All language subtitles for Hell.Baby.2013.720p.BluRay.x264.DD5.1-playHD-eng

Home.
Home.

[sirens wailing
in distance]

Here's to low balling
the seller

and still getting $50,000 off
after the home inspection.

We could paint
this place today,

sell it tomorrow,
and still make money.

Yes, we could.
[sighs]

[sighs]

I love you,
Jack Watson.

I love you.

Now, let me carry you over
that goddamn threshold.

Ooh, wait, stop. No, no, no,
let's not squander the moment.

No, I peed a little bit.
Oh, God. Really?

Ugh. The babies are
pushing on my bladder.

Will you hand me a tissue?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do we have paper towels?
Uh, I got--

Thanks, baby.

Hi.

New, uh, new
parents, soon to be.

Jack, Vanessa.

Hi.
She pees a lot.

]__

Qkay-
[sighs]

Come on. Oh, my God. Okay.

If it makes you feel any better,
I just peed a little bit, too.

Jesus.
You are fat.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Honey!

H.

Honey, stop.
[panting]

Stop it.

[electricity sizzles]
Ow.

Sweetie.
Shit.

What are you doing?

What are you doing? I found
this lamp up in the attic.

I don't know. I thought
I'd get it working again.

No.

[screaming] Oh, shit.
That hurt so bad.

Please, God, let it be. That
thing will kill somebody.

All right.
All right.

Oh. I know what I want you to do.
Huh?

If you have time, I would
really love for you

to paint over the "Miss 13"
graffiti on the front porch.

First thing. Oh, my God.
You're so adorable.

Why am I--

"Miss 13."
It's "MS-13."

Mara Salvatrucha. It's this
gang out of El Salvador.

It's the deadliest gang
in the world.

Well, one of the--
Don't tell the Crips that.

But they're the deadliest
gang in the world.

So, not only is our
new house tagged,

it's tagged
by a famous gang.

Yeah. It's like,
uh, Banksy.

You know how much
you love Banksy.

It's like that,
except, uh, you know,

with knives
and face tattoos.

Oh, my God.
What?

This is the worst idea
of our lives.

The lower,
lower Garden District.

People don't even know
this neighborhood exists.

No, that's actually not true.
That's not true.

White people don't know that
this neighborhood exists.

This neighborhood
is on the upswing.

Iread all about it in Dwell.

Three years from now,
this place will be polluted

with goatees
and recumbent bikes

and DJs and kids from Tokyo.

And we'll sit on our
porch saying pfffff.

I hate
white people.

You're not just a little
nervous in this house?

[sirens wailing]
Hey.

There is not one thing to
be afraid of in this house.

Okay?
Okay_

[both screaming]

Oh, my God.
Honey, get something--

Goodness gracious.
Y'all gave me a fright.

What-what-what are
you doing out there?

I'm so sorry. I was just
standing in your breezeway

like some kind
of ne'er-do-well.

Well, yeah. Come on in.
Make yourself at home.

I absolutely will do that.
Thank you very much.

Please, allow me to introduce myself.
I am F'resnel Edmunds.

I live across
the way over here.

And you are Jack
and Vanessa.

Jack, you're a PhD student at
Tulane University. How are you?

Vanessa, you are an occupational
therapist expecting your first baby.

[chuckles]

Wow. Y-y-you know
a lot about us.

Come on, you can't move into the maison
de sang and not raise a few eyebrows.

"Frinell"?
F Tesnel.

It's spelled
just like it sounds.

Yeah.
F-apostrophe-R-E-S-N-E-L.

It's really nice
to meet you.

Well, it's very nice to meet
the two of you as well.

Sorry we screamed.
I'm sorry I screamed-.

Did you say, um, did you
say maison de sang?

Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's what all
the locals call it.

That's the name we been using
for years and years and years.

Oh, well, that's cool. This
place has a nickname already.

It's like "Tara"
or "Twelve Oaks."

A little bit
like that.

That's very Southern. Oh,
it is very Southern.

What does it mean?
"House of blood."

What?
"House of blood."

And, of course, you know, the
Cajuns, they liked to call it'

Le ou Ies morts ne
sommeillent jamais.

Oh, I like that. Ain't that pretty?
I love the sound of that.

What does that one mean? Oh,
"place where the dead never rest."

Yeah. Then, of course,
there's also Casa Perchrosa.

That's Spanish
for "house of the lost."

And some people just call it "the
spooky ol' house on down the way."

Bu! nothing for y'all to worry about.
No, no.

Nobody has been murdered
in this house

in a long time.

I mean, it's not' like anybody go!
murdered up in here yesterday.

Wow. See? Nobody's been murdered
here for a long, long, long, time.

Years, it sounds like. Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I say years?

'Cause if I did, I misspoke. No, there
have been very, very recent murders.

It's just that, um, not-not
any in this calendar year.

Uh, when you-- By calendar year,
do you mean since January?

Exactly. None in
this calendar year.

Well, that's four
solid months.

Well, give or take, probably less,
probably more like three and a half,

maybe two and a half. I'll go
like two months and a week.

Yeah. But don't get me wrong.

It's a great house. It got
really good bones. Yeah.

You mean structurally.

Right? Not like there's
bones in here someplace.

[laughing]

Sure, sure, Vanessa. Let's
say that's what I meant.

Okay.

Well, I will now be
on my way.

So, if y'all
need anything,

I'll always be
real close by.

Goodnight to you both.
Goodnight, F'resnel.

(Jack)
Goodnight now.

[dog barking in distance]

Baby, can you--
Yeah, yeah.

[both scream] I'm sorry.
I apologize.

Oh, my God. F'resnel.
I apologize.

Almost had the baby
right there.

Let me get it. I'm sorry, y'all.
It sticks on the inside.

You got to jimmy it a little bit, but
it's real easy to get open and closed

and get access to the
home at any point in time

during the day or night that
you want, from the outside.

All right.
Okay, thanks, F'resnel.

Goodnight to you now.
Thanks. Good night.

We have to get a lock on this, okay?
I know, I know.

What the fuck?

[bells tolling]

[men chanting in Latin]

[Italian accent] And while
confronting the demon

that was inhabiting the young woman's
body, Father lnnocente was---

[Italian accent]
Impaled with an umbrella.

There was blood
everywhere.

Not a very fitting end for
such a fine man of the cloth

to be stabbed with the
pointy end of an umbrella.

You know,
it was actually not

the pointy kind
of umbrella.

It was actually one of those
little stubby umbrellas.

It had, like, the logo of a local
radio station on it, one of those.

It had the face of this guy
they call the locador.

He's like a crazy
luchador of good times,

and his face
was on the umbrella.

The umbrella comes popping through
the chest of Father lnnocente.

It pop open. His heart still
pump for a few beats.

Blood sprays everywhere.

It was not something
you forget right away.

It's all
in the report.

Yes, about the report.

Uh, there is an awful
lot of details

about the impaling of Father
lnnocente with the umbrella.

Next time, I don't
need so many details.

Just--
Yeah, broad strokes.

