Original subtitles

[ SCREAMING ]

I'm Luke Roman.

‐ MEGAN: Are you a priest?

‐ LUKE: I'm the Real Estate guy.

I'm about one thing: protecting the God‐given

market‐driven value of your property

from anything in this world...

Or the next.

‐ You're talking about haunted houses?

LUKE: Everybody, this is

Susan Ireland, our new agent.

Zooey, our office manager.

Father Phil. He does our research.

August designs some of our proprietary technology.

‐ SUSAN: What exactly do we do?

‐ LUKE: The client is Donovan. Megan.

You know the drill. Complete psychokinetic triage,

malevolent entity evaluation.

‐ LAUREN: You're the ghost guy.

Ah!

‐ The technical term is telekinesis.

‐ This happened to you, when you were my age?

‐ Your house? I've been watching it for a while.

Before your grandfather bought the place,

she came next door to complain about the weeds.

Nobody ever saw that lady again.

‐ Your mother?

‐ I believe it's going to be very interesting

working for you.

‐ I believe that you're right.

[ DOGS BARKING IN DISTANCE ]

[ QUIET EERIE MUSIC ]

[ INDISCTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

[ THRASHING AND GRUNTING ]

‐ GIRL: Come on.

Dad!

[ WINDOW LOCK ENGAGES ]

[ WINDOW LOCK ENGAGES ]

[ WINDOW LOCK ENGAGES ]

‐ BOY: Come on! Dad!

‐ DAD: Calm down.

[ SCREAMING ]

[ HEAVY THUDS AND CRASHES ]

[ MOANING AND SCREAMING ]

‐ DAD: Oh, god, no!

[ DOGS BARKING IN DISTANCE ]

[ LOUD EXPLOSION ]

[ CAR ALARM ]

♪♪♪ Opening Theme ♪♪

[ MAN SCREAMING ]

[SIGN SQUEAKS ]

[ FOOTSTEPS ]

[ BOY GIGGLING ]

‐ JAMIE: His pants were ripped

and everybody could see his underwear.

And he didn't know.

I wonder how long he had to walk around like that

with everybody looking at his underwear?

[ KNOCKING ]

‐ TOM: Jamie?

Who are you talking to?

‐ JAMIE: Just Rory.

‐ Well, tell Rory it's bedtime, okay?

Goodnight.

‐ Goodnight.

♪♪♪ Gentle music ♪♪♪

‐ CINDY: I don't like him.

‐ He's my dad.

‐ It's been so long

since I've had somebody to play with.

Now he wants to take you away.

‐ We have to move.

My mom has a new job.

‐ Please don't go.

Please.

Or Rory and I will eat you up.

[ GROWLING ]

[ GIGGLING ]

[ ELEVATOR BELL DING ]

[ ELEVATOR DOORS OPEN ]

‐ SUSAN: Morning!

‐ ZOOEY: If our coffee was any worse,

we'd qualify as a Superfund site.

[ MICROWAVE BEEPS ]

‐ Oh, excuse me. [ CHUCKLES ]

‐ Right.

‐ You know, it's amazing

how the introduction of just one foreign body

can disrupt one's Feng Shui.

[ OFFICE PHONE RINGS ]

[ SLURPING ]

‐ Mm. Ugh!

♪♪♪ Gentle music ♪♪♪

‐ LUKE: Well, now that Rita's

not breathing down our necks...

I'd like to step back

and give you the kind of orientation

that any new associate deserves.

‐ Orientation?

‐ I'm not going to presume to teach you

anything about real estate, but, uh,

our way of doing things might be different

from what you're‐‐

‐ I do things a certain way. ‐ It's just‐‐

‐ My process has been honed to a razor sharpness

by years of experience and results.

‐ I respect your honing,

but there are things that you'll come up against here

that may be new.

‐ I'm not scared.

The Quincys.

Tom and Patty, son Jamie.

Three‐bedroom, two bath, 2,600 square feet.

Nice place.

‐ Very nice.

Nice neighborhood, nice price.

But they had two buyers walk out of their contracts

after inspections and one prospect

he literally ran from the house in the middle of a showing.

‐ She's very pretty.

‐ Who?

