Original subtitles

[whispering] Quick, are Dad and Mark around?

Dan's getting ready to meet with his lawyer

and I thought you kicked Mark out.

What are you doing here?

No. I didn't kick Mark out.

He moved over here

because I said he would have to find someplace else to go

if he was gonna keep hacking. What's he doing?

He's upstairs hacking.

You might not have made a big impression,

but you moved him down the block.

Well, is anybody else around?

Well, Harris is making dinner in the kitchen.

[shouting] Are we in danger?

No. I just need a few minutes with Dad's lawyer when she gets here.

I'm gonna try to trick her into giving me free legal advice about Mark.

Oh, who would've thought little baby Mark would grow up to be a gay cybercriminal?

I don't think his being gay has anything to do with it.

No. I just like that the criminal playing field is becoming more diverse.

So, what'd Ben have to say about it?

Well, I'd have to see him to talk to him and he's never around.

So I'm gonna have to figure out this whole Mark thing on my own.

Well, you better hurry up, Darlene, because even if I don't turn Mark in,

somebody's gonna catch on.

Listen, I know you're worried that this puts you in a bad position as a cop.

But maybe you won't even pass the physical

and then you won't have a problem.

You have the right to be a loving and supportive family member.

Now you think I can't pass my physical, huh? Do ya?

[knocking on door]

Who is it?

[Jean] It's Jean. Your dad's lawyer.

Would you mind opening the door? There's a weird dog out here.

Uh, yeah.

Just give me a minute to ditch the cops.

- Hey, Darlene. - Hi.

Oh, it's you.

Take this.

Listen,

I've been practicing with Dan for his pharmaceutical deposition

and I can't get him to be emotional

when he talks about what happened with Roseanne.

He just stuffs it down.

Yeah. He's typical stoic Midwesterner.

I even sent him links from depositions where loved ones really broke down

to show him what will move a jury.

Never opened 'em.

Listen, we will work on my dad.

But I actually have a few questions of my own about the lawsuit, if you don't mind?

Sure. Shoot.

Um, would it impact the case if my mom was a hacker?

A gay hacker.

Was she?

Well, I don't wanna incriminate myself or you.

So, let's just say no, but keep talking about it.

Would she have been better off turning herself in,

or leaving town hoping it would all blow over?

Well, in your mother's particular situation,

she had a real ace in the hole that keeps her from being prosecuted:

She's dead.

[chuckles] Sure. Yeah, yeah. But, I'm...

I mean, just for fun.

Um,

what if she were alive and, like, I don't know, like, a teenager?

I would say you need to pay me for my time

about something that is obviously a different case.

Oh, busted cold.

[jar hisses]

You're too late to help me with dinner, but could you at least google

"Is it bad if you open a jar of tomato sauce and it exhales?"

Sorry. I gotta prep for my job interview Wednesday.

Oh, yeah. I can't work Wednesday. My car won't start that day.

On Friday, there's gonna be a payroll glitch

and you're not gonna get as much money.

What a week we're gonna have.

I'm interviewing with this cool tech company

that's starting a mental health wellness department for their employees.

Ah, they're hiring you as the bad example?

Oh, Mom, uh, Ben called.

He is gonna stop by and pick up some food, but he is gonna eat at work.

Oh, cool.

I'll stick around so I can see my husband for a whole two minutes.

Not enough for you but probably the perfect amount for him.

Either way, after that I'm gonna head to the Lobo.

I made them carry Impossible Burgers, so now I gotta eat a whole case in a month.

So, wait.

No one's eating

and this jar of spaghetti sauce sounds like an old man getting up off a couch,

so...

I'm out.

Whoa, the Lobo? Again?

So you're just trying to drink your Ben problems away?

No. It's just a bummer being home alone every night.

I'm home every night.

Do the math.

So what, you just drink at the Lobo by yourself?

No, I hang out with my buddy Chad.

Chad?

Well, we have a lot in common.

A lot in common with who?

Um, it's not important.

How are things going at the office?

Uh, we are busy.

But, uh, I feel so bad I'm not gonna make it for family dinner tonight.

Oh, hey, you know what you should do sometime?

