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♪ I am the stone
The builder refused ♪
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00:00:02,519 --> 00:00:03,854
♪ I am the visual
The inspiration ♪
3
00:00:03,895 --> 00:00:05,605
♪ That made lady
Sing the blues ♪
4
00:00:05,849 --> 00:00:07,267
♪ I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ♪
5
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:08,680
♪ The same spark
That lights the dark ♪
6
00:00:08,850 --> 00:00:10,727
♪ So that you can know
Left from right ♪
7
00:00:10,810 --> 00:00:12,270
♪ I am the ballot in your box
The bullet in the gun ♪
8
00:00:12,353 --> 00:00:14,439
♪ The inner glow
That lets you know ♪
9
00:00:14,609 --> 00:00:15,670
♪ To call your brother sun ♪
10
00:00:15,670 --> 00:00:16,890
♪ The story that just begun ♪
11
00:00:16,940 --> 00:00:18,070
♪ The promise
Of what's to come ♪
12
00:00:18,290 --> 00:00:19,345
♪ And I'm 'a remain a soldier ♪
13
00:00:19,429 --> 00:00:21,014
♪ Till the war is won
Won ♪
14
00:00:21,097 --> 00:00:23,224
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
15
00:00:23,266 --> 00:00:25,685
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
16
00:00:25,768 --> 00:00:28,187
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
17
00:00:28,271 --> 00:00:29,981
♪ Chop, chop, chop ♪
18
00:00:31,899 --> 00:00:34,527
[LAUGHS]
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
19
00:00:34,610 --> 00:00:36,779
Now wait just one
cotton-picking minute!
20
00:00:36,821 --> 00:00:38,156
Who this?
21
00:00:39,580 --> 00:00:41,579
You better tell me
who the hell up in my house,
22
00:00:41,740 --> 00:00:43,175
before I get to capping.
I ain't lying.
23
00:00:43,258 --> 00:00:44,384
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
24
00:00:44,819 --> 00:00:46,040
Ma Dukes,
this is Jesse.
25
00:00:46,090 --> 00:00:47,260
He's my--
My new friend.
26
00:00:47,459 --> 00:00:48,119
New friend, huh?
27
00:00:48,409 --> 00:00:49,744
Does that mean he's...
28
00:00:49,785 --> 00:00:50,953
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
29
00:00:51,037 --> 00:00:53,289
...beating up the coochie?
30
00:00:53,419 --> 00:00:54,944
That's what "new friend"
mean to me.
31
00:00:55,169 --> 00:00:56,520
Hold on.
Hey, Jamal!
32
00:00:56,604 --> 00:00:57,688
Yes, Ma Dukes?
33
00:00:58,580 --> 00:00:59,280
Ow!
I just had to
34
00:00:59,330 --> 00:01:01,369
slap the shit out
of somebody for no reason.
35
00:01:01,650 --> 00:01:03,039
Now, what was it you were
trying to say
36
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:04,255
about your special friend?
37
00:01:04,489 --> 00:01:07,215
His name is Jesse and he's
a good Christian man,
38
00:01:07,256 --> 00:01:08,380
with benefits.
39
00:01:08,430 --> 00:01:10,754
Benefits? Shoot, girl,
why didn't you say so?
40
00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:14,730
Good mernting! Hell, you can
get me for no extra charge.
41
00:01:14,970 --> 00:01:16,610
Oh, honey, this booty
is still good.
42
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:18,709
You can go ahead and check
the expiration date on it.
43
00:01:18,792 --> 00:01:20,168
I ain't lying.
44
00:01:20,252 --> 00:01:21,211
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
45
00:01:21,295 --> 00:01:24,006
Dip it low.
BOY: Man, look at her booty.
46
00:01:24,089 --> 00:01:26,174
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Holler.
47
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,579
Granddad, why are we watching
a Winston Jerome play?
48
00:01:29,629 --> 00:01:30,881
Aw, shut up, boy.
Stop hating.
49
00:01:30,949 --> 00:01:31,850
It just so happens
50
00:01:32,150 --> 00:01:34,549
Winston Jerome is holding
an open casting call
51
00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,070
for the leading man
in his new play,
52
00:01:36,269 --> 00:01:38,014
and I'm preparing
for my audition.
53
00:01:38,269 --> 00:01:40,155
Audition?
Like an acting audition?
54
00:01:40,389 --> 00:01:41,807
The acting audition
of a lifetime.
55
00:01:41,849 --> 00:01:43,476
But you don't act.
Don't act?
56
00:01:43,550 --> 00:01:45,090
Your granddaddy was once
a passionate,
57
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,069
dedicated thespian. Oh!
58
00:01:47,139 --> 00:01:49,684
But this was long before
the days of Terrence Howard.
59
00:01:49,779 --> 00:01:51,174
See, Hollywood
didn't have room
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00:01:51,290 --> 00:01:52,655
for a young, handsome,
light-skinned black man
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00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,115
with good hair
in those days.
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00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:55,324
DIRECTOR:
And action.
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00:01:55,408 --> 00:01:57,201
They call me Mr. Pibb.
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00:01:58,260 --> 00:01:58,749
[MEN LAUGHING]
What's so funny?
65
00:01:58,833 --> 00:02:00,835
MAN 1: Mr. Pibb. That's a soda's name.
66
00:02:00,959 --> 00:02:03,524
Oh, is it Ribs?
They call me Mr. Ribs.
67
00:02:03,608 --> 00:02:05,568
MAN 2 [LAUGHING]:
He is so bad.
68
00:02:05,650 --> 00:02:09,112
Bullshit,
Mr. Handy Man.
69
00:02:10,155 --> 00:02:12,157
[BONE CRACKS]
Oh! My foot! My foot!
70
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:14,784
Oh, ooh, cramp!
Cramping real bad! Oh!
71
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,180
Maybe you'd like
to see a real man.
72
00:02:16,649 --> 00:02:18,494
I bet you stay up late
dreaming you had a real man.
73
00:02:18,577 --> 00:02:20,162
I pity the fool.
DIRECTOR: Thank you.
74
00:02:20,245 --> 00:02:22,331
That's enough.
We'll call you.
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00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:23,344
Thank you
for the opportunity.
