All language subtitles for Happy Endings - 02x02 - Baby Steps.TB.English.HI.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

Hey, guys, listen up.

I think I finally figured out
what the store needs.

Customers? Oh!

(Laughs)

I'm adding
a baby clothing line.

I think it's gonna be
a hit, guys.

(High-pitched voice)
Look how cute this is.

(Jane and Penny) - Aw.
- Mm.

Actually what your store really
needs is a better men's section.

Oh, she doesn't have
a men's section, honey.

Yeah, she does.

That shirtdress you bought
wasn't for Jane?

- That shirt was a dress?
- Duh!

- Damn it!
- Hey, Brad. I forgot my wallet.

You mind spotting me
for my burger?

- No problemo.
- Dave, I forgot my wallet.

You mind spotting me for half
of next month's rent?

Problemo. Again?
Max, what's the deal?

(Max) I'm sorry.
I tried to get cash,

but the bank wouldn't let me
make a deposit.

- You mean withdrawal?
- No, I mean a deposit.

What kind of bank won't
let you make a deposit?

Give it a minute.

♪

- Oh, yuck, Max.
- Ohh.

It is gross that
banks make up these rules

about what you can do
with your money.

(Chuckles) It's ridiculous.

She'll get there.

Dude, I can't believe
you'd do that to make money.

Well, when you love what you do,
it's not about the money,

though I could use
that 100 bucks.

So what happened?

Me and the bank got off
on the wrong foot.

I think
there was a miscommunication

about my donor profile video.

Max Blum.

I don't know why
you would want this on video,

but whatever floats your boat.

- Chilling.
- No bueno.

- Bad move.
- I still don't get it.

one egg, one time,
freshman year of college.

I gotta get my hands on an egg.

Wait. You really did that?

Yes. It was a wonderful gift
to give a family.

(Alex, Penny, and Dave)
She wanted to go to Cabo.

Oh! It's a sperm bank.
(Chuckles)

- She's on the page.
- There she goes.

- There's our little cutie.
- Finally.

Why would you deposit money
in a sperm bank?

Oh, now we've--
We've gone back.

(Dave and Penny) - We lost her.
- Oh.

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

(Singsongy) Mm.

(Keys jangle, clatter)

(Clatters)

And now
for my favorite dessert...

(Door closes)

Sex.

(Chuckles) Let's get you out
of those pants...

And into that dress. Okay.

How did you not know that
that was a dress?

I had my suspicions,
but the price was right,

and daddy likes a deep tuck.

God, you make it work.

- I'll make you work.
- Mm.(Chuckles)

Mm.
Mm. Mm.

You know, babe, I gotta say,

at first I was kinda freaked out
that you donated that egg,

but then I really thought
about it,

and that was just
an amazing thing to do.

Not a big deal.

But it is. I mean, you gave
those people a child.

Yeah, maybe.

Most of the time
those things don't even take.

Oh, come on.

An overachieving egg
like yours?

(Chuckles) There's no way
there's not a little Jane

out there somewhere.

(Chuckles)

I can see her now,

just asking the teacher
for more homework...

Yeah. (Chuckles)

Lobbying the school board
to convert to the metric system.

Well, it just makes more sense.

I mean, if I knew I had
a mini me out there somewhere,

I would be obsessed.

(Chuckles) Yeah.

But not you. You just move
forward and never look back.

Now let's say
we get out of these dresses

and move forward together.

I mean, you can look back
a couple of times

in between spankings.

(Squeals and grunts)

How can you think about sex

when I have an egg baby
out there?

So I got all pretty
for nothing?

- Hey. Hey.
- Wh-- Hey.

Hey! What are--
What are you doing back

from
the taste of Kenosha contest?

I thought it's all weekend.

Sewage leak.

By 8:00 A.M. it was more like
the smell of Kenosha.

Uh... ha ha.

Whatever, dude.
The joke killed at the festival.

Uh, uh, um... hey.
What are you doing now?

Let's go get a beer.

It's 10:00 A.M.

