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♪ I am the stone
The builder refused ♪
2
00:00:01,300 --> 00:00:03,466
♪ I am the visual
The inspiration ♪
3
00:00:03,566 --> 00:00:04,966
♪ That made lady
Sing the blues ♪
4
00:00:05,066 --> 00:00:06,733
♪ I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ♪
5
00:00:06,833 --> 00:00:08,200
♪ The same spark
That lights the dark ♪
6
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:09,833
♪ So that you can know
Your left from your right ♪
7
00:00:09,933 --> 00:00:12,666
♪ I am the ballot in your box
The bullet in the gun ♪
8
00:00:12,766 --> 00:00:14,200
♪ The inner glow
That lets you know ♪
9
00:00:14,266 --> 00:00:15,300
♪ To call your brother sun ♪
10
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:16,600
♪ The story that just begun ♪
11
00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:17,966
♪ The promise
Of what's to come ♪
12
00:00:18,066 --> 00:00:19,166
♪ And I'm a remain a soldier ♪
13
00:00:19,266 --> 00:00:21,100
♪ Till the war is won ♪
14
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:23,733
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
15
00:00:23,833 --> 00:00:26,400
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
16
00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:29,000
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
17
00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:30,300
♪ Chop, chop, chop ♪
18
00:00:31,366 --> 00:00:32,833
HUEY [NARRATING]:
My grandfather,
19
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:34,500
Robert Jebediah Freeman,
20
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:38,166
after a lifetime of odd
adventures and strange mishaps,
21
00:00:38,266 --> 00:00:40,100
decided to spend his last days
22
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,200
in the warm embrace
of suburbia.
23
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:44,400
So he moved
to his perfect house
24
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,100
in his perfect neighborhood.
25
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:49,166
But he was still searching
for his perfect woman.
26
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:52,866
For what reason,
I have no idea.
27
00:00:55,233 --> 00:00:58,133
BOY:
I want candy!
28
00:00:58,233 --> 00:00:59,866
Damn it, I hate you!
29
00:00:59,966 --> 00:01:02,166
You're ruining my life, bitch!
WOMAN: Please, Herbert,
30
00:01:02,266 --> 00:01:04,533
remember our agreement.
Candy! I want candy!
31
00:01:04,633 --> 00:01:05,966
Give me candy!
32
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:10,200
Give me candy!
I want candy!
33
00:01:10,300 --> 00:01:13,066
I want candy and marshmallows!
34
00:01:13,166 --> 00:01:14,633
Give it to me!
[GASPS]
35
00:01:14,733 --> 00:01:16,133
Give it to me!
Herbert-- Oh!
36
00:01:16,233 --> 00:01:17,133
And I want pasta!
37
00:01:17,233 --> 00:01:20,333
Hm, he sure looks
like a handful.
38
00:01:20,433 --> 00:01:21,433
When he gets like this,
39
00:01:21,533 --> 00:01:22,933
I just don't know how
to make him stop.
40
00:01:23,033 --> 00:01:25,366
I want candy
and marshmallows!
41
00:01:25,466 --> 00:01:27,033
Have you ever tried
beatin' his ass?
42
00:01:27,133 --> 00:01:28,266
[♪♪♪]
43
00:01:28,366 --> 00:01:30,433
[WHIMPERS]
44
00:01:30,533 --> 00:01:32,700
HERBERT:
What's with the belt?
45
00:01:34,166 --> 00:01:35,433
[BOTH GRUNT]
46
00:01:37,666 --> 00:01:38,633
[SCREAMS]
47
00:01:38,733 --> 00:01:40,800
MOTHER [OVER BELT WHIPS]:
The nerve of you...
48
00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:42,300
In front of these people...
49
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,333
You must have lost
your goddamn mind!
50
00:01:44,433 --> 00:01:46,733
HERBERT:
Mom, stop!
51
00:01:46,833 --> 00:01:49,800
Not many men would stop
to help a woman in need.
52
00:01:54,333 --> 00:01:56,266
Well, uh--
[CHUCKLES]
53
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:59,266
I guess I just hate to see
a child go unbeaten.
54
00:01:59,366 --> 00:02:00,733
[GIGGLES]
55
00:02:00,833 --> 00:02:02,866
I'm Cristal,
like the champagne.
56
00:02:02,966 --> 00:02:04,266
I'm Granddad.
57
00:02:05,366 --> 00:02:06,266
[GASPS]
58
00:02:06,366 --> 00:02:08,266
Hello, cutie.
59
00:02:08,366 --> 00:02:10,866
Yeah...
60
00:02:10,966 --> 00:02:12,300
I'd rather not.
61
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,500
My name's Cristal,
like the champagne.
62
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,066
Well, that sounds
like a stripper name.
63
00:02:18,166 --> 00:02:20,900
Cristal, like the champagne,
might you be a stripper?
