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1
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:06,278
I've just bought meself a lottery ticket.
2
00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:11,634
I don't suppose I'll win owt, knowing my luck,
but somebody's got to, an't they?
3
00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:16,154
- Crikey!
- (GOD-LIKE VOICE) It's you!
4
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,551
Sorry, I mean YOU.
5
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,115
YEEEEAAAAH!
6
00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:40,720
- Martin.
- Morning. Morning.
7
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:42,433
What news?
8
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:47,316
As soon as we've go the acoustic deck on,
you'll have a waterproof building.
9
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:52,071
Then we'll be in with the second-fix electrics
and the joinery simultaneously.
10
00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:55,238
- What are you saying? Are we on schedule?
- Yes.
11
00:00:55,440 --> 00:01:04,553
- Have the unit costs risen dramatically?
- No. It'll be ready for occupation on the due date.
12
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:13,555
Good, good. Two words - penalty clauses. I've
been meaning to discuss this with you and...
13
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:20,590
Wah-hah! A digger!
Waaaah-hah! A crane!
14
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:39,191
This week I are been mostly eating
roasted chickens.
15
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,678
(COOL JAZZ INTRO)
16
00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:03,119
Hello, and welcome to "Jazz Club",
bringing you all that's best in the world of jazz.
17
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:04,719
Ni-ice!
18
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:11,636
An act that "Wrong Note" magazine described
as the best of the young British jazz upstarts.
19
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,273
Gr-reat!
20
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:18,112
It's the James Nance Quartet,
with James Nance on Hammond, naturally.
21
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:22,393
Theydon Bois on guitar, Sid Bellamy
on drums and Clam on bass.
22
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:28,038
They're playing Buddy Freak's "Desolate
Shore" in an inventive new arrangement.
23
00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:31,676
Although it follows the original
32-bar AABA structure,
24
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,838
instead of providing a harmonic departure
from the A section,
25
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,998
the bridge resolves
the rising chromatic pattern.
26
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,668
Great? Wonderful!
27
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,436
"Desolate Shore".
28
00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:56,238
(ATONAL MISHMASH OF SOUNDS)
29
00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:18,589
Oi, mate, mate, mate. Don't park your car here.
It's not safe here. It'll get nicked.
30
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,315
It's mad round 'ere.
Another word of advice - the briefcase.
31
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,080
Walking around with that, you're advertising it.
32
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:31,230
Don't get me wrong, it's a nice area, but it only
takes one family. Unfortunately, it's MY family.
33
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:37,595
I'm a one-man crime wave. I'll nick anything.
I'm a little bit wuuuh, a little waay, a bit dodgy.
34
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:42,749
I'm a geezer! I'll nick anything! Do yourself
a favour, mate, park somewhere else.
35
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,916
(QUIETLY) I've got his wallet!
36
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:50,593
All right. Come on, boys, cricket bat.
37
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,078
Stumps.
38
00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:57,469
Balls. And score pad and pen. You can get that.
39
00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,830
Right, come on, chop chop.
40
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:06,110
I'll just pace it out. I've made a small wicket.
You are children, after all.
41
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,551
Now, Peter, you may bowl. Toby, you're field.
42
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:11,716
Toby, Toby, over here.
43
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:16,118
Come on, chop chop!
Your mother will adjudicate. Right, then...
44
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:20,356
No! No, no, underarm! Be a lot easier for you.
45
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,876
I'll just get my sight.
46
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:26,830
Thank you. Away we go.
47
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,158
..two...three...
48
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:36,478
..four...five...
49
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:42,399
..twenty-four...twenty-five...twenty-six.
50
00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:46,272
Twenty-six of the Queen's runs!
51
00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:56,233
..fifty-seven...fifty-eight...
52
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,396
..fifty-nine... Got it, dear?
53
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,356
(DISCO MUSIC)
54
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,030
- All right, mate?
- Fine!
55
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:14,230
- Loud here, innit?
- Yeah!
56
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,398
It's loud enough to make your ears bleed!
57
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,232
(MUFFLED RESPONSE)
58
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:24,353
- What?
