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1
00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:37,202
Wow, dinner smells great, Lois.
What'd you make?
2
00:00:37,279 --> 00:00:39,763
Nothing. I just defrosted
one of the casseroles
3
00:00:39,765 --> 00:00:42,541
Bonnie left on our porch
after my foot got infected.
4
00:00:42,618 --> 00:00:45,952
Most of our meals are donated
stews born of trauma.
5
00:00:46,029 --> 00:00:47,437
Well, I had a scary day.
6
00:00:47,439 --> 00:00:50,049
During my science lab,
a whole beaker of chemicals
7
00:00:50,125 --> 00:00:52,200
almost blew up right in my face.
8
00:00:52,278 --> 00:00:53,610
My God!
9
00:00:53,612 --> 00:00:55,888
Look at this peanut.
It's got three peanuts in it.
10
00:00:55,964 --> 00:00:58,298
Peter, stop bringing
snack foods to dinner.
11
00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:00,117
How was everyone else's day?
12
00:01:00,119 --> 00:01:02,286
My day was awful!
13
00:01:02,288 --> 00:01:03,729
I had to give
an oral book report
14
00:01:03,806 --> 00:01:04,966
in front of my English class,
15
00:01:05,048 --> 00:01:08,642
but it was right when I...
was at full mast.
16
00:01:08,718 --> 00:01:10,718
Okay, next up is Chris Griffin.
17
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,990
My report is on Tom Sawyer.
18
00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:25,976
"A modern-day warrior,
19
00:01:25,978 --> 00:01:27,753
"mean, mean stride,
20
00:01:27,830 --> 00:01:29,571
"today's Tom Sawyer,
21
00:01:29,648 --> 00:01:31,090
mean, mean pride."
22
00:01:31,166 --> 00:01:32,591
That is a song by Rush.
23
00:01:32,668 --> 00:01:36,153
I don't know, man, I googled it,
and that's what came up.
24
00:01:36,155 --> 00:01:37,930
Well, as much as I'd love
to sit and hear more
25
00:01:38,006 --> 00:01:39,765
about my son's public wood show,
26
00:01:39,842 --> 00:01:41,174
me and the guys have a tee time.
27
00:01:41,251 --> 00:01:43,327
A tee time? But it's dark out.
28
00:01:43,329 --> 00:01:44,937
Miniature golf, Lois.
29
00:01:45,013 --> 00:01:46,254
And it's gonna be a blast.
30
00:01:46,332 --> 00:01:48,148
Even more fun than a Blow Pop.
31
00:01:49,017 --> 00:01:50,851
I never should've married it.
32
00:01:50,927 --> 00:01:53,445
Once they say "I do,"
they don't.
33
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,342
Man, nothing better
34
00:01:58,344 --> 00:02:00,602
than hanging out with my pals
on a Tuesday night.
35
00:02:00,604 --> 00:02:03,622
Hey, why... how come we always
do stuff together on Tuesdays?
36
00:02:03,699 --> 00:02:06,608
It's when America unloads
all its week-old tacos.
37
00:02:06,685 --> 00:02:09,353
Sure, Congress can push
through "Taco Tuesday,"
38
00:02:09,355 --> 00:02:11,613
but we can't seem to get
decent Medicare reform.
39
00:02:11,690 --> 00:02:13,357
Those two things are
unrelated, Joe.
40
00:02:13,359 --> 00:02:15,551
Says the shill for Big Taco.
41
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,365
Should've played through
that birthday party.
42
00:02:21,367 --> 00:02:23,058
They're playing way too slow.
43
00:02:24,553 --> 00:02:27,512
Could we please have
some quiet on the greens?
44
00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:37,381
Whoa, Chris, what's going on?
Where are you going?
45
00:02:37,383 --> 00:02:39,324
I can't take the humiliation.
46
00:02:39,401 --> 00:02:42,719
I think my only option is
to move away forever.
47
00:02:42,721 --> 00:02:45,405
What? Wh... Is this about what
happened with your book report?
48
00:02:45,482 --> 00:02:47,407
The teasing was awful, Brian.
49
00:02:47,484 --> 00:02:49,817
Even Principal Shepherd
got in on it.
50
00:02:49,895 --> 00:02:51,061
Chris Griffin,
51
00:02:51,063 --> 00:02:53,154
please report to woodshop.
52
00:02:53,232 --> 00:02:55,007
Stop it.
53
00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:57,250
I'll stop
when they stop laughing.
54
00:02:57,327 --> 00:02:59,252
My approval rating
is through the roof.
55
00:02:59,329 --> 00:03:01,254
Just like Chris Griffin's rod.
56
00:03:02,832 --> 00:03:06,685
On a more somber note,
that kid with the helmet die.
57
00:03:06,762 --> 00:03:09,079
Chris, you can't just run away
from your problems.
58
00:03:09,081 --> 00:03:11,915
Well, I can't just move on
and pretend nothing happened.
