Original subtitles

[glass shattering]

Subtitles by explosiveskull

[light music]

[light music]

[song in foreign language]

[bluesy music]

[zooming]

[knocking]

Hey.

- Hi. - Hi.

I'm Eugene.

Hi.

You did it, you did it, you hugged me.

Oh my god, this place is nuts.

Let me get this door.

Oh wait, wait wait, don't.

Can you come back from there, from that threshold?

Yeah, I need you to take your shoes off.

Oh yeah, I'm sorry, no problem.

[Eugene] It's just house rules, you know.

Yeah I know, I totally get it.

And now, you may rise and enter my lair.

Wow.

[Eugene] Yeah I designed most of this stuff, I made it.

This is like very Blues Clues, you know?

Sure, yeah, whatever works for you.

You mean it's cool and shit, right?

Yeah.

[Eugene] Oh my god, what is that?

DSLR camera?

Yeah.

[Eugene] Ah, that's nice.

Wow, with the flash and everything, huh?

Yeah, I'm a photographer.

Hey, you wanna see something cool?

Check this out, check it out.

Oh, hey I'm fallin' on the couch.

You're probably looking at that and thinking

wow, he looks so comfortable, that could be me.

You're right.

You could join me on this couch

and we could both be comfortable together.

Mmm.

I don't know.

[Eugene] Why?

Isn't this kind of weird?

Yeah I could see how you would think this place

is kooky, weird, whatever.

You'll get used to it.

No I mean it's just like we don't know each other.

We just met on an app and you're a complete stranger

and I'm in your house.

Hmm, maybe, I mean that is actually

the whole contract with these apps, right?

People sign up so they can meet complete strangers

and kind of have a "adventure".

Everybody loves shit like that.

Okay.

[Eugene] What are you worried about?

I'm a good boy.

Nothing, nothing.

Don't you wanna see the rest of the house, come on.

Yeah, yeah, show me.

All right, I will show you.

Like this room for instance is under construction,

you get it.

And so a lot of stuff like that.

[Caroline] You have a lot of books.

No time for that, okay.

We gotta move it right along.

Now this room is very private and very special.

You heard of the show called MTV: the Cribs?

They used to have a line they said in rooms like this.

This is where all the

Magic happens.

[Eugene] You fucking got it, exactly.

Wow, this is so normal.

Normal, yeah, I guess.

[Caroline] What is this, IKEA?

IKEA, yeah wow, we're really connecting.

Why do you have all these women's clothes?

Hmm, I have a roommate and my roommate wears the clothes.

It's pretty cool.

Oh, you have a girl roommate.

Well it's actually kind of presumptuous

and opposed to gender society that we're in

but yes my roommate is a girl.

Okay, where does this girl roommate sleep?

Well I don't know, take a good guess.

Bing bong, she sleeps on this bed.

Okay, so where do you sleep?

Where do I sleep?

Kind of like over here a little more.

Why did you have me over here if you have a girlfriend?

What?

Back up a second.

We're in an open relationship.

Isn't that very cool and very progressive?

BT Dubs, she mandated that, all the way at the beginning.

She said we need to be in an open relationship

and I was like no, I love monogamy.

I'm just a traditional guy.

And then she's like no, this is the new wave.

I'm hungry.

[Eugene] You're hungry.

You're not freaked out, right?

No, let's have brunch.

I'm in an open relationship, it's cool, it's fine, good.

Totally cool.

And you know you've come to the right spot.

This is where people go to find the ingredients for food

which is why we're here to eat.

And this is perfect.

We could eat a omelet, a little olives in it.

You have no food.

There's some mustard.

There's prosecco if you like to get a little drunk.

Omelet, prosecco, what else do you need?

I think we should probably go out.

I could also do that, what a great idea.

There's a lot of food options in the neighborhood.

Okay.

Okay.

Is it good?

It's okay.

You like it?

Mhmm.

Yeah.

You noticing those guys there?

Yeah, what are they doing?

They're doing their thing.

It's a ritual, part of their schtick.

No, no, no, don't do that.

Don't do that.

[Caroline] What are you talking about?

Did they ask you to take their photos?

Dude, chill out, it's not a big deal.

How would you feel if they went to fucking WeHo

and started doing calligraphy?

I'd be just fine with it.

Yeah.

Oh, so what are you gonna do the rest of the day?

I was actually thinking if we could go back to your place.

Well I'm gonna do that anyway, so,

if that's what you wanna do, yeah, great.

Should we go?

Yeah.

Let's fucking do it.

I'm not done eating my sandwich.

Oh yeah, duh, let's finish the sandwiches

and then we'll go.

You really wanna go back huh?

Yeah.

Great.

Somehow it always ends up in here

and that's the way it should be actually.

And maybe you've changed your mind about this bed.

You know, open bed, open relationship,

open invitation to have an adventure and have some fun.

You know what I want?

Yeah, I think I could imagine.

I really want you to get naked.

Oh my god, that's exactly what I want

but sort of vice versa.

Like I would like you to get naked, so maybe we could,

No, no, no, you, I'll help you.

You know I love women with agencies,

I wanna see you on the bed.

Why don't we start with the,

you know, work our way up to something magical?

There you go.

Yeah peel that sucker off.

And you could actually do it a little more sensuously,

like just try that out for size.

Is this good?

Oh my god, yes.

And uh, maybe I can just pull, ladadadada.

And why don't you pull that off?

[Caroline] Ooh.

Yeah, now you got.

You want this too?

Mhmm, the whole thing.

[Eugene] I'll tease, the whole thing?

The whole thing.

Okay, you wanna get this all the way down.

Okay, I can do that.

And let me do the last one

because it's a little striptease thing.