The gist.
Si.

Eminence, I must
tell you this.

It was probably

the kind of umbrella they give
you if you go to, like, an event

that the radio station is hosting.
Schwag.

And this is the thing.

l! pop through the chest',
you know, like the dinosaur.

This one. This is how it pop open,
and blood spray everyplace.

It was really,
really weird.

It was really weird.
So weird.

[rustling]

Look, boys.

I know this was
a very rough one,

but I may have
another job for you.

What is the case?

It's a real doozy.

You're already
playing catch-up.

Take a look
at that photo.

[gasps]
So gross.

Super gross.
Super gross.

This is just a photograph. Si.

Yeah. In real life, it's
far more horrifying.

Get your asses
on the chopper.

We are going
to need

some per chem.

You know that's not me, right?

I hope that wasn't for me,
because-- No, no, no.

I was reminding myself,
"Go to accounting.

We are going to need
some per diem."

Level four. The guy down below.
The hunchback.

Yeah, near the fingers
of St. Peter.

(Jack)
You know what?

Don '2' let' F'resne/ get'
to you even for a second.

Let me put it
to you this way.

If you were going to buy
a lottery ticket,

which I know you wouldn't,
because we're snobs,

would you buy it from
the same exact 7-Eleven

where the last winning
lottery ticket was sold?

Of course not. That's like lightning
striking the same place twice.

Yeah, precisely. So, the fact that there
have been a couple of murders here--

Several.

Several murders.

The chances of there being one
murder are so slim statistically.

A-a-a couple? It's almost impossible.
So one more? Forget it.

I think you're safer here than in any of the
murder-free places we've ever lived at.

You coming
to bed, baby?

Vanessa?

Sweetie?

[water running]

[knob squeaks]

[scrubbing]

[ring tone playing]

[ring tone continues]

Huh.

[cell phone chimes]

Hi, Vanessa.
This is Dr. Marsden.

I was looking at' the latest'
ultrasound, and I have to say I'm--

Well, I'm n02' quite
sure how to say this.

I-I-I'm horrified.

Not jusz' as a doctor,
but as a person.

You need to come to the
office immediately.

[snarls]

Hm.

Ah.
Shit!

Fuck you, lamp.

Don't take no shit
off that lamp, Jack.

Thank you, sweetie.

You're welcome.

Oh, honey.

Don't forget my sister's coming
to bless the house this week.

[sighs]
I don't know, baby.

That stuff's, like, a little too
"burning man" for me, you know?

Jack?
Please?

It's something that she
wants to do for us, okay?

Okay. Plus, Curly Bear left her.

Navajo guy?
Mm-hm.

He stole all her credit
cards and her car.

Oh, my God. That's crazy. Mm-hm.

Marjorie has credit cards? Jack.

I did not expect that
in a million years.

It' takes a lot to gel' credit
cards- It' takes credit'.

Be nice.
Who knew?

Be nice, And let' her
do her "Wicca " thing.

Ugh.
God.

[coughs]

Vanessa!
Yes, darling?

What was in that drink
you just gave me?

Iced tea, darling.

That's pure paint
thinner, baby.

My bad.

You could have
killed me.

I'm so sorry.

It's pregnant-mommy brain.

I must have misread
the bottle.

Are you feeling all right? What?

You don't seem all right.
You seem...kind of off.

Me?
No.

I feel great.

I've actually
never felt better.

[both scream]

Oh!

Sorry about that.

Bitches be tripping.

Am I right?

That's some crazy shit.

I apologize, man. I just
scared the fuck out of you.

I just woke up
in your crawlspace,

and I was trying to tiptoe
through to the bathroom

without being seen and,
uh, it was to no avail.

You know
what I'm saying?

[chuckles]

Did I hear you correctly? You're
sleeping in my crawlspace?

Oh, my goodness, yes, yes.
[sighs]

How can I explain this
to you, Jack?

You know that Shakespeare
play where the man says,

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
but to thine own self be true."

Yeah. It's Polonius to Laertes.
Hamlet. Act one, scene three.

Well, color me impressed,
Jack Watson.

Color

[IE

im...pressed.

Hm.

[sighs]

[hollow thud]

[stomps]

[rustling]

Wow.

[rustling]

Hello?
Who's there?

[water dripping]

[chuckles]

[sighs]

[box creaks]

Oh, my God.

[door creaks]

[sighs]

Hey, Vanessa?

I'm going to take a nap, all right?
I'm beat.

Of course.

[sighs]

Oh.

Oh, my God. Baby,
don't, don't, don't.

Oh, my God. No, I can't.
I'm so sweaty.

I'm so s--
Oh, my God.

Yeah.
Yeah,yeah,yeah.

Nice.
Do that thing.

Do that thing
you did in Cancun.

Ow! Ow!
Oh, my God!

Huh.

Ow, God.
Hey, careful.

Careful. Baby. Ah.

[cackling]

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

[cackling]
Oh, my God.

Honey, what's wrong?

Oh, my God.
I didn't do anything.

What did you do? I thought it was you.
I thought it was you.

You thought it was me?

You meant to kill me?
No.

Why do you have a boner? Honey.

Oh, my God.
What is going on?

Oh, God.
This looks terrible.

Honey, who is she? I
don't know who she is.

She crept up on me. It was horrifying.
You don't know who she is?

She crept up on me. She
snuck-- I don't know.

I didn't mean
to hurt her.

What?
Jack?

Don't, don't, don't.
No, no, no.

We have to,
we have to.

She'll be okay.
She's not okay.

What?
She's not okay.

No, no. She's not dead.
She is dead.

Oh, God.
Oh, my God.

Oh, no.
Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.
Oh, God.

[panting]

Okay-
Okay-

No.
No cops.

Are you insane?
I just killed somebody.

Jesus Christ, Jack.
Jesus Christ.

When did you start
smoking again?

That doesn't really matter.
Three hours ago.

Let me think, okay?
[sighs]

This woman is dead.

Even if you tell your side of the
story, who would believe it?

Do you want to be in jail for the first
three to five years of my twins' life?

I've got to tell people
what really happened.

Okay, okay-
Okay, baby-

Okay.

What's the story, Jack?

Um--

She tried to perform
oral sex on me.

And then, um,

and then I bludgeoned her to
death with a fire extinguisher.

Holy shit!
Oh, my God.

It sounds like I mouth-raped somebody's
grandmother and then murdered her.

You can't go to jail. We have
babies on the way. Let me think!

Dig.

[sighs]

Oh, shit balls.
What?

You're supposed to call
the city before you dig.

There could be
gas lines anywhere.

That's real smart, Jack.

Let's call the city
and tell them precisely

where we're getting rid
of a corpse from a murder.

[thunder crashes]

That's fair.

[C109 growls]

Did you just hear--
No.

I didn't even finish my
question, and you just said no.

Well, I didn't
hear anything.

And if you did hear something,
it's probably nothing.

[growling]

Holy shit.

Don't move a muscle.

There's a big fucking dog
staring right at you.