64
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,500
[GIGGLES]
65
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,900
And just what do you know
about strippers, little man?
66
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:28,366
Not much, but I do know they're
usually named after liquor.
67
00:02:28,466 --> 00:02:30,166
[SNICKERS]
68
00:02:31,133 --> 00:02:32,500
[CHUCKLES]
69
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:35,333
I just love grocery stores
in rich neighborhoods.
70
00:02:35,433 --> 00:02:37,233
Much better stuff.
71
00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:40,166
[GIGGLES]
72
00:02:40,266 --> 00:02:43,333
Check out this special
French whipped cream.
73
00:02:44,433 --> 00:02:45,966
Mm.
74
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,300
Mm.
CRISTAL: Mm.
75
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,433
GRANDDAD: Mm-hm.
Mm.
76
00:02:50,533 --> 00:02:51,733
It's edible.
77
00:02:51,833 --> 00:02:53,633
GRANDDAD:
Whipped cream, teddy bear...
78
00:02:53,733 --> 00:02:55,033
[SCANNER BEEPING]
79
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,133
[GIGGLES]
80
00:02:56,233 --> 00:02:58,233
GRANDDAD:
Mm, mm, mm.
81
00:02:58,333 --> 00:03:00,000
[BEEPING CONTINUES]
82
00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:01,666
GRANDDAD:
Somebody's busy.
83
00:03:01,733 --> 00:03:04,433
One hundred fifty-three dollars
and 12 cents is your total.
84
00:03:04,533 --> 00:03:05,933
Will this be cash or charge?
85
00:03:08,533 --> 00:03:10,533
[♪♪♪]
86
00:03:11,666 --> 00:03:12,633
You're such a gentleman.
87
00:03:12,733 --> 00:03:14,766
You didn't have to carry
all my bags.
88
00:03:14,866 --> 00:03:19,200
It's my pleasure, Cristal,
like the champagne.
89
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,833
Well, see you around.
90
00:03:27,566 --> 00:03:28,866
[CLEARS THROAT]
91
00:03:28,966 --> 00:03:30,066
I don't--
92
00:03:30,166 --> 00:03:31,600
[CHUCKLES]
93
00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:33,233
I mean,
I don't know if--
94
00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:35,733
Would you like a date?
95
00:03:35,833 --> 00:03:39,066
It just so happen I have coupons
for the Red Lobster, cutie pie.
96
00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:43,500
Um...okay.
97
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:48,333
[R & B MUSIC PLAYING
ON CAR RADIO]
98
00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:52,500
You do realize that
light-skinned ho was a ho,
99
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,933
right, Granddad?
100
00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:55,633
Don't cuss, boy.
Now, watch your mouth.
101
00:03:55,733 --> 00:03:57,266
I didn't cuss.
I said ho.
102
00:03:57,366 --> 00:03:59,466
Don't think because I'm driving,
I can't come back there.
103
00:03:59,566 --> 00:04:01,433
I don't see
what the big deal is,
104
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,333
just sayin' "ho."
105
00:04:03,433 --> 00:04:05,066
Ow! You smackin' me!
Granddad, stop.
106
00:04:05,166 --> 00:04:07,533
GRANDDAD:
Didn't I tell you
to watch your mouth?
107
00:04:07,633 --> 00:04:08,766
Granddad!
108
00:04:08,866 --> 00:04:12,466
Riley, stop,
or we are going to die!
109
00:04:12,566 --> 00:04:14,033
[HORN HONKING]
110
00:04:14,866 --> 00:04:15,866
[TIRES SCREECHING]
111
00:04:15,966 --> 00:04:19,566
Now, I bet you won't
say it again.
112
00:04:20,966 --> 00:04:22,000
Ho.
113
00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:23,933
Oh, I got your ho!
HUEY: Watch the road.
114
00:04:24,033 --> 00:04:25,400
Watch the road, Granddad!
115
00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:28,933
HUEY:
Granddad, have you
asked yourself
116
00:04:29,033 --> 00:04:30,833
why a 20-year-old girl
would want to go out
117
00:04:30,933 --> 00:04:31,933
with a man your age?
118
00:04:32,033 --> 00:04:35,200
Because I laid my game
down quite flat.
119
00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:36,566
Game?
120
00:04:36,666 --> 00:04:38,433
What you know
about the game, Granddad?
121
00:04:38,533 --> 00:04:39,700
I know the game.
122
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:40,966
Takin' women
out to eat?
123
00:04:41,066 --> 00:04:43,466
Givin' 'em free meals?
What part of the game is that?
124
00:04:43,566 --> 00:04:47,066
You takin' her to Red Lobster
with the cheddar biscuits.
125
00:04:47,166 --> 00:04:48,833
The fam ain't eatin'
cheddar biscuits,
126
00:04:48,933 --> 00:04:51,633
but this random broad
is eatin' cheddar biscuits.
