Original subtitles

Are ya ready, kids?

[kids] Aye-aye, Captain!

I can't hear you.

[kids] Aye-aye, Captain!

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

[kids] ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

[Painty] ♪ Absorbent, and yellow, and porous is he ♪

[kids] ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

[Painty] ♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪

[kids] ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

[Painty] ♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

-♪ SpongeBob SquarePants -♪ Ready? ♪

[all] ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

[Painty] ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

[Painty laughing]

-[flute playing] -[song ends]

-[waves lapping] -[gulls squawking]

[mysterious music playing]

[bubbling]

-[upbeat jazz music playing] -[Squidward humming]

[grunts]

Uh-huh.

Perfect.

Woo.

Evening, neighbor.

Evening, Preston.

[engine humming]

Good luck at the concert tonight.

Thank you, Sebastian.

[Squidward, VO] You may think you know me,

but you don't.

I used to be Squidward Tentacles,

but now, the name's...

Dolphin, John Dolphin.

[upbeat classical music playing]

It's John Dolphin!

[crowd clamoring excitedly]

[crowd gasps]

[triangle chimes]

[crowd cheering]

[Squidward, VO] I have a wonderful new life

in New Kelp City.

How did this happen?

Well, I'll tell you.

One day, the worst thing that ever happened to me

turned out to be

the best thing that ever happened to me.

[door opens, closes]

Excuse me. I'd like to lodge a complaint.

This reed is defective.

[inhales deeply]

[playing out of tune]

[cracks, shatters]

[boing]

[groans, coughs]

I'm sorry, sir,

but that's the only reed we have in stock.

Have you ever thought of playing something safer,

like the triangle?

-[eraser squeaking] -[glass shatters]

-[rock music plays] -This is a stickup.

Give me all the dough in the joint,

or I'll rub you out.

[squeak]

Elmer Eraser!

[chuckles]

If either of you bozos squeal,

I'll track ya down

and rub you out.

[rock music continues]

I won't say a syllable.

See that you don't, or Elmer Eraser will find you.

-[rock music ends] -[indistinct chatter]

[Squidward, VO] The police tried to get me to talk,

but I wasn't interested...

at first.

I told you, I didn't see a thing.

Not to worry, Mr. Tentacles.

If you do remember anything,

we can put you into witness protection.

Of course, we'll have to move you to a new town,

change your name, and give you a new job.

Look, officer, I'm not talking.

Unfortunately, you'll never see your friends or neighbors again.

I saw everything.

I'll testify.

[Squidward, VO] Now, I have everything

-I'd ever dreamed of. -[crowd cheering]

[triangle chimes]

[crowd cheering and applauding]

[Patrick giggling]

Huh?

[SpongeBob laughing]

I must be imagining things.

[crowd clamoring excitedly]

Huh?!

[SpongeBob and Patrick cheering]

This can't be happening! [exclaims]

-[thudding] -[Squidward whimpers nervously]

[whimpers nervously]

[together] We miss you, Squidward.

[exclaiming]

[tires screech]

[upbeat, comical music playing]

[together] Hi, Squidward.

-[crash] -[tires screech]

[Squidward panting]

-[crashing] -[whimpering nervously]

-[screech to a halt] -[whimpers nervously]

[SpongeBob] Don't worry. I've got it.

Love your new beard.

Thanks, but it's only a fake one. Huh?

SpongeBob and Patrick?!

How did you two goofballs find me?

[SpongeBob, VO] Oh, you like to know

how we found you, Squidward?

Um, eh... Where's your voice coming from?

[SpongeBob] It was an average day

at the old Krusty Krab.

-But something was missing. -[customers murmuring]

Or should I say "someone"?

Hello?

-Anybody home? -[thud]

Boy, the service here

is really going downhill, SpongeBob.

Squidward's still not here? I guess that would explain

why I haven't had a single order in weeks.

I haven't seen him in his house for weeks either,

not even in his bathtub.

And his fridge is out of food!

I really miss my favorite neighbor.

But I'm right here, buddy.

Oh, thank goodness.

But how do we find Squidward?

Don't worry. I got this.

