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1
00:00:00,533 --> 00:00:02,233
♪ I am the stone
The builder refused ♪
2
00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:03,700
♪ I am the visual
The inspiration ♪
3
00:00:03,766 --> 00:00:05,166
♪ That made lady
Sing the blues ♪
4
00:00:05,233 --> 00:00:07,033
♪ I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ♪
5
00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:08,633
♪ The same spark
That lights the dark ♪
6
00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:10,233
♪ So that you can know
Left from right ♪
7
00:00:10,300 --> 00:00:13,233
♪ I am the ballot in your box
The bullet in the gun ♪
8
00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:14,733
♪ The inner glow
That lets you know ♪
9
00:00:14,833 --> 00:00:15,833
♪ To call your brother sun ♪
10
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:17,133
♪ The story that just begun ♪
11
00:00:17,233 --> 00:00:18,566
♪ The promise
Of what's to come ♪
12
00:00:18,633 --> 00:00:19,900
♪ And I'm 'a remain a soldier ♪
13
00:00:19,966 --> 00:00:21,933
♪ Till the war is won ♪
14
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,566
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
15
00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:27,200
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
16
00:00:27,266 --> 00:00:29,666
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
17
00:00:29,733 --> 00:00:31,100
♪ Chop, chop, chop ♪
18
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:35,533
[GANGSTALICIOUS' "THUGGIN' LUV"
PLAYING ON STEREO]
19
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:38,533
RUMMY:
Man, I don't get that.
20
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:39,566
ED:
Get what?
21
00:00:39,633 --> 00:00:41,200
That textin' shit.
22
00:00:41,266 --> 00:00:43,233
And what's wrong
with textin'?
23
00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:44,700
You mean,
aside from the fact
24
00:00:44,766 --> 00:00:47,200
that it's the stupidest
fuckin' thing in the world?
25
00:00:47,266 --> 00:00:49,100
I mean, why would anyone
in their right minds
26
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,166
spend 15 minutes tryin'
to type some shit
27
00:00:51,233 --> 00:00:53,700
they could have called
and said in five seconds?
28
00:00:53,766 --> 00:00:56,533
Plus, it involves typin'
with your thumbs,
29
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,166
which I just don't
approve of.
30
00:00:58,233 --> 00:01:00,933
Shit. I don't know
about you,
31
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,266
but I don't have time
to read
32
00:01:02,333 --> 00:01:04,633
nothin' that a motherfucker
typed with his thumbs.
33
00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:07,200
Fun fact: nothin' typed
by someone's thumbs
34
00:01:07,266 --> 00:01:08,833
has ever been important.
35
00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:11,366
It's all just nigga
technology, anyway.
36
00:01:11,433 --> 00:01:12,466
What you call it?
37
00:01:12,533 --> 00:01:15,700
"Nigga technology."
Technology for niggas.
38
00:01:15,766 --> 00:01:18,233
Only don't start trippin'
and shit, callin' me a racist.
39
00:01:18,300 --> 00:01:20,533
'Cause I don't mean nigga
in a disrespectful way.
40
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,600
I-I mean it as a general term
for ignorant motherfucker.
41
00:01:23,666 --> 00:01:27,033
Anybody of any race could be
an ignorant motherfucker.
42
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:29,400
Shit, I be textin'
my ass off.
43
00:01:29,466 --> 00:01:30,866
Shit. Bitches like textin'.
44
00:01:30,933 --> 00:01:33,400
I be textin' them all the time.
Matter of fact,
45
00:01:33,466 --> 00:01:35,766
I also be textin'
my weed man too,
46
00:01:35,833 --> 00:01:37,800
'cause, you know, he don't like
to be on the phone.
47
00:01:37,866 --> 00:01:39,166
So I text him.
48
00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:41,566
Case in point.
49
00:01:41,633 --> 00:01:43,600
So basically,
50
00:01:43,666 --> 00:01:44,966
nigga technology
is anything
51
00:01:45,033 --> 00:01:46,566
that doesn't plug
into a printer.
52
00:01:46,633 --> 00:01:47,933
Does that plug
into a printer?
53
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:48,933
No.
54
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,533
Know why?
55
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,833
'Cause niggas never
have anything to print.
56
00:01:53,933 --> 00:01:55,933
[♪♪♪]
57
00:01:58,533 --> 00:02:00,666
Excuse me, sirs,
58
00:02:00,733 --> 00:02:03,133
would you like to buy
some candy
59
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:06,666
to keep urban youth
off of drugs and gangs?
60
00:02:06,733 --> 00:02:07,900
Uh, how much?
61
00:02:07,966 --> 00:02:08,966
Three.
62
00:02:09,033 --> 00:02:12,366
You hear that?
I said, three.
63
00:02:14,633 --> 00:02:17,033
All right, all right, all right,
we got it. Now, beat it.
64
00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:20,133
A'ight. Three guards
ain't too bad.
65
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,600
Don't forget your earplugs
this time, Ed.
66
00:02:22,666 --> 00:02:23,600
Let's go.
