Original subtitles

Home. Home.

[sirens wailing in distance]

Here's to low balling the seller

and still getting $50,000 off after the home inspection.

We could paint this place today,

sell it tomorrow, and still make money.

Yes, we could. [sighs]

[sighs]

I love you, Jack Watson.

I love you.

Now, let me carry you over that goddamn threshold.

Ooh, wait, stop. No, no, no, let's not squander the moment.

No, I peed a little bit. Oh, God. Really?

Ugh. The babies are pushing on my bladder.

Will you hand me a tissue? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do we have paper towels? Uh, I got--

Thanks, baby.

Hi.

New, uh, new parents, soon to be.

Jack, Vanessa.

Hi. She pees a lot.

]__

Qkay- [sighs]

Come on. Oh, my God. Okay.

If it makes you feel any better, I just peed a little bit, too.

Jesus. You are fat.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Honey!

H.

Honey, stop. [panting]

Stop it.

[electricity sizzles] Ow.

Sweetie. Shit.

What are you doing?

What are you doing? I found this lamp up in the attic.

I don't know. I thought I'd get it working again.

No.

[screaming] Oh, shit. That hurt so bad.

Please, God, let it be. That thing will kill somebody.

All right. All right.

Oh. I know what I want you to do. Huh?

If you have time, I would really love for you

to paint over the "Miss 13" graffiti on the front porch.

First thing. Oh, my God. You're so adorable.

Why am I--

"Miss 13." It's "MS-13."

Mara Salvatrucha. It's this gang out of El Salvador.

It's the deadliest gang in the world.

Well, one of the-- Don't tell the Crips that.

But they're the deadliest gang in the world.

So, not only is our new house tagged,

it's tagged by a famous gang.

Yeah. It's like, uh, Banksy.

You know how much you love Banksy.

It's like that, except, uh, you know,

with knives and face tattoos.

Oh, my God. What?

This is the worst idea of our lives.

The lower, lower Garden District.

People don't even know this neighborhood exists.

No, that's actually not true. That's not true.

White people don't know that this neighborhood exists.

This neighborhood is on the upswing.

Iread all about it in Dwell.

Three years from now, this place will be polluted

with goatees and recumbent bikes

and DJs and kids from Tokyo.

And we'll sit on our porch saying pfffff.

I hate white people.

You're not just a little nervous in this house?

[sirens wailing] Hey.

There is not one thing to be afraid of in this house.

Okay? Okay_

[both screaming]

Oh, my God. Honey, get something--

Goodness gracious. Y'all gave me a fright.

What-what-what are you doing out there?

I'm so sorry. I was just standing in your breezeway

like some kind of ne'er-do-well.

Well, yeah. Come on in. Make yourself at home.

I absolutely will do that. Thank you very much.

Please, allow me to introduce myself. I am F'resnel Edmunds.

I live across the way over here.

And you are Jack and Vanessa.

Jack, you're a PhD student at Tulane University. How are you?

Vanessa, you are an occupational therapist expecting your first baby.

[chuckles]

Wow. Y-y-you know a lot about us.

Come on, you can't move into the maison de sang and not raise a few eyebrows.

"Frinell"? F Tesnel.

It's spelled just like it sounds.

Yeah. F-apostrophe-R-E-S-N-E-L.

It's really nice to meet you.

Well, it's very nice to meet the two of you as well.

Sorry we screamed. I'm sorry I screamed-.

Did you say, um, did you say maison de sang?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's what all the locals call it.

That's the name we been using for years and years and years.

Oh, well, that's cool. This place has a nickname already.

It's like "Tara" or "Twelve Oaks."

A little bit like that.

That's very Southern. Oh, it is very Southern.

What does it mean? "House of blood."

What? "House of blood."

And, of course, you know, the Cajuns, they liked to call it'

Le ou Ies morts ne sommeillent jamais.

Oh, I like that. Ain't that pretty? I love the sound of that.

What does that one mean? Oh, "place where the dead never rest."

Yeah. Then, of course, there's also Casa Perchrosa.

That's Spanish for "house of the lost."

And some people just call it "the spooky ol' house on down the way."

Bu! nothing for y'all to worry about. No, no.

Nobody has been murdered in this house

in a long time.

I mean, it's not' like anybody go! murdered up in here yesterday.

Wow. See? Nobody's been murdered here for a long, long, long, time.

Years, it sounds like. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say years?

'Cause if I did, I misspoke. No, there have been very, very recent murders.

It's just that, um, not-not any in this calendar year.

Uh, when you-- By calendar year, do you mean since January?

Exactly. None in this calendar year.

Well, that's four solid months.

Well, give or take, probably less, probably more like three and a half,

maybe two and a half. I'll go like two months and a week.

Yeah. But don't get me wrong.

It's a great house. It got really good bones. Yeah.

You mean structurally.

Right? Not like there's bones in here someplace.

[laughing]

Sure, sure, Vanessa. Let's say that's what I meant.

Okay.

Well, I will now be on my way.

So, if y'all need anything,

I'll always be real close by.

Goodnight to you both. Goodnight, F'resnel.

(Jack) Goodnight now.

[dog barking in distance]

Baby, can you-- Yeah, yeah.

[both scream] I'm sorry. I apologize.

Oh, my God. F'resnel. I apologize.

Almost had the baby right there.

Let me get it. I'm sorry, y'all. It sticks on the inside.

You got to jimmy it a little bit, but it's real easy to get open and closed

and get access to the home at any point in time

during the day or night that you want, from the outside.

All right. Okay, thanks, F'resnel.

Goodnight to you now. Thanks. Good night.

We have to get a lock on this, okay? I know, I know.

What the fuck?

[bells tolling]

[men chanting in Latin]

[Italian accent] And while confronting the demon

that was inhabiting the young woman's body, Father lnnocente was---

[Italian accent] Impaled with an umbrella.

There was blood everywhere.

Not a very fitting end for such a fine man of the cloth

to be stabbed with the pointy end of an umbrella.

You know, it was actually not

the pointy kind of umbrella.

It was actually one of those little stubby umbrellas.

It had, like, the logo of a local radio station on it, one of those.

It had the face of this guy they call the locador.

He's like a crazy luchador of good times,

and his face was on the umbrella.

The umbrella comes popping through the chest of Father lnnocente.

It pop open. His heart still pump for a few beats.

Blood sprays everywhere.

It was not something you forget right away.

It's all in the report.

Yes, about the report.

Uh, there is an awful lot of details

about the impaling of Father lnnocente with the umbrella.

Next time, I don't need so many details.

Just-- Yeah, broad strokes.

The gist. Si.

Eminence, I must tell you this.