‐ Seems nice, too.

‐ You're referring to the homeowner?

‐ Megan Donovan. You're kind of into her.

‐ I was evaluating the curb appeal.

She's in a relationship. And she's a client.

‐ Oh. Well. Sorry.

Capulets, Montagues.

Forbidden.

‐ I like to keep my life in neat, little piles.

Work ‐ personal.

‐ I'll have to try that sometime.

‐ PATTY: So, all these years living here?

Nothing.

We put it up for sale

and everyone starts hearing things and seeing things...

‐ TOM: Yeah, well, everybody but us.

‐ The inspector said he heard a child crying

as if her heart would break.

‐ You have a little boy, don't you?

‐ Jamie was in school.

‐ And when the prospect walked out in the middle‐‐?

‐ Ran. That lady ran out of here.

‐ The agent said she saw some sort of apparition

floating in the hall.

‐ Well, she's crazy.

Aren't you guys supposed to screen out the crazy people?

‐ Well, sadly, the mortgage prequalification process

only goes so far.

‐ As she left, she gave us your name.

‐ Look, I want to make something clear:

we don't believe in ghosts, or spooks, or evil spirits

or any of that crap, okay?

Look, we don't believe in anything.

‐ We're Presbyterian.

‐ Patty starts the new job in two weeks.

Spent a fortune on the new place out there.

This double mortgage is eating us alive.

So, can you help us or not?

‐ Yes. Yes, we can.

We'll prepare a personalized marketing plan

targeting the demographic and income levels

predisposed to this neighborhood,

configuration and amenity set

and use a proprietary algorithm to identify and exploit channels

to reach them at their most sensitive touchpoints.

‐ Uh, the master suite's down the hall.

It's got a really nice sitting area.

‐ Hm.

I blame those inspectors.

Know what? They're just looking for something.

‐ SUSAN: Oh, is this a whirlpool?

‐ And real estate agents? Don't get me started.

‐ I won't.

‐ Mom, I can't find my red jacket.

‐ Honey, we're a little busy right now.

Put Josh back in the cage, make sure it's latched, okay?

‐ This must be Jamie.

Hi.

‐ SUSAN: An oasis of luxurious living!

It's impossible to overstate the appeal

of those kinds of intimate spaces.

♪♪♪ Eerie music ♪♪♪

[ HIGH‐PITCHED RINGING ]

[ SWING SQUEAKS ]

‐ What did they want?

‐ They're here to sell the house.

‐ But I don't want you to go.

‐ I know, but I... My family‐‐

‐ I'm your family!

And if you move, I'll be all alone.

Again.

I'll be so sad.

I'll do...

something to myself.

I'll climb out that window and up onto the roof

and I'll jump! I'll die!

My bones will break and blood will come out

of my eyes and it'll be all your fault!

‐ Hey, everybody! New client.

‐ PHIL: Hey! You're back!

‐ You sound surprised.

‐ AUGUST: Our track record

with new employee retention has been, um...

lacklustre.

‐ Okay, so, 12 Marion Drive. Haverford neighborhood.

‐ Sweet.

‐ I need you to do a history on the house and underlying dirt.

Homeowners say that they never had an encounter,

but I picked up something from the boy. He had a secret.

‐ What? You thinking a Harvey?

‐ I don't know. Maybe a Lassie.

The aural emanations might tell us something

about trajectory and intent.

Just add it into the standard PKT protocol.

Anything else?

‐ Um, just a couple of things.

Father Phil, I have opened a Dropbox folder

on the Quincy account.

If you could send me all your research,

I'll add it in so we have a comprehensive database.

‐ See, ah,

it's just that I like to keep my own files.

‐ Sure, but if we have everyone's data

in a centralized location,

it's easy for everyone to access. Okay?

‐ Probably not going to do that.

‐ August, I assume you'll physically go

to the Quincy house to do these initial tests of yours?

‐ The beginning is the most important part of the work.

Plato.

‐ Ah, I have a plumber going to the house tomorrow.

So, maybe we could coordinate our ETAs

to make sure we're not, like, descending on the Quincys

all at once?

‐ I dislike plumbers.

My ETA is... liquid.

