Original subtitles

♪ ♪

(rooster crows)

(man) New from Wraith Babes,

the hottest girls in the nastiest situations.

(music plays)

(motor whirring)

(man) Let's play Bothergut...

Let's play Botherguts!

Yeah!

Hey, come on! Three. Two. One. Go!

(laughing)

- Cacker-rum-bum! - (laughing)

(laughing)

(stomach rumbling)

You're hungry? That's a first, eh?

Come on!

That'll hurt!

Oh, brilliant!

That's fucking brilliant that.

(beeping, clunk)

(beeping, no clunk)

That one does that sometimes. Hang on.

There's a little knob in here somewhere.

Almost the only real thing in there and even that's

grown in a Petri dish.

Thank you.

(violin music)

(man breathing heavily)

My God.

(girls moaning)

(Girl 1) Mmm, lickey licking.

(Girl 2) Oh!

Oh, for Christ's sake!

Way to mood kill, Blubber Not!

Cheers for the reflection!

One minute I'm in Slitsville,

the next there's a haunted pig gawping at me!

They may as well have cut to a war crime! Ah!

Oi!

You missed a bit. (laughs)

Pie ape! (laughs)

Did you see that?

Fucking pie ape!

(loud coughing)

Ha-hoo!

He'll be in lemon an' all before long.

(gun shots)

(announcer) Selma Telse!

♪ Destination ♪

Howie Mandelbrot.

♪ All ♪

Toy Soldiers.

♪ ♪

♪ Make it worth... ♪

(announcer) Each headlines their own tempo content on one

of your eight daylight streams.

But they started here, like you,

putting their back into giving back for a brighter now.

Each paying their dues like you,

hoping to become a Hot Shot.

♪ Pushing through the darkness ♪

♪ Still another mile ♪

That wasn't good.

That was beyond incredible!

(cheering)

Yes! Wow!

You decide the victors. You control their fate.

You make the call on Hot Shot.

New from Wraith Babes,

the hottest girls in the nastiest situations.

Select view.

(woman) Resume viewing.

(keeps repeating, with high pitched tone in background)

(music and moaning girls)

You are going to see it all.

(man) Exclusively on Wraith Babes Xl.

Hey, what else were you planning to do with that hand?

(girl) Lickey licking.

(moaning)

(woman 1) Hi, I'm Roxy. Hello.

(woman 2) Hi, I'm Evie.

♪ ♪

(rooster crows)

(woman) Didn't let him sign in. Told him to report to 22 down.

Told ya!

He's gone lemon, the lazy fuck.

What do you think?

It's a bit much.

Yeah.

(Selma Telse) The best thing about my new lifestyle?

Where do I start?

I love choosing my clothes, and I love gold.

I feel like it really expresses who I really am.

And I love looking over outside.

It's so beautiful sometimes

I just wish that everyone could see it.

Ooh, nice outfit! Suits ya!

(Selma Telse) Well, honesty is ruthless,

so I suppose it's just honesty.

Ruthless honesty.

(peeing)

♪ You can blame me, try to shame me, ♪

♪ Still I'll care for you ♪

♪ The world may think I'm foolish ♪

♪ They can't see you like I can ♪

♪ Oh, but anyone ♪

♪ Who knows what love is ♪

♪ Will understand ♪

Drying my hands.

Impressive.

(spits, farts)

Have fun, I mean on the...

(man) Hey, regular user, new from Wraith Babes,

the hottest girls in the nastiest situation. Select...

♪ ♪

Dick.

Detritus.

Sorry.

♪ Anyone ♪

♪ Who knows what love is ♪

♪ Will understand ♪

♪ To the... ♪

(loud music) (man) Selma Telse!

♪ Destination ♪

♪ All ♪

Howie Mandelbrot.

(mutes)

♪ Anyone ♪

♪ Who knows what love is ♪

♪ Will understand ♪

(beeping, no clunk)

Come on!

Wait, wait, there's a knack to it.

It'll take your fingers off.

Trust me.

Smart.

Bing Madsen.

Short for Bingham.

Abi Khan.

Short for Abi Khan.

You're a new person. I've not seen you.

I just went 21 last week.

I wanted to go to air down.

My sister's there but ... it was full apparently.

Proper fruit. It was worth the revs.