127
00:04:51,733 --> 00:04:54,466
I know the game.
Your granddaddy knows the game.
128
00:04:54,566 --> 00:04:56,900
Game recognize game,
Granddad.
129
00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:00,833
I recognize game.
Your granddaddy recognize game.
130
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:02,500
Game recognize game,
131
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,766
and you lookin'
kinda unfamiliar right now.
132
00:05:05,866 --> 00:05:10,233
I-- I can't-- Where's Granddad?
Can I help you, sir?
133
00:05:11,900 --> 00:05:14,266
I ain't got time to mess
around with y'all.
134
00:05:14,333 --> 00:05:16,000
I got a date.
Get out the way.
135
00:05:17,533 --> 00:05:19,633
RILEY:
Don't do it, Granddad!
136
00:05:19,733 --> 00:05:21,066
Don't feed her!
137
00:05:21,166 --> 00:05:22,366
GRANDDAD:
Come on, now, stop.
138
00:05:22,466 --> 00:05:24,366
Get off my leg.
RILEY [CRYING]: Don't feed her
139
00:05:24,466 --> 00:05:27,200
Don't try to pull me back.
the cheddar biscuits!
140
00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:29,633
What the hell? Get off me,
boy. What's wrong with you?
141
00:05:31,166 --> 00:05:32,600
Mm.
142
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,266
Oh, God.
143
00:05:34,366 --> 00:05:37,000
Mm, mm.
144
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:40,533
These cheddar biscuits
are so good,
145
00:05:40,633 --> 00:05:42,233
they just melt in your mouth.
146
00:05:42,333 --> 00:05:43,966
Thank you for the meal.
147
00:05:44,066 --> 00:05:45,666
It was very romantic,
148
00:05:45,766 --> 00:05:48,133
like Sex and the City
or somethin'.
149
00:05:48,233 --> 00:05:51,533
Wow. I have never seen
a woman eat like that.
150
00:05:51,633 --> 00:05:52,633
Or a man, actually.
151
00:05:52,733 --> 00:05:53,866
[GIGGLES]
152
00:05:53,966 --> 00:05:55,733
You should bring some home
for the boys.
153
00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:58,033
I don't know. If you feed 'em,
they'll never leave.
154
00:05:58,133 --> 00:06:01,033
Oh, stop.
They're so cute.
155
00:06:01,133 --> 00:06:02,966
You must love
having them around.
156
00:06:03,066 --> 00:06:05,400
Well, not really, but--
157
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:06,666
[GIGGLES]
158
00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:08,833
You should let me
baby-sit sometimes.
159
00:06:10,166 --> 00:06:11,600
Doggy bag?
160
00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:14,233
A doggy bag is 90 bucks,
a tea bag is 50,
161
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:16,100
but I'll have to ask you
to excuse me right now.
162
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,433
See, I'm kind of,
you know, on a real date.
163
00:06:22,466 --> 00:06:24,366
HUEY:
You know, now that I think
about it,
164
00:06:24,466 --> 00:06:27,166
I don't ever remember
seein' Granddad with a woman.
165
00:06:27,266 --> 00:06:28,500
There was a time,
when I was three,
166
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:29,700
when I thought he was gay,
167
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,966
but now, I think it's
just bad luck.
168
00:06:32,066 --> 00:06:35,533
Well, I don't see what the big
deal is with ho's, anyway.
169
00:06:35,633 --> 00:06:38,333
Riley, all women
are not ho's.
170
00:06:38,433 --> 00:06:41,666
We're talkin' 20,
25 percent, tops.
171
00:06:41,766 --> 00:06:44,000
Okay, but if they not
all ho's,
172
00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:47,266
then why I got to pay
to take 'em out to eat, then?
173
00:06:47,366 --> 00:06:49,933
I mean, I'm payin'.
That's payment.
174
00:06:50,033 --> 00:06:52,933
Uh, I don't know.
'Cause that's just what you do.
175
00:06:53,033 --> 00:06:55,066
You meet a girl,
you take her out to dinner,
176
00:06:55,133 --> 00:06:57,366
but you're not payin' the girl.
177
00:06:57,466 --> 00:06:59,733
You're payin' the restaurant.
178
00:06:59,833 --> 00:07:02,833
But I'm payin',
which makes her a ho.
179
00:07:02,933 --> 00:07:04,533
Why don't I just give her
the money
180
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,033
I was gonna spend on dinner
181
00:07:06,133 --> 00:07:08,500
and that ho can go
grocery shoppin'.
182
00:07:11,433 --> 00:07:13,400
And what do you do again?
183
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:16,066
I'm in, uh-- Sales.
184
00:07:16,166 --> 00:07:17,133
[GIGGLES]
185
00:07:17,233 --> 00:07:18,566
You could call it sales.