[stretch, pop]

[grunts]

[sniffing]

Now, I just need something that smells like Squidward.

One of his old clarinet reeds should help.

[sniffing]

Ew!

[sniffing, barking] Got it!

[panting, barking]

-[bowling pins clatter] -[people groan]

And so, we followed the scent to your new front door.

Why did you leave us, Squidward?

[grumbles] You knuckleheads are gonna ruin everything.

I'm in witness protection.

Fitness infection?

I'm hiding out from Elmer Eraser.

Elmer Eraser?!

The robber who relishes in rubbing out rats?

-[Squidward grunts] -[exclaiming]

Would you two get lost?

You're gonna lead that maniac right to me.

[door slams]

-Gee! -[squeaks]

I had no idea Squidward was in witless perfection.

And we almost blew his cover.

[feet screech]

Hey, sorry about that.

I didn't see ya there.

Say, that sure is a nice eraser.

Thanks. My mommy made it for me.

Hmm. Eraser.

That reminds me of something, but what?

Do you bozos know where I can find...

this mug?

[gasps]

Elmer Eraser?

Oh, that's not a mug. That's--

We've never seen that person in our entire lives...

uh, with or without a beard.

Well, if you do...

[whimpering]

...please let me know.

Patrick, that was Elmer Eraser.

Who?

We gotta warn Squidward.

Phew! Thank Neptune those idiots are gone.

[together] Squidward!

[birds chirping]

And they're back.

Guess who we saw outside?

Elmer Eraser!

What?!

Oh, I'm doomed!

Don't worry. We'll put you into witness protection protection.

You're safe with us.

-Whoa! -[glass shatters]

Here's a hideout with a lot of natural light.

-[thud] -[Squidward grunts]

-[upbeat music playing] -[door slams]

A glass house? Are you nuts?

This way, you can see Elmer Eraser coming.

But he can see me too.

You!

You guys lied to me.

That's Squidward!

[screaming]

Don't worry. I got him.

-Wait! Don't! -[grunts]

-[thump] -[crumbling]

Oh!

It's a plexiglass house.

[both panting anxiously]

[clinking]

Perfect!

We can drive far, far away.

[engine starts, revs]

[clanking]

Gotcha!

Everybody jump!

[all grunt]

This is how you make a getaway.

-[engine revs] -Wait.

-[all screaming] -[thud]

[comical music plays]

[all groaning]

Quick! In there!

[upbeat music plays]

[thud, pop]

[thudding]

[eraser squeaking]

[all whimpering]

[all screaming]

[all groaning]

Up there!

[all grunting]

[grumbles, grunts]

[all screaming]

[thud]

[upbeat music continues]

[door closes]

[SpongeBob] You'll be safe in here.

[growling]

Gotcha!

[screaming]

[screaming]

-[door slams open] -[grunts]

Squidward is unprotected.

Hop on!

[upbeat music continues]

-[horn honks] -Huh?

[together] We'll save you, Squidward!

[screams]

[screaming]

[grunting]

[grunts]

[groans]

Oh, no!

Those two halfwits found me.

[laughs]

Phew! It's just Elmer Eraser.

Elmer Eraser!

[SpongeBob and Patrick screaming]

We'll protect you, Squidward.

-[Elmer Eraser] Gotcha! -[exclaims]

Please, Elmer Eraser, don't rub out Squidward.

Aw, don't worry.

I'm not Elmer.

I'm Detective Eraser.

[whimpers woozily]

Elmer's my twin brother.

I've been trying to find you all day.

Oh, thank goodness.

Can you arrest these two blockheads

so I can go back to being John Dolphin?

Lucky for you, my brother Elmer has been caught and put in jail.

You don't need witness protection anymore.

[Squidward grunting]

Ouch.

Isn't it great, Squidward?

You can come back to Bikini Bottom with us.

-Squidward's back! -Yay!

-Wonderful. -Squidward's back!

[bubbling]

[jaunty music playing]

-You're it. -No, you're it.

No, you're it.

-Squidward's it. -No, you're it.

[Squidward, VO] I was finally safe,

but I was about to become witness to another crime,

a crime I was going to commit.

I'm going to rub you out!

