All language subtitles for Vexed - 2x06 - Episode 6.HDTV.[FoV-AFG].en

So, I finally did it.

I finally went
live on SpeedofLoveDirect.com.

No! I don't believe it.

After 57 weeks of talking about it,
she finally does it.

It's not easy,
writing about yourself.

Did you get your jugs out,

did you use that topless
photo like I suggested?

Yeah, I did that, I thought it
would attract exactly the kind of man

I want to share and
entrust my future with.

Hey, OK, right, so how
many responses did you get?

I don't know.

I haven't checked my e-mails yet.

I haven't, I haven't
actually turned my phone on.

OK, why?

In case no one's replied.

Oh, come on! You finally get
the guts to put it up there.

You know, let's see how
many matches you've got.

Hey come on, you, listen, you
really are quite attractive. OK?

You've got the dirty blond thing
going on which suggests casual sex.

And, you know, that photo
that you wanted to use,

let me tell you, it was,
it really was quite nice.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- OK. I'm on.
- Well done!

Hey, hey, great!

Hey I tell you what, I'm sure

you're going to get some responses.

You know, there are a lot
of unemployed men out there

with nothing else to do.

You know, so...

Hey,

armed robbery on
the jewellery store.

I'll be getting the store's CCTV,

but eye witnesses say that a
bike pulled up around there.

- Oh, my God!
- What's going on?

I've had 94 responses
from Speed of Love Direct.

94 e-mails.

96, 98 on, my God 100, 102, 104...

Yeah, yeah. Anyway, go on.

So, one thief went inside.

Helmeted, armed, threatened
the staff at gun point.

Did the robbery, came
out. Got on the bike.

Bike zoomed off.

- What kind of bike?
- We don't know yet.

- A motorbike?
- Yeah, a motorbike.

Mind you, I'm only
guessing, I might be wrong.

Maybe 21st century
thieves are using

push-bikes for armed robbery?

Armed robbery by Boris bike?

Yeah. What?

- Will you turn that thing off?
- Sorry.

So, Bike zoomed off,

nearly hit an old
lady, who fainted,

but I think she's going to be OK.

- Thanks, Naz.
- Thank you.

Do you like jewellery?
You never seem to wear any.

- Oh, that's nasty.
- What?

I'd have thought
you like this stuff.

This looks like someone
sneezed down your chest.

If someone gave me that,
I would arrest them for bad taste.

I'd wear it.

You know your problem is that
you have no sense of romance.

I do.

But this stuff is not romantic.

Diamonds, romantic.

No they're not.

Not unless you're
Russian, or an Arab.

Wouldn't you like to have
a diamond ring one day?

If it was from the right guy, hmm?

Yes and no.

Bloody hell.

VEXED
Season 2 - Episode 06

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
Sync: Marocas62

I've got the owner outside,
Joanna Poynter.

- Yeah? Well, send her in.
- Sure.

- What's happened?
- There's been a robbery, Miss Poynter.

I know that.
What's been taken?

Miss Poynter, please
don't touch anything.

Lucy, what did they take?
What's missing?

Just The Sultan stone.
BZ47569032.

Does my dad know yet?

Oh, shit.

Shit, shit, shit! Oh God!

Miss Poynter,
what is the Sultan's stone?

It's the most expensive
diamond we've ever held.

And how many millions is it worth?

It's worth £270,000.
That's enough, isn't it?

We were holding it for a client.

I mean, We never normally
hold stones worth that.

Right, so it's no accident
that the thieves hit today?

What? I don't know. I don't know.

Please, Miss Poynter,
if you calm down...

Don't say this for me.
You realize what is it.

This could destroy the business!

How many people knew
the diamond was here?

Lucy, me, the client,
obviously, my parents.

Oh, God! Oh, shit.

Dad's here.
He's going to kill me.

- You run the business, don't you?
- He set it up.

He built it from nothing.

How long have you been
running the business?

For two years. Since
Dad had his heart attack.

Hey, Naz, keep him out of here.

This is a crime scene. We want
to talk to Joanna, without him.

Sure.

I'm afraid you can't come...

Well done, Naz.

What's going on here, Boo-boo?

- Who are these two?
- They're police officers,

- there's been a robbery.
- What have you said to them?

- Nothing.
- Excuse us,

we were in the process of
taking Joanna's statement.

Why don't you take a
statement from me instead?

No comment. Goodbye.

You can pootle off now, ploddies.

We don't know if we want to report
a robbery at this stage

and make the crime official.

If we need to make an insurance claim
we'll get in touch, thank you so much.

Whether you like it or not, sir,
this is a crime scene.

One of your staff
was held at gunpoint.

She'll be all right.
I'll give her the day off.

The thieves knew what they wanted,

they also knew the
codes to the safe.

Which... which means the
insurance won't stand.

Please be quiet, Boo-boo.
Go and wait in the car.

I'll take it from here.

And if they knew the
codes to the safe,

I have two words for you:

And I have two words
for you as well.

Inside job.

