Original subtitles

I love you, Mommy.

MAN: This is our target -- the nuclear power plant.

If we capture the plane at precisely the right moment,

they will not have time to shoot down the aircraft.

MAN: If they hit that power plant

the casualties could be in the hundreds of thousands.

God help us all.

Okay. Ready?

ANNOUNCER: ...except...

What? What is this CPT?

None for me, thanks.

Tom, I think you can have WOMAN: That means the plane is gonna

a second glass on your anniversary.

I'm driving, sweetie-pooh.

ANNOUNCER: They picked the wrong airline.

And don't come up here complaining and shit.

You motherfuckers wanna come on here

and act a goddamn fool?

could kill me or you, or somebody's baby.

I'm about to go on break.

You motherfucking terrorists kill me.

I'd spend the next 20 years in jail being--

BOTH: Anally raped.

Yeah, let's talk more

about your violated rectum. ANNOUNCER: Come see why black incompetence...

Oh, I find it so romantic.

TOM: Hey, I'm just saying--

Whoo, whoo!

Goddamn, that bitch phat as a motherfucker.

So...

...is our funniest weapon in the war on terror.

No, thank you.

We can't let you through, homey.

Hey, this is Osama bin Laden nephew, nigga.

Well, I-- I'm -- I'm once removed. I-I--

No -- I just fucking with you, dawg.

Go ahead, nigga.

ANNOUNCER: Starring Gary Anthony Williams.

But you know what they say -- when it's your time to go,

it's your time to go. John Witherspoon.

What if it's the motherfucker next to me time to go? Huh?

Mo'Nique. It's very important

TOM: Ah. Now, that's what

this plane leave on time.

Damn. Now, are you yelling at me or shitting at me?

Snoop Dogg. Hijacked?

Them niggas ain't getting my wizzie fo' shizzle, nigga.

You know what I'm saying? And 50 Cent

as Air Marshal 50 Cent.

...people are looking.

I'll stop those terrorists...

Tom, please.

or die trying.

Honey. Honey, maybe this isn't the best place to be singing--

Get ready. This time, it's going down.

This is a hijacking. Remain in your seats --

Yay. All done.

No, this nigga didn't.

We have a bomb on the aircraft.

Everyone remain --

Good.

SARAH: Yay.

Ah! Oh, my God.

What is it, honey?

Wait. Is that Usher?

I'm about to go get dressed.

Yes! Oh, my God.

He's coming over.

We gonna fly on the Soul Plane!

I can't believe this.

TOM: Oh, sweetie,

Hey, how you doin', babe?

Hi, uh, uh, Mr. Usher.

I-- I can't believe it's you.

I'm Sarah.

You have a beautiful smile, Sarah.

A while for me?

SARAH: I love this song.

Oh, wonderful.

Thank you very much. Oh. Oh, God.

Uh--

That was beautiful. It's just what I do.

Oh, um, this is, uh...Tom.

Yes, I'm Tom. Just Tom.

GRANDDAD: Riley, hurry up.

USHER: Hey, how

SARAH: You are so interesting.

We gonna fly on the Soul Plane!

If you don't mind me asking,

And make sure you pee before we leave.

I ain't gonna miss my movie

going to the bathroom with you.

I'm gonna let you go in there by yourself

and get molested by a nasty white man.

It's not just the music. I have seen all of your movies.

What's wrong with you?

I don't wanna go to the movie. Why not?

I don't ever wanna go to the movies with you again.

I loved Light It Up.

Not after what happened last time.

I named my dog Light It Up. Girl, please.

What happened last time?

We got arrested. And shot at.

So funny. She's my manager.

Ah. Racism.

Daddy said I can go to the movies,

I'll call her. Hee-hee-hee.

but he said I'm not allowed to see Soul Plane.

Good. You don't wanna go to the movies with him.

Okay, one more.

He's crazy. Hush.

Please, we gotta get one more. Look at that one.

Can't see Soul Plane? Why, little baby?

Because of the types of stereos or something.

It'd be good for my vocals.

