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♪ Down in some lone valley, ♪

♪ In a far distant place, ♪

♪ Where the wild birds
do whistle, ♪

♪ Their notes do increase ♪

♪ I'm going to some far land, ♪

♪ My fortune to know, ♪

♪ That I'll dream
of pretty Saro ♪

♪ Wherever I'll go ♪

♪ Yes, I wish I was a poet ♪

♪ And could write
some fine hand ♪

♪ I'd write my love a letter ♪

♪ That she'd understand ♪

♪ I'd write it by the river ♪

♪ Where the waters o'erflow, ♪

♪ That I'll dream
of pretty Saro ♪

♪ Wherever I go ♪

♪ And I wish I was a sparrow, ♪

♪ Had wings, and could fly ♪

♪ Straight to my
love's window ♪

♪ This night I draw nigh, ♪

♪ All night in the arms ♪

♪ Of my true love I'd lay, ♪

♪ And watch those
little windows ♪

♪ 'Till the dawning of day ♪

Buddy, Buddy,
Buddy, Buddy.

Come on a walk, Buddy?

This plant has been here

probably as long as this house
has been here.

35 years or so.

This is probably the rarest
plant in my garden,

which I'm trying very hard
to keep alive.

I've got three or four in here.

There's one there.

It's a kind of ginseng.

Uh, I don't know of anywhere
else in the country

where you can see this plant.

So, this is a major,
major adaptogen,

and the word adaptogen was
coined to describe this plant.

So, the Russians are doing
a whole lot of research

on these health-promoting
plants,

and their goal was to win more
gold medals at the Olympics,

which they did.

Now, the leaves of this
are not all that different

from the leaves of this,

but this one is the plant

that killed
Abraham Lincoln's mother.

Its name will be tarnished
throughout history for that.

Lobelia inflata.

It's because of these
inflated seed pods.

They look like little balloons.

So, this is an emetic.

So, if you wanted to make
yourself puke, this would help.

There was this guy,
Samuel Thomson,

and he was the first person
in America to advocate

for herbal medicine.

So just for a joke,

he gives this working man
tea made from this.

He says, "Try th--"
The guy's feeling kind of puny.

"Try this."

Well, the guy goes and pukes
his guck out-- guts out,

and then he comes
back an hour later,

and he says, "I feel better
than I have in months."

And this big lightbulb goes on,
on Samuel Thomson's head.

And his theme was,
"every man his own doctor."

But every plant tells a story.

How old is Buddy?

Uh, I keep trying
to remember.

But six or seven, maybe, by now.

Time flies, you know.

Like, I-- I keep saying things
were five years ago,

and then at some point
I realize,

"Oh, I better jack that
up to ten."

So, can you start
by just telling us the history

of the idea
of a paradise garden,

and your landing here?

Uh, yeah.

So, hello, everyone.

Thank you for visiting.

My name is Joe Hollis.

I'm sitting on the porch
of my house at Mountain Gardens,

my property.

It's in Yancey County.

It's at the foot
of the highest mountains

in eastern
North America, actually.

2.8 acres of land,
which I purchased in 1972,

right up against
the National Forest.

Basically, I wanted to do
something with my life

that would address the current
kind of disastrous situation,

as I see it,
of human life on Earth,

or, at least,
Western human life on Earth.

It's like we are no longer
occupying a niche

vis-à-vis, uh, Gaia,

that functions either for us
or for Gaia.

I think it all really comes down
to values at the base.

Like, values is the rudder
that steers the whole

giant ship that's out there.

It's like, what do we really
want out of life?

So I think a-- a lot
of our problem,

as-- as far as our niche goes,

has to do with our value system.

Over the years, we've gotten
more and more into this position

where we're just unabashedly
materialistic,

and we just want more stuff,

and the more stuff we can get,

the more successful
our life has been.

So I knew I was gonna spend
my life just doing

one particular experiment,
you might say,

of how to live on Earth.

So, the concept I came up with,

uh, I call paradise gardening,

and I have various little ways
to define that.

Uh, one would be a way
of life that, uh,

is best for Gaia,
best for our species,

and best for the individual.

That would be a simple
definition.

Another really easy definition

would be the garden
where everything you need

is there for the taking.

So, the goal all along
has been to become

a hunter-gatherer
in my own garden,

and to have my garden be full
enough of the things I need

to gather to--
to supply my needs,

and the needs of, maybe,

a half a dozen other people
living here.

The idea all along has been

to have this be
not a one-man operation,

but a-- a small community,

like an eco-village,

and that is still the intention,

uh, and I'm not gonna be around
for a whole lot longer,

so I'm rather urgently
looking for the people

that are gonna inherit
this place, and take it over.

So, making a formula,

which is gonna be pressed,

and then it's gonna be
a tincture

that, uh, we sell over there
or in one of these.

