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1
00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:04,130
'...looks good.
2
00:00:04,255 --> 00:00:07,466
'On the Northwest toll eastbound,
traffic is moving nicely this morning
3
00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:09,844
'from Meacham Road
all the way down to River Road.
4
00:00:09,969 --> 00:00:13,472
'Westbound, there's now a 20-car
backup at the Devon Avenue toll.
5
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:16,684
'And on the northbound I-290
extension at Thorndale Avenue,
6
00:00:16,809 --> 00:00:18,352
'we had a spinout there.
7
00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:20,479
'And that car was blocking
the right-hand lane,
8
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:23,024
'and also blocking the lane
that's coming off
9
00:00:23,149 --> 00:00:27,153
'of the eastbound Thorndale Avenue
entrance ramp,
10
00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:30,573
'leading to the northbound
I-290 extension.
11
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:33,409
'This was causing a backup
to Irving Park. We have...'
12
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:40,395
Come on, chop, chop.
We got relatives invading this afternoon.
13
00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:44,336
Ginny, Mike, Sara, Sam!
Come on, everybody up.
14
00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:48,924
I think I have a fever.
15
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:52,011
- You don't have a fever.
- Shut your face.
16
00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:53,929
Make me.
17
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,556
Dad, Mike hit me!
18
00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,016
You liar!
19
00:00:57,141 --> 00:00:59,143
Mike! Come on, pal.
We got a wedding tomorrow.
20
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:00,686
Try to cooperate, will you?
21
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:02,354
Dad, I didn't hit her.
22
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:06,400
I'd like to very much and I probably
will later, but give me a break.
23
00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:09,487
You know my method. I don't hit her
when you're just down the hall.
24
00:01:09,612 --> 00:01:11,530
Pick on someone your own size.
25
00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:15,076
Open this door.
26
00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:19,205
Daddy, I'm the one getting married.
27
00:01:19,789 --> 00:01:22,541
Not until tomorrow. Come on,
I've got a mouthful of toothpaste.
28
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:25,753
I happen to have a serious problem.
29
00:01:27,088 --> 00:01:28,089
Dad.
30
00:01:28,214 --> 00:01:31,133
She got her period. Should make
for an interesting honeymoon, huh?
31
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:34,386
- Where are you learning that stuff?
- School.
32
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,556
Good. Getting my money's worth.
33
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:42,061
'They were fantastic.
Just great. What a great crowd.
34
00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:43,479
'And it was so much fun...'
35
00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,900
♪ It would fall
through the hole in your pocket
36
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:50,319
♪ And you'd lose it
in the snow on the ground
37
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:53,781
♪ You got to walk into town
to find a job
38
00:01:53,906 --> 00:01:56,450
♪ Trying to keep your hands warm... ♪
39
00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:59,036
Chronologically, you're 16 today.
40
00:02:00,037 --> 00:02:01,455
Physically,
41
00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,750
you're still 15.
42
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,423
Hopeless.
43
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:17,805
Nope. I look exactly the same
as I have since summer.
44
00:02:18,681 --> 00:02:20,558
Utterly forgettable.
45
00:02:20,683 --> 00:02:23,769
No, I didn't expect
to wake up transformed.
46
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:26,230
I just thought that turning 16
would be so major,
47
00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:30,651
that I'd wake up with an improved
mental state that would show in my face.
48
00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:34,697
All that shows is that I don't have
any sort of a tan left.
49
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:37,032
I better get downstairs.
50
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:40,995
My family's probably pissed off I haven't
let them wish me happy birthday yet.
51
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,664
All right.
I'll see you at school.
52
00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:51,881
You need four inches of bod
and a great birthday.
53
00:02:55,551 --> 00:02:57,391
- Where's my briefcase?
- Where'd you leave it?
54
00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:59,680
- Don't be a smart-ass.
- OK, I'll be a dumb-ass.
55
00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,682
- You already are.
- OK.
56
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:04,018
- OK, where's Sam?
- Where's my briefcase?
57
00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:05,936
- Sam?
- Allow me, Brenda.
58
00:03:06,061 --> 00:03:07,563
Hey, birth defect!
59
00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:10,065
You missed breakfast again.
60
00:03:10,191 --> 00:03:13,253
It wasn't my idea to give her her own
phone line, I don't have my own phone line.
61
00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:15,362
- Mike, lift or I'll punch you.
- Grab a doughnut.
62
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,156
You're totally infected.
63
00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:19,992
It's small, it's brown,
it's made of leather,
64
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:23,370
it has my initials on it.
And I believe... That's it.
65
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,956
Don't forget the grandparents
are coming this afternoon.
66
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,684
Are we still having dinner
with the Rice Chex?
67
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,919
Ryszczyks.
Eight o'clock at the club.
68
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:33,047
Oh, and you better learn their names.
As of tomorrow, they're family.
69
00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:34,673
That's a lovely thought.
70
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:37,760
When it comes your turn to get married,
do me a favour. Elope.
71
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,303
Who'd marry her?
72
00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:40,679
Mr T.
73
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,973
Oh, I'm sorry,
you'll have to buy lunch today.
74
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,725
I didn't have time to fix your carrots.
75
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:47,853
Yeah, well, she's only eating carrots
to increase the size of her breasts.
76
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:52,066
Mister, you had better shape up,
or you will miss your sister's wedding.
77
00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:53,400
Promise?
78
00:03:57,238 --> 00:04:00,157
Now, don't give me
that pouty look of yours.
79
00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:02,826
You can eat your carrots
when you get home.
80
00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:06,038
That's it? You don't have
anything else to say to me today?
81
00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:09,333
What would you like me to say, Sam?
82
00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:13,170
Come on now, honey.
You're gonna miss the bus.
83
00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:15,130
Have a good day.
84
00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:19,635
I can't believe this.
85
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,679
They fucking forgot my birthday.
86
00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:24,510
I'm sure they didn't forget your birthday.
They just didn't remember it right away.
87
00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:26,762
Same difference.
88
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,491
I know it's a drag that your sweet
sixteen's the day before Ginny gets married,
89
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:31,266
but big deal!
They'll remember.
90
00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:33,977
Oh, easy for you to say.
Did anyone ever forget your birthday?
91
00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:35,104
Come on, Sam.
92
00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:37,022
Everything's just getting shittier.
93
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,733
My family forgetting my birthday
just makes it more vivid.
94
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,819
What do you expect,
a breakfast birthday party?
95
00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:44,196
No, but they could have
at least said "happy birthday".
96
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:46,615
I mean, it was just like any other day.
97
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,450
Why don't you remind them?
98
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:51,078
They'll feel some massive guilt.
It could be highly profitable.
99
00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:53,580
I wouldn't stoop to remind them.
100
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:56,184
Since I was about 12, I've been
looking forward to my sweet sixteen.
101
00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:58,710
You know,
a big party and a band,
102
00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:00,462
- with tons of people.
- Tons of people.
103
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:03,841
And a big Trans Am in the driveway
with a ribbon around it.
104
00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:06,844
And some incredibly gorgeous guy
that you meet, like, in France.
105
00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:09,280
And you do it on a cloud
without getting pregnant or herpes.
106
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,825
- I don't need the cloud.
- Just a pink Trans Am and the guy, right?
107
00:07:11,849 --> 00:07:13,392
- A black one.
- A black guy?
108
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,644
A black Trans Am. A pink guy.
109
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,855
Oh, no.
110
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:26,113
♪ I remember always, always
I got such a fright
111
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:32,202
♪ Seeing them in my dark cupboard
With my great big cake
112
00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:38,792
♪ If they were me, if they were me
And I was you, and I was you
113
00:07:38,876 --> 00:07:44,882
♪ If they were me, if they were me
And I was you, and I was you
114
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:50,053
♪ If they were me, and I was you
Would you've liked a present too?
115
00:07:57,352 --> 00:08:02,524
♪ Happy, happy birthday in a hot bath
To those nice, nice nights
116
00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:09,740
♪ I remember always, always
I got such a fright
117
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:15,704
♪ Seeing them in my dark cupboard
With my great big cake
118
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:21,627
♪ If they were me, if they were me
And I was you, and I was you
119
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:28,175
♪ If they were me, if they were me
And I was you, and I was you
120
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:34,306
♪ If they were me, and I was you
Would you've liked a present too?
121
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:50,906
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday
122
00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:57,704
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday
123
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:03,210
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday
124
00:09:05,254 --> 00:09:09,341
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday
125
00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:15,847
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday
126
00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:21,979
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday... ♪
127
00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:28,777
- You swear to God you don't have it?
- I don't know anything about it.
128
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,363
Jennifer Woods gave me a sex test
during Child Development,
129
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:34,741
and I was supposed to do it
and pass it to you in Independent Study.
130
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:38,161
- I'm totally screwed.
- Did you put your name on it?
131
00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:39,413
Hi.
132
00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:41,331
No, but it was really embarrassing.
133
00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,667
I had to name who I'd do it with
if I ever did it.
134
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:45,335
Who'd you name?
135
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,213
- Jake Ryan.
- Jake Ryan?
136
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,465
He doesn't even know you exist.
137
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,634
Thank you.
That's a very nice thing to say.
138
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,469
I'm sorry.
But Jake Ryan?
139
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:57,431
He's a senior, and he's taken.
I mean, really taken.
140
00:09:57,556 --> 00:10:00,267
I know. It was supposed
to be my ideal.
141
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:03,520
He's ideal, for sure,
but forget it.
142
00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:07,733
God, I hope whoever got the note
doesn't know it was me who wrote it.
143
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:09,943
I'd shit twice and die.
144
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:39,639
I can't believe I'm actually going
to consume a school hamburger.
145
00:10:39,765 --> 00:10:42,434
You know, they're not that bad
since they started using meat.
146
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,019
What happened to your carrots?
147
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,396
Oh, Brenda was busy today.
148
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:50,901
If she can't remember my birthday, you
can't expect her to remember my carrots.
149
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:55,530
- Are they working?
- I'm not sure.
150
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:02,204
Since I started eating them, there's been,
like, a 1/16 inch difference.
151
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,581
If I breathe in real deep,
I get half an inch.
152
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:07,834
I think the power of the carrot
is definitely overrated.
153
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:13,840
Thank you.
154
00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:32,192
- What are you doing?
- Jake's here.
155
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,403
I don't want him to know I eat.
156
00:11:39,241 --> 00:11:41,326
Do you know Samantha Baker?
157
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,413
Sophomore, right?
158
00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:47,791
Yeah. What do you think of her?
159
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,502
I don't.
160
00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:53,922
Would you ever go out with her?
161
00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:57,426
Depends on how much you paid me.
162
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,636
She's not ugly.
163
00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:05,851
There's nothing there, man.
It's not ugly, it's just... void.
164
00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:08,353
- You know what I mean?
- There's something about her.
165
00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:11,690
I do Independent Study with her.
I catch her looking at me a lot.
166
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:14,943
It's kind of cool, the way
she's always looking at me.
167
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,154
Maybe she's retarded.
168
00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:19,281
I'm being serious, OK?
169
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,492
She looks at me
like she's in love with me.
170
00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:24,578
Jake, she's a child.
171
00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:26,830
So?
172
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:31,710
So what are you gonna do with her?
She's obviously too young to party serious.
173
00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:34,713
Maybe I'm interested
in more than a party.
174
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:37,966
Come on, Jake.
You talk like you're hard up.
175
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,594
You got Caroline.
Now she's a woman.
176
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,600
It's unbelievable.
177
00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:49,936
I swear to God, Caroline Mulford
had to flunk about nine grades.
178
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:54,191
- Truly makes me ill.
- She's perfect.
179
00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:57,277
Practically impossible to cut up.
180
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:58,737
She's supposedly real sweet.
181
00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:02,574
Brother's deaf, and everybody
in the world worships her.
182
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:04,201
And she's going with Jake.
183
00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:07,287
Oh, I'm gonna kill myself.
184
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:09,039
My man.
185
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:27,349
I loathe the bus.
186
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:36,733
There has to be a more dignified
mode of transportation.
187
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:39,236
I hope you get a car
for your birthday and a licence.
188
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:41,196
Let's not hold our breath.
189
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,910
Score. A direct hit.
190
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,039
On second thought...
191
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:17,899
Move it.
192
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:27,617
Call me, OK?
193
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:30,036
You call me first.
Tell me what happened at home.
194
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:32,247
I can tell you right now.
Nothing.
195
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:35,709
Would you quit feeling sorry for yourself?
It's bad for your complexion.
196
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,523
How's it going?
197
00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,483
How's what going?
198
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:05,447
You know, things, life, whatnot.
199
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:08,533
Life is not whatnot,
and it's none of your business.
200
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,581
Huh! So you going
to the New Faces dance tonight or...
201
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,833
That's also none of your business.