Types of stereos?

Oh. No, no, no, little baby doll.

USHER: I'm gonna

Wouldn't let that shit happen to me though.

This is a good theater. They have THX.

USHER: You rollin' with Ush.

She means stereotypes.

Stereotypes? In Soul Plane? That's nonsense.

Say, how about we tell your daddy

Yes, yes, I see the ears.

we saw something else, hm?

You mean...lie?

the slightest bit inappropriate?

That really doesn't seem to be a good idea.

Hush, boy.

You know,

it's okay to break the rules

He asked me to send him the pictures.

every once in a while.

I won't tell if you won't.

Okay. Hee-hee.

which make sense, because she's 10.

HUEY: Sometimes I think Granddad may be a bad influence.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means you're a bit old to be acting

Hey, Riley. Don't forget the camcorder.

like some screaming TRL groupie.

Now, the first Soul Plane was funny.

Pfft. About as funny as a lynching.

Oh, hush, boy. You ain't even see it.

Stop the car!

I never seen a lynching, either,

but I know they not funny.

See? Shows what you know. I've seen funny lynchings.

No, you haven't. I have so.

Roscoe Patterson's lynching was funny.

Yeah, so them niggas was like,

"Roscoe, you better leaves town

"before Mr. Charlie and them crackers

gonna come for you."

I'm like, "Man, fuck them crackers, man.

This is Roscoe Patterson." Nigga, I don't give a fuck.

I just don't give a fuck.

That nigga's my age.

Know what I'm saying? White man can eat a dick.

So you guys don't think I'm overreacting?

Eat my balls, nigga.

I don't think so.

MAN: There he is! Get that nigger.

You're a bigtime lawyer,

Uh-oh.

Come on, let's go!

MAN: Oh, shoot, he's fast! Watch out!

It, uh, wasn't really funny after that.

You can't hear the movie.

Mm-mm.

This is gonna be so much fun.

This is going to be...

...the worst day of your life.

Oh, I didn't say she was cheating.

I'm bringing nunchucks.

Huh?

I say toss her groupie ass out the window

and let that ho stargaze from outside.

Now, Riley, there's never a place

for violence in a relationship.

There sure seemed to be a place at the restaurant last night.

Here, put these coats on.

She made you look like a bitch in front of Usher.

Huh?

Boy, watch your mouth.

Probably started out charitable.

GRANDDAD: Here you go.

What is it?

It's pinto beans and neck bones.

But, Granddad, she did make Mr. DuBois look like a bitch.

Now put this meat loaf and gravy under your shirt.

Why don't we just get treats from the concession stand?

but find a different way to say it.

Next thing you know,

you rubbin' against that silky white skin. Oh.

You think I'm paying $20 for some popcorn?

But I don't know the non-curse way

You must be out of your damn mind.

to say he got bitched.

Humiliated, castrated, emasc--

Are we allowed to bring in food?

Of course we're allowed to.

It's my food, isn't it? I paid for it.

That means I can eat it when and where I want.

If you lost your ho to T.I.,

I'd be like, "Hey, that's T.I."

Boy, put this pot roast in your pants or you ain't eating.

Oh, this is nothing. He's just getting started.

You better check that ho, Mr. DuBois.

You know what? You guys are right.

HUEY: Robert Jebediah Freeman

had sworn a lifetime intifada

against the movie theater industry

for exorbitant prices and poor customer service,

want to go to a basketball game just to see the game,

which, interestingly enough,

come back with one of them NBA niggas out of sympathy?

did not stop him from going to see movies.

Okay, gang. Keep your eyes open.

She wanted to be entertained.

Open for what?

We're sneaking in.

Oh, the white woman's got a big heart.

That's not true, little baby.

I bought my tickets online. Scout's honor.

Look. Granddad.

I got some money saved. The movie will be on me.

Now, you put that away, boy.

These movie devils ain't getting

any more of our money.

Mm-mm.

Uh...Mr. Freeman?

It says, "No outside food," little girl.

Is your granddad home?

That's why we keep it inside our clothes.

