All language subtitles for The Conners s07e02 Fame, Flying Fists, and Cold Feet.eng

[bluesy rock music]

- Where are the cameras?

- The-the cameras-

- Oh, "Restaurant 9-1-1"!

Is this the one they filmed
at The Lunch Box?

- Uh, yeah.
What gave it away?

Harris and the family on TV?

- If only my eyes were
that good,

small person with a blurry face
and dark hair.

- Sit down.
You didn't miss much.

So far, it's just been
Chef Chestnut telling Jackie

that her cooking is the enemy
of taste buds everywhere.

- I could jab a knife
into my hip

and I'd cry real tears!

I can't believe
how these Hollywood types

cut this show together.

I look all defensive and crazy.

- Yeah, they didn't
cut anything.

It's one long shot.

- There's no way I was glaring
at the guy like that.

That's obviously
a special effect.

And you hear how
they make my voice sound?

It's all shrill and angry!

- [shrill voice] That's exactly
what you sound like!

- No, I don't!

America thinks all women
sound like that!

That's the problem!

I got to pee!

- Pretty weird
seeing yourself on TV, right?

- Yeah.

I always thought
the first time I saw myself

would be on "Cops,"

stealing copper wire
out of streetlights.

By the way, apropos of nothing,

where do you actually take the
copper wire to get that money?

- Finances a little tight
lately?

- Yeah.

I've been having a hard time
keeping up.

- [screaming] Aren't you living
in sin with a pilot?

- I'm not going to ask him
for money.

But I will occasionally
take a 20 out of his wallet

as a "open bathroom door tax."

- Mom, look.

There's Ben falling in love
with Adam Chestnut on TV.

Bet that's a nice reminder

of what your husband
looks like, huh?

- If you think I'm bothered
that I never see him anymore

because he's launching
a magazine, you're wrong.

Maybe someday,
somebody will love you enough

to avoid you at all costs.

- Aww.
There you are, Grandpa.

You look great.
- Yeah.

I think standing again
while I brush my teeth

is really paying off.

[phone ringing]

- Hey, Tyler.

Thank you.

He's watching it from New York.

Oh, honey,

I don't think my eyes
look like sparkling diamonds.

They're blue.

They're more like
brilliant sapphires.

Oh, you're missing a 20?

Oh, it might be, uh, somebody
from my lowlife family.

Everybody says hi.

- Wow, we already have
over a thousand new followers

on The Lunch Box Instagram
from the show.

- Anything on there about

how the previous owner's
passion and intellect

shines through the cracks

of this show's obvious
smear campaign against her?

- Uh, no.

But someone did make a nice GIF

comparing you
to a howler monkey.

- You know,

I don't mean to brag,
but Tyler's right.

I look pretty good on TV.

I bet some of those
Lunch Box followers

want to see more of me.

- Well, you are attractive to
people who don't know you yet.

- Maybe I should
be an influencer.

They make a lot of money.

I got plenty of rizz.

I just got to figure out
my hook.

- Well, here's a guy
with a million followers

being kicked in the groin
by a kangaroo.

That could be you.
[knock at door]

- Hey, Jean.

- Hey, how you doing, Dan?

- Great. Come on in.
Everybody, this is Jean.

Now, Jackie,
I know you're still mad at me

about not suing
the drug company over Roseanne,

so as a peace offering,

I thought I'd introduce you
to a really good lawyer.

- Oh, we know each other.

Last time Jean and I
saw each other was in court,

when her client allegedly

contracted hepatitis in
the bathroom at The Lunch Box.

- Really?
Not the kitchen?

- Well, he was a member
of the City Council.

And I had no idea a lot of them
were intravenous drug users.

- Well, she helped me
sue a contractor once.

Bastard didn't tell me
about his unstable roof.

- Oh, and I wish I could have
gotten you more for that,

but you weren't paralyzed.

[sighs]
So much of this is luck.

- How's business?
- Oh, terrible.

All these new cars have
automatic braking,

so you can't throw yourself
in front of one

and make an honest buck
anymore.

- Well, I'm going
to grab a beer.

Should we take this
to the kitchen?

Cold one?

- Oh, I'd love one.

But I got to blow into
my ignition to start my car.

- Just so you know,

I'm only suing because

somebody's got to stand up to
these pharmaceutical companies

when the deceased partner
won't do it.

- Well, it's a better case

if the spouse lays out
the whole experience,

really selling the pain
and suffering.

