Original subtitles

Am I dreaming or are you guys reading a book?

It's the book of world records.

Me and dez are gonna set a world record.

How about the world's longest fingernails?

Nah. How could we ever go bowling?

Here's one--keeping your eyes open without blinking.

Ooh! Time me!

-Hey. -Shh! Dez is trying to set the record

For not blinking. Nobody bother him

For 30 hours and 12 minutes.

I can't go on! I give up.

Ahhh. How long was that?

Eight seconds.

I think ally has a shot

At breaking the not-blinking record.

Staring at dallas? What?!

No, that's ridiculous.

Just go talk to him.

-It's not that easy. -Sure it is.

hey, dallas!

And apparently I'm gonna talk to him.

Hey, dallas.

Did you see that crazy story on the news?

What story?

Uh, which one were you talking about?

I wasn't. You brought it up.

I know, right?

Well, great talking to you.

Wait, ally. I've been wanting to come by the store and say hi,

I just haven't had time. After work I always have chores.

Like today I have to mow my lawn. It's the worst.

I can mow your lawn for you!

Why would I say that?

Really? You'd mow my lawn for me?

Yep. That's what I heard myself say.

Thanks!

-How'd it go? -Great.

Can anybody teach me how to mow a lawn?

There's no time for that, ally.

I'm about to set the record for the world's biggest brain freeze.

Um, dez, there's no record for that.

when the crowd wants more

I bring on the thunder

'cause you've got my back

and I'm not going under

you're my point, you're my guard

you're the perfect chord

and I see our names together on every billboard

we're headed for the top, we've got it on lock

we'll make 'em say "hey!"

and we'll keep rockin'

oh, there's no way I could make it without ya

do it without ya, be here without ya

it's no fun when you're doing it solo

with you it's like, "whoa," yeah, and I know

I own this dream

'cause I got you with me

there's no way I could make it without ya

do it without ya, be here without ya.

Austin & Ally S01E10 World Records & Work Wreckers

I can't believe you mowed every lawn on dallas's block.

After I mowed his lawn, it just looked so much better

Than all the other lawns. I felt bad for them.

Well, when you say it like that it makes so much sense.

What's all this stuff?

It's our inventory for the entire year.

My dad orders everything at once

So he can save like $4.

$4.36.

Ooh, ally,

I need you to carry these boxes upstairs for me.

-You know I have a bad back. -There's a lot of boxes.

Can we maybe hire someone to help?

I'm in-between jobs right now. I'd love to work here.

-I don't think so. -Absolutely not.

Why not? I'd be a great employee.

Trish, you've had 30 jobs in the last month.

You've never even kept a job for three days.

That hurts. I worked at a calendar store

For almost a week. And I know because it was a calendar store.

It wasn't a week. It was a weekend.

And I know because you called in sick

And I filled in for you for both days.

Ally, we can't afford to hire trish.

We can't afford to hire anyone.

It's just me and you.

Actually, it's just you.

It's free sample time at the food court. Hee!

Check it out. Me and dez are going to set

The world record for spinning a basketball on our finger.

The old record is 22 hours and 12 minutes.

We are going to demolish it!

what up?

Which one of you doofs is going to set the record?

-What do you mean? -There can only be one record holder.

Probably me. I'm getting pretty good at this.

It's gonna take a lot more than pretty good

To beat very pretty good.

Oh, it's on!

Okay. It'll be on later.

Hey, ally.

I wanted to thank you for mowing my lawn.

You don't have to thank me.

I was already mowing in the neighborhood.

Yeah, Wednesday is ally's mowing day.

Well, I gotta get back to work.

The boss only gives me a five-minute break.

You think your job stinks? You should work here.

Yeah. I'll see you later, ally.

Not if your eyes are closed!

Why am I still laughing?

Not sure.

There's nothing funny about what just happened between you and dallas.

...91, 92,

93, 94...

-What are you doing? -Strengthening my finger muscles

So I can crush the basketball spinning record.

Feel the burn, feel the burn!

Am I supposed to be impressed?

This morning I finger-walked three miles.

Well, I went finger--finger bungee jumping.

Well, can you spin a 16 pound cinder block

On your finger?

Oh, you amateur.

Spinning something heavy won't help you.

The key is to spin something light and delicate.