Are you sure this is legal?

Granddad. Mr. DuBois' at the door.

Okay, everybody, look alive now. Here's our chance.

You's a bitch.

I understand you need your job,

but you're still a human being with dignity.

I would love to let you crash,

Yeah, I mean, look at this uniform, man.

I look like a fucking dork.

Why would they make me dress like this?

What did I do to them, huh?

You should take action.

Ah. What can I do?

Thank you so much, Robert.

See, boys? See why

Have you ever thought about forming a union?

What's a "union"?

MAN: Hey, hey, hey! Hey!

I paid. I got my ticket.

Yeah, yeah. I got a ticket for you.

A one-way ticket to "Get the hell

out of here, negro" land.

Go on! Move it!

Nigga, you gay.

How about that?

See it's burnin' me to hold onto this.

Another victory of the common man

over corporate greed.

You're not advancing any struggle

by being cheap, Granddad.

I'll advance my belt on your behind

if you don't shut your ass.

Oh, my God.

I didn't pay to get in the movie.

I love you

Uh, yes, we did. I -- I ordered my tickets online.

It's just, I feel like this

Who got the neck bones?

No, you didn't.

is coming to an end.

We snuck in.

We stole a movie.

Now, who makes the rules?

Grownups, right?

And I'm grown up, and I say it's okay.

We're gonna get caught.

We're gonna get caught.

I should call my daddy and turn myself in.

Oh, yeah? You gonna tell him

what you came to see, huh?

I bet he'd like to know that.

Maybe I should make a phone call.

No. Please, no.

Good. Now just calm down.

Try some mashed potatoes. Who got the popcorn?

I do, Granddad.

Ow! Hey.

What the hell is wrong with you?

What am I gonna do with raw popcorn?

You're gonna ruin my dentures.

Whew. Damn, can't watch a movie without popcorn.

Now I gotta spend all my damn money

I gotta deal with

on a bucket of popcorn.

Told you.

USHER:

When your feeling

You gotta let it go

Jumpin' like it used to

Let it burn

It's best

Of her being with someone--

Oh. Help me.

MAN: Car!

I'll give you anything. Ah!

ANNOUNCER: Don't steal movies.

Hello?

SARAH: It's Sarah.

GRANDDAD: Damn.

Large freshly popped popcorn, please. And lots of butter.

to her recital practice at 3, right?

Anything else?

Yes.

I asked for butter on it.

Butter's over there.

Are you doing the music video thing again?

I don't wanna put the butter on it. Why can't you do it?

Gotta go, honey. Bye.

You're supposed to put the butter on it.

I don't wanna put the butter on it.

I'm already paying $20 for this bullshit popcorn.

I'm still burnin'

I will not demean myself

by putting butter on popcorn.

Why? It's really easy. Why?

Don't want to

Because I don't work at the movie theater, that's why.

You're supposed to put the butter on it.

If I go to Burger King and order a cheeseburger,

Bruise you

they don't make me put the cheese on it, do

Let it burn

I see, I see. Just 'cause your skin is light, bright,

Let it burn

Gotta let it burn

and two shades from being white,

you think you too good to butter your own popcorn.

Oh

Well, you wrong, Lando Calrissian.

Damn it, Ruckus. Y'all gonna put some butter on this popcorn.

It's burning.

Hey, Tom. Shut the fuck up.

GRANDDAD: Boy, watch your mouth.

We put our lives on the line every day to make movies,

and then people come along and steal all that hard work.

Who would do something like that?

A terrible, awful human being that no one will ever love.

Could be worse.

That's who.

I'm so sorry, Mr. Stuntman.

Thank you for that perspective, Huey.

Hey. Get to the flick.

No problem.

What happened to the movies?

Y'all should be ashamed.

Why is it when I order a soda pop,

I get a empty cup?

I didn't order a empty cup.

I ordered a soda pop.

And what asshole started putting commercials in movies?

I can see commercials at home on TV.

So this is the message you want to send

And the bathroom stink. Clean the fucking bathroom!

to the young youth out here like myself

I'm not gonna take it anymore!