- I said, that's like our Lord Jesus, isn't it?
59
00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:28,951
He bled on the cross for all our sins,
didn't he?
60
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,116
See ya, mate.
61
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:40,158
- (INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION)
- ..139...140...
62
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,275
(THEME MUSIC)
63
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,110
Bonas stente e bonas stente, Dr Bubakles.
64
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,470
Footra habiento nikatis poo
65
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:59,151
enkeros politikus skrewbaticus
democracia republica tenbiblitos militaria.
66
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:03,319
Ney, porbabitus. Una, te babito cokerus.
67
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:08,719
Mixat te babito dexterus casa popo
inafanteros et dubito ecomonikos.
68
00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,753
Balloto te canderis filandero govermentia.
69
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:15,236
Hmm. Tu tupentos stupento avenisto banking?
70
00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:21,629
Kotobento cocina teste bankos centrale
futro corocos nitro persetta financio.
71
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:26,197
Didi, didi ba, fahehi-la, fahehi-la,
fahehi-ley, fahehi-ley.
72
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:31,438
Ene benetos estalianto tackelo tubuto
elipo punatros.
73
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:38,955
Hanatos in kila cobitos benles lec of feta
benetos kentalika heth heth heth heth heth!
74
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,954
Fokt ensetta inflaytion!
75
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:44,593
- Questa?
- Inflaytion!
76
00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:48,315
- Inflaytion? Poula!
- Inflaytion!
77
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:50,317
- Inflaytion!
- (KLAXON)
78
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:53,830
- Inflaytion!
- (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
79
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:57,237
(DROWNED OUT BY CHEERING)
80
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:02,668
Duno Lucky Slam! Oh, no, Mr Quicho! Flano!
81
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,678
Atey loca!
82
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,348
(WHISTLING AND CHEERING)
83
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:11,074
Boutros Boutros Ghali!
84
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,430
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
85
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,198
And on the way back from the cove,
86
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:50,555
we saw Stevie Nicks and Helena Bonham Carter,
so we gave them a lift on the back of the tractor,
87
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,716
which was nice.
88
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:10,915
Here, Mary, take this ring to the Duke of Norfolk.
89
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:15,274
- Tell him my father the King is held captive...
- (WHISTLE)
90
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:18,153
Cooee! Hello, darlin', lovely jugs!
91
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:22,194
- Come on, let's see your front bit! Weyhey!
- Come on!
92
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,994
..he may barely live the night out.
93
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:29,557
- A smile don't cost nothin'!
- Give us a smile! Don't cost nothin'!
94
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,752
- Snooty cow!
- Woof woof woof woof!
95
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,750
- Lesbians, Dave.
- Lesbians, Dave.
96
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:43,797
Aren't old people brilliant? They're young people
who've been around for a really long time.
97
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,752
Years and years.
98
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:51,910
What happens is, the longer they live,
the more clothes they put on. Yeah!
99
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:55,271
Wearing coats! Brilliant! Two coats at a time!
100
00:08:55,480 --> 00:09:00,429
And hats and that, and scarves! Fantastic!
Old ladies really are bonkers!
101
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:06,078
What they do is, they cackle, moan about
the war, and then they die. Fantastic!
102
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:10,273
(APPLAUSE, WHISTLING, CHEERING)
103
00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:25,433
- These are nice.
- Ooh, they are, aren't they, madam?
104
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:29,349
Ooh, suit you. 100% artificial fibres,
no danger of shrinking.
105
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:33,519
- A bit bright.
- Perhaps sir would prefer something more beige.
106
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:37,838
A nice dull brown. Oh, suit you.
The earthy tones of dun.
107
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:40,110
Well, I rather like grey.
108
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:43,118
Really, you're such an old stick-in-the-mud!
109
00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:47,472
- I know what I like!
- I'm sure you do, sir - man of your age.
110
00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:51,229
- People should respect your age and experience.
- Quite.
111
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:55,718
Lot of people write off the elderly, sir.
Say they have no relevance.