186
00:07:18,666 --> 00:07:20,600
I don't really like
to talk about work.
187
00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:22,866
I'm not really fulfilled
at my job.
188
00:07:22,966 --> 00:07:23,966
Why not?
189
00:07:24,066 --> 00:07:25,700
Well, the hours
are pretty long,
190
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,133
the boss is a real jerk,
and the clients--
191
00:07:28,233 --> 00:07:29,866
Ugh, don't get me
started on the clients.
192
00:07:29,966 --> 00:07:32,566
Oh, damn.
So why do you do it?
193
00:07:32,666 --> 00:07:34,766
Mm, basically I'm in
a transitional period.
194
00:07:34,866 --> 00:07:36,633
[MEN MURMURING]
Like last year,
195
00:07:36,733 --> 00:07:38,133
people said
I should be a model,
196
00:07:38,233 --> 00:07:40,066
but you gotta
go get the pictures taken
197
00:07:40,166 --> 00:07:41,300
and do that whole thing.
198
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:42,800
Seemed like a lot of work.
199
00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:44,700
Yeah, taking pictures
can be tough.
200
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,233
And then I wanted
to be a chef,
201
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:49,233
but can you believe they want
you to go to school for that?
202
00:07:49,333 --> 00:07:50,400
[SIGHS]
203
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:51,566
I wish I could find a man,
204
00:07:51,666 --> 00:07:54,500
who could swoop in
like a superhero,
205
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:58,733
and save me from,
you know, work.
206
00:07:58,833 --> 00:08:01,700
Kind of like
a Captain Save-A-Me.
207
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,400
Do you know
where I can buy a cape?
208
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:05,500
Ooh.
Damn.
209
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,433
Whoa.
Wow.
210
00:08:09,233 --> 00:08:11,100
That's how it starts,
you know.
211
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,133
Takin' bitches out to eat,
212
00:08:13,233 --> 00:08:14,133
meals and whatnot.
213
00:08:14,233 --> 00:08:15,633
Next thing you know,
214
00:08:15,733 --> 00:08:17,800
you wake up
in a rest haven for ho's.
215
00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:21,233
A sanctuary for scandalous
skeezers and stunts.
216
00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:23,566
You're jumpin' to conclusions.
It's just a date.
217
00:08:23,666 --> 00:08:25,200
What if he marries her?
218
00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:27,966
What if we end up
with a ho for a grandma?
219
00:08:28,066 --> 00:08:29,700
Riley,
shut your dumb ass up.
220
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,500
What if we have a ho
for a grandma,
221
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,533
and she comes to school
on career day?
222
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,000
Ooh, what if
they have kids?
223
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:38,433
We'd have a brother
or sister that's half ho.
224
00:08:38,533 --> 00:08:39,933
Riley!
225
00:08:40,033 --> 00:08:42,133
[DOOR OPENS & CLOSES]
226
00:08:42,233 --> 00:08:45,233
CRISTAL:
This is your home?
It's beautiful.
227
00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:47,033
Hey, boys.
228
00:08:47,133 --> 00:08:51,300
I love this place.
I never want to leave.
229
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,133
Is there anything to eat?
230
00:08:55,766 --> 00:08:57,833
HUEY:
I didn't want
to believe Riley.
231
00:08:57,933 --> 00:09:01,166
I wanted Granddad to have
finally found love in his life.
232
00:09:01,266 --> 00:09:03,866
But I've never been one
to ignore the obvious.
233
00:09:03,966 --> 00:09:06,766
Granddad was tryin' to turn
a ho into a housewife.
234
00:09:06,866 --> 00:09:07,933
CRISTAL:
Come on, Granddad.
235
00:09:08,033 --> 00:09:09,300
GRANDDAD:
What you talkin' about?
236
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:10,733
Hey, you just wait a minute.
Uh-huh.