59
00:03:11,917 --> 00:03:13,917
This isn't a school shooting.
60
00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:15,919
Okay, I see you're upset.
61
00:03:15,921 --> 00:03:19,031
And I wouldn't suggest this
if it weren't so serious, but...
62
00:03:19,107 --> 00:03:22,016
Look, Stewie and I
built a time machine.
63
00:03:22,094 --> 00:03:23,535
You did? How?
64
00:03:23,612 --> 00:03:25,779
Well, you know, I was always
really good at Legos,
65
00:03:25,855 --> 00:03:27,764
and I-I think it just kind of
snowballed from there.
66
00:03:27,766 --> 00:03:31,268
You know, if I have any advice,
it's keep building, Chris.
67
00:03:31,270 --> 00:03:32,769
Keep building.
68
00:03:32,788 --> 00:03:35,956
Anyway, maybe you and I travel
back in time to this morning
69
00:03:36,032 --> 00:03:37,941
and give you a do-over
on your book report.
70
00:03:37,943 --> 00:03:39,701
That would be amazing.
71
00:03:39,778 --> 00:03:41,053
Did Rupert come this way?
72
00:03:41,129 --> 00:03:43,055
Son of bitch killed his wife
and he's blaming
73
00:03:43,131 --> 00:03:44,389
an eight-armed man.
74
00:03:44,466 --> 00:03:46,558
Brian's gonna let me use
his time machine
75
00:03:46,635 --> 00:03:49,728
- to re-do my book report.
- Is that right?
76
00:03:49,805 --> 00:03:53,065
And how exactly
is Brian going to do that?
77
00:03:53,141 --> 00:03:55,717
- With his time machine?
- Hey, I handed you a wrench.
78
00:03:55,794 --> 00:03:58,737
Yeah, the wrong wrench.
Just stay away from it.
79
00:04:04,894 --> 00:04:06,411
Hey, guys, you know
what might be fun?
80
00:04:06,488 --> 00:04:07,412
We should all pool our money
81
00:04:07,489 --> 00:04:09,473
and buy some
scratchers together.
82
00:04:09,475 --> 00:04:11,491
- I love that idea.
- Yeah, it'd be a great way
83
00:04:11,568 --> 00:04:13,326
to cap off
our Tuesday Guys' Night.
84
00:04:13,328 --> 00:04:16,255
Speaking of that, we've got
a special on tacos today.
85
00:04:16,331 --> 00:04:19,316
Let's keep your politics
out of this, pal.
86
00:04:19,318 --> 00:04:21,485
You guys go ahead.
I'd rather spend my money
87
00:04:21,487 --> 00:04:23,987
on this tightly-curled
horoscope scroll.
88
00:04:23,989 --> 00:04:26,006
Suit yourself.
89
00:04:26,082 --> 00:04:28,392
Here we go, winning combo.
90
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,994
Kim Kardashian...
91
00:04:30,996 --> 00:04:33,272
Khloé Kardashian...
92
00:04:33,348 --> 00:04:34,439
Scott Disick.
93
00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:37,834
I'll try my favorite,
Dignity Dollars.
94
00:04:37,836 --> 00:04:40,003
Martin Luther King...
95
00:04:40,005 --> 00:04:41,688
Malcolm X...
96
00:04:41,765 --> 00:04:44,116
Aww. Jussie Smollett.
97
00:04:44,192 --> 00:04:47,527
Let me show you how it's done.
Give me one of the Bald Bucks.
98
00:04:47,604 --> 00:04:49,679
Piven...
99
00:04:49,681 --> 00:04:51,681
Travolta...
100
00:04:51,683 --> 00:04:52,849
Cage.
101
00:04:52,851 --> 00:04:54,442
- I'm a winner!
- Awesome.
102
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,186
We won $123.
103
00:04:56,188 --> 00:04:58,688
Split three ways,
that's 41 bucks apiece.
104
00:04:58,690 --> 00:05:01,358
That's fine. I'm happy
with my horoscope scroll.
105
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,969
"Be sure to gamble today
with your handicapped,
106
00:05:04,046 --> 00:05:05,545
horny and Black friend."
107
00:05:05,622 --> 00:05:07,881
That-that could mean anything.
108
00:05:07,957 --> 00:05:09,624
"Also, close your search tabs
109
00:05:09,701 --> 00:05:12,144
before your big work
presentation tomorrow."
110
00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:14,146
Bunch of mumbo jumbo.
111
00:05:14,222 --> 00:05:16,706
As you can see,
third-quarter sales...
112
00:05:16,708 --> 00:05:18,725
Oop, sorry about that.
113
00:05:18,802 --> 00:05:20,968
Yeah, let me just...
114
00:05:21,046 --> 00:05:22,821
Okay, I-I don't know
how that...
115
00:05:22,898 --> 00:05:24,731
Just give me
one second here.
116
00:05:24,808 --> 00:05:27,901
A-As I was saying,
third-quarter...
