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Then it's unanimous. Under no circumstances will the Fashion Club accept
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applicants with stubby fingertips. Stacy, what is the next membership
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qualification on our agenda?
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Weight guidelines. Unless you want to talk about something else.
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If it's all right with you, Stacy, I prefer to conduct this meeting in an
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orderly fashion. That said, I move we scale back the number of allowable pounds
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by three.
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Um, Sandi, I think it's a really cute idea and all, but it might make it really
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hard to find new members.
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Obviously, I'm the only one in this room concerned with the burgeoning obesity
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problem tearing apart the very fabric of our land.
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Not the fabric!
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If I must stand alone in setting exemplary standards for others to follow, so be it.
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You're all overruled. Next topic.
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That's mine! Give it back!
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Forget it, jerko!
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Um, the next topic is eyelash density.
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You suck! You suck!
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Excuse me.
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Shut up, you little brats!
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Give me the remote!
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My leg! It's broken!
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Wow, you were right. There really are more ZooZoo Drops in a box than Juicy Joes.
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I'm just grateful for the opportunity to enlighten. Now pay up.
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Give me a chance to win my money back first? See Kevin over there? I bet this
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five that within ten minutes he'll stun and amaze his friends by crushing a can
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to his head.
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Nah. It's more of a "covering his eyes with pepperonis and pretending he's blind"
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kind of a day.
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You're on.
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I'm blind! I'm blind!
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So many talents. He really should run off and join the circus.
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Or just run off.
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And the doctor said Sandi's leg will be in a cast for at least a month.
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Poor Sandi. Crutches don't go with anything.
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That's the same thing those land mine victims are always complaining about.
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Damn it! This article says restaurants won't serve meat rare anymore! Some crap
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about gastroenterological disorders.
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But Jake, you order well done anyway.
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Once in a while, a man wants a slab of bloody red steak!
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Isn't anybody listening?!
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Oh, hi, Quinn. Didn't hear you come in.
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Fine. If no one cares then I'll just go to my room.
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Quinn! Come back. Of course we want to hear about Stacy.
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Sandi!
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And then I said, "You can't wear sneakers to Chez Pierre," and he said he didn't
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know that.
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You know, a guy once took me to a chain restaurant.
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No! Tell us about it.
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Really?
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Hello? Sandi! How are you feeling?
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How do you think I'm feeling? I can't even give myself a pedicure with this
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stupid cast.
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So then, it's good that you can't go out.
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Are you sure you don't want to have this meeting at your house?
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Yes, I'm sure. Unless it's too confusing for you to follow what I'm saying from
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this speakerphone.
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Don't be silly, Sandi.
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Silly? Gee, Quinn. Is there anything else you'd like to call me while I'm not
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there to defend myself in person?
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What I meant was...
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Excuse me. I have a call.
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It's Cashman's. I'll have to call you back.
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Poor Sandi. Too bad she's not here. I've really missed her these past few weeks.
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Oh, yeah...
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Yeah.
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Brittany. Would you care to tell us some of the factors leading up to the Great Depression?
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Um, when people realized they had no money they got really depressed?
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Brittany, explain something. Do you perhaps harbor a powerful phobia that it
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might actually hurt to think?
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Um, I think that's pronounced "pheebia."
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Would anyone else care to broadcast their complete lack of education?!
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Bet you ten he'll say "imbeciles."
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I'm going to go with "morons."
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I see. Perhaps it's my own stupidity that allows me to think I could actually
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impart wisdom to a bunch of...
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Say it.
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Starts with an "m."
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Imbecilic morons!
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You know, these little bets have cost you 40 clams so far. If I had a
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self-image, I'd think you were bribing me to be your friend.
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Bet you the whole 40 I'm not.
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Nice try.
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Wait. Clams?
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Guys, guys! Jackie is wearing green shoes with yellow socks!
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I never did like her.
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I don't believe it.
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I know. I couldn't believe it, either.
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No, I mean it's Sandi. She's come back to school.
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And she's...
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Fat...
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Gee, Tiffany, why don't you take a picture? It will last longer.
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But I don't have a camera.
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I mean, you can stop staring at me.
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We weren't staring. We were, um... looking at your skirt. It looks really cute
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over that cast.
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You can hardly tell you've gained... a cast.
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Hi, guys!