And, um...

so it's kinda just like
following a recipe.

This is all pretty new
to me this year.

So I've been here since probably
like the second week in March,

so, in total, almost a year.

I was kind of interested
in herbalism,

but, um, I wasn't really ready
to commit to the--

the cost of going
to a school like that.

And once-- once I saw
Mountain Gardens,

I was like, that's kinda what
I'm looking for,

is, like, this full-immersion
horticultural,

like, apprenticeship.

But, man, like, working
under Joe is awesome,

because he just knows
everything here.

And so you can, like,
point at something,

and he'll know the Latin name,

the common name,
the medicinal value,

where it came from.

Like, I feel like a wizard
is, like, not--

I don't know, maybe it's not
the best way to describe him,

but he's like a plant wizard.

Don't get me started
about mushrooms.

They are it.

I've been doing this for years.

And I'm from Chicago,

and there's a big mushroom
grower there

that used to throw away
a dumpster's worth

of this stuff every day.

And I was on the Community
Gardener's Resource Committee,

so I would collect all these
blocks, and distribute 'em

to different gardeners.

And then I used to teach a class
on how to do this,

how to take care of 'em,
how to grow 'em.

I'm really very specifically
interested in the learning,

and sharing,
and developing a community

and a culture of people that all
know how to do this stuff.

Um, and that aligns perfectly
with, like,

what Joe's vision for this place
has always been,

a place that is an education
center for this kind of living.

The first year I came here,
what year was that, Emma?

- 2021?
- 2021.

Yeah, Emma and I both arrived
the first summer of 2021.

Um...

And, uh, that was before
the fire.

And the library was here.

And the books were here.

And Joe's energy levels
were still really intact.

And that was the plan,
is that 2022

was gonna be building,
building, building,

building, building
and infrastructure.

And then in March,
the fire happened,

and just caused a huge reset
in the place.

It was gonna be
the 50th anniversary

of Mountain Gardens,
big celebratory year.

Also my 80th birthday.

This guy was here helping me.

And I really kinda thought
that he was the guy

I've been waiting for,
or one of them,

to take over after me.

And he had a little bit
of a drinking problem,

I have to say,
and I've run into that before.

Uh...

And in any case, he made a fire.

And he did not put it out
when he went to bed.

And at five in the morning,
the whole place was, uh,

in flames.

The entire thing burned down.

The pavilion, the library,
the tool shop,

the photovoltaic system,

the greenhouse here caught,

it was such a big fire,
the greenhouse caught on fire.

All these trees behind us
and ar-- around

all caught on fire.

The nursery operation,
which was below this deck,

all that gone,
all the fertilizer,

all the flats,
all the pots,

all the-- all the everything.

It was...

quite shattering,
needless to say.

So... yeah,

I've never really recovered
from that,

and I never really will.

I think I'm suffering from
post-traumatic stress syndrome,

and my health has really
been bad ever since then.

Hypertension,
and God knows what all.

Uh...

You know, it was hard to do
anything with all this rubble,

because it was just all full
of broken glass.

So a lot of it got
pushed back there,

and then, burned books.

I mean, we had this huge, uh,
hoop of burned books

that-- that I was gonna try
and grow mushrooms on.

But they ended up kind of
just being incorporated

into this mound back here.

Yeah, crazy stuff.

Crazy stuff, I would not
wish anybody ever

to have to deal with
that kind of thing.

The way I had it before
this fire was,

it was kind of the peak,
as far as my library,

you know, it was really
first-rate.

I mean, I can't quite imagine
a better library

for the purposes that I wanted,

which was to buttress
the argument I'm trying to make

about how we should
be living on Earth,

and just all this
supportive material, right?

There's really no hope of ever,
uh, reassembling what was there.

Not in my lifetime.

That was 50 years of--

of accumulating,
and reading, you know.

And-- but the idea, uh,
is really just to try

and put it back
as close as possible.

That's my Dawn Redwood
out there.

Looks like it's kind of,
uh, plateauing out up there.

That's interesting.

I'm usually reading, uh,

ten or a dozen things
at the same time.

Just kinda switching
from one to another

according to my interest
of-- of the day, of the moment.

Just trying to pin down how
we should be living on Earth.

What does it mean to be
a good human being?

Well, pretty much of a disaster,
you know?

We're destroying the planet,

and half the population's
addicted to drugs.

Everybody's, like,
stressed out like crazy.

And, uh...

It seems like we're constantly
on the brink

of some kind of world war,

and the weapons get more
and more intense.

And, yeah, it's a total disaster
the whole way ar-- around.

And it seems like
there's a widespread feeling

that, uh, there's some kind
of huge crash coming.

Of course, people
have been saying that

for thousands of years,
so it remains to be seen.

But...

I don't know, certainly
just in terms of the way

the climate's changing,

that seems pretty unavoidable.