So we could go to the airport

and just get
some tom Clancy novels

and get hammered.

Max, I've been up all night.

All I want to do is go to bed.

Yeah, it's tiring.

What are you doing?

I'm-- I, uh-- some--

I didn't stretch
after I lifted, so...

What are you doing?

My lats are tight.

(Punches)
Ohh! Don't go in there!

(Door squeaks)

- What the hell?
(European accent) - Who are you?

- Who are you? Who are they?
- Who are you? I-- What are you doing here?

(European accent)
You rented us this room

after months
of online correspondence.

Yeah.

Max, I leave for 24 hours,

and you turn my room
into a German sex hostel?

Well, I just ordered a pizza,

so technically this is
a bed-and-breakfast.

(Indistinct conversations)

(Door opens, bells jingle) Hey!

(Door closes) Wow!

This place hasn't been this busy
since before you owned it,

and it was
that awesome cell phone store.

I know, and only two people
have asked me to upgrade

their data plan,

and check out
the baby t-shirts.

They're flying off the racks.

Love it!
(Girls gasp)

- And directly onto their racks.
(Girl) - So cute.

"Daddy's girl."

- Oh, God.
- I know.

My Samantha's getting
really good.

No, no, no. They're buying
them for themselves.

- I gotta stop them.
- No, no, no, no, no.

- You can't talk to them.
- Why wouldn't I?

High school girls
are scary, okay?

And look at them.
They're mean girls.

Wait. Should we get a shirt
for Tracy?

Well, we could,

but did you see how fat
she got over the weekend?

Ugh.
I know, and it's super sad,

because her dad's so poor.

They're just like the girls that
used to hang out in the hall

on the way to drama department.

I was so scared of getting
on their bad side,

I pretended to be
a Mexican exchange student

for a year.

Oh! That's why you put that
red, white, and green spoiler

on your mom's tercel.

Okay, Penny, that was
a long time ago.

We're adults now.

We do not have to be afraid of
a couple of high school girls.

You know what? You're right.

Thank you.
(Scoffs)

(Sighs) Excuse me.

What?!

Dios mio.

Uh... this is, uh, my store.

Really?
You, like, actually own it?

Yeah.

(Chuckles) Oh, my God!

We were just talking about
how awesome this place is.

You look, like, way too young
to own your own store.

I do?

Yeah.

Totally. It's really cool.

And your friend's so cool.

I love everything
you're wearing.

You do?
(Chuckles)

Will you guys help us pick
some stuff out?

I seriously just want
to buy everything.

I want to look just like you.

I could spend
the whole day here.

Yes! (Laughs)

- Oh, my God.
- I love us!

(All laugh)

- Okay, come here, come here, come here.
- Where did you get this?

Max, I can't believe you rent
out my room when I'm gone.

No, no, wait.
That's totally believable.

Give me a break, man.

You know I lost all my money
when the bubble burst.

Oh, here we go again.

The Beanie Baby bubble
was real.

I was worth $1.3 million
on paper

by the time
I was in seventh grade.

My parents begged me to sell,
but I fell in love

with every last one
of those beanie babies.

Yeah. Maybe it's time
to get a real job, Max.

You know I can't work
for the man,

although there is one man
I could work for.

Max, how many times
do I have to tell you,

Scottie Pippen is not
in a financial position

to hire a Sassy Butler.

That is just
my dream/reality pitch.

There is another man
I could work for,

a man with a penchant
for v-necks

and motorcycle jackets.

- Me?
- Yes! You!

We could work together
on the truck.

You say how busy you are,
that you need help.

I know,
but I don't think it--

We would be the dream team,
just you and me,

hanging out all day
making sandwiches.

It'll be like "Cocktail."
Come on. "Cocktail"!

(The Georgia Satellites)
♪ for goodness sake ♪

♪ I got
the hippy hippy shakes ♪

♪ yeah ♪

♪ I got the shakes ♪

♪ I got
the hippy hippy shakes ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ I can't sit still ♪

♪ with the hippy hippy shakes ♪

♪ yeah, I get my fill now ♪

♪ with the hippy hippy shake ♪

♪ yeah, it's in the bag ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ the hippy hippy shake ♪

Great day, man. Great day.