The most natural thing in there's probably

grown in a Petri dish.

Yeah. Worth it though.

Yeah, that's the right way around.

When you get the cheap, lardy gunk,

you end up having to pedal it off.

Then you want more sugar, then you're playing catch-up and...

I've...I've been there. It's a, it's a vicious circle.

Can't you just use that CBT app?

What's that?

This cognitive behavioural thing and it realigns your thinking

to pick healthy food.

Wisps you into it while you sleep.

Yeah, I should try that, yeah.

I liked your singing the other day.

I was trying to sing so no one could hear me pee.

I'm not Selma or anything.

You've got a phenomenal voice. It was the most beautiful song.

You think I'm being cheesy.

Right, I am being cheesy but it was beautiful so, you know?

Reality's cheesy sometimes.

Not often, admittedly, but now...

Yeah.

Well, thank you.

It's just noises though.

Noises in the right order.

Don't downplay. You're good.

The song's good.

It's old.

My mum used to sing it and she learnt it from her mum.

A hand-me-down.

Have you thought of trying out for Hot Shot?

Me?

Why not?

Singing in front of Judge Hope. I'd die.

Seriously, I'd be halfway to the afterlife come the chorus.

No, you'd walk it.

A) I wouldn't, and B) I don't have that clockage.

I mean, it's what, 12 mil just to enter?

What kind of bike time is that, six months?

Yeah, but... You know what, I'm hand-to-mouth.

I know people save and starve to get on to that stage.

I know that's what Selma did.

Yeah, but... But, you know what, I'd rather not kid myself.

Yeah, but I'll gift it to you.

The full 12, I'll gift it.

Don't be ridiculous.

Seriously, I've got spare.

You've got 12 mill spare?

Well, my brother left it me.

Own a channel, does he?

No, he ... he died.

He ... he died last year so it got transferred to me.

Just over six months' worth, but I've kept it.

Why don't you spend it on you then?

And buy what, some new shoes for my dopple to wear?

I don't know, upgrade your MOS.

Or get a Fat Acts season pass.

Buy one of those wall buddies, the new ones.

They talk to you after shut in and solve your problems.

They guide your dreams like gurus.

It's amazing actually what they can do.

Yeah, a mirror plug-in that shows me how

I look as a werewolf. What's the point?

No, it can be quite fun.

That's all just stuff. It's...

...it's stuff, it's confetti, it's...

You've got something real.

What better to spend it on?

You heard me singing in a toilet.

Is that real?

More than anything that's happened all year.

I can't take that kind of clockage off someone.

It's 12 mill. There's no way.

Let me do this. Hmm?

Well, I... look around here. I just...

I just want something real to happen.

Just once.

I'd mess up.

You wouldn't and I don't care anyway.

I'll go with you. No, better, I'll force you...

I'll force you to go.

It's tomorrow.

Come on.

Say yes.

I'll go as far as to say okay.

This proves acceptable.

Thank God for that.

Walking away now ... you loon.

I can live with it.

Yeah, I'd love to fucking ruin that an' all.

What?

15.

Flipping joke.

New from Wraith Babes,

the hottest girls in the nastiest situations.

(loud moaning)

I can't believe I'm doing this!

I am doing this.

I can't be doing this. Can you trade it back?

The ticket? Don't be mad.

It's a lot of pressure to put someone under, you know.

I mean, I'm grateful, don't think I'm not grateful,

but it's, it's just...

You're babbling.

I'm babbling.

I made you this.

You never get to keep them more than a day,

but there it is anyway.

It folds flat so you can keep him in your waistband.

Thank you.

It's, you know, something.

Mmm.

♪ ♪

Face the screen, please.

And is he your friends and family allocation?

Yeah.

Hand, please.

Ah!

That's not permanent, is it?

Oh no, two months max.

Round to the right and through the scanner.

(all doing voice exercises)

Where do we go now?

You wait here.

How long?

So, what do we do?

I don't know.

(girl) Ah.

Hey, hey! Fuck off!

What, with the dark hair?

Yeah, the pretty one.

Yep, okay.

Move.

They wanna preview you.

What?

Preview. Come on.

He's with me.

Hand.

Show me your hand.

Okay, you too.

That's not fair. She's new. That's not fair.

I don't pick the order.

I've waited here all week and she's just walked in!