‐ See, the plumber is really important

and you can do your thing anytime, right?

So, maybe we both submit our avails to Zooey

and she could work up a spreadsheet?

Oh, maybe I could send you one of the templates I created?

‐ Yeah. And then maybe I could print it out

and you could roll it up and shove it up your‐‐

‐ Maybe this meeting is finished.

Lots to do, everybody!

♪♪♪ Gentle music ♪♪♪

‐ So, a couple more things.

‐ Yep.

‐ What's a Harvey?

‐ It's shorthand for imaginary friend.

It was this movie with Jimmy Stewart‐‐

‐ Ah. I am aware of the rabbit movie.

So, a Lassie is...?

‐ A helpful spirit that latches onto a living being,

usually a child.

‐ So, why not just say that?

‐ Why'd you say ETA instead of estimated time of arrival?

‐ And so a PKT is...?

‐ Psycho‐Kinetic Triage.

It's an initial evaluation that gives us our, uh,

baseline snapshot into a property's level of engagement.

‐ It's all so new.

So odd.

‐ Relax.

It's like learning French.

First, you immerse yourself in it, then you listen,

and study and, before you know it,

you're speaking it all on your own,

murdering the verbs and giving the locals a good laugh.

‐ Think the locals hate me already.

‐ Nobody hates you.

We need you.

‐ You might wanna mention that to them.

[ CELL PHONE RINGS ]

‐ SUSAN: All right.

But please ask August to call me ASAP.

Yes, I'm here staging the house now.

This little boy's room is a war zone.

Yes, Zooey, I believe a disorderly room

is indicative of a disorderly life.

My potty training was and remains none of your business.

Just have August call me. Thank you.

[ HAMSTER WHEEL SQUEAKING ]

You have your wheel.

I have mine.

[ LOW BOOM ]

♪♪♪ Eerie music ♪♪♪

[ EERIE CREAKING ]

[ THUD; OBJECT SLIDING ACROSS FLOOR UPSTAIRS ]

[ CINDY CRYING ]

[ GASP ]

♪♪♪ music fades out ♪

♪♪♪ sudden loud music ♪ [ GASP ]

[ CINDY CRYING ]

‐ Help me!

‐ What...?

Who‐who are...?

‐ Betsy! My doll.

I can't go home without Betsy!

‐ Where... is she?

‐ Up there. I can't reach her.

[ OBJECT SLIDING ACROSS ATTIC FLOOR ]

[ CELL PHONE RINGS ] [ GASP ]

‐ Yes? What? Who is it?

‐ Not the plumber.

If it meets with your exacting scheduled parameters,

I'll be arriving at the Quincy house shortly.

‐ August, I saw her!

A‐a little girl.

‐ If one works at Yellowstone National Park...

...one should not be surprised to encounter a bear

every once in a while.

Have you told Luke?

‐ It just happened!

‐ Tell him. I'll be there shortly.

♪♪♪ Gentle music ♪♪♪

[ PHONE LINE TRILLING ]

‐ Susan!

What's up?

‐ I'm in the little boy's room.

I‐I‐I just saw her. A‐a‐a little girl.

She was wearing a red dress...

She was here and then she wasn't.

‐ Okay, you need to download Father Phil.

I need to run a quick errand and then I'll be back at the office.

‐ And then we‐‐

we find her unfinished business and‐and finish it, right?

‐ Yeah.

But first we need to be sure exactly what we're dealing with.

You okay?

‐ Sure.

Yes. I got this.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

[ SHUTTER CLICKING ]

‐ MEGAN: Selfies? Really?

‐ Oh, hi! I didn't see you.

‐ Yeah. Obviously.

‐ I really wasn't taking selfies with your house.

That would be creepy. No, it's just sometimes

these properties can act a little differently

when your back is turned.

‐ How does a house act differently?

‐ Oh, I've had exterior colours change, windows shift.

I had one once ‐‐ I turned my back

and the central chimney extended by six feet.

Like it was giving me the finger.

‐ I don't know when to believe you.

I know we faced down evil together

and tossed it a pork chop,

but I still have these moments when I think maybe

you should be detained and studied.

‐ Ah, you'd have to buy me dinner first.