I pay too much damn money for these movie tickets

and not love these ho's, huh?

W-w-w-what's all this?

to butter my own motherfucking popcorn!

Is this what's hot right now in the streets?

It's only popcorn.

All for some white girl who left you for an R&B dancing-ass,

sexy-flexy- ass nigga?

When did you get here?

Huh?

Well, I been at the ticket window all day long, that's why Daddy is

and I don't remember you buying no ticket,

Robert Freeman.

Uh, I-I-I got my tickets online.

Aha! A damn lie.

I ain't never met a nigga

smart enough to use a personal computer.

Not even a Macintosh.

Uh...

You'll never take me alive, you punk-asses.

Oh. Are you sure?

RUCKUS: Stop him!

Come on, come on.

He went this-a way.

I mean, you like it here, don't you, Daddy?

This is a...

Mm-hmm.

I don't know what we're gonna do, but we gotta do--

Whew. Did I miss anything?

Mr. Freeman...

I don't wanna steal the movie.

Guys. I just wanted to thank you

I wanna go home!

Shh!

for letting me stay here.

What's wrong with you?

I wanna go home.

Not at all, Tom.

You wasn't saying that back at the house, was you?

Was you? Because you wanted to see Soul Plane 2.

Well, this is how we see Soul Plane 2.

I repeat, the terrorist said his name is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,

Ooh. I got an idea.

and he's demanding that we --

Tom. Get down here.

Hell, no, I ain't fitting to ask him

for his motherfucking autograph.

HUEY: An hour into the movie,

I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

MAN: We out of food, but we got

Yo. Look out.

Pass this bag of potato chips around.

Please take one. Pass it...

He's in here. I know Robert.

He don't miss a coon flick.

And this, sir, is an intervention.

What is it? What's happening?

An intervention? Your friends have

Shh. Don't make a sound.

from chronic bitch dependency, Mr. DuBois.

May I call you Tom?

Is this some kind of joke?

Tom...bitch dependency

: Ooh. Damn.

is no laughing matter.

Let's go check Madea's Bat Mitzvah.

Addiction to a bitch can fuck with your friends,

MAN: Attention, please, passengers.

your health, and scary enough, even your money.

If you left the toilet seat up in the restroom...

It's a disease, Tom.

Wait. What was your name again?

Well, thank you for asking.

Officer, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to steal from the stuntman.

Wait. "A pimp"?

Named Slickback.

Yes. Please say the whole thing if you would.

What were you about to do?

You were about to rat on us, weren't you?

This is what the movie theater industry wants, Jazmine.

Yes, Tom. Every time.

Us fighting against each other.

Oh-ho-ho-ho, no. There's no turning back now.

I-I don't think I need any help

You're in it all the way.

Now you're gonna get your little narrow, high-yellow ass

And by

back into the theater and enjoy Soul Plane 2.

you mean a pimp?

I...wanna...go...home!

Uh, look, I'm not trying to insult you.

Shut up.

You're ruining my innocence!

Shut up.

MAN: I expected to fly first-class.

I wanna go home.

MAN 2: Well, you ain't in first class.

You don't see me running around lookin' for a bitch.

I know where all my bitches are,

Look at this.

Granddad. What's wrong with Jazmine?

: I'm out here

She's fine. Watch the movie.

That's what the hell I thought.

Thank you, Grandma.

Oh, that's crazy.

Now look at you: bitchless.

Look at this. I...wanna...go...home.

HUEY: Granddad had to be stopped.

I've had enough. I'm going back upstairs.

I'm gonna put an end to this...

Tom, when we first let you stay here,

or die trying.

HUEY: And so did this movie.

Fortunately, I thought of a way to do both.

It's only been two days.

Nigga, hush. You're living under my roof now.

Move, nigga.

Where you going? They're looking for us.

You know what? I know a great therapist.

Huey, come back.

I'll make an appointment today.

That...

Oh, this is crazy. Colored folks are something.

we've already paid Mr. A Pimp Named Slickback

a retainer of $2500.