It's a little sexier if I do it.

Yeah, mhmm.

And now, will you pull it off?

Yeah, like a fucking sensuous samurai.

And you should come with me.

Okay.

[Caroline] Not yet.

Not yet.

Oh shit, that's cool.

'Cause you're a pro.

No, no, don't do that.

No, no.

What are you doing?

Now lay back.

Okay, whatever.

This is fine, I'm fucking cool.

Progressive fucking dude.

Okay, if you're gonna fucking take photos of me

and all of me, tell me what I'm doing.

Stay right there.

Okay, what else?

What's my vibe?

There we go.

Oh that's great.

Are you getting it?

- Are you getting good stuff? - That's good.

Exactly, and now that you're done with that

it's time to get on and hop in bed with me.

You know, one good turn deserves another.

Um actually, I gotta go.

Oh, god.

Are you serious?

No you're not gonna go.

No, no, no, no, you're not gonna fucking go.

[Caroline] What the fuck?

You're not being very respectful.

Okay, okay, no, no.

[Caroline] Get off of my bag.

All right yeah I don't wanna like,

you know, be physical with you.

Okay, bye.

[whimpering]

[light music]

Hello?

Hello?

[Eugene] Hey, it's me.

Oh hi.

Hey, how's it going?

It's good, I'm Esther.

Yeah, I know, I know.

From the thing, Esther, duh.

Yeah, yeah.

Eugene.

Welcome to my lovely home.

Thank you.

Oh my god.

Isn't it cool?

Yeah.

This is my spot.

So much going on.

Did you do this yourself?

Um, actually my roommate did.

All right, cool.

My roommate is actually my girlfriend.

All right, well, she seems like a talented lady.

She is talented.

And we're in an open relationship, so.

Smart woman.

Right, why do you say do?

I'm a smart guy too.

You know what they say,

like why buy the whole pig for one little sausage?

People say that?

Yeah, some people say that.

Well check out this couch, it's really nice.

Oh my god, green denim.

Give it a rub, give it a feel.

Oh my god this is so soft.

It is soft, it's nice.

Ooh.

This is very soft too.

Yeah, yeah, it's astroturf.

Yeah, get a feel of this.

Still thinking about the sausage thing.

It's like being in the park.

Right, exactly, it's just like a day in the park.

So did your girlfriend make this coffee table too?

Oh that?

[Jane] Why are we carrying this all the way down?

[Eugene] Come on, it's an adventure.

[Jane] Not really.

[Eugene] Come on, what's the problem?

[Jane] It's not balanced.

[Eugene] Okay wait, stop.

[Jane] We're carrying it wrong!

Okay, how do we do it right?

How do we do it right?

Like, flip it.

Okay, which way?

[Jane] This way.

Okay, flip it on three, okay?

One, two, three.

I just wanna say thanks for letting us put

your back seat down.

[coughing]

The hives, sucks.

[Jane] What?

What?

This titus job sucks.

Pay is shit, I'm sick, tired.

If you're tired you might wanna just,

you know, go home and take a nap when we're done.

[Jane] Eugene.

[Eugene] Emmett, can you turn that down?

Yeah, you're being rude.

Pick up the gobbledygoop.

[Eugene] Oh, my gobbledygook?

It's Russian.

[Eugene] Yes.

We're Russian.

Talking in another language, welcome to America.

Multicultural, man.

Is he retarded?

Your like, your retarded Russian brother or something.

[laughing] no.

Brother?

I'm not her fucking brother.

He's my retarded Russian boyfriend.

Nah.

That we got on Craigslist.

[Esther] Cool.

Yeah, it was actually so cool.

Hey, do you want any water?

Sure.

'Cause I got some of the finest water in LA county.

Bet you've never seen anything quite like that.

[Esther] A sink full of dirty dishes?

Uh, no.

This actually makes sense, so his and hers

and there's a dividing line between them

and never the tween shall meet, okay?

No, this ionizer, this water ionizer.

It's very cool.

But why do you have a Korean ionizer?

You know it's a Korean ionizer?

Oh my god, oh my god.

You think I,

you think I must have like an Asian fetish or something.

No, I wasn't really getting at that

but you know, it's good to know.

No I don't, 'cause I've dated a lot of chicks

of all creeds and colors and races.

And actually you have lot in common

with the types of girls I normally date

'cause they're all like weird and smart

and like, you know, really creative.

Well it sounds to me like you got pretty good taste.

Oh does it now?

Yeah.

Does it now, Esther?

I'm getting to like you quite a bit.

[bashing]

I like you too.

You have soft hands.

Yeah I'm really soft, touch my skin.

It's like, and I never moisturize.

Like a baby.

Aha, yeah, never done a day of work in my life.

It's like I have, but not with my hands.

[laughing]

[phone boinging]

Oh I'm sorry.

Do you mind if I take this?

It's like a family thing, sure.

Hello, good afternoon.

Mhmm, yes this is she.

Who am I speaking with?

Wonderful.

So have you seen anyone like me before?

No?

Do you get into ABDL, NT, CBT, things like that?

Uh huh.

And where are you hoping to serve me?

Three hours?

Perfect.

So when can I expect your deposit, the next five?

Very good.

I'll keep an eye out for it.

Bye bye.

Sorry about that, so rude to take a phone call

like right about it.

No, it's all good.

It was a business phone call, right?

That's right, I'm a Pro Dom.

Okay.

That's so fucking cool, that's really cool.

To be honest, kind of exhausting, you know.

[Eugene] Sure, you're over it a little bit.

Yeah you know, so many guys need to get stepped on,

slapped or treated like a slut

or be a human toilet.

Right, human toilet.

It's just like super exhausting.

Right, men love to be sluts.