It's mostly just thinking
about resilience,

and then thinking about what
might follow in the future.

Like, if there is some kind
of huge crash,

then what might
be rebuilt, you know?

I took a lot of my inspiration
from Taoist philosophy,

which I've ascribed to ever
since I was in high school.

The kind of fundamental
idea of Taoism

is that the Tao, which
is the way the world works,

the way the universe works,
the way everything works,

the Tao is-- is there doing
what the Tao does,

and the goal of human life
is to fit ourselves in,

because the idea is that
we can gather energy

from our surroundings,

that energy being called qi.

Qi is what circulates
in the meridians of your body.

Qi is, like, behind everything
that happens, really.

Often translated as energy,
but not quite accurately.

But the idea was,
with this garden,

was very much the same
as the idea of human health,

which is to balance everything.

So you want to balance out
the seasons,

you want to balance out
the directions,

you want a balance
of sun and shade,

you want a balance
of moist and dry.

These are all yin-yang axes.

So the idea is to try
and balance those all out,

and that's gonna be
your perfect qi,

just like in your body.

These Taoist practitioners,
what they really wanted to do

was get as deep into
the wilderness as they could,

because that's where there was
perfect qi, you know?

And the closer you come
to civilization,

the more that qi
kind of gets diluted.

- Hi.
- How are you?

How you doing?
You okay?

- Hmm?
- Are you okay?

Huh?

- No.
- No?

You look a little anxious today.

It's been quite a while
since I've been okay.

Yeah.

Nothing new.

Come on in.

Yeah, I keep getting this sense
from your pulse

that there's-- some--
something's just stuck

- right here.
- Hmm.

- And it's-- it's putting too--
- That's what it is, yeah.

It's like-- it feels like
it's between my navel

and my, uh,
whatever you call this.

- Breastbone, yeah.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- More focused in there.

Yeah, and then it feels like
it's getting stuck up here.

Hmm.

Are you having any shortness
of breath, or...

Um, I'm not noticing
that specifically,

but then I'm not doing
a great deal of...

Um...

- Breath-shortening activity?
- Yeah, exactly.

It makes me
wonder if the organ itself

is suffering in some way.

Is it still warm?

No, it's good, it's not too hot.

Okay, good.

Just warm, just nice.

Joe, since you have a
scar here on your abdomen, these

- might feel a little sharp.
- Hmm.

But you just
let me know.

Yeah, there's somebody there.

Yeah, you've got a live--
a live point there.

Somebody there.
Mm-hmm.

We're definitely going
in the right direction,

according to your pulses.

What are you noticing?
A little--

- This little-- This little--
- No, no.

I'm not really noticing
anything much right this minute.

Okay.

Everything feels okay.

Okay.

I'm gonna let you
have a snooze.

You have 13 old messages.

Uh, we were just calling.
We saw your video on YouTube.

Um, we saw that you were asking
for people to come live with you

and help work on the farm,
and work on the place.

Uh, we would love to do that.

- Well.
- Hello, friends.

Uh, my name is Phillip,
and I was just curious

about, uh, what it would take
to come down there

for a couple of days,
and help you guys work.

Uh, I just-- I-- I just, uh--
Probably like a lot of people,

I was just made aware
of you guys from the recent

YouTube video that just, uh,
that just went up.

We just need to know
if we're gonna be able

to-- to bring our daughter.

Um, that-- that's the one--

that was the one thing
that we wanted to know.

One-- One question,
"Can we bring our daughter?"

Um, please give me
a call back.

Uh, 308...

Not where-- not what
do you do with your poop?

Voice message
from telephone number...

So, like, a month
and a half ago,

a YouTuber came by to make
a video about Joe.

This happens all the time.

People contact Joe and want
to make a video with him

or do a photoshoot with him,

and he always says yes,
because he's always just wanted

his message out to more people.

Um, we had no idea
who the guy was.

It's on us, right?

Um, it's this guy,
Peter Santenello.

If you go on YouTube,

and go to the search box
and type "Peter",

just "Peter", he's the first
thing that comes up.

He's huge.

About two weeks ago now,

the video launched,

and by this point
it's got seven million views

or something like that.

Every single day the phone
is ringing off the hook.

We've got hundreds
of emails from people

that want to move here
or volunteer here,

or just come meet Joe.

But we have had people
arriving with their families,

and their kids,
and their grandparents,

expecting to, like,
have houses and places to stay.

We've also had people who come,

and just aren't prepared
to poop in a bucket,

and decide they can't--
you know, this isn't for them.

Like, I was reading emails,

or actually listening
to voicemails today,

and one of the guys--
one of the guys wants to come

if there's a hot shower.

I bathe in the creek.

It's been very, uh,
interesting just to see

the, uh, quantity of responses,

and, you know, how many people
are so desperate

to live like this.