All right.
I'll see you tomorrow.

Max, it's only been 20 minutes,

and you really gotta clean
that up.

Clean it up?

(Laughing)

Okay! Okay.
You-- you get the mop.

I-I'll go get the b--
Oh, you're serious?

Yes.

Are you sure this is it?

Seems like a weird neighborhood

for a silk boxers
factory outlet.

Brad, we're not
boxer shopping, okay?

- We're looking for Dora.
- Who?

I found the couple online
who I donated my egg to,

and the egg is 11,
its name is Dora,

and the family lives
right around here.

- Put these on.
- No.

- Yes. Put them on.
- No.

Just put them on.

No! Oh. Mm.

This is still
a really bad idea.

The only place this leads
is Melissa Joan hart playing you

in a lifetime movie.

Well, you're the one who put
the idea in my head, and really?

(Sighs)
Really? Melissa Joan hart?

It couldn't be
Reese Witherspoon,

Natalie Portman?

No, they're not doing
tv movies.

Maybe premium cable. They saw
how Kate Winslet cleaned up

with "Mildred Pierce."

There she is. That's them!
That's them!

I recognize the mom
from the interview.

That's Dora.

- What?
- Ohh.

My God. You were right.

There is a little mini me
out there.

(Gasps) Ohh.

Look at her. Oh, Brad.

I'm so glad we did this.
Mm. (Chuckles)

It's just so nice to know
that there's--

my little egg baby's out there,

and she's grown
into a beautiful, happy...

Sneaky little whore.

(Honks horn)

Uh, peel out. She saw us!

Okay! Okay!
(Tires screech)

Peel! Aah!
(Crash, brakes squeal)

(Pops)

Oh, of course the white lady's
air bag deploys.

(Pop)

See, now you pair
these earrings with that belt,

you take this whole outfit
from day to night.

(Chuckles) Oh, my God.
You're, like, a genius, Lexi.

(Gasps and giggles)
I'll take 'em both. Yay!

(Chuckles) - Great.
- Who wants lattes?

(Girls) Me!

I love lattes.

"Chloe Garrity"?

You're not related
to Billy Garrity, are you?

Yeah, he's my brother.

(Alex and Penny gasp)

Your brother was only, like,

the hottest guy
in our high school.

I was so in love with him,
but I never had a chance,

'cause he only dated
college girls.

Oh, my God.
I'll totally text him about you,

- 'cause you're amahzing.
- Um, you're amahzing.

(Chuckles) I love that you
guys are saying that.

(Lowered voice)
Make it catch on at school.

(Engine backfires)

(Sputtering) Ew, what's that?

(Backfires)

Ew. That gross van's
blocking your store.

- Who's the loser getting out of it?
- Oh, my God.

- Ew.
- Ew.

Ew. (Whispers) What is Jane
doing in your dad's van?

I don't know. Ew.

What are you doing here?

You're embarrassing me
in front of Chloe!

Who's Chloe?

She's standing there
between Madison and Madison.

Alex, you have to stop
selling those baby shirts.

Do you know who's buying them?

Duh. Everybody.
I've sold, like, a bajillion.

Alex, it's wrong.

No one over the age
of 10 months old

should be wearing those shirts.

Billy Garrity wants me
to text him my picture.

Which one should I wear--
"put me to bed"

or "I pooped"?

I just answered
my own question.

Okay. Penny, no.

Do your mothers know
that you dress like this?

There's a lot they don't know.

Well, I'm here now,
and I know, so you

need to cover right up...

And give me the coffees.

- I'm not done. - Teenage girls
should not be drinking caffeine.

They should be having
well-balanced meals.

You know what? I have
some granola bars right here.

Ew. We don't want that.

Save it.
You're gonna get hungry later.

Oh.

No. Pen-- no.
You cannot wear that.