67
00:02:23,666 --> 00:02:26,000
Hold up, my nigga.
Hold up.
68
00:02:26,066 --> 00:02:28,066
Go time, nigga!
Let's go!
69
00:02:28,133 --> 00:02:30,433
I sent that bitch
a smiley face.
70
00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:32,533
Bitches love smiley faces.
71
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,766
Okay, let's
roll.
72
00:02:34,833 --> 00:02:36,533
[MADVILLAIN'S "STRANGE WAYS"
PLAYING]
73
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,100
Nobody move
a goddamn muscle!
74
00:02:38,166 --> 00:02:40,600
Best start actin' like you're
a mannequin or something.
75
00:02:40,666 --> 00:02:42,166
Like you wanna stand
in the window--
76
00:02:42,233 --> 00:02:43,400
Agh!
77
00:02:44,633 --> 00:02:46,566
Everybody get on
the ground, now! Now!
78
00:02:46,633 --> 00:02:47,766
[PEOPLE WHIMPERING]
79
00:02:47,833 --> 00:02:50,700
Nobody make
a goddamn sound.
80
00:02:50,766 --> 00:02:52,033
[DOG BARKING]
81
00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:53,166
[DOG WHIMPERS]
82
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,600
Hurry up, now!
I ain't got all day! Move it!
83
00:02:56,666 --> 00:02:59,066
♪ Who's the real thugs
Killers and gangsters? ♪
84
00:02:59,133 --> 00:03:01,266
I said, let's go!
85
00:03:04,633 --> 00:03:05,900
[MAN COUGHS]
86
00:03:05,966 --> 00:03:07,233
[WOMAN WHISPERING]
87
00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:10,400
Do you want us to
take you to the safe?
88
00:03:10,466 --> 00:03:12,500
Hm? Oh, right. Right.
89
00:03:12,566 --> 00:03:15,466
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, the safe. Yeah.
90
00:03:15,533 --> 00:03:17,400
Move it! Move it!
♪ It's like makin' a soldier ♪
91
00:03:17,466 --> 00:03:19,033
♪ Drop his weapon
Shootin' him ♪
92
00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:20,666
♪ And tellin' him
To get to steppin' ♪
93
00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:23,866
♪ Obviously, they came
To portion up his fortune ♪
94
00:03:23,933 --> 00:03:27,633
♪ Sounds to me like
That old robbery-extortion ♪
95
00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:29,233
Hurry up!
96
00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:30,300
Come on!
97
00:03:30,366 --> 00:03:31,966
♪ You can't reform 'em ♪
98
00:03:32,033 --> 00:03:33,633
[ENGINE STARTS]
99
00:03:33,733 --> 00:03:35,633
Twenty-two minutes.
100
00:03:35,733 --> 00:03:37,833
We suck.
We fuckin' suck, man.
101
00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:40,133
And I forgot to ask
for the money again.
102
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,333
I always forget to ask
for the money.
103
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:45,500
I don't think
22 minutes is so bad.
104
00:03:45,566 --> 00:03:46,833
Not so bad?
105
00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:48,933
That's a whole episode
of Seinfeld.
106
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,866
It takes us a whole episode
of Sein-fuckin'-feld
107
00:03:51,933 --> 00:03:53,000
to rob a bank!
108
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,000
Stop being
a perfectionist.
109
00:03:55,066 --> 00:03:56,233
Ed, we both know
110
00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:58,266
if your grandfather
didn't own this bank,
111
00:03:58,333 --> 00:04:00,666
we'd never have gotten away
with this shit.
112
00:04:00,733 --> 00:04:03,133
Shut up, Riley!
Rummy, you the man.
113
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,600
Excuse me. But will you
be needing anything else
114
00:04:05,666 --> 00:04:07,666
from me today,
Mr. Wuncler, sir?
115
00:04:07,733 --> 00:04:10,033
Nah, you can go on
and take the bags back in.
116
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:11,866
Thank you, sir.
And for what it's worth,
117
00:04:11,933 --> 00:04:14,300
I thought you all did very well.
118
00:04:14,366 --> 00:04:17,266
See? An unbiased
opinion.
119
00:04:17,333 --> 00:04:20,333
So you honestly think that
was a well-executed robbery?
120
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,333
[CHUCKLES]
I sure do.
121
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,833
And you wouldn't just be saying
that 'cause I got a loaded gun
122
00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:26,033
pointin' at you, would ya?
123
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,766
'Cause we need honest
feedback, for real.
124
00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:30,966
No, sir. I would not.
125
00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:36,033
[♪♪♪]
126
00:04:37,833 --> 00:04:40,566
That's bullshit.
We fuckin' suck, man.
127
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,566
HUEY [NARRATING]:
The life of a black hero
128
00:04:44,633 --> 00:04:47,133
has never been
for the meek of heart.
129
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,433
You will not
get out of here alive!
130
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:51,700
Do you hear me?
131
00:04:54,966 --> 00:04:56,100
[♪♪♪]
132
00:04:56,166 --> 00:04:58,000
I'm goin' to Ed's house!