‐ So, uh, that's why you came by?

‐ Just wanted to let you know that we are on the job.

Phil is tracking down the original paperwork

on the house and August is doing what

August does.

‐ I just want to‐‐

Excuse me.

Brock, put on pants!

Kids walk to school past here.

Oh, my god.

[ SIGH ]

‐ So, we check the title history for surprises.

We update the website and brochure.

‐ Mm‐hm.

‐ We revitalize the floors and we fluff up the throw pillows.

Then we pop a couple amyl nitrates under our nostrils

and we sell this thing!

‐ I am not going to miss this place.

‐ Me neither.

Not the place, no.

♪♪♪ gentle music ♪♪♪

[ DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE ]

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

[ OBJECT DRAGGED ACROSS FLOOR IN ATTIC ]

♪♪♪ Tense music ♪♪♪

‐ Talked to Susan,

but I can't find any evidence of a post‐animative tether

connecting the house to any little girl.

It's a pretty bold move for a Harvey.

‐ That's what I thought.

‐ Did she freak?

‐ Susan?

‐ Mm.

‐ No, actually.

[ GASPS ]

[ HIGH‐PITCHED RINGING ]

[ RELIEVED CHUCKLE AND SIGH ]

[ FLUTTERING ]

[ SCREAM ] [ RAVEN CAWS ]

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]

[ SCREAM ]

‐ Ah!

[ GASPING ]

Ah!

‐ Oh! August! Oh, my God!

‐ Are you, uh, all right?

‐ Did you see it?

[ GASPING FOR BREATH ]

It was‐‐ It was this huge black bird and...

It attacked me and then‐and then it was gone! It was...

[ EXHALE ]

I mean, it was a crow or something.

‐ Sounds like a raven.

‐ A raven? Are you certain?

‐ Never more.

♪♪♪ Mischievous music ♪

‐ No, pigtails.

Braided.

And her eyes were blue.

Oh, she was such a pretty little girl.

And so sad.

‐ A little girl did this to you?

‐ No. It was a crow!

‐ No, actua‐‐ ‐ Or a raven!

Whatever it was, it was huge!

Like the size of a... condor,

or a Jonas brother.

‐ So what about the dress?

‐ Red.

Gingham print...

Old‐school.

That's it. That's her.

‐ You weren't near a Wendy's, were you?

‐ Hey!

(Cuban accent) Say hello to our little friend.

‐ What were you doing in the attic?

‐ The little girl said she left her doll up there.

‐ Wait ‐‐ and you believed her?

‐ She's dead, right? Why would she lie?

[ SCOFFS ]

‐ Could you give us a second?

‐ So, I have a couple who wants to see the Quincy house.

I know it's still a little, like, problematic,

but these buyers are motivated, and I think it's best if we‐‐

‐ Not yet.

‐ I understand the spooky little girl of it all,

but these people are pre‐qualled and motivated.

They are jacked to transact and I think it's best if we‐‐

‐ I want you to look at something

that happened eight months ago.

‐ NEWS REPORTER: ...but by the time

fire crews arrived, the home was burning out of control.

All four occupants of the home are believed dead:

Mr. and Mrs. Henry Travis, daughter, Alexis,

and son, Martin.

Investigators suspect a gas leak, and the family‐‐

[ TV SOUND CLICKS OFF ]

‐ Family...

♪♪♪ Melancholy music ♪

A very nice family.

They'd experienced a few minor phenomena,

a few moans and rattles, moving furniture...

Certainly nothing dangerous.

Or so we thought.

But we failed them.

I failed them.

I believed the thing that told me

that it just wanted to see how a real family worked

and then move along.

But the investigators found the parts of the bodies

of that nice family of four in eleven smoking pieces,

and what I'm getting at here, Susan,

is those things, they can hurt you!

They are dangerous.

And until you learn a little more about them,

you might want to think about doing things our way.

♪♪♪ Tense music ♪♪♪

‐ No!

Jamie! Honey! Don't move!

‐ JAMIE: Cindy! Please, don't‐‐

‐ Tom! Help!

‐ JAMIE: She's going to jump.

‐ Cindy! Cindy, don't...!