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00:02:23,385 --> 00:02:24,845
[SOBS]
77
00:02:25,619 --> 00:02:27,790
Breaking into Hollywood
at your age?
78
00:02:27,929 --> 00:02:29,295
He's looking
for mature men.
79
00:02:29,570 --> 00:02:30,475
See?
Look right here.
80
00:02:30,589 --> 00:02:33,404
"Casting for black leading man,
50 and older.
81
00:02:33,690 --> 00:02:36,079
"Light-skinned, good hair,
must look nice shirtless,
82
00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:37,589
and not allergic
to baby oil."
83
00:02:37,672 --> 00:02:38,799
That's me all day.
84
00:02:38,820 --> 00:02:40,149
Don't you ever think
you're too old
85
00:02:40,270 --> 00:02:41,380
to do some
of that stuff you do?
86
00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:42,665
Why can't I
be a sex symbol?
87
00:02:42,889 --> 00:02:44,015
Why can't I be
a heartthrob?
88
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,945
I say do it
before it's too late.
89
00:02:46,130 --> 00:02:48,949
And it's gonna be too late
real soon. So, uh, yeah,
90
00:02:49,130 --> 00:02:50,820
hurry up.
Thank you, Riley.
91
00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:52,359
I'm gonna really
let him have it.
92
00:02:52,449 --> 00:02:53,334
Show him my stuff.
93
00:02:53,417 --> 00:02:54,835
Give that man
everything I got.
94
00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:56,003
RILEY: Pause.
Pause?
95
00:02:56,086 --> 00:02:57,505
Pause what?
96
00:02:58,009 --> 00:03:00,135
You said something gay,
so you gotta say "no homo,"
97
00:03:00,309 --> 00:03:02,605
or else you's a homo.
What did I say gay?
98
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:03,894
You said you was gonna
give this dude
99
00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:05,044
everything you got,
no homo.
100
00:03:05,229 --> 00:03:06,325
That's not gay,
I said
101
00:03:06,470 --> 00:03:07,630
I was gonna give the man
everything I got.
102
00:03:07,809 --> 00:03:10,255
Pause, Granddad.
If it sound gay, it's gay,
103
00:03:10,529 --> 00:03:11,559
and you gotta say "no homo."
104
00:03:11,850 --> 00:03:13,245
How I know you not a homo,
Granddad,
105
00:03:13,479 --> 00:03:14,380
if you don't say "no homo"?
106
00:03:14,421 --> 00:03:15,539
I'm not saying
"no homo".
107
00:03:15,539 --> 00:03:16,707
Okay,
you wanna be a homo.
108
00:03:17,210 --> 00:03:18,305
Stop calling
your granddaddy a homo!
109
00:03:18,388 --> 00:03:20,649
Then say "no homo."
I don't wanna say "no homo."
110
00:03:20,699 --> 00:03:22,605
I'm gonna homo your ass if
you don't stop saying "pause."
111
00:03:22,689 --> 00:03:25,650
RILEY:
Pause.
112
00:03:26,610 --> 00:03:28,625
HUEY: The typical Winston Jerome story
starts
113
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,050
with a beautiful, educated,
professional black woman,
114
00:03:31,220 --> 00:03:32,235
trapped in a troubled marriage
115
00:03:32,399 --> 00:03:34,230
with the brown-skinned bald
dude from Law & Order.
116
00:03:34,399 --> 00:03:36,114
How can you do this to me?
Get out!
117
00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:37,560
I'm gonna marry
this white hussy,
118
00:03:37,610 --> 00:03:39,490
because you are
too virtuous and strong
119
00:03:39,759 --> 00:03:41,005
and might make me
a better man.
120
00:03:41,199 --> 00:03:43,820
Then a dude who looks like
Shemar Moore shows up
121
00:03:43,899 --> 00:03:45,295
as the shirtless
light-skinned gardener
122
00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:46,330
who just got out of jail.
123
00:03:46,479 --> 00:03:48,839
Excuse me, uh,
may I rake your leaves?
124
00:03:49,210 --> 00:03:50,475
At first she acts
like she doesn't like
125
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:51,419
the light-skinned gardener.
126
00:03:51,660 --> 00:03:53,139
But eventually
she gets to know him
127
00:03:53,181 --> 00:03:54,473
and sees his sensitive side.
128
00:03:54,580 --> 00:03:56,082
Now I know that to you,
I'm just a poor,
129
00:03:56,145 --> 00:03:58,125
light-skinned gardener who
can't even afford a shirt.
130
00:03:58,464 --> 00:04:01,579
But I love me some Jesus,
and I love me some you.
131
00:04:01,835 --> 00:04:03,849
Oh, Lord,
thank you, Jesus.
132
00:04:04,195 --> 00:04:05,795
I never thought
I'd ever be with a man
133
00:04:05,955 --> 00:04:07,185
so loving
and light-skinned.
134
00:04:07,585 --> 00:04:10,189
And I will always be
light-skinned just for you.
135
00:04:10,615 --> 00:04:11,870
Being a good Christian woman,
136
00:04:12,074 --> 00:04:14,935
she gives her marriage one last
chance because Jesus said so.
137
00:04:15,065 --> 00:04:18,485
I am dark-skinned and bald,
so I hate you and I hate Jesus!
138
00:04:18,755 --> 00:04:20,985
And just when the brown-skinned
dude from Law & Order
139
00:04:21,035 --> 00:04:23,162
is about to hit her, here comes
the shirtless gardener.
140
00:04:23,355 --> 00:04:25,310
Hold it right there, bald-headed
dude from Law & Order.
141
00:04:26,089 --> 00:04:27,470
The woman
and the gardener kiss,
142
00:04:27,779 --> 00:04:29,429
having found true love
through Jesus.
143
00:04:29,512 --> 00:04:32,474
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
144
00:04:33,329 --> 00:04:35,129
MAN 1: Which role you auditioning for?
145
00:04:35,179 --> 00:04:36,349
Oh, no, no,
you can't get her--
146
00:04:36,739 --> 00:04:37,320
I didn't think
there would be
147
00:04:37,390 --> 00:04:38,775
this many people here
just for a play.
148
00:04:38,959 --> 00:04:40,709
Just a play?
Let me tell you something.
149
00:04:40,869 --> 00:04:43,145
It starts with the play,
but if he like you in the play,
150
00:04:45,309 --> 00:04:46,727
then you in the movie
of the play.