133
00:04:58,066 --> 00:04:59,600
And I said, no!
134
00:05:03,033 --> 00:05:04,233
Aagh!
Ugh-ugh!
135
00:05:11,866 --> 00:05:12,966
Ugh!
136
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,800
[GRUNTS]
137
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,466
You little bitch!
138
00:05:22,066 --> 00:05:23,366
[GRUNTING]
139
00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:42,700
Ugh! Agh!
140
00:05:42,766 --> 00:05:44,533
[GRUNTING]
141
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,566
[GROANING]
142
00:05:46,633 --> 00:05:47,766
Uh-oh.
143
00:05:47,866 --> 00:05:50,133
[HUEY & RILEY SHOUTING,
BLOWS LANDING]
144
00:05:51,266 --> 00:05:52,300
Ow!
145
00:05:58,466 --> 00:06:00,300
GRANDDAD:
Boys!
146
00:06:00,366 --> 00:06:01,566
What the hell?
147
00:06:01,633 --> 00:06:03,566
I ain't doing nothin',
Granddad.
148
00:06:03,633 --> 00:06:05,666
I was just gonna go
to Ed's house,
149
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:09,133
and Huey said I couldn't go
'cause he a hater.
150
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,166
What the hell is wrong
with you, Huey?
151
00:06:11,233 --> 00:06:13,866
If your brother wants to play
with Ed and Rummy,
152
00:06:13,933 --> 00:06:14,966
that's his business.
153
00:06:15,033 --> 00:06:16,833
[PANTING]
Granddad...
154
00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:18,900
Ed and Rummy are
international criminals.
155
00:06:18,966 --> 00:06:21,133
There he go,
hatin' again.
156
00:06:21,233 --> 00:06:22,400
Boys, stop hatin'!
157
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:24,166
What about the time
when Riley and Ed
158
00:06:24,233 --> 00:06:25,933
were playing
with a loaded shotgun,
159
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,100
and Riley shot Ed out of
a second-story window?
160
00:06:30,733 --> 00:06:32,133
Huaagh!
161
00:06:33,433 --> 00:06:35,033
Ohhh.
162
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:37,133
That did happen, didn't it?
163
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:40,900
Okay. So just 'cause Ed believes
in his Second Amendment right
164
00:06:40,966 --> 00:06:42,900
to bear arms,
we can't be friends?
165
00:06:42,966 --> 00:06:45,333
What you got against
the Bill of Rights, Huey?
166
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,433
Okay. How 'bout the time
they stopped for gas
167
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:49,300
and ended up robbin'
the mini-mart?
168
00:06:51,033 --> 00:06:52,466
MAN:
Agh.
169
00:06:52,533 --> 00:06:54,300
RILEY:
They was fighting terrorism.
170
00:06:54,366 --> 00:06:57,666
Makin' the world safe for the
freedoms that we enjoy today.
171
00:06:57,733 --> 00:07:01,000
That's messed up. You don't
support the troops, Huey.
172
00:07:01,066 --> 00:07:03,133
That is kind of
messed up, Huey.
173
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,766
Be back by dinner.
174
00:07:04,833 --> 00:07:06,300
Ha!
175
00:07:06,366 --> 00:07:07,933
[♪♪♪]
176
00:07:09,033 --> 00:07:11,366
I'm just sayin'
we can do better.
177
00:07:11,433 --> 00:07:13,200
We're not realizing
our potential.
178
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,966
This is some bullshit.
179
00:07:15,033 --> 00:07:16,033
The game cheatin'!
180
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:17,866
Nigga, the game ain't cheatin'.
181
00:07:17,933 --> 00:07:19,266
Start the game over.
182
00:07:19,333 --> 00:07:21,933
Why you always gotta cheat
when you lose, Ed?
183
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,533
Let him have it.
184
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:26,466
It's not wise to upset
a Wuncler.
185
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,566
Restart the game now!
186
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,600
And Oprah fans get ready.
187
00:07:40,666 --> 00:07:43,466
The queen of daytime talk
will be in the Woodcrest area
188
00:07:43,533 --> 00:07:45,266
tomorrow for a book signing,
189
00:07:45,333 --> 00:07:47,733
before taping her show
the following evening.
190
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,466
Hundreds of Oprah faithfuls
have been camping out
191
00:07:51,533 --> 00:07:53,333
for days in anticipation.
192
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,266
[SNIFFLING]
I just think she is--
193
00:07:55,333 --> 00:07:57,800
She is
the most wonderful spirit.
194
00:07:57,866 --> 00:08:00,566
I just don't know what
I would do without her.
195
00:08:00,666 --> 00:08:02,800
RUMMY:
Oh, snap!
196
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:05,200
What if we kidnap Oprah?
197
00:08:05,266 --> 00:08:06,266
And do what?
198
00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:08,866
Control of Oprah
is control over women.
199
00:08:08,933 --> 00:08:11,133
Wait. I see where
you're goin'.
200
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,900
See, 'cause, like,
control over women
201
00:08:13,966 --> 00:08:16,600
is control over bitches.