That's why I brought all my mom's good china.

Observe.

hang on.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Hang on.

-Hey, Ally. -Oh, Dallas.

-I'm ready to start work. -Huh?

Yesterday you said, "if you think your job stinks, you should work here,"

So I quit my job at the cellphone cart and here I am.

I said that?

You think your job stinks? You should work here.

I said that!

So now you work here now.

Welcome aboard.

So, what can I do?

Um, you can move this box up to the storage room.

Real quick. Let's just say you wanted to get

Your job at the cellphone cart back...

It's too late. They already gave my job to somebody else.

Guess who got a job at the cellphone accessory cart?

What?

I can't believe you hired dallas and not me.

I didn't hire him on purpose.

Sorry.

You're doing great.

He's a terrible employee.

Then why don't you fire him?

I can't. He quit his other job to work here because of me.

And now he can't get his job back because somebody else took it.

Don't blame me.

You can't fire him because you have a humongous crush on him.

I know, it's just easier to blame you.

What are you gonna do about your dad?

-I'm just gonna tell him the truth. -Hey, ally.

Nobody new works here!

-Huh? -Help me out here.

I can't. I have to get back to my job

If I'm gonna prove to somebody that I can keep a job for three days.

By the way, has it been three days yet?

-It's been two hours. -Man!

How do people do this?

Excuse me, sir?

I just want to say I'm happy to be onboard.

Ooo-kay?

Onboard? Weird, huh?

That guy thinks he's on a boat.

Aye aye, captain!

Welcome, everybody. You are about to witness

Record-breaking history!

In less than 24 hours, one of us will hold the world record

For spinning a basketball.

And by "one of us" he means "me."

And by "me" he means "me."

"I'm confused."

Anyway,

These official record book officials

Will be officially recording our official times.

Officially!

Ready? Go!

I could do this all day.

Me too.

Wait, did you mean spin the ball or stare?

"I'm confused."

-The ball. -Good,

'cause you know I stink at staring.

You sure you're not upset I sold that $500 guitar for $50?

Oh, that's okay.

You didn't see the extra zero on the price tag.

-There was a price tag? -Wow.

So what can I do now?

I need you to...

Take all these picks out of the jar,

Separate them by color,

Then mix them up again and put them back in the jar.

Okay.

-How's it going? -Horrible.

Horrible great or horrible bad?

There's only one kind of horrible.

Dallas is not the greatest worker,

So I have to put all these boxes away by myself.

-We'll help you. -Are you sure

You'll be able to carry boxes while spinning those balls?

It's easy.

I can carry two boxes.

Three boxes and a birthday cake.

Why do you have a birthday cake?

Uh, because they were out of wedding cakes.

-Hey, boss. -Boss?

Hey, boss. That's what all the kids are saying these days.

Hey, boss! What's up, boss?

Nothin'. Just chillin', boss.

Whatever you say, boss.

Sorry, we dropped the boxes. We were just trying to help.

You know, because the guy ally hired stinks.

He's not getting any of my cake.

Ally, you want to explain what's going on?

Well, I kind of

Accidentally hired dallas to work here

And I know I need to let him go, but I can't because trish has his old job,

-And even though he's bad at zeroes, he---look, ally.

This is your mess.

You know we can't afford another employee.

You have to fire dallas.

I know. You're right.

-Hey, dallas. -I'm almost done with the picks.

I broke a couple.

How did you--?

That's okay. Listen,

I really enjoy having you around here, but--

Thanks so much for giving me this job.

I love it here. And the best part?

I get to see you every day.

Aw, really?

Aw, really?!

I couldn't fire dallas. I tried,

But he started talking about how much he likes hanging out with me

And I ended up giving him a raise.

I like hanging out with you.

I'm not giving you any money.

-Listen, Trish -fine, I'll fire dallas for you.

That's not what I was gonna ask.

Are you sure? Because I'd fire him good.

Real good.

No.

I want you to quit your job so we can get dallas his old job back.

I'm not quitting.

I'll admit at first I was only keeping this job

To prove a point. But I actually like it.

I get to talk on the phone all day,

And it turns out I'm great at bejeweling.

Wow, you're good at a job?

Oh, what am I gonna do?

Listen, I know this is hard for you.

If it'll make it easier, I'll quit.