202
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:23,923
Are you inhibited about
dancing in public? I mean...
203
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:26,676
You don't have to dance.
I mean, you could just stand there
204
00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:28,887
with me and my dudes
and just be you, and...
205
00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:30,847
Sounds major.
206
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,173
So, I mean, what's the story?
I mean, you got a guy, or...
207
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,396
Yes, three big ones,
and they lust for wimp blood,
208
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:41,983
so quit bugging me, or I'll sic them
all over your weenie ass.
209
00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:45,838
You know, I'm getting input here
that I'm reading as relatively hostile.
210
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:48,239
- I mean, it's just...
- Go to hell.
211
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,159
Very hostile.
212
00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:56,748
Come on, what's the problem here?
I'm a boy, you're a girl.
213
00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,768
Is there anything wrong
with me trying to put together
214
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,794
some kind of relationship between us?
215
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:05,048
OK, look, I know you have to go.
Just answer me one question.
216
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:06,800
Yes, you're a total fag.
217
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,345
That's not the question.
218
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:12,972
Am I turning you on?
219
00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:24,109
It's encouraging.
220
00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:26,444
- Very encouraging.
- Yeah... Uh-huh.
221
00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:29,114
You know,
a girl with a hat is just so...
222
00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:30,573
vogue.
223
00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:31,866
Yeah.
224
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,884
Where are my blue socks, Dorothy?
225
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,011
You mean to tell me
you didn't pack them?
226
00:16:52,137 --> 00:16:53,972
Oh, not again, Howard!
227
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:58,268
Can't I trust you to do anything?
Do you expect me to do all the packing?
228
00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:02,480
Well, at least I brought this for you.
It...
229
00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:04,482
Sam!
230
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:06,317
Samantha.
231
00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:08,570
- Look.
- Oh, look.
232
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,365
- Hi.
- Hi.
233
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:14,701
Oh, God.
234
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:18,913
Oh, sweetheart.
235
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,124
My goodness,
are you a sight for sore eyes.
236
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:24,586
Mwah! And mwah!
237
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,421
Oh, good. Just look.
238
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,215
- How are you, my little lamb chop?
- Hello.
239
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:31,176
- I'm fine, Grandpa.
- Fine.
240
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:33,052
- How are you guys?
- Oh, we're pretty good.
241
00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:35,906
- Of course, I get the lower back pain.
- Oh, my corns are killing me.
242
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,742
- And arthritis in my fingers.
- I still have those headaches.
243
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:41,394
- But I brought the ice bag...
- So are you... You're sleeping up here?
244
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,021
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
245
00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:46,065
Your grandfather Fred
jumped our claim on Sara's room.
246
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:49,611
- So here we are. We gotta sleep up here.
- Well, I haven't seen you guys in a while.
247
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,488
Do I look any older today?
248
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,449
Oh, no, no, I wouldn't say so.
Do you think so, darling?
249
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:57,076
No. Oh,
I hope it isn't cold tomorrow.
250
00:17:57,202 --> 00:18:00,580
You know Ginny. She'll refuse to wear
a hat and coat over her wedding dress.
251
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,415
Well, if she does, you mustn't bug her
252
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,810
- because if a girl does not...
- I'm not gonna bug her...
253
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:07,754
I'm gonna go set myself up in Mike's room.
So I'll see you guys later.
254
00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:09,639
- OK, sweetheart.
- Oh, look, there she goes.
255
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:13,843
Grandpa and I are looking forward
to a nice, long, long visit with you.
256
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,512
- Aces!
- We certainly are.
257
00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:17,305
We're looking forward...
258
00:18:17,889 --> 00:18:20,892
Oh, see you a little later, darling.
We've got a lot to...
259
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:25,563
I swear to God,
this has got to be a joke.
260
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:28,107
Grandparents forgetting a birthday?
261
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:31,110
They live for that shit.
262
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:33,738
♪ With my arms around you... ♪
263
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:40,745
Well, well, if it isn't
Sammy Baker Davis Jr.
264
00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:44,040
- Hi, Grandpa.
- Oh, I've got one for you.
265
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:45,750
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
266
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,418
- Who.
- Who, who?
267
00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:51,172
Helen, we've got an owl
out here in the hall.
268
00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:56,678
Fred, Fred, leave her alone.
269
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,972
- You'll make her tinkle.
- Oh, come on, Helen.
270
00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:01,933
Oh, Sam, let me look at you.
271
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,105
Fred, she's gotten her boobies.
272
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:10,733
I'd better go get my magnifying glass.
273
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:14,362
Oh, and they are so perky.
274
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:31,045
I can't believe my grandmother
actually felt me up.
275
00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:39,971
What's happening, hot stuff?
276
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:42,682
His name is Long Duk Dong.
277
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:44,976
What?
278
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:46,895
Long Duk Dong.
279
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,897
He came down with
Grandma and Grandpa Baker.
280
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:51,441
He's an exchange student
that's living with them.
281
00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:53,401
Yeah, well, he's totally bizarre.
282
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,278
He is not.
283
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:57,572
He is a very sweet boy.
284
00:19:58,281 --> 00:20:01,576
I just hope you burn the sheets
and mattresses after he leaves.
285
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:04,722
I don't suppose it makes
any difference to you,
286
00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:06,906
but there's a very weird
Chinese guy up in Mike's room.
287
00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:09,918
Ginny dumped Rudy
and he's her new fiancé.
288
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:11,878
Mike, stop it.
289
00:20:12,587 --> 00:20:15,840
Sam, honey, do you think you could
help the grandmothers with supper?
290
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:18,801
Dad and I have to go to the club
for dinner with the Rice Chex.
291
00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:20,386
Ryszczyks.
292
00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:22,138
Oh, Ryszczyks.
293
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:27,060
Erm, do you think that there's any reason
that I should possibly stay home tonight?
294
00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:31,481
Well, I think it might be nice if you'd visit
with your grandparents and Long Duk Dong.
295
00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:32,941
Who?
296
00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:36,027
Erm, the weird Chinese guy
in Mike's room.
297
00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,279
I think I have a dance to go to.
298
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:40,239
Well, that's OK.
299
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:44,410
Oh, can you remember to turn off
the stove in 20 minutes?
300
00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:46,955
I can remember lots of things.
301
00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,380
This is the single worst day
of my entire life.
302
00:20:55,505 --> 00:20:57,340
What the hell are you bitching about?
303
00:20:57,465 --> 00:21:00,551
I gotta sleep under some Chinaman
named after a duck's dork.
304
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:05,431
- Well, where am I sleeping?
- Sofa City, sweetheart.
305
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:14,691
Do you think Grandpa Fred's
going to embarrass me?
306
00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:17,610
I don't know why not.
He does everyone else.
307
00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:22,490
He already asked me
if Rudy was the "oily variety bohunk".
308
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,325
Is he?
309
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:25,660
Don't be cute.
310
00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:29,372
I really love Rudy.
311
00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:32,834
And he is totally enamoured of me.
312
00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:37,422
I mean, I've had men
who've loved me before,
313
00:21:37,547 --> 00:21:40,925
but not for six months in a row.
314
00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:43,594
I think I'm in love.
315
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,014
So, how long have you been in love?
316
00:21:47,348 --> 00:21:49,017
Well, it hasn't really happened yet.
317
00:21:50,393 --> 00:21:52,353
So what's the deal?
318
00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:55,690
I'm not sure that he knows I exist.
319
00:21:58,109 --> 00:22:01,195
Sam, I really don't have time for this.
320
00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:04,657
Well, I'm sorry.
321
00:22:04,782 --> 00:22:06,909
I always listen to you
talk about your boyfriends.
322
00:22:07,785 --> 00:22:10,329
Darling, is something bothering you?
323
00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:17,628
You're really acting like an asshole.
324
00:22:19,881 --> 00:22:21,424
And I think I know what it is.
325
00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:24,427
I think you're jealous
that I'm getting married
326
00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:27,138
and that I'm getting all the attention.
327
00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:33,102
You know, everybody in this family
has just gone totally Outer Limits.
328
00:22:33,227 --> 00:22:34,812
No, Sam.
329
00:22:34,937 --> 00:22:38,900
I think you're just being
a little selfish and immature.
330
00:22:40,943 --> 00:22:43,237
Oh, yes. That's it.
331
00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:45,364
That's exactly it.
332
00:22:48,159 --> 00:22:49,535
Unbelievable.
333
00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:52,580
You make someone a bridesmaid,
and they shit all over you.
334
00:23:03,174 --> 00:23:05,051
Very clever dinner.
335
00:23:05,176 --> 00:23:09,764
Appetising food fit neatly
into interesting round pie.
336
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:11,182
It's a quiche.
337
00:23:12,475 --> 00:23:16,646
- How do you spell?
- Well, you don't spell it, son, you eat it.
338
00:23:18,356 --> 00:23:21,734
Dong has only been in our country
a short time, Fred.
339
00:23:21,859 --> 00:23:25,238
- I think we could all help him assimilate.
- Oh...
340
00:23:25,822 --> 00:23:28,574
Long Duk Dong
is about your age, Sam.
341
00:23:28,699 --> 00:23:30,618
You two should have
a lot to chat about.
342
00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:34,789
I love visiting with
Grandma and Grandpa
343
00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:37,250
and writing letters to parents
344
00:23:37,375 --> 00:23:39,752
and pushing lawn-mowing machine
345
00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:43,131
so Grandpa's hyena
don't get disturbed.
346
00:23:44,215 --> 00:23:46,634
Hernia!
347
00:23:46,759 --> 00:23:49,095
Oh, yes, yes, yes, indeedy.
348
00:23:49,220 --> 00:23:53,224
He does the dishes
and helps with the laundry, you betcha.
349
00:23:56,686 --> 00:23:59,438
- May I be excused?
- Where are you going?
350
00:24:01,023 --> 00:24:03,484
I have a dance to go to at school.
351
00:24:04,986 --> 00:24:07,029
It's a very important dance.
352
00:24:07,155 --> 00:24:09,574
We're being graded on it for gym.
353
00:24:09,699 --> 00:24:12,702
Wait a minute.
I have a wonderful idea.
354
00:24:14,370 --> 00:24:16,873
Would you like to go
to the dance with Sam?
355
00:24:41,063 --> 00:24:43,441
- I wonder if Jake's here.
- I don't think it's too healthy
356
00:24:43,566 --> 00:24:46,152
to get all jacked up about some guy
that isn't even a thing yet.
357
00:24:46,277 --> 00:24:49,322
Yeah, when you don't have anything,
you don't have anything to lose, right?
358
00:24:49,447 --> 00:24:51,324
That's a cheerful thought.
359
00:24:51,449 --> 00:24:53,409
Let's go make ourselves available.
360
00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:13,638
That's the one, dude.
Scope it out.
361
00:25:13,763 --> 00:25:16,390
- She doesn't look like a freshman.
- Sophomore, dude. Sophomore.
362
00:25:16,974 --> 00:25:19,185
Fully-aged sophomore meat.
363
00:25:22,396 --> 00:25:24,899
- We do the bus together.
- You talk to her?
364
00:25:25,024 --> 00:25:27,526
- Talk? Dude, I have a relationship with her.
- Get off.
365
00:25:27,652 --> 00:25:30,363
Figured to, like, 17 digits.
366
00:25:30,488 --> 00:25:31,864
You are such a liar.
367
00:25:32,865 --> 00:25:34,408
We'll see about that, my man.
368
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:38,871
By night's end, I predict
me and her will interface.
369
00:25:57,265 --> 00:26:03,145
♪ I know this much is true
370
00:26:06,983 --> 00:26:08,234
♪ I know... ♪
371
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:10,111
Check it out, Wease.
372
00:26:12,697 --> 00:26:15,408
- Pretty intense, huh? Over.
- Wacks to the max. Over.
373
00:26:29,797 --> 00:26:31,382
All right.
374
00:26:32,466 --> 00:26:33,843
I knew you'd come around.
375
00:26:35,636 --> 00:26:36,679
Christ!
376
00:26:36,804 --> 00:26:39,265
Crank that, sister.
377
00:26:49,817 --> 00:26:52,987
Very hot. Very hot.
Tonight, tonight is happening.
378
00:26:58,993 --> 00:27:00,870
I'm blowing your mind, aren't I?
379
00:27:03,456 --> 00:27:05,458
I'm just getting warmed up.
380
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,309
Excuse me.
381
00:27:55,591 --> 00:27:58,719
Way to go, dick-face.
She took off.
382
00:27:58,844 --> 00:28:01,972
Don't spaz out, OK, Wease?
The situation will come online.
383
00:28:02,098 --> 00:28:05,976
Yeah? I'll bet you a dozen floppy disks
you don't even get tit.
384
00:28:06,102 --> 00:28:08,729
You got a bet, scumbag.