202
00:08:16,666 --> 00:08:18,633
Oprah Winfrey
taps directly into
203
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:20,066
the emotions, beliefs,
204
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:21,966
buying habits
and summer reading patterns
205
00:08:22,033 --> 00:08:24,333
of billions of women
all over the world.
206
00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,933
Oprah Winfrey has the power
to lay waste
207
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:30,333
to an entire industry
with a mere utterance.
208
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,500
She's a completely
invincible,
209
00:08:32,566 --> 00:08:34,466
unstoppable
force of nature.
210
00:08:34,533 --> 00:08:39,233
And with her under our control,
nobody will be able to stop us.
211
00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:42,900
Who's trying to stop you?
Nobody ever tries to stop you.
212
00:08:42,966 --> 00:08:44,000
Yes, they do.
213
00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:45,566
No, they don't.
214
00:08:45,633 --> 00:08:48,066
Hey, just because we don't know
anyone tryin' to stop us,
215
00:08:48,133 --> 00:08:50,400
don't mean ain't nobody
out there tryin' to stop us.
216
00:08:50,466 --> 00:08:53,733
The absence of evidence is
not the evidence of absence.
217
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,366
Seems to me like everyone
218
00:08:55,433 --> 00:08:57,166
just let's y'all
do whatever you want.
219
00:08:57,233 --> 00:08:58,900
That's why y'all
always get away.
220
00:08:58,966 --> 00:09:02,566
We get away because
I'm a criminal mastermind.
221
00:09:02,633 --> 00:09:04,300
Whatever, nigga.
222
00:09:04,366 --> 00:09:06,066
Get ready.
223
00:09:06,133 --> 00:09:07,566
We get her
at the bookstore.
224
00:09:07,633 --> 00:09:09,333
We gonna need some
video surveillance.
225
00:09:09,433 --> 00:09:12,566
And we gonna need
advanced communication.
226
00:09:12,633 --> 00:09:15,300
Two-way pagers
for everybody.
227
00:09:15,366 --> 00:09:16,500
Yeah!
228
00:09:16,566 --> 00:09:18,966
[♪♪♪]
229
00:09:19,033 --> 00:09:21,300
Whatever you guys
are plannin',
230
00:09:21,366 --> 00:09:22,966
you're not gettin' away
with it.
231
00:09:23,033 --> 00:09:25,233
Nobody can stop
Ed and Rummy.
232
00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:26,700
Maybe not.
233
00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:28,433
But if I catch you
with 'em,
234
00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:29,900
I'm gonna take you down.
235
00:09:29,966 --> 00:09:32,566
Unless I take you
down first.
236
00:09:32,633 --> 00:09:34,933
[MOCKING]
"Unless I take
you down first."
237
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,233
Is that the best you can do?
238
00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:37,733
Shut up, punk.
239
00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:41,033
WOMAN:
I just saw--
I saw a glimpse of her.
240
00:09:41,100 --> 00:09:42,366
Oh, my God.
She's in there.
241
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,466
MAN:
Oh, she looks fantastic.
242
00:09:46,533 --> 00:09:47,600
RILEY:
Okay.
243
00:09:47,666 --> 00:09:51,200
There's two guards
by the front door.
244
00:09:51,266 --> 00:09:52,766
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
245
00:09:53,833 --> 00:09:57,200
RILEY:
Another on the east wall.
246
00:09:57,266 --> 00:09:58,866
ED:
Well, excuse me
247
00:09:58,933 --> 00:10:02,100
for being into computers
and shit, all right?
248
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:03,733
First of all,
motherfucker,
249
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,466
just because you put
a two-way pager
250
00:10:05,533 --> 00:10:06,966
in the middle
of your desk,
251
00:10:07,033 --> 00:10:08,600
don't make it a computer.
252
00:10:08,666 --> 00:10:10,500
It's a two-way pager,
all right?
253
00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:12,666
Okay. Then what's
the difference?
254
00:10:12,733 --> 00:10:14,633
The difference is
a computer is something
255
00:10:14,733 --> 00:10:16,133
that does actual work.
256
00:10:16,233 --> 00:10:19,066
Nigga technology don't do much
more than let dumb niggas
257
00:10:19,133 --> 00:10:20,633
talk to other dumb niggas
258
00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:22,833
about dumb-nigga shit.
259
00:10:22,900 --> 00:10:24,166
WOMAN:
She even smells good.
260
00:10:24,233 --> 00:10:26,633
RILEY:
Hey. I see Oprah.
261
00:10:28,366 --> 00:10:32,000
Okay, her security
just left her alone. Go.
262
00:10:32,066 --> 00:10:33,566
Let's roll.
263
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,566
[MADVILLAIN'S "RAID LYRICS"
PLAYING]
264
00:10:37,633 --> 00:10:40,033
♪ How Doom hold heat
And preach non-violence ♪
265
00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:42,400
♪ Shh, he about to start
The speech, come on, silence ♪
266
00:10:42,466 --> 00:10:44,566
♪ On one scary night
I saw the light ♪
267
00:10:44,633 --> 00:10:46,033
Oh!