Those are my two words.

- What were yours?
- Work it out.

- That's three words.
- Very clever, Inspector!

I can see you're going all the way.

But as I said, if we
need to make a claim

and make the robbery
official, we will do so.

Meanwhile, why don't you
round up some hooligans

or solve a murder
in a country house?

If it is an inside
job you're a suspect.

Quite right, well done, I did it,

even though I was playing
golf up until 20 minutes ago.

I can see you're going to be a Super
Chief-Intendant one of these days.

Actually, I do have
a crime to report.

I'm parked on double yellow lines, so
why don't you go and give me a ticket?

Now, get out of my shop.

Right, OK.

Oh my word,
that is interesting.

It was a motorbike.
Georgina, it was a motorbike.

Which means that we can rule out

the gang who's MO is the push bike.

A Kawasaki Ninja.

Nice bike.
I bet it's hot.

I'll check it out.

Mind you, I think the
Z1 was the sexier bike.

I don't know that one.

Oh, come on, it's a
'70s design classic.

Let's not talk about motorbikes,
let's talk about jewellery.

What do we know about the client
who purchased the BZ47569032?

Nico Banna.

Defending mid-fielder for City.

He's been on the bench most weeks.

Not him, he can't
squeeze for toffee.

- Exactly.
- Let's not talk about football.

Let's talk about this crime.
Is he a suspect?

This theft is a bit low rent
for Nico Banna, isn't it?

Yeah. Nico earns 70 grand a week

just sitting on the
bench, chewing gum

and thinking about sports cars.

No motive.

Hey, I just found all this mail
for you from the police station.

Cheers.

What's up?

I've had 615 responses
from Speed of Love Direct.

So, you did use the topless shot.

How am I supposed to
reply to all these?

Don't, just delete them.

My perfect man could be in here.

Just judge them by their faces.
That's what everyone else does.

- So I've been told.
- There you go, easy.

Bin anyone you don't fancy shagging

after looking at their
photo for a second.

It's the only way you're
gonna get through them.

OK.

So, who do we know had access to the
safe combination numbers yesterday?

Right, there's Lucy
the store manager,

Joanna, the boss who can't cope

and scary arse-hole
Ron-daddy, the golfing twat.

Joanna said he knew the codes.

What?

What's that?

It's from my brother.

I did not know you had a brother.

He's getting married.

Why's he invited me?

Probably because
you're his brother?

Right, shall we go
see these suspects?

Let's do it.

Thanks Naz.

No worries.

Look, I'm finding
this whole process

quite stressful to be honest.
I haven't recovered from yesterday.

You weren't there during
the robbery, were you?

I'm still responsible, aren't I?

For staff welfare. For security.

It's OK, calm down, it's over now.

Sorry, we're just having
a tough time at the moment.

Because of the robbery,
or is there something else?

Yes, the robbery.

Well, it's, it's,
it's tough anyway.

If you haven't done it for
years, like Mum and Dad have.

I was a yoga teacher before.

- Really?
- I'm meant to be the responsible one.

How do you mean,
the responsible one?

Oh, nothing, just
compared to my brother.

Is he involved in the business too?

Josh? No.

He's not really
involved in anything.

Er, did he know about the diamond?
Did he know it was here?

No, no. He keeps well out.

Dad won't let him
near the business.

Since he "wasted his education."

Families, eh?

Can you give us his address?
We should go and talk to him.

Yeah.

Oh, hi, Mum, these are the two
police officers investigating
the robbery.

This is my mum, Patricia.

- DI Dixon.
- DI Armstrong.

Well, hello.

Should you be talking
to them without a lawyer?

- No, it's fine.
- Well,

I've got your dry
cleaning here, darling.

I'll just put it behind the desk.

And when you've finished talking
to these two, let's get to the club.

We do have a couple more
questions for Joanna.

Well, then, I'll wait.

Do you know where your brother
was at the time of the robbery?

No. Mum, where was Josh yesterday?

Er, what time was the robbery?

3.35pm.

I took him to see
that new comedy film.

And then we went for a pizza.

Oh right, teenager.

He's 36.

Right, and, and was it just
the diamond that was taken?

- Nothing else?
- Just BZ47569032.

Here's the certificate.

We named it The Sultan Stone

because that sounds
better for the client.

- The City player?
- Yeah.

It was going to be his
wife's wedding ring.

It's a wonderful diamond,

it's a five carat, D
flawless, heart-shaped cut.

We were going to make
this ring for them.

What is it with
footballers and bad taste?

More like the Sultan's knob ring!

So, the client brings you
the nasty design and the stone

and you have to make it up for him?

We sourced the stone for
him through our broker.

The ring is my design.

And what a gorgeous
design it is too,

yeah, really beautiful.

I think that design is fresh
and chic and distinctive.

Yeah, chic, very fresh.

Please, forgive my
partner's comments,

she has absolutely no taste at all.

Yes, I'm sorry.

personally, I've just never
found diamonds very romantic.