‐ Hang on, buddy! Just...

away from the edge, buddy.

‐ I can't! She's going to jump!

‐ Bye, Jamie.

[ SCREAM ]

‐ He kept saying that "she" was going to jump.

But he won't tell us who "she" is.

‐ Susan's going to have our contractor guy

come and fix that attic window.

‐ Yeah, well, tell him to bolt it shut.

‐ You bet.

Maybe, until we figure this out, you folks should get a hotel‐‐

‐ What?

So Jamie can follow his imaginary friend

onto an even higher roof?

Or maybe into the pool?

I have a better idea:

how about you people do your jobs?

[ RAVENS CAWING ]

‐ Is it okay if I...?

You gave your parents a scare.

Do you want to tell me about the little girl?

What's her name, Mary, I think?

‐ Cindy.

‐ Cindy, yeah.

My friend, Ms. Ireland, she saw Cindy.

Scared her to death.

But you're not scared, right?

‐ Not supposed to...

‐ I'm sorry, I couldn't‐‐

‐ I'm not supposed to talk about her.

She‐she says if I tell people about her,

we can't be friends anymore.

And if we're not friends...

‐ What happens if you can't be friends?

‐ She says she'll hurt somebody.

‐ Well, that's not very nice.

‐ Cindy says she's the only family I need.

That we can play together forever.

‐ Kind of sounds like you wish that Cindy would just

leave you alone.

Jamie, you have to promise me you won't do anything

Cindy tells you to do that's dangerous.

Like yesterday on the roof.

Okay?

You say no.

'Cause we have to help Cindy go where she's supposed to go.

Just you and me.

‐ It's just...

I don't have many friends.

♪♪♪ Melancholy music ♪

‐ I didn't either when I was your age.

[ SCOFFS ]

You know what?

I still don't have that many friends.

But the ones I do?

The ones I do have are really, really good.

And that's the way it's going to be with you.

I can tell.

Come on.

Ms. Ireland, she brought cookies

and they're shaped like little mortgage lenders.

You're gonna love 'em.

[ SWING SQUEAKS ]

♪♪♪ ominous music ♪♪

‐ ANTHONY: Wow.

Lucky somebody wasn't hurt.

‐ You have no idea.

‐ I gotta go.

Anthony, bolt this up tight after you get it fixed.

‐ Kid‐proof. You got it.

‐ Send us the bill.

‐ Hey, family discount!

‐ Remember...

no showings until we get this figured out.

‐ No showings. Check!

[ ANTHONY WHISTLES HAPPILY ]

That tune.

It's from The Mikado.

‐ The lady knows her Gilbert from her Sullivan.

‐ We did Pirates of Penzance in high school.

I was Mabel.

‐ I totally believe you as Mabel!

I was in a community theater production of The Mikado.

Just the chorus ‐‐ one of the Gentlemen of Japan.

‐ No small parts.

‐ Oh, god! The Mikado.

The music, the pageantry,

the casual racism!

‐ Oh. ‐ [ PHONE RINGS ]

This is Susan Ireland.

Yes.

I am telling you, Mike, this house is perfect for you!

I just can't show it right now.

I hope you ca‐‐

Cash?

No, I get it, Mike, I do, but, uh...

Well, it's not a matter of compensation, but I think‐‐

♪♪♪ gentle music ♪♪♪

Eight a. m.

But do not tell anyone.

This is our secret, okay?

‐ JAMIE: I'm sorry!

Please, no!

(heavy breathing)

‐ You talked to the man about me.

‐ I didn't tell him anything!

[ GIGGLING ]

‐ I should punish you.

But I love you, Jamie.

I would never hurt you.

But I have to hurt somebody.

Otherwise, you won't learn.

♪♪♪ Tense music ♪♪♪

[ MOWER RATTLING ]

[ PANICKED BREATHING ]

‐ Cindy, don't.

Please, please no!

Stop!

Please, Cindy, no, not my parents!

[ GIGGLING ]

No.

[ LOUDER GIGGLING ]

[ HAMSTER SQUEAKING ]

Josh.

Josh, no!

[ CRUNCHING ]

‐ See?

We learned something today.