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Quinn! You spoke to us!
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Can I walk you to class?
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No, me!
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Guys, look who's back! Sandi.
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This can't be happening. I'm ruined!
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Why me? Oh, God, why me?
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Sandi wasn't in Mr. O'Neill's class, either, so she must have left school.
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Gee, I hope it doesn't have anything to do with, well, you know... not that she looks
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that bad.
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I know. She looks really good for a fat person. She could inspire fat people.
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Stacy, I don't think we should use the "F" word when talking about Sandi.
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Right. She could inspire the thinly challenged everywhere. Like, travel around
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the world in a Winnebago and show people you can be fa... differently
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weighted... and still have great color sense.
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Um, Stacy, hold that thought.
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Sandi! Sure, I'll be right over.
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Quinn? Quinn?! But, Quinn, I didn't say fat.
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Quinn, you're so lucky you have your thinness.
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Oh, Sandi, you're not that not that thin.
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It's sweet of you to say that, Quinn. Thank you for being my best friend.
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Sandi, I...
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And as my best friend, I want you to be the first to know that, out of respect
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to the Fashion Club's stringent obesity policy, I am resigning the presidency.
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Sandi, you can't resign!
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Please, Quinn, this is painful enough as it is. All I ask is that, after you
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assume the presidency, you'll try to remember me as I used to be.
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Me? President?
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I'm just grateful I'm being replaced by someone who truly excels in accessorizing.
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Sandi, I could never replace you!
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Really?
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Of course not! You're...
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Quinn... that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Refusing the
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presidency out of respect for our friendship.
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Uh, what I mean is, I couldn't do the job just like you...
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You don't have to explain. If I live another 20 years I'll never be able to
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express the gratitude I feel for your unwavering devotion.
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I humbly accept your resignation.
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Um... don't mention it.
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Meet the psychic Nazi hunter who says the Fuhrer's been reincarnated... as a
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madcap leggy blonde! "There's something about Hitler," tonight on Sick, Sad World.
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How much do I owe you now?
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Still 40.
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Clams?
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Simoleons. Try to keep up.
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You're not going to believe what happened!
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You're right. Save your breath.
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Sandi resigned from the Fashion Club because she's fat, and then I had to resign
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to show Sandi my support, although I didn't really mean to resign, and now I
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don't know what's going to happen because there's no way there can even be a
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Fashion Club without me and Sandi!
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Um, Quinn? It's me, Daria.
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Did I hear right? The death of the Fashion Club? That at last the people shall
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be free?
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Not likely. That club's like a hydra. You cut off one airhead, two more grow back.
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Hmm. Care to put a wager on that? Say, 40 piasters?
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Make it spondulicks.
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Damn it, Daria! Special orders my foot! Medium! Medium! Medium! Our freedom of
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choice is gone!
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Quinn! Dad's here and he wants to hear all about Sandi!
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Before we begin the meeting, I have an announcement to make. Sandi has resigned
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from the Fashion Club.
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Quinn, that's terrible! Not that we shouldn't respect her decision.
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Yeah, that's awful... oh, well.
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She says she can't even come back to school because it hurts too much to walk in
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her cast.
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So if you're the vice president and Sandi's resigned, then you must be the new president.
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Congratulations...
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Well, actually...
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So what's the first item of business, President Quinn? The best president ever!
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Long live the Quinn! Hey... !
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Guys, stop it! I'm resigning, too.
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What?
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Oh, no! Was it something I said? Something I did?
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No, Stacy. See, I kind of had to promise Sandi I'd resign. Tiffany, I guess
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you're the president now, and Stacy, you're vice president.
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Quinn, you can't go! What will we do without you?!
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You're going to carry on the Fashion Club mission. You'll stop the vertically
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challenged from wearing really fat stripes, point out icky fibers to icky fibers
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wearers, and fight frosted shadows wherever you go, unless it's at a costume
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party. You'll hold yourselves up to the highest standards possible. No ankle
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boot too pointy, no chartreuse too chartreusey, and no mock turtleneck too
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mocky. And finally, you will never, ever date anyone less attractive than you
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are... although equally attractive is okay.
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My sources tell me that, though diminished by half, the soldiers of style battle on.
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Huh?
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The Fashion Club still exists. Give me my 40 George W's.