- It's a problem I have.
- Diamonds are

the very epitome of romance.

Nothing says I love
you more than a diamond.

They're the ultimate luxury.

Who wants a coloured stone?

Only diamonds answer our
two greatest fears in life.

Am I truly loved?
And do I have financial security?

The gift of a diamond
answers both of those,

yes and yes.

So, tell us about the broker?

Did he know the diamond was here?

Yes.

And what's his name?

Thomas De Hoyzen.

He's a great friend of Dad's.

Ja, I was very fucking
upset to hear about this.

Ron is a long time friend of mine.

We've been on holiday
together many times.

Can I get you a whiskey, my friend?

- I won't. I'm on duty.
- Sit down.

And I'm fine, thank you.

So,

how was Ron's business doing?

Was it struggling at all?

You let your assistant
ask the questions?

No, no, I'm not his assistant

No, No, she's, er, she's,
she's not my assistant.

And I know it might
seem that way but...

I'm a Detective Inspector.

You're a police woman?

You could arrest me?

Actually, I could,
I could arrest you.

Nice. Then you take me
to a cell and abuse me.

You're a lucky man,

you drive around with
this lady all day, huh?

Yeah, it's... it's not that
much fun, actually.

Here we are. All of us on my boat.

This is 2008, that's
my daughter, Abi.

She's a great athlete
and a smart business lady.

I'm very proud of her. She is
as wonderful as her brothers now.

Ron, Pat, the wife.

Joanna, his daughter.

Yeah, Ron's business is good.

People always want his jewellery.

He has taste, ja?

He has a little hiccup when he
gives the business to his girl.

She's a woman.

She's not that smart.

But he runs it again now, really.

He tells her what to do.

He will always do well
because people always want luxury.

And you guys con them
into it, don't you?

- What's that?
- I'm just saying,

your whole concept of
luxury is a con. That's all.

It's a lie, isn't it?
Because diamonds aren't

really rare or exclusive.
That's

just an illusion
created by your industry.

You control their availability,

hiding tonnes of them in vaults,

manufacturing their scarcity
to increase their value.

It's one of the greatest
cons of the 20th century.

Actually, diamonds
are common as muck.

Oh, Lordy, you're
a very angry lady.

I see what you mean, she's no fun.

Have you been very unlucky
in love sweetheart, ja?

- I think you must have been.
- No.

In fact, I have just had 615 e-mails
from men who are interested...

You don't know what
you're saying, lady.

You are ten years out of date.

Once, we suppressed the
availability of rocks, yes.

but now with China booming,
there aren't enough diamonds.

I can sell them all day.

But the thing you are most wrong about,

is that diamonds are not romantic,

they are very romantic.

Are you telling me
you don't find this romantic?

I bet this is making
you hot right now, yeah?

Stop it.

Mr. De Hoyzen, Mr. De Hoyzen,
it's really, it's not romantic.

This is how I seduced my wife.

By showing her many diamonds.

Where were you yesterday afternoon?

Are you suggesting
I may have stolen

- the diamond I sold to them?
- No, I'm merely asking

where you were yesterday afternoon.

I was in Antwerp
buying these diamonds.

And about 2,000 people
can vouch for that.

Now this interview is over?

If you'll excuse me I'm trying
to acquire a chalet in Verbier.

Well... good luck with that.

You really don't find
diamonds romantic?

- No.
- But you're a woman,

for God's sake!

Some nasty piece of
over-priced carbon

dug out of the earth
in a conflict zone,

shipped over by
people like De Hoyzen.

I guess I can't think
of anything less romantic

than having to spend that kind of
money to prove you love somebody.

I don't believe you.

Like Pat said, they're
the ultimate luxury.

They say I love you long time,

plus if the relationship goes tits
up, you can always cash them in.

Insurance. Yeah, cos
that's always romantic.

Do you know what else is
meant to be romantic and isn't?

Venice.

Have you ever been to Venice?

- No.
- It's horrendous. It's smelly.

It's packed with
tourists and Italians.

Now, Italians they are
supposed to be romantic.

Well, they're not,
why does everyone think that?

They're like me.
They smell nice.

They dress well.
They know how to listen to women.

There is nothing Italian about you,

and you should take
that as a compliment.

Trust me, I know,
I used to go out with one.

All he used to do was
talk about his car,

and worry about his clothes.

It was him who took me to Venice.
I was looking forward to it.

The San Marco, moonlit
walks on the Rialto.

The weight of romantic expectation
was impossible to bear.

He spent the entire time
trying on trousers in Gucci.

And then I discovered he'd taken

more photos of his car than of me.

I know you don't listen
to women, Jack.

Jack?

Jack!

Sorry, what?

What did I just say?

I do actually listen to women,

apart from when they're
being very, very boring.

Sorry, I should've made that clear.

I listen to women, apart
from when they're being

really, really boring, at which
point I stop listening to them.

Honestly, your rant about Italians
just went on and on and on.

It should have come
with an interval.

I could've gone out
and got an ice cream

and come back for the second half.