237
00:09:12,966 --> 00:09:14,233
♪ She takes my money ♪
238
00:09:14,333 --> 00:09:15,733
♪ Now, I ain't sayin'
She a gold digger ♪
239
00:09:15,833 --> 00:09:17,066
♪ When I'm in need ♪
240
00:09:17,166 --> 00:09:18,800
♪ But she ain't messin'
With no broke niggaz ♪
241
00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:20,200
♪ She takes my money ♪
242
00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:22,400
♪ Now, I ain't sayin'
She a gold digger ♪
243
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:24,600
♪ But she ain't messin'
With no broke niggaz ♪
244
00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:26,233
♪ When I'm in need ♪
245
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:27,800
♪ Get down, girl
Go ahead, get down ♪
246
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,766
♪ Get down, girl
Go ahead, get down ♪
247
00:09:30,866 --> 00:09:33,633
♪ Get down, girl
Go ahead, get down ♪
248
00:09:33,733 --> 00:09:35,633
♪ Get down, girl
Go ahead ♪
249
00:09:35,733 --> 00:09:38,266
♪ Cutie the bomb
Met her at a beauty salon ♪
250
00:09:38,366 --> 00:09:40,800
♪ With a baby Louis Vuitton
Under her underarm ♪
251
00:09:40,866 --> 00:09:42,466
♪ She said
I can tell you rock ♪
252
00:09:42,566 --> 00:09:45,266
♪ I can tell by your charm
Far as girls you got a flock ♪
253
00:09:45,366 --> 00:09:47,233
♪ I can tell by your charm
And your arm ♪
254
00:09:47,333 --> 00:09:49,300
♪ But I'm looking for the one
Have you seen her? ♪
255
00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:52,400
♪ My psychic told me
She have a ass like Serena ♪
256
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:54,700
♪ Trina, Jennifer Lopez
Four kids ♪
257
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,700
♪ And I gotta take all
They badass to Showbiz ♪
258
00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,433
♪ Okay, get your kids but
Then they got they friends ♪
259
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,733
♪ I pulled up in the Benz
They all got up in ♪
260
00:10:02,833 --> 00:10:05,733
♪ We all went to din
And then I had to pay ♪
261
00:10:05,833 --> 00:10:08,400
♪ If you f@#$% with this girl
Then you better be paid ♪
262
00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:11,566
[♪♪♪]
263
00:10:11,666 --> 00:10:12,633
CRISTAL:
What's up now?
264
00:10:12,733 --> 00:10:14,266
Why you keep doin'
the same move?
265
00:10:14,333 --> 00:10:16,600
Where your game at?
Where your game at?
266
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:19,066
My X button ain't working.
267
00:10:19,166 --> 00:10:20,100
Whatever, nigga.
268
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,633
Hey, look,
I'm pressin' it.
269
00:10:22,733 --> 00:10:25,733
You see me pressin' it.
You cheatin'.
270
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,600
Bitch,
your game is garbage.
271
00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:30,100
I'm Cristal, bitch.
Who's next?
272
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,233
Fake-ass Mariah Carey!
273
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:34,600
[SOBS]
274
00:10:35,566 --> 00:10:37,800
That's how nasty
my game is, son.
275
00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:39,300
I send niggas runnin' away.
276
00:10:40,133 --> 00:10:41,200
What?
277
00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:43,466
[♪♪♪]
278
00:10:43,566 --> 00:10:45,000
Ah.
279
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:47,666
A full day's supply
of vitamin C.
280
00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:03,833
Granddad, that woman
has got to go.
281
00:11:03,933 --> 00:11:08,333
Miss Cristal
is my beautiful baby-boo,
282
00:11:08,433 --> 00:11:10,866
and you will
show her some respect.
283
00:11:10,966 --> 00:11:14,166
Granddad, we don't know anything
about Miss Cristal.
284
00:11:14,266 --> 00:11:16,466
I mean, we know she spends
all your money.
285
00:11:16,566 --> 00:11:18,233
We know she eats more
than a black hole.
286
00:11:18,333 --> 00:11:21,500
We know she cheat
at PlayStation!
287
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,566
But where does she live?
What does she do for a living?
288
00:11:24,666 --> 00:11:26,066
She's in sales.
289
00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:27,166
Pfft. Ho sales.
290
00:11:27,266 --> 00:11:28,233
What?
291
00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:30,166
Granddad, does she duck
under the table
292
00:11:30,266 --> 00:11:32,200
every time a dude
in a purple suit walks in?
293
00:11:33,333 --> 00:11:34,566
[♪♪♪]
294
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,733
Uh, a lot of people
do that.
295
00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:48,000
Can she run really, really,
really fast in high heels?
296
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:51,500
I don't know.
Average speed, I guess.
297
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,500
Race you to the car.
298
00:11:53,566 --> 00:11:55,433
[CHUCKLES]
Okay.
299
00:11:55,533 --> 00:11:57,600
[GASPS]
[RAPID FOOTSTEPS]
300
00:11:58,566 --> 00:12:00,900
Hm.
301
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,300
Maybe, uh...
Little...above average.
302
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,066
Does she keep askin'
if you're a cop?
303
00:12:06,166 --> 00:12:07,200
No.
304
00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:08,866
You know, you have
to tell me if you're a cop,
305
00:12:08,966 --> 00:12:10,233
or it's entrapment.
306
00:12:10,333 --> 00:12:11,400
Mm.
307
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:13,566
CRISTAL:
My cute boys.
308
00:12:16,033 --> 00:12:19,166
You boys don't know Cristal
like I do.
309
00:12:19,266 --> 00:12:20,766
She's a wonderful woman.
310
00:12:20,866 --> 00:12:23,333
She's in my heart.
She's in my soul.
311
00:12:23,433 --> 00:12:25,500
I just want to be
her everything.
312
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,100
And for your information,
children,
313
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,633
I had relations
with Cristal last night.