It's called loss of consortium.

And you establish that,

well, the three cherries
come up on the slot machine,

the sirens go off,

and everyone in the casino
wishes they were you.

- You're talking about
the death of my wife here.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
That was insensitive.

You like boats? Yeah...

there's nothing for grief

like being out
on the open water

with a beer in one hand,
marlin pole in the other.

Hey, and if you get out
into international waters?

[chuckles] You can do
all kinds of nasty stuff.

- I'll remember that,

but I'm not going
to change my mind, Jean.

- OK.
Of course.

I will just leave the paperwork
with Jackie.

And get it back to me
as quick as you can.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Thank you, thank you.

- Sure. Thank you.
Thank you, Dan.

Uh, hey, Jackie?

You think he'd mind
if I hung out a bit?

'Cause I'd actually
really love that beer.

But I got to drink a gallon
of water and wait a few hours.

Unless you got a skateboard.
You got a skateboard?

- Um...

No, no.

Don't have that.

Um...

uh, you can just
let yourself out.

[bluesy rock music]

? ?

- "The Conners" is recorded

in front of
a live studio audience.

- [sighs]
Hey, Aunt Jackie.

Thank you again
for coming in to help.

I knew the TV show was going
to bring in a lot of people,

but, I mean,
this is pretty crazy.

- No. No worries.

Feels great
to tie the apron strings

and get back in the saddle
again.

[cash register rings]

Oh, she's still purrs for Mama.

- Wow.

This might be my fault.

I think they're here
just to get a peek at me,

just to see if I'm for real.

They probably thought I was AI

because of all the perfection
and everything.

- Before you fall into
that lake you're looking into,

would you please deliver
this grilled cheese

to that customer
at the end of the counter?

- Yeah, sure.

Sorry, I'm getting ready
for my first livestream.

You're going to have
to hire more people.

Once I get enough followers,
I'll get paid sponsors

and I won't have to
work here anymore.

- Not to mention
the disability money

you'll be getting from
your break with reality.

- What's up, single moms?

It's your girl Becky
from "Restaurant 9-1-1."

But I'm more than
a hot waitress.

I'm a hot mom,
student, girlfriend,

and someone who can still fit
in her high school jeans.

Speaking of hot moms
who can do it all...

This is my daughter,
Beverly Rose.

Hey, can I help you
with your homework?

- You never ask me that.
Why you asking me now?

- I ask to help you
all the time.

She's a little camera-shy.

- No, I'm not.

I just don't need attention
like you.

- Oh, my gosh.
Look who it is.

Hey, it's my boss, Harris,

the owner of The Lunch Box.

What up, niece?

- Please don't mention me,

The Lunch Box, or America.

We're all embarrassed for you.

- Oh, oh!
Got a lot of comments coming.

Oh, I guess you want to see
Beverly Rose again.

Oh, nope.
She's on to us.

Less of the desperate,
old blonde,

more of the sarcastic kid?

OK, hey.

We don't want any of that
hateful trolling here, OK?

E-excuse me?

Shut up, Reese Deliver-spoon?

[upbeat bluesy music]

Hey.

- Hey.

How about this?

Ben felt so bad about
putting our relationship

on the back burner that
he set up this romantic dinner.

Oh, and he even printed up
this little card.

"I hate when we're apart,

but it just makes our time
together more special."

And it's signed "B."

Aw.

- Yeah, "B" for Becky.

I wrote that.

- Wait, what?

- It's for Tyler.

I told him people were
being mean to me online,

so he's flying back from Paris

just to spend some time with me
for a couple hours.

I mean, who does that, right?

- Well, I let myself get happy
for a second,

so I had it coming.

- Sorry.

And this may not
be the best timing,

but, uh, Ben came by

and told me to tell you
that he grabbed some clothes

because he has to sleep
at the office again tonight.

[Darlene scoffs]

- Did he say if he was sleeping

in the front
or back of the office?

I don't want to drive my car
through the wrong part.

- [sighs] I know it's rough.

But he's not going

to be working
around the clock forever.

- But he says that.

But he's just setting up
the magazine right now.

When he's in production,

the hours are going
to be even worse.

- Sorry about that.

Oh, and if you don't mind,

uh, could you stay in your room
for the next few hours

so that all of this
doesn't kill the mood tonight?

- Uh, don't worry.

I'm going to go to the Lobo

because all of this

doesn't want to see all of that

get all worked up
and do something disgusting

on top of all of this.