Go by the Lobo. I hear they got Impossible Burgers, huh?

Really weird move for a bar whose logo is a wolf standing over a deer carcass.

But, hey, you know?

- I love you. - Love you.

- That was sketchy. - What?

Hey. You were telling me about Chad and you totally clammed up when Ben came in.

I... I didn't clam up.

I get, like, one minute with him,

I'm not gonna waste it talking about some random guy.

A guy you see every night.

No. He's just a friend that's going through something.

There's nothing more to it than that.

[grunts] Let me give you some advice.

If you want people to believe anything you say,

don't start by saying you have a friend.

[Jackie grunts]

I can't help out for long.

I'm training for my police physical.

Doesn't look stupid at all.

Hey. Everybody, this is Riley.

- Hi, Ben. Hi, Riley. - This is Harris.

And that woman over there trying to open a Doctor Strange portal with decaf

is Jackie.

Uh, it's nice to meet you guys.

Oh, stop it.

You're the one who's nice to meet.

Would you want some breakfast?

No. We can't stay.

I'm just showing him where to come to pick up lunch.

Riley is a journalism intern who's soaking up my wisdom.

Helping out around the office.

I'm also looking for a paying gig if you guys hear of anything.

Well, I'm actually hiring servers.

And you'll be done soaking up Ben's wisdom in three, two, when can you start?

I just need to get my stuff.

I can be back in an hour. I'm so... I just... I really need the money, man.

So that's it?

Man. Can't believe you're doing this.

You know, for those two hours...

you were like a son to me.

- [laughs] - So you just hired somebody

without even asking if they ever worked at a restaurant before?

Oh. I can tell by talking to a person.

Waiting tables is mostly just personality.

Because it came across as little teeny-tiny, just a lit...

just a tiny bit predatory.

Look, if we happen to end up dating, that's not predatory.

People meet at work all the time.

- It's called fate. - It's called sexual harassment

when you hire fate because it has the ass of a volleyball player.

Come on, Jackie.

I have no social life.

I'm stuck here.

Well, all I'm saying, if you don't act respectably,

people aren't gonna treat you with respect.

Hey, Dad, what are you doing here?

Hiding from my lawyer.

She keeps pushing me to be more emotional for the deposition.

I'm just not good at opening up. I...

I drink to get in touch with my emotions,

but after five or six beers I forget what I'm supposed to be feeling.

You feeling good about the interview?

Huh.

I feel like an imposter who's too old and too inexperienced to do the job,

so I have that going for me.

Hey, you know, if you wanna stand out,

you could position yourself as the one who's shaky and unqualified.

Do you have anything that could actually help me?

Well, I mean, I am a manager.

I guess there might be some interview techniques that could help you.

If there was ever a time to put aside our differences-

It's when you desperately need me?

I'll do it anyway.

Uh. Okay.

Uh, one important thing to do is called mirroring,

where you do whatever the interviewer does

because if they see themselves in you, then they'll like you.

Makes sense.

It doesn't work on people who have years of resentment towards you.

Okay, another thing is your... your posture.

So, you wanna sit up tall, no slumping.

Hide that old lady hump you're developing,

that's gonna be a real nice surprise for Tyler.

And, uh, oh, wear your glasses.

I don't wear glasses.

Well, you do now.

It makes you look smart.

You gotta counteract the perfect skin and the blonde hair.

That's the nicest way you've ever called me stupid.

Well, I'm surprised you understood that.

Rebecca Conner-Healy.

- Hello. - Hi.

- I'm Sven. - Hey.

Have a seat.

More than welcome to sit wherever you'd like,

but it might be more comfortable in a chair.

Oh, I meant to do this.

I... I don't have any chairs in my living room. They're all balls.

Uh. But, if there are chairs here, then I'll try that.

So, I invited you in, Rebecca, because Dr. Michaels highly recommended you.

He felt that since you're a single mom, putting yourself through grad school,

you could relate to the stress that some of our employees who have kids deal with.

I think that kind of life experience,

uh, is a real plus for someone who's gonna head up our new wellness department.

Did you say head of the department?