I'll get it all.
385
00:28:08,854 --> 00:28:12,274
Take off. You wouldn't even be able
to prove it, anyway.
386
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:13,901
A, don't hit me.
387
00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:16,987
Secondly, what kind of proof
do you want?
388
00:28:17,988 --> 00:28:19,448
- Video.
- Video.
389
00:28:19,573 --> 00:28:22,213
No way, OK? I can just see the thing
getting duped a thousand times
390
00:28:22,243 --> 00:28:24,870
and, like, winding up
on cable somewhere.
391
00:28:24,995 --> 00:28:26,622
Try again.
392
00:28:26,747 --> 00:28:28,749
- Underpants.
- Underpants.
393
00:28:31,043 --> 00:28:33,254
No prob, butt-lick.
394
00:28:42,012 --> 00:28:43,514
Girls' underpants.
395
00:28:43,639 --> 00:28:47,017
- ♪ One, two
- ♪ And your girlfriend sweet little 17
396
00:28:47,143 --> 00:28:50,396
♪ She's got her layered hair
and her flared jeans
397
00:28:50,521 --> 00:28:53,232
♪ You know what that means,
she's just a little queen
398
00:28:53,357 --> 00:28:55,609
♪ She shares your London flat
399
00:28:55,734 --> 00:28:58,571
♪ She thinks that London's where it's at
400
00:28:58,696 --> 00:29:01,407
♪ Although it stinks
and when it rains you wear your hat
401
00:29:01,532 --> 00:29:05,286
♪ And your plum-coloured
PVC wet-look maxi mac
402
00:29:05,411 --> 00:29:08,038
♪ You tie your ginger hair back in a bun
403
00:29:08,164 --> 00:29:12,001
♪ You're the ugliest creature
under the sun... ♪
404
00:29:14,712 --> 00:29:16,589
So, what's your name?
405
00:29:16,714 --> 00:29:18,340
Dong.
406
00:29:19,091 --> 00:29:20,718
What's your first name?
407
00:29:20,843 --> 00:29:22,470
Long.
408
00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:25,931
What's your middle name?
409
00:29:26,056 --> 00:29:27,600
Duk.
410
00:29:29,727 --> 00:29:33,731
I bet all the boys chase you plenty
in the school, huh?
411
00:29:33,856 --> 00:29:35,983
Nobody's caught me yet.
412
00:29:36,108 --> 00:29:39,195
- I betcha you big teaser, huh?
- Huh! No.
413
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:41,447
I run the 40 in five flat.
414
00:29:42,781 --> 00:29:44,158
Flat?
415
00:29:47,745 --> 00:29:49,038
Hey.
416
00:29:49,663 --> 00:29:51,790
I'm really sorry, man.
Whatever I did was an accident.
417
00:29:51,916 --> 00:29:53,709
I mean, I didn't mean to...
418
00:29:53,834 --> 00:29:55,377
Relax.
419
00:30:00,633 --> 00:30:03,552
You... You were dancing
with a girl?
420
00:30:04,428 --> 00:30:07,097
Oh, man, I'm really...
I'm really sorry, man.
421
00:30:07,223 --> 00:30:10,809
- I must've been on drugs five minutes ago.
- Do you know her?
422
00:30:10,935 --> 00:30:14,271
She grabbed me, guy.
I'm totally innocent. Is she yours?
423
00:30:14,396 --> 00:30:16,398
What do you know about her?
424
00:30:17,191 --> 00:30:20,236
She has smallish tits,
decent voice.
425
00:30:20,361 --> 00:30:22,238
Smells pretty good.
426
00:30:22,363 --> 00:30:25,241
- She drives me crazy.
- Did she come here with you?
427
00:30:25,366 --> 00:30:29,161
No, no. But if it's OK with my dad,
she's going home with me.
428
00:30:30,663 --> 00:30:32,122
Excuse me.
429
00:30:42,007 --> 00:30:44,510
- Do you guys want to blow off this dance?
- Yes.
430
00:30:44,635 --> 00:30:47,471
I am bored to the brink of insanity.
431
00:30:47,596 --> 00:30:48,889
And go where?
432
00:30:49,014 --> 00:30:51,100
Jake's parents aren't home,
we could do his house.
433
00:30:51,225 --> 00:30:52,851
How's it going?
434
00:30:52,977 --> 00:30:55,020
- Fine.
- We'd have to party light, though,
435
00:30:55,145 --> 00:30:57,457
Jake's too paranoid about
his parents' house getting trashed.
436
00:30:57,481 --> 00:30:58,566
Again?
437
00:31:01,610 --> 00:31:05,030
♪ The hours I spend investigating
438
00:31:05,155 --> 00:31:07,449
♪ A way of living
439
00:31:07,575 --> 00:31:12,913
♪ With no misgiving, yeah...
440
00:31:13,038 --> 00:31:14,039
♪ Growing pains... ♪
441
00:31:29,179 --> 00:31:30,931
OK.
442
00:31:32,308 --> 00:31:33,767
All right.
443
00:31:37,813 --> 00:31:40,399
Just trying to get a little bit of water.
444
00:31:41,525 --> 00:31:42,776
Yeah.
445
00:31:47,781 --> 00:31:49,825
Yes, I'm back.
446
00:31:49,950 --> 00:31:51,744
So I smell.
447
00:31:51,869 --> 00:31:54,079
It's my shaving cream.
448
00:31:54,204 --> 00:31:56,081
You wanna feel a real clean,
close shave?
449
00:31:56,206 --> 00:31:57,708
I'll pass.
450
00:31:57,833 --> 00:32:00,002
Couldn't find anyone else
to bug, huh?
451
00:32:00,127 --> 00:32:02,963
Come on. You know you're the one
I want to bug, huh?
452
00:32:03,088 --> 00:32:06,675
This is my friend, Randy.
And that's Jimmy Montrose.
453
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,844
- Howdy, dude.
- This is Farmer Fred.
454
00:32:08,969 --> 00:32:11,639
- Ted.
- Oh, I'm sorry. This is Farmer Ted.
455
00:32:11,764 --> 00:32:13,807
I'm not really a farmer.
I'm a freshman.
456
00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:16,101
Geek, can I be honest with you?
457
00:32:16,685 --> 00:32:18,812
Not if you're gonna insult me.
458
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:20,272
OK.
459
00:32:23,108 --> 00:32:25,152
- Shoot.
- Get the hell out of here.
460
00:32:25,819 --> 00:32:27,946
Nice... nice manners, babe.
461
00:32:28,572 --> 00:32:30,199
She's totally serious, ass-wipe.
462
00:32:31,492 --> 00:32:33,369
Chill.
463
00:32:38,832 --> 00:32:41,126
You wanna split with me? I...
464
00:32:42,795 --> 00:32:44,380
- I don't know...
- I can't handle this.
465
00:32:44,505 --> 00:32:47,383
My mom tells me, "If you want something,
you gotta ask for it."
466
00:32:47,508 --> 00:32:49,009
I'm not the kind of guy...
467
00:32:49,134 --> 00:32:52,179
It's embarrassing for me.
I... I don't know. I just...
468
00:32:53,430 --> 00:32:55,391
It's just...
469
00:33:41,228 --> 00:33:44,106
I'm really sorry about
what happened in the gym.
470
00:33:44,231 --> 00:33:46,734
I had no idea you couldn't dance.
471
00:34:13,635 --> 00:34:16,680
- What a decent night, huh?
- It's my birthday.
472
00:34:21,101 --> 00:34:23,353
♪ You say it's your birthday
473
00:34:23,479 --> 00:34:25,272
♪ It's my birthday, too... ♪
474
00:34:25,397 --> 00:34:26,732
Don't do that, OK?
475
00:34:29,359 --> 00:34:30,986
♪ Hey, Jude... ♪
476
00:34:31,111 --> 00:34:32,571
Just stop it, OK?
477
00:34:32,696 --> 00:34:34,948
I mean, it's really been
a shitty birthday for me.
478
00:34:35,073 --> 00:34:38,243
No offence, but I don't need
a serenade right now.
479
00:34:39,328 --> 00:34:41,248
What's wrong?
You didn't get anything good, or...
480
00:34:41,371 --> 00:34:44,166
I didn't get shit.
Not even "happy birthday".
481
00:34:44,291 --> 00:34:47,169
My whole family
just sort of blew it off.
482
00:34:49,755 --> 00:34:51,882
I'd freak if my family forgot my birthday.
483
00:34:52,007 --> 00:34:53,926
It's a brand-new year.
I'm 16.
484
00:34:54,051 --> 00:34:56,678
Everything should be platinum.
I should be happy, right?
485
00:34:56,804 --> 00:34:58,222
- Right?
- Yeah.
486
00:34:58,347 --> 00:35:00,140
Well, I can't get happy.
487
00:35:00,265 --> 00:35:03,268
It is physically impossible
for me to get happy.
488
00:35:07,356 --> 00:35:10,192
Would you feel better
if you knew one of my secrets, or...
489
00:35:10,317 --> 00:35:11,443
Don't gross me out.
490
00:35:12,027 --> 00:35:14,446
No, we're not talking gross here.
No, it's just...
491
00:35:15,364 --> 00:35:17,157
It's just embarrassing.
492
00:35:23,622 --> 00:35:25,624
This information
cannot leave this room, OK?
493
00:35:25,749 --> 00:35:28,585
It would devastate
my reputation as a dude.
494
00:35:30,003 --> 00:35:31,630
No problem.
495
00:35:36,677 --> 00:35:39,096
I've never bagged a babe.
496
00:35:42,224 --> 00:35:44,893
I'm not a stud.
497
00:35:47,437 --> 00:35:49,106
I got the rep in sixth grade.
498
00:35:49,231 --> 00:35:51,692
And it, like, I don't know,
it stuck with me.
499
00:35:51,817 --> 00:35:53,694
I'm still on hold.
500
00:35:55,612 --> 00:35:58,991
Look, I'd appreciate
you not laughing, OK?
501
00:35:59,116 --> 00:36:00,534
I'm sorry.
502
00:36:01,660 --> 00:36:03,954
That's not what I meant.
503
00:36:06,915 --> 00:36:08,250
I meant...
504
00:36:10,168 --> 00:36:12,588
Hey, time out, junior.
505
00:36:15,716 --> 00:36:17,301
Pardon me.
506
00:36:22,264 --> 00:36:23,849
It's OK.
507
00:36:28,604 --> 00:36:33,191
I meant that it's OK that you did it once,
but I didn't mean for you to do it again.
508
00:36:34,484 --> 00:36:36,111
I'm sorry.
509
00:36:37,321 --> 00:36:38,906
I'm sorry.
510
00:36:41,283 --> 00:36:44,536
You know, just now,
I really felt how much you like me.
511
00:36:45,954 --> 00:36:48,665
You're probably zoning in
on my brain waves or something.
512
00:36:49,875 --> 00:36:52,586
Well, not really,
I felt it on my leg.
513
00:36:54,463 --> 00:36:56,882
Come on!
I don't want to see it!
514
00:36:59,927 --> 00:37:00,928
Oh.
515
00:37:02,220 --> 00:37:03,680
Sorry if I embarrassed you.
516
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:06,683
I'm not embarrassed.
517
00:37:06,808 --> 00:37:08,685
Fresh breath's a priority in my life.
518
00:37:12,648 --> 00:37:14,584
You know, I really don't want
to hurt your feelings,
519
00:37:14,608 --> 00:37:16,889
cos it's really human of you
to listen to all my bullshit.
520
00:37:17,361 --> 00:37:19,613
I care about it, really.
I mean...
521
00:37:20,489 --> 00:37:24,409
I know I came on kind of like a poozer
on the bus tonight and everything, but...
522
00:37:24,534 --> 00:37:26,995
that's just so my friends won't think,
you know, I'm a jerk.
523
00:37:28,455 --> 00:37:30,615
But they're all pretty much jerks,
though, aren't they?
524
00:37:31,291 --> 00:37:34,670
Yeah, but the thing is,
I'm kind of like the leader, you know.
525
00:37:35,545 --> 00:37:37,089
Kind of like the king of the dipshits.
526
00:37:38,215 --> 00:37:40,175
Well, that's pretty cool.
527
00:37:40,300 --> 00:37:42,219
Hey, but a lot can happen over a year.
528
00:37:42,344 --> 00:37:45,347
I mean, you could come back next fall
as a completely normal person.
529
00:37:46,473 --> 00:37:48,642
- Yeah?
- Sure.
530
00:37:53,230 --> 00:37:55,899
Would it be totally off the wall if...
531
00:37:57,150 --> 00:37:59,236
if I asked if I could have sex with you?
532
00:38:02,614 --> 00:38:05,534
Yeah, well, you asking me
is not as off the wall as why I won't.