151
00:04:46,811 --> 00:04:47,331
And if he like you
in the movie of the play,
152
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:48,604
now you in the TV spinoff
of the movie of the play.
153
00:04:48,687 --> 00:04:49,772
Wait a minute.
154
00:04:50,179 --> 00:04:51,330
You're Kadeem Hardison.
155
00:04:51,380 --> 00:04:53,860
Star of TV's A Different World.
What are you doing here?
156
00:04:54,070 --> 00:04:55,004
I don't know
if you know this,
157
00:04:55,220 --> 00:04:56,575
but there ain't exactly
a bunch of other shit
158
00:04:56,660 --> 00:04:57,635
we could be doing right now.
159
00:04:58,200 --> 00:04:59,149
What, I'm supposed
to wait for the next
160
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,818
Akeelah and the Bee
to pay my mortgage? No thanks.
161
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:05,155
MAN 1: Look, it's him.
MAN 2: Shh!
162
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:06,906
[MEN WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
163
00:05:08,579 --> 00:05:10,081
[♪♪♪]
164
00:05:10,081 --> 00:05:11,583
Mm-hm.
165
00:05:11,583 --> 00:05:13,002
[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]
166
00:05:13,002 --> 00:05:13,920
Mm-mm.
167
00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,950
Mr. Jerome would like
to see you.
168
00:05:17,209 --> 00:05:19,579
He would?
You won't be needing that shirt.
169
00:05:19,662 --> 00:05:21,122
MAN:
Oh, he want him.
170
00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:24,150
JEROME:
Jesus told me in my next play,
171
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,385
Ma Dukes should
find herself a man.
172
00:05:27,170 --> 00:05:28,464
So I've decided
to call this play,
173
00:05:28,899 --> 00:05:31,029
Ma Dukes
Finds Herself a Man.
174
00:05:31,529 --> 00:05:33,584
Do you think you're man enough
for Ma Dukes, Robert?
175
00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:35,294
Yeah, I think so. Yes.
176
00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:36,829
Try this line:
177
00:05:36,829 --> 00:05:40,745
"Ma Dukes, you are a strong,
intelligent black woman
178
00:05:41,089 --> 00:05:42,599
who will make me
a better man."
179
00:05:42,641 --> 00:05:43,600
[INHALES]
180
00:05:43,642 --> 00:05:45,018
Ma Dukes--
JEROME: Wait, wait.
181
00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:47,588
Uh, something's off.
182
00:05:47,588 --> 00:05:48,672
Lotion!
183
00:05:48,672 --> 00:05:50,674
[♪♪♪]
184
00:05:50,674 --> 00:05:51,850
What flavor
you want, man?
185
00:05:51,850 --> 00:05:53,484
I got Tropical Peach,
Sunrise Orange,
186
00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:54,735
Minty Mango,
and Apricot.
187
00:05:55,010 --> 00:05:57,054
Or I can take two flavors
and swirl them together.
188
00:05:57,250 --> 00:05:58,254
Just tell me
which ones you like.
189
00:05:59,329 --> 00:06:00,415
You want me
to pick one for you?
190
00:06:00,499 --> 00:06:01,875
Uh, okay.
191
00:06:02,350 --> 00:06:03,319
Minty Mango it is.
192
00:06:06,030 --> 00:06:07,990
[GRUNTING]
193
00:06:08,491 --> 00:06:09,575
Turn around.
194
00:06:09,658 --> 00:06:10,785
Hey!
195
00:06:11,109 --> 00:06:12,020
You want me
to pop these bumps?
196
00:06:12,062 --> 00:06:14,481
Uh, no.
All right, you good then.
197
00:06:15,410 --> 00:06:17,870
Okay, Robert. Again.
198
00:06:17,912 --> 00:06:20,582
Ma Dukes--
That's it!
199
00:06:20,623 --> 00:06:22,375
Breathtaking!
200
00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:25,784
You know, I remember when I sat
down to write my first play.
201
00:06:26,670 --> 00:06:29,200
I asked Jesus,
"Will you co-write with me?"
202
00:06:29,339 --> 00:06:30,494
And he said, "Yes."
Yes.
203
00:06:30,910 --> 00:06:31,630
And I told Jesus,
204
00:06:31,820 --> 00:06:33,504
"I want to write
plays for women.
205
00:06:33,587 --> 00:06:35,381
What do women want to see?"
206
00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:37,595
And Jesus said, "sexy men."
207
00:06:38,450 --> 00:06:40,694
Since that day,
I've searched the world
208
00:06:40,940 --> 00:06:42,550
for the sexiest
black men alive.
209
00:06:42,633 --> 00:06:45,511
And I found them:
My shirtless men.
210
00:06:45,553 --> 00:06:47,221
And Jesus was pleased.
211
00:06:47,709 --> 00:06:49,024
I didn't know
religion worked like that.
212
00:06:49,190 --> 00:06:50,165
Then I asked Jesus,
213
00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:53,005
"How could I further spread
your message on earth?"
214
00:06:53,529 --> 00:06:55,830
And he said, "cross-dressing."
215
00:06:56,570 --> 00:06:58,334
And so I put on
a dress and a wig.
216
00:06:58,790 --> 00:07:00,745
And Jesus was pleased.
217
00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:02,538
With that dress, that wig
218
00:07:03,149 --> 00:07:06,370
and these beautiful,
muscular gifts from God,
219
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,319
I have built an empire.
220
00:07:08,779 --> 00:07:11,794
And soon,
I will crush Ice Cube,
221
00:07:12,089 --> 00:07:15,595
and my supremacy of black
Hollywood will be complete.
222
00:07:15,890 --> 00:07:17,029
Ice Cube?
We don't allow
223
00:07:17,209 --> 00:07:18,529
just anyone on this journey.
224
00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:22,595
Have you accepted Jesus Christ
as your Lord and savior, Robert?
225
00:07:22,636 --> 00:07:24,597
Yeah, uh, I guess.
226
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:25,865
Get on your knees, Robert.
227
00:07:25,865 --> 00:07:26,543
Ow!
On your knees, Robert.
228
00:07:26,593 --> 00:07:28,094
Okay. Damn,
you got big hands.