It was probably

the kind of umbrella they give you if you go to, like, an event

that the radio station is hosting. Schwag.

And this is the thing.

l! pop through the chest', you know, like the dinosaur.

This one. This is how it pop open, and blood spray everyplace.

It was really, really weird.

It was really weird. So weird.

[rustling]

Look, boys.

I know this was a very rough one,

but I may have another job for you.

What is the case?

It's a real doozy.

You're already playing catch-up.

Take a look at that photo.

[gasps] So gross.

Super gross. Super gross.

This is just a photograph. Si.

Yeah. In real life, it's far more horrifying.

Get your asses on the chopper.

We are going to need

some per chem.

You know that's not me, right?

I hope that wasn't for me, because-- No, no, no.

I was reminding myself, "Go to accounting.

We are going to need some per diem."

Level four. The guy down below. The hunchback.

Yeah, near the fingers of St. Peter.

(Jack) You know what?

Don '2' let' F'resne/ get' to you even for a second.

Let me put it to you this way.

If you were going to buy a lottery ticket,

which I know you wouldn't, because we're snobs,

would you buy it from the same exact 7-Eleven

where the last winning lottery ticket was sold?

Of course not. That's like lightning striking the same place twice.

Yeah, precisely. So, the fact that there have been a couple of murders here--

Several.

Several murders.

The chances of there being one murder are so slim statistically.

A-a-a couple? It's almost impossible. So one more? Forget it.

I think you're safer here than in any of the murder-free places we've ever lived at.

You coming to bed, baby?

Vanessa?

Sweetie?

[water running]

[knob squeaks]

[scrubbing]

[ring tone playing]

[ring tone continues]

Huh.

[cell phone chimes]

Hi, Vanessa. This is Dr. Marsden.

I was looking at' the latest' ultrasound, and I have to say I'm--

Well, I'm n02' quite sure how to say this.

I-I-I'm horrified.

Not jusz' as a doctor, but as a person.

You need to come to the office immediately.

[snarls]

Hm.

Ah. Shit!

Fuck you, lamp.

Don't take no shit off that lamp, Jack.

Thank you, sweetie.

You're welcome.

Oh, honey.

Don't forget my sister's coming to bless the house this week.

[sighs] I don't know, baby.

That stuff's, like, a little too "burning man" for me, you know?

Jack? Please?

It's something that she wants to do for us, okay?

Okay. Plus, Curly Bear left her.

Navajo guy? Mm-hm.

He stole all her credit cards and her car.

Oh, my God. That's crazy. Mm-hm.

Marjorie has credit cards? Jack.

I did not expect that in a million years.

It' takes a lot to gel' credit cards- It' takes credit'.

Be nice. Who knew?

Be nice, And let' her do her "Wicca " thing.

Ugh. God.

[coughs]

Vanessa! Yes, darling?

What was in that drink you just gave me?

Iced tea, darling.

That's pure paint thinner, baby.

My bad.

You could have killed me.

I'm so sorry.

It's pregnant-mommy brain.

I must have misread the bottle.

Are you feeling all right? What?

You don't seem all right. You seem...kind of off.

Me? No.

I feel great.

I've actually never felt better.

[both scream]

Oh!

Sorry about that.

Bitches be tripping.

Am I right?

That's some crazy shit.

I apologize, man. I just scared the fuck out of you.

I just woke up in your crawlspace,

and I was trying to tiptoe through to the bathroom

without being seen and, uh, it was to no avail.

You know what I'm saying?

[chuckles]

Did I hear you correctly? You're sleeping in my crawlspace?

Oh, my goodness, yes, yes. [sighs]

How can I explain this to you, Jack?

You know that Shakespeare play where the man says,

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be, but to thine own self be true."

Yeah. It's Polonius to Laertes. Hamlet. Act one, scene three.

Well, color me impressed, Jack Watson.

Color

[IE

im...pressed.

Hm.

[sighs]

[hollow thud]

[stomps]

[rustling]

Wow.

[rustling]

Hello? Who's there?

[water dripping]

[chuckles]

[sighs]

[box creaks]

Oh, my God.

[door creaks]

[sighs]

Hey, Vanessa?

I'm going to take a nap, all right? I'm beat.

Of course.

[sighs]

Oh.

Oh, my God. Baby, don't, don't, don't.

Oh, my God. No, I can't. I'm so sweaty.

I'm so s-- Oh, my God.

Yeah. Yeah,yeah,yeah.

Nice. Do that thing.

Do that thing you did in Cancun.

Ow! Ow! Oh, my God!

Huh.

Ow, God. Hey, careful.

Careful. Baby. Ah.

[cackling]

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

[cackling] Oh, my God.

Honey, what's wrong?

Oh, my God. I didn't do anything.

What did you do? I thought it was you. I thought it was you.

You thought it was me?

You meant to kill me? No.

Why do you have a boner? Honey.

Oh, my God. What is going on?

Oh, God. This looks terrible.

Honey, who is she? I don't know who she is.

She crept up on me. It was horrifying. You don't know who she is?

She crept up on me. She snuck-- I don't know.

I didn't mean to hurt her.

What? Jack?

Don't, don't, don't. No, no, no.

We have to, we have to.

She'll be okay. She's not okay.

What? She's not okay.

No, no. She's not dead. She is dead.

Oh, God. Oh, my God.

Oh, no. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, God.

[panting]

Okay- Okay-

No. No cops.

Are you insane? I just killed somebody.

Jesus Christ, Jack. Jesus Christ.

When did you start smoking again?

That doesn't really matter. Three hours ago.

Let me think, okay? [sighs]

This woman is dead.

Even if you tell your side of the story, who would believe it?

Do you want to be in jail for the first three to five years of my twins' life?

I've got to tell people what really happened.

Okay, okay- Okay, baby-

Okay.

What's the story, Jack?

Um--

She tried to perform oral sex on me.

And then, um,

and then I bludgeoned her to death with a fire extinguisher.

Holy shit! Oh, my God.

It sounds like I mouth-raped somebody's grandmother and then murdered her.

You can't go to jail. We have babies on the way. Let me think!

Dig.

[sighs]

Oh, shit balls. What?

You're supposed to call the city before you dig.

There could be gas lines anywhere.

That's real smart, Jack.

Let's call the city and tell them precisely

where we're getting rid of a corpse from a murder.

[thunder crashes]

That's fair.

[C109 growls]

Did you just hear-- No.

I didn't even finish my question, and you just said no.

Well, I didn't hear anything.

And if you did hear something, it's probably nothing.

[growling]

Holy shit.

Don't move a muscle.

There's a big fucking dog staring right at you.

[speaking demoniacally]

[growls]

Seriously?