Don't tell me what to wear.

Okay, you girls are out
of control.

No, we're not.
We're just hanging out.

My store is the peach pit.
Deal with it.

Yeah. Quit being
such a total mom, Jane.

I am not being a total m--

You have a little something
right-- (Clicks tongue)

I... am being a mom.

I need to get out of here, okay?

"Bajillion's" not a word.

I'm s-- I'm going!

(Door closes) Who was that?

- I don't know.
- Just some crazy van lady.

(All) Ew.

What can I get you?

Hey, man. Can I get
the, uh, vegan sandwich?

(Mouth full) - No.
- What do you mean, no?

I mean, we don't serve
vegan sandwiches here.

We're a steak truck.

Then why does it say on
your sign, "vegan sandwiches"?

To attract people like you,

get you in the door
and then give you the steak.

Well, I don't want a steak.
I want a vegan sandwich.

Trust me. You want a steak.

Have you not heard the phrase
"the customer is always right"?

I've been--
Have you not heard the phrase

- "no shirt, no shoes, no service"?
- Yeah, I've heard that phrase.

Yeah, well, you're wearing
flip-flops, bro.

- Those don't count as shoes.
- These are shoes.

Any time I can see your toes,
that's not a shoe.

That's a sandal,
and we don't serve people

who want vegan sandwiches
and wear sandals.

Why don't you go take
a yoga class, okay?

Why don't you cover up
your chest hair, v-neck?

I don't even want
your sandwich anymore.

- Pull your v-neck up.
- This chest hair is majestic.

- Yeah.
- People get lost in here.

That chest hair is feral.

"Feral" is still an adjective
that I prefer.

Keep your sandwich.

I will.

Good luck finding that ring,
Frodo baggins!

- Max!
- Huh?

- What are you doing?
- I'm helping you out.

We're going for a very
exclusive, niche clientele.

This is a food truck.

We're going for
the broadest clientele possible.

Not at Dr. Steak's,
we're not.

- Wait. Wait a minute. What-- What is
Dr. Steak's? - The new name for our truck.

We're gonna be called
Dr. Steak's.

We're gonna take down all
our info on prescription pads.

- We're gonna wear scrubs.
- Dude, that...

Is actually kind of
a good idea.

We could use the scalpel
to cut the buns,

and the-- the condiment section
could be the Mayo clinic.

Okay. Calm down. Enough.

I'm the idea man.
You are the cook.

Whatever.
I don't need a new name!

Yeah, you do, 'cause you got
massacred today on yelp.

Five bad reviews,
all about the service.

You are the service!

Yeah, well, I run my truck
like I run my truck.

Max, this is not your truck.

You don't just get to walk
in here and be the boss.

You know, I'll tell you who else
didn't get to just walk in there

and be the boss
Tony Danza.

Yeah, and that's why

his talk show was
a creative failure.

Okay, uh, how about this?
Why don't you go find a job

that'll let you be
the boss on the first day?

And let me know how that goes,
because you're fired.

Fine! I'll see you in hell!

- I'll see you in hell!
- Fine!

But I'll see you home at first
for the bears game!

- Fine! I'll get the hummus!
- Fine!

Get baby carrots, too,
'cause I like to dip!

Fine!

It's just that it's tight
in here, you know, and this--

I'll go this way.

Okay, great.

And then I completely mommed out
with Alex and Penny.

I mean, I don't know.

I think it's all tied
to seeing Julia this morning.

Yeah. Who's Julia?

My egg daughter.
Not crazy about the name Dora.

I just-- I don't want her to turn
into some trashy party girl.

First of all, you don't know
that's gonna happen, all right?

And second of all,
she's not your daughter.

Well...
She is, and she isn't.

- She isn't.
- A little bit.

- Not really.
- Kind of.

- No.
- Yep.

- Not at all.
- Okay, agree to disagree.

I just-- I don't know.

It's like my maternal instincts
kicked into high gear.

I mean, is-- is that even
a thing? Can that happen?

Well, you are cutting
the crust off my sandwich.