229
00:07:30,170 --> 00:07:34,204
Do you accept Jesus Christ
as your Lord and savior, Robert?
230
00:07:34,470 --> 00:07:35,779
Yes.
Do you accept me,
231
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,880
Winston Jerome,
as the representative
232
00:07:38,230 --> 00:07:40,694
of Jesus Christ in the TV
and movie business?
233
00:07:40,778 --> 00:07:42,154
Sure, I guess.
234
00:07:42,196 --> 00:07:44,031
Do you renounce Ice Cube
and all his works?
235
00:07:44,114 --> 00:07:45,574
Well, you know,
I kinda like Friday--
236
00:07:45,829 --> 00:07:48,998
Do you renounce Ice Cube
and all his works?
237
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:49,560
I renounce Ice Cube.
Louder!
238
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:49,725
I renounce Ice Cube!
239
00:07:49,725 --> 00:07:51,769
And all his works!
And all his works!
240
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:57,279
Including Friday?
Yes! Including Friday! Yes!
241
00:07:57,363 --> 00:07:59,198
Rise.
242
00:07:59,239 --> 00:08:02,743
Rise, my new leading man!
243
00:08:02,826 --> 00:08:04,286
[♪♪♪]
244
00:08:04,370 --> 00:08:07,581
We're having a fondue shindig
tonight. You should come.
245
00:08:10,429 --> 00:08:12,314
Tom, thanks for agreeing
to watch the boys tonight.
246
00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:13,814
No problem, Robert.
I mean,
247
00:08:13,940 --> 00:08:15,915
this is your big break.
So, what is he like?
248
00:08:15,999 --> 00:08:17,292
Who, Winston?
249
00:08:17,299 --> 00:08:19,464
Uh, nice guy,
down to earth.
250
00:08:19,619 --> 00:08:21,769
Nothing strange or freaky
or bizarre about him at all.
251
00:08:22,059 --> 00:08:23,894
Nope, nothing
out of the ordinary.
252
00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:24,895
[LAUGHS]
253
00:08:25,079 --> 00:08:26,570
I just think he's the best.
254
00:08:26,612 --> 00:08:29,365
That's what people need more of:
positive entertainment.
255
00:08:30,279 --> 00:08:31,185
Without all the cursing
256
00:08:31,429 --> 00:08:33,299
and people saying
the N-word all the time.
257
00:08:33,619 --> 00:08:35,785
Hey, are there gonna be
some steamy scenes
258
00:08:36,010 --> 00:08:37,164
to look forward to, huh?
259
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:38,705
Who's the lucky
leading lady?
260
00:08:38,940 --> 00:08:41,475
Uh, actually, um,
they haven't cast her yet.
261
00:08:41,517 --> 00:08:43,603
Probably, uh, Sanaa Lathan,
maybe Halle Berry.
262
00:08:44,919 --> 00:08:45,594
You know, somebody hot.
263
00:08:45,729 --> 00:08:46,844
Man, stop lying.
264
00:08:47,030 --> 00:08:48,709
Granddad's leading lady
is a dude.
265
00:08:49,020 --> 00:08:50,739
What?
Shut up. You don't know nothing.
266
00:08:50,929 --> 00:08:51,939
We read the script,
Granddad.
267
00:08:51,981 --> 00:08:53,483
How dare you.
That's top-secret.
268
00:08:53,979 --> 00:08:55,849
It was really, really terrible,
by the way.
269
00:08:55,979 --> 00:08:57,154
Don't front, Granddad.
270
00:08:57,530 --> 00:08:58,989
You playing
a dude's boyfriend.
271
00:08:59,380 --> 00:09:02,174
It's that Winston Jerome guy
in a dress. Ha-ha!
272
00:09:02,216 --> 00:09:03,509
You mean Ma Dukes?
273
00:09:03,739 --> 00:09:05,219
You're playing
Ma Dukes' boyfriend?
274
00:09:05,260 --> 00:09:06,350
There are no love scenes.
275
00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:08,402
Granddad's gonna need
to have "no homo"
276
00:09:08,402 --> 00:09:10,237
tattooed on his forehead
after this.
277
00:09:10,237 --> 00:09:11,090
There are no love scenes!
278
00:09:11,140 --> 00:09:12,375
I think that's great.
279
00:09:12,659 --> 00:09:14,534
Robert,
you're a real actor now,
280
00:09:14,739 --> 00:09:16,409
completely dedicated
to the part.
281
00:09:16,659 --> 00:09:17,826
I say do the love scenes.
282
00:09:17,868 --> 00:09:19,069
But there are no love scenes.
283
00:09:19,119 --> 00:09:21,145
Well, I think it's gay.
Dude wear a dress.
284
00:09:21,409 --> 00:09:22,609
Jesus told him
to wear that dress.
285
00:09:22,820 --> 00:09:25,490
You just mad
because Jesus doesn't love you.
286
00:09:25,573 --> 00:09:28,159
[♪♪♪]
287
00:09:29,994 --> 00:09:31,663
[THUNDER CRASHING]
288
00:09:35,528 --> 00:09:36,570
Hello, Robert.
289
00:09:36,570 --> 00:09:38,830
We're so glad
you decided to join us.
290
00:09:38,914 --> 00:09:40,123
Come in.
291
00:09:40,390 --> 00:09:41,780
I don't mind if I do,
cupcakes.
292
00:09:46,327 --> 00:09:47,620
[♪♪♪]
293
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,240
♪ Hello, how do you do? ♪
294
00:09:50,909 --> 00:09:52,930
♪ We're so glad
You joined our crew ♪
295
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,374
♪ Welcome to our
Lovely compound ♪
296
00:09:56,416 --> 00:09:59,586
♪ Where it all goes down ♪
297
00:09:59,628 --> 00:10:01,296
♪ Hot oil, bananas
And cream ♪
298
00:10:01,379 --> 00:10:02,714
♪ Bananas and cream ♪
299
00:10:02,756 --> 00:10:05,383
JEROME: ♪ White unicorns And wet dreams ♪
300
00:10:05,425 --> 00:10:06,676
♪ Wet dreams ♪
♪ Rainbow and lace ♪
301
00:10:06,719 --> 00:10:08,345
♪ Oh, it makes me
Want to scream ♪
302
00:10:09,460 --> 00:10:12,797
♪ Anything is possible
With Jesus on our team ♪
303
00:10:12,838 --> 00:10:17,260
♪ It's all right
To cross-dress for Christ ♪
304
00:10:18,678 --> 00:10:20,096
♪ Whoo ♪
305
00:10:20,137 --> 00:10:21,430
♪ Jesus gave me a vision ♪
306
00:10:21,472 --> 00:10:25,101
♪ To make plays
And dress like women ♪
307
00:10:25,142 --> 00:10:28,271
♪ To wear corsets
And real fine linen ♪
308
00:10:28,312 --> 00:10:30,314
♪ Big bras with a lot
Of padding in 'em ♪
309
00:10:30,356 --> 00:10:33,651
♪ Am I feminine?