What the fuck is going on right now?

You speak bull mastiff? Rottwefler.

[thunder crashes]

[sobbing]

Are you crying?

N o. You 're crying.

I was dry-crying 'cause I was laughing a little bit, too.

I want you to see a psychiatrist.

Will it make you feel better?

Yes, it will.

Then okay.

[giggles]

Well, a big hello to you two.

You must be Jack and Vanessa. Yeah.

Or do I have it the other way around?

Jack, Vanessa. You're...?

Yes, I'm Dr. Marshall.

I apologize for the Lance Armstrong outfit.

I am just nuts about biking. Ah, us, too.

[chuckles] Really?

What kind of bike you got?

Uh--

[laughs]

I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that.

We don't have bikes. At all.

I was just trying to be nice. Haughs]

Looks like Jack, here, might be Mr. Cuckoo pants, not you.

Right, Vanessa? That's fair.

'Cause he just lied to me.

[laughing]

Doctor, you can very clearly see the outline of your penis in those shorts.

Baby, look.

You are 100% right about that, Vanessa.

And, uh, I will change.

And then we will open up the hood

and see what's gunking up the works in there, okay?

How does that sound? Sounds good.

Get out of there, you crazy Gremlins. [laughing]

Leave this nice lady alone.

Don't worry, kid. Mommy's not going to be crazy forever.

Okay. Come on. There you go.

Thanks. [groans]

Come on 'm. [cell phone ringing]

Hold on. Uh, I'll be right in, okay?

Sorry. Hello?

(Fresnel) Jack, my main man.

There are two police officers right here,

right now, in your home.

And they seem really anxious to speak to you.

I didn't do anything.

Interesting that you would say that.

I'm no expert, but that sounds like the kind of thing a guilty person would say.

Well, I didn't do anything, okay?

Innocent people say that, too.

I'm sure they do.

Wait, how did they find you?

Oh, uh, long story.

They knocked on the door, and then I answered it.

At my house? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I just popped in for a shower. No big deal.

Listen, listen. For now, just get rid of the cops, okay, please?

I think they want to talk to you about Mrs. Nussbaum.

Can we not talk about this on the phone right now, F'resnel?

Get rid of the cops, please. I'm begging you.

Okay. Well, consider it done, my white brother.

Much love.

[Vanessa laughing]

You are right.

Thank you so much, Doctor. I can't tell you how much we appreciate it.

Thanks.

[sighs]

That was fast. What did he say?

That I'm 100% fine.

[laughs] I'm just' stressed out' about' the babies.

He even wrote me a prescription for Valium.

Isn't it great? What?

Yeah.

Wait.

He actually said "100% fine,"

and then he wrote you a prescription for Valium

even though you're eight months pregnant with twins?

Yep.

Wow, I'm-I'm just stunned. That's all.

I almost don't believe it.

Oh.

Well, if you don't believe me, then--

W-why don't you just ask him?

Let me just talk to him real quick, okay? I'll be right back.

If you don't trust me

as a mother--

I'm the mother of your unborn babies, but no, no, no, no, no,

I want you to go ask.

I'm sorry. No, go ahead.

I want you to ask him 'cause I don't want to go home--- I trust you.

I trust you.

I do. I do.

I'm sorry, I just didn't trust him, you know?

Come on. Let's get you some Valium, huh?

Let's get you all valiumed up.

All right? You're the best.

[sputtering] Help.

Excuse me. Excuse me, Fathers? Excuse me, hi.

I hate to be a pest, but Louisiana has some pretty sticky clean-indoor-air laws,

and you guys are in major violation of them right now.

So, if you wouldn't mind taking the cigarettes out of doors--

If we, uh, rap this up in time,

I kind of want to check out the French Quarter, huh?

Is this the place where the girls flash their boobies?

It's; the

It's the original city. Founded in 1718.

It's 78-square blocks that are all protected national historic landmarks.

It's an area steeped in the history

of the Spanish and the French and the Civil War.

But it is also the place where the girls flash their boobies, si?

Si. College girls

taking their perky, brand-new boobs out

for a little, uh, victory lap.

Sweat of their young bosom mixing with Jagermeister

and the humidity of the bayou

jiggling for fool's gold.

Please, my friend.

You had me at "perky, new boobs."

Mm. Senon

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I did not call you, yet. I have not called you.

Please, can you stay behind the yellow line, please?

We're well behind the yellow line. We're behind the line.

Next Senon

We have a reservation for your finest mid-size vehicle. Says "economy."

No, no, no, no. Please, it's a mistake. Please, do check again.

It says "economy." Okay, we did it online,

but it should specifically say mid-size.

I have you for an economy.

I do not want to play this card, but I will.

By order of his Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI,

we demand an upgrade to a mid-size.

Sir, that does not work on me. I'm not religious.

My friend, my friend, my friend. I am not Catholic-.

You are not Catholic? Could we leave you some information?

No. Do you want to go to heaven?

Have you heard of this place? Paradise. It's nice.

We have you down for an economy, but you're in luck.

We have a blazing blue pearl Toyota Yaris.

Magnificent.

Does it have satellite radio?

Yes. Very good. Here we come, Rode.

Rodo comedy, I love this.

[on radio] I said, bitch, I'm trying to get' to work.

And she slaps me to dick.

No have you woman sucking the dick.

If your dick is out, and your shit is exposed,

and you say who shits, your bitch,

she's going to go full blowing May weather on your dick.

[babbling]

Don't be insulting in the bathroom

with your dick hanging out.

I'll tell you why.

Because bitches be terrific.

Oh. Fuck!

I told you, let that thing be.

[dog growling]

Is that dog back again?

I do not like that thing creeping around here.

I think it's kind of cute.

I'm going to buy a gun.

This neighborhood is nuts.

Smart, Jack. Move to the ghetto and bring another gun in.

You should have your NPR Tote bag taken away for comments like that.

Morning, y'all. [gasps]

Hi, F'resnel. How you doing?

[pounding on door]

Jack Watson ? New Orleans Parish police.

Hi. Uh, yeah.

Yeah, I'm Jack Watson. Havel,uh,done anything wrong?

You tell us, boy genius.

You tell us.

You wouldn't know the whereabouts of one Miss Elaine Nussbaum?

About 90 years old, 5'9", missing a couple teeth.

Nope. No,ldon%.

Really?

Has something happened to her?

You tell us.

Is that a "yes"? You tell us.

Tell us. I don't know anything about her.

If you're going to ask us questions, should we get a lawyer?

If you're guilty, you absolutely should. Absolutely.

Don't say another word if you're guilty.

So, are you?

Are you guilty, Shakespeare?

Are you, Einstein?