[speaking demoniacally]

[growls]

Seriously?

What the fuck
is going on right now?

You speak bull mastiff?
Rottwefler.

[thunder crashes]

[sobbing]

Are you crying?

N o.
You 're crying.

I was dry-crying 'cause I was
laughing a little bit, too.

I want you to see
a psychiatrist.

Will it make you
feel better?

Yes, it will.

Then okay.

[giggles]

Well, a big hello
to you two.

You must be Jack and Vanessa.
Yeah.

Or do I have it
the other way around?

Jack, Vanessa.
You're...?

Yes, I'm Dr. Marshall.

I apologize for the
Lance Armstrong outfit.

I am just nuts about biking.
Ah, us, too.

[chuckles]
Really?

What kind
of bike you got?

Uh--

[laughs]

I'm sorry. I don't
know why I said that.

We don't have bikes.
At all.

I was just trying to be nice.
Haughs]

Looks like Jack, here, might
be Mr. Cuckoo pants, not you.

Right, Vanessa?
That's fair.

'Cause he just
lied to me.

[laughing]

Doctor, you can very clearly see the
outline of your penis in those shorts.

Baby, look.

You are 100% right
about that, Vanessa.

And, uh,
I will change.

And then we will
open up the hood

and see what's gunking up
the works in there, okay?

How does that sound?
Sounds good.

Get out of there, you crazy Gremlins.
[laughing]

Leave this nice
lady alone.

Don't worry, kid. Mommy's not
going to be crazy forever.

Okay. Come on. There you go.

Thanks.
[groans]

Come on 'm.
[cell phone ringing]

Hold on. Uh, I'll
be right in, okay?

Sorry.
Hello?

(Fresnel)
Jack, my main man.

There are two police
officers right here,

right now,
in your home.

And they seem really
anxious to speak to you.

I didn't do anything.

Interesting that
you would say that.

I'm no expert, but that sounds like the
kind of thing a guilty person would say.

Well, I didn't do
anything, okay?

Innocent people
say that, too.

I'm sure they do.

Wait, how
did they find you?

Oh, uh,
long story.

They knocked on the door,
and then I answered it.

At my house? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I just popped in for a shower.
No big deal.

Listen, listen. For now, just get
rid of the cops, okay, please?

I think they want to talk
to you about Mrs. Nussbaum.

Can we not talk about this on
the phone right now, F'resnel?

Get rid of the cops, please.
I'm begging you.

Okay. Well, consider it
done, my white brother.

Much love.

[Vanessa laughing]

You are right.

Thank you so much, Doctor. I can't
tell you how much we appreciate it.

Thanks.

[sighs]

That was fast.
What did he say?

That I'm 100% fine.

[laughs] I'm just' stressed
out' about' the babies.

He even wrote me a
prescription for Valium.

Isn't it great?
What?

Yeah.

Wait.

He actually said
"100% fine,"

and then he wrote you
a prescription for Valium

even though you're eight
months pregnant with twins?

Yep.

Wow, I'm-I'm just stunned.
That's all.

I almost
don't believe it.

Oh.

Well, if you don't
believe me, then--

W-why don't you
just ask him?

Let me just talk to him real quick, okay?
I'll be right back.

If you don't trust me

as a mother--

I'm the mother of your unborn
babies, but no, no, no, no, no,

I want you
to go ask.

I'm sorry.
No, go ahead.

I want you to ask him 'cause I don't
want to go home--- I trust you.

I trust you.

I do.
I do.

I'm sorry, I just didn't
trust him, you know?

Come on. Let's get you
some Valium, huh?

Let's get you
all valiumed up.

All right?
You're the best.

[sputtering]
Help.

Excuse me. Excuse me, Fathers?
Excuse me, hi.

I hate to be a pest, but Louisiana has
some pretty sticky clean-indoor-air laws,

and you guys are in major
violation of them right now.

So, if you wouldn't mind taking
the cigarettes out of doors--

If we, uh, rap this up in time,

I kind of want to check out
the French Quarter, huh?

Is this the place where the
girls flash their boobies?

It's; the

It's the original city.
Founded in 1718.

It's 78-square blocks that are all
protected national historic landmarks.

It's an area
steeped in the history

of the Spanish and the
French and the Civil War.

But it is also the place where the
girls flash their boobies, si?

Si.
College girls

taking their perky,
brand-new boobs out

for a little,
uh, victory lap.

Sweat of their young bosom
mixing with Jagermeister

and the humidity
of the bayou

jiggling
for fool's gold.

Please, my friend.

You had me at
"perky, new boobs."

Mm.
Senon

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I did not call you, yet.
I have not called you.

Please, can you stay behind
the yellow line, please?

We're well behind the yellow line.
We're behind the line.

Next
Senon

We have a reservation for your finest
mid-size vehicle. Says "economy."

No, no, no, no. Please, it's a mistake.
Please, do check again.

It says "economy."
Okay, we did it online,

but it should
specifically say mid-size.

I have you
for an economy.

I do not want to play
this card, but I will.

By order of his Holiness,
Pope Benedict XVI,

we demand an upgrade
to a mid-size.

Sir, that does not work on me.
I'm not religious.

My friend, my friend, my friend.
I am not Catholic-.

You are not Catholic? Could we
leave you some information?

No. Do you want to go to heaven?

Have you heard of this place?
Paradise. It's nice.

We have you down for an
economy, but you're in luck.

We have a blazing
blue pearl Toyota Yaris.

Magnificent.

Does it have
satellite radio?

Yes. Very good.
Here we come, Rode.

Rodo comedy,
I love this.

[on radio] I said, bitch,
I'm trying to get' to work.

And she slaps me
to dick.

No have you woman
sucking the dick.

If your dick is out,
and your shit is exposed,

and you say who shits,
your bitch,

she's going to go full blowing
May weather on your dick.

[babbling]

Don't be insulting
in the bathroom

with your dick
hanging out.

I'll tell you why.

Because bitches
be terrific.

Oh.
Fuck!

I told you,
let that thing be.

[dog growling]

Is that dog
back again?

I do not like that thing
creeping around here.

I think
it's kind of cute.

I'm going
to buy a gun.

This neighborhood
is nuts.

Smart, Jack. Move to the ghetto
and bring another gun in.

You should have your NPR Tote bag
taken away for comments like that.

Morning, y'all.
[gasps]

Hi, F'resnel.
How you doing?

[pounding on door]

Jack Watson ? New
Orleans Parish police.

Hi.
Uh, yeah.

Yeah, I'm Jack Watson.
Havel,uh,done anything wrong?

You tell us,
boy genius.

You tell us.

You wouldn't know the whereabouts
of one Miss Elaine Nussbaum?

About 90 years old, 5'9",
missing a couple teeth.

Nope.
No,ldon%.

Really?

Has something
happened to her?

You tell us.

Is that a "yes"?
You tell us.

Tell us. I don't know
anything about her.

If you're going to ask us
questions, should we get a lawyer?

If you're guilty, you absolutely should.
Absolutely.