268
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,900
♪ Heard a voice that sound
Like Barry White ♪
269
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:48,966
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
270
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,000
Get down!
271
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,766
RUMMY:
Everybody get down, now!
272
00:10:51,833 --> 00:10:53,000
♪ Fly a kite in a firefight ♪
273
00:10:53,066 --> 00:10:54,800
♪ During tornado time
With no coat ♪
274
00:10:54,866 --> 00:10:57,000
ED:
Where's Oprah?
275
00:10:57,066 --> 00:10:58,666
RUMMY:
Well? Where she at?
276
00:10:58,733 --> 00:11:01,400
ED:
Where's Oprah?
277
00:11:01,466 --> 00:11:03,766
RUMMY:
I'm gonna start bustin'
some caps in some ass.
278
00:11:03,833 --> 00:11:05,066
ED:
Where's Oprah, punk?
279
00:11:05,133 --> 00:11:06,600
[WHIMPERS]
280
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,666
Kee-yah, bitch!
281
00:11:08,733 --> 00:11:10,933
RUMMY:
Don't look. Just tell me
where that bitch is!
282
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,433
Somebody needs to tell me
283
00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:14,733
where Oprah is
on the count of three, or--
284
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,566
Or-- Or I'm gonna kill
the oldest bitch up in here!
285
00:11:20,966 --> 00:11:22,500
That's real fucked up,
Agnes.
286
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,133
ED:
I found her!
287
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,800
No! Help me!
288
00:11:25,866 --> 00:11:27,066
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
289
00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:30,666
Body Snatcher Three
to Body Snatcher Two,
290
00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:31,766
where are you?
291
00:11:31,833 --> 00:11:32,900
We're in the bookstore.
292
00:11:32,966 --> 00:11:34,600
We're about to extract
the package.
293
00:11:34,666 --> 00:11:35,933
RILEY:
What bookstore?
294
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,533
The Borders next to Starbucks.
295
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,466
No, it's the Barnes & Noble
296
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,166
next to The Coffee Bean.
[GUNFIRE]
297
00:11:43,033 --> 00:11:44,500
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
298
00:11:44,566 --> 00:11:45,900
Kee-yah, bitch!
299
00:11:45,966 --> 00:11:47,933
♪ Uh, yeah, now ♪
300
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,733
♪ How Med hold heat
Like Clint East is reborn ♪
301
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,266
Rummy, wait!
302
00:11:52,333 --> 00:11:54,733
That's not Oprah! Hello?
303
00:11:54,833 --> 00:11:55,900
Damn it.
304
00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:58,166
RUMMY:
Body Snatcher Two
305
00:11:58,233 --> 00:11:59,733
to Body Snatcher Three,
you read me?
306
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:00,966
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
307
00:12:01,033 --> 00:12:03,000
Hey. Kick me again--
Oh! goddamn it.
308
00:12:03,066 --> 00:12:05,066
[BEEPS]
RUMMY: I'm gonna bust your ass.
309
00:12:05,133 --> 00:12:06,600
"Dear Ed...
310
00:12:06,666 --> 00:12:10,533
"that...is not...Oprah.
311
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:11,666
Riley."
312
00:12:11,733 --> 00:12:14,533
Yo, Rummy. Riley said
that ain't Oprah.
313
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,566
What? Well, then
who the hell is she?
314
00:12:16,633 --> 00:12:17,933
Oh! Goddamn it!
315
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,233
It's, uh,
316
00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:21,833
"Maya...Angelou."
317
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:24,300
Maya "And I rise" Angelou?
318
00:12:25,366 --> 00:12:27,000
Mm-hm.
319
00:12:27,066 --> 00:12:28,500
[TIRES SCREECH]
320
00:12:29,533 --> 00:12:30,533
[GRUNTS]
321
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:34,133
[MUFFLED]
I am so mad at you. Hmph!
322
00:12:37,033 --> 00:12:38,633
MAN [OVER TV]:
This was the scene today
323
00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:40,433
at the Woodcrest
Borders bookstore,
324
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:42,066
where two unknown assailants
325
00:12:42,133 --> 00:12:45,300
kidnapped Maya Angelou
during a book signing.
326
00:12:45,366 --> 00:12:46,833
It was all
Rummy's fault!
327
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:49,133
Ed ran into the wrong store.
I was followin' Ed.
328
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,700
How was I supposed to know
which bookstore to go into?
329
00:12:51,766 --> 00:12:54,433
They look exactly the same,
and they both got books.
330
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:57,133
There was a giant crowd
of people outside of one.
331
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,766
That don't mean
Oprah was in there.
332
00:12:58,833 --> 00:13:02,100
There was a large sign outside
that said, "Welcome Oprah."
333
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,666
Y'all are lucky Ed's grandfather
owns the cops.
334
00:13:04,733 --> 00:13:07,333
Just what are you tryin'
to imply?
335
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,500
Look, we escaped capture
336
00:13:09,566 --> 00:13:12,633
because of planning,
teamwork and execution.