[bluesy harmonica music]

- Hey.
Saw your truck outside.

What are you watching?

- Highlights of the Bulls game,
but that got depressing,

so I flipped over

to a documentary
about microplastics.

I like knowing what
I'm putting in my body.

- Did you know they found them
in 100% of human testicles?

[button clicks]

Well, we have to talk.

I filled out all the paperwork

and Jean says
I don't have a case.

I was never financially
supported by Roseanne

and she didn't live with me,
so unless you sue, it's over.

Why are you even here?

- [sighs] Well,
Jean told me the same thing.

And I knew you'd try
to hunt me down at the house,

so I came here.

It's the best hiding place
I could think of with pie.

- Jean says you have
a slam dunk case.

- I don't know how many times
I could tell you

or how many ways to show you.

It's blood money
and I don't want it.

- Yeah, I knew you were
going to say that.

Um, I was going through some
texts from Roseanne from 2018

to get details for the lawyer.

And I found something
that I want to read to you.

This is the night before
she had her knee surgery.

- Oh, she was on pain pills,
Jackie.

We all got strange texts.

She thought you were an alien.

I texted back,
"That explains a lot.

But the truth is probably
more disturbing than that."

- OK, uh, just listen to this.

"I'm worried sick about Dan.

"If I can't work again,

"he'll push himself to cover us
and it'll kill him.

"He's worked so damn hard
his whole life.

"I just want him to be able
to kick his feet up one day.

"And I don't see the kids
being able to help him.

I don't see Becky ever
putting down the bottle..."

[Dan sighs]

- "Or Darlene ever being able
to trap another man."

And then I wrote back to her,
"You're being silly.

"You'll be fine
and you guys will live

a long, happy life together."

And that is one of the
last times we ever texted.

The last one was...

uh, "You're an idiot.
You're ruining your life.

You're dah-dah-dah-dah-dah."

Yeah, God, I miss her.

- Well, she was wrong.

I'm fine.
- Are you?

You paid off the house.

But that used up
all the insurance money.

And I know your pension's
not that much,

so you're basically
living off of social security.

Roseanne wanted you
to have more.

- OK, Jackie, I got it.

I've got another hiding place,
but this one has cake.

Don't follow me.

[bluesy rock music]

- Well, my last beer was
from Colorado,

so let's keep heading west
and follow the Oregon Trail.

I want to feel the
same sense of adventure

the pioneers felt.

You know, minus the rattlesnake
bites and the cannibalism.

- Hi.

Sorry to bother you,

but could you
take a picture of us?

- Oh, sure.
No problem.

OK. There you go.

- Actually,
can you take another one

with us looking into
each other's eyes?

- I don't feel good about it,
but I can.

All right.

- Now maybe just one more
where we're kissing?

- Uh, listen.

My beer came all the way
from Oregon to be with me

and I don't want to be rude
and make it wait.

So last one, all right?

OK.

It's-it's enough, you guys.

Uh, no.

[metallic clang]

- Hey. Why'd you do that?

- Because you're disgusting,

and no one wants
to see you guys frenching

like a couple
of horny teenagers.

Uh, bye!

- Or is it because nobody wants
to do that with you, bitch?

[gasps]

- Are you serious?

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Cool out.

- No, no, this isn't about you.
- Whoa, cool out.

- Don't touch me!
- Hey, you're way too close.

Don't touch me, bro!
- You don't touch me.

- No, you stay-

- [groans] Damn it.

- Let's get out of here.

- Yeah, that's right.
You better walk away.

- Oh, my God.
I am so sorry. Are you OK?

- Yeah.

Crap. Does it look OK?
- Oh.

- Uh, well,

if you wanted the blood
on the outside of your nose,

then you nailed it.

- [chuckling] OK.

- Uh, can we get something cold
for his face?

Mm.

Do you have anything domestic?
I don't even know this guy.

[bluesy harmonica music]

- Again, I am so sorry.

I don't usually fight
with people like that.

- To be honest, they were
driving me crazy, too.

There's something about...

people being happy in public.

It's just wrong.

- Right?
That's why I came here tonight.

It's dark, everybody's
depressed and miserable.

These are my people.

If you want to be happy,
you go to Chi-Chi's.

- [chuckles] Yeah, I hear you.

I just, uh,
separated from my wife.

And all I want is a beer

and to look around at people
who are worse off than me.