HUEY: My plan was to get to the projector room

Robert, you shouldn't have.

and destroy the print of Soul Plane.

With your credit card.

Oh.

A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK: Did you know

First, I had to go to the bathroom.

with a genetic predisposition

to bitch dependency, Tom?

And exactly when did you become a relationship counselor?

Jazmine, you're missing all the best parts.

Well, sharing this pimp knowledge

I'm not watching a stolen movie.

for an exorbitant fee is my way of giving

Oh, well. If you don't wanna laugh.

something back to the community, Tom.

I want to help you, Tom. I do.

Oh, that's crazy. What's so funny?

But I need you to help me...

Oh, nothing. Hilarity just ensued, that's all.

It did?

Huh.

"Help me help you." Yeah, okay.

Oh. Oh. Oh!

That was funny.

Hm? Ah.

Say it. "Bitch." Yeah. Bitch.

Uh, yes, we've gotta call her that, Tom.

RUCKUS: It's about impossible

I'm sorry. After what she's done,

in this dark theater.

not callin' her a bitch would be disrespectful to you.

Yo. I think we need to shake the spizzot.

Huh? What?

Now please continue, Tom.

Well, my wife, Sarah--

I mean-- She's the best woman in the world.

Forget Jazmine. Let's go. But we couldn't.

She the weak link. She'll slow us down.

We've had a great life together until now.

I mean, how could we? Look, she a little girl.

They're not gonna give her no real time.

She do what? A couple months, tops.

But we both got priors. We gots to go.

Come on, Granddad. We running out of time.

Sometimes,

in order to save the day,

people have to sacrifice themselves,

you know what I'm saying?

Oh, Air Marshal 50 Cent.

You're so brave

to sacrifice yourself to save us.

Not me, bitch. You.

Oh! Wait! Oh. Oh.

A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK: It sounds to me, Tom,

like some of the passion

has gone out of your marriage.

Hey. Hold this. We be right back.

Okay.

It's a normal thing in long-term relationships.

Exactly. See, what Marx is saying

is that the oppression of the proletariat

is an essential facet of the exploitation

inherent in the system.

So therefore, due to the class --

You little half-and-half.

Did you know that at least 75 percent of bitches

suffer from some kind of hearing loss?

This alarming statistic means that more likely than not,

HUEY: Oh, man.

to communicate with a bitch.

He's in there.

Whoa. What?

What--? What happened to my--?

If she say, "No," hit the bitch. Simple.

But I-- I couldn't hit Sarah.

Damn.

Has not hittin' a bitch been working?

He's right there!

I mean, scientifically speaking,

has not hittin' the bitch achieved the desired results?

Hey!

No way. I just--

I-- I-I can't. I-- I couldn't.

Tom. I won't.

Tom, Take a deep breath.

It's okay. People have phobias.

GUARD: Yeah.

you can't go upside a bitch's head.

Okay. We can beat this.

Tom, this is my bottom bitch,

Sweetest Taboo.

Now, she's gonna help you learn how to

reestablish dominance at home.

Hello. Heh.

Taboo will be playing the role of your wife.

Now, approach Taboo,

grab her arm firmly

RUCKUS: Ah...

Okay.

Sarah, get your behind--

I been waiting on this day

since your little uppity ass came into town.

Do I have to call her a bitch, really?

Yes, Tom. You have to call her a bitch.

Trust me on this one.

I've done the research. Now, try again.

Bitch, get your behind--

You won't kill me, Air Marshal 50 Cent.

Ass.

You'll only die trying.

Kiss my ass, you little-dick, faggot motherfucker.

Or, uh, I'm, uh--

Or...

Or I'm gonna die...

with Usher in the first place!

trying.

What? What?

You thought you was the only one

who mastered the ancient and deadly art of the nunchaku?

It's now tragically obvious

that reasoning with the bitch

is not gonna work, Tom.

You have to hit her.

I am an assistant district attorney, for chrissake.

Tom...

you have to get past this.

It's okay, faggot...really.