Let me ask you a question, Brainiac.

What did you do that makes you so nervous?

What'd you do, bookworm?

Nothing. I--

I didn't do anything.

Why don't you take a walk with us, Casanova?

Wait. I'm sorry. I'm confused. Yeah.

Uh, am I still Casanova?

Because up until now all the nicknames have been smart-guy-related,

and that's more like lover boy. Yes, Casanova's also you .

I was trying to come up with another smart guy, and I just blanked.

Should have said Stephen Hawking.

Why don't you take a walk with us, Moliere?

Nice.

[flies buzzing]

So. [clears throat]

Haven't seen Miss Nussbaum in a while.

I'm wondering how you'd explain this.

[cackling] Oh, my God.

She just wanted to say thank you.

W-why--I didn't-- Why does she want to say thank you?

According to her, she got lost when she was sleepwalking.

You found her, put her down for a nap, and now she feels fine.

I feel fine. Ah.

She lives, uh, down at the nursing home down the block.

She, you know, gets out all the time.

I thought you checked her pulse. I did check her pulse.

Looks like somebody wants to give you a hug.

No. It is our duty to legally enforce that hug.

I'm pretty sure you can't legally enforce a hug.

Just suck it up. Give her a hug. You have to do it.

Just hug the bitch, champ.

Guys, listen, listen, listen.

I don't want to hug her, okay?

Please, I don't want to hug her. She's old.

Hey. That is someone's great-grandmother you're talking about.

Don't-- Okay. Okay, okay?

I'll hug her. I'll hug her.

I'm so glad you're okay, Mrs. Nussbaum.

Okay.

All right? Great, great.

Okay. Okay, great.

Okay, guys? Act like a lady, Mrs. Nussbaum.

I need a little help. She's really strong. Act like a lady.

Be a lady, Mrs. Nussbaum! She's got a finger in my ass.

She's got a finger in my ass and it hurts so bad.

Bad grandma! She pierced my--

Ah. [laser zaps]

Geez!

Still got it.

Oh, her nails are so sharp.

You okay'? I'm sorry about that. That was gross.

Is she alive? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She'll be fine.

The fucking city turned down the power on these babies a couple years ago to save money.

These things couldn't kill anybody.

[taser zaps] Oh, fuck!

It's not a big thing. You don't have to worry about it.

Yeah, you don't have to worry. [screams]

Come on, Ron! Shit, man!

I got fillings. Fuck.

Wow.

If you don't need us for anything else, we should--

Yeah, that's-- That's about it.

Great. Okay, good.

Well, you know where to find us.

Thanks for helping us sort all this out. You're welcome.

Still don't know why that old lady was dazed and covered in dirt,

but fuck it, right?

[laughs weakly]

[laughing] Oh, my God.

[laughing] What just happened?

I thought she was dead. Me, too.

[chuckling]

To living and learning. To living and learning.

Turns out not everyone you think is a corpse is.

I will drink to that.

[laughs]

Ah. Wow.

I think we have to kill those cops.

Yeah.

Honey, they know way too much.

[chuckling]

I'm really tired, but I can't tell if you're joking or not.

I'm fine.

I didn't ask you if you're fine.

I'm fine.

Need a new bottle.

Can we just tone it down little bit with the booze?

Judge Judy.

European women

drink six glasses of wine a day.

Look it up.

Just everything in moderation, okay?

No more. You win. No one.

[sighs]

[clears throat] I'm going to go, uh--

I'm going to go wash all this old-lady vagina off me.

[groaning] Oh, my God.

[sighs]

[exhales deeply]

I'll be thinking about this guy next time I'm fighting off a boner.

Man, check this out.

(both) Oh, gross.

Gross. Gross.

Ugh. Gross.

Hey, Father. Thanks for coming down so quickly.

Peace be with you. Yeah, peace be with you.

Peace be with you. And also with you.

Peace be with you. Peace be with you.

Peace be with you. Peace be with you.

Yikes.

Our chief called you as soon as he heard about this poor son of a bitch.

We get some voodoo stuff every now and then, but this just seemed kind of more--

Biblical? Biblical.

It's pretty weird. Super weird.

Shall we? If you want.

Be our guest.

Your crime scene.

[chanting in Latin]

Wow.

Get any readings off of him?

We don't get, uh, readings. That's not us.

That's the ghost hunters. The ghost hunters.

We don't do that. But is this the work of the Devil?

This? Off the record.

Between you, me, and the crucified guy on the wall.

I'd say that this is the work of the Devil.

Or one of his very top guys.

People, they think that the Devil

he's made up, like Santa Claus,

but I assure you the Devil is real.

And he's a dick.

Well, all due respect Padres,

we've still got to check and see if there's a human involved in this clambake.

But we're open to the Devil thing, too. Could be the Devil.

Could be an ex-girlfriend on PCP.

Si, si. It's no problem. You do your thing. We do ours.

We're not trying to step on your toes.

We'll call the coroner, get him taken down to the morgue, call it a day.

Yeah. Hey, you guys new in town?

Ever have; a Damilisefs;

Oh, Po'Boy. It's good.

[eating noises]

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh.

[belches]

[belches]

[belches]

Si.

[belches]

[sighs]

[all groaning]

Oh.

Oh.

[belches]

[passes gas] L0 sienfo.

I can't eat any more.

How did you two guys become priests, anyway?

Yeah, you guys don't really even seem that gay.

My path to the priesthood was, you know, the usual.

I was an up-and-coming bullfighter in Madrid.

Wow. Shit.

That's awesome. What happened?

What happened

is that the bull does not lose every bullfight.

This bull was like the Michael Jordan of bulls.

He was amazing. You know, he poked me through like I was a custard flan,

and he was, and he was

a bull, you know. Exactly like that.

The bad thing is I could hear the parade that they threw for the bull.

'Cause this bull was very popular then.

He's still popular now for almost killing such a promising young matador.

Whoa. So, what about you? Were you a bullfighter, too?

I was one of those living-statue guys.

Oh, yeah. Those weirdos that paint themselves all white.

Make a lot of tips. Ladies love it. What happened?

Bad luck.

[gunshots] I got caught in the crossfire of a local mafia feud.

They were trying to shoot a capo who was testifying against the family,

and, uh, I don't know if they no see me

or the y just think I'm a statue,

but I got shot 19 times.

Nineteen times seems excessive.

They, uh, say it's still a record in that part of Italy.

Not bad. For Italy, that's something.

That is something for Italy.

Post that on your facebook page.

They take me back to a local hospital,

and there, the good sisters save my life.

They sucked the 19 bullets out of my body

with their mouths.

[heavenly music plays]

I guess the doctor was not there that day.