It's really kind of a...

I mean, I guess I probably
could have guessed that,

but to just see it...

...is, uh,

is, uh, kind of an eye-opener,

and it makes me think a lot
about where we want to go

in the future, as far as, uh,
trying to respond to that.

You know, that-- that
it's not really that we need

to get out there
and convince people

that there's a better way
to live,

uh, because plenty of them
are already convinced.

Uh, I had been
in the Peace Corps,

spent three years in Borneo

with, uh, Native Peoples,
tribal society.

And it was all very fascinating
and life-changing.

In particular, uh,
coming from an urban, uh,

kind of environment,

I was very impressed to see
people who pretty much

ran their own lives.

They built their houses,
they grew their food,

they-- you know, they had
not too much communication

with the outside world.

What I had realized was that
these people were probably

healthier and happier than
anybody I knew in America,

with this, uh, totally
almost opposite lifestyle

to what we lead here.

And history,
what we call history,

is only a couple
thousand years old,

since the beginning of writing.

Well, we were here for
a million years before that,

doing stuff on this planet.

The Bible says that Eden
was a garden,

and humans were put in there
to dress it, and keep it.

I don't get a lot of my ideas
out of the Bible,

but that's, I think,
a very succinct expression

of a human niche,
of a successful human niche.

It's too bad the Bible
then says we got kicked out.

Because we didn't,
we just left voluntarily,

and we could go back in
if we want to.

We're here at my yurt,

where I've lived for...

almost three and a half years,

and it was the first, like,
permanent structure we built.

Before that, I was just living

a full spring and summer
just out of a tent.

I've known Joe
for almost a decade.

He wasn't the quickest
friend I ever made,

but he's one of the, like,

most amazing friends
I've ever had.

And very much the process
of becoming his friend

were totally and specifically
inspirational to this.

I think he really wanted to fuel
that commitment in me

that he felt 50 years ago,

and wanted to support
and nurture that as a part

of, like, that's what he does,

and that's what he's always
wanted to see.

Gardens are pretty quiet.

I just cover-cropped everything,

and I've been turning
the goat loose in there

to just root around,
and crap everywhere.

So we have a pretty
diverse medicine garden

that's back over here,

that we're sorta doubling
up for next year.

And there we're growing, like,

a pretty wide variety
of mostly garden medicinals.

And then there are a lot
of, like, staple foods

that are very easy to grow,
and kind of, like,

give you the most bang
for your buck.

And this will be where
we have, like, classes.

It's gonna be our apothecary
where we do a lot of our, like,

plant medicine making,
and things like that.

Like, we're not gonna be
total hermits our whole lives.

Like, we're gonna have
classes out here,

and do some workshops,

and some events,
and things like that.

And we wanted some
public-facing infrastructure

that, um, is akin, again,

to how Mountain Gardens
is set up.

This is gonna be a library.

An old-school,
Mountain Garden-style library.

This is what we were working
on right when the fire happened.

We took a lot of the time
and a lot of the resources

that were going into
the build here

and diverted them
in Joe's direction

for the last year and a half.

Until I saw what that meant
when somebody spends, like,

decades accumulating everything
that there is to know

about some particular,

very interesting topics,
like bats.

Mind-bending.

And something I really wanted
for myself ever since then.

So, another tick of inspiration

from Joe Hollis,
and his life's work.

Gotta have a library.

Okay.

What's up?

I have some very significant
news about my health.

The news is that I have
stage four cancer.

CT scan done today shows
a definite malignant mass

at the head of the pancreas,
with a resulting blockage

of the pancreatic duct,
bile duct,

SMA, whatever that means.

He has evidence of metastatic
lesions to the liver

and lymph nodes,
so it's spreading around.

This is just my, uh,
general practitioner,

who said that I might have
three months.

Oh, shit.

But on the whole,
I'm pretty poorly disposed

towards doing anything
that's gonna diminish

my quality of life,
which I think chemo does do.

Uh, my entire concern
is the future of Mountain Garden

much more than my--

Than your personal, okay.

That is my happiness.

- And there's--
- Yeah.

There's not a distinction
between the two.

And, um, and it's just been
huge for me

that Ryan has agreed
to stick around.

I've been watching him decline
in health for a while,

and I had a feeling that there
was something big going on.

Um...

So when he told me
the-- the prognosis,

um, well, I mean,
I was instantly saddened,

and I, like, put my hand
on his leg,

and then I, like,
gave him a hug,

and got really overwhelmed
and sad,

but he, like, didn't--
he wasn't--

that's not what he was up for,
truthfully.

He was like, it's okay,
it's okay.

Like, it's all right, I'm good.

When he asked me to stick around
and shepherd it forward,

I was overwhelmed, humbled.

Uh...

Yeah, I was totally taken aback.

Um, so...