Yeah, they do.

Yeah.

So do you get into any of that play

or I mean you seem to know what I was talking about?

I'm more like a vanilla boy, honestly, yeah.

That makes a lot of sense

'cause all my clients are like high powered lawyers

or doctors or entrepreneurs.

So they really like to just relinquish all control to me.

Whereas you know, I feel like maybe you have a more

like fluid lifestyle?

Actually, I'm pretty corporate.

Pretty business.

But you don't have access to that

'cause you don't really know me fully yet

but you could get to know me.

And if you ever do have the urge to like

beat the shit out of me, it's like

okay with it.

That another family thing, some family stuff?

No, you know I'm sorry.

I have to go get ready for my session.

Oh my god, I'm so proud of you

and excited for your bank account.

Well maybe we can hang out soon, huh?

I had a really good time today.

I gotta run.

Bye.

Bye.

Don't forget your bike.

And don't forget me.

[light music]

Insurance.

Automobile club.

College fund.

Here we go, taking care of business.

Taking care of all the important business.

[whimsical music]

[beeping]

Hmm.

[chill music]

Fuck.

[thumping]

[beeping]

Hey yeah.

You know, I'm just ripping up bills like you saw.

So yeah if you're into that, totally just

send me a DM and I'll pop you the addy.

All right cool, bye.

You know I'm just ripping up bills like you saw.

So yeah if you're,

Feels good, huh?

Yeah it feels cathartic.

Yeah yeah yeah, don't you kind of wish

that you had your own bills?

Um, I don't really have too many bills.

[Eugene] Really?

What you have a kind of trust fund vibe?

I'm taken care of.

Uh well I probably have enough to go around, so

thank you for helping me out.

Why do we have this light on?

Why don't we have on the cool lights?

Um, well 'cause it's good for the video

but I guess that's over now, so.

[Logan] See?

Oh yeah.

Wow, you have a very intuitive sense of the space, you know?

Yeah and I've been here before.

Nah, 'cause if you've been here before

I think I would remember that, you know, my house.

You weren't here, I came here with Jane

a couple times.

You were here a couple times with Jane?

[Logan] Yeah.

And I wasn't here?

[Logan] No.

I find that hard to believe, you know, 'cause like Jane,

Well it was like a party.

A little party.

Oh, and was it fun?

Yeah it was really fun, it was cute.

It was cute?

[Logan] Yeah, Jane's fun.

[crowd chattering]

I was stuck.

[crowd chattering]

[Woman] Where is Eugene?

Who cares? [laughing]

[clinking]

Is it okay that I'm laying here on the floor?

Yeah this is the perfect distance.

Okay.

Could you like maybe like send me an invite next time

one of these cool cute functions happen?

What's up with your hair?

Like what's going on with that?

- My hair? - Yeah.

This is cool, this is good.

This is called the floating toupee.

This is like my look.

This is the thing I invented.

Okay.

Yeah, it looks more like you're hiding something.

Hiding something?

[Logan] Yeah like, like a bird.

Like a bird?

Maybe you're like embarrassed of your baldness.

Well I don't have baldness,

I have just a new look.

Your baldingness then.

Okay so what's like a different look?

What should I do besides this, you want like this?

[Logan] Pull it back, yeah.

This, this is a good look?

[Logan] Yeah.

Like a fucking troll doll.

Well like, what if you just like take it all down,

see what we got to work with.

You're gonna help me out?

Yeah, well.

I'll be there for moral support.

I don't wanna touch it.

What do you think, is this like getting there

or getting there?

Yeah, I think it looks a lot better.

You know I'm really happy you say that

because a lot of the time lately

when like I ask Jane about,

oh how's my hair look, how does my outfit look?

It's like uniformly negative.

And I feel like I just can't trust her opinion anymore.

She's very biased.

Do you think the open relationship's

just like not working?

No, I think it's working great.

But you know, there's like peaks and valleys.

So like we're working through one of the valleys right now.

Uh huh.

Like this weekend for instance,

like we split up the house.

It's gonna be very positive.

It's already been very positive for us.

And like the house is nice, you know.

Do you like it?

[Logan] Yeah, yeah, the house is great.

And it's super cheap.

The rent is extremely reasonable.

I don't think that's a reason

to stay in a relationship though.

I'm not saying that's why we stay in a relationship.

Of course we're in a relationship

because it's like we're in love.

We have like respect and admiration for each other.

But it's just a lot of great amenities

that come with this sort of thing.

Okay, you're done.

I'm hungry, let's go.

Oof.

Sorry like, everything's closed.

It's like this, Burger Gods.

Yeah, did you wanna go here to Burger Gods?

Why would I fucking wanna go here?

This is like everything I hate.

Burger Gods in Chinatown, come on.

Uh huh, why is that?

What do you mean why?

It's very disrespectful

of like the flavor of the community.

And like who is it serving?

Who is it catering to?

All right, you complaining about gentrification

is like Republicans complaining about Trump.

Hmm no.

You can't set the foundation and then be surprised

by what follows.

Set the foundation?

How am I fucking setting the foundation?

I don't walk in saying like

here's my new art gallery.

Just by living in this neighborhood,

a guy like you is participating.

What do you mean a guy like me?

Like a white guy.

Wait a second, oh my god.

I used to live in Highland Park

and I didn't want any coffee shops there

but they all showed up.

And before that I was in Echo Park

and I didn't want any health foods stores

and they opened up all these health food stores.

I don't like those sorts of things.

But they go where I go just a few months later.

Are you just realizing all this stuff, or is this?

[Eugene] No, I thought about this before but never

in the context of me.

I know.

Okay.

So what do I do?

I'm not gonna be your liaison into cultural redemption.