Just eat at least half
before you have your cookie.

I already ate my cookie.

Okay, well,
no swimming until...

See? I can't just sit here.
Julia is headed down a bad path.

Her parents have no idea.
I mean, I have to do something.

Jane,
you signed a contract saying

you will never contact
the parents.

And I will not contact
the parents.

Hey.

Hey. Can I talk to you
for a second?

Who are you?

I'm kinda
your mom...'S friend.

Just don't worry about it.
Just, um...

Just, uh...

Get in the van.

Yes, Dora's completely safe,

and the perpetrator
is with me right now.

Not perpetrator.

Friendly stranger
with advice from the future.

(School bell rings)

You're from the future?

Do I ever stop peeing my pants?

Mm.

(Sighs)

(Indistinct conversations,
dance music playing)

(Laughs)

Oh, my God. I love, love,
love, love your store.

I mean, this is, like,
the best party ever.

(Giggles) Thanks.

Oh, my God. I am so drunk.

(Laughs) (Chuckles) Cool.

Wait. What?

♪

Hey. What's up?
You want a beer?

No. Where did you get this?

We just tapped a keg
in the dressing room.

My name's Tanner. I wrestle.
No big deal. (Sighs)

All right. That's enough.

Ohh. Stop that.

(Singsongy) Ocupado.

(Normal voice)
Oh, hey, Lexi. Guess what?

Chloe texted Billy,
and he thinks he remembers me.

He thinks he remembers me!

Pen, kids are drinking in here.
We've gotta get 'em out.

We're leaving anyway.
This place is dead.

You coming, Lexi?

No, 'cause this is
my store, okay?

Everybody out! Party's over!

Ugh. Alex is so uncool.

(Madison and Madison) Totally.

Come on, pen.
Let's go to the mall.

Uh, I don't think I can.

Okay, well, I guess
I'll just tell Billy

you didn't want to come.

Billy's gonna be there?

Yeah, and he just texted me

and said he wants
to hang out with you,

but it's kind of
a now-or-never thing,

'cause he's going to Paris
tomorrow on business.

I love Paris business.
(Grunting)

But... I can't.

It-- No. It would be wrong.

He's so hot.

Ohh! Why am I so weak?

(Laughs) I love the mall!

(Grunts) Let's name our crew!

Guys, wait for me!

(Car alarm wailing,
horn honks in distance)

Oh, hey, dude.

Look, uh, I'm sorry
that I tried to take control

of your truck like that,

and I didn't hate
the Mayo clinic idea.

I just didn't understand
what it was.

I still don't understand it,
but I do trust you.

Thanks, man.
I'm sorry I had to fire you.

I only did it because you were
incredibly incompetent.

Also, you seriously violated
the hand-washing rule.

Well, how am I supposed to know
that manos means hands?

Yeah, but how could you think
manos meant cojones?

'Cause you know if I don't know
what a word means,

I immediately think
the definition is my testicles.

Of course. (Chuckles)

And I know that I gotta
pick it up on the rent,

and... I made a few calls
and got in touch

with some old Beanie Baby broker
buddies of mine,

and turns out my first
generation pinchers the lobster

actually held its value
pretty well.

Wow. You sold your beanie babies
to make rent?

(Laughs)

No.

I sold my beanie babies to buy
that bitchin' '80s limo.

Wow. For best friends,
we are rarely on the same page.

Yeah, and I will get you back
your half of the rent,

plus more from
all my sweet, sweet fares,

and I'm gonna be the boss
from day one,

calling all the shots,
just like Tony Danza.

(Pats arm)

Uh, Max, you know, uh,
the customer usually gets

to decide when and where
they're going.

- Yeah, that's debatable.
- Not debatable. That's how it works.

Everything's debatable.

I'm gonna go around O'Hare and see
what shakes out. (Engine starts)

You need to be specially
licensed and bonded for that.

You do, and you don't, bro!
Believe in me!

(Tires peal)

I believe in you.

(Tires screeching)

(Sighs)

Ugh.