[ GROWL ]

‐ When I saw this master suite for the first time,

I made a noise which I have not been able to duplicate since.

It is nothing less than an urban oasis,

a sanctuary in which‐‐

‐ [ CINDY CRYING ] ‐ LORRAINE: Did you hear that?

‐ What?

‐ Sounds like somebody crying.

♪♪♪ Tense music ♪♪♪

‐ There is a sitting room adjacent to the

actual sleeping area for reading or quiet reflection.

[ OBJECT ROLLING ACROSS FLOOR ]

[ WOMAN SCREAMING ]

‐ MIKE: What the hell was that?

‐ Noisy pipes?

[ ENGINE REVVING AND TIRES SQUEALING ]

[ GEARSHIFT CHANGING ]

[ SQUEALING TIRES ]

♪♪♪ Gentle music ♪♪♪

‐ Can we have a word?

‐ The Quincys need to sell this place.

The pressure's on.

‐ I told you no showings for a good reason.

‐ She's just a little girl!

‐ It is a mask!

A disguise for something so powerful

that it could kill you.

Now, where are Tom and Patty?

‐ Running errands.

Luke, I need the autonomy to sell my listings my way.

‐ Susan, you are the best agent

that I ever saw.

But on issues like this, you need to check in with me

on everything.

You need to trust me

or go work somewhere else ‐‐

somewhere where the barriers to a sale,

they don't come with so many sharp teeth.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

♪♪♪ tense music ♪♪♪

Come on, Cindy.

No games.

[ GAME SPINNER SPINNING ]

What did I just say?

‐ You're different from the others.

‐ You are exactly what I expected.

‐ I'm so lonely.

I don't understand where everybody went.

My mommy, my daddy?

They went up to the light and I couldn't‐‐

‐ Bullshit.

[ ROAR ]

You are something old and ugly.

‐ You're mean.

‐ You have no idea.

You like games?

Well, the game is on.

‐ Luke? I‐‐ ‐ Get out, I'm working!

[ DOOR SLAMS SHUT ]

‐ SUSAN: I don't know, Mom.

I just have this feeling

I've stepped in a huge vocational turd.

‐ Oh, it has to be better than working for that‐‐

ugh ‐‐ Livingston person.

‐ I was too needy.

I pushed him back into the arms of his wife.

‐ Well, you should have pushed him into a woodchipper.

‐ I thought I landed this really sweet gig.

Doing what I love in a fresh new paradigm.

A clean start.

‐ Okay, so what happened?

‐ The boss, the guy who hired me, Luke?

I thought he was this really great guy.

He's a little weird, but

it's been a sliding scale lately.

He just really disappointed me today.

And none of the others like me.

‐ Well, it's your first week. Give 'em time.

‐ They laugh at me!

They use obscure words that I‐I don't understand.

It's...

It's just not at all what I had hoped.

‐ You don't think you're being just a little tough on them?

‐ Mom.

‐ Well, you know you tend to be impatient with people,

expecting them to fall in line right away and come around

to your perfect way of doing things.

‐ My way is not always perfect,

but it's so much better than everybody else's!

♪♪♪ Gentle music ♪♪♪

I said that out loud, didn't I?

So, what, I'm just supposed to lower my standards?

‐ Oh, this isn't about lowering your standards, love,

It's about opening your heart.

Let them see who you really are.

I bet they'll like her.

[ CHUCKLE ]

[ GLASSES CLINK ]

[ KNOCKING ]

[ ELECTRONICS HUMMING ]

‐ Working late, I see.

‐ Is that the Quincy place?

‐ Yes.

Nothing much happening now

but let me, uh, play you back an event

the sensors picked up this morning.

‐ That's about the time I was there.

‐ It appeared to be a light to moderate engagement

right up to here.

[ STATIC BUZZING ]

Then it became something completely different.

[ GROWL ]

A huge power drain when it changed.

We have a, uh...

doughboy, perhaps?

‐ No, this is nastier than a doughboy.

More powerful. An LRG?

[ EXPELS AIR ]

‐ God help us.

‐ How long to whip up a 30 angstrom M. E. D.

in a portable yet stylish container?

‐ Not long.

But it would only work against the beast

in its true form.

During one of those spikes.