117
00:05:27,977 --> 00:05:30,220
I apologize
for the slight...
118
00:05:30,222 --> 00:05:33,815
A mini-mart scroll warned
of this. I'll clean out my desk.
119
00:05:50,242 --> 00:05:51,741
I don't know, Brian.
120
00:05:51,743 --> 00:05:54,244
Stewie said to stay away
from the time machine.
121
00:05:54,246 --> 00:05:55,837
Don't worry about Stewie.
122
00:05:55,914 --> 00:06:00,341
Okay, just put in today's date,
set the time and go.
123
00:06:00,419 --> 00:06:01,768
DNA mismatch.
124
00:06:01,845 --> 00:06:03,528
Enter secondary voice password
125
00:06:03,605 --> 00:06:06,347
within 20 seconds
to prevent self-destruct.
126
00:06:06,425 --> 00:06:08,441
Crap. Secondary password?
127
00:06:08,518 --> 00:06:09,442
Self-destruct?
128
00:06:09,444 --> 00:06:10,944
Wait, wait, wait. I got this.
129
00:06:11,096 --> 00:06:12,929
Zac Efron.
130
00:06:12,931 --> 00:06:14,873
Um, Susan Lucci.
131
00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:16,950
Dora. Diego.
Gold's Gym.
132
00:06:17,026 --> 00:06:18,952
- Mykonos.
- I-I know, I know.
133
00:06:19,028 --> 00:06:21,028
Fabulous. Fab. Totally fab.
134
00:06:21,106 --> 00:06:22,381
Go, bitch.
135
00:06:22,457 --> 00:06:24,624
Whatever, bitch.
Love you, bitch.
136
00:06:24,701 --> 00:06:25,625
Um, yes, queen.
137
00:06:25,777 --> 00:06:27,110
Yas, queen.
138
00:06:27,112 --> 00:06:30,889
Y-Yas, queen.
139
00:06:51,987 --> 00:06:55,247
Hey. Hey.
140
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,624
Hey. Did you see that?
141
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,318
Check it out, Chris.
142
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,154
Welcome to 16 hours ago.
143
00:07:11,156 --> 00:07:13,915
So, how does it feel
to be living in the past?
144
00:07:13,992 --> 00:07:16,935
Wow. Look how small
that tree is.
145
00:07:17,012 --> 00:07:18,845
And how old all those cars look.
146
00:07:18,922 --> 00:07:20,346
Yeah, there's gonna be a lot
147
00:07:20,423 --> 00:07:21,923
of very small differences
like that.
148
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,684
Hold on, I-I thought we were
gonna time travel to my school,
149
00:07:24,761 --> 00:07:25,777
not to our house.
150
00:07:25,854 --> 00:07:27,187
Yeah, I just plugged in
151
00:07:27,263 --> 00:07:28,447
what was on the tag
on my collar.
152
00:07:28,523 --> 00:07:30,449
That's the only address I know.
153
00:07:30,525 --> 00:07:32,192
Wait a minute,
this could be amazing.
154
00:07:32,268 --> 00:07:34,119
We got a few hours
before your book report.
155
00:07:34,196 --> 00:07:36,346
And with a day's advantage,
we can use that time
156
00:07:36,348 --> 00:07:38,940
to bet on sports,
already knowing the outcome.
157
00:07:39,017 --> 00:07:40,459
My gosh, you're right.
158
00:07:40,535 --> 00:07:41,851
Okay, hang on, hang on, hang on.
159
00:07:41,853 --> 00:07:44,020
Here we go. WNBA.
160
00:07:44,022 --> 00:07:45,613
There's a Mystics-Sparks game
today.
161
00:07:45,691 --> 00:07:47,023
Remember who won that?
162
00:07:47,025 --> 00:07:48,967
I don't even know
what city they're from.
163
00:07:49,044 --> 00:07:50,694
Which one has Caitlin Clark?
164
00:07:50,696 --> 00:07:52,195
I-I don't know.
165
00:07:52,197 --> 00:07:54,380
Both of them? Neither?
166
00:07:54,457 --> 00:07:56,700
Man, she's the best, maybe.
167
00:08:00,889 --> 00:08:02,314
Hey, Cleveland.
You look different.
168
00:08:02,390 --> 00:08:04,374
Yeah, with my scratcher
winnings,
169
00:08:04,376 --> 00:08:06,651
I was able to buy
$41 of Ozempic.
170
00:08:06,728 --> 00:08:09,821
Donna thinks I'm starting
to look like skinny Jonah Hill.
171
00:08:09,898 --> 00:08:11,656
And just like Jonah Hill,
I can't wait
172
00:08:11,733 --> 00:08:14,901
to be an aggressively unstable
relationship partner.
173
00:08:14,978 --> 00:08:17,737
I see. Must be nice
to have money to burn.
174
00:08:17,814 --> 00:08:18,888
I wouldn't know.