It was a good day.

Describe that memory for just another second.

It was on that day I decided to give my life to God.

And then you guys became friends.

End of story. Classic tale.

No, that's not how we met.

We met way, way later.

We were a team building, exercise for priest

down in the Amazon basin.

Like a retreat? Si.

And then something bad happened.

We walk up the Amazon with a bunch of priests

and he is attacked by an anaconda.

And he comes in.

He saved his life and then you became friends forever.

No. I say to him,

"Never intervene when I am being tasted by nature's creatures.

"For now we will never know

"who has won fair and square."

That was a long fucked up tale of friendship.

You're probably wondering how we became partners.

Let's tell the story. I was new to the force.

And I'm a bit of a renegade.

I think we get it. Yeah, we get it.

You no get along, you do get along. I got it.

Can I just tell a little bit more?

It's okay. I get it. We get it.

We listened to your whole back-story. I'm sure it's fascinating.

I know, you cops, you don't get along, and then you do.

We get it. No, it's actually much more complicated than that.

That's okay. That's okay.

Hey, have you guys ever been to Bourbon Street?

[rock music playing]

[panting]

[grunting]

[gasps]

[panting]

[whining]

[snarls]

[exhaHng]

[slurping]

[exhales deeply]

There you are, Sleeping Beauty.

I'm going back to bed, sweetie.

You've been asleep for 36 hours.

You feeling okay?

How many Valium did you take?

Not that many.

These little devils are kicking me so hard

and scratching like a motherfucker.

Scratching?

I don't think that's right. I think we should call Dr. Marshall.

[demoniacally] I'm fine.

[normal voice] Oh, don't forget.

Marjorie wants to do the smudge ceremony for the house, okay?

Okay.

[inhales]

Mm.

[sighs]

Come on.

[telephone ringing]

[Latin music playing through headphones]

Damn it.

[sighs] Come on.

[sighs]

Jackie boy. Oh, my God!

Oh! Whoa!

Oh!

Ha.

(both) Ha. Ha.

Oh.

(both) Oh.

Phew.

Wow.

My apologies. I am so sorry.

I must have really given you a fright,

just lurking down here in your crawlspace

like some terrifying man-sized opossum.

I'm sorry. You know?

Holy mackerel, man. I tell you, they're spooky, marsupials.

Yeah. Oh,boy, oh,boy.

You know what? Now is a good time to set some ground rules

about coming and going. You know what? That reminds me.

Has somebody removed a box of vintage pornography?

[clears throat] I had been looking after it, you see.

And then I look, I just came, and it wa--

It just wasn't there. It moved in some way, shape, or form.

No. You have not seen it?

No, no. Sorry. Okay.

All right. Okay.

Well, if you happen to come by it,

I do consider it mine, all right?

But before you get upset, I want you know I know what you're thinking.

You know, "I don't want F'resnel pleasuring himself in my crawlspace

to vintage pornography."

I get it.

Uh, you know, it's fu-- I hadn't yet formulated that thought into words,

but now that you say it out loud, that's exactly what I was thinking.

You know what, Jack? Let me tell you something.

It's like our boy Shakespeare says, baby.

"If we lovers have offended, think but this and all is mended."

Oh, I hate Midsummer's. I wanted to ask you about Mrs. Nussbaum,

and how she was all covered up in that dirt, and then asking after you

and then the police coming and questioning you.

I mean,

what was that all about?

That was just a stupid misunderstanding. Oh.

Okay, okay. So, it wasn't like you thought you had murdered her

and you were actually burying her alive?

What? No. No?

Uh-uh. Okay.

What? NO, l-l-l-l-l-l--

Well, um, f--

Ch--sh--

What-what, may I ask,

what gave you that very specific and detailed impression?

Oh, well, you know, you know, Jack, um,

sometimes I see things.

I see lots of detailed things.

We have a friendly relationship, right?

Of course, F'resnel.

So, uh, you know, let's not worry about my comings and goings

and what have you and worry about our friendship.

Like, when one of us sees the other friend murder a person

and dispose of the body, then we just let it slide. You know what I mean?

Even if it's just a half murder,

like with you and Mrs. Nussbaum.

What you say?

[sighs] Huh?

What you think about that?

Of course.

Hey. Yep?

Let me ask you something. Mm-hm.

Have you seen a big, scary dog around here?

Okay, now, Jack, I'm sorry.

That dog is as exactly alive as Mrs. Nussbaum is dead.

Dog is a--

I'm sorry, I can't, I can't do the math. It's a ghost dog.

That's a straight-up ghost dog.

Yeah, people been seeing the dog and whatnot,

and I'll tell you right now, I don't believe in it.

When you see a big-ass dog running around,

there's something else that you see.

And do you know what that is, Jack? No, what?

Dog poop. Dog...?

Dog poop. When you got a dog running around,

it's going to be big 0l' piles of dog poop everywhere.

And I have been here for 15 years.

I ain't never, nary seen no one pile.

Fifteen years, no-- No poop.

Yep. Not a single bit.

That's just a phantom dog, okay?

He's probably a specter from the beyond, okay?

He's probably just some kind of, like, little devil's minion

who has taken a form that he knows will scare us.

Keep this in your mind, okay? This is food for thought for you right now.

Ghosts don't kill people.

People kill people.

And occasionally, you'll have a person

who's under the evil power of a ghost who will kill somebody.

But I got to tell you something right now.

This house, phew,

I think it's got its best days ahead of it.

Thanks, F'resnel. Oh, you're welcome. You're welcome, brother.

I think, uh,

think I need to get a Po'Boy.

Hm. Are you game?

Oh, no. No, no. I shouldn't.

You know what? Fuck it.

Mm. Wow.

Wow. Hot diggity.

Whew! Mm-hm?

Wow.

There it is.

[belches]

WOW! [Silurps]

Ah.

Two more shrimp Po'Boys.

[thunder crashes]

Fuck.

Come on.

[gasps]

[panting]

[screaming] [screaming]

[screaming]

I am so sick of being startled.

[water running]

Mrs. Nussbaum? No, silly. It's me.

[sighs]

Hm.

I hope,uh, I hope there's some hot water

[French accent] left over for "ze" little monsieur.

[screams] Oh, my God. Marjorie.

Why is my wife's sister in my shower?

I got to set some ground rules around here right now.

Starting right now. I said it was me. Geez.

Wait, the little monsieur? Really?

It's the-- You have to know the context.

Wait a minute.

I didn't know you were circumcised, Jack. Really?

We never covered that at Thanksgiving? It's genital mutilation.

Slicing off the tops of boys' dicks because a couple-thousand year-old book

about a medicine man named Moses says to do it?