Yes. This is a management position.

Oh, my God. That is fantastic.

I am so grateful that you appreciate what I've gone through.

You know, I'm a recovering alcoholic.

And I have learned so many coping strategies

that I know can help your employees.

Wait.

Rebecca. [snaps]

Becky. I think I remember you from an AA meeting. You...

It was the night you got your three-year chip.

Oh, my God. That was a big night.

So you know what I've been through.

[chuckles] No one gets pregnant in a freezer on a one-night stand

or blacks out and loses their kid

or is so out of it that they don't know their mother is hooked on pain killers

without learning a couple things.

I mean, I'm sure you have your own stories.

Full disclosure,

I was only there to support a friend who was also getting their chip.

I saw you, but I left before you...

shared.

But thank you.

You're welcome.

Of course you know that addicts always exaggerate.

We are such drama queens.

We have a saying,

"Take everything I say with a gram of coke."

So, hey, thanks for coming down.

I was thinking about what you said about Dan not wanting to be vulnerable.

And I had an idea about something that might help him to open up.

- I'd love to hear it. - Okay.

Well, one time, way back, we met up with three of his Irish uncles.

Uh, they were visiting. We went to a pub.

The band broke out into "Danny Boy, " and the three old guys got so emotional

that when Dan saw them, he started to tear up.

So, are you saying I should have his crybaby uncles show up at the deposition

and play "Danny Boy"?

No, no, no. No.

I'm just saying that, no, maybe, right before you go in...

? Oh, Danny boy ?

I'm not doing that.

? The pipes, the pipes are calling ?

Nope. You can stop right there.

- His name is Dan. - I got that.

? Oh, Danny boy ?

It's not happening.

So, maybe he doesn't wanna open up to you

because you're so negative when somebody has a good idea.

They don't feel safe.

You know what might make Dan feel safe?

Why don't you put a bell around your neck so he hears you coming?

And when you come back to respond to that, will you bring me a beer?

Mmm, right, you did say no cheese,

extra pickle, no mayo, mustard on the side.

Yeah. And this is an eggplant Parm.

Yeah.

I ordered a burger.

I, um, I should write this stuff down probably. Um.

Do you know who ordered the eggplant Parm?

Uh.

Wow. He was clearly oxygen-deprived at some point in his life.

That's the closest he's gotten to getting an order right in the last two days.

Keep walking.

You gotta let him go.

[sighs] I know.

Earlier, he dropped a pie on a baby.

If I fire him, he's never gonna wanna go out with me.

That's the chance you take when you dabble in the skin trade.

Okay. Here's a suggestion.

Maybe, on your next job interview,

you steer the conversation towards your computer skills

and away from the fact that you blacked out and couldn't find your baby.

See, this is the bar.

It's just a bunch of sad, old drunks, like I told you.

That's Chad, the guy I was telling you about.

And I assume the woman who looks like she wants to kill him is his wife.

Oh, yeah. That's how he describes her too. Oh, and blonde.

You're wasting your time dragging me in here.

It's not gonna change anything.

I just wanna show you that it's not some pickup joint.

It's just a regular neighborhood bar with cheap booze

and, for some reason, Impossible Burgers.

Oh. So you meet drunk, cheap vegans who live nearby

and take them to sleazy hotels?

Wait, did she just accuse him of cheating?

Because I've been here with him every night for weeks

and he's never picked up anybody.

Don't get in the middle, Darlene.

But he's a good guy.

I feel like I gotta go over there and help him out.

Yeah. I gotta go pick up Beverly Rose at her dad's.

I'll see you later when I bail your ass out.

Just so I can tell my attorney,

which one of these old neighborhood skanks are you shacking up with?

Hi.

I'm so sorry. I couldn't help but overhear.

And I feel obligated to tell you

that I've been here every night for the past few weeks

and I have never seen your husband pick up a woman.

I mean, like, not once.

Thanks, Darlene.

But I think you're giving CPR to a dead guy here.

Oh. Oh, Darlene.

What? Do you watch him from the minute he comes in

till the minute he leaves, Darlene?

I can do you one better.

I sit at a table with him night after night.