175
00:08:18,890 --> 00:08:20,165
Say, guys, I forget,
176
00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:24,060
how many people does it take
to make a thing go right?
177
00:08:26,898 --> 00:08:28,823
I think you knew the answer.
178
00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:30,583
Thanks to those
lucky scratchers,
179
00:08:30,736 --> 00:08:33,920
I just bought Now That'sWhat I Call Music! volume 12.
180
00:08:33,997 --> 00:08:36,906
Game, cassette, match.
181
00:08:36,908 --> 00:08:38,408
Hey, check it out, guys,
182
00:08:38,426 --> 00:08:40,334
I turned those winning
scratchers into a new belt.
183
00:08:40,412 --> 00:08:42,503
TJ Maxx was having a sale
on everything
184
00:08:42,581 --> 00:08:44,581
- that's strewn on the floor.
- Great.
185
00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:47,267
Seems like everybody's really
enjoying their big winnings.
186
00:08:48,603 --> 00:08:52,179
You can't wear that shirt
because of my therapy.
187
00:08:52,257 --> 00:08:56,368
I got her right under
my pudgy, nonthreatening thumb.
188
00:09:01,116 --> 00:09:03,266
Okay, it's almost time
for your English class.
189
00:09:03,268 --> 00:09:05,210
We just have to head off
your past self
190
00:09:05,287 --> 00:09:07,287
so you can give
the book report instead.
191
00:09:07,363 --> 00:09:09,122
Sounds good. Whoa, I guess
192
00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:12,425
if I have anything to say
to Derek, I should say it now.
193
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,559
I have nothing to say to Derek.
194
00:09:20,635 --> 00:09:22,102
Here I come.
195
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,289
Chris, you can't go in there.
196
00:09:26,291 --> 00:09:29,526
Brian, what are you doing here?
197
00:09:30,979 --> 00:09:33,220
Are you me?
198
00:09:33,298 --> 00:09:35,389
Look, there's not much time.
We're from the future.
199
00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:36,891
Well, your future, our present.
200
00:09:36,968 --> 00:09:38,318
Let me stop you right there.
201
00:09:38,394 --> 00:09:40,987
I am 100% fine
with whatever this is.
202
00:09:41,064 --> 00:09:43,081
I just go where I'm told.
203
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,418
Okay, Chris, get in there
and make this
204
00:09:46,494 --> 00:09:48,494
the flaccid-est report
of your life.
205
00:09:48,571 --> 00:09:51,131
I won't let you down.
206
00:09:51,166 --> 00:09:53,149
Just in time, Chris. You're up.
207
00:09:53,151 --> 00:09:55,485
Not today I'm not.
208
00:09:55,487 --> 00:09:59,246
Hello, peers. This is my report
on the book Tom Sawyer.
209
00:09:59,324 --> 00:10:01,507
The cover shows a kid
painting a fence.
210
00:10:01,584 --> 00:10:05,011
And inside it is paper,
which is made from trees.
211
00:10:05,163 --> 00:10:07,421
- The end.
- - Chris, I may have to fail you.
212
00:10:07,499 --> 00:10:10,108
Well, that's all good,
'cause the only chub in town
213
00:10:10,185 --> 00:10:12,852
is the insurance company. Kobe!
214
00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:19,117
Quagmire, I see you're wearing
a brown belt today.
215
00:10:19,194 --> 00:10:20,935
Did you buy another one?
216
00:10:21,012 --> 00:10:23,012
Nope, same belt. Reversible.
217
00:10:23,014 --> 00:10:25,365
That just blew my damn mind.
218
00:10:25,441 --> 00:10:27,684
Belts are reversible,
men are becoming women,
219
00:10:27,686 --> 00:10:30,277
I'm kind of getting into it,
what's this world coming to?
220
00:10:30,355 --> 00:10:31,855
Evening, gentlemen.
Thought I'd offer
221
00:10:31,857 --> 00:10:35,358
some celebratory popcorn shrimp
for the big scratcher winners.
222
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:36,301
Wow, no way!
223
00:10:36,378 --> 00:10:38,136
That's the appetizer
in commercials
224
00:10:38,287 --> 00:10:40,121
most likely to fly
through the air.
225
00:10:40,198 --> 00:10:43,308
Any food that's airborne
on television is very special.
226
00:10:48,373 --> 00:10:50,482
Peter, come on, have some.
227
00:10:50,558 --> 00:10:54,043
I understood the shrimp to be
exclusively for winners.
228
00:10:54,045 --> 00:10:55,320
Damn it! It's not fair.
229
00:10:55,397 --> 00:10:57,989
I got to find a way to have
what they have.
230
00:11:00,552 --> 00:11:03,144
Okay, suction cups.
Pulley system.
231
00:11:03,221 --> 00:11:05,889
Carabiners. Rope. Ski mask.
232
00:11:05,891 --> 00:11:08,208
A bat.