533
00:38:06,660 --> 00:38:09,121
- VD?
- No.
534
00:38:10,122 --> 00:38:12,207
I'm sort of saving myself.
535
00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:16,670
It's really stupid.
He doesn't even know I exist.
536
00:38:17,129 --> 00:38:18,338
Who?
537
00:38:19,256 --> 00:38:20,716
Who?
538
00:38:21,883 --> 00:38:23,468
Jake Ryan.
539
00:38:24,428 --> 00:38:25,804
You like Jake?
540
00:38:26,513 --> 00:38:28,390
J... Jake's my boy.
541
00:38:28,849 --> 00:38:30,600
I just talked to Jake in the gym.
542
00:38:30,726 --> 00:38:32,686
- He asked me about you.
- Did not.
543
00:38:32,811 --> 00:38:36,106
He did, too. He did.
He asked me what you were like.
544
00:38:36,231 --> 00:38:37,816
Oh, my... Oh.
545
00:38:37,941 --> 00:38:40,569
- If you're lying, I'll beat the crap out of you.
- I'm not lying.
546
00:38:41,028 --> 00:38:42,904
Oh, my God, what should I do?
547
00:38:43,739 --> 00:38:45,967
Should I go up to him?
Should I say, "Hi, Jake, I'm Samantha"?
548
00:38:45,991 --> 00:38:49,202
- Or, no, maybe I should let him come to me.
- This is not my department.
549
00:38:49,327 --> 00:38:51,806
But what if I decide to let him come to me,
and then he forgets?
550
00:38:51,830 --> 00:38:55,459
Or then what if he changes his mind?
And then I'm totally screwed, right?
551
00:38:55,584 --> 00:38:57,169
Apparently so.
552
00:38:58,045 --> 00:39:00,380
What would you do if you were me?
553
00:39:01,673 --> 00:39:03,925
I'm a gambling man by nature, and, um...
554
00:39:05,385 --> 00:39:06,803
I'd go for it.
555
00:39:07,554 --> 00:39:10,515
This is so strange, but I think I will.
Oh, you're the best.
556
00:39:14,686 --> 00:39:16,605
- Wait...
- What?
557
00:39:17,647 --> 00:39:21,151
- Do you know anything about floppy disks?
- We'll talk about this on the bus, OK?
558
00:39:21,276 --> 00:39:23,653
Well, no. See, the thing is,
I got kind of a problem.
559
00:39:23,779 --> 00:39:25,822
Well, floppy disks are pretty expensive
560
00:39:25,947 --> 00:39:29,493
and, see, the thing is, I made a bet
with my friends, the dipshits.
561
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:33,520
I bet them that I'd do it with you.
562
00:39:35,123 --> 00:39:36,726
But this was before
I knew you as a person.
563
00:39:36,750 --> 00:39:39,086
I can get proof without
actually getting physical.
564
00:39:39,211 --> 00:39:40,670
How?
565
00:39:42,881 --> 00:39:44,758
Can I borrow your underpants
for ten minutes?
566
00:39:56,019 --> 00:39:58,459
I think it's time to blow this thing off
and go to your house.
567
00:39:58,563 --> 00:39:59,564
Yeah?
568
00:39:59,689 --> 00:40:02,569
I told Tracy and Robin and those guys
to come to your parents' house, OK?
569
00:40:02,651 --> 00:40:04,694
I told them not to tell anybody.
570
00:40:04,820 --> 00:40:07,280
God, I love it when your parents
are out of town,
571
00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:08,990
I fantasise that I'm your wife,
572
00:40:09,116 --> 00:40:12,369
and we're, like, the richest,
most popular adults in town.
573
00:40:13,078 --> 00:40:15,288
I owe all my great weekends to you.
574
00:40:17,499 --> 00:40:18,750
What's your problem?
575
00:40:18,875 --> 00:40:21,753
- What?
- You've been acting weird all night.
576
00:40:22,629 --> 00:40:26,508
- Are you screwing around?
- Me? Are you crazy?
577
00:40:26,633 --> 00:40:28,510
I don't know, Jake.
578
00:40:28,635 --> 00:40:30,011
I'm getting strange signals.
579
00:40:30,137 --> 00:40:33,137
Well, they're not coming from me.
Look, everything's fine. Don't have a cow.
580
00:40:34,266 --> 00:40:35,433
OK.
581
00:40:36,309 --> 00:40:38,562
But just remember one thing.
582
00:40:38,687 --> 00:40:41,982
I can name twenty guys
who'd kill to love me.
583
00:40:42,107 --> 00:40:43,441
Is that a threat?
584
00:40:43,567 --> 00:40:45,068
It's a fact, Jake.
585
00:40:46,153 --> 00:40:49,239
Come on. Before we get in a big,
wicked fight, let's get out of here, huh?
586
00:40:54,035 --> 00:40:56,705
Hi, Jake. I'm Samantha.
How's it going?
587
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,960
Do you got a cigarette?
588
00:41:05,964 --> 00:41:07,632
Jake, this may sound
incredibly dumb,
589
00:41:07,757 --> 00:41:10,844
but I love you, and I'll do anything
to make you love me.
590
00:41:12,470 --> 00:41:14,222
I love your shirt.
591
00:41:18,768 --> 00:41:20,395
Jake, you're not gonna believe this,
592
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,815
but I had this very bizarre dream,
and you were in it.
593
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:30,322
For heaven's sake.
Get in there and dance.
594
00:41:30,447 --> 00:41:33,450
- I can't. They won't like me.
- I'm not gonna tell you again.
595
00:41:33,575 --> 00:41:34,743
Just act like a man.
596
00:41:34,868 --> 00:41:36,870
I wanna go home.
I wanna be with you guys.
597
00:41:50,425 --> 00:41:54,638
♪ You are my desire
598
00:41:56,097 --> 00:41:59,726
♪ You, you make me cry
599
00:42:01,978 --> 00:42:06,858
♪ You are my desire
600
00:42:06,983 --> 00:42:08,693
♪ Oh, baby, you, you, you
601
00:42:08,818 --> 00:42:12,113
♪ You make me cry
602
00:42:13,657 --> 00:42:16,368
♪ Got to find you,
know you're out there
603
00:42:16,493 --> 00:42:20,830
- ♪ I got to get you back into my hair... ♪
- I can't believe I'm such a jerk.
604
00:42:21,831 --> 00:42:24,668
He smiles at me
and I don't say anything.
605
00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:29,339
And I can't believe
I gave my panties to a geek.
606
00:42:33,510 --> 00:42:34,970
What year are you?
607
00:42:35,095 --> 00:42:37,472
- Freshman.
- Give me a buck.
608
00:42:37,597 --> 00:42:39,140
OK, get in.
609
00:42:52,195 --> 00:42:53,780
Shut up.
610
00:42:55,073 --> 00:42:56,700
Bryce?
611
00:42:56,825 --> 00:42:58,243
Ted?
612
00:42:59,119 --> 00:43:00,161
Go for it.
613
00:43:19,139 --> 00:43:21,308
Hey, listen.
614
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,729
I wanna thank you
for loaning me the Donger.
615
00:43:29,149 --> 00:43:30,859
He's really bitching.
616
00:43:31,609 --> 00:43:34,279
That's OK.
You guys make a great couple.
617
00:43:36,698 --> 00:43:39,826
I've never been so happy
in my whole life.
618
00:43:39,951 --> 00:43:40,994
You maniac.
619
00:43:43,621 --> 00:43:46,624
Now I have a place to put my hand.
620
00:43:47,250 --> 00:43:51,129
So basically, Jimmy,
my business is video game arcades,
621
00:43:52,630 --> 00:43:56,509
laundry, cigarette machines
and trucking.
622
00:43:57,427 --> 00:44:01,222
I dabble a little bit
in personal loans and politics.
623
00:44:06,186 --> 00:44:07,771
Very nice.
624
00:44:09,147 --> 00:44:13,026
I think that all that really matters
is that the kids are happy together.
625
00:44:14,152 --> 00:44:16,571
Just as long as
my beautiful boy remembers
626
00:44:16,696 --> 00:44:19,741
that marrying this one means
he's out of the Girl-of-the-Month club.
627
00:44:19,866 --> 00:44:21,284
Hey, wait a minute.
628
00:44:21,409 --> 00:44:23,078
I can still look.
629
00:44:23,203 --> 00:44:25,663
I just can't touch. Right?
630
00:44:26,790 --> 00:44:28,458
- Oh, sensitive, huh?
- Rudy.
631
00:44:32,379 --> 00:44:34,339
- Cheers.
- Right on.
632
00:44:38,134 --> 00:44:40,345
You do shots?
Come on, wolf it.
633
00:44:56,778 --> 00:44:59,572
Uh, good night, Marlene.
See you later, Dong.
634
00:44:59,697 --> 00:45:02,575
Sammy,
tell Grandpa not to wait up.
635
00:45:02,700 --> 00:45:04,994
- Let's go boogie.
- Sure.
636
00:45:07,789 --> 00:45:10,291
Donger's here for five hours
and he's got somebody.
637
00:45:10,417 --> 00:45:13,545
I live here my whole life,
and I'm like a disease.
638
00:45:22,846 --> 00:45:25,515
- ♪ So Fifi got a rocket shop
- ♪ Rev up
639
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:28,393
- ♪ She got a lotta what she got
- ♪ Rev up
640
00:45:28,518 --> 00:45:31,229
- ♪ Don't ever stop by lotsa work
- ♪ Rev up
641
00:45:31,354 --> 00:45:34,023
- ♪ She gotta get you to the top
- ♪ Rev up
642
00:45:34,149 --> 00:45:36,818
- ♪ We're hangin' out in Vinnie's car
- ♪ Rev up
643
00:45:36,943 --> 00:45:39,696
- ♪ We both go rippin' up the tar
- ♪ Rev up
644
00:45:39,821 --> 00:45:42,449
- ♪ Don't ever seem to get too far
- ♪ Rev up
645
00:45:42,574 --> 00:45:44,951
- ♪ Spend all our money in a bar
- ♪ Rev up
646
00:45:47,078 --> 00:45:50,081
♪ We wanna go out for a shot
647
00:45:52,792 --> 00:45:55,628
♪ Cos Trixie's ready to rev up
648
00:45:57,630 --> 00:45:58,756
♪ Rev up... ♪
649
00:45:58,882 --> 00:46:02,594
Everybody, I'd like you
to meet my boyfriend, Jake.
650
00:46:03,553 --> 00:46:06,681
Jake, this is everybody.
651
00:46:06,806 --> 00:46:08,600
Take it off.
652
00:46:09,476 --> 00:46:12,353
All right, whose is this?
653
00:46:13,146 --> 00:46:14,731
You're such a poop.
654
00:46:48,681 --> 00:46:50,225
Woof!
655
00:46:57,565 --> 00:46:59,317
Oh, Tony!
656
00:47:13,498 --> 00:47:16,084
Shit, Ted, that's my mom. I gotta get home.
657
00:47:16,209 --> 00:47:18,461
Change your frequency, OK?
Don't be such a wimp.
658
00:47:25,009 --> 00:47:27,804
Take those ridiculous
things off, OK?
659
00:47:29,264 --> 00:47:31,015
Will you guys grow up?
660
00:47:31,140 --> 00:47:34,310
Ted, won't we get pounded
if we go to a senior party?
661
00:47:35,436 --> 00:47:38,940
Wease, we got $70, and we got
a pair of girls' underpants.
662
00:47:39,065 --> 00:47:41,359
We're safe as kittens. OK?
663
00:47:41,484 --> 00:47:44,445
This is a great
social opportunity for us.
664
00:47:44,571 --> 00:47:46,072
Come on.
665
00:47:57,166 --> 00:47:58,710
Do not embarrass me, OK?
666
00:47:58,835 --> 00:48:00,670
For sure, we won't.
667
00:48:00,795 --> 00:48:03,298
- Will you fix your hair, Bryce?
- I already did.
668
00:48:04,299 --> 00:48:06,968
Wease, close your barn,
all right?
669
00:48:10,597 --> 00:48:13,141
- And be polite to his parents, all right?
- OK, OK.
670
00:48:18,313 --> 00:48:22,900
Hey, come on in and party hearty,
dude persons.
671
00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:30,199
He's from out of town, OK?
He speaks English, right?
672
00:48:30,325 --> 00:48:32,368
- Don't be such faggots.
- Man, shut up.
673
00:48:33,161 --> 00:48:34,829
Kidding. Sorry.
674
00:48:37,415 --> 00:48:39,584
- Think we're gonna die?
- Definitely.
675
00:48:44,672 --> 00:48:47,133
♪ Hang up the phone
676
00:48:47,216 --> 00:48:49,135
♪ Get off the line... ♪
677
00:48:58,519 --> 00:49:00,229
We put the cat out?