-Really? -Heh, no.

But I'll tell you what: I'll teach you how to fire dallas.

I've picked up a few things from being fired 307 times.

What's up, girls?

I can't believe you guys haven't messed up yet.

Please. This is the easiest thing I've ever done.

It's the easier-est thing I've ever done.

Okay, you wanna fire someone,

You got options.

You need to find out what works for you.

I like to keep it simple. I call this "the classic fire."

Dallas? You're fired!

Pack up your stuff and get out of my face!

That seems a little harsh.

Okay, then there's "the friendly fire."

dallas, you're fired.

Pack up your stuff and get out of my face.

That still sounds a little harsh.

Really? Wow.

Okay, here's this!

"the silent fire."

Fine. Let's try something else.

I'll be dallas. Show me how you'd fire me.

Hey, ally.

Your hair looks really nice today.

really?

'cause I've been using this new conditioner.

I mean, hey, dallas,

There's something we need to talk about.

I know, I was late.

I'm sorry. My bike had a flat tire and--

I can fix it for you!

Ally!

You should just let me fire him.

I know the perfect way.

I call it "the big whammo public humiliation fire."

I'm gonna need a marching band, a gospel choir, a juggling bear--

No, I should do it.

Fine. But you're too nice.

You need to be worked up to fire dallas.

Isn't there anything that makes you angry?

Well, I really don't like when people

Talk with food in their mouth.

Oh, and when people say "liberry"

Instead of "library."

Or what about the noise styrofoam makes when you rub it together?

I hate that!

Okay, ally. This is good.

Yeah, I can do this.

I'm gonna fire him when he shows up for work later.

Great! Let's get you worked up.

liberry, liberry, liberry...

I can't believe we're five minutes away from breaking the old record.

Soon the new record will belong to me.

Unless something happens that makes you drop the ball.

Guys, stop it. What are you doing?

You're best friends.

Are you really fighting over getting your name in some stupid book?

Sorry. I'm sure it's a great book.

Ally's right. We're being silly.

Yeah, I don't even care if I get the record.

In fact, I hope you get it.

You know what, I'm gonna let you win.

Wow, thanks, man.

You know what?

I'm gonna let you win.

What are you doing?! I already lost!

-You were about to set the record. -Oh man!

-What do you wanna do now? -I gotta go buy my mom new plates.

Okay, I can do this.

Oh, dallas, I need to talk to you.

I need to talk to you too.

I have to quit working here.

There's no easy way to say this but--what?

-You're quitting? -Yeah.

I'm really sorry, but I got another job and--

Are you kidding?!

You're not gonna work here anymore? Man!

That's horrible. What happened?

That stinks! Why?

Well, I got a new job at the liberry.

Ohh, library? Really?

Yeah, my mom's a liberrian...

And she's been trying to get me to work

At the liberry for a while.

Darn! Darny darn darn.

Let me just take that last box up before I go

Sorry.

You couldn't do it, could you?

I didn't have to. He quit.

-He got another job. -He quit?

-Uh-oh. -What do you mean uh-oh?

I knew you couldn't go through with firing him,

So I kinda took matters into my own hands.

Really? A marching band?

Um, th-there's more.

you're so fired, oooh, you're so fired

in fact, you were never hired

you're so fired, oooh, you're so fired

ally wants to fire you because you stink at what you do

ally wants to fire you because you stink at what you do

you're fired, oooh.

So that's the big whammo public humiliation fire

I was telling you about.

usually ends with a juggling bear.

Next time.

Oh, dallas,

I am so sorry about the whole firing-you, marching-band thing.

It's okay, I probably deserved it.

I wasn't the best employee.

I just--I get so nervous when I'm around you sometimes.

You get nervous around me?

Around nervous I get you.

-See? -I should probably get going.

I have to work at the liberry.

So I'm guessing no more crush since he says liberry?

Actually it's kinda cute when he says it.

Well, on a more important note,

Guess who kept her job at the cellphone cart for three whole days?

Not you. It's only been two days.

What? I just quit!

Aw man. Oh well.

Hey! We've decided to set new world records.

I'm gonna be the world's oldest man,

Starting... Now!

Whew, only 107 years to go.

And I'm going to be the world's best plate spinner.

Starting... Now!

hang on.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Hang on.