337
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:14,566
[♪♪♪]
338
00:13:14,633 --> 00:13:16,466
This officer wanted
to see you,
339
00:13:16,533 --> 00:13:19,400
Mr. Wuncler, sir.
340
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:22,400
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Wuncler,
I-I just--
341
00:13:22,466 --> 00:13:25,066
Well, y-- You dropped
this today at the bookstore
342
00:13:25,133 --> 00:13:27,500
during the-- Y-you know.
The unpleasant, uh...
343
00:13:30,366 --> 00:13:32,233
Th-- Thank you, Mr. Wuncler,
sir. Thank you.
344
00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:34,233
Uh, I'm so sorry
to disturb you.
345
00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:35,800
I-- I hope you're
not upset with me.
346
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,700
Why don't we just get
Oprah tomorrow?
347
00:13:37,766 --> 00:13:39,533
Anybody know where
they're taping?
348
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:43,033
Maybe we could
try and find out?
349
00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:44,900
I'm down with that.
350
00:13:44,966 --> 00:13:47,566
Oh. This is beautiful.
351
00:13:47,633 --> 00:13:49,666
It's like we back again.
352
00:13:49,733 --> 00:13:52,133
Hey, man, look, I'm sorry.
You know, uh,
353
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,833
sometimes I just let my emotions
get the best of me.
354
00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:56,633
No, no, no, no,
I understand.
355
00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:58,733
You passionate
about what you're doin'.
356
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,566
I just wish you'd be a little
more sensitive to my feelings.
357
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:03,500
It was my fault, man.
358
00:14:03,566 --> 00:14:06,866
No, no, no, it was my fault
for grabbing...
359
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:09,266
the poet triumvirate,
whatever her name--
360
00:14:09,333 --> 00:14:10,700
Maya-- Maya.
361
00:14:15,133 --> 00:14:16,500
Y'all niggas are gay.
362
00:14:18,866 --> 00:14:20,700
Hey, why y'all
leave me out here?
363
00:14:20,766 --> 00:14:22,266
One of y'all motherfuckers
364
00:14:22,333 --> 00:14:24,133
better come out here
and get me, I know that.
365
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:27,066
Or you will be living
in a haunted house tonight.
366
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:28,466
Swim, bitch!
367
00:14:28,533 --> 00:14:31,366
Now, this is the studio where
they be taping the show.
368
00:14:31,433 --> 00:14:34,366
What we need to worry about is
Oprah's personal security team.
369
00:14:34,433 --> 00:14:36,333
Do we have any intel on that?
370
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,066
Any what?
Intel.
371
00:14:38,133 --> 00:14:40,533
Intelligence, nigga.
Keep up.
372
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,866
The bookstore
security footage.
373
00:14:42,933 --> 00:14:45,000
Help!
374
00:14:45,066 --> 00:14:47,066
[♪♪♪]
375
00:14:47,133 --> 00:14:49,400
RUMMY:
Whoa. Bushido Brown.
376
00:14:49,466 --> 00:14:50,566
Aw, damn,
377
00:14:50,633 --> 00:14:51,900
I was afraid of this.
378
00:14:51,966 --> 00:14:53,233
Who's Bushido Brown?
379
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:56,500
A bona fide bad motherfucker,
that's who.
380
00:14:56,566 --> 00:14:58,400
You remember when Oprah
made them comments
381
00:14:58,466 --> 00:15:00,233
about the beef industry?
No.
382
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,200
Okay. Well, a few years back,
383
00:15:02,266 --> 00:15:04,066
Oprah said some shit
on her show about beef.
384
00:15:04,133 --> 00:15:05,933
You know, mad cow disease,
or some shit.
385
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,633
Anyway, the beef industry didn't
exactly find that shit amusing.
386
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,933
They thought they would send
a crew of armed Texans
387
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,866
to go teach Oprah a lesson.
388
00:15:13,933 --> 00:15:14,933
[ALL JEERING]
389
00:15:15,033 --> 00:15:17,400
Ex-Marines, ex-Texas Rangers,
390
00:15:17,466 --> 00:15:18,866
rogues, that kind of shit.
391
00:15:18,933 --> 00:15:21,233
But Oprah hired Bushido Brown
392
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:22,966
as her personal bodyguard.
393
00:15:23,033 --> 00:15:25,100
MAN:
Come on.
Come on, Jay-Z.
394
00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:31,233
MAN 2:
We got him.
395
00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:32,333
[GRUNTING]
396
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:34,700
RUMMY:
Apparently,
397
00:15:34,766 --> 00:15:36,766
only one dude was able
to actually lay a hand
398
00:15:36,833 --> 00:15:37,933
on Oprah's office door.
399
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,266
Yahhh!
400
00:15:39,333 --> 00:15:40,700
They say...
401
00:15:40,766 --> 00:15:43,133
Bushido Brown
kept that hand.
402
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:46,866
I think
I just shit myself.
403
00:15:46,933 --> 00:15:48,766
No, no.
404
00:15:48,866 --> 00:15:50,833
We can't just stroll up
in there
405
00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:53,033
if Bushido Brown is there.