I know you have suspicions ♪
310
00:10:33,693 --> 00:10:35,194
♪ But I'm all man
Trust me ♪
311
00:10:35,278 --> 00:10:36,696
♪ We could switch positions ♪
312
00:10:36,779 --> 00:10:42,660
♪ It's all right
To cross-dress for Christ ♪
313
00:10:42,702 --> 00:10:47,665
♪ It's all right
To cross-dress for Christ ♪
314
00:10:48,237 --> 00:10:50,239
ALL:
Whoo!
315
00:10:50,239 --> 00:10:52,074
Wow.
Is that in the play?
316
00:10:52,590 --> 00:10:54,329
No, we just
do that for fun.
317
00:10:54,549 --> 00:10:56,079
Come, let me show you
the compound.
318
00:10:58,790 --> 00:11:00,500
[♪♪♪]
319
00:11:00,584 --> 00:11:03,170
JEROME: The cast and crew of my plays are
like family.
320
00:11:03,890 --> 00:11:06,925
We work together,
eat together, pray together.
321
00:11:07,530 --> 00:11:09,170
Now, let me show you
where you'll be staying.
322
00:11:09,450 --> 00:11:10,784
Uh, did you say staying?
323
00:11:11,130 --> 00:11:12,945
Oh, yes. You'll live
here at the compound
324
00:11:13,210 --> 00:11:13,955
during the run
of the play.
325
00:11:14,150 --> 00:11:16,525
I want everyone totally
immersed in the production.
326
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:17,818
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
327
00:11:17,950 --> 00:11:19,985
And we don't allow
outside calls here.
328
00:11:20,229 --> 00:11:21,620
We must remove
all distractions.
329
00:11:21,704 --> 00:11:22,871
Oh, it's just my grandkids.
330
00:11:23,119 --> 00:11:24,524
You know kids.
They always wanna talk
331
00:11:24,619 --> 00:11:25,610
to their sole
legal guardian.
332
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,820
Tell them you won't be
coming home for a while.
333
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,314
Best to make it a clean break.
334
00:11:29,526 --> 00:11:30,861
Uh, I'll just
call them back.
335
00:11:30,861 --> 00:11:32,029
Answer it!
336
00:11:32,029 --> 00:11:33,280
Hey, boys.
337
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:34,925
Hey, Granddad,
we were just wondering
338
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:36,314
how late
rehearsal was gonna go.
339
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,385
Tom had to leave
and we're getting kinda hungry.
340
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,239
Well, uh,
I'm not coming home
341
00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:41,495
for a while,
so don't wait up.
342
00:11:41,537 --> 00:11:42,429
How late?
343
00:11:42,479 --> 00:11:43,929
Uh, maybe a week
or two or more.
344
00:11:43,929 --> 00:11:45,459
We got a lot
of rehearsal stuff to do.
345
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,383
Uh, there's some cash
in my sock drawer. Praise Jesus.
346
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,264
This is a great day,
brothers and sisters.
347
00:11:55,630 --> 00:11:58,085
The first day
of rehearsals for
348
00:11:58,549 --> 00:12:01,594
Ma Dukes Finds Herself A Man.
349
00:12:02,309 --> 00:12:02,945
Let us pray.
350
00:12:02,986 --> 00:12:03,749
[♪♪♪]
351
00:12:03,799 --> 00:12:06,620
JEROME: Lord Jesus, you are a wonderful
savior
352
00:12:06,869 --> 00:12:08,889
and an excellent producing
partner as well.
353
00:12:08,930 --> 00:12:10,223
[JEROME CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
354
00:12:11,359 --> 00:12:12,319
GRANDDAD:
I can't believe I'm here.
355
00:12:12,669 --> 00:12:14,644
I made it.
I'm on my way to the top.
356
00:12:14,929 --> 00:12:16,125
I might already
be at the top.
357
00:12:16,979 --> 00:12:19,299
Man, look at these broads
in here.
358
00:12:19,549 --> 00:12:21,505
The big old zesty-chesty
on that one.
359
00:12:21,619 --> 00:12:24,665
...in Jesus' name
we pray. Amen.
360
00:12:24,706 --> 00:12:27,125
WOMAN: Yes, amen, hallelujah.
Yeah, boy!
361
00:12:28,299 --> 00:12:30,320
We're so happy you're
here with us, Robert.
362
00:12:30,570 --> 00:12:31,980
Jesus is so good.
363
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:35,375
I've been working with
Mr. Jerome for nearly 10 years.
364
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:37,040
Oh, your family must be
very proud, huh?
365
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,250
Honey, I don't talk
to my family anymore.
366
00:12:39,539 --> 00:12:42,300
This is my family now.
Soon it'll be yours too.
367
00:12:42,450 --> 00:12:44,085
I'm gonna get me
some Kool-Aid.
368
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,370
Well, this is my first
Winston Jerome project,
369
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,745
but I've been in the business
for almost 12 years.
370
00:12:49,786 --> 00:12:50,913
Oh, that's nice.
371
00:12:51,109 --> 00:12:52,199
Anything I might
have seen?
372
00:12:52,419 --> 00:12:54,745
Let's see, I was
in Do the Tight Thing.
373
00:12:55,039 --> 00:12:57,760
Uh, Lady Sucks the Blues,
New Crack City,
374
00:12:58,070 --> 00:13:00,500
and then my last film was
Six Dicks of Separation.
375
00:13:00,849 --> 00:13:02,199
Oh, my. Six?
376
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,254
But that was before
Winston saved me.