Ohh.

(Grunts)

Okay. Come on, Tanner.
Let's get a move on.

You wanna see it?

Ugh. Go home.
(Door opens, bells jingle)

(Door closes)
What are you doing here?

I brought you a sbarro's
to say I'm sborry?

I can't believe you ditched me

in the middle
of an underage free-for-all

to go to the mall
with Chloe and the Madisons.

(Sighs) I know.

It was totally uncool of me,
and halfway through I was like,

"ugh, what am I doing
with these girls?"

I got my own girls.

Aw. They ditched you, too,
didn't they?

So hard! And just, like,
seconds after I bought them all

b.F.F. Necklaces.

Mean girls.

But you'll be happy to hear,
Billy Garrity--

Fat and bald!

- He is?!
- No, smokin' hot,

but it turns out, still only
dates college girls. (Sighs)

Oh.

Hi. I'm-- I'm-- I'm so sorry.

I know it was wrong
to follow her,

but I was really
just trying to help.

And who are you?

Jane Kerkovich, your egg donor,

and when I saw Ju--

Dora going down a bad path,

I just-- I felt I needed
to protect her.

I mean, it's biology. We have
this profound connection.

She's not yours.

I know,
but in a primal sense--

- Not in any sense. Not your egg.
- Excuse me?

We didn't use it.
We loved your donor video...

Mm.

But we were a little thrown

by your unsolicited
follow-up video.

Hey, guys,
so I've been thinking

a little bit more
about our baby,

and I feel like
there are a few things

I failed to mention
in the first video.

One-- Nutrition.

2-- Schooling.
2A-- Preschooling.

2B-- or not to be...

(Laughs) Sorry, just a little--
little Shakespeare joke,

which brings us to the arts.

You seemed a little crazy...
And not fun crazy--

The kind of crazy that would
come back after 11 years

and try to lure my daughter
into a van.

Think we're... done here.

Yes, we are.

Okay, so...

(Jane) So I'm going to be
a terrible mother

because I have
zero maternal instinct.

Are you kidding?
You're gonna be an amazing mom.

You did all that for a kid
who's not even yours.

And for what it's worth,
your mom instincts were right on

with Chloe and the Madisons.

They were the worst.

I don't know.
I kinda liked Madison.

It's Madison who was
a total bitch.

- Ugh.
- Anyway...

I'm glad they didn't use
your egg,

'cause one day we're gonna have
a little Jane of our own,

and I want it to be
the only one out there.

(Penny, Alex, and Dave) - Aw!
- Come here.

- Boom!
(Jane and Brad) - Ohh.

- Rent!
- Hey.

Eat it. Wait. Don't. It's money.

The only thing dirtier
is airplane ice.

Wow, Max, where did you
get all that?

Well, I had a job. I lost it,
was backed into a corner.

Sold my Beanie Baby collection,
bought a 1984 limousine,

picked up
Dr. and Mrs. Rosenberg,

drove 'em back and forth to shul
in time for havdalah,

and by the way, Jews are
actually excellent tippers,

so I don't know
where that came from.

That's it. Matzo ball subs--
Back on the menu.

You sold
your Beanie Baby collection?

It was a tough day.

(Whispers) - Oh, God.
- You had a tough day?

I gotta unload 20 boxes
of baby t-shirts.

Huh? Baby t-shirts?
Can I pull those off?

I-I can't.

You do have a store credit.

(Gasps) Don't tell me that.

- No?
- Ugh!

I can't! I shan't! Ugh!

- Come on.
- I want to!

- You could if--
- You can.

- You could.
- Aah!

- You could.
- Don't do it. Don't do it.

Don't. I won't. I won't.
I won't. I'm a man!

- Damn skippy.
- Should I hold any ones?

I am a man! No!
I think you should.

I'm not opposed.
I'm not opposed to it.

Do they make 'em in v-necks?

- Yeah, they do!
- By the way, I've--

- Yeah, girl!
- I've had this internal debate...

Sync and corrections by n17t01
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