[both scream]

[laughing maniacally]

Rub. Rub. Rub.

[laughing maniacally]

[surf rock music playing]

[bubbling]

[bluegrass music playing]

Boy, that was one heck of a shoppin' spree

down at the old Nut Barn.

[sucking]

Ah.

[crunches, gulps] Worth it, though.

[crunching]

These cracklin' nuts taste so good,

it's like there's a hootenanny in my mouth.

Bleh!

Yeehaw!

-[crunching] -[acorns screaming]

-[thud] -[grunts]

[groaning] Where'd that come fr--

-[gasps] -[cracking]

Oh, my helmet's about to crack like an egg.

I gotta get home to my dome ASAP.

[bubbling]

-[grunts] -[glass shatters]

[gasping]

That was a close shave.

Better dig out my backup helmet.

[whirring]

Aha!

[shattering]

Whoops! Must be all that nut dust on my fingers.

Looks like I'm plumb out of helmets.

Better order a new one.

[upbeat music playing]

-[dialing] -[line connects]

Hello? Helmets Direct?

Yeah, I need another one.

-[man] What size do you need? -Size? Size? Squirrel medium.

-We're out of size medium. -Uh-huh.

-I'll have to special order it. -Uh-huh.

It's gonna take six to eight weeks to get it.

Six to eight weeks?

[sighs] Looks like I'm stuck inside for a while.

But I got plenty to do.

[upbeat country music playing]

[bell rings]

[blows landing]

-[grunting] -[keyboard clacking]

[timer dings]

[sizzling]

[chittering]

[music continues]

[chirping]

[music slows, distorts]

[off-key notes]

[music slows and distorts]

-[music ends] -[thud]

It's only been one hour,

but I can't take it anymore.

If I don't see another living critter soon,

I'm gonna go nuts.

-Nuts. [chuckles] -[rim shot]

[acorn] Hey, now, Sandy.

You'd never go nuts.

Your grip on reality is too firm.

Thanks, Nutty Buddy.

You're always here for me.

[Nutty Buddy] That's what friends are for.

Maybe I can lasso someone into coming over.

[humming]

-[busy signal beeping] -[French Narrator reading]

I don't understand.

How can everyone be busy at 2:30 on a Tuesday?

Oh, I know!

If I can't get my friends to visit me,

I'll visit them...

remotely.

-[whirring] -[adventurous music playing]

-[whirring] -[adventurous music continues]

[snoring]

[sighs] You got this.

[whimpering nervously] You got it.

Well, that's about as exciting as riding a no-legged bull.

Next!

[snoring]

[exclaiming]

[crashing]

Very good.

Now, let's try parallel parking.

[yawns]

[grumbles]

[bubbling]

[surf rock music playing]

-And... done. -[ding]

Now, for 10,000 with this arm.

-One... [grunts] -[ding]

Two...

-[ding] -[grunts]

-Three... -[Sandy snoring]

[grunts] This is making my eyelids feel heavier

than Larry's weights.

Next!

-[grunting] -[bonk]

[bubbling]

-[flying camera whirring] -[upbeat music playing]

-And done. -[cash register dings]

Phew! Now for 10,000 with this arm.

-One... -[cash register dings]

-Two... -[cash register dings]

-Three... -[cash register dings]

[Sandy grumbles]

[Mr. Krabs] Four...

Yeesh! Gah!

Five...

[gasps]

[Sandy] There's gotta be something interesting

-to look at in this town. -[thud]

-[static crackles] -Huh?

What in the...?

Of course!

That big old metal whatsit I ran into.

Plankton?

Better go in for a closer look.

-[Plankton whistling] -[whirring]

Huh? What's that noise?

[sighs] Did I leave Karen on all night again?

[screams]

[grunts]

[whirring rapidly]

Whoa. Mosquitos sure are getting big this year.

[whistling]

[whirring, clanking]

Dang that Plankton!

Now I gottafigure out what he's up to.

[bubbling]

-[phone ringing] -[SpongeBob] Yello?

Heya, SpongeBob.

I'm in the middle of an investigation,

and I was hoping you could do a little reconnoitering for me.