I think it's a big
responsibility,

and a beautiful project,

um, and I think the right people
are gonna show up,

and it's gonna be able to be
what he wants it to be.

All right, I just want to show
you guys some weeding

right here around my house,

because there's a lot
of good stuff in this area.

All right, I don't know how much
you all are gonna remember,

but try and remember
as much as you can.

This is the Shortia,

oconee bells.

An extremely rare
and desirable wildflower

that we want to keep.

We want to get rid
of all this stuff.

That looks like a little
currant or gooseberry.

We want that.

This is all more ajuga
that we don't want.

And we don't want goldenrod.

Uh, and then it gets back
into that Schisandra stuff.

It'd be nice to get a bunch
of this Spikenard fruit,

and do something with it.

They're-- they're quite
delicious.

- Have you eaten any?
- No.

Well, they're not bad.

Okay.

Oh, wow. It's nice.

That looks like a really
nice little fern there.

It's got a tag.

So we're going to start making
our own tags pretty soon.

We've got the 75
that that guy made for us,

but it's by no means
everything in the garden.

Echinacea pallida.

They're better than the other
Echinacea, medicinally.

We're good to get done.

And that's the end of this walk.
I've gotta go lay down.

Okay.

So I read through
your case a little bit,

and, uh, you know,
learned about what's going on.

So I'd love to hear,
in your words,

just kind of how
things started.

And it seems like it's happened
pretty rapidly,

in terms of a diagnosis.

As far as the cancer goes,

so, I started having stomach
pain about a month ago.

Eventually they said,
"You need to get a CT scan."

And that was, I think,
about a week or ten days ago.

And that's when this
was discovered.

- Mm-hmm.
- Anyway,

now it's progressed enough,
Now I'm on hospice.

I've got some morphine, uh...

that I can take,

and then I can supplement that,
apparently, with this oxycodone.

I've had a--

I've not been able
to sleep through the night.

I wake up at-- in the--
at three a.m. or so,

from the
pain, usually.

There's issues
about constipation,

which I never had
before in my life.

And lots of, uh, issues
around heartburn,

which I also
never had before in my life.

Everything's new.

I've never had any
of these problems,

or anything ro-- remotely
resembling these problems.

Let me ask you this.

It sounds like they decided
not to do any therapy for you,

and instead just put you
in hospice.

Was there a thought
that they didn't think

you would have any benefit?

At this point, I'm not
really worried about

or thinking that it's going
to ever be cured.

I'm just looking
for a little more time,

because I'm desperately trying
to, uh, turn my place here

into a kind of an eco-village,

and I've got to recruit
the right people for it.

It's going to take about six
people to carry on my work here.

To carry out your
work there.

Uh, So I'm just looking
for a little extra time,

but I don't want-- the--
the chemo's just gonna--

It might give me extra time,

but I'll be functioning
even more poorly,

so I won't be able to take
advantage of that time.

♪ Oh, Death ♪

♪ Oh, Death ♪

♪ Won't you spare me ♪

♪ Over another year ♪

♪ Well, what is this ♪

♪ That I can't see ♪

♪ With ice-cold hands ♪

♪ Taking hold on me ♪

♪ Well, I am Death ♪

♪ None can excel ♪

♪ I'll open the door ♪

♪ To heaven or hell ♪

♪ Oh, Death ♪

♪ Someone would pray ♪

♪ Please don't take me
'til another day ♪

♪ The children pray ♪

♪ The preacher preached ♪

♪ Time and mercy
is out of your reach ♪

♪ In death I've come ♪

♪ To take the soul ♪

♪ To leave the body ♪

♪ And leave it cold ♪

♪ To drop the flesh
Off of the frame ♪

♪ The earth and worms ♪

♪ Both have claim ♪

♪ My wealth is all
at your command ♪

♪ If you'll remove
your icy hand ♪

♪ Now, Death, oh, Death ♪

♪ Please consider my age ♪

♪ Please don't take me
at this stage ♪

♪ Oh, the young ♪

♪ The rich, the poor ♪

♪ They're all alike
to me, you know ♪

♪ Oh, Death ♪

♪ Oh, oh, Death ♪

♪ Won't you spare me over ♪

♪ Another year ♪

♪ Won't you spare me over ♪

♪ Another year ♪

♪ Won't you spare me over ♪

♪ 'Til another year ♪

These were teeny-tiny
trees,

every single one of these.

Pretty amazing
how they've grown up.

I really think that Joe should
be buried up here,

because this
is where it started.

40 years ago, 1983,

uh, my life in New England
was falling apart,

and I decided to follow
the ridgetop

of the Appalachian Mountains,

and see where I landed.

Coming all the way
from New Hampshire,

and I had a dog,
a little black dog.

And I thought
I was like Dorothy,

following the yellow brick road,
and looking for a home.

And I pull the truck up,

and out of the cabin
comes the wizard.