Don't say another word
if you're guilty.

So, are you?

Are you guilty,
Shakespeare?

Are you, Einstein?

Let me ask you
a question, Brainiac.

What did you do that
makes you so nervous?

What'd you do, bookworm?

Nothing. I--

I didn't do anything.

Why don't you take a
walk with us, Casanova?

Wait. I'm sorry. I'm confused.
Yeah.

Uh, am I still
Casanova?

Because up until now all the nicknames
have been smart-guy-related,

and that's more like lover boy.
Yes, Casanova's also you .

I was trying to come up with another
smart guy, and I just blanked.

Should have said
Stephen Hawking.

Why don't you take a walk
with us, Moliere?

Nice.

[flies buzzing]

So.
[clears throat]

Haven't seen Miss
Nussbaum in a while.

I'm wondering
how you'd explain this.

[cackling]
Oh, my God.

She just wanted
to say thank you.

W-why--I didn't-- Why does
she want to say thank you?

According to her, she got lost
when she was sleepwalking.

You found her, put her down for
a nap, and now she feels fine.

I feel fine.
Ah.

She lives, uh, down at the
nursing home down the block.

She, you know,
gets out all the time.

I thought you checked her pulse.
I did check her pulse.

Looks like somebody wants
to give you a hug.

No. It is our duty to
legally enforce that hug.

I'm pretty sure you can't
legally enforce a hug.

Just suck it up. Give her a hug.
You have to do it.

Just hug
the bitch, champ.

Guys, listen,
listen, listen.

I don't want
to hug her, okay?

Please, I don't want to hug her.
She's old.

Hey. That is someone's great-grandmother
you're talking about.

Don't-- Okay. Okay, okay?

I'll hug her.
I'll hug her.

I'm so glad you're
okay, Mrs. Nussbaum.

Okay.

All right?
Great, great.

Okay.
Okay, great.

Okay, guys? Act like a
lady, Mrs. Nussbaum.

I need a little help. She's really strong.
Act like a lady.

Be a lady, Mrs. Nussbaum!
She's got a finger in my ass.

She's got a finger in my
ass and it hurts so bad.

Bad grandma!
She pierced my--

Ah.
[laser zaps]

Geez!

Still got it.

Oh, her nails
are so sharp.

You okay'? I'm sorry about that.
That was gross.

Is she alive? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She'll be fine.

The fucking city turned down the power on these
babies a couple years ago to save money.

These things couldn't
kill anybody.

[taser zaps]
Oh, fuck!

It's not a big thing. You
don't have to worry about it.

Yeah, you don't have to worry.
[screams]

Come on, Ron!
Shit, man!

I got fillings.
Fuck.

Wow.

If you don't need us for
anything else, we should--

Yeah, that's--
That's about it.

Great.
Okay, good.

Well, you know
where to find us.

Thanks for helping us sort all this out.
You're welcome.

Still don't know why that old lady
was dazed and covered in dirt,

but fuck it, right?

[laughs weakly]

[laughing]
Oh, my God.

[laughing]
What just happened?

I thought she was dead.
Me, too.

[chuckling]

To living and learning.
To living and learning.

Turns out not everyone
you think is a corpse is.

I will drink
to that.

[laughs]

Ah.
Wow.

I think we have
to kill those cops.

Yeah.

Honey, they know
way too much.

[chuckling]

I'm really tired, but I can't
tell if you're joking or not.

I'm fine.

I didn't ask you
if you're fine.

I'm fine.

Need a new bottle.

Can we just tone it down
little bit with the booze?

Judge Judy.

European women

drink six glasses
of wine a day.

Look it up.

Just everything
in moderation, okay?

No more. You win. No one.

[sighs]

[clears throat]
I'm going to go, uh--

I'm going to go wash all
this old-lady vagina off me.

[groaning]
Oh, my God.

[sighs]

[exhales deeply]

I'll be thinking about this guy
next time I'm fighting off a boner.

Man, check this out.

(both)
Oh, gross.

Gross.
Gross.

Ugh.
Gross.

Hey, Father. Thanks for
coming down so quickly.

Peace be with you. Yeah,
peace be with you.

Peace be with you.
And also with you.

Peace be with you.
Peace be with you.

Peace be with you.
Peace be with you.

Yikes.

Our chief called you as soon as he
heard about this poor son of a bitch.

We get some voodoo stuff every now and
then, but this just seemed kind of more--

Biblical?
Biblical.

It's pretty weird.
Super weird.

Shall we?
If you want.

Be our guest.

Your crime scene.

[chanting in Latin]

Wow.

Get any readings
off of him?

We don't get, uh, readings.
That's not us.

That's the ghost hunters.
The ghost hunters.

We don't do that. But is
this the work of the Devil?

This?
Off the record.

Between you, me, and the
crucified guy on the wall.

I'd say that this is
the work of the Devil.

Or one of his
very top guys.

People, they think
that the Devil

he's made up,
like Santa Claus,

but I assure you
the Devil is real.

And he's a dick.

Well, all due
respect Padres,

we've still got to check and see if there's
a human involved in this clambake.

But we're open to the Devil thing, too.
Could be the Devil.

Could be an
ex-girlfriend on PCP.

Si, si. It's no problem. You
do your thing. We do ours.

We're not trying
to step on your toes.

We'll call the coroner, get him taken
down to the morgue, call it a day.

Yeah. Hey, you guys new in town?

Ever have;
a Damilisefs;

Oh, Po'Boy.
It's good.

[eating noises]

Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Oh.

[belches]

[belches]

[belches]

Si.

[belches]

[sighs]

[all groaning]

Oh.

Oh.

[belches]

[passes gas]
L0 sienfo.

I can't eat any more.

How did you two guys
become priests, anyway?

Yeah, you guys don't
really even seem that gay.

My path to the priesthood
was, you know, the usual.

I was an up-and-coming
bullfighter in Madrid.

Wow.
Shit.

That's awesome.
What happened?

What happened

is that the bull does not
lose every bullfight.

This bull was like the
Michael Jordan of bulls.

He was amazing. You know, he poked me
through like I was a custard flan,

and he was,
and he was

a bull, you know.
Exactly like that.

The bad thing is I could hear the
parade that they threw for the bull.

'Cause this bull
was very popular then.

He's still popular now for almost
killing such a promising young matador.

Whoa. So, what about you?
Were you a bullfighter, too?

I was one of those
living-statue guys.

Oh, yeah. Those weirdos that
paint themselves all white.

Make a lot of tips. Ladies love it.
What happened?

Bad luck.

[gunshots] I got caught in the
crossfire of a local mafia feud.

They were trying to shoot a capo who
was testifying against the family,

and, uh, I don't know
if they no see me

or the y just think
I'm a statue,

but I got shot
19 times.

Nineteen times
seems excessive.

They, uh, say it's still a
record in that part of Italy.

Not bad. For Italy,
that's something.

That is something
for Italy.

Post that on your
facebook page.

They take me back
to a local hospital,

and there, the good
sisters save my life.