But I'm going to a Halloween party if you wanna go.

There's probably snacks there.

No, I think I need a moment to reflect on

the man in the mirror.

All right, well I'm gonna leave you here

with your feelings, let you absorb.

Yeah, okay well I'll catch you later.

Right cool, see ya.

Right, see ya, bye.

Okay well, I guess I'm the problem.

Actually I should probably just die.

No one wants to fuck me, no one wants to talk to me.

No one wants to be next to me.

No one wants me in the neighborhood.

That's fine, it's fine.

You just go to sleep and forget about everything

and just wake up the next day and feel totally fine.

I'll be fine.

Just wake up tomorrow morning

and feel totally fucking fine.

[whimsical music]

Batteries, batteries, batteries.

This, this is so stupid.

[muffled voice in distance]

[phone ringing]

[Woman] Hi, Eugene.

Hey, Desi.

[Desi] How do you always know just when to call?

How are you?

[Desi] Bad.

Right.

[Desi] Things are bad again.

I'm even worse.

[Desi] You know I'm feeling really sick and lonely.

Well, you wanna hang out together?

[Desi] Yeah, I just took my costume off.

Right.

You need anything?

[Desi] Um, some probiotics?

Thank you, by the way for getting me

the largest jar of kimchi you could find.

Sure yeah well I mean you said you were sick

so I wanted to fulfill any requests and.

So do you have a, you have a yeast infection or something?

Yeah.

Okay, you seem excited to reveal that

and that's fine, that's good.

Well I'm happy you are aware, you know.

Sure, um.

Now that's not contagious, is it?

Yeah if we,

yeah, it is contagious.

Oh really?

Okay, well that's fine, we weren't gonna fuck.

I'm on my period anyways.

Right, that's never really been a problem

but it should tonight 'cause not only are you in period

but you also have this,

You don't wanna get a yeast infection.

I would hate that.

It's like yeast coming out of your dick.

I wouldn't even be able to get it up.

No, that's disgusting.

'Cause it's just so fucking gross

and I wouldn't wanna get it

'cause then I'd be itching everyday.

I feel really unsexy.

And I feel really happy just sitting here with you

as just a buddy.

Yeah, we don't do this enough.

[moaning]

[yawning]

[light music]

[tires screeching]

Cuck hairdo?

[groaning]

[screaming]

I can post that.

You like what you see?

I'm a good guy.

I'm a good guy, okay?

I'm a pure guy and I'm a good guy

and I'm a nice guy and I mean well.

Just started fucking look good.

I start to fucking look good.

Basically at the halfway mark here.

Oh fuck.

Fuck.

[whimsical music]

Hey come on, it's time to go.

Hey, hello.

It's time to go, let's go.

I'm not going.

[dinging]

You're not going?

It's time to go, come on.

Ugh.

It's time to go.

Time to go to social club.

We talked about this.

I have a lot of work to do actually.

[Eugene] You have a lot of work?

Look at you, you're just sitting on the couch

eating chips and watching Law and Order.

You're not really working, come on.

Let's go out, let's have some fun.

It's part of my process.

This is your process?

The process is sitting here not hanging out with me,

not doing anything, that's your process.

What the fuck are you wearing?

This is my cool new belt, you like?

[Jane] Is that like a Halloween thing?

It's not like a Halloween thing.

You know, it's a no costume thing attached tonight.

Come on.

Well, you look stupid as fuck.

[Eugene] I look stupid as fuck?

I look stupid as fuck?

[Jane] Why are you doing this?

Look I'm sorry I'm not, I don't feel good.

[Eugene] I know, and I'm just trying

to make you feel better.

You're not.

Then maybe we should just stay.

Maybe I'll just stay.

I'm not gonna go either.

I'm just gonna chill here with you.

I'm just gonna chill here with you.

Why don't you go?

Why don't we go, why don't we go?

Go find some girls to fuck if I'm not there.

Find some girls to fuck?

Why do you say stuff like that?

I don't wanna go there and fuck somebody.

I wanna go there with you and have fun together

and like let people see us happy.

All right, I'm gonna count to three.

When we hit three, we're gonna get up.

- All right. - And we're gonna go.

Uh huh.

All right.

[speaking in foreign language]

[slamming]

[car starting]

Mmm, Jane is in her thing.

Good, uh, you're happy for her.

You love her, you admire her, you're proud of her.

Okay, good, let her do her thing,

don't fucking smother her.

[chuckling]

[blabbering]

You're doing your thing, you know?

You're doing your thing.

[Jane] He thinks it's all about him.

Doesn't everybody?

Caught up in their own shit.

Their feelings and feeds.

Convinced they're at the center of it all.

Other people's lives just scrolling by.

A like here, a comment there.

But it always comes back to you.

I mean me.

This is clearly about me.

Hey, could I bum a cig from you?

Uh.

I'll give you like 50 cents.

Sure.

Thank you.

Do you have a light?

Actually I do.

Look I just picked up the amp,

threw it on the ground.

Oh my god.

The thing exploded in a million pieces,

everyone was like, oh my God!

It's so cool you're in a band.

Thank you.

Do you sing or,

you have such a nice voice.

I play the drums.

[Jane] Oh, babe, what happened?

My friend was on Tub of Baxter,

one of the steepest hills in the country,

bomb the hill like I do all the time

not trying to brag, fucking spilled out and ate shit.

Yeah that's,

Wrecked my arm.

Do you want some antiseptic or,

No, it's all right.

Come on, come on.

You and your little friends are gonna be like

backyard wrestling or whatever.

It's gonna get all infected.

I'm gonna help you.

Ow.

Whoah!

[Jane] Do you like it?

Yeah, super tight.

And this couch.

I made that.