That's religion for you. Ha.

Okay, well, um,

let's talk about something else.

Uh, when did you leave the reservation?

You have a pretty nice dick, Jack.

Thank you?

You know I don't believe in marriage,

which is basically institutionalized slavery and the subjugation of women.

Huh. I've never heard you say that before.

Yeah. Just because you're married to my sister,

that doesn't mean you own her.

So, uh, what were we talking about before the dick thing?

Uh, yeah. When did you leave the reservation?

Oh, last week. I moved to a cooperative farm in Baton Rouge.

Yuck. It's pretty cool. Here.

Help a sister out and get my back, will you?

Mm. Thank you.

Oh, that smells awful. It does not.

It's all-natural, organic quinoa-flax lotion with kelp

and octopus placenta. Octopus placenta.

Oh, such strong hands.

My sister's got such good taste.

Oh, yeah.

I'm a fucking idiot with guys.

Really? Mm-hm. Curly Bear left me.

He embarrassed me in front of the whole tribe. I doubt it.

Plus, he stole my Subaru Outback and all my credit cards.

And my banjo. And my Macbook Pro. Yeah.

Well, I bet you called the cops.

No, of course not.

If anything, I should be thanking Curly Bear, you know?

I was so wrapped up in material B.S. that I was missing the moment.

Yeah, I know. That banjo was totally holding you back.

Yeah.

Spin. I'll do you now. No.

[groans]

Trust me, this stuff is like your skin never breathed before,

like it's been suffocating until today.

Skin doesn't breathe. You ever heard that? It's impossible.

[giggles] Sure, Jack.

[giggles mockingly] Oh.

It's not sexual, Jack. It's just people.

Awesome. Well, thank you for the octopus placenta.

You're welcome. And that conversation.

And I am going to go anywhere else

because I've got a ton to do,

and this is wildly inappropriate.

You have an erection, Jack. Yeah, I get them.

It's nothing to be embarrassed by. It's totally natural.

If anything, I think it should be celebrated. Hm.

That's what a maypole symbolizes, of course. Of course.

Hey.

Wow. Hi.

It's like Grand Central Station in here.

You must be Marjorie. Nice to meet you.

I am F'resnel. I'm very sorry to hear about Curly Bear.

Thank you.

Ne-bah-bah!

We call on you, Ogle-fay.

We thank you for cleaning this house of evil.

We thank Jack for opening his doors and his heart.

We thank F'resnel for bearing witness to this ceremony.

We thank this guy for--

Yeah, I'm just here to install the cable Internet.

Sorry. The circle's already been established,

so if you'll just bear with us a few minutes.

Cool.

So sorry you got roped into this.

Wait. Where's my sister?

She's lying down. She's not feeling well.

Well, you should have insisted. I did.

And she did this.

Goddamn. Oh, dear.

That could get infected. You might want to get some Bactine on there.

Thank you. I put some fucking Bactine on it.

Whoa, Jack. I'm sorry.

It's just that, uh, this house has had a strange effect on my wife,

and I think she might be possessed by a demon, so I'm a lift/e stressed out.

This is an evil house, so we doing this little, you know, Gris-gris ceremony.

Not a day too soon, neither.

It's actually a Haitian ceremony.

It cleans the space of bad spirits.

Cool. Very cool.

Again, just here for the cable Internet.

Cleanse this place.

Let all that is good and pure

shine out of this place like a ray of bright light.

[coughing]

Is there marijuana in there?

Uh-huh, yeah.

Is that what usually goes in there?

No, it's usually just tobacco, but tobacco is so bad for you.

Is it just me, y'all, or is this, um,

very, very,

very strong marijuana?

We grow it on the reservation.

Do you, now? Yeah.

Good for you, baby. Yeah.

[sitar music plays]

My hands are like, like the Hulk. You know the Incredible Hulk?

No, they're like regular size ? 'Cause the y feel like Hulk hands.

Like I can just' punch a crater into the ground, you know?

I got to go to the hospital.

I think I should go to the hospital.

I also have to go to the hospital.

The other me needs to go to the hospital

if I can get down there to one.

Shh. Just ride it out. It's like surfing a wave.

It seems too big at first, and then soon, you're coasting into the beach,

and the view is fantastic.

You guys, it's so beautiful.

It's not a different me.

It's me from a different time.

[howls]

Giza, gizo, gizo. Funky ca/atch yo. Fun yon.

[trilling]

Oh.

[chanting]

E-pacho. E-home.

Be clean.

And now this place is clean.

[rumbling, crashing]

Aah! Oh, my God. It's an earthquake.

Go to the doorway.

That is a myth.

Get next to a large piece of furniture.

Vanessa!

[screaming]

[all screaming]

Hm.

[scoffs] Well, that is incredibly odd.

[all screaming]

Whoa! The earthquake is only inside the house.

[screams] Everybody out.

[all screaming]

Goddamn it.

What?

[all sigh]

(woman) Hi.

You guys bought the house of blood, huh?

(Jack) Yeah. Yeah.

Mind if I ask what you got it for?

Three-twenty.

Uh.

Hey. Hi.

Hi. What's happen--

Hi. Hi.

Um, there's an earthquake.

But it's only inside. It's not outside.

I say we just go and wait it out.

Yeah, I'm probably just going to go, if that's okay with you guys.

Could you sign this saying you're satisfied with my installation of cable Internet?

Okay. Just initial that.

Great. All right. Okay.

Are you sure you're okay to drive?

Well, I'm very, very high,

so...let's find out.

Okay.

[breathing shakily]

[brakes squeak]

[brakes squeak]

[backup signal beeping]

What just happened?

We have to get out of this house tonight.

This is like in the movies when insane shit happens and they still don't leave.

No. Do not be rash.

You always do this. This is our home.

Something obviously thinks that it's its home,

and it's trying to scare the shit out of us.

You're screaming at me, and I like it here. I don't like it here.

Now,now. Hey, everybody calm down.

Now, listen, you lovebirds,

don't fight right now, okay?

We'll talk this all over over one of F'resnel's famous pizza salads.

Ha-ha.

Mm.

Uh-huh. Wow.

(F'resnel) What'd I tell you?

When you said "pizza salad,"

I was kind of skeptical, F'resnel.

Yeah. I just thought you were just going to throw some pizza slices in a bowl of salad.

Oh, that's very much what I did do. Oh.

Precisely. In fact, that's why we call it "pizza salad."

You know what' I'm saying? Get' Ihisntake a Domino's Pizza,

you toss it in a bowl with some salad also from Domino's.

Well, I think this is a perfect time

to bring up some of the weird stuff that's been going on in the house.