Luke?

You must be careful.

If this is

what I think it is,

it is old,

it is cunning.

It also has an ego and is easily distracted.

Use that.

But remember...

it only exists to inflict pain and sorrow.

And it sees you coming.

♪♪♪ Light music ♪♪♪

‐ You got it right.

‐ Zooey, what we need

is a way to coordinate our subcontractor visits.

I don't care if it's a‐a database, a spreadsheet,

whatever.

You design something, I will use it

and I will make sure everyone else does, too.

Fair enough?

‐ I have thoughts.

Uh, Susan?

Thank you for the quad long shot medium‐in‐a‐large‐double cup

half‐caff salted caramel mocha latte with two pumps

of vanilla and extra foam.

‐ You're welcome.

Black coffee. No room for cream.

‐ Yeah. Thanks.

Perfect!

These are from the deep dive we're doing on Quincy.

I'll‐I'll get them to you as soon as I‐‐

‐ Your files, your rules.

Send me whatever, whenever.

‐ It's a deal.

[ OFFICE PHONE RINGS ]

‐ Do you know him? The repair guy.

‐ We met.

‐ Hey, Mabel!

♪♪♪ I am the very model of a modern building contractor. ♪♪

♪♪♪ I do this for a living now because I'm such a bad actor. ♪♪

[ LAUGHS ]

Oh, come on!

That nearly rhymed,

Mister Office Decorum.

‐ I just love him.

‐ Yeah, I married him.

Now, if only we can get him over his painful shyness.

‐ Hm.

‐ Susan, you got a minute?

‐ Yep.

‐ I need you to come with me to the Quincy house.

‐ Okay.

‐ Look, I am sorry about yesterday.

We are dealing with things that, well...

you just don't understand them.

Hell, I don't understand them!

But I know them.

‐ So, how about sharing what you know and being open and honest

instead of expecting me to check with you every time I need to

wipe my...

luxurious granite countertops?

‐ Point taken. Come on.

In the spirit of candor and transparency,

I should let you know that the Quincys fired us last night.

‐ Oh. ‐ I did tell you

this would happen.

‐ Can I ask why we're going back there?

‐ A little boy is in danger.

‐ You mean a little girl, right?

‐ There is an entity we call an LRG.

‐ Which stands for...?

‐ Little Red's Granny.

It's a particularly nasty demon that assumes a friendly,

nonthreatening form in order to seduce its victim.

And consume him.

Eat his life.

‐ God.

Well, what can we do?

‐ August built a device that could destroy it

on the atomic level, but I need to trigger it

when the LRG is stressed,

angry and distracted and assumes its true form.

[ PRESSES ELEVATOR CALL BUTTON ]

I'll have maybe a second.

‐ So what am I supposed to do?

‐ The tough job.

You need to talk to the parents.

‐ Absolutely not!

What part of "you're fired" do you people not get?

‐ Yeah. I can't waste any more time.

‐ Well, where do you think you're going?

‐ That's it‐‐ I'm calling the cops!

‐ Please! Let me explain.

‐ What's he doing up there? Jamie!

‐ Listen!

I know you think my boss is an incredible flake.

I agree!

He's a flake and‐and nothing he says is,

on the surface, credible.

We agree! Common ground!

And I know you don't believe in these things

and, you know what? I don't believe in them either.

We are wearing the same jersey!

But you need to understand:

Luke gets results.

And I don't just mean he sells houses ‐‐

sure, he does, but he does it by fixing the stuff that's wrong.

And in your case, that means getting rid of the thing

that lured your little boy up on a roof.

Luke is a good guy.

Give him a chance.

♪♪♪ Emotional music ♪

♪♪♪ dramatic music ♪♪

[ CHOIR SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]

[ DEVICE POWERING UP ]

‐ Cindy?

I'm back!

I brought a real game.

You wanna play?

[ DOOR HINGES SQUEAKING ]

♪♪♪ unsettling music ♪

‐ This is all so strange.

What does the horsey do?

‐ You can drop the little‐girl routine.

We know it's a lie.

Jamie knows, don't you, Jamie?

‐ Don't you see what he's trying to do?

He's trying to break up our friendship!