112
00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:59,469
- They're in the twilight of their years, gaga.
- All right!
113
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:03,229
But you're still fit and virile,
you're still young at heart.
114
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:08,230
I expect you give the wife a good seeing to
every now and then. Suit you.
115
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:13,673
People labour under the delusion that old people
don't make the beast with two backs any more.
116
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:19,238
Not you, sir. I expect you're at it morning,
noon and night. Oh, suit you!
117
00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:22,796
I expect he's a pest.
Some nights you'd rather read.
118
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,150
Yes, I do like to read.
119
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:31,390
Oh, she's a wild one, isn't she, sir? A mink,
a monkey, a moaning Messalina! Oh!
120
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:35,559
Mind you, I expect you still hanker
after a young body, sir.
121
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,911
After all, you were young once, weren't you, sir?
122
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:43,272
You know there are girls of 16
out there, sir, doing it! Oh!
123
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:47,155
Suit you, sir? One last fling
before you pop your clogs.
124
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:51,114
You should be ashamed of yourself, sir,
you randy old goat!
125
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,515
These hankies are rather jolly.
126
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,439
Have you tried drugs to heighten
sexual awareness, sir?
127
00:10:56,640 --> 00:11:00,394
- Have you tried violence, madam?
- How about these slacks?
128
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:04,513
- No, I don't like any of these.
- Thank you.
129
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:08,349
- We're not getting through, Ken.
- Press on, Kenneth.
130
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:12,553
Have you tried massage, sir?
With oils and unguents?
131
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,911
- Rhino horn?
- Latex foundations, madam?
132
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:19,157
- Tiger's gonads?
- Poppers? - Bull's pizzle?
133
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,591
It would be unfair to pass through this county
134
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:26,951
without drawing your attention
to this huge oak tree,
135
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:33,395
which dominates the skyline as far as Newcastle
to the north and Market Harborough to the south.
136
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:36,956
Like many trees of its age, it has a history,
137
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:41,756
and what a macabre and dark history
its knots and branches reveal.
138
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:45,989
For this oak is the notorious Hanging Tree,
139
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:49,590
as used by Oliver Cromwell and later Henry III
140
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:55,750
as a primitive gallows, whereby many a poor
beast wriggled and lurched in his death throes.
141
00:11:55,960 --> 00:12:02,229
And some say, if you cock an ear, you may
still hear their cries ringing across the Dales.
142
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,155
But not today.
143
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:12,956
Who knows what terrible stories
ended on the boughs of this tree?
144
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:19,838
One man knew. His name - Arthur Rollie,
Cromwell's hated and feared executioner.
145
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:24,397
A bent and stunted figure,
he perfected the famous Rollie knot,
146
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,636
which did for many a highwayman.
147
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:37,718
Arthur Rollie lived here inside the tree
in primitive, carved living quarters,
148
00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:44,189
complete with toilet, bed and study,
like some ghastly lighthouse keeper.
149
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:47,358
Eventually,
Rollie was entombed inside the tree.
150
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:51,519
His quarters were sealed up by proxy
in the purge of St Swithin.
151
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:57,477
But if we look below the western eave,
we may still see the door carved into the bark.
152
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,276
This is the wrong tree.
153
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:10,314
Everyone's been caught
with their pants down again by that 1% fall,
154
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:14,672
but the cuts will help the interim rise
to around 7.3 million.
155
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:19,192
And... Oh, look, here's a picture of a monkey!
156
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,356
(MAKES MONKEY NOISES)
157
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:33,992
Good morning, Miss Schumacher (!)
Thank you very much for stopping.
158
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:40,150
- Do you realise why I pulled you over?
- It's the jacket. Doesn't work with this top.
159
00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:44,478
Change of skirt maybe?
Should I have worn different earrings?
160
00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:48,992
Something a bit more dangly,
a bit more fun, a bit more crazy.
161
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:53,955
Should I have worn my hair up? More grown up?
Might have made me look severe.
162
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,118
- I know what you're thinking...
- Morning, madam.
163
00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:02,678
No, listen, come back! I need to know the truth!
