back

to being the regular me.

There's nothing wrong
with the regular you.

I'm telling you
the regular me

is completely unacceptable.

I don't even like
the regular me.

No one does.
Yeah, he's got a point there.

I don't even like him
either.

Look, Robert, I get it.

Everybody wants to escape
from their problems.

But there's a legal way
to do it.

[♪♪♪]

I never really liked you
when I first met you.

Oh, you didn't like me?
I didn't like you.

Well, that's okay,
I don't care who likes me,

and I hate Ruckus,
that son of a bitch.

Well, we can agree
on that.

Let's find Ruckus
and whup his ass.

I'm gonna whup your ass!
Oh, no, I don't think so.

I will whup your ass
with Ruckus's ass.

I miss my Mary Jane now.

[BOTH CRYING]

Oh, I think
I'm gonna throw up.

[VOMITS]

Oh, if I see
or smell throw-up,

I'm gonna throw--

[GROANING]

[VOMITS]

Oh, God.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, hell, no!

What the--?

Oh.
Aw, man!

Can you believe it,
old nigga?

Grant got raided.
Look, look, look, look.

They taking the champagne,
and the citrus buds,

and the First Mature,
and the Early Misty,

and the God Bud,
and the Ice Marijuana,

and the Island Lady,
and the Kush--

I'm not gonna let them
get away with this.

I say we fight back. It's time
for civil disobedience.

It's time for action.
Man, you do what you want.

I'm gonna go back
to work and cry.

[♪♪♪]

What is this really
gonna accomplish?

What happened to you?
I thought you believed

in the revolution.
A freedom fighter.

You're not gonna end prohibition
by getting arrested.

What if me and Rosa Parks

had said that on that bus
in Montgomery?

What if me and Martin Luther
King said that in Selma?

What if me and Nelson Mandela
said that during apartheid?

When were you arrested
in South Africa?

Never mind.
Point is you sold out.

I think we should just move
to L.A..

I'm gonna be the first nigga
to be a Blood and a Crip.

Granddad, nobody solves problems
by going to jail anymore.

Fine. What do you suggest?

Look, if it's really
that important to you,

maybe we should just move
to California.

Then I'm gonna star
in my own movie

about the first nigga
to be both a Blood and a Crip.

I'm gonna play me.
Well, I'm not leaving my home.

I paid good money
for this house.

Now it ain't worth shit,
so we're staying.

Then I'm gonna run up
on the Fresh Prince kid

and show him
who the real Karate Kid is.

They ain't even
paying the nigga.

So, what's more important?
Weed or us?

Weed.

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

Man, he didn't even
think about it.

We are here to demand
the liberation of our brother,

Grant, from the deep,
dark dungeons of tyranny.

This man was a peaceful man.
He was a grower.

He was a healer.
And he gave me

really good weed
at very reasonable prices.

Granddad,
stop snitching. Ha-ha.

We won't let you
push us around.

We have the right
to pursue happiness.

And this is happiness.
And I shall pursue it, happily.

[PEOPLE ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]

GRANDDAD:
Wait, does anyone have a light?

Robert. Robert?

Grant? But I thought
you were in jail.

I posted bail.
What are you doing here?

So you're free?
I got six months' probation,

can't smoke,
but weed's not worth my freed--

What are you doing
out here?

Wait, wait,
I change my mind.

No, wait.
Sir, I'm placing you

under arrest
for disturbing the peace...

Hey, wait a minute,
officer.

Come on.
You don't understand.

I change my mind.
Forget all that stuff I said.

I take it back.
Do over.

I'm a Republican, Democrat,
Conservative, Tea Party!

Oh, dude, I am so bummed
to see you here again.

Your Honor, I plead not guilty
on the grounds

that I wouldn't have had
to do a protest

if you had let me have
weed in the first place.

This is silly.
I'm an old man.

I fought for my country.
I've earned the right

to smoke weed.
No, no, no.

But I admit that
I probably went too far.

So I guess
maybe I am guilty.

Granddad, stop snitching.

[GAVEL BANGS]
[LAUGHING]

Anyway,
I learned my lesson.

And I decided,
if you let me go,

I'm gonna move
to California

so as to be in compliance
with the law.

What? All right.

Really, Granddad?

Yeah, yeah!

I wanted it to be
a surprise.

Okay, Mr. Freeman,
you got yourself a deal.

I'll agree to no jail time

and you are free
to go to California.

RILEY:
Yeah! That's what's up!

Immediately after serving
three weeks of house arrest,

followed by two years' probation
with mandatory drug testing,

and we'll throw in some
community service for fun.

Hi, my name
is Robert Freeman.

Recently
I started smoking pot.

Marijuana
didn't make me happier,

it didn't make me cool.
It didn't do anything,

except almost cost me
my family and my freedom.

So if you wanna
be like me, a loser,

go ahead and smoke.

[LAUGHING]

That was crazy. Granddad,
you make weed look so uncool,

I don't think
I'm ever gonna smoke.

Yeah, I think
I'm gonna go take

a stroll around the block,
'cause I can.

Want me get you anything
while I'm out, Granddad?

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, bring me
a brand-new belt

with a big spiked buckle

so I can whup
your little smart behind.

Well, for what it's worth,
it's not too terrible

having the old Granddad
back.

Yeah, well, it's worth nothing,
but thank you.

[♪♪♪]