They sucked the 19
bullets out of my body

with their mouths.

[heavenly music plays]

I guess the doctor
was not there that day.

It was a good day.

Describe that memory
for just another second.

It was on that day I decided
to give my life to God.

And then you guys
became friends.

End of story.
Classic tale.

No, that's not
how we met.

We met way,
way later.

We were a team building,
exercise for priest

down in the Amazon basin.

Like a retreat?
Si.

And then
something bad happened.

We walk up the Amazon
with a bunch of priests

and he is attacked
by an anaconda.

And he comes in.

He saved his life and then
you became friends forever.

No.
I say to him,

"Never intervene when I am being
tasted by nature's creatures.

"For now
we will never know

"who has won
fair and square."

That was a long fucked
up tale of friendship.

You're probably wondering
how we became partners.

Let's tell the story.
I was new to the force.

And I'm a bit
of a renegade.

I think we get it.
Yeah, we get it.

You no get along, you do get along.
I got it.

Can I just tell
a little bit more?

It's okay. I get it. We get it.

We listened to your whole back-story.
I'm sure it's fascinating.

I know, you cops, you don't
get along, and then you do.

We get it. No, it's actually
much more complicated than that.

That's okay.
That's okay.

Hey, have you guys
ever been to Bourbon Street?

[rock music playing]

[panting]

[grunting]

[gasps]

[panting]

[whining]

[snarls]

[exhaHng]

[slurping]

[exhales deeply]

There you are,
Sleeping Beauty.

I'm going back
to bed, sweetie.

You've been asleep
for 36 hours.

You feeling okay?

How many Valium
did you take?

Not that many.

These little devils
are kicking me so hard

and scratching
like a motherfucker.

Scratching?

I don't think that's right. I think
we should call Dr. Marshall.

[demoniacally]
I'm fine.

[normal voice]
Oh, don't forget.

Marjorie wants to do the smudge
ceremony for the house, okay?

Okay.

[inhales]

Mm.

[sighs]

Come on.

[telephone ringing]

[Latin music playing
through headphones]

Damn it.

[sighs]
Come on.

[sighs]

Jackie boy.
Oh, my God!

Oh!
Whoa!

Oh!

Ha.

(both)
Ha. Ha.

Oh.

(both)
Oh.

Phew.

Wow.

My apologies.
I am so sorry.

I must have really
given you a fright,

just lurking down here
in your crawlspace

like some terrifying
man-sized opossum.

I'm sorry.
You know?

Holy mackerel, man. I tell you,
they're spooky, marsupials.

Yeah. Oh,boy, oh,boy.

You know what? Now is a good
time to set some ground rules

about coming and going. You know what?
That reminds me.

Has somebody removed a box
of vintage pornography?

[clears throat] I had been
looking after it, you see.

And then I look, I
just came, and it wa--

It just wasn't there. It moved
in some way, shape, or form.

No.
You have not seen it?

No, no. Sorry. Okay.

All right.
Okay.

Well, if you happen
to come by it,

I do consider it
mine, all right?

But before you get upset, I want you
know I know what you're thinking.

You know, "I don't want F'resnel
pleasuring himself in my crawlspace

to vintage
pornography."

I get it.

Uh, you know, it's fu-- I hadn't yet
formulated that thought into words,

but now that you say it out loud,
that's exactly what I was thinking.

You know what, Jack?
Let me tell you something.

It's like our boy
Shakespeare says, baby.

"If we lovers have offended, think
but this and all is mended."

Oh, I hate Midsummer's. I wanted
to ask you about Mrs. Nussbaum,

and how she was all covered up in
that dirt, and then asking after you

and then the police coming
and questioning you.

I mean,

what was that
all about?

That was just a stupid
misunderstanding. Oh.

Okay, okay. So, it wasn't like
you thought you had murdered her

and you were actually
burying her alive?

What? No.
No?

Uh-uh.
Okay.

What?
NO, l-l-l-l-l-l--

Well, um, f--

Ch--sh--

What-what,
may I ask,

what gave you that very specific
and detailed impression?

Oh, well, you know,
you know, Jack, um,

sometimes I see things.

I see lots
of detailed things.

We have a friendly
relationship, right?

Of course, F'resnel.

So, uh, you know, let's not worry
about my comings and goings

and what have you and worry
about our friendship.

Like, when one of us sees the
other friend murder a person

and dispose of the body, then we just let it slide.
You know what I mean?

Even if it's just
a half murder,

like with you
and Mrs. Nussbaum.

What you say?

[sighs] Huh?

What you think
about that?

Of course.

Hey.
Yep?

Let me ask you something. Mm-hm.

Have you seen a big,
scary dog around here?

Okay, now, Jack,
I'm sorry.

That dog is as exactly alive
as Mrs. Nussbaum is dead.

Dog is a--

I'm sorry, I can't, I can't do the math.
It's a ghost dog.

That's a straight-up
ghost dog.

Yeah, people been seeing
the dog and whatnot,

and I'll tell you right
now, I don't believe in it.

When you see a big-ass
dog running around,

there's something
else that you see.

And do you know what that is, Jack?
No, what?

Dog poop.
Dog...?

Dog poop. When you got
a dog running around,

it's going to be big 0l' piles
of dog poop everywhere.

And I have been here
for 15 years.

I ain't never,
nary seen no one pile.

Fifteen years, no--
No poop.

Yep.
Not a single bit.

That's just
a phantom dog, okay?

He's probably a specter
from the beyond, okay?

He's probably just some kind of,
like, little devil's minion

who has taken a form that
he knows will scare us.

Keep this in your mind, okay? This is
food for thought for you right now.

Ghosts don't
kill people.

People kill people.

And occasionally,
you'll have a person

who's under the evil power of a
ghost who will kill somebody.

But I got to tell you
something right now.

This house, phew,

I think it's got its
best days ahead of it.

Thanks, F'resnel. Oh, you're welcome.
You're welcome, brother.

I think, uh,

think I need
to get a Po'Boy.

Hm.
Are you game?

Oh, no. No, no. I shouldn't.

You know what?
Fuck it.

Mm. Wow.

Wow.
Hot diggity.

Whew!
Mm-hm?

Wow.

There it is.

[belches]

WOW!
[Silurps]

Ah.

Two more
shrimp Po'Boys.

[thunder crashes]

Fuck.

Come on.

[gasps]

[panting]

[screaming]
[screaming]

[screaming]

I am so sick
of being startled.

[water running]

Mrs. Nussbaum? No, silly.
It's me.

[sighs]

Hm.

I hope,uh, I hope
there's some hot water

[French accent] left over
for "ze" little monsieur.

[screams] Oh, my God. Marjorie.

Why is my wife's sister
in my shower?

I got to set some ground
rules around here right now.

Starting right now. I
said it was me. Geez.

Wait, the little monsieur?
Really?

It's the-- You have
to know the context.

Wait a minute.

I didn't know you were
circumcised, Jack. Really?

We never covered that at Thanksgiving?
It's genital mutilation.