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Daria, please. These girls aren't the swiftest boats in the current. Give them
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some time to realize they've broken up.
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You're not trying to weasel out of paying me?
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No! Just making sure you don't think I'm buying your friendship.
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Come on, Tiffany, you're the president. Start the meeting and pick a topic already.
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Topic... ?
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You know, like Sandi used to. She'd say something like "nail decals" and Quinn
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would say they're passé and Sandi would ask if Quinn knew the difference between
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passé and retro and Quinn would explain what she meant to say and we'd move on
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to the next topic.
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Hmm... topic. I know.
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How about fashion?
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Um, maybe if we tried begging Quinn to come back.
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But, Quinn, you have to return to the Fashion Club. We need you!
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Really need you.
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Guys, I would if I could, but I can't because I promised Sandi.
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But she doesn't have to know. Please?
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Okay... I'll think about it.
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Thank you, thank you, thank you, Quinn!
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Or is it 16 times to the right?
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Brittany, let me ask a hypothet... make-believe question. What would you do if
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you found out Angie went on a date with Kevin?
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But Angie would never do that to me. She's my friend.
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And friends don't go behind other friends' backs, do they? I knew this girl who
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went behind her friend's back and felt so guilty about it she ended up in an
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insane asylum and they made her wear drawstring pants and a big plastic bracelet.
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Serves her right, the back-stabber!
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Anyhoo, thanks for straightening that out for me.
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Ooh, I can't believe Kevvy cheated on me with Angie! Wait till I get my hands on him!
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Stacy, I want to come back but I just can't wear drawstring pants.
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Brr...
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What?
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I mean, I can't betray Sandi. You'll just have to find some new members.
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Oh, God, what if that's her? Got to run.
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I guess we're on our own. Anyway, I thought up some topics...
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if that's okay with you.
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Sure.
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Let's begin with a debate on crew necks. Now, I think people with long necks
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look really good in them because they make their necks look long.
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Do you think I look good in crew necks?
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Of course. You look good in anything. But what about the color?
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I think I prefer pastels.
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Do you think I look good in pastels?
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Um, yes, Tiffany. Anyway, I don't care how long her neck is. I can't believe she
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dated Matt Damon.
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Do you think I'd look good with Matt Damon?
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Quinn's right. We need more members.
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You can't let Gina into the Fashion Club. Her teeth are thick. Heidi?! With the
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clogs?! Gee, I guess there really aren't any suitable girls at school.
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Maybe the club should break up. Stacy, stop crying.
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Stacy... !
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Ice cream out of the carton? You're going to end up like Sandi!
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I suppose your friendship is over now that she can't squeeze into a size zero.
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Daria, I am not shallow. Besides, it's not like Sandi's gotten ugly or anything.
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Wow, I've really misjudged you. I never realized you'd be willing to sacrifice
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your own popularity for the sake of friendship.
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What do you mean?
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00:14:00,816 --> 00:14:06,059
Well, you and I both know how society discriminates against the overweight, even
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to the point of shunning them. The old Quinn might even have done it herself.
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But this new Quinn? Willing to stick by her friend no matter how heavy she gets,
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even if it costs you your own status? Wow
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00:14:17,770 --> 00:14:19,434
Simply wow.
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00:14:19,532 --> 00:14:20,926
Um... yeah.
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00:14:21,130 --> 00:14:25,810
Some more shallow friend might try to make Sandi lose weight so she could rejoin
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00:14:25,910 --> 00:14:31,293
the Fashion Club and return life to normal, but not you. You accept her as she is.
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00:14:31,426 --> 00:14:33,630
Kudos to you, Quinn Morgendorffer.
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00:14:34,075 --> 00:14:36,199
Uh... thanks! Got to go!
252
00:14:47,410 --> 00:14:50,395
Sandi, open up! It's an emergency!
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Quinn!
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00:14:58,017 --> 00:15:00,684
I told you little creeps no visitors!
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00:15:03,844 --> 00:15:06,293
Go ahead, laugh at my disfigurement.
256
00:15:06,390 --> 00:15:10,567
I would never laugh at you, Sandi. Besides, you're not disfigured.
257
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You're beautiful on the inside. That's all that counts.
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Then what are you doing here?
259
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,207
I'm going to make you fit to go out in public again.
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00:15:18,388 --> 00:15:18,758
What?