Our family!

‐ Knock it off!

It's your move.

‐ I don't like this game.

‐ No, you'd rather play kids' games.

Games you can win.

That's really pathetic.

You're too stupid

and you're not capable of playing with adults.

‐ You'd be surprised what I'm capable of.

‐ Then go ahead.

It's your move.

Wrong, stupid.

The rook can only move this way

and this way.

Huh. Geez.

You're like an insult to nine‐year‐old girls everywhere.

You know, you almost had me for a while.

First, you know, I thought you were this little lost girl

with zero fashion sense who was searching for the light.

And then I thought you were this badass demon

that was out to kick ass and eat lives.

I hardly would have worked up a sweat

had I actually known I was up against

Casper's not‐very‐bright niece

whose only superpower

was emotional instability and Candyland.

[ DEMONIC GROWLING ]

[ ROARS ]

[ LIQUID BURBLING ]

[ PAINED SCREECHES ]

‐ Mine!

[ GROWLING ]

♪♪♪ music fades out ♪

[ SIGH ]

[ HEAVY BREATHING ]

♪♪♪ light triumphant music ♪

[ LAUGHING ]

‐ So, that time is booked

but I might be able to sneak you in at three.

I'm expecting two competing offers above asking,

so tell your buyer to bring her checkbook

and practice her kickboxing.

We may have to settle this in The Octagon.

Okay, bye.

‐ Quincy place?

‐ It's what I do.

[ SIGHS; LAUGHS ]

‐ You really saved this, Susan.

You pulled it out of the fire.

The Quincys are still clients, Jamie is safe

and I'm not in jail.

And that is all because of you.

‐ Thank you.

You played a minor, yet integral role yourself.

‐ I'm just happy to help the ballclub.

I didn't even mind when you called me a flake.

I believe the term you employed was, "an incredible flake."

‐ You mad?

‐ Got into this business for one thing: to sell houses.

Most of our clients are skeptics;

they don't believe in the very thing they hired us to manage.

Now, the best that we can do‐‐ the best you could do‐‐

is make sure that they believe in us.

You got plans tonight?

‐ Dinner with my mom. You?

‐ Nothing special.

‐ You want to come?

She'd love to meet you! We're going to make cookies

shaped like little stacks of closing documents.

‐ Thanks, but, um,

keep your family time. It's important.

I never realized how important until my dad died.

Now I know.

♪♪♪ Rock music ♪♪♪

[ UNINTELLIGIBLE DIALOGUE ]

One Mississippi,

two Mississippi,

three Mississ... sippi.

♪♪♪ Gentle music ♪♪♪

‐ CARL: So, I believe the subject

was angels.

Never trusted them.

‐ Well, you don't trust anybody.

[ CARL LAUGHS ]

‐ That's a two.

What were we talking about?

‐ Angels.

‐ Angels! Right!

So...

I could never trust a team that had in their Hall of Fame

a guy named Vladimir.

I mean, you kids who never lived through the Cold War,

you don't know what it was like.

Going through your day, knowing you could be just

minutes away from a Russian nuclear attack.

‐ Vladimir Guerrero was Dominican, not Russian.

‐ That sounds like something a Russian spy would say.

[ BALL HITTING OBSTACLES ]

You know, that, uh...

that girl you had out here

the other day was pretty.

‐ At the batting cages?

You saw Susan.

‐ Yeah, I‐I'm a fool for redheads.

Always was.

‐ Susan is a co‐worker and a colleague.

And a real estate Ninja warrior.

‐ You two, uh, as they say, are sympatico?

‐ No. And they don't say that anymore.

‐ Well, it's a new world.

I'm glad I didn't live to see it.

‐ You going to putt or what?

‐ You know, you're a good boy, Luke.

Better than me in every way.

And that's the way it should be.

But you always did poorly with women.

‐ I did poorly?

Do I need to remind you of your own track record with women?

Why the second Sunday in May will always tear my guts out?

Except when the Padres win.

Sometimes even then.

[ BLOWING WIND ]

[ HIGH‐PITCHED RINGING ]

♪♪♪ emotional music ♪

Good night, Dad.

[ LIGHTS CLICKING OFF ]