314
00:12:30,733 --> 00:12:33,433
Ew, come on, Granddad!
Oh, God, please!
315
00:12:33,533 --> 00:12:35,200
Why would you share that?
That's nasty.
316
00:12:35,300 --> 00:12:37,233
How am I supposed to have
nice dreams tonight, man?
317
00:12:37,333 --> 00:12:39,166
And she didn't charge me
a dime.
318
00:12:39,266 --> 00:12:40,333
Mm.
319
00:12:40,433 --> 00:12:41,566
You ready to go
shoppin' again?
320
00:12:41,666 --> 00:12:42,733
You betcha.
321
00:12:44,566 --> 00:12:46,566
[♪♪♪]
322
00:13:00,733 --> 00:13:02,500
Hey, Huey.
323
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,533
Okay, Cristal,
I think we need to talk.
324
00:13:07,033 --> 00:13:08,966
Before you start,
325
00:13:09,066 --> 00:13:11,033
I just want to tell you
how much fun it's been
326
00:13:11,133 --> 00:13:12,466
hangin' out with you guys.
327
00:13:12,566 --> 00:13:15,400
Think of me as the big sister
you always wanted.
328
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:18,666
Don't take this
the wrong way, but...
329
00:13:18,766 --> 00:13:20,366
I need you to get
the hell up outta here.
330
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,300
Any particular reason?
331
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,166
You're kind of a lazy ho?
332
00:13:24,266 --> 00:13:26,233
Yeah, I can see that.
333
00:13:26,333 --> 00:13:28,833
I don't know why
my granddad can't see it.
334
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:32,533
To be honest, me either.
It's so obvious.
335
00:13:32,633 --> 00:13:33,666
But it's okay because, see,
336
00:13:33,766 --> 00:13:35,200
I'm in this transitional
period--
337
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:37,866
Ah, ah, ah, I don't care.
You gotta go.
338
00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:42,366
[CLICKS]
339
00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:46,033
I can't do that.
340
00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:47,133
I'm sorry?
341
00:13:47,233 --> 00:13:48,866
You guys have the life.
342
00:13:48,966 --> 00:13:50,666
And I want the life too.
343
00:13:50,766 --> 00:13:53,800
Yeah, but it's our life.
We're his family.
344
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:57,566
Oh, so now, we get
to what this is really about.
345
00:13:57,666 --> 00:14:00,766
I'm not one of y'all.
I'm not in the family.
346
00:14:00,866 --> 00:14:03,166
I don't carry his genes,
so I have to go?
347
00:14:03,266 --> 00:14:06,600
Uh, yeah.
Plus, you're a lazy ho.
348
00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:09,700
Ugh,
ho is a strong term.
349
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:14,000
Right now, I'm somewhere between
anatomical sales associate
350
00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:15,533
and high-maintenance girlfriend.
351
00:14:15,633 --> 00:14:17,466
Can't you be positive
about my growth?
352
00:14:17,566 --> 00:14:21,200
Cristal, every part of you
bein' here is unacceptable.
353
00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:23,833
Do you realize
I'm doin' prostitute laundry?
354
00:14:23,933 --> 00:14:27,100
Do you have any idea
how disgusting that is?
355
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,900
Look, this is an adjustment
for everyone,
356
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,700
but it's what
your grandfather wants.
357
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:35,133
You can't get rid of me.
358
00:14:35,233 --> 00:14:38,533
I can do things to persuade
your granddad that you can't do.
359
00:14:38,633 --> 00:14:40,166
Like what?
360
00:14:40,266 --> 00:14:42,200
Never mind,
I don't really wanna know.
361
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:47,466
[GIGGLING]
362
00:14:47,566 --> 00:14:49,133
Bye, Granddaddy.
363
00:14:49,233 --> 00:14:50,366
I'll be back in a few.
364
00:14:50,466 --> 00:14:52,000
HUEY:
Cristal was right.
365
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:54,233
I was going about this
the wrong way.
366
00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:56,800
Granddad needed to see
the truth for himself.