Does my bum look big in this car?
164
00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:07,879
You're hurt, Rico, you're hurt bad!
165
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:13,077
Just a scratch kid. Take more than
a couple of bullets to stop me!
166
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:18,434
Well, if it ain't the great
Enrico Rebitz...Reb...Scarface.
167
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:25,109
Yeah, you can't take ME alive, Inspector Mac...
168
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:28,153
Shut up!
You can touch Reb...HIM.
169
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:37,598
- He ain't done nothin'. He's been with me.
- Is that so, Miss Samitz...Samos...SSS...
170
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:41,076
Yeah, we've been in that new Jewish restaurant.
171
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,669
So what did you have to eat?
172
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:49,113
We had blinis and we had gefilte-filte-filte...
We had fish.
173
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:52,756
Oh, can it, sister!
YOU can it, flatfoot! Yeah!
174
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:58,671
See what I got?! I got a Schmeezer...
a Schmaizer...a... I got a machine gun!
175
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:03,990
Hold it right there, Rebeniz...ziz...
Drop the gun! Drop it!
176
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:09,076
Good work, Officer Willco...Wallaso...
It's Lawahezenwo.
177
00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:12,989
Weskie..?
It's WW... I know it's got a zee in it.
178
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:18,351
Shut up! You can't outwit the Nypid.
It's the Nypedi
179
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,120
The Nepipy?
How do you spell it?
180
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,993
Er...N...Y...P...D.
181
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,350
(ALL) That's it! Yeah!
182
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:32,828
- It's fascinating, how you do it.
- It's very time-consuming.
183
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,953
On a good day, we get about a second
of finished film.
184
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:40,436
- Just a second?
- Less if it was a particularly tricky bit.
185
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,915
An action sequence or something.
186
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:49,355
Um...I mean, let me show you. Say he wanted
to do a wave - a dismissive gesture like that.
187
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:54,509
What you'd do is, first of all,
you move his hand just a tiny amount.
188
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:59,475
- Right.
- You'd move one finger. Again, a tiny amount.
189
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,397
The second finger - just a tiny amount.
190
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:09,029
- The third finger - just a tiny amount.
- Uh-hm.
191
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:13,233
Then we'd have to move the eyes around.
Again, just a tiny amount.
192
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:20,156
And the other one, a tiny amount.
Then it's click, click, two frames.
193
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:23,477
Then I suppose his feet should waggle,
his toes.
194
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:28,117
First toe, we'd move it down...
just a tiny amount,
195
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,276
and the second toe...
196
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,712
..a tiny amount.
197
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:36,595
Third toe down...just a tiny amount.
198
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:40,110
Then we move up to the hand again.
199
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:46,911
A tiny amount. And this finger...
just a tiny amount.
200
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:50,476
And the next finger...just a tiny amount.
201
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,673
That finger...a tiny amount.
202
00:16:55,640 --> 00:17:00,634
We'd come up again to the eyes to bring
them round some more...a tiny amount.
203
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,795
(WHISPERS) Anyone fancy a pint?
204
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:10,914
This finger, a tiny amount.
Then the eyes would come round...
205
00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:15,671
- Alan Shearer having a wonderful game, Ron.
- Doesn't he always!
206
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:20,396
He's deadly! Deadly in a football sense,
not a sort of murdering manner.
207
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,672
He's taken over Gary Lineker's mantle
with aplomb.
208
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:28,398
- Pardon? Mantle with a what?
- Aplomb.
209
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:34,912
Ah, mantle with aplomb, yes, most definitely.
Sure as eggs is eggs, mantle with aplomb.
210
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:39,674
Gary Lineker, of course, remains a legend
in the modern game.
211
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:43,998
Oh, Gary Lineker - marvellous, you know.
Paragon of virtue.
212
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:48,478
Unprecedented in the modern game.
Never been booked...wasn't he?
213
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:51,877
You know, excellent TV pundit, crisp-thief!
214
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:58,073
Rarely wears a tie,
but a marvellous ambassador for the game.