I made all of this actually.

You made that?

Mhmm.

I had the foam custom cut.

Then I got the terry cloth.

Yeah hey, my friend actually builds skate ramps

and I got to help out a couple times.

Tight.

Yeah building stuff's actually not that hard.

Not trying to brag.

Cool.

That's awesome.

I'm gonna get something for your arm

so I'll be right back.

Right.

What?

So do you live here alone?

Uh yeah.

Oh my god, you must be rich.

[chuckling] Um, I do okay.

I've had a pretty good quarter.

Ooh, aw.

Ah.

You know a thing about beta fish?

Uh huh?

Is that you put two of them in the same bowl for too long

and they always end up fighting.

And usually one of them dies.

It's actually really fucking sad.

Well, maybe some animals are just happier alone.

[moaning]

What?

What's wrong?

I have a girlfriend.

So?

Look, two hours ago, I realized that I'm probably

in love with this girl.

Okay.

She's honestly everything I've ever wanted.

She's smart, funny, she's hot.

She has great style, she's sexy.

She's creative.

Okay, I get it.

I'm creative.

Look, I just don't wanna mess it up, okay?

Sorry.

[light music]

The thing about beta fish is,

that's fish trivia 101.

I shouldn't be fucking with skaters anyway,

those beautiful free-spirited idiots.

I should just buckle down and focus,

keep my eyes on the prize.

Eyes on the prize.

[laughing]

I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

[Man] All right, cool.

[buzzing]

Well.

Hi.

I was just about to leave but

glad I stuck around.

What's going on?

[moaning]

[phone beeping]

I could really go for some Ravi this weekend.

[light music]

A real job?

Do you know how many fucking jobs I've had?

Waitress, hostess, barista, personal assistant,

stylist assistant, photographer's assistant,

research assistant, cam girl, shop girl,

ice cream scooper, intern, extra, sugar baby, foot model,

alt model, of course.

The one job I made no money off of, being an artist.

[crowd applauding]

Leave me alone!

[screaming]

Shhh.

Oh man.

Boy do I have a treat for all of you.

Here, for your entertainment, Miss Baby.

Let's take a good old photo.

I love this.

I'm gonna post it.

Hey guys, why do you think she's crying?

I don't do anything bad.

I'm a good guy.

That's me.

Mr. Good guy.

What?

Baby drama.

You put that away!

[screaming]

Wah wah wah wah.

What are you gonna do with that knife, little baby?

Probably nothing!

[screaming]

[beeping]

[car honking]

[Jane] I can't believe I slept on the floor.

With these people, my friends.

I wonder if they really aspire to anything more

than just living in the moment.

Whatever.

I need to check my privilege.

Here I am in Paz's great big loft

hanging around a cool successful artist

with feminist credentials.

Must be nice.

That's a great name too, Paz.

Her art pretty much sucks but great loft.

Great name, take a breather, some time to think.

Paz.

That's awesome.

Hi.

Paz, hi.

It's actually pronounced pahz.

Hi, Paz.

Sorry.

[dinging]

It's so crazy, it's like all the children

like move here from New York

and they think they're gonna be like art stars or whatever

but then they just end up like handlers.

But I like to watch them sleep.

Me too. [chuckling]

Anyway, what do you do?

I'm an artist actually, but not from New York.

I'm not delusional.

Not like these people.

I take it really seriously, you know.

I'm like invested in truth.

And I really, I don't wanna be like famous or successful.

Why?

I just mean,

I'm kidding, you don't have to answer that.

The way you said that though, it's amazing.

Because it sounds like really like a basic

like basic, I don't know how else to describe it.

Basic.

Yeah.

But inspiring.

Anyway.

Okay.

I like have to go to brunch.

Totally.

Do you want us to leave?

Yeah.

But um, and thank you for asking.

Okay.

Like anytime would be great.

Like now or something.

Okay.

[Paz] See ya.

Yeah.

Ravi.

Jane.

Hey, are you okay?

[Ravi] Yeah, my neck.

Uh, sorry.

Do you wanna go to my house?

Yeah I'd love to.

Yeah, that sounds great.

That was a cool party.

Kickass, it was pretty good.

I'm excited that we're not hanging out at a hotel.

For once.

Yeah, also okay, I love hotels, plastic whatever.

I just, I mean I'm excited for you to see my house.

Oh, I gotta take some medicine.

Do you mind if I make a pit stop at home?

Sure.

Welcome.

Wow.

What do you think?

Holy shit.

[laughing] Pretty nice, right?

[Jane] That's where you live, cool.

Um, I just gotta do some stuff in here.

Make yourself at home.

Okay.

Your cat's beautiful.

Thank you.

I got him in Vancouver last year.

It's wicked expensive but I love him.

Do you have to feed it?

[Ravi] No, he's got an automatic feeder.

You have so much shit.

[Ravi] What can I say, I'm a collector.

I love nice stuff.

It's nice how clean it is.

I know.

Juana comes once a week, she's great, but,

I like my last one better.

Juana puts all my shit away and just,

you know, I can never find it.

Looking for my fucking shirts, iPad.

Gone, everything's gone.

Like giving it to her fucking nephews

and grandkids and shit.

But whatever, I have two of everything.

I like to be the benefactor.

You like the art?

It's cool.

Thanks, I get it from a bunch of galleries.

You know a bunch of artists live in this building, used to.

But,

whatever, I moved in.

What's up?

Outfit change?

[Ravi] Yeah, what do you think?

Your clothes look brand new.

Thanks, just ripped the tags off.

Did you take your medicine?

[Ravi] Hell fucking yeah.

Let's go.

I'm just gonna freshen up.

Cool.

I'm gonna finish this outside.

Cool.

See you in a sec.