He came out.

Joe had, like, more hair,
and it was, like, out.

And he just came, and hunched.

He was always hunched over,

because he's always
looking at plants.

And he looked up,
and I just laughed.

I said, "You're the wizard."

"Hi, I'm Dorothy."

I just loved it.

It felt like, you know,
paradise.

So, Joe said I could
live in the yurt

if I worked in the garden,

and then I started
to build the house.

And I was pregnant.

When I became pregnant
is when I married Joe,

and then we were married
for ten years.

My only regrets is that
when I left, I just left.

And Joe was angry that I left,

and we hadn't talked
in 25 years.

So, that's a long time.

So I regret that.

And it's sad that tragedy
has to bring us together again,

but...

that's--

that's life.

We all have these chapters
that make up a book,

and Joe is quite the character
of those chapters.

It's pretty amazing
what he's done.

There's a ton
of blue cohosh right there.

Oh, yeah.
Do you wanna grab it?

- Yeah, do you have a bag?
- Yeah, here.

So there's a fair amount
of ginseng up here.

I've been trying to protect it
for 20 or 30 years.

So do you have any memories
of collecting ginseng

in your youth?

Yeah, I mean,
all sorts of things.

Just wild crafting.

I'm not sure I have a strong
gauge on what normal

kid things are,
but I would say

traipsing around the woods

was definitely a huge part
of growing up.

Part of my dad's legacy
is the work here,

and then the other part is...

influencing, uh, how people
perceive the world.

It has definitely affected
how I perceive it.

I read to Jeffrey
at night,

and it was a large
variety of stuff.

I'm curious which things
you remember.

Yeah. Oh, gosh.

I mean, it was always
a billion things

that were, um,

beyond my level at the time.

Um...

Because I was trying to elevate.

Right, yes, well,
you did a good job.

And then there was a certain
amount of just singing.

I still, I will just...

be sitting outside somewhere,

and getting eaten up
by mosquitoes,

and start singing
"Black Flies" to myself.

Because you sang--

- ♪ The little black flies ♪
- Yeah.

♪ Always the black flies
no matter where you go ♪

♪ Die with the black flies
picking your bones ♪

- Yeah.
- ♪ In North Ontario, ♪

♪ In North Ontario ♪

As far as memories,

it's just all the celebrations
up here.

Pretty well-known.

We had the hot tub going,
and there'd be a drum circle,

and there'd just be people
wandering around in the garden.

Totally regret that I never
kept a guestbook,

or even a list of all
the apprentices that were here,

by year, by year,
and all the visitors.

I mean, it would be terrific.

It would be a great book.

But it never happened.

It's all just in people's
memory banks.

Hmm.

Yeah, one more time!

Okay.

We're kind of at
a culminating moment

of two years of work.

Two Marches ago was when
this fire occurred

that really took out
the jeweled--

cen-- the crown jewel
of the entirety

of Mountain Gardens,
the library, apothecary,

kitchen, gathering space,

common area, classroom,

all-purpose centerpiece
to the whole property.

So this amazing crew
of ten professionals

has showed up today to really
just see this through

to a clean and succinct ending,

so that Joe
has his library back.

Mountain Gardens has its real
center of gravity returned.

And I don't know, like,

primarily it's just,
like, I saw--

I've seen Joe for all
of five minutes this morning,

but I saw, like,
the look on his face

when he saw what we all see,

that this is gonna be
done today.

You know, after seeing you,
Kevin, it's pioneer Kevin.

- Right on. For the most part.
- Thank you, everyone.

- Hey, Joe. Thank you.
- Yeah, I appreciate it.

Thank you.

This is like a dream.

- Now.
- My pleasure.

We're gonna have a Zoom call?

We're gonna have
a Zoom call with Lee.

No, it's not.

- No, it's not.
- It's Caroline.

- Hello?
Is this Joe?

Yes, it is.

How can I be
of support to you?

I've got, uh,
maybe a month to live,

maybe not quite.

So I'm--

Um, I'm working with a
book called, Preparing to Die.

This one is very much following
the Tibetan tradition.

Do you
have familiarity

with Tibetan Buddhism?

No, I do not.

So I'm in deep water.

I'm just trying to work
my way through it.

When we no longer--

when consciousness and karma,
that is what is gonna travel.

- Right.
- When that no longer

is of body,
it can be very confusing.

Yes, I gather.

Yes, and you might
be experiencing

some of that confusion now,

as the elements
are dissolving in your body.

Yeah, I find myself getting
weaker every day.

What the--
the Tibetan Book of the Dead

is telling us is that
if we are, um,

experiencing anything other
than loving kindness

and compassion,

it's a projection of the mind,
the mind that is traveling.

Okay, so any time from now
until the time

you take your last
gross breath,

any time that you're fearful
or angry or irritated,

if your mind allows,

you'll recognize
that it's a projection.