I'm really sorry that your romance
with the Italian didn't work out.

But maybe one out
of the 50,000 texts

that you received is the one!

What's all the ruckus?

- Josh Poynter?
- That's my name.

This is DI Dixon.
I'm DI Armstrong.

- Can we come in?
- Sure.

Sure.
Would you like a cup of tea?

No, I'm fine, thank you.

Josh...

..do you realise that
these drugs are illegal?

Yes!

- Do you want a toke?
- No, Josh, he doesn't.

I certainly don't
either, thank you.

Because we are police detectives,

here investigating a crime.

Detectives...

What you working on at the moment?

A robbery at your
family's jewellery store.

No shit?

Dad'll lose his bananas.

You two are going to
catch them, though, yeah?

Well, we're, we're going to...

we're going to endeavour
to do that, yeah.

I don't think he was involved.

Let's go.

If I stay here any longer, I'm
going to want to order pizza.

Hey, I got half a packet
of crisps in my car.

Hey. Listen...

If you need any help,

you just ask.

You know? I'm doing
an accountancy course

starting next week.

And I'm going to definitely
do that this time.

But, you know...

I'm free till then.

I definitely want
him to do my accounts.

I don't believe this!

Is there absolutely nothing
left on this wedding list?

Why didn't you give
me my invite earlier?

The only thing that they've got
on here is a rosewood sleigh bed.

Price - 3,444 quid!

Well, he is your brother. Come on.

- Why don't you get on with him?
- I do get on with him.

You didn't even know
he was getting married.

Yeah, because I
wasn't given my post!

Why did he send yhe invitation to
the police station in the first place?

Doesn't he know where
his own brother lives?

Guys. That robbery
case you're working.

Still trying to find
out who the insider was.

- Somebody gave the safe combination to the thieves.
- Hello!

Here we go, toilet brush holder.

- Bingo!
- You can't give him a toilet

brush holder as a wedding present.

Why not? I'd have thought
you'd find that romantic.

You know, I bet you
it was the Mullan boys.

Yeah, they carried out a
spate of motorcycle robberies

five years back.

Two-man teams. Always inside job.

- That's the same MO as our robbery.
- That's right.

We knew they were guilty, but

didn't have enough
evidence for court.

How did you know they were guilty?

We had their place bugged.

They were doing a
robbery-a-month back then.

Why not bug them again?
I mean,

if they've got
this diamond TB45678910,

you might hear them
talk about shifting it.

We'd need a warrant.

We didn't have a warrant back then.

You can't go bugging people's
houses without a warrant.

How's that legal?

It's not legal.

Look, George, you
can't use it in court.

But you might find out
whether they did it or not,

do you know what I mean?

And you might get a little
whisper on the insider.

Where do these
Mullan boys hang out?

They kept moving about.
And that was five years ago.

They do have a cousin that
owns a metal-cutting business

down at the Honeycombe
trading estate.

This is the bike being
stolen for the robbery.

So they'd have needed a serious
saw to cut through that chain,

- wouldn't they, Col?
- Don't know. I didn't steal the bike.

We just know where
does Sean Mullan live?

Tell us and we'll leave you alone.

Don't know him.

Have you tried the phone book?

We just want an
address, that's all.

Then we'll be on our way.

Unless you want your
flourishing business

to get a visit from the
tax inspector this year.

You want a visit from
the tax inspector, Col?

Hey. Come on.

They'll never know it was you.

Sean might have a
crash service garage.

Near the bus depot.
I can't remember.

- Thanks.
- Thank you.

Will you stop asking about him?

We're here to check
on the Mullan gang.

He's a paediatric surgeon, OK?

Now you know what he does, can
we please shut up about him?

Your brother saves the
lives of little children?

I don't know. Sometimes.

He's a paediatric plastic surgeon.

Probably.

Anyway, don't be too in awe of him,

because he totally sells
out with the private work.

So he's rich as well?

That is by far the best
profile I've heard all week.

- Why don't you get on with him again?
- Because he's an arsehole, all right?

I told you.
He always has been an arsehole.

Just because he
saves children's lives

does not mean he is
not also an arsehole!

Hello.

Let's go and check it out.

I think it's a similar
kind of lock up there.

Yeah, let's try the front door.

Oh, come on, Jack.

Hey. Hey, I want to put the bug
in the base of the phone. OK?

There's a laptop.

Oh, there's a USB stick in it.

My God!

This is all their flight receipts.
Paris, Rotterdam...

- God, I need a piss!
- Hotel bookings...

God, the whole of their
last year's on here, Jack.

Should I take it?

Jack!

Jack?

Jack! Where are you?

Jack?

- Will you go away?!
- My God,

you cannot do that now.

It was the last blackcurrant I had!

It's like being a detective
with a six-year-old.

Shit!

It's him, he's here.

I've got to put the
phone base back together!

Have you got the bug in?

Oh, God. God, hurry up Jack!

Shit.

- Jack! Done?
- Done!