233
00:11:15,567 --> 00:11:18,659
I-I don't understand
the crossword ones.
234
00:11:22,331 --> 00:11:23,756
Well, Chris,
probably time to head home.
235
00:11:23,833 --> 00:11:25,758
And congrats again
on a successful,
236
00:11:25,835 --> 00:11:27,168
non-turgid book report.
237
00:11:27,245 --> 00:11:29,646
Please stop saying
gross smart words.
238
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:38,679
Hey... is,
239
00:11:38,757 --> 00:11:40,423
is there maybe something
you guys want to tell me?
240
00:11:40,425 --> 00:11:43,426
Yeah. Did you know there was
a WNBA game yesterday
241
00:11:43,428 --> 00:11:45,352
between the Mystics
and the Sparks?
242
00:11:45,430 --> 00:11:46,596
Yes, of course.
243
00:11:46,598 --> 00:11:48,781
The Mystics crushed
the Sparks by 26 points.
244
00:11:48,858 --> 00:11:49,949
Aw...
245
00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:52,101
Yeah, huge upset.
Vegas had it all wrong.
246
00:11:52,103 --> 00:11:53,436
Aw!
247
00:11:53,438 --> 00:11:55,196
Listen, I know
you're probably mad
248
00:11:55,273 --> 00:11:56,697
we took the time machine
without asking,
249
00:11:56,699 --> 00:11:58,942
but, trust me,
there's nothing to worry about.
250
00:11:58,944 --> 00:12:00,468
You sure about that?
251
00:12:03,782 --> 00:12:05,465
Sorry, little guy.
252
00:12:05,541 --> 00:12:08,284
Mom thinks it'll help
the swelling from the burns
253
00:12:08,286 --> 00:12:11,621
if I put some of your
diaper cream on my face.
254
00:12:11,623 --> 00:12:13,289
Looks like Brianand Chris kicked up
255
00:12:13,291 --> 00:12:16,383
a little more than dust
on their mosey back in time.
256
00:12:16,461 --> 00:12:19,812
Now, please consider
these fine commercial products.
257
00:12:19,889 --> 00:12:20,980
Whip sound effect.
258
00:12:21,057 --> 00:12:22,148
Yeah, he probably wasn't
supposed to read
259
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:23,466
that last part.
260
00:12:23,468 --> 00:12:24,788
Yeah. There, you see?
There it is.
261
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,585
Holy crap! What happened?
262
00:12:33,661 --> 00:12:35,995
We-we didn't even see Meg
in the past.
263
00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:37,072
Well, Brian...
264
00:12:38,149 --> 00:12:40,407
I would surmise that
in the original timeline,
265
00:12:40,485 --> 00:12:43,319
the laughter at Chris
emanating from his classroom
266
00:12:43,321 --> 00:12:45,096
created a distraction...
267
00:12:45,173 --> 00:12:47,766
So by turning her head
slightly to investigate,
268
00:12:47,842 --> 00:12:50,417
Meg kept her face from being
directly over the explosion.
269
00:12:50,495 --> 00:12:53,496
But in a timeline
where Chris was unaroused...
270
00:12:54,423 --> 00:12:56,349
the distracting laughter
was absent.
271
00:12:56,425 --> 00:12:59,927
Come on! Not one bag of pot
in any of these things?
272
00:13:00,522 --> 00:13:03,264
So with no noise
coming from Chris's classroo,
273
00:13:03,341 --> 00:13:05,283
Meg never turned her head away,
274
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:06,767
ensuring that her face
would absorb
275
00:13:06,845 --> 00:13:08,125
the full brunt of the explosion.
276
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,865
It's a weird word. "Brunt."
Such a dumb language.
277
00:13:12,942 --> 00:13:16,035
I feel horrible.
We got to fix this.
278
00:13:16,037 --> 00:13:17,520
That's exactly what
we're going to do.
279
00:13:17,522 --> 00:13:20,523
This is bad.
Did-did anything else change?
280
00:13:20,525 --> 00:13:22,449
One thing.
Lois bought popsicles for Meg
281
00:13:22,527 --> 00:13:24,385
since that's
all she can eat now.
282
00:13:28,366 --> 00:13:30,642
So good. What's yours?
283
00:13:30,718 --> 00:13:32,552
- Apple.
- Aw, there's apple?
284
00:13:32,628 --> 00:13:34,187
I thought that was lime.
285
00:13:35,131 --> 00:13:36,630
But we should...
286
00:13:36,708 --> 00:13:39,876
we should go fix
the Meg-burned-face thing,
287
00:13:39,878 --> 00:13:41,302
though, right?
288
00:13:41,379 --> 00:13:42,970
Yeah, yeah. All right.
289
00:13:43,048 --> 00:13:44,471
Hey, you guys.
290
00:13:44,549 --> 00:13:47,450
I also got ice cream
sandwiches for Meg.
291
00:13:48,887 --> 00:13:50,903
It's a time machine.