Everyone will get seen eventually.

I don't pick the order!

But I'm a good singer! I can sing!

I'm a good singer I am!

Stand aside.

It's not fair!

It's not fair!

Next lot.

(woman) Stand there.

Would you like to be as big as Selma one day?

Um, yeah.

I, I, I mean, yeah, I suppose so.

Could you say that as a self-contained

sentence into that screen?

I guess I'd like to be as big as Selma one day.

(woman) Okay, proceed to stage area.

We're done?

Both performing?

Just her.

Okay. And what are you?

Singer.

Compliance.

No, thanks.

Yes, thanks! It's compulsory for all contestants.

And more to the point it'll stop you puking with nerves.

She's got to perform?

Well, uhm!

Look, just sip it! You'll be fine!

Oh.

Yeah, it's just a touch of light foam. It'll pass.

Well, make the most of it!

I mean, you can't get this stuff anywhere else!

You okay?

Yeah.

You okay?

Yeah, just...

I don't know, everything's a bit wider apart.

I'm fine.

Really?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Right, you're on.

(Judge Hope) A little closer, please.

A little closer.

Into the light, love.

(audience laughs)

And who are we looking at here?

Abi Khan.

What are you gonna do for us today, Abi?

I'm gonna sing.

Can you speak up, love?

We don't bite.

(audience laughs)

I'm going to sing.

Hey, would you mind lifting up your top for me?

Hey, can you take off your top?

I wanna check out those titties.

Woo-ho-ho-ho!

Come on, mucho ferranto.

Ah, no titties!

(booing)

She says she's here to sing.

(Judge Wraith) Ha, ha, ha. I gotta see those titties, though.

Come on, girl.

I mean, damn, ha, ha, ha, ha, you hot.

Please, just sing for us.

(music starts)

♪ You can blame me ♪

♪ Try to shame me ♪

♪ And still I'll care for you ♪

♪ You can run around ♪

♪ Even put me down ♪

♪ Still I'll be there for you ♪

♪ The world ♪

♪ May think I'm foolish ♪

♪ They can't see you like I can ♪

♪ Oh, but anyone ♪

♪ Who knows what love is ♪

♪ Will understand ♪

♪ I just feel so sorry ♪

♪ For the ones who pity me ♪

♪ 'Cause they just don't know ♪

♪ Oh, they don't know what happiness and love can be ♪

♪ I know, I know to ever let you go ♪

♪ Oh, is more than I could ever stand ♪

♪ Oh, but anyone ♪

♪ Who knows what love is ♪

♪ Will understand ♪

Okay, I'm gonna stop you there.

That was... without a doubt...

probably...

the best piece of singing we've had this season.

Yes! Well done!

(cheering)

Fair play.

But I have to say...

(crowd booing)

No...

No. No, no, no, I have to say,

actually I'm with Wraith on this one.

Good though your voice is and it is good...

it's not the most magical sound in the world.

It's just good.

I don't think anyone's really hearing it.

Certainly not the guys in the audience.

These looks you got going on kinda get in the way.

Men will want you, women will hate you.

All the time you were on stage...

I couldn't help picturing you...

in an erotic scenario.

Getting pretty turned on, if I'm honest.

Right.

You've got this pure beauty,

seems to be a knockout figure,

and this sort of interesting innocence going on,

and that's something I think

Wraith's erotica channels could really play with.

(Judge Wraith) Absolutely.

That's what I thought the moment I saw you. The moment.

I'd watch.

I don't know a man here who wouldn't.

To be honest, some of us girls might join you.

(cheering)

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Get off me!

No! Abi! No!

I don't, I don't...

Get gone! No, Abi! Abi!

I don't think that's quite what I was...

You will never have to pedal again, not one minute!

We could really work with you.

Last year we had singers, singers, singers.

So many singers.

So to be a singer you've gotta be truly exceptional.

Yeah.

(Judge Hope) There's just no slots left for an

above-average singer, not for the next few years at least.

Charity?

No. Saturation point singer wise.

(Judge Hope) Listen, we said right from the start

we're gonna go with something different this season.

That's why he's on the panel!

She would be a star on our stream.

A star!

On his, you're furniture at best.

Forget about all the shame and all that...

put-put-put-put-put-put. We medicate against that.

You will have pleasure forever!