Slicing off the tops of boys' dicks
because a couple-thousand year-old book

about a medicine man
named Moses says to do it?

That's religion for you.
Ha.

Okay, well, um,

let's talk about
something else.

Uh, when did you leave
the reservation?

You have a pretty
nice dick, Jack.

Thank you?

You know I don't
believe in marriage,

which is basically institutionalized
slavery and the subjugation of women.

Huh. I've never heard
you say that before.

Yeah. Just because you're
married to my sister,

that doesn't mean
you own her.

So, uh, what were we talking
about before the dick thing?

Uh, yeah. When did you
leave the reservation?

Oh, last week. I moved to a
cooperative farm in Baton Rouge.

Yuck. It's pretty cool. Here.

Help a sister out and
get my back, will you?

Mm.
Thank you.

Oh, that smells awful.
It does not.

It's all-natural, organic
quinoa-flax lotion with kelp

and octopus placenta.
Octopus placenta.

Oh, such strong hands.

My sister's got
such good taste.

Oh, yeah.

I'm a fucking idiot
with guys.

Really? Mm-hm. Curly
Bear left me.

He embarrassed me in front of
the whole tribe. I doubt it.

Plus, he stole my Subaru Outback
and all my credit cards.

And my banjo. And my Macbook Pro.
Yeah.

Well, I bet
you called the cops.

No, of course not.

If anything, I should be
thanking Curly Bear, you know?

I was so wrapped up in material B.S.
that I was missing the moment.

Yeah, I know. That banjo was
totally holding you back.

Yeah.

Spin. I'll do you now. No.

[groans]

Trust me, this stuff is like
your skin never breathed before,

like it's been
suffocating until today.

Skin doesn't breathe. You ever heard that?
It's impossible.

[giggles]
Sure, Jack.

[giggles mockingly]
Oh.

It's not sexual, Jack.
It's just people.

Awesome. Well, thank you
for the octopus placenta.

You're welcome.
And that conversation.

And I am going to go
anywhere else

because I've got
a ton to do,

and this is wildly
inappropriate.

You have an erection, Jack.
Yeah, I get them.

It's nothing to be embarrassed by.
It's totally natural.

If anything, I think it
should be celebrated. Hm.

That's what a maypole symbolizes,
of course. Of course.

Hey.

Wow.
Hi.

It's like Grand Central
Station in here.

You must be Marjorie.
Nice to meet you.

I am F'resnel. I'm very sorry
to hear about Curly Bear.

Thank you.

Ne-bah-bah!

We call on you, Ogle-fay.

We thank you for cleaning
this house of evil.

We thank Jack for opening
his doors and his heart.

We thank F'resnel for bearing
witness to this ceremony.

We thank
this guy for--

Yeah, I'm just here to
install the cable Internet.

Sorry. The circle's
already been established,

so if you'll just bear
with us a few minutes.

Cool.

So sorry you got
roped into this.

Wait.
Where's my sister?

She's lying down.
She's not feeling well.

Well, you should have insisted.
I did.

And she did this.

Goddamn.
Oh, dear.

That could get infected. You might
want to get some Bactine on there.

Thank you. I put some
fucking Bactine on it.

Whoa, Jack.
I'm sorry.

It's just that, uh, this house has
had a strange effect on my wife,

and I think she might be possessed by a
demon, so I'm a lift/e stressed out.

This is an evil house, so we doing this
little, you know, Gris-gris ceremony.

Not a day
too soon, neither.

It's actually
a Haitian ceremony.

It cleans the space
of bad spirits.

Cool.
Very cool.

Again, just here
for the cable Internet.

Cleanse this place.

Let all that
is good and pure

shine out of this place
like a ray of bright light.

[coughing]

Is there marijuana
in there?

Uh-huh, yeah.

Is that what usually
goes in there?

No, it's usually just tobacco,
but tobacco is so bad for you.

Is it just me, y'all,
or is this, um,

very, very,

very strong marijuana?

We grow it
on the reservation.

Do you, now?
Yeah.

Good for you, baby.
Yeah.

[sitar music plays]

My hands are like, like the Hulk.
You know the Incredible Hulk?

No, they're like regular size ?
'Cause the y feel like Hulk hands.

Like I can just' punch a crater
into the ground, you know?

I got to go
to the hospital.

I think I should go
to the hospital.

I also have to go
to the hospital.

The other me needs
to go to the hospital

if I can get
down there to one.

Shh. Just ride it out.
It's like surfing a wave.

It seems too big at first, and then
soon, you're coasting into the beach,

and the view
is fantastic.

You guys,
it's so beautiful.

It's not
a different me.

It's me
from a different time.

[howls]

Giza, gizo, gizo. Funky ca/atch yo.
Fun yon.

[trilling]

Oh.

[chanting]

E-pacho.
E-home.

Be clean.

And now this place is clean.

[rumbling, crashing]

Aah! Oh, my God.
It's an earthquake.

Go to the doorway.

That is a myth.

Get next to a large
piece of furniture.

Vanessa!

[screaming]

[all screaming]

Hm.

[scoffs] Well, that
is incredibly odd.

[all screaming]

Whoa! The earthquake is
only inside the house.

[screams]
Everybody out.

[all screaming]

Goddamn it.

What?

[all sigh]

(woman)
Hi.

You guys bought
the house of blood, huh?

(Jack) Yeah. Yeah.

Mind if I ask
what you got it for?

Three-twenty.

Uh.

Hey.
Hi.

Hi.
What's happen--

Hi.
Hi.

Um, there's
an earthquake.

But it's only inside.
It's not outside.

I say we just go
and wait it out.

Yeah, I'm probably just going to
go, if that's okay with you guys.

Could you sign this saying you're satisfied
with my installation of cable Internet?

Okay.
Just initial that.

Great. All right. Okay.

Are you sure
you're okay to drive?

Well, I'm very,
very high,

so...let's find out.

Okay.

[breathing shakily]

[brakes squeak]

[brakes squeak]

[backup signal beeping]

What just happened?

We have to get out
of this house tonight.

This is like in the movies when insane
shit happens and they still don't leave.

No.
Do not be rash.

You always do this.
This is our home.

Something obviously
thinks that it's its home,

and it's trying to scare
the shit out of us.

You're screaming at me, and I like it here.
I don't like it here.

Now,now. Hey,
everybody calm down.

Now, listen,
you lovebirds,

don't fight
right now, okay?

We'll talk this all over over one
of F'resnel's famous pizza salads.

Ha-ha.

Mm.

Uh-huh.
Wow.

(F'resnel)
What'd I tell you?

When you said
"pizza salad,"

I was kind of
skeptical, F'resnel.

Yeah. I just thought you were just going to
throw some pizza slices in a bowl of salad.

Oh, that's very much
what I did do. Oh.

Precisely. In fact, that's why
we call it "pizza salad."

You know what' I'm saying? Get'
Ihisntake a Domino's Pizza,

you toss it in a bowl with
some salad also from Domino's.

Well, I think this
is a perfect time

to bring up some of the weird stuff
that's been going on in the house.