We can leave whenever we want.
292
00:13:50,980 --> 00:13:52,738
I mean, we make the schedule.
293
00:13:52,815 --> 00:13:54,057
Yeah. Like, literally.
294
00:13:59,822 --> 00:14:01,564
Jon Hamm.
295
00:14:01,566 --> 00:14:03,174
Arnold Palmer.
296
00:14:03,251 --> 00:14:05,068
The third one's just a mirror.
297
00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:07,345
Wait a minute.
298
00:14:07,422 --> 00:14:08,847
Scratcher!
299
00:14:08,923 --> 00:14:10,756
Peter? It's the middle
of the night.
300
00:14:10,833 --> 00:14:12,183
What the hell are you doing?
301
00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:15,244
- ... having an affair?
- What? With who?
302
00:14:15,246 --> 00:14:17,397
You-you don't know her.
Her-her name is...
303
00:14:19,675 --> 00:14:21,175
Sandy Shoes.
304
00:14:21,252 --> 00:14:23,194
Peter, are you just looking
at stuff in the car
305
00:14:23,271 --> 00:14:24,362
and making up lies?
306
00:14:24,439 --> 00:14:26,589
Lois, that is completely
speedometer.
307
00:14:26,591 --> 00:14:28,533
Look, I don't know
what any of this is,
308
00:14:28,610 --> 00:14:30,517
but just don't turn on
the bathroom light
309
00:14:30,595 --> 00:14:31,703
when you come to bed.
310
00:14:31,779 --> 00:14:33,520
Okay, tha-thank you.
311
00:14:33,598 --> 00:14:36,040
Th-Thanks for no more questions,
love you.
312
00:14:37,619 --> 00:14:40,027
Mr. Griffin,
you're under arrest for...
313
00:14:40,105 --> 00:14:41,954
I know, I know.
How'd you find me?
314
00:14:42,031 --> 00:14:44,382
The store security camera
caught you checking your height
315
00:14:44,459 --> 00:14:46,033
against the doorjamb sticker.
316
00:14:46,111 --> 00:14:47,460
I'm afraid I'm shrinking.
317
00:14:47,536 --> 00:14:49,721
We're gonna measure again
at the jail, though, right?
318
00:14:55,620 --> 00:14:58,137
All right, we're back at the day
of Chris's book report.
319
00:14:58,214 --> 00:15:00,806
To save Meg's face,
we just have to do two things.
320
00:15:00,883 --> 00:15:02,291
First, we lock up the Chris
321
00:15:02,293 --> 00:15:04,551
who successfully gave his report
without incident.
322
00:15:04,629 --> 00:15:07,388
- Flaccid Chris.
- Yes. Ew, ew, gross, but yes.
323
00:15:07,465 --> 00:15:09,890
And then we restore the laughter
that will distract Meg
324
00:15:09,968 --> 00:15:13,152
by releasing the original Chris
from the custodial closet...
325
00:15:13,229 --> 00:15:14,804
Turgid Chris.
326
00:15:14,806 --> 00:15:16,706
You think you're clever,
but you're not clever.
327
00:15:19,310 --> 00:15:21,144
Look, there's Flaccid me.
328
00:15:21,146 --> 00:15:23,713
Happy? Now your crudeness is
a whole thing.
329
00:15:25,408 --> 00:15:27,316
Okay, gonna stop you
right there, bud.
330
00:15:27,318 --> 00:15:29,485
Stewie? Aw, crap, this
can't be good.
331
00:15:29,487 --> 00:15:31,578
Hey, Chris,
we're gonna need you to...
332
00:15:33,158 --> 00:15:35,658
- Stewie, we've got a problem.
- What? What's wrong?
333
00:15:35,660 --> 00:15:37,510
It seems that, given even
a few minutes alone
334
00:15:37,586 --> 00:15:42,165
in a locked closet, Chris...
took matters into his own hands.
335
00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:43,942
- What?
- Yeah, he's in there sleeping
336
00:15:44,018 --> 00:15:45,944
and muttering about
Lola Bunny from Space Jam.
337
00:15:46,020 --> 00:15:49,113
- Who's that?
- A smoking hot rabbit.
338
00:15:50,599 --> 00:15:53,176
Okay, I didn't get it when
you said it, but now I get it.
339
00:15:53,178 --> 00:15:55,602
- So, what do we do now?
- Don't worry. I've got this.
340
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:57,455
Chris, your book report
is back on.
341
00:15:57,532 --> 00:16:00,366
But... this time you've got
to do it at full mast.
342
00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:02,609
Yeah, um, one small issue
with that:
343
00:16:02,687 --> 00:16:04,462
during the time
you two were yakking
344
00:16:04,539 --> 00:16:07,707
about how the me in the closet
just masturbated...
345
00:16:07,783 --> 00:16:09,709
I, too, masturbated.
346
00:16:09,785 --> 00:16:11,285
- What?!