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00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:21,871
Now that your cast is off, I'm here to help you lose weight.
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00:15:22,137 --> 00:15:26,730
Oh, Quinn, can't you see that it's too late? My life is over!
263
00:15:26,890 --> 00:15:30,293
Sandi, you're not 30. Now let's get started.
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00:15:30,936 --> 00:15:34,809
I know it's hard to believe, but I once weighed over a hundred pounds.
265
00:15:36,750 --> 00:15:37,750
What's wrong, Sandi?
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00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:43,400
Nothing. It's just... oh, Quinn, I love you so much!
267
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Oh, Sandi, I love you, too!
268
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:53,160
Quinn's right. There just aren't any girls up to the Fashion Club's standards.
269
00:15:53,545 --> 00:15:55,415
If only looks weren't everything.
270
00:15:55,485 --> 00:15:59,473
I know. Too bad we can't let boys in.
271
00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:01,200
Tiffany, that's a great idea.
272
00:16:01,288 --> 00:16:02,012
What?
273
00:16:02,141 --> 00:16:02,918
About the boys.
274
00:16:03,283 --> 00:16:04,993
Boys? Where?
275
00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:10,223
Hey, guys. Are you doing anything this afternoon? Because Tiffany and I would
276
00:16:10,293 --> 00:16:12,840
really like it if you could come over to my house for sodas.
277
00:16:13,003 --> 00:16:13,923
Will Quinn be there?
278
00:16:13,980 --> 00:16:14,920
Yeah, Quinn!
279
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,848
No... there will be a free form discussion on swimwear.
280
00:16:18,072 --> 00:16:18,992
A discussion?
281
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,680
Um, I mean, we want to show you some girls in bikinis!
282
00:16:21,986 --> 00:16:24,613
Babes in bikinis! Nice! All right! We're there!
283
00:16:25,008 --> 00:16:29,998
So Jamie, Jeffy and Joey are going to Stacy's to talk style. Jocks on frocks.
284
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,060
sounds like a Fashion Club meeting to me.
285
00:16:32,260 --> 00:16:33,720
Trust me, it will be the last.
286
00:16:33,950 --> 00:16:34,390
Uh-huh.
287
00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:35,520
Care to double our bet?
288
00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:36,850
It's your wampum.
289
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:39,340
Prepare to kiss your moolah good-bye.
290
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:40,832
Let's see the bikinis!
291
00:16:40,945 --> 00:16:41,325
Yeah, bikinis!
292
00:16:41,436 --> 00:16:44,590
Um, that's not till later. Right now we're discussing tank tops.
293
00:16:44,868 --> 00:16:45,728
Tanks are cool!
294
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,004
Yeah, like in that movie, World War Blood?
295
00:16:48,204 --> 00:16:50,934
Um, I didn't see that movie. What color were the tank tops?
296
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,675
Green! You want the enemy to spot your tank?
297
00:16:53,738 --> 00:16:57,098
Well, yeah... that's kind of the whole idea.
298
00:16:57,380 --> 00:16:59,324
But what about the element of surprise?
299
00:16:59,424 --> 00:17:02,824
You surprise them by looking really hot.
300
00:17:03,099 --> 00:17:04,473
He's talking about war.
301
00:17:04,581 --> 00:17:05,741
So am I.
302
00:17:06,105 --> 00:17:08,655
No, you know, conceal and surprise?
303
00:17:08,780 --> 00:17:11,051
You think I need concealer?
304
00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:13,030
Um, where are the bikinis, anyway?
305
00:17:13,103 --> 00:17:14,379
Yeah! Bikinis!
306
00:17:15,627 --> 00:17:16,167
Right here.
307
00:17:16,307 --> 00:17:17,327
Yeah! Excellent!
308
00:17:17,564 --> 00:17:18,785
Which fabric do you like best?
309
00:17:20,150 --> 00:17:20,754
Fabric?
310
00:17:21,830 --> 00:17:23,887
We've got to go... do something.
311
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:24,762
Yeah.
312
00:17:25,191 --> 00:17:26,309
Uh, prior engagement.
313
00:17:27,190 --> 00:17:30,590
The Fashion Club is falling apart! What are we going to do?
314
00:17:30,629 --> 00:17:33,426
Hmm... I do need concealer.
315
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:45,871
Can't... I... rest?