Mm-hm. Uh, namely Marjorie's
"smudge ceremony."

I think it may have awoken
something...really big.

Thank you.
Not a co--

Or someone

could have hi2' our gas line
while digging in the backyard.

That could also
explain it.

Actually,

I don't think that
explains it, Vanessa.

There is nothing wrong
with this house.

Okay.

Old houses settle.

That was
way beyond settling.

Way beyond settling.

I know carpentry. That was not
settling, Bob Vila, okay?

That was a three-minute-long
massive shock wave

that would register at six
or seven on a Richter scale.

You are packing your kimono, and
we are going to a motel tonight.

[knock on door]

Are you Jack Watson?
Yeah.

I mean, we met here two
days ago right here.

Oh.
Did we, Mozart?

Did we meet
two days ago?

Don't be a dick, Renzo
Piano, the famous architect.

Your fat' wife around? My
wife is pregnant with twins.

Oh, yeah, right.
Heard that before.

Where's she at? She's in the
kitchen eating pizza salad

with my sister-in-law and my black
friend and neighbor, F'resnel.

You don't have to be
that specific with us, sir.

You mind if we ask her a couple questions?
Can I say no?

Yeah, but then we come
back with a warrant,

and you better be lawyered
up, Gregory Hines.

The dancer guy?

I don't know why I said that. I don't
know why you said that, either.

Folks, we need you to look
at some photographs,

but I will warn you, they
are a little bit graphic.

[all gasp]

Oh, God.

Mm.

Oh, heavens.
I-l apologize.

Yeah, they're graphic.

(Fresnel) Jack? H m?

Oh, no, no, no. I'm not going to puke.
I mean, I'm not a puker.

[vomiting]

Oh, God.
F'resnel.

Ah.
Marge.

(officer)
It's okay.

Very natural.

Oh, God. They're very gruesome,
very gruesome pictures.

It's okay.

Oh.

Oh.
Oh, God.

Oh, my God.
Okay.

Well, you know what? Perhaps we
could continue this conversation

in the living room, which,
um, has less vomit in it.

[sucking through teeth]

This is
Dr. Michael Marshall.

Or at least it was.

'Cause he's dead.

(Vanessa)
Oh, my God.

Now, his records indicate that you were
the last person to see him, Ms. Watson.

He wrote down when he died?
That's pretty weird, isn't it?

[talks mockingly]

Fuck...you.

Hers was the last
appointment on his books.

Now, we're not saying that
you did anything, obviously.

We just want to know
if you saw anything,

heard anything unusual.
That's all.

No, I--

God.
Okay.

I can't believe this kind of thing
can happen in this day and age.

Hey.
[snaps fingers]

What's with the blood
on your shirt?

Oh.
Uh, yeah, gosh.

I should have taken care of this.
This is, um--

I scratched
myself earlier.

And, um, mm.

What'd you scratch
yourself on?

A grizzly bear?

The question...remains.

Did you
see anything

[whispering]
unusual?

I told you, no.

Neither of you saw anything
out of the ordinary?

That's good.
Thank you, guys.

Thank you very much for your time.
No further questions from us.

We appreciate that
and, uh, all your patience.

We will be in touch.
Have a good day.

Well.
[sighs]

They're;
hiding something.

While you were talking to them,
we did a full sweep of the house.

We searched the
place, and we feel

there is something very
unholy about this house.

Si. Well, I can tell you this.

That fat girl, she
doesn't know a thing.

The woman, does she look
anything like this?

[chuckling]
Whoa.

Yeah.
Great skates.

She looks a lot
like that.

We take these pictures in the
house three minutes ago.

What the shit?

Wait, you took these in the
house three minutes ago?

How'd you print them
out so quick?

Holy cow.
That's a small printer.

Tiny printer, right? It's not about the size.
It's about the quality.

That's what I'm impressed with.
Printer technology

move forward these days leaps and bounds.
That's adorable.

This is the same tiny printer that
is endorsed by Ashton "Cook-a-ner."

Ashton "Kushner," he say, "Only
one printer I use." That one.

Well, he's cool,
and if he's using it,

then by de facto,
I'm kind of cool, right?

I like all of the movies where Ashton
"Kushner" get married by accident.

He, like, wake up,
and "oh-oh."

And the judge goes, "I
sentence you to marriage."

"You can't do this. You can't do this.
You can't do this."

'Cause marriage
is a sentence.

Marriage is a sentence.
What were we saying?

With the hell hound, with the
crucifixion in the doctor's office,

we feel it is very possible
we have demonic possession.

I don't know, guys. They're
actually super sweet.

And, uh, the woman, I mean, she's
like mego-prego, so I don't know.

S he's pregg?

Jeepers.

How far along is she?

Well, guys, we're not doctors,
but she's pretty far along.

She's ready to drop.

Look, we'd love
to help you out,

but, I mean, just because you
think someone's possessed,

we have pictures
of a ghost dog

and a gruesome
crucifixion murder,

I mean, none of these
things really connect.

I mean, if they did it, they'll slip
up, and when they do, we'll be here.

We got everything
under control.

[bird screeches]

Oh, geez.
What the hell?

Oh.

Oh, it's just a crow. It's
just a crow, just a dead crow.

No.
It's a harpy.

See for yourself, huh?

You guys get
a lot of these?

You'd be surprised.
Kinda. Yeah.

What does it mean?
The harpy?

Is a harbinger
of evil.

It is...a message
from hell.

Trust me, things are about
to get very, very bad.

[tires screeching]

Gee whiz.
I-l am so sorry.

There was a bumblebee
in the car,

and it' was just' buzzing around
my head and ljusz' lost control.

Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck.

[tires screeching]

Well,

what should we do now?

Now we wait.

Now...we wait.

[choir singing in Latin]

[choir continues
singing in Latin]

[choir continues
singing in Latin]

[thunder crashes]

[growling in distance]

[hissing]

Aah.

[screaming]

[screaming]

[demonic language]

[laughs demoniacally]

[all screaming]

[howls demoniacally]

[screaming]

You guys,
we need a doctor.

No.

We need a priest.

[siren wailing]

[tires screech]

[thunder claps]

Guys.
Guys.

Guys.

[shouts]

Have no fear, sir.

Who are you guys'?
We are team four.

[thunder claps]

[growling]

[demoniacally]
Why?

Why did you let them impale
me with that umbrella?

Do no listen to him.
He is the father of lies.

You guys got this?
Everybody cool?

[growling demoniacally]

[praying in Latin]

[normal voice] Oh,
God, here they come.

Oh, sh“.
Baby, help me.

The babies are coming.
Oh, my God.

Breathe, Vanessa.
Breathe.

It hurts so bad. Remember
what they taught us in class.

[demoniacally]
Shut up.

I can see it.
Oh, my God.

[normal voice] Oh, my God. Push.

[screaming]

[baby crying] Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

What is it?

[baby crying]

It's a boy.

It's a perfect baby boy.

Congratulations. It's
a miracle, you know?