678
00:49:00,355 --> 00:49:01,773
We don't have a cat.
679
00:49:02,690 --> 00:49:03,983
Come on, dammit. Answer.
680
00:49:14,035 --> 00:49:15,662
Oh, eat me.
681
00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:20,333
Who is it?
682
00:49:22,168 --> 00:49:24,128
Well, what did they want?
683
00:49:26,297 --> 00:49:27,632
Sex.
684
00:49:35,515 --> 00:49:36,933
Geek!
685
00:49:48,778 --> 00:49:51,698
Very nice. We're here
five minutes and then...
686
00:49:52,824 --> 00:49:54,325
I'm at a loss.
687
00:49:57,245 --> 00:49:59,038
Real smooth, Cliff.
688
00:50:10,216 --> 00:50:12,385
I've never been out
with a boy before.
689
00:50:12,510 --> 00:50:14,053
Oh, me, neither.
690
00:50:22,854 --> 00:50:23,938
Jake?
691
00:50:25,940 --> 00:50:27,775
Where are you, Jake?
692
00:50:28,818 --> 00:50:31,738
Jakey, have you
stopped loving me?
693
00:50:34,949 --> 00:50:36,492
Leave me alone.
694
00:50:47,795 --> 00:50:49,172
What?
695
00:50:50,590 --> 00:50:52,759
I'm sorry, I don't do that.
696
00:50:52,884 --> 00:50:54,927
- Yes, you do.
- I know.
697
00:50:55,052 --> 00:50:57,805
- Come on.
- Trace. You guys.
698
00:50:58,973 --> 00:51:01,142
Would you please help me,
please?
699
00:51:01,267 --> 00:51:04,061
- Oh, shit.
- Come on, you guys. I'm your prom queen.
700
00:51:06,355 --> 00:51:09,275
Trace, you guys, I'm serious.
Come on. I need help.
701
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:12,528
- OK.
- Oh, I broke those pearls!
702
00:51:12,653 --> 00:51:14,447
What's the problem?
703
00:51:14,572 --> 00:51:16,032
Several things.
704
00:51:20,661 --> 00:51:22,663
OK. We'll help you.
705
00:51:24,624 --> 00:51:27,585
Don't go away, Caroline, baby.
706
00:51:32,757 --> 00:51:35,092
Hello? Hello?
707
00:51:36,135 --> 00:51:39,138
Listen, I know you're there.
I can hear you breathing.
708
00:51:44,143 --> 00:51:45,353
Yes, hello, sir, um...
709
00:51:45,478 --> 00:51:48,564
Are you the little bugger
that's been calling up here all night
710
00:51:48,689 --> 00:51:49,982
and then hanging up?
711
00:51:50,775 --> 00:51:53,945
Would it be possible for you to tell me
if there is a Samantha Baker there?
712
00:51:54,070 --> 00:51:56,197
And if so, sir,
may I converse with her briefly?
713
00:51:56,781 --> 00:52:00,076
Yes, it is. And no, you may not.
714
00:52:01,410 --> 00:52:02,703
Might I leave a message, sir?
715
00:52:04,872 --> 00:52:07,834
He wants to leave
a message for Sam.
716
00:52:07,959 --> 00:52:10,211
Here, give me that phone.
717
00:52:11,671 --> 00:52:13,673
Now, you listen to me, mister.
718
00:52:13,798 --> 00:52:17,426
God did not put me on this earth
to be awakened by filthy suggestions
719
00:52:17,552 --> 00:52:20,555
from a foul-mouthed hooligan like you.
720
00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:23,766
And as for our granddaughter,
I'm sure she has more than enough sense
721
00:52:23,891 --> 00:52:25,935
to stay clear of the likes of you.
722
00:52:26,060 --> 00:52:27,854
Now, good night and goodbye!
723
00:52:33,484 --> 00:52:34,944
That was great.
724
00:52:35,695 --> 00:52:38,531
- Sam's lucky she has us, Howard.
- Yeah.
725
00:52:39,657 --> 00:52:42,785
Even if she doesn't appreciate us.
726
00:52:44,287 --> 00:52:45,872
Do you promise you won't get mad?
727
00:52:45,997 --> 00:52:47,999
No, I love you.
728
00:52:48,124 --> 00:52:50,501
OK, close your eyes.
729
00:52:51,627 --> 00:52:54,422
- Scalpel.
- Scalpel.
730
00:53:04,473 --> 00:53:05,892
My God.
731
00:53:09,478 --> 00:53:12,899
That was wonderful, Trace!
I'm so proud of you.
732
00:53:13,024 --> 00:53:15,401
I don't know how
to thank you enough.
733
00:53:15,526 --> 00:53:17,653
- My pleasure.
- Oh.
734
00:53:31,125 --> 00:53:34,295
My God! Wow!
735
00:53:34,754 --> 00:53:37,298
- I hope they have insurance.
- The party's over.
736
00:54:28,224 --> 00:54:29,934
Son of a bitch.
737
00:54:40,611 --> 00:54:42,613
What a disaster.
738
00:55:09,390 --> 00:55:10,558
Jake!
739
00:55:12,518 --> 00:55:13,978
Sam.
740
00:55:15,146 --> 00:55:16,647
Sweetheart?
741
00:55:18,816 --> 00:55:21,193
- Daddy?
- Hi, kiddo.
742
00:55:22,486 --> 00:55:24,488
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
743
00:55:24,613 --> 00:55:26,073
Everything's fine.
744
00:55:27,074 --> 00:55:29,702
I was just upstairs
and I couldn't sleep.
745
00:55:32,079 --> 00:55:34,540
I feel like a real jerk, honey.
746
00:55:36,250 --> 00:55:37,543
We forgot your birthday.
747
00:55:41,380 --> 00:55:43,549
I bet you're really POed, huh?
748
00:55:44,550 --> 00:55:46,761
No, it's OK.
749
00:55:46,886 --> 00:55:48,679
I'm not really
all that upset anymore.
750
00:55:50,806 --> 00:55:54,351
This wedding is really turning
this entire house inside out.
751
00:55:55,478 --> 00:55:58,022
And I just came down
to tell you that we did remember.
752
00:55:59,940 --> 00:56:00,983
Thanks, Dad.
753
00:56:03,152 --> 00:56:04,904
Happy birthday.
754
00:56:15,581 --> 00:56:17,625
Is something else wrong?
755
00:56:19,126 --> 00:56:20,419
No, why?
756
00:56:20,544 --> 00:56:23,106
I don't know, I just get the feeling
that something's bothering you.
757
00:56:23,130 --> 00:56:25,841
Something other than your birthday.
758
00:56:25,966 --> 00:56:28,803
No, I'm fine. Really.
759
00:56:34,058 --> 00:56:36,143
I think I know what it is.
760
00:56:38,938 --> 00:56:41,315
It has to do with a certain guy?
761
00:56:48,405 --> 00:56:49,907
I know, honey, I know.
762
00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:57,289
We're all upset that
Ginny's marrying a bohunk.
763
00:57:02,962 --> 00:57:04,672
What's the matter?
764
00:57:06,423 --> 00:57:08,134
I meant Jake.
765
00:57:08,259 --> 00:57:10,261
Jake?
766
00:57:10,386 --> 00:57:12,426
Wait a minute. I thought
she said his name was Rudy.
767
00:57:12,471 --> 00:57:15,432
- Forget it.
- Forget what? Who's Jake?
768
00:57:19,145 --> 00:57:23,065
He's a boy, Daddy. It's nothing.
OK? Just forget it, please?
769
00:57:23,649 --> 00:57:25,192
Come on, Sam,
we're not communicating.
770
00:57:27,111 --> 00:57:29,613
It's extremely embarrassing, OK?
771
00:57:30,489 --> 00:57:32,241
What's embarrassing?
772
00:57:32,366 --> 00:57:35,661
Sitting in the dark with your dad,
telling him about your love life.
773
00:57:37,496 --> 00:57:39,623
I'm afraid you lost me again, Sam.
774
00:57:42,585 --> 00:57:46,338
Jake is a senior,
and he's beautiful and perfect.
775
00:57:46,463 --> 00:57:49,008
I like him a real lot,
and he doesn't like me. OK?
776
00:57:49,675 --> 00:57:51,010
Oh.
777
00:57:52,386 --> 00:57:54,263
And he's got this incredible girlfriend.
778
00:57:54,388 --> 00:57:57,391
I'm just this ridiculous dork
that's following him around like a puppy.
779
00:57:58,475 --> 00:58:00,186
Why do you think you're a dork?
780
00:58:00,311 --> 00:58:03,480
I don't think you're a dork.
I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork.
781
00:58:03,606 --> 00:58:06,066
- Mike thinks I'm a dork.
- Mike is a dork.
782
00:58:08,110 --> 00:58:09,737
Well, so am I.
783
00:58:09,862 --> 00:58:12,740
Well, if it's any consolation,
I love you.
784
00:58:13,532 --> 00:58:17,036
And if this guy can't see in you all the
beautiful and wonderful things that I see,
785
00:58:18,329 --> 00:58:20,539
then he's got the problem.
786
00:58:20,664 --> 00:58:22,583
I know. It just hurts.
787
00:58:24,251 --> 00:58:26,879
That's why they call them crushes.
788
00:58:27,004 --> 00:58:30,007
If they were easy,
they'd call them something else.
789
00:58:31,926 --> 00:58:35,346
Yeah, but if I were Ginny,
I'd have this guy crawling on his knees.
790
00:58:35,471 --> 00:58:38,182
Well, let me tell you
something about Ginny.
791
00:58:38,307 --> 00:58:42,144
Now, I love her as much as I love you.
But she's a different person.
792
00:58:43,062 --> 00:58:45,522
Sometimes I worry about her.
793
00:58:45,648 --> 00:58:48,442
You know, when you're given things
kind of easily,
794
00:58:48,567 --> 00:58:50,903
you don't always appreciate them.
795
00:58:51,028 --> 00:58:53,405
With you, I'm not worried.
796
00:58:53,530 --> 00:58:57,409
When it happens to you,
Samantha, it'll be forever.
797
00:59:02,248 --> 00:59:07,419
Well, I don't think I'll be able to sleep if
I don't feel this little talk has helped you.
798
00:59:07,544 --> 00:59:09,880
So would you be
a sport and lie to me?
799
00:59:10,673 --> 00:59:12,341
Yeah, sure, Daddy.
800
00:59:13,467 --> 00:59:15,886
- Good night, sweetheart.
- Good night.
801
00:59:22,643 --> 00:59:23,894
Oh, one more thing, sweetheart.
802
00:59:25,729 --> 00:59:28,357
- What?
- When you do find the right guy,
803
00:59:28,482 --> 00:59:29,775
don't let him boss you around.
804
00:59:31,568 --> 00:59:34,571
Make sure he knows
you wear the pants in the family.
805
00:59:39,535 --> 00:59:42,037
- These are really hers?
- Yeah.
806
00:59:42,162 --> 00:59:43,956
How did you get them?
807
00:59:44,081 --> 00:59:46,125
She gave them to me.
808
00:59:46,250 --> 00:59:47,710
Did you...
809
00:59:47,835 --> 00:59:51,380
No. No, Jake,
she's crying for you.
810
00:59:51,505 --> 00:59:54,049
I told her you asked about her, right?
The girl freaked.
811
00:59:54,174 --> 00:59:57,386
She had a hissy.
She thinks you're the cat's meow.
812
00:59:57,511 --> 00:59:58,762
- Really?
- Yeah.
813
00:59:58,887 --> 01:00:00,889
She came up to me
in the gym tonight.
814
01:00:01,015 --> 01:00:03,642
She looked at me
like I was a leper.
815
01:00:03,767 --> 01:00:05,769
Girls will do that, Jake,
you know?
816
01:00:05,894 --> 01:00:08,564
You see, they know guys are,
like, in perpetual heat, right?
817
01:00:08,689 --> 01:00:11,817
They know this shit.
And they enjoy pumping us up.
818
01:00:11,942 --> 01:00:14,361
It's pure power politics,
I'm telling you.
819
01:00:14,486 --> 01:00:16,655
I thought she hated my guts.
820
01:00:16,780 --> 01:00:19,783
Games, Jake.
Silly, torturous games.
821
01:00:19,908 --> 01:00:21,803
You know how many times
a week I go without lunch
822
01:00:21,827 --> 01:00:23,662
because some bitch
borrows my lunch money?
823
01:00:23,787 --> 01:00:26,999
You know, any halfway decent girl
can rob me blind.
824
01:00:27,124 --> 01:00:29,418
Because I'm too torqued up
to say no.
825
01:00:29,543 --> 01:00:31,128
It's heinous, I'm telling you.