- For God's sake.
347
00:16:11,362 --> 00:16:13,304
Damn it! We're running
out of time to save Meg.
348
00:16:13,381 --> 00:16:16,307
Chris, we've got less than
one minute to get you aroused.
349
00:16:16,384 --> 00:16:18,217
Um... okay.
350
00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:21,204
Close your eyes.
You're a 19th-century heiress,
351
00:16:21,206 --> 00:16:22,647
alone in her vast estate
352
00:16:22,724 --> 00:16:25,224
and awaiting a visit
from the handsome vicar,
353
00:16:25,301 --> 00:16:28,135
as her dear aunt has recently
passed from consumption...
354
00:16:28,213 --> 00:16:30,471
Yeah, that-that's nothing.
355
00:16:30,548 --> 00:16:32,306
Well, I'm not proud
356
00:16:32,383 --> 00:16:34,233
of what I'm about
to say here, but...
357
00:16:34,310 --> 00:16:35,718
go to YouTube and type in,
358
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:39,572
"Brazilian Women's Olympic
Volleyball Team Practice."
359
00:16:39,648 --> 00:16:43,392
They're all speaking Spanish.
Is that part of it for you?
360
00:16:43,394 --> 00:16:46,412
- Portuguese, but yes.
- You guys, you guys, stop.
361
00:16:46,489 --> 00:16:47,563
I'll just type in
362
00:16:47,565 --> 00:16:49,823
"Lauren Boebert
mutual groping vaping
363
00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:51,067
in public Beetlejuice."
364
00:16:51,069 --> 00:16:54,012
You kind of sexy liar.
365
00:16:56,832 --> 00:16:58,391
I'm ready.
366
00:17:01,504 --> 00:17:03,021
He's a good kid.
I'm proud of him.
367
00:17:07,919 --> 00:17:08,860
What's everyone laughing about?
368
00:17:08,936 --> 00:17:10,936
Which one is Derek's locker?
369
00:17:11,013 --> 00:17:13,422
He can't find
his anti-seizure medicine.
370
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:22,114
Hey, just so you know,
I can eat 50 eggs.
371
00:17:22,267 --> 00:17:24,375
You already told me
that four times.
372
00:17:24,452 --> 00:17:27,211
Okay, well, 50 sometimes
sounds like 15,
373
00:17:27,288 --> 00:17:29,797
so I just wanted to make sure
you were properly impressed.
374
00:17:30,866 --> 00:17:32,366
What are you guys
doing here?
375
00:17:32,368 --> 00:17:34,277
Ain't you all
too good for me now?
376
00:17:34,279 --> 00:17:35,961
Peter, we never felt that way.
377
00:17:36,038 --> 00:17:37,371
Yeah, we were
the ones who wanted you
378
00:17:37,448 --> 00:17:39,540
to buy scratchers with us
in the first place.
379
00:17:39,617 --> 00:17:41,801
That's why we've come
to bail you out.
380
00:17:41,877 --> 00:17:44,062
Bail me out? Seriously?
381
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:49,125
Look, I'm sorry
I overreacted, you guys.
382
00:17:49,127 --> 00:17:50,459
I think I was just frustrated
383
00:17:50,461 --> 00:17:52,219
about never actually
winning anything.
384
00:17:52,297 --> 00:17:53,887
Peter, of course
you're a winner.
385
00:17:53,965 --> 00:17:56,632
You've got a beautiful wife,
a family who loves you,
386
00:17:56,634 --> 00:17:58,150
and-and a bathroom window
387
00:17:58,227 --> 00:17:59,819
that's not as frosted
as you think.
388
00:17:59,895 --> 00:18:01,913
And you're white.
That's a big one.
389
00:18:02,031 --> 00:18:03,139
Yeah.
390
00:18:03,157 --> 00:18:04,731
My insulated experience
of the world
391
00:18:04,809 --> 00:18:05,991
always makes me forget that.
392
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,901
We pooled our last 15 dollars
393
00:18:07,979 --> 00:18:09,754
of scratcher winnings
to pay your fine.
394
00:18:09,831 --> 00:18:11,589
- 50 dollars?
- No, 15.
395
00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:13,999
See? This, that-that's,
396
00:18:14,076 --> 00:18:16,135
this is the thing
that I was saying.
397
00:18:22,677 --> 00:18:24,660
Man, you guys are the best.
398
00:18:24,662 --> 00:18:27,087
I hope you can forgive me
for acting so crazy.
399
00:18:27,165 --> 00:18:28,514
Of course we do, Peter.
400
00:18:28,591 --> 00:18:30,591
Wait a second.
You got me out of jail
401
00:18:30,668 --> 00:18:33,336
for only 15 dollars
after I committed a robbery?
402
00:18:33,354 --> 00:18:36,188
Well, I, pulled a few strings.
403
00:18:36,265 --> 00:18:38,691
Kind of an easy sell to
the Chief because you're white.