Realistically, sweetheart, it is that or the bike.

I don't, I don't think...

Okay, you know what, this is starting to annoy me.

Who do you think is powering that spotlight?

Millions of people, that's who, all of 'em out there right now,

putting in an honest day at the bike.

While you stand in the light, they're generating and dither.

You know what?

They would give anything,

do anything to be where you are now. Am I right?

(cheering)

(woman) Yeah, too right!

(Hope) You wanna cock a snook at all that as though it's

nothing... as though they're nothing...

and that makes me sick.

But do you know what?

Maybe you do belong on a bike because you don't seem

very willing to step off it.

I do want to.

Do we have a decision?

(audience) Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!

I suppose.

(cheering)

Ah, hoo-hoo-hoo! Go on!

Well done!

♪ ♪

(Abi) The best thing about my new lifestyle...

I get to meet lots of hot guys.

Wraith treats me well.

Oh, for Christ's sake!

I pay for this!

I pay for this!

I pump my arse off and you, fuck you!

Yeah, keep waddling, pig tits!

Find the horizon and fuck off over it!

(Abi) It's a dream.

I get to live in a...

beautiful place and...

wear lots of beautiful things.

It's a dream.

Insufficient funds.

New from Wraith Babes...

(man) Come on, girl.

♪ All ♪

...a Wraith Babes reality special.

I guess I'd like to be as big as Selma one day.

(man) Millions watched her glide through

the Hot Shot curtain of dreams to sing her heart out.

♪ Oh, but anyone ♪

What happened next shocked them all.

We could really work with you.

Do we have a decision?

(man) Now, watch her stunning erotic debut.

No, no, no, no, no.

(man) Let's go. Who do we have here?

I'm Abi.

You entered Hot Shot. You were real impressive.

(woman) Resume viewing. Resume viewing.

No!

Resume viewing. Resume viewing. Resume viewing...

(man) Look at you, all clean and shit.

(woman) Portal disabled during commercial.

(man) You'll see everything. You'll see it all.

Open your mouth.

Open.

Take it in. Take it in, ah.

Yeah.

No!

No! No!

(man grunting)

(Abi) ♪ Anyone ♪

♪ Who knows what love is ♪

♪ Will understand ♪

♪ Anyone ♪

♪ Who knows what love is ♪

♪ Will understand ♪

♪ Anyone ♪

♪ Who knows what love is ♪

♪ Will understand ♪

♪ Anyone ♪

♪ Who knows what love is ♪

♪ Will understand ♪

New from Wraith Babes, the hottest girls in

the nastiest situations.

(laughing)

(huffing)

(beeping)

(beeping)

(vocal exercises)

Can you stand aside, please.

Okay, we're gonna preview you.

You wanna come up into the back. Follow me, please.

Are you messing?

A what nic one?

Oh, an ethnic one.

Uh...

On it.

Mate, we're gonna preview you, all right?

Do you wanna follow me in the back?

You're a prick!

Next lot.

(woman) Stand there.

So what are you, a magician?

An entertainer.

Could you say that down the screen

as a self-contained sentence?

I'm an entertainer.

(woman) Before you go on you need to drink a Compliance.

Yeah, they gave me one back there.

Really? Oh, okay. Well, in that case you are good to ... go.

Who are you?

Bing Madsen.

(Hope) What are you planning to do for us?

What the fuck!

(Bing) A sort of performance.

A sort of performance?

Yes.

Mmm! A man of mystery!

(Hope) Well, I suppose we'd better see it.

Okay.

(music starts)

(no audible dialogue)

Knob-head!

Fucking cock!

(Bing) Stop there or I'll do it.

This is a main artery. Keep walking, you kill me.

No one stops me, not till I've said my piece then

you can do what you like.

(Wraith) Oh man, just fucking kill yourself.

But you get any on me, dog, I swear to God I'd kick your ass

back to life, just so I could cut your goddamn head off.

Go on!

(man) Do it, you fucking tosser!

I think we should let him speak.

(audience) Speak! Speak! Speak!

Let's hear what he has to say.

Well, come on, got our attention, as requested.

What do you wanna say?

Have you prepared a speech, is that it?

Speak!

I haven't got a speech! I didn't plan words.

I didn't even try to. I ... I just knew I had to

get here to stand here and I knew I wanted you to listen.