406
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,000
We need a plan.
407
00:15:55,066 --> 00:15:56,333
And, um...
408
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,900
go change your pants.
409
00:15:58,966 --> 00:16:00,400
HUEY:
Pretty strange, huh?
410
00:16:00,466 --> 00:16:04,066
Armed gunmen assault
a bookstore
411
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:06,500
to kidnap Maya Angelou.
412
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,600
Hey, I heard she had enemies.
413
00:16:08,666 --> 00:16:11,500
Even stranger,
Oprah Winfrey
414
00:16:11,566 --> 00:16:14,000
was right across the street
when it happened.
415
00:16:14,066 --> 00:16:17,166
I don't know anything about
no plot to kidnap nobody.
416
00:16:17,233 --> 00:16:20,333
So Ed and Rummy do have
a plan to kidnap Oprah.
417
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,766
["THUGGIN' LUV"
PLAYING IN CAR]
418
00:16:25,033 --> 00:16:26,333
[♪♪♪]
419
00:16:36,533 --> 00:16:38,266
Damn.
420
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:47,833
[BEEPS]
421
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,933
HUEY:
I call it the Black Power Fist.
422
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,933
The Black Power Fist
is actually a stun glove
423
00:16:55,033 --> 00:16:57,533
that I made with instructions
I found on the Internet.
424
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,166
It delivers
thousands of volts
425
00:16:59,233 --> 00:17:01,433
of imperialism-stopping
electricity
426
00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:03,100
without the need
of superpowers
427
00:17:03,166 --> 00:17:05,000
or secret alien technology.
428
00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:08,100
And it's inexpensive enough
to fit well within
429
00:17:08,166 --> 00:17:11,200
even the most frugal
revolutionary's defense budget.
430
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:25,933
Okay, so we're gonna enter
at the rear service entrance.
431
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,266
They'd never expect us
to go through there,
432
00:17:28,366 --> 00:17:29,733
because it's in back.
433
00:17:29,833 --> 00:17:32,133
Whoa. Hm.
434
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,433
Didn't think
they'd put guards there.
435
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:35,966
They really covered
their bases.
436
00:17:36,033 --> 00:17:38,500
So that's it?
That's the plan?
437
00:17:38,566 --> 00:17:40,033
Now what?
438
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,366
I didn't think they'd think
to put guards at the rear.
439
00:17:42,433 --> 00:17:43,933
That was a unknown unknown.
440
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,766
It was a bad plan.
You plan things badly.
441
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:49,300
Isn't this
your brother?
442
00:17:50,166 --> 00:17:51,866
[♪♪♪]
443
00:17:55,166 --> 00:17:56,233
What's he
doin' here?
444
00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:58,066
He's tryin' to stop you.
445
00:17:58,133 --> 00:17:59,066
Really?
446
00:17:59,133 --> 00:18:01,166
Why? What we ever
do to him?
447
00:18:01,266 --> 00:18:03,033
Sound like
a hater to me.
448
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:04,800
Hello?
449
00:18:04,866 --> 00:18:08,066
Yes. There's a little boy coming
right now to hurt Oprah.
450
00:18:08,133 --> 00:18:11,433
He's got a big stupid afro
and a very poor disposition.
451
00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:13,300
He's on the east side
of the building.
452
00:18:13,366 --> 00:18:14,566
A'ight, peace.
453
00:18:17,033 --> 00:18:18,400
Okay, we're
on the move.
454
00:18:18,466 --> 00:18:20,233
Let's go.
455
00:18:23,266 --> 00:18:25,800
All right, the game's up.
It's over.
456
00:18:25,866 --> 00:18:27,733
You're not going anywhere.
It's all right.
457
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,366
[MADVILLAIN'S "ALL CAPS"
PLAYING]
458
00:18:31,966 --> 00:18:33,233
Oprah's in danger.
459
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:35,400
Not while I'm here.
460
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:37,133
I have to get into
that studio,
461
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,000
even if it means
goin' through you.
462
00:18:39,066 --> 00:18:42,200
Man, you come straight
out of a comic strip.
463
00:18:47,333 --> 00:18:50,500
♪ So nasty that it's probably
Somewhat of a travesty ♪
464
00:18:50,566 --> 00:18:51,766
[GRUNTS]
465
00:18:51,833 --> 00:18:54,433
♪ You can call me
"Your Majesty" ♪
466
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,066
Uh!
467
00:18:56,133 --> 00:18:58,400
Hooo...
468
00:18:58,466 --> 00:18:59,466
ya!
469
00:18:59,533 --> 00:19:01,600
All right.
WOMAN:
No running in here.
470
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:03,600
Aagh!
471
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,966
♪ And you know I know
That's a bunch of snow ♪
472
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:11,533
Yaaa...hoo!
473
00:19:12,133 --> 00:19:13,566
[GUARDS YELL]
474
00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:15,066
GUARD:
Why me?