-[blade swishes] -Hyah! Gosh, Sandy, I'd love to,

but I'm already reconnoitering a new mustard mine

for Mr. Krabs.

[sinister growling]

-[growling, shrieking] -[screaming]

-[gorilla grunting] -[SpongeBob screaming]

I get it. I get it. You're busy.

You don't have to holler about it.

[dialing]

-[phone ringing] -Uh...

-[ringing continues] -Huh?

-Hello? -[Sandy] Howdy, Patrick.

I'm trying to peep Plankton's plans.

Wanna help out?

Sure. I'll be over

as soon as I finish my sandwich.

Okay. [murmurs]

[chomps]

[bubbling]

All right, Patrick. This should be simple enough.

Plankton is building some sort of evil device.

All you gotta do is head over there with my camera

and give it a look 'fer. Roger?

A look 'fer. Roger!

[adventurous music playing]

[low whirring]

[Sandy] Whatcha...

doin' there, Patrick?

Looking for Roger.

[Sandy sighs] Let me give you a little help.

[exclaiming, spluttering]

[thud]

Karen, I'm going out for coffee and crullers.

[Sandy] Perfect! Snoop around while Plankton's gone.

Oh, boy! I love snooping.

♪ Snoop, snoop, snooper snoop, snoopy snoop ♪

Keep your eyes peeled for a clue

that might tell us what he's up to.

Blueprints, memory cards, microfiche...

[Patrick] Ooh, I found something!

-Is it a clue? -Yeah!

A delicious one.

It's his lunch.

[Patrick giggles]

[munching] Mmm!

Patrick, that ain't a clue. That's a tiny burrito.

[Patrick] Okay, okay.

[burrito whistles through air]

[Patrick munches, gulps]

Here, Roger, Roger.

Ugh, there's nothing here.

Just this dumb old box of...

"puh-loo-toe-ni-um!" Who cares?

Plutonium?! [exclaims]

Plankton must be building some sort of atomic weapon!

[gasping] And it's pointed right at the Krusty Krab!

All right, Patrick, you've done your part.

These glow sticks make my bones itchy.

Now I'm gonna zap him with my laser.

-She's warming up now. -[laser beeping]

[Plankton] ♪ Do, do, do, dee... ♪

[Sandy] Oh, no! Plankton's back.

Patrick, you gotta get outta there.

-Don't let him see you! -[munching]

-Hurry! -Huh.

I am like unto the wind.

[Japanese string music plays]

Whoa! [gasping]

Hey! [gasping] Whoa!

[grunts]

[comedic musical sting]

[slurping]

What are you doing here, bozo?

My name's Patrick,

not Bozo.

Yeah, no duh, Sherlock.

My name's Bozo, not Sherlock.

[grumbling]

Oh, no! He's onto us.

Time to take out that weapon. [grunts]

[laser humming]

I know your name, ding dong!

My name's Sherlock, not Ding Dong.

Enough! It doesn't matter.

You're gonna be the first

to witness my latest evil invention.

[laughs maniacally]

[grunts]

[rattling]

[rumbling]

[upbeat music playing]

"Eat at the Chum Bucket."

It's just a dumb, old sign?

That's not evil.

Well, the plutonium wasn't sourced ethically,

so it's a little evil.

-[laser buzzing] -[dramatic music playing]

[creaking]

Oh... boy.

[creaking]

[crashing]

[surf rock music playing]

Huh?

Why didn't I think of that?

Eat that, Krabs!

[laughs] Whoo!

-[surf rock music plays] -[French Narrator reading]

Thanks for hosting me restaurant

while the Krusty Krab is being repaired...

and while SpongeBob's recovering from his gorilla injuries.

It's the least I could do.

-[doorbell rings] -Huh?

My helmet! Finally!

[helmet shattering]

Me new restaurant! Finally!

Quit yer loafin', Mr. Squidward.

Ya got a buildin' to move.

[squelching]

[sighs] Six to eight more weeks on the inside?

[laughs]

[unhinged laughter]

How-how about you take the next shift, Nutty Buddy?

[unhinged laughter]

[Nutty Buddy] Man, I gotta make some new friends.

[closing theme playing]