377
00:13:04,419 --> 00:13:06,475
All that time, I was
giving up the ass for me.
378
00:13:06,859 --> 00:13:08,845
Now, I only give up
the ass for Jesus.
379
00:13:09,859 --> 00:13:11,230
And his homeboys.
380
00:13:11,271 --> 00:13:12,439
Mm-hm.
381
00:13:13,580 --> 00:13:15,745
Praise Jesus
in the name of Jesus.
382
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,750
Robert, would you
join me in my study?
383
00:13:19,739 --> 00:13:20,990
Beautiful, isn't it?
384
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:22,969
I had the sweater
put on him
385
00:13:23,059 --> 00:13:25,070
because he just looked
so cold up there.
386
00:13:25,830 --> 00:13:27,204
I just wanted
to warm him up.
387
00:13:27,369 --> 00:13:28,360
Because I love Jesus.
388
00:13:29,150 --> 00:13:30,360
Do you love Jesus,
Robert?
389
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,559
Oh, yes. I love me
some Jesus, mm-hm.
390
00:13:32,609 --> 00:13:33,299
He's my copilot.
391
00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:37,289
JEROME [OVER TV]:
Lord, we thank you for all--
392
00:13:37,289 --> 00:13:39,541
JEROME: Well, it appears you love tatas
too.
393
00:13:39,583 --> 00:13:41,418
Yeah, uh, I'm, uh...
It's okay, Robert.
394
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:44,409
You love women more
than you love Jesus, don't you?
395
00:13:44,570 --> 00:13:45,390
It's hard to say.
396
00:13:45,890 --> 00:13:48,044
I mean, it's kinda
apples and oranges.
397
00:13:48,239 --> 00:13:50,004
If women are what you desire,
Robert,
398
00:13:50,109 --> 00:13:51,750
then Jesus and I
will deliver.
399
00:13:52,210 --> 00:13:53,764
Hundreds,
thousands of women.
400
00:13:54,010 --> 00:13:54,945
Any kind you want.
401
00:13:55,260 --> 00:13:56,480
Well, now, since you
put it like that,
402
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,550
I want some of them,
Alicia Keys,
403
00:13:58,592 --> 00:14:01,011
and a couple them Beyoncés,
and something Spanish,
404
00:14:01,659 --> 00:14:03,024
and a big old
tittied white woman
405
00:14:03,169 --> 00:14:04,050
that look like Lynda Carter.
406
00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:06,340
JEROME:
Then Jesus will provide them.
407
00:14:06,590 --> 00:14:09,204
But you must give yourself
to Jesus first, Robert.
408
00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:10,355
And to me.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
409
00:14:12,789 --> 00:14:15,792
Fuck! You know how I feel
about the fucking phone!
410
00:14:15,875 --> 00:14:16,410
Jesus Christ.
411
00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:18,900
It's my grandkids.
They're probably just worried.
412
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:22,130
You must choose, Robert, between
your old life and your new one.
413
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:24,675
Hey, boys.
Uh, no, everything's good.
414
00:14:24,940 --> 00:14:27,639
Look, please don't call me
again. This is my family now.
415
00:14:27,681 --> 00:14:29,641
Uh-huh. Okay.
416
00:14:29,830 --> 00:14:31,610
You made the right
choice, Robert.
417
00:14:33,409 --> 00:14:35,669
I don't get it.
They his new family now?
418
00:14:35,820 --> 00:14:38,031
It's worse than I thought.
Granddad's in a cult.
419
00:14:38,179 --> 00:14:39,745
A cult? That's gay.
420
00:14:39,909 --> 00:14:40,654
Well, he's in trouble.
421
00:14:40,919 --> 00:14:42,209
We gotta save him.
Come on.
422
00:14:44,820 --> 00:14:47,444
You're just a lowly ex-con
and I'm a big-shot lawyer.
423
00:14:47,527 --> 00:14:48,690
Cut! Frown!
424
00:14:48,690 --> 00:14:50,804
How are they gonna know
you're mad if you don't frown?
425
00:14:51,479 --> 00:14:54,554
More!
More, more, damn it!
426
00:14:54,729 --> 00:14:56,225
You want me to put something
nasty in your mouth
427
00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:58,207
to help you frown?
Ew.
428
00:14:58,249 --> 00:14:59,583
Okay, continue.
429
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,380
Well,
at least I have Jesus
430
00:15:02,719 --> 00:15:05,250
and the strong love
of a black, African, beautiful,
431
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:07,054
independent black woman--
432
00:15:07,095 --> 00:15:08,679
JEROME:
Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
433
00:15:08,679 --> 00:15:09,564
This isn't working.
434
00:15:09,799 --> 00:15:11,000
I cannot work
like this anymore.
435
00:15:11,250 --> 00:15:14,225
I've worked with Jesus!
Damn it! Shit! Fuck!
436
00:15:14,690 --> 00:15:15,334
Let us pray.
437
00:15:15,599 --> 00:15:19,895
Jesus, holy Jesus,
help us with this scene,
438
00:15:20,159 --> 00:15:22,654
it seems to be a little flat.
Wait.
439
00:15:22,940 --> 00:15:24,704
Jesus is trying to tell me
something, hold on.
440
00:15:24,787 --> 00:15:26,010
ALL:
Praise Jesus!
441
00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:27,644
Yes, Jesus. Uh-huh.
442
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:28,853
Right, right.
443
00:15:29,539 --> 00:15:30,609
Hey, you're the boss.
444
00:15:30,659 --> 00:15:32,760
Jesus says the scene
would have more impact
445
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,905
if you grabbed Ma Dukes
and kissed her deep on the lips.
446
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:37,935
Kiss? Hold on.
Jesus said that?
447
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:39,625
Jesus said that we need
to kiss passionately
448
00:15:39,979 --> 00:15:41,370
so the audience
can feel our love.
449
00:15:41,719 --> 00:15:42,799
Change it in the script.
450
00:15:42,883 --> 00:15:45,010
ALL:
Praise Jesus' rewrites!
451
00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:46,299
Are you sure
he didn't say "kick"?
452
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,269
I should kick you?
Or maybe "kill"?
453
00:15:48,559 --> 00:15:50,324
Let me kill you.
Nobody'd ever see that coming.