Come on, get in!

I suppose you found that romantic.

- You know what I did get?
- What?

Please don't tell me
you were stupid enough

to steal that from the house.

What?
Yeah.

This could hold proof of where
they were on the day of the robbery.

Yeah, but they will also instantly
realise that it's missing,

realise that someone's
been in the house,

- that someone's on to them.
- No, they might not.

Oh, God.

Let's get it to Naz ASAP,

before they realise it's missing.

Hello?

Beryl, hello!

Hello.

You there, Beryl?

Yes. Hello, Mark.

Yeah, it's me. Where are you?

I'm in the car,
hands-free, with my partner.

What do you want?

You've got your hands
free with your partner?

Look, I'm working. What do you want?

Look, I need to ask you something.

Yeah, go on.

No, no, no, in person.
Where can I meet you today?

Hello?

He sounded quite
funny on the phone.

Well, he's not funny. All right?

He's not funny, he's just rude.

Unlike you!

And why is he always late?

- I mean, he said 1.30.
- I don't want to see him.

Then why did you agree to meet him?

Because he's my brother and
because he's getting married.

Now you can ask him whether
or not he wants that fancy bed

or a toilet brush
for a present, eh?

Just, just don't be
over-impressed, all right?

Just because he's rich
and saves children's lives.

- I won't be.
- Don't be taken in.

Beneath that sensitive,
successful exterior,

he's actually a massive twat.

Hi, Mark. Hey.

- So good to see you!
- Yeah, yeah...

Hey, listen...
congratulations on the wedding.

Thanks, matey, thanks.
I hope you like Sadie.

I'm sure you will.
She can't wait to meet you.

Sorry I'm late. Surgery overran.

Difficult operation with a
one-day-old child whose life

was a bit touch-and-go
for twenty minutes.

Is this a friend of yours?

Yeah, sorry.
Let me introduce you.

- This is my partner, Georgina.
- Hi.

- Hello.
- Hello.

You have to clear up my
brother's cock-ups, do you?

Yeah!
Yeah.

Oh, hang on.

I'm sorry?

Can I just say, as a
professional, that you have...

..you have an imperfection
that's fabulous,

that makes your face
incredibly beautiful.

- Have I?
- What imperfection?

- That's just her face.
- You have one ear lobe

that's just ever so slightly
longer than the other,

and it breaks up an otherwise
perfect symmetry. It's lovely.

- I think I'm going to be sick.
- Never let anyone tell you

- it needs correcting.
- No, I won't.

I see a lot of faces and...

Yeah, you also see
a lot of flabby tits

and testicular tumours.

Don't resent my
private work, Beryl.

I know it's ethically
debatable, but

it's going to give my lovely
wife a very happy life.

And I still manage

to perform 2% of this country's

paediatric spina bifida operations.

Amazing! Yeah.

- I save lives too, you know.
- Really?

You've stopped being a policeman?

OK, I'm not a policeman, all right.

I'm a Detective Inspector.

And what we do is very important.

- Yes, yes. And dangerous as well.
- It is dangerous, actually.

- It's not so much dangerous...
- No, no, no,

sorry, sorry, it is very dangerous.

Yeah, more dangerous than standing
around in some antiseptic room

counting your cheques while the
nurse does the really hard work.

Shit. The secret's out!

I'm just having a push, Beryl.
Don't rise to it.

OK, can you stop calling me Beryl?

It's boring.

And why are you here, you dickhead?

What do you want?

Will you be my best man?

Oh, Jack!

Why are we watching Mrs. Poynter?

Do you really think she
might have done the robbery?

And more importantly, what

am I going to say in
my best man speech?

You'll be great. Everyone
always loves the best man.

You can lose the ring,
shag a bridesmaid,

turn up with Mark,
naked and hungover.

Everyone will still think
you've done a great job.

No, no, George, I can't do that.

That'll just confirm what
everybody's always thought about me,

that I can't be trusted.

If I do this,
I've got to do it right.

Oh, fuck's sake!

- Never mind.
- Stupid game!

You could always tell funny
stories about growing up with Mark.

You've got to be joking.
You've no idea what it was like.

Nothing I ever did
was as good as Mark.

"Ooh, Mark's learned to play
the trumpet.

"Look at Mark's watercolour
of a bowl of fruit.

"Isn't it marvellous?

"Mark's Captain of the
football team - again!

"Isn't Mark's girlfriend beautiful?

"Isn't Mark splendid?"
Mark this, Mark that,

Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark.
What I never heard was,

"Oh, dear, Mark's hit
Jack with a garden spade.

"Mark has stolen all
of Jack's Action Men.

"Mark set fire to Jack's bed - again.

"Mark is a psychotic little
shit who should be put away!"

Well, maybe just a few jokes, then.

And thank the vicar.

The only reason I was
glad Mark was so clever

was that it meant he fucked
off to college sooner.

All that's in the past
though, Jack, isn't it?

Come on.

Your ball's over there somewhere.

Yeah.