367
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:58,566
[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]
368
00:14:58,666 --> 00:15:00,466
♪ I know she no good
But she good to me ♪
369
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,900
♪ All right, we on a mission
With SpyCam vision ♪
370
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,566
♪ Yeah, it's wrong
But I'd rather ♪
371
00:15:04,666 --> 00:15:06,133
♪ Beg forgiveness
Than permission ♪
372
00:15:06,233 --> 00:15:08,566
♪ Something is off
Who's this mystery lady? ♪
373
00:15:08,666 --> 00:15:10,333
♪ She's crazy
And something in her eyes ♪
374
00:15:10,433 --> 00:15:13,700
♪ Looks shady
But maybe after this exposé ♪
375
00:15:13,766 --> 00:15:15,800
♪ A blind man could see her
Comin' from a mile away ♪
376
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:18,900
♪ Let me catch her in the act
See where her head is at ♪
377
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,066
♪ Before the next sucker
For love falls in her trap ♪
378
00:15:21,166 --> 00:15:23,600
♪ So I'm wearin' my Nike's
With a Nikon ♪
379
00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:26,800
♪ Doin' some twilight
Recon and econ ♪
380
00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:30,566
♪ Can't stop the paparazzi
Oh, my God, with these Kodaks ♪
381
00:15:30,666 --> 00:15:32,900
♪ Tryin' to stop her
From gettin' the bozak ♪
382
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,966
♪ From gettin' the bozak
From gettin' the bozak ♪
383
00:15:35,066 --> 00:15:37,433
♪ I know she no good
But she good to me ♪
384
00:15:37,533 --> 00:15:39,766
♪ I know she no good
But she good to me ♪
385
00:15:39,866 --> 00:15:42,366
♪ I know she no good
But she good to me ♪
386
00:15:42,466 --> 00:15:44,566
♪ I know she no good
But she good to me ♪
387
00:15:44,666 --> 00:15:46,033
♪ Click ♪
388
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:48,066
[CAMERA CLICKS]
389
00:15:49,833 --> 00:15:51,300
[CAMERA CLICKS]
390
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,466
[CAMERA CLICKS]
391
00:16:03,566 --> 00:16:05,566
[♪♪♪]
392
00:16:08,966 --> 00:16:12,133
Cutie pie,
what is this?
393
00:16:13,833 --> 00:16:15,233
That's not me.
394
00:16:15,333 --> 00:16:19,233
I can't believe you would
digitally alter pictures of me.
395
00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:22,200
Boy, that ain't nothin'
but Photoshop.
396
00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:24,100
Get that outta here.
397
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,766
[WHIMPERING]
398
00:16:25,866 --> 00:16:28,833
[GASPING]
Why don't they like me?
399
00:16:28,933 --> 00:16:30,566
[CRYING]
I try...
400
00:16:30,666 --> 00:16:33,966
so hard with them.
401
00:16:34,066 --> 00:16:37,100
Aw, there, there.
402
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,333
Haven't I done enough
for you two?
403
00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:41,700
Y'all don't know
what it's like to be old.
404
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,066
To know you don't have
many days left.
405
00:16:44,166 --> 00:16:46,533
Cristal makes me happy.
406
00:16:46,633 --> 00:16:48,300
Why would you want
to take that away from me?
407
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,366
[DOORBELL RINGS]
408
00:16:53,033 --> 00:16:54,200
[DOOR OPENS]
409
00:16:54,266 --> 00:16:55,566
RILEY:
It's a nigga
in a purple suit.
410
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:57,000
[GASPS]
411
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,000
Who are you?
412
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:04,600
[♪♪♪]
413
00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:07,500
My name is
A Pimp Named Slickback,
414
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:10,333
and I believe I may have
misplaced some merchandise
415
00:17:10,433 --> 00:17:12,000
at this residence.
416
00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:14,166
There she is.
417
00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:15,966
Bitch,
I hope you got the monies
418
00:17:16,066 --> 00:17:18,633
to cover this little vacation
you been takin'.
419
00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:20,300
Now, hold up, Slickback.
420
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,000
No, that's
A Pimp Named Slickback.
421
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:24,766
That's what I said:
Slickback.
422
00:17:24,866 --> 00:17:28,100
No, no, it's
A Pimp Named Slickback.
423
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:29,500
Like
A Tribe Called Quest.
424
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,233
You say the whole thing.
A Pimp Named Slickback.
425
00:17:32,333 --> 00:17:34,666
Uh, can we call you
"Slickback" for short?
426
00:17:34,766 --> 00:17:37,900
No, nigga.
I'm A Pimp Named Slickback!
427
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,566
Cristal,
who is this person?
428
00:17:39,666 --> 00:17:41,566
Nigga, are you deaf?
429
00:17:41,666 --> 00:17:45,833
I'm A Pimp Named Slickback.
Say it with me, now.
430
00:17:45,933 --> 00:17:47,666
He's my pimp.
431
00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:49,833
Y-y-y-your pimp?
432
00:17:49,933 --> 00:17:51,366
So you really are a-- A--
433
00:17:51,466 --> 00:17:53,266
Yes, I'm a ho.
RILEY & HUEY: Yes, she's a ho.
434
00:17:53,366 --> 00:17:55,466
Come on, bitch. Now.
435
00:17:55,566 --> 00:17:58,633
A Pimp Named Slickback,
could I please have a minute?
436
00:17:58,733 --> 00:18:00,633
A minute?
437
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:03,233
Let us pray "The Pimp's Prayer."
438
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:06,200
Lord, please pray
for the soul of this bitch,
439
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:10,100
and guide my pimp hand
and make it strong, Lord,
440
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:14,400
so that she might learn
a ho's place. Amen.