See, faggot? She just gave you permission.

Ah. My chin-- You see that?

Bitch is hittin' you. All right, lady.

Okay-- Ow!

You're definitely allowed by law to hit her now, Tom.

It's self-defense. I didn't do anything.

Okay? Sweetest Taboo,

This is my state-of-the-art surveillance center.

Why does a pimp need a surveillance center?

Here's 50.

Ah...

is state-of-the-art bitch surveillance.

Come, negro-san.

your wife's conversations and e-mails.

Daddy, I've got transcripts of all her conversations today.

No mention of Usher.

I'm hacking into her e-mail now,

That was great, Granddad.

but, tsk, this computer is running a bit slow.

Boy, I wish we could've seen the end of that movie.

I don't know.

I feel bad for leaving Huey and what's-her-name.

Bitch, don't start with that

They knew the risks.

So they might do a little time.

You say that shit every time a new iMac comes out.

We see 'em when they get out.

Uh...it doesn't seem right.

You ain't slick. You better

I'm going back and turning myself in.

and stop playin' with me.

Turn yourself--? Man--

Yes, Daddy.

Granddad, look, come on.

I mean, I love Huey. Almost like a brother.

Does she have a MySpace page?

But what's done is done. We got to let go of the past.

I don't think Sarah would have a--

If he don't come back, can I have his side of the room?

Huh.

Uh, since when did she have a MySpace page?

Ah, come on, Granddad.

You know what her password might be?

You supposed to be setting a better example.

You just wait till the manager gets here.

each other's middle names as passwords,

He gonna throw the book at both of y'all.

That's L-A-N-- Got it.

This is the worst day...

Password is "Usher." Here we go.

of my entire life.

They're getting together at 3:00

Told you.

That's in an hour. We have to go.

Here's the guardian for the kids.

That's right, Ruckus.

We snuck into the movie, too.

then going there won't help.

We? You said you was gonna turn yourself in.

I paid you $2000, and $500 as well.

Please. Let the kids go. I'll take responsibility.

Now, Tom, I hope you can appreciate

Look like y'all all going down.

our no-refunds policy.

How about a complimentary date with Sweetest Taboo?

The manager's not coming.

Cinema's closed indefinitely.

No, no, no.

Looks like everyone walked out. Something about a union.

and we're going now.

What? The manager ain't coming?

Ohh...

Well, call the police.

The FBI. Homeland Security.

Yeah, bitch. Let's go.

You mean, we gonna let

this African hooliganism go unpunished?

You have problems, Mr. Freeman, and you need help.

Thanks for coming back...

eventually.

Yo, you need to stop snitching, Granddad.

Ah. Ow. Hey.

Why don't you call social services

and turn yourself in for child abuse?

Remember to hit the bitch.

Hey, man.

Thank you so much for doing that. I mean, you guys

You guys unionized and staged a walkout that quickly?

just went above and beyond.

I mean, really--

That's amazing.

Oh, yeah. We unionized.

I mean, bitch...

Then someone called the corporate headquarters,

and they shut down the whole place.

Fired everybody.

Oh.

Well, um...

power to the people?

Fuck you.

Tom, please calm down

and let me go.

Well, that's that.

I think we all learned a valuable lesson today

about stealing movies.

Buy the bootleg.

Or just download it from the Internet

like everybody else.

Ah!

The hell--? TOM: You can't have my wife!

Tom!

Daddy. What did you do to Usher?

Hey. Can you guys wait here a sec?

There's something I need to take care of.

Daddy. Leave Usher alone.

What are you doing?

Why are you trying to kill Usher?

Yes, Super Fly. What did Usher ever do to you?

Jazmine wanted to meet Usher.

You're an animal.

Is Usher okay?

So you're not--? No.

GUARD: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Easy, boys.

Ow!

Yeah, nigga.

TOM: Oh, okay. I see what this is.

SARAH: Stop! Don't hurt him.

He didn't mean it.

He was trying to hit me.

Tom! TOM:

I'm sorry, Usher!

USHER: Shut the fuck up,