215
00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:02,796
Nice man, nice face, boyish charm
with a hint of grey at the temples.
216
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:07,152
Can you imagine that face contorted
in the throes of sexual ecstasy?
217
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:14,516
- I'm not sure I'd want to, Ron.
- That's my point. Mantle with aplomb.
218
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:20,276
An amusing incident in the first half
with that dog running on the pitch.
219
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,032
- Ron.
- Sorry.
220
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:29,392
I put myself in the position of Gary's wife
looking up at that face.
221
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,636
Can't get it out of my mind.
222
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:38,234
Indeed. If Terry Venables is watching, he might
think of signing that dog for the England team.
223
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:40,754
Ron.
224
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:45,750
I'm stuck with this image of Gary humping.
Do you think I should see someone?
225
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:52,476
You probably should, yes. Tommy, certainly,
if not Terry Venables, the Scottish manager
226
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:56,639
should have a look at that dog
to see where he could play.
227
00:18:56,840 --> 00:19:03,188
Sorry, I've got Gary Lineker's cheeky grin
and sweaty forehead looming down on me.
228
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,391
Amazing thought, Ron.
229
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,797
Even I have to agree, it is a powerful image.
230
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:28,552
This week I are been mostly eating
Bourbon biscuits.
231
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:39,474
Do you know what, right? I really love
Cliff Richards. Sir Cliff Richards.
232
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:42,433
I mean...I think he's dead young-looking.
233
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:47,760
He's about 60 years old,
but he looks about oh, I don't know 15.
234
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:53,910
Apart from his neck, which is all scraggy -
like a turkey or a tortoise or something.
235
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,634
But he hides it really well.
236
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:03,118
Do you know what else I like about him?
His love of Jesus. It's done well for him.
237
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:07,472
He's had loads of hit records
and Christmas number ones.
238
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:14,233
I wouldn't go out with him. I would go out with
him, but I wouldn't take him out with my mates.
239
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,396
They'd just take the piss.
240
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:28,040
Ted, I... It's all right, don't stand up.
241
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:33,591
Um...there's something
I want to talk to you about, Ted.
242
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:38,396
It's the... It's... It's the greenhouse, Ted.
243
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:42,513
Now, I remember asking you...
yesterday evening
244
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:47,430
to check on the heating, as we were
in for a particularly cold night.
245
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:53,078
You know how delicate those flowers are
and the trouble I have with them.
246
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:59,276
And I did ask and I went in there this morning
and it was as cold as a refrigerator.
247
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:04,235
There was frost on the windows and you know
how much those flowers mean to me.
248
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:09,798
It's not as if I didn't ask and, quite frankly,
I'm very...
249
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,991
..I'm very...
250
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:18,438
It's not the expense of replacing them or the
time and effort that's gone into growing them,
251
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:23,555
it's the fact that I asked you to do something
and it was your responsibility...
252
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,636
Well, obviously, ultimately it's my responsibility.
253
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,799
They are my flowers and...
I really should've checked myself.
254
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:37,152
Um...you have a thousand and one things
to be doing about the place
255
00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:42,798
and I cannot expect you to do things
which are my responsibility.
256
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:48,711
Um...as I say, I should've checked...
and probably I forgot to ask you...
257
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:55,314
..and...er...I really am very sorry, Ted...
and I promise you it shan't happen again.
258
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:57,192
I'm sorry.
259
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:08,357
And our eldest son Alexander
won the Nobel Chemistry Prize.
260
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:14,715
We all went to Stockholm for the presentation
and REM did an impromptu concert...
261
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,876
..which was nice.
262
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,956
(CHURCH BELL TOLLS)
263
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:23,311
(DISTANT RELIGIOUS SINGING)
264
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,878
Right, Day One, the journey begins,
265
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:47,437
and this stream here marks the boundary
between the ordinary world
266
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,790
and the domain of the off-roader.
267
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:54,994
- Here, the peaceful English countryside.
- Chip shops, mortgages, that sort of thing.
268
00:22:55,200 --> 00:23:00,558
That sort of thing. There, all things
that every off-roader dreams of.