Ugh.

What the fuck are you doing here?

Oh hey.

Are you serious?

Fuck, what time is it?

It's time for you to go.

Um, can you give me like five minutes?

No, I don't give a shit, you have to go.

[Eugene] Sorry.

Fuck.

Hi.

I actually need a couple hours.

What?

I'm sorry.

I really wanna hang out later.

All right.

Sorry.

Sure.

Well, um, can I use your bathroom real quick?

No.

Sorry, there's a Starbucks just like eight blocks away.

Okay.

I can't wait to see you later.

All right, bye.

Bye.

What are you still doing here?

I need to walk past you to leave, you know?

Ugh.

You look like fat Skrillex.

[Eugene] Thanks.

[light music]

[Jane] I wonder what Paz meant

when she said I was basic.

I wish I was basic.

Everyone tries so hard to set themselves apart.

A flurry of snowflakes.

They call us a generation of narcissists.

But it's not like we have anything else

besides student debt and front facing cameras.

Jane baby.

Hi, hi.

Hi girl.

Where are you?

I'm just doing a little driving.

[laughing]

What are you up to?

I'm just at home.

Yeah you know I'm not that far away.

Please, come over.

I like your robe.

Remember when you came in?

Did you like that?

That was so funny.

Jane!

OJ!

Robes.

[Jane laughing]

You want me to do it again?

[Jane] Yes, will you?

Robes!

[laughing]

Do you want me to do it again?

[Jane] Yes, please.

One more time.

Robes?

[Jane] [laughing] It's so funny.

Eh, it's okay.

It's okay. [laughing]

Where have you been all my life?

[Marcello] Skiing.

Seriously?

Seriously, I just got back.

It was cold.

Oh.

It was fantastic.

How are you?

I'm okay.

I hung out with the guy Ravi last night.

Ravi?

Yeah, with the dimples.

[Marcello] Uh huh?

I wanna like sit on his face for the rest of my life.

Technically that's possible.

But you might get a cramp.

[laughing] We really have fun.

It's not like Eugene, you know.

Where's that thing, that quirk

that's always running around here?

He's not here.

We split the house for the weekend actually.

Oh, how can a man be that kooky?

And so boring at the same time?

White people.

White people.

The worst.

I mean we are them but, I'm bicurious.

Sometimes it's so embarrassing to look in the mirror.

Do you think I'm basic?

Jane.

Better basic than quirky.

No, I mean it.

Of course not.

You're very special.

I just wish there was a way to know.

Are you ready?

It's just a simple test.

I guess so.

Have you recently taken any food pics?

Kind of.

Do you love yoga?

It's fine.

Do you own a pair of Uggs?

Don't judge me, they're super comfortable.

Are you addicted to fro-yo?

Isn't everybody?

Do you love champagne brunch?

Well. [laughing]

Obviously.

Uh, I think I know the answer to this one.

What?

Do you have a white cis hetero boyfriend?

Check.

Ooh.

Jane, it says you're kind of basic.

But I wouldn't pay that much attention to it.

It's just one of those testicles.

So what are you working on?

Kind of nothing to be honest.

Nothing?

You're so creative, you need to do your work.

I feel so oppressed here.

In your own home.

Technically it's our home, but,

I guess Eugene is like my oppressor.

Right.

We need to get you out from under his yoke.

Seems like I never have any money.

And I don't know how to drive.

Oh, that's right.

Well driving is freedom.

Let's free you.

Mmm.

Jane, what wonderful driving.

Thank you.

Really strong stuff I'm seeing here.

It feels good.

[Marcello] You're getting terrific mileage, honey.

[Jane] It feels like empowering.

Very fluid.

I felt that that goofball man was supposed

to teach you how to get on the road.

We tried a few times, but,

it didn't really work out so great.

Oh.

All right, this is totally easy, you can do this honey.

Come on.

[Jane] Okay.

So you stick the keys right in there.

Turn it all the way, keep going, keep going.

That doesn't sound good.

[Eugene] Wait wait, now put your foot,

put your foot on the brake.

Put your put on the brake.

Left one, the left one.

[Jane] Left one.

[Eugene] Yeah.

[Jane] The left one?

[Eugene] Yeah, the left one, that's the brake.

[Jane] Are you sure?

Put your foot on that.

Now grab the stick.

Grab the stick.

And then pull it down towards you

and then down till D, so you hit D, see?

There it goes.

And now let go of the brake a little bit.

And now we're driving.

Wow.

[Eugene] Now we're driving.

All right.

All right, the right one is gas

so you can speed up a bit.

And now just give it a quick brake

to show what you can do, okay.

Whoop, no, that's too hard, okay.

Okay, I'm sorry.

[Eugene] You don't wanna brake too hard.

And then okay just keep going a little more,

go a little more.

This isn't so hard.

[Eugene] Yeah, so if you're gonna crash,

What do you mean?

[Eugene] Well I mean, you're just not,

you're not really doing it intuitively.

Well it's not intuitive.

[Eugene] Uh oh.

See that?

[Jane] What?

Stop, we're coming to like a dead end.

You're gonna have to make a turn.

Okay, it's gonna be kind of hard.

Wait, stop.

Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Put in the brake, I'm gonna do it.

Put in the brake, I'll do it.

[Jane] You're doing it?

[Eugene] Yeah, yeah.

[Jane] But you're teaching me.

Let's just switch sides, huh?

Don't close it.

Sorry.

Just gonna have to open it again, all right honey.

All right.

Love you honey.

Don't take it personally, okay?

[train hooting]

I see a breakup coming on this fucked up

road you're traveling down.

I know.

I think we both feel that way but

it's just so hard with the house, you know?

Snap out of it, kid.