Mm-hm. Uh, namely Marjorie's "smudge ceremony."

I think it may have awoken something...really big.

Thank you. Not a co--

Or someone

could have hi2' our gas line while digging in the backyard.

That could also explain it.

Actually,

I don't think that explains it, Vanessa.

There is nothing wrong with this house.

Okay.

Old houses settle.

That was way beyond settling.

Way beyond settling.

I know carpentry. That was not settling, Bob Vila, okay?

That was a three-minute-long massive shock wave

that would register at six or seven on a Richter scale.

You are packing your kimono, and we are going to a motel tonight.

[knock on door]

Are you Jack Watson? Yeah.

I mean, we met here two days ago right here.

Oh. Did we, Mozart?

Did we meet two days ago?

Don't be a dick, Renzo Piano, the famous architect.

Your fat' wife around? My wife is pregnant with twins.

Oh, yeah, right. Heard that before.

Where's she at? She's in the kitchen eating pizza salad

with my sister-in-law and my black friend and neighbor, F'resnel.

You don't have to be that specific with us, sir.

You mind if we ask her a couple questions? Can I say no?

Yeah, but then we come back with a warrant,

and you better be lawyered up, Gregory Hines.

The dancer guy?

I don't know why I said that. I don't know why you said that, either.

Folks, we need you to look at some photographs,

but I will warn you, they are a little bit graphic.

[all gasp]

Oh, God.

Mm.

Oh, heavens. I-l apologize.

Yeah, they're graphic.

(Fresnel) Jack? H m?

Oh, no, no, no. I'm not going to puke. I mean, I'm not a puker.

[vomiting]

Oh, God. F'resnel.

Ah. Marge.

(officer) It's okay.

Very natural.

Oh, God. They're very gruesome, very gruesome pictures.

It's okay.

Oh.

Oh. Oh, God.

Oh, my God. Okay.

Well, you know what? Perhaps we could continue this conversation

in the living room, which, um, has less vomit in it.

[sucking through teeth]

This is Dr. Michael Marshall.

Or at least it was.

'Cause he's dead.

(Vanessa) Oh, my God.

Now, his records indicate that you were the last person to see him, Ms. Watson.

He wrote down when he died? That's pretty weird, isn't it?

[talks mockingly]

Fuck...you.

Hers was the last appointment on his books.

Now, we're not saying that you did anything, obviously.

We just want to know if you saw anything,

heard anything unusual. That's all.

No, I--

God. Okay.

I can't believe this kind of thing can happen in this day and age.

Hey. [snaps fingers]

What's with the blood on your shirt?

Oh. Uh, yeah, gosh.

I should have taken care of this. This is, um--

I scratched myself earlier.

And, um, mm.

What'd you scratch yourself on?

A grizzly bear?

The question...remains.

Did you see anything

[whispering] unusual?

I told you, no.

Neither of you saw anything out of the ordinary?

That's good. Thank you, guys.

Thank you very much for your time. No further questions from us.

We appreciate that and, uh, all your patience.

We will be in touch. Have a good day.

Well. [sighs]

They're; hiding something.

While you were talking to them, we did a full sweep of the house.

We searched the place, and we feel

there is something very unholy about this house.

Si. Well, I can tell you this.

That fat girl, she doesn't know a thing.

The woman, does she look anything like this?

[chuckling] Whoa.

Yeah. Great skates.

She looks a lot like that.

We take these pictures in the house three minutes ago.

What the shit?

Wait, you took these in the house three minutes ago?

How'd you print them out so quick?

Holy cow. That's a small printer.

Tiny printer, right? It's not about the size. It's about the quality.

That's what I'm impressed with. Printer technology

move forward these days leaps and bounds. That's adorable.

This is the same tiny printer that is endorsed by Ashton "Cook-a-ner."

Ashton "Kushner," he say, "Only one printer I use." That one.

Well, he's cool, and if he's using it,

then by de facto, I'm kind of cool, right?

I like all of the movies where Ashton "Kushner" get married by accident.

He, like, wake up, and "oh-oh."

And the judge goes, "I sentence you to marriage."

"You can't do this. You can't do this. You can't do this."

'Cause marriage is a sentence.

Marriage is a sentence. What were we saying?

With the hell hound, with the crucifixion in the doctor's office,

we feel it is very possible we have demonic possession.

I don't know, guys. They're actually super sweet.

And, uh, the woman, I mean, she's like mego-prego, so I don't know.

S he's pregg?

Jeepers.

How far along is she?

Well, guys, we're not doctors, but she's pretty far along.

She's ready to drop.

Look, we'd love to help you out,

but, I mean, just because you think someone's possessed,

we have pictures of a ghost dog

and a gruesome crucifixion murder,

I mean, none of these things really connect.

I mean, if they did it, they'll slip up, and when they do, we'll be here.

We got everything under control.

[bird screeches]

Oh, geez. What the hell?

Oh.

Oh, it's just a crow. It's just a crow, just a dead crow.

No. It's a harpy.

See for yourself, huh?

You guys get a lot of these?

You'd be surprised. Kinda. Yeah.

What does it mean? The harpy?

Is a harbinger of evil.

It is...a message from hell.

Trust me, things are about to get very, very bad.

[tires screeching]

Gee whiz. I-l am so sorry.

There was a bumblebee in the car,

and it' was just' buzzing around my head and ljusz' lost control.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

[tires screeching]

Well,

what should we do now?

Now we wait.

Now...we wait.

[choir singing in Latin]

[choir continues singing in Latin]

[choir continues singing in Latin]

[thunder crashes]

[growling in distance]

[hissing]

Aah.

[screaming]

[screaming]

[demonic language]

[laughs demoniacally]

[all screaming]

[howls demoniacally]

[screaming]

You guys, we need a doctor.

No.

We need a priest.

[siren wailing]

[tires screech]

[thunder claps]

Guys. Guys.

Guys.

[shouts]

Have no fear, sir.

Who are you guys'? We are team four.

[thunder claps]

[growling]

[demoniacally] Why?

Why did you let them impale me with that umbrella?

Do no listen to him. He is the father of lies.

You guys got this? Everybody cool?

[growling demoniacally]

[praying in Latin]

[normal voice] Oh, God, here they come.

Oh, sh“. Baby, help me.

The babies are coming. Oh, my God.

Breathe, Vanessa. Breathe.

It hurts so bad. Remember what they taught us in class.

[demoniacally] Shut up.

I can see it. Oh, my God.

[normal voice] Oh, my God. Push.

[screaming]

[baby crying] Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

What is it?

[baby crying]

It's a boy.

It's a perfect baby boy.

Congratulations. It's a miracle, you know?

You ever seen a home birth before? They're the best.