441
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,233
Amen. Yeah!
442
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:19,233
[BELT SNAPS]
443
00:18:24,766 --> 00:18:27,066
You ain't gonna hit
no woman in my house.
444
00:18:27,166 --> 00:18:30,666
What woman, sir?
This here's a ho.
445
00:18:30,766 --> 00:18:32,733
Not in this house,
she's not.
446
00:18:34,866 --> 00:18:37,300
Why don't you
just wait outside.
447
00:18:39,966 --> 00:18:41,900
Damn, Indiana Jenkins.
448
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,800
I didn't know
we was still whoopin' niggas.
449
00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:45,133
Fine.
450
00:18:45,233 --> 00:18:48,133
Bitch, you got 45 seconds,
and I'm leavin'.
451
00:18:48,233 --> 00:18:51,533
Forty-four, 43,
452
00:18:51,633 --> 00:18:53,533
42...
453
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,233
I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
454
00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:57,266
I mean, at first,
I thought you knew.
455
00:18:57,366 --> 00:18:58,766
How would I?
456
00:18:58,866 --> 00:19:01,533
I mean, I don't see how
you couldn't have known.
457
00:19:01,633 --> 00:19:03,533
Well, easy mistake,
I guess.
458
00:19:03,633 --> 00:19:05,500
I mean, there were so many
obvious signs--
459
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,366
All right, all right,
I got the point.
460
00:19:07,466 --> 00:19:10,000
Cristal, I don't care
what you've done in the past,
461
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:12,533
as long as you're ready
to start fresh.
462
00:19:12,633 --> 00:19:14,366
Think about it.
Twenty-four...
463
00:19:14,466 --> 00:19:16,133
You can stay here,
464
00:19:16,233 --> 00:19:18,933
maybe get a job,
go back to school.
465
00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:20,100
We can make it work.
466
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,200
I don't know, Robert.
467
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:25,366
I'm not really cut out
for school and jobs.
468
00:19:25,466 --> 00:19:29,333
But you'll be able
to stay here with us.
469
00:19:29,433 --> 00:19:32,566
Yeah, you're right.
That sounds nice.
470
00:19:32,666 --> 00:19:35,600
Let me just go and get rid
of A Pimp Named Slickback,
471
00:19:35,700 --> 00:19:37,900
then maybe I'll get
some applications.
472
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:43,100
Eleven, 10, nine...
473
00:19:45,166 --> 00:19:46,333
You're coming back,
right?
474
00:19:46,433 --> 00:19:48,433
Of course.
475
00:19:48,533 --> 00:19:51,100
Time's up, bitch.
I am leavin'.
476
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,100
Thanks for trying to save me.
477
00:19:55,366 --> 00:19:57,100
[CAR ENGINE STARTS]
478
00:19:59,066 --> 00:20:00,000
[TIRES SCREECHING]
479
00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:01,700
CRISTAL:
No, Daddy! Wait, wait!
480
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:02,833
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
481
00:20:02,933 --> 00:20:05,800
[COUGHING]
Wait, wait.
482
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,766
[CRISTAL WHIMPERING]
483
00:20:07,866 --> 00:20:09,133
She'll be back.
484
00:20:12,133 --> 00:20:13,833
[DOOR CLOSES]
485
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:15,233
HUEY:
I guess, deep down,
486
00:20:15,333 --> 00:20:17,833
all grownups want to find
that perfect person
487
00:20:17,933 --> 00:20:20,033
that'll guarantee that they'll
never be lonely again.
488
00:20:20,133 --> 00:20:24,033
I still believe Granddad'll
find his someday.
489
00:20:25,533 --> 00:20:28,100
[SNORING]
490
00:20:31,233 --> 00:20:32,700
Did she come back?
491
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,933
Don't blow out the candle.
She'll think nobody's home.
492
00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:37,566
It's all right,
Granddad.
493
00:20:37,666 --> 00:20:39,266
Maybe she'll be back tomorrow.
494
00:20:39,366 --> 00:20:40,466
[BLOWS]
495
00:20:43,166 --> 00:20:44,666
HUEY:
One thing I learned though...
496
00:20:44,766 --> 00:20:46,333
Come back!
497
00:20:46,433 --> 00:20:47,800
Wait!
498
00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:49,833
[LAUGHING]
499
00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:54,133
Run, bitch, run!
500
00:20:54,233 --> 00:20:56,766
she sure can run
in those heels.
501
00:20:56,866 --> 00:20:59,066
CRISTAL:
I can't go to school!
502
00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:01,633
I can't get no real job!
503
00:21:01,733 --> 00:21:04,200
[A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK LAUGHS]
504
00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:06,233
A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK:
Feel the burn.
505
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:10,400
[♪♪♪]
36127
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