You ever seen a home birth before?
They're the best.

Honey.
Honey.

Just one more to go.
Something's wrong.

It hurts so bad,
this one.

Something's wrong.

Ow! Ow! Ow!
[barking demoniacally]

It's biting me.

[screaming]

[growls demoniacally]

Focus.
Focus.

Here I! comes-
Push.

Something's wrong.
Push.

[screaming]

[howling demoniacally]

Holy fucking shit.

Oh, fuck.

[snarling]

[screaming]

[snarling]

[screaming]

[all screaming]

Get it off, Jack.
[growling]

[grunting]

[all screaming]

You must kill it, Jack.
You must.

It's my son.
It is not your son.

It wants to rise and rule
the world for 1,000 years.

(all)
Jack.

[screaming]

(Jack)
Oh, shit.

[door closes]

[scampefiflg]

[snarling]

[scampefiflg]

[all screaming]

Hey, guys.
Shh.

All right, y'all.
I'm going in.

Hello, devil baby.

Ain't nobody out here
trying to hurt you.

Everything's going to be
okay, little devil baby.

[screaming]

Fuck. I stubbed my goddamn toe.

Oh, that's smarts. I did the
same thing in there yesterday.

Hey, everybody-.

What? I'm coming
out with the baby.

Here we go.

Okay. It going be all right.

.67 Hush lift/e
devil baby fl

J3 Don't say a word J3

[hisses]

[all screaming]

Fuck this.

You guys, be careful.

[all screaming]

[snarling]

I got a shot. No,
you'll shoot one of us.

He's a great shot. I trust him.
Takeit

Be careful. Being careful
don't kill devil babies.

[screams]
No!

Shit.

No, no, no, no.
Please, stop.

Honey.

You are not
my baby.

That's the spirit, Vanessa. Punch this devil baby.
Punch him back to hell.

I hate you.
You're not my baby.

[baby crying]

Do not listen
to his crocodile tears.

Mama. You want
mommy to hold you?

Come here.
He's okay, you guys.

It's okay.
He's--

Aah.
No. No, no.

Vanessa.

Let go of my sister.

Don't kill my baby.
Kill it.

Let's drown it'- Do you
have a wood chipper?

Not to tell y'all
how to parent or anything,

but should we let your good baby watch
all of us murdering the devil baby?

It might have a lasting
impression psychologically.

Right, right, right. Yeah, good point.
Get the baby out of here.

GO, go! go"

Marjorie.
What?

I ain't known you that long, but
I'm 100% in love with you, girl,

and I want to spend the
rest of my life with you.

Me, too.
Oh.

So, do me a favor and stay alive.
I will.

The spirit gods
will protect me.

[growls softly]

Oh, shit.
[screaming]

Marjorie.
No.

Oh! Oh!

[screaming]

What can I do?

Use the Jesus knife.
Kill that motherfucker.

Devil child, I send you
back to the depths of hell

from whence you came.

Aah! Fuck me. Aah, fuck.

Let me hold him down.

[screaming]

[shouting in Italian]

Aah. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[screaming]

Ugh.

[screaming]

My friend.

Oh, oh, no.

My friend.

I'm not going
to make it.

Do it, my friend.

[sobbing]

[gunshot]

I meant

not going to make it, so
call an ambulance, p-please.

Why you do the pause right in
the middle of the first part

of the important part?

[snarling]

No devil babies
in my parish.

No devil babies--
[gunshot]

[screams]

Oh, God.

[growling]

I have an idea.
What?

Catch.

What? No. Jack, where
are you going?

You must fight. You are the
only one that can stop it.

Get off my wife,
you asshole.

Now.

[roaring]

[groaning]

[growling]

[thunder clasps]

[Spits]

[panting]

[thunder rumbles]

[baby crying]

[baby crying]

Is anybody
still alive in there?

[thunder rumbles]

[birds chirping]

Thank you, F'resnel.
It's my pleasure.

Thank you, Father.

Just doing our job.

But the--

The other priest,
we're-we're so sorry.

He's, uh, okay.

He always know one day the
Lord would call his name.

But he was your friend, and I'm
really sorry. Huge bummer.

Knowing him, he would rather die
this way, fighting the Devil,

than on a golf course
or something, you know?

Now, that's the spirit.
I like that.

[bicycle bell rings]
Wow.

[cackling]

Look who
found a bike.

All right,
Mrs. Nussbaum.

That's terrific. Just terrific.
Wow.

What a crazy week, huh?

I was possessed by the Devil.
I know.

You were such a bitch. Always
freak you out a little bit.

I can't believe it started with white
people moving into the neighborhood.

I mean, it started there.
That's crazy enough.

We were already
at a seven.

You know what I mean?
That's crazy.

I love the way
black people speak.

So, I guess everything's
wrapped up, huh?

Look like it all kinda sewn
up like a little present.

What about that dirty magazine with
your picture in it from the '70s?

Oh, hell, yeah. What's
going on with all that?

My mother did porno
in the '70s.

I told you that.
I knew that.

Just for a year and a half. She
paid her way through coHege.

Look at this guy. Look at
this little guy. Hell, no-.

I thought you were a phantom.
I thought so, foo.

That's just a big dog that
just want a who/e /ot of love.

That dog's licking your sister's blood.
Oh-ho-ho.

That's creepy. Oh, no,
no, that's a bad.

Get out of here.
Bye-bye.

Hey, baby.

So--
What?

What do we do now?

Now we live, Jack.

Now we go on about that crazy
little thing called living.

Let's not waste
another moment.

Not another moment wasted.
There we go.

Let's not another moment.
Our lives begin today.

Father.
Si.

What's your name?
Sebasfian.

Then that's what
we'll call our son.

Oh, my goodness.
Sebasfian.

[sighs] That is really lovely.
That's so sweet.

Sebastian F'resnel.

Watson.

It's beautiful. We wouldn't have this
baby if it weren't for both of you.

That's true.
That part's true.

We'll put Sebastian F'resnel at the top
of our list because we've got a long one.

Baby, there's no other list.
That's it.

There is a list. We've
got a book that we've--

It's just that
it's the nicest thing

that any white person

has ever done for me.

'Cause walking the streets, sometimes you
don't even get as much as a "hello."

F'resnel.
And y'all just--

Hello.

Jack, look me
in the eye.

Cool. Well, you're welcome.
Uh, we'll talk about it.

Oh, God- That' is
really something else.

Remember, at times like these, you
should see the glass as half full.

You have this
beautiful baby.

Do not think about the little
baby who you kill upstairs.

If you excuse me, I got to
go bury my friend, huh?

And then I got to go
return the rental car.

Oh, yeah. Don't be
late doing that.

Good luck. Peace be with you.

Thank you, Father.

Hey.

[chuckles]

It's a brand new day.

The sun is shining
in New Orleans.

And everything is just
looking on up from here.

I got to tell you, man,
for a minute there,

I didn't think I was going to make
it through all that devilishness.

It must be my lucky day. Aah!

Fuck!

[choir singing
in Latin]