To really listen, not just pull a face like you're listening,

like you do the rest of the time.

A face like you're feeling instead of processing.

You pull a face and poke it towards this stage and we

la-di-da, we sing and dance and tumble around.

And all you see up here, it's not people,

you don't see people up here, it's all fodder!

And the faker the fodder is the more you love it

because fake fodder's the only thing that works anymore!

Fake fodder is all that we can stomach.

Actually not quite all.

Real pain, real viciousness, that we can take.

Yeah, stick a fat man up a pole and we'll laugh ourselves feral,

because we've earnt the right! We've done cell

time, and he's slacking, the scum, so ha-ha-ha at him!

'Cause we're so out of our minds with desperation, we don't know

any better! All we know is fake fodder and buying shit!

That's how we speak to each other, how we express ourself

is buying shit! Well, I have a dream.

The peak of our dreams is a new hat for our dopple;

a hat that doesn't exist; that's not even there!

We buy shit that's not even there! Show us

something real and free and beautiful you couldn't, yeah?

It'd break us. We're too numb for it.

I might as well choke.

There's only so much wonder we can bear, that's why when you

find any wonder whatsoever you dole it out in meagre portions,

and only then till it's augmented and packaged and

pumped through 10,000 pre-assigned filters, till it's

nothing more than a meaningless series of lights,

while we ride day-in day-out, going where? Powering what?

All tiny cells and tiny screens, and bigger cells and bigger

screens, and fuck you!

Fuck you, that's what it boils down to is fuck you!

Fuck you for sitting there and slowly making things worse.

Fuck you and your spotlight and your sanctimonious faces, and

fuck you all for taking the one thing I ever came close to

anything real about anything; for oozing around it and

crushing it into a bone, into a joke, one more ugly joke in a

kingdom of millions of them! Fuck you for that happening!

Fuck you for me, for us, for everyone!

Fuck you!

That was without a doubt...

the most heartfelt thing

I've seen on this stage since Hot Shot began!

(cheering) Yeah!

Brilliant! Yeah!

(Hope) You!

You're so articulating someone we all... and I mean

everyone in this hall, something we all agree on.

Even though we may not comprehend all of it,

I think I'm right in saying we do feel it.

Even me.

I know you've got me down as this creature.

But, you know, hey, I get where you're coming

from and I like your stuff.

It's not stuff it's...

It's truth. Am I right?

Your truth, admittedly, but truth nonetheless.

And you're right, authenticity is in woefully short supply.

I'd like to hear you talk again.

How so?

With a slot on one of my streams

where you can talk just like that.

I'd watch it. Such great passion.

He's alright.

You're a little out there but, that throat-cutting thing,

neat gimmick.

What do you say? 30 minutes twice a week?

(cheering)

Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!

Go on, you bastard!

Beats the bike.

Certainly does!

We have with us Oliver. Now, Oliver was once a cleaner

six months ago, but he ate, and ate 'til he hit 17 stone!

And he's here today to try and beat us on Botherguts!

Oh, here goes a big one.

(very off-key) ♪ They're worth the while ♪

♪ Pushing through the darkness ♪

(Hope) Okay, I'm gonna stop you there.

That was achingly terrible.

You have the magnetism of a towel.

I don't ever want to look at you again.

I have to agree. I'm so sorry, love.

You came across as fundamentally unlikeable

and really quite worthless.

(Hope) Wraith?

You could fill that pussy with honey

and I still wouldn't fuck it.

(Glee) I'm a good singer. I can sing, yeah?

'Cause it's my destiny and I can sing!

Fu--

(man) Like that, don't you, Abi?

Mmm hmm. Say it.

Yeah.

(Bing) 15,000 new dopple wardrobe options launched

last week alone.

Which effectively translates as 15,000 new ways to kill time

in your cell before you

explore an afterlife, which doesn't exist anyway.

But with any luck it'll take your mind

off those saddle sores, eh?

You know, the only thing stopping me from slashing

myself open right now?

I might not die right away.

And, before I went, they'd find a way to charge my twitching

half-dead cadaver 20,000 merits for swabbing the walls clean.

Yeah.

Anyway, hang on in there, if you must.

We're all in this together they say.

Yeah, right!

Farewell forever!

Till the same time next week.

(computer voice) Stream offline.

♪ ♪