Get your tits in gear.

This ain't no pity party.

So see you at the Halloween parties later?

Yeah, maybe, I don't know.

I love you.

Love you babe.

Bye.

[Jane] Even though that drive was pretty triggering,

I think I made good headway.

I'm actually pretty lucky.

I have such great friends,

a date with a promising young tech entrepreneur,

and we're gonna have our first female president soon.

My life's really turning around without Eugene.

It's only been one day, wow.

Your neighborhood's so easy to park in, it's amazing.

It's actually street cleaning today.

Huh, whatever.

60 dollar ticket, you think I give a fuck?

Do you wanna go inside?

[Ravi] Def.

Oh, hello.

So you think you wanna have kids?

Honestly, no.

What do you mean?

I mean I hate kids.

This world is like a toilet.

Whatever, I'm definitely having kids.

Why?

I'm smart, I'm good looking, I'm rich.

It's basically my duty.

Huh.

Wait, couldn't you picture our kids?

[Jane] Not really.

Hold on, hold on.

Close your eyes, close your eyes.

Picture this.

Almonds, caramel, mochaccino,

Mercedes, six figures first year out of the Ivy League.

What?

These are our kids' hashtags.

They sound awful.

No, they sound awesome.

Just like this guy but brown.

I hate kids.

Well, it doesn't matter anyway.

You know all this turf's carcinogenic, right?

What?

You probably have uterine cancer.

Why would you say that?

I don't know, sometimes I just nag people.

It's like I don't try

but it's just what I do.

Sowee.

[Jane] God, I wish he wasn't so cute.

Aren't I cute?

Yeah. [chuckling]

Maybe you should start putting me

in your Instagram photos.

Instead of that cuck Eugene.

He's not a cuck, we're in an open relationship.

Well, have you seen what that girl posted of him

on her blog?

What?

Oh, baby.

Look at this shit.

Don't you think this is fucking funny?

I think it's really sad.

Even when she calls him a libtard?

Look at that.

This is your boyfriend.

Do you think I'm basic?

What's basic again, like a loser?

Kind of, like boring, like a basic bitch.

You're definitely not boring, you're fucking hot.

Not as hot as Melania.

What?

Trump.

Are you serious?

What, yeah, I love Trump.

He hates brown people.

Not my type of brown.

Thinks like a white guy, all the perks of being a POC.

It's fucking awesome.

There's something really wrong with you.

I love your little chocolate chip.

Wait.

What?

Let's get into it.

Stop right there!

Passes only behind this point.

But mister.

I'll do anything to see the bands at Coachella.

What are some of your favorite bands?

Bon Iver and Major Lazer.

I know the guys in those bands

and they want me to test your pussy first.

I don't understand.

If you want all access to there,

I need all access to there.

It's not really working for me.

You're kind of bad at this.

Can we just do my idea?

Get out of my way bitch,

I'm about to go in there and fuck up

those jocks and cheerleaders.

But why?

Because, they've been fucking with me

my whole life.

I got this gun on Ebay

and I'm about to fucking blow them away.

You don't have to do this.

Why do you say that?

I've always really liked you.

Oh really?

I've seen you walking these halls.

You've never seen me, you've never batted an eye.

I've seen you this whole time.

Please let me show you how to love.

How can I learn how to love

if all I know is hate?

[moaning]

Oh fuck.

What, what, what?

[Jane] We can't fuck in the bed.

[Ravi] Why not?

I don't wash the sheets

and Eugene was probably eating pizza in there.

Okay.

[moaning]

Ow, ow, ow ow!

What, what?

I have an air mattress.

[pump humming]

So how long does this take?

Kind of a while.

All right.

[moaning]

[moaning]

Wait, wait.

Check this out.

[laughing]

[moaning]

[both groaning]

[laughing]

Did you come in me?

[Ravi] Uh, yeah.

What?

[Ravi] What?

Why would you do that?

Don't touch me.

I'm sorry, it felt amazing.

[Jane] What the fuck is wrong with you?

Sorry.

That is so fucked up!

Okay, calm down.

Whatever happens, I'm totally gonna be here with you

the whole way.

What do you mean?

What are you talking about?

[Ravi] I'll help you raise them!

Ew!

Isabelle Gupta.

Stop, ew!

Sarah Gupta.

Stop, ew, ew.

Meredith Gupta.

Ew, I have an IUD, you piece of shit.

So what's the fucking problem?

You've no respect for women,

you've fucked up my Ph balance,

you get the fuck out of my house!

What are you talking about?

Get the fuck out of my house!

Okay, fine.

[light music]

There's nowhere to turn.

Ravi's a dead end.

I guess I'll move out, be homeless.

Maybe Eugene'll move out.

Yeah right.

Why can't he just die already?

Who cares about this fucking house anyway?

I mean I do.

I made it cool.

Eugene didn't even lift a finger.

Whatever.

I'll be walking the streets soon enough.

Can't even afford a fucking tent.

Where did those guys get the money

to buy those tents anyway?

Probably their parents.

I wish they didn't fuck Bernie over the primaries.

We could have been one step closer to a just society

with equitable housing.

Then we wouldn't have to live with our

lame ass boyfriend that we hate.

At least he never came in me without my consent.

Can't even remember the last time we had sex.

Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump.

Trump?

[screaming]

[Eugene] I found these slippers and tried them on.

I know you're right, it's better for the astroturf

but not for me.

Yours have been looking pretty ragged lately.

Why don't you wear these instead?

[light music]

[Jane] Donald Trump.

What a fucking retard.

Although, am I really with her?

I'll be pretty basic.

She does really hate Russia.

Could be interesting to be oppressed for once.

Definitely make my work more relevant.

I guess it doesn't really matter who I vote for.

