Original subtitles

Sieg Heil, Mondjugendunterführerin Renate Richter!

Boys and girls, please sit down.

Dieter, don't you know where to put your behind?

Since Mondführer's 65th birthday,

the appropriate salute has been Heil Kortzfleisch!

You're such an exemplary boy.

Today, we'll start with the most unpatriotic language.

It's the language we need to know

when we return to those who need our help.

Attention! The National Anthem.

What is that, Mr. Adler?

A spy from the Earth. I captured him myself.

He seems to be the leader of the shock troops.

Mr. Adler, is this a joke?

I'll be damned!

You understand English, don't you? What did he say?

My sweetheart.

Mr. Adler.

Mr. Nachrichtenübermittlungsoberführer Adler?

What's for lunch today?

- Sauerkraut. - Again! Please say that's not true.

Führer eats Sauerkraut three times a week as well?

Capture him!

No! Capture him!

Don't shoot!

The fugitive is a male negro

unarmed, but possibly angry.

What does he look like?

Where does he come from?

What is he wearing?

How do I look?

Like they say in English...

Klaus! Don't shoot.

We need him for tests...

- Take him to Dr. Richter's laboratory. - By your command!

Dumb negro.

- He talks nonsense. - It might be a dialect.

Probable reason is the skin colour.

Right. His brain structure is different from us Aryans.

Let's open up his skull and measure the brain.

No. I need to know why he's here.

You have 24 hours, Doctor.

Otherwise I have to rely on an ancient, infallible technique.

Pain.

Ridiculous.

- Mr. Adler. - Call me Klaus. May I?

Of course.

I've come to discuss our legal union.

- Is that a marriage proposal? - There's no need for marriage.

I received confirmation from the Department of Racial Purity.

Our genetic match is 97%.

How romantic.

Science demands us to unite physically.

It's our destiny to produce perfect offspring for the people.

What about my scientific research?

One day, Renate...

All this will be ours.

But first, I must conquer the Earth.

Wolfgang, the old fart, stands in my way.

In the way of final victory.

The two of us will take on an enormous responsibility.

Your place is by my side.

I feel honoured.

Renate.

Let's exercise goose step together.

Let me nest in your eagle's nest.

The flag on high! Eyes tightly closed!

Mr. Adler... Klaus...

Here.

This is what you should research.

I made a dog-ear on page 65.

Thank you.

Nazi Intercourse Handbook

Gentlemen! Battleship Götterdämmerung.

Our miracle weapon that has been under development for 40 years.

The dream of our beloved Führer.

But unfortunately only a dream, until now.

Please, Doctor.

Watch this!

This tiny device

has over a thousand times more computing power than our biggest computers together.

I engineered this cable

to connect this machine with our main computer.

I call this Universal Systematic Binding,

USB for short.

This will lift it into the air.

Finally, the Götterdämmerung will fly!

Yes. - Yes.

Yes.

You saw it!

You saw it with your own eyes!

Mein Führer, please, let me return to the Earth.

Let me get more of these devices.

No one has ever returned.

I will return.

We don't have a choice

if we want to prevent an invasion from the Earth.

Mr. Nachrichtenübermittlungsoberführer Adler.

Looks good.

This will solve our little problem.

I'm coming.

Looks very good!

And now we just...

Why don't you take me with you?

Don't worry, darling.

After I've completed my mission, I'll come back to you.

That's not what I mean. I'm an earthologist!

I know everything about it. You need me.

You sweet little thing, where do you get all those crazy ideas?

Books, mostly...

And some films.

I shall return triumphant!

Heil Kortzfleisch! Get it through your skull.

Of course, mein Führer.

We have one more ace up our sleeve.

Show him what we have.

Voile, gentlemen!

Doctor.

Watch closely.

Stand up, you fool.

Oberführer Adler, I hope you've discussed my return to the Earth.

Something along those lines.

The Reich trusts you.

Thank you, Doctor.

Take care of your daughter for me. - Yes.

See you in Valhalla.

Renate! What are you doing here?

This is not the place for the mother of the children of the future Führer.

And definitely not the place for a woman.

My place is by my man.

Get us a vehicle.

A Volkswagen bus.

- Doesn't he know? - No. He'll be thrilled.

Thank you.

It's time.

Yes, today we have a surprise for you, Adler.

Good evening, boys.

The name's not Hitler!

Do it, Moon Corporal.

And you want to eliminate the Mondführer?

Do you know the penalty for high treason?

This is flagship Siegfried speaking.

We've reached the orbit and we're ready for the Valkyries to start.

Battleship Heinrich ready for attack.

Battleship Biterolf ready for attack.

The fleet is ready, mein fuhrer.

Excellent.

Tell them to wait for my return.

We shall then begin the Meteorblitzkrieg.

We'll wipe all these sub-humans...

off the face of the Earth.

Oh Well.

A blessing in disguise.

Now I can kill all the enemies of the Reich in one stroke.

Farewell, puppet Führer.

They develop like ordinary women. But look.

No hair here, nor here.

Like little girls.

And when they do have hair, it looks like...

The moustache of our great Führer.

The pictures kind of turn me on.

Mr. Adler.

Where's the Führer?

The Führer is dead. Long live the new Führer.

That's me, in case you're wondering.

- Sieg Heil! - This way.

From now on, of course, it's Heil Adler.

Time is the sin.

I'll see you in Valhalla.

At 5:45, we'll start firing back.

Every bomb

will be retaliated.

The Meteorblitzkrieg shall begin!

Heroes of the First Fleet,

continue your attack to the last man -

and remember, you're fighting for the Reich!

Where the hell did they come from?

Prepare an appropriate uniform for the fuhrer.

The Fatherland is calling its children!

This device will complete the biggest war machine of all times.

The Götterdämmerung will fly! - Heil Adler!

Attention!

As you were.

Well?

The Earth fleet will be within firing range in 20 minutes.

- Are your troops ready? - We're waiting for Dr. Richter.

Move!

Who dares disturb me?

Doctor Richter!

How much time do you need?

The Götterdämmerung will fly. It will be ready for the final victory.

Cut the crap. How long?

Let's say three months, give or take a little.

You have three minutes.

He cut me off. It's not that easy. Russia wasn't conquered in a day...

Start the helium-3 engines.

Now!

Start the engines.

Load the cannons.

Shit!

Are the cannons ready to fire? - They are.

But the Earth is below the horizon, on the other side of the Moon.

We can't shoot.

Full moon was yesterday.

Let's make a brand new horizon.

Fire at Will.

Reactivate the systems. Weapons NCO.

We'll see...

The projectiles of the Götterdämmerung are made out of metallic hydrogen.

Its aggregate state can only be reached under immense pressure.

NATIONAL ANTHEM for motivation break glass

The impact can be quite diverse.

It's no time to sing now!

It's a false alarm!

Are you all imbeciles?

Go and see what's going on!

On the double!

Renate...

I won't let you do it.

What will you do?

Shoot me?

Good girl...

Renate Richter, my bride-to-be.

You destroyed something beautiful, something wonderful.

A future world full of Aryan children.

Our Aryan children!

But you betrayed me, and for that you shall pay.

Your beauty shall adorn Odin's table. - Klaus!

Wait! Let me say something.

Now?

I'm a bit busy.

I've always respected you.

As Führer, and as a man.

I've even loved you.

I belong to you. To you.

Cute little speech.

But it's too late, my dear. Goodbye.

I understand.

I hail you.

My Klaus.

Sieg Heil, mein Führer!

Please don't, never again! Please stop.

What was the Earth like?

Different.

When can we go there?

Soon. Soon...

But how?

In peace.

The End