826
01:00:31,962 --> 01:00:33,756
You better not be
dicking me around.
827
01:00:33,881 --> 01:00:36,342
It'd be a major downer to try
and get together with this girl
828
01:00:36,467 --> 01:00:38,802
and find out she really does think
I'm a slime.
829
01:00:38,927 --> 01:00:41,347
Jake, would I dick you?
830
01:00:41,472 --> 01:00:43,891
Let me put it to you this way.
831
01:00:44,016 --> 01:00:45,336
What happens to me if I dick you?
832
01:00:45,392 --> 01:00:47,728
I'd kick your ass.
833
01:00:48,520 --> 01:00:50,105
Right. So why would I lie?
834
01:00:51,899 --> 01:00:53,692
But I feel compelled
to mention to you, Jake,
835
01:00:53,817 --> 01:00:56,320
I mean, if all you want off the girl
is a piece of ass, I mean,
836
01:00:56,445 --> 01:00:59,990
I'll either do it myself,
or get someone bigger than me
837
01:01:00,115 --> 01:01:01,116
to kick your ass.
838
01:01:03,118 --> 01:01:06,955
I mean, not many girls
in contemporary American society today
839
01:01:07,081 --> 01:01:10,000
would give their underwear
to help a geek like me.
840
01:01:11,210 --> 01:01:13,003
I can get a piece of ass
any time I want.
841
01:01:13,712 --> 01:01:16,965
Shit, I got Caroline in the bedroom
right now, passed out cold.
842
01:01:17,091 --> 01:01:20,761
I could violate her ten different ways
if I wanted to.
843
01:01:20,886 --> 01:01:22,513
What are you waiting for?
844
01:01:22,638 --> 01:01:25,891
I don't know. She's beautiful
and she's built and all that.
845
01:01:26,975 --> 01:01:29,770
I'm just not interested anymore.
846
01:01:29,895 --> 01:01:31,605
Does that really matter, guy?
847
01:01:31,730 --> 01:01:34,566
Yeah, it matters.
She's totally insensitive.
848
01:01:34,691 --> 01:01:36,193
Look what she did to my house.
849
01:01:37,653 --> 01:01:39,613
She doesn't know shit about love.
850
01:01:39,738 --> 01:01:41,949
Only thing she cares about is partying.
851
01:01:42,074 --> 01:01:43,909
I want a serious girlfriend.
852
01:01:44,576 --> 01:01:47,079
Somebody I can love,
that's gonna love me back.
853
01:01:49,373 --> 01:01:50,833
Is that psycho?
854
01:01:53,669 --> 01:01:55,462
That's beautiful, Jake.
855
01:01:55,587 --> 01:01:57,947
You know, I think a ton of guys
feel the same way as you do.
856
01:01:58,006 --> 01:02:00,092
- Really?
- Yeah. It's just they don't...
857
01:02:00,217 --> 01:02:02,195
They don't have the balls to admit it.
You know what I mean?
858
01:02:02,219 --> 01:02:04,972
I mean, they're just...
They're wimps.
859
01:02:05,097 --> 01:02:07,474
Samantha's...
She's really special, you know?
860
01:02:08,100 --> 01:02:09,685
I'll make a deal with you.
861
01:02:09,810 --> 01:02:12,229
You let me keep these,
862
01:02:12,354 --> 01:02:14,523
I'll let you take Caroline home.
863
01:02:14,648 --> 01:02:16,316
But you gotta make sure
she gets home.
864
01:02:16,442 --> 01:02:19,820
You can't leave her in some
parking lot somewhere. OK?
865
01:02:20,863 --> 01:02:22,448
Jake, I'm only a freshman.
866
01:02:22,573 --> 01:02:25,784
So? She's so blitzed,
she won't know the difference.
867
01:02:25,909 --> 01:02:27,536
Jake, I don't have a car.
868
01:02:27,661 --> 01:02:29,121
You can take mine.
869
01:02:29,246 --> 01:02:31,957
Jake, I don't have a licence.
870
01:02:32,082 --> 01:02:33,709
I trust you.
871
01:02:37,588 --> 01:02:41,258
Jake, I'd love to.
I can't. Want a pretzel?
872
01:02:41,383 --> 01:02:44,011
- You sure?
- Positive.
873
01:02:56,940 --> 01:02:57,983
I got her.
874
01:02:58,108 --> 01:02:59,902
- You got her?
- Mm-hmm.
875
01:03:10,370 --> 01:03:11,788
This is your car, Jake?
876
01:03:11,914 --> 01:03:15,792
No, this is my dad's car.
You said you couldn't drive a stick.
877
01:03:15,918 --> 01:03:18,378
This is a mother...
878
01:03:18,504 --> 01:03:20,547
This is a Rolls-Royce, Jake.
879
01:03:20,672 --> 01:03:23,550
- So?
- So? So?
880
01:03:23,675 --> 01:03:26,428
I heard the grill alone
costs five grand on this.
881
01:03:26,553 --> 01:03:30,140
Five grand. Do you have five grand?
I don't have five grand.
882
01:03:30,265 --> 01:03:32,601
- Then don't hit anything.
- "Don't hit anything"...
883
01:03:32,726 --> 01:03:34,770
Do you want to do this or not?
884
01:03:34,895 --> 01:03:36,355
No.
885
01:03:39,483 --> 01:03:42,194
Who the hell? Who does he...
886
01:03:53,205 --> 01:03:54,748
Uh-oh...
887
01:04:04,841 --> 01:04:06,718
Mm-hmm. Mm-mm...
888
01:04:09,137 --> 01:04:10,472
Who's he?
889
01:04:10,597 --> 01:04:12,099
That's me.
890
01:04:19,189 --> 01:04:20,357
Who are you?
891
01:04:20,482 --> 01:04:21,775
I'm him.
892
01:04:27,906 --> 01:04:29,866
Oh.
893
01:04:29,992 --> 01:04:31,285
OK.
894
01:04:31,868 --> 01:04:34,621
- She's totally gone. Have fun.
- Thanks.
895
01:04:41,503 --> 01:04:44,923
- Jake, is your dad a big man, or...
- About 6'4".
896
01:04:45,048 --> 01:04:46,675
Very nice.
897
01:04:50,012 --> 01:04:52,264
Ho.
898
01:04:57,102 --> 01:04:58,812
Ho.
899
01:04:59,646 --> 01:05:01,398
Easy.
900
01:05:02,441 --> 01:05:03,692
Easy.
901
01:05:21,710 --> 01:05:23,337
♪ Hey, sucker
902
01:05:24,796 --> 01:05:26,923
♪ What the hell's got into you?
903
01:05:29,926 --> 01:05:31,553
♪ Hey, sucker... ♪
904
01:05:35,599 --> 01:05:39,436
Oh, sexy girlfriend.
905
01:05:40,646 --> 01:05:42,397
Banzai!
906
01:06:28,360 --> 01:06:30,028
- Think they liked us?
- Definitely.
907
01:06:30,153 --> 01:06:32,197
Whoo! Go, darling geek.
908
01:06:32,322 --> 01:06:34,032
Could we turn that
music down a little bit?
909
01:06:34,157 --> 01:06:36,618
I'm a first-time driver.
I really need to concentrate.
910
01:06:36,743 --> 01:06:39,538
Excuse me. Stop that.
911
01:06:40,372 --> 01:06:42,749
Looks like rain.
Better put the top up.
912
01:06:42,874 --> 01:06:45,752
Will you stop that? You can get us
in a lot of trouble doing that.
913
01:06:45,877 --> 01:06:47,546
This is a car.
914
01:06:48,964 --> 01:06:51,925
He probably doesn't even got
Triple A on it or anything.
915
01:06:52,050 --> 01:06:54,636
Chug-a-lug, Pooh Bear.
916
01:06:56,430 --> 01:06:59,683
I can't believe you're so popular,
acting like this.
917
01:07:02,894 --> 01:07:04,479
Hello?
918
01:07:04,604 --> 01:07:06,940
Oh, I don't know.
I'll have to look.
919
01:07:07,065 --> 01:07:09,276
Mr Ryan, are you in here?
920
01:07:09,401 --> 01:07:12,028
He's not.
Mr Ryan's not in right now.
921
01:07:12,154 --> 01:07:14,781
My Christmas present to you.
922
01:07:14,906 --> 01:07:17,451
- Thank you.
- No. Really. Serious.
923
01:07:17,576 --> 01:07:19,161
See? See?
924
01:07:21,037 --> 01:07:23,165
Thank you.
925
01:07:24,416 --> 01:07:26,585
Now we're both on the pill.
926
01:07:32,466 --> 01:07:34,593
You gave me
a birth control pill?
927
01:07:34,718 --> 01:07:36,928
Do you have any idea
what that'll do to a guy my age?
928
01:07:37,053 --> 01:07:39,681
I know exactly what it'll do
to a girl my age.
929
01:07:39,806 --> 01:07:41,850
First time in a car,
and then this shit.
930
01:07:41,975 --> 01:07:45,687
- It makes it OK to be really super careless.
- Wait, wait.
931
01:07:52,527 --> 01:07:55,906
Look, we're not going any further until
you stop these childish antics, Caroline.
932
01:07:56,031 --> 01:07:58,867
- Don't be such a poop.
- Huh!
933
01:08:00,118 --> 01:08:01,620
On second thought...
934
01:08:01,745 --> 01:08:03,455
I love you.
935
01:08:07,876 --> 01:08:09,795
This is getting good.
936
01:08:34,194 --> 01:08:36,196
Ted, what the hell are you doing?
937
01:08:36,321 --> 01:08:37,989
Are those humongous jocks back?
938
01:08:40,158 --> 01:08:41,868
Cliff, do you have
any film in your camera?
939
01:08:41,993 --> 01:08:43,286
What?
940
01:08:44,246 --> 01:08:46,873
Take those ridiculous things off.
941
01:08:48,333 --> 01:08:50,752
- Do you have any film in your camera?
- Sure.
942
01:08:50,877 --> 01:08:53,380
OK. You guys, go get it
and bring it outside, OK?
943
01:08:53,505 --> 01:08:55,006
- Right out front.
- What for?
944
01:08:55,131 --> 01:08:58,301
Look, just get it
and come on out front, OK?
945
01:08:58,426 --> 01:09:00,470
- UFO?
- It's better.
946
01:09:01,346 --> 01:09:02,722
Extraterrestrial?
947
01:09:02,848 --> 01:09:05,600
It's better. All right?
Just get it and come on outside.
948
01:09:05,725 --> 01:09:07,185
Female extraterrestrial?
949
01:09:08,520 --> 01:09:10,397
It's better, now... Shh!
950
01:09:11,064 --> 01:09:13,191
Better than female extraterrestrial?
951
01:09:13,316 --> 01:09:16,403
- How do you tell if it's a female?
- Cos it's got tits.
952
01:09:16,528 --> 01:09:18,488
Well, what makes them different
than regular tits?
953
01:09:18,530 --> 01:09:20,740
They got four.
954
01:09:20,866 --> 01:09:23,702
Just get the camera. It's in the closet.
No, don't go in the closet.
955
01:09:29,165 --> 01:09:30,876
They're such assholes.
I can't believe it.
956
01:09:31,918 --> 01:09:33,295
photography.
957
01:09:33,420 --> 01:09:35,589
Well, it's not my fault,
you should check that out.
958
01:09:35,714 --> 01:09:37,316
- Why do you always have to argue?
- I'm not arguing.
959
01:09:37,340 --> 01:09:38,592
- Yes, you are.
- I am not.
960
01:09:38,717 --> 01:09:39,926
- Yes, you are.
- I am not.
961
01:09:40,051 --> 01:09:42,071
Every time I try to do something,
it's always bitch, bitch, bitch.
962
01:09:42,095 --> 01:09:44,639
Bitch is a female dog.
OK? Not even.
963
01:09:44,764 --> 01:09:46,683
What's that supposed to mean?
964
01:09:47,767 --> 01:09:49,394
- Shit.
- Shoot.
965
01:10:06,661 --> 01:10:09,122
Ted, that's a Rolls-Royce.
966
01:10:09,247 --> 01:10:10,999
Ted, that's the prom queen.
967
01:10:11,124 --> 01:10:13,001
You got two girls in one night.
968
01:10:13,835 --> 01:10:16,338
- I told you dudes I was hot.
- Hot? Ted, you're a legend.
969
01:10:16,463 --> 01:10:17,964
Will you shut up?
970
01:10:18,089 --> 01:10:19,966
People around here work,
all right?
971
01:10:21,009 --> 01:10:23,279
Now, will you hurry it up?
I'm breaking, like, 30 major laws here.
972
01:10:23,303 --> 01:10:25,096
- Come on.
- You know, Ted,
973
01:10:25,221 --> 01:10:27,641
nobody's gonna believe you.