Honey. Honey.

Just one more to go. Something's wrong.

It hurts so bad, this one.

Something's wrong.

Ow! Ow! Ow! [barking demoniacally]

It's biting me.

[screaming]

[growls demoniacally]

Focus. Focus.

Here I! comes- Push.

Something's wrong. Push.

[screaming]

[howling demoniacally]

Holy fucking shit.

Oh, fuck.

[snarling]

[screaming]

[snarling]

[screaming]

[all screaming]

Get it off, Jack. [growling]

[grunting]

[all screaming]

You must kill it, Jack. You must.

It's my son. It is not your son.

It wants to rise and rule the world for 1,000 years.

(all) Jack.

[screaming]

(Jack) Oh, shit.

[door closes]

[scampefiflg]

[snarling]

[scampefiflg]

[all screaming]

Hey, guys. Shh.

All right, y'all. I'm going in.

Hello, devil baby.

Ain't nobody out here trying to hurt you.

Everything's going to be okay, little devil baby.

[screaming]

Fuck. I stubbed my goddamn toe.

Oh, that's smarts. I did the same thing in there yesterday.

Hey, everybody-.

What? I'm coming out with the baby.

Here we go.

Okay. It going be all right.

.67 Hush lift/e devil baby fl

J3 Don't say a word J3

[hisses]

[all screaming]

Fuck this.

You guys, be careful.

[all screaming]

[snarling]

I got a shot. No, you'll shoot one of us.

He's a great shot. I trust him. Takeit

Be careful. Being careful don't kill devil babies.

[screams] No!

Shit.

No, no, no, no. Please, stop.

Honey.

You are not my baby.

That's the spirit, Vanessa. Punch this devil baby. Punch him back to hell.

I hate you. You're not my baby.

[baby crying]

Do not listen to his crocodile tears.

Mama. You want mommy to hold you?

Come here. He's okay, you guys.

It's okay. He's--

Aah. No. No, no.

Vanessa.

Let go of my sister.

Don't kill my baby. Kill it.

Let's drown it'- Do you have a wood chipper?

Not to tell y'all how to parent or anything,

but should we let your good baby watch all of us murdering the devil baby?

It might have a lasting impression psychologically.

Right, right, right. Yeah, good point. Get the baby out of here.

GO, go! go"

Marjorie. What?

I ain't known you that long, but I'm 100% in love with you, girl,

and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Me, too. Oh.

So, do me a favor and stay alive. I will.

The spirit gods will protect me.

[growls softly]

Oh, shit. [screaming]

Marjorie. No.

Oh! Oh!

[screaming]

What can I do?

Use the Jesus knife. Kill that motherfucker.

Devil child, I send you back to the depths of hell

from whence you came.

Aah! Fuck me. Aah, fuck.

Let me hold him down.

[screaming]

[shouting in Italian]

Aah. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[screaming]

Ugh.

[screaming]

My friend.

Oh, oh, no.

My friend.

I'm not going to make it.

Do it, my friend.

[sobbing]

[gunshot]

I meant

not going to make it, so call an ambulance, p-please.

Why you do the pause right in the middle of the first part

of the important part?

[snarling]

No devil babies in my parish.

No devil babies-- [gunshot]

[screams]

Oh, God.

[growling]

I have an idea. What?

Catch.

What? No. Jack, where are you going?

You must fight. You are the only one that can stop it.

Get off my wife, you asshole.

Now.

[roaring]

[groaning]

[growling]

[thunder clasps]

[Spits]

[panting]

[thunder rumbles]

[baby crying]

[baby crying]

Is anybody still alive in there?

[thunder rumbles]

[birds chirping]

Thank you, F'resnel. It's my pleasure.

Thank you, Father.

Just doing our job.

But the--

The other priest, we're-we're so sorry.

He's, uh, okay.

He always know one day the Lord would call his name.

But he was your friend, and I'm really sorry. Huge bummer.

Knowing him, he would rather die this way, fighting the Devil,

than on a golf course or something, you know?

Now, that's the spirit. I like that.

[bicycle bell rings] Wow.

[cackling]

Look who found a bike.

All right, Mrs. Nussbaum.

That's terrific. Just terrific. Wow.

What a crazy week, huh?

I was possessed by the Devil. I know.

You were such a bitch. Always freak you out a little bit.

I can't believe it started with white people moving into the neighborhood.

I mean, it started there. That's crazy enough.

We were already at a seven.

You know what I mean? That's crazy.

I love the way black people speak.

So, I guess everything's wrapped up, huh?

Look like it all kinda sewn up like a little present.

What about that dirty magazine with your picture in it from the '70s?

Oh, hell, yeah. What's going on with all that?

My mother did porno in the '70s.

I told you that. I knew that.

Just for a year and a half. She paid her way through coHege.

Look at this guy. Look at this little guy. Hell, no-.

I thought you were a phantom. I thought so, foo.

That's just a big dog that just want a who/e /ot of love.

That dog's licking your sister's blood. Oh-ho-ho.

That's creepy. Oh, no, no, that's a bad.

Get out of here. Bye-bye.

Hey, baby.

So-- What?

What do we do now?

Now we live, Jack.

Now we go on about that crazy little thing called living.

Let's not waste another moment.

Not another moment wasted. There we go.

Let's not another moment. Our lives begin today.

Father. Si.

What's your name? Sebasfian.

Then that's what we'll call our son.

Oh, my goodness. Sebasfian.

[sighs] That is really lovely. That's so sweet.

Sebastian F'resnel.

Watson.

It's beautiful. We wouldn't have this baby if it weren't for both of you.

That's true. That part's true.

We'll put Sebastian F'resnel at the top of our list because we've got a long one.

Baby, there's no other list. That's it.

There is a list. We've got a book that we've--

It's just that it's the nicest thing

that any white person

has ever done for me.

'Cause walking the streets, sometimes you don't even get as much as a "hello."

F'resnel. And y'all just--

Hello.

Jack, look me in the eye.

Cool. Well, you're welcome. Uh, we'll talk about it.

Oh, God- That' is really something else.

Remember, at times like these, you should see the glass as half full.

You have this beautiful baby.

Do not think about the little baby who you kill upstairs.

If you excuse me, I got to go bury my friend, huh?

And then I got to go return the rental car.

Oh, yeah. Don't be late doing that.

Good luck. Peace be with you.

Thank you, Father.

Hey.

[chuckles]

It's a brand new day.

The sun is shining in New Orleans.

And everything is just looking on up from here.

I got to tell you, man, for a minute there,

I didn't think I was going to make it through all that devilishness.

It must be my lucky day. Aah!

Fuck!

[choir singing in Latin]