Hmmm, prop 60, condoms for porn stars.

Again?

[whistling]

Hey you look like an Obama man, huh? [chuckling]

No, don't worry, I'm going Obama too.

You know, he did like 300 drone strikes in four years

but he's my guy.

I love Obama.

You know, I'm not so sure

about the birth certificate but whatever.

I want change and I'm with Barack.

Just stop, dude, just stop, just stop.

Barack Hussein, Hussein, Hussein?

Isn't that the name of...

Dude, stop.

I don't care, I like him, I'm voting for him.

Worse than potty cock.

You're my brother, you're my brother.

You my brother.

You do you and I'll do me, okay?

[Man] All right, yeah.

Terrorist.

Looks like you voted too.

Ah, yeah.

Nice.

First time?

Mhmm, yeah.

It doesn't really matter.

Obama's gonna win anyway.

What's your name?

Jane.

Jane?

It does matter.

Every vote counts, Jane, all right.

And I'm really glad that I voted

against condoms for porn stars, so.

[Jane giggling]

Did you vote for that?

Duh.

Condoms suck.

Right, condoms suck, condoms suck.

Hi, I'm Eugene.

[Jane giggling]

Wow.

[cackling]

Happy Halloween, pretty lady.

Stay safe out there.

[Jane] God, I fucking hate Halloween.

[Waiter] Are you ready to order?

Um, yeah.

[Waiter] Mhmm, how can I help you?

Can I have the house special Chow Mein,

[Waiter] Uh huh, and what else?

The barbecue pork wonton.

Sakam Bean Cake Soup.

[Waiter] Bean Cake Soup, okay, right, okay.

And um, the fish filet foo young.

Okay, fish filet egg foo young.

Okay, I got it.

[Jane] Okay.

Anything else?

[Jane] And a Sing Tao please?

And Sing Tao beer?

Can I see your ID, you look so young.

Oh. [giggling]

Please, can you show?

[Jane laughing]

Ah, okay.

[light music]

[Woman] Hey.

Howdy.

So you're going to the party tonight on Beachwood?

Probably not.

Eugene texted me about it.

It's probably gonna be fun.

Well.

Are you guys not doing well?

What do you care?

I care.

Is that why you let him fuck you?

Don't you think he deserves to be happy?

No.

Okay, well.

Catch you later, cowgirl.

Check please.

[classic lo-fi music]

[singing in foreign language]

Halloween, how obvious.

Crowded parties full of desperate people

and polyester costumes.

Anxious to be at the coolest function,

have the best time.

Guess that's all anyone should want.

I bet life'll be pretty easy if I just gave in.

[crowd chattering]

Hey!

I'm with her!

Hey darling.

Hi.

How you doing?

I'm okay.

Did you drive here?

No, I walked.

Um, I'm gonna get a drink.

You want a drink?

No.

I'm gonna get a drink, you should drink.

I'm okay.

[Marcello] Be basic.

[giggling]

Guess who? [chuckling]

What's up?

Hey.

Blade.

You know?

Who's that?

Wesley Snipes from Blade.

Hey, listen.

I'm really sorry about coming in you earlier today.

Right.

Seriously, it's only happened one other time,

my first girlfriend.

Now she's dead.

But it means I love you.

Will you get me a drink?

Yeah, sure, what do you want, a beer?

A vodka martini, a little bit dirty

with extra olives.

Sure, I'll go get that drink.

See you in a sec.

You know I really appreciate you

letting me stay with you.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, and it's like so nice to get next to you,

so close to you, you know?

But I actually think I might wanna go.

I'm gonna go.

Okay.

So I'll catch you later?

Sure.

ASAP, I hope.

Have fun.

I already have.

Hey.

Hi.

How's it going?

I thought you don't like Halloween.

I don't.

I was actually gonna go.

When did you get here?

Just now.

Oh.

Well I'm gonna go too actually.

I feel like going too.

You shouldn't, you're having fun.

I am having fun, but,

I've been here so long, I feel like I should go.

And I'll take you with me.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Come on, we should talk.

Okay.

Don't you think we should talk?

We should talk.

All right, let's go.

[light somber music]

[air hissing]

[sobbing]

[sobbing]

How was your weekend?

Good.

How was yours?

Incredible.

You wanna talk about anything?

No.

All right.

[clicking]

[light music]

Hi.

Oh my god, hi.

Oh my god, this place looks incredible.

Welcome home.

You like it?

Yeah, I like our home.

Did you get the job?

What do you think?

[shrieking]

My god, the curtains, astroturf.

Let's feel this, let's feel this out.

[laughing]

Feels good, right?

[Jane] I missed you.

I missed you too.

What is this?

[laughing]

What is this?

I got us slippers.

Right, why?

So we don't have to wear outside shoes inside.

Oh, isn't that like the whole point of astroturf?

It's like, feels like it's outside.

No, you know how hard this shit is to clean?

All right, well.

Maybe I'll just like wear my socks around.

I really don't wanna wear this kind

of cheesy things, all right?

Well, I'll save you a pair

for when you change your mind.

[Eugene] You will?

Mhmm.

This isn't working.

Yeah, I know.

This fucking sucks.

I've never been more lonely.

What do you wanna do?

You wanna break up?

Don't you?

Yeah I do.

I do wanna break up.

Like a lot. [laughing]

Fucking, a ton!

Like every waking moment I think about that.

Like oh, maybe she'll die today.

[laughing]

Yeah. [laughing]

I'm so happy. [laughing]

We're breaking up.

I don't wanna date you anymore.

Right, I know.

I feel so good.

So when are you moving out?

[jazzy music]

[song in foreign language]

Subtitles by explosiveskull

[chill music]