974
01:10:27,766 --> 01:10:28,934
No way.
975
01:10:30,936 --> 01:10:34,272
That, my friends,
is what the pictures are for.
976
01:10:34,397 --> 01:10:35,774
OK?
977
01:10:36,316 --> 01:10:37,651
Ow!
978
01:10:49,454 --> 01:10:51,081
Just get that thing there.
979
01:10:52,123 --> 01:10:54,584
- All right, you guys ready?
- Wait, hold on.
980
01:10:56,628 --> 01:10:57,748
Just put it down just a bit.
981
01:10:57,837 --> 01:10:59,607
You guys know what you're doing here,
or what?
982
01:10:59,631 --> 01:11:01,341
All right, just a minute.
983
01:11:01,466 --> 01:11:03,635
- How does this look?
- Very nice.
984
01:11:04,260 --> 01:11:05,971
Wait a minute,
you know, black-and-white,
985
01:11:06,096 --> 01:11:08,390
it would just capture
the moment so nicely, wouldn't it?
986
01:11:08,515 --> 01:11:11,184
- Aww...
- Will you take the picture already?
987
01:11:11,309 --> 01:11:14,145
You're pissing me off,
I'm telling you.
988
01:11:16,815 --> 01:11:20,694
- Smile, pumpkin.
- What? Oh. Pictures.
989
01:11:20,819 --> 01:11:22,904
Cheers.
990
01:11:43,591 --> 01:11:46,469
♪ Treulich geführt
991
01:11:46,594 --> 01:11:49,848
♪ Ziehet dahin
992
01:11:49,973 --> 01:11:54,060
♪ Wo euch der Segen der Liebe bewahr ♪
993
01:11:56,479 --> 01:11:59,315
Oh, Marlene, no. Marlene, no.
994
01:12:01,276 --> 01:12:02,694
Chill out, boy.
995
01:12:03,153 --> 01:12:04,738
Mike, honey, go get dressed.
996
01:12:04,863 --> 01:12:07,365
I can't believe it.
Ginny's not in the shower.
997
01:12:08,241 --> 01:12:10,035
I wouldn't go in there
if I were you.
998
01:12:10,160 --> 01:12:13,580
Grandpa Fred was in there
for a half an hour. It's totally polluted.
999
01:12:13,705 --> 01:12:16,666
- Get dressed.
- It's your nose.
1000
01:12:21,171 --> 01:12:22,380
They never listen.
1001
01:12:23,214 --> 01:12:25,383
What was he wearing?
1002
01:12:25,508 --> 01:12:26,968
Well, he would have...
1003
01:12:27,093 --> 01:12:31,765
He was wearing a red argyle sweater
and tan trousers.
1004
01:12:31,890 --> 01:12:34,059
And red shoes.
1005
01:12:34,184 --> 01:12:37,145
Hmm?
No, he's not retarded.
1006
01:12:37,771 --> 01:12:39,814
Now, what can I do to help?
1007
01:12:39,939 --> 01:12:43,068
- Well, you could finish the French toast.
- Good.
1008
01:12:44,569 --> 01:12:48,448
- I'll, erm... I'll just open the donuts.
- Good thinking.
1009
01:12:48,573 --> 01:12:50,909
Oops! Don't wanna lose the nails.
1010
01:12:57,040 --> 01:12:59,417
I'll just wait till I hear from you, then.
1011
01:12:59,542 --> 01:13:01,795
Voilà. Breakfast is ready.
1012
01:13:04,130 --> 01:13:06,174
Oh, Sam.
1013
01:13:06,966 --> 01:13:09,803
Sam, I am so sorry
about your birthday.
1014
01:13:11,221 --> 01:13:13,515
It's OK. I'll recover.
1015
01:13:14,432 --> 01:13:16,351
It's important to you.
1016
01:13:17,143 --> 01:13:20,730
And yesterday morning,
you were trying to tell me.
1017
01:13:21,731 --> 01:13:23,566
It's OK, Mom.
1018
01:13:24,192 --> 01:13:26,111
These things sometimes happen.
1019
01:13:26,236 --> 01:13:27,779
Oh...
1020
01:13:27,904 --> 01:13:31,699
- Honey, I just feel miserable.
- You'll feel better.
1021
01:13:31,825 --> 01:13:33,118
Who died?
1022
01:13:37,122 --> 01:13:39,833
Is there something
you want to say to your sister?
1023
01:13:39,958 --> 01:13:43,545
What? Are you kidding?
Where should I start?
1024
01:13:44,462 --> 01:13:46,798
I mean about her birthday.
1025
01:13:46,923 --> 01:13:48,633
It was yesterday. We all forgot.
1026
01:13:50,760 --> 01:13:52,679
Classic!
1027
01:13:58,143 --> 01:14:00,895
Deep down, he's really sorry.
1028
01:14:05,066 --> 01:14:07,819
- No, he's not.
- No, he's not.
1029
01:14:07,944 --> 01:14:11,239
I have to go to this wedding
and look like Miss Pretty Princess
1030
01:14:11,364 --> 01:14:13,283
in this dipshit's bridesmaid's dress.
1031
01:14:13,408 --> 01:14:16,786
I don't even have one-tenth of the bod
to fill the stupid bust up.
1032
01:14:16,911 --> 01:14:19,330
So what? Should I just waste myself
and spare the agony?
1033
01:14:20,248 --> 01:14:23,376
I was gonna tell you something,
but maybe I shouldn't. It's pretty bad.
1034
01:14:23,501 --> 01:14:26,337
You may as well.
Nothing could shock me anymore.
1035
01:14:28,590 --> 01:14:31,630
Last night at the dance, my little brother
paid a buck to see your underwear.
1036
01:14:34,512 --> 01:14:38,349
I hate that rock 'n' roll rubbish.
1037
01:14:38,474 --> 01:14:40,560
Well, I'm afraid
it's here to stay, Howie.
1038
01:14:45,899 --> 01:14:48,985
Sam, you're dragging your dress,
honey. Pick it up.
1039
01:14:49,110 --> 01:14:50,528
Come on, Ginny.
1040
01:14:50,653 --> 01:14:52,989
- Hurry up, sweetie.
- Why is she so slow?
1041
01:14:53,114 --> 01:14:55,158
Do not fuss at your sister.
It's her wedding day.
1042
01:14:55,283 --> 01:14:58,578
- Big deal.
- All right, is everybody in?
1043
01:14:58,703 --> 01:15:01,039
Oh, dear.
Are you all right, Ginny?
1044
01:15:01,164 --> 01:15:03,625
♪ Gee my life's a funny thing
1045
01:15:03,750 --> 01:15:06,085
♪ Am I still too young?
1046
01:15:06,920 --> 01:15:09,589
♪ All night... ♪
1047
01:15:09,714 --> 01:15:11,507
Come on, everybody.
1048
01:15:14,052 --> 01:15:16,137
Get in the car, please.
We're late already.
1049
01:15:16,262 --> 01:15:18,681
♪ She wants the young American
1050
01:15:18,806 --> 01:15:21,893
♪ All night
1051
01:15:22,018 --> 01:15:24,479
♪ She wants the young American... ♪
1052
01:15:24,604 --> 01:15:29,150
Helen, will you get in the car?
I don't know what they're fussing about.
1053
01:15:29,275 --> 01:15:30,777
Helen, get in the car.
1054
01:15:33,071 --> 01:15:36,032
♪ But heaven forbid, she'll take anything
1055
01:15:36,157 --> 01:15:38,284
♪ But the freak and his type,
all for nothing
1056
01:15:38,910 --> 01:15:41,663
♪ Misses a step and cuts his hand
1057
01:15:41,788 --> 01:15:43,831
♪ But showing nothing,
he swoops like a song ♪
1058
01:15:43,957 --> 01:15:45,625
Hey, Howard,
there's your Chinaman.
1059
01:15:45,750 --> 01:15:47,752
- Oh, thanks, Fred.
- Bye, Dong.
1060
01:15:49,337 --> 01:15:52,048
What the... What's he doing
on the ground there?
1061
01:15:52,173 --> 01:15:54,259
What's happened to him?
What's happened?
1062
01:15:54,384 --> 01:15:56,219
Hold a mirror in front of his mouth.
1063
01:15:56,344 --> 01:15:58,471
Howard. He's dead!
1064
01:15:58,596 --> 01:16:01,599
Oh, shit. I pay seven grand
for a wedding, I'll never see it.
1065
01:16:01,724 --> 01:16:04,686
Oh, watch your language,
Mr Dirty Mouth.
1066
01:16:06,145 --> 01:16:09,524
- Oh, thank God, he is still warm.
- Oh, good.
1067
01:16:09,649 --> 01:16:12,110
- Here, help me roll him over.
- I'll help you.
1068
01:16:15,446 --> 01:16:17,657
- Gross.
- Ugh, canine cologne.
1069
01:16:17,782 --> 01:16:20,994
Oh, no more yankie my wankie.
1070
01:16:21,119 --> 01:16:23,037
The Donger need food.
1071
01:16:25,873 --> 01:16:28,626
Hell, he's three sheets
to the wind.
1072
01:16:29,627 --> 01:16:31,129
He's drunk as a skunk.
1073
01:16:31,254 --> 01:16:33,423
Oh, why don't you shut up,
Fred. Shut up.
1074
01:16:33,548 --> 01:16:35,008
Dong.
1075
01:16:37,051 --> 01:16:38,428
Dong.
1076
01:16:39,012 --> 01:16:41,472
Dong, Grandpa is talking to you.
1077
01:16:44,017 --> 01:16:45,435
Dong.
1078
01:16:45,560 --> 01:16:48,313
Where is my automobile?
1079
01:16:49,105 --> 01:16:52,025
Automobile?
1080
01:17:00,867 --> 01:17:02,910
Lake.
1081
01:17:03,036 --> 01:17:05,538
Big lake.
1082
01:17:05,663 --> 01:17:07,248
Why, you little scuzzbag.
1083
01:17:07,707 --> 01:17:08,791
Ow!
1084
01:17:11,044 --> 01:17:13,755
Oh, my. Is everything all right?
1085
01:17:14,464 --> 01:17:16,716
I was afraid you'd had an accident.
1086
01:17:17,675 --> 01:17:20,011
I wish.
1087
01:17:20,136 --> 01:17:23,014
Her monthly bill came early.
1088
01:17:24,974 --> 01:17:28,436
Well, she's fine.
She just took a muscle relaxer.
1089
01:17:28,561 --> 01:17:30,646
Try four.
1090
01:17:30,772 --> 01:17:32,607
- You didn't.
- Mother.
1091
01:17:52,418 --> 01:17:54,087
Damn, Mom.
I've got my headgear on.
1092
01:17:54,212 --> 01:17:56,047
Will you wake up?
1093
01:17:57,507 --> 01:17:59,175
Where the hell am I?
1094
01:18:00,051 --> 01:18:03,888
I'll tell you where you are
if you'll tell me who you are.
1095
01:18:05,681 --> 01:18:07,308
Farmer Ted.
1096
01:18:07,433 --> 01:18:10,686
You're in the parking lot
across the street from my church.
1097
01:18:12,397 --> 01:18:14,190
You own a church?
1098
01:18:19,445 --> 01:18:21,030
What happened?
1099
01:18:21,155 --> 01:18:22,949
I have no idea.
1100
01:18:27,662 --> 01:18:29,831
Did I do that to your hair?
1101
01:18:31,040 --> 01:18:33,334
At this point, anything's possible.
1102
01:18:36,504 --> 01:18:37,922
Um...
1103
01:18:40,633 --> 01:18:42,176
Did, erm...
1104
01:18:44,262 --> 01:18:46,305
- Did we, er...
- Yeah.
1105
01:18:47,807 --> 01:18:49,642
I'm pretty sure.
1106
01:18:51,686 --> 01:18:52,895
Erm...
1107
01:18:53,020 --> 01:18:55,523
Excuse me, but do you...
1108
01:18:55,648 --> 01:18:59,110
Do you know if...
Did I enjoy it?
1109
01:19:00,361 --> 01:19:01,921
What, am I nuts?
Of course I enjoyed it.
1110
01:19:02,029 --> 01:19:05,950
I mean...
What I meant was, did you?
1111
01:19:08,786 --> 01:19:10,329
Hmm.
1112
01:19:11,664 --> 01:19:14,167
You know,
I have this weird feeling I did.
1113
01:19:24,010 --> 01:19:26,220
Here, Ginny. Drink this.
1114
01:19:27,305 --> 01:19:28,931
Come on.
1115
01:19:30,725 --> 01:19:32,185
Here.
1116
01:19:36,439 --> 01:19:37,857
Wow.
1117
01:19:38,483 --> 01:19:39,942
Do I feel funky!