I'll catch up with Pat Poynter.

Right, can we go now?

I don't think we've learned
anything by following her all day.

Except that she likes to
play golf for four hours.

This has been one of the worst days
of my life.

Oh, no!

- What?
- God, it's Paul,

who I'm meeting next Tuesday night,

wanting to rearrange for Thursday.

But I can't do Thursday
cos I'm cos I'm meeting

- Steve, who I met yesterday.
- Right.

I really do want to see Steve,
so I don't want to rearrange.

Paul's better looking, Steve's
got a slightly distracting mole,

but, you know, he's funny.

And I still haven't
found a night for Keith.

I'm really struggling with
the name Keith, though.

I don't like it. It's
very difficult, all this.

Why don't you sort out your diary
and see them all on one night?

I've been through this.

It was synched with one of
the Mullan gangs' phones,

so it has all their
contact info on it.

Idiots.

A lot of low-level crime contacts
that we're already aware of.

But it did also have
the phone numbers of all three

- of the Poynter's jewellery stores.
- Interesting.

So do we have the phone
records? Did the gang call in?

No.

It was the other way round.

Someone has contacted Sean Mullan

five times in the last two weeks

from the Hampton store phone.

Maybe it was an
insurance job after all.

- You'd think.
- But I got

the Ponyter's jewellery store
accounts through Companies House.

They have made a 50 grand
profit in the last few years.

There's no financial crisis
they're trying to escape.

This tells us that the Mullan gang

knew somebody at
the Poynter's stores.

That's enough for me to bring
someone in and squeeze their nuts.

Let's find out who's
been phoning them.

Well, you guys had better bring
some proper muscle with you.

Cos this Mullan crew,
they're the real deal.

They'll be packing.

At the drop of a hat,
they will rock and roll.

Do you know what I mean?

Post!

Post!

Police. Can you
step outside, please?

No, not now.

- Yes, now. It's the police.
- No shit. Not now.

Fuck off. Hey, fella,

- what's happening?
- We're going in!

- Stop! Police!
- Don't move!

- Police!
- Don't move!

- Stay where you are!
- Get off!

Go, go, go! Move! Move!

Stop!

Let's go!

Stop or I'll shoot!

Son of a bitch!

Sit down!

Well done. You two are real heroes.

I'm a cop. You've
just blown my cover.

There is no way you're a cop,

- you got any proof?
- He's undercover.

Yeah, well, that's what he says.

- How do we know?
- He won't have ID.

Will he? If he's undercover.

She's right.
And I swear to God,

if you two skid marks don't get
me out of these cuffs right now,

I'm going to rip both your arms out your
sockets and spank your arse with them!

That's fair enough. Fair enough.

Well, man...

you are the best undercover
cop that I have ever seen.

You look like a real scumbag.

Ten months I've spent
earning their trust!

Now yous turn up and they're gone!

Excuse me? Those tattoos,
are they pretend ones?

- Because...
- They're real and they hurt

and the only reason I got them
done was to infiltrate the gang.

That's one of a French
prostitute in a beret.

That's a Nazi Swastika.

Do you think I like
having them on me?

I can't wait to name
you two in the report.

Would it be possible for you
to tell us whether the gang

robbed the Poynter's
jewellery store on the third?

Yeah, they did it. I'm the
one who opened the safe.

- It was you?
- That's how I finally won

their trust. It was an induction.

- I passed!
- And you already had the combination numbers?

Yeah, it was an inside job.
Sean gave me the numbers.

- He's the one on the bike.
- Do you know who the insider was?

Sean talked to him.

Called him The Owner.
Which was probably a code.

Maybe it was the owner?
You hear any names?

Do you know what
happened to BZ47569032?

The diamond.

Sean took it to
Rotterdam and sold it.

I don't know what
he did with the cash.

Right.
Hey, listen,

really sorry about,
you know, messing up

your undercover,

tattoo... thing.
Hey,

but on the bright side,

at least you can shave
off that silly goatee!

What's wrong with this?
I've had this for years!

There you go.

- You haven't got a red?
- No, sorry.

If I'd known you were coming I
would have gone to... Fortnum's

and got you a bottle
of Chateau de Whatsit.

- But... I've got a beer, if you want it.
- No, no.

- It's fine, this is nice.
- OK.

I'm on-call anyway, so

shouldn't have more
than a couple of glasses.

I'm so glad you're
doing this, Beryl.

Oh, no, listen,
I'm really honoured.

And... I was a bit surprised cos
I haven't seen you in a while.

- Are you sure?
- That reminds me.

If you want to bring
someone, then do. Obviously.

Are you seeing
anyone at the moment?

- No.
- No.

What about that woman you
work with that you fancy?

- I don't fancy her, Mark.
- Invite her if you want.

I would.

No. I... I don't
want to invite her.

Great. Now I want to talk about
umbrellas, in case it rains.

- Can you get 100 for me?
- 100?

Shit, that's the hospital.

Some two-year-old's put
their hands in boiling water.