269
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:02,512
Crumpet!
270
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,313
Rocks, ravines, tree stumps.
271
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,193
- Trolls.
- Trolls?
272
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,315
Shifting sands, sucking bogs.
273
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:19,913
We're gonna take all that Mother Nature
can fling at us and spit it back in her face!
274
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:23,510
I've never spat in a woman's face before, Simon.
275
00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:27,679
- It was an allegory.
- Oh, yeah, I used to drive one of them!
276
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:30,235
Hah-de-hah-hah-hah (!)
277
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:36,788
Sorry, bad joke. I know what an allegory is.
It's when you can't eat eggs, things like that.
278
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:41,312
- You bloody moron!
- With me, anything with nuts in it. Terrible.
279
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:45,718
- You're bloody nuts!
- Ho-ho! Yeah, I am! Whooo! Look at my hat!
280
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:47,876
- The green hat!
- The hat!
281
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:51,789
The famous hat.
But can we please off-road now?!
282
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:55,356
- It's gripped!
- Uhuh, kamikaze style!
283
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:59,235
It's GLIPPED! Let's off-LOAD!
284
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,152
- Out the way!
- Oof!
285
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:03,918
Sorry!
286
00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:10,678
(SPLASH!)
287
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:20,718
The mind is a powerful tool and we've not yet
begun to tap into its awesome potential.
288
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:27,314
By focusing my alpha waves, I've been able
to develop my mind to a vastly higher level.
289
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:32,514
To demonstrate this, I will change
the molecular structure in my hand
290
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:37,271
and attempt to pass it through
this regular pane of household glass
291
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:39,835
without disrupting the surface.
292
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:54,758
Dave.
293
00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:00,395
Hey, blimey, have I got a bit of gossip for you!
294
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:04,388
Apparently, Tony split up with Judy. Hey-hey-hey!
295
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:08,593
I know I shouldn't laugh,
but it's not exactly unexpected, is it?
296
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:12,190
I couldn't have put up with Judy,
not for five years!
297
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:16,757
That Ruth he was seeing on the side,
SHE was a much better bet!
298
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,520
Ruth...Judy.
299
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:21,676
I'll get me coat.
300
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:28,154
(MUMBLES DRUNKENLY)
301
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:37,677
But I remember, at the time, there was
a firework display in the village.
302
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:42,829
(RAMBLES ON INCOHERENTLY)
303
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:47,750
It was quite frightening, you know.
Bang, crash, pshww, fizz!
304
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:52,033
I, you know, wondered how they could do that.
305
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:57,394
Anyway...seriously, quite seriously...
(MUMBLES) ..hah!
306
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,556
(MUMBLES)
307
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:03,309
One girl was very badly burned.
308
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:09,038
(MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY)
309
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:17,193
And I was called on in my capacity as...
(MUMBLES INCOMPREHENSIBLY)
310
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:21,916
And I cracked my head very sharply
off a piece of furniture...
311
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:28,309
(RAMBLES ON INCOHERENTLY)
312
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:32,957
I'm afraid...that I was very...very drunk.
313
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:41,073
(DRAMATIC POLICE SERIES THEME MUSIC)
314
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,115
(THEY PANT HEAVILY)
315
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:29,632
- It must be your birthday, Charlie.
- You brought the cake, 'ave you?
316
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:33,992
- I brought the icing.
- Impress me, Mr McGann.
317
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:37,478
Watch your step.
318
00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:55,476
Don't miss, on next week's show - they're ready.
319
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:58,114
- I'm ready!
- I'm ready!
320
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:00,598
I'm ready!
321
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:12,356
Clowns, clowns, clowns!
Clowns are rubbish! They're not funny!
322
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:17,236
Jumping up an down, juggling balls,
throwing buckets of water at each other!
323
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:21,991
Oh, it's a bucket of water!
No, it's a bucket of tinsel! Is that funny?!
324
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,475
No, it's rubbish! Clowns!
325
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,879
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
326
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,155
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
327
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,033
(WHISTLING AND CHEERING)
29499
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