1118
01:19:40,067 --> 01:19:42,069
- Uh-huh!
- Oh, God!
1119
01:20:01,005 --> 01:20:03,090
OK. I'm coming.
1120
01:20:05,009 --> 01:20:08,596
Hello? Geez,
this place is so confusing.
1121
01:20:10,348 --> 01:20:11,807
OK.
1122
01:20:20,983 --> 01:20:23,736
Go away. I call FIB.
I call police.
1123
01:20:23,861 --> 01:20:25,947
- Go away.
- Open the door.
1124
01:20:26,072 --> 01:20:28,824
- No way, Jose.
- Open the door.
1125
01:20:28,950 --> 01:20:30,743
You beat up my face.
1126
01:20:30,868 --> 01:20:33,246
You grabbed my nuts.
1127
01:20:36,207 --> 01:20:38,626
- Was that you?
- Yeah. That me.
1128
01:20:40,711 --> 01:20:43,214
Oh, I'm so sorry.
1129
01:20:43,339 --> 01:20:47,510
I thought you my new,
new-style American girlfriend.
1130
01:20:47,635 --> 01:20:50,680
- Forget it, man. Just get Samantha, all right?
- She not here.
1131
01:20:50,805 --> 01:20:53,266
- Don't jerk me around, man. Where is she?
- She got married.
1132
01:20:53,391 --> 01:20:55,768
- What?
- She at the church.
1133
01:20:55,893 --> 01:20:58,104
She getting married to oily bohunk.
1134
01:20:59,105 --> 01:21:00,690
- Married?
- Married.
1135
01:21:00,815 --> 01:21:03,317
- Married?
- Yeah. Married.
1136
01:21:07,488 --> 01:21:08,739
Married?
1137
01:21:08,864 --> 01:21:11,325
Married! Geez.
1138
01:21:18,874 --> 01:21:21,043
Are you gonna be all right, sweetie?
1139
01:21:21,168 --> 01:21:24,714
It's gonna be a piece of cake, Bren.
1140
01:21:26,716 --> 01:21:29,594
Um, Ginny,
I'm really happy for you.
1141
01:21:30,803 --> 01:21:33,556
I'm sorry for being kind of a jerk lately.
1142
01:21:34,890 --> 01:21:37,310
That's really lovely, Sam.
1143
01:21:37,435 --> 01:21:39,729
I know you'll have a great marriage.
1144
01:21:44,650 --> 01:21:46,360
Ginny!
1145
01:21:50,197 --> 01:21:52,408
- Holy shit.
- She just had a cramp.
1146
01:21:53,034 --> 01:21:55,161
I don't care what she's got.
Look at her.
1147
01:21:55,286 --> 01:21:57,371
Will you please be quiet?
1148
01:21:57,496 --> 01:22:00,750
We don't want to announce to everyone
that she has her period.
1149
01:22:00,875 --> 01:22:06,297
I guess those guys who thought we had to get
married feel pretty stupid right now, huh, Padre?
1150
01:22:15,848 --> 01:22:18,351
♪ Here comes the bride
1151
01:22:19,769 --> 01:22:22,146
♪ Big, fat and wide ♪
1152
01:22:34,241 --> 01:22:36,243
Love the teapot.
1153
01:22:45,836 --> 01:22:48,047
Could you move over?
1154
01:22:51,133 --> 01:22:53,344
- Are you OK? You all right?
- I gotta rest.
1155
01:22:53,469 --> 01:22:55,429
- Come on. Here we go.
- What's the matter?
1156
01:22:55,554 --> 01:22:57,348
Here comes the bride.
1157
01:23:02,228 --> 01:23:04,730
Here we go. OK. Come on.
1158
01:23:09,694 --> 01:23:11,153
I'm sorry.
1159
01:23:12,405 --> 01:23:14,198
I got it. I got it.
1160
01:23:18,953 --> 01:23:20,746
Hi.
1161
01:23:20,871 --> 01:23:22,707
I know you.
1162
01:23:24,542 --> 01:23:26,794
Can't see with this thing on.
1163
01:23:31,298 --> 01:23:33,551
I never went out with a freshman.
1164
01:23:34,510 --> 01:23:36,971
Not even when I was a freshman.
1165
01:23:37,096 --> 01:23:38,764
Me either.
1166
01:23:38,889 --> 01:23:40,141
You were pretty crazy.
1167
01:23:41,767 --> 01:23:44,019
- I was?
- Yeah.
1168
01:23:44,979 --> 01:23:46,230
But you know what I like best?
1169
01:23:47,022 --> 01:23:48,858
- My clean, close shave?
- No.
1170
01:23:51,861 --> 01:23:53,904
Waking up in your arms.
1171
01:23:55,448 --> 01:23:57,116
These things?
1172
01:24:02,204 --> 01:24:04,248
Shit. Jake.
1173
01:24:04,874 --> 01:24:06,292
Jake.
1174
01:24:08,753 --> 01:24:10,629
Holy shit.
1175
01:24:16,552 --> 01:24:19,263
- Stay here, OK?
- Oh, my God.
1176
01:24:24,810 --> 01:24:26,395
I'm dead.
1177
01:24:35,738 --> 01:24:37,948
- Hello?
- 'Ted. You never called us back.
1178
01:24:38,073 --> 01:24:39,700
'What happened?'
1179
01:24:39,825 --> 01:24:43,871
- Look, Wease. I told you not to call me here.
- 'Ted, we're dying. What happened?'
1180
01:24:43,996 --> 01:24:45,414
You wanna know what happened?
1181
01:24:45,539 --> 01:24:46,707
- Buy the book.
- 'Ted.'
1182
01:24:55,007 --> 01:24:57,551
I'm really sorry about getting you
mixed up with that guy.
1183
01:24:57,676 --> 01:24:59,178
Oh, it's OK.
1184
01:24:59,970 --> 01:25:01,889
It wasn't too terrible.
1185
01:25:02,014 --> 01:25:03,390
Weird?
1186
01:25:06,060 --> 01:25:08,062
I'm really sorry about last night.
1187
01:25:08,187 --> 01:25:09,939
The party.
1188
01:25:10,731 --> 01:25:12,441
Lots of things.
1189
01:25:16,362 --> 01:25:19,240
You know,
neither one of us is gonna die
1190
01:25:20,699 --> 01:25:22,660
if it doesn't happen for us.
1191
01:25:23,536 --> 01:25:25,287
That's true.
1192
01:25:25,412 --> 01:25:27,373
I just don't know right now.
1193
01:25:27,498 --> 01:25:30,292
But I'm covered, OK?
I won't get hurt.
1194
01:25:32,086 --> 01:25:33,587
Sure.
1195
01:25:36,298 --> 01:25:38,217
I'll leave it up to you.
1196
01:25:39,468 --> 01:25:41,095
Fine.
1197
01:26:25,306 --> 01:26:28,392
- Oh, my God.
- Her veil.
1198
01:26:56,921 --> 01:26:58,714
Come on, honey.
1199
01:27:00,591 --> 01:27:01,926
- Honey.
- Let's go!
1200
01:27:02,051 --> 01:27:04,303
Come on. Here we go.
1201
01:27:04,428 --> 01:27:06,347
Get her in the back seat, Rudy!
1202
01:27:08,349 --> 01:27:09,934
Bon voyage!
1203
01:27:12,269 --> 01:27:13,854
- See you later.
- Bye!
1204
01:27:13,979 --> 01:27:16,315
- Goodbye!
- So long, kids.
1205
01:27:30,788 --> 01:27:32,331
Oh, hi.
1206
01:27:32,456 --> 01:27:34,792
Er, my sister forgot her veil.
1207
01:27:34,917 --> 01:27:37,628
I know she wouldn't want anything
to happen to it. She's...
1208
01:27:37,753 --> 01:27:41,006
- She's a little out of it.
- Just a little bit.
1209
01:27:41,131 --> 01:27:44,009
Yeah. Well, excuse me.
1210
01:27:44,134 --> 01:27:47,388
Everybody's waiting for me.
I wanna make sure I see my sister leave.
1211
01:27:47,513 --> 01:27:49,223
Goodbye.
1212
01:27:49,348 --> 01:27:51,225
Bye.
1213
01:27:51,350 --> 01:27:53,394
Oh, I need a drink.
1214
01:28:23,882 --> 01:28:25,801
♪ If you were here
1215
01:28:25,926 --> 01:28:28,554
- Me?
- Yeah, you.
1216
01:28:32,099 --> 01:28:34,184
♪ If you were here
1217
01:28:34,309 --> 01:28:36,478
♪ You would believe
1218
01:28:40,649 --> 01:28:42,192
♪ But would you suspect... ♪
1219
01:28:42,317 --> 01:28:43,360
- Hi.
- Hi.
1220
01:28:43,485 --> 01:28:45,279
- Hi.
- Hi.
1221
01:28:49,241 --> 01:28:50,868
What are you doing here?
1222
01:28:50,993 --> 01:28:52,036
I heard you were here.
1223
01:28:53,537 --> 01:28:55,998
You came here for me?
1224
01:28:56,123 --> 01:28:57,708
Is that OK?
1225
01:28:58,834 --> 01:28:59,918
Yeah, it's OK.
1226
01:29:00,961 --> 01:29:02,504
Do you have to go
to the reception now?
1227
01:29:04,006 --> 01:29:05,716
I'm supposed to.
1228
01:29:06,759 --> 01:29:09,011
- Can I call you later?
- Sure.
1229
01:29:11,722 --> 01:29:13,223
I mean, no.
1230
01:29:16,143 --> 01:29:17,436
No, I can't call you later?
1231
01:29:17,936 --> 01:29:19,354
Yeah.
1232
01:29:20,397 --> 01:29:22,983
No, I mean I'm not going
to the reception.
1233
01:29:25,194 --> 01:29:26,487
Oh. Great.
1234
01:29:41,335 --> 01:29:43,337
That's the boy!
1235
01:30:12,157 --> 01:30:14,993
Thanks for getting my undies back.
1236
01:30:15,119 --> 01:30:17,079
Thanks for coming over.
1237
01:30:17,871 --> 01:30:19,998
Thanks for coming to get me.
1238
01:30:22,167 --> 01:30:24,169
Happy birthday, Samantha.
1239
01:30:26,130 --> 01:30:27,881
Make a wish.
1240
01:30:30,509 --> 01:30:32,511
It already came true.
1241
01:30:35,681 --> 01:30:37,516
♪ If you were here
1242
01:30:37,641 --> 01:30:40,227
♪ I could deceive you
1243
01:30:43,856 --> 01:30:45,691
♪ If you were here
1244
01:30:45,816 --> 01:30:48,402
♪ You would believe
1245
01:30:51,864 --> 01:30:54,241
♪ But would you suspect
1246
01:30:54,366 --> 01:30:59,830
♪ My emotion wandering, yeah
1247
01:30:59,955 --> 01:31:06,295
♪ Do not want a part of this anymore ♪
1248
01:31:12,050 --> 01:31:17,347
♪ Sixteen candles
1249
01:31:19,057 --> 01:31:23,228
♪ Make a lovely, lovely light
1250
01:31:25,898 --> 01:31:29,568
♪ But not as bright
1251
01:31:32,112 --> 01:31:37,701
♪ As your eyes tonight
1252
01:31:38,368 --> 01:31:43,207
♪ Blow out the candles
1253
01:31:44,958 --> 01:31:48,212
♪ Make your wish come true
1254
01:31:52,132 --> 01:31:55,636
♪ For I'll be wishing
1255
01:31:58,180 --> 01:32:02,017
♪ That you love me, too
1256
01:32:04,645 --> 01:32:08,482
♪ You're only sixteen
1257
01:32:10,692 --> 01:32:14,696
♪ But you're my teenage queen
1258
01:32:18,158 --> 01:32:24,122
♪ You're the prettiest, the loveliest girl
1259
01:32:24,665 --> 01:32:28,126
♪ I've ever seen
1260
01:32:30,379 --> 01:32:34,675
♪ Sixteen candles
1261
01:32:37,177 --> 01:32:41,348
♪ In my heart will glow
1262
01:32:44,351 --> 01:32:49,231
♪ Forever and ever and ever, whoa whoa
1263
01:32:50,399 --> 01:32:55,028
♪ For I love you so
1264
01:32:56,738 --> 01:32:58,240
♪ Hey!
1265
01:33:22,639 --> 01:33:29,855
♪ Sixteen candles, yeah
1266
01:33:29,980 --> 01:33:35,110
♪ In my heart, in my heart will glow
1267
01:33:37,070 --> 01:33:41,450
♪ Forever and ever and ever
1268
01:33:43,243 --> 01:33:46,705
♪ For I love you so
1269
01:33:46,830 --> 01:33:54,830
♪ For I love you so, whoa whoa ♪
94722
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