As soon as you recognize
that it is a projection,

you're liberated from it.

- Yes, that's very good.
- Okay?

And-- but in truth, I'm not
having any such feelings.

- Okay, good.
- I've-- I have a terrific

- support group.
- Good.

And we're having a lot,
we're really enjoying--

I've-- the last week or so
has been some of the best days

of my life since Covid.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Yeah, so I'm really good
on that front.

How are you
experiencing it?

I've been saying
for several years to people

that I'm ready to die.

That my quality of life
has deteriorated very badly.

- And--
- Uh-huh.

And the news, global,
poli-- national,

w-- ecological, whatever,

all the news
is exceedingly gloomy,

with no signs that anything's
gonna get any better.

So, yeah, I'd be just as happy
to leave, to not come back.

Right.

But I'd be torn, because I love
the planet so much, you know.

- I know. I know.
- It's so beautiful.

Hard to tear yourself away
from all this beauty.

Apparently, you're gonna
get the total, uh, clearance.

So, this is Peace Corps
training in Hawaii.

Uh, we were there
for three months.

That looks like Mount Kinabalu.

That was up in Sabah.

I went there for a vacation
one time.

It's the highest mountain
for, like, a million miles

- in every direction.
- Oh, wow.

It just sticks up
in the middle of Borneo.

Just wait for this mountain
explorer photo coming up.

Pardon me?

Oh, you'll see.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

That's awesome, huh?

And me, and our guide.

Oh, this guy's a Punan.

So, they're totally nomadic.

They live out in the woods.

They're almost extinct.

Lots of effort's been made
to save them.

They're very...

out with blowpipes,
and do all interesting things.

So, uh, they don't have clocks
or watches or calendars.

And I don't know
what that's about.

That is not Malay architecture.

I believe that said Bangkok.

Yeah, it sure looks
like Bangkok.

But I don't even remember
going to Bangkok.

- Nobody does.
- Yeah.

Nobody remembers
goin' to Bangkok.

So, this
is a church there.

- Wow.
- The Catholic Church,

the, uh, bishop there,

was a huge supporter
of the arts.

And he hired the very
best artists.

But that's their art style.

And it shows up in everything.

That beadwork in my house,
my tattoos.

Amazing.

That's everything.

- That's it?
- That's it.

All right.

Thank you, thank you.

- Oh. Yeah.
- That was great.

Yeah,
that's really cool.

Oh, I have some
really great news tonight.

So, that whole river
was going to be flooded.

Every one of those villages
would have been gone.

Uh, it's this international
scheme that goes on with dams.

And here, too.

And it's happening
all over the world.

And it's always the most
primitive examples

who really will table it.

Who get it.

It's been going on
for, like, 20 years.

- Wow.
- All these primitive

people are standing,
trying to do roadblocks.

- You know?
- Wow.

And it's lost,
they've now lost it.

And meanwhile,
they're logging away.

And so there's this huge
timber company

called Samling International.

And they're the ones that
are chopping everything down.

And, uh, Save Our Rivers
is really fighting back.

And I got an email this morning
that they won the suit.

Yeah.

- Wow.
- Yeah!

- So great.
- That's awesome.

Yeah, I mean,
that'll change everything.

Only 'cause if one place
can do it.

- Yeah.
- You know?

But it'll get a lot
of international attention.

It'll be in The New York Times,
that court case.

Hmm, wow.

There was reporters
from all over the world.

It breaks me up.

- Aww!
- I'm just very, very happy.

- That's good.
- Yeah.

♪ I love my love ♪

♪ And, well, he knows ♪

♪ I love the ground ♪

♪ Whereon he goes ♪

♪ If you know more ♪

♪ On Earth I see ♪

♪ I can't serve you ♪

♪ As you have me ♪

♪ But still I hope ♪

♪ The day will come ♪

♪ When you and I ♪

♪ Shall be as one ♪

♪ I go to the Clyde ♪

♪ For to mourn and weep ♪

♪ So dissatisfied ♪

♪ I never could sleep ♪

♪ I'll write for you ♪

♪ A few short lines ♪

♪ And I'd suffer death ♪

♪ Ten thousand times ♪

♪ So fare thee well ♪

♪ My own true love ♪

♪ Our time has passed ♪

♪ And I wish you well ♪

♪ But still I hope ♪

♪ The day will come ♪

♪ When you and I ♪

♪ Shall be as one ♪

♪ I love my love ♪

♪ And well, he knows ♪

♪ I love the ground ♪

♪ Whereon he goes ♪

♪ With the prettiest face ♪

♪ And the neatest hands ♪

♪ I love the ground ♪

♪ Whereon he stands ♪

Digging a grave is just this...

expression of care
that I've never really had

the opportunity to put
out into the world,

or towards someone
I cared about like that.