454
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,270
No, he said "kiss!" Kiss!
455
00:15:52,710 --> 00:15:54,610
There was
no ambiguity at all.
456
00:15:54,652 --> 00:15:55,986
ChapStick!
457
00:15:58,590 --> 00:15:59,780
JEROME:
Robert, it's okay.
458
00:15:59,830 --> 00:16:01,305
I totally understand
your concerns.
459
00:16:01,780 --> 00:16:04,789
Winston Jerome would
never, ever kiss a man.
460
00:16:05,270 --> 00:16:07,965
That would be homosexual
and against my Christian faith.
461
00:16:08,150 --> 00:16:09,419
Exactly. Mine too.
462
00:16:09,570 --> 00:16:11,530
But Jesus wants us
to be actors first,
463
00:16:11,739 --> 00:16:12,840
and heterosexuals second.
464
00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:16,229
Now, Winston Jerome
is a very, very straight man
465
00:16:16,369 --> 00:16:17,394
that loves the ladies.
466
00:16:17,669 --> 00:16:18,615
But Ma Dukes is a woman,
467
00:16:18,830 --> 00:16:21,890
and when I go onstage,
Jesus wants me to become her
468
00:16:21,932 --> 00:16:23,392
inside and out.
469
00:16:23,659 --> 00:16:24,984
Can't just have
a woman's clothes.
470
00:16:25,179 --> 00:16:27,459
I need a woman's thoughts,
a woman's movements
471
00:16:28,409 --> 00:16:29,524
and a woman's desires.
472
00:16:29,607 --> 00:16:30,983
[♪♪♪]
473
00:16:34,362 --> 00:16:37,031
[CHEERING AND WHISTLING
OVER TV]
474
00:16:38,866 --> 00:16:40,702
[♪♪♪]
475
00:16:41,703 --> 00:16:43,329
[CRASHING]
RILEY: Ow!
476
00:16:43,371 --> 00:16:45,581
[GROANS]
Come on.
477
00:16:46,150 --> 00:16:48,590
Excuse me, do you know where
I could find Robert Freeman?
478
00:16:48,809 --> 00:16:50,074
Just walk
in the path of Jesus.
479
00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:51,264
You'll find him.
480
00:16:53,450 --> 00:16:54,564
Uh, excuse me.
481
00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:56,075
We're looking
for Robert Freeman.
482
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,200
Oh, he's on
the rehearsal stage.
483
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:00,325
Y'all remind me
of my grandsons.
484
00:17:00,830 --> 00:17:02,289
But they like
Ice Cube movies,
485
00:17:02,570 --> 00:17:04,415
so I can never
speak to them again.
486
00:17:05,689 --> 00:17:08,340
Excuse me. I'm gonna
get me some Kool-Aid.
487
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:12,970
[♪♪♪]
488
00:17:13,698 --> 00:17:15,578
Well, at least I have Jesus,
489
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:18,128
and the love
of a strong, black, African,
490
00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:19,863
beautiful, independent
black woman.
491
00:17:20,098 --> 00:17:21,103
And that's all I need.
492
00:17:21,187 --> 00:17:22,313
[GRUNTS]
493
00:17:22,355 --> 00:17:24,899
[♪♪♪]
494
00:17:24,982 --> 00:17:27,735
[BOTH GRUNT]
495
00:17:29,654 --> 00:17:31,989
Boys! Stop that!
Get his legs! His legs!
496
00:17:32,288 --> 00:17:33,763
I rebuke you in the name
of the Lord!
497
00:17:33,805 --> 00:17:35,098
WOMAN:
Oh, Lord!
498
00:17:35,140 --> 00:17:36,599
JEROME:
Get them! Get them out of here!
499
00:17:37,976 --> 00:17:40,061
[MUFFLED]
These niggas is too glisteny.
500
00:17:40,145 --> 00:17:42,981
[♪♪♪]
501
00:17:45,650 --> 00:17:46,776
[YELLS]
502
00:17:46,818 --> 00:17:47,986
[GRUNTS]
503
00:17:48,027 --> 00:17:50,488
[LAUGHS]
504
00:17:50,979 --> 00:17:52,975
Did you think
you could just take him?
505
00:17:53,819 --> 00:17:56,495
It's too late. Your granddaddy's
one of us now.
506
00:17:57,099 --> 00:17:58,865
It's okay, guys. I'm sorry.
I'll take care of it.
507
00:17:59,180 --> 00:18:01,465
Me and Jesus want them
out of here, Robert.
508
00:18:01,507 --> 00:18:02,633
Pronto.
509
00:18:03,819 --> 00:18:05,530
Granddad, snap out of it.
510
00:18:05,928 --> 00:18:07,179
Ow! Damn it!
511
00:18:07,179 --> 00:18:08,347
Ow!
512
00:18:08,347 --> 00:18:09,640
Nigga, have you lost
your mind?
513
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:10,794
Granddad, you've been
brainwashed.
514
00:18:11,199 --> 00:18:12,354
You've been sucked
into some bizarre
515
00:18:12,589 --> 00:18:14,383
homoerotic Christian
theater cult.
516
00:18:14,459 --> 00:18:16,064
You was about
to kiss that dude, no homo.
517
00:18:16,589 --> 00:18:19,300
I'm just acting. I know it's
homoerotic Christian theater.
518
00:18:19,530 --> 00:18:20,854
But if it gets me
into Hollywood, who cares?
519
00:18:21,089 --> 00:18:22,215
It can't be worse
than Scientology.
520
00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:24,290
Do you really want
to be famous that bad?
521
00:18:24,750 --> 00:18:26,995
Yes. My whole life
I've been normal.
522
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:29,274
Normal sucks.
I want women half my age
523
00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:30,519
to throw themselves at me.
524
00:18:30,569 --> 00:18:32,470
I want people to treat me better
than they treat others.
525
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,894
And Riley was right.
I don't have much time left.
526
00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:36,365
Maybe it's a stupid dream,
527
00:18:36,439 --> 00:18:38,065
but this is the last chance
I'm gonna get at it.
528
00:18:38,189 --> 00:18:39,670
Remember that TV show
Fear Factor,
529
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,135
when they made people eat goat
rectums and monkey testicles
530
00:18:42,469 --> 00:18:44,179
and whatever else to win?