- [chuckles]
Well, look no further.

You found your gal.

- Yeah?
What's your sad story?

- My husband is working 24/7,

so I'm alone a lot
and I miss him.

- What's he do
that keeps him so busy?

- He is starting
a hardware magazine.

- Why?

- We're not supposed
to ask that.

Uh, he's going through
something.

I don't know.

- Yeah.

Well, not being with
your partner sucks, right?

- Mm-hmm.

- It's like every song you hear

is about breaking up and
everybody you see is in love.

And the little gecko in the
insurance commercial says...

[British accent]
You're going to die alone.

[normally] Oh, no, that could
have been the edible.

- [chuckles]

Uh, two more beers, please.

Oh, I'm Darlene, by the way.

- Chad.

- Mm, Chad.

Were you just playing your hot
sax over at "St. Elmo's Fire"?

- Yeah, I wouldn't be
making fun of names

if I had one that sounds like

you got done wrong
by your two-timing man...

[Southern accent]
Darlene.

[laughs]

- Oh, you think you're funny, huh?

All right, I like that.

[bluesy rock music]

? ?

- Hey.

Haven't seen you go live
for a while.

What's up?

- Did you see
any of the comments?

- Mm, I glanced.

I saw the word
"desperate" a lot

and also the word "old"

and then various combinations
of the two.

- Yeah, they were brutal.

It was like having a thousand
Darlenes coming at me,

but without any
of the fake love underneath.

- Do you ever go to a carnival
and see the game

where you throw a ball
and if it hits the bull's-eye,

some poor dumbass gets dunked
in the water tank?

They were looking at that
when they built social media.

- Well, I'm done.

As much as I need the money,

that whole influencer thing
is too toxic.

- Oh, I understand.
You have to protect yourself.

- Oh, no.

No, not me.
I'm tough.

I can take it.

It's bad for Beverly Rose.

She's worked too hard
to overcome her issues

to leave her self-esteem
in the hands of those monsters.

- Yeah.

Uh, for the record,

I think she looks
pretty damn good for her age.

- Thank you.

She went through a phase
where she smoked and drank,

but staying out of the sun
saved her.

- Want some company?

- From the very bottom
of my heart, no.

- Dad, we all have a little
something to say to you.

I'm on Team Jackie.

She showed us the text,
and it's pretty clear

that Mom would want you to get
money from the drug company.

- Dad, it is also clear

that Mom thought
we would never be capable

of taking care of you,
and the sad news is

even though we are doing
a little bit better-

and I did manage
to trap a man-

you're probably
still on your own.

- Oh, Grandpa, you took me
and Mom and Mark in

when we had
no place else to go,

so I just want you to know
that wherever I go,

you can live in the basement.

- Harris, we're trying
to talk him into suing.

Do not give him options.

- It's OK, Jackie.

Even with the generous offer
of me living underground,

I have no intention of being
a burden on any of you.

- OK, Mr. Stoic.

We're running out of time.

There's a statute of
limitations on these things.

She died 6 1/2 years ago.
[Dan sighs]

It's now or never.

- It's now.

I knew this was going to
be hard on me to do this,

but now that I realize
what Rosie wanted for me,

I'm not going to let her down.

- [sighing] Oh!

- So you let us all make
these stupid, little speeches

and you knew the whole time
you were going to sue?

- I'm on social security.
This is my entertainment.

[laughter]

No, I knew the minute
Jackie read the text.

And I talked it over
with Louise and she agrees.

But thank you all
for worrying about me.

If we get anything
from this lawsuit,

I will extend the same amount
of security to you

as what is extended to me.

- [chuckles nervously]

Did I say basement?
I meant the big bedroom.

- Too late.

To taking money
from big corporations

that killed your spouse.

- Mm.
- Hear.

- Very heartfelt and not usable
in many situations.

[bluesy harmonica music]

- Seriously digging
this Massachusetts IPA.

You can just tell the hops
were ground by hand

by real Boston artisans.

- You can really taste

the notes of cheese
in my Wisconsin lager.

- That's a Miller Lite!

- Oh, I might have dripped

some of my mozzarella stick
in there.

- Hello, Conner clan.
Good to see you.

Dan, got your paperwork
right here.

We're going to win this thing.
[chuckles]

Hey, can I get an Alaskan ale

and six glasses of water?

Well, I'm here for three hours.

What do you guys want
to talk about?

[child giggles]

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