475
00:19:15,133 --> 00:19:16,966
♪ Sometimes he rhyme slow
And vice versa ♪
476
00:19:17,033 --> 00:19:19,366
♪ Whip up a slice
Of nice verse pie ♪
477
00:19:19,433 --> 00:19:20,433
[GROWLS]
478
00:19:21,266 --> 00:19:22,466
[GRUNTING]
479
00:19:22,533 --> 00:19:24,100
Huh?
[GASPS]
480
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:28,466
Okay, Oprah's dressing room
should be up here
481
00:19:28,533 --> 00:19:29,800
and to the left.
Let's go.
482
00:19:30,533 --> 00:19:32,366
[BOTH GRUNTING]
483
00:19:37,466 --> 00:19:38,666
Aah!
484
00:19:39,566 --> 00:19:41,933
Ugh! Ugh! Wha--?
485
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,800
[SCREAMING]
486
00:19:47,733 --> 00:19:49,033
Agh!
487
00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:52,600
[PHONE RINGING]
Say what?
488
00:19:52,666 --> 00:19:54,000
Intruders in the studio?
489
00:19:54,066 --> 00:19:55,633
I am on my way.
490
00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:57,733
GUARD: Let's go.
GUARD 2: I'm comin'.
491
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,766
ED:
Kee-yah, bitch!
492
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:02,366
Pull up your pants,
493
00:20:02,433 --> 00:20:04,800
you little ghetto hooligan.
494
00:20:04,866 --> 00:20:06,800
Damn. Is that
who I think it is?
495
00:20:06,866 --> 00:20:10,700
This ain't Oprah.
It's Bill Cosby.
496
00:20:10,766 --> 00:20:12,366
I guess we were supposed to
take a left.
497
00:20:12,433 --> 00:20:14,200
COSBY:
What's the matter
with you?
498
00:20:14,266 --> 00:20:16,533
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
499
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:17,900
Kicking in the doors
500
00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:20,500
with the big boots
and the guns.
501
00:20:20,566 --> 00:20:23,133
Damn, Rummy. I'm sick
of playing with y'all.
502
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,000
Y'all two are pathetic.
[COSBY MUMBLING]
503
00:20:25,066 --> 00:20:27,566
Hey, in Iraq we was in
Special Ops.
504
00:20:27,633 --> 00:20:30,300
Y'all niggas should have been
in the Special Olympics.
505
00:20:30,366 --> 00:20:31,666
I'm goin' home.
506
00:20:31,733 --> 00:20:35,133
Oh, come on, man. Look,
we'll kidnap Bill Cosby.
507
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,566
It'll still be fun.
508
00:20:36,633 --> 00:20:38,433
Yeah, man, it's only 4:00.
509
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:40,666
Come on. We can write
the ransom note together.
510
00:20:40,733 --> 00:20:43,833
I don't think so, guys.
I gotta get home for dinner.
511
00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:45,933
RILEY: Later.
COSBY:
...with their parents...
512
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,600
Don't listen to him,
he's just a hater.
513
00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:49,000
You a good planner.
514
00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:52,733
Look, you about to
kidnap Bill Cosby.
515
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,433
How many motherfuckers
can say
516
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:56,600
that they did some shit
like that, huh?
517
00:20:56,666 --> 00:20:59,766
You gotta start lookin'
at the bright side.
518
00:20:59,833 --> 00:21:02,233
Yeah. Sure
you're right.
519
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:04,133
I am a pretty good
planner, huh?
520
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,200
RILEY:
And y'all niggas are gay.
521
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:09,033
COSBY:
--to the wall. I--
522
00:21:09,100 --> 00:21:11,200
You know, I just--
Oh, no.
523
00:21:11,266 --> 00:21:14,033
Man. This-- This reminds me
of when I...
524
00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:16,666
HUEY:
Ed and Rummy kidnapped
Bill Cosby.
525
00:21:19,366 --> 00:21:20,333
[COSBY MUMBLING]
526
00:21:20,433 --> 00:21:21,800
But he was really annoying,
527
00:21:21,900 --> 00:21:24,033
so they returned him
to the studio 15 minutes later.
528
00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:26,400
COSBY:
I'm upset with you
for comin' in here...
529
00:21:26,466 --> 00:21:29,833
HUEY:
As usual, nobody even
thought about stopping them.
530
00:21:29,900 --> 00:21:32,400
What the fuck
y'all lookin' at?
531
00:21:32,466 --> 00:21:35,066
Riley had gotten away,
but returned
532
00:21:35,133 --> 00:21:36,966
several hours later
when he realized
533
00:21:37,033 --> 00:21:39,400
he had dropped
his two-way pager.
534
00:21:43,133 --> 00:21:45,200
Okay, okay, okay.
535
00:21:45,266 --> 00:21:48,300
Let me explain.
536
00:21:48,366 --> 00:21:50,333
You must have lost your mind!
Ow! Oh! Ow!
537
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,133
You do not--
Hey, man! Just let me-- Ow!
538
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,133
--kidnap Oprah!
539
00:21:54,233 --> 00:21:55,966
[♪♪♪]
540
00:22:00,933 --> 00:22:02,866
[♪♪♪]
38039
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