531
00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:45,725
This is my Fear Factor
532
00:18:46,010 --> 00:18:48,059
and Ma Dukes is
my monkey testicles,
533
00:18:48,109 --> 00:18:49,419
and I really want
the big prize.
534
00:18:49,502 --> 00:18:51,462
Even if it means
kissing a man.
535
00:18:51,504 --> 00:18:52,964
No homo.
536
00:18:53,579 --> 00:18:55,544
And when you get home,
go in my clean underwear drawer.
537
00:18:55,780 --> 00:18:57,130
There should be
$200 in quarters.
538
00:18:57,479 --> 00:18:58,885
That should be enough
to get you through the week.
539
00:18:59,069 --> 00:19:00,570
And I'll be home soon,
okay?
540
00:19:00,729 --> 00:19:01,485
All right, Granddad.
541
00:19:01,810 --> 00:19:04,139
If this is really what you want,
we'll get out of here.
542
00:19:07,359 --> 00:19:08,164
Good luck with that.
543
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:11,885
Thank you for saying
"no homo," Granddad.
544
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:13,894
That really
meant a lot to me.
545
00:19:15,479 --> 00:19:16,563
No homo.
546
00:19:21,735 --> 00:19:24,237
[CROWD CHATTERING]
547
00:19:34,331 --> 00:19:35,916
[CHUCKLES]
548
00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:39,378
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
549
00:19:40,274 --> 00:19:43,945
Finally I have found
my cutie pie, Ma Dukes.
550
00:19:43,945 --> 00:19:45,572
[ALL LAUGH]
551
00:19:45,572 --> 00:19:48,241
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
552
00:19:48,241 --> 00:19:49,325
[LAUGHING]
553
00:19:49,325 --> 00:19:51,619
Well, at least
I have Jesus,
554
00:19:51,619 --> 00:19:53,845
and the love of a strong,
black, African,
555
00:19:54,140 --> 00:19:55,814
beautiful, independent
black woman.
556
00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:57,514
And that's all I need.
557
00:19:58,300 --> 00:20:00,969
Kiss me, Ma Dukes.
558
00:20:01,011 --> 00:20:03,430
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
559
00:20:04,264 --> 00:20:05,599
[ALL CHEERING]
560
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,184
[LIPS SMACKING]
561
00:20:07,267 --> 00:20:09,186
[ALL CHEERING]
562
00:20:11,573 --> 00:20:13,358
And now it's time for me
to get my big prize.
563
00:20:13,358 --> 00:20:15,234
♪ Groupies, groupies ♪
564
00:20:15,234 --> 00:20:16,569
♪ Groupies ♪
There he is!
565
00:20:16,569 --> 00:20:18,780
Girl, hold my chicken!
Huh?
566
00:20:18,780 --> 00:20:19,948
[GRUNTS]
567
00:20:19,948 --> 00:20:21,574
[SCREAMS]
568
00:20:21,574 --> 00:20:24,619
WOMAN: You look just like your pictures on
MySpace!
569
00:20:24,619 --> 00:20:26,570
Oh, my goodness!
570
00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:28,795
Mr. Jerome would like
to see you.
571
00:20:28,837 --> 00:20:31,340
[WHISPERS]
Alone.
572
00:20:34,810 --> 00:20:36,769
JEROME:
Robert, you were amazing.
573
00:20:37,550 --> 00:20:39,655
Jesus and I
were so pleased.
574
00:20:39,930 --> 00:20:40,855
Don't give me
that bullshit.
575
00:20:41,170 --> 00:20:42,245
This is the big prize?
576
00:20:42,530 --> 00:20:44,720
Where are the Alicia Keyses?
Where are the Beyoncés?
577
00:20:44,770 --> 00:20:47,398
Where's Wonder Woman?
All I see is Florida Evanses.
578
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,034
I can get a big bitch
on my own.
579
00:20:49,270 --> 00:20:51,063
I had to kiss you
onstage in front everybody
580
00:20:51,170 --> 00:20:52,955
and all I get
is them mud ducks out there?
581
00:20:53,170 --> 00:20:53,945
That wasn't the deal.
582
00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:56,630
Robert, Jesus never said
it would happen overnight.
583
00:20:56,890 --> 00:20:58,654
Well, how long do I have
to suck lips with you
584
00:20:58,709 --> 00:21:00,120
before the women
out there become hot?
585
00:21:00,339 --> 00:21:02,014
Look, Robbie,
I've just sold
586
00:21:02,170 --> 00:21:04,635
Ma Dukes Finds Herself A Man
as a movie.
587
00:21:04,989 --> 00:21:06,845
And guess who's my leading man.
588
00:21:06,928 --> 00:21:08,096
Really?
589
00:21:08,339 --> 00:21:09,924
I'm gonna be in a movie. Oh!
590
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,380
That's right, Bob.
And I only have one request.
591
00:21:13,464 --> 00:21:14,840
[UNZIPS]
592
00:21:14,882 --> 00:21:16,008
[SIGHS]
593
00:21:16,390 --> 00:21:17,700
Look, man,
all bullshit aside,
594
00:21:17,900 --> 00:21:19,149
can I please
just have some ass?
595
00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:20,900
Okay.
596
00:21:22,550 --> 00:21:24,279
Wait a minute. You made up
this whole cross-dressing
597
00:21:24,329 --> 00:21:26,235
Christian cult crap just so
you can sleep with men?
598
00:21:26,959 --> 00:21:28,095
Uh, pretty much. Yeah.
599
00:21:28,136 --> 00:21:30,089
Fuck you!
600
00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:31,469
Now stick that
up your ass.
601
00:21:32,762 --> 00:21:34,639
No homo.
602
00:21:37,309 --> 00:21:40,020
[CHEERING OVER CAMCORDER]
RILEY: Pause.
603
00:21:40,812 --> 00:21:42,189
Pause again.
604
00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:45,263
Pause again, Granddad.
605
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:46,597
[LAUGHS]
606
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:48,349
Pause again.
607
00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:49,559
Pause again.
608
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,768
Pause again, Granddad.
609
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:53,020
Pause again, Granddad.
610
00:21:53,104 --> 00:21:55,773
[RILEY LAUGHS]
611
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:58,943
[♪♪♪]
44205
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