I'd better go in.

We'll pick this up
again next week, yeah.

Thanks, Beryl.
Better go save lives, yeah.

- Brollies, don't forget, bro!
- Yeah, consider it done. Yeah.

Well, if Mr. tattooed, shouty,
angry undercover cop man

is right about the owner
bringing in the job,

- it's got to be Ron, hasn't it?
- Or it could be Pat.

But why would Ron or Pat want
to steal from their own business

and destroy something
they've spent years building up?

Are you sure he's in?

He's definitely in.

What's that?

This chart is going to help
me keep on top of my dating.

Oh, yeah?

Blue is for a first date.

Blue with a tick is a
first date that went well.

Red indicates a second date.

Red with a cross, second
date didn't go so well,

can cut him loose. Then we get
into yellow for a third date.

That's next month. I think I'm
going to do fourth dates in purple.

Do you know what's really
annoying about this whole thing?

Your stationery bill?

There were two guys on the
site that I liked the look of.

So I nudged them. Said
I liked their profiles.

And neither of them
have replied to me.

OK, let me get this straight,

you have 4,000 replies to
your profile and you're pissed off

because two men you nudged
didn't get back to you?

Yeah!

Oh, hello.

Who's this?

Hey, Naz,

can you run a number plate for me?

Yeah, Lima, Mike, one,
one, Yankee, Kilo, Romeo.

Hello!

Really?

Interesting.

Thanks, Naz.

That's probably Abi de Hoyzen,

because that is
Abi de Hoyzen's car.

- Thomas de Hoyzen's daughter?
- Bingo.

What's she doing here?

Oh, shit!

Are you sure they
won't be able to see us?

No, just keep your head down.

It should be OK.

Ruddy hell.

- Oi!
- Oh, no.

What on earth are you doing?!

You have absolutely
no right to come here.

You are a suspect
in a violent robbery.

Does Thomas know you're fondling
his daughter on a Friday evening?

- It's none of his business.
- Leave it to me, Abi.

Do you think he'd sell
me diamonds if he did?

Actually...
I wouldn't put it past him.

My relationship with Abigail
has nothing to do with the crime

- you're investigating.
- Why don't you just leave us alone?!

- We haven't done anything wrong.
- Abi,

leave it to me, will you?
Go and wait in the kitchen, please.

I've done nothing wrong.
Nothing illegal.

I think you can go now. Good night.

- Does your wife know about this?
- She does know, yes.

But I've made her a very
generous financial settlement

with which she is very happy.
Go and check with her.

Now I really don't want
to talk to you any more.

- Got to get back to some buttock fondling?
- Yeah. Good night.

With my own daughter?!

For years.

Thanks for letting me do that.

Hey, no, I enjoyed it.

So what are you thinking?
Who did it?

Maybe we should
talk to Joanna again?

I mean, she said she
hated running the business.

Yeah, but I don't think she's got it
in her to destroy Daddy's business.

She's too under his spell.

Yeah, she was a yoga
teacher for God's sake.

- What about Ron?
- Maybe.

Why? What's the motive?

It's not like he needs the
money. Same goes for Joanna.

Josh? He needs the money.

Yeah, but you met him.

Unless that was the
world's greatest hustle,

I doubt he could organise
his own breakfast,

let alone this.

Maybe it's not about money?

I mean, you know, we're
assuming it's about money

because it was a
diamond that was stolen.

So what's it about, then?

Well, why do people commit crimes?

Money, ideology, or revenge.

We've just discovered that Ron
was having an affair for years.

He says that Pat's cool about it.

But maybe she isn't?

But you were angry,
weren't you, Pat?

He'd given you a big fat
cheque to pay for your silence.

For keeping your divorce
out of the courts.

But inside you were in pain.

And you yearned to pay him back.

You'd given him 30
years of your life.

But he broke your heart
with that young girl.

That is just ridiculous.

Didn't he deserve to be punished?

Didn't he deserve to lose
his beloved business?

I mean, wasn't that the
best possible revenge?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Pat...

if we were to look into it,

would we discover that
you were in the shop

every time the gang were called?

Yes, he does.
He deserves to lose the business.

I knew this would bankrupt him.

The insurance is null and void

and he wouldn't be able to pay back
the cost of the diamond.

But that's not why I did it.

- Mum?!
- He had countless affairs.

I knew all about them.
They never hurt me.

But what did hurt me, darling,

is what he's doing to you.

He's ruining your life.

I did it for you.

- What?!
- You hate running the business.

It's killing you.

But you never could say no
to your father.

This was my way to set you free.

And yes, it was also my way to
get my revenge on that lying,

loveless bastard.

How do you know the Mullan gang?

They're hardly
regulars around here.

How do you know a robbery gang?

Josh's pot dealer
put me on to them.

My only real regret, darling,

is that we weren't a better example

of what love and parenting can be.

Well...

Dessert, coffee?

There's no pudding, Pat.

You're under arrest for
planning an armed robbery.