316
00:17:46,223 --> 00:17:51,275
Did Cleopatra rest when she was inventing mascara? Did Neferiti rest when she
317
00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:55,880
was posing for statues? Did Helen of Troy rest when she was doing whatever it
318
00:17:56,030 --> 00:17:56,980
was she did?
319
00:17:57,222 --> 00:18:01,863
Beauty never rests! Now, swim, you cow, swim!
320
00:18:02,203 --> 00:18:02,738
What?!
321
00:18:03,363 --> 00:18:04,770
Sorry. Coach talk.
322
00:18:10,062 --> 00:18:12,746
Should we tell her it's easier to speak if you open your mouth?
323
00:18:12,940 --> 00:18:17,650
Stacy, what time is the Fashion Club meeting today?
324
00:18:17,961 --> 00:18:19,105
There is no meeting.
325
00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:20,265
How co...
326
00:18:20,290 --> 00:18:23,950
How come?! Because I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of doing all the work while
327
00:18:24,090 --> 00:18:27,500
you just sit there. I tried my best, and even if it wasn't as good as Sandi's or
328
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:31,070
Quinn's, a chain is only as strong as its weakest round thingy, and you refused
329
00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:34,270
to lift one freakin' finger! I'm through running the Fashion Club all by myself
330
00:18:34,421 --> 00:18:41,785
while you stare... in the mirror... and talk... about yourself... and I, I, I quit!
331
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,668
Hmm, maybe I should quit, too.
332
00:18:47,549 --> 00:18:51,832
You saw it here first. The Fashion Club is dead. Pay me my 80 smackers.
333
00:18:54,237 --> 00:18:58,160
Don't look now, but I think the guy with the balloon animals is back.
334
00:19:00,066 --> 00:19:03,629
It's Sandi! And she's... thin.
335
00:19:11,410 --> 00:19:15,605
Then it's agreed. Applicants can't have stubby fingertips or nails shorter than
336
00:19:15,630 --> 00:19:16,965
one-quarter of an inch.
337
00:19:18,470 --> 00:19:20,605
Next topic: weight requirement.
338
00:19:23,262 --> 00:19:27,574
I move that we review maximum allowable weights on a case by case basis.
339
00:19:27,660 --> 00:19:29,260
That's a great idea, Sandi!
340
00:19:29,380 --> 00:19:30,280
Yeah! Absolutely.
341
00:19:30,410 --> 00:19:31,652
Let's move on to eyelashes.
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00:19:32,010 --> 00:19:37,762
Um, Quinn... as president of the Fashion Club, I believe it is my job to decide
343
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:42,360
on the topic for membership guidelines, unless there was a change of protocol in
344
00:19:42,460 --> 00:19:46,120
my absence that allows the vice president to switch topics at whim.
345
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:51,290
But Sandi, how would I know that? I resigned after you resigned because you were,
346
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:56,645
well, you know, not yourself, not that I wanted either of us to resign. Remember?
347
00:19:58,471 --> 00:20:03,391
Right... moving on. I say, no one with a low eyelash count should be admitted.
348
00:20:03,576 --> 00:20:04,276
No exceptions.
349
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,730
But Sandi... with all the thickening mascaras available you can always make it
350
00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:11,040
look like you have more eyelashes than you really do, so is the actual number of
351
00:20:11,155 --> 00:20:12,655
lashes really that important?
352
00:20:12,877 --> 00:20:14,757
Quinn, are you proposing artifice?
353
00:20:14,870 --> 00:20:15,863
I agree with Quinn.
354
00:20:16,232 --> 00:20:17,059
Me, too.
355
00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:23,348
Fine, but any eyelash-deficient applicants must agree to wear mascara at all times.
356
00:20:27,113 --> 00:20:32,005
Finally! A place that still respects good old freedom of choice! Behold, the
357
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:37,230
Beef N Cake triple patty burger served medium rare, just like Jakey ordered!
358
00:20:37,808 --> 00:20:42,042
Beef N Cake? I guess their refrigeration problems must be over.
359
00:20:42,326 --> 00:20:45,051
Damn gastroenterological disorders!
360
00:20:48,796 --> 00:20:50,796
Written by Peggy Nicoll
www.outpost-daria.com
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00:20:51,202 --> 00:20:53,202
Synchro by Atrabilogie
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