Oh. That really won't help.

So you've been hanging out with my husband every night.

Yeah. I've been keeping an eye on the rascal.

A very well-behaved rascal.

You are welcome.

For what?

For having an affair with my husband?

You can pick up your things on the front lawn.

Just sign the divorce papers.

Oh, no. Don't go.

I just couldn't sit there and let her treat you like that.

But, obviously, I... I just made things so much worse.

All right, I better get home. I'm so sorry.

No. Stay.

If ever I needed an old neighborhood skank to talk to, it's now.

All right, I'm going with you're mad at all women right now,

so I'm gonna let that slide.

Yeah. I'll... I'll grab us some drinks.

- Two vodka sodas. - Got ya.

Look, I, uh, think you're making the right choice.

Oh, vodka soda is my go-to whenever I'm feeling kinda bloated.

Yeah. I was actually talking about, um,

going with the girlfriend instead of the wife.

Oh. She's not my girlfriend. She just came over to try and help.

You sure she was trying to help?

She's here every night for a reason.

Maybe she was trying to blow it up.

Oh, wow.

Maybe she was.

- Hey. - Ben Olinsky, is that you?

[drawls] I ain't seen you in nigh on 20 years.

Yeah. I've been homesteading where the old hair salon used to be.

You know, out there by the old Starbucks place.

Yeah. I've been pretty scarce.

- Man, it's been a lot of work. - Yeah.

- What are you doing? - Oh,

I'm cramming for my deposition.

These are Roseanne's old medical records.

Yeah, it turns out she had acid reflux, but she never told me

so mine would be in the spotlight.

She was sweet like that.

Yeah, I wish I could have met her.

I'd understand a lot more of your family's jokes.

How did the interview go?

I almost fell off a ball.

Did you lose your balance when you tried to catch the fish?

I feel stupid for being so honest,

but it's because I felt so emotional about everything that happened to me.

I... I wanted him to know that I learned from it.

You know, there's... there's no shame in being vulnerable with people

about your toughest moments.

You can be proud you survived them.

That's good advice, coming from a guy who needs to do the same thing

in a deposition.

Why must you lurk around, listening to other people's conversations?

Because I care about people

and because I'm so bored I could cry.

She's not wrong.

Maybe we should both wear our scars proudly.

Not how I was raised.

My parents said if you tell everybody about your problems, you sound weak.

Of course, between the two of 'em,

you could teach a course in ulcers, alcoholism and IBS.

Probably wouldn't hurt me to try something different.

Now you're talking.

Yeah. I'm never gonna remember all of that.

Why don't we just cut out the middleman and you go tell the cook what you want?

I am so sorry.

- Riley, let's talk for a second. - Yeah.

Uh. So... [chuckles] Hmm.

I have to fire you.

Yeah. No, that makes sense.

I, uh, I suck at this.

I'm more of... of a journalism nerd. I don't why you didn't fire me sooner.

Well, in my defense, I mean, you've only been working here for two days.

And... [chuckles]

...you're cute.

I just... I-I took this job 'cause I thought you were cute.

- Oh. - I wanted to ask you out

but I don't, um,

have a job now.

So, you'll have to pay.

Uh. [chuckles]

Why don't we just eat here?

The help sucks but the food is okay.

Yeah.

I understand.

Thank you for calling.

That was the tech company.

[Jackie] Mmm.

- I got the job! - [Dan] Oh.

- Oh. - Whoa!

I'm the head of the wellness division.

- Oh. [chuckles] - I'm in charge

of a big important thing where I'm actually gonna be making a big difference.

Blah, blah, blah. How much money?

- A lot. - A lot, a lot.

What's a lot? A lot for a Conner

or a lot for a guy that could buy four new tires at once?

Four new tires and a spare.

Oh, damn.

I'm riding with you this winter. We gotta celebrate.

Oh, yeah. Let's go to that expensive Italian restaurant in Hoffman Estates.

Oh, thank you. But you can't afford that.

But you can.

[both] ? ' Tis I'll be there in sunshine ?

? Or in shadow ?

? Oh, Danny boy ?

? I love you so ?

[sniffles]

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