At this moment, it's just
so clear to me

how entangled my personal world
is with Joe's existence.

I know he's always wanted
to make things seem

accessible to people,

see this place
as an example of something

that they could take
into their own paradigm

or life goals
or whatever they want,

but I don't think he knows
how much that means

to give someone a better sense
of their own belonging.

Like, that's as much as a person
can offer another person.

It's sad.

I've cried so much
in the last two months,

more than I have
in the last two years,

and, uh...

I am going to miss him so much.

So much gratitude
though, like...

...yeah, just, like,

an un-- unfathomable amount
of gratitude.

Getting to watch someone
receive visitors,

and spend lovely time,

and have final conversations,

um, getting to witness that,

uh, it's pretty beautiful.

Getting to actually say goodbye
is pretty beautiful,

while someone's still here.

I love the idea
that I keep hearing

in every sort of version
of what happens after,

about there being
a bright light.

For-- like, it's Poltergeist
taught me that.

Like, "Go to the light,
go to the light."

But I don't know
what happens after.

Um, I like to see
how content he is

about his place,
and that it's coming,

and that he's ready for it.

Such a beautiful fall.

To be buried in the fall,
it-- it seems perfect.

You know, the leaves fall,

and then you can fall
into the ground.

I mean, we-- we're only here
for a short period of time

in the scheme of things,

you know, so we might as well

make the best of the time
that we have.

And-- and I think
what's happened here

at Mountain Gardens
is-- is kind of remarkable.

And it's just gonna keep
living on.

I think, like,
the timeless quality of death

is probably just that.

It's, like, timelessness,

you're no longer bound by time,

and...

probably experiencing a great
amount of freedom in that.

That seems kinda beautiful
to me.

It occurs to me all the time
that we're just, like,

trapped in time, and, like,

worried about time
running out.

All that scarcity,

all that fear of dying,
and aging, and losing,

and that seems like the point
where we become un-trapped.

This one's about death.

I'm currently reading this from
the "Ultimate Ancestor" chapter.

I take refuge in the, uh,

Taoist attitude towards death.

Um...

Uh, and death is fairly imminent
for me at this point in time.

And this is my bulwark,
so to speak.

"Wonderful, how the Maker
of Things is turning me

into this crumpled thing.

He hunches my back.

He hunches me,
and sticks out my back.

The five pipes of the spine
run up above my head,

and my chin
hides down in my navel.

My shoulders are higher
than my crown,

and a knobbly bone in my neck
points up at the sky.

The energies of yin and yang
are all awry.

His heart was at ease,
and he had nothing to do.

He tottered out to look
at his reflection in the well.

Ugh, the Master of Things
still goes on turning me

into this crumpled thing.

Do you hate it?

No, why should I hate it?

Little by little,
he'll borrow my left arm

to transform it into a cock.

And it will be while
I am listening

to the cock crow at dawn.

Little by little,
he'll borrow my right arm

to transform it into a crossbow.

And it will be while
I am waiting

for a roasted owl for dinner.

Little by little,
he'll borrow and transform

my buttocks into wheels,
my demon into a horse.

And they'll be there
for me to ride.

I'll never have to harness
a team again.

Besides, to get life

is to be on time,

and to lose it
is to be on course."

♪ My dearest dear, ♪

♪ The time draws near ♪

♪ When you and I must part ♪

♪ And no one knows
the inner grief ♪

♪ Of my poor aching heart ♪

♪ Or what I've suffered
for your sake, ♪

♪ The one I love so dear ♪

♪ I wish that I could
go with you ♪

♪ Or you might tarry here ♪

♪ I wished your breast
was made of glass ♪

♪ And in it I'd behold ♪

♪ My name in secret
I would write ♪

♪ In letters of bright gold ♪

♪ My name in secret
I would write ♪

♪ Believe me when I say ♪

♪ You are the man
that I'll love best ♪

♪ Unto my dying day ♪

♪ And when you're on
some distant shore ♪

♪ Think on your absent friend ♪

♪ And when the wind blows
high and clear ♪

♪ A line to me, pray send ♪

♪ And when the wind blows
high and clear ♪

♪ Pray send it, love, to me ♪

♪ That I might know
by your hand-write ♪

♪ How times has gone
with thee ♪

♪ Just a few more weary days ♪

♪ And then I'll fly away ♪

♪ To a land where joy
shall never end ♪

♪ I'll fly away ♪

♪ I'll fly away ♪

♪ Oh, glory ♪

♪ I'll fly away ♪

♪ In the morning ♪

♪ When I die ♪

♪ Hallelujah, by and by ♪

♪ I'll fly away ♪

♪ Oh, glory ♪

♪ I'll fly away ♪

♪ In the morning ♪

♪ When I die ♪

♪ Hallelujah, by and by ♪

♪ ♪I'll fly away