As long as Joanna doesn't have to go
back to the curse of those loveless shops,

you can charge me
with what you like.

Round of golf?

Kick your arse.

I'll never forget the
moment I met Sadie.

When I was in Beirut last year

I went to the Medecins
Sans Frontieres party

at the Zephirine hotel.

They do a party once a year
for surgeons who've helped them.

You know, I don't normally go.

I just prefer to do my one month
of voluntary work and slip away.

But for some reason,
I went this year.

What was it that
made me go, I wonder?

Beirut is an incredible city.

- Have you been?
- No. I'd love to go.

You should go sometime. It's very
beautiful, despite the bombings.

And the war has given
the place this...

this incredible sexual tension.

It's palpable. You
feel it's a place

where anything can happen.

And the bar's on the
roof of the hotel.

And I remember, I bought
a drink and I turned...

and this extraordinary woman
came out of the night towards me.

And I knew, I just knew instantly
that we'd be together for ever.

Oh, my God!

She came and stood at the bar.
We started talking.

I discovered
she worked for the Red Cross.

And we ended up in bed that night.

The rest is history.

Right, so you...

pulled a nurse at a conference?

Great.

How are you getting on with
the jobs? DJ happy?

You know when to go
and pick up the ring?

Yeah, everything's sorted.
I should know.

I've spent the last two days on
the phone fixing everything for you.

The only thing I don't
know what to do with

is your best man's speech.

I mean, apart from calling
you a knob jockey, of course.

No, seriously,

you're going to have to
give me some numbers of mates

because I need some stories.

- You're not serious?
- Yeah!

I mean, what am I going to say?
I haven't seen you for like...

Mate, mate, you don't
have to do a speech.

My other best man will do that.

- What?
- My best mate Jimmy

will do the speech, obviously.

Shit, sorry, maybe
I haven't been clear.

I've got two best men -
you and Jimmy.

Right, OK.

And do you mind me
asking where Jimmy is?

Jimmy's on holiday in Thailand,
so he can't organise anything.

That's why I thought
I'd ask you too. Plus...

Plus Mum wanted you there.

Right, OK, so,

as usual, my job is just
to follow you around,

doing whatever you say.

Oh, don't get all humpty about it,
Beryl. I thought you'd be pleased!

Don't call me Beryl!

All right?!

Oh, come on, don't go
and sulk in your room.

- I need...
- Get off me!

Shit. Beryl, what are you...

Bitch!

Hey, hold on guys, guys,
what you, what you doing?

Stop!
Stop!

If you don't stop, if you
don't stop, I'll chuck you out!

Stop it now!

- Right now!
- I don't want to be your best man!

- I quit.
- Fine.

Don't be best man.
See if I care.

In fact, don't come!
You're disinvited!

You know what?! I don't
want to come to your wedding.

I don't want to come to your
wedding and I hope it rains.

- See if I care.
- No, you see if I care.

- No, you!
- No, you!

No, you!

Shut up, both of you!
This is absolutely pathetic.

Mark, it was unfair
of you to ask Jack

to be your best man without
explaining the role properly.

And unfair of you to ask him to
do all your shitty jobs for you.

You are an arsehole, like he said.

- Yeah!
- Jack,

stop being so touchy and
sensitive, and just be thankful

for the fact that your brother
has found somebody to love

- and stop being envious of that.
- That's right!

Now, shake hands, go on.

You're brothers, shake hands.

All right, get out! Both of you.

I'm charging you for this,
both of you. Out! Out! Out!

- He started it!
- Yeah, yeah.

I should go after him.

Hey, how are things going
with Speed of Love Direct?

How many dates have
you got this month?

I've stopped doing it.
Taken down my profile.

Yeah? Why?

I couldn't cope with the admin.

Plus, I'm already lumbered
with one annoying man.

I didn't need a website
giving me 5,000 more.

Do you think I should go
to my brother's wedding?

Of course you should.
Your mum would love it.

And so would Mark,
although he won't show it.

You want to come with me?

As my plus one?

I'd like that.

I'd love to. Thank you.

Great.

I already asked
Danielle, but she's away.

There was nobody else, so,

- thanks, it really helps out.
- What?

Hang on, if you want
me to come with you,

you have to ask me first.

I'm not going to be
your last-resort date.

Oh, come on, don't be like that.
Just pretend I asked you first.

- You dick!
- OK, sorry, look,

it was, it was a joke,
it was a bad joke.

I'm asking you first,
you're first. Definitely.

I'm not coming now.

Hey, you didn't
think I was asking you

in a romantic way, did you?

No.

Well, what's your problem, then?

It's just a really horrible
way to invite somebody.

By telling them
they're second choice.

You're more like fifth, actually.

I'm so fed up of working with you.

Yeah, well, why don't
you apply for a transfer?

I might.

Great. I'll help you
fill in the forms.

I'll even lie and give
you a glowing reference.

Come on, come to the wedding!

Hey, Mark would love it if you go.

I've already said, I'm not
coming. Ask your sixth choice.

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