404
00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:42,511
See? There's that, there's
that thing that I was saying.
405
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,507
Are we for sure in the clear?
How's Meg?
406
00:18:55,209 --> 00:18:56,968
Mom, have you seen Meg?
407
00:18:57,044 --> 00:18:58,302
Yeah, she went to the store.
408
00:18:58,379 --> 00:18:59,862
Well, I'm sure she's fine.
409
00:18:59,864 --> 00:19:01,030
To pick up some ointment.
410
00:19:01,032 --> 00:19:02,715
For her vagina.
411
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,886
Bit of a journey,
but we got there.
412
00:19:06,962 --> 00:19:08,813
Listen, Stewie,
we never should've used
413
00:19:08,890 --> 00:19:10,389
your time machine
without telling you.
414
00:19:10,466 --> 00:19:12,466
Chris and I owe you an apology.
415
00:19:12,543 --> 00:19:13,709
It's fine, Brian.
416
00:19:13,711 --> 00:19:15,653
At least your heart was
in the right place.
417
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:19,548
Yeah, well, that's the thing.
I'm... I'm not sure it was.
418
00:19:19,550 --> 00:19:22,142
You see, Chris,
I never should've suggested
419
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,886
a do-over on your book report.
420
00:19:23,888 --> 00:19:25,404
What? Why not?
421
00:19:25,481 --> 00:19:28,240
Well, I realize now
that all the awkward,
422
00:19:28,317 --> 00:19:31,318
embarrassing, difficult
experiences in life are exactly
423
00:19:31,396 --> 00:19:33,654
what shape people
into interesting adults.
424
00:19:33,731 --> 00:19:35,173
You need these cringey moments.
425
00:19:35,249 --> 00:19:38,250
Because I know you have a very
interesting future ahead of you.
426
00:19:38,327 --> 00:19:40,419
- Thanks, Brian.
- You know what?
427
00:19:40,496 --> 00:19:42,013
Maybe let's put a pin in the hug
428
00:19:42,089 --> 00:19:44,256
until that book report pistol's
back in its holster.
429
00:19:44,333 --> 00:19:46,333
That could just be
time-travel-related.
430
00:19:46,411 --> 00:19:48,552
- From the reentry.
- R-Really?
431
00:19:48,629 --> 00:19:51,189
Yeah, you know how you can get
rando boners on airplanes?
432
00:19:51,265 --> 00:19:53,098
- It's like that.
- That's right.
433
00:19:53,175 --> 00:19:54,767
The first person
it ever happened to
434
00:19:54,843 --> 00:19:56,101
was Charles Lindbergh.
435
00:19:56,178 --> 00:19:58,178
Here's Lucky Lindbergh landig
436
00:19:58,256 --> 00:19:59,422
in the City of Lights.
437
00:19:59,424 --> 00:20:01,515
And like all great pilots,
438
00:20:01,592 --> 00:20:02,867
he's emerged from the cockpit
439
00:20:02,944 --> 00:20:05,703
with a Betty Boop beach towel
around his waist.
440
00:20:05,780 --> 00:20:07,263
I am perfectly limp,
441
00:20:07,265 --> 00:20:09,707
and what the Nazis do is
an internal matter.
442
00:20:15,773 --> 00:20:17,215
What's going on, guys?
443
00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:19,866
It's me, Corey,
with After the "Guy."
444
00:20:19,944 --> 00:20:21,293
We've only got a minute
to break down
445
00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:23,387
all the best guy moments
from this week.
446
00:20:23,464 --> 00:20:27,116
And, as always, we're brought
to you by too many sponsors.
447
00:20:27,118 --> 00:20:29,301
Peter, what did you think
of the episode?
448
00:20:29,378 --> 00:20:31,729
Well, Corey, I'd say most of it
was freaking sweet,
449
00:20:31,806 --> 00:20:33,880
just like squeezable
Smucker's jelly,
450
00:20:33,958 --> 00:20:35,291
now with a spillproof top.
451
00:20:35,309 --> 00:20:37,050
And even if there was
a plot hole or two,
452
00:20:37,128 --> 00:20:38,552
they're no match for Flex Tape.
453
00:20:38,629 --> 00:20:40,980
Stick it in a drawer,
forget you have it,
454
00:20:41,056 --> 00:20:42,631
then buy it again
three years later.
455
00:20:42,633 --> 00:20:46,244
Okay, question for Stewie.
"Who can understand the baby?"
456
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,746
Okay, as I've explained for
the last six of these, Corey...
457
00:20:48,897 --> 00:20:52,324
He-he had to leave.
He's boxing Jake Paul tonight.
458
00:20:52,401 --> 00:20:54,810
Closing credits
under theme song.
459
00:20:54,812 --> 00:20:58,330
Is there a way to highlight
just the words he has to say?
460
00:20:58,407 --> 00:21:00,741
>>>>oakislandtk<<<<<
www.opensubtitles.org34863
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